Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Kaila Mullady

Episode Date: April 15, 2023

Kaila Mullady started beatboxing in 5th grade to impress a boy, and since then has become a two-time world champion. But, can she answer questions about boxes that get beat, AKA piñatas?Support NPR by signing up for Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. The NPR News Quiz. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's me, Anchorman. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater in the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Great to see you. Later on, we're going to be talking to Kayla Mullady, a world champion beatboxer.

you may have heard this last week, after Elon Musk stuck NPR with a government-funded label, NPR has left Twitter entirely. It is unclear what that will do to engagement with NPR news stories, but it has already allowed NPR to read books again and finally pay attention to its kids. We want you to put down your phone, too, and then pick it up and call us to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello. Hello, who's this? This is Cecil Bothwell from Asheville, North Carolina. All right, I know I always say this, but in this case, it's true. Asheville is one of my very favorite places there is. What do you do there?

Well, I'm a formerly elected official. I'm a writer. I've written, let's say, 16 books at this point. Wow. And I'm an organic gardener. Of course you are. Of course you are. Welcome to the show, Cecil. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, he is a senior video editor at the New York Times where he says he has been waiting more than two years for a fair contract. It's Shane O'Neill. Hello. Oh, cool.

Next, it's a comedian you can see May 13th at Bethesda Blues and Jazz Club in Bethesda, Maryland. It's Alonzo Bowden. Hello, Cecil. Yo, Alonzo. I love Asheville. And a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, where you can now also get the Succession Recap podcast.

It's Nagin Farsad. Hey, Nagin. Hey. So, Cecil, welcome to our show this week. We are going to start you off with Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis, of course, as he always does, is going to recreate for you three quotations from this week's news. Your job, correctly identify or explain just two of them.

Do that, you'll win our prize. Any voice from anybody on our show, you might choose for your voicemail. Ready to go? I reckon, yeah. Here, Cecil, is your first quote. Where are my procrastinators at? That was TV anchor Darlene Melendez reminding everyone that what is due next week? Tax returns. Tax returns. Yes, that's right. Taxes, federal income taxes are due this Tuesday. I'm going to pause now for a minute so our listeners at home can scream. Now, what's interesting is this is the first tax season after the IRS was given billions of dollars to hire 87,000 new agents to collect taxes. But don't worry. The IRS says that most of us have nothing to worry about.

They want to increase the number of audits on people making more than $400,000 a year. So, if you do happen to make over $400,000 a year. Just make sure and lie about that in your tax return. It is amazing how many billionaires don't make $400,000 a year. It's incredible. These guys. Just the act of filing my taxes makes me feel like I'm going to prison. You know, like I'm going to prison. You know? Like, I'm so scared that I've accidentally lied.

Which is great. I mean, no one cares about my piddly money. Exactly. You're a comedian and a podcaster. If they ever look... All right. You didn't need to say it like that, Peter. If they ever look at your returns...

What are you, my mom? Okay. One group of people that have a lot of unusual tax problems are social media influencers. Because what exactly is their job, right? They're on screen influencing you, but what's the business expense? So, for example, there's this guy on TikTok who filled a swimming pool with Vienna sausages

and dove in for clicks and likes. Well, those were business sausages. The Wall Street Journal, this is true, spoke with one influencer who did a YouTube stunt where he threw sex toys off a building. So he wrote off on his taxes $864 in sex toys off a building, so he wrote off on his taxes $864 in sex toys. Meanwhile, 60 random people from the street deducted additional medical expenses for dildo injuries. Peter, they're called business sausages. All right.

Cecil, here is your next quote. Supreme Court justices are allowed to have friends. That was from an op-ed in the Hill newspaper defending a Supreme Court justice after news broke last week that he was spending a lot of time with a billionaire. Which justice are we discussing? Oh, Justice Thomas. Yes, Justice Clarence Thomas of the Supreme Court. That's right.

Give the hand to the senior justice. Billionaire Harlan Crowe invited Thomas, apparently, on all-expense-paid trips to his various country estates and luxury vacations on his planes and yachts. So now Clarence Thomas is in hot water, specifically in a jacuzzi on a yacht owned by Harlan Crow. Now, Harlan Crow, we all of a sudden heard about this guy. Now, we know Harlan Crow is a villain because he collects Nazi memorabilia. He apparently owns two paintings by Hitler. And also because, this is true, his name is Harlan Crowe.

