Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Gabrielle Dennis

Episode Date: May 13, 2023

On this week's show, The Big Door Prize's Gabrielle Dennis joins panelists Paula Poundstone, Alonzo Bodden, and Adam Felber to talk about living to your full potential and the job at Six Flags that everyone else is jealous of.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Are you there, God? It's me, Bill Curtis. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Segal, it's Alzo Slade. Appreciate that, Bill. Thank you so much. I'm Alzo Slade filling in for Peter Sagal. I know what you're thinking. Y'all are going to let Alzo host? Yeah, buddy. Sorry to be the bearer of good news, but they messed up and they gave me the keys to the show this week. Suckers!

Later on, we're going to hang out with Gabrielle Dennis, one of the stars of the new show, The Big Door Prize. But first, it's your turn to win our small prize. The number to call is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hello. You're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi there. My name is Maddie Brown and I am calling from Cambridge,

Massachusetts, right upside the American Repertory Theater. Yeah! Ah. Okay. Maddie, I feel like you forgot where you're from. I'm from Minneapolis, very proud, but I happen to be here. Those are different questions. Ah, I see, I see. Now, you know, when we have guest callers on the show,

we like to get to know you a little better by asking you some serious questions. Like, does a straw have two holes or one? Does a straw have two holes or one? Maddie, I'm not joking. Oh, real question. A real question. I think that would you define what a hole means to you? Oh, see, see.

Yeah, that's Cambridge. See, you've been in Cambridge way too long, Maddie. All right. Now, Maddie, I have a few cool, smart, and funny friends here. You can figure out which one's which. First up, you can see her on May 19th in Redding, Pennsylvania at the Miller Center for the Arts. It's Paula Poundstone. Hey, Maddie.

Next up, he's the showrunner of the new YouTube show, Un-F'ing the Planet. It's Adam Felber. Hi, Maddie. Hi there. And the comedian you can see May 18th through the 20th at Tacoma Comedy Club, Tacoma, Washington. It's Alonzo Bowden.

Hello, Maddie. Hello. So welcome to the show, Maddie. Hello. So welcome to the show Maddie. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. The velvet voiced Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. All you got to do is guess where they came from and boom you're a winner and you can choose any voice from our show for your voicemail where it should say, wait, wait, don't tell me, just text me. Hey, Maddie, are you ready to play? I'm ready. Here's your first quote. I've never stolen anything in my life. That was a congressman who this week was indicted for stealing lots of things. Who is it? Santos. Yes, George Santos. Congressman George Santos, Congressman George Santos, if that really is his name, was arrested and charged with stealing

public funds, wire fraud, money laundering, and making false statements. Man, he was the first person you'd ever expect. I don't think he gets enough credit. I mean, that man showed up at his arraignment like 24 hours after he was crowned King of England. It's impressive. Alto, I think you should be glad he got indicted because he was going to be the guest host this week. indicted because he was going to be the guest host this week. You know what's crazy?

It's like hearing Santos was arrested is kind of like the vibe when a celebrity dies who you thought died years ago. You're like, really? George Santos isn't in jail already? What's really great is he's still a congressman. Yeah. I mean, there's no bottom to Congress. It's like, yeah, well, you'll be in jail, but we still love you.

One of my favorite things he ever said was this was after, you know, they caught him lying about his resume and everything. And he said, well, you know, to my constituents I would say, I'm still the same person. How do you trust a guy like that? You know, I've been, when he started appearing in the news, I started telling people that

I grew up in his district. And then I realized that that's exactly the kind of thing that he would claim too. All right, Matty, here's your next quote. I know how frustrated many of you are with the service you get. That was not a customer service representative. It was the president of the United States talking about plans to compensate Americans for bad service in what industry? Can I have a hint on that one? Of course you can, Maddie. We are here to help you. The hint is issue one, leg room. Airplane travel.

