Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: David Axelrod

Episode Date: March 25, 2023

On this week's episode, we head to Tucson to talk politics with David Axelrod, the former consultant who helped get President Obama elected.Support NPR by signing up for Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, the voice that makes men weep, and public radio listeners pledge. And here is your host at Centennial Hall in Tucson, Arizona, Peter Sagan. Thank you, everybody. It is so great to be back with you all. I have been away for a few months with my family, helping to look after a new baby boy and his toddler brother. But don't worry, everybody, during those weeks away, I made sure to keep in shape for this job. Just imagine one of those like rocky training montages, but instead of lifting trees in the wilderness, it's just me telling fart jokes to a two-year-old. Later on, we're going to be talking to Chicago's most famous political genius,

David Axelrod, who, like all true Chicagoans, comes to Arizona for the winner. But first, it's your turn to call in to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello. My name's Daria Bauer. Hey, Daria. Where are you calling from?

San Rafael, California. You're up in beautiful Marin County. I love it up there. What do you do there? You got it. I do as much as possible. I'm a late stage actor, which means over 70 and union and getting a manager and an agent. That's amazing. That's amazing. I'm very impressed and excited for you. I don't know if you should refer to it as being a late stage actor, because it sounds

like it's terminal. Well, I'm really glad to have you on the show, Daria. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, an Emmy-winning writer who's second New York Times bestseller, I'll Show Myself Out, is now in paperback. It's Jesse Klein. Hi.

Hi. Hello. Next, his new stand-up special, Vacation Baby, comes out on YouTube April 18th, and he'll be touring the country all spring. It's Hari Kondabolu. Hi, Hari. How are you? And you can see her April 29th in Pittsburgh at the

Carnegie of Homestead Music Hall and May 5th in Boston at the Wilbur. It's Paula Poundstone. Victoria, I want you to know the only way I lose tonight is if it's rigged. It's rigged. Daria, you are going to play Who's Bill this time.

Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Yes. All right then, here is your first quote. Click to cancel. That was the name of a new government regulation announced just this week, finally doing something about a scourge of our times and making it easier to cancel what? Yeah, canceling all those things that you get that you don't want afterwards. That's right. That's right.

Very good. Basically, it's going to fix problems with anything that makes it really easy to sign up but impossible to quit. We also would have accepted the NPR wine club as an answer. So this new regulation will require businesses to let people use the same method to cancel as they used to sign up.

So to join, it was like, would you like to join the Candle of the Month Club? Click here. Oh, would you like to quit? Well, collect the three ocean gems while the moon is waning gibbous and bring them on your birthday to the cave of the riddle king. You know what? I think it would be good if they

extended it to marriage. I mean, it's like the Lord of the Rings. You just take the ring off and it's over? Yeah. I prefer click here. I signed up for Noom once. Oh, Noom. That's the psychological weight loss.

Yeah. It's the way you're going to lose weight just by them getting to really know you. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I'd love this. And then I kind of woke up the next morning and I was like, why did I do this? And I couldn't cancel., I'd love this. And then I kind of woke up the next morning and I was like, why did I do this? And I couldn't cancel. It was uncancellable. And then month after month, I'm just so stressed.

I'm like stress eating about Newton. Packing on pounds. You know what? I had a gym membership at one point and I had to call and get out of it. And well, it was actually my son's gym membership, but I was paying for it. But they said, well, you can use it. And I said, I have glaucoma and I'm not allowed to lift heavy things. And they insisted.

And so I would go and weightlift. And then I would say to the trainer, where are you? And they finally let me out. All right, Daria, your next quote is actually a protest sign that was held proudly aloft this week in the streets. Long live retirement. That was a sign held by someone protesting a raise in the retirement age from 62 all the way up to 64. Where are these protests happening? In France. Yes, in Paris, France. President Macron of France forced through a bill raising the retirement age in that country from 62 to 64 and millions of people took to the streets in protest. They burned trash. They stopped traffic and businesses. Never underestimate how hard French people will work in order to not work.

