Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Damian Lillard

Episode Date: July 22, 2023

Damian Lillard joins us in Portland to talk about his storied career, from Dame Time, to rap battles, to owning a Toyota Dealership. He's assisted by panelists Luke Burbank, Paula Poundstone, and Helen HongLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm the voice so deep you can do a cannonball in it. Bill Curtis. And here is your host at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall in Portland, Oregon, Peter Sagal. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. Great to see you, too. I feel the same way.

We are very excited to be joined later on today by a very successful local entrepreneur. He owns a car dealership outside of Portland. It's called Damien Lillard Toyota. Mr. Lillard, when he is not selling cars, has a side gig as the perennial all-star point guard for the Portland Trailblazers. We'll be talking to him later. Our tip-off is right now. now come to center court grab your phone

jump up and call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT that's 1-888-924-8924 now let's welcome our first listener contestant hi you're on wait wait don't tell me hi this is aaron briskey from newport oh how are things in newport right the former yachting capital of the world. Or maybe the current, I don't know. I don't yacht. Things are great here. We actually just got back from the 1975 documentary Jaws. It's basically all we do here in Newport is just sit around and watch Jaws. Really? That's why all those millionaires moved there in the 19th century.

Taking the Nickelodeon about the shark. That's the tradition in Newport. Okay. Welcome to our show, Erin. Let me introduce you to this week's panel. First, a comedian you can see in Dallas at Hyena's on August 25th and the 26th. It's Helen Hong. Hi, Erin. Hi, everybody. Hi, everybody. It's Helen Hong. Hi, Erin. Hi, everybody.

Next, host of the public radio variety show Live Wire and the daily podcast TBTL, which will be recording its 4,000th episode at the Neptune Theater in Seattle July 29th, it's Luke Burbank. Hey, Erin. Erin, pay no mind. They're just excited for Dame Lillard. Yeah. And finally, you can see her in San Francisco at the Presidio Theater on September 8th. Her podcast is Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone. So, Aaron, of course, you're going to play Who's Bill this time.

Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I am ready. Well, then. Very, very ready. Very ready.

Well, we won't make you wait. Here is your first quote. Wake up. It's Barbenheimer Day. That was a movie fan on Twitter talking about what Variety called the movie event of the year the simultaneous premieres this weekend of what two movies? Oh, man. Barbie and Oppenheimer.

Yes. Barbie and Oppenheimer. I am become Barbieheimer, savior of multiplexes. Now, Barbieheimer is not to be confused with Oppenheimer Barbie, who comes with a fedora and a little pink atom bomb. And a checkered past. Yes.

Are you guys excited to see either or both of these films? I kind of feel a little bit bad for Oppenheimer because the Barbie movie has so much better merch. You know, they have the pink T-shirts and you can get roller skates and like, what can, you know, there's no Oppenheimer roller skates. I'm going to say, I find that troubling.

I hate it when art is commercialized. I will be so upset if they come out with like a Barbie action figure. Oh. Oh. Yeah. I got some bad news for you. So this event, Barbenheimer, has

been hyped for months. AMC Theaters reported that as of last Monday, more than 40,000 people had already bought tickets to watch the two movies back to back. It's great. There's finally a double feature for that annoying amateur World War II historian and his fun niece. It feels like a real emotional roller coaster though, right? Yeah. Like you got to make sure that you, I think you have to see Oppenheimer first, right? Well, there's a debate about that. What do you think? I, you start the, I mean, I start most days with Oppenheimer first, right? Well, there's a debate about that. What do you think? I start most days with Oppenheimer.

It's just like, yeah, okay. Part of your routine. But no, you've got to start with Oppenheimer. Then you have brunch with your friends. You have a conversation about this very serious film you saw. Then you get extremely drunk. You naked bike ride to a different... This is Portland, so...

Right. Trying to relate to the local population. And you then go, or maybe naked rollerblade, to the other movie theater. And then you watch Barbie. And you have a fun, flirty time at the end of your day. I see. Yeah, I kind of agree. Because it's hard to be like, you come in at a Barbie.

