Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Rose Matafeo

Episode Date: January 18, 2025

This week, Rose Matafeo joins panelists Maz Jobrani, Alzo Slade, and Helen HongLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Okay, so does this sound like you? You love NPR's podcasts, you wish you could get more of all your favorite shows, and you want to support NPR's mission to create a more informed public. If all that sounds appealing, then it is time to sign up for the NPR Plus bundle. Learn more at plus. npr dot org. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR news quiz. Filling in for Bill Curtis, I'm the voice silkier than Peter Segal's nightgown. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in the Fine Arts Building in downtown Chicago, Peter Segel.

Thank you, Chioki. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, everybody. So Bill Curtis is off on assignment for a few weeks, and we cannot tell you where he is, but if you notice one of the masked singers has a lot of gravitas. You'll know why. Meanwhile, we are delighted we've got Chokia Iancin back to keep on keeping score. Later on we've got comedian Rose Matafayo joining us. But right now it's your turn. Give us a call.

The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant this week. Hi, you're on WAIT, wait, don't tell me. Hi, my name is Michelle Kanya from Knoxville, Tennessee. How are things in Knoxville these days? Colder than we like it. Full of snow.

Oh, too bad, he said from Chicago. I'm so sorry. What do you do there? I'm an online athletic trainer and I work as a teaching assistant in a blended pre-K classroom. Well, that's really cool Well Michelle welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week first up It's the comedian you can see at the Miami improv from January 24th through the 26th for all dates go over to Mazjobrani.com That's right. It's Mazjo Brani

Next up she's a comedian who will be at the Walton Arts Center in Fayetteville, Arkansas on January 30th and who hosts the trivia podcast, Go Fact Yourself. It's now on LAist in Southern California. It's Helen Hong. Hi. Hi, Michelle. Hi, everybody. Hi, Helen.

And he's an Emmy and Peabody Award-winning journalist and comedian and host of the new Nat Geo show What X Does to Your Body, it's Alzo Slade. What's up Michelle, how you doing? Very good, how are you? So far so good. So Michelle, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Chayuki?

This time Chayuki Iansen, filling in for Bill Curtis, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our big prize. Any voice from our show you might like for your voicemail, are you ready to go? I hope so. Okay. Your first quote is from Victor Willis, who is the lead singer of the group The Village People.

Our song YMCA is a global anthem that hopefully helps bring the country together. The Village People will undoubtedly bring the country together. The village people will undoubtedly bring the country together next week with their performance at what event on Monday? The inauguration. Yes, the inauguration of our next president. The village people will be one of many entertainers who've been lucky enough to be chosen to play at Monday's inauguration performing a very favorite song of President-elect. By the way, Mr. Wallace also insists that

the song YMCA is not in fact a gay anthem. Also, he says their hit in the Navy is about military readiness. And Nacho Man is just about a guy who likes nachos but there was a typo. Do the gays know that the village people are not a gay iconic group? I don't think so. I don't think so either. I'm sorry if you are gay and listening I'm sorry we should have warned you that yeah no as you know this has been a big a big song. President Trump loves it. He loves to play it at his rallies.

He loves YMCA. He loves this song. Yeah, but they sued him the first time around. Did they really? Yeah, I think the village people, he was playing it and they sent a cease and desist letter but I guess the check- They ran out of money. Yeah, the check is talking. They also said that this is the last living member.

Yes. Mr. Willis, who is the lead singer, is the last of living member. The rest, of course. So it's just why? Yeah, pretty much. Why of YMCA? No, it's the why are you doing this? Yeah, I was about to say, it actually makes sense, Ellen, that on Monday, that the big song would just be, why? Why? And we all remember the big story last time, the first time he was inaugurated, was Trump insisting falsely that he had the biggest crowd in inauguration history. So you know his people are trying to make it true this time. So be wary if anybody in the DC area gets an invite promising a free vacation in exchange

for watching a short presentation. I tell you what, a lot of the folks that, you know, the people from Florida, the Floridians that are going there, they're not going to stay long because I don't think they understand how cold it is during inauguration. That's the coldest I've ever been when I went to Obama's inauguration, ever. And if I could do it all over again, I would not. Really? It wasn't worth it.

No. Do you have any advice for the people who will be, and it's supposed to be very cold in Washington on Monday. Do you have any advice for the people who might be attending this? Do the YMCA dance and that will warm you up. Exactly. Don't go. Stay your ass home. Yeah. All right, here is your next quote. It's from the CEO of a big national chain. When you lock things up, you don't sell as many of them. So, what a revelation. What chain might soon stop putting some of the most common items behind lock and key. Target? No, not Target. It's a chain of drug stores. CVS. I'll give it to you.

