Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Lucy Beaumont

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

This week Emily and Ray went for a walk with Lucy Beaumont. They chatted about how Lucy broke into acting and stand-up comedy, being set up with her husband, Jon Richardson and her new book, ‘Drinking Custard: The Diary of a Confused Mum’. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does he think that you're his mummy or are you more like a business partner? Like, what is the arrangement between you? Businessmen? You know, some of them they are just like, they love their owners and some they're just tolerate. This week on Walking the Dog, I travel to West Yorkshire to take Raymond for a walk with comedian, actor, writer and star of the utterly brilliant Meet the Richardson's Lucy Beaumont. Lucy is so ready to bring a dog into her household, I can just feel it. And to be fair, Raymond really gave it the big cell.

The guy threw everything at it. We took a stroll in some picturesque woods in Lucy's neighbourhood and chatted about Lucy's childhood growing up with a single mum, how she broke into acting and stand-up comedy, and being set up with her husband, comedian John Richardson, by their mutual friend, Rashine Connerty. We also talked about raising her daughter, Elsie, and her new book about parenting, which is out this week,

drinking custard, diary of a confused mum, which is a very funny, honest look at the ups and downs of parenting, and I absolutely loved it. Lucy's got this very gentle, calm energy. She's one of those people you can't ever imagine being angry at. Stop laughing John Richardson. She's also utterly hilarious. So basically, Raymond and I are planning on moving in with her. So if you could maybe let John know if you run into him, I loved my walk with Lucy, and I hope you do too. Do check out her brilliant book, drinking custard, Dari of a confused mum, and please remember to rate, review and subscribe. I'll shut up now and hand over to the woman herself. Here's Lucy and Raymond. Now what do I need? I'll take Raymond's treats. I've got these Lucy. Look at his

expectant face. That's John I'm talking about. Right we've got everything. Oh look at little eyes. I've got the poo bags. Does it look a bit like a A nation awaits. Can you remind me somebody? It'll come to me. I'm going to leave in case it's me. John, can I ask, what do you think of my dog? I love your dog.

I'm concerned we're going to have one similar in about two or three days. Do you like him? I'm sure I hope the dog is really badly behaved. Because we've had a lot of arguments about getting a dog and I want one but not yet. Yeah. He's one of them he wants to wait till the right time. Oh, don't you hate that? Well, there's never going to be a right time.

Exactly, Lucy. You telling. It's very long hair, isn't it? It's beautiful. Yeah. It's like human long hair. Yeah. We have an issue with plug blockages, isn't it is?

It's got a natural ombre. Do you look at that, John, think the practical issues of that hair is worrying me? It's not so much that. I think it's almost too docile a dog. I think you'd forget to it was there. Oh, I see, this is a problem. It looks at everything and worries about the practicality of it. That's the thing. Everything is a bed and life. Well this is true, isn't it? You haven't seen him in action yet. Right. Could he do some? Go on then Ray.

Can he do something? Show me your exuberance. Right, right, right. Come on, come on, come on. See? Okay. Can you see some exuberance? You see what I find is if you want the exuberance you you give it to him and then he gives it back. If you'd have gone, come on, show us how you do it. We can't have a difference. Oh, bye! Goodbye!

Goodbye, John! Stay safe. Oh we will. Come on Lucy. Come on Raymond. Come on Raymond. We're going up with Lucy. It's a, it's Doggy Heaven in the woods. Shall I shut the door Lucy?

Oh yeah, please. Bye, John. I can take you to Ecclesaw Woods. It's about a 20 minute walk to the woods and then it's about a 25 minute walk back again. Lovely. That sounds great. Oh Raymond, who's that dog? That's your neighbour's dog Lucy, isn't it?

Yeah. Two of them, yeah. Gosh, it's a lovely, is it? Have you come up from London? Is that where you are? Thank you for coming all this way. Oh, do you know, it's such a treat and it's so beautiful here? Yeah, it's...

This is stunning, isn't it? Whereabouts are you in London? So I'm in North London. Oh yeah. Such a cliche. But in fairness to me, Lucy, I did grow up there. Whereabouts? So I grew up in Highgate.

Oh, yeah, that's all the... that's where I know. My dad grew up Muswell Hill. And then my nana moved to Southgate, you know, in later life. And I lived at East Finchley for eight years. Oh, you know. Yeah. Sorry, Raymond's stopping, Lucy.

He does this. Oh. He likes that lamp post. He's got a very good energy for this place. I can tell he's happy here. Oh, that's good. Yeah, he does. Everyone's got a dog.

everybody yeah you saw a tug in the window look it is like it's like that was really sweet you see that there was a man going past and it was you know the classic I think it was a border terrier with the head sticking out of the window yeah I love that site very British sight that isn't it oh yeah it's it's joyful in it when they've got their ears flapping Eddie Yuzard used to have a sketch about I think it was dug in a car or dog in a speed but with its ears flapping in the wind Well, I'm going to introduce you now. I'm so thrilled to be here.

It's a beautiful sunny day. And I've just turned up at the home of someone I adore and think is so incredibly funny and talented. And I've just read her brilliant book, which we're going to be talking about. I'm with the very wonderful Lucy Beaumont, and we're in West Yorkshire. Is that a good enough description?

