Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Lee Mack Returns - Again! (Part Two)

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

We're back in the study for the second part of Emily's chat with Lee Mack. Lee discusses his role in The Unfriend, his relationship with comedy and his friendship with the late Sean Lock. If you haven't heard part one yet, catch up here. This episode contains some strong language towards the end. The Unfriend is playing at the Wyndham's Theatre until March 2024 - for more information and tickets visit theunfriend.comListen to Emily's first walk with Lee from November 2017 Listen to Emily's second walk with Lee from January 2021Follow Emily: Instagram - @emilyrebeccadeanX - @divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Rich Jarman Artwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett Walking The Dog is a Goalhanger Podcast brought to you by Petplan: visit petplan.co.uk Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast is sponsored by Petplan, who are the UK's number one pet insurer. I've always used Pet Plan for Raymond as they cover things other insurers don't, and they can even pay your vet directly, which can be a big help. No, Raymond, that doesn't mean you can spend all the extra cash on treats. Terms, conditions and excesses apply. Pet Plan is a trading name of Allian's Insurance PLC. Welcome to Part 2 of Walking the Dog with Lee Mack, or as I call it, he's back, and this time it's personal because Raymond just weed on Lee's floorboards.

Just to recap, we're in Lee's study because it was seriously raining, and Ray's got a statement hairdo to consider. In part two of our chat, there's a lot of Leamette gold coming up. I mean, let's face it, when isn't there? But it was also really lovely hearing him talk about his friendship with the late Sean Locke, which will make you laugh and cry all at once. I should also say, in case you're listening with kids nearby, there's some pretty strong language right at the end,

so I just wanted to give you a heads up. I so hope you enjoy it and do go and see Lee in his brilliant West End play The Unfriend It's on at London's Windham's Theatre until March 2024 You can book tickets via Theunfriend.com Okay, so we're going to pick up the convo with Lee chatting about something he knows a fair bit about comedy I'll hand over to the man himself

Here's part two with Lee and Ludo and Tilly and Raymond For me, what comedy is about both in the real world, certainly what I was like when I was younger, and then professionally, is to find your gang. So when I was at parties, I used to think, right, I was a very skinny lad, not very, never knew no good from bad. Oh no, that was a queen's song. But I was a very, no, I was a skinny little lad and big lanky, greaser,

never got girlfriends at school, anything like that. Did you not? I had a girl from once, I think, at school, but I was just very underdeveloped. I was a late developer. I really was. I was the kid in the shower going, oh, God, they've all got pubic hair and I'm still yet to go. I was very, I was very, I looked like the kids from Kess, you know, in the background of Kess, the movie. And I went from a school in Blackburn, which is a very, like, you know, industrial.

working class town and then moved to school in Southport. And in Blackburn, honestly good, I was like the average height. And I went to Southport, where it was near the fresh air of the coast, and much more affluent. And suddenly I was the second smallest kid in the year. And it was like Kez. It was like all those wretches of kids that looked like they'd just come out of the mines. I may have even have coal on my face.

That's how I imagine it in my head. It's probably not true. It's probably just dirt. Everyone was dirty in the 70s. You know, all I had really was hopefully trying to make them laugh. That's what I used to do. So I remember going to loads of parties between about the age of 15 and my early 20s, being at loads of parties.

And what I'd do is I'd think, oh, she's nice, that girl. And I'd chat some things, oh, yeah, she's nice. I'd like to get to know her better. So I'd immediately do the thing where I'd be, I'd say do the thing. I have to be honest, it's never been a performance mode. It's just what I mean is I'll just carry up being who I am, but to her face is what I mean. You know what people say to me?

Oh, you're never off. It annoys me that phrase because it suggests that you flicked something. I'll do that thing when, you know, this is, I'm like, I talk like this when I'm on my own to myself. I'll do that thing. You know that trip where you trip yourself up to get a lap? I kick in the back of your heels. There's not many people that do that when they're on their own.

I do that on my own. and then I'll do that thing when I look behind as if I've tripped up on something. So I would do the thing, chat, blah, blah, blah, realize straight away within minutes she has not got the same sense of humor as me. I'm not trying to find that if she's finding me funny. I'm trying to find that she's got the same sense of humor as me.

