Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Dan Tiernan (Part One)

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

This week Emily takes a stroll through Regent's Park with award-winning comedian Dan Tiernan. With temperatures still soaring during the heatwave, Ray sensibly sits this one out, leaving Emily to discover whether Dan can be quite as entertaining without a four-legged co-host. (Spoiler: he can.)Dan chats about growing up in and around Manchester, the surprising childhood hobby that saw him performing as a magician, and the comedy course his mum signed him up for that ultimately changed the course of his life. They also discuss his rise through the stand-up circuit, from winning the BBC New Comedy Award and British Comedian of the Year to appearing on shows including QI, 8 Out of 10 Cats and The Last Leg.Dan's brand new show, Ports and All, heads to the Edinburgh Festival this August, playing nightly at Monkey Barrel from August 3rd to 30th, before touring the UK. Tickets and dates are available at https://www.dantiernan.co.uk.It's a wonderfully funny, chaotic and heartfelt conversation with one of the most exciting comics working today. And despite arriving slightly late and having misplaced his phone, Dan quickly proves that being gloriously disorganised can be a surprisingly endearing quality.Follow Emily:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emilyrebeccadeanX: https://twitter.com/divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Will NicholsMusic: Rich JarmanArtwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The profit margin was really bad. Like, the dragons would have absolutely turned me apart. I would say, they would say how much do you charge? And I said, that's not how I operate. It's up to you. It's up to pay what you want. And then I would usually get to about 20 quid. It would be my fee.

And then I would spend between 50 and 60 on props for every show. That's never going to work. This week on Walking the Dog, I took a stroll with a brilliant comedian, Dan Tienan. Ray sat this one out, not because he's chronically lazy. I mean, he is. But that's by the by. It was because we were still in peak heat wave, but I promise he will be back on walking duties immediately. So I've been a fan of Dan's for a while. He's popped up on shows like QI, 8 out of 10 cats and the last leg. My favourite fact about him, incidentally, is that he made a brief appearance in the soap opera Doctors. That shows now off our screens, absolute

travesty. So I think that viewing pleasure has been lost to me forever. But I do know how celebrated his live act is, which is probably why he's won the BBC's new comedy award and the British comedian of the year. And by the way, if you want to witness Dan's comic genius in person, you're in luck. Because he's heading to the Edinburgh Festival where he'll be performing his show Quartz and All. It'll be on at Monkey Barrel every night at 10.25pm from the 3rd to the 30th of August. and after that he'll be touring all over the country so do get your tickets at dan tinnan.com.uk. Dan won't mind me saying he arrived a little late to meet us in Regents Park

and he'd also lost his phone and given that those two events are basically a standard Tuesday to me I knew immediately I'd found what I call one of my people and we had the nicest walk chatting about Dan's childhood growing up in and around Manchester. We also talked about his childhoods, side hustle as a magician. Yes, I too am hoping there were waistcoats involved. And what he learned on the comedy course his mum booked him on, which led to him throwing himself into stand-up full-time.

Dan also told me about his sister Phoebe getting diagnosed with leukemia and the impact that inevitably had on his life as they navigated that and how that experience changed not only his perspective on life, but also the way he approaches his comedy. Dan and I had planned to me up for an hour. In the end, we were still talking after about two and a half hours. Yes, that's partly because I don't shut up. But it's also because Dan is quite frankly fabulous company. He's utterly hilarious, but he's also really smart and self-aware and just endlessly fascinating. In fact, we got on so well, we've already talked about meeting up again. And Ray has insisted he come along. Honestly, Ray, how would you like it if I started muscling in on your

your bottomless brunches with that Pomeranian. Really hope you enjoy our chat. Here's Dan. I should start this podcast by saying, I need to apologise because Raymond isn't here. But you strike me as a sensitive soul because you immediately picked up why, because it's currently, what is it?

38 or something? I don't really do numbers and degrees and stuff. I don't understand them. It's fucking hot. Do you know what I'm going to call it, Lagos? Yeah. Because my family spent time there. this is what this feels like.

Yeah. So I do think we all of this, people over science life, it just used to be several metrics, like mild, hot, fucking hot, like fire, you know? This is fire. I don't know, this isn't fire. Is it not? This is fucking hot.

Yeah, can I swear out? I can swear. Oh, we love swearing. Bella told me that you didn't bring dog because of heat, but also it's common sense, really. I just feel. I had dogs growing up. Well, we're going to talk about these dogs.

And I just feel it's so difficult because it's a part of me that thinks, oh, I really want to bring him along. And then I think he's nearly 10, which is old in dog years. Yeah. What, is he a Shih Tzu? He's a Shih Tzu.

You've seen pictures of him. He's old for Shih Tzu, right? All right, mate. He's very hairy. I don't know how many summers I've got left. I won't lie. Yeah. Bleak when you put it like that, but true.

No way, but I have that new. And we should say we're in Regents Park. Yeah, we're sat down. It's quite nice, isn't it? It is nice, because I think you identified that when I was arrived, if you made me walk, I very well might pass out and die, or have a panic attack. Well, you're a ginger prince, aren't you?

