Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Rachel Parris

Episode Date: April 18, 2022

This week Emily and Ray went for a stroll around Clapham Common with Rachel Parris. They discuss Rachel’s childhood in Leicester, the surreal nature of going viral with The Mash Report and her book, Advice from Strangers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I love the name Billy. Ah, thanks. Yeah, Billy Briggsock. Partly called Billy Briggsock because we just kept going, Billy Briggs dog, Billy, Billy Brickstow, Billy, Billy Brickstow. Billy, Billy Brickstow. We love you, oh, you. Billy, Billy Brickstock,

Billy Briggs dog loves us too. This week on Walking the Dog, Raymond and I went to London's Clapham Common to take a stroll with comedian, musician, actor, presenter and writer Rachel Paris. Rachel is currently dogless, But she and her partner, the comedian and actor Marcus Briggsstock, have recently become parents to gorgeous Billy.

So I'm looking into their future and I'm feeling definite dog energy. We had a fabulous morning chatting about Rachel's childhood and Lester. She told me about her guinea pig with a rather genius named Guinea. We talked about her school days where she was obviously always quite a disciplined and high-achieving student and also a creative one is she's a very accomplished musician. You might know Rachel best from her work on The Mash Report, which catapulted her almost overnight into a viral sensation. And she spoke really honestly about the slightly surreal nature of it all. We also talked about the book Rachel's recently had published, Advice from Strangers,

which is partly memoir, partly funny guide to life based on audience suggestions from her comedy shows. And it's a beautifully written and very life-of-burning book, so I thoroughly recommend you grab yourself a copy. Raymond and I had a lovely time with Rachel She had me a pink coat and bubble hat frankly And even though she said she was kind of a Labrador woman I like to think that she was also very much a shitsuit Okay then, weird fluffy thing that vaguely resembles an Ewok woman I so hope you enjoy our walk

Remember to follow us right in review I'll stop talking now and hand over to the woman herself Here's Rachel and Raymond Come on Raymond We'll follow Rachel Yeah, it's quite weird because it's your podcast, but I know where I'm going. I like that. We can go over.

So, oh, we'll cross here. Come on, Raymond. Oh, this looks a nice park, Rachel. It is, yeah, it's lovely. So this is the edge of Clapham Common. Oh, Clapham Common. And then, so we go over here and cross that road, and then you're in the actual main bit of it, if you like. Look, he's so good, Rachel, see. He waits.

Oh, my God, Raymond! Oh, bless. Rachel, I'm going to warn you at the outset. I mean, as you can see, it's more dawdling with the dog. He's quite slow. And I know you're quite a good walker, I think, aren't you? Yeah, I do like a walk. I like a bit of hiking when I can.

Yeah, I'm definitely from a family of, you know, when you go down the street and you find yourself, essentially like sort of tailgating people. You're like, come on, come on. Are you one of those people that says mutters amateurs under your breath? No, but I will now. Amateur's always. So we're in a lovely clap and common.

Well, I feel like we're on the ramp to clap and common. Yeah, we are essentially. We're on a little... I'm going to say, I'm going to go grassy knoll. But it seems incident... What a knoll? It seems incident free at the moment. Yeah.

And then once we've left the grassy knoll, we're going to be over in the common proper. And then he can come off of lead. Well, I'm going to introduce you. Great. I'm very excited. I've been dying to meet this woman. I'm with the very wonderful Rachel Paris. Hello.

And you don't have a dog. Ray's just gone for a comfort break. Here we go Ray. With the posh poo bags. I'm very used to dealing with poo at the moment, not dog poo obviously, but you know, it's all poo at the end of the day. Well I love him so much, Rachel. This is how you show your love. I think I understand what parents...

You know when you see parents doing weird things like that weird nostrils thing where they have to... Oh, you have to suck the nostrils. You have to suck the snot out of your baby. And I now understand that because I think, oh, my dog's poo and my dog's nasal emissions aren't offensive to me. Yeah. My baby's snot is offensive to me. Well, it would be... It sounds like a sting song. It would be if it got anywhere near my mouth, put it that way.

I'm all right with it being on his face, but yeah. He's... I'm sorry to talk so much about poo, but also in this way. Also, his poo changes all the time. Hugely, huge variation in poo. And again, like you say, I'm all right with poo than I'm with... Right, we're going to cross here. Yeah, it's loud, sorry.

Oh look, look, there's a man with a Labrador. This was a rom-com. I love Labrador, you know, if I do have a dog, I'd like a Labrador. I'd like a Labrador. I can see you with a Labrador. Yeah, I'd love a Labrador. What colour would you go? Um, yellow?

