Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Lou Sanders (Part Two)

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

Rejoin Emily and Raymond with Lou Sanders on our sunny North London stroll! Lou tell us about listening to her inner drive and starting out in comedy, how some advice from Sara Pascoe helped her career and how she feels about asking for help from her friends. She tells us about the joys of Taskmaster and Dancing On Ice - and we end the podcast back at Lou’s so she could take one of her beloved cats to the vets! Lou’s book What’s That Lady Doing? is coming out in paperback on 18th July. You can pre-order your copy here!Lou is on tour next year with her show No Kissing In The Bingo Hall. You can find tickets and dates at https://www.lousanders.com/ Follow Emily: Instagram - @emilyrebeccadeanX - @divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Rich Jarman Artwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Really hope you enjoy part two of Walking the Dog with Lou Sanders. Do remember to listen to Part 1 if you haven't already. For more info on Lou and to get tickets for her tour next year, go to Lou Sanders.com. And by the way, I love it if you subscribe to Walking the Dog. Here's Lou and Ray Ray. And so Lou, you went to university eventually. Surprise for everyone. Was it?

Nah, it was in the bottom 10. What university? Did you go to you? Yeah, I did. What did you go to? I did English and I went to Sussex. Oh, lovely. So you went to University in London. Well, I need to get to the Big Bear City. I feel it took you a while to decide you wanted to do comedy, or was that desire always there?

Well, see, I didn't think it was, right? And then I was doing a book reading at the Bill Murray, and one of my ex-boyfriends came that I went out with at university in the first year or something. and he said, I'm so glad, comedy's going well and you're doing it, because you always wanted to do comedy. And I went out with him from like 18 to 19 or something, or 19 to 20. I said, what? Did I know then?

And he went, yeah, but you only said it when you were drunk? I was like, oh, I had no idea. So it must have been a subconscious thing. And then it took me another like seven years to actually do it. But you were always funny, presumably, when you were growing up. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. No, I guess I was, but I don't know, my brother, my older brother was funny.

But then, yeah, he just, he went into IT in the end. So he was very shy. He's a very private person. But what, you were funny? Yeah, I guess I was. My mum is funny. My mum's really funny. But I find it interesting.

When I say you were funny, you talk about your brother being funny and your mom being funny. You're very soft deprecating, aren't you? Well, that's an English thing, is it? Isn't it? Is it quite a female thing, too, because I do it? Yeah, it's, do you know what? I'm going to be more American. Yeah, I was really funny in the end, yeah.

Well, I'm going to tell you, you are really funny. Thank you. I've been quite serious on this podcast, and then it's quite funny to be like, really serious talking about, trying to go, yeah, no, I am funny just in other mediums. But it's light and shade, isn't it? I don't need to show I'm funny all the time, doesn't it?

No, I get that. And so you started doing comedy. Yeah. And, or before you started doing comedy, you did all sorts of jobs and you worked at, you did various sort of jobs in the TV and film industry, didn't you? Did all sorts of jobs. Wasn't very confident, actually.

I don't know how runners in TV are so confident now because I just, I was so shy. You know, I was really brought up in the sort of time of hierarchy and all that stuff. So, you know, Andy Peters asked for a tea and you shoot yourself, you know. And he did. And he did. And he did.

So after all the You were working at the TV companies The decision was made You were like right, I'm going to give stand-up a go Yeah, I just I was at this gig And we were with this guy who ran Clear Channel Who actually, then I met through doing

Catherine Ryan support years later And he was just saying how beautiful my friend Sally was And he was, oh, she's so beautiful She's so beautiful And I thought, I wonder what my thing is And then he's like, you're really funny and I was like, okay, that's my thing, great. Just from this bald, bald old man, I was like, right, he's told me in direction.

And then I'll go, I just needed to hear it from an older man. And then I did a course, like on a Tuesday night, like a six-week course, whatever. Just then it gives you the confidence to kind of get a five-minute set together. It's funny how long it takes, isn't it, between you wanting to do something. But in that time, I guess you're kind of building up your self-esteem. You're trying to do other things subconsciously. in the thing that's driving you. It's really weird. It's like you know when you need to break up with someone and you're sort of, there's this thing that's driving you and you're sort of not listening to it.

It's this inner voice, I guess. I think it's interesting because you obviously are super talented and you're natural. It does depend on what gig you see. I did one the other day. I was so bang average and I was emceeing so I kept something to come out and then at the end I was like, look, I don't think this is good because it's gone very well for me. And I think it's because I'm in the wrong trainers, because we all know that green doesn't go with red. And I just talked it through with them. And they were very lovely. It worked for the acts because it was like, yeah, get someone else on now.