I am totally with them. I like how much the French protest. I like that they're like out on the streets, freaking out at every little thing that they don't, you know, they don't take any guff, except, I guess, except for World War II. When it kind of rolled over. Yeah. But what? Too soon. Fresh on the mind. I mean, the French protestors are still classy. I mean, you should taste their Molotov Beaujolais. All right, Daria, here is your last quote. It's from breakfast food giant Post. It's part of a healthy sleep routine.

That's a slogan for their new product, a type of what made specifically for eating just before bed. Ooh, a Post cereal? Yes, a cereal. It's bedtime cereal. Everybody in the audience is like, wait a minute. I invented that years ago. But now Post has released Sweet Dream cereal,

which they say is a, quote, nutrient-dense before-bed snack to power you for a marathon eight hours of motionless breathing. The special nighttime breakfast cereal can also help you wake up faster when you reach for your glasses and knock over the bowl of old milk on your nightstand. I love this. I love this so much. This combines all of my interests, sleeping and eating. Do we know what's in the cereal? Yes.

As a matter of fact, I do. Is it like chicken and braised meats? It comes in blueberry and honey almond varieties, both of which contain lavender and chamomile, right? It's perfect for people who are tired of eating a bag of potpourri every night. Does it come with the pot, or they know you're going to buy your own pot?

I think I think. It's actually... That'd be funny. When I was a kid, you know, cereal used to come with prizes. That would be a good prize. Oh, a drink. Yeah, you know.

I understand that. Now with a blunt inside. Yummy. I don't know why they called it Sweet Dreams when Grape Nights is right there. I like Cinnamon Doe's Crunch. That's good, too. Special Z. Count. That's good, too. Special Z. Count

cherry doughs. Count snoozula. Stop it. I can't even think of one. Bill, how did Daria do on our quiz? Daria got all three right. Hey, nice. Daria, thank you so much for

playing, and good luck in your terminal acting career Thank you all I love you all Bye bye Right now panel It's time for you to answer some questions About this week's news Jesse in the best news for us fathers ever,

a psychologist has published a study showing that what may be really good for children? Fathers? Fathers? You said in good news for us fathers? Yes, that's what I said. So that just seemed like a natural answer to the question. It's true. Yeah, I guess it would be.

But is that not correct? Something specific that pertains to fathers. Not totally getting it right. All right, give me a hint. If you tell these and you don't have kids, you're a faux pas. If you tell these and you don't have kids, you're a faux pas. Jokes. Dad jokes.

Dad jokes. Yes. Dad jokes. Dad jokes. An article in the Journal of the British Psychological Society argues that dad jokes are good for children, and this is true because it teaches them how to deal with awkward and embarrassing situations. Also, it's actually great exercise.

It's great exercise to roll your eyes that hard. The researcher says that the benefit of exposing kids to dad jokes is readily apparent, to which dads responded, wait a minute, I thought I was a parent. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. See, that just toughened us all up. It really did. Yeah. You're a dad, Hari? That's correct. And a comedian. I am. So do you tell dad jokes? If you're asking me if my career is not doing as well as it did before he was born, yeah. Yes. Strangely, his birth has led to jokes that, I mean, I said cinnamon dough's crunch earlier.

Yeah, I know. That's not a joke Hari Kondabolu makes. I've done, I've been guilty of doing mom jokes. Every time we used to drive by in Santa Monica, on a main road, there was a psychic and it had a neon psychic sign. And every time we went by in the van, I'd go, she knows we're not coming. Coming up, we solve all of your problems in a therapeutic Bluff the Listener game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Hari Kondabolu,

Paula Poundstone, and Jesse Klein. And here again is your host at Centennial Hall in Tucson, Arizona, Peter Sagal. Thank you, everybody. Thank you again. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hey, this is Brandon from Petersburg, Virginia. From Petersburg, Virginia. Okay, great to hear from you. What do you do there in Petersburg? Oh, I'm a before and after school care worker with Champions. Sir, I'm sorry, people here know what Champions is, but I do not. Oh, it's a before and after school care program. Oh, okay. I got it. Well, Brandon, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Brandon's topic? Seek help. More and more Americans are turning to therapy. No, this is not a BetterHelp online therapy ad like on every other podcast you listen to.

