Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Rhys James (Part One)

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

This week, Emily and Raymond are taking a stroll in East London’s Haggerston Park with the brilliant comedian Rhys James! We were thrilled to go on another walk with Rhys to chat about his hilarious new book - You'll Like It When You Get There: A Life Lived Reluctantly! It’s a brilliant funny book - taking a refreshingly honest look at modern life, and how to get out of living it.We spoke to Rhys about some of the themes of the book: overthinking, dread and celebrating plans being cancelled. You’ll Like It When You Get there is out on 14th August - you can pre-order your copy here!If you’d like to hear more from Rhys - you can listen to his first appearance on Walking The Dog from April 2024 here!Follow @rhysjamesy on InstagramKeep up with all things Rhys at https://rhysjames.co.uk/ Follow Emily: Instagram - @emilyrebeccadeanX - @divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Rich Jarman Artwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Now the reason to have kids is obviously hormonal and emotional. I understand that. But it's the justifications people make, which are just not true. The first thing everyone always says is who can look after you when you're older? You can't just breed healthcare workers for yourself. You can't be popping out zero hours contract nurses. This week on Walking the Dog, Ray and I went for a stroll in East London's Hagerston Park with the brilliant comedian Reese James.

Now, Reese is still firmly team cat, but I've chosen to forgive him because he asked Bob Mortimer to name her, which is probably why he's ended up with the best-named cat in the world, Tabitha Light Source. Rees started his stand-up career when he was adorably young. He was just 17 when he did his first gig, and famously, he still looks about 17. So whatever youth deal he's done with the devil,

I want in on it. I've actually had the pleasure of chatting with Reese on walking the dog before, so do go back and give that episode a listen for more of his backstory. But I was very keen to catch up with him again, mainly as I've just read his new book called You'll Like It When You Get There, A Life Lived Reluctantly, which is an utterly hilarious guide to life from someone who doesn't want to do anything. Or as he puts it, it's the perfect book for anyone who's ever celebrated plans being cancelled with an Andy Murray fist pump. I just love this book, partly because it totally reinforced all my life choices, but also because

Reese is just a brilliantly funny writer and it's a joy to read. So do yourself a huge favour and pre-order your copy now so you can get stuck in the minute it comes out on August the 14th. Ray and I loved our stroll with Reese and I've got to say, I think if anyone is going to successfully move Reese over to the dog's side, it's Ray. Because let's face it, Ray is essentially a cat in a dog's body. Well, more of an Ewok's body, but you get the idea. Really hope you enjoy our chat. I'm going to stop talking now and have over to the great man himself. Here's Reese and Ray-Way. Which way should we go, Reese? I guess there. I'm following you. Come on, Raymond, follow Reese. We're in

Reese's manner now. Sort of. Is this your manner? I wish it was actually. I'd much rather live just like the road adjacent to this park. That's very specific. Yeah, it's a really good road. It's just like we're around Hagerston. You arrived on a lime bike. Yeah. Skid it in, schoonerskora style. I think you look great on it. Do you know what I also think? It's very anti-aging the line bike.

Do you think it makes people look young? You look, I mean, you look. Yeah, because 50-year-old men are on a different type of bike with Lycra and you can see everything. Whereas I was wearing baggy clothes. It's so anti-aging. I think it knocked about seven years off you. Wow. Really?

Okay, that's good. And that's a lot for you because we all know. It's on record how. young Reese James looks. Yes. I think that's starting to diminish. I've not been IDed for a long time. So Reese James, you have been on this podcast before. Yeah. I loved seeing you so much. I've decided Raymond and I needed another fix. And also, it was good timing because I've just read, I got an advanced copy, very privileged, of your absolutely brilliant new book. Thank you very much for saying that. You did get a copy. You got a proof which is I'm probably littered with

mistakes. Maybe I've changed it all now and now you've quoted on it. Okay. And I've changed it. It's now deeply offensive stuff and your name's attached to it forever. I gave you a quote. Well, we should say what it's called. You want to officially introduce your book. It's called you'll like it when you get there. Yeah. A life lived reluctantly. Which I particularly love. Oh yeah. And you've got some great quotes already. People are lining up to say how it is. You've had Adam K. Adam K. Stephen Merchant, Sarah Pascoe, Ashling B, Phil Wang. There's someone else, isn't there?

Emily Dean, of course. Very grateful. I said, Rees James is not only a brilliant comedian, he's also a fabulously talented writer. Did you like that? I love that, yeah. It turns out, I said. It turns out.

No one saw it coming, but it turns out he does know his way around a sentence occasionally. So this is the bit, last time I was here, I was with Big Brother presenter. will best. And this was, did you have to go in this undercover bit? There's an undercover, the colonnade we call it. Right. And there's some gentlemen here who they, they, it's their location for cocktail drinking. Sure. Is that what we're calling it? Yeah. See I, and as my old head mistress said, she once said, two girls were seen in Waterloo Park in Highgate preparing to light a cannabis cigarette. I think they might be preparing to light a cannabis cigarette. That's the very very least when you said before you said to me before about sharing a cocktail I

thought you met you it was a euphemism something entirely different I did not think that was a drug you I thought it was like I thought we were getting into did you think we were in memory of George Michael yeah I was getting we were getting into sort of some territory that sort of hamster I was like this is haggastard not hamster teeth come on I said yes it's pretty woke around here but I don't think they'll stand for that out in the open so much no we miss George hamster teeth's not the same no snappy snaps has recovered actually but It doesn't feel right, doesn't it?