So, this is the thing. I don't know how to handle this accusation, because I often find myself, someone who is ginger will come up to me and say, ginger brother and I'll go I'm not ginger and they'll say it's all right mate like be proud of it I'm not saying it's not all right I'm just not a ginger I have a ginger beard and I have brown hair it's giving Henry Bain but you're looking at me now even with your sunglasses I can tell you're thinking you've got ginger hair no really

I'm changing my opinion yeah I'm oh my lovely producer will the right Whoa. With a Coke and some iced coffees and a little treat for me. I want to talk about dogs because obviously Ray's not here. He's normally the entry point into dogs. But I want to know, firstly, you don't have any pets right now, I'm assuming. No, but I imagine Bella told you that we were desperate to get a cat called Grandma. Did she?

Well, she told me that her cat had died, her family cat, yeah. Yes. And so that will be the next. That would be phase too, will it? We talk massively about, these are both Bella's names, so I can't take credit, but we massively talk about getting a white, fluffy cat called Grandma and a black sleek cat called Ombudsman.

That's kind of the dream. But we have a balcony on the seventh floor, and I don't know if that thing is true about the lives, you know. And also, we've only got nine, and I am honestly so unorganized that I think nine might still, yeah. worry about balconies and any kind of pets, to be honest with me. Yeah. Cats are quite smart, but ours would be a house cat and they're quite thick, aren't they? So I think it would absolutely launch itself.

Yeah. Yeah. So we don't have pets. Tell me about your pet situation growing up. So was this in Stockport? So I'm not from Stockport, but I don't think I've been interviewed in the last five years where they've not thought I was from Stockport. My Wikipedia page says, it for a while but when we got it changed because it was bothering me so much and all my mates growing up used to tease me that I was from Stockport I say growing up my mates in Sheffield and then one day because I went to school in Stockport got it and one day they found my passport

and it said stop put on it because I was I was born in a Stockport hospital so basically but that's not where you grew up no but it's becoming kind of as I explained as I explained It very much is like, well, you are from Stockport. You were born in Stockport, went to school in Stockport. Your Wikipedia says you're from Stockport. You, your nearest train station is Stockport. And your passport says Stockport. I'm from Didsbury, which is South Manchester.

I know Didsbury. Do you? That's really nice part of Manchester, isn't it? Yeah, it's lovely Didsbury. Yeah. And it's like, it is actually Manchester, but it's really nice. nice, isn't it? Yeah.

That is still quite left wing, because often when you've got big cities that are rough and then you have a nice bit, they're often really Tory. Yeah, it's a bit union jack flags everywhere. Champagne socialist sort of bubble. Where, to be fair, I don't know how much political substance anyone has, but they at least make the right noises at dinner parties.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And as far to paying more tax if they need to. Yeah. They've all got good accountants, yeah. And so this is, and this is with your sister and, well, your sister's younger than you, obviously. My sister's four years younger than me. And your mum, and were your parents together then? They were together.

Initially? Yeah, but they split up when I was 20. Yes. That's a funny age for parents to split, isn't it? It is. I think it's a good age. Wow, it was a good age for me. I kind of, my mum was a machinional, but she's retired now, she's a machinational.

solicitor and my sister works in that as well now she's in the legal profession in matrimonial law as well she's like Kim Kardashian on suits and not suits what's it called it would be suits is law no suits is Megan um Duchess of South yes Kim Kardashian suits is the one that ruin our country yeah no Kim Kardashian it was a Ryan Murphy show that I'm afraid got really panned and Kim Kardashian is playing a divorce lawyer in lots of fuchsia pink suits that would like whatever that is it would drive my I grow up I grew up with my mum just screaming at a telly well that's just not how it works about every anything with law in it just like this is ridiculous and so she was with your dad at that when you were

growing up? Yes. I mean, we talk about it a lot is my point and I quite believe with, it's different with every circumstance and of course there's financial implications, but I'm a bit of a believer of just ripped a fucking band-aid off. Like people stay together for their kids and you end up, you know, kids aren't stupid and you just end up with a more, with a complicated situation, you know, it's gonna happen at some point. So I reckon if you're deliberate staying together, just rip it off. I don't know if my mum would agree.

My mum, yeah, did some mediation work as well for a while where it was all about couples working together to be civil and stuff like that. Have a good divorce kind of thing, yeah. Yeah. And my parents are weird these days, but they're pretty, They were very civil. They were like mates and then inevitably the thing that they fell out of that was money. It always is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And so what we... Animals. You're really... I need to know. Well, I just need to know. I'm imagining the house in Didsbury. I'm imagining it's a nice house. I would like this house. Yeah. And... It's a lovely house. Well, I think people, I just think lawyers and things, everything's quite organised. And I would feel comfortable in this house.

What is the pet situation, though? I really must pressure on this. Yes. First pet ever was a cat called Spike. Yeah. That my parents struggled to, when they had two young kids, get the attention. He deserved.

So one day he went up to my mum and he pissed on her, which is basically, I think, a thing of a cat being like, bro, like, you're not raising me correctly. Like, fuck you. Do you think that's what it was? It was. My mum really felt that it was like a fuck you sort of situation.

Yeah, wow. So Spike went on holiday, mum thinking that we would just forget that Spike had gone on holiday. And three days later, we were like, when Spike getting back from his holiday and my mum was like, oh, shit. Yeah. So she gave Spike away. Yeah. And then we didn't get another... We didn't get another pet for years.

Oh. My... Yeah, you do get everything out of people. This... I'll give you my family law. I've actually never said this on the podcast. I have a thing because I'm Northern in London comedy, everyone thinks I'm working class.