So if Clarence Thomas is hanging out with a dude that collects Nazi memorabilia, I think Clarence Thomas doesn't know that he's black. McGee, you're just finding that out? Actually, one of the ways ProPublica broke this story, the investigative news organization, and one of the ways they proved that he went on these trips is they found, and this is true, was an original painting

that Harlan Crowe had commissioned of himself hanging out with Clarence Thomas at his country estate. So, hey, Mr. Crowe, if you're listening, that's a little stalkery. But on the plus side, it was not a painting by Hitler. I think one of the defenses Clarence Thomas is going to use is he's going to say, look, I'm Clarence Thomas.

How many friends do you think I have? Thomas, how many friends do you think I have? But also, how common is it to, like, get paintings commissioned of you and your buds? You know what I mean? Like, is it just me? I've never had a painting of me and one of my friends. Well, Nagin, look under your chair. Is that, like, the rich man's selfie? Yeah, apparently, yeah. Can you imagine after being in the center of so much unpleasant attention how relieved Brett Kavanaugh must be now?

He doesn't have to worry about any of this because his closest friends are Squeegee and the Goob. All right, Cecil, here is your last quote. They shouldn't be bigger. They're big enough already. No, no, no, no. That was a baseball fan named Owen Hopkins. He was speaking to NPR about a new rule in the game that has made what bigger?

Oh, the length of the baseball game? No, that's actually gotten smaller, in fact, because of this. This is actually physical objects that get bigger. Oh, the bases. The bases, yes, the bases are bigger. We are, um, we're a month into the baseball season, the first with these new rules intended to speed up the game, and everybody agrees they're working.

It turns out baseball is just like podcasts. Most people can only tolerate it at twice normal speed. So games are on average so far about a half hour shorter. More balls are being put in play and stolen bases are up just like all other crimes. Well, they finally figured out how to do it, right? They've been saying forever they want to make baseball move faster. Right. It's bad for the fans.

Like, I live in L.A., and Dodger fans, you get to the game in the second inning, you know, because of traffic. And you leave in the seventh to beat traffic. Everybody knows this. So now you show up in the fifth inning, and you leave in the seventh to beat traffic. Everybody knows this. So now you show up in the fifth inning, and you leave in the fifth inning. Right. You literally just park.

You get there. You don't even park. You can save on parking. You just drive around the stadium and go home. You've been to a Dodgers game. I wish MLB had hired me. I know how to make the game go faster. How?

You drink. Well, funny you should mention that, because that has turned out to be one of the unexpected problems. Because the games are shorter, beer sales are down. There's less time to go buy a beer. And so they're complaining

because a lot of the income to stadiums and teams is beer sales. But they fixed the problem. They're now going to have a two-beer minimum required to leave. Bill, how did Cecil do in our quiz Cecil is very good. He got them all right three in a row Right now, panel, some questions for you from the week's news. Alonzo, according to a new poll,

more than 30% of people have gotten onto an elevator, seen somebody approaching that elevator, and done what? Let the door close. Oh, even worse. Hit the door close button. Exactly right. Hit the door close button so they couldn't get off. And of those people, the same survey says that 20% visibly pretended to be searching for the open door button and then mouthed, sorry, as the doors closed. I know a guy who works on elevators. He said most of the times that button is not connected to anything. Right. Oh God. Yeah. The door closed button. He's like, no, I just like something.

Because I don't know about you guys. If you notice when you hit the button, the door doesn't seem to close any sooner. No. You know, it's still, it closes when it closes. I'm going to ask you guys and I want your honest answer. We've known each other for a while. Have you ever done this? Of course. Really? Yes. I live in New York City. Sometimes an elevator ride

is the only time I'm alone all day long. I just want to say I'm such a good person right now because I never do that. Ever. I always like try, oh, wait, let me try, you know. Again, I'm trying to get into heaven, Peter.