Did you feel when you got into comedy, Lou, that you'd been working in TV sort of behind the scenes, as it were. Yeah. But you, did you feel, oh, I've sort of found my people? Like I don't feel extra here. Yeah, I did, actually. it is like you sort of look around and think, look at all these demented nutters, I'm out, you know. Look all these broken people.

I'll pull up a jar. I mean, I was absolutely crazy when I get into comedy. Ideally, I would have got into comedy seven years before and I wouldn't have been drinking, but unfortunately it was 27 and at the height of my drinking. So I was kind of, a bit insane. And when you finally decided to quit drinking, did that really have an impact on your career, do you think? Yeah, for sure. Although I had quit drinking about five times before through the years, but this one I was really serious about because I'd throw in a bottle at someone's head and I'd left a ski trip early that I was contracted for because I sort of embarrassed myself so much. So I was really like, okay, this is getting in the way of work.

now and then I quit drinking and then a year after being a year sober I think I was at latitude and I was doing like a QI live show but they'd never booked me for the TV show and I thought God I really wanted to be for a TV show and but it's like I had to let everyone know that I wasn't kind of chaos anymore and I could be trusted I was like trying to be like misstable you know like hi trying to give a new energy and then they were like oh yeah we saw you at a gig and you stole my pine and then someone else went, yeah, I saw you at a gig once and you threw all the flyers in my face. And I was like, yeah, well, I'm not actually drinking anymore.

So it is a bit of a new me. So it took a while for that to sort of trickle down, I think. And then I did get work. Someone gave you a really good piece of advice, didn't they? Yeah, Sarah Pascos, I said, why can't I get on TV? Because live stuff was quite good. It was chaotic, but it was, it was, I was in a very creative time. And then I was in a very creative.

of time in Paris nice of body. And I was like, why can't I get on TV? And she went, oh, because no one trusts you. I was like, oh, right, yeah, that makes sense. And that's harsh to hear, but I really think feedback's important. Like, people don't want to be criticised, but I think we should be criticised and then see what resonates. That's a very good friend, I would describe that as.

Yeah. And yet when I give people advice, they don't like it. But that's someone who tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to. Yeah. I get the sense that really did kind of strike a chord with you, didn't it? Yeah. That hit home. Yeah.

Because there's always a reason. Like, if we can see other people's thing easier than we can see our own. And I always want to know, like, what are you seeing? What can I do differently? And then not enough people, people are too fragile, but it's like we can all see other people's blocks more than they can see it. So just like, accept the feedback. It's not always right, of course, but I know people get so touchy.

I mean it says more about me than them maybe because I'm absolutely going through an honest face and it's not always working out for me I guess you should wait till people ask and your career in comedy really took off didn't it? Yeah I'd say

it was still slower than I would like but yeah I think task must have really helped you were so brilliant on that oh thanks well It is an easy show to enjoy because the show is just so set up for everyone to just have a nice time. It's so good. It gave me an insight into how your brain works watching your on Taskmaster. Yeah.

Because some of the solutions you came up with to think, these problems, I was sort of punching the air going, that is genius. How did you think of that? I wish life was more like that based. You know, I mean, like, I wish there wasn't, I wish there were quizzes you could do that were more like Taskmaster than remember. remembering stuff. Remembering stuff is the worst. What am I going to remember a king from 60 years ago? What's he done for me?

But that sounds like it was a great experience. Yeah, that was really fun. If you haven't had, if you've done times of my stone not had a good experience and like what is wrong with you? Do you prefer that to doing sort of panel shows in a way? It feels very relaxed. Yeah, I like doing relaxed pan shows. I love doing QI.

I love doing, well, obviously, would I lie to you and stuff? would I lie to you and stuff. I like doing all pan-osh. I like doing all TV really, actually, now. You also did dancing on ice. Oh yeah, that was stressful, but I loved it. Was it?

Yeah, so stressful. Why? Because it's like three or four million people watching. There's no crossover between, like, your comedy audience. It's like, it's women in the regions that don't, like, they've swallowed the pill of misogyny, they hate other women, a lot of them.

