Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM New Year 2021

Episode Date: January 2, 2021

We say goodbye to 2020 with Christine Baranksi, Doug Jones, Jonna Mendez, and Kellee Edwards.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News Quiz. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. It's the New Year's Bill Drop. I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host, who personally provided the newborn baby to play the new year, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. It is the first weekend of a new year, and already it's so much better than last year. For example, we don't have to worry anymore about how terrible 2020 was going to be. I feel like a great weight has been lifted from my calendar. But the year past wasn't all bad, and we're going to spend

the next hour proving it with some great segments and interviews from the past year. First up, in May, we spoke to actor and singer Christine Baranski, who starred in the Mamma Mia movies, as well as the TV series, The Good Fight. The lockdown was just a few months old then, so I asked her who she'd been stuck inside with. Stuck is an interesting word. I'm blissfully with my, but also stuck, blissfully stuck with three little grandsons, my daughter and son-in-law. This is like a grandma's dream, isn't it? To have your grandchildren with you and they're not allowed to leave.

It's true. your grandchildren with you and they're not allowed to leave. It's true. I can get my imprint on them and try to convince them, you know, of things like listening to Bach, you know, before bed is the most wonderful thing you could possibly do or, you know, just, you know, planting seeds. And today we baked a cake. I think I, this is Amy, I think I read once that you never had a television in your home. Is that right? Yes. We took the television set out when they were little because it became clear that we couldn't monitor what they were watching. So we just, I remember taking the television out physically. It was that small and I put it in a barn across the road and covered it with a blanket. small and I put it in a barn across the road and covered it with a blanket. Wait a minute, but your TV career started in the 80s, right? So your kids weren't even allowed to watch you on TV?

No, they didn't watch me. No, no, they didn't need to watch me. I played a vindictive alcoholic divorcee, so it's not something they needed to see mommy do. addictive alcoholic divorcee. So it's not something kids love that stuff. Christine, this is Joel. I'm a gay person speaking to you. And as a young gay child, I did watch you on television in that show. And I did idolize you from a very young age for that. So I would like to say that I think you robbed your children of something very special by not letting them watch it at that formative age, because it really shaped me. Yeah, and a college education does not make up for that. I wanted to be their mom.

I just wanted to be a wife and mom and not larger than life. That's so wild because I also wanted you to be my mom. Speaking of your country house, there's this rumor that even got to us, and we don't know anything, that your dock late at night, either skinny dipping or just, you know, I have a nice fire pit that we have and we light fires and sing under the stars. And I've had very famous. I'm not going to be a name dropper, but I have some of the greatest actors in the world. I can name the actors, but I'm not going to accuse them of nudity.

So, Christine, is this a clue as to why you and Meryl Streep and Audra McDonald were all in bathrobes at the Sondheim Tribute? Oh, thank you for bringing that up, Amy. Meryl Streep was one of the people on my doc.

I, you know, know she was fully clothed when she has visited, I will say that. Wait a minute, we should just remind everybody that there was this wonderful online tribute to Stephen Sondheim last weekend, and I think we can all agree the highlight of a really remarkable evening of performing was you, along with Meryl Streep and Audra McDonald, doing a trio version of the great The Ladies Who Lunch from Company. And as Amy pointed out, you all did it at home in your bathrobes. So how did that come to be? In fact, I'm sitting at the very desk where I recorded my section of the music,

and I could only record it late at night when my little grandsons were sleeping, but it's a song that requires some full-out belting. I was about to say, I mean, I just imagine your little grandchild getting up and coming, Grandma, would you stop belting? I'm trying to sleep. Well, this is, I'm not kidding, this is what it sounded like.

Let me try and do it. Another reason not to move. Another vodka stinger. I'll drink to that. It's scripted that it's a rage. It's a primal alcoholic rage scream. That's what you have to produce. So imagine me in front of my cell phone

trying not to wake up my lovely grandchildren who could have been traumatized hearing grandma have some sort of, you know, quarantine meltdown. That was literally gay make a wish, Christine. That was like, I just can't even describe. Well, Christine Baranski, it is a pleasure to talk to you. And since you... Oh my gosh, I'm such a huge fan of the show. This is such fun. Well, let's see how you feel after this. You star in

The Good Fight, so we've asked you here to play a game we're calling The Good Sprite. That's right. We're going to ask you three questions about The Good Sprite. That's right. We're going to ask you three questions about The Good Sprite. That is seven up. Answer two of them correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners,

the voice of anyone they may choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Christine Baranski playing for? Jared Rennie of Asheville, North Carolina. All right, you ready to do this? The Good Sprite, huh? Yes, I did warn you that it would be stupid. So here we go, Christine. Here's your first question.

