Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Lee Mack, Frank Skinner, Gabby Logan and more... 2024’s Best Bits!

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

This week on Walking The Dog, we’re taking a look back at some of our favourite walks of the past year! In this episode you will hear clips from the following episodes: Lee MackSuzi RuffellFrank SkinnerGabby LoganPhil WangAngela BarnesJames O’BrienEd GambleRoss NobleJames Middleton Click the links to listen to any of these episodes in full! This episode contains some very strong language Follow Emily: Instagram - @emilyrebeccadeanX - @divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Rich Jarman Artwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week on Walking the Dog, we're taking a look back at some of our absolute favourite moments of the year. In the first half of this episode, you'll hear from Lee Mack, Susie Ruffle, Frank Skinner, Gabby Logan, and Phil Wang. I know, we're spoiling you. But let's face it, you're Walking the Dog listeners, you thoroughly deserve it. Okay, Ray, are you ready? Here's Lee. Right, let's introduce them. Now, Ray, you may be the only dog I've known who's smaller than my puppy. That's it.

makes itself look even smaller by lying on the ground and flattening your legs. That reminds me this floor needs a mop. Lee, I'm nervous. How's it going to go? So I should say, Ray has met Lee's dog Ludo before. Yeah, they've been on a walk together. This is the first time Ray will be meeting. Tilly. Yes. She nearly forgot the name then.

Well, I didn't know if, you know, I was thinking of a joke. I was thinking, should I go for the joke? because you were speaking in a way slightly that it was a channel 4 documentary and it was like someone that perhaps had been accused of a really horrific crime and someone who just got out of prison and this is the first time you've actually met the person who did this. Okay. Your tone was very somber and I did wonder if we were doing a different podcast this time. So this is the first time you will have met since it happened and you're definitely ready for this.

Are you ready, Ray? Are you able to forgive? Just sneeze at me. I think we're going to open the door now and introduce the dogs. Come on. We're now opening the door podcast. Right, actually she will run out and so I'm going to... Was that your wife?

No, she will feel she's gone. Tilly will run out, ignore everything and go for the cat food because her priority is food all the time. So what we need to do is we need to go around the other way and sneak in and shut the door quickly. Follow me, guys. Come on, Ray, let's follow Lee. All right, that's tiptoe because you have to get in quick before she knows we're at this door.

Okay. Ready, ready? You're ready. You're going that way. You go in that way and shut the door behind you and I'll keep him instead. All right, you ready? You ready? You're going to meet Ray? No, you have to take Ray with you.

Oh gosh. Ray, quick get in here. Get in here. Quick, Ray. Yes. Ray, come on. Look, who's here? Yeah.

They will get. Hello, darling. I think he's this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, gosh. It's just because they're in the house, that's all. They're a bit probably tense. Is Ray's still alive? Ray's still alive, I think.

It's very hard to say any features. Tilly's definitely given her the look as if to go. I thought the cats weren't allowed in here. Because we don't let the cats in this room because we keep the cats and the dog separate. So there you go. Lido. I'm fine, look.

Not we're wearing, though. No, that's just the natural look. You're worried she was wearing on my floor? But I like the fact that instead of just saying anything, you politely grimaced thinking, if I keep grimacing, he'll sort it out. But that's not like her to do that. She doesn't do that. Don't be thinking she's got worms just because she's sliding her bottom on the floor.

She's not got worms. I know what you're thinking. And here we go. We're in these house. Everyone will be riddled with worms. But it's not worms. It's crabs. I'm just going to stop and say it's the most middle-class thing I've said in my life.

Okay. Would you want oatmeal in your oil, Graves? There's the trailer. There's the trailer. That's not going to get you the Greg's ad. That is not getting me the Greg's advert. If I carry on bagging on about oat milk in the oil grey. Sorry, can I say it again for what you're going to use?

Do you want some full fat cream in your PG tips? I use that one. There's a sleeping bag in here. No, that's, yes, there is a sleeping bag in there. There's not, this isn't any form of marital strife because even if we had a little temporary break from his shirt, I wouldn't put a sleeping back on an armchair. That would be crazy.

Does that belong to me or is Ray and inside weir? Oh, he's done a wee-wee. Oh, Dave, oh dear. Can we get a tissue, please? Certainly. I'll get some toilet paper. Yes, I'm going to clean it off. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to rush you,

just that it is starting to sleep into the wood. Yeah, put your coffee down on the wood. Don't put it about Matt. Just joking. Just get it wiped up. Can you hold Ray? Definitely. I don't even say, can you wipe up the weight?

He's just been to the ballroom. You are so... Here we go. You are so light, aren't you, Ray? Have you got your own disinfectant or is that water? I don't know. Oh, is that mine? Yes.

How is it? What is it? I don't know. Probably water that you spray plants with it. Lee just asked me to clean up Raymond's wee. Well, to be fair, I didn't actually did it. I expected he used to do it. Lee just assumed I was going to...

And I grabbed a spray that I thought you'd brought in. I know. Oh. I think it's probably... What is it? Oh, what is that? Oh, yeah, I don't use that. Oh my God, you've wrecked the flora.

You've actually managed to wipe up the wee with some sort of caustic acid. Hang on. I'm going to do something that will solve everything right there. Have you discovered the joys of bicarbonate or soda? I want you to tell me before we go. There was something I heard a story you tell and I loved it so much and it's about your friendship with Sean

and it does involve dogs and it was in the last few weeks of his life actually. Do you know what? I told this at the memorial yesterday and I thought can I tell this story? And I just thought I will and Bernie Martin's kids were there and his wife but I know them really well and I know that there was loads of comics getting up so I thought yeah I'll tell it.

So no I was I went to see Sean you know, very close to the end of his life within a couple of weeks. Not a couple of days, as I said yesterday for some reason, at the memorial. So I went to see him two days before. Tarah went, no, you didn't.

And I don't know where that came from. I felt like it was so close to the end of his life, I suddenly found myself saying two days, it was probably about three weeks. But you know that thing when you go, oh, I saw so-and-so last week. I say last week, it was two years ago. Have you ever done that?

You know, that feeling of, to you, it feels so raw because it was so close to the end of his life. Anyway, I went to see him just before he died. He was in and out of consciousness, obviously, and there was a moment of silence, and the sunlight hit his face. The same thing came through the crack of a window and quite a bright sunlight hits his face.

At exact moment that a dog very gently started barking in the distance, and it was one of those, and I'll do the voice because one of my party tricks is I can do dog in a distance. So there was a sort of... It was more gentle than that. It was very gentle, very distant, that's the point I'm making. And Sean opened his eyes. And I genuinely believed there was just the way the dog barked

and the way the sunlight hit his face, I thought he was going to say something profound. I just had this real moment. And he went, shut up, you can't. And I didn't know. And I still don't know if he was doing it, because he meant it, doing it, or doing it to get a laugh out of me. It's only 48 hours later I did a thing, hang on there's a third option.

He might be me he's aiming it at. You know what I mean? Are you still here type comment? But that's why I loved him. I loved him because sometimes you never knew. You never knew if it was for his own amusement, for the amusement of others, or no amusement. He just was saying something

because he felt it. He just always struck me as so hilarious, Sean Locke, but there was an integrity there. Well, this is what I was thinking yesterday. I was thinking, what is it about Sean that I love so much? And I realised what it was. When anyone ever dies in showbiz, a phrase gets popped out, and that is, nicest man in

showbiz. You hear it all the time. Nicest woman in showbiz. And I've heard this phrase a lot. Even when people who haven't died, you know, oh, I worked with Soe's a nicest man in television, well. but it's so easy to be nice because you get paid well and you get a lift in a car

and the food's free what isn't there to be nice about everyone can be nice in that environment what is a lot harder is to be the most genuine person and what that means is if you're in a bad mood not afraid to be in a bad mood

if you're feeling like you want to act like a child act like a child whatever he was feeling he would be without any pretense so you knew that every action was genuine And I know people in this job And they've literally said it to me Where I've said, look, don't worry

I know you're in a bad mood about this script But I'm the script writer, I can change it And I've had a person say to me Oh don't worry, I'm not really in a bad mood I just did that because it makes them know that I'm not I'm not gonna take any crap So basically they're pretending to be something they're not Every time Sean said anything it's because he meant it

Whatever that was So you knew all the time there was a genuine thing about, a genuine expression of emotion. And it's so rare in this job you get that. People will be faking nice or sometimes faking unpleasant or sometimes fakingly angry or sometimes fakingly laugh.

