Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Randall Park

Episode Date: July 29, 2023

For some, being a triple-threat actor/writer/comedian is enough, but not for Randall Park, who decided to add "director" to the list with his debut film Shortcomings. He joins guest host Karen Chee and panelists Zainab Johnson, Tom Bodett and Josh Gondelman.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WPEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm no anchor man, I'm an anchor gauze. Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. Filling in for Peter Sagal, it's Karen Chee. Hello! Yeah, I'm Karen Chee. I'm like the cool babysitter your parents hired. With me, you can stay up late and eat as much candy as you want. I'm just kidding, you have to play a news quiz.

Later on, actor Randall Park will be joining us. You loved him in Always Be My Maybe and as Asian Jim on The Office. He'll tell us all about the new movie he's directed, Shortcomings. But now, it's your turn to give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. And now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, thanks for having me. This is Alexander Hutton from Arlington, Virginia. Alexander, welcome. Hello. Thanks for having me. Alexander, what do you do in Arlington, Virginia? I work as an estimator for an electrical distribution company for major projects. I spend all day throwing numbers at things. Whoa, that kind of sounds like Sesame Street. Okay, great.

Alexander, welcome, and I want to introduce you to our panel. First, she's a comedian headlining the DC Comedy Loft in Washington, DC, August 3rd through the 5th. It's Zaynab Johnson! Next, he's a stand-up comedian who will also be performing in Washington, DC on August 6th. And at Zany's in Nashville on August 8th, it's Josh Gondelman! And he's a dust-covered humorist and founder of Hatch Space Woodworking School and Community Workshop in Brattleboro, Vermont. It's Tom Beaudet. Hey, Alex.

Hey, Tom. Welcome to the show, Alexander. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis will read you three quotes from this week's news. If you get two of them, you'll win our prize, which is any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. For example, Bill's voice. And if he's not available, I'll do my best Bill impression for you.

It sounds like this. Hello. Are there two Bills over there? I crushed it. Okay, Alexander, are you ready to play? Indeed I am. All right, here's your first quote. We're not bringing little green men into the hearing.

That was Representative Tim Burchett opening up a congressional hearing about what this week? The congressional hearing on into the UFO program. That's correct this week a government whistleblower testified under oath that we have ufos and alien bodies this is huge because specifically the whistleblower said they found quote biologics of quote non-human origin which means either it's very scary or it's like a chipmunk. I was thinking like, remember the Soviet space dog that just like disappeared? Like they sent a dog into space?

They did, yeah. Yeah, and famously didn't come back. Is that the Soviet space dog? Until now. didn't come back. Is that the Soviet thing? Until now. I don't know why the government hadn't told us about this before, right?

It's like, nice to get good news from the government. Like, hey, we're not giving you health care, we're at war, but aliens are real and we're going to let you touch one. I like that you think it's a good thing. That's very positive. I think it's like we haven't suffered any ill effects yet that I know of.

No, that's true. I guess it's just weird because biologics is a tricky term to understand. It kind of sounds like they went into a UFO, shined a black light, and were like, ew, what is he doing? What's been going on in here? I keep laughing nervously because I'm worried there's an alien in here. I keep laughing nervously because I'm worried there's an alien in here. Do you remember how, you know, for years, every time you checked into a website, you had to tell them if you're a robot?

Yeah, I mean, that's still happening. Well, I don't see it as often anymore. I think they finally got us mapped out, you know. It's like, I would just leave because it's just like, are you a robot? It's like, what's the right answer, you know? It's like, who's asking? But it's always the most non-secure sites. Like, I'm just trying to order my Starbucks. It doesn't matter.

Let a robot have the coffee if the robot wants the coffee so bad. All right, Alexander, here's your next quote. We must bid adieu to the bird. Elon Musk was announcing that in his final act as CEO, he would be changing the name of Twitter to what? The letter X. That's correct. Yes, that's right.

