Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Janette Manrara (Part Two)

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Join Raymond, Emily, Janette and Lyra for the second part of our walk around London’s Burgess Park! Janette tells us about some of the challenges of Strictly Come Dancing and how devastated she felt about being voted out on her first series. She also reveals what happened when she got the call to present It Takes Two…We also chat about Janette’s brilliant new book Tiny Dancer, Big World. Janette tells us about how Covid gave her a passion for wellbeing - and how writing the book with her sister helped her to share some of the lessons she has learned in life with the world. Tiny Dancer, Big World: How to find fulfilment from the inside out - is out now. You can buy your copy here!Follow Janette on Instagram @JManaraFollow Emily: Instagram - @emilyrebeccadeanX - @divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Rich Jarman Artwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to part two of my chat with Jeanette Manora and her gorgeous one-year-old daughter, Lyra. If you haven't heard part one, do give it a listen. If you want more Jeanette in your life, I really recommend you order a copy of Jeanette's book, Tiny Dance A Big World, which is out now. And do remember to subscribe to walking the dogs so you don't miss an episode. As Raymond and I love having you with us on our walks, here's Jeanette and Lyra and Raymond. You've written this book called Tiny Dancer Big. well. And it feels like it's kind of like your gift to the universe.

It's like they're teachable moments, things that have helped you on your journey that you want to sort of give out to others in the hope that it will inspire them. And then it's interweave. I'm telling you what your book's about, but this is my impression. No, I love hearing what you stuck. Tell me more.

And then it's interwee... It makes me go, wow, I wrote that. But it is that, it is that. Interweave with your personal anecdotes. and like moments of the from the tapestry of your life. Yeah. You know, which really inform a lot of this. So you touch on a lot of these lessons that you've learned.

Should we slow down for Laura? Oh, she's so sweet. She's just so happy. Is she happy? She look at her. And she's so chatting. Hello, darling. Yes, good girl.

You're walking so well, aren't you? Oh, she's got the Mandrara happiness. She's in the blank. Jean. Yeah, so you talk in your book, Jeanette, really honestly, actually, about some of the personal and professional moments in your life that have been challenging.

For example, you talk about strictly, and I found it really interesting that you talk about how, you know, the first series you did, you're thrilled, you've been signed to this huge show, things couldn't be better. and you had a brilliant time with your with Julia McDonald's who you were dancing with. But you were, you genuinely did feel quite devastated

when you were voted out. Yeah. And I thought that was really great that you admitted that because it never really occurred to me how much it would affect the professional dancers as well. Yeah. Well, I think because of many reasons, because I was new to the show.

It's my first time on the show. I was new to the country, not from here, so I was in a new place altogether. And then I was the first time they had ever hired someone that didn't come from a Boreman Latin background. I came from a theater and television background. So I felt a lot of pressure to deliver, you know, to do a good job. I thought, and had a lot to prove to myself and to the UK. And when I came on the show and we were in the dance soft, we could. after week after week I mean we eliminated a couple people which we meant we did a good job

but still it was also hard to to feel like what am I doing wrong what am I what what is it that people aren't liking why aren't they voting and I had a massive imposter syndrome I just didn't feel like I belonged at all and then my husband Aliash just did so well on the show he did the opposite he was with Abby Clancy that year he was with Abby Clancy and they went on to win it So yeah, I felt a huge feeling of imposter syndrome. Yeah. That I didn't belong, that, you know, I wasn't doing a good job. And I was obviously happy for Aliash, and we did everything together.

We choreographed all of Abby's numbers together, all of Julian's numbers together. So in essence, him winning felt like a team, like a team winning. You're so good-natured and you're so big character. Because I would have been sitting there thinking, oh, I can't believe. I choreographed that and you've won this week. Sorry, we should say, if you can hear in the background that we're honestly being tailed by a helicopter. Oh, it's because we're so popular. It's the paparazzi and the helicopters following us around the park.

