Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Maggie Smith

Episode Date: August 5, 2023

Maggie Smith is one of the world's most beloved poets. She joins us to talk about her new memoir, how she owes her fame to Starbucks, and why her mom may get banned from the library.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WPEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I've got three reasons you should keep listening. Bill freaking Curtis. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. So great to see you all. This, for the listeners at home, is Lollapalooza weekend in Chicago with that enormous music festival happening literally across the street from us. So a quick note,

if you are 19, high on Molly, and somehow found yourself in this theater, I'm sorry, this is not Billie Eilish, this is Billy Curtis. Later on, we're going to be talking to the poet maggie smith but you can beat all the crowds and call in now the number is one triple eight wait wait that's one eight eight eight nine two four eight nine two four now let's welcome our first listener contestant how you were on wait wait don't tell me hey peter this is grover brown calling from jacksonville alabama grover grover brown what do you do there in Jacksonville? Well, I'm actually a professor of biology at the local university, and I'm a turtle biologist. I'm sorry,

you're a what? A turtle biologist. A turtle biologist! So maybe you can answer a question I've always had about turtles. How do they get in there? Well, you know, they're a part of their shell, Peter. They just are born with it. Wow. Well, welcome to the show, Grover. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, he's a senior video editor at the New York Times. That's our friend Shane O'Neill.

Hi, Grover. How are you? Hey, Shane. Doing great. I'm happy to hear it. Next, it's a comedian you can see on New York's Little Island with Joe Firestone on August 9th. Tickets at littleisland.org.

It's Emmy Blotnick. Hello! Finally, a comedian you can see at the Kansas City Irish Festival September 1st through the 3rd in Kansas City, Missouri. It's Adam Burke. Hello. Hi, Adam. Well, Grover, welcome to the show.

You, of course, are going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read for you three quotes from this week's news. Your job, correctly classify them. If you like, do that two times. Out of three, you'll win our prize, the voicemail of anyone you might choose, from us to you. Are you ready to play? Absolutely. All right. Here is your first quote. I need

one more indictment to ensure my election. That real quote was someone responding to news that he has been, in fact, indicted for the third time this week who was it Trump yes Trump Donald Trump was finally indicted yes we pop through the correct answer as I said we are sure that you are merely clapping for Grover's correct answer. Donald Trump was finally indicted for trying to overthrow the results of the 2020 election. This is his third indictment, or as he thinks of it, his Melania indictment. Now, this indictment is actually a huge deal

because of all his supporters who said, look, I love Trump, we'll never abandon him no matter what he does, unless he's indicted for a third time. It does feel like he's normalizing getting indicted. Like, oh, I only got indicted once. You know, it's not three times. Now, what's interesting is that this indictment, back to Mr. Trump,

like the last two, has only helped Trump in the polls. Chalk another one up to our nation's controversial three strikes your president I Do like that one of their defenses is that lying isn't against the law it isn't that's the most American thing I've ever heard really is like you can take everything else from us, but you cannot take our It's the thing we're best at. We've exported it around the

world. Now we're worried the Chinese are getting really good at it. So the last thing you want

to do. Did you guys watch it? I'm curious. Were you interested enough to say watch on Thursday

the wall-to-wall coverage of the OJ car chase-like coverage of his plane landing and the cars going to the courthouse and back.

No, catch the next one. Shane, are you just going to binge them all? All right. Grover, your next quote is from Adele, addressing a recent audience of hers. I freaking dare you. Throw something at me and I'll freaking kill you. What disruptive new trend has been annoying live performers everywhere? Audience members throwing things at the singers.

Yes, that's exactly right. It's been happening all over. Artists from, yes, you can applaud for that too. Yes, artists from Harry Styles to Drake to most recently Cardi B have had audience members throw phones, drinks, and other things at them doing performances and they're complaining. Are today's performers just getting soft? Seriously, you never heard Tom Jones say,

those panties could have hurt someone. This is true though. Harry Styles encourages his fans to throw boas at the stage. Does he really? Yeah, that's the whole thing. He was ahead of the curve. Not the snake. No. I didn't ask. I brought both. Before we go into that story, isn't it weird to hear Adele, of all people, threaten to kill someone? I mean, she seems so nice, but then you remember, we've heard a lot of songs about her exes, but we've never seen one of her exes. The only part of that quote I don't believe is that she said, freaking. No.