The other one, it's Walgreens. You had a 50% chance. They're all the same. Great news for our listeners with herpes. Walgreens may soon be doing away with their locked cabinets. In recent years, Walgreens and other stores have been locking up everything from toiletries to snacks to prevent shoplifting and we assume to allow the possibility for meet-cutes between employees and desperate customers looking for Tide Pods. But Walgreens CEO admitted finally this week on an earnings call, that locking up merchandise, brace yourself, leads to fewer sales. Who would have thought that having it announced over the PA in the store that you need the

laxative case unlocked would be a deterrent to purchasing it. Nothing deflates buying a razor than standing in front of the razor case and just hearing customer service to razors, customer service to razors, and then just be like, you know what, I can be hairy for another week. I get surprised sometimes at the items that are locked up. Absolutely. I'm like, why is deodorant locked up? If somebody gets the deodorant, that means they're going to smell better. They should steal it.

Yeah, we should be helping them. We should be giving it away. Let's smell better than this town. You know, forever, like I'd go to the barber shop and dudes would be coming in selling soap and lotion and socks, and I never understood where they got it from. Now I know. Did they suddenly stop? Yes they have stopped. I see. And of course the problem is they come and they unlock the case, that's nice thank you, and they don't leave and it is so nerve-racking trying to decide which toothpaste you might want with the employee just standing

there. That's why I've been brushing my teeth for the past month with wood glue. Well, you know, as soon as they start unlocking, you're going to see me at barbershops again. All right. Here is your last quote. I've seen a quarterback eating a hot dog, but I've never seen anyone do that. That was Fox Sports announcer Tom Brady after cameras caught Eagles wide receiver A.J. Brown doing what on the sidelines during a game?

Reading a book. Yes, that's right. He was reading a book. The self-help book, Inner Excellence, is suddenly the number one seller on Amazon after Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver AJ Brown was seen reading it on the sideline between plays. Coaches knew something was up when Brown said, after he put the book down, that instead of being a wide receiver, now he wanted to be a wide giver. And this is actually an interesting story.

So this book, Inner Excellence, a self-help book, was self-published by the author in 2020, and it is now instantly the number one best-selling book on Amazon. So you know, this inner improvement thing, it works. The author's methods for success, in case you want to follow along, are, in essence, give the best of what you have that day, be present, and get an NFL player to read your book on live national TV. I haven't seen anybody read a book in a long time. Anywhere.

Anywhere. Yeah. Much less on the sideline of a game. I feel like y'all need new friends. Everyone's on their phones. If he were like scrolling on his phone, I'd be like, all right, but he brought out a book. I'm thinking if I'm on AJ Brown's team,

and he's supposed to be giving the speech to rile us up, and he's reading a book before the speech, and then he comes in the circle and he says, guys, we have the power within ourselves to go out onto the field and defeat the opponent. Yeah. Guys, the playbook was inside us the whole time. Oh my God.

Chokie, how did Michelle do in our quiz? Well, Peter, you might want to sign up for Michelle's services because she gets results. Nice. That's great. Congratulations. Thank you. Take care. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Also, a high-ranking Polish general has been fired after a shipment of anti-take mines

he was in charge of were found where? In his kitchen. No. Not his kitchen, but at a place that has a lot of model kitchens for you to shop. At an Ikea? At an Ikea. No. That's awesome.

So this general who's in charge of like logistics for the Polish army had this shipment of munitions on a train and the soldiers who were unloading the train missed one car which kept going in the train until it arrived at an Ikea warehouse where the employees were like, okay, and they unloaded it and they were probably like, okay, anti-take mines, I guess they go in the outdoor furniture department. And it turns out it was a good thing. They sold a lot of them under the name Boomlanding. Can you imagine?

You know, IKEA has the arrows so you can walk through the whole store. And then you get to this part and you say, look how many anti-tank mines you can fit in a 250 square foot apartment. Oh yeah. Coming up, our panelists fall madly in love in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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This is Eric Glass. On This American Life, sometimes we just show up somewhere, turn on our tape recorders, and see what happens. If you can't get seven cars in twelve days, you gotta look yourself in the mirror and say, holy s***, what are you kidding me? This car dealership, trying to sell its monthly quota of cars, and it is not going well. I just don't want one balloon to a car. Balloon the whole freaking place so it looks like a circus. Real life stories every week. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Chioki Iancin filling in for Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Helen Hong, Mazdrabrani, and Alzo Slade. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segel. Thank you, Cheyoke. Thank you, everybody. Nice. Nice. Thank you, everybody. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play our game in the air, or you can check out the pinned post on our Instagram page, at Wait, Wait, NPR. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, panel. This is Olivia from Washington DC. Hey Olivia, that's great.

