Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM Quarantine Edition

Episode Date: July 4, 2020

Tom Hanks, Big Boi, and others join us for this quarantine edition of our show.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Everybody remember, when you go out, wear a mask and follow social distancing. It's just common Bill courtesy. And here's your host who enjoys the ants in his kitchen because it reminds him of being outside, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. So, it's a holiday weekend, which normally means we'd be outside at picnics and barbecues. But this year, we're reduced to sniffing tubes of sunblock, hoping to trigger some memories of being outdoors. It's been three months of sheltering in place, I think.

Wait, let me check the marks I make every day on the wall. This also means that for the last three months, we have been producing weight weight out of our homes. And let me tell you, it's had an effect on us. And here is your host from a jacuzzi filled with hand sanitizer somewhere in Chicago, Peter Sago. And here again is your host, wearing a full body rubber glove, it. Peter Sago. And here again is your host, wearing a full body

rubber glove. It's Peter Sago. And here again is your host from the Federal Strategic Toilet Paper Reserve in Chicago. Peter Sago. Here to put the play in plague. It's Peter Sago. And here is your host from inside the same pair of pajamas he's had on for two weeks. And here again is your host, pretending his dogs count as an audience. Uh-oh, it's a globile pandemic. I'm Bill Gerdes, and here is your host, probably wearing pants but no promises, Peter Sagal. In March of this year, we all went to Atlanta to do our show in front of 5,000 people at the beautiful Fox Theater.

But it became clear quite quickly that it was the wrong time for togetherness. So instead, we did our show in front of 5,000 empty seats. At least we had an excuse when no one laughed at our jokes. But we also missed hanging out with hip-hop superstar Big Boy and had to settle for talking to him on the phone. And now the game where amazing people are asked about pretty dull subjects. It's called Not My Job. Back in 1995, the hip-hop world was divided into two camps. There was East Coast and West Coast. And then at that year's Source Awards, two guys from Atlanta called OutKast got up to the podium and said, The South has something to say.

Big Boy, a founder of OutKast, is also a superstar, is a solo artist. He still lives here in Atlanta. Joins us now. Big Boy, welcome to Wait, Wait. Hey, hey. How y'all doing? We're doing great. We're doing great.

Good to hear. Glad to hear. We're feeling safe. So you were pretty young when your career took off. Was that like weird? Or were you ready for it? You were like, what, 20 years old? We started like teenagers, you know, so we were like 18 years old and things took off. By the time we were 19, we had a platinum album. I was just, you know, excited to be able to do what I love to do, which is make music and for the world to receive it how they received it.

It was great. I'm sure that was amazing, but I'm also interested in what was the first cool thing you bought. The first cool thing I bought? Yes. It was two things. It was I bought a Lexus, 93 Lexus GS300. Nice.

And then me and Andre invested into some beat machines and keyboards, and we started producing as well. Now, you guys went from being artists to, as you say, producers here in Atlanta. And I wanted to ask you about that thing that I think it was Andre said at that Source Awards, that you guys represented, like, southern hip-hop. Is there a voice? Is there a style? Is there something that you guys were doing nobody else was doing?

I think it was, you know, in the South it was always considered to be not taken serious as lyricists, you know, and we were really

all about lyricism. So they were drawn to the country draw the way we talk, you know, we talk slow, you know what I mean? But at the same time

we rap fast and very eloquently. I'm just going to say this, you guys what I mean? But at the same time, we rap fast and very eloquently. I'm just going to say this. You guys became so big that a lot of white people really liked you. Which is, you know, was that cool? Or was that like, oh, no? No, it was basically like we want everybody that can dig the music to dig it. You know what I'm saying?

White, brown, black, yellow, green, it don't matter. You know, we got like two generations, almost three generations of fans right now that's been following our careers for 20-something years now. I guess I need to ask for your, as you say, generations of fans, any chance there's going to be an OutKast reunion?

You're going to do another album together? We got to talk to the Lord. Okay. Wait a minute, is that you or Andre? I was talking about Jesus. Okay. Wait a minute. Is that you or Andre? I was talking about Jesus. Okay. I wanted to ask you about some of your hobbies. You are an animal lover.

Yes, sir. I heard that you once had a shark. Yes, absolutely. I had a nurse shark. His name was Billy Ocean. Yeah. Yeah, it was real fun times, man. I got like a 500- tank yeah and i had all

stingrays and groupers and things like that and i've been breeding dogs now for my brother for over 25 years we breed french bulldogs all right i have so many questions all right so you had a shark was it fun having a shark for a pet yes Yes, yes. It was a lot of fun. I would buy hand-sized goldfish and watch them hunt. Wait a minute. What did you feed them? Hand-sized goldfish. Hand-sized goldfish, the big goldfish.