We learned this week about a new innovation in therapy. Our panelists are each going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the voice of your choice, and your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. Let's do this. Let's do this.

Let's hear first from Hari Kondabolu. Psychologists used to try to help people who believed they were a winged centaur named Flufflock. But in the burgeoning field of therapeutic Dungeons & Dragons, they encourage it. Do you run away instead of slaying the ogre even though you just acquired a crystal harpoon and have a plus-10 agility?

Perhaps you're afraid of conflict, or you only know how to deal with conflict by rolling 12-sided dyes. The therapist also learns a lot about you if you slay the ogre, but then yell, Take that, mom! Proponents of therapeutic D&D say it can help patients explore gender identity, process social dynamics, and set boundaries, both psychological boundaries and actual motes. Some practitioners even believe it can help people overcome trauma, perhaps like the trauma of being made fun of for playing D&D.

playing D&D. D&D therapy, where if you roll a 20, you come to peace with your childhood. Your next story of what's new on the couch comes from Jesse Klein. In a world where ketamine and microdosing are revolutionizing treatments for depression and other mood disorders, a new entry in the therapeutic arsenal is making quite a splash. You may know it as simply eating cheese. Finally, after thousands of years of people instinctively turning to cheese to fix their lives, the mega cheese brand Tillamook, sensing a cash cow in this off-label usage, pun intended, has unveiled what they're calling a cheese exposure protocol as a way of brightening low mood

or at the very least melting something over it. With Zoloft, I have to wait two to four weeks for the effects to kick in, says Brett Malloy, who's been using cheese to drown his feelings for decades now. With cheese, I feel better within seconds. Cheese users also talk about the frustrating side effects of traditional antidepressants, such as weight gain. Brie enthusiast Tammy Gaines says, with Lexapro, I gained at least 10 pounds.

With cheese, I've gained just as much, but at least I feel joy. Cheese therapy. From Jesse Klein, your last story of analysis innovated comes from Paula Poundstone. ABC has a crazy new program in the works that puts mental health right in the center square. A game show. It's pathological. It's a fast-paced, high-energy, 30-minute romp through dysfunctional relationships, irrational fears, destructive behavior, and physical tics. Comedian John Pompasello presents three contestants from everyday walks of life who answer questions

about how they handle life. Your boss tells you that you've done an excellent job. What do you do? tells you that you've done an excellent job, what do you do? Contestant number one, berate myself mentally. Contestant number two, call him an idiot. Contestant number three,

develop a rash. When contestants give enough answers to meet a diagnostic criteria, buzzer goes off, and the potential diagnosis is announced. Well, John, contestant number one may have attachment disorder. This triggers the healthy practice round where contestants are given coping strategies and kitchen appliances. All right. Somebody has come up with a new way of helping people be their best selves. Is it from Hari Kondabolu D&D therapy, where you learn about yourself by playing D&D?

From Jesse Klein, cheese therapy using nature's own antidepressant? Or from Paula Poundstone, it's Pathological, the mental health game show. This is a difficult one. It is. Oh, man. I want to say the cheese, but I'm lactose intolerant. I know how it is.

Oh, man. And I never feel good eating cheese. Sorry for your loss. Oh, let's see here. I'm going to go with the D&D therapy. You're going to go with Hari's story. That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous.

All the people here seem to agree. Well, we actually spoke to a professional practitioner of this real therapy. So I started using D&D in therapy after I was able to gain some insights into myself from thinking about the different characters I had been playing. That was Dr. Megan Connell, a board-certified psychologist practicing in North Carolina who uses Dungeons and Dragons during therapy groups. Congratulations. Hari was telling the truth. You got it right. You won our prize. Thank you. Thank you. You get a voicemail, which you can have play whenever you're doing what you

do during school hours. Awesome. Appreciate it. Thanks so much for calling and playing. Take care, Brandon. Bye, Brandon. Have a great day, y'all. And now the game where important people do something totally frivolous. As chief strategist for Barack Obama's presidential campaigns, a senior advisor to the president,

