Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Mark Simmons (Part Two)

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

In part two of Emily and Ray’s walk with the wonderful Mark Simmons, the conversation continues with more laughs, moving reflections and stories from one of the sharpest joke writers in stand-up.If you haven’t already, do catch up on part one. And if you’d like to see Mark live, he’s currently on tour with his show Jest to Impress. Tickets and dates are available at https://marksimmons.co.uk.Follow Emily:InstagramX Walking The Dog is produced by Will NicholsMusic: Rich JarmanArtwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to part two of Walking the Dog with the wonderful comedian Mark Simmons. Mark's currently on tour with his show Just to Impress, so do book your tickets now at mark Simmons.co.uk. Really hope you enjoy part two of our walk, and do give us a like and a follow, so you can catch us every week. Here's Mark and Ray Re. So yeah, I was going to say, when I was very aware of you, because you used to win a couple of times you're on joke of the year at the Edinburgh Festival.

So I've been on a list a few times and then in 2023 I won it. 24. What was the joke? I was going to sail around the globe in the world's smallest ship but I bottled it. It's such a silly joke. It's not too honest. I don't think it's even the best joke in that show that year, but it's a really nice joke written down.

Yeah. And so when people are voting for it, everyone gets it. It's silly. It's nice. So yeah, I was really chuffed. I was really chuffed. There was another one that I thought you knew. It came second one year.

Do you know what that was? Did you know if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it's next day delivery? That's good. This is a lovely little one, I think. But yeah, and they didn't do the awards last year, so I'm actually still technically the reigning champion. So if they don't do it, I'm going to have that title forever.

What do you think about sort of, I suppose, a lot of comedy now? I would say you were in the minority in terms of that sort of quick-blood comedy as opposed to persona anecdotal comedy. Would you say that's true? There's not many of us that do what I do. A lot of people start doing one-liners and then they realise how to write 20 minutes of good one-liners is a lot. So people, I think, they start to realise that. We should just say there are some... There's a lot of building around here.

Hi, V's characters toiling away over there. So if you hear noise, it's not our fault. But yeah, there's not many of us to do it, really. It's myself. Oh, what we're talking, so, yeah, they're sort of quit-led comedy. So who would you say, Tim Vine? Tim Vine. Tim Vine.

Jimmy Carr does it a bit more. Jimmy Carr, but he's, I wouldn't even count him in the same group now. He's almost a different stratosphere of, he's America now, isn't he? and got you Gary Delaney. It was Stuart Francis, but he's retired now. Milton Jones. Yeah, and you were described as the love child of Milton Jones and Old Fielding.

I did. That was in one of my first ever reviews, yeah. That's quite cool, isn't it? Yeah, that was really cool, actually. I like that. Because actually, when I started comedy, I didn't strictly do one-liners, because when I started, I was basically trying every which way but loose

of trying to work out what I was going to be good at. So, and I really liked the Mighty Bouch and Noel Field, it was like my hero. So I was trying to be like him when I was on stage, but it didn't suit my material. And the gigs weren't going very well. And there's this moment where I did this new act competition and did really badly in it. So he's like, oh, quite patronising. Yeah, but it's true. So I went for a walk and I started thinking about the act.

And then I realised that I was doing essentially one-liners where you, you have to think about it before you get it. Yeah. But I was delivering it like Noel Fielding. So I was going, eh, yeah, well, eh. As soon as I did the joke, I'd move on to the next one. I wasn't giving anyone enough time to get the joke. And then I just totally slowed down after that,

and the gig started to go better. I started to get into competition finals. And then you get on professional bills, and then you start working up the ladder. But again, if I hadn't gone in that walk and worked that out, I might give enough because the gigs just weren't going very well in those early days. One thing I've noticed about you, I really enjoyed your, it's on YouTube, your special. Oh yeah, quip off the mark.