And if they have, I'm like, right, this is it. I've got a chance here because I can play on this. I know I can do this. And there would nothing more satisfying to me than if I was slightly holding court to about six or seven people and three or four of them were laughing and the other ones were absolutely hating me because it was

an instant gang thing and you go, great I'd rather have them really go you're not funny mate because it's got great that's saved me so much time. Save me the whole hour where I try and find out if we've got the same sense you. You've just told me brilliant. It's right, you can go now it's like guess who I was flipping them down and I'm down

to you three now until there was one left and so that's to me was what it's about it's about getting a gang you say some but funny and you're trying to find out who's got the same sense of humor and that's what it's never bothered me who's the one being funny and who the one laughing it doesn't matter yeah you're just you're all on the same wavelength that's all that matters and so that's why it's important to get really bad reviews because if you only got good reviews you're

not finding your gang you just your gang's too big I like to isolate them and go right who's in my gang let's find out who's in your gang then well at the moment I think there's in the country there's about 27 people that like me I've worked it out I've counted the reviews, worked out of the average, and I reckon it's 27 now, which is not bad in a 25-year career, is it? Admittedly, a lot of them are my family members who have been kind in comments. But you are, when you walk into a room, I think people do gravitate towards you because you're, I think there is, you've got that norm from Cheers energy.

Oh, Lou's here. I don't, I don't, didn't really watch Cheers, which one was no, nor with a tash? He was a large one. Thank you. Not necessary. No, but you. Was he the one that used to go? I have had a terrible day office.

The personal assistant, I used to say secretary, she's left. I had to watch a video. You've got to call them PAs now, but too late. I've already upset her. So she's gone. She was spreading rumors about me anyway. No, but you have, I think you have that energy. Your energy when you come into a room is, it's a very positive energy.

I think people do gravitate towards you and they think, oh, Lee's here. I always feel, oh, the party's going to start now. If you arrive. Oh, that's nice. I mean, I don't feel that way, if I'm going to be honest. I just, I don't... I mean, that used to be literally true

because I was a mobile DJ. genuinely, I was a mobile DJ. So they used to go... You could have used to say Lee. They used to go, oh, he's here now. The party started. Which was true. Because up until then, there was nobody shouting,

you know, all the single ladies gave us a cheer. But now the party has started, doesn't it? But, but yeah, I... Were you very popular then when you were at school then? No. I wasn't, listen, I was neither. I wasn't the bullied kid, but nor was I the big part. We were in a gang that we, again, it's probably a sense of humor,

even though it wasn't deliberate about them, but I can't imagine ever having a friend. I don't think I've ever had a friend that's not got. It doesn't have to be exactly the same sense of humor. But I tell you what, we've got to have some sense of humour. I've not thought I'd know anybody that's not a sense of humour, because I just gravitate away from them, like they would gravitate away from me probably.

I know, but I don't think I could be friends with someone who was just relentlessly making all the jokes all the time and there was no soul there or, you know, those people. Yeah, but that's the fact of the thing of switching it on, isn't it? This idea that, you know, yeah, I've never, this is how I was brought up like this. My mum and dad talks like this all the time. What you mean? Well, this is how he would communicate. There isn't a photograph of my mom that she hasn't got the cigarette up her nose in her tea. out. I love the sound of your mum. Yeah, she's always like, she's like, oh, there's a photograph.

Better go for the laugh. Teak out. It's fine got the nose. Which was quite a feat given that she didn't have false teeth. Was she, God, Lee. It was horrific. Oh God, camera. Get the pliers. Oh, not again, but it's horrible. It's horrible. No, but she would always take a false. Was she really funny your mom? She was, yeah, I thought she was really funny. I mean, she was a funny woman. My dad was a funny blow. He was, he was, it was, it was, it was what, it was what, I always think about, you know, you hear so many stories about how people are trained to be doctors and solicitors, but they become comedians and the parents are a bit disappointed to begin with. I'm the absolute opposite. My parents, luckily they were both alive when I started doing this, so they, they saw me do it,

which delighted them. Did it? Yeah, they loved it. But if I had I said to them, look, in my early career when I wasn't earning much money. If I had I said to them, look, I'm going to jack this in and do, be a doctor. What would they have said? They'd have been very disappointed in me. They'd have said, we have not brought you up with our cigarettes up our noses and our teeth out for you to blow all this on doing five years of medical college. You get your act together and you start growing up young man and, you know, pull your trousers down and get people to laugh. But I wonder whether that timing you do pick that up as a kid as well or just that idea of performing and that rhythm and you're like oh my mum did a funny thing and that made everyone laugh and I suppose if that is the case it's so embedded

I can't even remember you know but we grew up in the pub my dad was the very popular owner of the pub well he was the manager but he was like the that's very much part of the thing you go and see the barman and he would keep them entertained he was a bit of a show off they met my mom and dad's I don't think they met but they're certainly early on in their relationship did guys and dolls they're in an amateur musical so there's photographs of my mum and dad performing together they were always you know my dad got decent reviews i've read them from the local papers saying he was the standout actor in the show and he he'd liked to perform you know he was his thing and he i talk about it in my autobiography he when dirty den first left east enders he wrote to east enders saying that he would like the part

but then proceeded to tell them all about is it experience running a pub. Like he was applying for a job. Because he said, oh, I've done some amateur dramatics. But more importantly, I worked in a pub and he told them the thing. Now, like I mentioned him in the book, I said, you know, a lot of people would see that sort of delusional, slightly sad thing to do, you know. But the idea of, you know, you can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket,

he said, well, why not? What do you lose by doing that? You can only gain, right? And, of course, in this generation, that's not just, see, that's the norm. Now, he's just, he forget he's stend. He's just to have his own soap. He's just go, right, I'm starting my own soap now, I'll be the barman.