Yeah. Did you put the goldfish on a trap door above the shark tank, and when they displeased you, you pushed the lever, and they fell into the shark tank, and when they displeased you, you pushed the lever, and they fell into the shark tank? Something like that. I just dropped them out of a bag, and it was just all hell broke loose. So then,

I also found out that you, as you say, you've been a breeder of French bulldogs. Do you show your dogs? Sometimes. My brother does. My brother runs the whole operation. I got like a 40-acre ranch

by Six Flags out here in Atlanta. Yeah. Indoor, outdoors facility. I like to call it Rick's Call to the Dogs. Why French Bulldogs of all breeds? Because they look like teddy bears and they do the cutest things. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. We do those. We do the pit bull terriers as well. Now, and then finally, you got into owls of all things. How did that happen? I always was fascinated with owls. I mean, finally, you got into owls of all things. How did that happen? I always was fascinated with owls. I mean, just, you know, the mysteriousness of them. And there's this wildlife guy that's a good friend of mine. He was like, hey, I can get you an owl, you know? And I was like, really? So about a year and a half ago, I got two Eurasian eagle owls from

upstate New York. And they're like the coolest animals ever. They will perch for hours. You can sit them in the living room, and they'll sit there all day. You just got to watch them around the puppies. Oh, really? Do they go for the puppies? They try to chase them a little bit sometimes, but we kind of keep them separated. Do you ever bring them into the studio with you when you're working? Yes. They try to chase them a little bit sometimes, but we kind of keep them separate. Wow.

Do you ever bring them into the studio with you when you're working? Yes, yes. I bring them every couple of months. You know, if I'm working on something, I let them sit on the credenza for a little while, you know, while I'm writing or something like that. Wow. Here's Big Boy, giant of hip-hop, who composes his raps while his owl is on the credenza. Yeah, there's a true meaning of who do you... That's what I was about to ask if you had any owl samples.

You are such an icon in Atlanta. Are there, like, young rappers out there going, I've got to get an owl, man, because Big Boy's got one. Yeah, I mean, some of them have been saying that. They say, like, where'd you get it? When they see him in person, they're kind of really completely blown away when they come to the studio. And I'm walking around the studio with an owl on my hand.

So, yeah. You're like a renaissance man, like, from the actual renaissance. Yeah, that's pretty cool. It's like falcons and owls. I know. I love the energy. I want to ask about owl sex, but I won't. Yeah, well.

It's got to be a hoot. I got to tell you, man, it'd turn your head. 360 degrees. I got to ask you one last question, which is how did you get your name, big boy? You got to ask my wife. Your wife gave you that name? Oh! Come on, Peter.

I am a sucker. Right in front of you. I know. I went for that like a nurse shark for a goldfish. I am a sucker. Right in front of you. I know. I went for that like a nurse shark for a goldfish. I just couldn't resist. Well, big boy, it is a joy to talk to you, but we have invited you here today to play a game we're calling... I Like the Way You Move My Stuff.

We're pretty sure that your big hit, I Like the Way You Move, was not about moving companies. So we're going to ask you three questions about the people that move our stuff. If you get two right, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might like on their voicemail that is from our show. Bill, who is Big Boy playing for? Robert Brown of Atlanta, Georgia. All right. You ready to do this?

Yes, sir. Here we go. Here's your first question. If you were moving apartments in New York in the 1960s, one option for you was a company called Low Rate Movers. Other than their great prices, what made the company special? A, your furniture would have been moved by the artist Chuck Close, the composer Philip Glass, and the actor Spalding Gray. B, for a low additional fee, you could just arrange your furniture in their truck and live there to save on rent. Or C, they didn't move your furniture or your possessions. They moved your astral self.

Whoa. I'm going to have to go with A. You're right, big boy. The company was owned by a well-known artist to move his work, so he hired other artists. That's dope. It is. Here's your next question. One moving company in L.A. with a lot of celebrity clients

once got a call from a very big star asking them to do what? A, pick the person himself up from the couch and move him to his bed. B, pick up and move his entire house so he can have a better view of the ocean. Or C, move one chair from the dining room to the living room at 3 a.m.? C. You're right. That's amazing. That's great. True story. All right. As good as it gets. Last question, big boy. Here we go. Okay. The government of Quebec and Canada has decided to honor the brave men and women of the moving companies of that province by doing what? A, they built a statue known as the Unknown Mover

to honor all those who have died of hernias while lifting pianos. B, they created a holiday known as Moving Day when everyone is encouraged to move and the moving companies get to charge three times their regular rate. Or C, any professional mover in Quebec gets the prized first press of the annual maple syrup harvest? C. That would be awesome. That would be great.