Elon Musk changed the name of Twitter to X. And it's now official. X marks the spot where Twitter went bankrupt. and it's now official, X marks the spot where Twitter went bankrupt. The good news is that it's a perfect excuse for all perverts at work. They're like, I swear, I wasn't trying to look at this website. I was just trying to go to Twitter three times in a row. I think it's false advertising.

Calling it X implies that there's going to be skateboarding there. One of the weirdest things is that it's called X because Musk has said repeatedly that that's his favorite letter. Like any normal grown-up man says. Have you ever been asked that? What's your favorite letter?

No, because I look like an adult. What would make you come up with an answer to that is what I'm wondering. If someone asked you that on a first date, you'd be like, wait a minute, you're four toddlers in a coat, right? We can't date, this is wrong. What do you do? What's your favorite letter? I don't know. All right, here's your favorite light up? I don't know. Alright, here's your last quote. What about

people who struggle with time blindness? That was someone on TikTok promoting the term time blindness as a new excuse to explain why you're always what? Late? Yes, that's correct. Time blindness is a term that's apparently used by therapists to explain why some people just can't show up on time.

And now it's your perfect excuse. But also, if you're unsure if you're a sufferer of time blindness, you might be able to figure it out, because one symptom is always showing up 15 minutes late with an iced coffee in your hand. I live with a person, I won't say you, it's just a lovely person. I've raised three children with her.

Tom, I just want to say, if it's not your wife, this is very concerning. Yeah, right, right. And I think, you know, she suffers from the heartbreak of time blindness, it seems. I didn't have a term for it before. I know, though, that it takes her 40 minutes to leave. It doesn't matter if we're leaving to go dig in the garden

or if we're leaving to go to a formal ball. It's 40 minutes. And it's always 20 minutes before we have to leave that she goes upstairs and starts the process. Like, this is a no-no. That's time blindness, right? That's like the definition. Because she's very competent in all other

ways. She is, I would say, normal. Okay, let's not get too steamy on the radio. You and your normal life. I like adding blindness to the end of something. Like on a date, I get money blindness.

Yeah, right. I forgot my wallet. All the time. Yeah. You know who I bet doesn't love this phrase is people who live with blindness blindness. They're like, oh, you're always late? How about you try looking at a clock?

Bill, how did Alexander do? You know, Alexander's very good. Starts the day off right with a perfect score. Oh, man, thank you so much for playing, Alexander. Have a great day in your new office in arlington okay panel now it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news Okay, panel, now it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Tom, new experiments reveal the most dangerous thing you can bring into your home is what? A 14-year-old boy. What is the 14-year-old boy wearing? Oh, that sounded so bad. That's not what I meant. Karen, save it for X.com. Tom, I'm going to give you a hint. This is why Mr. Rogers always took his off first thing.

Oh, a microbe absorbing sweater? No! It's your shoes! Oh, germ magnet, yes, yes, shoes. Oh right, he took his shoes off too. Yeah, and he swapped them for indoor shoes like a good Asian American icon. It's true, if you are one of the psychos that actually wears your shoes inside, we have terrible news. A swab test revealed that they track in an alarming amount of bacteria,

and surprise, most of it is from dog poop. Who would have thought that the thing we wear to keep our feet off the public bathroom's floor would be gross? The researchers encouraged home shoe wearers to clean their floors frequently or try and switch to slippers. And they also encouraged people who do take their shoes off inside to quote, never invite those other people over. Look, I have a 16-year-old pug at home, and not to be too gross, but we have an extremely efficient way of getting

dog poop inside our house. You don't even need to wear shoes. It's going to happen. You get a dog with a 16-year-old butt. Right. So to encourage people, I have a basket of clean socks by the door so that people, in a bench, so that when people come in, I mean, I never have people over, but if they ever do, there's something there for them. But I always feel weird about the people who are like, I brought, I brought my own slippers. I'm like, I don't know those slippers. Yeah. You could have worn them outside or in Josh's house. I feel like Josh, the trick for you would be to wear shoes indoors but not outdoors. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to get the streets of New York all gross with the inside of my house. Coming up, our panelists fight for their rights. It's Bluff the Listener. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be right back with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Z-Nab Johnson, Josh Gondelman, and Tom Beaudet. And here again is your host

at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Filling in for Peter Sagal, it's Karen Chee. Hey, that's me. Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air. Hey, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Caroline O'Reilly, and I'm calling from Coopersburg, Pennsylvania. Caroline, hello, welcome. What are you up to in Coopersburg?