What do you do there in Washington? I work in abortion rights, which is always an exciting time. But when I'm not doing that, I am kicking it with my cat and playing curling. I'm sorry, you said playing curling? I do play curling. Shout out to the Potomac Curling Club in Laurel, Maryland. Well, that's great that you're a curler. You must be so excited for the impending invasion of Canada then. Well, welcome to the show, Olivia.

You're going to play our game on which humans try to tell truth from fiction. Achioki, what is Olivia's topic? Have I told you lately that I love you? Valentine's Day is only a few weeks away, and we're already seeing proof that true love still exists. In fact, we saw an amazing story about an unusual expression of love in the news this week, and our panelists are each going to tell you about it. Of course, only one of them is telling you about the real story. Pick that panelist.

You will win the weight-weighter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? So ready. First up, let's hear from Helen Haum. Researchers in England have discovered a new language invented by a couple to celebrate their love and to trash talk others in public. Lisa and Jim Newman have been together for 14 years and in that time have created an

entirely new language that only they understand. Early on I tried to tell her what I loved about her in Klingon, which we both speak fluently, but there was no word for the light that glints off your hair when it's slightly greasy after a day and a half of not showering. So we made one up. Linguists, in fact, cannot believe the complexity of the invented language, which also has an individual word for a whiff of your musty beard makes me feel like Uhura

flirting with Spock in the man trap episode of the original series. Their language, in fact, is so complex and realistic that they were cast as aliens in the latest Star Trek show, Strange New Worlds, only to later reveal that what they were talking about on camera was how lame that show is compared to Deep Space Nine. A couple so deeply in love that they have invented their own language completely inscrutable to anybody else. Your next true or false story of true love comes from Maz Jobrani.

You've heard the phrase, don't get too attached. Well, a couple just did the opposite when they got magnets implanted under their skin so when they hold hands, the magnets actually under their skin so when they hold hands the magnets actually pull their skin together and they stick. I know, yuck. Sadie Rendoux and her fiancee Hannah Hansman, both in their 20s, wanted to get quote closer and express their love. And voila, every time they hold hands the magnets go click.

What the hell is wrong with 20-year-olds? How much closer can hands get when they hold each other? Did they consider just intertwining their fingers like the rest of us? Rayndu stated, the magnets aren't painful to use or to the touch. If anything, you could forget it's there. Really? How about when you go to open the fridge and the outside of your hand gets stuck on the metal door? Or how about when you try to give someone a quarter but it won't disconnect from your hand? A couple so much in love that they installed magnets and they hold hands, they are really holding hands.

Your last walk down Lover's Lane is from Alzo Slade. As people become more self-conscious about their role in global warming, having a sustainable household has become increasingly attractive. One couple in Tallahassee, Florida didn't think their love could run any deeper until they made the commitment to sustainability. Ruby and David Summers said it started when David mistook Ruby's toothbrush for his. He felt like he could feel her spirit when he was brushing. They decided to just have one toothbrush. They said, since we swap saliva when we kiss, it's basically the same

thing, right? They now share and recycle many items between them that most of us would find strange. Ruby loves when David leaves his used dental floss on the bathroom counter. When she uses it, they not only are being sustainable, but she feels as if they're sharing a meal when she finds a piece of spinach or corn. They also enjoy sharing each other's bath water. There's nothing that says love like sitting in the tub

of your partner's floating dirt. No. So one of these is a real story of deepest, deepest kind of love that we saw in the news. Was it from Helen Hong, a couple who have invented their own extraordinarily complex language. From Maz Dobrunny, a couple who actually had magnets installed subcutaneously so when they held hands, they were truly bonded. Or from Alzo Slade, a couple that decided to take sustainability as far as it could go. I think Maz's story of magnet implants is going to become the hot romance trope of 2025.

Really? All right, that's your choice. It's Maz and Ronnie's story of the couple that installed magnets in their hands. To bring you the real story, we actually spoke to a reporter who covered it. They say they can't even feel the magnets, but it's become a fun party trick. That was Rania Shimona from Fox 2 Detroit reporting on that real couple. Congratulations, Olivia, you got it right.

You have earned a point for Maz, just for telling the truth, and you've won our prize. The voice of your choice and your voiceman. Thank you so much. Take care. Oh, but it only gets better If we sing together Oh, we can make it better Oh, if we sing together

And now the game we call Not My Job. Rose Matafeo got her start doing stand-up comedy in New Zealand as a 15-year-old. Since then, she's gone on to win Best Show at the Edinburgh Festival, write and star in her own comedy series, Starstruck, and she has a new comedy special on Macs. But most importantly, she, like so many other ambitious people, has found her way to the pinnacle of entertainment jobs, game show host. Rose Metafaya, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello.