I will say comedians are not that impressed by all of this. I was about to say. You guys have all performed as comedians one time or another. Are you sympathetic to these people that are like, you should see some of the things that got thrown at me?

I like the notion that they're going to start, that these famous musicians are going to start hiring comedians as dodging consultants. You just can't throw heavy stuff. Can that be? Can that be a rule? If we're going to negotiate with terrorists, please don't throw heavy things. Well, it is true, for example, that somebody threw a wheel of brie cheese at Pink, right?

Which, you know, is nice because, you know, it's a soft cheese. True. I will say, this explains why I saw so many of the Lollapalooza kids in bathing cages earlier today, practicing their windup. By the way, just don't do this at a Lizzo concert, or she'll throw one of her backup dancers. Grover, your last quote is from a cameo video sent by a comedian to one of his biggest fans. Thanks for being a fan, man.

I really hope that you find somebody. Just not her. This guy is one of many celebrities on Cameo, the paid messaging service, who are being paid to help people do what? Ooh, I don't know. Can I get a hint? Well, it's the sort of thing that a lot of people just don't want to do themselves. So they're basically hiring D-list

celebrities to do it for them. Is it breaking up with someone? It is breaking up with people. So Cameo, you know, it's the service, you pay a sliding fee, you get a celebrity to say something you want them to say. It's become a popular vehicle for delivering messages that are kind of hard to hear, like breaking up with someone or quitting a job, because nothing eases the pain of bad news like hearing about it from the guy who played Creed on The Office. I find the whole thing weird. I mean, how do you pick the person to do it, right? Who's the most appropriate person to give, like, really bad news?

Like... What's your budget? Yeah, I know. I think you can get Ken Bone for $40. Yes. It's me, Worf, from Star Trek. Set phasers to, you have cancer. And while we're on it, I just want to

update everybody that Ken Bone's cameo price is now $20. I can afford to break up with two people. Bill, how did Grover do in our quiz? In the words of a turtle, he had a perfect score. Congratulations, and thank you so much for playing. Thanks so much, Peter.

Pleasure. Bye-bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Shane, you've heard of the seven-minute workout, the five-minute workout. A new study finds that there are real benefits if, for just three days a week, you do minute workout. A new study finds that there are real benefits if for just three days a week, you do a workout that is how long? No minutes. No. Well, then why do I

look so good? Yeah. It's actually not, not a minute. Oh, 30 seconds. Lower. 15 seconds. Lower. lower. 15 seconds. Lower. Quicker. Five seconds. Quicker. Two seconds? Not that quick. Damn. Three seconds. Three seconds. Yes, the three second workout. This is true. The study showed

that people saw strength gains from doing one bicep curl three days a week. One. Not only is it efficient, it's almost impossible to lose count halfway through. And one. Can I point out that there's now audio out there of you going lower, quicker, not that quick? It's going to be, it's going to be Lee Perfect. Yeah, I know. Well, I guess it's time to start my own cameo.

And what's interesting is that this is a follow-up study to one that had proved that there's a benefit from doing a three-second one-bicep curl workout five days a week. And they were like, well, what if you do just three? You still get a benefit, right? But you'll be happy to know if you do less than three, you don't get any benefit. So even with a three-second workout regime,

there's still a way to slack off. Was this study funded by, like, the laziest man in the world? It was. Like, is there just someone, like, sitting back in a giant chaise longue with his eight in a very decadent eclair going, how about one bicep curl? Yeah. That do you mean it does?

It does people good. So now you know, right? Who was in the control group? Like, someone in a straight jacket No people who didn't know bicep curls I mean that I fall into that group, but I don't have the time for this workout plan There's a three second workout plan. No, you're just too busy. You can't fit it in. Can they just make everyday objects heavier?

So we have no choice but to do this just put like lead in a I was going to say lead in a thing of milk no we did that in this country and it didn't work out well Adam up down up down coming up dun dun

it's a courtroom bluff to listen again call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY we'll be back in a minute with more of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Emmy Blotnick, Adam Burke, and Shane O'Neill. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you, Bill.

