Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Zazie Beetz

Episode Date: March 19, 2022

One of the stars of Atlanta, Zazie Beetz, plays our game called "Zazie Beetz, meet Sassy Beats!" Three stories about Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts. She is joined by panelists Roy Blount Jr, Helen Hong and Mo Rocca.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Forget about March Madness. Try some March Curtis. Bill Curtis. And here's your host, the man of your dreams. You need to see your therapist about that as soon as possible. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. And thanks once again to our fake audience. Later on, we're going to be talking to actor Zazie Bates, who got her first job as a professional actor playing the lead role in Donald Glover's acclaimed show Atlanta, and has then gone on to starring roles in big comic book blockbusters, among other things.

We're hoping to hear all about your rapid and well-deserved rise to the top. So give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Maggie Switzer and I'm calling from Atlanta, Georgia. You're calling from Atlanta, Georgia, where we just were. We missed you there. We waited. I was there. I was in the nosebleed section. Oh, you were. Okay. That's why we just, we just couldn't see you because you were way up there. What do you do there in Atlanta? I'm a graduate student studying public health at Emory University. That is a fine thing to be studying right now. Thank you. What should we know about public health that we don't know?

Other than that, we generally don't have any. You know, we might have to wait till I graduate to answer that question. Okay, yes, it's unfair. It's unfair. You're still studying. It's all right. We'll wait till you graduate. It's all right. Well, Maggie, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the author and humorist behind the new Substack.

Take another little piece of my heart now. It's Roy Blunt Jr. Hey, Maggie. I grew up in Decatur, so I know where you are. Where are you? Also near Decatur. Oh, good. Next up, it's a comedian who'll be moderating Star Trek Mission Chicago April 8th and 9th,

and who will be at the San Francisco Punchline April 27th through the 30th. It's Helen Hong. Hi, Maggie. Hi. And finally, a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and co-author of the New York Times bestselling book Mobituaries, Great Lives Worth Reliving. It's Mo Rocca. Hi, Maggie. Hi, Mo Rocca. Maggie, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Of course, Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Yes. All right, let's do it. Here is your first quote. I was pretty surprised we had the power to change time itself. That was Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky talking about the Senate voting unanimously to make what permanent this week? Daylight savings time. Yes, daylight savings time. The Senate has passed legislation unanimously to make daylight savings time permanent, which means if it passes the House and is signed into law, we will never set our clocks forward or backward again.

Well, I thought you just didn't set it backward all the time, so we would lose an hour every year and we would get younger and younger. I like it. Anyway, so this means there'll be more daylight in the winter, or maybe it's more in the summer. Or do you wake up earlier now if it's eight and your body thinks it's nine? Is that good? Anyway, whatever, it's happening. It's called the Sunshine Protection Act because of all the things that need protection right now. Sunshine is clearly the most vulnerable. It goes away when you pull the shade down. Somebody save it.

Yeah. And so this is to save sunlight. So are we able to put our sunlight in 401ks? Will someone match our sunlight? There's no taxes. There'll be no taxes on sunlight. It'll be awesome. You'll be able to, of course, once you have taken out retirement and use it, you know.

When I was in the newspaper in Atlanta many, many years ago, they argued about this every year. They tried to do this. And people would say things like, all I know is the cows don't like it. I am shocked, Peter, that this is because it's true, Roy. Like literally this topic comes up every single year, twice a year, every time we have to change the clock. So what is it about now that suddenly Congress was like, we gotta do it? The answer is they didn't know they were doing it. This is all true. There's this rule in the Senate called unanimous consent. And the idea is something can pass immediately as long as not a single senator objects to it. And that always happens, right? Whenever anybody tries it, some senator says, I object, and it's stopped.

This time, no one knew it was happening. So no one objected and it passed. Some senators, this is all all true are furious about this tom cotton for example hates this idea but his staff never told him about it so he couldn't object he must be so angry that they deprived him of the chance to kill something other people love yeah no he he missed the vote because he forgot to set his clock forward maybe yes maybe that's what happened and he's just using his staff for an excuse. I'm so confused. Does this mean then that kids are going to go to school in the dark at 8 a.m.?

It could well mean that. Good. Roy, how far did you walk to school when you were a boy? Well, we didn't have miles back then. Leagues? Did you measure it in leagues? Leagues. We walked leagues. I walked 78 leagues every morning. I would have to get up the night before and then I would sleep in school. It was crazy. All right, Maggie, your next quote is from a consumer advocate about a change in Charmin

toilet paper. It's a backdoor price increase. What change has Charmin made affecting the backdoor? More toilet paper? No, exactly the opposite. It's a price increase. So they're giving you... Oh, less toilet paper. Less toilet paper, fewer sheets to roll.