And you're like, yeah, that was so cute. And now, oh. But doing it the other way, I mean, having such a heavy thing, the movie, this three-hour drama. And then having Barbie. And it's pink, and it's fun, and it's like putting a maraschino cherry on a cigarette. I believe that is a scene in Oppenheim. It might well be, yeah.

I think it's smoking and eating maraschino cherries. Yeah. Aaron, your next quote was the actual readout on somebody's weather app that they looked at in Texas this week. Satan's butthole. That was this weather app's actual description of what it is like in Texas and all through the American Southwest during a historic what this last week? It's a really, really hot heat wave. Yes, it is. In fact, perhaps the worst in

history. Welcome to the future, everybody. It was the hottest June on record, perhaps the hottest summer ever. More than a quarter of the United States has been broiling in the hottest summer ever. In Phoenix, it has reached at least 115 degrees every day for the last three weeks True story. Okay, maybe Phoenix you should not have named your city after a bird most famous for bursting into flames We're blaming the victim here. Yeah, I guess I am confused why it's always called a heat wave Because the last thing you want to do when it's 115 is wave or move any part of your body like in that kind of weather you're you know you see your people that you know you just go uh if you are if you are caught in this and and you just don't have the energy to make it to the movie theater you can sort of have your own barbenheimer but you sit inside with the air

conditioning blasting that's's the Barbie. And then you go outside at noon. That's Oppenheimer. Yeah. How did that movie end, by the way? I'm not a history buff. I believe it ended with a heat wave in New Mexico, much like the one we have. Have we been able to rule out the studio executives

not being behind the heat wave? Because I feel like if you're rolling some movies out, how are you going to get people in the theater? Make it the only place that is humanly survivable. And, you know, the Sunbelt, centered in Arizona, of course, has a very large senior population. Do you know how dangerous it is to put that many

old people and that much weather to talk about in the same place? Listen, as we're reaching the near end of this planet, we have limited time. Right. Can we treasure the moments we have by not having the local news give us tips for beating the heat?

Because it's impossible. I feel like we're pretty up to speed on hydrate and try to stay indoors where there's air conditioning. There's not a lot more. There's not like catch a leprechaun, say these four words to them, and ye body temperature will be better. Like, there's no new beating the heat tip.

It's so true, and I always want to click on that clickbait, like how to beat the heat, and I'm like, ooh, tell me, and I'm like, water? Are you kidding me? Right? Ice water? Really? This is how Moses was beating the heat when a bush caught on fire. He was using water. Yeah.

All right, Aaron, here is your last quote. George Jetson had one 60 years ago. What's taken so long? That was a New York Times commenter responding to news from the FAA that what will finally be arriving as early as 2025? Oh, man. Is it jetpacks? Oh, I wish.

It's close. Can I get a hint? When we talk about George Jetson, it's how he got to work. Flying cars. Flying cars. Specifically, air taxis. Oh.

The FAA released their official plan for the rollout of these long-dreamed-of air taxis. Because who among us hasn't been in a cab and thought, you know, that guy should be flying an airplane. These air taxis, they're not here yet, but we've seen drawings and prototypes. They look like a cross between a car and a kind of oversized toy drone. And something about them just screams Titanic submersible. All right, we were wondering when the tragedy and the timing would intersect for that's a joke, and we just found out.

There you are. We're now doing jokes about that. And there will be Uber and Lyft versions. Can you imagine how comforting will it be when you're up in the air in a new experimental flying craft and the pilot turns and says, I only do this between my musician gigs, right? Bill, how did Aaron do in our quiz?

Aaron, you were perfect. You got them all right. Congratulations. Congratulations, Aaron. Thank you, guys. Bye-bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula, authorities in Hong Kong have come up with a new way to crack down on those people who still smoke in public places where it's not allowed. They're asking non-smokers to do what to those people?

Hit them. It's not that aggressive. It's more passive-aggressive. Oh. Roll their eyes. Exactly right. No! Yes.

Or, specifically... I was kidding! I know you were. But the official instruction is, if you happen, you're out there in Hong Kong, and you happen to see somebody smoking in a non-smoking area, it's all non-smoking in public, you stare at them disapprovingly. So an eye roll would be perfectly acceptable, right?