Yeah, definitely. Exactly, yeah. And I just kicked the bin, but that's not because I don't like it because it's gorgeous around here. Yeah, it is, it's, it's lovely. We've just moved here in January and we're really happy, yeah, and it's quiet and leafy and yeah, it's lovely. And we're still, just cross here, we're still close to family and friends and feel northern. you know but um but yeah it's yeah it's fab it's fab me and john didn't grow up you know we're from single parents and we both had quite humble beginnings really so i think we both don't take it for

granted really that we've we managed to live you know live somewhere yeah safe and because it you a lot of people don't necessarily have that luxury do they to they to live you to live somewhere they really like and feel comfortable in. So yeah, we're doing all right. Can't complain really. I mean, I can. And we should say you refer to John and that's of course your husband, John Richardson.

And we're gonna talk as well about your brilliant show Meet the Richardson's, which I'm absolutely addicted to. Oh, do you like it? Oh, good. We'll talk about that and your work. But I wanted to get, we should talk about dogs, So I'm here today. I've brought my dog Raymond with me and I sort of feel it's sort of a test run really because you don't have a dog but I'm already getting the impression that you're quite keen on dogs. Yeah, I've really, I've never had a dog. I've always wanted one as a kid and I never had one and I don't really, I've never really spent time with dogs.

But I just, I think, if I'm honest, I want a baby. I want a fairy baby that won't ever grow up an answer back. I just want something to adorn it. You know, and they're excited when you get in and a travel companion. Isn't that a partner? Oh, yeah. Oh, do you think I want a new husband? Oh, maybe you're right.

Yeah. And I do like names like Colin, Derek, Dave. Do you think we introduced him to John earlier briefly, didn't we, your other half? And I couldn't decide. I think John liked him. I think John maybe felt, and I may be wrong here, Lucy, but I feel he's quite a pragmatic, practical man. And he almost looked at Raymond and thought, but you don't quite fit the idea of what the dog should be. No.

I thought that as well. I don't think he likes attractive looking dogs. Why not? I don't know. I think he's insecure. I don't know what it is. He wants one that looks a bit mangy. He wants to rescue one.

He wants that Messiah complex. So I want to talk about, so we're in this beautiful area of West Yorkshire, which is so leafy and you moved here, you and John, partly for sort of family. reasons really didn't you yeah yeah John really didn't want to bring our daughter up in London what we wanted we wanted us to have a Yorkshire accent and now because she

watches a lot of Netflix it's like a Yorkshire American accent so she'll say she'll literally say yeah mum shall we put the trash out like that and there's these little words that's like like we've took her to LA a lot You know, she says like, oh that's sassy. And it's just all come from Netflix. So, but yeah, we're near family and we're both Northern. And yeah, it felt the right thing to do. I mean, I want to be back in London, really.

But I do like being able to be in people's lives more. I don't know. I mean, what do you want? Nice coffee or to see your granddad more. It's hard to decide. it's nice for you to have a sort of support network not that far away isn't it as well? Oh totally, yeah.

It means you can work more, yeah. And yeah, I mean, hopefully she'll have the best of both worlds because we spend a lot of time in different places. She's used to travel in, you know, we're always all over the place. In Airbnb's. My mum said you don't really need your own house because you're just going to Airbnb's, you know. We could actually just go from one to another.

But yeah, no, it's lovely. And I mean, we live in a nice area, but, you know, we've seen a big difference in the north, you know. Some areas really sort of changing and growing and becoming really exciting. And then other places, you know, really declining. You know, there's still a lot of work to be done. north I think compared to the south. Well I know this is a nice area because

the bins are absolutely immaculate. Oh yeah. And they're all equidistant, equally equidistant. Oh yeah. Well it's this street in particular, everyone's retired. So there's a keeping up with the Joneses. Oh yeah, you're right. It's the etiquette, in it. You're meant to put the handles out front. I suspect there's a man, Lucy, he lives here, who comes out and he goes, and he just moves it half an inch.

Yes, John. I want to go back to your childhood. You were actually born in Cornwall technically, weren't you? Yeah, just for the day. Well, the legend goes that she went to doctors and said, my mum said, you know, that her parents wanted to take her on a caravan holiday. And he said, well, it's fine because you've got six weeks until he give birth. And he said, actually, it'd be good for you a bit of sun.

And my mum thinks, because she was like in the sun or love. lot that it brought on it brought on labour. So she had me six weeks early so that's why, and so they weren't prepared so they didn't have anything. And that's why when I was, I mean, I imagine what you can get away with in the 80s

but they didn't have anything to take me home in for the car journey back up to Hull. Because they were on this camping holiday. Yeah, so my granny went in a, she went in a fruit and veg shop and got a wooden box that was apparently in the ship.

of a cradle that said thank goodness for fresh eggs on it and I came home in that in the car that's what they put me in and your parents at that point they were together weren't they and then they split up were you about two or something yeah yeah it was just one of them things they've got strengths in other areas what did they do your parents ah well my mum was it my mum at that time worked um she did set she she did set design for well she she met me my dad went to art college in hull he's from muswell hill in um in north london and my mum worked at the art supply shop in hull and she she sort of um flirted with him when he went in to get his equipment and that was that and then he

i think he got her a job in tv down south so she did um set design so she worked on like a you know Saturday Superstore and going live and stuff like that and she helped make the set for only fools and horses and yeah my dad worked in post-production so he did a lot of the title sequences and things yeah so when it was all done by spray you know um they didn't the graphics were all sort of done by hand back then hello oh lucy look raise my friend little Westie what's yours called Barney oh Barney this is Raymond oh no Raymond that's a good name what is he good question um he's a Shitsu actually but he's just a small one that's what threw me yeah oh thank you really nice to meet you

bye bye so when you were growing up with your mum who was a single parent. You were in, this was in Hull, right? Yeah. And tell me about your childhood with your mum. You didn't have pets, did you? What sort of a home was it? We had a hamster, and called Houdini that used to escape. And on a night, it used to, it used to run about. And one night, my mum was watching X-Files and it ran along the back of the sofa. And my mum thought it was an alien and she hit it and it died instantly on the spot. Oh no, poor who did you? Awful.

