Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Rhys James (Part Two)

Episode Date: August 5, 2025

We’re back in Haggerston Park with the hilarious comedian - and now author - Rhys James! In this part of our chat - we diver further into some of the themes in Rhys’ book - You’ll Like It When You Get There! We discuss how his life has been driven by dread, how he overcame that to become a stand-up comedian and why he thinks that having his kidney removed wasn’t a big deal. You’ll Like It When You Get there is out on 14th August - you can pre-order your copy here!If you’d like to hear more from Rhys - you can listen to his first appearance on Walking The Dog from April 2024 here!Follow @rhysjamesy on InstagramKeep up with all things Rhys at https://rhysjames.co.uk/ Follow Emily: Instagram - @emilyrebeccadeanX - @divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Rich Jarman Artwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Part 2 of Walking the Dog with a fabulous comedian, Rhys James. Do go back and listen to Part 1 if you haven't already and do pre-order a copy of his incredibly funny new book. You'll like it when you get there, A Life Lived Reluctantly, which is out on August the 14th. Because it's a total joy of a read, I'd also love it if you gave us a like and a follow, so you can catch us every week.

Here's Rhys and Ray Wray. Thank you for carrying Raymond, Reese. I love the sound of Little Reese. And I think I would have really liked me for this. Just to clarify for listeners, you mean me as a child. I do mean you as a child. That's not my strange sexual name for you. I think he would have been a very sweet, if slightly nervy, worried kid.

Weirdly, once again, unless you're my parents, I don't think you'd have clocked that that much. Like, I wasn't, I was in like all the sort of normal groups. It was more like, it's the idea of things. that fills me, the book's about dread, and it's the idea of things that makes me go, that often stops me doing things. But I would like, join all the clubs and stuff like that, do them once and then be like, love that,

and then I would just be like, right, never doing that again. And I don't know why, it was just like, oh, then I've got to sort of get up for it again, and then I don't really know what it was, and I'm sort of exploring that feeling, because that does still exist. And why do you think with comedy, as you say, that was something which was terrible,

terribly frightening and couldn't be more out of your comfort anyone's comfort zone and yet you kept going back and you were especially young when you started weren't you I was 17 yeah I think if I hadn't started at 17 I wouldn't be doing it if I hadn't started by now I wouldn't do it I don't think not because I don't like it I just mean I think if I'd let if I'd let it get to now yes basically I think with everything every day do you want to wait for that no no it's fine we don't mind um I'm getting a yes over there No, no, no, it's fine. She doesn't mind.

She's quite laid back. The other day we had an helicopter literally over our heads. And we couldn't hear anything. She's fine. She's not putting these out, I don't think. I don't think she's even listening. She doesn't care. She's not listening.

She's not listening to a different podcast in there. She's listening to Stephen Bartler. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you, I think every day you, basically, the reason I think I wouldn't necessarily do it now is because I think with this sort of feeling, I'm remiss to call anxiety because I don't have a diagnosis for that. But any kind of like just dress.

or just general human dread that's not like an actual condition. Every day you don't do something, the mountain gets bigger. And so I'm like, I see this with loads of things, but every day it's like you have to take action as soon as you think of it. Because if you don't, it will just become insurmountable. Or maybe it just gets further away. It just becomes impossible. So I think, but if I hadn't, the fact I was just like, right,

I'm just doing a gig now, I'm 17, means that I'd done it and it was out of the way. So it just sort of like unlocked a door where I could carry on. That's not to say, if I don't. do one for a month and a half, it's almost like starting again and you feel like, oh God, I've got to go on stage, how am I going to do that? And I remember as the sort of like lockdowns would ease and we could do like socially distance gig with actual audiences, I remember there was a day where I just suddenly was like, so I woke up in such a bad mood and I was so anxious and I was trying to be like, what's different about this day? And I'm doing a gig, I'm doing a comedy gig,