But the answer, in fact, was B, moving day. It's a big thing in Quebec. Everybody's supposed to move on that day. The moving companies make bank. Triple the charge. That's not a good day to move. No, it isn't. But they're Canadians. They're obedient. They do it anyway. Bill, how did Big Boy do in our quiz?

Well, he got two out of three, and that's a big win for Big Boy. Absolutely. Congratulations. If there were 5,000 people here, they'd be thrilled for you. Woo-hoo! Yeah. Woo-hoo!

Big Boy is a Grammy-winning rapper and producer. Big Boy, thank you so much for spending some time with us. What a pleasure to talk to you. Yeah, yeah. Thank y'all. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Enjoy the city. Thank you. We will. When we come back, some never-before-aired moments with our old pal Tom Hanks and Bill Sings. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Comedian Nicole Byer doesn't consider herself body positive. She just accepts herself as is. I hate that there's a name for like not hating a part of who you are. Do you know what I'm saying?

Like it's insane. Nicole Byer on her new book, Very Fat, Very Brave and How to Love Yourself. Listen to It's Been a Minute from NPR. and how to love yourself. Listen to It's Been a Minute from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host,

wondering why his Victory Garden Cheerios plants aren't coming in. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. So this week we're looking back on how our show, which usually travels the country and tapes in front of live audiences, has coped with home confinement. There's nothing sadder than groupies trying to throw their underwear at you via Zoom. We did what we could to help with public health during the crisis,

especially when it came to washing hands. Wash your hands with me, Bill Curtis. Everyone head to your sinks. Now, we all know that hand washing is most effective when you use soap and water for at least 20 seconds. So, once again, as a public service for our listeners, we're going to wash our hands together while Bill Curtis sings one of his favorite hand washing songs.

Hit it, Bill. Turn on that water. You are the washing queen. Young and sweet, hands are super clean. Washing queen. Feel the beat from the tambourine. Oh, yeah. Feel the beat from the tambourine Oh yeah

You can dance, you can jive Having the time of your life Ooh, see that girl? Hands so clean Digging the washing queen That is, you know what that is? What is that? That is a gift to every OCD person from now until the end of time

who will listen to that while they obsessively wash their hands. They will never stop. If you think you've had a rough quarantine, our panelists had to answer questions without audiences cheering them on. Here's how they did. Helen, British wildlife experts are reporting on one positive outcome of the lockdown. Without humans around, hedgehogs are doing what again? Uh, it. Yes, they're doing it, and they're doing it very loudly, Helen. That's the thing. It's not just those pandas in that zoo that are enjoying the, you know,

privacy of lockdown. According to wildlife experts, hedgehogs are spending a lot more time getting busy. This increase in mating comes at the expense of their other hobby, getting hit by cars. With no humans to bother them, they're also doing it very loudly. As one expert put it, there's, quote, even more huffing than usual. Wait, do we have any idea what hedgehog sex sounds like? I myself do not know. Wasn't that the whole point of Sonic the Hedgehog? Yeah, exactly.

I know what I'm Googling immediately after this call. It's good that hedgehogs have more time now. Before, there were a lot of unsatisfied hedgehogs going, Wow, Sonic, you are quick. I like a hedgehog that will just sort of lead beyond. That's more of an edgehog. Mo, you're on a naughty roll. You're on a naughty roll.

Mo, new research into dolphin behavior shows that male dolphins will do what in order to attract a mate? They'll attract a mate. Can you give me a clue? All right, I'll do my best. Here we go. It sounds like do-re. Hee, hee, hee.

Oh, they'll sing. They'll sing. Oh, sweet. Not only do they sing, but male dolphins will get together with some of their bro friends. In a barbershop quartet. Yes, exactly right, Mo. They sing a cappella to try to impress the chicks. This is terrible news for people who love dolphins because it means the creatures you thought were intelligent and gentle are actually Yale undergraduates.

I only have fins for you. Wait, they don't have fins. What do dolphins have? They have fins. Dolphins have fins. I would say it should be aqua-pella. Oh, that's nice. Because it was, yeah, because it, never mind.

Roxanne, could you mute yourself, please? So how do they decide if four dolphins form the quartet, how do they decide which dolphin gets the girl? Apparently, this is a very cooperative thing,

that one of them will be sort of the principal suitor and he'll get the others to help him. So basically, dolphins have wingmen or fin men,

which is a dumb thing to say, but it's also the name of their acapella singing group. And guys, and guys, remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Fish gotta swim. Except dolphins aren't fish, are they? No, they're not. They're mammals, right? But they eat fish. They eat fish. Mamma mia, mamma mia, here I go again. Bye bye. Mammal Mia. Mammal Mia. Here I go again.