They don't want to be in it? Now, everyone's having a punt, aren't they? Everyone's just going, right, I think I'll, I think I'll have sex on screen. That'll get me famous. I think I'll hide the camera, pretend to hide the camera, and that should launch my career. I mean, now, applying for a job

on EastEnders by telling him you run a pub, seems a fairly normal approach to getting an acting job. It beats having sex in a hotel room and filming it and saying, kind of going to be the barman in East End isn't it? Which would be the route now. I think they literally teach that now at Drama College. If you want

to be in EastEnders, don't forget you need to sleep with someone, sex video it, and then do the old green light like it's been done under cover even though you're both in on it and there was a professional cameraman there. Look at the Kardashians. I just still find it. There's not, we've, we've, We've stopped even saying anymore, but wasn't she did a sex tape?

Is that how she's famous? It's also, oh yeah, but that's completely normal now. It's been normalized so much. It's only seen by very young people as a positive. Yeah, but it worked. It worked. It's like, you know, we still get people who still believe that McDonald's must be the best restaurant

because they sell the most unit. It works. As opposed to, yeah, but it's awful. It's like, doesn't that come in? It doesn't quality come into it anymore, you know, but four years of training or having sex in the Premier in, which one you're going to choose. It's interesting when you talk about growing up in the pub, because I actually think in some ways we had quite similar experiences. Even though they were very different on the surface, I grew up with performers. It was a lot of Bohemian chaos. There were constantly actors coming around. So I can see how there were similarities with our backgrounds. because it was like you were always on.

And when you're running a pub, you're always on. Yeah, well, that's the main thing, the pub thing. So I've grown up in a pub, there is a feeling that you are always on. You are performing, I suppose. Even though I wasn't there, I didn't see that. I was upstairs. But you would have absorbed that. Of course you do.

And so you have, I remember my dad once, there was an incident where someone had brought their wife along who was quite shy and quiet, which were, I mean, that was unforgivable in that environment. But, you know, she just didn't say. very much and this man got quite drunk as director and I remember he turned around at one point in the evening and said you have contributed nothing since evening you have drunk our wine and you've given nothing absorbed our anecdotes yeah it's interesting this idea though that of always being on or doing a performance is the key word is performance yeah there are there are people that are always on and they will all they will irritate me as much as they'll irritate anybody else because you know when somebody's flicking a switch and doing a

performance or more and it's just just them now an example i went to shawlox memorial yesterday Dave johns got up and we all spoke a little bit and Dave got up and told this story Dave johns who was in i Daniel blake and any he told this story about he was a very good mate like there's quite a few that were very good mates of Sean and Dave was one of them And Dave told his story about how Sean, when he shared a flat with Dave, said, the only rule I've got for you for this whole Edinburgh festival is that whenever I say war, I'm going to then pretend to punch you in slow motion and you've got to react wherever we are. Right?

Wherever we are. And Dave said, so he's in this nice posh seafood restaurant in Scotland. And Sean went, whoa. And Dev went, oh no, I'm not here, man, not his posture. And he's no choice. So he hits him in slow motion and Dave gets up. Slow motion runs right out of the restaurant and out the door. And everyone's looking at it.

Now there's an example of some people might go, oh, you're always on, aren't you? Whereas actually the truth is Dave's always like that. And Sean's always like. Sean and Dave are doing it not to amuse everybody else. They don't need to amuse themselves. And they don't care if there's any witnesses. It helps that there's witnesses because then they amuse themselves even more. That's the key difference.

Some people do it because they want to make themselves laugh or the person that they're very close to. And some people just want to sort of perform. And that's why Sean was the funniest bloke I know or knew because he was like that. He was a child sometimes. And I think he just wanted to do it for his own amusement. And that's the difference.

If I'm, I like to think I'm like that. I might not be, but I don't know. But I like to think my motivation most of the time, not always, but most of the time, is to amuse myself. So if I'm doing my stand-up show, I go, what makes me laugh? Don't get me wrong. It doesn't make me laugh after 75 times of saying it.

But it certainly does early on in the run where I go, I'll just say what I think is funny and see if there's enough people who agree. And it's that simple. As opposed to, oh, I will have. to these people and I will give them something because it's like you're not having anything. I'm just doing what I want and you can witness it. Hi. We've just been interrupted by doing a podcast.