It'll never be the same. It'll never be the same. Right. I'm going to put you on the floor, Raymond, and let's see how you get on. Yes, exactly. So, handily for me, Rhys, your book is a collection of essays. And in it, you touch on a lot of aspects of your life and your childhood. So I thought we could just chat about some of the things you get into and wrap them into your life, as it were.

Sure. Because that's what you do. Yeah, I like to look at the book as a book as it were. collection of essays. My Polish shirt has told me under no circumstances refer to the book as a collection of essays. Why is that because did they not sell? I think in the UK I think that's quite an American thing a collection of essays and as a fan of essayists I'm well on board with it because often also like well we're both big David Cedaris fans. Yeah and the thing I like about essayists and essay collections is that often are quite a lot like a stand-up comedy show they are individual things that

add up to something else when you sort of put them together. So it's like it is a memoir really, but there's certainly chapters you could read without any other context quite easily. Probably all of the chapters you could read that any of the context except the last. Yes. First and last. But if you do read it all together, you would be like, oh right, it tells a story and they're all linked in this way. Yeah.

But I think it's because in the UK, if someone hears the word essay, they think, exam. Yes, you're right. And that doesn't sound like a laugh and it is a comedy book. I wonder if that is as an interesting American thing where they have more of a tradition like those long-form reads. You know, when you pick up an American magazine like Vanity Fair or they have those articles that like turn to page 90, turn to page two. I mean, they're like 10,000 word essays and we don't really have that here. We just have a page of too many migrants send them back. A paragraph maybe.

I feel like what you're saying is bring back page three. And that's what I've always said. Bring it back. Come on, less words. Yeah. A little less conversation, a little more action. Let me be the first to say. So we should start.

Before we get into Things Rees, well, this is Things Rees, but I just need to interrogate you as to why you insist on not getting a dog. I have a cat. I'm a cat guy. I'm a cat person. And your cat was named by Bob Mortimer.

Yeah, Tabitha Light Source. How did Bob Mortimer name Tabitha? Bob Mortimer sells cat names on Twitter, and that was like a joke he would do. and they'd be called like John Gump or Mike the Twat and stuff like that or Henry Spanners. The sorts of names Bob Morton says almost on would I lie to you, that sort of stuff. You go off lightly then, didn't you? But I just sent a picture to him.

I'm lucky enough to have his email address and I abused that privilege massively by sending him an email with a picture of my cat that I was adopting the next day and said, I'm adopting this cat, Bob, any chance of a cat name. He charges £8 per annum, so I promised him to send him that or give it to charity. It still goes eight pounds per round Does he give it to a charity? I don't know if he does but he didn't want it He happily let the RSPCA take that But he he said looks like a Tabitha light source to me

And I think once he's sort of replied to you and said that It'll be pretty rude if I didn't call my cat that name But that's why I'm not in this sort of dog See also the walking like you've monetised this So it's sort of fine for you Do you ever go and walk because you don't record with the dog? No, exactly. What's the point? No, I do.

But you know what I've... It's a bit like relationship podcasts. How, do they have conversations off air? Or like when it freaks me out that they're probably going, oh, save it if they're about to have an argument. Yeah, save it. This will be good for the pod. We'll get a good clip out of this.

Yes, that's interesting, isn't it? I wonder if it does impact on your dynamic. I'm sure it must. You must be saving anecdotes. Like, if I've got an anecdote, I will tell it to my girlfriend immediately, basically. But if I was saying... Saving them all up for a podcast.

I feel mental. I really respect that purity of save it. Don't tell me anything. But on the other hand, because we actually do that on the podcast I do with Frank Skinner and Piano Belli, we do that. You don't all live in one house.

We don't all live. That would be really dysfunctional. It would be like David Bidl and Frank except all way too old to be doing that. Wouldn't that be weird? Oh, Raymond's given up. I've never seen him lie down like that. He looks like a puddle.

Do you think Raymond has? That is crazy. I've never seen that before. You're used to it. That is absolutely ridiculous. It looks like that... Do you like his beseeching eyes? He freaks me out, but he does like me. Do you think Raymond has quite cat-like energy, Reese? Because I think you get on with him okay. I don't want to answer any of your question about Raymond because you're going to be upset by my responses. I won't be upset. I'm used to... He's cat-like in a way, but he's also quite alien-like, I think. Oh, no, I like... I think I... If you said this is from... I got this from space. I'd be like, yeah.