This is called, there's a name for it, shrinkflation. Instead of raising the price of your product, companies just sell less of it at the same price and hope no one notices. So, for example, Charmin used to be 264 sheets to a roll. They just changed it quietly to 244. They didn't publicize it, but you just found out at the worst possible time. I'd like to talk to Mr. Whipple about this. I know. Remember him? Also, and this is true, it could spread throughout the industries. There will be five fewer Doritos in every bag of chips. So in the end, I guess you won't need those 20 extra sheets of toilet paper.

I'm afraid they're going to make the sheets smaller. I don't think that would be good. No, no, that would be bad. They're just about right. There are not many things that are available commercially that are just about right. I think a sheep, I don't want to go into it too thoroughly or autobiographically, but it's a handy size. That's all I have. Oh, no, I know. A smaller sheep, that would be for little doll hands. I don't like that.

That would be catastrophic. Are they doing this, Peter, with all kinds of products like food? Oh, yeah. For example, Doritos and Sherman, we got those. Crest toothpaste, Gatorade, and wheat thins are also downsizing. This is the second time that's happened to that product, the one our parents knew as Wheat Fix. All right, Maggie, your last quote is about a new five thousand dollar a night hotel it looks like a suburban junior high school built in the mid 1970s now that review is about a new

hotel in disney world in which you don't just get a room you get to live in the world of what movie franchise high school musical now i would pay to live in a High School Musical. That would be awesome, where everybody is incredibly attractive, breaks out into song all the time. I would love it. No, it's not High School Musical, although I completely endorse your thinking. It's a huge, iconic film franchise. Oh, is it Star Wars or Marvel? It is Star Wars. Yes. Wait a minute. Yes. You're all thinking. You just found out there's a Star Wars themed hotel at Disney.

Well, beam me up, Scotty. The early reviews of the new Star Wars Galactic Star Cruiser Hotel in Florida are basically, I've got a bad feeling about this. Now, the packages to stay there start at $5,000 a night and and they go up to $20,000 for a, quote, tricked-up suite. It's tricked out if you think not having windows is a trick. None of the rooms have windows. It's basically a hostel, but no one is having sex. I mean, for $5,000 a night, Peter, there better be a hot stormtrooper waiting in the room for me.

Funny that you mention that, Helen, because that is in fact, well, I don't know if they have offered that specifically, but you're not just getting an uncomfortable bed to sleep in. You're getting a two-day experience during which you sleep in an uncomfortable bed in which you get to sort of be a part of the Star Wars universe, right? And the idea is you're in a participatory kind of escape room adventure with actual professional actors circulating among you being paid to talk to you in Wookiee. Is Darth Vader roaming the walls? I don't know. All I know is, I mean, there are

surprises, but there are stormtroopers. So if you are, as you indicated, somehow sexually attracted to them, Helen, you'll be in luck. By the way, let's just pause for a second and say, Helen, really? I love a man in a uniform. Even when you can't see his face? Yes. Okay. Especially. Exactly.

Thank you, Mo. Thank you. Yeah, the Mandalorian, hot. What's he look like? No one knows. The Mandalorian does sound like a hotel, like a Vegas hotel. It really does. It does. Oh, I'm staying. Steve wins Mandalorian, hot. What's he look like? No one knows. The Mandalorian does sound like a hotel, like a Vegas hotel. It really does. It does.

Oh, I'm staying. Steve wins Mandalorian. I can see it. Great poker room over at the Mandalorian. Bill, how did Maggie do in our quiz? Three in a row, she gets to blast off the hyperspace. Good going, Maggie. Congratulations on making that jump.

Maggie, good luck as you graduate, and then let us know how to save public health. Thank you. Take care. Bye-bye. Right now, it's time, panel, for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roy, Starbucks has launched a new initiative. Within the next few years, they plan to stop offering what? Coffee. No, that's a big shift in their business model.

Yeah. I don't think I know the answer. Well, when they finally do this, they're going to be able also to cut down those little paper sleeves by 100%. Cups. They're not going to have cups? They're not going to have cups anymore.

They're hoping to reduce their waste by 50% by 2030. So Starbucks is trying to phase out their iconic paper cups. From now on, they'll pour the coffee right into your cupped hands. Now, of course, if they were really committed to the environment, they should just tell people to step right up and suck it out of the spigot. It's going to be, no, the concept, it's going to be just like a Catholic mass where there will be one chalice for the coffee and the whole congregation drinks from it. They're actually trying several different pilot programs to cut down on cup use. They're going to offer bigger discounts to bringing in your own cup. Or there's this borrow a cup program that they're trying out in Seattle where a reusable cup costs a dollar that you get back when you return the cup to the store.