Wow. Yeah, that's the plan. Give these people a mean look. If that doesn't work, you can ostentatiously pretend to wave the smoke away for your face. And if that doesn't work, mime emphysema. This is such an Asian mom way of communicating. Well, supposedly, with the wildfire smoke, that's like smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

So that's why you can find me on my street in Portland just staring glumly in the direction of Canada. Coming up, we keep up with the Kardashians in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Helen Hong, and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall in Portland, Oregon, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks so much right now. It's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, hello. My name is Jacob Meyer, and I hail from Lancaster slash Hallock, Minnesota. Oh, Lancaster, Minnesota. Now, I have spent some time in my life in Minnesota, but I'm not quite sure where that is. Where is it? Well, if you know where Minneapolis-St. Paul is, it's nowhere near there. The classic Minnesota deke right there. Well, welcome to our show, Jacob.

You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Jacob's topic? Kim Kardashian saved my life. Well, Kim Kardashian, best known for her important work... keeping up with herself, I believe. But she is, as it turns out, so much more than just a reality TV star. This week, we heard about Kim actually saving someone's life in an interesting way. Our panelists are going to tell you about it.

Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you will win our prize, the weight-weighter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Let's do this. All right, first, let's hear from Luke Burbank. Becca Reardon was pretty sure she'd gone to heaven. As she explained to the LA Times last week, when she opened her eyes, all she saw was white light and the face of Kim Kardashian looking down on her beatifically. But it wasn't heaven, it was actually the very sticky, very beer-soaked floor of the Saddle Ranch Bar on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles. Reardon was at her bachelorette party and was trying to ride the mechanical bull,

despite her cries of, we got this, girlies. She did not, in fact, got this, and was promptly thrown off the machine. The problem was that one of the tiny plastic pieces of male anatomy from her hilarious novelty necklace broke off and lodged itself deep in her throat. Fortunately, this was all unfolding mere feet from where Kim Kardashian herself was filming a scene for her reality show. And just as things were looking bleak for our bachelorette, a crazed fan started sprinting towards Kardashian. The fan collided with Reardon, knocking her unconscious, but not before jarring the small penis-shaped item loose, sending it flying across the bar. Incredibly, this was not even the first time that week this had happened at the Saddle Ranch, but it did give Reardon an amazing story about the time Kim Kardashian basically saved my life, girlies.

A praised Kim Kardashian fan trying to reach her idol accidentally but successfully gives the Heimlich to a woman who was choking to death on an unmentionable item. Your next story of Kim to the rescue comes from Helen Hong. A lot of people claim that they just cannot live without their shapewear, but one woman means that very much literally. Earlier this year, Angelina Wiley was injured in a shooting in Kansas City, and she recently posted a TikTok where she credits Kim Kardashian's Skims shapewear for saving her life. It was so tight on me that it literally kept me from

bleeding out, Miss Wiley says in the TikTok. She ends the video by saying, call it fate or Jesus, but I'm gonna call it Kim. So here's a solution to the problem of everybody in America having a gun. Just make sure everybody has skims too. All right. Kim Kardashian's skims, both shapewear and a tourniquet. Your last story of KK saving the day-day comes from Paula Poundstone. Paul Matlock reports that he had reached his wit's end. At dusk on a foggy, raw San Francisco evening,

he climbed to the railing of the Golden Gate Bridge to throw it all away. I looked back and I see Kim Kardashian step out of a black Benz. I thought, this is getting weird. Matlock explains, everything felt like slow and unreal. I heard her yell, stop, and I yelled back, I'm not going to stop. I don't know how to do anything! I'm a failure! And I'm always gonna be a failure! And I heard Kim Kardashian say, you don't know

how to do anything! I have no skills at all! Time magazine said that my ass is nothing but an empty promise. My company is worth $3.2 billion now. I climbed down and we took a selfie. It went viral. Kim Kardashian gave me hope.