Listen. And I don't even mean that as an insult at all. My brief, when I went to get a dog was, I don't want it to be a normal looking dog. Yeah, fine. And I've succeeded. Well, they've absolutely nailed. I always say, I think he looks like if George Lucas was making an early prototype.

He actually looks a bit like George Lucas. He does, yeah. He's got the similar neck. He's got that sort of face shape of George Lucas. But I think they would reject it and say that's going to frighten the kids. It's too much. It's too weird. Yeah.

How old is he? How old is he? But he's got a certain wisdom to his face these days. Yes. He is eight, nearly nine. Eight and a half. Do you want me to carry you? He's sort of like more, he's wiser than his years, potentially.

That's one of the gentlemen who is preparing to light a cannabis cigarette. Yeah, but he's going quite fast on his bike, so he doesn't seem very chilled to me. Oh, no, yeah. Maybe he was selling the cannabis cigarette. And he's off to make another, come on, you're going to slow us down. Come on, Reese. Let's go around this way. There's a Labrador here.

but in my experience, they're quite good-natured souls, so I feel comfortable with the Labrador. I'd get one of them, I think, if I was going to get a dog. Is that the dog you'd get? I'd get like a... I'd want like an Andrex puppy, yeah. Is that a Labrador? No, it's a golden retriever?

Yeah, no, Labrador. Labradorers have a slightly more sort of clipped down to an abbey coat, I find. You know, the golden retrievers is a bit shaglier. Yes, yeah, sure. but it's a little word it just seems like a lot of faff what getting a dog

yeah getting a dog like that a big dog like that that one over there is absolutely charging around my cat does that as well she wants she like tap you and then tap a toy and make you play and like

throw a little toy bird around for her to jump at she likes um if you screw up a little ball of paper and chuck it into a much bigger pile of paper she loves to go crashing into that pile of paper trying to get it I like the sound of Tabitha

I think I'd get on with Tabitha She's good fun. She's a ginger cat, so she's nuts. But sometimes it is like, I am in the middle of something. And she'll just sit behind you and just go like, eh, until you do stuff. One of the things that we'll get onto, and we could even talk about it now, which I really love. In this book, there's, like you said, there's a collection of essays and your kind of general thoughts on things. And one thing you touch on, which I found so interesting and it was a bit of a sort of hard relate moment, is when you talk about your choice not to, have kids and get married.

You know, and you do have a partner you live with. But I thought it was so interesting some of the points you raised and very funny obviously because it's you. But it was one of those things I wanted to just sort of print it out and think I just want this in my bag at all time. So next time someone says to me. Is that, and you actually, oh my goodness, look at this. Oh, who's this guy?

Hello. This is like a crazy man. Hello, darling. Hello, sweetheart. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, you want to have a play. You want to have a little play, do you? You're very friendly, aren't you?

You're very, yes, yes. This guy's crazy. That dog was full on. Personality was like a man, that was like a guy in a suit jumping around on kids' TV. No, some dogs, it does feel a bit like, that's why I don't understand when people have those big dogs, especially those big squat dogs like it must be like getting into bed with Diego Maradonna or something

Oh you mean like yeah like a Do you know what I mean like those Where that can barely breathe Yeah Or just like those sort of more those bigger sort of compact Musly dogs And it's all yeah

I mean they make a certain sound When you sort of slap them on the side No one ever strokes them They slap them No Ray just stops Oh he can't be arse Look at this

And I found that really interesting Reese what you said about that because as you basically say the point you make is when people ask you which I imagine at your age you do get asked that a lot you're at the peak

let's ask them why they don't have children age it's well now it's starting to happen from my nieces well my oldest niece who's four and a half is starting to say why don't you why don't you to have kids once she learns what marriage is she'll ask that as well because I remember my

I've got an uncle and aunt who aren't married but have two kids and I've got a different uncle and aunt who are married but don't have kids and the amount I would ask both of those questions to each of them especially the unmarried one I'd be like just get married why aren't you married as a kid and then my uncle would just be like I don't want to why would I what's the point um and I'll be like because because it's crazy and I probably would have been 12 learnt the word bastard and what it actually meant would have been like my cousins are bastard you can't let this happen and uh I just know that's obviously I Well, I don't have to deal with that second bit, but I just know that, yeah, if she's already going, why don't you have a kid?

She's been indoctrinated young. Yeah, it's being fed to her, isn't it? Do you think? To make sure she gets it across to me. But kids are traditionalists. This is the thing. Right. Kids are kids.

Right, so that's kids. So what about adults? Everyone says you get more right wing as you get older. Children are the most right wing people in the world. But then what explains adults? Toddlers, come on. They're not sharing the wealth, are they? They're not redistributing.

No. Not out of choice. No, you're right. They're like little emperors who make you do everything for them. They employ effectively slaves. Kids are basically reform. They are. Exactly.

They are. Anyone different, that's bad. You get, you start right. Do you think kids think leave means leave? Yeah, yeah, exactly. But what about when adults ask you then? Because presumably you do get asked that by, you know, people and... You know what?