I'm currently a student at Penn State University, majoring in biomedical engineering. Oh my gosh. Caroline, we're all cheering for you because we're hoping you'll save this world for us. I hope so. Hey, it's great to have you with us. You're here to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? We're not going to take it.

We all reach a breaking point when we feel passionate about an injustice and take a stand. Unless, of course, the thing you're passionate about is sitting. That's for my dad. Our panelists are going to tell you three stories about people standing up for what's right. So pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yep. Nice. Okay. First up, it's Tom Bodette. To tip or not to tip? That is a question that comes up far too often in these days of touchscreen tipping prompts at every turn.

For Dan Tyler of Syracuse, New York, it became a question of his constitutional rights. I have a right to the pursuit of happiness, said Mr. Tyler while collecting signatures in Albany for a petition to ban tipping screens at cash registers. These things make me very unhappy, particularly when the options are 25, 30, and 35% for crying out loud. Taylor Millsaw, who stood nearby holding a sign that read, here's a tip, freedom, chimed in, when you get the bill, that should be the cost. Nobody threw in 20 percent on the bill of rights.

When asked to comment on the merits of the petition Syracuse University law professor Chris Nichols passed a swallow of mocha chai through her nose and said the Constitution does not protect us from awkward personal decisions. Tip, don't tip, it's a free country plus 15% apparently. Caroline your next story of someone gripping their ground comes from Zainab Johnson. After boarding his United flight from Newark to San Diego, passenger Romello Henley Jr. helped others get their bags into the overhead bins, showed people their underseat outlets, and even made sure a small child's seatbelt was fastened while the child's mother put a

The Rock for President sweater on her other child. Finally, Romello sat down and promptly fell asleep. Three hours later, he awoke and encountered the greatest injustice any of us will ever face. The snacks and drinks had been served while he was out cold. A plea to the flight attendant went unanswered, but the many passengers he had helped saw his flight, and the revolution began. They began chanting, no pretzels, no peace, and hey, hey, ho, ho, Romello wants a Coke Zero. And finally, the people on United will never be defeated. A few minutes later, a smiling flight attendant walked down the aisle to deliver snacks to Romello. Everyone cheered.

The flight landed safely in San Diego, and United changed their aisle to deliver snacks to Romello. Everyone cheered. The flight landed safely in San Diego, and United changed their policy to leave snacks in the seat backs of sleeping passengers from now on. That was a sleepy, snackless passenger from Zainab Johnson. And your last story of an admirable advocate comes from Josh Gondelman.

Pickleball, or as New Englanders call it, wicked big ping pong, has been gaining popularity across North America for several years, but Rajneesh and Harpreet Dhawan of Chilliwack, British Columbia, are not feeling any love for this game of baby-sized pseudo-tennis for the elderly. Their hatred runs so deep that they swore off pickles and all food entirely, declaring a hunger strike until the city removes their neighborhood's pickleball court. The Dawans say that noise from the recently installed playing field has rendered their house uninhabitable. Inspired by the activism of Mahatma Gandhi, the Dawans decided to abstain from food

to protest this literal racket, which is exactly what Gandhi meant when he said to be the change you want to see in the world. Harpreet's fast lasted one day and her husband gave up after 50 hours, which was a sensible decision. No one needs to die a martyr protesting something that's almost a sport. Okay, Caroline, you've got Tom's resentful tipper, Zainab's snackless passenger, and Josh's pickleball protester. Which one do you think is real? I think I'll go with the last one.