Bye-bye. Any more mammal songs? For our first completely at-home edition of Wait, Wait, we invited back an old friend, movie star, and occasional Wait, Wait guest host, Tom Hanks. By the way, Tom asked if he could join us via Zoom for the whole show, not just his segment. And let me tell you something. It is pretty hard to concentrate in your job when Tom Hanks, two Oscars, and a dirty volleyball are all staring back at you the whole time. Here's an extended version of our virtual visit with Tom Hanks.

It's good to be back, the source of the finest reviews of my career. Well, actually, this is the first time you've been on the show since you did that, about three years ago. And did, in fact, people reach out to you? Because they reached out to me and they basically said, Peter, when are you leaving again? We all have those things in our checkered careers, don't we? Go on Netflix and look for Bonfire of the Vanities and you'll know. I have to ask on behalf of a, I think a concerned

globe. How are you feeling, Tom Hanks? We are just fine, Dandy. We had all of the flu-like symptoms. My wife, Rita, was a little worse off than me. She had a very high temperature. And we were isolated so that we would not give it to anyone else. Right. Now that you've had it, aren't you supposedly immune? You're superheroes. You can walk amongst us and be immune?

Or is that just nonsense? Well, a lot of the question is, is what now? What do we do now? Is there something we can do? And in fact, we just found out that we do carry the antibodies. Wait, so can we harvest your body? Can we harvest your blood? Have you been approached?

We have not only been approached, we have said, do you want our blood? Can we give plasma? And in fact, we will be giving it now to the places that hope to work on what I would like to call the Hank scene. Yeah. Oh, please. There could be no better ending to this international catastrophe than if the cure turns out to be the blood of Tom Hank. That would be the best. Because we've always thought it would do us some good somehow.

I'm not trying to hog it with a copyright or, you know, I'm not going to the patent office. You thought he was Jimmy Stewart, but he's also Jonas Soule. Tom, let me ask you the obvious Hollywood question. If there is a sequel, would you consider being in COVID-20? Yes, I would. I would answer all the questions left unanswered by COVID-19. By the way, how many franchises do you have to go on that long? The James Bond thing, Fast and the Furious, and the COVID series.

Can I say for all of America, can there just be one of these, please? We love you, Tom. I do not want to see the second one of these. You hosted Saturday Night Live. You sort of ushered that show back into production in the middle of all this. And a question arose that I have seen coursing through social media, and I can pose it to you now. Tom Hanks, was that your real kitchen?

No, that was my abandoned office that is 10 minutes away from my home. Can I ask you, what do you have against your own kitchen that you went into that other kitchen? What you're seeing down there truly is my taste in decoration, not my wife's taste. Yes, it is me, baby. That is my big masculine man cave. And you should have been able to tell

by the fabulous one button only cappuccino espresso maker that was backed out over my left hand shoulder. Dark mahogany cabinets, right? Sort of a red. That is my crib. And I am proud of it.

What was funny was so many people were like, that is no way. That is like an A-list movie star's kitchen. So could you, just for the benefit of those people, lie to America about what your real kitchen is like? My real kitchen? I assume it looks like the dining hall in Hogwarts. No, no.

It's the Ratatouille kitchen with all those like stoves and black and gold. Do you know, have you seen Downton Abbey? All those people that work downstairs making bread and stuff like that. You have Mrs. Patmore. I'm not sure what their names are. I don't know how long they've been working for us, but they are really busy down there. And if I had done SNL over their shoulders, it wouldn't have had the same impact. What is your life like during lockdown? Are you doing

the same as the rest of us, just in your house, reading books, spending your time, taking a Zoom meeting? I find that something different has happened about every 20 minutes. I've done the Marie Kondo-izing of much of my life, I must say. I found this microphone. That's one thing. I didn't even realize I had this microphone somewhere. Lucky us. It was in the original box. So I pulled it out.

But I got to say, if I win one hand of solitaire, I immediately try to see if I can get two in a row. So I'm busy. I am very, very, very busy. Yeah. Well, Tom Hanks, it is such a pleasure to talk to you every single time we get to do it. But there are rules. So this time, we have asked you here to play a game we're calling... It's a Terrible Day in the Neighborhood.

Your most recent film to come out. Okay. It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood. You played Mr. Rogers, the nicest neighbor ever. So we thought we'd ask you about some of the worst neighbors ever. Answer two out of three correctly, and you will win a prize for one of our listeners. The voice of anyone they may choose in their voicemail. Well, I was actually hoping the prize would be they get to substitute host.

Wait, wait, don't tell me. Once again. Just because you won that once doesn't mean we let everybody do it. Bill, who is Tom Hanks playing for today? Diana Combs-Sellman of Fort Worth, Texas. All right, you know the rules, Tom. You've been on both sides. Here we go.