And I'm not. I've never claimed to be. I'm scruffy. I never have any access to money because I always lose my bank on my phone. So people always think I'm like some really working class, which again I don't mind. Same with a ginger thing, but I'm just... Yeah. My dad was working class Manchester.

My mum's from Essex, kind of like... Her parents got fairly wealthy when she was late teen and she was the eldest, so she kind of grew up working class. And then her dad got a very big engineer. job for BP oil and they moved to India and then during the recession my dad got made redundant and my mum and dad started buying properties right and then we got like yeah so we're in like to you were comfortable we're in a tiny gap as a kid yeah that they owned and then we got like pretty right pretty minted and then we had

this massive semi-detachment like open plan house going up basically yeah swimming pool it wasn't that level okay but it was it was it would be great to like film something in it was very open would they have one of those harland cobin dramas in there do you know what they're those net we had a granite island oh god absolutely harlan cobin does those thrillers on netflix and it's always the perfect that Harlan Coven was some kind of, like an harbour, like some sort of middle-class, like, house thing. I thought it was like Brabanchi bin.

I thought that's what you were asking. No, Harlan Coben is a writer. And he does those thrillers on Netflix where there's a murder, and it always starts in the picture-perfect family middle-class home. Sure. With the island, the mother's drinking a big goblet of wine. Yes. This is where I think would be a good set location.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it would be brilliant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's interesting, Dan. Do you think that people... It's crazy you didn't ask me. that question and I still just told you all of that and you didn't even ask me. But I'm trying to paint a picture. I like it.

Well, I think it's interesting that that's fascinating in itself that that's sort of a reverse prejudice thing that in a strange way, it doesn't feel like prejudice, but it is kind of, oh, I hear your voice, therefore I assume that you're sort of defrauding me a bit if you didn't come from, you know, you weren't, you didn't grow up in sort of economic deprivation. Do you know what I mean? That people make that assumption because you're Mancunia. But then I have a weird thing as well

where it's like class-wise I'm not like London middle because for me London middle is not middle, it's upper class. It's like its own thing which I'm not, it's not like that. Like, you know, one wealth-wise it isn't

and also just the sort of people I grew up with, it's not, you know. So then I have that issue where I don't want them to think I'm that because I'm not that. You're not one of mine. No, I think I'm an old one because again, people would assume I grew up in North London, I grew up in Highgate, you know, my parents are in the media, I'm your classic liberal elite, you know, all of this. Yes.

But then what's interesting is that we weren't particularly wealthy because I went to private school. People assume I'm that girl. I'm sort of horses, not at all. You know, my mum was a single parent. out-of-work actress. So it's always more complicated. But what they did have was, if they did get money,

they'd spend it on black calves or first editions of books. Do you know what I mean? It was very hard to explain. People were like, but why didn't you have any money? It's like, because they spent it on patty. Do you know what I mean? Do you know who there's people? Yes, yes, yes, I do.

They were friends with poets and things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. subtlety class is really difficult to explain. It really is. People want to put you in a box, no, isn't there? They really do. Yeah, particularly in this country. So I can see how that, I can, I understand how that works for you, that even though, yes,

your parents made money, you didn't grow up with a sense of being, you know. This sounds really bad, but I grew up feeling rich, not middle class, not upper middle, Not rich, like we had loads of money, but in my friendship group, there were always jokes about how we were minted. But I think that's mainly because we had a nice house. Yeah, yeah. And my parents owned a few properties about max seven, so actually, yeah. Yeah. Pretty minted, but then not much cash flow ever.

And were you, when you were growing up? Crazy, I just told you all that. Yeah. How do I do it? This is an exclusive, serious exclusive. How do I do it? I've never lied about it. We own horses as well.

Do you know what? My mum bought my sister loads of horses. Right before my mum and dad split up, she went mental and spent all our money on horses. She went completely mental. I got really into the show. At least it wasn't spice. And I didn't speak to my mum for like,

my mum just lost herself in the horse world. And I thought it was all about me. I thought they helped that everyone hated me, but it was actually that my mum and dad were going through. Yeah. So we're separating, yeah. when I was 20, yeah. Well, that's a real displacement thing, isn't it?

So that's pets. That's pet. I'm gonna call them the divorce horses. But then I, I, that one pissing, I don't like admitting that one because I didn't, they weren't my horse, I didn't get any of the horses. The horses were, were all my sisters. So I didn't, it wasn't any, none of that money

was going on me. Yeah. You know, I wasn't, like, if my mum had bought me like, a vintage selection of samurai swords or something, then I'd be like fair enough. But instead she was, which is probably what I would have wanted, something like that.

Or replica guns or something. All right, Maga. I know. I really am right wing, aren't I? I have come out as right wing one. It's podcar. Wait until I start talking about... JD-Man.

people, I tell you. It's ironic because I'm a hard socialist. But that's what's interesting is that I think people sometimes struggle with nuance and that's why when you're saying all this, I understand that in that it's kind of, well, how can you be this if you're this? Whereas I can see that you can be all sorts of things, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And when you were growing up, Dan, I love your comedy so much, by the way. Oh, thank you. And I feel I know a lot about you because of your stand-up, but then I appreciate that with stand-up, you're inevitably a slightly ramped-up version of yourself. Yeah, I think the content is always true in my stand-up, but the way I present it and the way I feel about it isn't necessary. Of course, so if you're making a joke about your stepdad,

I understand that that's for the purposes of comedy. Like I actually love my stepdad. Yeah. He's a legend. And the fact that you were able to joke about that, makes it clear to me that you like him. And for me, that's part of the joke. Yeah. That's part of the fully bit.