Alright, to find out the correct answer, we talked to someone familiar with the real story. So pickleball is definitely louder than other racquet sports, and people hit the ball more frequently as well. That was Anna Bright, professional pickleball player at the Major League Pickleball, which exists? Yay, Caroline, you got it right! right! Congratulations! You've earned a point for Josh and you've won

our prize, the voice of your choice, on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Yes, thank you for having me. And now, the game where a very talented guest comes on the show, and I try to keep my cool. Randall Park is an award-winning actor, best known for his roles in Fresh Off the Boat, Always Be My Maybe,

and perhaps most iconically as Asian Jim on The Office. He's also famous at my house, because of the time my dad said, I think Randall Park is my celebrity doppelganger. To which my mom genuinely replied, but Randall is handsome? Welcome to the show, actor and now director of the new film Shortcomings, Randall Park! Oh man, Randall, I loved you in your rom-com Always Be My Maybe, which is, it was just like an instant classic and it was starring you and Ali Wong. And for people who didn't know, Ali's character picks you over Keanu Reeves. And I was just wondering if Keanu showed up at your door and declared his love for your

wife, do you think she would pick you too um I yeah okay cool yeah I think she would pick me I don't know I don't know it would be tough it would be tough for her but uh but yeah I think she'd pick me. I don't know. I don't know. It would be tough. It would be tough for her. But yeah, I think she'd pick me. Oh, man. I'm sorry to start off with such a tough question. She loves Keanu Reeves. She loves Keanu Reeves. So yeah, that's why it's a sore spot for me. But Randall, how are you doing? I'm good. It's so nice to hear your voice, Karen.

I haven't talked to you in a while. So excited to be here. I know. Thank you so much for catching up with me on national public radio. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's so nice. Where are you calling in from right now? You know, ironically, I'm calling in from San Francisco. I'm at the Fairmont

Hotel where we shot a lot of those Keanu Reeves scenes for Always Be My Maybe. It's really taken back to a painful time. So your new movie is Shortcomings. As we know, you've acted in so many things before, but this is your first time working as a director. So when you were acting, were there moments where you were like, if I was behind the camera, I would do this differently? I mean, I wouldn't say that, but definitely getting a lot of inspiration from different directors. And I guess one of the advantages of being an actor who wants to direct one day is that you get to work with so many different directors and and I guess I guess like one of the advantages of being an actor who wants to direct one day is that you get to work with so many different directors you get to absorb so many different styles of directing and and uh so yeah I felt uh I guess uh well prepared in that sense

I have a question which is that you are such a funny and charming actor that we discussed this at the office today uh when you show up on screen, everybody just knows that scene is going to be great. Oh, that's nice. But hold on, there's a question. Do you think that is also true in real life? That when I show up, it's going to be great? Yeah, yeah. Is that what you're asking? That everybody feels that way? I don't know. What do you think?

I've known you for a while. Oh, I always think it's going to be great. Did that sound convincing? Yeah, I don't know. Karen, you said that with the confidence of, my wife would definitely choose me over Keanu Reeves. wife would definitely choose me over Keanu Reeves. Randall, you've played so many beloved characters on TV and in film, and we wanted to know,

when you're out in public, which character are you most recognized for? Oh, gosh. It's really tough to say, because it's always a bunch of different things, you know? I mean, Asian Jim is definitely a big one, but then I also get recognized for playing Kim Jong-un a lot, which I don't know if that's a good thing, but I get recognized for that. And then Fresh Off the Boat, of course. So when people see you in public and they yell out either Asian Jim or Kim Jong-un or Fresh Off the Boat, is there any part of you that's like, is this just a racist man? Yeah, you know, initially when folks would yell Asian Jim, it had been a long time since I had, you know, I had shot it like so many years before and it aired.