You might be excited if your neighbor won the lottery, but not the neighbors of a British man who won 10 million pounds in 2003 and then did what with the money? Was it A, he bought the house next door and created Britain's first rat sanctuary and petting zoo? B, he added an additional 15 stories onto his house where C, turned his yard into a demolition derby racetrack. I'm going to go with the 15 stories.

Did he block everybody's view with his money? No, he didn't. He actually turned it into a demolition derby racetrack. You know, there's a lot of things a person could do with 10 million pounds. That's about the most sensible thing you could possibly do. I think so. Mash up some cars. All right. You still have two more chances. All right. I'll take a little longer on this because I know you need to pad this show out. I've been listening in and I think there's a lot of cuttable material.

All right. A concerned mother in Northern California called animal control on her neighbor in 2015 after she noticed what? A, that the neighbor's parrot was teaching her kids how to swear. B, that the neighbor's cat really seemed not to enjoy being dressed up every day with a hat for a kitty tea party. Or C, that her neighbor's dog really seemed to look and act like a person in a dog suit. These are far too possible, each one of them. Parrot, cat, or dog. Yes, those are the three pets. You've heard the story of the parrot who did swear far too much and insulted its owner until in anger, the owner grabbed the parrot and shoved it into his freezer above his refrigerator.

And then when, after leaving him there for a few minutes, he opened the door and the parrot was very contrite and said, I want to apologize. parrot was very contrite and said, I want to apologize. My language was, I should not have used it. It was rude of me. And I hope you can forgive me. And then the parrot said, and by the way, just what did the chicken do? In honor of that joke, I'm going to vote for the foul-mouthed parrot. You're exactly right, Tom. That's the one. The neighbor claimed that the parrot was shouting obscenities in Spanish. The parrot's owner said the parrot doesn't even know Spanish. Okay, all right.

This is for the win now. Here is your last question. Once upon a time, a man named Bob kept complaining to his neighbor about the condition of his ugly, unpainted wooden fence. What did the neighbor do? Was it A, he tore down the fence so his neighbor, Bob, could enjoy him and his 70-year-old wife practice nudism? B, he got some paint and he just painted the words, Look, Bob, I've painted my fence on the ugly old wood. Or C, he tore down the fence and put up five concrete highway barriers.

Hmm. Who would complain about 70-year-old nudists? I don't... I think... Oh, wait, I see some hands here on the Zoom conference. Yes. I'll go with the, hey, Bob, I painted my fence. That's exactly right.

That sounds like what he did. It's been huge, five-foot-high letters across the 40-foot-long fence. Hey, Bob, I painted my fence. And that's a bad neighbor? I think that's kind of a good thing. I think it's pretty clever. He's been immortalized. Bill, how did Tom Hanks do on our quiz?

Tom pulled out a win, and we're going to give him a free cup of his favorite drink at Wait Wait, a cup of Postum. Because we're on Zoom, I can see the crates of Postum behind Bill Curtis with a K. He's got him stacked up back there. I have one last question for you, Tom. And by the way, I'm assuming it's okay to talk about this. My understanding is you were in Australia filming a movie about Elvis Presley in which you play Colonel Parker. That was the thought. We were about to start shooting. And then by that time, the rest of Australia had started making rules and regulations. And so we never actually got to start shooting. Did you have the accent all ready to go? Did you have the accent all ready to go?

He was, well, let me. Well, let me. There was a fabulous, you could go online, you might be able to see it. There's a fabulous interview 10 years after Elvis' passing with Colonel Tom Parker and Ted Koppel. And they're talking about the time with Elvis. And Ted Koppel said, he said a thing about, you know, you kept Elvis

in these kind of like, you know, rock around the clock bikini movies. And was that a choice that you made? And Colonel Tom Parker said, well, let me correct you, Ted. And then he went on and said,

Mr. Presley could have done any film that he wanted to do, but provided that there was a credible offer on the table. And we were told that a role was up for him in which he could have won an Oscar, in which I said, well, if you pay us a million dollars to do the movie, when Elvis wins the Oscar, we will give the money back. So that was the nature of, that's some of the,

there's some of the deep research that goes on. So we'll see. All of show business has to figure out what goes on, much like radio. I mean, you guys must miss going back to those Soviet confines of the Chase Auditorium in downtown Chicago. The funniest thing I heard about when I got back

after you had hosted the show was hearing stories about how you came into a workspace and you looked around and you said, this is it? You work here? We all think you guys are like radio shows from the 1940s, you know, with an orchestra standing by and all these on-air things. I didn't realize you essentially had room suitable for bullet point presentations.

And, you know, all we needed was the golf pencils to take our driver's training test. That was the kind of room that is. Not to take anything away from the geniuses at Chase Bank Auditorium. I'm trying to let you go here, so let's do this. Tom Hanks is an award-winning actor and substitute public radio host. Tom Hanks, we are so thrilled that you deigned to stop by and talk to us. Thanks for having me back, guys. Thank you very much. Always a great pleasure.