Yeah. Yeah, that I'm acting like I really. Well, one thing you- I'm full naming him. I know, which I absolutely love. One of the things you talk about is your childhood that you talk about having dyspraxia. Yeah.

And I don't know much about it. When were you diagnosed? Yeah. So I was diagnosed. in reception. How old are people? Like five. Five. Five, that's it.

About five. My reception teacher, Mrs. Mella, major shout-out. I think I'd just become a bit obsessed with dyspraxia. I think it was in a period so it would have been in the early 90s when

neurodivergence was really starting a lot of research was coming out about it. And I think she started reading about this weird, coordination disorder and then she looked at me and was like in a class of 30 she was like bingo like there he is i think she has like statistically one of him will have it and then probably saw me reading a book upside down and was like ah hello uh so well you always had a sense of being physically i don't want to say awkward because yeah but you know what i mean is that how you felt yeah yeah my

mum used to say i was just always falling over right and and not and was covered in bruises and just didn't care. Yeah. She said that I was a really well-behaved, like, toddler and young child, but I was just... She would turn around and just hear the biggest bang ever, and I would just be doing flips down the stairs,

and then I would just get up and walk off. You know, like... Yeah, I think... I think I've arrived to sum up my essence as a child once, and I've done this in stand-up, but I was on a really long walk with my mum, to our friends' house. house and I was complaining loads about how much pain my foot was in and my mum was

like no no my mum was like no like no you're not like you're just attention seeking she's thinking you don't feel pain like you're you're just trying to get my attention and then when we got to my friend she took my Wellington boot off and there was a new potato in it and that for me is what me as a child was like uh uh yeah well Jesus absolutely lost it And the new potatoes story. And that is what me as a child was like. And I asked my mum, did you think I was mad as a kid? And she said, she just didn't really.

It just never crossed her brain that I was different, really. She just thought that, because I was the oldest, she didn't have anything to compare it. But isn't that kind of lovely, though, in a way? And she said, yeah, she had all of her friends, you know, showing off about how many words their kids knew and how much they were progressing and stuff. But she just sort of was like, didn't really regard them. And did you not hit those beats then?

No. And why is that? Is that connected with dysprosia? Yeah, I think so. And then recently had been diagnosed as ADHD. But I do believe, and again, I feel I've been very rogan today with all my theories. Yeah. But I don't know how much these things are actual things.

Right. I think there are ways of describing certain patterns of neurological behaviour. And maybe that isn't a hot take. But I think we talk about things in the same way that you would, like, cancers and maybe a bad example, but like physical things that you can actually scan. And you can't really. So, yeah, I think it's because, yeah, the spectrum of ADHD, I think, I just couldn't engage in, like, mainstream education whatsoever.

Struggling at school then? Really struggled, yeah. So then when I got into year nine, I became really, really, really, really, like, naughty. But before that, I was like super well-behaved. And I think deep down, I just thought, oh, fuck off that. Like I'm done with trying. Yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, I was a kid that always, always shouted out, always had my hand up to say stuff. And then we're just handing homework. And they'd be like, you late. crazy couldn't when actually I was like I've tried really hard on this. Yeah, yeah. I can't put pen to paper.

So yeah, basically the spraxia, the way it's described to me, and I don't know if this has any scientific basis, but the way it's described to me as a kid, my mom was that your brain sends messages to your body and your brain sends them just a split, split, split second slower to everyone else. So therefore, when you try and write, it's harder for you to write.

When you try and tell your laces, it's harder for you to tell your laces. And I think some kids with the kids, practice struggle with speech. Do you struggle with physical things like riding a bike? I do, yeah. Yeah. But then if you practice, this is really, this makes my room crying. It's so soft eating, fucking... It will make me cry. No, she used to say to her as a kid, if you practice, you can do it all the time. Like, if you practice, you can do it. That's what she always used to say to me. She was like,

some things are going to be much harder for you than other kids, but that doesn't mean you can't do them and then there's actually I found out that just some to the spects people are incredibly adaptive so if you practice something enough then you could actually get really really really good at it because I can juggle and when I joke because I practice so hard and when I juggle I don't even think about it and is that also you know if I think about it's well that when you're when you're because of the ADHD when you're focused on a task it's that to the exclusion of all else pretty much and I was a magician when I was 12 to 18 I mean I'm obsessed by this I need

to know waistcoats yeah I need to know walk-on music waistcoat and can we talk because the school we should say with the dyspraxia you went to a school didn't you and was it I got moved from year three so mrs. Mello was absolutely awesome with dealing with my dyspraxia and was like sort of when my parents first found out what it was they were like what the fuck it's that like you just sounded like me mental and then they took me to the centre to get formally diagnosed and they made me do loads of mad things like climb up a wall and like all of these different like mad things and then they gave me these exercises to train it out of me it used to be like it used to be considered and in fact some people think and I again just don't

believe in this that it's a childhood thing it's not a thing that adults have my mate went to a doctor recently to try and get diagnosed with dyspliore and he said oh no that only affects children and that's not true. What it is is that if you're a child you can get you can manage some of the symptoms to the reasons I've talked about. So handwriting you could get a child to learn how to handwrite so it won't be a problem for them in life. Got it. So reason my handwriting is still bad is because they got me a laptop so therefore I typed my whole life through school so I never learned to write. You didn't get that muscle memory. Exactly so it's not that you can train in my belief it's not that you can get rid of the spraxia it's that you can