She saved my life. All right, here are your choices. So Kim Kardashian, directly or indirectly, saved somebody's life recently. Was it from Luke Burbank how at an event where a woman was choking to death, a fan rushing to meet Kim Kardashian accidentally jostled her and heimlicht her, saving her life. From Helen Hong, a woman wearing Kim's Skims line of shapewear was protected from bleeding out after she was shot because it was so compressing. Or from Paula Poundstone, how a guy who was going to end it all because he felt useless was told that's really not an obstacle by Kim Kardashian herself. Which of these is the real story of a life saved

by our Kardashian? Let's go with Helen's story about the shape wear. Okay, you're choosing Helen's story about the shape wear. Well, this is great. To bring you the real story, you are now going to hear from the real person whose life was saved. Under my dress, I was wearing a skin-shaping body

suit. It was so tight on me that it literally kept me from bleeding out. So that was Angelina Wiley, and that was her TikTok in which she describes how her life was saved because she was wearing Kim Kardashian's shapewear. And as you can tell, she's fine. And her only problem is, her shapewear has been ruined. Congratulations, Jacob. You did get it right. You earned a point for Helen. You've won our prize. The voice of your choice

on your voicemail. Thank you for playing with us today. Thank you, Portland. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much. Take care. Gonna save your life. Take care. And now the game where we introduce the great to the very trivial. It's called Not My Job. We are delighted to welcome to our stage here in Portland the 2013 NBA Rookie of the Year, chosen by unanimous vote,

a seven-time NBA All-Star, and the leading point scorer in the history of the Portland Trailblazers, Damian Lillard. Welcome to Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait. You did it. I just wrote it down, Okay. I mean, that's how that works. Whenever I get a chance to talk to someone like you, an elite level athlete, I'm always curious about how you got started and when you knew that you would be good at what you do. I heard in your case, you fell in love with basketball by playing horse with your friends in Oakland. See, these stories get twisted. All right. That's why you're here, man. That's how I know I'm getting old. I hear so many different versions,

but I started playing basketball because I actually faked sick one day from going to school. Really? And so did my older brother and my older cousin, who's like my brother. It was like, all right, everybody just stay home home so we outside in the front yard and they playing on the on our basket on our hoop and once I saw them I was like you know show me so they started showing me crossovers how to shoot they lowered the basket so I could dunk and I was like I automatically took interest in it really and but I was bad I was bad I first of all I don't think anybody believes you but I'm serious like I was bad all right bad first of all I don't think anybody believes you I'm serious like I was bad

is the moral of this story definitely fake sick kids of America fake sick my stomach hurts how old were you when this day happened at this time I was like I would say around 7 and then I became passionate about it I would work

on it by myself I would go out there and shoot dribble I would go to the park yeah and and that was when it started was there a moment was there a moment when you like knew okay I am good at this this is something I can do was your high school team was it like in the playground in Oakland? Where was it? I would say my sophomore year in college. I went to Weber State University. So when I got there, I was like, people don't go to the NBA for a year. Yeah. I mean, you were not one of those kids who was like recruited by all the powerhouses.

No, not at all. Not at all. So you're at Weber State. It's in Ogden, Utah. Ogden, Utah. We read that when you were at Weber State you had a trainer who's still with you. You still work with him, right? Which is pretty cool.

That's been for some years. And we also read that every Sunday you would go with him to Famous Dave's BBQ. That's true. Alright, we got one story right. So, when you were drafted number six, I think, in the first round by the Portland Trailblazers,

did you immediately check if there was a famous Dave's? I'm going to tell you a funny story. Please. So I was known in college for being cheap. Really? Like I used coupons. I was great value everything. So famous Dave's was like a nice restaurant that I knew.

Right. You know, I looked at that as like a nice establishment. Right. So when I got drafted here, I looked for two restaurants, Wingstop. Wingstop and Famous Dave's. Right. And there's actually a Famous Dave's right down the street from the practice facility. Did you take coupons?

You didn't know that. Did you coupon at Famous Dave's? I didn't know that. Did you coupon at famous days? I didn't. I could afford it. Really? It was a little bit different. You know what I'm noticing so far in the story is there's been no mention of horse outside of what Peter said. Right.

I mean, Peter had this whole horse story. They just tell me stuff. They say, oh, yeah, man. Game got started playing horse. But I had this idea. I don't know. They just tell me stuff. They say, oh, yeah, man. Game got started playing horse. But it's like nonsense. Not true. Okay. That's nonsense.

Yeah. Okay. So you also have a remarkable career as a rapper. You had a kind of rap battle with Shaquille O'Neal. I did. All right. Shaq Diesel? Yeah, Shaq Diesel.