Every time we try and move away, he comes towards us. He's ruined the whole interview. The helicopter's gone now. Hopefully. We can resume. And before we were rudely interrupted by the helicopter, yeah, you were talking, telling me about strictly and I can see though quite seriously that that must have been tough yeah and I think it's important I mean I've got this platform right of being on one of the biggest TV shows on telly to talk about

things like that and showcase to people that nobody's life no matter what they put out there is perfect or easy or smooth sailing and for me to talk about that first year all made me feel quite empowered actually. Vulnerability I think is a strength, not necessarily a weakness. So to be able to write down in the book how I was feeling and why I was feeling the way I was feeling, I really hope will help people go through their own experiences in a better way and feel like, you know, they're not alone. We've all been there. We've all gone through a situation where we feel like I'm not good enough. I shouldn't be here. And I feel in a lot of ways writing it in the book felt like therapy. like getting it out and finally being able to say it

because everybody that sees me of course I'm a happy quite positive person but that doesn't mean that I don't have moments and days that are just as hard as anybody else's really but I was so happy for Aliash but I think I was also trying to be because I was happy for Aliash I was suppressing my own feelings

so I didn't want him to feel that I wasn't happy for him so that dynamic was really hard for me because I wanted to be supportive and tell him of course I'm happy and I'm delighted how well he did and then on the inside trying to keep in all these emotions of failure that

I hadn't done a good job and that I wasn't going to be brought back next year for strictly and that oh my gosh they're never going to use me again all those fears were in my mind at the time so it was very very difficult I'll be honest to kind of cope with being joyful but also feeling like

a massive failure yeah I think it's really important that you've written about that and I think you write about it really well and you also talk about these techniques that you've picked up yourself along the way and well you tell me what they are because some of them are I think they're incredibly useful yeah well there's a few in the book there's one called stop the stop technique yeah a really simple technique that I think I use I use daily I really stop myself and take a moment to assess how do I really feel about this?

Is it really about me or is it about something else? How do I want to move forward from the situation? Because I think sometimes we can be very, very reactive and not just take a second to think about why you feel the way that you feel. And I think using the stop technique has made it a lot easier for me to cope with high stress, high anxiety situations or if somebody's been rude to me at a coffee shop, I use a stop technique to just go hang on.

Maybe they're having a bad day. It's not about me. They're not being rude at me. They've probably just gotten in an argument with somebody else, and I'm the person that's dealing with it on the other side. It's not going to change my day, whether they're like that or not. So, yeah, I think little things like the stop technique really have made a difference in my life and how I cope with the ups and downs that come daily.

And the stop technique involves... Well, it's an acronym. It's an acronym, isn't it? Yeah. For a stop, literally, he has to stop to just stop yourself. Stop the initial reaction that you're going to have to some. something, really taking a moment to break from what you're about to do, taking a breath in, like deep breath to calm the nervous system.

Because the nervous system is what has that fight or flight mode driven in it. So it makes you aggressive in moments where you probably don't want to be aggressive or highly reactive or anxious when you don't need to be. Always for, oh gosh, my brain now, I can't remember. Observe? Observe? Yeah. It was just to observe how you're feeling, why these things.

the feelings are coming up. Is it because of a trigger from something in the past? Or is it because you're exhausted and you've not slept? Or is it because, you know, just observe why you're feeling the way that you're feeling. And then P is for the plan. I think it's plant my brain. So I plan. Plan what your action is going to be from that. You know, do you want to react to this right now? Is it necessary? Is it going to make a difference in your life if you do something about this right now? And it's, it sounds complicated when you break it down, but it takes seconds to apply it into your life. It's just about taking a deep breath in, acknowledging your space, acknowledging your feelings in your mind, assessing the situation quickly and moving on from it.

And so you've written this book, which you could have just written a memoir, because I'm sure all sorts of publishers would have wanted to publish that. And you could have written my sparkling life on the dance floor. It's a different book, yeah. But you chose not to. It's a good title. Take that. That's Ali Ash. Yeah, that's Ali Ash's book. Okay. But you chose not to. And I'm interested as to why you chose to write something which is a little more, I suppose, you know, mental health related and well-being related. Because I, in COVID, I was panicking. I was nervous. I was scared because theater, which is what my bread and butter is, was not possible.

I even strictly almost didn't happen. Television was massively changing. So I got really nervous. I felt myself getting very anxious and stressed and, you know, what's going to happen. So I started taking well-being courses to just understand my mind and my body and why I'm acting this way. And, you know, how can I, you know, people go through much, much harder situations in life and they cope with it. So I thought, I need to be able to cope with it all. And I took these courses and I learned so much about things that are primitive to our brains and our bodies and why we behave the way that we behave. And it's simple information.