My son Arlo has just walked in. Hi Arlo. I met you some time ago. This is my dog Raymond. Raymond's a... What do you think? Do you want to give Ray a cuddle? The good thing about having a teenager in your house is you never know if they have woken up late

or they're getting ready for bed early. Which one is it, Ollo? I just worked out like an hour ago. Yeah. What's the time? They woke up at 245. To be fair to Olo, that's very late for Ollo. But, yeah, you don't.

What time does you get to bed? Like, two weeks. Okay. It's all changed because he's 18 now. That's what he likes, didn't he? Grab himself some food. We'll be in a minute, Arlo. Arlo.

I love him. He's great, Arlo is good. He makes his own rules. What a sweet boy. He does things for his own amusement, let me tell you. Does he? Oh my God. Is he like you?

He's very similar to me when I was his age, very similar. So much so that that can cause problems. Why? Don't do that because that's what I used to do. It's pretty much the subtext of everything I say. Whatever you do, don't be like me. It's very difficult for me because I basically messed about at school and failed everything. And then 10 years, you know, I often tell the story,

but it is true that in one of my school reports, said sooner or later Lee will realise that joking around will get him nowhere in life. But it wasn't born out of some rebellious attitude of I will do it my own maverick way. It was born out of sheer laziness of not wanting to engage. Or was it ADHD? Disgust. But it wasn't invented then, was it? It was seen as daydreaming.

Wasn't it? He's a daydreamer. You know, they said, I'm going, yeah, but I still think I did the right despite of that. Not necessarily because of that. The realisation that actually I have to knuckle down a bit and do some work. I didn't just run around for 10 years like the, what's that spinning thing, that cartoon, Tasmanian devil. I didn't run around 10 years with my ADHD and my jokes. Just going, running around and then eventually just accidentally crashed into a comedy club and thought,

oh, finally it works in here, right? It's not how it worked. What happened was? I ran around being an idiot and joking around, blah, no, no, no, going nowhere. And then when I decided to try and do something in comedy, he realized, oh, I better learn to actually sit down and do something because I went back to university during that period as a mature student. And that's where I had to hand stuff in, deadlines.

That probably gave me the training to go, right, if someone tells you you have to have a script in by Thursday, you better hand it in my Thursday. Maybe Friday. But you know what I mean? You don't? I had no, I'd never handed anything in on time until I'd gone back to uni. That's why I failed everything.

But also you're not frightened of new challenges, I think. And I think that's why. So, like, you're doing this play, which I want to mention, by the way. The unfriend. And that's obviously different, that's a very different discipline to stand up, isn't it? Yeah. Because you're acting in a West End show, it's an established show. It's Mark Gaitersen, Stephen Moffat, isn't it?

Yeah, Mark was the director, Stephen, the writer. Yeah. And it's really been on with Rich Shearsmith and Amanda Abingdon and I went to see it. And Francis Barber, they're the main three in it. And I was invited along very much to, would you like to take over? And I obviously loved it, otherwise we'll be doing it, you know. But it's really good. In fact, it was so good, it was a bit worrying.

It's like, oh dear, I would rather it have been quite good. I'd rather have been like a three-star one because then I go, I can perhaps keep those three-star level. But it was proper good. And I'm like, so now you get worried, don't you? Can you follow them? But luckily, they decided that, for whatever reason, both Reese and Amanda were going to stop doing it.

And me and Sarah Alexander were going to take over. So suddenly I'm not the new boy. There's two new people. But Francis is staying. So I think that's the perfect combination. You've got somebody who's staying who knows what they're doing. But the majority of the main cast are knew. Do you get quite actorish?

Do you put a scarf on and... No, I just say when you said that reminds me of the late great Bobby Ball when he said, Russ Abbott, tell you what, when he were a comic, it were like, all right, Bob, how you doing, Bob, you're all right, Bob, nice to you, Bob.

Did a play. Came back from the play. Oh, Robert, how are you? I mean, never a, something. something is so exaggerated in the history of anecdotes, right? But, but I can't ever imagine Russell, but either going, hello, how are you, Robert,

nor can I imagine him going, hey, you're like, Bob, how's it going? Because I don't even think he's from that part of the world. But, um, hey, talking about it, I went to his, unveiling of his statue. Oh, yeah, because, well, he became your friend, obviously, because he played your dad.

He played my dad. And he was a proper mate, Bobby, and he was like, I used to watch him on telling him. I was so sad for you and he died then. It was very sad. And I'm still in touch with Yvonne, his wife. And we've been up to it to Lhythm. I always got to get this right.

He used to hate it if you get it wrong. I used to say Lhythm St. Anne's. There's Lyttham and the St. Anne's. And I think the whole area is called Lyttham St. Anne's. But the people that in Litham feel that they're in the nicer place than St. St. Anne's. So if I go Lithm St.