So if you don't mind, I got to ask you about that. How do you get into a rap battle with Shaquille O'Neal? I say he started it. Okay, of course you did. But I did a podcast in New York, and they asked me who's the best athlete rapper of all time, and I said me. And he saw that interview. Yeah.

And he took offense. Of course. Well, he's famously thin-skinned. Go on. So after that, I was on Instagram one day. And somebody sent me, like, a link. And, like, he started dissing me. Like, in a song.

He made a whole song dissing me. Really? Yeah. link and like he started dissing me like in a song he made a whole song dissing me really Yeah, and I was like man like he really dissed me So we went at it right So so you recorded you recorded a song and this is just one of the many verses from that Loved you when you was in beast mode Low-key thought you was a cheat code. Know that you shoot for the cheap

hoes. Shooting need work like your free throws. That's. That's. It's a diss. It's a diss. You have to diss. I'm sorry. I don't even know the man and I'm like, that's low.

That's hitting him where it hurts, man. I'm worried because he's somewhat large. Where do things stand between you and Shaq after all this? We cool. We actually started doing a song. We started trying to do music together. Oh, that's cool. We did a collaboration on a shoe and everything, so it wasn't personal like that.

I just was like, why not do some lyrical sparring? Why not? Well, Damien Lillard, it is an absolute thrill to talk to you and have you with us. And we are going to have you play a game. And this time we are calling the game... Buzzard Beaters meet Buzzard Eaters. So you're famous for buzzard beaters, those last-minute shots. We're going to ask you three questions about eating like a buzzard.

That is the fine art of dining on roadkill. By the way, we were talking. Who came up with this? Well, I know. This great collective mind. We were talking to Damien before the show, and we said, no matter how dumb you think this is going to be, it will be dumber. He didn't lie.

All right, we did not lie. So if you answer two out of three questions about this, you will win our prize for a listener who will get, as their prize, the voice of anyone they may choose on their voicemail. Bill, who is Damien Lillard playing for? Jasper Hanley of Portland, Oregon. Yeah, okay. Ready? Okay.

Here we go. First question. Every year, roadkill enthusiasts gather in Marlinton, West Virginia for the Roadkill Cooking Festival. Now, chefs compete in various categories at the festival, and in the competitions they get points deducted for things like which of these? A. Gravel in the meat.

B. Visible tire marks. Or C. If the autopsy reveals the animal died of old age. This would never happen to the famous Daves. Ever. or C, if the autopsy reveals the animal died of old age? This would never happen at a Famous Dave's. No. None of these days. Ever. Ever.

Ever. I'm going to go with gravel and meat. That's right. Yeah, gravel and meat. Be careful. That was the easy one. Choose slowly. Okay, here's the easy one.

I believe we refer to that in your field as a layup. It's a layup. Yeah, yeah. All right. Second question. A Texas man came up with a roadkill recipe. It's called stripped and shaved Cajun beaver tail. And that recipe got him some special recognition.

What? A, he became the commercial pitchman for Hormel Chili. B, he catered a dinner for the governor of Texas, or C, he got a spot competing on the TV show MasterChef? I'm gonna go with C. You're right. Yeah, that's what happened. Sadly. He didn't win. He did not win. He did not make it past the third episode, but all right, last question. Roadkill is a problem everywhere. People don't want it. Many places, of course, post deer crossing road signs in attempt to prevent roadkill, but one North Dakota woman demanded they be removed from the highways in her state. Why? A, a charging deer had once knocked her over while she was hiking and she wanted revenge. B, as a self-described grammar nerd, she did not like that the signs did not say deer's

crossing. Or C, as she said, quote, why are we encouraging deer to cross at the interstate? Unquote. Does any, have anybody heard of this story? Is that why y'all saw me on the podcast? All right, C. C, it is C, yes. This one. You heard it as anybody heard of this story? Is that why y'all saw me on the podcast? I heard it. All right, see. See, it is, see, yes.

This one. You heard it, and she heard of it. She, in her life, she had hit three deers with her car herself. She was sick of it. And apparently, she thought it was because the deer read the signs, deer crossing, and said to themselves, I guess we cross here, guys. Let's go. Bill, how did Damien Lillard do on our quiz?