It's convenient and hygienic, like drinking out of a library book. When are they going to start this? I don't know, but they're rolling it out in various pilot programs. I don't know when it gets to where you are. I think it's too late. It's actually set to coincide with the beginning

of the next pandemic. There you go. That'll be awesome. It's time for coffee. It's time for tea. It's time for those of you who really have to make a phone call

to your broker or your doctor or your mom. Be back soon and don't be late. Coming up, our Bluff the Listener game is absolutely not funny.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY and not to laugh. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Helen Hong, and Roy Blutt Jr. And here again is your host, who is now three inches shorter, thanks to shrinkflation, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Bernadette. I'm calling from Union, New Jersey. Hey, I actually know Union pretty well. I didn't grow up far from there. I grew up in Union County. Anyway, what do you do there? I'm a music teacher. I have kindergarten through fourth grade.

Okay, I habitually make mild fun of everybody who calls in, but I've had a longstanding rule. I do not make fun of primary music school teachers because you are magic. Yeah, we're having a grand old time. We've been in the process of starting recorder karate. What is recorder karate? It's just a way for me to give them aspirations for learning new songs. Each new song is a belt. Oh, I see. The idea is like they learn this, they get a brown belt and a green belt, like they work their way up to a black belt. Yes. It's literally just achievements and prizes and not real karate, but they love it. But inevitably the boys start hitting each other with the recorders because they're boys, right? Oh, hopefully not, but we'll see what

happens. Okay. All right. Well, good luck with that. Well, Bernadette, it is great to have you with us. You are with us to play our Bluff the Listener game. Bill, what is Bernadette's topic? This is serious. Some people insist on being serious even when things are funny. For example, our recent attempt to add new panelist, former Treasury Secretary Ben Bernanke, is a mistake we will not repeat. Our actual panelists are going to tell you about somebody in the news who is just keeping it serious no matter what you might think. Pick the one telling the truth and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Ready to play? Yes.

All right, first let's hear from Mo Rocca. There is nothing funny about a baby dressed up as a banana. That's the message that Kyle Leffler repeated over and over and over again last Thursday night during a meeting of the Bangor, Maine City Council. There is nothing funny about a baby dressed up as a banana. Leffler's outrage stemmed from the appearance of at least three toddlers dressed as bananas at Bangor's famed Carmen Miranda Street Fest earlier this month. Miranda had been an exchange student in Bangor during her high school years and saved the life of the town's vicar when

he fell through the ice during a game of pond hockey. Leffler wants to stem what he sees as a dangerous trend. As he explained it, studies show that bananas are the fruit most likely to be begun but not finished. The amount of potassium that's wasted is incalculable. Babies dressed up as bananas only encourages people to reach for a banana without thinking, much as the movie Dog Day Afternoon encouraged people to buy puppies they really didn't want. And the peels that are discarded on our city streets are a hazard, and no, people slipping on banana peels isn't funny either. Kyle Leffler's final words as he was being escorted from the council chambers by armed security?

And no, I will not put on a mask. An enraged citizen of Bangor, Maine insists that babies dressed as bananas is not funny. Your next story of someone with a malfunctioning sense of humor comes from Helen Hong. An animal behavior scientist at Missouri State University is fed up with people thinking his research is a joke. Professor Paul Pollo is conducting a study to, quote, determine navigational vector intentionality in urban environments amongst Gallus gallus dimxticus, or in layman's terms, why chickens cross the road. Over the years, Professor Pollo has received snickers, chuckles, and even squawks when explaining his research, and he's clucking mad about it. People may think it's funny, but figuring out why they cross a road may help decrease the number of vehicle-chicken interactions, or VCIs. My feathers are ruffled over this foul attitude towards my life's work.

A scientist getting upset that people laugh at his very serious studies of why chickens cross roads. Your last story of the joke going over someone's head comes from Roy Blunt Jr. People will sometimes make light of these seizures, says an official at the U.S. Customs Station in El Paso, but there is nothing funny about them. Yes, sir, nothing funny at all about those recent attempts foiled by your office, to your great credit, to smuggle into the U.S. from south of the border, 243 pounds of contraband baloney. I get it. I get it. Contraband baloney is unregulated baloney. Of course it must be seized. A baloney smuggler must pay a price.

