Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Martinus Evans

Episode Date: September 9, 2023

Martinus Evans is a fitness influencer and the founder of the radically inclusive Slow AF Run Club. He may be proudly slow, but can he answer our questions about something fast AF, the Concorde jet?Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Call the plumber, because I've got some pipes. I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much. We have a great show for you today. As usual, later on, we're going to be talking to Martinez Evans.

He is a fitness influencer who founded the Slow AF Run Club for everybody who wants to run but isn't fast or doesn't look like a stereotypical runner. And if you don't know what AF means, you're SOL. But we know you

will be family friendly when you call us to play our games. Don't wait. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Ben, and I'm calling in from Queens, New York.

Queens, New York. Hello, Chicago. Well, hello, Queens. What do you do there in the borough of Queens, Ben? I'm a judge. I adjudicate parking violations and red light types of things, and I'm an actor as well. Oh, my God. You're a judge

and an actor. Yeah. So do you ever find yourself indulging your theatrical bug on the bench? As tempting as it is, no, no, really try not to do that. I'm going to choose to believe you. Thank you, I appreciate that. That's because he's such a good actor. He is. He's totally selling me on that. Well, Ben, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, her comedy album, A Very Special Woman, is now on Bandcamp and it's streaming. It's Maeve Higgins. Hi. Hello. Next, an actor and writer you can see improvising and teaching at the Cold Town Theater in Austin, Texas, September 8th and 9th. It's Peter Gross. Hi, Ben. Hey, Peter.

And finally, she writes the Ask Amy Advice column, and you can find her One Good Thing newsletter on Substack. It's Amy Dickinson. Hey. Hi, Ben. Hi, Amy. So, Ben, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, I bet you anticipated this. You will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose in your voicemail. You ready to go? I am ready. All right. Well, then, here is your first quote. Being trapped at that festival seems almost as bad as being trapped in a conversation with someone who went to that festival.

That was Sam Morrow making a funny on Twitter, talking about the thousands of people who were trapped at one festival last week. A Burning Man. Burning Man, yes. Burning Man. Burning Man, yes. Burning Man turned into a disaster this year. Dangerous, unexpected, heavy rains hit the Nevada desert, bathing attendees in mud and stranding thousands

of horny weirdos at the site. It's always hard to watch people suffer. Except this time. This is like fire festival, burning man. Burning fire festival.

I should say, before they all march on our theater, that Burning Man, they'll tell you, is not a festival. It is described by attendees or burners as a week-long festival in the desert about art, free expression, making, and community

building, and described by others as, stop describing it, please, just stop. It takes a week to describe it, I think that's why it takes a week. Exactly, they're out there for a week. Oh, so they don't have bands and comics and stuff? No, they don't. Because I was thinking, how did they leave?

Because I didn't hear, like, oh, like, you two are stuck. No. No, but, like, Diplo and Chris Rock and all these people ended up like walking for miles. Yeah. But they were just there for, they weren't there for work? They were there to participate, to be, to be a part of it. Yeah.

No, it's not like. Were Diplo and Chris Rock walking hand in hand? They were. Chris Rock always holds people's hands nice so they don't slap him. Yeah. Whoa. As you say, what happened was the mud got so bad that all the vehicles became unusable

and many people were forced to just try to get out on foot walking as much as six miles to the nearest road. Now, that's not too far to walk, but it is too far to unicycle naked while wearing neon lights, so many are still trapped. It should also not be raining in the Nevada desert. Yeah, they saw two, in just 24

hours, they saw two months worth of rain and a lifetime's worth of white women with dreadlocks. A deluge. a deluge alright very good here is your next quote hot bedding is a bad idea right? so that was an article about hot bedding which is a new business trend of

renting out half of your what to complete strangers half of your bed? yes exactly half of your bed I Yes, exactly. Half of your bed. I could tell you were about to overthink it. Oh, Ben, you're going to be adjudicating some really fun

disputes. It's a real thing. It's called hut bedding. And we already know through Airbnb, VRBO, people rent out their homes or maybe their spare rooms. Now people are renting out the other side of their bed. What could possibly go wrong? And before you ask, they have to offer that to you. You don't get to choose whose bed it is. No showing up at someone's house and saying,

hi, I'm Phil and I like to be the big spoon. This is just like a one-night stand, but commodified. Well, no, it's not like that. It's not like that. There's another thing that that is, Peter. That's what I was wondering. Is it an ancient business? An old profession. Some might say the oldest business.