Yes, airlines. Fabulous. Fabulous. The Biden administration is pushing a bill that will require airlines to financially compensate people affected by airline delays. Won't it be nice when a flight is canceled, instead of people making complaints, they just make it rain? No, I have to say that I travel a ton being a stand-up comic, and I have platinum status with

the airlines, and they treat me horribly. I don't know what they're doing to Group 5. Group 5, they just beat them with a stick and throw them in the back. I think Group 7, you have to stand. I don't know. Alonzo, we're lucky when we get the stick. You know, they say this proposal requires that when an airline causes undue hardship, they cover expenses such as meals, hotels and rebooking. What's sad is this is the only kind of reparations Republicans can get behind. Alzo, you said that like you and me are going to get the same reparations.

Alzo, you said that like you and me are going to get the same reparations. Listen, I've been on a plane. I've been downgraded from business to coach. I didn't even know that was allowed. Yeah. But honestly, is delays and cancellations really number one or even number seven on the list of annoyances with airlines? I mean, that wouldn't be the first thing I'd send the president on. What are you thinking?

I'm thinking my seat today was about the size, it would have been comfortable for a hand puppet. Well, the question is, when they cancel your flight and you miss work, will they pay you for that? It depends on where you work. McDonald's, maybe. Or if you miss like a wedding or a graduation, will they reenact the wedding?

Actually, if I miss a wedding, I want to know where to send the thank you note. All right, Matty, your last quote is from someone talking about their experience at a self-checkout machine. It's emotional blackmail. That person was talking about the grocery store self-checkout machine, asking her if she wanted to do what? Donate to charity? Might as well be. Let me give you a hint. 20% is customary, even for a robot.

To tip? Yes. Can you believe it? I cannot. Self-checkout machines at grocery stores are now prompting customers to tip. It is a self-checkout. I am the self. I'm the one who should be getting the 20%.

Well, I would say that since when you tip with the card in the machine like at Fast Food or whatever it is, the employees never see that money, so why not just give it to the machine and let the corporation steal it directly? I don't, I think I'll leave money for the machines because one day they're going to take over the world. And I want them to remember, Alzo tipped us 20%. You could be an assistant manager in the Matrix. You could be an assistant manager in the Matrix. The question I have is now, since they won't stop you for shoplifting and you have these people running, you know, filling up the cart and walking out, do you just drop a couple of bucks at the machine on your way out just for their service?

You know what I mean? I'm not going to pay for any of this stuff, but you did a good job. The important thing. You know what? This is so wrong. What happened to the days where people shoved stuff down their pants? Have you seen how tight the pants are now, Paul? This is true.

This is true. You're a hopeless romantic milestone. All right, Bill. How did Maddie do? Maddie did great. Perfect score. Maddie, you deserve a tip.die do? Maddie did great. Perfect score. Maddie, you deserve a tip, but we're all out of prizes. Maddie, thank you so much for playing.

Thank you so much. Have a great day. Okay, panel, time to see if you've been keeping up with this week's news. Adam. Yes, sir. The Mayo Clinic finally ended a long-running debate definitively deciding the best position for what? Watch yourself. Okay. Air travel.

And it's sitting at home. No. Let me help you out a little bit. Yeah, please do. Please do. Mattress strategy is very important. Sleeping? Yes.

See, I went NPR on that one. You're welcome. Sleeping. Horrible news for back sleeping sickos. Sleeping on your side is the best for your health. Yes. It actually keeps pressure off your organs, helps you snore less, and it's very cozy, especially if you put a little pillow between your knees. I mean, that's the move right there. Yeah, helps your back. Absolutely. I mean,

I don't really like the idea that any other position is putting stress on our organs. I like to think that my organs are strong enough to hold up the other organs. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, if your organs can't handle sleep, that's a warning sign right there. I knew we were out of shape as a nation, but when sleeping on our backs is wearing us down. Coming up, we find out which two of our panelists are low-down, no-good liars on our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. Like that belly fat you're always trying to get rid of?