And many years later, I'm walking down the street and someone yells Asian Jim. And I totally thought it was a racial incident. But what happened was it just kind of caught fire on the Internet. And so many years later and, you know, would hear asian gym and i was like oh okay that's where it's from so it's actually like a term of endearment randall this year you did something really cool which is that you gave the commencement address for ucla's graduating class which i did i did yes that was so fun it It was incredible. It's such a good speech. And in it, you described yourself as a, quote, international sex symbol.

Oh, well, that was a joke. But my question for that was, which countries around the world do you think are horniest for you? Oh, gosh. I don't know. Well, where's your mom right now, Karen? The good old USA. And that's also where you graduated from. I did graduate from UCLA, yeah.

So it was really an honor. And you still live in L.A., right. Yeah, so it was really an honor. And you still live in LA, right? Yeah, yeah. I have not moved much in my life at all. I pretty much stayed in LA. That's super cool. We read online. Would you mind confirming this for us?

We read online that you grew up in LA and your dad ran a souvenir shop. Is that shop still open? He didn't run a... Yeah, he worked at a souvenir shop on hollywood boulevard for many years uh uh and yeah that souvenir shop is still there do you think they sell memorabilia of you no because i've gone in there and i look every time i and one time i swear i put a photo of myself on the postcard rack wait you just put like like a four by six picture of yourself

yeah I just like had a photo and I was like I'm gonna put myself on this rack and I deserve to be on this rack with Brad Pitt and The Rock and Julia Roberts. And I put a photo on it. That makes sense because they're all actors, but you, my friend, are a director. That's right. There you go. Thank you. Well, Randall, I could talk to you forever, but we've asked you here to play a game

that we're calling... Randall Park meet Randall Park Mall., but we've asked you here to play a game that we're calling... Randall Park. Meet Randall Park Mall. I don't know if you know this, but if you search for you on Wikipedia, Wikipedia's first response is, for the demolished shopping mall, see Randall Park Mall. Yeah, yeah. Do you know that?

Yes, I do know this. Because I Googled myself. Okay, that's great, because that know this because I've Googled myself. Okay, that's great because that's what this quiz is about. We're going to ask you three questions about the mall once known as the largest abandoned mall in America. Answer two of these

three questions right and you'll win our prize for a lucky listener. Bill, who is Randall Park playing for? Karen Murray of Los Angeles, California. Okay, here's your first question. The Randall Park Mall opened in 1976 outside Cleveland and closed in 2009. Among the signs that the mall was in trouble

were one of these. A, the mall's Easter Bunny got into a fist fight in the middle of the mall was in trouble were one of these. A, the mall's Easter bunny got into a fistfight in the middle of the mall. B, one of Santa's elves got into a fistfight in the middle of the mall. Or C, both the Easter bunny and the elf got in fistfights in the middle of the mall. Oh, wow. I was hoping for a non-fist fight option. Okay. I would say the Christmas elf.

Do you want to try again? I would say the Easter bunny. Okay. I'm going to give you one more try. Okay, okay, okay. I would say the bunny and the elf. That's correct! Yeah!

Okay, Randall, here's your next question. During its peak, the Randall Park Mall inspired creativity in others, like which of these? A. Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was opened after the founder was disgusted by all the soft rock elevator music playing over the Randall Park Mall's loudspeakers. B. The inventor of the steering wheel lock, the club, decided to invent it after his father-in-law's car was stolen from the Randall Park Mall parking lot. Or C. You yourself are named after the Randall Park Mall. I think it's the club. Yes, that's correct. The answer is B, and it's unclear if the inventor of the club used his profits to buy his father-in-law a new car. Okay, here's your last question.

The Randall Park Mall was one of the premier shopping attractions of the 80s, and anyone traveling there knew that they were almost at their destination when what happened? A, they started smelling horse manure in the air. B, the air started to get thick from all the perfume samples sprayed at the JCPenney. Or C, you could see a huge line of Santa's elves all on their smoke break? You know, I think it's the horse manure.