Thank you for having me. So you are, I think, the first great comic I've talked to out of New Zealand. And you were very successful there before you went to the UK with your show in 2020, right? You won all these awards and had TV shows and stuff, is that right? Oh yeah, but as you say, I started when I was 15, so it was kind of child labor vibes. I was thrown into the comedy mines to start stand-up as a teenager. Yeah, I started quite young. There's not many people in New Zealand, so I think I just, you know, they eventually

give you an award. If you keep at it long enough. Is it true, by the way, that like, you, like everybody in New Zealand knows each other because it's so relatively small? Like we read, for example, that the Prime Minister of New Zealand, either before or after she was Prime Minister, used to like open up your shows for you? Yeah, well she did just add in. she was um, she was the minister of arts and culture So it did make sense that she kind of knew some of us and she did do a sort of Monologue that we did improv comedy based on so I know it's horrible to make generalizations and New Zealand is a large place It's a it's a metropolitan

capital of the world, all of that. But it is true that lots of us do know each other, yeah. And I met her a few times. She's really cool. I mean, when your prime minister is doing, yeah, a monologues for you and at like a hundred seated, you're like, yeah, that country's quite small, isn't it? Well, Donald Trump is the opening act of this show.

Absolutely. He's got a kill of five man. He's coming at me. I mean, I assume that you went to the UK eventually. You relocated there because everybody in New Zealand had already seen you, so there was nobody left to come see your show. You think that's a joke? That's kind of true. My nan would come to my shows all the time to the extent where she would start coming

back to shows with heckles for jokes that she had heard before. Wait a minute, that's harsh. Was your grandmother just as funny as you? No, she's really not funny at all. She won't be listening to this, so that's good. No, she's very funny. I think, but you know, in that way that they aren't, they're not, they don't really know that they're funny. What's very sweet is my grandmother is so lovely and sweet that the heckle that she came up with for one of the jokes was,

I think I was mocking her for the way she pronounces, for some reason a certain generation pronounces Muesli as Mousli. And I was, you know was really ripping into her for that because my comedy's cutting edge. You started it. Yeah. And then she's the kindest person that her hair color was, well next time I'll make you something else. And her version of that,

it had absolutely taken me down, was just offering me another breakfast option. You have a new special, it's on Max, I've watched it, it's called On and On and On. I have a question for you that comes from a very American perspective. It seems that in... Go on, I forgive you. Thank you. It seems that in this comedy special, which is very funny and charming and original and

different and surprising, that you taped in, you are from New Zealand, you taped it in London in front of a British audience, but you seem to be wearing a University of Minnesota shirt. Don't get me started on this. I have, like, I've never had, not many people, like, you know, hey, great to watch a special, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, usually get those kind of comments.

I have never got a public reaction as big as the fact that I have accidentally worn a University of Minnesota shirt that I found in the middle of Malmo in Sweden in a secondhand shop. And I was like, that's a cool yellow t-shirt with my last name initial on it. I'm gonna wear that. I won't be living that down for a while.

Go Gophers, I guess. Golden Gophers. They're called the Golden Gophers. You can tell. Go Golden Gophers. You best believe I was straight to the Wikipedia page to see if there had been any massive controversies at the University of Minnesota.

Yeah, it was. Am I good? You're looking for massive controversies. You've never been to Minnesota, have you? Maybe I could get like an honorary doctorate or whatever people get. I've never been offered one of those. So maybe the University of Minnesota can step up and offer one of those little hats or something. I just want to wear that little hat that people tend to wear. I don't know. Right. So I want to talk to you about something close tend to wear. I don't know. Right.

So I want to talk to you about something close to my heart. You are hosting a game show now, the greatest job you could ever have. Taskmaster Junior, which is based on a show Taskmaster, which has a bunch of comedians doing silly tasks for points, except in your version, instead of comedians, it's kids, right? I was asked, alongside Mike Wozniak, to be the taskmaster, who's the person who gives out the points and sort of judges five children. This is a hard job. I had to really figure out how to do that.

But you're making little kids. Oh, yeah. So you're very, the conceit of the show is the taskmaster, that's you, are a very imperious figure sitting in a big chair. You don't smile much and you are like rating these children. You have sent these children out to do these difficult tasks of discovering this or figuring out that or competing in this and then you have to judge them. Oh, and you know what?

I'll say, when I did the pilot for the show, I was like, how am I going to do this? They're just gorgeous children, they're the future. Do you know, I wanna kill their spirits young. And after about two episodes of it, I was like, this is easy, this is so easy. I don't, I don't do it anymore. These children, those children are lovely and they're cute, but they fight back.

Well, Rosemary Feo, it's a real joy to talk to you and we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling... On and off and on. So your special, as we have discussed, is called On and On and On. So we thought we'd ask you about some of those famous couples that have gone on and off and on again. Get two or three questions right about these tempestuous and flighty people.

You'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Chioki, who is Rose playing for? Steven Ward of Atlanta, Georgia. All right. You get two or three right here. You win. Let's do it for Steven. Let's do it for Steven.