There's a lot you got to do. Right. Especially as a lot you've got to do. Right. Especially as a Muslim, it's tougher. Coming up, our panelists are showstoppers in our Bluff the Listener game. We call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Alonzo Bowden, Shane O'Neill, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is Lisa Jerram from Rockville, Maryland. Hey, how are things in Rockville? They're lovely. It's a beautiful springtime in the Rockville, Maryland area. That's being where Rockville is, I guess. What do you do there? I work for an organization that supports and advocates for public transit in the U.S. Oh, wow. I actually am a big fan of public transit. I take it all the time. So thank you so much. I think that's great. That's good to hear. Well, welcome to the show, Lisa. You are going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Lisa's topic? The show must not go on. It's the oldest rule of theater. The show must go on. That is after

nobody talk about how weird it is. We just break out in song sometimes. This week we heard about a production that broke tradition and did not go on. Our panelists are going to tell you about that. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am. All right. First, let's hear from Nagin Farzad. The opening night of Hamlet at the Pittsburgh Playhouse went off without a hitch and audiences did a great job of pretending to enjoy Shakespeare. But on the second night, something happened that stopped the play. You know that one scene with poor Yorick where Hamlet is about to utter the one line everybody knows. Well, at that moment, a young man jumped up from the audience, grabs the skull from Hamlet's hands, and kneels

in front of a woman seated in the front row and says, Cheryl, I hath met ye at Renfair junior year, and ever since I did want to marryeth thee, and now I hasten to ask to be or not to be my wife. That is the question. Cheryl was stunned, and the audience was confused. After a moment of silence that felt like the length of a Shakespeare play, the actor playing Hamlet was like, uh, Cheryl doth thee haveth an answer? Or, finally, Cheryl gets up, grabs the skull, and says, I, I, a thousand times I. Such theater dorks. The audience erupts into cheers as Cheryl and her suitor kiss. They get off the stage when Hamlet says, uh, forsooth, I actually needeth your skull back.

And finally, the show did go on. A production of Hamlet. Stopped by an awkward Elizabethan public proposal, your next story of a show's standstill is from Shane O'Neill. A musical production of The Bodyguard in Manchester, England, was shut down mid-show when a, quote, mini-riot broke out. The cause? A crowd that simply could not

stop singing along to I Will Always Love You. The song, written by Dolly Parton, immortalized by Whitney Houston, and perfected by me, Shane O'Neill, singing to his own mirror in fourth grade, is the centerpiece of the musical version of The Bodyguard. Its performance inspired half of the Manchester audience

to join in song and the other half to shout, Shut up! The situation escalated to fistfights in the aisles before police arrived to oversee the evacuation of the theater. Two women were forcibly removed from the theater, presumably since if they should stay, they would only be in the way. On a personal note, to the cast of The Bodyguard,

I wish you joy and happiness. But above all this, I wish you love. And... Oh, my God. There are fistfights breaking out in the theater. Our production of the stage musical of The Bodyguard has to stop because of fistfights breaking out because half the audience wanted to sing along

to I Will Always Love You. Your last story of a halted haul comes from Alonzo Bowden. Oh, yeah, because I can follow that. The Montgomery, Alabama Playhouse was very excited to bring the hit musical Hamilton to the theater-going public, but it turns out the public had opinions. First, a history professor at nearby Alabama State protested that having black and Latino actors portray the founding fathers was insulting to the vibrant heritage of the British American community. Then a group of Revolutionary War

reenactors said the costumes were much too well made and the actors too well dressed. Even the local black community complained, with a 77-year-old pastor saying the characters wouldn't be singing, quote, that hippity hop, but gospel, or at best, the blues. The final dress rehearsal of Hamilton in Montgomery was just four smelly white guys reading from the Federalist Papers while a harpsichord played the blues

in the background. The producers took one look at each other, then cancelled the whole show. Alright. One of these shows was stopped. Stopped dead. Was it from

Nagin Farsad, a production of Hamlet that was interrupted by a public proposal? From Shane O' Farsad a production of Hamlet that was interrupted by a public proposal from Shane O'Neill a production of a musical based on the movie The Bodyguard that had to come to an end when the audience would not stop singing along or from Alonzo Bowden a production of Hamilton that was bedeviled to death

by historical accuracy which of these is the real story of a theatrical production that did not happen the way it was supposed to? I'm going to go for Shane's, if only because of the... How could you not, given that performance? Exactly. Well, we could not think of a better way

of bringing you the real story than this. And I will always love you. Guys, can you believe Shane hit that note? Wasn't that amazing? Yes, you're right. Of course, it was Shane's story of the production of The Bodyguard that had to be halted. Congratulations. You

got it right. You've won our prize. Well done. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks for playing. Thank you. Take care. And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things. It's called Not My Job.