Here we go. 7-Up's popularity is probably, in part, thanks to its original name. What was 7-Up first marketed as when it was introduced to the market way back when? Was it A, Bib Label Lithiated Lemon Lime Soda? B, Carbonated Citrus Vim Restorer, or C, Crack? They all

sound utterly ludicrous. Why don't I just go with Crack? I'll just go with Crack. You're going to go with Crack. It's always a fine choice. In games, in life, go with Crack. But no, the answer was Lithiated Lemon Lime Soda by Bib Label lithiated lemon-lime soda. Bib label, lithiated lemon-lime soda.

The lithiated in that referred to its key ingredient back then, which is lithium. That's the same medicine they give to people with bipolar disorder. Good and good for you. All right, you still have two more chances. Here's your next question. Seven-Up has many popular varieties like Cherry Seven-Up, but not all the new varieties made it like which of these? A, Chocolate Seven Up, B, Seven Up with Old Bay Seasoning, or C, Seven Up Upside Down.

Instead of lemon-lime flavor, it was lime-lemon flavor. Old Bay! Old Bay! She's sad. I didn't realize it would be this stupid. I thought you were a fan of the show. C. So you're going to go with C?

That's right. They tried selling 7-Up upside down. Instead of lemon-lime, it was lime-lemon, and who knows what the difference is. All right. Here's your last question. You get this, you win. In the 1950s, a 7-Up ad campaign the difference is. All right. Here's your last question. You get this, you win.

In the 1950s, a 7-Up ad campaign recommended that drinkers of the soda do what? Was it A, sign a, quote, loyalty oath to 7-Up rather than communist vodka?

B, dip cigarettes in it for that, quote, lemon-lime-tobacco flavor? Or C, mix it with milk and give it to infants. Good God. Would you give me A again? I'll give you A. Sign a, quote, loyalty oath to 7-Up rather than communist vodka. I'll go with that.

Another vodka stinger. Another vodka. This could be another vodka stinger. No, I'm afraid the answer was C, mix it with milk and give it to infants. Oh, my God. I know. In the words of the ad campaign, 7-Up is so pure, so wholesome, you can even give it to babies and feel good about it.

Bill, how did Christine Baranski do on our quiz? Well, technically, Christine only got one right. But you played it so well that we're going to make you a winner in this game, Christine. Have another vodka. I think we should give her a point just for the singing. Just for singing. Christine, thank you so much for playing. It is so delightful to talk to you.

Christine Baranski is an award-winning actor and performer. She is the star of The Good Fight, streaming now on CBS All Access. Christine Baranski, what an absolute joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us. Oh, my God. It was so much fun. Thank you for having me, guys. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Christine. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. you christine bye-bye here's a moment we loved with our own pod of panelists tom this week uh disney world announced that they had hired additional staff to help their maskless guests by doing what throw them out no i'll give you. You know, it's just using a little Disney magic and a little Photoshop. Oh, my God. They're going to Photoshop masks on the massless people? That's exactly right.

So people think everybody at Disney World has masks on? Precisely right. And people don't have to be embarrassed about showing their ride photos during the pandemic because they had masks digitally added to their faces in those ride photos you buy at the end of roller coasters. What? No, I mean, this is great. So if you didn't wear a mask on your Disney visit, don't worry. Disney is now photoshopping masks onto your picture

so you can have it displayed at your funeral and convince people it wasn't your fault. Wouldn't it just be easier to wear the mask, you know? It's just not that hard. Now, I should say, once this story got around, Disney announced they will no longer be digitally adding masks to photographs of their guests. They say if you get sick at the park, they'll just cryogenically freeze you until there's enough vaccine to go around. And finally, we didn't want to start the year without a helpful public service pop song from Bill Curtis. It's all about the mask, about the mask, no trouble.

All about the mask, about the mask, no trouble. You wear it night and day, no sneeze, no cough, no spray. A simple little way to keep the germs at bay. To keep the germs at bay. To keep the germs at bay. It's all about the mask. About the mask. No trouble. No trouble. When we come back, going to extremes to manage an extreme situation,

and we're joined by a real-life master of disguise. At least, I think we were. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. At Planet Money, we are also grappling with what's going on in the world. We just don't know, and you're still going to have to decide. So we call up economists like Emily Oster. It's like we're fighting the pandemic by having a bake sale or something. I mean, all due respect to bake sales.

Listen and subscribe to Planet Money from NPR. Listen and subscribe to Planet Money from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host who thinks this might be the year his hair grows back. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. So we're doing our best to salvage the reputation of the past year by sharing some of the best moments from it, all of which happened on our show rather than in the real world, which, let's face it, needed work. We spent most of the year dealing with the pandemic and some people resorting to extreme measures, as we discussed in this game of Bluff the Listener with Peter Gross,

Jesse Klein, and Dulce Sloan. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, Kathy from Hoover, Alabama. Kathy from where? Hoover, Alabama. Hoover, Alabama. Now, I can't say I know Alabama well, but where is Hoover? It's where it's supposed to be. I would say a little northeast. 459 runs right past us. All right. The next time I'm on 459, I will absolutely look in your direction. Well, welcome to the show, Kathy. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction.