Thanks, everybody. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi there. Hi, who's this? This is Faye in Denver, Colorado. Oh my gosh, I love Denver. What do you do there? I'm a massage therapist. Of course you are, because you live in Denver. They need that. They're outside a lot. They're moving around. They need massage. It's noble work. It is. And you get outside a lot like everybody in Denver does? Oh I do, but we have lots of

Parks right in town too So there's something nearby Everywhere you go Just stop lording it over the rest of us Well, Faye, welcome to the show You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction Bill, what is Faye's topic? You're out of order This whole courtroom is out of order. The judicial system is designed to protect you, whether you're a star witness or unnamed co-conspirator number

one, but sometimes things go awry. Our panelists are going to tell you about a possible miscarriage of justice in the news this week. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. Okay. First, let's hear from Shane O'Neill. Amanda Harris was a bad girl. A very, very bad girl. She stands accused of nine criminal counts that include wire fraud and money laundering in connection to her pet grooming business, Poochie Mamas, in El Rido, New Mexico. Ms. Harris successfully petitioned the court to allow her to bring her beloved dog, Yo-Yo, to the courtroom as an emotional support animal during the proceedings.

It was a decision the judge would live to regret. Every time Yo-Yo heard the word objection, the schnauzer, teacup poodle, chihuahua mix would yip and perform a backflip. The act delighted the jury, but not so much Judge Vanessa Speer. Unfortunately, shouting order prompted Yo-Yo to approach the bench, leap from the ledge of the witness stand to the judge's lap, fetch the gavel, and proudly drop it at the feet of the defendant. After Ms. Harris admitted that she had planned the shenanigans as an attempt to bring levity to a difficult situation.

Judge Speer responded by asking, Who's in contempt? Who's in contempt of the court? You are! He is you! A woman trains her dog to torment the judge in her own trial. Your next story of courting trouble comes from Emmy Blotnick. A mistrial was declared in a Las Vegas grand larceny case after a juror and the defendant were seen to have the same tattoo. The juror sat in court every day wearing short sleeves, which revealed his tattoo of a smiling Satan with the words, the devil didn't make me do it, I volunteered. A week later, on the day the jury was receiving

final instructions, the defendant was also wearing a short-sleeved shirt with a suspiciously fresh-looking identical tattoo. The juror says observers clearly noticed, and the defendant noticed him noticing. Winks were exchanged, and later that day, the men were seen in the parking lot high-fiving about it. Called before the judge and lawyers the next morning, the juror said that

he had never seen anyone with that same tattoo before, and he was sure that just because the defendant was clearly, quote, a fellow devil dude, he could still consider the case fairly. The judge was forced to declare a mistrial, meaning that the defendant was free to go for now. What will he do? Find a tattoo removal shop, he said. A defendant suddenly appears with the same tattoo as a juror and manages to get a mistrial. Your last story of imprudent jurisprudence comes from Adam Burke. You'd think being immortalized as a fictional character would be flattering, but not always. William Hurst hated the movie Citizen Kane, Rupert Murdoch is purportedly less

than thrilled by the character of Logan Roy on Succession, and Matthew McConaughey has long claimed to be the unwilling inspiration for Captain Underpants. And then there's James Dondero, a hedge fund manager from Dallas, Texas, who claims to be the model for Cade Graham, the chief antagonist of Hedging Death, a self-published legal thriller by one Stacey Jenigan. The problem is that Jenigan also happens to be Judge Jenigan, who's presiding over a long-running bankruptcy case involving, you guessed it, Dondero. He believes that the similarities between himself and the novel's bad guy described as, quote, a real piece of work,

a ton of people hate him, which apparently prompted this dude to go, yeah, that's me, all right. It's sufficient reason to have the judge recuse herself from the case. In case you're wondering, the novel that prompted James Dondero's ire has been getting four-star reviews on Amazon, except for a single one-star review that characterizes it as terribly written, and it's signed simply, Jim. It's yet to be seen whether Judge Jannigan will recuse herself from Dondero's case, or just, you know, throw the book at him. All right. One of these things went on in a courtroom recently somewhere in this country.