Yeah, maybe. yellow one I've come to chat to wonderful Rachel Paris who is obviously a multi-talented comedian actor writer well you're sort of you are one of those people who has a lot of projects and things aren't you yeah yeah I am and I do like it that way actually I sort of always have even from school you know, try to keep a lot of different streams going because it makes me happier. And I definitely thought with my career,

I'd end up doing more one, which I have. Comedy, obviously, is the main thing I do, but even within comedy, I do improv, stand-up, musical, and acting comedy. So, and writing comedy. So, yeah, I do like, I sort of like the Jack of Alltrades thing, isn't it? It's like, I've never, I don't feel like I, like, absolutely excel.

any of them, but what I can do is do all of them fairly well. So I cobble them all together into a, I think they call it a portfolio career. So tell me your relationship with pets if you've ever had a relationship with a specific pet. Did you have pets growing up? Yeah, we did, but I think, so we had, the first pet I properly remember was called Bunny. We weren't great at names. We weren't a pet names family. the rabbit was called bunny and the guinea pig was called guinea it was easy to remember

but bunny was really nice black and white rabbit I remember she died when I was six and I remember my mum telling me and I was really sad and guinea was a lovely ginger guinea pig with a little white hat on and so yeah I had rodents But we also had, we never, I would say, we never really had like a main family pet. We had cockatiels, a pair of cockatiels for a while. Oh yeah. We had, we looked after a minor bird for a while. That's the one that repeats what you say.

What else do we have? We had twin albino rabbits for a while. We never had like that, you know, dog or cat that lives with you for years and years kind of thing. So I don't really have a huge pet history, but I would like a dog. Me and Marcus have talked about it, and we would like a dog. Just not yet. We've got our hands full with two teenagers and a baby. You see, in the dog world, you see that little one there?

It looks like a little corgi with the little legs that's trying to get involved. That's me in the dog world. Oh, I'm the sort of wait for me. Come, guys. Coming. Whereas I see you as the sort of golden-haired popular Labrador Hall. No way. People have been sick.

That's funny. People have, my best friend, Izzy, one of our best friends from uni, she said when she first met me, she didn't like me because she took one look at me. And for, not one look, like, she observed me, you know, for a few weeks in that first few weeks of uni. And she thought, oh, my God. I love dogs but that is too many dogs to be there. Yeah, so go on, your friend is he? Yeah, she said, sort of the equivalent of the Labrador thing. You said she looked to me like blonde and sort of smiley

and she was like, you're like that, I've got the measure of you. So shall I, you know, kind of like, popular girl at school and it couldn't be less true. Really? Yeah, I think it's just that I've got blonde hair. My friend used to have a saying blonde herring, like red herring, but blonde herring, as well, like being blonde does a lot of heavy lifting in terms of both.

Convincing people that you're attractive, but you're not, you're just blonde. And convincing people that you're sociable, but you're not, you're just blonde. And I think it's true. I really think it's true. So tell me, I want to know a bit more about Minnie Rachel. When you were growing up, this is in Leicester. Yeah.

And, or was it you? Did you go up with both your parents? Yeah, both parents. They're still together and still in Leicester and my brother and my older brother. And what did your parents do? My mum was a hairdresser. My dad worked in a bank initially. but then he retired and then he worked in a pram company mending prams and yes I got a discount on a pram

when I had a baby I did I got like free highlights as a teenager from my mum it's incredible and I did not appreciate what she was doing because do you remember it was it was like the late 90s and I what I wanted was hair like atomic kitten I flat lank poker straight hair with a sense into parting just hanging limply down like that. But I had amazing hair back then, it was thick. And my mum, like, would make it look great. You know, she'd kind of like curl it and fluff it. And I'd be like, no, no, mum, I want it straight and limp,

like Kerry Kodona. What was your family atmosphere and environment like? It was very homely. And this sounds like a sort of non-answer, it was very stable. And I now, obviously, like all children, didn't at all appreciate that at the time. I just thought this is what growing up is like. But then as you get older and you see other people's growing up, you're like, oh, not everyone has that.

And yeah, it was stable. I felt like with COVID happening, I've got two stepkids now who are teenagers. And like that, I know that's like not a family issue, but. that rug being swept out from underneath them in terms of you're not at school now. Oh, you are, you're not. Take exams, don't take exams. Like, their kind of stability just being ripped apart just made me sort of reflect a little bit on how sure my life was when I was young. Like, I knew I'd go to school.

I knew that what time I would have an evening meal. I knew what breakfast looked like. Yeah, it was great. And my parents, I sort of referenced this in the acknowledgement to my book. It's tricky because they're very, very private people. And I would say my brother is really as well. You know, he's not really on social media. But like they were creative.

Neither of them, I think, came from, there's no like performing background. I don't come from an acting dynasty. They're just kind of what you might call a sort of normal family in Leicester. So they were very, very surprised when I wanted to move to London and do all that. But they're creative. And I was like, you talk, sometimes I feel like they act as if, where did this come from? But it came from them because they both are actually. They haven't done it professionally, but they both, you know, my dad loves performing.

And both of them are like creative in their writing and artistically. My mum's an amazing sewer and designer. And like, yeah, so... Were you funny when you were a kid? No, not at all, I don't think. I was, I think, I think I was a bit with close friends in the school playground. I do remember like we would do voices and have very funny private jokes. And I did really love doing like school plays at primary school.