It's just that, well, there's a rhythm to the term contraband baloney. Contraband baloney, ba-d but um but um bum pretty near the same rhythm in fact as in fascinating rhythm gershwin tune fascinating lunch meat but um but um bum baloney smuggling is a crime those who would turn the whole thing into a joke they would have to force it some way up is that a baloney you're sitting on? Are you glad to see me? That doesn't work. It isn't funny. Mexican baloney? Who knew? All right. One of these things is not funny. Is it from Mo Rocca, children just up in bananas, or at least according to an angry person in Bangor, Maine. From Helen Hong,

important serious scientific studies of why chickens cross the road, or from Roy Blount Jr., bologna smuggling at the Mexican border. Which of these is something that someone insists is not funny? I think I have to go with the bologna smuggling. I don't know if they have Taylor Hamdom in Texas. All right. You have chosen Roy's story of bologna smuggling at the southern border being something that is not funny at all. All right. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone who was up on this story. Everyone is on the hunt now for potential floods of pork bologna making their way into the United States. That was Dr. Eileen Teague. She's a professor of international affairs at the Bush School

of Texas A&M University. Congratulations, Bernadette. You got it right. You earned a point for Roy. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you so much for having me. Take care. us today. Thank you so much for having me. Take care. And now the game where people who are on the rise plateau just for a moment before continuing on their way. One of the best TV shows of the last five years or so is Atlanta, a dark comedy or hilarious drama written by and starring Donald Glover about a rising rapper and his manager in Atlanta. After two amazing seasons, it just went away. Now, after three years, it's coming back,

and we are very excited to have one of the stars of that show, Zazie Bates, who plays Glover's usually very patient, sometimes partner. Zazie Bates, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm very, very honored and excited to be here. tell me. Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm very, very honored and excited to be here. It is a thrill to have you and we are very excited to have you here. Is it true that Atlanta was like practically your first job as a professional actor? Because that story goes around. Yes. I mean, I would say it's my fourth job professionally. So what I had, I had one thing where I lost money on it. One thing where I worked on it for a day. One thing where I actually quit my day job because it was a month of work.

And then I was actually anticipating to have to find another serving job. But while I was on this third movie, I booked Atlanta. Wow. And then that was that. Yeah, there you are. Now, for people who are not fortunate enough to see Atlanta, and by the way, you can. It's all on Hulu. Can you describe it for people?

Because it's kind of odd. I mean, I was just introducing you and I didn't know what to call it. It's not quite a comedy. It's not quite a drama. It's not a dramedy. Don't insult it that way. What is it? I honestly still haven't found the

perfect log line yet i would say it is a gosh you stumped me okay i'll tell you roy roy's a fan you tell us right i grew up in decatur just outside atlanta oh really And it's my story exactly. The whole thing. Come up into the industry. No. I did have a baby very young. Yeah. So, yeah. Now, just this week, I was sort of doing my Zosie Bates sort of crash course and everything. In the course of one, I guess, totally like 90 minutes, I watched an episode of Atlanta focusing on your character in which you try to pass a drug test by squeezing your baby daughter's urine out of diapers.

Yes. And then I immediately transitioned into Deadpool 2. Oh, that's a good one. In which you were the superhero domino totally kicking ass against massively armed bad guys using your very superpowers. And that's range is what I'm saying. Thank you. Yeah. And so you got to go be a superhero, which as I guess all successful actors must do now, it's required. No, it's the new law and order.

It really is. Is that what you guys talk about when you run into each other? Oh, what's your superpower? Oh, well. Zazie, is it true that you got your acting superpowers at LaGuardia High, the school from fame? Yes. I just have to say that for so many of us, you have to understand, like growing up, it was like a fantasy if you lived outside of New York to be able to go to the fame school, that high school. It's so funny because honestly, it's a public school.

I don't think people realize. I don't know. I felt like, yes, it was this wonderful opportunity, but also really just felt like school. But it's not just school. They block off the traffic so that you can dance on top of taxi cabs and stop traffic. That's true. Don't all schools do that? I mean, and you're dancing on the cafeteria table

singing Hot Lunch. I mean, it was impossibly exciting to watch that movie and TV series. Well, you know, that's, I thought everybody had that, but I guess. It's just, it's just strange. You have, you are known, I am told, and please correct me if I'm wrong,

for like making your own health products, like your own kombucha and body butter. Yeah. Is this true? It's so funny. Like, I feel like that's totally become a thing that people ask me about all the time. I just do this at home, like for fun. I mean, I used to do it to save money because I was like, I want a face mask, but I'm not paying 20 bucks for that. And so I would just make my own stuff.