We'll be right back with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Alonzo Bowden, Paula Poundstone, and Adam Felber. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagalitz, Alzo Slade. Thanks, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Chris Ludva. I'm calling from Kalamazoo, Michigan. Kalamazoo, Michigan. Sounds like you got some Kalamazooans in here. Quite the response. You know, respect the Kalamazoo. So, Chris, tell me, what do you do there?

I teach singing and social justice at Kalamazoo College, and I'm the director for a music festival in Petoskey, Michigan. Singing? You teach singing and social justice. Now, when I put those together, I feel like you're the person that makes up the chance for the protest. and social justice. Now, when I put those together, I feel like you're the person that makes up the chance for the protest. We definitely do a bit of that, yes.

Give me one good one that you made up. Oh, that I made up or that I sang? That you sang. Oh, that I sang. She's like, Gonna lay down my trouble Down by the river Yeah.

All right. Let me find out that Chris Lutba is a black civil rights leader from the 60s. It's a good thing it's a radio show. You look at me and you'd know that I'm not. Well, it's nice to have you with us, Chris. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is the topic?

Let the games begin again. We all love ancient competitions. The marathon, Greco-Roman wrestling, and anything else people used to do naked. This week we heard about an old-ass game that's still being played today. Our panelists are going to tell you about ancient competition. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize. The weight of your choice on your voicemail. First up, we have Adam Felber.

We all know that there's no crying in baseball, but it turns out that there is and has been crying in sumo. Sort of. Now that the pandemic is finally behind us, the good people of Asakusa near Tokyo can return to one of their most charming old traditions, facing babies off in a sumo ring to see which one cries first. No, no, no, no, no.

Before you start worrying, they don't make the babies hungry or cold or physically uncomfortable in any first. No, no, no, no, no. Before you start worrying, they don't make the babies hungry or cold or physically uncomfortable in any way. No, no. You see, staff members simply try to throw the little tots into a state of mortal terror by dressing as traditional demons and menacing them until they cry. Bless them. It's the sumo crying Baby Competition. See, the two infants enter the crying sumo ring at Sensoji Temple in Tokyo. They get frightened, and the first one to cry is the winner. And the other one is the loser baby who doesn't know enough to be scared of demons, I guess. All right.

We have Crying Sumo Babies from Adam Felbert. Your next story of an oldie but goodie comes from Alonzo Bowden. In fine art, it's usually the painters that get the glory. But in Gordone, France, the real prize goes to the models, the people who have to sit there without moving for hours while the painters take their sweet time. 218 years ago, artists at the Gordone Academy of Art complained they couldn't complete a painting with a fidgety model, and Gordone's ultimate model contest was born. Whoever can keep from moving the longest wins. Said 1968 champion Rene, who won with a 17-hour stint, in my day you might lose for a

blink. These kids today have it easy. Sure, they may last two days, but they're allowed water every hour. We work dry. And you know how I celebrated after 17 hours? I went to the bathroom. Now they get breaks. In Gordon, a supermodel doesn't make love to the camera. Now they get breaks. In Gordone, a supermodel doesn't make love to the camera. A supermodel sits still and lets the artist create. They laugh at the human statues at fairs and festivals around the world. Wow, you stood still for 40 minutes? Congratulations.

Now, can you stand long enough to create a statue? Marathon statue-like models from Alonzo Bowden. Your last story of a pass down playoff comes from Paula Poundstone. It doesn't come as a surprise that Torshavn in the Faroe Islands, a place with an average of 840 hours of sunshine per year, is the home of the world's only known international sleep competition. Entrance, bed down, drug free, in a large hall full of rows of beds, surrounded by stands full of very quiet fans. Having given the opening shush at the bedding of this year's 100th International Sleep Open, director Noah Polson explains it is a sleepy field this year. 363 of the 500 competitors we began with are still asleep 72 hours into the event. Fans are on the edge of their seats. Bernadette Mohammed, winner of the 99th

International Sleep Open, says, I owe my win to my entire family. I have two teenage sons, an elderly incontinent dog, and my husband can be difficult. I'm tired a lot. difficult. I'm tired a lot. My winning sleep was 75 hours and 54 minutes. I could have slept longer, but I knew neither my sons nor my husband were cleaning up after the dog. Okay, Chris, you've got crying sumo babies, statue-like models, and a sleeping competition. Which one do you think is the real one? As much as I think Alonzo's dulcet tones are tempting, but I think people are so, like, they're not into static. So I'm going to go with sumo baby. Okay.