I really left at that. No, not to the extent that anyone would ever have thought I would do comedy. And it didn't, that hasn't really changed, like now. I'm not like, so frequently, like when I meet people, they're like, God, you don't seem like a comedian at all. But like, I know what they meet. I'm sort of, yeah, not the, I was never like the class clown or anything. And I'm still quite happy to just sort of like.

sit quietly and I don't always love, you know, big groups and I don't always want to be the centre of attention. To be honest, I've got like some skill at lyric writing. And because of that, I've learned how to do comedy. Like I learned how to play the piano. I've learned how to do comedy. But some people, I think, are natural comedians and were always bound to be a comedian. My husband, I think, is bound to be a comedian. He couldn't be anything else. This is Marcus Brostock, by the way. Yeah. Well, I want to talk about your brilliant book.

Oh, thanks. Which is, and handily, there's an element of memoir in some ways. It's called advice. Advice from strangers. I'm going to let you say that cleanly. It's called Advice from Strangers by Rachel Paris. And the tagline is, everything I know from people I don't know. So you're, and I know this from your book.

you were quite a sort of straight A student. Yeah. I mean, I didn't feel like I occupied that space at school. Like when I got good GCSE resorts, all the teachers were quite surprised, I think, and I was. But yeah, I would say by A level, yeah, I was, I felt like I knew I enjoyed school and I knew I was doing well. And I loved university.

I do just quite like, I miss it. I like studying and I like revising and I like taking exams. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. Now this is weird. What do you think that's about? I love that.

I don't know. I just, there's something. So I'm learning to drive at the moment and I'm loving like having to like revise the highway code for my theory test and actually. And that's how I do my comedy shows. It's like, you know, I properly write them and study them and, you know, type a script and punch them up and kind of do it in quite an academic A-level English way. And I structure them, you know, quite carefully the way that you do an essay. So, yeah, it's just the way different minds work, isn't it?

Oh, we could cut through the woods. Should we do that? I mean, that's, whenever someone says that to you in a horror film, it never goes well. But actually, Rachel, you do have the look of the heroin in the, in the horror film because you've got the beautiful pink coat the blonde hair you are the girl with everything to live

for so I'm afraid you're not going to make it out of this movie alive. I'm definitely getting killed instantly. I on the other hand will be fine. So it's quite nice, a glade. Oh I really like it here, Rachel. I just have to look out for used condoms but apart from that is quite nice.

So that's really interesting. You prefer, you know, they always talk about that with comedy, don't they? They're sort of, and writing. Are you an architect or a gardener? Yes, yes. And you strike me as more of an architect, perhaps. Yeah, definitely. I heard a version for comedy the other day that was it,

it was something like architect or a golfer. And yeah, I'm definitely this sort of, oh, Ray. Ray, Ray, what are you going to do? We've come to essentially an amazingly. placed hurdle, which is branches, big branches. Yay, come on. Rachel, he did it. Well done, Ray. Well done Ray. He should get a tiny rosette. So when you were at school, were you in the sort of which team were you in? Quite nerdy. We were nerdy, but we were, even though I said I wasn't funny at school, which I wasn't, we were nerdy amongst ourselves, do you know what I mean? Like, we really

had so, it was so much laughing and we would keep private jokes going for like literally years. And I thought we were hilarious. We wrote like, me and my friend Emily wrote a parody of the famous five, not knowing that Dawn French and, you know, that a lot, the comics strip had already done that. But yeah, like we just, you know, during classes and between classes wrote like a full script of like a famous five parody. We killed off, I'm afraid, me the dog on page one and replaced him with Clifford the vicar's son and it was very funny. Were you self-confident? Did you have self-belief growing up? Yes, yes, I think I was. In my own way, you know, I was quite, I wasn't outgoing,

which I think can sometimes, I think there's a very big difference between being confident and being outgoing, as God knows, enough comedians will tell you. Just because you're talking and occupying space, it does not mean you have confidence in yourself. And I do think that I did, in fact, I didn't know it at the time, but I did have a quiet confidence, but it wouldn't have been very visible, which I think is why it was such a shock when I sort of tried to become a performer. Everyone was like, what?

But you're like a quiet A grade student. And I was like, yeah, but I also, you know, give me that light. spotlight. I've got a dance to do. Comedians are always saying like there's you know your mate in the pub who is really thinks is really funny and can make his mates laugh would not necessarily and people are like you should be a comedian mate. He should not be a comedian necessarily. Maybe he's as it happens he's also good at stand-up comedy at writing hours of material remembering it tailoring it to each audience and the admin that goes with being a comedian. but most likely, it's not guaranteed that he's going to be a good stand-up comedian

just because he can like make a couple of jibes down the pub with you. And similarly, I think that like with anything, comedy as a career is not just being funny. Being funny is the main part of it, but it's also kind of, it's about listening and understanding people and having that inner confidence, not, when a joke doesn't land, to be able to keep on going and not get freaked out by it. Well, it's interesting as well, I always find, of all the comedians I know,

the ones who tend to have very successful long-term careers are really hard workers, in terms of discipline, and I have so much respect for that. I think as well, not just comedy, this is probably true of any career, but I think comedians who have a long career, also are willing or able to be versatile, to bend slightly, what they do. So, you know, if you look at Frank Skinner, I would say that his career has changed. You know, he did presenting, he's done stand-up, he's done writing, and he slightly sort of changes his tone, is able to change his tone a little bit.