You're correct! The mall is located just south of Thistledown Stable, so the smell of manure meant you were this close to shopping at Sears. Bill, how did Randall do on our quiz? He joined the rare group of people who get it all right. Randall? Yes.

Congratulations to you. Thank you so much. Randall Park is a quadruple threat and actor, comedian, writer, and director, and you can now see his directorial debut shortcoming starting August 4th. Randall, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Aw, thank you for having me, Karen, and thank you, Dan. It's so great talking to you.

Thanks, Reggie. Bye. Bye. In just a minute, Bill ruins your favorite candy in the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Beaudet, Zainab Johnson, and Josh Gundelman. And here again is your

host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal. It's Karen Chee. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill tries to tame the beast that is the rhinoceros. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Josh, a new study has documented a new threat facing married couples. It's called fubbing, which is when people ignore their spouses in favor of what? Fubbing. Can you give me a hint? Yeah. Um, oh, hang on. I just got a text. Okay. This is what I thought it was. It's when people ignore their spouses in favor of their phone. That's correct. Fubbing is snubbing your partner in favor of your phone and according to a survey of 700 married couples ignoring your partner so you can watch tiktok is not great for your relationship

what if you look at your phone but it's just your spouse's tiktok is that oh that's kind of romantic yeah so your spouse can communicate with you via t. Just dancing like, let's go to bed. Zainab, according to the Wall Street Journal this week, the job most women want is one that allows them to be what? To be home doing the job. Oh, really close. A hint is maybe Staples will sell a hammock or a beanbag for the office? Oh, a job that allows them to take a nap? Yeah, I'll give it to you. Okay.

The answer is lazy. Oh. So, goodbye, girl boss, and hello, lazy girl. Oh, wow. That's right. Job hunters just want what are officially called lazy girl jobs. That's anything that pays, quote, enough to afford the basic comforts of young adult life, yet not enough to feel compelled to work overtime. If you've got that on your resume and time blindness, kind of explains the worker shortage. I didn't realize I'm a lazy girl. You are, and you should make that your official bio. Yeah, apparently jobs like digital marketing associate

and customer success manager will help sustain the lazy girl lifestyle. It's really any job where if someone tells you that's what they do, you're like, okay, okay, cool, no further questions. I really did have another question about customer success, whatever you said. Yeah. What is that? Is there anybody in here? No, they're probably all home lying down.

Josh, a big Star Trek fan is making a massive scale model of the USS Enterprise. When it's finished, it will be 40 feet long and 11 feet high. He's documenting his progress on YouTube, but facing some criticism due to his decision to include what on his version of the ship? Until you asked the question, it just sounded like you were telling me something you thought I'd be interested in knowing. Can I have a hint, please? Yes, the hint is if each one of them was a half bath, there would be 2,000.

Oh, there are 1,000 toilets? That's correct! Wow. A common joke among Star Trek fans is that Captain Kirk never used the bathroom, but creator of this, Mike Nevitt, doesn't think it's funny. He's making sure that the crew on his Enterprise have all the toilets they need, and it turns out they need 1,000.

Are they like airplane toilets? Do they make that vacuum sucking sound, I wonder? Or is it like Dave Matthews' tour bus and they just open the toilets in Chicago? It's all rude notes. Don't even mention Dave Matthews' toilets in front of us. But why a thousand? Are they using the bathroom at the same time? That's such a good question. We have no idea. We've speculated that in his defense, it might be the right amount

because maybe some of the aliens on board have like two and a half butts. How many crew are there? This is, okay. A lot of people think that a thousand toilets is overkill because apparently on the show Star Trek, they said multiple times that the Enterprise only has 430 people on there.

So that's two and a half toilets per crew member, which means, you know, with this monumental model, you can truly go where no man has gone before. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. Or come see us on the road.