One of my favorites in the book is the Ebbinghaus solution. And the Ebbinghaus illusion is basically telling you that sometimes, I don't know if you remember, but you get two circles and there's exactly the same size in the middle. But then you put bigger or smaller circles around them, and then all of a sudden they look like completely different circles. And it's just to showcase that. The reference points that we have for comparison

are crucial to our levels of happiness. And in a society where social, media and fast-paced moving and fast-paced living has taken over it's so easy to have the wrong kind of reference points to decide whether or not you're in a happy place and so the little things like that if you understand that your brain does that your brain automatically looks at things around you and makes it it makes a judgment call if you can control your reference points you can really control how you feel about something and how that makes you feel that's why I talk about

doing a social media cleanse, making sure that we put into our minds and our eyes, only things that we feel uplift us or inspire us or teach us or inform us and not necessarily constantly make you feel. I said, Jaila for Lopez is one of my, I love J-Lo. I'm a massive J-Lo fan. But to assume that I'm going to have the exact same life as J-Lo would be silly because she's had a completely different trajectory from me. That doesn't make it any better or worse for me.

You've got a way to hold to husband now. I do. Thank you. I'll take that. She's not with them anymore, but you know what I mean. I know what I would say as well. I think you're right. And when I read your book, it really made me reflect on that, that it's possible for me to like and admire people,

but to find that their social media pages, I don't know what it is, and it's a me thing, it's not a them thing. I don't feel good about myself, because I start to think, for example, I don't like their content but I then start to think oh I'm not as obsessed by making my house look like that

or my clothes or whatever and then I think I feel bad for not feeling like that and I think well I'm just different yeah so actually it's not an aggressive thing is it it's not an aggressive unfollow it's just I think it's about understanding the difference between something that inspires you versus

something that you have I don't know a feeling of jealousy or envy of and it could it could be provoked by something in your childhood. You never know what it is. It's totally different for everybody. It's not to do with them. It's just something you need to acknowledge.

And I loved that. And I loved everything about the book. I think it was such a beautiful read. And it's co-written with your sister. Yes. Leslie. Leslie. She is, oh my gosh.

I don't even know what to start with Leslie. So I had this idea of the book. And I knew what I wanted to write. And I knew that it was going to be, a very difficult book to write because of this element of information and tools mixed in with storytelling. But you love that. You love an Excel spreadsheet.

As soon as you were unhappy in lockdown, most of us just sat there and cried my ice cream. You went online. Let me fix this problem like a bank manager. Exactly that. But, you know, that whole kind of 3940 was transformative for me. So I felt like it was a good time to write the book. Because I had gone through so much myself. I feel like I grew so much from COVID.

I learned so much from COVID. And I wanted to write a book that can do both. Tell a little bit about me and share my experiences and hopefully help people. So when it came to the book, I knew I was too much of a matter-of-fact person. I can tell a story through acting, singing, and dance. But telling a story through writing, I don't know, was too factual, too informative. I had all the nuts and bolts of the pieces that I wanted to do, but I didn't know how to make it sound pretty.

And it is quite magical what I had to say, because it's not just facts. It's also quite spiritual in some ways what I had to say, but I wanted it to come across in a more romantic, fantasiful text, and that's where my sister steps in, because she writes the most beautiful poems, and she's such a deep soul, and she loves kind of descriptive language.

I mean, she read, I think it was almost 400 books in a matter of like a year and a half. She reads all the time. So I knew having her support to write this book was going to be important. And also, she knows me more than anyone. She knows my parents. She knows my family.

She understands how I wanted things to come across. I wrote the book myself with my hand on my iPad or my paper, whatever. And then I'd write the whole chapter chapter send it off to Leslie and Leslie would just jush it up it was amazing to ride it with her with such a bonding experience and I think my sister at the time she's very honest with me she was going through a bit of a rough patch and I think for her reading what I had to say also helped her massively so for her

writing this book with me and seeing all of my stories and my lessons and the tools and everything that are in there she found really really helpful and now She's a very happy place, very, very different person, yeah. You talk as well, which again I found really interesting about how you left strictly because you were offered the role of presenting It Takes 2. The Spinoff, Sister Show. The Sister Show. And, I mean, it's a dream gig.

It is. How could you have turned that down? I know. I got the phone cover It Takes 2. And I thought at first they just wanted me to do like a one once a week kind of thing for it. I said to the producer, I was like, okay, yeah, as long as it doesn't interrupt my rehearsals with my celebrity, I'm totally fine. And she looked at me and she sat on the phone and she was like, no, Jeanette, like to actually host the show, like become the new Zoe Ball. I was like, what? My jaw draw. I couldn't. I mean, it was, I always said that if I'm not dancing, to be talking about dancing is the next best thing.

And I'm just so passionate about Strickley. I'm so passionate. of the fact that it puts dancing at the forefront and that, you know, people just get beautiful, happy escapism and to be a part of that show still to another capacity, it was amazing. It was like one of the fastest yes of my life. Almost as fast as yes to Ali Ash when he proposed. You took nine months initially to go out with the map.