It's Livm. It's Libum. It's Livham. Tell me again about Russ Abbott changing. But I went up for the unveiling of the statue. Brilliant bronze statue of Bob. But they've picked the iconic Bob of the perm, the tash, the Rock-on-Tommy. The braces are out in this Bond statue.

But because he's got his perm and his tash, somebody showed me this thing that was on social media, which really made me laugh, where they've just, they've put the picture of it next to, you know, the video for Hello by Lionel Richie when the blind woman was sculpting his head. They've just written, finally, finally she finished it. And when you see them side by side, you go, yeah, actually that, I can see that. Finally, he's finished it. But, um... Oh, well, I'm really excited.

I want to come and see the unfriend. I can't wait. Come and see it, yeah. Come and see it. Middle of December it starts, all the way through to mid-March. I think you'll be brilliant in that way. You're fantastic in Doctor Who. You're a good little actor.

Do you know what? Nobody mentions Doctor Who's. I'm very pleased you mention that. I had lunch with Catherine Tate the other day. And she is Doctor Who. She's been in it so much and she's coming back. Wasted on her. She doesn't know anything about Doctor Who.

I'd like, when she was doing Doctor Who, I'm like a childhood fan of Doctor. I'd ring her up and go. So, um, we're all right today? Yeah, I'm in Cardiff filming it. Oh, yeah. Try and play it and kill, you know. What's, uh, what you're filming? What's happening?

I was like a little child, aren't you? What you're filming? She go, oh, I don't know, the, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, yeah, shut your face. Got, oh, I don't, I don't know, the silver ones are after us today.

The what? You know, the silver ones with the ears. The cyber men. Yeah, yeah, they're coming after us today. I'm like, what a waste? The dust bins with the plungers on the red, there, we did that last week. wasted, completely wasted.

She doesn't know about the show. I'll mention it to her. I'll say, oh, of course, back in, oh, was he a doctor? Unbelievable. Someone like me, child had found. What do I do? Are you a real fan? Ten minutes, and an Amazon delivery driver kills me.

Well, I shouldn't say that, perhaps it wasn't Amazon. Other instant delivery people are unscrupulous as well. But yeah, so it was a satirical look at the... the way we all buy things. It was some of your finest work but then I love all your work, Lou. Well, thank you. I do.

Even when you're on the NTA Awards. Yeah. Holding up a trophy going, that looks like a sex object, isn't it? There is a tendency, and this isn't anyone personally, there is a tendency now

for those award ceremonies to feel very scripted and so corporate. And also you're thanking a lot of people. But I was just so, I felt like when you came on, I thought, Oh, because there's a real person.

Yeah, well also there is a lot of... The truth matter is they're taken quite seriously. I mean, I shouldn't be so cynical, but the tears. Do you know what I mean? And anyone that's thanking God, thank God. I mean, it doesn't happen too much. It happens a lot in the Oscars. What was it, Hellberry said?

Thanks, thank God for using her as a vessel. You know, I said, well, hang on love. There was a wonderful chance. There was four nominees? You weren't that surprise, were you? You can't cry. It's not like you were picked out of a... You didn't mean the lottery, did you?

Then you could scream and say thank God. But you're sitting... You've known for months there's a one in four chance. You should be fairly prepared that it could be you. And so... And if they thank God, you just go, yeah. I mean, because that's what God wants, isn't it? God wants to get the message out there

to everybody that he exists. And what better way than the bloke that presents that quiz show in the afternoon? He'll do it, he'll know it, aren't he? Because the old image on the toast isn't working with Marmite. That wasn't clear enough. I'll get the bloke who does the quiz of the afternoon to get it out there. Yeah. Don't get like one of the presidents or one of the world leaders doing it.

No, no, no, no. We don't want too many people. That's what the thing about the David Knight thing I was found fascinated. He said, he felt that there was something driving him. Why else would he have been so successfully if he wasn't there to give a message? Yeah, of course. God wanted to use the vessel of the reserve goalkeeper for Coventry and the bloke that presented the snooker.

I mean, that's how you get to a mainstream audience, isn't it? And that's what I find fascinating. It's a bit of, we all know it's silly nonsense, but people can get a bit overwhelmed. Did Tara not go with you to that award ceremony? She didn't go to that one. I took Louis and his girlfriend. I saw Louis.

Yeah. So that was nice. I thought I'll take them along and they'll... But it's interesting because I thought, when we were there age 16, we would be like, oh my God, it's him off that programme and I don't believe it. They're so blasé.

Are they? Because they don't watch telly. Watching other things. I was going, every nomination that came up, I go, heard of them? Never seen it? No. Every now and again they go,

oh yeah, I've seen that one, yeah, because it's on Netflix. They don't, they're different. We might as well have taken them to the, you know, the annual sausage awards or something. But our generation would have been overwhelmed by the fame. Because red carpets, flashy lights. Yeah.