It's gone away, that's gone away a bit because they would ask us... What would they say? It would just be like, to be honest, maybe I slightly overstate it in the book, but it's like, I never felt anyone was particularly pressing. No one close to me anyway. But maybe that's because you're a man, and that's another point you made. Well, that's the point I make in the book is that people would say, when we were younger, because we've been together a long time, me and my partner, when we were younger,

they would say, we would like, it would come up, oh, are you going to have kids or whatever, even though we were in our early 20s. And I'd be like, oh, we don't want to, we've talked about it. and I don't think we ever really want to. And to her, she would deal with a lot of them saying, oh, you will. And to me, I would get a lot of, oh, she will. Right. And it's sort of patronising for both of us that.

It's obviously sexist. But also, it's sort of like, do you think that I'm so pathetic that if I really don't want my life to involve having children, that just if the person that I'm with wants them, I would just go, okay, well, I guess we'll just do that then. Obviously, we had the discussion. and then maybe we part ways because that's a massive decision. But they were just like, oh, she will, so you will have kids. And I was like, that's sort of quite a bit her indoors, isn't it? Of like, oh, I've got to do what the old ball and chain was.

And I was just sort of like, what? Create more balls and chains? No, thank you. So, yeah, there's definitely that. I mean, the things I talk about in the book are like, it's really for comedic value, but how people think you're a bit selfish, or self-absorbed at least, to not have kids. Right. Because you want your life to be about you,

but I sort of analyse the things they say to you when saying that that are insanely selfish, arguably more selfish. Now, the reason to have kids is obviously hormonal and emotional. I understand that, but it's the justifications people make, which are just not true. So they'll say things like,

people say the first thing everyone always says is who can look after you when you're older? You can't just breed healthcare workers for yourself. You can't be popping out zero-hours contract nurses. How is that not more selfish? Well, I want someone to do palliative care for me. So you can't make someone exist who didn't want to just because of that. That's like an absolute mad sort of 60 year game plan anyway.

And then they're like, it's stuff like that. It's like, I think very few people actually say this, but some people will talk about carrying on the family name, don't they? I've always found that absolutely mad as if family name. Like, there's other people with my surname. So it doesn't make a difference whether I carry it on. It made sense back in the day. when there was like one person called Smith.

Yeah. But now, this is crazy. Look at this big old. Who needs kids? This guy's training a dog to jump over beams. That's a chow-chow. Are you familiar with the chow-chow? He asked me to dance?

Oh, the chow-tow didn't like that. Sorry, it heard me do a joke. Chow-chow's a number of a fan. Should we describe this dog? We'll do listeners know what a chow-chow looks like. It's like brilliant white. staring at your dog because it's so beautiful. Can we say hello?

Look. Cha-Chao, I love you. Oh, I love her. What's the name? Arnie. Arnie, Chow-Chow. Do you know I've been obsessed by Chow Chow Chow's my whole life. Oh, Samoid.

What's the difference between... Pretty a face. Really? They've got great personalities as well. Chow Chow Chow's can be a little bit more unpredictable. Yeah, he's desperate. This is what I ended up with. They're sort of the exact opposite dog that.

What do you make of the samoyed, Rhys? Obviously amazing, but I don't want to be, you're doing Britain's got talent trainers over there. I can't be bothered with that. I mean, you're doing it very impressively, but I imagine that's not your first day of making Arnie. It's literally just to entertain him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's very good at it. He was amazing.

Yeah, he's all right. Does he need a lot of walks, Arnie? He needs at minimum of an hour a day. Really? Yeah, but obviously where it's humid and quite warm, he's just not up to risk. He's got a double coat. Yeah.

So, do you know, Ray is the same. In a smaller way, I have to limit his walks as well. Especially, I mean, this day, this is fine. But, you know, I'm sort of, once it gets over about 21, 22, I sort of keep him in, really. Oh, it was so lovely to meet you.

It was so lovely. to meet you, Arnie. Bye-bye, Trouble. Bye-bye. See you later. Bye, Ray. Did you like Arnie? That was incredible. See, you can see. I think you've really taken a shine to Arne.

I really like meeting those dogs, but a minimum an hour a day. Also, that's basically why I don't want, the way you're sort of trying to wrangle them to be in a picture together is sort of why don't want kids. And they weren't screaming and crying while you did it. Well, that's true. Can't be asked with all of that. Before we met Arnie, which by the way, I will never regret. No, God. Do you regret, in their dogs, do you regret me too?