trains a lot of the things that would affect the child to get rid of it. So I had to do these exercises. Like, I hate you because I had to go really early in the morning and do these that all just, just, there's lots of things in life that are just deeply disparate to you, unfriendly, and I have to remind my friends also to remind myself that I do have some form of disability and it's not some made-up thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have to go, now that's where the dyspraxia comes through. So, like, if I'm in, if I'm in, like, a packed place, and I'm trying to get somewhere, and I'm just bumping in to someone, and when I say, apologise to them and knock someone else's drink off, and then there's too many things and that kind of thing. So every morning had to do the most dyspractic,

unfriendly tasks ever. That literally made me want to faint because it's so horrible. Like, get a big exercise ball and, like, lay on your belly or something. be a beanbag on your head or some shit. So I had to do all of this at the centre. And then I remember they asked me once, like, what do I struggle with?

They said all of this stuff to me, and then they said, we need to ask you now. It was okay, what sort of stuff do you struggle with? And I said, those slot machines and arcades, when you put the pennies in them. Do you know what I'm talking?

The ones when they push the money out, those ones? I said, what are they called those? She said, what do you find frustrating? Yeah. I said those penny things. in the thing. That's not what she meant. No, but they are really frustrating.

Because you're so close. You're so close. All the time. All the time. It's almost like they know that you'll get into a sunk cost situation and you'll keep putting the money in. They were the early Instagram.

Like they trained this thing to make it really addictive. So yeah, that sort of distracts you. And the school that you went to was called. So then in year three, yeah, because basically Mrs. Pasha was pretty useless at working out what dyspraxia was. A bad teacher.

No, I don't know if she was bad for everyone, but my mum explained to her about the dyspraxia. She's crazy that even makes me feel old that I lived in a time where a parent would have to go to a teacher and explain what a thing was. When these days it would just be presumed a teacher would know what would have to know. So then she sat me nearer to the whiteboard so I could read the whiteboard more and just kind of just sort of ignore me I think and then my

sat and then I got a load of sat results in and my sat results were just woefully bad like kind of like like implied there was nothing going on really and my mum just found it like just devastating well as she was completely failed so it's time to go like i was really really bright and yeah yeah so then they found it school called Theum Hall. Yeah. Tell me about Hulham Hall, though, because you do some brilliant stand-up about it.

I know. I say it's a specialist school. Is it? No. And I think my mates who went there have hate that I call it. Is it just a more structured school? When they're on first dates and they said they went to Hsuam Hall and you say, oh, that's a specialist school. I heard a comedian talk about it.

And they think, oh, what? Is this love on the spectrum? Exactly. So is it, would you like a piece of this cake? Do try something. Are you sure down? Yeah, yeah, I'm honestly all right. So is it just a more structured school? No, so there's two schools, there's the primary and there's the high school and they're kind of two separate. They're in the same similar buildings, like central.

I'd say in hindsight they were ran very differently. I think Hume Hall's whole thing was that it was incredible. It was a private school that you don't have to get a. do any exams really to get into and it had a very very very small classroom sizes a very big theatre and a massive learning support department that's the thing so that's what made it long either had not we didn't have to have this to buy it but everyone either had dyslexia dyspraxia ADHD or autism or these are my people or something undiagnosed my mum would say oh they were thick it's what my mum would say I'm not

saying that I'm not saying that little Dickensius well basically yeah I went from being and then oh my god when I went for my try out I had to do a bit of an assessment to see where I was at at this school formal test at Hume Hall in year three I went for a tryout day there and they didn't mean an assessment and they said we don't think we can help him because he's his writing ability his reading and writing ability is so low

and apparently my mum said you might not be going to Hume Hall I said but I've already joined a bay bay club oh I've already I've already set up a bayblade team there do you know what bayblades are I bet you do

I've heard of them it's something a game a bay blade is a weapon oh it's like they're a little spinner and you whip it. I know Shirer. And when I was a kid, for boys, they were like the best thing ever. Okay.

Yeah. You like, you each have a bay blade and you whip your bay blade and they spin and they battle and whichever one gets knocked down first, losers. And so you knew, that was your motivation for wanting to go to you more. But also, I think aside from that, you obviously felt for whatever reason that was your place and you'd committed yourself to being there. So only after one day. I just like, I think it was just like the small thing it broke my mum's heart because I'd like struggled socially because all of her friends, kids and Disbury that I went to school

with I was on like a different table to all of them. Often when they were at lunch I was in with a teacher practicing my writing. Were you popular? Not in primary and in high school. I'd say it was I'd say I was popularised. Had you learnt to use humour as a currency because you present as funny. You know sometimes you get with comics but it's like, I know you're funny, but you instantly, you can sort of tell that

with your stand-up, you know some stand-ups, they provide you with a ram. They're sort of saying, get to know me as a person and then I'll make you laugh. You don't do that. I think one of the biggest things is stand-up, I think one of the biggest things is in stand-up,

I learned. So you used to go on, grab the mic and really quickly started talking. And then I realised if I walked on and didn't say anything, everyone would start laughing because I looked funny. Yeah. And so was comedy? I think I've always, I think it was from being, I think it's because I looked weird.