It's fakingly a word. I've said it four times now. But everything is real. That's all you want, in it, in a world of falseness where everything's false and you don't realize until you meet some of that, so just how fake everybody is.

including all of us. We're all putting on these layers all the time and falseless anyway. But in showbiz, it's unbelievable. It's, it's for, I talk about this in Wooda Lytte when people say, is it hard to lie. Oh no, lying's easy. The hard bit is, I mean, we spend our lives telling lies,

aren't we? Lovely to see you. You know, not always lovely to see you, is it? I know I said that to you when you came today, but it was lovely to see you. But I think it's interesting because I suppose part of your job as a comic or should be is that you tell us

uncomfortable truths that we all tend not to share and I think at its purest that's what it should be and you are a bit like that there's a fine line isn't there between honesty and lacking in social graces though for example if the dog weeds on the floor I'd happily be honest and say you need to clear that up had you weed on the sofa accidentally

I probably wouldn't mention it I didn't last time. I was actually a bedwetter. Were you? I was a bedwetter. Why? I'm not telling my bed wetting story. No.

The worst one was... Very common with ADHD. I believe so. Yeah. And then... Because what you do is you wake up in the night and thinking, I need the toilet, and then you think about monkeys playing xylophone,

and then you think, forget what it is, you woke up for. Before you know, you've wet the bed. I'm thinking about monkey playing a xylophone now, yeah. But I went to the island man as a school trip, first ever school trip, I was about, I don't know, I'm going to say eight, quite young school on a school trip, but it was the 1970s. I don't even think the teachers went. And we went there. And my mom had a private word with the teacher.

And so, he's very nervous because he wetts the bed. And so, and I know he knew because he never actually addressed it with me, but this nice guy, remember, kept me by at the end of school and said, kept me about and said, look, do anything you're nervous? about when you go to the Isleman? No, no, I was trying to front it out. He says, because if you are, you don't need to worry, everything will be fine. He sort of put me at my ease. I don't know how that's going to help, stop me wearing the bed. So we go to the Alamam.

This poor man, who's the only one who's been told, look after him. The poor lad is a bedwetter. It says to all the kids on the thing, I don't know if you know, but on the Alamon, there's a big thing about fairies, all right? Every time you go over a bridge on the island, you're supposed to wave to the fairies. I try to show off. No such things are fairies.

I'm not waving to the fairies, right? Sir the teacher decides to play a practical joke, right? The teacher takes the shoes off everyone in the hotel when they're asleep, all the other kids, ties them in a really bad knot, so it's impossible to unknot them and hides them in my cupboard, shuts the door, right? So in the morning all the kids, sir, sir, the shoes have got missing. And they all look at the same?

I think they had one pair of shoes between all of them. And they all looked at the same, of course they did. They were all sensible, just sensible shoes, yeah. But they haven't got any shoes, where's my shoes, sir? Where's my shoes, sir? Well, I don't know. We better go look for the shoes, haven't we, yeah. Because you know what the fairies said.

If you don't wave to the fairies, they'll play a trick on you or something like that, right? Perhaps because Lee didn't wave to the fairies, that they've stolen your shoes and he keeps this going to all the kids. Meanwhile, I'm fast asleep in my bed, right? Knock, knock, knock. All the kids come into my room because they've been told there's a chance the fairies have hidden the shoes in my room. Because the teachers snuck in and put the shoes in my cupboard.

So they all opened the cupboard and all the shoes piled high, knotted together. And course, some of these idiots are believing it. See? It's the fair is that, you idiot. It's your fault for not waving. Meanwhile, one of them sits at the end of my bed and I'm mortified because they think I've either stolen the shoes or I'm responsible for the shoes, right, because of the fairies.

Meanwhile, I then suddenly go, oh God, I've wet the bed. to which one of the kids at the end of the bed and they go, sir, sir, at least his bed's wet. And I've got all, it's like a nightmare. I've got everyone in my school clap in the bedroom looking at me with one of the kids going,

he's wet the bed. I mean, it doesn't get any worse than that. And they're already annoyed because I think the shoes. Or they think I've nick of the shoes or the fairies done it and I'm responsible. It's like an absolute dream sequence nightmare, isn't it?

The teacher is now having a bigger problem than I know because his job is to protect me and he's gone Oh God, what if I do? I brought all the kids into his room. I've literally couldn't have done this any worse And he goes, I remember his face. I look at him and he goes,

The last time I spoke to me, he'll go, don't worry, son. I'll look after you, it'll be all right with me. Cut to every kid in the room and I went on there. Oh, and he's planted some stolen goods on me. And at which point, He goes, right, everyone out of the room.

He gets everyone out of the room quickly. And I give him the look as if he'd go, you, you had one job, one job. And that is bedwetting. That's what it does to you. I think that the thing is with lesbians is that we talk. We really talk things through, God, at nauseam, if I'm honest.

And so, you know, I think you get out, everything you want to do, you're very honest, you're very, you know, obviously I'm generalising, but certainly that's how it felt to us, and we were like, this is me, this is my life, this is my flaws, are you still game? Yeah, let's do it. I was quite clear, I think, from the off.

I have to say, you're selling it very hard to me. Well, well, if you know, if you are interested, I can give you a form at the end, and we can see if we can help you become a sort of a fringe member at the very least, and then we'll see if we can progress up to full-time lesbian. Maybe we can use some sort of part-time situation to begin with. It might be a sign because on the drive down here, my producer... You start thinking, God, women are fit.

Well, we saw a car and it was the most fabulous welcome to Brighton. The car overtook us in a very sort of gentle, polite way. And as it crossed into the other lane, I noticed, it was some sort of Fiat Panda type quite old. Their number plate was So Miss Rio's gay Yeah I mean

Honestly it's the least surprising thing You've said all morning It's so brighton That's so brighton So whoever they are They're so gay person I thought I love you Yeah

Would you think maybe they were making a statement about you Yeah It took you that Like when did you realise you were gay Well do you know what it's weird actually This is a podcast where I come out Oh my god that's amazing Because I actually have a podcast about coming out

So we can both release it on our channels. Oh my God, you heard it here first. When you were growing up, you had dogs. Yes. But not dogs in this sense, I don't feel. I don't sense that you had much of an emotional relationship with them, or is that unfair? I think we had an emotional relationship. What we had was very little sense of owner responsibility.

So I can think of three different dogs we had in my youth, in my childhood. We didn't have a lead. We never had a dog lead because they were never taken for walks. They were released into the night and would come back the next morning looking like they'd lived. And then we never,

I never remember buying a tin of dog food. What did they eat? They ate what we ate. Or rather they ate what we didn't eat. The first one was a dog called Tiny. That's the one I remember first of all. was our Keats dog originally. And that looks a bit like a sheep dog,

but I had several mixes. And then we got a wippy called cow. And there was an idea that we'd have two dogs at the same time, but Tiny never recovered from us getting a second dog and pined away. Oh yes, I think you told me once she was ill with jealousy. Yes. I think that was true. It was a bit like Girls of the Playboy Mansion

that you want to be the dog. You know what I mean? Of course. I don't mean that they're obviously. And then we got Shep who was a Staffordshire bull terrier, more or less. Yeah. Generally, we just let them out

and the butcher complained to me that our dog was sitting outside the shop barking for babies. bones most days. But that's a dog, you would see like 10 dogs together. You know what you see dog walkers now? You'd see that, but without the dog walker.

They'd form packs. And they didn't have an appropriate adult, no. Well, we used, I'm sounding breathless here because we are actually ascending, as we are. We used a method popular in the 80s and 90s for football managers

of zonal marking and zonal marking is you're not given a man to mark you're given an area of the pitch and whoever goes into it that's your responsibility and if you saw a dog doing something having sex or attacking someone

then it would be your responsibility. You'd look after that dog. And someone else would be looking after your dog wherever that was. Did your parents, so they didn't have a sense of the dogs being family members in a... I don't know that we had that much sense of the family members being family members.