And we had a cat. And when we moved, my mum let it out too early and it ran away and we never saw it again. So you weren't really a sort of a pecked family, what I call a kind of dog family. Oh no. No. But you grew up, did your grandparents? help with bringing you out? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, my mum's life was, yeah. I mean, it settled down, but my mum was, like, I mean, really, because she was young. Look, I can so much more appreciate stuff because she had my one of 21, and she was a young 21 as well. You know, really, she still did want to go out

in her 30s, and she's really, just a really social person, And so I had like, I had like great influences really. That was, with my mum, it was always a bit hectic and spontaneous and fun. And then with my granddad and granny, that was, because they were older, you know, and they retired early. So that was very traditional and calm and, yeah, and look, yeah. So I've had the best of both.

I had a lot of people who used to look after me because my mum had to work, you know, a lot of really amazing people really who were all really funny. Barbara, a lady who lived around the corner, used to look after me and again, you know, older. I can tell people when they've been brought up by grandparents. In the past I've been able to say, well, you just, I don't know, there's like,

I don't know, there's, I don't know, I can't put my finger on, like, not like a wisdom's maybe. There's just something a little bit old-fashioned sometimes, you know what I mean? I call it Nana's kids, and it's these kids raised by, yeah, like an older generation. Do you think it's a kind of formality and... Yeah, or like a, I can, because I think that generation, they start to bring you up very different. They're not sweat, they don't sweat the small stuff as much, you know, and, they're very they're yeah yeah I think it's different for everyone but yeah no

definitely there is so what did that mean for you as a kid what sort of a looking it back at yourself now that you especially now you've got a daughter yourself how would you describe yourself as a kid as a kid I grew up quite quickly really because my mum my mum got diagnosed with Asperger's just last year, as a lot of older women did, because I think they'd had time to think and reflect. Yeah, and so we didn't know that then,

but sometimes we were more like sisters, and my mum needed, my mum sort of, sometimes had to sort of let me look after her, really. She slipped all her discs in her back when I was in primary school and couldn't walk for a year so I was a bit like a carer really

for a few years but we've got a great relationship because it's when you're in a single parent family you sometimes play all the roles it's not like those other roles go sometimes you know

you're playing siblings and father figures and it all swaps around and I think emotionally sometimes you might have to grow up you know, especially like if they've going, you know, they go into relationships and they break up and actually you're the one there to pick up the pieces in a way. So I was emotionally very, very mature from such a young age. Were you funny as a kid? I'm always interested in at what point people who went on to be funny for living.

understood that they had that was currency and that they had funny bones with me I don't always want to be funny sometimes I like to be serious you know I don't I can but then I find

the more I try to be serious the more the more I end up doing some stupid you know I can't I can't help it it's I don't think it's necessarily a good thing I'd like to be

you see I have I don't know how John's ended up really funny, but also with really great common sense. And I think, you, you twat, you know, how did you end up? Because I just can't help but being a clown. I just end up getting myself into ridiculous situations. You know, the comedy tends to find me. I don't, I mean, like the bumming the other day,

it's the timing of these things. My mum were staying with us, and he's been doing a documentary called Trash Monsters and so he was quite worthy telling us how we shouldn't waste food and, you know, blah, blah, this and he had all these facts and figures. And with that, the doorbell went and it was our supermarket delivery. And I don't know, well, I do know how I'd done it.

I meant to order one lettuce, but I'd put in two ones and I'd order 11 lettuces. And me and my mum had to try and hide them around the house so he didn't know. Did she put one in the blooming washing machine? And then he went to do a wash. And he went mad at me and then the next week I did it again. I forgot to change the order.

We had 22 lettuces in two weeks. When you were a kid, you know when you do something funny and you're aware of a room laughing, you're aware of everyone going, oh, you know, you feel that sense of, it's nice to get that applause and that sense of, oh, people like me when I make them laugh. This is a nice atmosphere in the room. You know, did you have, were you cracking jokes or was it, as you say,

just you'd do something and were surprised that people would find you funny? Yeah, yeah, I always did. I always was a bit of a class clown in secondary school. And then I think like a lot of comedians, you find that it actually can be a bit of security because if you can make someone laugh, they're not going to beat you up. you know so it did develop during high school because it wasn't a rough school but it was a school that was um it it was quite to just like felt very northern like you were judged on how hard you wear or how good you wear at rugby and

nothing else you know no no no no room for creativity um so yeah i did i did learn it then and then And I remember my uncle saying to me, my mum was having a tricky time just because I was a teenager. And he said, if you make a laugh, you'll get away with anything. And I sort of, I think that's when I started testing it out more. But we've always, I've been able to, we've had a lot of sort of ups and downs my mum. You know, life's been quite hard in some respects. So she's hilarious and we've always used humour. The whole family have.

We're one of them families where we lean on, we can lean to quite dark humour in quite pressured situations. It's so true. I have a really similar, it sounds like quite similar in some ways because my mum, again, single parent and even though my sister was around, well, when she was, it was a similar thing in that she was an actor. I suppose what I'm saying is I understand

there's a real closeness that you, you get that I don't think you possibly do with the two-parent structure, do you, in quite the same way? No, I mean, yeah, definitely, I think, especially if you brought up to be expressive, like, to discuss your emotions, even if it's... Lucy Dog Waste, look. Can I just say, what an absolutely stunning dog waste. Really? Contraction. Do you know, I've never thought of it like that? What is it that makes it stunning?