To find out the correct answer, we spoke to an expert on the subject. Well, if you want to win with your baby crying, maybe make sure they're hungry and tired. They'll be more likely to cry sooner. That was clinical psychologist and parenting expert Emily Edlin, author of Autonomy

and Supportive Parenting. Chris, you got it right. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you for playing with us today, man. Have a great day. Goodbye. Thank you. I can't stop crying

over you. Can't think of smiling. Now I'm so sad and blue. And now the game where we ask people who are a big deal, make a big deal with us. It's called Not My Job. You know, plenty of people are triple threats, but our guest, Gabrielle Dennis, is at least a quadruple like Quinn Tipple and whatever other tipple threats there are. An actor, singer, and dancer who's also one of the stars of a black lady sketch show,

she's now one of the leads of Apple TV's The Big Door Prize about a box that tells you your true potential. And for Gabrielle, they'd probably just say, damn, sis, just keep doing what you're doing. Gabrielle Dennis, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. So, I mean, you do a whole lot of stuff, but I want to just jump into this show this new show um that you're in the big door prize that's on apple tv can you give us like a brief one line or two line of description of what it is I will try my best because it's a harsh show to describe

um so it's basically about this small town where you have this mysterious machine that pops up out of nowhere. No one knows where it came from, but it asks you to enter some personal information and it prints out your true life potential. So with that, each episode for season one, we follow a new character,

um, or an episode of central around one of the central leads of the, of the show. So it's a magical show. It's eclectic. It's, it's a comedy at its core, but it also has a lot of heart and a little drama in there.

So it's a really fun ride. And I know that was more than two sentences. Yeah, but sold. Absolutely sold. It is, it's a comedy, but it sounds like it has some like philosophical existential undertones. And for like real life,, you're watching it to laugh, and then you start questioning your whole existence in life.

Was that the intention? Yeah, basically. It's simply a thought-provoking show, and I feel like the comedy is necessary to make sure that you don't go down this deep rabbit hole. Because you're going to ask the same questions as the audience and the viewers as we do as characters. And hopefully it sparks something in you that isn't bad. We work to the last minute of the comedy, I promise. So the comedy is kind of medicinal for losers. Is that correct?

Sure. Gabrielle, based on everything you've done in your life, couldn't this show just be based on your life of finding what your potential is? I mean, you've done it all already. Yeah. I mean, that's a good way of calling me a scatterbrain, Alonzo. No, seriously. a good way of calling me a scatterbrain, Alonzo. No, seriously, like, my character,

Cash, there's a scene where she goes into this closet in her basement, and there's just all these boxes of, like, these deferred dreams and things she's tried in her life. And similarly, I've done, like you said, I've done a lot of things in my life, and people used to tease that it's like, so you're just basically going to throw all the paint on the wall and see what sticks. I'm like, yep, let's see who wants to pay first.

Highest bidder. Knowing that success in show business, it doesn't happen overnight. I'm always interested in what folks did before they made it to this level of success. Is it true that you worked at Six Flags at one point? Yes. It was the best summer of my life. Summer job. What did you do there? I was one of the stage performers

so like oh yeah so we were in the air condition oh you got spoiled spoiled and hated on by all the costume characters out in 100 degree weather in their fuzzy costumes and I only got that job because I got fired

from a job that I had prior to that, where I was in the food and beverage business for a couple of years. And that's how I was getting my way through college. And yeah, life was like, no, this is the route you're going to take. Otherwise I'd be owning a restaurant probably right now. I got fired from Six Flags, but that's a whole nother story. Yeah. What department were you? I was doing the rides. I was in Houston, Texas. It was called the Looping Starship.