Yeah, crib off the mark. And if anyone wants to watch it, you can go to your channel. My YouTube, yeah. That's my first tour show. That's what made me realize, oh, I don't normally like one-liners, but I love this guy. And one thing that I've really noticed in your comedy is you really don't. fear silence. No. And I think that's kind of a superpower as a stand-up because understandably most comics are petrified of it. Yeah. And if I've noticed you really hold your

nerve because presumably if you can do that, if you have got the balls to do that, you know, where for example you'll take the audience on a journey and there's a point at which they're thinking, this is going wrong. He doesn't know what he's doing. If you can hold your nerve, the laugh is so much bigger at the end, isn't it? Yeah. They're my favourite bits in the show, actually. Yeah. I really like those bits because they're kind of, I really like surreal comedy

and comedy that's sort of a bit outside the box thinking, which isn't really what one-liners are. So I like to add the aspect to my show where you are making the audience think, what's he doing? Like, why is he doing this? It's kind of feigned. No worries. It's kind of feigned incompetence.

Which I really like. Because there's a form of misdirection, isn't it? And I wonder... Well, what's interesting is, when I, now that people come to see me specifically, I have to trust in the room. So they do trust that something that it's going to work out. But when I used to do that sort of thing,

in the early days, in early Edinburgh shows, it's one show I did something really weird throughout the show for a payoff at the end. And they didn't trust me enough. gig was weird because they didn't, they just thought this guy doesn't know what he's doing. Even when they'd recovered, they felt uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's interesting that, but it takes balls, I think.

So I'm assuming that would require someone who's quite confident and restrained. It's, that's all just, that's literally experience, I think, because in the old days, are you naturally like that? No, I was scared of, which basically, that hole, I saved you there. You're welcome. I'm loving the performative. You actually... I actually didn't do anything.

You just jumped at me. Oh hello schoolchildren. Yeah, no, that was what I used to be scared of. When I didn't like talking in front of people in school, that was the silence that I was scared of. That just the eyes just looking at me. So that's lit. I think that will change once, once you get to a point where you know,

you're confident enough that you're confident enough that you're, you know you're good at what you do. Yeah. I think that's where it changed for me. Because when you're not 100% sure whether you know what you're doing, then that's when all the doubt creeps in and then you start to panic.

Well, audiences smell fear, don't they? Yeah. So I think with a truly great comic, and we've talked about Frank, I think it's fair to say he's one of the greats. Incredible. I notice when I watch Frank,

he's at that level now where A, the audience trust him so much. Yeah. And B, you know, he'll sometimes say to me, oh, that didn't go well. I'll go, what? Yeah, yeah, right. And I think he stormed it,

but he might point out something and say, oh, that bit didn't go right. Yeah. You would never know. Yeah, yeah. And there's a sort of technical polish, I suppose, that you get. And I presume you must have that now because it's a kind of 10,000 hours, isn't it?

Yeah. Like, sometimes I won't enjoy a gear, for a I won't really enjoy it because I know sometimes it's the room sometimes the room isn't ideal for comedy I did one the other day and the ceiling was so high and a lot of people probably don't know why that matters but laughter disappears up oh so high ceilings aren't good that's why comedy clubs are the best because they all got low ceilings so sleazy basements there's yeah yeah so I never knew that makes so much sense yeah so that's why yeah so like the audience because I

actually so you don't want to do it at like St Paul's or something that would be terrible well if there's loads of people there it depends because sometimes like a if I get like a churchy building the acoustics make the laugh sound bigger but it all depends on the acoustics of the room do you think also it's so interesting that because I hear comics saying yeah that's a good that's a nice room yeah yeah because it's so many It's some... And you want them all close together, you want them in rows, you don't want tables, tables are the enemy of comedy.

Are they? Especially big round tables because you're not all focused on the thing and it encourages looking at each other and then you're like, oh, does that person think this is funny? Should I laugh at this one? There's so many subconscious things going on. Whereas if you're in rows looking forward in the pitch black, you don't want the audience lit up because then they get self-conscious. But people want to laugh, but they don't want to be worried about what they're laughing.

So in the old days, like I went on a new comic, if the laughter was disappearing, I'd be panicking thinking they're hating this, and then you let that affect your performance. But now I know that's nonsense, so you just perform it normally. So I might not be enjoying it as much as a show where the last is hitting you in the face.