Bill, what is Kathy's topic? Reopen Sesame. Businesses everywhere are reopening for five minutes until they have to close again. Our panelists, though, are going to tell you about a business that figured out a new way to be safe in the age of COVID. Pick the one that's telling the truth. You'll win the weight waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Oh, yeah. Well, then let's do it. First, let's hear from Dulce Sloan. Hi, Miss Kathy. Hey. Hi. You're northeast of what? Mobile, Tuscaloosa, Birmingham? Well, if you come up from Mobile and pretty much stay straight, you'd be right there.

I'm from Georgia and I go to Alabama all the time. So that's why I was like. Yeah. You go to Gulf Shores and stuff like that? Yes, ma'am. I go down to Dauphin Island. Oh, how wonderful. My family loves Dauphin Island, and we just go straight down 65 into Mobile and then right over there. You know your state highways. I am impressed. I'm from New York.

I don't know anywhere that you guys were talking about. Don't you wish you did, though? Didn't you listen to them talking like, oh, we should just throw down some numbers. I have been to Mobile. That's beautiful. Okay. So, Ms. Kathy, I'm going to tell you a story. You got to tell me if I'm telling the truth now. Okay.

So, Germ-X has partnered with Orkin to create a spray mist sanitizing system for retail stores and restaurants that disinfects customers as they walk in. Germ-X is the leader in sanitizer, and Orkin is an expert at spraying unwanted pests. Our current unwanted pest is COVID-19. Like the water mister in the produce section of a grocery store, customers will be sprayed with a fine antibacterial mist for 20 seconds, the same amount of time we should be washing our hands. Unfortunately, there have been a few hiccups in this well-meaning plant.

While testing the new system at a CVS, some customers complained of them misruining their clothes, hair, or makeup, and it left them dripping wet. One customer was quoted as saying, this is ridiculous. I came in for allergy medicine, not an indoor slip and slide. But it did make my shopping trip faster though. I was able to pick up some items as I slid through the aisles. CVS spraying down their customers with disinfectant before they were allowed to come in, making them somewhat slippery. Your next story of a safety solution comes from Peter Gross. The Dunkin' Donuts in Clinton, Connecticut has been open for

drive-thru service ever since the pandemic struck in March, but when the state moved to phase three of its reopening this week, the store was finally allowed to have customers come inside. We were really excited to see some of our regulars face-to-face again, the store was finally allowed to have customers come inside. We were really excited to see some of our regulars face-to-face again, said store manager Lisa Coble. Her franchise is smaller than most Dunkin's though, and Coble was worried about COVID exposure in such a tight space.

So she asked for a little leeway from corporate and came up with a really intriguing idea. The six foot donut, which was introduced on Monday, is the perfect combination of edible food item and once-in-a-century pandemic safety protocol. How does the six-foot donut work? Well, if you've ever been inside of an inner tube, then you know what it's like not to just order, but also wear a six-foot donut. Upon entering the store, you are given your choice of glazed chocolate, vanilla, or pink icing with sprinkles.

vanilla or pink icing with sprinkles. Customers simply slip the six-foot donut over their head until they're comfortably encased in the six-foot-in-diameter, 45,000-calorie, 25-pound donut outfitted with suspenders to help keep it at waist level. You can either start eating your way out of the donut in the store or take it home with you and enjoy the equivalent of 750 donuts at your leisure. So far, Kobel is thrilled with how it's working out. People have really been enjoying coming back into the store, strapping on a donut and bouncing up against other customers like they're in bumper cars. The CDC has proclaimed the six-foot donut as 98% effective at preventing transmission of coronavirus, but 100% effective at giving you a new malady called type 2 donut diabetes. A six-foot donut served at a Dunkin' Donuts that people put around their waist to make sure they keep safe distance from the other customers. Your last story of a protective

measure comes from Jesse Klein. The speed with which the pandemic has changed every aspect of our lives has been stunning. But at one pub in England, the changes are quite literally shocking. In an effort to enforce social distancing among a boozy crowd, one tavern owner in Cornwall has installed an electric fence inside his bar to keep inebriated clients at bay. Johnny McFadden, owner of the Star Inn, tried several different tactics before going with the fence, but apparently things like ropes, floor stickers, and the fear of COVID itself were no match for customers consuming one pint too many. So finally, inspired by the electric fences commonly used to keep sheep together in his