Was it from Shane O'Neill, a woman who trained her dog to torment the judge at her own trial, from Emmy Blotnick, a defendant who apparently just happened to get the same tattoo as a juror and won his sympathy and got a mistrial, or a defendant who claims that the judge used him

as the villain in her own novel and thus wants a new judge. Which of these is the real story of a courtroom drama? These are weird. I'm going to go with the third one. You're going to go with the third? Yeah, definitely. All right, you're going to go with the third one. You're going to go with the third? Yeah, definitely. All right. You're going to go for the third one, then Adam's story.

Well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to a reporter covering the real story. Judge Jernigan wrote a book called Hedging Death. Dondero claims that's me in the book, and that shows that there's a bias on the judge's part. Get her off his case. That was Irving Mejia Hilario, a business reporter for the Dallas Morning News, talking about the story of a judge slash novelist's unlikely muse. Congratulations, you got it right.

You earned a point for Adam Burke, and you have won our prize, the voicemail, if anyone. You might choose. Well done, Faye. Have fun. Thank you. Take care. Have fun. Thank you. Take care.

And now the game where people who are very good at one thing try something nobody should ever be good at. We call it Not My Job. So you've heard of viral videos and viral fads, but as far as we know, our guest today is the world's first viral poet. Maggie Smith's poem, Good Bones, instantly rocketed to fame on Twitter and elsewhere. It ended up with Meryl Streep reciting it at an awards gala. Maggie has written many other things,

including a best-selling memoir titled You Could Make This Place Beautiful, and she joins us now. Maggie Smith, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello. Hi. I was one of those people who started seeing on Twitter like every other tweet was somebody tweeting your poem because it meant so much to them, which was amazing to see. And I know this is like asking James Taylor about Fire and Rain, but can you tell me about the poem Good Bones? I mean, where did it come from? Where did you write it? I'm ashamed to say that I wrote it at a Starbucks.

On the back of a receipt, I hope. On a cocktail napkin? No, on a legal pad, which is where I do most of my writing, you know, affordable implements for poets. It's very important. Yes. So suddenly this poem you wrote in a Starbucks is everywhere. And how weird did that get? It's still weird. This is pretty weird.

Yeah. You wrote a poem and then you get to be on this NPR quiz show. Yeah, this might be peak weirdness. It really is, yeah. I would be so sad if it's all downhill after here, though, so I hope it's not. But it was on an episode of Madam Secretary, a primetime TV drama, right? Yeah, it was on Madam Secretary. My mom was like, finally a story about poetry I can tell my friends. I've actually been wondering about this because I've read your memoir and I know that this is what you have always done and all you ever wanted to do, which was to be a writer and a poet. And I'm just going to guess, both having

parents and being one myself, that yours were not that thrilled with that career ambition? that yours were not that thrilled with that career ambition? I swear. I mean, maybe secretly they were not, but I majored in creative writing, women's studies, and minored in philosophy. And all of those things just, right? They all scream living in your parents' basement forever. But living there thoughtfully. Very, very, in a very discerning and meaningful way.

But I imagine, again, now that you are perhaps the most famous poet in America, maybe they're like, they're proud and they're like, you know, they're bragging. Oh, they're proud. My mom said, I went into the library the other day and I asked if they had your books. And then they brought up all these books and they said, yes, we carry them, but we don't have any. They're out on reserve right now.

Can we put you on the list? And she said, no, I'm her mother. I just wanted to make sure you carried them. You go, mom. You go, Mom! So, so, I... That's so weird, a mother trying to make sure that books are in libraries. Yeah, I know. Nice to hear about an exception these days, that's true.

Yeah. That's true. Yeah. I'm just going to say maybe that after this particular poem went viral and became incredibly popular and Meryl Streep is reading it out loud to people, it must have been hard to sit down and write the next one. It was. I sort of had to, like, how do you write another song after your radio hit? Yeah. and i feel very lucky as a poet that there was no like manager or a and r guy or like anybody in a slick suit who was like we need to we need good bones too like we need to make this magic happen again i gotta be honest though i would read two bones too furious it's the the Tokyo Drift one. I see.

Yeah. So your new book is You Can Make This Place Beautiful. And it's about your divorce. And the success of the book has kind of turned you into a divorce whisperer. Is that right? It's sort of a thing. I get a lot of mail. Sometimes care of my local bookstore.