I think they would love the dogs. It's just that they weren't foster over in those days in that part of the world. Your brother, because you had R. Keith, our Terry and R. Our Nora. And R. Terry, he had quite a few animals, didn't he? Yes.

Well, he... And bear in mind these were different times. But he used to do things. He used to go bird nesting, which is when you take eggs out of bird's nests and blow them. He put an hole in each end and blow the inside. that and he had a lovely display box made out of an old train set carton and he was

really a city boy who wanted to be a country boy so he various pets we had in the house included an owl a jackd door and a rat all of which he'd caught in the wild and then brought back to the house so the owl was on top of the wardrobe the owl was on top of the wardrobe Yeah In a cage I would say that was snog For an owl Did you sleep in the bedroom

With the owl in there? Yes and we'd get other owls Would sit on the trees out So we don't want to say out We weren't in the country We're in the black country But there were trees in our road And they would sit in those trees

And they would call to our owl And it would call back from the bedroom It's a There's a floor in the in the whole arrangement in that you don't want anything not turnal in your bedroom because they are clearly going to be a disturbance but wheels the jackdoor my brother used to bathe it on the hearth side in in the washing up bowl and there'd be water I mean on the ceiling and the walls they're incredibly very

flustered birds the jackdaws but he assured me that he would learn to to speak eventually, but it left before that. Is there a part of you, when you think about, I suppose the way we indulge our dogs and the way dogs are treated now, is there a part of you that thinks of like your dad thinking, what the hell are you doing spending that kind of money or?

Well, my dad, because he actually was from the countryside in County Durham, he had that countryside attitude to animals, which, let's call it on sentimental, rather than use the sea word, cruel. He was unsentimentary. He did hair coursing and things like that. And he used to punch.

He would knit nets from balls of string in a rumple stiltskin manner and then cover rabbit holes that had been spotted. We'd had to go outside the tank. for this and then he'd bring back rabbits to sell yeah he had a no-nonsense attitude to animals so he wouldn't have I mean we never ever went to a vet for any of those what if the animal's ill well you know you're gonna make an homily but vet seemed like something that middle-class people would do I

don't know in case your listeners are not aware of Hampstead it's quite a sort of heighty, tight area. And I was on the heath with the dog and with my partner, and there was people feeding the docks on the pond. And of course it was hamster. They weren't giving them bread because they'd read on the RSPB website that that was bad for dogs. They were giving them some sort of dried fruit.

So Poppy raced over. She was very little then and started chomping out of this bag. And the guy said, oh wow, your dog loves raisins. And that was at the mention of raisins. Poppy starts barking. Poppy! So, yeah, he said, your dog loves raisins. And Kath went, oh my God.

And I said, what is it? And it turns out raisins are dog kryptonite. If dogs eat raisins, they're dead. So we went to the vet and said, we think the dogs just had a load of raisins. And she was in scrubs and stuff. And said, oh my God, okay, we're going to sort it out. Don't worry, just sit down.

And took the dog in the back room. And I always know when they take the dog in the back room at the vet. What they're going to come out with is a bill as well as a dog. Anyway, they went and they gave the dog stuff to make it sick. And then she came out. We were anxious, I'll be honest. And the vet emerged from the back room after about half an hour and said, I think one of the most hamstered things that was ever said. She said, great news it's goji berries. I can have a raging temper if I, yeah, if I want to, if I kind of, you know, that's totally,

I think, would say now under, like way less than I, when I was younger, you know, like I'm way calmer now, probably than I was even like 10 years ago. But, but I sometimes would fly, you know, kind of off the handle. I kind of go along like this, you know, kind of like steady, steady, steady, and then something just goes, and you can kind of just go, right, enough, you know. And I think I've got better at dealing with things like that, kind of not going from naught to 10. So generally I'm very calm, I would say, although my kid's listening to this, we go,

she is not. If you leave a pan out of the dishwasher. Yeah. But you like order and control as well. Yeah, yeah, that's not, I'm not going to argue with that. I'm not going to argue with that. Yeah, that's absolutely. Yeah, yeah.

Pretty, pretty, um, and that might be a, um, maybe that's a reaction to some of what you talked about. when your childhood is a bit chaotic because of those things, then I guess you kind of want to keep. I was like that within my little world as a child, so I liked my room to be really organised and tidy, and I loved being on time because my mum was not a great timekeeper,

so I wanted to be early, and I wanted to be, you know, I was very, so I kind of reacted probably against that. My childhood is me in the hall, shouting up, going, come on, mum, come on, mum, we're going to be late. we're going to be like. And she was just like, I've got two more rollers to put in. I'm just seeing her with the rollers and fabulous red hair. Yeah.

Yeah. And the pano, like one of those silky roads. Yeah, she would never. A kimono maybe. Even like a quick drop off at school, she would never just put a dressing gown on because she was driving the car. She would literally have to be full makeup, everything, because you never know, you never know.

Can I tell you my best you never know story? And this involves me. And my mum laughed when I told her this story. she said, well, I'm not going to say I didn't tell you so. So about six months ago, I got one of those, you know, those emails that comes through, so I ask you if you want to go to a film screening. And it was called Boys in the Boat, which is the George Clooney film. And Callum Turner was one of the leads.

And Ruben used to roam my son. And it was on a Sunday evening at the Kersen Theatre. I thought, well, that'd be nice. We'll go to Little House, have some snacks. I didn't know it wasn't open on Sunday. Have some snacks. And go in there. The three of us, me, Kenny and Ruben, because Lois was away somewhere.

and because Reuben was home until the Monday morning because he's playing rugby and he was actually home that night. So about an hour before we're due to leave, we were looking after our neighbours Vimerama and it went missing and down the road. We didn't know it got missing because Kenny had him when he was doing some work outside. Next thing we got on the road WhatsApp group. I know it was terrible of me. A road WhatsApp group, anybody know whose dog business and I was like, shit, it's Frank. Right. So I'm running down named after Frank Lampard by the way, not Frank Skinner, sadly. I'm running down the road, kind of like in my jeans. Get this dog. We get the dog back home. And I'm like, everybody, we've got to go. We've got a bit the

Curzon. The film starts at five. Get in the car. So I threw on a black pony neck. I'd had all the night before, put my jeans on. Kenny was going to go in track suit bottoms. And I said, no, I'm not sorry. No, we're not going in Lulu lemons. Get yourself some jeans on. Ruben's wearing an old hoodie. Anyway, we pull up and there's a lot of light going on at the Curzon. Like a lot of light. And as walking down the street, my heart starts kind of going like, it's like, oh God, this is a premiere. This isn't a screening. This is a bloody premiere, right? We turn the corner and I had this old camel coat on. It was a by a very good designer, but it was very old and had a few little motholes in it that I thought, you know, sometimes you think I'm going to keep that for dog walks, right? So I'm dressed for today, essentially. I was dressed for today. I didn't even, I had barely put lipstick on. All right, Maverick. And so we turn the corner, this story has, gets even better. We turn the corner, all the fly. flash bulbs are going. I turn. Kenny and Rubin have disappeared. Like they've gone. I can't even see them. Don't know where they've gone. This man grabs me from, or the woman from the PR company. Come on, red carpet, Gabby. Come on, red carpet. If you ever Google, I'm holding my coat like this.

When you say, if you ever go, I'm holding my coat like this. I look like some bag lady that's kind of like crept long. They go, get your coat off. I was like, no, I've got curry stains. So I'm kind of like going in. And they go in and I was like, oh my God, that was so embarrassing. I think as I enter the hall in the Curzon in Mayfair, you know, and it's like, Kenny and Rubin appear, they've obviously legged it round the back, right? So they were laughing their heads off and they were going, I can't believe you got this wrong. And I look over and there's Charlotte Tilbury, who's best mates with George Clooney's wife, is wearing full-length black velvet with like pointy shoulders and kind of full hair and makeup and everything. I could not have, so I thought, right, just forget it, let's just go and enjoy the film.