One that are rude to Raymond. Yeah, sometimes. But then it's like people, isn't it? There are some people who think, I could have done. Yeah, but no, no, most people, just hardly any animals. Most people, I'm like, oh, this person is not worth it. Yes. Before we met Arne, you were talking me through.

some of the reasons that are cited regarding why people choose to have kids and well it's not only why people choose to have kids because that's a lovely fabulous thing to do but it's just the sort of things they say when you say you don't want kids rather than yeah it's more the things also most people I think are pretty reasonable about all this I agree you actually get quite a lot of honesty from from parents I don't like this bench it's quite gross is it like melted. It's melted poo. Is that poo? Oh no, maybe not. Is it a bit horrible? I think it's our only option. No, that's just melted. It's a melted bench. We've all seen it. It's just a melted bench. We've all been on a melted bench before. It's that or the area where the gentlemen

are enjoying a cannabis cigarette. So let's go for the melted bench. Most people I think are like quite happy to be like, God yeah, this is actually really hard work and complete and sort of like express comedic jealousy of your freedom while understanding they've got this incredible thing they love very much and have found great purpose with. But I don't find purpose from that really. Do you know? Well, you don't think you would. I suppose you don't know. I don't think I would, yeah, but. You also say that it's one of the things that's often said is you never know real love until you've had a child. Yeah, sure. I have had that said to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've definitely had that well I don't know if I've had it said to me I've heard it said a lot

do you know what my sister used to say because she had kids but she was she used to say when someone said that to me she went I said oh someone said I'll never know real you'll never know real love until you've had a child and she used to say well that's bad news for the Pope but great news for Fred West which I thought was all the everything most things are sort of quite bad news for the Pope yeah I They do say that. Maybe it's true. Yeah, I can't find that out without taking an enormous swing and enormous risk.

I guess to an extent, I can see what they're getting out because of the way I feel even about the cat versus any human I've ever met. Yeah. The amount of protective, I feel, and responsible, I feel. My friends just had a kid, and I was with him yesterday, and he said he started sleepwalking for the first time in his life. he sleepwalks with a pillow in his arm like it's a baby. And I was like, what, getting reps in? In training when the baby wakes up. But I think it's that thing of, I said,

oh, is it that thing of like, if you've got a really early flight and so you set an alarm much earlier than you'd have it, and then you instinctively wake up before that, 10 minutes before that alarm, because your body just knows, is when you've got a newborn baby, just feeling like that all the time. Because your body's just going like, you can't get into a deep sleep because there's a baby in the next room

and you need to be not vulnerable. You need to be available. Maybe it's that. That isn't the same with the cat at this point. I roll over onto her all the time. And she squeaks and runs away. And you can see, you know, you can see, look, I think the vast majority, and I'm sure it's the same for you. Like of my friends who have kids are very keen to sort of, they're actually constantly pointing out, oh, you know, it's a nightmare.

Do you know what I mean? We're in comedy circles. So I think comedy people are quick to self-deprecate and make their life. sound worse than it is true because it's not very funny for someone to be saying what isn't everything brilliant i i'm so soul enriched by this by this incredible thing and you go like oh i'm not hanging out with this person again that's not a laugh so yes maybe that might be why is that i'm quite lucky that it's that situation well i can remember once and i was on holiday with my friends the rosses you know jonathan and jane and um i loved that jonathan

And A said this and B, just the fact that he admitted it as well. And he said, I had to leave your room earlier. Because I knocked on your room. And it's when the kids are really small. And he said, you were lying in the bed with a robe on. And you had a newspaper laid out neatly on the bed with a tray, with coffee and like a pastry. And he said, and then I looked in our room. And he said, I hated you.

You have no idea how much I despised you in that moment. And I loved that. Because I thought it was, A, so honest, but it was a nice way of like, like reminding me of the nice things about my life. Yeah, but I think, so the issue is, I think that like, is the not living and let live of the whole thing. So I don't, I think it's great that people have and love having kids. Of course.

And of course I understand that needs to exist and continue. And I love having nieces and I love hanging out with them so much. And my brother and my sister-in-law are fantastic parents. and so it's great to watch that happen. But I also love having a pastry and a coffee on a tray in a newspaper and my robe, of course, my kimono. But it's when people sort of like, it's when the other side of it are trying to convince you so hard

that they're looking at that situation that you were in and being like, yeah, it's good in that moment, but like, you know, your life is empty and you're alone and all of this sort of stuff and you're just like, and you don't have this purpose. And you go, no, yeah, I do. I just get it from something else. The robe was great.

I've got the robe. I've got my, I'm doing my robe shopping every day. absolutely right Jonathan chose to look at that and he framed it as oh this is a win for M yeah that was a conscious choice yeah and whereas a different person he's a good host isn't it he knows he knows you were the guest in that moment he's a pro whereas a different person might have come back and said oh poor M all on her own with the paper in the coffee well there's a weird thing I think with lots of people who think it's being on your own in any given circumstance is bad or they can't handle it and they don't like it but doing things in your own

like the best like going to the cinema on your own and stuff like that is great it's so good going to a coffee shop on your own all that sort of stuff I love it do you like being alone yeah no no offense I like this as well but I would tell you I'm very comfortable I can do social things sort of on my own yeah but it's um have you always been able to actually no tell you what I don't want to turn up at stuff yeah and then on my own although once you do it is sort of fine but the hurdle of that is basically what the book's about which is like oh I just won't go into that pub then if I've meet everyone there and then pretend I don't exist. But when it's um it's just like well it's just me going to the cinema and sitting there it's just me going and doing this or whatever.