Look at Bill Bailey, whose performance is so, like his shows haven't changed in terms of, how incredible and you can tell he's like my absolute idol he's amazing but I think him doing strictly and then lots of other TV shows off the back of that oh hello little friend hello who's this one hello but yeah the him doing him doing that was like obviously a decision you know Rufa's Hound like you know doing dancing on ice like sort of they they just little changes in career that can keep you going so that you can keep doing what you love, but it might just, you know, the world changes and you have to change with it a little bit. Yeah.

And actually in some ways, I think stand-up comedy is probably one of the hardest mediums creatively. In terms of putting yourself out there, let's say, that's why I wonder whether other areas seem less insurmountable in a way. because you think, if I've done that, I can do anything. Definitely. Well, like, anyone, like, I definitely have days. So I was at a comedy festival last week in Austria, and, oh, I had two gigs that I did not feel good at. The first one, everyone was like, oh, it's a tough audience, it's tough crowd.

And I was like, fair enough, the next day, before I went on to headline, everyone was like, what a lovely, warm crowd tonight. They're loving it. Honestly, you'll have a great time. and I went on and stank the place out. They did not go for it at all. And it's times like that where you go, I'm not, am I meant to be a comedian?

Like, I'm still getting away with it. Whereas the musical side of it, I feel like that is an aspect of, like stand-up. I'm like, there's thousands of stand-ups who can do stand-up better than me. And the musical comedy, I'm like, no, that is something I can do that other people can't, that I can sort of bring to the table.

and I feel much more confident doing music really than I do stand-up. Because you did music at university. I did. And you went to a posh one. Yes, yes. You see, that's really interesting. You just said, yes, yes. As we know, there are two types of Oxbridge, and I can tell which one you are.

It's probably, like, restricted to the bubble of people I would be friends with, but I only know the type of Oxbridge that's like, oh god that will never mention it that will never mention it and if you mention it they're like oh yeah okay yeah well yeah that's sort of true yes sort of true um i think it's difficult because it is um one of those conversations you can't win because you did go and going in itself is a huge privilege just go irrelevant of how you got there and what you did there and your background just the simple fact of going to Oxbridge gives you privilege and I absolutely agree with that but I do find I do find it interesting that obviously there is still a huge number of like

public school old money people who go to Oxbridge but that is changing and there are sort of I suppose I'm biased because I went to St Hilders which has got a huge state school intake and I met much more sort of normal people. So that idea that people have of like the nepotistic kind of old money environment, I didn't see that. Well, I saw it in little pockets like a tourist, you know, at Oxford, but I didn't see it in general my university experience. You mentioned something in your book. You talk about your school and you were sort of an assisted place at a posh school essentially. I'm interested in those people only because, when you're in a privileged environment like that, but you're not as privileged as everyone else. Do you go to say? Yeah.

I think it's interesting, isn't it? I think it offers you quite a unique perspective. Yeah, absolutely. I think, I talk about that in my stand-up, actually. Yeah. See how, like, definitely having a private education, again, gives you privilege and self-confidence as well, a lot of the time from just the opportunities that are there,

the attitude of people. people, teachers, not always, but mostly sort of caring about what you do and how you do, but also being the girl on the full assisted place gives you a sort of imposter syndrome that you, that sort of stays with you. So in my standard, I say like, that mixture of self-confidence and imposter syndrome gives you like, with any given task, I'm like, no, I can't do that. I won't be able to do that. I'm sure I can't. In fact, I know I can't, but I know that better than anyone. And it does give you a bit of a mix of perspectives.

So you're obviously super talented musician. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm a musician, certainly. But the reason I went into comedy, I think, is because I didn't have the drive to do, say, because I was classically trained, but I didn't have the drive that a concert pianist would have to put those hours in and really like perfect you know a piece of music in that way but I do feel like yeah I've gained other skills when you did music at university that's quite a proper degree

it requires real discipline and you can't sort of wing it yeah I want to say make it quite clear that is not my son do you know what I would have loved to talk more in depth that about music and musicianship in the book, but it couldn't be about that because I kept doing that. I wrote, the hardest chapter I wrote was the one that was basically about music that was wake up to a belter. It was really fun to write, but there was so much more that I wanted to say, but it was sort of geeky and boring when I wrote.