Charlotte Tilbury and I say has got slight Mrs. Yorres energy. She's got a bit your mom. And you know, Stephen Mangun, he's wearing a puffer jacket and he looked. at me and he went, you thought the same as us, didn't you? And I said, yes, thank you, Stephen. So we go in, we sit down, and all the place is full of rowers. The film's about rowing in the 1930s, and so there's all the British rowing, and they're all dressed up to the nines,

and like rowers never dressed up, so it's so sweet. They're all wearing their dresses and everything. And I'm really embarrassing, we're laughing about it. And then this woman from the BR company comes long to the end of the road, and she went, Gabby, can I quit the word? And I think they're going to kick us out. They've got some of better dress. So I came out, and she said, the person that we'd booked to do the

interview with George and the cast on stage is not turned up. Do you think, would you, would you mind doing it for? I was like, the curry stage down the top. I said, I'm wearing literally a top that smells of last night's curry, a pair of old jeans. She went, oh, you look great. So I said to Kenny, can I have my handbag please? He goes, where are you going? I went, can do the interviews on the stage. And so Ruben and Kenny were in stitches. You go downstairs. First of all, I'm introduced to Callan Turner, who was adorable. Then George comes along. So I'm meeting George Clooney, dressed like this, right? And I said, hi, George. I'm going to interview you on stage.

Can I just say, George, I don't dress like this. This is not me. I thought I was coming to a screenie. I didn't know. And he started laughing. His wife comes on and he goes, Amal, this is Gabby. She doesn't bother dressing up on a Sunday. And then Callum Tanya comes around the corner and he goes, Calvin. Have you met Gabby? She's kind of doing dress down Sunday today. She's not really giving it loads of, you know. So I'm laughing. We start chatting. Amal's chatting about twins because she's got twins. We're having a lovely time. I've forgotten now that I look like Mrs. Baglady. I'm chatting to her as if I'm. was glamorous. I mean, she is literally the definition of beauty. It's so in cold false. Unbelievable. And they're all lovely. Anyway, we go on stage and I introduce them all and I bring them on and then George just before he starts to the whole film screening, everybody in there, he goes, can we just say Gabby it's nice? Gabby's made such a big effort tonight. Oh my God. Absolutely. I was obviously, and Kenny and Rubin are pissing themselves up.

George Clay. George Clooney. Shit talking me. So, and then afterwards was really lovely. We go out, Edward Ennifold, who was the former editor of Vogue, it bumps into me. I thought, oh, yeah, of course you'd be here. Right?

So he bumps into me and goes off. And then the woman from the PR company comes up, and she went, oh, thank you so much for doing that as we're leaving. She said, would you like to come to a very private gathering with George and the crew? There's only going to be about 20. I said, absolutely not. No.

And Ruben was like, I cannot believe you've just turned down. What would have been one of the greatest nights of my life? You've just said no to. I said, do you think I'm going to sit there for a minute longer with those beautiful people dressed like I literally was finding a dog on the street a few hours ago? He was like, oh, mum, just put your jacket to get. Kenny, he literally was wearing a bell staff thing over his tracks. He goes to the woman. Yeah, I'll go.

I went, no, you weren't invited. It was me. Kenny was going, I'll go. Come on, we'll go. No, we're not going. But you know why? Kenny didn't mind. He wears the cloak of confidence of the sportsman.

Yes. So they don't worry about, it's a bit like, you know, when you see, and I know you know, when you see you've had personal experience of this, the Olympians wandering around the Olympic village with the medal and some little west. I don't care about Dresco, look, check out the medal. They have got the medal. And he's always got the metaphorical medal. Yes, he's got the metaphor.

I mean, Reuben, you know, probably not far behind him either in that respect. So in the sense of like having that kind of confidence. Clote of confidence. Well, you should have it. So my mom said, going back to the original point of telling the story, When I told her, she just said, oh, God, I'm dying for you. That's just awful. Well, I don't say I haven't warned you.

What was it like, Phil? What was it like growing up in Borneo? I know that's a weird question. It's like saying, what was it like growing up in England? I wonder, you've written about your childhood in your brilliant book, Side Splitter. And you gave a, I got a really vivid sense of it, actually. Just the sense that it sounds like this incredible. incredible sense of an extended family who were sort of always there.

Yes, yeah, yeah. My father had, he was one of seven siblings. And so we had lots of cousins and we were just always hanging out. That's who would spend time with on the weekends. Go to the shopping centre with your cousins. That's all really knows to do. And the beach and maybe it's the occasional swimming, bowl. There are a lot of beach resorts

because I grew up in an area of natural beauty, as they say. Apparently, KK. KKK, Kato Knovalu, I grew up, has one of the best sunsets in the world. I didn't know this at the time, but we didn't have listicles back then. And it turns out that the whole time I was taking for granted one of the top ten sunsets in the world. Sorry, Phil, but he's sounding a little boastful.

He don't mind me saying. All I'm saying is, a lot of these things are relative. I didn't realize at the time. And so I thought sort of like resorts and beaches and beautiful sunsets were normal. And then I moved to the UK and it took me a while to care about people's holidays to sunny places. Because it's like, yeah, that's just childhood, isn't it? I very do remember you had a couple of dogs.

Yes. in Borneo, but I get the sense that rather than, oh, come here, Poppy, they were much more. Can you go and kill that snake, please? He has very much guard dog, yeah. I remember watching two of our dogs pull a snake in a half. Okay, we're going to have to go back of it, Phil. What the hell happened?

I want to put Ray down. Please do. You might find this distressing to hear about. But there was a snake. We always had snakes wriggling into the garden. and I heard the dogs barking one day and looked out into the garden and they were barking one at one end one at the other end at this snake on the grass and one dog grabbed the snake by the head and the other grabbed the snake by the tail and they just off pulled each other apart like the snake was had been found guilty in the Spanish Inquisition or something you know and it just kept pulling and pulling and then the snake just went and split in half

and the back tail end just kept wriggling on the grass and the dogs were freaking out of this tail and they're barking the tail and while the dogs were distracted by the tail the head half of the snake wriggled away to begin its new life it's still running that snake it's still out there somewhere I like to think

started a whole new family in the countryside I love that it's wearing a straw hat I love that it began its new life Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it had a fresh start. Exactly. That attack was the best thing I'd ever happen, though, I was like...

It needed a bit of a rebrand. It was like it was an extreme makeover. That's right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's basically the equivalent of getting a really short haircut. Really hope you enjoy in listening to some of our favourite moments from our walks this year. Coming up in this half of the episode, we have Ross Noble, James O'Brien, Ed Gamble, Angela Barnes and James Middleton. Take it away, Roy. What I'm interested in is, because you went into comedy pretty young.

Whenever people talk about you, other comedians, it's often with a sense of you were so young. Didn't have to do a day's work in my life. Well, yeah, I guess. Yeah, yeah, because I started on as 15. 15. 15. When I started doing my first gig, I was getting gigs really quickly. So by the time I turned 18, I was 70 actually, I moved to London.

I was already making a living. So I turned 18. And it was like, right, I'm doing this now. I've genuinely never, I've never had a job, never had a boss. The closest I've had to doing a proper job interview and trying to get a job was when I did Celebrity Apprentice. We should say, this was a few years back, wasn't it? And you've moved to Australia.

Yes. Yes, towards the end of COVID. And were you thinking, I need to work? And you hadn't been able to work presumably in the way that you had been prior to COVID? Absolutely. Was it just, I've got to do something I'm going a bit crazy here? It was really strict in Australia where Victoria was locked down and they said, oh, if you spend two weeks locked in a hotel room under armed guard,

you can come out and you can be on the celebrity of friends. That's literally what I was, it was about 14 days locked in a hotel room. Sir Alan, I felt you were his little pet. He really liked you, didn't he, Sir Alan, sugar? But you know what it was? It's the fact that, like, well, he said on the first episode, He just went, normally I'm standing there and all the people in front of me

are just, I don't know who they are. But this is a celebrity apprentice and I don't know who any of you are. And I think that was him sort of throwing his weight around and then everyone's like, oh, all right, okay. And he went, except Ross. And he sort of pointed at me and I went, oh my God. Talk about getting a target painted on your back.

You know what? Is it tragic that I felt really proud? When I was watching that And I thought he's the only one for Alan Sugar's heard of. But you know, it's that thing of like, he's from Britain, isn't he? And so my plan with that show was, I looked at it, I went, never in a million years do a reality TV. She was not interested in doing it.