That's what I was just wondering. No, no, we are assured it's not like that. One hotbedder was interviewed. She's in Australia. She remarked that, quote, hotbedding is excellent for people who can detach emotionally and just sleep, unquote. And you have never read an interview

in any kind of journal where the phrase it's not weird came up more often than in this one. Also, I have to say, I know the way I sleep. If I was to advertise this, I would have to say, like, whatever it is. Like, 90 bucks, like, you know, this is the bed. It's such and such. I bought it at this store. You will be hit in the face with my hand at some point in the middle of the night.

I don't sleep like a sardine in a can. I sleep like an active five-year-old boy, like I have to eat an ice cream or something like that. And it may be just a coincidence, but this was also the week that Airbnbs became effectively illegal in New York City, right? Did you know this? Yes. This is happening. Sorry, tourists, you'll have to get bed bugs at a hotel like the rest of us. All right, very good, Ben. Here is your last quote. It really tastes like water. Now, that was a big beverage executive describing their company's new sports drink. It's water-flavored what?

Water-flavored energy drink? So close. Probably the biggest, most famous brand of energy drink. Oh, Gatorade. Gatorade, yes. Yeah. Yeah, whoa. This is true.

This new product is just called Gatorade Unflavored Water, which is a surprise. I would have put my money on Fierce Electric H2 Boom. Gatorade, of course, is the company behind such popular drink flavors as Bright Yellow and Disquieting Green. Ecto Cooler, please. Exactly. They have brought us Gatorade water,

which they say has all the electrolytes and cost of Gatorade with none of the color or taste. And, you know, before you get, you know, skeptical about this, it's a huge victory for coaches at the end of big games who are going to be much less sticky. Yes. Didn't they try and do anything with, like,

water Gatorade? You know, like, it'll give you the power to break into the DNC. A water... Water Gatorade? Yeah, that's a historic... Water Gatorade. Water Gatorade. That's about this thing that happened in America you guys probably don't know about. No, no.

I love that. Water Gatorade. When you think about it, you know, because Gatorade for literally decades has been saying, don't hydrate with water, use Gatorade. So this is actually kind of a surrender, right? I mean, they're actually admitting after all these years, you should just drink water. This is like the Ford Motor Company coming out with their latest product, a pair of legs.

Or a horse. It's a Ford brand horse. It's a Mustang. Really? Bill, how did Ben do on our quiz? His honor came back with the verdict of 3-0. Congratulations, Judge. Well done, Ben.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thanks for playing. Take care. Thank you, too. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Amy, you are being spied on.

I knew it! Yes. Data is being gathered about your activities, your movements, your activities, your movements, your weight, your mood, even your sex life. Who or what is spying on you? I mean, I could say my phone. Bigger than your phone? It's bigger than my phone. Is it my car? It is your car. Damn it, I knew it. You knew there was something, the way it would sort of snicker every time you got in it. Yes.

Maybe like, oh, again? Drive-thru Duncan again? The Mozilla Foundation is a privacy advocacy group, and in a new report it says, nobody is worse about collecting all your private information and selling it, including your sexual activity, than the car companies. We do not know how your car collects info like that, just that Nissan and some other companies explicitly say

they can collect information on your sexual activity in that release form you did not read before signing it. You know, my car does have those heated seats. Right, and that's how it knows. I'm just saying. And if the seats ever get hot without you turning it on, it knows, right? It's seen some things.

I can imagine. What do they do with that? Like, who is buying people's sexual activity? Like, what companies are like, you know, and I would improve our business is knowing how much these people have sex and how often. Well, no, I think maybe a car company would be interested in that because they're all, that's kind of sexualized.

You know how they call cars, like, you know, like probe and like finger and stuff like that. Finger. The finger? The Nissan finger. We've just received so much insight. The finger? The Nissan finger. We've just received so much insight in such a short time.