Take care, everybody. Bye-bye. I'm leaving the Zoom meeting now. When we come back, we Zoom in on Hollywood's new power couple, Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon. Plus, we talk to Allison Janney while she sits in the attic of her parents' house. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host who has perfected his quarantine recipe, SpaghettiOs with a goldfish cracker garnish, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. So we're reviewing what it has been like to do our show with no audience but each other, our bored pets,

and the collection of creepy dolls on the shelf. They stare and stare and never sleep. One nice thing about our pandemic edition shows is that we get to talk to guests in their homes where they're a little more relaxed. It's like being invited over to hang with people who would never invite us over in real life. For example, Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon, who were nominated for an Oscar for their movie about their own courtship, The Big Sick. Peter asked them how they were coping with an even bigger sick. Well, you know, it changes every day. I feel like every day is a whole new set of feelings. And it's sort of like, hey, I wonder what today will hold. If I wake up and look at the news, that changes my whole day. That's correct. Which you do as

soon as you wake up. I resisted today and yesterday. The two days prior to that, I was not able to resist and just really worked myself up into a lather by 8.30 a.m. Now, you guys made a movie about how you met called The Big Sick, in which Kumail, you actually played yourself, and it was a huge hit. And I think it's true that people sort of fell in love with you as you two fell in love in this successful film. So do you feel a particular obligation not to go crazy and try to kill each other, stuck inside all the time? But what would be better than that for the sequel?

Kumail! Obviously, it wouldn't be us making it. Somebody else would have to play me. Yeah, we're not going to work together after. that for the sequel. Kumail. Obviously, it wouldn't be us making it. Somebody else would have to play me. Yeah, we're not going to work together after

if that happens. No matter what side of the equation I'm on, I'm not going to be in this movie. No, no. I have to ask about one scene in particular.

It's a scene where Emily, the character, is over at Kumail's house and has to get up in the middle of the night and demands to like, I got to go get a cup of coffee at the diner around the street. And it seems incredibly strange that she would

want to do this. And it turns out she just really has to go to the bathroom. So my first question is, A, did that really happen? And secondly, whose idea was it to put it in the movie for people like me to see? It very much was my idea because I was trying to think of milestones of intimacy and relationships that you don't really get to see in movies ever. And I always have talks with my girlfriends of a when you're early in a relationship, what do you do when you need to poop at the guy's house? It's just a conversation I've had at brunch many times. And everybody's got a fun story of like, oh, I had to go to Target, I had to run to the coffee shop, I had to do this. But it is a sign, like pretending

we don't have any bodily functions to having bodily functions is a progression of a relationship. I'm just, yeah, I wanted to ask, at what point in the brunch does that come up? As soon as drinks are ordered, I would say. So, so yeah, we've talked about your movie, but I think what America wants to hear about about your movie but i think what america wants to uh hear about uh is this picture of you kumail a nice geeky uh south asian uh came out and uh you're not uh skinny anymore no yeah no he's not no you became an internet sensation i did not think it would become as much of a sensation as it did it was really surprising so i was actually shooting the movie that I got before. I posted it and I checked an hour later and nothing had happened. And then I checked an

hour later and it had become, it was everywhere. And it was honestly, I felt very, well, I felt very naked for a very good reason, but I felt emotionally naked as well. I didn't know it was going to turn into what it turned into um first of all we should explain you got a role in a marvel superhero movie right yeah it's a marvel superhero movie called eternals and they you know for me it was like i was the first south asian superhero in a marvel movie and i was like i want this to be a guy who looks like he can take on someone like thor who can take on someone like Captain America, you know. So that's where I was coming from.

I didn't want the first South Asian superhero to also be the first out of shape Marvel. I was like, I want to break just one barrier right now. The other one is for someone else. So that's where I came from. I was like, I have to really get in shape to try and like hang with Thor, you know? Also, you love it. Now I love it.

Yeah. I do love it. But I didn't quite get to Thor, but that was my effort. Are you able to maintain that at home? Like when you're not able to go out and go to the gym, say, while you're sheltering in place?

Let me just really quickly say he's not able to maintain it because he's actually added to it in the last three weeks. Well, I basically right before the quarantine hit, we saw it coming. So I got a set of dumbbells and a bench and we put it in our garage. And I have been working out as if my sanity depends on it. I don't know what it is about not being able to control anything in the world that makes me really want to control the one thing I can. It's textbook, Kumail. Well, you know, there's this concept called zero risk bias, where in an uncertain situation, you do something that makes you feel like you're bringing control to the situation.