and a senior political commentator for CNN, there's probably no one who knows D.C. better than our guest David Axelrod, which explains why he is here about as far away as possible as he can be in Arizona. David Axelrod, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you. So just to get this out of the way, you're a famous Chicagoan who spends a lot of time in the political circles of the East Coast,

but you're in Arizona for spring training every year, right? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The last time you were on the show, this was way back in 2009. You were in the White House. We were in Washington. And one of the things I remember is you were backstage and you were using two blackberries at the same time. Yeah. One in each

hand. I had to get out because I got carpal tunnel. Really? Yeah. And was that nonsense? Were you actually talking to anybody or were you just trying to impress us? Well, obviously it worked because you brought it up. I did. 14 years later. No, that was the way I lived back then. Just like, and you don't do that anymore. You're not, you don't consult with campaigns formally. I don't, no.

Yeah. I kibitz. You kibitz. So what does kibitzing mean in this context? It means people call up and say, what do you think about this? And I tell them what I think. Right. But I don't have all the anxiety that goes along with actually being involved.

Right. It's a pretty good deal. It's actually great. It pays less, though. Do you find that your advice is better when your own reputation is not on the line? I find that people don't hold me accountable for my advice as much. That's important. Which is, that's what being a commentator is all about. Do you think that you could get anybody elected? Like if I hired you, let's say you're back in the business and I said, I want

Paula Poundstone to be president. I'm voting for Paula. All right. How would you get her elected president? I would limit the vote to the audience of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell. Right. Massive disenfranchisement. Is there something... Now, we're assuming that Barack Obama is not going to listen to this episode,

so you can say whatever. Is there... Do you remember something that you said to him that was pivotal in any way, that had a dramatic effect on what was going on? I don't know. Part of the consulting oath is that you immediately forget those things that you think were pivotal and ascribe everything to the great qualities of your candidate. That's also part of the agent. There's no doubt that I think I gave him advice along the way. But there were times when he was president, when I gave him political advice, that he ignored.

And I always said I love him so much because he listened to me so little. And one of them, honestly, was on the Affordable Care Act. Seven presidents had tried. Seven presidents had failed. And Obama said, I'm willing to take that risk. And I have to tell you, there was a time when we were sitting around that summer of 2009, and Obama turned to his legislative director, a guy named Phil Schleyer, and said, Phil, what do you think the chances of us getting this done are? And Phil said,

well, it depends on how lucky you feel, Mr. President, which isn't exactly the answer you want if you're the president. And Obama just laughed, and he said, Phil, I'm a black guy named Barack Hussein Obama and I'm president of the United States. He said, I feel lucky every day. Oh my gosh. One of the things you're famous for in Chicago is hanging out at a restaurant we all love called Manny's. Yeah.

And you have like your own table there, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've spent a lot of time at Manny's. Yeah. And you have like your own table there, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've spent a lot of time at Manny's. Yeah. I go there to clog my arteries and clear my head. Right. And like it's where all the, it's like the mayor used to go, Mayor Daley used to go there all the time. It's like the police commissioner goes there. Could you describe Manny's for those who are not fortunate enough to live in Chicago? Manny's is the sort of the one great Jewish deli in Chicago, and it's really a cross-section.

It's the only place where you could see the police superintendent or the U.S. attorney at one table and the leader of organized crime at the other. Right. And because it has a diverse customer base, for politicians, it's a great place to go. So, when I got, when I moved over from journalism to consulting, I'd bring my candidates all the time there because it was a great place to meet a cross-section of the city. Right, exactly. So, when you have,

does anybody else have their own table or is it just you? I don't think so. I think that it's like these frequent flyer things. You get to a certain point. Yeah, I understand. It's hard to attain. It's hard to attain. If you've eaten 10,000 pastrami sandwiches. I worked hard for that table. And you're still alive.

I worked hard for it. If you show up at Manny's where they have your own table and there's somebody at your table, what do they do? They kick their ass out. Do they really? But I'll tell you something. When I was in the White House, Manny's would send me care packages. Aw.