We'll be at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles on September 28th, and the Wait, Wait! Stand-Up Tour is coming to St. Paul, Minnesota on August 18th, and Kansas City on August 19th, with more dates coming soon. You can find info and tickets for all these shows at nprpresents.org. It is personally my favorite website on the entire internet. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, my name is Callie and I hail from Ventura Land. Oh my gosh, Callie, hello, you're in the land of the Beach Boys. I am indeed. Congratulations. The one or so that's left.

I am indeed. Congratulations. The one or so that's left. Hey, that's still great. Yeah, they're still hanging on. Well, welcome to the show, Callie. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last part missing. If you can fill in the missing part on two limericks, you're a winner.

So here's your first limerick. When you think it is cookie o'clock, your teeth may be in for some shocks. Our new double chunk won't get soft when you dunk, because the cookies we sold contain... Chalk? Oh, no, it's rocks! Oh, bad news. Trader Joe's announced that they're recalling their almond windmill cookies and dark chocolate crunch cookies after they were found to contain rocks.

Oh, great. Okay, so one kid in the third grade has a rock allergy, and now none of us get to have these. I bet they're crunchy. I mean, that's true. That is a perk. All right, Callie, here's your next limerick. As we're facing the hottest days yet,

our machines are assessing the threat. The skill they've acquired is how to perspire. Our robots have learned how to... Sweat? Yes! Oh, what can we do? I've never feared being replaced by a robot until I heard that they could sweat. And then I was like, oh no, they can do all the stuff I do.

I will say, so the company has made specifically a robot. It's named Andy, and he sweats not just from condensation but just like we do. Oh my god, I said he, it. It sweats. Andy sweats just like we do with a sophisticated network of sensors and artificial pores. And the only difference is that Andy doesn't need to worry about the aluminum in his deodorant because he is made entirely of aluminum. Did he get robot acne? Yeah, that's a very good question. That was a terrible question. made entirely of aluminum. Did he get robot acne? Yeah. That's a very good question.

That was a terrible question. Tom, as the host, I have to objectively be polite. Alright, Callie, here's your last limerick. There's a new kind of scaffolds I just heard. But they're leaving my taste buds all flustered. It's yellow and spicy.

It's really not nicey. This candy is flavored like... Mustard. That's correct! You can now taste the German rainbow with new mustard-flavored Skittles. Skittles and French's have teamed up to release a limited edition line of Skittles that taste like savory mustard. I guess because they were like, we're Skittles and you're French's, what else are we going to do? This is truly perfect for that one weirdo who's looked at the crusty bits of mustard dried out on the nozzle and was like, oh, more of that, please.

It does sound gross, but it goes so well with the new pastrami M&Ms. It's so good. Bill, how did Callie do? Callie got two right, and that's enough for the win. Woo! Callie, thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you so much. Goodbye. Bye, Kelly. Bye, guys. And now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

Zainab has one, Tom has two, and Josh is in the lead with three. Okay, Zainab, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, a judge said he was unable to accept blank's plea deal. Hunter Biden? Right. Rising an average of four cents per gallon, national blank prices had their biggest jump of the year. Guess? Right. This week, a new study from Curbed showed that you'll probably be okay if you drink blank. Water? Melt? Spring water? No, that's right. The water that drips from the ceiling of the subway.

Oh. On Wednesday, experts warned that popular weight loss drug blank may cause stomach paralysis. Popular weight loss drug. Ooh. Coke. Coke. Jane.

You're not wrong. It's ozempic. According to box office reports, blank and blank led to the biggest opening weekend of the pandemic era. Barbenheimer. Right. A woman in Brooklyn has become a media sensation after blanking for 49 days and counting.

Blanking for 49 days and counting. Orgasming. blanking for 49 days and counting, orgasming. She's been giving out endless bowls of the same stew for 49 days. Stew in this heat wave? Wow. Yes. This hipster streganona has been keeping the same vegan stew going for weeks,

sharing it with people who bring fresh ingredients. She calls it, quote, the perpetual stew, which sounds cute until, Zainab, as you mentioned, you remember that it's 90 degrees and humid in New York. Bill, how did Zainab do? Pretty good. She moved into the lead with nine, having four right and racking up eight more points. Okay, Josh, you're up next.