Or, okay, not, but like Dodge, you know. Ram! Ram! I got a Detroit original American dream And on the green light I make her engine scream

When I put my foot down she really really peels, like she got sawdust under her wheels. I tell you, man, she's unreal. She's a first-class, super-fast automobile. A first-class, super-fast automobile. Coming up, it's a hot, hot, hot and humid Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WVEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Amy Dickinson, Maeve Higgins, and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you all so much. Thank you so much.

Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Lori. Hey, Lori, where are you calling from? I'm calling from University City, Missouri, a suburb of St. Louis. A suburb of St. Louis.

Okay, that's great. I love St. Louis. I've had many a good time there. What do you do there? For 37 years, I've owned silver jewelry stores. Really? Silver jewelry stores? Correct.

Wow. So you're like a mogul, a silver mogul. You have stores. Well, let's not go crazy. I know. Well, welcome to the show, Lori. You're going to play our game on which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Lori's topic?

Endless summer. All right. Pool parties, barbecues, constantly leaving butt prints of sweat on your car seat. Why does summer ever have to end? Well, this week we heard a story about somebody for whom the summer

of 2023 will never end. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one. You'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? I am ready. All right. First, let's hear from Maeve Higgins. Sad news from the New York Post. Young woman lives life as a widow and a killer. Summer in the city is a steamy good time. Romance is in the air.

At least it was for Caitlin Douglas. She fell in love with Michael. Michael was new in town and gorgeous. Michael spotted Caitlin across the park and she spotted him right back. It was inevitable that she would because he was a spotted lanternfly. Everything was great at first. Douglas told the newspaper, we met when he was still a nymph and I would joke that that made me a nymphomaniac. Michael and Caitlin were married last June, under a tree of heaven, which Michael later destroyed.

Because of behaviour like that, the government ordered all New York City residents to crush, stomp and swat every spotted lanternfly they could see. Caitlin knew what she had to do. As Michael hovered over her in their marital bed one August night, she clapped her hands once and crushed her new husband between her palms. She's quoted, I miss him every day, but I've got his hot little body pinned up in my office, and that's a comfort to me. That's from the New York Post. Oh, that's from the New York Post.

I know. A woman will always remember her doomed romance from 2023 because it was with an invasive species of insect. Your next story of indelible dog days comes from Peter Gross. 25-year-old Paul Tweed of Homewood, Illinois, has always loved birds. Earlier this summer, he lost his job delivering pizza for local haunt Aurelios and decided to follow his true passion and make birds his business. Hoping to connect people who want to buy and sell birds, Paul turned to Twitter. I figured I would have some fun on Twitter with my name being Tweed, Paul told the HF Chronicle.

He started the account Tweed's Twitter Tweety Birds and came up with the slogan Tweet at Tweed for Twomendous Tweedies, which he painted on his car and even tattooed across his chest. Then, on July 23rd, the hammer fell. Twitter changed its name to X. All that hard work went out the twindo. Paul quickly pivoted. My middle name is Xavier, so I changed my account's name to X's Exciting Exotics. Then he told followers to X at X with your X-rated pics.

And now he has a very different presence online. A poor man named Paul Tweed based his whole business idea on Twitter, and then Elon changed the name to X. Your last story of summer continued. Comes from Amy Dickinson. How was your summer? You know what? It really doesn't matter because you could have had the best summer of your life and still not come close to a certain low-key retired professor

from Massachusetts. Why? Because her name is Barbie Oppenheimer. Her real name is Barbara Oppenheimer, but she was Barbie as a kid, and until this summer, she inhabited her sort of awkward name quietly. What choice did she have? But then, Barbenheimer blew up. People thought she must be faking it. After all, didn't she call herself Erin Brockovich Gladiator for a brief period about 20 years ago? No. This Barbie is for real. And so, against all odds, this cardigan-wearing grandma got to live the American dream, being a celebrity for a completely random reason.