Yeah, and including every Wednesday at Manny's, for those who are interested and are in Chicago, they have these gigantic turkey legs the size of a club. Right. You've seen those. Very Fred Flintstone. Yeah, my favorite. Yeah. So I was in the White House once, and a reporter was in my office getting ready to write a story

that was very downbeat about where we were at that particular time. And he was a Jewish reporter. I thought I could kind of soften him up with mayonnaise. The president comes in, and I'm holding this turkey leg in my hand, and he said, what is this, King Arthur's Court here? Part deli, part Ren Faire. It's fun. It's fun.

Well, David Axelrod, it is always fun to talk to you, but we have once again invited you here to play a game, and this time we are calling it Axelrod beat Axel Rose. No more explanation is necessary. We're going to ask you three questions about the legendary frontman for Guns N' Roses. If you get two right, you'll win that coveted prize of what we older people call a voicemail. For one of our listeners, Bill, who is David Axelrod playing for? Alice Peach of Yuma, Arizona.

All right. Here's your first question. Guns N' Roses. Are you a Guns N' Roses fan by any chance? For the purposes of this, yes. Yes, absolutely. You are a politician. All right.

Here's your first question. Guns N' Roses were notorious for starting concerts late, usually due to hard partying, but once in 1991, Axl Rose forced the band to delay a concert so he could what? A, clean up the kitchen where he personally cooked a meal for the roadies, B, write handwritten thank you notes to all the groupies from the night before, or C, finish watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, the secret of the Ooze.

I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes. And say A. You're going to say A. He had to clean the kitchen from where he, Axl Rose, personally had cleaned up. All right. I'm going with C. You're right.

That's right. All right, I'm going with C. You're right. That's right. He was watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. Somebody went down to ask him, could you start the show? They're all waiting. And that person came and reported back, Axl's attention was 100% in the movie and he could not be bothered.

Focus. Key to success. Here's your next question. Axel Rose was once praised for his incredible vocal range and stage presence, some of which he credits to what item he has included on his rider for every show? A, 40 pounds of marshmallow peeps, B, square shaped melons, or C, a framed portrait of Robert Goulet with the caption, you got this, bro. What was A again?

A was 40 pounds of marshmallow peeps. All right. What do you guys say? All right. I'm going with the peeps. You're going with the peeps? No, it was actually square melons. Oh, ****.

Why do I listen to you guys? No, it was actually square melon. Why do I listen to you guys? Yeah, no, he apparently insists on these square melons, which you can only get from Japan. We have no idea why. All right. Last question.

If you get this right, you win. You pull out the victory. Here we go. I better do it. I feel the pressure. No, none. No pressure. Here's your last question.

Some of Axl Rose's lyrics have become iconic, including the repeated use of the phrase, where do we go now at the end of the hit Sweet Child of Mine? According to legend, what inspired that refrain? A, his own general sense of existential dismay of becoming a huge rock star and yet living without true purpose. B, the end of his favorite movie, Robert Redford's The Candidate, where famously Redford says, after winning the election, what do we do now?

Or C, he didn't know what to sing next, so he just kept repeating, where do we go now? And the band thought it sounded cool. Oh, wow. Well, it's got to be B. It's got to be, wait, what'd you say? C. They're all shouting C.

All right, I'm going C. That's right, it was C. Of course it was C. One concert he just sort of went up, didn't know what to do next. Where do we go now? Where do we go now? And the band was like, okay, that's the song now. Bill, how did David Axelrod do with Axl Rose? A two out of three means you are a winner on this. The vote is in.

All you had to do was get a majority. I couldn't do it without all of you. It was a people power. David Axelrod is a political kibitzer. And the host of the podcasts Hacks on Tap and The Axe Files, David Axelrod. Thank you so much for joining us again. It was great to see you.