It was made like a space shuttle, and it went all the way up and upside down. And to make a short story shorter, I kind of started the ride without the lap bars and the shoulder harness. Oh, no! But as soon as I started to ride, they started screaming way

too early, and that's how I knew something was wrong. So I pressed emergency stop. So to this day, I feel like I have not gotten credit for saving all those lives. 100%. You're a hero. I'm a hero. You are the real hero. You saved all those people you almost killed.

Yeah, without that emergency button, you would probably still be in prison. So, congratulations. She said still be in prison. I heard that. So, you know, Gabrielle, like, you're a singer. And they fired you for that? Jeez. Yes. The unfairness.

So, Gabrielle, you've played Whitney Houston, Tina Turner, so clearly you are an amazing singer. Are you that singer that goes to karaoke and just ruin it for folks like me who can't sing?

That's a good question. No, I'm not. The thing is, I like to go to karaoke and just let loose and have fun and be as silly as possible. So my go-to karaoke songs are Rolling on the River by Sita Turner and

Little Mermaid's Part of Your World. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. I do full-on A&M. Proud participation's involved of your world. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. I do full-on in-and-outs. So it's crowd participation's involved. Like, it's a full, unserious situation. I'm very unserious when I get up there, but I just like having fun. I feel like your unserious is better

than most people's serious. So I'm going to conclude by saying you are that person that ruins karaoke. All right. Gabrielle Dennis, we invited you here to play a game that we're calling... Big Door Prize meet Game Show Prize. Your new show is the Big Door Prize. But what do you know about the prizes handed out on game shows?

Answer two out of the three questions correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners. A new car! No, not really. Not really. They'll win the voice of whomever they might choose on their answer machine or its cash equivalent which is nothing.

Bill, who is Gabrielle Dennis playing for? Ann Schiffermiller of Omaha, Nebraska. Wait, Ann Schiffermiller for? Ann Schiffermiller of Omaha, Nebraska. Wait, Ann Schiffermiller? Not Ann Schiffermiller. I knew it was coming. Oh, my God. Okay, Gabrielle, here's your first question.

Prizes don't always go to the winner. On the game show Cracker Jack, the loser was sent home with which one of these consolation prizes? A. An all-expenses trip to Los Angeles' worst reviewed hotel. B. A framed picture taken at the exact moment the contestant lost the game. Or C.

As many heads of cabbage as they could carry. Based on Adam's laugh, I'm going to go with C. C is correct. Whoa! Yay! Next question. Sometimes, it's not about the prize

itself, but who won it? As proven by an episode of The Price Is Right, where they gave away what? A, a treadmill to a woman in a wheelchair. B, a romantic couple's vacation to a Catholic nun. Or C, a trip to Yellowstone National Park for a ranger who worked at Yellowstone National Park. I would say the most foul version of that would probably be A.

A is correct. Wow. You win a cabbage. Yeah, that was good. All right, last question. Before Bob Barker and Drew Carey, The Price is Right was hosted by Bill Cullen and featured some truly crazy prizes, including which of these? A, a fully functioning submarine, B, a 1926 Rolls Royce complete with a chauffeur, or C, a live peacock. Oh, wow.

I don't know. I'm going to go with back then, maybe a peacock? Was it on NBC? I don't know. So a live peacock is part of the right answer. Was the peacock in a Rolls Royce? I'll take it. I'll take it. I'll take it.

All of the above, Gabrielle. All of the above. Bill, how did Gabrielle do? You just made Ann Schiffermiller of Omaha very happy because you got them all right. Three in a row. Ladies and gentlemen, Gabrielle Dennis is a singer, actor, and dancer. You can see her on a Black Lady Sketch Show and the Big Door Prize. Gabrielle Dennis, thank you so much for joining us, sis, and congratulations on all your success.