Perfect. Damien Lillard is a seven-time NBA All-Star and the all-time leading scorer in Trailblazers history. His fifth album, Don Dala, will be out later this summer. Damian Lillard, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. In just a minute, how to save the world while getting drunk.

That's in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Luke Burbank, Paula Poundstone, and Helen Hong. And here is your host at the Arlene Stitzer Concert Hall in Portland, Oregon, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

Just a minute. Bill buys a ticket for Oppenheimer in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Helen, ABC has announced a new spinoff of The Bachelor,

and it has a big twist in this new version. The Bachelor will be what? Old. Yes! That's right. The newest version, The Bachelor will be what? Old. Yes! That's right! The newest edition of The Bachelor called Golden Bachelor will star this

hunky, 71 year old silver fox with women vying for his affection who are all 65 or older. Yow! Barely legal to still drive on the road. Have you seen a picture of this guy? He is straight up zaddy.

Yes. I was like, where did they find him? What does that mean? He's a hot... He's a hot older gentleman. I thought there was nothing that could make me want to watch that show less. It's not hot older gentleman. I thought there was nothing that could make me want to watch that show less. It's not even remotely interesting.

Well, don't you think that older people deserve to find love? I think that older people deserve to find love, absolutely. I think I don't deserve to have to watch it. I don't want to watch the younger people finding love either. I just don't find it an interesting topic. This version is going to be really different because of the age of the contestants. I mean, for example, in this version,

the fantasy suites will really just be Werther's Originals. Oh. Love those. Luke, stop worrying about your handwriting. You will never have to sign anything ever again now that a judge in Canada has ruled that what counts as a binding agreement? Emojis.

Yes, specifically the thumbs up emoji. No. Yes, this is big news. It comes right in the heels of the news that the eggplant emoji can make you pregnant. So this case involved two farmers. One had agreed to buy some crops from the other. And they agreed with a thumbs up emoji.

And then the guy tried to back out of the deal. But the judge said, no, you sent a thumbs up emoji. It's legally binding, leaving many legal scholars exploding head emoji. What? I live with a two-year-old who grabs my phone and I'm going to be buying so many crops. Exactly. Yeah. Let me tell you something about emojis.

Luke, Z, Z,. Luke ZZZZZ emoji. I didn't even know what that means. I could be strapped to a table with a radial arm saw coming up, you know, towards my crotch. Wait a minute, that's an emoji. Like Batman. And the villain could say to me, use an emoji. Or, you know, we're going to cut you in half. And I wouldn't do it.

You wouldn't do it just on principle? I just hate emojis. Paula, I'm sending you a side eye right now. No, I mean, I think this is good. The law has got to catch up with modern methods of communication. For example, Justice Sotomayor's stirring dissent to the case striking down affirmative action was just a clip of Jim from the office turning to the camera.

to the case striking down affirmative action was just a clip of Jim from the office turning to the camera. Helen, this week the Wall Street Journal addressed a specific problem in estate planning, how some people have to make sure that what will be taken care of for many decades after their own death. Is it like a pet, like a turtle?

It's in fact exactly that, a tortoise. Yes, they're pet tortoises. I guessed that. I did not know that. I guessed it. A lot of people provide for their pets in their will, but what do you do if your pet is going to live for 60 or 70 years after you die, other than be jealous of them?

Can you take it to the beach at the end of the Shawshank Redemption and just let it go into the water? I mean, they're tortoises. They don't swim. Is that? I'm not even being sarcastic. Is that true? Yeah, tortoises are land animals. You learn something

every day. Yeah, there you are. They just kick around your kitchen and they move really slow. I just imagine like, hey Luke Burbank, what happened to that pet tortoise you had? I don't want to talk about it. I need to run to the Willamette River real quick. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks back at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago or come see us at the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles on September 28th. Also check out the Wait Wait stand-up tour. It's headed to St. Paul, Minnesota on August 18th and Kansas City on August 19th. Also check out the Wait Wait Stand Up Tour. It's headed to St. Paul, Minnesota on August 18th and Kansas City on August 19th. Tickets and a full

schedule of shows is at nprpresents.org. Hi, you are on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. Hi Peter, this is Emily calling from Bend, Oregon. Bend, Oregon! What do you do there in the most beautiful place in the world?