But afterwards, I've done it enough now where people are like, yeah, we loved that, that was great. And then I had my camera up, which was above where they were sitting. And when you listen to the camera, the laughter sounds incredible because it's going up and hitting the camera. So they're having a nice time, but going you on stage, you don't always know that. So there's so many things go into it, but I find all that quite fascinating how to set up a room.

And you've got your about to tour? I was just started. Just started, yeah. It's just kicked off. Six shows in now. And only 132 to go. 132. Something like that, yeah.

And this tour is called. Just to Impress. I love it. Yeah. So this is a big tour and this is on until? December. Wow, the whole year. Yeah.

Well, my first tour, we did 217 dates and it went over sort of two and a half years. But it was because my social media was sort of doing well, we put in a few shows to see how it went. And it kind of just built as we went. But this time we're going to sort of in with bigger shows now. I'm going to come and see you. Yeah, we're about, is a good place you to come. But I can go anywhere in London. I do pack the empire.

Oh yeah, that's my, that's my, that's the big one. I'll sneak you in me under my coat. Should we go and see Mark? Oh, the squeaky line. You know what that means? Oh, he's nicked it. Does it, why? Yeah, he's not paid for that.

How do you know? Well, the squeak. How does that mean he's not paid for it? Well, I think that's something to do with the thing on it. Yeah, if it squeaks, if it's squeak, that means they've actually had it. Do you mean something? Yeah, it's a bit dodge. Yeah, welcome to reach London.

Oh, but I love how you know about the criminal. Underworld. I'm so naive. I told you. I'm the head of it. Do you know? I could tell you a joke about that. My friend wants me to join his gang and he phoned me the other day. He said, we're doing a burglary. Are you in? I said no. And he robbed my house. There you go. Hattney Empire. Tickets available. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to, and we can go to your website. We can get tickets from? Marksimmons.com.uk. Oh, we'll definitely do that. Well, I won't because I'll be policing you for some brebes. But yeah, we're going all over the country. I'm just doing my laces up, Mark, because they fell out, they came off.

Ray, go and sit with Mark. Hello. Look, I can still bend over at my age. Ray, Ray, mommy's here. Can't get up though. Yeah, now I'm stuck here for the whole time. Come on, Ray, we have to pick you up, my love. Good boy.

So this is where the BT Sport and TV and TV channels, TNT, were based around here. Sport, this, sport, that. I know, I did a little TV show here once. With Ian Stone. You've had Ian Stone on my podcast. No, I haven't. I should. He's going on tour soon.

I know him because of Arsenal, obviously. Oh, of course. So, he's lovely. Yeah, yeah. Of his generation, see, a lot of comedians, when they sort of, on the circuit, they get to a point where they have a really good half hour and they kind of stick with it on the circuit,

and it's a really bulletproof thing. But with Ian, he's someone. who is always just turned over more material, a new material. It's always fresh. He's such a good comedian. We spent quite a lot of time together in Melbourne last year. He's lovely. I'll give you my love for you next to you.

I adore that man. So is it all right with the bus? Are you sure? So we've established that I'm going to go and see you on tour. I'm very excited about this. And I also wanted to ask you, Mark, because you've done things like Mock the week and yeah that's coming back yeah how's how do you find doing tv are you do you find you comfortable doing it yeah the first time i ever i did mock the week was like that was massive

for me because i'd always watched it whereas i was kind of coming up and i was really nervous but as soon as i sat down it was fine because i realized it is essentially it's just a gig there there's an audience there and you just tell your jokes And you're kind of lucky because it's not all on you. So you just wait to your turn and then tell your jokes. And it's just really fun. And a key thing with those shows, from what I've heard from friends of mine who've done them, is that I know a couple of friends of mine have said,

you've just got to keep going. So you might do stuff that falls flat on the night, but that might end up in the edit. You never know what that will lead. So the key to doing it, again, you know more than me. But I thought that was an interesting take that you've almost got to be utterly bulletproof about it. Yep. There is a thing when you're doing there.