Thank you. Congratulations to you all. Bye, Gabrielle. Good job. Thanks. Good job. In just a minute, Bill reveals some surprising ingredients in your chicken nuggets. It's the Listener Limerick Challenge.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. Like knee pain over 40, we'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, it's Mike Danforth. Quick heads up if you're near Portland, Oregon or Ann Arbor, Michigan. We're doing live shows in both places later this summer. Portland on July 20th, Ann Arbor on August 31st. And if you're a Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus supporter, you can access exclusive pre-sale tickets for those shows. All the details are in our most recent bonus episode. Make sure to listen. Also in that episode, Peter and I challenge a subscriber with news trivia from the past

in our game, the Wait, Wait, Wayback Machine. It's Maeve Higgins, isn't it? It's Maeve Higgins disguising her voice. No, now don't. Come on. That's terrible. I know what that means. Yeah, that's right. Check out that bonus episode if you're a Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus supporter. If you're not, learn more at plus.npr.org.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Adam Felber, Alonzo Bowden, and Paula Poundstone. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal, it's Alzo Slade. Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, Bill sings Rhyme a Little Teapot in our listener limerick challenge. If you want to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But now it's time for our panelists to answer some more questions from this week's news.

Paula, a new report from Los Angeles' Department of Transportation says that most traffic stops could be done by whom? A robot. Hmm. Let me give you a hint. It takes a village of narcs. Oh, it could be done by other drivers. Yes, regular people. So when you're driving and you go like, oh, what an ass,

you could actually turn that into a ticket. That's what L.A. is trying to propose. Wow, that's going to work out great on the freeway. That won't be abused at all. No, that should speed things right up. So how do they make the assumption that average people actually know traffic laws? I mean, the report says that just like real cops, civilians could pull over other civilians for speeding, running stop signs, or just because they're racist. I don't know the traffic rules.

Somebody convinced me that I had to retake the written test. And so I went online, because you can do practice tests online. And I spent the longest time going, really? A full stop? What does that look like? Yeah, when was this written? All right, Adam. Elizabeth Holmes is in the midst of a massive image makeover in the media.

And it's pretty crazy. For instance, she now wants to go by what name? What? A new name? Yes, a new name. Well. I'll give you a hint. She'll be joining Taylor and Claiborne.

Liz? Yes, bro. Liz. No. Yes. Imagine you pay an image consultant millions of dollars to rehabilitate your reputation after you commit massive fraud, and they're just like, just go by Liz now. Thanks. You know what?

It does make me a little more likely to forgive her because it's Liz. It's just Liz. See? You're falling for it. What? Oh, damn it. They got me. Yeah.

No, she also got rid of the turtlenecks, right? Yep. Which, boy, I wish I had been walking around behind her, because I love a turtleneck. Well, you know, this week, the New York Times ran a fawning 95-paragraph profile on Elizabeth Liz Holmes, one-time billionaire who left it all behind

so she could be with her kids and go to jail. Gone is the name Elizabeth, the signature lipstick, and the constantly asking people if she could have some of their blood. And you remember that husky voice? Nope. She's no longer faking her voice. The weird thing is now it's even deeper. No, it's not deeper, is it?

Yeah, she said, call me Liz. All right, Paula. Yeah. This week, the Washington Post reported on a debate that is tearing travelers apart. How much what to pack on a trip? Oh, no idea. Do you want to give me one of those hints you guys get? Of course, of course.

What's that under there? Oh, like how much undergarments to pack? Yes. How much underwear to pack. Not knowing how much underwear to pack is a common question for travelers. Do you bring one per day? Bring less and commit to washing some on your trip? Pack hundreds

in case your flight gets delayed and you need a last minute host gift? Or just pack none because damn it, you're on vacation and it's time to be free! You know, and I've probably said this before,