Kayla Milady is a two-time world champion beatboxer. Now, you might ask, how do you win a world championship in beatboxing? Well, like this. She will now use that same... That's it. That's her. She will now use that same amazing instrument, her own voice, to answer our questions. Kayla Mullady, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, friends.

Hello. I have so many questions that, all right, how in the world do you learn to do that? Yeah, so I would just do it at like the back of the bus and at the lunch table. And it definitely was not anything that I thought would become a job or anything. But actually it really became because of this boy named James that I had a crush on in fifth grade. Actually, it really became because of this boy named James that I had a crush on in fifth grade. And he liked to beatbox. So at recess, me and him would hang out, you know, by the monkey bars. And we would just kind of drop some boots and cats. And while love did not form from that, two world championships did.

So thank you so much, James. I'm sorry. Back up a bit. You said you dropped some boots and cats? Yeah, some boots and some cats, man. You know, that's how you start when you're young. You do the boots and dropped some boots and cats. Yeah, some boots and some cats, man. You know, that's how you start when you're young. You do the boots and cats and boots and cats. If you say boots and cats enough, then you start beatboxing. Really? So that's how you say boots and cats and boots and cats, and then you just move on. Wow. Yeah. And then all of your friends are annoyed

at you after a while. I'm going to, I don't want to argue with you, but I'm going to bet that people were actually kind of thrilled when you started doing this, once you got it all good, right? I mean, when you're in fifth grade, this shit slaps. I'm not going to lie. It was a great trick, you know? But yeah, it was definitely not something that I ever thought that would become a career out of it. It was just something that I did for fun.

And then right when I left high school, I was at this party and my friends were trying to be like, hey, everybody in this party, look what this girl can do. And that day I just had had enough. And they were like, please, Kayla, this will be the last time we ever make you beatbox at a party. And so I did it for like three seconds. I was like, all right, fine. As soon as I ended this, it felt like Moses. I heard this voice be like, who just beatboxed, beatboxed? And everybody in the party parted like the Red Sea, and this beatboxer came to me, and his name was J-Flo, and he was one of the best beatboxers in America,

and he was like, do it again. And so I did it, and he introduced me to this community of people in New York City that, for the first time in my life, if I walked into a party and went, everyone wasn't like, leave quick, don't look her in the eyes oh be careful uh she probably bites finally I walked into this crowd where if I went everyone was like oh I finally found my you know tribe of people that made weird noises

is there like a particular sound that you can do that you are very proud of there is a sound that I did invent and the cool thing is when you invent a that you are very proud of? There is a sound that I did invent. And the cool thing is, when you invent a sound, you get to name it. So don't ask me why. I named it the Pips. I don't know why. It just sounds like a Pips to me. And it sounds like this.

OK. Can you use that in a sentence? Yeah. Boss, I can't come to work today. I broke my own arm and caught the pits. So, sorry. I understand that your boyfriend is also a beatboxer and you perform together.

Well, awkward ex-boyfriend. Oh! Yes, thank you for bringing that up. I am so sorry. No, but still, that's me. We still perform together. I'm going to have a little chat with my researcher right now. Well, I'm sure that must have been difficult

because you're living with another beatboxer. I'm sure you just talk to each other in beatboxing all day like twins with a secret language. Oh, my God. Literally, the only reason why we were together is because no one else could put up with living with us for 24 hours. You would actually do this thing where it would literally be at 1 o'clock in the morning and the other person would be in bed and one of us would start beatboxing.

We'd have to be like, hey, no beatbox brain. You got to shut it up right now. Like, this has to end. Did you? But yeah. Did you have fights with beatboxing? Like, one of you do like a sad drum and then the other one would come back with like some angry percussion and stuff like that?

Oh, man. Are you serious? I'd be like. And that basically meant like, why are you not taking out the trash more? Please, you know but we got that we got that language right is it i i'm is it hard for you to socialize with somebody who is not a beatboxer because they might expect you to do that all the time like oh no no the thing is i do do that all the time and uh once the way i know that you're in my like best

friend here group is when we're going out, they just don't understand. They don't even hear it anymore. They've completely tuned it out. Where I actually take credit, my older brother has three amazing kids, but when they were babies and crying, he could really tune that out.