Not all of them. Hashtag not all of them. But a woman hasn't won in 15 years. And then underneath, all the women's ones there's so many like sort of negative comments and then under the boys

they're like yeah go on he seems like a nice family man you're like what but I did love learning a new skill I love my dance partner I loved everyone in it I loved everyone in it

I mean I think it was worth watching for me I thought you were brilliant but what I loved is they did one of these interviews yeah they're sort of backstage well

and they're came to you and they said well Lou and it was all very ITV and shiny floor and everyone's meant to give the standard response yeah well Lou the excitement's hotting up backstage what what's the atmosphere like Lou and you said toxic it's a laugh because they didn't put my jokes in the VTs and I and the execs were lovely like that oh lovely that team right and I really did love doing it um it's so fun to learn something new and it was a laugh but I said like oh none of my jokes make it in the VTs every week so but it's because they want to do the emotional journey they know that show right so it's like oh last week was this and this week but then I was like me and Brendan were crying at one of our

interviews like everyone was crying and then even like um they didn't put any jokes of anyone in like Eddie the Eagle did something everyone was crying enough it's not in there I mean they know their show but I do think it would better if it was like they're a bit more real kind of thing That's my only note, apart from that, lovely stuff. So then I thought, well, I get the jokes in the live show, that was all. I feel like, partly from reading your book, but also from just chatting to you today, I feel like you seem like you're in a really quite a good place, you know? Yeah, that's what happens when you see one to two spiritual healers a week.

Said the princess. I do think, sometimes I'll go see, actually, it's not. one a week but people see therapy one a week don't they so sometimes it's one a week let's get real but um i've done so much of that stuff and i really think it helps and then sometimes i feel guilty for how happy i am and then i'm like i wish everybody had access to you know a middle-class white woman goes to see a witch great but like you know let's give it to people i don't know i wish that healing was free basically sometimes people will sort of be a bit scornful about therapy or any sort of attempt to work on yourself or deal with issues or traumas.

Do you know what? Because it's easier. It's easier to say what a load of bullshit, rather than have to look at yourself in the mirror and do some work on yourself. It's easier to kind of write stuff off because they don't have to worry about it. And actually, as you pointed out, the trouble is with the people that say that, sort of man up, stop going on about your problems, don't live in the past. We have to have therapy sometimes in order to deal with their toxic issues. It's like they spread out their pain like wildfire. It's like, tell you what, do you want to do some work?

So I'm not having to pick up this. Not having to do your motion of labour. But I do agree. It is weird because sometimes I do think, I don't like when people are victims and I don't like when they hark on about the past. I think you've got to clear up your trauma, but live in the now.

So I do think, like, address the things in the past just to get through them and don't keep revisiting them. So it's not who you are. Like, you know, most women have been raped. You know, don't give them the satisfaction of that not, that not being your whole story, you know, you're so many other things. And I think we can't hold on to identity in that way because it's not going to help us. Everyone's going to have trauma. Don't make it who you are, like get on with it,

but do clear up the stuff as well, you know. I said it was so powerful to me because there's a bit of a me too theme throughout this book. Yeah. And the way you wrote about that in this sort of very heartbreakingly honest way, but it was, so relatable and it kind of was really cathartic for me to read about that that's what I was hoping because I think like I say most women have gone through versions of you know I think every woman has had like some and a lot of boys too and they'll have their own stuff and I not leaving boys out because we know boys have been abused a lot and we know that it's harder to talk about for them

and we know they've got a problem with like masculinity and violence and they could be marked and suicide and all this stuff but I had to write it for for my girlies because I'm a girl but I don't want to ever exclude. I think it's, I wanted to write the book for men as well, like who maybe their friends have done that or, you know, because it's all to do with power dynamics and them not feeling, you know, for some reason, good enough in themselves. I don't know, but I don't know what the answer is.

I guess I think this problem is psychopaths, isn't it? Yeah, but it's brilliant that you wrote about it and I really, it's such shame thrives in silence, isn't it? Yeah. And it's great. Basically, I loved your book. and I think everyone should read it. Thank you.

It's so inspiring and it's brilliant. Thank you. And it's a laugh. Do you know, it is? Right, we're going to walk Lou back to her house now because she's got, in what feels like a very Lou piece of planning, she's got the vet and a wedding. A last minute wedding.

Yeah, I mean, the wedding's mad because it's one of my oldest friends, and then hasn't said 11, and she invited me to her wedding today, which is happening today. She said, I'm getting married today, she fancy coming. And I said, well, I mean, I don't feel that honour to be invited a few hours before. I said, is there a cancellation? She was, no, no, I just didn't want to bother you because you're coming. It's very low-key.