So one of these people will carry the legacy of the summer of 2023 forward, whether they want to or not. Was it from Maeve, a woman who had the misfortune of falling in love with the invasive pest Spotted Lanternflies? From Peter Gross, a man who had this fabulous dream business all based on tweeting on

Twitter, and then Elon changed the name. Or from Amy Dickinson, a real person with the real name Barbie Oppenheimer, who is going to be known as an unlikely double feature for the rest of her life. Which of these is the real story of somebody who will never forget this summer? I am choosing A. You're going to go with Maeve's story of the woman who fell in love with the

spotted lanternfly before smushing it as the city and state of New York instructed her to do. Yeah. My final choice is Maeve. You're going to go with Maeve. All right.

You know? God bless. So you've chosen Maeve's story of the tragic romance between a woman and a small, invasive insect. We actually were able to speak to the person for whom this summer will never end. You know, when I checked in and I said, you know, Barbara Oppenheimer,

I'll have all these people at the desk say, is that really your name? That was the one and only Barbara Oppenheimer, sometimes known as Barbie, talking about what this summer has done to her life. I'm so sorry, but I just want you to know,

I think that Maeve's ridiculous story looks great on you. You gave Maeve a point. Thank you so much for playing, Laurie. That was fabulous. Take care. Thank you. And now the game where people who have come a long way take a moment to see what they might have missed. It's called Not My Job.

Martinez-Evans is a hero to thousands of runners, but not because he's winning races. He's actually a lot closer to last place usually than first, and that is just fine with him. He is the founder of the Slow AF Running Club and a fitness guru whose message is, of the slow AF running club and a fitness guru whose message is it doesn't matter what you look like, how much you weigh, or how fast you go, you can still be an athlete. Martinez Evans, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. So my experience of you was I saw this profile of you in the New York Times about your running club and your coaching and your message. And what I love is that you have an origin story like a superhero, which you tell in your new book. And I was wondering if you could share it with us now.

Absolutely. So 10 years ago, I found myself in front of a doctor. The reason I was at this doctor because I was working this commission sales job but I was on my feet eight to ten hours a day and I developed some hip issues so I went to this doctor and I told him doc I have some hip pain please help and the doctor was like I know why you in pain okay why why am I in pain he was like you're fat lose weight or die that's harsh lose weight or die okay exactly right it sounds like a bond villain lose weight or die your choice mr evans but go on yeah so he says that to you and your reaction was so i laughed at him um because you know he went on to say you know you need to start losing weight by walking on a track and i was like, I'm on my feet eight to 10 hours a day anyway. So what does that mean? So then I told him, well, I'll just run a marathon. And he laughed

at me and told me that was the dumbest thing he has heard in all his years of practicing medicine. Wow. And spoiler alert, you ran a marathon. Eight of them. Eight of them. Eight of them today. Eight of them. Eight of them. Eight of them to thank. Whoa. Have you heard from the doctor?

I mean, you've been telling this story for a while. He died. Yeah, he's dead. Now, have you heard? No, I have not heard from the doctor. You know, he's not in my lexicon. But I did leave a special note for him in my book if you ever get the chance to pick it up. Okay. And in case he's listening to this radio show, what does that note say? He has to pick up the book and see. All right. Yeah. Dude,

if you're out there, doctor, whatever, you got to pay for the book. So tell me about that first run you attempted. All right, Peter. So imagine this. You're angry from this doctor. You want to massage your fist against this doctor's face, but that's not generally accepted. You go and buy running shoes, and you go to your apartment complex where there's three treadmills. The only treadmill that's open is the middle treadmill. So now I'm inconveniently sandwiched between two gazelles.

I look to my left, and one guy was running nine. I look to my right, and the other guy was running ten. So I thought to myself, I'll run seven. Sure. Seems reasonable. The sound my body made when I fell off the treadmill. Did you fly right off the end or like? No, I didn't fly off.

It was more of like this battle of, is my body rejecting the treadmill or is the treadmill rejecting my body? It's like one of those transplants that go wrong. I'm sorry, sir, but your body has rejected the treadmill. All right, because here body has rejected the treadmill. All right. Because here's the thing about running. You had, and it's great for you, you had all these negative experiences that inspired you or angered you enough to achieve this thing. Tell me about the Slow AF Running Club, your club, your group, your movement, and where it came from and what it does and some of the people you work with. Okay, so Slow AF Run Club is a community, is a virtual community of 20,000 members worldwide.