And I was like, you're welcome. That was because of me. Oh, really? Yeah. You could just ignore sounds if you're best friends with a beatboxer, because it's just happening 24-7. That is fabulous.

Well, Caleb and Lady, it is great to talk to you, and we've asked you here to play a game we're calling... Beatboxing? How about box beating? As far as I can tell, beatboxing does not involve these days any actual boxes or beatings, so we thought we'd ask you about something that does, and that is pinatas.

Answer two out of three questions about the candy-stuffed paper mache sculptures. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they may choose in their voicemail. Bill, who is Kayla playing for? Sarah Dawson of Detroit, Michigan. All right. You ready for this?

Yeah. Okay. Round one fight. Let's do it. Are you ready for this, Peter? I am not. I will be honest. All right.

First question. The history of the pinata goes back 500 or more years. So, as you can imagine, there are people trying to update it these days. For example, you can now buy a piñata with what new feature? A. A robo-piñata, outfitted with AI and motors so that it can evade blows from the stick. B. A pacifist piñata that you don't have to hit, it just self-destructs generously. Or C. A heart-healthy piñata that is filled not with candy, but with quinoa and oat bran.

Ooh, this is a tough one, but I'm going to have to say the drone piñatas. No, it's actually the pacifist piñata. Because you don't want to teach your children violence by having them hit things with a stick, right? No, you just pull gently on the string and it goes pop.

You still have two more chances. Sometimes piñatas can go too far, as in which of these planned piñata parties that ended up not happening? A, a carnival cruise line promotion in which they built a six-story piñata to destroy with a wrecking ball in downtown Philadelphia. B, a minor league baseball team that wanted to detonate an enormous explosive pinata that would in turn detonate 40 smaller pinatas which would detonate a hundred more during the seventh inning stretch. Or C, Jerry Hall's divorce party pinata where you could hit a Rupert Murdoch pinata until cans of Ensure fell out. until cans of Ensure fell out. All right, well, I'm going to go with A.

You're right. You're right. It was an attempt. It was a six-story piñata. They wanted to do it. They had this all set up. They had the big wrecking ball, and the police came and said,

no, you cannot wreck a six-story piñata here in Philadelphia. All right, last question. Get this, you win. Piñatas are not just for kids' birthday parties. They can also make an appearance, for example, at concerts. The band Third Eye Blind once brought a big piñata to their show, but there was something special about it. What was it? A, the piñata looked like a big, very realistic eye, so when you hit it, you felt like you could blind it. Get it? Third Eye Blind. B, it it was filled with live crickets and when they smashed it, they flew all over the audience.

Or C, the members of the band were in it and made their entrance by being smashed out of it, sustaining mild injuries as they did. I'm going to say A. I'm really hoping it wasn't the crickets. Like, come on. Why are you hoping it wasn't the crickets? That's a lot of protein just going uneaten,

you know what I mean? That's where you went with it? It's good protein! If a big pinata was bursted at a concert you attended and all these crickets fell out, you're like, they're wasting all that good food. That's what you would think? I'm pro-snake. They eat that, right? I don't know.

Yeah, okay. So you're not going to pick that, even though I'm desperately trying to encourage you to do so. Should we? I mean, you know what? If that's the case, let's go crickets. You're right. It was the crickets. They thought, by the way, that doing that would be very impressive to some record executives in the audience. And they'd get a contract. It did not work. And they did not then get a contract. Bill, how did Kayla do on our quiz?

Now you speak my language. Let's go. Let's go, baby. She got two out of three and wins. Congratulations. Ten years you've been doing this Bill And you still surprise me sometimes Kayla Mullady is a two time

Beatboxing world champion Who you can find at KaylaMullady.com Kayla Mullady thank you so much for joining us I'm Wade Wade Tontal What amazing fun to talk to you In just a minute we apologize profusely In our listener limerick challenge game been fun to talk to you. In just a minute, we apologize profusely in our listener limerick challenge game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT

to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Nagin Farsad, Alonzo Bowden, and Shane O'Neill. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. In just a minute.