I got bullied a lot. Not bullied, not bullied, bullied dramatic. I got made fun of a lot. You felt otherised a bit different. Yeah, so I became quite quick. Right. Because everyone gives you the same insults all the time. So then you get quite good comebacks and then they laugh and then yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, but then basically. I couldn't get into Hume Hall and my mum was like, oh my God, I've literally taken him to fix school and he can't even get in there. I'm sure she didn't say that. But that's what she's very much what she felt was like, what have I done that I can, I can't get this. Like, you know, I've got a boy who is, what year three? What am I? Ate. Asking me about politics.

Yeah, I can't get him into fixed school. Like, he can tell me the difference between the Liberal Democrats and Labour, but he can't, he can't get into fixed school. So then my tutor, who's also a family friend, who's been helping me, wrote them a big letter, Hugh Hall to basically say what her verbal assessment is. And then I got into Hugh Hall. Holly Oxford, is it? Jesus Christ. Yeah.

And I have weird feelings about Hume Hall. I think it was a bit of a... it was a bit of a scam. Like, I don't think it was the school it pretended itself to be. I think it made, when they had visitor days and they'd dress us all up and we all would show,

show people around the school, the kids and stuff. And parents would be like, wow, what an incredible school this was. When in actual fact, the whole, like, my guy had the same English teacher, the same art teacher, the same history teacher,

all through high school. And English and art teacher we just didn't get on and I didn't think they were very good so therefore like those subjects just never yeah I just never got involved in them

history I really liked so I didn't but yeah I got like find the whole thing of the whole mission of Hume Hall was to get your five Cs on English so you could apply to university

so you could yeah yeah yeah which you did didn't you I didn't go to uni no I got seven C's DNA and I got into a really good Well, we're not a really good college, but like a good... But you went into further education as well, yeah. I went into the one that all my mates from Dinsbury went to the same school as all of them.

Yeah. And I could have gone, yeah. But I think at that point, my relationship with academia was already ruined. Had you already decided, because I want to go back to the magic, because that started when you were really young to hand, didn't it? Yeah. And I'm a little bit obsessed with child magicians. I just think it's the sweetest thing.

I can't explain it. I love, and the little bow tie and the waistcoat. And there's a sort of really sweet dignity about it. Yeah. And I wondered... And it work ethic, I think. Yeah, I kind of love it. And I wondered...

Have you seen Billy earlier, I felt. Yeah. That's what I felt like as a kid. Like, I felt like, oh, like, you got a hustle. That's what I felt. Yeah. Yeah. And did you, the magic started, that interested magic started.

Which came first, the interest in magic or comedy? Comedy. So what comedy were you absorbing when you were a kid? So when I was a kid, I was really skinny, and everyone always said I reminded them as Lee Evans, and I didn't know who that was, and I didn't know what that was. Yeah.

So then I watched Lee Evans. Like, Lee is that? What that was. Yeah. My parents were very, like, liberal in the sense, less so with my sister, but with me. I feel like maybe they just didn't have time, or they just didn't understand how harmful content was,

but they just used to let me watch anything. So I just watched, I just got bought, Lee Evans. I was like, what's that? So my mum got me the DVD, and I watched it, and I remember never feeling, feeling a euphoria in a way, I never felt before. And like laughing, like, laughing unbearably, so much that it hurt me.

And then I thought, that's what, that's what I want to do. And then I just became obsessed with Lee Evans. like obsessed with him and like watched all of his DVDs like used to like pray with my hands to God that I'd be able to see him live one day and stuff like that

and yeah and then and then the magic I was always interested in as well I remember seeing a magician on Blue Peter and then making a handkerchief disappear and me saying to a teacher, how do they do that?

When I was in year three and then being like, oh, it's called slight of hand. And I was like, well, how, what? Like, they just, like, move their hands really fast. And then when I realized that it wasn't moving your hands really fast, it was more to do with, like, gimmicks and misdirection. Mistdirection, yeah. And I think it was always it.

I think a huge part of who I am is to do improving people that are more clever than they think I am. Oh, yeah. So I think that's why I got interested in magic. I think I got interested in comedy because I loved watching it. And it made me feel, it made my brain work in a way, that it stimulated my brain in a way that no one else would,

watching stand-ups. Yeah, yeah. And I think magic for me was a way to show people that I was cleverer than in that moment that I'd outsmarted them, I think. Yeah. And then entertainment, When I was on stage, something just, I just felt, I think I remember when I first stepped on a stage and I was just better at it than everyone else.

You mean for comedy or? No, just getting on a stage just didn't bother me in the same way. Something happens. So you never got nerves? You didn't get the anxiety. I would get nervous because I wanted to do well. Right. But it used to like electrify me.

It used to like. But not, there's a difference between that, which is kind of normal and then that intense feelings of low self. do you know what I mean why you're doing yeah yeah yeah which a lot of people do when I used to do magic shows I used to like throw feel like I was gonna throw up and faint and stuff did you do did you do perform yeah yeah performed at like parties everywhere I was rubbish at business I think I could have been charging the killing I would we would speak on my mum's phone and I would say my mum would never speak to them I refused to let my mum speak so when you say them how would you

advertise so it started off because my parents joined the recession one of my parents everyone was trying to skim and my parents our best family friends the picket skills were trying to save money on Anna's yeah it would have been Anna's birthday party and they asked a magician for a quote and it was hundreds of pounds so they said I've been practicing magic well my mom said as a joke dad'll do it And Lorraine went, why not? Like, they're only four-year-olds. And how old were you at the time? 12. Yeah.