And our ultimate goal is to inspire 1 million people to start running in the body that they have right now. How I came up with the name, you'll see a pattern here. Somebody heckled me and called me Slow AF as i was running my first marathon i mean not my first marathon my first new york city marathon wow he told me um i'm slow as a beep um go home and in true new york marathon fashion i got into an argument with this guy really but you know what this happens when rudy Rudy Giuliani watches the marathon every year. I know. They're really not going to say it. Somebody who lives in New York. So from that, I created the Slow F Run Club.

And we started with about, like, 40 people. And our goal was to, like, just find races we can all run together with. And then the pandemic happened. And I think for the pandemic, like, it was the best thing to happen for us because our community grown like 2000 people overnight. Would you have been motivated originally by like gentle encouragement? I mean, do you know? I don't know. I just know I have the happy neck of when somebody pisses me off.

My goal from there is to prove them wrong. Right. I love that. And beat them humble pie. Do you ever wish somebody would come up to you and say, oh, somebody like you will never own valuable coastal property? Yes. I'm waiting on somebody to tell me that.

The slow AF real estate movement. I know. Well, Martinez Evans, it's really a pleasure to meet you and talk to you about running, but we have invited you here to play a game we're calling... It's Fast AF. As we've discussed, your movement is called Slow AF, so we're going to ask you about something that was Fast AF, that is the Concorde, the world's only supersonic passenger aircraft.

Answer two out of three questions correctly about the Concorde. You'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of any weight-weighter they might like. Bill, who is Martinez-Evans playing for? Jacob Lee of San Francisco, California. All right. Can I inspire Martinez? Go ahead.

Dude, you're never going to get this right. Yeah, we should stop. Yeah, give up. All right, Martinez, here is your first question. The Concorde, the aircraft service, was a collaboration between Air France and British Airways, and as you can imagine, there was some disagreements between the two airlines,

such as which of these? Was it A, the French refused to allow the Brits to have anything to do with the food served on board? B, the British demanded that all flight attendants be nice to the passengers, even if they didn't feel like it that day? Or C, the British and French could not agree on how Concorde should be spelled.

Oh! That is a good one. I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with C, and you're right, Martinez. Of course, the word Concorde in English has no E on the end. In French, it does. The French insisted on the E. The Brits eventually gave in. Okay, very good. Here is your next question. So, it was, of course, the first supersonic passenger flight. There were some difficulties they only discovered when it started flying. They had to then fix them, such as which of these? A,

When it started flying, they had to then fix them, such as which of these? A, getting to New York before they left London convinced the passengers it was a time machine and they all demanded to go meet their younger selves. B, the caviar would slide off the crackers when the plane angled up for takeoff. Or C, when the Concorde reached the top of its flight path, everybody became weightless and would float around the cabin. Whoa. I'm going to go with the caviar. You're right again, Martinez.

Yeah. So after ruining a lot of clothing of passengers and canapes, they came up with special containers that would hold the caviar on the cracker as it flew upwards. All right. You know, United does that. Absolutely. It's great. All right. Last question, Martinez. You're coming around the bend. The finish line is in sight. Many celebrities, of course, flew the Concorde during its years of service, such as Andy Warhol, who loved the Concorde so much he did what? A, paid for his flights by doing a drawing on a cocktail napkin every flight

and letting the airline sell it. B, stealing the silverware. Or C, he did an ad for them saying, quote, in the future, everybody in America will get across the Atlantic in 15 minutes. I feel like Andy Warhol is the type of person that steals civil war. You're exactly right again. Whoa! That is amazing.

I mean, people have won. See what happens when you tell me I can't do this? I know! It worked, Amy! It was just... It worked! I know. Martinez, it was just a little light bullying. A little light bullying, just when you needed it.

And you can see, by the way, the stolen silverware from the Concord in the Warhol Museum. He kept it. Bill, how did Martinez-Evans do in our quiz? Very impressive. And Martinez, not all our guests do this well. You got a perfect score. Well done. You're a winner score. Well done.

Winner. Confidence. Martinez Evans is the founder of the Slow AF Running Club. His new book is called Slow AF Run Club, the ultimate guide for anyone who wants to run. His message is one of radical inclusivity. And welcome, Martinez Evans. Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Awesome to have you.