David Axelrod, everybody. In just a minute, we reveal a gross secret of Mount Everest in our listener limerick challenge called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WVEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

And I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Jesse Klein, and Hari Kondabolu. And here again is your host at Centennial Hall in Tucson, Arizona, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. In just a minute, Bill goes rhyme to rhyme in the Grand Canyon in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Jesse, the Supreme Court this week wrestled with a difficult question of the law weighing the rights of Jack Daniel's Whiskey versus those of a company that makes what? The answer to that is dog toys. That's right, a squeaky dog toy. The company that makes Jack Daniel's dog toy. The company that makes Jack Daniel's whiskey sued a company that makes silly squeakers brand dog toys because of a toy that looked like a Jack Daniel's bottle but was called Bad Spaniels. And instead of 40% alcohol

by volume, it says in the label 43% poo by volume. So the case is about parity-free expression. The bigger issue is that they didn't think to say bad Spaniels was 80 woof. Right? I was reading about this, and what really got me was the Supreme Court is, I mean, they are hand-wringing over

this case with the dog toy and the Jack Daniels, but then when it came to Roe v. Wade, they were like, oh yeah, take that away. Oh yeah, women's right to choose, oh, that's gone. But, oh God, what do we do about what do we do about the squeaky dog toy parody case?

But you're right, you're right. I mean, we don't know how they're going to rule. We know Justice Kavanaugh likes beer. He will likely also side with whiskey because of the Boilermaker Doctrine. Paula, the Wall Street Journal has discovered what they call the, quote, saboteur of the American diet, unquote, the one thing that is making us all fat and sick. What is it? Gee, I can't imagine. You start narrowing down from everything.

Could it be everything that goes into my mouth during the day? Give me a hint, Peter. Give me a hint. All right. Abandon all hope, all ye who enter this Subway franchise. So, Subway sandwiches? Sandwiches, yes. What hint. All right. Abandon all hope, all ye who enter this Subway franchise. So, Subway sandwiches? Sandwiches, yes. What?

Sandwiches. Sandwiches are terrible for you. Yeah, well, you don't need the bread. They may look innocent. It's what your mom gave you for lunch, right? But it turns out they call it a club sandwich because it's about to club you to death. People think of sandwiches, oh, that's a relatively healthy choice, right? But no, the bread is just processed sugar and carbs.

The meats are salted sheets of cholesterol. And that American cheese just got a concealed carry permit. But I don't put that kind of stuff. I like a fluff and utter. I put, right, peanut butter and the marshmallow fluff. Here's the crazy thing. There's no salt. The article said that an actual much healthier alternative, and this is close to a fluff or nutter, is a peanut butter and jelly.

What? It's true. Someone just was so amped. I know. Peanut butter and jelly. And they say this because peanut butter is actually, it's good for you. It's high in fat, but it's also got high in protein, right? Yeah, sure.

And this is what they say. Jelly has sugar, but they're sort of like self-limiting. No one puts a half inch of jelly or fluff or nut. Well, maybe you do. Yeah, I do put a half inch. Hari, a group of hairdressers shared their pet peeves about clients on TikTok this week. And they revealed that among the worst things you can do while getting your hair washed is what? Fall asleep?

No. Pass gas? That's actually better because if they do that, their eyes are closed. Right. Look at them. Right, exactly. Maintain solid eye contact. Apparently your hairstylist hates it when they're washing your hair and you're just staring at them in the eye. Who does that?

People do that? Monsters. Apparently people do. I thought it was going to be moaning. Really? Yeah. I thought it was going to be like,

you know, they're doing your, because it does feel good when they massage you. So wait a minute. Tell me more about this more massage. I feel like one of these

aliens asking a human, what is love? Well, you get your head back there and they're just like, I don't know if it's in all the places. Like, the place I go does this. And, you know, you put your head back, and then they put the soap in.

I like when they use the minty soap. And then they just kind of massage your brain. They get really into your brain. Okay, but you go to Hattie's Erotic Mint. We have something to tell you about where you've been getting your hair cut Do you ever notice it when you come out your hair's the same length? They watch you go and they're like

he'll be back in a couple of days. Wash me in the water, wash me in the water. Wash me in the water, wash me in the water. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

You can see us most weeks back at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in Chicago and in Nashville, Tennessee, April 27th at TPAC. Tickets and info at nprpresents.org. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name's Carl. I live in Edmond, Oklahoma. Where is Edmond, Oklahoma? North of Oklahoma

City. Okay, north of Oklahoma City. And what do you do there? I am an academic librarian and a former professional yo-yo player. Wow. Alright. Lead with the yo-yo. I don't know I've ever talked to somebody of that profession before. Academic librarian, tell me about it.