rural farming town, he plugged in, and apparently the threat of electrocution has worked fairly well. Says McFadden, quote, people are like sheep. Sheep keep away, people keep away. Some might be concerned that a bar owner who's installed a live electric fence in his establishment is opening himself up for many a lawsuit. But as McFadden sees it, quote, as long as there's a warning sign on an electric fence and you are warned about it, it's totally legal. McFadden may be no lawyer, but he's got a doctor's concern for the health of his customers. And cheers to that. lawyer, but he's got a doctor's concern for the health of his customers, and cheers to that. All right, Kathy, somewhere there is a business that is opening up with one of these concessions to safety in the age of COVID. Is it from Dulce, a CVS that started spraying down customers with

disinfectant before they come in the door? From Peter Grouse, Dunkin' Donuts that's selling special six-foot donuts that you actually put around your waist to make sure you keep distance. Or from Jesse, a pub in England that has installed an electric fence to make sure that nobody gets too close. Which of these is the real story? I really think that the story that sounds plausible is the bar. All right, Kathy, your choice then is Jesse's story of the bar with the electric fence. Well, we spoke to the innovator who came up with this new safety precaution. As long as it's a warning sign on an electric fence, it's totally legal.

And as a fear factor, it works. You know, if he says it in that accent, it sounds true. That was Johnny McFadden, landlord of the Star Inn, the bar with the electric fence. Congratulations, Kathy. You got it right. You earned a point for Jesse. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice and your voicemail. You did it!

Thank you. Oh, you sound so delighted. I love it. Thank you so much, Kathy. Thanks for playing and stay safe. Thank you. One of the most interesting people we spoke to this year was somebody we had never heard of before, which was quite intentional on her part. we had never heard of before, which was quite intentional on her part.

Johnna Mendez worked in the CIA for decades, rising to become their first ever Master of Disguise. Peter asked her if that was a real job title. A lot of people are amazed at that title. Yeah, we had quite an effort underway in the field of disguise. And there's a very famous story, just to sort of start right off with your level of expertise, that you went in to the Oval Office with the first President Bush, disguised as somebody else, and he couldn't tell. Yes. Yes. I was wearing a full face mask, came with hair. I looked great. You know, he had been chief of CIA. I remember that. So he kind of knew where the

where the level of expertise was. This mask I was showing him was just notching it up about four levels. I mean, it was it was a huge leap in technology. And I told him that I was going to show him the latest disguise stuff that we had. And he's looking like, where's your stuff? And I said, I'm wearing it, but I'm going to take it off and show it to you and he said oh don't don't take it off and he got up and he came and he looked and he walked around he said okay do it so i i did that tom cruise peel yeah which should be called the jana mendez peel because i was way ahead of tom cruise get into it and i'm holding this thing up in the air and the White House photographer took a picture of it. Wow.

So we have this moment captured in all time. It took me 10 years before they decided to send it to me. Really? And they airbrushed the mask out of my hand. What? What? In my library, you know, in the wall where you put all your good stuff. What?

In my library, you know, in the wall where you put all your good stuff. I've got a picture of myself sitting in front of the desk of the president of the United States with my finger in the air. It looks like I'm lecturing him. So you got involved in the CIA back in the 60s, right? Because you were dating somebody who or you're married to somebody who turned out to be in the CIA. Is that right? Yeah. I left Wichita, Kansas to go be in a friend's wedding in Germany. And I basically

never went home. Right. I stayed. I got a job at Chase Manhattan Bank. I couldn't. I've never worked in a bank. I didn't speak German. I couldn't do math. What was the fourth thing? Oh, and I didn't have a work permit. And they hired me. I'm never turning down a wedding invite ever again, if that's how it can turn out. When they found out that you got a job in Germany with no banking experience, not speaking German, completely unqualified, was that when they realized you would be an excellent spy, like you could fake your way through anything? No one ever asked me that question.

So you got into the CIA. Yeah. And did they immediately send you out on spy work, like, you know, to seduce various dignitaries and the things that we all see in the movies? No, I was the secretary for the director of this office called OTS. It was the Q. Oh, yeah. You've said this before. You've compared what you did to the Q branch in the James Bond movies.

We made the gear, the equipment, the toys that the case officers needed. Like the laser eyeglasses that turned into submarines, that kind of thing? If you brought us a good idea and it was feasible and you really needed it, we would probably make you one. But we were a little different than the movies because Q would always hand the weapons off and James would lose them. He would break them. He would, you know.

I'm sorry. I just imagine you watching James Bond movies and getting upset about what James Bond was doing with his tools. Like, damn it, James, put it back in the case. That's right. I want to know, how are you allowed to tell us all this? This seems like the kind of information that we're only supposed to speculate about, but never actually know these things happen. They must really know the NPR audience and how threatening. We've written enough books.