And I was like, do I want to do this? Do I want to be part of that world? My wife said, theatres might be closed forever. And I went, maybe I should do it. And then you know what? The reason that I did it, And it's probably the reason why I wouldn't do.

I'm celebrity and all the rest of it. Nobody's ever gone on one of those shows and just dicked about, you know? Because obviously it's a chance to raise money for charity, obviously. And there's part of me that went, well, you know what? Like, say, 20 grand for charity if you win the thing, you know, if you win an episode. And I thought, well, worst case scenario, I'll just pay the money to the charity myself. And obviously, you know, it's that thing about raises awareness for the charity and blah, blah, blah. But I just thought, I'll put my hand in my pocket and I'll give them the money.

So it's not like I'm diddling them out of the, out of the, and I thought, I will go on there and see how quickly I can get fired. That was my blur. But you didn't, you lost it right to the end. Yeah, yeah, I did it to the final. And I never got fired. He just, it was like, whoever raises the most money wins. And you just went, Shana, you've won. So technically never pointed me and said you fired.

So I never got fired. You have to do that slightly excruciating thing when you're on celebrity apprentice, don't you, which is calling in favours from high-status pals. And there was sort of, oh, Ross is just calling his friend Russell Crow. And I was like, wait, what, what? And Russell Crow gave you some money, I think, did he? Yeah, yeah, he's because he owns a rugby team. Is he a good mate of yours then?

Yeah. I think he's one of those guys who's like, he's very, very generous. He's very generous. But anyway, that whole celebrity apprentice thing was just, what I realized was that it's basically, what they do with those shows is they just, they tire you out,

and they get you to the point where they put you under so much physical and emotional strain that who you actually are, you can't hide it, You literally can't, you can put on a facade, but you cannot hide who you are because you've got a camera on you all the time, you miced up all the time.

And that's why initially my wife was just like, you can't go on this show. And I was going, what? And she went, she goes, because people think you're an asshole. And I went, so you're saying I'm an asshole. She went, no, but you'll come across as an asshole. And I went, but that's you saying I'm an asshole.

And she went, no. you'll come across as an arseaw? And we had this big discussion about it. But she was right. She was absolutely right. Because she watches a lot of them shows. And she goes, if you go on that show,

she said, you won't be able to help yourself. She goes, if you think somebody's a dick, you'll just tell them they're a dick. And I'll go, but if they're being a dick, then you've got to tell them they're being an... And she went, no, but you can't do that on those shows. You can't do that. And I go, yeah, but if somebody's an idiot,

then people will see that they're an idiot. And she's going, that's not... So we went around in this big circle. When I was doing it, I was looking at it just going, the thing is, is that they give you the rules, but then the rules, they change the rules. So once you realize that, once you realize that, they give you this sort of like,

these are the things that you must do. And if you don't do them, then they use those against you. But if they don't want you to win, then they'll use them against you, or they'll forget. So the whole thing is, you know, as soon as you realize that it's not a real competition, you know. But yeah, I was just like to start calling people, out to one start and then like literally episode two I'm sat in the boardroom going you're a narcissist

you're this you know and I'm going oh my god I'm literally doing exactly what my wife predicted I would do just going you're an idiot but the problem is is I'm going it's on camera can back me up and then sure enough Lord Sugar turned around and he went well he is right and I went yeah so I'm right and like afterwards afterwards my wife was just going like you'll have a go to somebody because you'll think you're right. And I'll go, yeah, but if I am right, she goes, yeah, but you might be wrong, yeah, but if I think I'm right,

and it was just going round around and around in circle. It's interesting, when you go into shows like that, I think you forget you have such an advantage over everyone else there. It's like a boxer going into the pub when someone steps up to him. Right. Is that you can floor them. Yeah, right, right. Do you know what I mean?

It's like a sort of weapon that you have. Well, it's, I think it's more. just the fact that like if you're like in that short if you're in the boardroom and somebody's having a go at you other people would be getting really riled up by it but when you stood on stage in a rough pub and you know you've done a gig in some rough Essex pub and people have shouted at you and chuck bottles at you there's nothing you just go why do I care if a fashion designer thinks that I'm an idiot like who like I just don't care. entry into journalism is one of my favourite stories ever.

Yeah. Because you were working in Aquas Scutum. Yes, on Regent Street. On Regent Street. And what happened, James? I'd started having the fear, the genuine fear that it wasn't going to happen. I'd been turned down for everything several times, two, three years. So it's my student job.

And I couldn't afford to be in London without an income, unlike some of my mates. So I'm working in the shop. I liked it. I like retail. I like menswear. but I'd been turned down so it's now two or three years since graduation and I'm still working in the shop

it may even have been more and I'm still working in the shop and I'd done work experience and it hadn't got me anywhere all of dad's mates contacts were either dead or redundant none of them had any real sway to the level of being able to get me in somewhere

for a trial and we get sent to Downing Street because John Major wants a new suit and all the proper tailors were off sick and so we do it and we're on best behaviour it's like the two public school boys as opposed to the two lads who had grown up in Essex and were better tailors than we were

but there's so much snobbery so they sent the privately educated lads and we sorted him out and a nice two suits of grey and navy 42 long taller than you'd think to take the waist in about an inch he was quite narrow so you get a six inch drop with a 40 so if your chest is 42

you get a six inch drops with a 36 inch waist trouser and he was a bit slimmer than the he had quite a nice silhouette actually and on the way out he said let me have another look at that book of cloth you know samples and there's a white really nice white kind of

twill almost and he goes do you know I fancy something a bit different I'm gonna I'd like a white suit and this is when John Major was the greyest man even his puppet on spitting image was grey latex everything about him was grey he went the full Martin Bell yes he needs

He ordered this white suit. He even said, I remember when we were kidding out. He said, you see, I don't tuck my shirt into my underparent, which was another one. He was lovely. I really liked him. And, of course, since Brexit and all that stuff, you realize that, you know, we were very lucky. He was a prime minister-old. He seemed like a wise elder statesman, didn't he?

Yes, absolutely. So we saw him out with a white suit. In the same way, sorry, George Bush, suddenly seems to have gravitas now. Yeah, yeah. Both of them, actually. I didn't realize George W. Bush had flown combat missions. Yeah. It's amazing what you discovered.

when somebody like Elon Musk describes Donald Trump as the bravest president we've ever had and then you read the replies. So the bravest politician and George W. Bush flew combat missions. Gerald Ford survived two assassination attempts. John McCain admitted he wasn't a president but he was imprisoned

I think during the war camp. He refused to be released unless his troops could come first. So as an officer, he could have gone first. So anyway, Donald Trump dodged to draft five times is the bravest politician America's ever seen. So I go back to the shop. So we're back to John Major. I got a mate who was on the William Hickey column at the Daily Express.

You probably know him, actually, Henry. I realise now he didn't want me to get shifts. He wanted me to carry on being a contact for him because you'd get paid for stories that you'd say I'd get a tip off. But, you know, I would have been exactly the same if the roles had been reversed. I'd be like, no, you'd just carry on bringing me the tips and stuff like that. But I can't remember how.

I think I may have spoken to his boss. And they said, yeah, we'll give you 300 quid for it. I said, can I have a couple of shifts instead? And I said, yes, I went in, I wrote up the story, filed it. They mocked up a page with John Major's head on top of John Travolta in his Saturday night fever white suit. It's a good story. It was probably the best story I ever got, actually.

And I quite Scoot him OK with it? Well, yeah. We concocted a story that we'd been in the pub. And someone had overheard you. Yeah. And they bought that. Well, they didn't buy it. They bought it enough to get their boss off there,

back, right, which was the priority because the chap who was the manager of menswear, I always knew him as Bob Monday and that wasn't his real name. He'd come over on the boat from either. Of course it wasn't his real name. But with a you, not with an o. Yeah. He'd come over at 15 to start work at AcroScooter and they'd already been a Mr King working there. So they called him Monday and 40 years later he's still, he was one of the nicest people I've ever met and his son was trying to get into IT or something like that and was struggling. We were a similar age, graduates. And he just said to me, listen,

as long as you give me a little bit of notice, give me a ring the night before, and I'll be able to work something out. If you get short notice shifts on a newspaper, he took some pleasure in what I was doing. Because I'd been there by now for three or four years. I was from... I'm very much, you'd graduated from the School of Economics,

which is hugely prestigious. Well, yeah, but I mean, doesn't butter any parsnips, does it, when you're trying to get foot in the door? And so Bob gave me this sort of little key to, so then I could start doing shifts. The Express asked me back a bit more and then you get on the, you remember what it's like, you get on the kind of circuit. I wonder if John Major knows that he kickstarted your career. I know, he hasn't come on my podcast, but when he does.