That's sweet. People know my local bookstore. They'll send me mail. Occasionally, my local bakery gets mail for me. Okay, that's creepy. Well, it's only creepy because it means people know that I have a carb problem. Yeah. Can you please tell me that your local bakery is called Good Scones? Oh! Yeah. Can you please tell me that your local bakery is called Good Scones? Oh.

Oh. Oh, they really should. They really should. I have to ask you this. With your best-selling book, have you ever been booked for, like, a literary festival or an appearance, or for that matter, a radio appearance, by people who think that you are Dame Maggie Smith, the acclaimed British

actress? I have never been booked for something live, but I receive a lot of Harry Potter fan mail. And I have... People are writing to Professor McGonagall to complain about their divorces? Well, it's sort of separate fan mail, but I did get one... I think it's been taken down,

but one Amazon review of my memoir that was titled Fraud, and it was all about how the person bought the book thinking that it was by the right Maggie Smith, and I'm in fact the wrong one. Exactly, yeah. Well, Maggie Smith, it is just great to talk to you, and we have asked you here to play a game we're calling Meet the Other Maggie Smith. No, not that one. The Other, other Maggie Smith. So as we have established, you are often confused for the other Maggie Smith, the British actor, dame of the British Empire, Maggie Smith.

But we are not going to stoop to asking you about her. No, we are going to ask you three questions about three completely different Maggie Smiths. So answer two of these three correctly, you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is this Maggie Smiths. So answer two of these three correctly, you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is this Maggie Smith playing for? Maggie Smith of Chicago, Illinois. That's right. You, Maggie Smith, are going to be answering questions about three other Maggie Smiths

on behalf of a, one, two, three, four, fifth Maggie Smith. Okay. Here we go. First question. Your first Maggie Smith, Margaret Smith Taylor, was the country's first lady, married to President Zachary Taylor. Mrs. Taylor was famous for devoting herself to what activity while she was in the White House?

A, encouraging children to learn the useful art of butchery. B, lobbying to paint the White House a more pleasing color like peach. Or C, nothing. She refused to do any of the duties of the First Lady. Oh, if I were the First Lady, I would probably just want to put my feet up, and maybe I would go with C. Well, that's the answer, C. She refused to do anything. And when something needed to be done, like host a party, she made their daughter do it. There you go. Here's your next question. Margaret Chase Smith, she was the first senator, woman senator, to be elected in

her own right. She served during the late 40s and 50s. She was once asked what she would do, because of her potential ambition, if she were to wake up to find herself in the White House. What did she say in response? A, I'd go straight to Mrs. Truman and apologize, then I would go home. B, I'd tell my husband he'd better get used to smiling quietly behind me. Or C, I would declare a new Manhattan project, but to invent dresses with pockets. I mean, I'm sort of partial to B. Partial to B, to tell your husband that he better get used to standing behind her? Is that your choice? That's my choice.

No, it was actually A. She said, I would immediately apologize to Mrs. Truman and go home. She had a wit, Margaret J. Smith did. All right, here's your last question. Some Margaret's or Maggie Smith's, of course, change their name when they marry. And on one occasion, it fit their career perfectly as in which of these? A, tennis champion Margaret Smith court. B, taxidermist Margaret Smith hide.

Or C, killer Margaret Smith killer. I so want it to be C Don't we all I mean it feels like it's A but I really want it to be C Peter Well you have a choice I'm going with C You're going to go with C

I have to respect that. It was, of course, A. Margaret Court. And interestingly enough, Margaret Smith was already a renowned tennis champion when she married Mr. Court, so she must have done it just for the name.

Bill, how did Maggie Smith do in our quiz? She got two out of three wrong. But she still has good bones. Yeah. Well done. What a gesture. Maggie Smith's beautiful, moving, and often very funny book is You Could Make This Place Beautiful. Maggie Smith, thank you so much for joining us on

WhiteWay.com. That was great. Yay. In just a minute, the one thing you definitely should not be doing when you look in the mirror, that's in our listener limerick challenge, call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Adam Burke, Shane O'Neill, and Emmy Blotnick. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, see why Bill says when it's time for a limerick, you want him-erick. Maggie's not worried by now. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news.