Everything in those books is approved. What's your favorite disguise you ever did that you could tell us about? Well, it would be one that my husband did, but I helped him with it. Before you go on, I should clarify for the audience that your husband, I'm assuming you're talking about, is Tony Mendez, now no longer with us, who was, among many other things, the character played by Ben Affleck in the movie Argo. That was him. That was your husband. He's the man who told Ben Affleck that he wasn't good looking enough to play him. Whoa. It's about time someone took Ben Affleck down a peg. I know.

Please proceed with the story. So Tony was showing our office director this new operational technique. We're going to use it in Moscow. Tony's at the end of a hall in a building we didn't use, and he's wearing a raincoat, got a briefcase, he's wearing a suit. He starts walking down the hall. He had 45 steps and 45 seconds to cover this ground. And in that 45 steps, he turned from a man in a business suit with a briefcase to an old lady in a pink scruffy thing with a shawl, gray hair, pushing a grocery cart. Wait a minute. A grocery cart? I was with you up until then. Get this lady out of here. She's a witch. She's a witch. I did read where you said that you could make a man into a woman or a woman into a man, but something about the character of the CIA agents, the men didn't want to have to become women. No, they didn't. Neither did U.S. Marines.

Really? How often did you have to ask a Marine to become a woman? Now and then. Wait a minute, was that professional or just a private interest of yours? Wait a minute, was that professional or just a private interest of yours? I want to know if your child won the Halloween contest every year. Always. Really? Are you at all serious? And if so, can you tell us about some of the disguises or costumes that you helped your child create? Oh, I remember one from Cats where we can do a great cat face i remember one that was a bunch of

pumpkins uh attached to each other and then we discovered that no one could go to the bathroom all night because the whole patch had to go and you know they didn't wait a minute your child and his friend i'm assuming he was a, were all pumpkins attached to each other? So they all walked around as a group? Actually, that was Tony and me. Oh, I see. You'd think two experienced CIA agents would realize that if they're attached by the stem, they'd have difficulty. We got into that stuff.

That was fun. We got into that stuff. That was fun. Well, Jonna, it is a pleasure to have you here, but we have, in fact, invited you here to play a game we're calling... Disguise? Sure. But how about Doze Guys? We were thinking you're an expert in disguise, but what do you know about Doze Guys?

Meaning, of course, the Mafia. Answer two out of three questions correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is John Amendez playing for? Jillian Edwards of Orlando, Florida. All right, you ready to do this? I am.

All right, here's your first question. John A. Gotti is the son of John J. Gotti, the famous mafia don, but his friends and relatives realized that Junior was not cut out for the family business when he said what? A, quote, wait, you mean Dad's not in the sanitation? but his friends and relatives realized that Junior was not cut out for the family business. When he said what? A, quote, wait, you mean dad's not in the sanitation industry?

B, quote, let's make him an offer, see if he refuses, and if so, consider our other options. Or C, quote, I love Cracker Barrel, especially the country fried steak. I don't know much about the mafia, but I'm going with C. You're right. Turns out that the young Mr. Gotti fell in love with Cracker Barrel when he was visiting his father in prison in Illinois, and his various family members said,

yeah, no. All right. That's one correct. Second question. Mafia guys are known, of course, for their colorful nicknames. Why was Salvatore Vitale, an underboss in the Bonanno family in New York,

known as Good Looking Sal? Was it A, before he became a made man, he modeled menswear in the JCPenney catalog? B, he once foiled an attempt in his life by spotting his would-be assassin behind him in a mirror? Or C, because he insisted that his underlings call him Good Looking Sal? No idea, so I'll guess A.

You're gonna guess A. No, he was not a model before he became a made man. He just insisted that everybody call him good-looking Sal. Apparently, you didn't say no to good-looking Sal. All right, last question. If you get this, you win it all. Prosecutors believe that the dumbest mobsters ever were the two sides involved in a 2011 crooked deal in New York, in which what happened? A. One side sold cocaine, which was really crushed up sheetrock, to the other gang for money, which turned out to be counterfeit. B. One gang sold a building they didn't own to another gang, which tried to tow it away. Or C. A gunfight broke out when two gangsters

showed up at a party wearing exactly the same pinstriped suit they're all so good i'm going with a again you're gonna go with a again you're right that's what happened guys trying to sell the cocaine wasn't really cocaine they got money that wasn't really money 23 men ended up in jail when all the dust, the sheetrock dust, settled. Well, that explains one of my Saturday nights a couple weeks ago. Bill,

how did Jonna do in our quiz? Jonna got two out of three. That means she is a dyed-in-the-wool winner for us. Yay! Love it. Jonna Mendez is the former chief of disguise for the CIA and the co-author of The Moscow Rules. More information can be found at themasterofdisguise.com.