I am an event designer at a literary speaking agency. A literary speaking agency in Bend, Oregon. That's cool. Is that like design? Do you say, I'd like him to walk on stage wearing a gorgeous taffeta dress or something like that? Boy, would I love to have that control. Oh, that would be awesome. Well, Emily, here's something you can control, because we have invited you to play our limerick challenge. That means that Bill Curtis right now is going to read you three news-related limericks, but as I'm sure you know, he will not finish them. You have to provide the last word or phrase.

Do that two times out of three, you will win our prize. Ready to go? In honor of the Women's World Cup, LFG. There you go. Here is your first limerick. When I run, these old knees just start squawking. I don't need to be tackling and blocking. The ball I will chase at a leisurely pace, because now I play soccer while... Walking? Walking, yes.

Walking soccer, which is very popular in Great Britain, is now coming here. It's basically soccer, but slower. It's played on a smaller field. It's much easier on your body. Basically, it is soccer's pickleball. Meanwhile, this will be an entire episode of The Golden Bachelorette. It really will be.

Here is your next limerick. Raise your glass. Give our ale a big cheer. Our new drink makes a clear atmosphere. The hops from our garden make negative carbon. The climate is saved by our... Beer. Beer, yes. A new beer that's been developed in England is the first

truly carbon negative beer. It actually absorbs more carbon than it emits in its manufacture. So the more you drink, the more you save the world. Oh, thank God. This is the idea. It's made from what they call

regenerative barley, which is a kind of barley that's grown in a process that actually stores carbon. Also, definitely the name of a bar here in Portland. Regenerative barley, yeah. One, I would bet my life on it. Right. Wish they could do that with ringdings. Yeah.

What's really amazing... Regenerative ringdings? Regenerative ringdings. Yeah. All we needed to do, like, the president goes on the air and says, Americans, eat ringdings. You must. Man, I would be a hero. Yeah.

Here is your last limerick. My investors have changed their flat view. My next pitch, they'll invest in that, too. They have changed what they think when I showed them my ink. They said yes, because I flashed my tattoo. Yes, a new study shows that crowdfunding campaigns like those on Kickstarter will attract more backers and raise more money if the pitch shows somebody with a tattoo, right? I guess if you're launching a new business, investors just want to know you're willing to put up with hours

of excruciating pain for something you will eventually deeply regret. As a person with many regrettable tattoos, I'd like to officially announce my Kickstarter here for regenerative barley yes the bar i'm gonna open here in slab town bill how did emily do on our quiz emily you got a perfect score and you live in bend oregon what else do you want emily thank you so much for playing thank Thank you so much. Take care. Now it is time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Luke has two. Paula has two. Helen, wait for it, has four. Oh, my gosh.

All right. Well, Luke and Paula are tied for second, so I'm going to say, Luke, let's have you go first. Here we go. Fill in the blank. After halting their grain export deal, Russian missiles destroyed grain supplies in blank. Ukraine. Yes. On Thursday, China rejected a U.S.-led push for a joint committee to combat blank.

Climate change. Right. On Wednesday, the Pentagon says it opened an inquiry into the soldier who was detained while crossing the border into blank. North Korea. Right. This week, a bank robber in California was foiled after he told the teller he was there to rob the bank, and she blanked.

Said it's dame time. No. She told him to please have a seat and then made him wait until the cops came. On Tuesday, police in Las Vegas issued a search warrant seeking information in the 1996 murder of rapper blank. Tupac Shakur. Yes. Two years behind schedule, electric car giant blank produced their first cyber truck. Tesla.

Yes. This week, a study of monkeys in Puerto Rico have shown that male monkeys lead happier and healthier lives if they are blank. Divorced. No. If they are gay. Or...

Or, I should say, more accurately, if they are bisexual. The scientists found that male monkeys who mate with other males have better social networks and eventually had more offspring when they did get around to mating with the females. It is an absolutely fascinating study, and you can read about it in the new children's book,

By Curious George. Oh, come on. Bill, how did Luke do on our quiz? Luke's hot. Five right. Ten more points. Total to 12? Luke's hot. Five right. Ten more points. Total to 12. And the lead.