Shane, with Barbie mania still in full force, there are even more product tie-ins coming out. Now you can get, for yourself or a loved one, a pink Barbie-themed what? House. Not exactly. Car. No.

Trailer. No. It's not exactly a house? Is that a hint? No. Am I reading too much into that? House. Not exactly. Car. Trailer. It's not exactly a house? Is that a hint? Am I reading too much into that? No. It is perfect if your dream house would be a mausoleum. Oh my god, pink casket!

Yes, a coffin. A Barbie-themed coffin. There you are. It does seem more like an Oppenheimer thing, but okay. So one funeral home in Mexico is showcasing this hot pink coffin with white stars that is way more glamorous than your traditional coffin. They put the fun in funeral. And the girl power in the girl was electrocuted during the power surge.

First of all, does it have like the clear plastic front? I would hope so, Like the Barbie box. That's what they should do. So it turns you from being a corpse into a collectible. That would be great. Yeah, that'd be great. Does it have any grave robbers that'd be kind of like, don't touch it, it's priceless. It would be so sad, though, when they

see, you know, the Undertakers come and tie your limbs down to the box with those little silver ties. Now, now with those little silver ties. Now, now with great decaying action. Adam, this week, a zoo in China had to take to the public airwaves

to assure everyone that one of their bears is not, in fact, what? They had to prove to people that their bears weren't humans in a bear costume. That's exactly right. That it was not in fact a person

in a bear suit. This week, viral footage of a type of bear at the zoo called a sun bear just standing on its hind legs in its enclosure waving to the crowd had people all over the world demanding to know

if that bear is actually a human in a bear costume. Have you guys seen this, the other two? I saw that same bear drop his trousers to use the urinal. There were fur pants touching the floor. Because a bear might poop in the woods, but... Zoos are pretty depressing. I think I'd like it more if it was just humans dressed up as animals. Really? You don't think that would be sad?

Like they'd have to be reduced to having humans in bear suits at the zoo? No, but that means all the real... He's saying all the real bears would be free. Yeah, I see. All the real bears could take the humans' jobs. Yeah. Oh, wow. Shane, this week a real estate agent in Canada was fined $20,000 after he did what in a house he was showing?

He was fined $20,000 for doing blank in a house. Showering. No. Living there. No. Can I get a hint? Yes, the evidence was a little white mustache. Oh, well, so he was either, like, milking a cow or doing cocaine?

Was he drinking, like, the milk from the fridge? Yes, he chugged a carton of milk in the fridge and that cost him $20,000. As your grandma told you, why buy the house when you can get the milk for free? So what happened was, the realtor says, is that he was really thirsty and he couldn't find any water in the house. So he opened up the refrigerator and there's a carton of milk. So he just grabbed it and like chugged half of it and then went out and showed the house. It's like, oh, thanks for coming, everybody. Don't let the milk running down my face and shirt distract you from the primary bedroom with the en suite bath. His excuse was he couldn't find water? Yes, and they shouldn't

have yelled at him. They should have been thrilled that he's willing to take on the challenge of selling a house with no running water. I mean, what? That explains why there's benches all over the town with his rival realtor with just a quote that just says, I won't drink your milk. Hey, Mike Danforth, Wait Wait executive producer here with a plug for our quiz game, the Wait Wait Wayback Machine. It's a game we play with a Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me plus listener where we challenge them with questions from the show that are no joke. Oh, uh. 20 years old.

Was that Freedom Fries? Play along. Henry Kissinger? For news trivia, you'll be surprised you remember. Clown Babies? Or wish you could forget. Kim Jong-un. Was that Czechoslovakia?

It was, of course, Joe Lieberman. Oh, yeah. We play with a new contestant every few weeks. You can listen and learn how to enter for a chance to play if you're a Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus supporter. If you're not, you can sign up on our show page in apple podcasts or at plus.npr.org coming up it's lightning fill in the blank but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme if you'd like to play on air call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT that's 1-888-924-8924 you can also join us here most weeks at the studebaker theater in chicago

or in los angeles at the greek theater on september Plus, the Wait, Wait stand-up tour is headed to the Fitzgerald Theatre in St. Paul, Minnesota on August 18th, and the Uptown Theatre in Kansas City, Missouri on August 19th. Tickets and info about those shows and more can be found at nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, everyone. This is Justin Minkel, and I'm calling in from Fayetteville, Arkansas. Oh, hey, how are things in Fayetteville? They're like moderately apocalyptic. It's like, you know, 101. You know, that's not so bad. Moderate on the apocalypse scale. You're doing

all right, man. You're doing all right. Well, it's nice to talk to you, Justin. You, of course, are going to play the game in which you have to complete a rhyme. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks. Last word we'll be missing. You fill that in two times out of three, you will win our prize. Ready to go? Yep. All right. Here is your first limerick.