And with the kombucha, I was just interested in that whole fermentation process. And then your SCOBY basically is like, it's like a pet, like you have to take care of it. For people who don't know, tell everybody what a SCOBY is. What is a SCOBY is. What is a SCOBY? So it's essentially the bacteria that create the environment that helps. It's the slime from which kombucha emerges. Right. Exactly. But it's actually like you can hold it.

It's like a little. It's like a sourdough starter. Yes. But it's just way grosser. Exactly. But you can hold it. It's like a little jello thing and it's like you have to take care of it otherwise it dies does yours have a name no i didn't name

mine but uh she had many children because they keep making layers of new scobies and you can like separate them and then sometimes sitting in the corner of your room multiplying? Yes. Yes. Listen, I have a cat and I had a Scobie. I don't have Scobie anymore. Do you ever hear it whispering things to you that maybe you don't want to do, but it really wants you to do? My Scobie is a very positive Scobie.

So it only whispered kind and gentle things to me. My sister Scobie tried to kill us in the night. You see what I mean? Hey, wait a minute. Here's a question. Since you were already into like making this disgusting goo for your friends,

when the pandemic started, what new hobbies did you pick up? What new hobbies? Returning text messages. I started. That's a good half hour every day. Yes. Rocking in the fetal position.

I actually did. In two days, I went through 823 unread text messages. Wow. Yeah. Wow. What? You were not up on your text. I'm not as popular as you, so I don't have that much of a problem. But when I don't return texts

for say a week, I just decide it's easier never to speak to that person ever again. So they assume I'm dead. Yeah, that was my approach. And then I was, you know, so lonely during the pandemic. Well, I'm sure when you texted all your friends at last, your Scobie was very proud of you. Yeah. And a little jealous. She wanted the attention. Of course. Of course.

Well, Zazie Bates, we are so delighted to talk to you, but we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling. Zazie Bates meets Sassy Beats. Specifically, the beats of longtime Rolling Stones drummer, Charlie Watts, who died last year at the ripe age of 80. Answer two to three questions about Charlie Watts and you will win our prize for one of our listeners,

the voice of their choice in their voicemail. Bill, who is Zazie playing for? John Day of Durham, North Carolina. I got to ask, are you a Rolling Stones fan? Not enough for this game. Okay.

As I often say, ignorance is often the best choice as we go into this, because just a little knowledge will lead you astray. All right. Great. So here's your first question. Charlie Watts had some interesting habits while touring the world for decades

with the Rolling Stones. Yes. He always did what? A, he saved all the underwear thrown at them on stage, resulting in a collection Yes. I hope it's the first one, but I think it's B. You are right. It is B. He sketched every single hotel bed he slept in. He had started as an artist, did some early album covers for the Stones,

and I don't know why he did that. Next question. That was very good. Charlie Watts, like the other members of the Stones, liked to collect classic and expensive cars, but he did it his own way. How? A, he just collected the same car, the 1978 Dodge Aspen, until he had 106 of them. B, Watts never got his driver's license,

so he just put on suits to match the car and sit in the cars in his garage. Or C, whenever a bandmate bought a car, he'd get the matchbox version and then brag about how much money he'd saved. Oh, that's so sweet. I think it's A, though. You think it's A, that he just collected 1978 Dodge Aspens. That's it. Yes. The only car he was interested in until he had 106 of these identical cars, presumably in different colors, at his estate.

Hopefully. Yes. No, I'm afraid it was actually B. He never got his driver's license. To be fair, I got my driver's license three years ago. Well, you're a New Yorker, right? That's a New Yorker. Yes. Right.

So that's a natural New York thing. Well, you have one more question. If you get this right, you win. Once, while the Rolling Stones were on tour, Watts was woken in the middle of the night by a phone call from a very drunk Mick Jagger demanding, my drummer. How did Watts respond? A, he sent him 14 pounds of chicken drumsticks via room service. B. He said, I'm sorry, I don't recognize your voice, sir.

Or C. He woke up, shaved, dressed in a suit and tie, put on some freshly shined shoes, went up to Jagger's room and punched him in the face, yelling, never call me your drummer again. Ooh, spicy. I like this. Spice. Let's go for C. Oh, very good choice, Aussie. That's, in fact I like this. Spice. Let's go for C. Oh, very good choice, Aussie. That's in fact what happened. The story was prominently featured in all of his obits.

And what happened then was after he had punched Jagger in the face and said that, he then yelled, and you're my singer, he said. Wow. Nice. There you go. I love the fact that he shaved and put on a suit. He was apparently a man who cared about such things. He cared about such things. He did.

Bill, how did Zosie Bates do on our quiz? Two out of three. And she won. Yay! Zosie Bates is starring in Atlanta, and the new season finally premieres. March 24th. On FX. Zosie Bates, you are a delight.

Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much. This was soth. On FX. Zassi Bates, you are a delight. Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much. This was so fun. Take care. Thank you, Zassi. Bye-bye. Bye. Thanks. In just a minute, Bill tells you about the world's worst mac and cheese, or maybe the most delicious? It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Roy Blunt Jr., and Helen Hong. And here again is your host, and we'd like to issue a correction. When we said he'd lost three inches due to shrinkflation, he just took off his heels. It's Peter Sagan. Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, we get sucked into Bill's maelstrom in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

But right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Roy, if you're living in Wyoming and you're just tired of the options on Grubhub, there's a new app you can download that will let you do what? So this has to do with food. It does. Something you want to eat or they want to eat. Well, elk. I like to say the word elk.

And I know there are elk. Elk could be one of the things. Yes. I'll give you a hint. It's less door dash and more deer crash. Oh, Roadkill. Yes, Roadkill. It is an app that lets you put dibs on any roadkill you see.

What? Well, I mean, the thing is, is like if you happen to see Roadkill and you're like, oh, I can't pick that up because my car is already filled with dead bodies. I need to drop them off before I pick that one. You can put dibs on it and then, you know, you can get it, bring it home, clean it, cook it up, and bring it to the very last potluck you'll ever be invited to. Wow. Yeah. Is it safe to eat roadkill? Yeah, as long as you didn't burst the gallbladder.

That ruins the meat. Right. Isn't that right? Yeah. And so you order. It's an app, right? It's sort of like seamless, but it's lifeless. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. Yeah, very much so. The state was able to develop the app after receiving funding from a vulture capitalist. Something tells me this is not going to be taking away business from Postmates or Grubhub. I just have a feeling that someone who's like, you know what, I'm really in the mood for mac and cheese right now is not going to be like, I know. This is Wyoming. Nobody over the age of five in Wyoming has ever been in the mood for mac and cheese, I think. If you can't kill it with a car, I don't want to eat it. Helen, a recent column in the San Francisco Chronicle raised an important question. Is it a good idea to do what to your friends after you host them at a dinner party? Make them take leftovers? No. Hug them? I need a hint. Well, I think everybody agrees that it would be absolutely beyond the pale to include a service charge. Charge them a fee for having dinner at your house?

Yes. Give them a bill, essentially. Yes. So the Chronicle laid out the story of one Amber Nelson, a Los Angeles podcaster, who was recently invited to a dinner party, and at the end of the night, the host gave her a bill for $20. No. Yes.

And Amber brought wine. Really? No. But did she bring bad wine? Well, maybe it was a penalty is what you're saying. Yeah. And Amber brought wine. Really? No. But did she bring bad wine? Did she bring like- Well, maybe it was a penalty is what you're saying. Yeah. It's possible.

Maybe she brought like supermarket like $5 chard or something. We don't know. Amber paid it. She later wanted to go back over to her friend's house to ask what the whole deal was, but she couldn't get a reservation. Did the friend disclose before, like when the invites went out? No, I have a feeling, no, I have a feeling that she did not do that

because if she had done that, no one would have showed up at the dinner party. Yeah, that's whack. I know. That's crazy. By the way, if you're curious, she served penne a la vodka. That's even worse. That's just pasta. It's just pasta with tomato sauce and some vodka in it. It's nothing special.

And did Amber tip? Well, no, but she did get a punch in her friend's house card in her wallet. So just after nine more dinner parties, she gets a discount on the paid parking outside. Cause you've got a debt to pay You've got a debt to pay Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

There you can also find tickets for our upcoming shows August 25th and 26th at Wolf Trap in Northern Virginia. Outside, under the stars, or the sun, depending on how this daylight savings time thing shakes out. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, how this daylight savings time thing shakes out. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, Peter. This is Eric from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Hey, how are things in Grand Rapids? Things are very nice. We're on our third fake spring by now, so hoping this one sticks. Yeah, I know. That happens here in the Midwest. It keeps just teasing you, this spring thing.

What do you do there? I'm an electrical engineer. I am a small business owner and I am an amateur board game designer. You're an amateur board game designer. Let's skip right to that. That's where the fire is. Yeah, that's where the fire is.

Can you describe very briefly because we don't have enough time to talk about such fascinating things. One of the board games that you have in fact designed. Just one that I published myself. It's a game called House Rules, where basically everyone has a choice in how every round is played.