We didn't see them. We might have seen a clip of it from the Oscars. But the Oscars wasn't live on telly. It was a news report, wasn't it? Or I can't remember award ceremonies. Was the BAFTAs on when we were a kid? Maybe. But I'd tell you what, there wasn't an award ceremony every two weeks, was there?

Yeah. So the kids now, they've got access to it all. They see it all the time. They're seeing someone on the red carpet. That person on the red carpet, they've seen probably having a bit of a knocky in the hotel room when they were promoting the new album. This is nothing.

See what the stars are like when they're outside their jobs. How's out of their jobs? I've seen them having a poop. She put it on Instagram to promote some toilet paper. You know, it's not. But then I also think your kids are broke. Because you and Tara, you've always had a real line between your performing life

and your family life, I think. And the very fact that you have a performing name, I think it's very telling. It's funny that, because when people say, I have had people say to me that, they know my name is Macillop and still ask the question. So is Millie, my daughter, is Millie Mac? And I go, like, if I was Coco the Clown,

do you think it should be called Millie the Clown? What a strange thing to say? Of course not. What a strange, strange. You know, would you go up to? Arison Ford and go, are your kids called, is it Brenda Solo? Is that what your child called? Why? You know, you're an solo, so I thought maybe you'd use the solo bit. Of course not. Don't forget my great granddad was Billy Mack. I did the thing about it.

Who do you think you are? Who's a comic? But I still chose to take that Mac thing. In my head, it was just as simple as Macillop is a mouthful and nobody knows how to spell it and it's an unusual name. And it's just Mac, it's quicker. I didn't think anything of it, but actually maybe there was a subconscious thing going on going, I'm not going on as me. There must be truth in it because I won't play my hometown. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I know them all. I can't get up and say, like, hello, I'm up here doing this. How are you? And they go, yeah, we know you. I was at school with you. remember when you wear your pants I didn't wear my pants

I'm using that as an example you know there's no you can't pretend there's some pretence going on even though I'm saying you just go on and have a laugh as much as you can not in a panel game

weirdly I would go on a panel game I do a live tour with Rob and David I'll have a muddle eye to you and we're just chatted it's just improvised I possibly would do that in my hometown because that's just me whereas to some degree stand-up is fake and so is acting obviously so I'd struggle to do a play or stand up in my

hometown whereas I might and it's only a might do something where it's more just the real me if that makes sense because then you're not putting on this facade where people go we don't put on the facade mate I'm still quite basic in the way I look at things I just go if I'm in a play in my hometown and I'm going I'm here to solve the murder No, you're not. You're here to earn some money because we know you from school. This podcast is sponsored by Pet Plan, who help keep the nation's dogs happy and healthy. There was so much to think about when I got my dog, Raymond, toilet training, grooming, food, and just how many belly robbs can one woman reasonably be expected to give to a Shih Tzu every day.

But one thing I've never had to worry about is paying for veterinary care because I decided to insure Raymond with Pet Plan, who are the UK's number one pet insurance provider. Oh, don't get jealous, Raymond. Of course you're still my number one. Just a tad on the high-maintenance side. Terms, conditions and excesses apply. Pet plan is a trading name of Allian's Insurance PLC. Lee, in a little change of gear, we should let you go because I want to go and see your dogs are in the other room currently.

I've just seen one of your dogs outside. Although your son has let one of the dogs out. And is he looking through the window? No, he's gone back in now. Was it silver one? Was it ludo? Yeah. Well, Ludo knows that this is the space. The chair you're sat on now is his sofa.

Now, before anyone thinks, listen to Mr. Poshballs with his dog sofa. You can describe that. You can describe that sofa. That is not for a human being. The dog sofa is an orange... It's tight. I mean, how big is that?

I mean, your dog is the smallest dog I've ever seen. And on that sofa, he looks like Digby. Do you remember Digby? The biggest dog in the world? world. Ray, I don't know if Ray's always likes, but Ray looks a bit shell shot when he saw them, though. Is that Ray's demeanour? Yeah, I've raised him to be quite neurotic and I've, I sort of have raised him, the relationship is a bit. He's raised him to be neurotic, you mean he lived with you. But I think you've chosen exactly the right dogs for you and I love those dogs. I want you to

tell me before we go. There was something I heard a story you tell and I loved it so much and it's about your friendship with Sean and it does involve dogs and it was in the last few weeks of his life do you know what I told this at the memorial yesterday and I thought can I tell this story and I just I will and boom your mind his kids were there and his wife but I know them really well and I know that you know there's loads of comics getting up so I thought yeah I'll tell it so no I was I went to see Sean you know very close to the end of his life like within a couple of weeks not a couple of days, as I said yesterday for some reason, at the memorial. So I went to see him two days before.