my dream. I have to go and live my dream tonight. And I really would give anything for it not to happen. That's why I talk in the book about how much as I am a comedian, I still hope every gig gets cancelled as I'm on the way to it. But that's just sort of nerves, isn't it? It's just like, people say, do you get nervous? And I say no, because I don't feel my heart rate doesn't go up and I don't necessarily pace around and stuff like that. But I do get nervous. It just manifested me being like, oh, well, who cares? This gig doesn't matter. And hopefully it gets cancelled anyway and whatever. And I'm like, that's just nerves, isn't it? That's just my way of managing them. Of managing nerves. It's to pretend it doesn't, none of it matters. And you actually

said, you know, obviously your fantasy sometimes is that the building will burn down and that did actually happen to you. Yeah, it didn't burn down. Yeah, but it would be like, yeah, it would be like, oh, hopefully the building sets on fire so we don't have to do the gig. And then I went and did just for last festival in Montreal, a thing called International New Faces, the first time they'd ever done it. And New Faces is a really big deal, in theory. It's where all the biggest American comics sort of started and get their break is at this festival, which is like, just this showcase. You're just doing seven minutes, but it's just your showcase of your best ever, seven minutes to the American industry and gig starts at 7.30, at 731, an alarm goes off.

And everyone backstage was like, oh, that must be the alarm that means the show's about to begin. And I was like, what, the one that sounds exactly like a fire alarm? I think it's a fire alarm. Someone who worked at the venue came backstage and said, there's not a fire, but the alarm's been going off so long now. We do have to briefly evacuate and come back in. And then we evacuated through billowing black smoke and black liquid coming under a door. eight fire engines turned up were all stood outside and genuinely I remember because like it was me and the other comics were like

Sophie Juka Susie Ruff or Catherine Bohart were the people who'd come flown from the UK to do this and then it was all international comics but all of those guys who've known me for years and their agents who've known me for years were like I've never seen you so chipper and jolly in my life he's so happy I was so just like

it was just pure instant relief and they were all gutted because they were thinking about their future and how I've now lost an opportunity and therefore my life in the future will be worse. Now that's the interesting thing to me is people always talk about anxiety as like you're not living in the present. I think you'll find they say,

it's my anxiety. Yeah, they do say that. Lots of people do say that. But they think you're not living in the present but I was in that moment, I was fully in the moment because I was like, who cares about the future? I don't have to do the scary thing right now.

Yeah. And so I felt great. That was like instant relief whereas they were the ones who worried about the future because they were thinking, now I don't get to be a big American star through this route.

We did do this. We did like a version of the show the next day, but not in a big theatre to many people. So they're prioritising tomorrow over comfort today. And obviously that's the clever thing to do career-wise, is they were thinking, I mean, maybe they were just sad because they built themselves up for something and it didn't happen.

I don't know, I wouldn't want to speak for why they felt the way they did. But they were definitely surprised that I was so happy about the situation and finding it so fun. Yeah. Because I was like, what's I was thinking, well, there's an anecdote here? If I just go and have a good gig, what's that? Yeah, I really.

didn't feel sad about it. Obviously then there's consequences because later on they go we're going to do the same gig but at 1am in a worse room and it's going to be set up much worse for you to succeed at and then I'm thinking oh why can't this one set on fire but it's my own fault for wishing the first one would which is like in a theatre at 7pm and was going to be brilliant but it's that sort of thing that is like when people say but how are you a comedian if you feel like this I'm like well because I'm a comedian but I think like that so every time I'm like oh god I can't really have got to go on the amount I find myself going oh god out loud just to no one and then being like that's sort of my default feeling oh god and often that'll be like

sometimes I say that and then someone I'll be backstage and won't even think about it and then another comedian will laugh and I'll be like what and they're like what a mad feeling to be in in this moment before we go on stage and I'm like yeah I guess my body's just going oh god you've got to go and do that thing that thing that you've done nothing else but for 15 years and have hopefully honed a skill at and become quite good at you still are just like oh no I've got to go and do it. The thing that you dreamed of having the opportunity to do throughout your childhood. It's weird, isn't it?