All right. All right, Paula. Your turn has come. Are you ready? Yeah. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, it was announced that a billion-dollar blank ticket was sold in California.

Lottery. Yeah, Powerball. On Thursday, the Senate Judiciary Panel advanced an ethics bill for the blank. Supreme Court. Right. This week, a judge temporarily blocked Iowa's six-week blank ban. Abortion. Right.

This week, a rapper told the New York Times, quote, The adversity that I've had to face is probably more than any other rapper in history, and that rapper was blank. Kanye West? No. Vanilla Ice. On Thursday, Australia faced Ireland in the first game of the 2023 Women's Blank. Soccer.

Yeah. Tournament. All right, I'm going to give it to her. It's the World Cup. On Wednesday, Wesleyan University announced it was ending so-called blank admissions. The, the, the, the, the, legacy. Yes, legacy admissions. Great.

This week, a cruise line apologized to passengers after one of their ships arrived at a port in the Faroe Islands just in time to see blank. Uh, no idea. Just in time to see the annual whale slaughter. Oh, my gosh. This luxurious ambassador cruise ship set a cruise ship record for the most people throwing up, not from norovirus.

And karaoke on the Lido deck. Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz? We have a tie game going, Paula. Five right, ten more points. Total of 12 tied with Big Luke. All right. Thank you. Here we go.

So how many, then, does Helen need to win? Well, four to tie. That means five to win. Luke, if you will distract Helen, I will cut her microphone. Way ahead of you. Here we go, Helen. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Donald Trump said he is likely to be indicted in the federal investigation into blank. January 6th. Yes. On Monday, the centrist No Labels group said they would put forth a third-party candidate for blank. President?

Yes, this week. A Florida woman who was arrested after throwing a burrito at a man's head defended herself by saying blank. He didn't give her the guacamole. No, she defended herself by saying she was throwing it at a different man and missed. On Monday, Blank set the record for the most number one albums by a female singer. Taylor Swift. Who else? On Sunday, Carlos Alcaraz beat Novak Djokovic to win the men's single title at Blank. Wimbledon.

Yes, during her trip to China this week, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen surprised everyone when she ordered a dish made with Blank at a local restaurant. Um, a burrito that had been thrown at someone's head? No! A dish that had been made with hallucinogenic mushrooms. Whoa!

According to reports, Yellen ate these psychedelic mushrooms while at a restaurant that served traditional Yunnan cuisine. The restaurant posted on Twitter that the Treasury Secretary quote, loved the mushrooms very much, unquote, and that after eating them, she also said she loved everyone in the restaurant and loved the feeling of the carpet beneath her bare feet, and if it's cool with everyone, she's actually just going to lie down for a little while. Bill, did Helen do well enough to win?

It's a rare night. She got four right, eight more points, totaled a 12, meaning we have a three-way tie. Oh, my God. I love that. That is a very Portland outfit. I know, because Portland is very into equity, right? You know.

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, after Barbenheimer, what will be the next big blockbuster double feature? But first, let me tell you. Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica, Reza Limerick, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.

Our tour manager is Shana Donald, BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Roberson and Monica Hickey. Our starting point guard is Peter Gwynn. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White.

Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next big double feature? Helen Hong. Fast and Furious 27 will combine with Pitch Perfect 18,

leading to the music video we've all been waiting for, Vin Diesel singing the cup song. Luke Burbank. How's this for a day at the movies? Fugle Taylor. You start with a thrilling biopic about Myron Fuglesang, inventor of the Excel spreadsheet, followed up by a riveting documentary about Marjorie Taylor Greene, another blonde lady who lives in a completely made-up world. And Paula Poundstone. It'll be a double feature

of Backstage at Fox News and Slinky the Movie. Well, depending on that, shows up in the theaters. We're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Luke Burbank,

Helen Hong, and Paul Brownstone. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Arlene Schmitzer Concert Hall. Thanks to everybody at Oregon Public Broadcasting. Thanks to our fabulous audience here in Portland. And thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal.

We'll see you next week. Thank you. This is NPR.