I was like, who is this really for? It's just for me to get it down. But, you know, as a teacher, as a music teacher and a piano teacher and a singing teacher. Like I, you, over the years have so many thoughts about it, about how to bring,

how to bring music to children is, is a huge thing about how to make music appealing. And basically what a good musician is, like the grade system is, it is what it is, and it's all you can do, you know, passing your grade eight, passing your grade eight essentially means,

you can play. It's hard, but it means you've practiced three pieces extremely well. You can do scales. You have to do a little bit of kind of basic theory, but what has made me a good musician, and I am a good musician, is everything that came in my job, which was, say, accompanying a children's choir who can't hit the notes. So you have to rearrange the piece, making all the harmonies easier putting it down a tone or up to tones on the spot playing in church like needing to play appropriately and quietly for funerals and joyfully for weddings and reverently for like communion teaching you know all different levels and all different personalities and all different ages makes you it makes you see music from

different people's point of view And yeah, it's interesting, you know, there's just when you're growing up, you're like, oh my God, have you taken your grade six? That's amazing. But really good musicianship, I really think is, so much of it is experience. And you were, as you say, you're a music teacher. You've always, you did that to supplement your income for a long time, didn't you? After you graduated. I did, but it was the main thing I was doing, you know, it wasn't just. You got to go, so you were a music teacher in a primary school?

I'm so jealous you got to go in the staff room. I used to see the teachers with that cup of tea. You know, you'd always say, oh, the freedom of being an adult. I think you always thought there was much more fun happening in there and really mainly what's happening in there is conversations about EastEnders. When did you start doing comedy then, Rachel? I started doing improv comedy before anything else when I was 23 and I'd moved Well, no, I stayed living in Oxford.

So I graduated from my degree in Oxford. And then I knew I didn't want to move home again. So I straight away got a job in a bookshop. Yeah. Music shop. And did tutoring from then, piano teaching and stuff like that. And then saved up for you. And then went and did commuted to do a one-year drama course in London

while working on the weekends. And then, so I was still living in Oxford. Sorry, this is really long. and I joined the Oxford Imps which is a Oxford based improv troupe and they did like yeah like short form games

like whose ladies anyways star stuff and that was the first time it was part of a team that I was like oh I can be funny I can be funny on a stage specifically it was quite a revelation I think and I felt more confident in it than I had in anything else I think

I was like oh yeah I can I can do this because a lot of people say that improv seems like the scariest thing but for me it's always felt and I think for a lot of improvisers once you do it you realise it's the least scary thing because you can't go wrong

you really can't go wrong and then I did solo later I started hanging out with comedians from the improv move to London and basically yeah found my way into my first stand-up gig but it wasn't stand-up I started out doing musical comedy with a bit of talking in between.

And then as the years went on, the stand-up got bigger and bigger until it was more the main thing. There was a period when your life changed so dramatically. And it sort of started with you getting the gig on the MASH report, really, didn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It was quite a mad year. And it sort of continued, really. sort of mad few years but yeah it started with not so much getting the Mass Report

but a few months because the Mass Report wasn't life changing at the beginning I had a very small role and you've been doing we should say you've been doing like you know Edinburgh and lots of shows and you were a well-known successful comic yeah I was gigging as like a gigging comic

and yeah just sort of living in a flat share and quite independent kind of doing little tours that I organise myself. But then, yeah, it was when they gave me more to do on the Mass Report after a few months when I started writing on it and we started doing more political stuff. And my pieces started going viral. Hello, Ray, Ray. Rachel, see here he comes to.

We often do the test. You call him I will. Ray, Ray, Ray. Ray. Hello, hello, unbelievable. He came to me. The shade of it all. I give off.

Yeah, so that was crazy. There was suddenly like a huge amount of attention. And it opened all these doors very suddenly. But that all happened at the same time as getting together with Marcus, moving into someone else's house. having a, you know, a ready-made sort of family. And it all happened at the same time. So, yeah, it was intense. It was intense time.

You write about the experience of going viral. Yeah. And it's so fascinating. Just the particular nature of that kind of fame, if you like, yeah. It carries a lot of baggage with it, doesn't it? Because it's not, it's almost not normal. It's not normal.

Although I suppose it's becoming more non- normal, that people find success in that way. And we should say what happened to you, because these segments from the MASH report suddenly got posted, didn't they online? Yeah. So they were released online and it was then that they sort of when they aired, nothing really happened. But when they went online, they like within hours and then within a day went to like,

you know, a million views and more than that. So now all of the combined pieces are like over 100 million views. And what comes with that is obviously like a lot of comments and attention and all of that. But also sort of very suddenly people going, oh, you can suddenly be on these programs that you've wanted to be on with really no more qualifications than I'd had the week before, which was fascinating. It's like, now you can be on the week. Now you can do live with the Apollo. And I'm like, well, I was actually at the top of my game standard wise two years ago. fine. But no, it was, it was an interesting time, but it was also quite complicated because I was

going viral for pieces that I had co-written and really kind of, it was difficult because it wasn't like a sketch that you've completely done yourself and filmed yourself and it's all yours. It was, it was like people treated it as though it was a spontaneous speech. Dave Chappelle standing there saying, I think this. Exactly, exactly. This is what it is. So it was complicated because some I wrote on more than other, like public apology. I wrote loads of and the sexual harassment piece I wrote a lot on.