In just a minute, Bill has good news about the future. It's a soothsaying listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. and WBEZ Chicago. This is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Peter Gross, Amy Dickinson

and Maeve Higgins. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill, in just a minute. We've got a scheme and it's A-A-B-B-A. It's the Listener Lumerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's A-A-B-B-A. It's the Listener Lumerick Challenge.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. For right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news. Peter, visitors to Gettysburg looking to learn more about the history of the Civil War can visit the Homestead Diorama Museum near there, which displays historically accurate scenes of that battle and others using thousands of individual sculptures of what? The sculptures are made of something different or they're sculptures?

Well, they're dioramas of a battlefield like you'd see at a war museum, but the battles are being fought by little figurines of what? Raisins. No. Such a good guess. That was a good guess. Cats. Yes, cats. Very good. Oh my god.

Maybe you are one of the many people who would like to study Civil War military history, but have been put off by the lack of adorable kitties. Well, you are in luck. The Homestead Diorama Museum depicts the Civil War not really as brother against brother because it was a litter of six. There are dozens of handmade dioramas, each depicting an important Civil War battle, but with all the soldiers replaced with clay cat figurines. And each battle is historically accurate,

down to the moment at Little Round Top when Union Colonel Joshua Chamberlain turned the tide of the battle using laser pointers. This sounds like something when, like, the person on your block who's, like, very old, they pass away, and then, like, everybody goes into their house, and you're like, what the hell is in their basement right they put they made the civil war with cats in their place this doesn't sound like something that a museum would like put its stamp on well

it's the museum is owned by the people who made them right and they say actually this is actually true they say that they grew up near there and they loved to make little clay figurines, but they couldn't make people. They couldn't make cats. That makes sense when you think about it because a person has an infinite number of facial expressions and a cat only has one, hatred. And historically, which side did cats fight on?

The cats? I think the cats... They're stationary. The cats were essentially neutral. They just ate the casualties. May, this last week in China, two construction workers were arrested after using a bulldozer

just to make a convenient shortcut through what? Two construction workers? Yes. Through their... In China. But that is their job, no? Technically, yes. They might have, let me think, they might have thought going through this thing was

a good idea, but it wasn't just a good idea, it was a... Oh! Great idea. So they went through the Great... Wall of China? Indeed, yes. They bulldozed a shortcut through the Great Wall of China. So these guys, apparently, it was an older woman and a younger man,

and they had to get to this construction site on the other side of this barrier, and they were like, sure, nobody cares about this. It looks super old. So they went right through it with their bulldozer. But now China's vulnerable to Mongol hordes. I know. What are they going to do?

And imagine how the Mongols feel right now. They're like, that's it. That's all it took. Now, they shouldn't have done this. But to be fair, just going around, in this case, is a 13,000-mile trip. Wait, do they not have bulldozers on the other side of the Great Wall of China? Well, apparently they had to get their bulldozer over there. Of course, it's interesting to think about.

Who ever told them to do that? It's completely... I know, you're like, oh, could you guys come over, bring that bulldozer, it's over here on the other side of the Great Wall of China. Anyway, until they can repair the damage, and it is pretty severe, they're just going to cover it up with the Great Dry Wall of China.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois. And we will be in Los Angeles on September 28th and in Hartford, Connecticut on October 19th. Don't miss, please, the Wait, Wait stand-up tour that's headed to San Diego September 27th and San Francisco on

September 29th. To see even more dates and get tickets to any live Wait, Wait show, just go right on over to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, don't tell me. Hi, Peter. My name is Angelica Shigula. I'm calling from Racine, Wisconsin. Racine? That's not that far from here. Just over the border. I can almost hear you. Yeah, I know, I know.

I'll just go outside and wave. I'm told Racine has the best bratwurst in the world. Is that true? Maybe not bratwurst, but definitely the best kringle. Oh, yeah. Kringle, that's what it is. Kringle, yeah. What's kringle? Please tell us all what kringle. Oh, yeah. Kringle, that's for the... What's kringle?