It's quite, is it like that industrial chic? I love it. Do you want me to try and get you it? Do you want, I mean we could... I mean maybe empty at first, Lucy. I think you know, hello. If I got in touch with the local church, can we see you something? Let's let Raymond down.

He said good eh. I might be an Australian in our midst. mixed. Everyone's very friendly. So go on. So we were talking about your childhood and I get the sense as a kid though you know you've talked about this and John's referred to it and you mentioned it in your book as well which I like but you you there's a nice phrase you you use you say I've seen a few sunsets and I've drunk some hard liquor and I get the sense you had quite you did some partying and had fun in your youth. Oh my God certainly that's why I'm so sensible now because I

I worried that I'd overdone it. But yeah, I was a big, I was a big raveer, massive ravey. I never really liked drink, so I was really glad that there was drugs, really. You know, that he didn't have to, you know, that it was like, it's just, I just had a great time, really, all through my 20s. I don't regret, you know, I don't regret anything. I think I just lived in the moment and had really good friends and just listened to really good music and danced a lot and had fun.

So I just... But now I'm like into having like carrot and orange juice in and getting like... I'm just waiting. I'm waiting for Raymond. I'm so sorry. I might have to pick him off. He's so small. Is he intelligent? No. Oh, is he not? Oh.

I wondered if he was like absorbing it. Does he think that you're his mummy or are you more like a business partner? Like what is the arrangement between you? Businesses, you know, some of them they are just like, they love their owners and some they're just tolerant. I want him to think that the world would be awful without me. Because then he'll stay with me. Oh, he's not going to, but they're loyal out the dogs, they're not like cats. That's why I prefer them.

Do you have a cat? You don't have a cat. I just had that cat that disappeared. But I did look. Oh no, I did. I did have, that's awful of me. I did have another little cat with a previous relationship and then left. And it. It, it was a lovely cat. But I had the trauma. And this is what I'm worried about with dogs because when we went to get the kitten from a litter, it made such horrendous crying noises when we took it away from its mother that I had no idea about. I didn't even think. think it's made me very worried about taking a puppy away from its mother and I know that they almost forget don't they and they do settle but just the thought of that I find quite hard yes that can be tricky but then I just think that's why I spoil him and they do they do forget and they get rejected as well sometimes by the mother anyway don't they she couldn't have given in what I have.

Oh gosh, no, of course not. So, and throughout this time, Lucy, did you feel throughout school and university, was that the goal always, I want to be, I want to perform? Yeah, yeah, I did a play in year six at primary school and I got the bug and I really wanted to be an actor, really. And I just, this whole comedy thing. just being a long-winded wave, ending up being an actor. But I've never quite made it as an actor.

I think I'll constantly still try. But I don't know. I don't think I'm very good at acting. Because I think it, I think, because my mum's always said I am. But then I think what I've realised is you, well, one, my mum's got Asperge. And B, it's your mother. I've done some great comedy plays, but I don't think I've ever been good enough

to sort of make it big, you know, on TV in acting. Because I've had the auditions because I can only do this hull accent, you see. And I can only do a West Hull accent. I can't even do an East Hull accent. And they always ask for like... I went up for an... I'm in casting with a film with Johnny Depp.

And they were so shocked. When I walked in they said we honestly think you're right for this and then they said can you do just sort of a generic sort of London accent and I tried and I sounded like bumming Mary Poppins what's his name? Go on I want to hear your London accent you're so already getting nervous. I didn't you say Raymond can you come here please immediately Raymond can you come here immediately? love. I quite like it.

I know. Well, and then they said, could you do just sort of, don't worry about being London. And their faces, because I could tell in the room, they were so animated when I walked in and their faces sort of changed. And then they said, could you just do like,

just like, just like, not northern, just like maybe like Midlands, like just so there's not really a hint of dialect. And I was like, you, like, quite middle class, and they were like, well, try it. So I tried to talk like this, and I was going, like, is this okay if I talk like this? And they were like, oh, that's unusual.

Where is that? When I was like, I had a more like Cheltenham, I just didn't know. And then we narrowed it down to West Hull and then I didn't get the role. So it's, and someone once said, you're never going to be. Juliet in the RISC and it really made me think maybe the right that I'm not ever going to get to do Shakespeare. I think that's an interesting point you said there. In some ways do you think you sort of decided to start doing stand-up? Almost to sort of conquer your nerves I suppose with performing in a way, with acting.

Or to get stage time? Was it partly to do with that? It was just simply for money. because what I think I am and what I want to be is a regional comedy stage actress I'm most happy being on stage in a comedy play that that's really what I want to do and that's what I did do because I think stage acting is a bit different from teleacting although you know I'm doing a lot of teleacting in Meet the Richardson's playing my yeah myself but um

I had a few years of, I loved it. I went from one regional theatre to another and I thought this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. You're not paid great, but it would be enough if you lived in the north, you know. And then the recession hit and it just crushed regional theatre.

And when it started back up again, they only wanted soap actors and people with profile. I couldn't even get, you know, seen, you know for stuff and it I think now I've realized how how hard that was because I was still young I think I didn't think of it as like oh my industry's collapsed because I was still so young but but now I do realize that actually that you know so I tried to do other jobs I've done every job under the sun the nearest thing I've been happy is early years you know, working in primary schools.