I think I got to get used to like eating in restaurants alone early on in comedy. Yes. So I just was like oh yeah I just don't care about this anymore. The trick is don't look at your phone that much. Really? Yeah because then it is bleak because looking at your phone is bleak it's always bleak. Even the bits where it's like oh it's 6 p.m I need to just lie on the bed and stare at my phone for hour because I'm tired from the day. Like that's useful but actually you shouldn't and I do that every day but actually if you want to get in touch with me 6pm I'll be lying on the bed looking at my phone. Do you ever get those moments like when you're on the tube and you turn you look up and if it's one of those rare moments where I'm not on my phone like if I'm reading a physical book or whatever

and I see everyone else on their phone I think you what a sad little life because because I would have been doing that literally every time I'm every single. time. Yeah, I feel like that about everything. This is what I was saying about line bikes earlier, how like when I'm a pedestrian, the way I look at cyclists going through red lights, I'm like, you are the scum of the earth. You're the worst, you're the lowest of the low. As soon as I'm on a line bike, I'm like, well, I've got to get ahead of that bus. So I'm going through this red light. I don't get this right now. I'm going through that, yeah. So, and it's exactly the same with phones is like, definitely I would, if there was a second where I was like, I've gone for a walk

and I've not brought my phone and I see people in the park where their phones will be like, You poor little thickos. You're all just addicted to this little cube and then, but I'd like race home and be like, and then look at it. Although, can I be honest, there is something I do, Judge, which is a middle-aged person playing Candy Crush. Yeah, well, come on, that's pathetic.

I know that's me. But is that, think about the games, because I don't play any games. Because I understand children playing that. But is it better, is it better than like looking at social media? Surely it is to play games. But you might learn something from social media. But maybe you're training dexterity. playing games. Maybe you're learning reaction times.

Is what parents tell each other to make them feel better about their child, never having been outside for 20 years? If you had a child, would you be an iPad parent? I would absolutely ban. Really, would you? Everyone says that, it doesn't have kids. Everyone who's listening to this, who've got kids, will be like, yes, we all thought we were going to ban iPads. And then they scream on a train and you go, okay.

I would have one of those weird children. We had them in our class who were only given wooden galt toys. Oh no. You know what I mean? They weren't allowed to watch television. Because that's a disgrace. But they all grew up and they're all paying our wages now. Do you know what I mean?

They all grew up to be quite successful. They all live in the woods. They're Wittlers. These people are Wittlers. They bought the woods. Yeah, exactly. These people are freaks. They don't grow up to be CEOs.

Have you met Ray talking of freaks? Yeah, yeah, I know this guy. He must, do you give him an iPad? I give the cat an iPad. No, he doesn't like technology. The cat plays with the fake, like, birds land on a fake table on the iPad. She hits it occasionally. She hits the,

or like a mouse runs along like the floor that looks like our floor. She gets it. But then that trained her, she started bringing in actual mice. Oh, we don't want that. That makes me too sad. I don't want a reminder of the,

how nature actually works. It makes me too depressed. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, so like of the, what's the phrase? Food chain. Yeah, I don't like that's a crazy phrase to not have your disposal.

I want to know, because you've called a book you've written, the introverts manifesto, the Overthinkers dossier. I've got that the wrong way around. No, I don't know. But it's sort of what it is. The overthinker's dossier, the Intramers Manifesto. Something like that. Diary of Winpy Kid.

Yes. So explain what that means to you, what those things mean to you, and why you think, you know, because in a sense, I think you always write the book that you would want to read. Otherwise, it's not much point in writing. Yeah. But why do you think, for example, when you were younger, young Rees, would have benefited from that book? Or what would you pick that up and think, oh yeah, I relate to this?

If I was younger and I thought the adult Reese, who's writing this was cool, if I was like a fan of them, and it turned out they were this lame and this scared of everything. As a kid, certainly a bit as an adult but knows how to just cope with it and deal with it. But was this shy and fearful of all that sort of stuff, I would have been like, I guess it would have made me go, oh, right. It is okay to be, no, I don't want to say okay. I guess I do mean cool. If I thought I was cool, it's such a weird hypothetical.

If I'd read this from someone I thought was cool when I was that age, I'd have been like, thank God for that. I'm not a complete dweeb. I didn't write it to be that. I didn't write it to be like, I wish I had this when I was a kid because it would have shown me this at all. And it's not, it's like, it says on the back of it,

a guide to life from someone who doesn't want to do anything. It's not guiding you anywhere. It's not telling you how to do anything. It is just like a collection of things. I mean, definitely has some pontification on, you've just got to do this, this is how to do things. But really, they're just for like, this is how I do things. It's not necessarily...