Taro went, no, he didn't. And I don't know where that came from. I felt he was so close to the end of his life, I suddenly found myself saying two days, it was probably about three weeks. But you know that thing when you go, oh, I saw so-and-so last week. I say last week, it was two years ago. You ever done that? Yeah, that feeling of, to you it feels so raw because it was so close to the end of his life. Anyway, I went to see him just before he died.

He was in and out of consciousness. obviously and he was, there was a moment of silence and the sunlight hit his face. The same thing came through the crack of a window and sort of quite a bright sunlight hits his face. At exact moment that a dog very gently started barking in the distance and it was one of those and I'll do the voice because one of my party tricks is I can do dog in a distance. So there was a sort of more gentle than that.

It was very gentle, very distant, at the point I'm making. And Sean opened his eyes. And I genuinely believed there was just the way the dog barked and the way the sunlight hit his face, I thought he was going to say something profound. I just had this real moment. And he went, shut up, you can't. And I didn't know. And I still don't know if he was doing it because he meant it.

doing it or doing it to get a laugh out of me. It's only 48 hours later I did I think, hang on, there's a third option. He might be me he's aiming it at. You know what I mean? Are you still here type comment? But that's why I loved him. I loved him because sometimes you never knew. You never knew if it was for his own amusement, for the amusement of others,

or no amusement. He just was saying something because he felt it. He just always struck me as so hilarious, Sean Locke, but there was an integrity there. Well, this is what I was thinking. I was thinking yesterday, I was thinking, what is it about Sean that I love so much? And I realised what it was. When anyone ever dies in showbiz, a phrase gets popped out, and that is,

nicest man in showbiz. You hear it all the time. Nicest woman in showbiz. And I've heard this phrase a lot, even when people who haven't died, oh, I worked with someone, and nicest man in television. But it's so easy to be nice, because you get paid well, and you get a lift in a car, and the food's free. What isn't there to be nice about?

Everyone can be nice in that environment. What is a lot of a lot of. is to be the most genuine person in showbors. And what that means is, if you're in a bad mood, not afraid to be in a bad mood, if you're feeling like you want to act like a child, act like a child, whatever he was feeling he would be without any pretense.

So you knew that every action was genuine. And I know people in this job. And they've literally said it to me, where I've said, look, don't worry, I know you're in a bad mood about this script, but I'm the script writer, I can change it. And I've had a person say to me, oh, don't worry, I'm not really in a bad mood.

I just did that because it makes them know that I'm not going to take any crap. So basically they're pretending to be something they're not. Every time Sean said anything, it's because he meant it, whatever that was. So you knew all the time there was a genuine thing about, a genuine expression of emotion. And it's so rare in this job, you get that. People will be faking nice or sometimes faking unpleasant. Or sometimes faking angry. or sometimes fakingly laugh.

It's fakingly a word. I've said it four times now. But everything is real. That's all you want, isn't it? In a world of falseness, where everything's false, when someone is genuine, so when Dave Johns and him are in the restaurant,

and he goes, whoa, you know he genuinely is going to amuse himself for doing that for nobody else's benefit because it's all real and genuine. And you don't realize until he meets me, all that's all just how fake everybody is including all of us we're all putting on

these layers all the time and falseless anyway but in showbiz it's unbelievable it's it's it's for I talk about this in would I lie to you when people say is it hard to lie oh no lying is easy the hard bit is is I mean we spend our lives telling lies don't you lovely to see you you know not always lovely to see is it I know I know I said that to you when you came today but I was lovely to see you but I think is interesting because I suppose part of your job as a comic or should be is that you tell us uncomfortable truths that we all tend not to share and I think at its purest that's what it should be and you are a bit like that there's a fine line isn't there between honesty and lacking in

social graces though for example if the dog weeds on the floor I'd happily be honest and say you need to clear that up had you weed on the sofa accidentally I Probably wouldn't mention it. I didn't last time. I was actually a bedwetter. Were you? I was a bedwetter. Why? Have you not told you my bed wetting story? No.

The worst one was... Very common with ADHD. I believe so. Yeah. And then... Because what you do is you wake up in the night and thinking, I need the toilet and then you think about monkeys playing xylophone and then you think of forget what it is you woke up for. Before you know, you've wet the bed.

I'm thinking about monkey playing a xylophone now, yeah. But I went to the island man as a school trip. first ever school trip, I was about, I don't know, I'm going to say eight, quite young school on a school trip, but it was the 1970s. I don't even think the teachers went. And we went there and my mom had a private word with the teacher. So he's very nervous because he wets the bed. And so, and I know he knew because he never actually addressed it with me but this nice guy, I remember kept me by at the end of school and said, kept me about and said, look, is there anything you're nervous about when you go to the Isleman?