So then I did it. And then, I think, four months said, will he do mine? And then it just spiraled from there. Business took off there. Yeah, but then it wasn't making any... Do we say you were 12? Don't be too hard on yourself. The profit margin was really bad.

Like, the dragons would have absolutely turned me apart. I would say, they would say how much do you charge and I said that's not how I operate, it's up to you, it's up to you, sort of pay what you want. And then I would usually get to about 20 quid. It would be my fee. And then I would spend between 50 and 60 on props for every show. That's never going to work.

And I would completely, my mum and dad had a joke with my sister, where they go, let's done, got a magic show this weekend as a joke. because it would take over so much. Uh, yeah. And then there was a big time once before a show, the night before a show where my, I had a giant wand that would appear. I would start my show, you'd click your fingers

and a wand would appear. And my magic wand broke, and I cried and had a panic attack the night before because my wand had broke. And I think now, now I am a professional entertainer, I completely know that that is a thing where you know, it's just the final straw on the canvas back, where you're just like, I just can't, you know,

like everything is going wrong with this show. I just don't have this in me. Where at the time it was like, what, what is wrong with you? It's just a one, it's two second trip, yeah. And I never knew another magician. I never met another magician, which is crazy. No, I did actually. I did one street party where there was

another magician on. I wish I remember name and he was a massive knob to look. He was showing off and he was showing me tricks and not telling me how I don't like that. And then he was laughing at how bad my business cards were and I was 14 years old. He said to me, did you print these yourself? He didn't. And then the woman organizing the street park. Well yes I'm 14. One of they went up to him and said um and said the woman were organizing the street party. Oh you're trying to be of a magic off and he went to magic off. I performed to the King of Spain. I don't think so.

And then my mum went to me. And then I think me and my mum worked out that there wasn't the King of Spain at the time. So when did the magic shift into comedy then? When did you start performing? How did you get started in comedy? About 18. Yeah.

I was really embarrassed by the magic as well, the older I got. So my mum used to have to sneak me about. Once my mates saw me in my waistcoat and my top hat going into a church hall. Oh. But it's just like, I think if I could give anyone advice at that age, it's like difference is cool, so I own it. I think if I'd have, I could have been the coolest person in that friendship group,

if I'd have just said, if I'd have stopped sneaking around and be like... And don't you think, down with it? Yeah, I'm earning coin, you know. Yeah, I'm earning money and I've got an entrepreneur in a mindset. And they don't need to know that I'm operating on a giant deficit. But when you look at, I assume you've seen Greece. I don't know if your generation consume these things. I've been in it.

Yeah. Well, when I look at that film, I kind of think, actually, Eugene is the one who will have gone on to be the businessman. Eugene, the one that everyone took the piss. And we'll look at him with his glasses. It's like, no, he was a quiet academic kid. He's inventing Microsoft. Those ones will all be losers. They'll be losers.

You meet them these days. You meet them these days, and it's so sad. Because they've learned, they're living in a vacuum, in a vacuum, school. a vacuum where the things that make you have status or things that are utterly pointless in the real world. Well they're transitory things because they're things like fashion and looks and being cool, you know. But also it's not even proper fashion because kids dress like shit. So anyone fashionable like is laughed at, kids have awful fashion. They dress the way that the shows they watch or whatever dress.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, kids don't have good fashion. Kids probably have better fashion these days because of social media. I saw like a 12-year-old the other day and bro had drip. It didn't make me feel really insecure. Like I was like, oh my God. Imagine having such a sense of self at that age.

Yeah. Yeah. He had, he had, you know, the film Cars? Yeah. He had those but crops. And then that made me feel old because I was a, Oh, now that's like vintage. Yeah.

Now that's a really old, cool film. Oh, yeah, literally. That's literally like, it's a wonderful life. If you were, Clas, Crocs, when I was that age, that would be really lame. Oh, that's cool. Right, yeah. So, yeah.

I turned off magic. When I was about 17 or 18, I decided to stop looking for work as a magician. and if it came in, I would do it. So then I was doing more close-up magic. Because I was a bad magician, close-up really, I really, like, is really, close-up magic is really difficult. Right.

Close-up magic is where you go around weddings and birthdays. I did a few weddings. I did ruin a few weddings. Drop cards in front of the big table of the bride and groom and the groom's African dad shop. his head. Oh, I did. Like, who was your stupid wife books?

Oh, my, no. I did Law Society balls. This is still magic? Yeah. I did, I actually did a Conservative Party local conference. It's doing these sort of events. It's all right, then. I'm really struggling.

Yeah. I'm really struggling because I just wasn't good enough. And they paid better. They were paying like 100 quid or 150 quid. And then I just, I think the work tried up. And then I started DJing and then I bought a film camera and I wanted to be a filmmaker.

I've always had an obsession that I would do something different, I would do something special, that I would be someone. I think to be honest, I was obsessed with being famous as a kid. Not fame, but like the fact I would be like, that, yeah, I guess that I would be, that I would prove everyone wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder if that sometimes, when you feel slightly different and you have these things like, I can't keep up with everyone in class, or I'm on a different plane to all of you, I don't know what it is, but you feel different. I wonder if there is that sense of, surely this must be pointing towards something else. It must be going towards something.

It's not just that I'm lesser than these people, it's that I'm different. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And that I'm not going to work in an office as an accountant and, you know. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's partly the reason why I believe in some kind of God

because I just felt it as a kid. It just felt like I would be a comedian since I was a little kid. Because when I was doing magic, magic always felt like that would be part of the plan was you can't be a magician. You can't be a comedian as a child. So I'll do magic for now. And then that will lead me to be a comedian. I'll be some form of comedy magician.