Here's your first question. The most famous on and off again relationship was, of course, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. But Ms. Taylor wasn't just kind of indecisive with him. She once broke off her engagement to another man just because of what? A, they were traveling in Asia and he would not let her buy an elephant to bring home. B, he chewed with his mouth open one time. Or C, his habit of saying, weee, right before they got in the bed together.

You know what is weird? What? Whee! Right before they got in the bed together. Ha ha ha. You know what is weird? What? I think I know the answer to this question. Yes. Because I am fascinated by her. I think it is B. Here's the funny thing. That's not right.

In this case, in this case it was the elephant. She said I'd like to bring this elephant home and he said you can't bring elephants. That's a classic Liz moon. It really is. That's really gutted that I got that wrong. I feel bad.

I feel sick. I feel scared and I feel, yeah. Here's your next question. You have two more chances. The most notorious on-again, off-again couple of the 1980s was Ryan O'Neill and Farrah Fawcett. Tell me about it. Now, their relationship even started in a kind of wild way as their first date happened when? A. After she saw him in a store buying that Farrah Fawcett poster and followed him home.

B. After the Dodgers' 1981 World Series win, they had gone out and were looting a store together. Or C. When Fawcett's husband, Lee Majors, was away filming and asked O'Neil to just be a pal and check in on her. Oh, dirty dog. Um, if that's true, I'm gonna go see. And you are right. That's what happened. Classic story. Okay.

Yes, Lee said to Ryan, could you go check in on Farrah? And Ryan checked in and she was fine. If you get this one right, Rose, you win. Okay. Lee said to Ryan, could you go check in on Farrah? And Ryan checked in and she was fine. If you get this one right, Rose, you win. OK. And you will be happy with yourself for a fleeting moment. So here we go. The American record holder for most marriages in a lifetime is a man named Glenn Wolf, who was married 31 times. Yeah, buddy. Sorry.

Also, the fact before he died at the age of 88? To whom was his very last, his 31st marriage? Was it to A, the very last woman left in his Iowa town that he had not yet married? B, the person who held the woman's record for most marriages in a lifetime, or C, wife number one, because as he said, I've tried all the rest, she was the best. Ooh, snap, snap, snap. All of these are spicy options. They are, they are.

No, I'm actually going to go with B because I feel actually that Glen Wolf is PR hound he's probably doing it for the fame and he's going why not let's get in the Guinness Book of World Records Get let's get that photo and I'm gonna I'm gonna die in style. You are exactly right That's That is what he did. He married the woman who had the most... the record for the most number of marriages. And they both did it for the publicity and to, you know, get in the Guinness Book. I don't know how long the marriage lasted.

So this is where I turn to Chiochi. And I say, Chiochi, how did Rose Metafayo do in our quiz? New Zealand's finest conquered Edinburgh. She conquered Britain. And now she's conquered NPR. There you go. Clip that out. Clip that.

I need that in the soundbite. Absolutely. Rose Metafayo is an actor and comedian whose new special On and On and On is charming and funny and surprising. It is now streaming on Macs. Rose Metafayo, thank you so much for being with us and staying up late.

Bye bye. ["The Last Supper"] In just a minute, Chiocchi spends all his money at the arcade. Stick around to see what he's won in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more

of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. The indicator for Pl Planet Money is diving into the world of batteries. Not the kind you buy at the grocery store. We're talking really big batteries. The kind that can power thousands of homes. This technology came seemingly out of nowhere. We're digging deep into the battery industry

in three back-to-back episodes. Listen to the indicator from Planet Money podcast on NPR. back episodes. Listen to the Indicator from Planet Money podcast on NPR. Matt Wilson spent years doing rounds at children's hospitals in New York City. I had a clip on tie. I wore Heelys, size 11. Matt was a medical clown. The whole of a medical clown is to reintroduce the sense of play and joy and hope and light into a space that doesn't normally inhabit. Ideas about navigating uncertainty. That's on the TED Radio Hour podcast from NPR.

What's in store for the music, TV, and film industries for 2025? We don't know, but we're making some fun, bold predictions for the new year. Listen now to the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioke Iansen filling in for Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Mazjo Brani, Helen Hong, and Alzo Slade. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segel. Thank you, Chioki. Thank you, everybody. In just a minute, Chioki reveals that he is the heart and soul of a poet in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give

us a call at 1-888-888-924-8924. Right now, panel some more questions for you from the week's news. Also, the tech millionaire, Brian Johnson, has become famous for his ambitious plan to live to 150 years old, but he's just learned that one particular drug he was taking to slow the aging process was actually doing what? I feel like any drug to enhance something, shrinks something. You went right there, didn't you? That's what you think. I mean, I'm just... I was thinking shrinking the brain. What were you thinking? Oh, the same. I was thinking shrinking the brain. Absolutely, I was like, yes, the brain. I don't know. Can you give me a hint, please?