It's a sauce boat for kids, not the Navy. It's on tracks that are hilly and wavy. The theme of this ride is a flavorful side. It's a coaster that's turkey with gravy. Yes, the Holiday World

Amusement Park in Indiana has announced a new roller coaster with the theme of gravy. Now I know what you're thinking. Why didn't they make it a gravy log flume? That would be a delicious splash zone. The roller coaster is called Good Gravy.

You get in a gravy boat-shaped car and you go on this wonderful journey, including through a can of cranberry sauce. If that sounds exciting to you, Holiday World in Indiana is full of different holiday-themed attractions. That's the gimmick. Good gravy, part of the Thanksgiving section. Santa's sleigh, of course, in the Christmas section. And be sure to hide your firstborn child over in Passover land. So, the executives are in a boardroom and they're just like there's gotta be a way to make people throw up more i know here is your next limerick i want to look lean fit and cut so i'm holding my

breath as i strut i I suck belly to spine. Now my health's in decline. I got sick because I suck at my gut. Yes, terrible news for people with dad bods. Doctors say sucking in your gut to appear thinner could lead to breathing problems, lightheadedness, incontinence, and sexual dysfunction. But it's worth it. Instead of sucking in your gut to appear thinner, they suggest adopting a more healthy lifestyle, eating nutritional foods, getting regular exercise, or you know what's easier? Just never exhaling. Here is your last limerick.

In the dirt that was frozen and firm lived a species which might make us squirm. Perhaps its new fate is his modern fish bait. We're defrosting a late ice age worm. Yes! A group of researchers in Germany successfully revived a worm that had been frozen in the Siberian permafrost for

over 46,000 years. The researchers are understandably thrilled with their discovery. Meanwhile, the worm just woke up after 46,000 years and was immediately like, wait, who's worm president? Do they have a worm button on their microwaves?

Is that how they did it? Oh, you know, you never use the worm button when you're thawing a worm. It burns the worm. Oh, you've got to just leave it out on the counter. Exactly, yeah. I'm really conflicted about this because it's like something awful could happen

like in Jurassic Park, or something really cool could happen like in Encino Man. They took it to a mall where it was immediately squashed because it's a worm. They shouldn't be in malls. Bill, how did Justin do in our quiz? He's Arkansas strong three in a row. You won.

Thanks so much, Peter. Thank you so much, Justin. Now it's on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Shane and Adam each have three. Emmy has one. One.

I accept. All right. Emmy, you are then up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Monday, a ban on almost all incandescent blanks went into effect. Light bulbs?

Yes. On Wednesday, Iran declared two emergency national holidays to help residents deal with the extreme blank. Heat? Yes. This week, grain prices jumped following a Russian strike on a port in blank. Ukraine? Yes.

On Thursday, a woman filed a lawsuit claiming the popular weight loss drug blank had gave her stomach paralysis. Ozempic? Yes. This week, experts in Washington state confirmed that the seismic activity felt near Seattle last week was caused by blank. Lollapalooza? Ha ha ha.

Close. Close. It was Taylor Swift fans at her concert dancing to Shake It Off. Oh, man. 24 hours after its antenna shifted in the wrong direction, NASA regained contact with their blank spacecraft. A satellite. Voyager 2, the one that's way out there. This week, a new study found that healthcare workers were three times more likely to catch COVID if they blank. Mouth kissed. Almost.

If they pick their nose. The study, which was released by Amsterdam University, found that transmission of COVID-19 was far more likely in healthcare workers who picked their noses. And this is one case where we are begging you, please do not do your own research. Bill, how did Emmy do on our quiz? Four right, eight more points, total of nine. You're leading, Emmy.