Yeah. It was always comedy. And so we should say, how did the... You finally decided you're kind of losing, you know, your heart's really not in the magic at that point. How does the comedy happen? When is the first gig? When do you think, okay, this is what I'm going to do now? So two weeks before my A-levels or maybe a month, I drop out of college. And I work at Weatherspourspool whilst I try and get an apprenticeship in where I want it to be, in sort of marketing or something.

I wanted to work in television, actually. When was the dinner lady, Joel? That was later on. So then, and then I get, I finally get an apprenticeship for a comedy promoter working in digital marketing. And two weeks beforehand,

my mum, coincidentally, had just said, had out of nowhere bought me on a course to be a comedian, like a comedy course. Oh, that was it. She booked you on a six-week course or something. And then there's a big show in Manchester called Comedy King Gong that anyone can enter.

And you get, like, booed off. It's the whole thing. But I'd entered that a couple of times and then kept chickening out. And I think she'd saw on this course. And then she got me that. She booked you on it. And six weeks every Saturday with...

Did you love it? And there was... I mean, it was, Bloom made me a way that there were other people from all walks of life that also wanted to do this thing. And it wasn't, yeah. And I remember doing the first gig and just feeling like I couldn't remember the gig, but I just remember cartwheeling home. I was so happy I'd done it. And then when I did my sixth gig, my second gig was when I was on holiday in New York with my mom and dad right before they separated. And then when I, and then it took me ages to do my sixth gig by the time.

By the time I'd done my sixth gig, my parents had separated. And my dad was in the audience, and I did five minutes about them splitting up. And how was he did that? Fine. Right. She thought it was really, really funny. Yeah. And then that, it was my sixth gig was when I thought, this is me.

Yeah. And it's also the same thing that I'm at Padreau, who, Who should say is on SNL UK. Who is NSOUK now? Was it, would that be my third? We can never remember. It was one of our third gig, one of our sick gigs. And we got an argument about who would go first on the line-up

because we were so nervous. And then me and him alike have been like best friends from comedy through that point. So that was my first comedy friendship. It was big for me, I was like, I've now got a friend I'm doing this with. It almost legitimises the choice. doesn't it I've got my people I've got the thing I want to do I found my people he was

brilliant I thought he was blown away with him and I was like oh and he's just as panicked about this as I am yeah he couldn't believe that I had friends and family at the gig and stuff he thought that was so crazy so I think the fact we were both like well we think they're good so maybe that must mean that I'm good kind of thing and then yeah and then it was basically just my life that was it yeah you were a stand-up and you accept the bit when you were a dinner lady but then I was doing loads of awful jobs what was being the dinner lady like uh it was probably one of the it well actually wasn't the first job

i was good at first job i was good at was cold care cold calling gas and electric sales and i'd never been good at a good job before so how does that go if i'm at the other end of the phone i'm a pensioner so i go like this no come and we'll do it hello um hello there it's down from octoberce energy got a really tell you all course a record did I'm gonna give me have you got 10 seconds oh 10 seconds is a long time okay well seven have gone already three have gone already so it's not as long as you think um basically I've had a look at your postcode this is really really important you're overpaying on your energy base I I'm afraid so um I've lost it I've not done it no do you know what my objective is to keep you on

the phone so you want to keep the customer on the phone for the first 20 seconds Dan, I wouldn't sign up. If the data's really bad, so the calling data is bad, sometimes you'll get data that's being over-called. Yeah. Even if there's no... It's all about your motivation and mentality, so you keep them on the phone for the first 20 seconds,

and you can do loads of tactics. One, for instance, if the date was bad, as I would instantly say, it's my birthday today. That's a lie. Yeah, yeah, I'd lie. Oh, you're disgusting. You're like, yeah. No, I was evil.

I think it's... I won't go to hell for what I did, but I, um, I... It's like a wolf of Wall Street. It was honestly... But you know, it's interesting that. That's that thing, isn't it? That what I suppose you need as a...

To be a decent stand-up, I think what separates really great stand-ups from sort of, you know, more run-of-the-mill ones, is charisma. So you can have someone tell a joke, but are they charismatic? And I think you do have that when you come on stage. You have a presence.

You kind of fill the stage. I'm instantly, I'm looking at you. I'm like, what's you going to do next? And I wonder if that's something that translates actually very well to that kind of job, because it is about, you know, the best salesman is charismatic, aren't they? You're investing in them. I used to say it's where I use my powers for evil, yeah. Oh yeah, no one, it's very, very rare.

Even though it was Octopus Energy, who at the time were really cheap and are now like one of the leading energy providers. So it was actually a good product, but it was very, very, very rare that anyone would buy because the product was good. The reason people would buy was because they wanted to, they wanted to work with you, they wanted to help you. Yeah, you bought it. 100%.

Be like, you know. No, they like you. They wanted a good ending to this conversation, you know. So it's all about you. You're selling your soul. I buy gas from you. I appreciate it. And electric, because if you only buy gas,

then I only get one on the scoreboard. So fucking pushy. Look at him. I really hope you love part one of this week's walking the dog. If you want to hear the second part of our chat, it'll be out on Thursday, so whatever you do, don't miss it. And remember to subscribe so you can join us on our walks every week.