Bill comes down with rhyme lung while working in the rhyme mines in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from

the week's news. Nagin, ever since they heard about the breakup of Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn, Swifties have been flocking to Taylor's West Village apartment to leave flowers and pay their respects. There's one problem, though. What? She's in Nashville. Right. She doesn't live there anymore. He's in Nashville. Right. She doesn't live there anymore. New York Magazine reports that fans are flooding Cornelia Street in New York to pay their respects outside an apartment that Taylor Swift does not live in. In fact, never lived in except for three months in 2016 while her actual apartment was being renovated.

One fan, who had her mom drive her in from New Jersey, said, quote, it made me believe that love wasn't real anymore, and I puked. She speaks for all of us, I think. If there's one thing that can get you over a breakup, it's a bunch of middle school girls puking outside of your apartment. I know. How do you love someone that much and just go there,

you know? It's a connection. It's no connection. Here's what I don't understand, is that Taylor Swift is famous for breaking up with people. And then she writes amazing, great top ten songs about breaking up with people. So how can people be surprised or upset

that she broke up with somebody? It's like being upset that Bruce Springsteen rode in a car. I mean, what I'm hearing from the two of you is that you're dead inside. Shane, according to the Washington Post, one easy way to feel better about your body and self-image is what?

Giving yourself a big old hug. No. Can I have a hint? Yes. Next time you'd like there's a burned out bulb in your bathroom and you're thinking of changing it, don't. Oh, just give up. No, I was being specific about the light in your bathroom. Oh, so you're saying, like, lower the lights so you have sexy lighting all the time?

Yes, pretty much. All right. That's exactly right. In your bathroom. The Washington Post this week suggested that the best lighting for your self-esteem in your bathroom is dark. The idea, of course, is that the light needs to be bright enough so you can see what you're doing in there, but not so bright that you start showering fully dressed.

So you're just like never supposed to see any of your flaws? Pretty much. That's the idea. Yes, it's like having an Instagram filter in your bathroom. Yes, for your actual life. For your life, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can never actually make things out. That's what you want. You want to have a vague association with what you actually look like, yeah, yeah. So you can never actually make things out. That's what you want. You want to have a vague association with what you actually look like, not actual knowledge.

I'm sorry, is this specifically for the bathroom? Yeah, specifically, yeah. I mean, I will say that for years, I thought I just had splotches of toothpaste all over my face, and then I just cleaned the mirror. I know, yeah. All of a sudden, your self-esteem rises. It's looking better than I thought.

Incredible. And now it's time for another installment of our game What's Martha Stewart Up To? Nagin, during a panel discussion this week, Martha Stewart did what? Was it A,

said her real favorite kind of home decor was black light posters, or B, drank a margarita out of a measuring cup? B. Yes, she drank a margarita out of a measuring cup. B. Yes, she drank a margarita out of a measuring cup. She was on a stage at the Samsung flagship store in New York City drinking a margarita straight out of what appears to be a Pyrex measuring cup.

When you don't care what you're drinking your booze out of, that's how you know someone's done timed. It's a step up from drinking out of the toilet. Exactly right. Where do you think she mixed the margarita? Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where we have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And you can come see us here live most weeks at the beautiful Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, or see us on the road. We'll be in New Orleans May 25th, or catch us at Tanglewood in western Massachusetts on June 22nd. And the Wait, Wait, Stand Up Tour is coming to New York City and Boston April 27th and 28th. For information and tickets for all these, go to nprpresents.org.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? My name is Donald Spears from St. Petersburg, Florida. St. Pete, Florida there on the Gulf Coast. It's a beautiful place. What do you do there? Well, I am a professional Santa Claus and a dungeon master. I feel just because we're a family show,

I should ask, what kind of dungeon? The ones with 20-sided die. Oh, okay, good. Alright. I was a little... Peter, what kind of dungeon? The ones with 20-sided die. Oh, okay, good. All right. I was a little... Peter, what you're talking about involves an OnlyFans account. Yeah, I guess so.

Donald, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a winner. Ready to play? Ready to play. Here's your first Limerick. Since he stopped droning

on about the Giants, my barber's been gaining new clients. He offers no quips, just smiles and snips. And the shop is enveloped in Giants, clients, I don't know.

He rolled a two, ladies and gentlemen. All right. Yes. Natural one, actually. I'll just give it to you. It's silence. Silence? Silence, yeah. A barbershop in San Francisco is now offering haircuts with the option of no talking.