Well, well. The tables have turned. I'm going to pick Shane arbitrarily to go next. So here we go. Shane, fill in the blank. On Monday, Devin Archer, the former business partner of Blank, testified before the House Oversight Committee. Oh, you know, Walmart.

Hunter Biden. On Wednesday, Canadian officials announced that Blank and his wife were separated. Hunter Biden. On Wednesday, Canadian officials announced that Blank and his wife were separated. Hunter Biden. Justin Trudeau. This week, the family of Henrietta Lacks announces settlement over the use of her so-called immortal Blank cells. Yes. Despite a less-than-stellar showing, the U.S. team advanced to the round of 16 at the Blank World Cup. Yes.

Less than stellar showing, the U.S. team advanced to the round of 16 at the blank. World Cup. Yes, after being tasked with finding out which agency broke with White House policy and engaged with a blacklisted vendor, the FBI discovered it was blank. All out of Styrofoam cups. No, the FBI discovered that it was the FBI. On Wednesday, Adidas sales exceeded expectations after the company sold off leftover merchandise from their collaboration with blank. Run DMC.

Kanye West. According to a new study, blanking strangers' dogs can boost your health. Petting home. Yes. This week, South Carolina representative Nancy Mace went viral when she opened her speech at a prayer breakfast by saying she had skipped Blank to be there. Breakfast? No. Having sex with her fiancé.

Oh, boy. Well, breakfast. Yeah. Oh, having sex with her fiancé. Oh, boy. Well, breakfast. Standard speaking advice, open up with an amusing anecdote. But I was almost late because my fiancé wanted to bang.

Probably isn't appropriate for even a normal breakfast, let alone a prayer breakfast. Bill, how did Shane do on our quiz? Well, he got three right, six more points, but that's enough to tie Emmy. Whoa. So how many then does Adam need to break this logjam and win it? Four to win. All right. Four. Not a lot.

Four. Here we go, Adam. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the financial firm Fitch officially downgraded the U.S. Not a lot. Four. Here we go, Adam. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the financial firm Fitch officially downgraded the U.S.'s blank rating. Credit rating. Yes. According to CDC data, blank is experiencing a summer surge.

COVID. Yes. Following a coup in that country, the U.S. pulled all non-emergency personnel from their embassy in blank. Is it Niger? It is Niger. Yeah. On Monday, actor Paul Rubens, best known for his character Blank,

passed away at the age of 70. Yes. This week, a sheriff in Florida asked residents to please stop calling 911 to report blank. Uh, that everything's going great? No, please stop calling 911 to report manatee orgies. On Monday, Georgia Power

Company announced they had completed tests on the U.S.'s first new blank plant to open in decades. A nuclear? Yes. On Tuesday, Overstock.com officially rebranded itself as blank. Bad Bath & Beyond? Yes, indeed. Following complaints, a town in Japan will no longer distribute flyers to pregnant women, letting them know how to care for blank. Manatee orgies? No, how to care for their husbands after their baby is born. The flyers, which have been handed out for years by the government of

Onomichi City in Japan, were filled with advice for the mothers-to-be, like, quote, your husband won't like it if you're busy taking care of the baby and not doing chores, and quote, don't get frustrated for no reason, unquote. Instead, they advised them to get frustrated for actual reasons, like that your town sent you one of these stupid flyers. Bill, I think he did, but you have to say, to make it official, did Adam do well enough to win? Very well. Six right, 12 more points, 15 gives him the win. There you go. Thank you. It's an Adam-palooza.

It's an Adam Palooza. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what NPR audiences are going to throw at us at our next show. But first, let me tell all of you. Wait, wait, don't tell me. This is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord,

Philip Godega, our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew here at the Studebaker Theatre. B.J. Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Drombos, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Deanna Ortiz and Monica Hickey.

Peter Gwynn is our poet laureate. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now panel, what is going to be thrown at us by our fans? Shane O'Neill?

A case of Merlot from the NPR Wine Club. Emmy Blotnick? Donations. Emmy Blotnick donations and Adam Burke tote bags with the words where's Paula written on them and if any of that happens panel we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Shane O'Neill, Emmy Blotnick, and Adam Burke.

Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. Thanks to all of you at home for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.