The Trump, Piers Morgan one, I wrote on, but the idea for, like, loads of that wasn't me. And that was one of the ones that I got so much shit for and was answering to people saying, you know, awful stuff about, like, I didn't care about what the Trump supporters said about it, but people who were saying this is homophobic, what we've put out, which I really think is bullshit. Sorry, I don't know if you can say bullshit, which is not true at all.

And having to answer for something that isn't all yours was interesting. And you had, as you say, I love the reference you make in your book, you say, I had what would have once been called a nervous breakdown. Yeah, it's quite an old-school term, isn't it? But when I was younger, I think, oh, what happened? Did they just collapse on the floor and then they got up? Although that is accurate for me. You know, when it first happened, it was a moment like that. I did.

I collapsed on the floor. I couldn't breathe and then I kept not being able to breathe and then, you know, had just a series of panic attacks and was literally on all fours like an animal, like not just terrified thinking I was going to die. So it was like it was a breakdown and I was very nervous. So, yeah, it was not something I knew could happen to me. You know, I thought I, and it sort of came out of nowhere

because like I say in the book, it really happened a year, almost exactly a year later than all the big changes. But I think that your body just goes, okay, strap in for this amount of time. And then, I mean, did you have any of, did you have that, happened to you like there was this period of huge trauma and do you put it off a bit and then sort of it comes later on I think so I definitely had that it's difficult because you get congratulated when you're holding it together it's some it's only when you're on your own I think that you collapse a bit don't you yeah yeah I

think that's true and sometimes with a delay you've met Marcus Briggs stock at that point your now husband yes that was huge as well, you know, that like it was such a romantic time. And also what goes with that, what I would call a whirlwind romance. I'd known them for years. Have you? We've been friends for years, yeah. But, you know, when that thing changes, it moved quite quickly. You know, we got serious quickly. We moved in quite quickly. What is defining about a whirlwind romance is, you know the word whirlwind is there for a reason it's tumultuous and it's sudden

and it's not stable and calm that has taken time you know when you're moving house when you're getting to know stepkids when you're just finding your way through a relationship with you know you're forming a new life with someone then

it is brilliant but you'd like your career to be stable at that point. And basically what I will say for the podcast listeners is loads of good things happened and my brain couldn't cope with it. It was all good. It wasn't all good, but a lot of it was fantastic.

But it was just a lot all at once, basically. You like really movingly about losing your baby? Yes. And I found that, I don't know, it was so, I imagine that would be really helpful for people to read about that. I wanted to write about it. I wanted to write about my baby and what happened. And like I say in the book, there's a, because it's so sort of horrifying what happened from the outside. No one wants to know to talk about it.

And even your friends, I was so lucky to have wonderful friends around who was so supportive. But when you actually go through what happened, they were shocked and you have to comfort them and be like, it's okay. It's okay. I'm all right. Like, I remember in the days afterwards kind of trying to talk about it to really good friends and them just going white as a sheet and not knowing how to deal with it. So it was, I wanted to have a place to, I don't know if commemorate is the right word, but like, you know, to talk about it, to get it down, to mark it, I suppose, yeah, to mark the baby and what, the baby that I had, you know. I totally understand that. I think it's actually a really lovely thing to do, you know. I'm so happy for you

that you had Billy Yes Do you want to see pictures though Look Let me have a look This is him So they are Billy With his bells

Oh he's so cute And how old is he is he's eight months Eight months Oh he's gorgeous He's honestly like I don't know if you're allowed to say about your baby He's so cute But he...

He's got a little Tyrolina out there. Yeah, he's got Leidenhausen. I love what you say. You're really honest about being a step-mom and having a blended family. Yeah. That's a tight rope, isn't it, that you have to walk, especially initially, I imagine. Yeah, it really is. And I honestly think it always will be.

Like, some things get easier. You come to love each other, and that obviously helps. It helps when you love the members of your family and you understand each other better. But it was hard for them. Of course it was. And it was hard for me. And it was hard for Marcus trying to sort of bring all the people he loves together. And they suddenly had this woman in their life, in their home, that they didn't choose.

and so it is I think I think the only thing you can say about blended families is complicated you know is that relationship status on Facebook it's always going to be complicated and just when you find yourself settling in like with any relationship some a new stage of life happens you know like other events happen like having a baby or having a miscarriage or, you know, like everyone's got their stuff going on and you have to learn a new way of being, which is, it's not as smooth as if it's just your kids, then there's just, you know, there's an ease of like an instinctive thing. And I think that's the thing with being a stepmother or a stepchild is it's not instinctive.

you have to think about it and work out how to react. The kids knew me already, which really helped. So they were like, oh, Rachel, we know Rachel. Yeah, we like Rachel. But that was the case. Yeah, I would say he was like, this is Rachel. You know Rachel, she's going to be important in my life. Let's do this thing.

And I do think that was sort of the only way to do it, you know, because I was sort of around quite quickly, living with them. I think being a step moment really makes you self-evaluate like how you come across, how you are. And in some ways, I know that I'm not, I'm definitely not the Julie Andrews figure, and I wish I was.