It's sort of, let me put it this way, it wasn't helping, it was... Hurting. Right, meaning it was... It's painful. No. If he was taking it to slow the aging process, instead the drug did what? Oh, he's gonna die soon. Yeah, it sped up the aging process.

Brian Johnson poured millions into various elaborate and advanced techniques to stop himself from physically aging, including getting blood transfusions from his teenage son, taking a vast array of experimental and off-label drugs, and pretending he really likes skibbity toilet. But this week, Johnson admitted to his followers that one drug he'd to the That's a good question. Probably he was watching the commercial and they say side effects may include spinning up your death. Yeah. Trinkage. Trinkage. He just started watching daytime television out of the blue.

Right. All of a sudden he found himself really interested in that Matlock reboot. Only watching CBS. Maz, this week Sony announced that soon the PlayStation console won't just have great graphics and sound, players will also experience what? Feelings. No, that will never happen. Give me a hint. I will give you a hint. It makes the rotting flesh of the zombies you're fighting that much more realistic.

Smell? Smell, yes. What? Yes, amazing. So many discoveries to be made. For example, just as you always suspected, Lara Croft uses natural deodorant. Sony says that the technology, when it is introduced,

will, quote, engage scent to fully immerse you into the world of the story. No, I don't need that. That is something that nobody asks for. Sony, nobody asked for this. Yeah. How does that work? Does a guy just show up with a spray?

Psh, psh, psh, psh. This may not be high tech. They might just put a piece of old cheese in the console and then seal it and send it to you. It kind of works. Helen, Apple users are panicking this week after it was discovered that the newest iOS update may disable what iPhone function.

Can't be cameras because that's too essential. Right. I'll give you a hint. A lot of people are going to have a new excuse for being late to work. Oh, the alarm? The alarm function, yeah. Users have been reporting the same glitch in the latest iOS version where their alarms trigger hours after they've set them or sometimes not at all.

And nothing gets you a good night's sleep than thinking, well, there's a 50-50 chance my alarm won't go off. I mean, that's real. It's like your alarm doesn't go off. That's the universe speaking. Yes, it is. I have defaulted to using my iPhone alarm solely

and not using any other alarm. You see what I mean? So if it didn't go off, I would not be here right now. I see. What other alarms are there? Do people still have clocks next to their bed? Like, you know, the old ones. Those were great.

What I need from Apple is their guarantee that if I'm late for something, Tim Cook will personally write a note saying it's his fault. I need him to write a million dollar check. Or they can give everybody roosters. That's the solution. That's a great solution. Up at dawn. You got an Apple phone, you get a rooster. Helen has roosters. So you're awake whether you want to be or not. Well that's between you and the rooster. You've got to train your rooster. Your alarm could be for 10.30. 10.30. And I heard if you tap the rooster on the blank, but first it's the game where you have to

listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-888-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, Illinois. You can also come see us on the road. We'll be in Richmond, Virginia, Chiocchi's hometown on February 13th and in Orlando, Florida on March 13th and Orlando, Florida on March 20th.

For tickets and information for all our live shows, go to NPRpresents.org. And you can also check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything This Week, Mike and Ian talk with Saturday Night Live's James Austin Johnson about how his Donald Trump impression has changed over the years. Spoiler alert, Trump got sleepier. Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Lucy calling from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Oh, we love Pittsburgh. One of the best places

I know of. What do you do there? I'm a surgical tech in the operating room. Wait a minute, a surgical tech in the operating room. So what do you actually do in the operating room? So if you've ever seen any medical drama when the surgeon's up at the table and they ask for the scalpel, I'm the person that hands them the scalpel. Whoa! That's so cool! Do you ever think to yourself when you go into work like, today I'm going to mess with them. He's going to say scalpel and you'll say feather duster? Rubber chicken? I'll have to use those next time. Well Lucy, welcome to the show. Chiokka Jansson is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. Here is your first limerick. I've got hips that would make any doula whoop and a waistline so fine you'll need a jeweler's loop. So I'm great at a sport that needs no gyms or courts. See my body is perfect for hoops. Close enough. Well hold on. What kind of hoop? It rhymes with the common phrases doula whoop.

doula whoop. Hula hoop? Hula hoop, yes. Scientists have discovered the ideal body type for successful hula hooping. Using physics, geometry, and

va-va-vumatry, they've determined a curvy waist and hips and a flexible badonkadonk are all you need. These findings were published in the academic journal Maxim A curvy waist and hips and a flexible badonkadonk are all you need. These findings were published in the academic journal Maxim magazine. I'm still stuck on doula-whoop. Doula-whoop. Which is, you know, when would a doula-whoop?