So everyone who's playing the game gets to make the rules. Okay. And that leads to all kinds of vicious fights and divorces and terrible family problems. In a best case scenario, probably, yeah. Yeah, probably. Well, welcome to the show, Eric. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks

with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play? I'm ready. All right. Here is your first limerick. Disney thinks we'd be okay eating sugar-full three meals a day. Now noodles and jelly slide down to my belly. It's pasta with PB and J. Yes, PB and J at this month's Disneyland Food and Wine Festival in California.

The theme park rocked the culinary world with their new peanut butter and jelly mac, or to put it another way, a future stain on a seat at Space Mountain. This avant-grosse dish is macaroni covered in peanut butter sauce and strawberry jelly, but it's also topped with a brown sugar streusel

and, for some reason, strawberry pop rocks. It's a great culinary exploration. Finally, asking the question, why? So they're mixing mac and cheese with peanut butter? Yeah, they're mixing. It's a sweet macaroni and cheese dish with peanut butter and jelly. There's no cheese element, right? There's no cheese.

No, it's not peanut butter, mac and cheese. It's just macaroni as a base for a kind of sweet peanut butter and jelly sauce with Pop Rocks and sugar streusel. Do we know anyone who's tried this abomination? Presumably, people out in California have tried it at this food and wine festival, but if any of them have lived to tell the tale, I do not know of it. People in California will try anything. Just get the vaccine instead of this. I live in California. I am currently in California, and I will never try that.

It sounds nasty. It does. It does. Here is your next limerick. Salty snacks seem just fine, till they weren't. Cook chips longer, and they will be turnt. Make them smoky and dark.

Give our taste buds a spark. Cause we connoisseurs like our chips. Why? Burnt? Burnt, yes. From Cape Cod, dark russet chips with new extra toasty Cheez-Its. Burnt chips are the latest, greatest thing in snacking.

This is according to a Cheez-Its oven operator who came back five minutes late from his smoke break. This trend was started by a Michigan snack company called Better Made, who, this is true, they collected all the rejected chips that were too burned for their regular chips and put them in their bag and said, these are special rainbow chips. And everybody fell for it. I've never seen a rainbow that's eight shades of brown, though. Pride is going to be so much less festive this year.

Wait, so you get the fresh bag, you open it, and everything's just charred inside. Well, yeah, they're not like ash, but they're like brown and crispy. Ash would be awful. Yeah, that'd be terrible. Alright, here is your last limerick. If testosterone

you would enhance, give some musical motion a chance. You should learn rhythmic joy from the time you're a boy. You'll be more of a man when you... Uh, dance. Yeah, dance! Apparently the cure for toxic masculinity is as easy as 5, 6, 7, 8, jazz hands, jazz hands!

According to researchers in Finland, dancing as a boy can help men grow up to be more sensitive and less likely to engage in harassment as an adult. And it's true. Try and picture a guy catcalling you while he's tap dancing. Can't be dumb. Is it because if you're dancing as a boy, you yourself are getting bullied a little bit? That might have something to do with it,

or maybe you're more in touch with your feelings. I don't know, but apparently this is a true correlation. And it's true of all male dancers, except that guy who has one move and it's just like a repeated pelvic thrust with his tongue out and he's staring at you. That's no good. this is not funny but i am going to start taking dance classes

i am amazed that you haven't before mo me too what have you been waiting for well i just i don't know but now is the time so i'm i'm gonna go dance class. If anyone needs a cure for their toxic masculinity, it's you. That's I think of you. I think of you. Somebody says toxic and they don't even get to masculinity. I say Mo Rocca. That's me. Bill, how did Eric do in our quiz? Perfect. Eric racked them up three in a row. Good going. Congratulations. Thanks so much for playing our games. Oh, thank you, guys. Have fun. Take care. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Mo has two and Roy and Helen each have three. So, Mo, you are in second place. You'll be up first. The clock will start when they begin your first question. Fill in the blank, Mo. In a speech to Congress on Wednesday, Ukrainian President Blank said the U.S. must do more. Zelensky. Right. On Monday, Britain's top court rejected WikiLeaks founder Blank's request to overturn his extradition to the U.S.

Julian Assange. Yes. This week, Donald Trump said that if he runs in 2024, Blank will not be his running mate. Hence. Right. After being sentenced for lying to police last week, actor Blank was released from jail pending an appeal. Jussie Smollett. Right.

This week, a Zelensky impersonator managed an appeal. Jussie Smollett. Right. This week, a Zelensky impersonator managed to escape Ukraine with the help of blank. With the help of the circus. With the help of a Putin impersonator. This week, Stacey Abrams appeared in an episode of blank playing the president of earth. Star Trek. Right. Best known for his roles in broadcast news and the big chill Oscar winner blank passed away at the age of 71. William Hurt. Right. This week, a man who checked into an Airbnb in Florida and immediately lay down for a nap was shocked when he was awakened by Blank. The person who lived there. Yes, because it was not, in fact, the Airbnb. That was next door.