I wear a thick cottonyony high-waisted brief. And it's almost all that's in my suitcase. And part of the reason, one of the things that's good about it is it's big enough that if the flight goes down and say I survive, big enough that if the flight goes down and say I survive and we're on like a mountaintop or we're out in the wilderness, my underwear is large enough that I can actually make a pup tent out of it. Coming up, it's the lightning fill in the blank. But first, we take time to listen for the rhyme in our limerick game. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks right here at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in Chicago, and we'll be in New Orleans on May 25th and at Tanglewood in Western Mass on June 22nd. And the Wait-Wait Stand- Up Tour is back on the road

in Frederick, Maryland June 15th and Richmond, Virginia on June 16th. Exclusive pre-sales start next week. Tickets and info at nprpresents.org. Hey, hey, what's happening? You're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. What's up, man? My name's Craig. I'm from Middleborough massachusetts how you doing

i'm doing well craig how are you in middleburg i am doing fantastic man i'm so thrilled to be on the show i will see you guys all the time when when you this is going to let us know what kind of person you are when you brush your teeth do you put water on the toothbrush before or after you put the toothpaste on? I want to say first I have an Oral B IH super duper toothbrush and the water goes on first the way my hygienist told me to.

Okay. Okay, Craig, I feel like you're just showing off just now. I love it. I love the energy and I want you to bring it to these questions because this limerick challenge, you better get all of these right. I am focused, man. Here we go. All right. Well, welcome to the show, Craig. Bill Curtis is going to read you three limericks with the last word missing. If you can fill in the last word on two limericks, you're a winner.

You can fill in the last word on two limericks. You're a winner. Here's your first limerick. If you want to get friendly and cozy, don't ask things that are boring and prosy. You will not make them weep if your questions are deep. It will help if you're probing and... Nosy.

Yes. Yes. Good man. Turns out the secret to turning an acquaintance into a friend is just skip the small talk and get straight to the nitty gritty. No more how's your day going? Now it's like, great to meet you.

Are you afraid to die alone? Well, it turns out small talk is just really boring. I think we can all agree. Where does that come from? What, small talk? No, who said that? But you wouldn't say small talk is boring? No, I would

say that small talk is boring. So you said it. So you're saying it. So experts. Yes. Absolutely. Alright. Here's your next limerick. So experts. Yes, absolutely. All right, here's your next limerick. Our food workshop did what it could, and our nuggets are thumb-licking good. More branches than fingers, so splinters might linger.

We are mixing our chicken with... Oh, no, wood? Wood, yes, yes, yes. It's now easier to keep up a plant-based diet at McDonald's now that we've learned that they put wood in their chicken nuggets. Ah, jeez. 14 different fast food chains are using alternative fillers such as seaweed, beef, soy, oats, and yes, wood in their meat mixes.

Sounds gross, but you can tell if your McNuggets expired by simply counting the rings. All right, here's your last limerick. Of foods, Jersey forests have oodles, but not gingerbread houses or strudels. There's some ziti in there and some nice angel hair. We found 500 pounds of cooked noodles. Yes. Last week, a mysterious 500 pounds of cooked pasta were found dumped in the woods in Old Bridge, New Jersey. Residents were shocked, saying, hey, that's where the bodies the mob hides are supposed to go. Take the cannoli, leave the million tons of spaghetti. All right, Bill, how did Craig do? Craig came to play with three in a row, a perfect score. He's our champ. All right, Bill, how did Craig do? Craig came to play with

three in a row, a perfect score. He's our champ. Hey, Craig. All right, Craig, thanks for playing, man. Goodbye. Thank you, Craig. Now on to our final game. Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds to show how fast and how smart they are

by answering as many questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Adam and Paula each have three. Alonzo has two. Alonzo, you're in third place, so you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. During a CNN town hall on Thursday, Blank repeated his false claims that the 2020 election was stolen.

Trump. Right. On Thursday, exercise bike giant Blank recalled 2.2 million bikes. Peloton. Right. On Tuesday, the Senate Judiciary Committee asked GOP donor Harlan Crowe for a list of gifts given to blank. Clarence Thomas.

Right. A mother of 12 children was both praised and criticized for preparing and serving her kids nachos in a blank. In a blank? In a car? I don't know.

She served them nachos in a small wading pool. Mother of the year. That's just clever. To address rising breast cancer rates, health experts recommended that women start getting blanks at 40. Mammograms. Right. After nearly four decades, MTV announced it was cutting its blank division.