Well, welcome to the show, Carl. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play? You bet. Here is your first limerick. On Mount Everest, everything freezes. Since the temps below zero degreases,

it keeps each achoo from each nose that we blew. It holds dozens of years of old... Sneezes? Sneezes. Sneezes. If you thought that the piles of garbage and dead bodies were the worst thing up on the top of Mount Everest, look more closely. Germs from decades of human sneezes and coughs are preserved now in the mountain biome, which

is both disgusting and fascinating. It's disgustinating. It's like a giant salad bar. It really is, yes. They're thinking of putting an enormous sneeze guard up there. Big tongs. Exactly, yeah. So this is something to factor in if you decide to make that trip to the summit of Everest.

Sure, you get the memory of your lifetime, but you will also get mono. Here is your next limit. This bandage seems slapdash and handmade, with wiring that's pulled from a lampshade. Electrical jolts get fantastic results. And I've got a new fast healing. Band-aid? Band-aid, yes. Scientists at Northwestern University have developed an electronic smart band-aid

that speeds up healing by zapping you with electricity. How did they figure this out? Did they run around people saying, hey, is that an open wound? Can I electrify that? A smart band-aid is fine. What you don't want is a smart-ass band-aid. Way to ride a skateboard, idiot.

All right, here is your last limber. This shellfish is food for a snobster. And it's steamed alive like a rogue mobster. Since the taste makes us butter, we bathe it in butter.

Because nobody really likes lobster. Right! The theory is, that a lot of people now subscribe to, is that people only think they like lobster because first, it's really expensive, and thus we assume it has value, and second, you eat it covered in melted butter,

which makes anything taste great. I stopped eating lobster because I try not to eat anything that if it were alive, would rather you didn't. eating lobster because I try not to eat anything that if it were alive would rather you didn't. But the truth is I certainly did enjoy the taste of it when I did eat it.

And I do love butter as well. Has anyone tried eating a lobster without butter? That would be one way of testing. Only paying $5 for it and then you're like, oh, that's a big deal. It's just some big bug with no butter. Bill, how did Carl do on our quiz? Carl was on top of it three in a row, and very quickly, too.

Wow. Thank you so much for playing, Carl. Take care. Bye, Carl. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you, Carl. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Paula has two. Hari and Jesse each have three. All right, Paula, you're up first. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, an appeals court ruled that lawyer Evan Cochran must turn over records related to blank's handling of classified documents. Drop.

Right. On Monday, President Biden used his blank power for the first time as president. Veto. Yes. This week, a judge in Wyoming temporarily blocked that state's new blank ban. Abortion? Yes. According to a new study, vaccination and PaxLivet help reduce the risk of long blank.

COVID. Right. This week, an impaired driver in Ohio was arrested after crashing into blank. Cop. No, a highway sign warning about impaired drivers. Oh, geez. On Thursday, the launching of a new website for video rental company Blank sparked rumors of a comeback. Blockbuster?

Right. Following a ski accident in Park City, Goop founder Blank appeared at a court in Utah on Tuesday. Gwyneth Paltrow. Right. This week, a lost cockatiel was returned to her owner after somebody was able to identify it thanks to its blank. It had a banner that it pulls through the sky. No, they identified the lost cockatiel thanks to its love of Billy Joel music. The woman took two days off work to look for the bird. She hung

posters that included the fact that this cockatiel loved music, especially, as do we all, Billy Joel's Uptown Girl. The people that found him started playing. They saw this cockatiel. They started playing Uptown Girl. The cockatiel started dancing to it. They knew it was the right bird. And they immediately called the bird a fake fan for not being into deeper cuts like Captain Jack. Huh. Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz? Very well.

She got six right, 12 more points. Total of 14 puts her in the lead. I am arbitrarily choosing hurry to go next. Hurry, fill in the blank. Following a three-day diplomatic visit with Putin, blank left Russia on Wednesday. The Prime Minister of China? Yes, Xi Jinping.