The man had arrived pretty late at night, which is why he confused two houses. Still, when he entered the wrong home, he found a nicely made bed with freshly laundered towels laid on top of it. And let's be honest, if you leave clean towels folded on your bed, you are legally now a hotel. Bill, how did Mo do in our quiz? Mo had seven right for 14 more points. He now has 16 and the lead. Well done, Mo. All right. Let's see. Roy and Helen are tied. Helen, arbitrarily, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Russia announced its own round of blanks against President Biden and other U.S. officials. Sanctions. Right. On Sunday, former President Blank confirmed he had tested positive for COVID-19. Obama. Right. On Wednesday,

a 7.4 magnitude earthquake hit Blank, raising fears of a possible tsunami. Obama. Right. On Wednesday, a 7.4 magnitude earthquake hit blank, raising fears of a possible tsunami. Japan. Right. On Thursday, Disney staff staged walkouts across Florida in response to the state's new blank bill. Don't say gay. Right. After taking two years off of touring, Rod Stewart was spotted this week blanking.

Touring? Filling in potholes near his house. On Thursday, Netflix announced it was considering adding a fee for anyone who shares their blanks. Their password. Right. For the first time in three years, blank rates topped 4%. Interest rates. Specifically mortgage rates, but I'll give it to you. Health officials are warning, despite what social media influencers might say, drinking blank will not make you look younger.

Uh, bleach? No, drinking fish tank cleaner. drinking blank will not make you look younger. Bleach? No, drinking fish tank cleaner. Yes, my fish tank looks great for its age, but drinking the antifungal dye will not slow the effects of aging. It'll just turn your tongue blue. That said, while swallowing the cleaner won't make you live longer, it'll do wonders for the goldfish you swallowed earlier.

Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz? Helen has six right for 12 more points. She now has 15, but remember, Mo still has the lead with 16. All right. I remember. He remembers. So how many does Roy need to win? Seven to win for Roy. Oh, my gosh.

That's a lot, Roy. Here we go. This is for the game. On Tuesday, Pfizer requested authorization for a fourth dose of their blank for seniors. Their vaccine. Right, their COVID vaccine. On Monday, the UN Secretary General warned that use of blank weapons was now within the realm of possibility. Nuclear.

Right. According to a new survey, 52% of Americans don't think blank will run for re-election in 2024. Biden. Right. On Wednesday, the Federal Reserve began a series of interest rate hikes to help fight blank. Inflation. Right. Speaker Pelosi marked St. Patrick's Day by reciting an original poem by blank. By William Butler Yates.

No, better, Bono of U2. This week, Amazon closed their $8.5 billion acquisition of movie studio blank. MGM. Right. Following a tirade about Trevor Noah, rapper blank was suspended from Instagram for 24 hours. Kanye West. Right. On Sunday, Tom Brady announced he was reversing his decision to retire, which came as great news to everyone but blank. But the guy who paid $516,000 or something like that for what had been presumed

to be the last touchdown pass. Exactly right. You even got the amount right on Saturday. On last Saturday, a fan and memorabilia collector paid over $500,000 for the last ball Tom Brady threw for a touchdown before his retirement. Then 24 hours later, Brady announced he wasn't actually retiring. When asked how he felt about the whole thing, the owner of the now worthless football said, honestly, a little deflated. Bill, did Roy do well enough to win? He is back with a vengeance and seven right for 14 more points and a total of 17.

That means he's this week's champion. I love it. You show up here every year or so. You take it all home. I love it. Oh yeah. I'm going to play with the cats and drink. There you go. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict with all the shrinkflation, what's the next thing we're going to notice getting smaller? Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Drombos, Lillian King, and Nancy Seychamp. Our production assistant is Sophie Hernandez-Thimonides. Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas. Show Baloney is sourced legally by Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White.

The part of Blinky Lightsman was played by Manoli Wetherill and Lars Hoel. Our CFO, that's Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what's the next thing to suffer from shrinkage? Helen Hong. People's butts, because there's less Doritos in each bag and less Charmin in each roll. Mo Rocca. Because we only text and email and no longer talk on the phone, our mouths will get smaller. And Roy Blunt Jr. Kanye West's name has already gone from Kanye West to Kanye to Ye, but it could still go down to

Ye. I don't think any of that happened. We'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Roy Blunt Jr., Helen Hong, and Mo Rocca. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.