I enjoyed that, but I didn't, I couldn't have done that as a career. I just, I'm, I just haven't got it in me. I needed to do something performing. You just thought, oh, I'll give this a go, you know, a lot of people

were they held back by? Yeah. I think it was the environment I was in, I was in Hull and I was going out with someone in a band and him and his friends and our friends were hilarious, really funny people, amazing banter. And I was practicing without knowing it, but something funny would happen to me. And then I would tell lots of different people.

And I was sort of making material. And each time I told a new person, I'd sort of adjust the timing or the way I would tell it. So by the end, I had, every week I'd have, you know, three or four hilarious stories. And then I was sort of already doing it. And I was sort of already doing it. you know, just with mates, but it was definitely the people I was around at the time helped to create a persona that I did on stage. And when I started out, I was so alternative. I used to have this, because he used to drive me, but I used to have this guy. And he was, without so much, he was very overweight, and he was very tall, he was like six foot.

And he used, you know, he didn't have very good social skills. That's awful in case. he's listening but he used to drive. He sounds quite a cat, really? Yeah, we used to drive me to gigs, but what he used to do was just stand on stage with me next to me. And he had a little handbag as well, because I had a little handbag.

And he would not do anything. He would just be there. But then he was saying, like, if we make it big that he wanted to split the money half, I thought it's getting a bit awkward now because he didn't actually do anything, you know. I'd pay him for his travel and stuff. But

I definitely had a persona. You know, I used to do this persona of like a, sort of like one of the girls that I'd maybe worked in a factory with where they're like naive and a little bit awestruck about everything. So it helps like to create like a material that was quite surreal and a little bit skewered. And then you came on my radar. I guess after you once, so you think you're funny, you were involved in that. And I just remember suddenly everyone was talking about you. And at the Edinburgh Festival, there was just, your name was everywhere.

And that was sort of when you broke through, really, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, broke through and did what I think was a really good first Edinburgh show. And then slightly lost my way a bit, but more just because I met John, I was starting a family. Sort of, yeah, and it was sort of becoming quite comfortable. really because the drive for me in the beginning was just to try and make money because I just was penniless I had you know I just I didn't I had nothing you know moved down to London just literally with a few bin liners and worked you know worked in the daytime and gigged every night and so that I really needed that BBC new new comedy ward I had won because you see what's changed so much is back then I mean that was like

2012, it was still so sexist, like unbelievably. Sexist, I couldn't get gigs because they didn't, you know, whatever they say now, a lot of promoters, they don't like female comics. They can pretend they do, but they don't, they didn't, they got into promoting because they wanted to hang around with funny men. That's why a promoter becomes, they didn't do it because they wanted to, um, you know, put the spotlight on. minorities in cottoners didn't they wanted to hang around with men that looked and sounded like a

funnier version of them do you think there's an element of having to prove yourself as a woman on stage oh god yeah and sometimes more to other women other women are them you know can be the i find men laugh more at my stuff than women to be to be honest oh no it's totally like that I mean, I've started to be more myself when I do stand up now. I'm just starting to get back into it because I want to tour again really next year. But when I started, I always, they used to laugh at me sometimes. Back stage at gigs because I used to come in and take all my makeup off and put my hair back and put like a silly coat on.

I just didn't want anyone to like be thinking, do I want to fuck her or not? You know, because that's sort of, when a female comedian comes on stage, because every woman is a sexual, you know, either do I want to sleep with her or don't I, you know, and the women, does he want to,

does my husband want to sleep with her? Or don't, you know, it's mad. So I just didn't want to, and I think people warmed me because I can, I think I looked a bit more vulnerable. And I still get nervous now on stage. That's why I always have to have the mic on a stand because I can't... I mean, I was so nervous back then.

Like my knees would wobble. I could hear people go, oh, bless her, you know. I've never... It's the adrenaline. Just like I still find it so nerve-wracking. But I just knew I had to try it, you know. And it's... It doesn't, being on stage doing stand-up still doesn't come easy to me, you know.

Every time I feel like I'm putting myself in the firing line. The comedy does, you know, but actually being that exposed is still, you know, hard. I don't know why I put myself through it, but when it goes well, it's the greatest feeling in the world you know when everyone is you know laughing you know really laughing I wanted to talk about your book which I loved and to bring us up to date with the book which starts well it starts when you meet John doesn't it so yeah let's talk a bit about that and you and John met through Rachine Connoissey essentially yeah she's got that um she's got that um she's got that

Irish third eye thing I think you know she's it's in her jeans that you can tell she's got and she she she I think she had a feeling she just had a feeling that we'd get on and cost there's that hilarious story that John's using in his stand-up because it is so bizarre because she gave him my number at a party and he belligerently put it in his phone why belligerently? Well because he didn't want to be with anyone he said that I'll make someone unhappy him. So he put, it's a joke, he was never going to

ring me, but he put my number in his phone as my wife to annoy her and then didn't, and then a year went by and then we did meet and we got on. And so when we went to swap numbers, he gave me his

number and I rang his phone and we were in his car, so it came up on Bluetooth on his dashboard, my wife. And I was I was so... I thought, this man's a psychopath. An absolute psychopath.

I couldn't work it out. I was so... And I quickly, you know, jumped out the car. I was like, what just happened? But how bizarre, yeah. Oh, really meant, maybe. You and John do seem such an idea...

so ideally suited. And you found each other. She helped you on your way. Yeah, yeah, we got on very quick, I think we've had a share, we understood each other's sort of childhood. We'd had in some ways a similar childhood where, yeah, and yeah, and the comedy, you know. But quite difficult being at different stages of a comedy career. That sometimes was quite hard. In what way?