Jonna, or whoever you may really be, thank you so much for being on our show. It was a pleasure to talk to you. This was as fun as I thought it would be. Thank you. That's very good to hear. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. That's very good to hear. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. When we come back, an actor who plays starring roles in which you never see his face, and a woman who travels to places you've never been. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, a man who believes 2021 is the year he starts

wearing bow ties, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. So it really was a great year. Really. At least in one-hour weekly increments, or to be strictly accurate, in certain parts of one-hour weekly increments. Usually when we got to talk to somebody cool. For example, Doug Jones is one of the most successful actors in Hollywood, but you'd never recognize him. That's because he plays most of his roles buried under 20 pounds of latex. He's played monsters and creatures in movies like Hellboy and The Shape of Water and an alien crew member in the latest Star Trek series, so I asked him if he grew up dreaming of becoming the go-to guy for anything with claws or fins. No, actually, I started as a mime back at Ball State

University in Indiana, and being 6'3 and 140 pounds and having a mime background, it's like, oh, the creature effects people were just all over me the minute I got to LA. All right, we skipped a bit. Why, out of all things, did you decide to become a mime? Oh, right. No one chooses that, do they? I assume people were just born into like the mime cast and they had no choice. No. At my dorm that I lived in at Ball State, I was a freshman and a senior is the one who ran the mime troop. The m troupe was called Mime Over Matter. Get it? Whoa.

Oh, my God. And so he saw how I talk with my hands and how lanky I was. He said, you know, you should come see one of our shows and think about auditioning for our troupe. And that's how the mime thing started with me. Wow. The same way a drug dealer sees a kid on the street and ropes him in. The first fake elevator is free. But were you that kind of mime?

Were you out on the sidewalk doing, like, oh, there's a wind, there's a wall, that all kind of stuff? My first job out of college was working at Kings Island, a theme park in Cincinnati, Ohio. You know, Cincinnati, Ohio is kind of, like, on the cusp of Indiana, Kentucky. And so there's not a whole lot of people in that area that knew what a mime was. So it's like, oh, honey, look at the clown. Look at the clown. Why aren't you talking? I don't know.

So it was like, oh, it was sad. I know this is a very weird question to ask you, but can you think of like the weirdest thing you were asked to play? And I say this to somebody who has literally played the angel of death. Yeah. I think a giant cockroach, she bug thing. I did a movie, a horrible movie called bug buster.

And I had a huge fight scene with Randy Quaid, but I was a giant insect that was guarding my pile of eggs and he was coming to kill us. So we had a big knockdown drag out in a cave. And he came in there with weapons. Bullets didn't kill me. Then he pulled out like a flamethrower. I don't burn. Then he pulled out a CO2 gun. I don't freeze. So he threw all of his weapons down and said, come on, man, you and me, mano y mano. So that's when it got weird, right? So we have a knockdown drag out, choreographed fight around this cave,

bouncing off walls and rolling around on the ground. And I got up from that and I asked my handler, I said, can you go check on Randy? I didn't see him get up after that fight, that last take. So across from the cave, I hear, I hear, dog buddy, can you hear me? Randy Quaid. Yeah. He said, do what you're doing.

It's great. We can go again. I'm fine. You're doing great. The next voice that I heard was a young PA, a production assistant going, um, can I get some ice over here? I can't stop the bleeding. I did not want to be remembered as, as that young lanky fellow who killed Randy Quaid. Yes. As a bug, as the bug who killed Randy Quaid. In a bug costume, yeah. Right. And in The Shape of Water,

you had a particular challenge because not only did you have to be otherworldly and alien, but you had to be attractive. Sexy, yes, I did. Yes, so how did you work that out, Doug? Well, I will say this. They sculpted me a sexy-ass body. Oh, they did. My skinny bones slip into this beautiful rubber

muscle suit with a with a fine derriere i mean it was like it was in fact every time i stepped i stood up and walked away from our set chairs where we're you know where we rest between takes uh if i was in a scene with octavia spencer she would sit there and watch me walk away and just say one thing. What? Mmm! That's when you know they sculpted a fine ass. And did the latex artist lean out and go, thank you. That was smart. Exactly, right. Well, Doug Jones, it is an absolute joy to talk to you.

As much fun as it has been to watch you do stuff, which is really saying something. Oh, you're very kind. Thank you. But we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling... Hey, check out the shape of this water. So as we discussed, you were the lead in the shape of water, so we thought we'd ask you about actual shaped water, that is, ice and snow sculptures. Okay. Answer two or three questions correctly, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners,

the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Doug Jones playing for? Lane Owens of Los Angeles, California. All right. You ready to do this? Okay, Lane. I'm rooting for both of us here. All right.