He sort of did in a way, didn't he? Kickstarted my career. Yeah. Yeah, if he hadn't, I mean, I don't know. So, Mom, she hates me telling this story, but Mum had given up by this point. So an area manager's job came up at Acrescoo. And I mentioned it to her on the phone because they kind of suggested

I might want to think about applying for it. And mum was like, oh, I really think you should. Because mum worked in shops as well. She worked for Estée Lauder and she worked for clothes, burketechs and Winsmore. Always concessions inside department stores, which I did as well. And so she knew how the system works.

She was like, you know, it might be time to have a little think about doing something different. and it happened in about a three-month window. And as soon as I got those shifts on the Express, everything began slowly at first, but at least I knew that I could start calling myself a journalist. So for quite a long time, I did both jobs.

I'd be getting two or three shifts a week on a paper, so I did some for the telegraph, some for the standard. And then I'd do two or three shifts a week in the shop at the same time, and it slowly narrowed down to the point where I was more or less full-time newspapers and still doing... or I got a three-day-a-week contract on the Express, and that's when I could relax, because that was a proper income with benefits.

That tells me a lot about you, James, because a lot of people who would have got a little story like that would have had a short-term view, if someone had offered the money, especially back then, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They would have said, of course, I'll take the couple of hundred quid or whatever it is. Yes.

I mean, it tells me a lot of things about you, but it tells me that you're... It doesn't. It doesn't. What it tells me is that it's very, very big a piece, picture, isn't it? Well, I knew I could write and I wasn't getting any chances to write. So I'd done a couple of tips when I'd taken the money and I'd seen what they'd written

up in the paper and I thought I can do that. So I was never a scoop out, even when I got my feet under the table and even when I was on the three day a week contract with me and Charlotte Edwards, who's now a brilliant interviewer and just did a superb piece with Kirstama. We were such sort of rivals. She's Robert Peston's partner. That's right. That's right.

That's right. So Charlotte's a brilliant journalist. We had a real love-hate thing going on, where we were incredibly competitive with each other, and we'd slag each other off mercilessly when the other person wasn't around. But then we'd have lunch together every day and share our misgivings and our anxieties

about the fact that things weren't going as well for us as they were for some other people, and then that slowly began to change. So I knew I could write, and that happily, the chap who edited the page at the time, John McEntee, who does the FRIM Hardcastle thing on the mail now, he saw that. and didn't put that enormous pressure on me

to go out and get scoops because I was rubbish at that. You hated that, didn't you? I hated that, I used to be physically sick. Did you? I'd turn up at a book launch or a film premiere or something like that and I'd know I'd have to speak to all the famous people in the room and it used to make my guts clench, physically puke. I don't know why.

It's a form of insecurity. See, watch Henry, my old mate from school, who was by now deputy editor of the page. And he'd just march into these rooms like, you know, to the man of born. He was much posher than me. I don't know whether that had something to do with it, but I was just crippled with nerves, crippled with it.

It got better, it got easier, and a drink would help. But I wasn't very good at that. And happily, the column that I'd ended up on needed writers. We used to do quite a lot of flowery language. And once I got the hang of it, that became very valuable to the editor, because it meant he didn't have to come back from lunch if he could trust me to write up.

What about when you went up to Sean Connery at the Premier? Well, that was the second day. So these two shifts, they didn't actually go very well. The first one, they sent me to the National Theatre for Dickie Attenborough's 70th or 80th birthday. And I'd never done, Paul, what's up? I'd never done anything like this before. I wasn't quite sure what was needed.

And they just said, go and see who you can see what you can pick up. My favourite ever story about trainee journalist. And I don't know if it's true. And I'll tell you when the tape's off, who it is. supposedly about but someone was on the traineeship on the Times which I got turned down for three years running and there was some sort of terrible motorway accident and they told him to get down to the scene of the accident see what you can pick up they came back with a bumper you want that to be true don't you I

don't know if it is or not but they see you pop down there see what you can pick up and so I go in and the lift doors open at the National Theatre and every single face in that room is famous you know from Dickie Attenborough down you You know, Jeremy Irons is there, all sorts of famous people. Clive Anderson, who was very famous at the time, and in the end was the only person I spoke to because he was more nervous than I was in that room. But genuine household names, all of them, everywhere you looked.

And I just bottled it. I couldn't, I mean, how on earth does someone who was measuring inside legs the day before march up to Knights of the Realm, you know, Ben Kingsley, and interrupt their conversation and try and get them to talk to you? I just couldn't conceive of the confidence that you would need to do that. So I went back to the office. And Richard Young, the paparazo, that doesn't do him justice.

The doyen of celebrity photographers has got this pile of pictures, a foot high with all the famous royalty. Imagine who turns up for Richard Attenborough's birthday party. And the editors go, did you talk to him? No. Did you talk to her? No. Did you talk to him? No. Did you talk to him? No. Goes through them. And I didn't. I was eventually, I said, look, I didn't really talk to anyone. I spoke to Clive Anderson a bit. I'll write up. None of it gets into the paper.

And so the next day, they send me to Elina's Letoile on Charlotte Street for a reception for British Oscar winners. So it's a reception. It's not like I'm on someone's doorstep or I've woken them up. It's a reception for the press and the Oscar winners to mingle and celebrate. And there's a rumor that Sean Connery's going to turn out. And all the old hands are like, no, he won't. He won't come at all. But Alina, who was an extraordinary woman, she said, no, I really think he's going to. And then you think, well, of course you're saying that, because it's your party and you want us all to hang around. But then this little whisper goes around.

Sean Connery's just turned up. He's pulling up outside. It's a proper little red carpet thing. So 50% of me is thinking, this is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. This is so cool. I've got a little notebook in my hand and everything. And 50% in me is going to be able to talk to him either. And he marches past all of us.

He treats all of the journalists with contempt. so he didn't single me out. But I think, well, I can't go back. I cannot go back to the office and say I didn't talk to Sean Connery, like proper Hollywood superstar. And I'd done a tiny bit of research on the cuts machine and his son Jason had just made a film of Macbeth.

So I called out something like, have you had the chance to see Jason's Macbeth yet, Mr. Connery? And he's already four foot past the press pack, walking, stalking up the corridor. And he actually stops and just goes, no. And that was it. And I thought, well, that... And then I don't know where this came from.

I have no idea where this came from. But I called, what's wrong, Mr Connery? Are you a bit jealous that you never got the chance to play the part yourself? In my memory at this point, all the other journalists who've been doing it for years, they all peel away from them like a kind of punch cartoon. You know, they're all disappearing into, like Homer disappearing into the hedge. And he stops and he turns around and he stalks back, he stomps back down the corridor, which in my memory now is about half a mile long.

But it's all in slow motion and he leans in quite hard with his two fingers. He hits me quite hard on the end of the nose. And he goes, I played the part before you were born. Do your fucking homework, shunny. And I'm like, oh, hallelujah. Now I'm 50% terrified and 50% oh yes. What a story. I'm fascinated by your dynamic with James because have you seen the documentary,

let it be, the Beatles documentary? No, I haven't, no. I recommend watching it because the dynamic between John Lennon and Paul McCartney is really interesting. Yeah. Because the sense that I always get, I think you always, there's always a Paul McCartney and a John Lennon.

So the John Lennon is sort of slightly mad, creative genius. But then Paul McCartney is also a creative genius, but he's the architect. Right. He's keeping everything in check. Yeah. He's making sure that, you know, Lucy in the Sky with diamonds actually gets written or whatever.