If something doesn't land, you can go in on yourself. Yes. I've seen people do that, Mark. And you can just watch the show. But luckily, Rob Beckett, he gave me some advice before I started. And that was one of his main advice was... What did he say? Well, he said, don't let that happen.

Just you have to not worry about the room. And he was like, he was like, everyone there will have jokes fall flat. because you're doing material that is fresh and you've never done it before. And when you're on tour, you've done all those jokes at new material nights and things like that. It's so interesting that.

It's a very good word putting it that you see it. I've seen really funny people go on, even shows like, would I lie to you? You go this way or that way? That might be a bit less shouty, screaming. I believe Hugh Grant uses that phrase. Oh, really?

He calls tant from a shouty screaming. Speaking about people with charisma, Yeah. I saw Hugh Grant once in the loft bar in Edinburgh. Charismatic? I didn't even talk to him, but you just looked at the room, it was oozing off him. It was mad, but it's just so on him. It's weird, really weird. Obviously, he's so famous, so you obviously you are drawn to that, but there's definitely a charisma thing there. Someone once told me, you know, the difference between charm and charisma. This is, I want to know this because I've had this discussion with people about charm and charisma.

Okay, so we can say which one we are. Charm apparently is I come to you. Charisma is you come to me. Love that. Love that. Yeah? Yeah, interesting. So which one do you think you are if you had to pick a lane? Well, with my performance, naturally I would think charm. Because I don't think I'm, well, because I see Charis. Looking at comics, let's say famous comics. So Jimmy Carr by that definitely. And just in terms of your persona on stage, is charismatic. Yeah, yeah, isn't he? Yeah, Michael McIntyre's charismatic, I guess. It's charming, I would say.

Would you? Because I think Michael McIntyre is more, I come to you. See, in my head I thought charismatic is showy, as in, look at this. Yes, that's true. Okay, I'm going to let you have it. But who's charming? But that might not be right. Here's the news plus guys.

We can't think of any charming comics. No, yeah. Their egos are all too big. They're all charismatic. Anyway, I find stuff like that interesting. Yeah, I would say... Because I don't think I've been described as charismatic. Right.

No, I think that... But maybe, I don't know. It's the difference. What I do think you have, and like I say, I think... I feel so comfortable with you, like watching your comedy, I feel you're letting me in. I feel I'm going on the journey with you. I don't feel alienated.

I don't feel like I'm with the cool kids at school. Which I sometimes feel with that one line of comedy. Like, are you quick enough and cool enough to be with us? Yeah, right. And I feel, oh no, he's saying, I quite enjoy it if someone doesn't get a joke, because I'll talk to them about it, and then I'll bring them in and we'll go through the joke,

and we'll sort of, and there is a fine line between how you come across when you do that, because I want to come across, like you say, I want to be inviting, and what I hope to do when that happens is I kind of, explain to them what I'm doing so then they know because sometimes they just need to tune in it doesn't happen so much in my tour shows

because people kind of know what they're getting but if I'm doing like a gig when no one knows who I am and they're like oh I don't know what's going on here but then if you sort of say to them oh yeah these are jokes where you've got I actually kind of make it self-deprecating I sort of go yeah I'm so sorry about this like I've chosen this style of comedy

it's really annoying but it's that thing where you've got kind of it takes a little while to get but and then you're really satisfied when you get And when you kind of explain it, they sometimes then switch their brain into that gear and they know what they're looking for. Yeah. But it's a fine line without, it's hard not to sound condescending even when you don't want to because you're sort of going, you've got to think a bit, yeah? Yeah. But so it's all that, that's that kind of fine line of trying to get, get them into the zone, you know?

I want to talk a bit about our mutual friend, lovely Gareth Richards. Yeah. who's no longer with us. He always spoke very highly of you. Did he? Always. Oh, my. You're going to make me cry.

Oh, so sorry. Already he's made me cry. I can't bear it. So, Gareth, my friend, Danny Ward, who does my tour support. Yeah. And Gareth, we were in a WhatsApp group together called Legends, which Gareth named. So, yeah, you'd come up quite often in conversation because he would have just done the show or something like that. Yeah.