Here we go. Here's your first question. Now, one of the most notorious ice sculptures ever seen was the one commissioned by Dennis Kozlowski, the CEO who served eight years in prison for fraud and embezzlement because he spent company money on things like which of these? freezer for display, B, a full-scale ice sculpture of Michelangelo's David, which dispensed cold water to party guests through, well, his natural spigot, or C, a thousand tiny handmade ice sculptures of individual bird species made for his evening cocktail. I'm going to go with the A, because that sounds more narcissistic. That's a very good idea, but what he really did was he commissioned the ice sculpture of Michelangelo's David,

which dispensed vodka through his little glive. Yeah, I have no idea. The question is, and there are photographs of this, but I don't know how the guests, what they had to do to the David to get it to dispense the vodka. Oh, believe you me, it's not easy. All right, here's your next question. The UK's Channel 4 came under some criticism for its creative use of an ice sculpture.

Why? A, Her Majesty did not appreciate being represented by a sculpture titled Ice Queen. B, after Boris Johnson refused to participate in a debate on climate change, they had a melting ice sculpture take his place. Or C, to counter-program a Theresa May speech in the BBC, they showed an ice sculpture of her for an hour with the caption, which seems more human?

Can I go with A again? Because I do love Queen Elizabeth and I wouldn't want to think of her as an ice queen either. You can go with A again. I mean, it's impossible. He seems to be dissuading. He seems to be dissuading. He seems to be dissuading. Or it could be

the answer B. Yes, it's B! There we go! Yes! Although the melting ice sculpture of the planet did hold its own in many fine points of debate. Alright, last chance. If you get this, you win it. A local news reporter in California went viral when he knocked over the carving of the ice sculptor he was interviewing on live TV at the state fair. But there was another twist to

the story. What was it? A, the reporter had faked the accident because he was bored of doing stupid human interest stories all the time. B, he was carried away by rage when he realized the ice sculpture was of his ex. Or C, the ice sculptor was his childhood enemy and he had planned this vengeance for decades. Okay, I'm gonna go with A one more time. And this time it paid off, Doug.

It was an elaborate stunt. He didn't want to do the stories anymore and it worked. Now he has his own news channel on YouTube. I see. That worked out well. It did. Bill, how did Doug Jones do in our quiz? He loved A so much, he turned out a winner. Congratulations.

Yay. Doug Jones is an actor. You can see him now as Commander Saru on Star Trek Discovery. Season 3 is streaming on CBS All Access now. Doug Jones, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. What a joy to talk to you. The joy has been mine. Thank you all so very much for having me. Bye-bye. Finally, there used to be a time when we would fantasize about traveling to other worlds or having superpowers. These days, we just dream about being able to go outside.

Kelly Edwards is living the dream. She's an explorer, scuba diver, adventurer, and host of Mysterious Islands on the Travel Channel. Peter asked her if she had to give up travel during the pandemic. I actually have not because I'm also a pilot. And so I have not been stuck at home because I have capabilities of taking myself where I like to go. Take me with you. I fear you.

Me too. Let's go to Catalina. We'll take the seaplane. We'll scuba dive near the arcade there. Come on. You know, it's fun to actually learn to dive in Catalina. Because you're a diver too. I'm a diver as well.

I am a Bond girl, Laura Croft, 007 in real life. So whatever you guys want to do, let's fun to actually learn to dive in Catalina. Because you're a diver too. I am a diver as well. I am a Bond girl, Laura Croft, 007 in real life. So whatever you guys want to do, let's do it. How did you get interested in being basically an adventurer? Well, I started taking road trips with my parents at a very, very young age. And when I started to look at the world and watching Nat Geo and Travel Channel and all this, I'm like, oh, I should go to these places. So there are a lot of us who would just save up the money to get an economy class ticket. You decided you would actually learn to fly and fly yourself. Yes, indeed. And that came about because I saw one man in a small airplane landing at Burbank Airport between Delta

and Southwest and JetBlue. And I literally Googled at the gate, one man, small aircraft and general aviation came up. I had no idea that you didn't have to be a military pilot to become a pilot. And so I came back and took a discovery flight from a Groupon for a hundred bucks and got hooked and sick in the plane, hooked and sick. Really? Because wait a minute. So the only time I've ever flown myself in a small private plane, general aviation, I got incredibly sick. And I said to myself, well, that's the end of this for me. Never again. And I've stuck to that.

But you the same thing happened to you. And your reaction was like, OK, great. When you've all cleaned up the vomit, I'm going to learn to fly. Let me tell you why. And I'm not crazy. OK, I just have to tell the truth. But I flew over my ex-boyfriend's house and I snapped a picture from the air and I sent it to him and his reaction was priceless. He's like, how did you get this

picture? And where are you? And I was like, oh, I just need to be able to do this whenever I feel like it. A, I thought you were going to say I vomited out the window. And then B, I love that your pettiness drove you to learn how to fly an airplane. Girl, you're like hashtag goals. Thank you. I don't know if your adventures have ever called upon survival skills. Do you have any survival skills? I do have my wilderness first aid certification.