I know this is a difficult thing for you to talk about, but I do feel I have to ask, you feel so much a part of that show and obviously your partner's a part of that show, you know your whole life is kind of centred around, has been at times centered around that show. I wondered, has

it been difficult with what's been going on recently and all this scrutiny over the show? Hugely, yeah. I think when you're part of the show, the way that I have been for the last 11 years, I was a professional and now I'm host psych, you know, more part of

the hosting team. Yeah. You just know how hard everybody works. And I'm not talking about just professionals. I'm talking about runners, researchers, producers, the hair and makeup, the people that do the props and the set design. Everybody, the lighting. Every single person in that show works so, so hard to try and make it the best show possible.

That when you hear about somebody coming to the show and not having a beautiful experience, it's very saddening because you just think everybody. should come out of that show feeling like they had the best time. Now, obviously, we're human beings. Not everybody's going to get along. You don't get along with every single person you work with all the time. That's absolutely normal. But in the cases that have been coming up recently,

it's a whole other level of negative experience. And so it has been very sad and frustrating for me to see what's been happening and what's been going on. But I am glad to see that hopefully going forward, we've had lessons learned. Look, society is changing massively. If you think about what was acceptable or unacceptable 20 years ago to what is or is not acceptable now,

we have changed immensely. And the show's been running for 20 years. So just like all of us learning whether an acronym is correct or what is appropriate and are appropriate to say in a certain situation, the show is also learning too as times change and as things come up and as situations come up, you learn from mistakes or you learn from just the development of, human beings. And I think that's what's happened in these cases. Things were happening that

they just didn't know were happening and, you know, they didn't have their eye on. But now they know that if those things happen, they've got the right things in place to take care of it so it doesn't happen again. And it's like anything. You learn from your mistakes, you know? And I'm hoping that, you know, moving forward, people focus on the beauty of Strictly and how good it is and how wonderful it has been for the last 20 years and all the wonderful escape is. And, and all the wonderful escape is. it's brought and not kind of sit with this idea of a certain couple of incidences that were obviously not what's trickle is about at all. It's not what the show is. It's just unfortunate that these people didn't have that opportunity to have the right experience and have the way that it should have been.

But, you know, yeah, it does make me sad, but I'm so excited for 20 years. And I think Ali Ash, not because he's my husband, but he is one of the best professionals that has ever been on that show. Can I just say the producer? is a personal fan. Personal fan. She's always said, she said, oh, I love Aliash. She likes you too, do you know?

But it's okay, I get it. He is, though. I always say he's Mr. Strickley. He's his sunshine smile, his happiness. And I know that when we were choreographing as pros and doing stuff together as professionals, our priority was always a celebrity enjoying themselves. I keep making the joke.

It's probably why I never won, because I wasn't being competitive. I just wanted them to have a good time. They all come out, Peter Andro's like, but she was lovely. Yeah. He was basically saying she didn't make me do any work. No, we had a great time. But, you know, there's a difference, you know, between, I think people.

It's chemistry sometimes as well. Chemistry, you know. Personal chemistry. People, you're together in the room for eight hours a day under high stress situations. And it doesn't always work out perfectly. It doesn't always work out. Also, it is difficult when, I suppose, you have professionals who, it's a bit like me, who's never played football before, suddenly going on to a football pitch and being spoken to

by the teammates or being talked to or having that camera that I'm just not used to, which is they have a shorthand, possibly, and a way of speaking to each other, which is like a language that you're not literate in, which is no one's fault. Yeah. It's hard because the dancer is on the show. I think I'm quite lucky in that way that I came from a theatre and television background. I had done TV, I had worked in groups and been collaborative. So when I came onto Strictly, I kind of had those tools already in my bag

of how to deal with high-stress TV and high-stress, you know, filming live thing, you know. You can't teach somebody that, you know, that's very difficult. So when you take a dancer who all they've ever done is compete, all they've ever known is to be selfish and to only think about winning, it's a, it's a hit, you know. But it's a very complex situation. There's no one reason why things didn't work out, if you know what I mean. I think, though, that I'm just, honestly, Ali Ash being back, is, I don't know, I keep saying to him, you've come to save the show.

Your house just, I can imagine your house is such a joyful place to be. Am I imagining lots of, you know, I mean, I think so until Ali Ash and I argue. What do you argue about? Honestly, I swear, the only thing we argue about. is choreographing. Because I will want to do a step one way. Ali Ash will want to do it another way. And I'm going, no, but the music is saying this.