She said, don't wear a fascinator or anything. It's very low-key. I said, I wouldn't dare. I said, trainer's okay. She said, yeah. You don't strike me as a fascinator tight. So her mum's actually dying of cancer and her mum is lush and I've known her since I've never used to go around the house all the time So I used to be really close to the family and

She was just going to have a thing in the garden on Sunday which I'm going to and she's like well I didn't want you to have to come down twice No, well that's lovely what a good I bet you're a good friend Lou I said I'll cancel my swim in fact I know you're a good friend because I know a lot of friends of yours Do you and they say lovely things about you? Well, haven't we been friends? Yeah, this time, there's time. We are now. But no, I think you are a good friend. Do you think you are? I think so, yeah. I do think I am actually. Sometimes I think I'm too good a friend, really. Really? Yeah, sometimes I think, what am I

doing this for? Would they do this for me? It's hard to ask for help. I do think that. But I'm getting better at it because I think we'll do it for them. So I do ask people to look after my cats, actually. Are you quite direct? Or... I've started. I've started. It's like a superpower. I don't know what's happened. I was on a date with a guy the other day and I was like well obviously we're not each other's guys But we can waste each other's time like obviously this isn't going to go anywhere and he said why and I was like well. It's just not right is it like get real But I was doing it nicely. I said oh you know you're great and everything but see it's not not for me but in a loving way What did he say? Did he take it well? Yeah, he did he yeah because I think on some level you know right so I think people prefer it don't they? Yeah, you know where you are. If everyone was honest, my God, like,

there'd be no, if you do it with compassion, I mean that sounded a bit harsh. I was nice than that to him, I think. Well, look at that thing that Sarah Hasco did for you. Yeah. By risking that slightly complicated truth. Yeah. Not only did she help you, but also I suspect you probably so appreciated that. Yeah, like if you were, like say you were in a car with someone and you were singing along but you were drumming your fingers on the car and it was going through your friend and your friend was like fucking stop you you don't want them to be thinking that about you so if they just say to you can you stop doing that for some reason it's really getting on one else right it's much better for both of you if if someone's like going out of their way

to come to your birthday and they don't want to you don't want a miserable person there that is like oh you know I could be somewhere else so just don't worry about it don't come like if If everyone does what they want and is honest, I could be great. I mean, having said that, I do think it's nice to make a bit of an effort, but it's all context, I suppose. Yeah, I know what you mean, though. I think also, because you're funny, I think you could get away. Often I think comics can get away with a hell of a lot more than other people.

Yeah. Because they can dress stuff up with humour. Sometimes I think I'm slightly autistic. I said to Fern Brady, who's autistic, I said, she think I am, and she went, no, you've got something, but I don't think it's that. Do you think you are? I think...

No, I don't think I am. I mean, I'd love to have an excuse for my personality, but I think... I don't think they've labelled what I've got, basically. But it was quite funny when she's like, no, you've got something, but it's not that. Dream up another excuse. Dream up another excuse, sweetheart.

Oh, you don't live here, do you? No, no, no. This is... Yeah, this is... like sort of Michael Palin territory. This is a lovely part of town. My bit is a bit more, you know, it's a bit real, it's a bit more real. So you're moving Lou? Yeah, I'm moving to Margate in the end by the sea. Oh how lovely. Yeah, I'm quite excited. Going home. Yeah, I'm so excited if we can get the house I want but we'll see, I don't know. I looked at it yesterday and

the vendor was like going for a walk and I said I'm going to go and grip him and not let him go. And she was like, I don't think I can advise that. Luckily I couldn't find him, but I won it so much. And it's right near the beach and you can go for a run and swim all the day. Camere and I, he loves the beach. Yes. Can he come and see you on the beach, Lou? I'll be absolutely desperate for visitors.

And I'll do you up a nice little room. Oh, I bet you would. So here's a question I always ask people, which is this. When you walk out of a room, what do you most, hope people would say about you and what do you most fear? Well, hopefully that I'm a laugh or I'm kind. Or but, dirty dream, both. Most fear, I can be quite controlling.

No, I've worked on that actually. I used to be, I don't like controlling behaviour in others. And I always thought I knew best. I was like, well, I'll do this and that. And it was always out from a helpful place, but it's help as the sunny side of control kind of thing. I think that was true. Like if they said that, I'd be like, oh no.

I haven't worked on it enough. But you're less like that now, you think? Yeah. What a beautiful place you have. It's all right. I wish you could come in, but next time. Can you come in another time? I've loved meeting you.

We've had such a lovely time. Will you say goodbye to Raymond? Bye, Raymond. Bye, Lou. Bye-bye. I really hope you enjoyed that episode of Walking the Dog. We'd love it if you subscribed and do to win us next. time on Walking the Dog wherever you get your podcasts.