I'm going to go get my avalanche training in October back in Colorado. I'm always ready for the apocalypse. I'm literally coming to move in with you. I'm coming to move in with you because you are Lara Croft. You really are. My avalanche training was stay the hell away from avalanches. I would worry about being with you in the apocalypse because you'd be too good at it. And I'd just be like lagging behind out of breath.

I grab you by that collar. We'd be out of there. Okay. I tell you. I tell you. But everyone always says if anything goes wrong, call Kelly. She's going to load up the aircraft. She's going to have all the gear and we're going to survive.

And I say that. So I'm like, choose your friends wisely. i'm one of those friends choose a friend i mean it is humbling to know that you have all these skills for the apocalypse and in my case it'd be like well peter could moderate the discussion at the campfire tonight that's all i got and i my skill i would be like look i don't i hope it doesn't come to this, but probably I'm delicious. I'll hold my breath. I was about to say, in the meeting of your new clan, don't lead with that, Josh. You're going around to find what everybody can contribute.

Hi, I'm Josh. I'm delicious. Can you do the castaway thing that Tom Hanks did and actually make a fire from sticks if you needed to? I absolutely can. That's definitely one of the skills that you learn. Like that's one-on-one survival skills. Like fire is the most important. Come on, Peter.

That's one-on-one. This is terrible. Josh, if, if you and I were maroon together, I wouldn't even be able to boil you. Although we could use my, the reflection of my giant forehead to call down a plane.

Well, Kelly Edwards, it is an absolute delight to talk to you, but we have actually asked you here today to play a game that this time we're calling... Welcome to Staten Island. So you've explored many exotic remote islands, but what do you know about a pretty normal island right off the wild coast of eastern New Jersey, Staten Island? Answer two out eastern New Jersey, Staten Island? Answer two out of three questions about Staten Island, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they may choose from our show on their voicemail bill.

Who is Kelly Edwards playing for? Leah Ross of Orlando, Florida. All right. Ready to go, Kelly? Ready, Freddie. All right. First question about Staten Island. One of the best reasons to visit Staten Island is no longer there. Every year in the fall, people used to rush to the island for the ritual annual construction of what?

A, the world's longest urinal. B, the Birdman, a huge wooden sculpture of a man flipping Manhattan the bird. Or C, a giant bust of Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers based on the myth that Staten Island is the island in the stream? I'm going to go with C, because, you know, Dolly is a queen, and we're just going to say yes.

You're just going to, because I said Dolly Parton, you're just going to go, yes, Dolly Parton. Absolutely. I like that, because you're right, she is the queen, but the answer is the world's largest urinal.

Of course. It was a trowel, it was hundreds of feet long. It was built each year for the start of the New York City Marathon, but sadly no more. Now they go with porta-potties, which are duller. All right, next question. After months of receiving massive electricity bills in her mailbox, a Staten Island woman figured out the reason. Why? A, like all Staten Island residents, she left her Christmas lights up until August. B, the bills were actually for the electricity pole outside her house. Or C. Con Edison was paying tribute to the large Italian population on Staten Island by tallying all bills in lira. I'm going to go with she left her Christmas lights on until August.

You can see it from the sky, I imagine, as you fly around. That's my house! No, actually, the answer, sadly, was B. The bills were for the electricity pole outside her house. They were actually addressed to pole. As the woman said, quote, you don't write to a pole if you're normal.

Alright, last question. Though it's not often thought of as a fine dining destination, visitors to Staten Island can enjoy food from which of these restaurants? A. The world's longest buffet, built out of the previously mentioned world's longest urinal. B. Spinobon, a Cinnabon slash cycling gym. Or C. Enoteca Maria, which only employs genuine Italian grandmothers as cooks. I'm going to go with C. You're right, Enoteca Maria.

We presume dessert is them coming out and asking you why you're not married yet. Oh man, I got plenty of those. Bill, how did Kelly Edwards do in our quiz? One out of three. Now Kelly, you'll be thinking about this on your next flight, so we love having you here. That was

a great roundabout answer. It really was. It was very positive, I think. Kelly Edwards is an adventurer, a mountaineer, a pilot and scuba diver. You can hear her every Wednesday on her new travel podcast, Let's Go Together. Kelly Edwards, thank you so much for being on our show. Thank you guys for having me. This is so fun.

That's it for our New Year's special. Whatever 2021 brings, we hope you'll spend at least part of it with us. We promise it won't get any worse, at least during certain parts of one-hour weekly increments. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.

Peter Gwynn is an old acquaintance we'll never forget. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Thanks to everybody you heard this week,

all of our panelists, all of our guests, and of course, Bill Curtis. And thanks to all of you for listening. Here's to a happy, healthy, and better new year. I'm Peter Sagal, and we'll be back with a new show next week. This is NPR.