And he's going, but I feel it should be that. We're both so passionate. And then, you know, the choreographing bit is tough. And then as soon as we get together and we dance it, it's the best feeling in the world. It's like the dancing becomes our therapy and we forget about everything that just happened when we were choreographing it.

Do you know Lyra is going to grow up and go, oh, mom, dad, will you stop bloody dancing? Dad dancing. She dances with Aliash. They do a little fox straw on across the kitchen all the time. Her eyes light up when she hears them go

five, six, seven, eight. She honestly lights up. She gets so happy. Can I say, she's not the only woman's eyes who lies up hearing Aliash say five, six, seven years. I've heard a few women say

when they take them in the arms out. But no, it's a happy house. I mean, it's a... And you've moved to Cheshire recently, haven't you? Yeah, we moved up north. I saw your episode of his escape to the country. If anyone wants to get an insight into how hilarious these two are together,

I insist that you watch that. It was fun to do that. And it was good information as well just to know what's out there. We're still looking, we're still hoping to buy soon. I think going up north became a thing when we found out we were pregnant. I wanted Lyra to not necessarily grow up in a concrete jungle, but to be around green and birds chirping and seeing the lambs and the horses. And, you know, looking at her now and how happy and can be.

I think we did the right thing. Well, do you know, I mean, I've told you I've loved your book already, but I really think you were the perfect person to write it as well, because it's obviously a you thing, but it makes me think you must have had very lovely parents, and you still do have, I hope, you know, but I think your parents did a good job, Jeanette, Mandarala. I'll tell them that. Luis and Maritza. My dad's forename is Louis.

Luis Alberto Manrara. There was another thing you said in your book, which I really love. It actually made me feel really emotional because there's a couple of sayings, your family love a saying. They have, no one gets left behind. No one gets left behind. Which reminds me, can someone make sure

we've got Lyra and Raymond? I know. The other motto they have, which meant a lot to me for different reasons because my family are no longer with us. And there's a lovely Spanish saying along the lines of even if a family aren't together, they will always be together. Well, because at one point my father was in Spain and my mother was in Costa Rica and then they came here,

but they still had family in Cuba. And, you know, we tried really hard. And even to this day with me living here in the UK and my family still being in Miami, it's all about making sure that we stay together no matter where we are. and that a family is a family regardless of location. It's about being together in our hearts and in our spirits. And what I loved is that I think, God, even though my family aren't, sadly, none of them are alive anymore, I think, but I'm still with them. But they're still part of you.

They're going to be a part of you forever. And it's hard. I'll be honest now that I have a daughter myself to not be near my family. You really start feeling it, you know, what is she going to grow up like? She's going to grow up very differently to how I grew up. because I had my aunts and uncles and my grandparents around the corner, but it's why more than never it's important to remember that. Home is not a place. Home is a feeling.

And even though they're all the way in Miami, we are so close. I almost feel like sometimes we are closer because we don't live in the same place because we make conscious efforts about spending time together. And it becomes more about the quality of the time that we are together versus the quantity of the time that we are together. And my mom and my dad are adamant. I mean, we have a WhatsApp group with mom and dad and my brother and my sister, and we talk on it too much.

My dad's just figured out how to use jiffs, so he's his son's jiffs all the time. And it's, you know, those little things really make a difference, understanding that it's... I love a dad online. Oh, God, and he's the king of the gym. My mom's another way. She loves emojis, though.

She's an emoji queen. But yeah, it's important to understand that the family is family, no matter where you are. And whether they're here or not, as you said. Yeah. Well, I have so loved having you on Walking the Dog, Jeanette Mandara. Mandarara.

Yes. And Laura, it's been lovely to meet you, and I adored your book. Tiny Dance, A Big World. It's such a beautifully written book, and it's got such a giant heart behind it, and I really recommend people go out and buy it, because you'll love it.

And I have to say, if I can say one last thing about the book, it's a book that I think everybody needs to read. If you have an inch of doubt in the goodness in people or in the goodness that can exist within you, this book, I think, will remind you that all of us are just human beings trying to get by. And the more you start forgiving yourself, the more you start believing yourself, the more you start being kind to yourself, the more that starts to extend to other people. And I'm hoping that Lyra grows up in a place that people just become a bit kinder and a bit more warm with one another.

it's important to me at least Do you know what? I think you're a really lovely woman I loved meeting you Me too Not me, you She's so arrogant She loved meeting herself

Do you want to say goodbye Say bye bye bye Say bye bye I really hope you enjoyed that episode of Walking the Dog We'd love it if you subscribed And do join us next time On Walking the Dog

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