I'd actually look through the conversations the other day. So Danny can't look at them. We should maybe say in case anyone doesn't know, just to explain a bit more. So, Gareth Richards, who was a really old friend of mine and Marks, and I'd worked on the Frank Skinner show with him for many years, and he'd become one of my closest friends, really. And I know you knew him from the circuit,

and you'd become incredibly close. And he really tragically died. It's two years ago now, Mark. I think it's three years. Three. Three years. It's three years ago. This is the first year I went to Australia.

Yeah. Three years ago, he died in a car accident and it was so sudden and so horrific and he was far too young. And just one of the loveliest people. And it sounds so trite when you say that. You want to say to people, no, no, no. He really was. No. Really genuine.

Actually, actually cared about people. Yes, he You were saying your friend Danny still can't look at the message Oh yeah, he can't look at him But I find it quite warming I don't because because when you read through the conversations

It's like he is still here Because you're getting his personality And he was so funny So funny The last conversation we had Danny was saying how He just saw an advert but one of our mutual friends in comedy she did an advert for tampons yeah and garras

response he went jealous and that was the last thing we said on there like it's like perfect gariff funny and so so i quite like every sort of and i'll have a little look through just to see what we were talking about yeah um for gareth when i started comedy he I really looked up to him and he didn't wouldn't even know that because we weren't good friends when I started because he was like he was like in the year above so he was when I started he was doing well in the competitions and the first time I watched him I was like that's what I want to be like I was like he had this quirkiness and how he delivered jokes but he did proper jokes and

like in but he was very inventive and he also do you know what What I thought was really amazing about him was that he was funny without being cruel or unkind. Yeah, yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong, he had it in him. He had a dark said to hear him. Yeah, of course he did. But what I mean was there was none of that sense of, well, it's a joke. You know, it's all in the name of comedy, you just have to accept.

That's the tax you pay. I never felt that with him. I never thought he set out to be cruel. And really silly a lot of it as well. But he was so funny. Yeah, really funny. Yeah, I can remember I had some moments with him where I did a, I was so kind of one of those things you hate doing, but it's sort of so lovely to be able to do. I spoke at his funeral.

Oh, yeah. And I wasn't really his funeral, it was a memorial kind of celebration of his life. And I remember telling this story and Nick Helm, another comic, and said to me, God, that's the most Gara thing. We talk about, Nick and I talk about Gareth all the time. Nick always messages me about Gareth. He said, I was in a restaurant with him once, and he got up and left.

And I said, what are you doing? And he said, I'm sorry, I'm just finding it too stressful deciding what to order. I said, but you don't just get up and leave. It just doesn't, the world doesn't. work like that Gareth. They're so funny. But you know Mark it's like I don't know I felt so happy I was coming to see you today because I think he'd oh I'm so crying now I'm so stupid I'm so sorry it's so long ago and I feel really stupid. I think that's not stupid at all sorry what it's only because

you know because he's so great no it's because being with you makes me think of him and I haven't thought of for a while I mean I do think about him but it's like oh god they're we're having to walk up there we're going to get run over now. Oh God, they're coming from all angles. We have done very well there. We're in a bike lane. What are we going to do? We're out to the bike lane.

I'm so sorry. Sorry. Do you know that burst me out of my tears. I'm crying about Gareth and we realised you're in a bike lane. Where should we go? Should we keep walking up here? Yeah, yeah. We're all going to grass.

Who won't get... Do you know why I made me cry? Because I thought, this is what I hate about death, is that I think, God, he would have loved this. Yeah. I would have called him and said, I love Mark. He's so great. Yeah, yeah.

I know why you like him. so much because he did talk about you to me as well and yeah I know how fond he was of you I get that with like we used to send jokes to each other I'm sorry I cried Michael I know it's a bit unprofessional but it's not unprofessional at all um we used to send jokes to each other all the time and it's quite sometimes I'm like I'd love to know what he thought of this because he was very he was so funny but he had he was very he had no time for bad ideas at all so so I so I And I'm the sort of person that I will have loads of ideas and then maybe two will be good.