Please tell us all what kringle is, Angelica. It's a flaky, circular pastry that the Danish immigrants brought over, and it's lovely, and every time I travel anywhere I have to bring it with me as a gift. Otherwise, people don't let me stay. I am leaving now.

I'll be at your house in 12... That sounds amazing. Angelica, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on just two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play? Yes, I am. All right. Here is your first limerick. Though our trunks are the source of our fame, Mr. Tusk is my dad. Call me James. And Jeanette is my mom. You've met Krista and Tom.

Yes, each elephant has their own name. Yes, name. Until now, we thought humans were the only species that gave each other individual names. But scientists have discovered that elephants do it too. So, they recorded elephants as they were with each other making certain noises, and when they replayed those special unique noises over a speaker, specific elephants responded as if they were being called by name, which is kind of cool, but it also takes away some of the aura of these majestic creatures when you're like, oh, that one? That's just Jason. You know what's really terrible, though? You run into an elephant

friend, and they're like, hey, champ. And you're like, come on, man. An elephant's not supposed to forget. All right, here is your next limerick. Though nudism seems within reach, please get dressed again, Dad, I beseech. The Chicago Park seal makes this lake sign look real. It's a prank, though. It's not a nude beach. Right. This last Labor Day, hundreds of Chicagoans were greeted

by this brand-new, extremely official looking sign at a local beach here that said, nude beach, pass this sign. Unfortunately for the local nudists, it was not a real park district sign. It was just put up by some clever person. What's weirder, putting up a fake sign about a nude beach for no apparent reason, or just seeing the sign and immediately saying, well, Ellen, we have no choice. There is a sign. Unzip me, please, will you? All right, here is your last limerick, Angelica. I can read moldy Stilton with ease, while most fetters alock without keys. But a parmesan wheel

is a cinch to unpeel. I am reading your future in... Cheese! Yes! I'm sorry. Yes, from Wisconsin. This week, the Canadian Broadcasting Company

profiled a practitioner of what is called tiromancy, the ancient art of telling one's future using cheese. Ancient? Ancient. And it's cheese that you make yourself or like cheese you leave? No, she actually does this at farmer's markets. You buy like nice artisanal cheese, right? I mean, and you do need to use a fancy cheese because I did this with

Craft American and it turns out I'm going to be singles my whole life. You're never going to have any baby bells. No, no, not a one, not a one. Bill, how did Angelica do in our quiz? Remembering she's from Wisconsin, she got them all right. Congratulations. Well done, Angelica, and we'll be up to try your Kringle come Christmas. Wonderful. Thank you so much. It was fun. Take care. Bye-bye. You too. Bye-bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning fill-in-the-blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Amy and Peter have two. Maeve has three. Oh, my goodness. All right. So I'm going to arbitrarily choose Amy to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question.

Fill in the blank. On Monday, First Lady Jill Biden tested positive for blank. COVID. Right. On Tuesday, Enrique Tarrio, the former leader of the blank, was sentenced to 22 years in prison. Proud Boys. That's right.

This week, Secretary Anthony Blinken promised another billion dollars of aid during a visit to blank. Kiev. Yeah, Ukraine. On Thursday, Japan successfully launched a rocket headed to the blank. You said the, so it would be moon? The moon, yes. This week, a man in Nebraska driving on the wrong side of the road was caught after he blanked.

He ran over a battlefield full of cats. No, he was caught after he called 911 to report that everyone else was driving on the wrong side of the road. According to the World Meteorological Organization, this past summer was the blankest on record. Hottest. Right. Rolling Stone Magazine this week published a long article detailing the toxic work environment at long-running late-night show blank. Oh, Jimmy Fallon? Yeah, the Tonight Show this week, a family in California was reunited with their dog after she snuck out of the house

and was photographed blanking. Twerking on the median. Close. Enjoying a Metallica concert in the audience. After the dog snuck into the Metallica concert, several fans saw her sitting in one of the arena's seats, seemingly having a pretty great time watching Metallica concert, several fans saw her sitting in one of the arena's seats, seemingly having a pretty great time

watching Metallica. Sadly, the dog was female, so it wasn't long before some dude came up and asked her to name three Metallica songs to prove she was a real fan. Bill, how did Amy do on our quiz? Six right. 12 more points. Total of 14 with the lead. That's pretty good.