Well, he knew what was ahead for me, but I didn't necessarily know what was, and even just little things. I'm a very independent person, but I was earning zero, and he was on good money, and that thing of, like, wanting to go hard, you know, like, no, I don't want you to pay, I want to, you know, but things like that, and just the amount you have to work. when you see people doing well, you know, on TV, I mean, you can see, I mean, how hard you have to work to be a big name. And, you know, it's just relentless. You know, it's hard, really hard. Edinburgh's hard and Taurin is hard and trying to be a funny presence on TV on a lot of things is really tough.

Sometimes those environments, particularly those patterns, like eight out of ten cats, I think they're terrifying. I think it's a craft. I've never, I've never come off, I don't have done that many for that reason really. But the ones I've done I've never come off and thought, I've smashed that, you know, but get me in a room with, you know, 800 people. I'm best with big, bizarrely, my material is really good in front of big audiences. Interesting.

Because they're quite direct gags, you know. I'm better like that. But I mean, I enjoy writing. So I tried to, when I started looking like I was making a bit of a name for myself, I sort of stepped back and concentrated on writing. My thing was that if I got offered a sitcom, I wanted to have learnt the craft of writing, and I couldn't do both. So that's why I did radio for three series.

And before that, I just studied sitcom. I'm more wanting, you know, to be a writer, performer than a TV personality, if you know what I mean. And I know there's people who do both. I don't know how they do it. But I've sort of like, yeah, sometimes I need to just take myself off and write for a few months, you know. I think you seem this sort of, you know, you're very warm and sunny natured. Do you find writing lonely sometimes? I love it.

Do you? Obviously, my mum's a writer and she, and yeah, no, I absolutely, I love it because I don't find it lonely because you're in the heads of these characters, you know. And I mean, they come to life to me, but they become real people. And like when we've finished to Hull and Back, and I've just done one for Channel 4, that's going to be out in January. Yes, I heard about that. That's so exciting, Lucy.

But it's like those people have died. It's like I have a great sense of loss when you have to hand it over because I like to stay with them, you know. And I feel like I've lost friends because I can't write them anymore. It's really weird. Tell me about, I love at the beginning of the book, one of the things I really liked was that you talk about meeting John Richardson,

and when you met John, it seems to me as though you were quite bold and forward in saying, look, do you want kids? And I have such respect for that, and I think it's great that you talk about that in the book, because I think women need to do that more. Yeah, yeah. Well, what do you think? Yeah, I mean, I just was totally ruled by my hormones. I met him, and he had a semi-detached house.

in Serberton and he had a mortgage and a pension and he was a good driver and he'd never been in debt and I was like right I have a child with me then because I'm like 30 what was I then 36 37 or something and what did you say I just said oh I think we should have a child now what does he say obviously resisted for a while because we hadn't known each other long and then he caved in after a while to pressure. So we did everything. And he said I work and he said, well I'm not going to have a child with you till we get married and I said I don't want to get married. Why didn't you want to get married?

I've never, I just didn't like, I just didn't the whole idea of marriage for me personally. I just think it's, I think I've thought that when you get married it puts the pressure on the relationship and the relationship and the relationship. relationship might not be able to thrive as much and the whole thing of like your dad handing you over and like just and having to like that it like it's like a legal thing like how i don't get how love and legal thing like if you love someone you just stay with them and if you if you fall out of love then you leave and why all the idea of that you know but we both come from you know our parents work together you know so we we've found find it weird now we've realised that we don't have that much you know we almost bring

our daughter up like we're both single and we've had to realise and go oh right no we can do stuff together even though our most sort of visible experience is just with one parent at a time because my thing is wanting to take her away on my own and he's his he's is the same Why don't we take a picture of Ray and Lucy on this? Because this looks very country-fied. Yeah, it's a plain. Do you think he'll fall off Lucy? Would you call to him so he doesn't fall off?

Have you ever wanted to put him on your head and pretend that it's a wig? Have you ever put him on your head? I'd just worry that if I got, after a couple of persecos, I would be putting him on my head. You know, so like his fare looked like my fringe. I suit a brunette, you see. I would be so tempted. You're gorgeous, aren't you? That's such a calming influence, doesn't it?

Does he make you feel calm when you're with him? He is the only thing. He's made me probably about 50% less neurotic. Wow. Oh, he's listening. Tell me why you decided to write the book. I'd wrote a story about a woman who has an invisible frog in a pocket and wanted it to be a pocket book

so my agent got in touch of a publisher and he sort of said I don't really think and he said is it a children's book I said no it's a pocket book and it'll be rude and I said I want to sell it in W.H. Smith and he said it's not going to work you've just gone a bit it's just because you're in lockdown

and he said but if you're in w.H. want to write a book, an actual proper book, I'd be interested in that and I thought well that my, the last show I did was about parenting and I thought that I could do a funny parenting book and I thought gosh I clever and can it no one else straight up yeah no one else has thought about writing a book in lockdown I'll be the only one to use this time wisely because nothing else is happening and then of course everyone's wrote a book

but as I got into it because I'd kept a diary so I used a lot of the diary entries and then as I started writing I was like I don't just want to be funny all the time I want to just be totally honest because when I started looking back into the bath and stuff

and yeah I just wanted to be honest and I wrote it, you know, as I say, I already had a lot of diary entries and I wrote the book on a night and it's got a flow to it where it's all down to, I mean, I know men hate discussing stuff to talking about stuff like this, but it's all linked to my cycle and I just, however I was feeling, I let that set the turn of the book. So when I read it back, I could see there were some funny bits and then some bits where I was angry or sad or melancholy or but I enjoy I really enjoyed the process of it. I couldn't work out

if it was just for people who were having children or had had children or if if if you know if it but I wanted to very much keep it about about parenting just because I've just found it so so hard and wonderful and funny and testing and you know I just think there is still room for women discussing how they feel really so yeah yeah so if it if it yeah so it's also your experience and I think I don't know like back in the day you'd get men let's say Clive James or whatever would just say oh my essay's on life and there wouldn't be no explanation for why he was writing those it was like this is what I think about things. Whereas it's sort of like,