Oh, people here are excited. They're perfect for anyone who hates awkward small talk while getting your haircut. Now you get to enjoy awkward silence. It's called silent mode. So hopefully your barber doesn't think of something he wants to tell you and instead just vibrates across the floor. Now you might think like saying, I don't want to talk to you is insulting to your barber, but you choose it online when you make your appointment, right? Like you do with a silent Uber ride. It is rude, though, to wait until he starts talking about vaccines, and then you yell, silent mode, silent mode. All right, you have two more chances. I'm sure you'll get these. Here we

go. Here's your next line. Please forgive me for acting bizarrely, for allowing the sky to be starry. I just can't put a halt to admitting my faults, but you can't overdo saying sorry. Yes, sorry. Conventional wisdom says over apologizing shows a lack of confidence. But new research says that's not true. Conventional wisdom is very sorry. In a study, this is all true, this researcher asked dozens of strangers at a train station in the rain

if he could borrow their phone. 91% of them said no. But when he said, I'm sorry for the rain, can I borrow your phone? Almost half of the strangers said yes. This could be because the man showed empathy for their shared situation or because those strangers were like, whoa, this guy controls the rain. I'd better let him borrow my phone.

Take this offering, oh mighty Tlaloc of the Aztecs. That is a really weird phrasing. I'm sorry for the rain. Can I borrow your phone? Yeah. I think it kind of works. Like you go up and you say, oh, I'm sorry it's raining. And you're like, yes, it is sad that it's raining. Otherwise we could be out walking around and not getting wet. And then

the person follows up that moment of empathy with a request. I guarantee it was not at a New York train station. Probably not. All right, here is your last limerick. Dino science is coming to grips with the lies that are in movie scripts.

Jurassic effects show a snarling T-Rex, but those teeth were once covered by lips. Yes, there you go. Tyrannosaurus Rexes had lips. Beautiful, moist, sumptuous lips. Strong, but delicate when they needed to be. Firm, supple, and most importantly, in control.

I'm just reading the research paper here. I wonder, how did they know? That is a very good question. They just have bones. I think they found the T-Rex's lip gloss. There you go. Yes. A little compact. McGee, don't be ridiculous. They found the fossilized lip gloss. Do you know how frustrating it would be to give a T-Rex with little arms lip gloss? T-Rex with little arms, lip gloss.

Frustrating for the T-Rex. Well, they made him really long. Very entertaining for us. Bill, how did Donald do in our quiz? Two out of three wins. Donald, congratulations. Congratulations, Donald. Well done. You pulled it off. Thank you very Alan. Well done. You pulled it off. Thank you very much.

Well done. Thank you so much for playing. Hey, it's Mike Danforth. Don't miss this week's bonus episode, Available Now. Oh, my heavens. Paula Poundstone listens back to her first appearance on Wait, Wait. You know what's great, Mike? What?

Is that you wouldn't know that it had been 20 years from my facial skin. And we challenge a listener with questions from that show. Ay, ay, ay, ay. 2001? The only thing I can think of is blackberries. That is nowhere near the right answer. If you sign up for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus, you can hear that now. And you'll be supporting NPR, which, no joke, really matters. Thanks for listening.

Back to the show. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Shane and Nagin each have three. Alonzo has two.

Okay. So, Alonzo, you're in third place. You're going to go up first. The clock will start when you begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Here we go. After being expelled last week, both Justin Jones and Justin Pearson were both reappointed to the statehouse in blank. Tennessee. Yes. On Monday, President Biden signed legislation officially ending blank's designation as a national emergency. Coronavirus. Rupert Murdoch.

Rising. Yes. This week, the U.K. banned an advertisement that encouraged moms to prepare for back-to-school season by blanking. Feeding kids? No, by getting Botox. This week, police in San Francisco made an arrest in connection with the death of the founder of Blank App. Cash App. Yes.

This week, a mother of twins in Argentina called 911 to ask for help because she could not blank. Ah, separate them? You know, like the kids were fighting. No, no, no, no. Thank you for clarifying. Yeah, I know. I wasn't making that bad of a joke.

Thank you for clarifying. No, she had to call 911 or the Argentinian equivalent because she could not tell which kid was which. Oh, my God. Bill, how did Alonzo do in our quiz? Well, you got five right, Alonzo. Ten more points. Total of 12.