All right. Peter, you're up next. Fill in the lead. That's pretty good. All right. Peter, you're up next. Fill in the blank. In response to rising COVID numbers, several health care facilities began requiring blanks again. Vaccinations? Masks. As his impeachment trial began, Ken Paxton, the suspended attorney general of blank, pled not guilty. Texas.

Yes. This week, voters in Colorado filed a lawsuit to keep blank off the 2024 ballot. Trump. Yes. On Tuesday, the United States warned North Korea not to supply weapons to blank. Russia. Yes. This week, former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows testified he only participated

in the scheme to overthrow American democracy because blank. He was hangry. No, because he didn't want to get yelled at. This week, paleontologists said they may have discovered a missing evolutionary branch between blanks and birds. Dinosaurs? Yes. On Monday, the Rolling Stones announced their first new blank since 2005. Album?

Yes. This week, police in England responded to reports of a building filled with dead people found blank. Live people? No. Well, yes, but a bunch of people laying down at a yoga class. After rushing to the scene, officers didn't find any corpses, but they did find a bunch of people in corpse pose. The cops had to return to the scene less than an hour later when the class changed positions and suddenly 911

was getting reports of a building full of cats turning into cows, then back into cats. Bill, how did Peter do in our quiz? Very well. Five right, ten more points. Twelve trails Amy by two. Aww. None of that's

going to matter. How many then does Maeve need to win? only six, six to win no problem Maeve are you ready? always here we go Maeve, this is for the game

fill in the blank, after he froze in public for a second a time, a physician said there was no evidence Blank suffered a stroke or a seizure Mitch McConnell on Wednesday a judge no evidence Blank suffered a stroke or a seizure. Mitch McConnell. Yes. On Wednesday, a judge ruled that Blank was liable for defaming E. Jean Carroll again. Donald Trump. Yes.

This week, the White House announced a ban on oil and gas drilling across 13,000 miles of the National Petroleum Reserve in Blank. Good. No, in Alaska. According to a new report, the housing crisis in Canada is so bad that people are trying to extend their blanks to avoid having to search for a home. Houses? No, they're trying to extend their prison sentences.

On Thursday, it was confirmed that Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner had filed for blank. Oh, marriage. They're getting married. That's the girl from Lord of the Rings. No, no, no. And the tiny little man. You are so incredibly wrong. That's the girl from Game of Thrones

and the very normal-sized singer, and they're filed for divorce. One of the triplets. This week, we learned that NASA is involved in a battle over who owns the 96 blanks left on the moon. They didn't leave men up there, did they? They did not leave men up there. They left something else. What did they leave up there?

Well, I know they didn't leave women. It's not people. They left 96 bags of poop on the moon. Matt Damon. 96 bags of poop on the moon. 96 bags of poop on the moon. Not Damon. 96 bags of poop on the wall. 96 bags of poop. Take the window.

In order to save weight for the return trip, astronauts have left a total of 96 bags of waste there, and now astrobiologists are fighting over who will get to study them. Apparently, the microbes contained within can teach us whether life can endure in the harsh conditions of the moon. The moon poop is of great interest to all scientists, but specifically one really weird one. Bill, did Maeve do well enough to win? You got two right for four more points. Seven total gives Amy the championship. Seven total gives Amy the championship.

Coming up, our panelists predict when they finally finish cleaning up this year's Burning Man, what's one surprising thing they will find deep in the mud. But first, let me tell you that. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircare Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeker, Reza Lemerick, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell.

Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago. BJ Liederman, composer, our theme, our program, is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Grombach, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas, Blythe Robertson, and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn is our Burning Man. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi.

Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer of What We Don't Tell Me, that's Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will they find at Burning Man once they finally get it all cleaned up?

Amy Dickinson. Chris Rock's fidget spinner. He's been looking for it. Peter Gross. A lonely woman and her tiny squashed husband, Michael the Lanternfly. Maeve Higgins. What will they find when they clean up Burning Man?

My husband. Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Amy Dickinson, Peter Gross, Dave Higgins. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker Theatre.

Thanks to you who are listening at home and around the world. I am Peter Segal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.