I really like that, that women are saying, well, this is what I think about things. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? The more, it's like, that's your experience. You know, for a long time, there was that attitude of our women,

they talk about periods in stand-up or that terrible old cliche that they, and you say, well, yeah, but that's what happens to them. Yeah. So they might talk about, stuff that happens to them, that's all right we'll all talk about things that happen to us. Yeah.

Oh yeah, I mean the climate has just changed massively but I think for me particularly Sarah Milliken and Catherine Ryan because when they were becoming big and getting through on TV and stuff I was still gigging

and I actually saw gigs being able to be easier because they've gone well she's on she's consistently funny and she is and there and so let's give let's give females a chance it they did a lot they really did I remember emailing Sarah and saying like how bad a gig had gone and what wants and you know how sexist it was and she was really good she didn't let me sort of wallow in it she said there's a lot

of reasons why you know a gig can go badly and don't let it don't let it don't let sort of external things you know she's like you know learn from it what you can do better and move on but oh yeah there's just too many to say but totally the one that affected me the most was I did the Lester Mercury competition the newer competition Ramesh won that year and then I won't name who it was but a reviewer they're well-known comedy reviewer reviewed all the acts And they were all men, apart from me. And all the other men, he said,

how funny they wear, what type of comedian they wear, like give you a hit a flavour of them. And with me, he only discussed how I looked. And I was so annoyed. I was so, like, it really, I've had so many bad experiences, but there was something about that one that just pushed it. But, as I say, it's different worlds.

Things are different now. It's not like it was. You know, back then you... When I did that tour, I would go on a BBC, you know, like a regional radio, BBC radio, like, you know, somewhere in the country in Leicester or somewhere. And the first thing that the interviewer would say was,

do you think women are as funny as men? And it was like, oh, come on me. I've got to go and do a gig in an hour to 300 people. Don't put that in my head. Oh look Lucy, I'm going to have to pick him off. Oh, of course. Do you think this would annoy John and does it annoy you? Yeah, because it annoys him when I doodle.

Does it? Do you dodle? Yeah. I just forget things and... Be it? Yeah, I need to write stuff on my phone and I'm late and I can't find my cash card. Why? I was just like... Something about keys, cash card and phone charger.

phone charger just I totally I just know that I'm not going to change because I can't you know and like I've gone can say what I'm good at you know like I can keep the kitchen clean and the living room but I have a problem with hanging clothes I can't like and it's not like I like it like that I hate it but I can't it's almost like if I was to do it I worry that I would maybe die because then everything would be done. Do you know what I mean? Of like, well, what would be the point? If you had everything organised, then why would you carry on needing to live? Like, I can't, there's some sort of thing in my brain that I think I create it and I don't know why. But mostly, it's just, I'm in a rush and I'm thinking

about something else. I think that's what it is. Carly Minogue says she's got a phobia and I think that's really clever way of since she's got a phobia of coat hangers. I think, why didn't I think of that? Because that's a really clever way of saying I don't want to put my own clothes away. You said, I want to talk about Meet the Richardson's, which is the show that you do with John Richardson, your husband. And it's so brilliant, Lucy, and obviously it's much loved and much celebrated. How would you describe it?

Oh yeah, I mean it's being just a joy We did a program called Married to a Celebrity on Channel 4 And it was the first time we'd done stuff together And it was just felt so natural And I think I was It's the most at ease I've been on TV You know and it was just hard You know it was fun because it was just airing our dirty laundry

On TV And because we're Because we're comedians and we've sort of have funny banter at home all day. It was just like second nature, you know. Without being funny, we could just sit and talk and just, you know, it'd be fairly comical. We don't really have to do any planning for it, which is great for us, you know, that we can just turn up and stuff will come out of our mouths.

That'll be funny. And so Lee Hupfield really is fabulous Lee. he's like he's just like us he could be related to me he's you know Birmingham really working class family

but he's just been in TV for years he thought it would make a good like a fly on the wall sort of you know pretend documentary but it's a family sitcom and I think at the beginning

we sort of publicised it as a documentary and I don't think we need to I think we can just be honest and say it It's a sitcom. A lot of the incidents, you know, you can tell it's stuff that's happened. There's loosely based on incidents in your real life that, you know, like the cans in the lager cans that you were picking up for the, you know, just to be a good citizen and you put in your pram.

Yeah. And then later you're with a friend you were desperately torn and press. As you saw the cans. Yeah. That really happened. I died because that was the same mum that a couple of days before

and Olive had fallen out my dress and I didn't I should have just explained to her that my daughter I thought she'd get it but she'd put it in my in my bra Oh Lucy, isn't this pretty here

Oh I'm no Oh look at this Lovely into it So this is a local sort of village This is the village hub The hub of the village Yeah You said that you're quite

confrontational I like that I'm from Hull I'm really really Hulled and I don't realise till I meet people who are from Hull

and I am warm-hearted and confrontational and that is what people from Hull are like we're lovely but we're like oh come here give us a hook

you know it's like and that's been brought up very whole you know where you say what you feel and you get your feeling out and you have a row and then it's all better. I think you'd be a good friend Lucy.