Why do you think you were... Universal. So shy. Do you think you were just like that? Yeah, I was really... I was just like... On such a micro scale, very scared of getting things wrong and being about...

and still am to an extent that like now I turned up on a line bike. I've talked about nothing about line bikes, but I got my first line bike six months ago maybe when someone showed me how to do it when I was drunk. So I... And prior to that, would you have wanted to use it? But I just didn't know how to do that, so I'm not going to go up to that. I'm not going to go up to that and like work it out. It's just for the inexplicable and completely irrational reasons, someone might look at me and be like, that guy doesn't know how to use a line bike. But it wouldn't be conscious. That wouldn't be conscious and I wouldn't be outwardly embarrassed at all. I would just think, nah, I just won't do that. I just walk then. So there's lots of like little minor things

like that. For example, I keep, I mean, this is partly just because the staff in this Tesco are never available. But I, I'm still on the plastics. Okay, so what I do, instead of, I don't have like one of those permanent metal bottles everyone seems to have for water, what I have is, I do have one and don't use it. I'll buy a plastic bottle of Evian and then use it for two weeks because I don't care about microplastics killing me. Okay, I've got no responsibility to any children. I can just die if I have to. So I do that because I like that they're a good size. Yeah. But then I take them to the gym and every time I go to the gym I go in Tesco Express afterwards and every time I accidentally scan it and buy it again the same one that's full of

tap water for my own house. I've now bought the same bottle of Evian tap water four times. And would you not say? Because every time I scan it by mistake I look for a member of staff and there's some maniac at the checkout like shouting the word vape at them. And I think I can't be asked to wait for this. It's like £1 10 which I mean this is out of touch stuff but I was I'm just like it's also a bit embarrassing to be like I've accidentally scanned my water so I would just be like right I'll just buy it and go and that's the cost for being in my brain is one pound 10 every time I'm actually gym and just buy my own bottle of water again and how you would perceive it is it was worth it to save your

shame yeah yeah yeah a little bit and worth it to like just not have to wait but yeah but wait not have to wait for what to get home and look at my phone which I was doing when I was in the Jim, anyway. There was a lot of staff as well. I think I do really relate to you, Reese. Certainly in that respect as well, I understand that. That sense of wanting to feel very accomplished at something before actually trying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so if I can't do it. Well, not wanting to try it, yeah, not wanting to try it in front of people for the first time. No, no, no. But that has... Someone needs to ring me very privately and explain how to do everything. Coach me for months. Coach me for months. I don't want to be seen to be seen to be.

be learning anything in front of anyone. And does that come from sort of self-consciousness, do you think, or fear of being judged, basically? Yeah, I think it's self-consciousness. I think the weird thing is that I'm a stand-up comedian, so that is like constant judgment, and it's a crazy thing to have done. There's something about that that seems to be the thing that kind of unlocked the rest of my life, I think.

But I also would perform at school and stuff, so it really doesn't chime. But another thing I'm trying to get out in the book is like, people aren't just one thing. Yeah. And so we want to be one thing because it makes our lives easier. We want to be able to say, I'm this. And that explains why I'm like this. But you wouldn't think I was, if you were like at the pub with me in a group, you would not think I was an introvert because I would possibly speak more than anyone else.

But that's how it manifests for me. I'm not a, I'll sort of like hide in the corner and be quiet person at all. It would manifest in speaking too much and more and not being selective because I'm just like, there can't be silence. There mustn't be silence. Words, words, words, words. And just doing that. And if you watch me on stages, it's a bit like that as well.

it's quick and there's not a lot of gaps but I think it's instinctive none of that is conscious one thing I really relate to that I think you do or did do when you were a kid I don't know if you still did but is that unnecessary lying

not not for any gain but just to save embarrassment oh pretending to have seen films and stuff yeah there's a big bit of the book about pretending to have seen Austin Powers there was a boy in your class and it's one of my favourite things who pretend

to see a film with quite staggeringly awful consequences, I think. One of the worst, because you said, tell me what happened. Yeah, so he said, I said, have you seen the world is not enough? The James Bond film? And he went, yeah. Just like, it turns out. So that's like proof to me that all kids were just like, yeah, I've seen it. Because you think you're being judged if someone's asked you that and you go,

oh, no, I haven't seen that. Which is obviously the thing to say. And the thing that it often leads to is that you go, they go, oh, didn't you love that bit when da-da-da-da-da? And you go, I've only seen bits of it. And that doesn't make any sense because it's a film only out in cinemas. So how did you only see bits of it? You constantly got up and left the cinema and came back in,

and you only saw bits that were in the trailer, suspiciously. But often that would be because it was like a 15 and I wasn't allowed. But they were allowed because their parents didn't love them. But I, yeah, my mate said, I said, have you seen the world is not enough? And he said, yes. And I sort of recognised in his face that he was doing a me and sort of lying about it. So I said, oh yeah, what's it about then? And he went just sort of out the world, not being enough.

And I said, oh, you have seen it. And I was like, that's all it took for me to be like, I suppose ultimately it is about that actually. Can't argue with that. There's a reason they called it that. What a great response. I suppose if you said to me, have you seen Austin Powers? I said yes. And they said, what's it about?

And I said Austin Powers. It would be like, well, yeah. It's about a spy who shagged him. It's such a- Well, that's why liars do love a film that says it all in the title. The assassination of the coward Robert Ford by Jesse Jane. They live for that. You're struggling with everything everywhere all at once, aren't you?