I really wish I was some days. Are you quite a direct person? Sometimes, well, obviously, which is the only way to be, sometimes yes and sometimes no. Like, I do feel, um, I do, these days feel like quite, I am a bit of a steper in a, you know, if someone's like doing something wrong. I'm sort of direct in that way.

I, yeah, I am assertive. I'll tell you what I can't do. And I've discovered this after my nervous breakdown, I had therapy for the first time. I really have no idea how to do. display anger at all, right? Does this ring a bell? And she kept, I'd be describing how I feel and what's been happening and everything. And she'd go, and what is the feeling that, and I'm like, I suppose frustration, I suppose intensely, intensely frustrated. And she's like, otherwise known as, and I'm like, angry? And she's like, yes, you're really angry. Like, I can hear how angry you are.

and I don't know how to display it. I literally never shout or rage or do anything physical. And that was quite a revelation. And it kept coming up again and again. When I was having therapy, she just kept going, yeah. And again, you're angry about that. And that's okay. Like it's okay to be angry when, you know,

there are situations in life that you're definitely in where you're rightfully angry. But I don't know what to do with it, how to get it out, how to communicate it. And that's, it's not ideal because then it definitely bubbles away inside you. And it comes out in barbed comments. Are you good at those? Yeah, but you, but I am. You expect, like, other people to meet you on the same, you're like,

well I'm going to deal with this in incredibly sharp, concise language, explaining exactly my point of view. And then I think when I've done that, you will agree with me because I'm going to put it really clearly. And it doesn't work that way. It really gets people's back. So I've realised whenever I try and sound assertive, particularly over email,

whenever I try and sound assertive in like a normal person, I end up sounding like, sort of Dame Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey. Completely. Who is this with Victorian, this sort of lexicon? Like, I am most disappointed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there's this whole movement.

Oh, I arrived about this in the book as well. This idea of like women should apologise less. You don't need to put exclamation marks. You don't need to say if that's okay. Or does this make sense? Just be clear and concise. And I know where they're coming from. But actually, I think there's worth in those phrases.

I just think other people should use them more. I think men should use them more if they're not using them. You know, accommodate people. There's nothing wrong with accommodating people. It's just, it's the only reason that's bad is if it's only women doing it. Like you say, when I try and not use exclamation marks or not say if that's okay,

it sounds like a brick. That sound horrible. I always say to people, if you went out the room and you heard someone thing. The problem with Rachel is, what would you most dread to hear? Well, I'll tell you one thing that I have, in terms of, one thing I feel appreciative for is I think I know a lot of the bad things they'd say and I'm sort of okay with it. Do you know what I mean?

I'm not upset by it. So I think if you asked like, say my ostentatious, who is both my theatre group, but that also some of my closest friends, it's so fun. And we've been doing it for like, God, like 12 years now. And so we've become so tight, especially the women, the group are like really tight. So go on, what would they say? I think they would say, um, I'm stubborn. Like when it comes to like running the group,

but it's a difficult mixture because I think they'd say, I'm stubborn and think I'm right too much, but also not always doing enough work to earn that. So it's like you can't step in and have that strong opinion, but not pull your weight at the same time. I'm seeing you as the Paul McCartney and get back figure. Yeah. Yeah, this is it. I think there is like, I, and I think with general friends, I think I've got better, you know, you learn, don't you as you get older, but certainly in my younger years, I think I was flaky, not good at keeping in touch, and would just sort of pull out of plans sometimes last minute. But I've got, I've got better in the last few years now at that. I think because as you get older, your friends have all been through. so much that it means a lot more and because meeting up is harder you commit a bit more to it

but yeah i i think those are things people would say what are the nice things they say i think they would say that i'm kind i hope um i think i've got i think i've got better at listening more to what people are going through. I think in my younger years, as a performer, you know, I think I was so focused on what I was doing and what I was feeling. And in many ways, writing a book is terrible for that because you write a book about your experiences and then people spend a year asking you about yourself

and about your feelings and your experiences, and you end up just talking about yourself for two years. therapy Rachel it sort of is but it's not great and I think the best therapy you can have is to listen to other people and find out what they're what they're going through yeah and so I think again I think I have been and I'm still prone to like any like most comedians thinking that your life is of interest and actually the best way you can be a friend obviously is often listening and taking it in and I'm learning that I think you're probably quite level-headed as well are you good in a crisis Yes, yes, I think so.

Yeah, I do think I am. I think I'm quite, I mean, not when I'm literally having a nervous breakdown, but apart from that period of time, I think, yeah, I think like, and again, I don't know if this is sexist, but I do think that women are often, not all women, but like women are often good in a crisis situation. I sometimes crumble a bit, I get very bad anxiety around really day-to-day things like travelling. Traveling with the family, I find, get real.

really bad anxiety. It should be normal. It should be a nice thing to do. But crisis, I feel like, yeah, that I can do and be the calm one. I imagine, you know, you're obviously a perfectionist as well. I can tell that about you, are you? Yeah, a bit, yeah.