Sure, sure, sure, yeah. He's making sure everything, people turn up to recordings. Yeah, yeah, that's definitely my voice. I was going to say, are you more of an organised architect Paul McCartney than, and is James more of the John Lennon? Well, I'm going to go nowhere near the comparison with McCartney-A-Lennon. But if the question in general is, am I the more organised one, then the answer is yes. You're so worried that there's going to be a daily mail article saying Ed Gamble compares himself to Paul McCartney. I am like Paul McCartney in that I'm across my calendar.

that's the only comparison I'll make but you are the slightly more disciplined one in the relationship when I say discipline that's the wrong choice of word actually because you know you don't get to where James has got

No exactly And he is performatively Yes In your dynamic Oh yeah he's the chaotic one Yeah definitely within the dynamic But no James is very organised I should say

But although very early on he did He forgot about one of the episodes and turned up 45 minutes late and I've never let him forget that. Like there is some truth to the dynamic. I'm definitely the slightly more head screwed on, sensible one. But yeah, like you say, it's dialed up a little bit with James. Of course, he's not, you know, you can't get to that level without turning up to most of the stuff on time. But it has really taken off because I think it is largely due to your dynamic.

Because the idea is great, but what makes it work is you just have this sense of unpredictability whenever you're always. listening to it and of course you're listening to it and you know it's not just going to be so all I like this man it's like one of the best ones I've seen which I really recommend people you can actually watch this on it was one of the lockdown ones I think and it's on yeah the one with Roshin who's a mate of mine yeah yeah you did one with Roshin quantity and it was one of the most brilliantly chaotic everything the feed kept going you know which plays into Roshin's personality perfectly as well yeah yeah she's absolutely brilliant and then Rosh's talking about bread for sort of 20 minutes. I mean it's, I'm just really happy for you because you

obviously love doing it and it's turned into this huge success as well. Yeah, I think it wouldn't have been as successful as it has been if we didn't clearly enjoy doing it so much. Like, it's been really, really fun. And yeah, I hope people like it mainly because of me and James because, you know, we're booking guests every week. But I know, I know that some people, you know, tune in for certain guests or they won't listen if they don't know who a guest is but I think the majority of people are like well I'm sure they'll get something out of them

they'll get something out of this and it's very rarely specifically about food but it's always fun when it is but I like the tangents and the branches that go off it and also I think oddly you can tell a lot about someone from even those things like

Star to Maine and dessert I think you can actually tell a lot about someone from that yeah I think so Yeah, I mean, sometimes you'll start talking to someone and you know it's not going to be about the food because they'll have some boring starter or something. And you're like, right, we're not making this about food. Well, I won't tell you mine. Do you want to know mine? I'm trying to think of the...

Can you guess? Guess my starter made in dessert. Are you saying it's boring? Are you saying it's basic? I'll tell you what I would say. I would say I have the palette of a 1950s Tory MP. Okay, prawn cocktail starter. Nailed it.

it? Maine then is probably roast dinner or fish and chips. So close, Beef Wellington. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. That's basically a roast dinner, isn't it? dessert, sticky toffee pudding? Eat and mess. Eat in mess, okay.

Yeah, that's a little. I mean, that's basically the most popular answers, I think, are prawn cocktail, roast dinner, sticky toffee pudding. But I think that tells you, because I'm not adventurous. You like your spicy stuff. Oh yeah, for sure, yeah. See, I hate onions and... You hate onions?

Onions are the basis of most food. I belong to a Reddit group called Fuck Onions. And we all post and help each other. Like on Christmas Day, people will say, be careful out there today, people. Some freaks putting onion in... Next to turkey stuffing. Onion does form the basis of most flavour But when would you eat it on its own?

Never, because it's gross But do you mind it being in other things? No, because it's the spawn of Satan. It's Satan's root. That's what we call it on my Reddit group, I hate a fucking onion. With this, Beef Wellington, you're having gravy? Yeah, there's probably onion at the base of that. Not in my gravy, not in my kitchen, pal.

People are trained. I love onion. How'd you go about garlic? Do you know what I see? say, good for you, as Christian Bale once said. Garlic as well, Heston Blumenthal told me an interesting thing about garlic. Yeah. When I said, funnily enough, when I said I can't bear onion and garlic,

Heston said, you've eaten it the fat duck. Have you ever had a problem eating anything there? Yeah. You know those seven, you know, the... Yeah, yeah. I said, no. He said, right, there's onion and garlic and everything. It's because I use it properly.

Yeah. And he said, if you're using onion and garlic, garlic properly, shouldn't really be able to taste it. What I'm saying is if Heston Blumenthal was cooking for me every night, I'd be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, I might get boring for him. How dare you? No, no. Not the company. I just mean, you know, he's an experimental guy. He probably wants to try out some different things, you know. Let's not get into that. I don't know if he's experimental. That's his business. I'm not suggesting anything other than. Another beef Wellington.

The thing you hear an awful lot these. days is everyone's got ADHD now. Yeah, that old chestnut. How do you respond to that when someone says that to you? It's funny because people very rarely say it to your face when they know that you've been diagnosed. The way I sort of address it is I know it feels like that at the moment because no one knows how many people are neurodiverse, right? No one knows what that percentage of the population is. And the way I describe it to people is try and get a to understand is it's a bit like left-handedness, right? There was a time when people who were left-handed were forced to write with their right-hand

because being left-handed was sinister and weird. Now we accept that a proportion, a percentage of people are left-handed. We live in a right-handed world because most people are right-handed, is a society set up for them. Well, it's the same with neurodiversity, right? A proportion, be it 5%, 20% we don't know of people, their brains aren't neurotypical. in various different ways, be that autism, ADHD, dyslexia, whatever it is. But the world is set up for the majority, because it has to be.

So for that 20%, 5%, whatever it is, they find life difficult in a way that if you're neurotypical, you won't. And so that's just a fact. But in the past, what might have happened to those people is they might have ended up in crime, they might have ended up with depression like I was, being treated for that. You know, could have ended up taking their lives. Who knows? because they, you don't understand, like, knowledge is power. And people are scared of labelling people.

But for me, I was like, when I didn't have a label, all I had was failure. But having a label gives me a reason. Not an excuse or anything else, but a reason, which means that now I can accept that there's some things I can't do in life and some things I can. And the world's not going to change to accommodate me. That's fine. I'm not asking it to. All I'm asking is that acknowledgement that I do exist.

and I'm not making it up, it's real. And the reason it feels like, oh, everyone's got ADHD at the moment, is because say it is 20% of the population, that guy can't do the mass now, that's what? 12 million people in this country? That's a lot of people to get diagnosed. So, yeah, if 12 million people are suddenly realizing something about themselves, that's going to feel like, oh, everyone's got ADHD, everyone's got this.

I've had people tell me it's fashionable. And I want to say to them, I want you to go to my 20s and watch my life, see me in hospital wanting to kill myself. See that person and tell that person, aren't they lucky? It's fashionable to have ADHD now. Aren't they lucky? You don't know me or my life or what I've been through,

so don't judge me on that. You know, but, you know, and the other thing I say is, well, people didn't know what heart disease was until they knew what heart disease was, but no one was going, oh, everyone's got heart disease, sit down and eat your large sandwich and get on with it. Like, that's just, you know.

So that's my answer to people who say that. And you're not going to change some people's minds because some people don't like hearing. I think what part of it comes from is some people don't like hearing that they interpret it that being too neurotypical means we're telling them

their lives were easy and ours weren't. It's not what we're saying, but people don't like being told that they're typical and they're normal and their lives were. So by being neurodiverse, it's like we're making ourselves special.

That's how they see it and they want to go, you're not special. Well, it's almost a bit like, I suppose, with the comedy world, where it was just straight white men on that circuit. The reason there was some resistance to that when women came along and when more diversity was expected

was, but we've always been happy doing it this way and now you're coming along and telling us, our way isn't the only way. Is there an element of that as well? I think so, yeah. We have to bend to accommodate you now. Yeah, why should we accommodate you? Just fit in.