When the baby's born. Yeah. Whoop, whoop. Here is your next limerick. Yeah. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Woo. All right, here is your next limerick. In most arcade machines, there's this flaw. A stuffed bear is the best you will draw. But here you might snag a sweet Hermes bag. Grab some luxury treats with our... Claw?

Claw, yes, Arcades around the country are adding claw machines featuring luxury prizes in order to attract older players. Prizes include designer handbags like Rémi, high-end gaming consoles, and a sticky hand toy that doesn't get stuck to your ceiling. One arcade owner in Queens charges $50 a try and says that on average it takes about four to seven tries to finally get something out of it. It's a great deal. By playing six times, you can win a $150 Nintendo Switch for about $300. I know I've spent too much money trying to get the thing that pushes the coins off. Oh, yeah.

That never works. That's a sucker's game. Yeah. All of them are suckers. Did you just call me a sucker? Yes. Indirectly, I think I did, yes. But I was a sucker, though.

Yeah, you went for that stuff. But then, you know, if you can't win a bear with the claw, what makes you think you're going to win a hermes bag? Faith yeah faith in yourself All right, here's your last limerick in a field that they don't know so well Science winners go wild and go tell They see glowing raccoons and hear ghosts by full moon. Their brains rot once they win the... Nobel.

Right, the Nobel. This week, a science site wrote about Nobel disease or nobelitis. It's an observed phenomenon where scientists who win a Nobel Prize suddenly become really dumb. It turns out you would be amazed by the number of Nobel Prize winning scientists who accept the award and then say in their speech, and my next area of research is ghosts. Isn't it crazy? They do all of this studying and all this hard work to get to the Nobel Prize and become dumb. And that's just regular folks. We don't even have to do all that. We're just dumb from the beginning.

We just beat him to it It's great. Yeah, we don't know why this happens to the extent that it does maybe they make those Nobel medals out of lead Jokey how did Lucy do in our quiz? It's well known that the listener limerick challenge is the only thing more difficult than surgery and Lucy handled it She get all three right. Well done Lucy. Thank you so much. Thanks for playing. Every weekday Up First gives you the news you need to start your day. On the Sunday story from Up First we slow down. We bring you the best reporting from NPR journalists around the world all in one major story 30 minutes or less Join me every Sunday on the up first podcast to sit down with the biggest stories from NPR Usher yo yo mom boy genius Shaka Khan Billy Eilish weird owl one thing all these big stars have in common

They've all played behind NPR's Tiny Desk. And if you enter NPR's Tiny Desk Contest between now and February 10th, you could be next. Unsigned musicians can find out more and see the official rules at npr.org slash tiny desk contest. Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy have outlined their plans to slash the federal workforce with the help of a team of quote small government crusaders. What's in store for federal workers and how are they planning for change? This January 1A's.gov series guides you through various government agencies and the people

working for you. Listen to the 1A podcast from NPR. Now on to our final game, lightning fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Jokey, can you give us the scores? Alzo and Maz have three points.

Helen's got two points. Okay, so that means... The pressure. The pressure. The pressure. Helen, you're going to be up first because you're in second place. Here we go. The clock will start when they begin your first question.

Fill in the Blank. On Thursday, Benjamin Netanyahu delayed a vote to approve the Ceasefire in second place. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, Benjamin Netanyahu delayed a vote to approve the ceasefire in blank. Gaza. Right. On Monday, two Russian cities were hit with a drone strike from blank. Ukraine. Right.

Following an encouraging report on inflation, the blank surged 703 points this week. Dow Jones. Right. On Monday, SpaceX launched two missions to the blank. The moon. Right. After an Alabama district court judge deemed two opposing lawyers to be acting unprofessionally

to one another, he filed an official order requiring them to blank. Mud wrestle. Requiring them to have lunch together. Oh, that's less fun. On Thursday, it was announced that podcaster and former late night host blank would receive the Mark Twain Prize for Comedy. Oh, David Letterman? No, Conan O'Brien, best known for Blue Velvet,

Mulholland Drive, and Twin Peaks legendary director Blank passed away at the age of 78. David Lynch. Right, this week a man in Australia who attempted to burn down a restaurant had to flee the scene because he blanked. Burned his clothes. No, because he, well no, right, you're right, I'm sorry.

What? He lit his own pants on fire. Yay! Well done. There's him. Totally guessed that one. Yeah. Good one.

The security footage shows the man dousing the restaurant in some flammable liquid, lighting a match, and then being quite shocked when the only thing that caught on fire were his own pants. So, important note for arsonists, when you bring your gas to the crime scene, do not carry it in your pockets. Jokey, how did Helen do on our quiz? Helen got six right for 12 more points. She now has 14 points and the lead.