No, no, I was trying to front it, aren't you? He says, because if you are, you don't need to worry, everything, I'll be fine. He sort of put me at my ease. I don't know how that's going to help, stop me wearing the bed. So we go to the Alamam. This poor man, who's the only one who's been told, look after him. The poor lad is a bedwetter. It says to all the kids on the thing, I don't know if you know,

but on the Alamamon, there's a big thing about fairies. Every time you go over a bridge on the island, you're supposed to wave to the fair. I try to show off. No such things as a fair is. I'm not waving to the fairies, right? So the teacher decides to play a practical joke, right?

The teacher takes the shoes off everyone in the hotel when they're asleep, all the other kids, ties them in a really bad knot so it's impossible to unknot them and hides them in my cupboard, shuts the door, right?

So in the morning, all the kids, sir, sir, the shoes have got missing. And they all at the same? I think they had one pair of shoes between all of them. And they all looked at the same, of course they did, they were all sensible, just sensible shoes, yeah. But they haven't got any shoes, sir, where's my shoes, sir? Well, I don't know, we better go look for the shoes, haven't we, you know?

Because you know what the fairies said, if you don't wave to the fairies, they'll play a trick on you or something like that, right? Perhaps because Lee didn't wave to the fairies, that they've stolen your shoes, and he keeps this going to all the kids, and he'll have fast asleep in my bed, right? Knock, knock, knock. All the kids come into my room, because they've been told there's a chance of the fairies, have hidden the shoes in my room. Because the teacher snuck in and put the shoes in my cupboard. So they all opened the cupboard and all the shoes piled high, knotted together.

And course, some of these idiots are believing it. See? It's the fairies, that, you idiot. It's your fault for not waving. Meanwhile, one of them sits at the end of my bed and I'm mortified because they think I've either stolen the shoes or I'm responsible for the shoes, right, because of the fairies. Meanwhile, I then suddenly go, oh God, I've wet the bed.

to which one of the kids at the end of the bed and they go, sir, sir, at least his bed's wet. And I've got all, it's like a nightmare. I've got everyone in my school clap in the bedroom looking at me with one of the kids going, he's wet the bed. I mean, it doesn't get any worse than that.

And they're already annoyed because I'm in the shoes. Or they think I'm thinking the shoes, or the fairies done it, and I'm responsible. It's like an absolute dream sequence nightmare, isn't it? The teacher is now having a bigger problem than I know because his job is to protect me and he's gone Oh God, what if I don't have brought all the kids

to his room? I've literally couldn't have done this any worse And he goes I remember his face I look at him and he goes The last time I spoke to me He'll go, don't worry some I'll look after you'll be all right with me

Cut to every kid in the room And I went on there Oh and he's planted some stolen goods On me And at which point He goes, Ray, everyone out of the room. He gets everyone out of the room quickly.

And I give him the look as if he goes, you had one job, one job. And that is bedwetting. That's what it does to you. Lou, I have so laughed. I know we didn't get to go outside for a walk. And I do love our little walks outside. I do, but it's raining.

So what can you do? You can't put Ray out in the rain, can you? Well, I'm sad we didn't head out, but I really love chatting to you. And I'm so happy. that I'm going to come and see your play, The UnFriend. And I'm so happy that you've got Tilly. She had a very good energy.

Look at this. Three podcasts with you. Has anyone done three of these? No. I do the first one, no dog. Second one, a dog. Third one, two dogs. Please stop asking me to come on because the way this is going,

I'm going to end up like Cruella DeVille. Are you going to come in next time and I'm going to have a big fur coat on going, Well, I used to have 300 and now I'm down to 100 of 1. You know, it just endlessly grows. Maybe I can think of something else. Maybe you could have some... All I ask is keep calling it walking the dog, not having a kid,

because I'm not having any more. I'm telling you now, walking the kids, and every time you see me, I have to have another kid just for you to have content. Well, do you say goodbye to Ray? Bye, Ray. It's been lovely seeing you. You are, honestly, the most incredible looking dog. I love Ray, because that...

is not a head that fits on that body and that's why I love him because their head is a lot smaller than the body isn't it in a good way in an interesting way looks like you remember when the witch melts in the wizard of Oz and then spreads when she when Ray lies down you're looking at me like it's your child and I've said and I've said I've seen better looking kids that what I love about Ray is when he when he lies down the whole body spreads so much and I love that it's like I'm melting Dorothy the whole body spreads and it's lovely but the head stays in the It's wonderful. It's like his head is the island and the body becomes the sea. I love your dog. I love him. Ray's a beautiful dog. It's got a great expressive fair.

I still can't remember what he is Shih Tzu. A bujohn shit. A shitty bruiser. What's it called? A buzs on shit. What is it called? A booze and shit. Oh no, that's my autobiography. I really hope you enjoyed that episode of Walking the Dog. We'd love it if you subscribed and do join us next time on walking the dog wherever you get your podcasts.