And that's why most people hoard toilet paper, because it's really cheap and you can feel like you're doing something to control the situation. But you work out and that's your version of buying toilet paper. That's absolutely right. Yeah, we have no toilet paper but my biceps look great. Well, Kamail and Emily, it's a pleasure to talk to you and we have asked you here today to play a game we're calling The Big Chick. That's right.

You made the movie The Big Sick so we're going to ask you about The Big Chick, namely Big Bird. Answer two out to ask you about the big chick, namely, Big Bird. Answer, two out of three questions about the giant whatever it is, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose in their voicemail. Bill, who are Kumail and Emily playing for? Bella Norvig of New York, New York. All right, here is your first question, guys. You ready to do this?

Ready, we're ready. All right, your first question. Big Bird can be litigious like a lot of giant animals. Big Bird or his human representatives once sued whom? A. The owners of the Seagram building in New York because he kept walking into the big glass windows and giving himself a concussion. B. Yandy, makers of the sexy Big Bird costume. B, Yandy, makers of the sexy Big Bird costume, or C, the makers of a, quote, male enhancement supplement, which used the slogan, how do you think Big Bird got that way? Okay. Okay.

Okay, let's talk about this. What do you think? It's either the- The sexy costume or the male enhancement. I feel like it's B. I do too. I think it's B. Are we okay with that?

Yeah, let's go B. We're going to go B. You're right, guys. Yes! It was fun. It was like wonderful watching your process. It was like the big sick two. It was great.

Yes, the answer is B. It's a pretty sexy Big Bird costume, I have to say. All right. Big Bird has had some amazing achievements while he's away from Sesame Street, such as which of these? Is it A, he ran a faster 40-yard dash than several offensive linemen at the NFL Combine? B, he defeated actor Jason Schwartzman

on an episode of Lip Sync Battle? Or C, he took first place at the 2003 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, besting both Joey Chestnut and Cookie Monster? Okay, so I think we're going to go... A? Let's go A. No, it was actually B.

He beat Jason Schwartzman in a rap battle. La, la, la, la. Oh, no. All right, here's your last question. If you get this, you win it all. Here we go. Big Bird's costume, assuming it's a costume and not an actual bird,

is made out of what? A, turkey feathers, but only from the butt of the turkey, B, N95 masks, or C, leftover parts of Bert. Oh my god. Okay, so this is a tough one. I wonder if you can make N95 masks out of Big Bird's costume, in which case I imagine a bunch of Big Bird costumes being sent to hospitals all over the country. That is such a heartwarming segment to end a newscast with. Children just crying.

I think maybe A is the answer. It feels like they're maybe turkey feathers. We're going to go with A. Yeah. Yes. It was in fact A. It's made of turkey butt feathers. By the way, that's the same thing that they make those feather boas that the Vegas

Showgirls use. Wow, wow, wow. Bill, how did Kumail and Emily do in our quiz? Well, it was quite a journey, but they won. Two out of three is a winning vote. Kumail Nanjiani and Emily Gordon host the podcast Staying In. They're also producers of Little America

on Apple TV. Kumail and Emily, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. We so appreciate it. Thank you so much for having us. Yeah, thank you. Take care. Bye-bye. Finally, the pandemic caught some people in places they didn't expect to be. This spring, Oscar-winning actress Allison Janney was supposed to be walking the red carpet at the premiere of her new film, Bad Education.

Instead, she ended up having to talk to us from a spare bedroom in her parents' house in Dayton, Ohio. Whoa! I suspected that! She's lovely. I actually... She's a goolie. I actually looked up, I hadn't seen it since it it happened but I looked up your Oscar acceptance speech for playing Tanya's mother

and you began with the greatest line I've ever heard could you repeat it for us now so she gets up, she's in her beautiful gown she wins an Oscar for best supporting actress and she says I did it all by myself thank god

which was great and if you had had any gum, you would have turned and walked away. I know. I would have won that jet ski or whatever they were offering for the shortest acceptance speed. Oh, yeah. Right. You know?

You would have been legend. I chickened out. But it would have been. You're right. It would have been unforgettable. We're checking in with our guests. How are you doing, Alice and Janie, during all this? Listen, it's been an incredibly challenging time. I decided to come back to Ohio to be with my folks, to ride this through with them and look after them. And

so I feel really, really good about that decision. I mean, I was about to ask you if it was weird to walk around a city in Ohio as a nationally, internationally famous actress, but then I realized you're not walking around anywhere, are you? Nope. Nope. I mean, I go to the market, but nobody knows who I am because I got my mask on. I got my sunglasses. I got a hat on. No, you know, I'm incognito everywhere I go. So. Do you sometimes just have to ask your parents, do you know who I am? Here, let me take off my mask. So we were talking about I, Tonya. That was an amazing role for which you won an Oscar.