Music. News division. Oh, that's right. They cut music a long time ago. Last one. This week, police in Kansas pulled over a man they suspected was driving under the influence because he was dressed as blank. As a black person? No.

Not quite. He was dressed as a giant can of Bud Light. Yes, police spotted the man driving erratically down the highway, but it was hard to say whether he was swerving because he was drunk or because it's hard to steer while wearing a giant Bud Light costume. Bill, how did Alonzo do? Four right. For eight more points. A total of 10 puts him in the lead. Okay, Paula, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Biden met

with House Speaker McCarthy to discuss a deal on the blank. Debt ceiling. Right. On Thursday, the White House released new rules for migrants seeking blank? Asylum. Right. This week, House Republicans released a report with accusations about blanks dealings with China. Biden. Yeah.

Hunter Biden. Right. On Tuesday, Tucker Carlson announced plans to revive his council show on blank. Twitter. Right. According to a study, a new skin patch could be used to treat kids with

severe blank allergies. Peanut? Right. On Wednesday, Academy Award winner blank announced he'd become a father again at the age of 79. Robert De Niro. Right. This week, a woman who was lost in the Australian bush survived on only blank

for five days? Noodles that she found. They weren't noodles, but it was a bottle of wine she found in her car and some candy. Yes. Bill, how did Paula do? She has a chance for the golden ring. Six right, 12 more points. 15 puts her in the lead. Oh. All right. And Bill, how many does Adam need to win? Six to tie, seven to win. Yipe. Wee.

Adam, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, a jury found Donald Trump liable in blank civil case against him. E. Jean Carroll. Right. On Monday, the head of Russia's largest mercenary force threatened to withdraw from blank if they weren't provided with ammunition. Ukraine. Right.

This week, new data showed that U.S. blank had eased to its lowest rate in two years. Inflation. Right. Following a long absence, Senator Blank returned to Washington on Tuesday. Dianne Feinstein. Right. This week, thieves in Peru broke into a shoe store and stole $13,000 worth of blank.

Right shoes. Yes. Not correct, but right foot. Yeah, you got it. On Monday, officials in Canada reported that energy production in the country was being disrupted by rampant blanks. Wildfires? Right. This week, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg won a medal at a jiu-jitsu tournament

by using his signature move, blanking. Ghosting. No. He won a medal by whining. Yes. At a tournament this week, Zuckerberg lost a match by submission, but then complained to the ref

until they reversed the decision. In the future, he'll just skip the tournament entirely and pay everybody a million dollars to declare him the winner. Yeah, everybody's booing. I'm booing with you. But can you imagine getting whooped by Mark Zuckerberg? Like, I wouldn't let it happen. I'd go pick up a stick or something. Especially if he argued his way to victory. That's get the stick time. Exactly. Yeah. So, Bill, how did Adam do? Did he do well enough to win? Six right, 12 more points, 15 means we have a tie. Well, let me congratulate both of you winners. Thank you. Thank you.

Now that the Biden administration is addressing the annoying things airlines do, our panelists will predict what common pet peeve will the government fix next. But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of npr and wbez chicago in association with urgent haircut productions doug burman benevolent overlord philip gotica writes our limericks our public address announcer is paul friedman our tour manager is shana donnell thanks to the staff and crew at the studebaker theater bj liederman composed our theme our program is produced by jennifer mills miles dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Deanna Ortiz and Oja Lopez and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn says,

yay cheese. Our social media superstar is Emma Choi. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Magic Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what's the next annoyance the government will fix for us? Adam. Also, they're going to finally make uniform numbers of products and packages because who wants to witness a preventable mass extinction due to climate change and still have more hot dogs than buns?

And Paula. The full weight of the government is going to prevent the Coligard box from talking. And Alonzo. They're going to wire the elevator door close buttons to give you a little shock every time you hit them. Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Adam Felber, Paula Poundstone, and Alonzo Bowden. And thank you for this amazing audience in the Suda Baker Theater. I'm Alzo Slade and for Peter Sable and we'll see you guys next week this is NPR