All right. Let's arbitrarily pick Alzo to go next. Fill in the blank, Alzo. On Wednesday, Blank delivered his farewell address to the nation. Biden. Right, weeks after being impeached for next. Fill in the blank, Alzo. On Wednesday, Blank delivered his farewell address to the nation. Biden. Right. Weeks after being impeached for declaring martial law in his country, the president

of Blank was arrested on Monday. Korea. Right. Thanks to an incoming Arctic blast, the U.S. will face its blankest temperatures in over a year. Warmest. Coldest. Right, yes.

Arctic is the key. Arctic would be the key. This week, officials in the U.K UK said that residents should not be concerned about the loud bang and giant mushroom cloud of smoke emanating from the local blank. Explosion. No, emanating from the local nuclear plant. On Monday Starbucks announced they were reversing a policy that let anyone use their blank without making a purchase.

Bathroom. Right. This week a woman in Russia walking to her gate at the airport stepped onto a moving walkway and discovered blank. It was not moving. No that it was actually the baggage conveyor belt. A woman was seen on close-circuit TV footage stepping under the conveyor belt and getting pulled through the small doorway into bag processing. Thankfully she's fine and says the worst part was actually all the other people who lined up to get sucked

into the baggage carousel even though their group hadn't even been called yet. Chokie, how did Alzo do in our quiz? All right, Alzo got four right for eight more points, a total of 11, which means Helen is still in the lead. Why are y'all clapping? How many then does Maz Jobrani need to win, Chokie? Maz needs six points.

All right. You got this, Maz. Here we go, Maz. This is for the game. On Tuesday, confirmation hearings for Blank's cabinet picks began. Trump's. Right.

On Wednesday, Los Angeles mayor Karen Bass warned that the city was not safe from the danger posed by Blank's. Fires. Right. This week, the royal family reported that Blank was in remission from cancer. Kate Middleton.

Right. On Tuesday, the House passed the GOP-led bill banning some Blank athletes from participating in their chosen sports. Uh, transgender? Right, after charming fans by riding a lime bike to a movie premiere this week, Timothy Chalamet blanked. Fell off the bike. No, he was fined $79 for not docking the bike properly.

Hilarious. On Tuesday, social media app Red Note jumped to the top of Apple's charts thanks to the potential ban of blank. TikTok. Right. According to a new report, one in 20 people who caught blank may suffer long-term effects. COVID. Right.

After multiple warnings from the city, a woman in Memphis has a court appearance because she refuses to remove blank from her yard. From Memphis, she refuses to move blank from her yard. From Memphis, she refuses to move blank from her yard. That would be barbecue. No, the giant 12 foot skeleton. What? The woman who had planned to leave the skeleton up and then she put it up for Halloween and she planned to leave it up all year and decorate it based on whatever holiday was closest,

but the city is demanding she take it down, which is a real shame because nothing says happy Valentine's Day than a 12-foot skeleton. Jokey, did Maz do well enough to win? Oh, snap, Maz got six right for 12 more points. So with a total of 15, your champion is Maz Jobrani. Yes! Congratulations! Yes!

Wow! I feel like I don't want to be a hater, but champion is too strongrani. Congratulations. Yes. Wow. I feel like I don't want to be a hater, but champion is too strong of a word. Let me have this. Come on. Also, let me have this. Come on. In just a minute, our panelists will predict what unusual thing will an NFL player next be spotted doing on the sidelines.

But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions Doug Berman, Ben Evelyn Overlord. Philip Kodaka, Reiser Limerick, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shayna Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Liederman composed our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Grumbos and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Biniam Bezuma and Monica Hickey.

And a special welcome this week to our new J Bissouma and Monica Hickey. And a special welcome this week to our new Jolly Good Fellow, Hannah Anderson. Welcome to hell, Hannah. Peter Gwynn can do five sets of 47 pushups every morning. Emma Choi is our Vibe Curator, technical director is from Lorna White, her CFO is Colin Miller, our production manager is Robert Newhouse,

our senior producer is Ian Chilog. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what's the next surprising thing we'll see on an NFL sideline? Helen Ha. Players birding. Maz Jobrani. Players testing out mattresses. And Alzo Slade. They're going to be playing word on those little tablets that they're supposed to be reviewing plays on. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you, Jericho Janssen. Thanks also to Alzo Slade, Masgrove Barney, and Helen Hong. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR. It's a new year, and according to Pew, 79% of resolutions are about one thing, health. But there are so many fads around how to keep ourselves healthy. On It's Been A Minute, I'm helping you understand why some of today's biggest wellness trends are, well, trending. Like why is there protein in everything? Join me as we uncover what's healthy and what's not on the It's Been A Minute podcast

from NPR. Every January, millions of people take the pledge to cut down on alcohol in the new year. podcast from NPR.