After last-minute talks failed, tens of thousands of teachers in blank went on strike. New York City. No, that's not true. Chicago. It's Los Angeles. You would that's not true. Chicago. It's Los Angeles. Los Angeles. You would have gotten there eventually. Despite the ongoing banking crisis, the Federal Reserve chose to raise blanks on Wednesday.

Interest rates. Right. On Tuesday, the president of blank criticized a U.S. report on human rights abuses in that country. Iran. No, Mexico. This week, an Amazon driver in North Carolina was praised after he attempted to deliver a package in the middle of blank. A hurricane. No, in the middle of blank. A hurricane. No, in the middle of a police standoff.

It's amazing. Police were lined up around the building, drums drawn. He wandered in. Package. On Tuesday, President Biden and the Secretary of the Interior designated two new national blanks. Parks. Close enough. Monuments. designated two new national blanks. Parks. Close enough, monuments.

According to a new study, walking and blanking at the same time gets more difficult after 55. Chewing gum? No, talking. That's why I stand still. A restaurant manager in New Jersey was confused why the store phone had not rung during what is usually a busy rush shift, only to realize blank. That he was in the wrong restaurant.

No, that he had packed their phone into a customer's order. Oh, God. It was frustrating for the staff of Neri's Cafe and Mexican Grill and for people calling in to order, but fortunately the customer had ordered tacos with a side of constantly ringing phone, so he gave them a great review on Yelp. Bill, how did Harry do on our quiz? He got three right, six more points, total of nine trails. Paula? All right, how many then does Jesse need to take it all away? Six to win. Oh boy. All right, Jesse, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. According to a UN report, immediate action is needed to prevent catastrophic blank. Climate change.

Right. On Tuesday, a Virginia man was sentenced over four years in prison for his part in the assault on the blank. The Capitol. Right. This week, Governor Ron DeSantis pushed for an expansion of his so-called blank bill in Florida schools. Don't say gay. Right. Hoping to stave off a ban, the CEO of social media Apple blank testified before Congress

on Thursday. TikTok. Right. This week, the daughter of director Sofia Coppola posted her first TikTok saying that she had been grounded for blanking. For being on TikTok. No, for trying to charter a helicopter using her dad's credit card. On Thursday, Paramount revealed they were remaking Alfred Hitchcock's classic film,

Blank. The Birds? No, Vertigo. The Kennedy Center on Sunday, Blank was awarded the Mark Twain Prize in American Humor. Adam Sandler. Yes. This week, a woman in the UK searching for her lost cat went beyond hanging posters and tried to find him by blanking. By posting on Nextdoor, which you should never do.

No. Close. She made him a profile on Grindr. And that's ironic and unusual because Grindr is usually only used for finding bears. The woman created a profile for her missing cat, complete with his likes and dislikes. That said, we should be clear,

in this case DTF stands for Down to Find My Missing Cat. DTF. I don't know what DTF means. That's okay. Make a note of stuff that no one will talk to me about. Hold on. Google that while we do this. Bill, did

Jessie do well enough to win? She got five right, ten more points. Missed it by one. The total of 13 trails. Paula. Paula's our champion. Oh my God. Oh my God. In just a minute,

now that we have night cereal, we'll ask our panelists to predict what will be the next big innovation in food. But first, let me tell you, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeka writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman,

our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell, thanks to the staff, and crew here at Centennial Hall. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Grumbos,

and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson. Our staff cactus spine remover is Peter Gwynn. Our intern is Vaishnavi Naidoo. Technical direction

is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next revolution in food?

Jessie Klein. I think in anticipation of Passover, there's going to be like an aphrodisiac matzah. So that like after the Seder, you're just like ready to go. You're DTF. You're DTF to find the... DTF the Afikoman. I got you, yeah. Hari Kondabolu. Chocolate-covered Lipitor.

And Paula Poundstone. Breakfast Fritos. Ah, well. If any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Jesse Klein, Hari Kondabolu. And Paula, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Jesse Klein, Hurricane of Bolus. And follow the Power Phone.

Thanks to the staff and crew here at Centennial Hall at the University of Arizona in Tucson. Thanks to everybody at Arizona Public Media. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. I'm so glad to be back with you. And we will be back next week. Thank you.

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