You're in the lead. Yay! All right. I'm going to arbitrarily pick Nagin to go next. Here we go. Nagin, fill in the blank. On Wednesday, President Biden marked the 25th anniversary of the Good Friday Agreement while in blank. Ireland?

Yes, Northern Ireland. On Monday, China completed three days of military Good Friday Agreement while in blank. Ireland. Yes, Northern Ireland. On Monday, China completed three days of military drills off the coast of blank. Taiwan. Yes, this week an appeals court restored FDA approval of the blank pill in part. Abortion? Yeah, I can't say either. Abortion pill, yeah. On Tuesday, it was announced that the 2024 Democratic National Convention would take place in blank.

Chicago! Democratic National Convention would take place in blank. Chicago! This week, a man in Michigan who was impersonating a police officer was caught after he blanked. His mustache fell off. After he tried to pull over an actual police officer. On Wednesday, the airport

in Fort Lauderdale was forced to close for several days as torrential blanks hit that region of Florida. Torrential downs hit that region of Florida. Torrential downfalls? Close enough rainstorms. On Thursday, China reported the first human death from the new strain of blank flu. Bird flu. Yes.

This week, a mall in Canada had to apologize after several shoppers blanked during an Easter egg hunt. Were doused in maple syrup. No, after several shoppers pushed over little kids to get to the eggs. In an apology posted on Facebook, the mall said they did not expect adults to be so excited about the Easter egg hunt and definitely did not expect them to start tackling kids to get to the eggs. But if that's the case, maybe they shouldn't have advertised it as Good Friday meets Black Friday. Bill, how did Nagin do in our quiz?

Breaking news. Nagin got six right. Twelve more points. Fifteen puts her in the lead. All right. Bill, how many does Shane need to win? Six to tie and seven to win. All right.

Here we go, Shane. This is for the game. On Tuesday, Alvin Bragg sued Representative Jim Jordan for intimidation in the case against blank. America. No, Donald Trump. On Monday, the State Department officially designated reporter Evan Gershkovich as wrongly detained by blank.

Russia. Yes. On Thursday, an air guardsman was arrested in connection with the leaked documents about the war in blank. Russia. Yes, on Thursday, an air guardsman was arrested in connection with the leaked documents about the war in blank. Ukraine. Right, on Wednesday, Prince Harry said he would attend blank's coronation. Charles. Yes, this week, a glitch in Apple's Find My Phone

feature started notifying users that blank. Time to get up. No, that all their phones were at one random house in Texas. Blank. On Tuesday, a judge ruled that Theranos founder Blank must remain in prison while awaiting appeal. Elizabeth Holmes. Yes, on Thursday, Ghana became the first country

to approve a new vaccine for Blank. For COVID? Malaria. This week, a man who stole an electric scooter from a store in Florida was caught in front of the store while trying to Blank. Get into Clarence Thomas' RV. No, while...

While trying to assemble the scooter to make his getaway. Bill, did Shane do well enough to win? But he got four right, eight more points. His 11 falls short of Nagin's 15. Congratulations to our champion.

Yay, Negin. Thank you. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the most surprising tax write-off claimed this year. But first, let me tell you,

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Aircraft Productions, Doug Berman, benevolent overlord, Philip Godeka, Redstone Limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell.

Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. B.J. Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Grimbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. The phantom of our opera is Peter Gwynn. This week, we have to say goodbye to our intern, Vaishnavi Naidoo.

Vaish, thank you for all your work each week and for teaching us what fireball is. We hope your future brings you much success, a few more thumbtacks

for your Zoom backdrop, and better liquor. Technical direction is from Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller, our production manager is Robert Newhouse, our senior producer is Ian Chilog

And the executive producer of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me Is Mike Hashtag Resort Life Danforth Now panel, what will be the tax write-offs we're all talking about? Shane O'Neill Members of Destiny's Child who deducted for their dependents And also all the women who are independent Alonzo Bowden Donald Trump's going to start deducting travel

to his various indictments Naguib Farsad This one's for the ladies Every time a man tells you to smile you get to deduct that from your taxes Well if any of that happens we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Alonzo Bowden, Shane O'Neill, and Nagin Farsad. Thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal. We will see you next week. This is NPR.