Great. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, researchers warned that an Atlantic current system could collapse as the effects of blank worsen. Global warming? Correct. Climate change? After seeming to freeze during a press conference, Senate Minority Leader Blank said he was just fine on Wednesday. Mitch McConnell?

Right. This week, a federal judge blocked President Biden's restrictions on people seeking blank. Asylum? Right. President Biden's restrictions on people seeking blank. Asylum? Right. On Wednesday, over 19,000 tourists had to flee their hotels as a blank blazed on an island in Greece.

Sorry, blazing on an island. It sounds like a reason tourists stay there. A fire? Right. After suffering cardiac arrest during practice, it was reported that Bronnie James, the son of NBA great blank, was in stable condition. LeBron James. Right. Following a power

outage at mission control, NASA briefly lost contact with the Blank. International Space Station? Right. This week, a doctor announced a breakthrough therapy that could help restore vision to thousands. All they have to do is Blank. Open their eyes. They were

suffering from sleep blindness. The answer is give their eyes herpes. In what might be the perfect example of a doctor saying, hey, I've got good news and I've got bad news. Some types of blindness can be cured by eye drops containing the herpes virus. The treatment costs around $600,000, which is ridiculous

because I know a skeevy guy who will give you butterfly kisses for half the price. Bill, how did Josh do? He was not only funny, he racked up some points. Six right, 12 more. 15 puts him in the lead. Whoa! And Bill, how many does Tom need to win? Seven to win.

Okay, Tom, so this is for the game. Fill in the blank. During a closed-door meeting, Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy raised the possibility of blanking President Biden. Impeaching. Right. Despite escalating protests, the parliament in blank approved a controversial judicial overhaul on Monday. Israel. Right. According to a new report, taking a low daily dose of blank does nothing to prevent strokes. Aspirin. Right. In its latest attack on women's rights, the Taliban forced all beauty salons in blank to close down. Kabul.

Yeah, Afghanistan. Right. After the catering equipment broke on a flight from London to Turks and Caicos, a British Airways flight blanked. Turned around. They landed in the Bahamas so they could buy everybody KFC. On Sunday, Danish cyclist Jonas Vingegaard won his second straight blank. The Tour de France. Right.

This week, a man in Colorado who injured his leg in a skateboarding accident was surprised to see his ER doctor blanking. Skateboarding. No, watching a YouTube video on how to fix a leg. Oh, wow. Skateboarding would have been better. Yeah. This guy gets my plate.

Right. The man needed his ankle wrapped, which is not a complicated procedure, so he was surprised when he looked through the gap in the curtain and saw his doctor sitting at a computer watching a YouTube video on how to wrap a leg. Bill, did Tom do well enough to win? Five right, ten more points, but the twelve is short of the winner. Josh. Alright, I'll take it. Congratulations. How do

you feel? I feel outstanding. Thank you for asking. Coming up, our panelists predict what will be the big revelation at the next big UFO hearing. But first, let me tell you that... Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago

in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills,

Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Deanna Ortiz and Monica Hickey. Our non-human biologic is Peter Gwynn. Our vibe curator is Emma Choi. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilag.

The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, who fell on the ice once and it was hilarious, is Mike Danforth. I'm guaranteeing if you liked the show, let me know. And if you didn't, please email your criticism to peter.sagel at rocketmail.com. Now, panel, what will be the next big UFO revelation? Josh Gondelman.

90s astronomers got it all wrong. Men are from Venus, women are from Mars. Zainab. We keep cloning the wrong person. No more hunters, more Kiki. And Tom. Further analysis shows the non-human biologics belong to a Buzz Lightyear action figure

strapped to a weather balloon. But if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thank you also to Tom Godette, Josh Anselman, and Dana Johnson. And thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Karen Chee, and this is Peter St Stegall and we'll see you next week This is NPR