I am a good friend, yeah. Because of this type of bloody career I've got, I miss out on a lot of things, you know. Yeah. But my friends are really good about it. I'm very protective over everyone. I feel like I've got killer instincts. I've always been very good, you know,

if there's been a fight or someone's like need. help I don't seem to understand that I'm a five foot one woman when I get the adrenaline I feel like I can I could kill somebody I don't have any I've worked in so many rough nightclubs and stuff where you've had to be a bit you know you've had to be able to look after yourself a bit so I like that you've done a lot of sort of you know proper jobs really I call them you know like as you You get low paid service jobs. And do you know, I find it's the thing that I think prepared me for life more than any other job,

was working in those jobs because it taught me I had resilience. I sort of had a work ethic. It was like we just got to get on and do it. Oh yeah, no, I totally know what you mean. Yeah, I did, I started, I was about 13 or 14. I was a Saturday girl at my uncle's hairdressing salon and he paid me up. pound an hour and then I used to spend it all on makeup at his shop and he used to have to give me a bus fare home and you worked in ASDA. Went to ASDA on cooked chickens

yeah when all my mates were 50 divorcee women on HRT I used to go clubbing with them. He used to look after me. It was like being in a sitcom because I was like it happened when I was a cleaner as well I was cleaning with women and I want it was the same sort of thing. It's like it's the equivalent working on a building site with men that they decide who you are and that will never change, you know what I mean? And I was

like the idiot. It's like your spice girl persona. Yeah. You were like idiot spice. Yeah, they had to look after. Because I want when I was cleaning, I went early and cleaned all these plants on this

balcony and they weren't real. They were plastic and so after that I got, she wouldn't give me a tea or coffee. We used to have a tea break. And she brought warm rabeaner in for me. And I never could say, I have tea and coffee like all the other people. She decided that I was a child, basically. I couldn't have a warm drink.

I don't only have warm rabean. Tell me, I think, I can tell, having seen you and John together, you can just tell you're so suited, aren't you? Yeah, in a lot of ways. I mean, we really argue. I think we're still, I don't, yeah, I think we've, I think we're sort of not worried, you know, I think we're, yeah, we're well suited and, you know,

there's no, yeah, I think we'll grow old together. But we, we do argue. But I don't think that's a bad, a bad thing sometimes. always used to say you need to argue because if you don't mean one person's keeping the mouse shut and that's not good. And out of obviously parenting, again you talk about this a lot in your book but I get the sense that John is your good cop, he's bad cop a bit more. Like he's a bit more of the disciplinarian. Yeah, he's a really good parent. He's better than me.

It's just hard because he's better than me at most things. But you do get used to it. But yeah, he's really, really good. He's maybe almost two. They're best mates. He doesn't, he wants to play with Elsie. He doesn't want anyone else to play with her. He don't want her to have friends.

He wants to, he's going to be heartbroken when she. And I'm more, and he knows I'm right, I'm more like, let her go and play, you know, if she has friends round, he's there. And I'm like, you'll know if they need you because they'll cry. Sit here, you know. Maybe that's good because they say you should give roots and wings. Yeah. So he's giving her the roots and you're trying to strap some wings on a bit?

Yeah, yeah. Because she just, all she wants to do is just play with her dad, which is fine now. But when she's 15, we need that to stop. And with arguments, who's the first one to say I'm sorry generally? Do you say I'm sorry? I used to, always, because I'm the only one who does anything wrong. This is what we'll go to, I think we'll go and have therapy about. I think we're at that stage.

It's seven years, so. Because he doesn't apologise for anything and he doesn't, no, he can't ever say. He doesn't want to say that he's done something wrong. And his thing is, well, I don't do anything wrong. And then I'm, so I'm hoping a therapist will go, because obviously I want to see a female therapist. I want to see female therapist. I already decide that she likes.

You say, well, you can win them over when you go to couple therapy. I mean, I'm really worried about whatever. Because I want her to instantly go, I'm on your side. Oh, yeah. Everything's a competition with us. Ray, this is, so. You see, I've loved our walk today. What lovely company you are, what lovely woman you are.

Oh, thank you. I really like you. Oh, thanks. I really like you. Oh, yeah, if you ever want to meet in Highgate. I feel a bit shy. Like, you know, when you're in the playground? And I really think Lucy's book is so brilliant, incidentally,

and I really recommend you read it yourself just because it's funny and entertaining and brilliant. And buy it for a friend is perfect. It's called Drinking Custod by Lucy Beaumont. We should say the whole thing, you say the whole thing Lucy, it's called. Drinking Custard Diary of a Confused Mum. Or is it tired mum? What's your view on Ray? We've had I walk with Ray now and I've taken him out.

So I think Elsie probably wants the dog. Do you seem keen? John seems like he could be persuaded. Well we'll share Raymond with you if you want. This could be his northern retreat. Would you get one now? Yeah, totally. We want to go to Disney. We promise we'd take her to Disney World. So after that I want a dog.

Well, Raymond's really enjoyed. Raymond, will you say goodbye to Lucy? Bye, bye. It was lovely to meet you. Aww. It was lovely. He's gorgeous, isn't he? It was very lovely to meet you, Raymond. Bye Lucy. That is how he'd speak as well, isn't it? That is his voice. I really hope you enjoyed listening to that.

And do remember to rate, review and subscribe on iTunes.