Oh, God, it's about, what's it about? I suppose it's... They're also, they're very happy with eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. God, God, yeah. Bird man, I don't know what I'm saying for that. And things like alien they're safe with. Yeah, you're safe with an alien. But what they don't want is anything a bit whimsical or esoteric.

Or a name, you don't want like, Barton Fink. Although, no, you can do the Austin Powers thing. It's about Barton Fink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I suppose you could say that. I remember when I took my niece to Inside Out and she was just slightly too young for it. So my older niece, you know, just loved it and loved the idea of, and I'm going to ask you, and please be honest, have you seen it?

Yeah. Right. So you know, bits of it. No, I have seen it. Of course. I've seen Inside Out One. Yeah, exactly. So you get the vibe.

And so she was a bit too young for it. And I think the concept was maybe a little sort of older kids or stuff. So I could tell she wasn't really watching it. And she, I said, did you enjoy that? Because I thought, you know, you've got to go through the motions, even though I know she went, yes. Because we were both talking about how much we enjoyed it. She suddenly felt really, she had a lot of regrets that she'd not put in the work.

Paid attention to it, yeah. So she felt left out. So she went, I liked it too. I said, oh, great, what bit did you like? I said, a bit cruelly. And she went, I loved it when the wolf came out and went, and there was blood on the fangs. I don't think I love that.

What is she watching at home to know about that? But you know what I loved about? Blood on the fangs. Blood on the fangs. It doesn't sound very... Slip-nought lyric. Doesn't sound very big sort, does it? That is such a mad thing to have...

So, are you sure that it was a bit old for her and it wasn't too sort of weak and pathetic for her? She's into horror. you took her to see a kid's film she wanted to see grown-up stuff I wish it had been one of those screenings they do to get the sort of audience reaction and she'd have said that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah pixel representative but you know what I'm kind of people though who just go

and I actually do do this now now I'm older I mean the book is partly about kind of trying my best to escape all of this yeah because I'm also the sort of person who would like if historically if someone said a word and I don't know the meaning of it I would just sort of bluff and try and glean the meaning from the conversation and then try and throw it in maybe to see if it was right. I would never say, oh, what does that mean? Or a reference that I don't understand. I would just be like, yeah, and go along with it. And I really have always admired people who are just like, what does that mean?

Yes. Because also, everyone loves the feeling of then telling someone what something means. Because the feeling of sort of like teaching someone of, oh, I know something you don't. Great. Only losers would go, what you don't know about that. But it happened so much at school that I think I was so used to being like, I'll never admit any, never admit any weakness. never show anything that you don't know about.

But I remember going to watch the film at seven pounds that Will Smith's in with my parents when I was maybe 16 and it's about Will Smith's like giving all his organs away to deserving people but like subtly and quietly and without them knowing it's happening. He's like sort of researching and going to meet them and seeing if they deserve his eyes and stuff like that I think.

But I left and like me and my dad were both like well that's the most I mean it's a panned film it's a critically slated film and I still stand by it blew my mind. But I me and my dad left like that was absolutely mind-blowing like i'm in floods of tears that was just absolutely incredible and my mom could easily have been your youngest niece and gone um yeah i liked it as well the blood on the fangs and all that she was just like what are you talking about that was an absolute piece of garbage what i don't know what you saw in it and i was like annoyed about it

probably at the time but in hindsight i'm like yeah good for you for being like i'm not just going along with this to make it easier i'm going to say yeah i mean it slightly ruins the vibe if we're having a a nice chat about something being good if she's saying you're idiots but she wasn't saying it like that she was just being like I didn't enjoy it yeah um no it takes courage doesn't it's only as an adult you can it's sort of easy to do now but it really wasn't for a long time and there's still lots of things like i'll still bluff my way through not under not understanding reference someone says in a conversation i'll just for ease be like yeah yeah yeah yeah and then hope it doesn't come up again you talk about how comedians are which i do find very interesting that people have this

sort of idea of comedians being the wild extroverts at the party? Do you know what you mean? And then actually what you find, because you're friends with a lot of comedians and you'll all be the ones huddling in a slight quiet corner. If you go to an event and there's like, or a party or something and there's people from like other industries there, what often emerge, and there's a few comedians there. The comedians don't like go around and mingle and dazzle everyone with their wit and charm. What happens is a comics corner emerges of like the freaks who will stand in the corner and then sort of like bitch and riff with each other but won't and people will come over to them a bit but not out of like coolness out of just like okay there's some

safety here. At a comedy party it's obviously different because it's all relative and people feel more comfortable so there's like a lot of extra version going on there but that's again within a comfort zone so it doesn't really count I don't think. But yeah at a thing it's like they're not the ones who have the confidence of being like, it's because comedians have shame. Comedians, of course they do, because you have to hone, you have to, not hone it, you have to mine that shame for comedy often.

Really hope you enjoyed part one of Walking the Dog with Reese James. If you want to hear the second part of our chat, it'll be out tomorrow. Do make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss it.