Whereas Gareth, if he ever said anything, it was always good because he gave it so much thought. And if it wasn't, he wouldn't even say it. So when we got the news about him, I was in Australia and it was really weird because I was there, because it's surreal anyway, but it just didn't feel real until I got back to England, really. It was very, very, very strange.

Well, I know you talked about him on your podcast. Oh, we did an episode. Yeah, which was so lovely. And that's a brilliant podcast you do, by the way. Oh, thank you. Yeah, Gareth did an episode. That's on there. Yeah.

It's called Jokes. We just chat about jokes, basically, which is what we used to do together all the time. Yeah, that was hard, that podcast. Yeah. Because Danny and I, because you feel kind of helped us, don't you when, because you can't do anything. It's death.

Like, there's nothing to do about it. And you know what's interesting is I think because I've had a few fair bits of bereavement and especially that kind of bereavement, which is a life interrupted, you know, where someone goes before their time. I've experienced that. Like my sister died and my parents, but it's so funny, you sort of think, oh, it's all right, I've got a few under my belt now. This won't be as bad.

I'm better equipped to deal with this than everyone else. It's bullshit. No. It's every death kind of. rocks you a bit, doesn't it? Yeah. So Danny and I, we felt really, like I say, helpless. And we'd been talking to Gareth about Edinburgh, because we were all sort of getting our Edinburgh shows ready. And Gariff had got his room booked.

So Danny and I decided to, in Gariff's memory, is the key to do his show for him in Edinburgh. So we were just going to do a, like I was going to do a bit, and then we get a few of Gareth for Edinburgh. to come and do a bit and then all the money in the bucket because we do the free fringe would go to Gariff's kids basically yeah and then when we started doing it and work got around that we were doing it we were just inundated with people comedians that wanted to perform and yes so this was incredible this because it raised a lot of money for Garas family and it was you had Frank Skinner did it shortly I mean it became the talk of the town in

Edinburgh which is so great because everyone was talking about Garry And so yeah, so we got sort of a core group of people that we were going to do it regularly. And like I say, so many people got in touch, Dara Bryn got in touch, Stuart Lee did it, Jack Whiteall got in touch and did it. How lovely. And so I was going to do every show. But in the end, so many people wanted to do it, I ended up just being the show manager because there weren't enough spots.

And I'd go on, the hard, let's tell you what was really hard that I wasn't quite anticipating was I went on every day before the start and just explained what had happened. And that must be hard. That was really hard. It got to a point where I kind of learned it as a script. Let's cross here. And then as soon as I learned it as a script,

I could sort of say it without getting emotional. No, that's what you have to do. Listen, I've done enough of these funeral speeches. You have to sort of almost read it so many times that you drain the emotion out of it. Yeah. It's the only way to get through it.

Yeah. So, but it was so, like, they were curing out the door, every day. And this show, and Gareth ended up winning the Victoria Wood award that year and that made me so happy. And listen, it's never going to bring him back, but what a lovely trin- His name is always there now, isn't he had them for awards? Oh Mark, I love talking about Gareth with you and I'm so glad you were such a great friend to him and I know how fond he was of you.

He used to talk about you to me, used to mention you. So, yeah, it's lovely that we both knew him. Yeah. Yeah. His kids came to watch them. I showed him a couple years ago. Oh, yeah. That's really nice. That's so lovely. It's, yeah. He's just like Gareth as well.

Well, also, I know. He's so like Gareth. It's the way his brain works, like the way he thinks outside the box. Do you know what I love? I'm walking along with you and you've insisted on carrying my bag, which I just love. You're quite sort of, I don't know, you're quite a thoughtful person. That's quite a hard thing to acknowledge.

That's my mum, that is. Is she quite like that? Yeah, yeah. What would she be like? She'd do anything for anyone really. It's that sort of thing. So is that, does that mean, are you quite sensitive? I guess so.

Because you're empathetic, you pick up on things. So I see that you read rooms quite well, you're like, oh, she's struggling with that bag. That's about noticing other people. I guess so. That's, yeah, I guess that's my mum. Yeah. Are you conflict avoidant or are you okay with it?