Just fit in. Why do you think you're not? you're special. But those same people will moan about crime and punishment and they'll moan about, you know, there's youths running a mock and there's this, that and the, it's the same people. Go, yeah, but if those people were

given what they needed, you know, weren't forced to learn in this Victorian way that we still do education in this country like it works when we know it doesn't, then maybe you wouldn't have people breaking into your car every five minutes or, you know, these things are all

related, but they don't, they won't see it that because people can only think with their own brains and can only see the world through their own eyes and so they can't understand that other people's brains work differently and see things differently I found this I got very helpful piece of advice from a friend of mine you know it's also a friend of yours who's no longer with us sadly it's Gareth oh yeah lovely Gareth who was a comic who really sadly died last year and Angela you were very sweet I always remember you know it's in the news a bit just because we did a

radio show with Frank Skinner with him and Frank mentioned it on air and was understandably very emotionally distraught and as these things do they obviously got picked up by the media but I remember you were one of the first people to reach out and say

you weren't asking for gossip for want of a better word you weren't saying what's happened you just said I just want you to know I'm devastated and I'm really thinking You sent me a beautiful picture of you and Gareth, Gatina. Gareth, Latina, yeah, because Gareth had supported me on a few tour shows.

And he is when Tina was a puppy, and he used to sit with her in the green room while I was doing the show. So I had a lovely photo of him with her in one of the green rooms. But, you know, he said to me, Gareth, you find, I'm getting really emotional now. It's so weird. Oh, you're okay. I'll come here, I know. So weird. It's so fresh, isn't it?

It's only been a year. It's because it's a year. It's the anniversary. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Yeah, you know what? Garris said something to me which was really helpful. And I used to talk to him about ADHD,

and I remember saying to him, well, I was telling a friend about something that I was struggling with, you know, an executive functioning. Yeah. And she said, what you need to do is train your brain. I'm like you, but I just train my brain. I've worked hard. I've trained my brain.

brain and Garra said that's exactly what a neurotypical person would say. Yeah. And do you know what? I said that to her next time. Great. And she understood. Yeah. There was no aggression about it. And I thought it was a real example of how, in the way that you've just really

brilliantly summed up how to respond, which by the way, I will be writing down. And I want the transcript because I've never heard that's so brilliant. This very exciting news happens where you find out your sister's getting engaged, which is a lovely thing for any family. Of course, in your case, it's a big high profile thing. And how lovely you write about having the opportunity to sort of keep this news private. You had this lovely 48 hour period, but it was just, oh, I'm really happy. I've had this lovely news. And then they ask you to speak at their wedding. And do you know, I was so rooting for you when I read about that. That's a big gig for anybody, let alone someone who maybe, you know, you've said a sort of like confidence and a certain amount of self-belief. And yet you said yes. I've been brought up to say yes, do things, experiment, try different environments,

try different things and learn what you like and don't like. And I think I was wonderfully naive perhaps about what it actually meant. I was just thinking I was doing a reading at my sister's wedding. And albeit I hadn't really witnessed a royal wedding. There had been royal weddings when I was growing up, but I hadn't necessarily acknowledged the scale of those royal weddings and the scale of what Catherine and Williams' wedding would be. So I didn't necessarily anticipate that.

And how many people would have been watching? Well, subsequently, I think it was around 2 billion. So, yeah, I think it's still the record for the largest Bible reading ever. a largest audience for a Bible reading. And you went to see an incredibly helpful man, didn't you? Yeah, Anthony Gordon Lennox. He was, you know, sadly not with us any longer, but he was, he happened to live next to me on Old Church Street.

And I remember seeing him for the first time when we had, I thought I'd had it nailed. I thought I had the whole really. I was trying to get through it as quick as possible. So I was like bang, bang. It's like, that's less than a minute. I think my version, like the final version is like three and a half minutes. So I think he realized there was a bit of work to do and...

And he'd coached, was it high profile people in the park? Yeah, he'd helped various prime ministers and lots of people with their public speaking. I think he had a fantastic way of not just making you sound robotic. he, he, I still feel like he was able to give me the presence of me giving the reading without just being a regurgitated sort of version of, of the reading. And that's the key to it, isn't it? It should always sound like you. I think what people do is, I didn't realize this with funeral, you know, when you give speeches, and I know, sadly I've had to do quite a few now since the whole family I lost. But every time, it's awful, James, I would get better.

I remember when I spoke at my sister's funeral and the French people kept saying to me oh it was beautiful but it didn't sound like you well it was only by the time that I'd done my 10,000 hours and got my mum and dad under my belt that I was kind of like oh I get it it's meant to be from the heart even if you've written it

it's funny when you hear people do speeches at weddings or as you say at funerals or various places you sort of think oh I wish I could be a funny or I wish I could be a sincere or I wish I could be. But actually, you know, if you try and be funny, you won't be funny. If you try and be sincere, it has to, as you say, come from the heart. Or if you tried to be a bit street or something. Yeah, or just trying to read in the way that you feel like a Bible reading should be read. And Anthony was fantastic because we used to go to, we lived on

an old church street, so there was a church at the end of the street. We, I knew the vicar and knocked in his door and asked if I could. practice a reading in there. And so Ella came into the church with me as well. And Anthony used to stand at the back with Ella. And I used to be at the lecten starting the reading. And I was there, just staring at Anthony and Ella. Anthony, sorry. And Ella would be wandering around. He goes, why are you looking at me? Look at Ella. He's moving. He goes, well, exactly. Watch Ella. And Ella was going in between the pews and sniffing whether there's any old, anything sort of left behind under the pews.

And that was sort of the cue for me sort of with the eye wandering around. And so, you know, I could picture that and various other things that we were doing. You know, and he said every now and then put Ella's name into it. And every now and then I would just see Ella's head prick up and she heard her name. What I love is this story about you're going into Westminster Abbey. the day before, you know, this big wedding rehearsal. And you, you brought Ella with you to Westminster Avenue. I couldn't not not bring her.

And I figured, well, sometimes if you don't ask, you don't know an answer. And then there's, you know, you have to, unfortunately, she was made to feel very welcome. And, um, was the archbishop of Canterbury there? Um, I think everybody was there in terms of getting ready for the rehearsals. I think that was the first time I really started to feel nervous because I think A, it was less than 24 hours away and B, it was, it really was starting to feel real. And then you were saying,

oh, maybe I should have thought, yeah, there are going to be cameras and there are going to be, you know, lots of other things going on. But when you're inside the abbey, it was, it's a large but small room, if you know what I mean, in comparison to the whole of the, of the streets of London, which were rammed full of people. And I didn't actually see a lot of that.

It was only actually then when we were driving, I was driving with my mother. And suddenly saw all these people, because we were just seeing parts on the news. You were looking at it, and acknowledging that it was just outside your front door, but not really being aware, this is mum and daughter having a bit of playtime.

I think it's, Ila's wanting to play and Mabel doesn't. Do they know, James? Do they know that their mum and daughter? Of course they do. When I say, of course they do. They've never been separated. So since they were pups, or since Mabel gave birth to Ila, they haven't really been separated. But do dogs recognise that they have a blood relationship with each other.

I believe they do. Like some people say that, you know, Inkerunah, a litter mates from sisters, they've never been separated. and they squabble like siblings do. Some people say you should separate siblings for six months if you want to keep them. No, don't sniff each other's bums, your blood relations, I don't like it. Isn't that their own version of a Facebook page? Someone told me that walking in London, every lamp post

is like another dog's Facebook profile. And it's like, you know, you do your check-ins. And it's like, oh. Do you know what I like? Sam, the Labradoodle is checked in here. Well, when you meet Ray, which we're going to soon, you'll see Ray's a bit snooty

about dog sniffing his bum. Really? He doesn't like it. Inca's like that. Inca doesn't like. She likes to sniff but not be sniffed. Yeah, Ray's like that. He really doesn't like it. He's like, get your filthy paws off me.

Who do you think you are? Well, I have to say, I have to give you a review because I remember watching that, the wedding, like the rest of the world with my mum. And I remember that this all stood out because you came on and she went, what a charming young man. Thank you.

As if she'd met you or something. I was like, let me see you a Bible reading. He's a charming young man, I can tell. I never forgot that. No, I just looked back in it now. I look back in an hour and this is embarrassed about my tithing so crooked. It was like all the things that could drastically go wrong. I didn't trip up, I didn't stumble over my words, I wasn't, you know.

But I just look back now thinking, God, no one tell me that my tie was. It's right. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Walking the Dog. We'll be back on Thursday with more of our best bits.