And it was written specifically for you, right? Yeah, Stephen Rogers and I went to the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York City together back in the 80s. And he wrote that part knowing that I would be able to inhabit that kind of lady and make her plausible. I guess that's the right word, real. For those who haven't seen I, Tonya, first of all, what's wrong with you? Secondly, the character that Allison plays is Tonya's mother, who is truly the worst mother ever committed to film. And was it weird when someone says oh i wrote this part especially for you i thought of you the whole time i was writing it here you go allison and you were like thanks i did thank him though because he knew i'd love i like to take characters like

that and make them human and make them um believable and having been a figure skater myself i felt like I understood what a commitment it is for, uh, for parents because my mother would get up at five in the morning and take me to the ice rink before school. You were actually an ice skater when you were growing up? I wanted to be an Olympic figure skater. That was my, my dreams. And were you actually going to be a, you were like on that track? Oh God, no, I wasn't that good. I was too tall too tall you know okay it's an acrobatic sport i'm six feet tall the most i could do i could do a double sow cow and uh and a double flip two double jumps and that was it um yeah i was graceful

though i could have been like tour valentine i could have been you remember tour valentine yeah oh yes i remember tour valentine they were just so you remember tour valentine yes oh yes i remember tour valentine they were just so beautiful i could have that's what i should have been i could have been an ice dancer oh my god i'd love this this is like on the waterfront but frozen over did you ever talk to tanya about your performance as her mother and if so what did she say yeah she was the one who guided me in my performance i i couldn't believe that someone could be this horrible to their daughter but she uh this was straight these were her stories and she basically helped me have the confidence to step into it and

believe just you know it was it was uh it was hard to do to margot robbie though it was interesting as an actor trying to figure out how to be incredibly mean to her. And just, yeah, we're going to jump into a scene now and you're going to throw a knife at Margot Robbie and go. It's just so bizarre what we do. I do want to ask you about Bad Education, which is the movie that's coming out on HBO this weekend. Who was more of a prima donna to work with, the parrot from I, Tonya or Hugh Jackman? Oh, Hugh Jackman. Biggest prima donna.

He is the loveliest. Yeah, the parrot wins prima donna hands down. Scene stealing prima donna. Hugh Jackman is a delightful, playful and accessible and generous. He's just wonderful he would you know and he did he's the kind of guy that thinks about everyone and brings everyone scratchies on friday the whole crew and buys everyone just one just a really generous guy a guy you want a lot of scratch cards is that what you mean by scratchies little yeah a lot

of scratch cards yeah yeah i don't know that's's for people to play. That's very sweet. Let me ask you a question. Would you, before there's a coronavirus vaccine, would you film a sex scene with Hugh Jackman? Yes. Allison, your parents are downstairs. Keep it down when you're talking about this. No, they can't. I'm on the third floor.

They're on the first floor. I was so disappointed to not get to walk a red carpet with Hugh Jackman. I was finally going to walk down a red carpet with a man taller than me. And it was going to be a lovely moment for me. But we did just speak recently, we had to do a little virtual red carpet like this. And I was dressed exactly what I'm wearing right now. And we just... Who are you wearing? Is that your target? I'm wearing my mother's cardigan. And I'm wearing... Who are you wearing? My mother. Is my mother's cardigan a hip designer in LA?

My mother's cardigan. I'm wearing a t-shirt i've worn for three days and it i do not smell so good right now and i fancied it up with this little gold necklace and you should have you should have your father just off camera as the security guard for your necklace it just occurred to me so you're in your parents house is this the house where you grew up no okay maybe this still happens is there anywhere in the house a shrine to Alice and Janney? Because you're an acclaimed award-winning actress. Wouldn't your parents put up pictures of you on the red carpet and copies of your awards and stuff like that? You know, there are a few.

But I have, you know, there are other people in the family that want to give equal time, equal spacing in the house to other siblings. No one cares about Tim's Amway career. I just remember calling my mother and father and telling them I got nominated for my first Emmy and my mother and father were up in Vermont. She said, well, that's

bubbly, honey, but your father and I are dealing with the septic system right now, so we'll call you back. They don't really do Hollywood stuff, so I'm always very grounded here in Ohio. That does it for a look back on the first few months of the COVID-19 era. If we have to be stuck inside, well, at least I get to be stuck with you, Bill. Thanks, Peter. But would it be possible for me to get my own room? Ah, thanks, Peter. But would it be possible for me to get my own room? Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Philip Godeka writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our intern is Emma Day, and our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme, our program is produced every week by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Peter Gwynn is our smoke bomb. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Thanks to everybody you heard today, all our panelists, all our guests, of course, Bill Curtis. And thanks to all of you who have spent some of your pandemic time with us. We can't see you right now, but we still love that you're here with us. I'm Peter Sagal. Stay safe, and we will see you next week. This is NPR.