I avoid it if I can. But luckily, I've also got the side of me that if I had, if you have to be firm or something, I actually... That's Taekwondo, Mark. Yeah, well that's... my dad's side I guess yeah but I actually had to think and it's so basically I was on the train on the way home from Edinburgh a couple years ago and there was basically a couple of trains have been cancelled so they had to move a load of people on these these drunk

bloats are horrible and they'd be really abusive to this this older couple and but then when the staff came along they were like really nice and joking with the staff and they didn't realize so I decided to speak up because no one else words and then they said started going at me and there's this whole thing started kicking off. But I wasn't having it. They're going to see the strawberry blonde hair. They don't know about the dance.

They don't know about the Taekwondo. They don't know. But what I forget, which I have to think about is I forget that people know who I am now. So afterwards, there's some people that stopped at a stop and this woman went past and goes, we thought you were going to tell him a joke to try and calm him down.

And then this bloat went, yeah, I was right behind you, mate. And his wife was like, right back there. I was like, you don't have to think about that sort of thing. But I don't, I really, not a lot gets me kind of angry or anything, but injustice really bothers me. Yeah.

I really, it really does my head in, so. How do you feel, I presume, because you've got a pretty big following now on social media, haven't you? Social media's been good to you. Yeah, I mean, it's changed everything. Really? Yeah, yeah. And I wonder, how do you feel about being recognised?

because presumably that happens more as a result of your big following. It doesn't happen too much. Do you know what I mean? But it does happen. But it's always very nice. And my theory is I think if you're famous on the telly, you're being forced down their throats no matter what. Because if you've been put on the show they like, they have to watch you.

So sometimes you'll get people that don't like you. With social media, if I don't like you, they won't watch you. So if they do recognise you, it's, I don't. It tends to be nice because they like what you do. That's what I sort of love about doing podcasts in a way, rather than stuff like radio, is that anyone who knows me or who's listening knows me because they've chosen to listen to me.

It's not like when they're just turning on the radio and they go, who's that stupid bitch? And they did. No. Oh yeah, I did. I got a lot of abuse. Really? Yeah.

And it was all, I was so naive. I went into it. I was like, New York, just like a pigeon, it's skyscrapers, and then your knife ends up in your back. And it's like... I mean, I get quite a lot of people write horrible things, but I kind of, I like to sort of, because a lot of it is so stupid what they say. So I just tend to be straight down and explain why what they're saying is nonsense. Yeah. And then they can't really do anything about it. Like when they say something's not funny, and you just explain, well, comedy is subjective.

Yes. And yeah, you might not like this, but don't worry if you don't understand it. There'll be some other... I think that's the difference, though. It's funny, isn't it? Because as you say, with comedy, if people are specifically coming to see you, then... And because you have a following and a fan base and an audience now,

you know that anyone who's in that room, you've sort of left that stage of predominantly... and hostile audiences where they're like, who the fuck's this? I tell you what is interesting when my last tour finished and I went back into the clubs, that's a gear change. Because you're then suddenly having to convince the people that you're funny again. Whereas when you walk out when it's your own crowd, they already trust that you're funny because they've seen the videos online.

Well, that's what I was going to say because presumably I always think, and I say this is, you know, people like Josh, Whittakerickick, I always think, well, you go on stage in half the battles won because they know who you are. It's interesting when they say, well, no, but then it's a different sort of pressure, isn't it? Yeah, you have to deliver. Yeah. Yeah. And you're sort of, you know, similarly, because you have your own fan base now and your own tour,

it means you're more in that arena where I've come to expect quite good things of him. Right. You know, he's not like some rando at jonglers that I'm trying out for the first time. Yeah, they don't like him. There'll be another one in a minute. Yeah. Oh look, we're back to your beloved West Ham United. Oh, you're.

And you were very impressed earlier that I was familiar with the work of Danny. The Portuguese player who you briefly signed back in the... I want to say it was the 90s. Yeah, probably the late 90s, when it took... 1999, I want to guess. Oh, dear, I'm out with my love bar. Mark, will you stop going on about your love bar? No, it's your love bar.