You have got that Paul McCartney get back thing, I can tell. Are you basing that off that documentary? Yeah, I watched it. It's incredible. Well, it is essentially, Frank Skinninghow, I work with said. so it's basically a big brother with the Beatles. Yeah, it is. But I found it fascinating.

I'm not even a huge Beatles fan, but I found it so interesting. And everything for Montgomery Gartney did, I was like, if you were one of the other Beatles, you'd find him so annoying. But he's right. He's right. See, I love the line's teeth.

I thought, well, someone's got to do the work. It can't all be the visionary. He's taking heroin. Like, he was going through, going like, so George, I think, what needs to happen on guitar is this? I'll just do with, And I'll just do what needs to happen and then you copy me.

And like just going on the drums and doing the beat for them. And he's like, oh God, you're good. You're so right. And that is what the song needs. But I would not want to be in a band with you. But I do think. Look at this, Rachel. Do you take me here?

No, not yet. But I will. But my little nieces and nephews go here. Well, it's a little, it's really lovely. I should totally bring Billy here. It's really beautiful. I love the known Billy. Oh, thanks.

I imagine it's quite a lot of pressure naming it. Yeah, it is. Especially, I think there's not that many good boys' names. Yeah. We had lovely girls' names, but boys' names was harder. We had a short list. Very short. Two, two names.

And, yeah, Billy Briggsock. Partly called Billy Briggs' dog, because we just kept going, Billy Briggs dog, Billy, Billy Briggs dog, Billy, Billy Brickstock. We love you. We love you. Oh, you. Billy, Billy Briggsock. Billy Briggs dog loves us too.

And you're still doing, you do, it's called Late Night Mash. It's now Late Night Mash. Which is on day, which is brilliant. And I absolutely, thanks. Yeah. Love it. It'll be coming back. It's funny, isn't it?

It's quite an unusual scenario with it because it is, you know, visibly still based on the Mash report. And everyone just refers to it as the Mash report or a bit, even I do. But I think there will be. more changes to it with the coming series. The more I think about what you went through, I suppose, and I do see it as went through, because I do feel there is something slightly traumatic

about going about your business, and then suddenly a clip of you goes viral, and millions of people around the world are watching it. Because I don't think human beings are disease, designed for that kind of sudden burst of focus. Yeah. And I think your response was the response of someone who is healthy. I think it just depends on your personality, doesn't it?

Like I'm sure there are people who would have that sort of sudden attention, worldwide attention, and perhaps they'd be fine with it and they'd love it. And they'd be like, this is amazing. But it just depends whether it fits with your personality. And for me, it was exciting, but it was exciting, but it was, exciting but it was also scary yeah I understand that I'm really happy for you now Rachel because you seem like just seems like life's really in a good place at the moment yeah I feel like yeah there's been there's been a lot happening

and other things are always around the corner but yeah things do feel definitely like a bit more settled than they have for the last few years Oh, Ray. So what do you think of Ray? Oh, I think he's so cute. He's a cute little fluffball. I feel like I need to get to know him better, though. We need to have a coffee just the two of us.

He does like a coffee. Yeah. He can have a little cappuccino or something, baby chino. I think you'll find, Rachel, they sell papuchinos. What? Incredible. I bet you can get them in this area. I bet you can.

What do the people around in? Clapham is quite, is it quite Labrador around here? No, I would say it's, there are a few Labrador. I would say it's more small dogs. A lot of cockapoo's, I reckon. I'll tell you what there's a lot of, and I love them, is, what do they call? I call them little gentlemen.

What? That sounds like a sort of intimate. Yeah, it does. doesn't it? Show me your little gentleman. Miniature schnauzers with little moustaches. They're my favourite, I think they're my favourite kind of dog. I find them so cute.

They just look like they should have a little pipe and a tweed jacket. I think if we had one, because we and Marcus have talked about it a lot, I feel sure we'll get a dog in the next few years. Yeah. We'd have what we call a dogular dog, i.e. like a Labrador sort of, you know. You know, that kind of shape. Look, I'm not taking it personally. What you're saying is,

what I'm saying is I'm not going to steal Ray is what I'm seeing. Little Ray. Come on. Say hello, Raymond. I'll tell you what I think about Ray's. I think he's brave. Yes, he is, isn't he? He's brave, because there's been a lot of big dogs,

especially that barking one earlier, that if I was Ray, I'd be like, huh. Yeah. Do you know he holds his own? Yeah. And I'm really impressed by that. Oh, I think maybe you will end up getting a dog. Yeah, I'm sure.

I think really would like it. It's just a matter of when. All right, we're going to say goodbye to Rachel. You're going to say goodbye, Raymond. Bye, Riri. Rachel, we've loved our water you. Come on. Right, Ray, can you say good.

Goodbye again, Riri. Bye, bye, puppet. I really hope you enjoyed listening to that. And do remember to rate, review and subscribe on iTunes.