Oh, Mark, stop it. It sounds really creepy now, honestly. 1996 for Sporting Lisbon. Mark? Yeah. I think I want my love bar back. You can have it back. There you go.

Nice one that. You've broken my love bar. You snapped my love bar in two. You could do you've pre-a one of the advertisers on this one because that's, we're giving them a lot of business here. Well, we've come to the end of our walk and do you know, I've loved it, Mark. Have you enjoyed it? I had a really nice time. Really?

That's flown by? Do you think so? I think we could be friends maybe? Well, I sort of think we were, even before we met we were, technically, weren't we? I like to think we can be. And Ray really likes you. Does he? Oh, that's nice.

Dogs do like me, I think. I think he likes your energy because you're quite calm. Yeah, yeah. See, I don't know what he's normally like. He's always calm. Oh, oh, well. Great. Oh no, that was quite rude, wasn't it?

I'm so sorry Mark. One way to end. So ask me the friend's question again? Do you think he does like you? Yeah, I think so. Because you're an example of someone, you're funny but it's not all about you. Right, okay, that's nice. Is that nice?

Do you know what I mean? You don't, you're not... I don't mind other people being funny. Yeah, that's what I think. I think I can tell. I like it. Because you sort of work off each other, don't you? You know, there's that Gourbadole quote, which is,

whenever I hear a friend as well, a little part of me dies. I don't think you're that kind of person. Like, because you could say with comics, whenever someone else gets a laugh, a little part of me dies. Yeah. I don't think, I think you're quite generous. No, I don't feel like that at all. No.

Because you do get some people that no sell your jokes as well. That what? They'll no sell your jokes. What does that mean? I like you. They just won't, they just won't laugh. they just purposely, you'll say something. Why do people do that?

Yeah, it creates a weird environment. Do you think it's a comic thing that? I've noticed comics do that. Not always, but some comics, I think it's just a personality thing. I've noticed sometimes I'll say something. And it's a weird thing. If I'm in a room, say, you know, load of people,

I've just met or whatever, or, you know. And then I say something, and let's say there's a group of four people, three of them will really laugh. But it's like I feel there's one. And I think, well, if everyone, else's laughing at least have the manners just out of kind of social normalcy to smile rather than frown but they look angry because i made the others laugh but sometimes that might be in our heads because you get that with audience members sometimes where you think an audience member's

really hating it and i i don't tend to zone in on these people we've got some kids here who are doing um doing the they do this quite a lot of questionnaires asking random people questions for their school projects let's see if we can be a little fun joke you can do you They say, what do you dislike about Stratford? And I usually say questionnaires. Let's see. Let's ask. Can we answer the questions? Oh, no, they don't want us to.

That's an example of no selling. Why don't they want us? I feel really rejected. They hate us. We want to answer. There's loads of them with their clipboards, aren't they? And they're actively not. Why do you think they don't like us, Mark?

It's confidence, isn't it? It's all we're saying earlier. Do you think we look too confident? Yeah, I think they're looking for weak people. Why? These children ask us a question. There's a teacher. It almost feels a bit creepy if you're too cute.

Oh yeah, we can't. We're just standing looming over these children. I've tried to get their eye contact. Oh, that's a real sick bond, isn't it? Completely no-soldier then, didn't they? Yeah. I'm going to do this no-soul. Yeah.

Well, I've absolutely loved our walk. Me too. And I'm definitely going to come and see you on tour. And I definitely want to be your friend, partly because I... Let's make it official. We are friends. I really like you, and I think we will get on well. I think so.

And also, I love that you were friends with Gareth. And if Gareth loved you, that's good enough for me. You're right. He would have loved this. He would have, wouldn't he? Maybe he'd be jealous, even better. Yeah, yeah. And you've loved meeting Ray? Absolutely.

Will you give Ray a kiss goodbye? Bye Ray. M-mm. You sniffed at me. Hello. This is East London. I don't want to come back here. I really hope you enjoyed that episode of Walking the Dog.

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