Because a lot of comics have a bit of a thing, as it were, about them in terms of, you might call it neurodivergency. You can quote that. There are some comics who, well, I'll ask you, do you think there are some comics who you think, wow, you just seem, like you don't seem very neurodiversion. You know, without wanting to diagnose anyone, there are some comics who do almost approach it more like a 95 job. Have you noticed that at all?

A little bit, but actually they're just people that I don't know very well. Got it. So once you scratch the surface, you're like, because people often make the mistake of thinking that a very mainstream comedian is just super confident all the time or is very mainstream as a person. But Joel Domit, for example, is one of the weirdest freaks in the world. I'm not saying he's got any of these issues. I just mean, he's a nutter.

And everyone knows, he then exposed it by going on off menu and saying the maddest, making the madest decisions in the world. And everyone was like, oh, this guy's insane. Yes. And everyone thought it's just like a sort of normal, really normal character who's like presents and does comedy. And you're like, no, no, no, listen to him. He's weird.

And he had a weird childhood. And he was an emo and he was a goth and he was a got like, actually beneath the surface, everyone's like that. There's definitely some people who come along for a little while who aren't like that, but they become actors. And they never really wanted to do comedy. it turns out. Anyone who's got that thing in them

that makes them not stop doing this, they're fucked. All of that lot, all of my lot, we're all fucked, yeah. There's all something back there or something happened or, you know, it's not an accident. Well, I know a bit about your childhood

and you can go back and listen to Reese's first appearance here. If I want to give away all the gold and his origin story, you talk quite a bit about it. And it feels like your parents are pretty happy, aren't they? You had a fairly stable childhood, is what I mean.

Yeah. Except for the bit when you had a medical issue, which you always really play down. Yeah, it's not a big deal. You've got one kidney. Yeah, yeah. You don't need to. You're just greedy.

Do you not need to? Yeah, I've got one yet. It got removed when I was like, I guess, nine, ten. Yeah. Around the same time I played Oliver Twist and all of a twist, did all of a twist. I had a kidney removed. I genuinely can't remember which was first. That's like Madonna trying to get the Ovita part. Yeah, I...

It really, I don't know. I feel it sounds quite serious to me. I think it's not a big deal because everyone made me, made sure they said that to me so many times before it happened. Really? So in the build-up to everything, it was just like all doctors would talk about was just like, oh, you know, literally most people are walking around with a kidney that's not working anyway, so it doesn't make a difference. I now am an adult or no, they were trying to make me sound, make me feel normal and not scared. And it works because I was just like, yeah, whatever.

Also, I was like, I was me. I was someone who was trying to get out of going to school. They said, do you want two weeks off to recover from an operation? I was like, fucking yes, of course I do. What, attention from afar, the dream situation where no one can actually come up to me. That's the why stand up so good is because it's illegal to talk to me while I'm doing it. You're one of the few people that when you say I'd sell a kidney for that, it actually means something. It's absolutely meaningless for the rest of us there.

That means the same as I die for that for me. I don't know. And so you think, do you think that might be to do with how, like you say, the doctors and also your parents, parents have a big impact on that sort of stuff. And it feels like maybe they weren't drama queens. So in my family, it would mean, oh my God. They weren't drama queens to me. Yeah, definitely not.

So they handled it pretty well. Everyone was making it seem like this is just what we're doing. what we have to do and no one was panicking in front of me. So yeah, that is obviously excellent parenting. I think I'd talk in a book about how people would call me brave. They would say, you're so brave for doing this. And I'd be like, I'm not brave. I'm nine. So I'm just doing what a grown-up's telling me to do like I do every day. They're brave because their child is having to have this operation. But I think... But there's no impact or ongoing... Can't do karate. Why? Can't do karate anymore. In case you get kicked in the existing one,

I guess. Is that right? Yeah, and it's a shame because if I wasn't a comedian, I'd love to be a How did you find out you couldn't do karate then? Did the doctors tell you all? Is it specifically You know what? Maybe it's bollocks because as I reveal in the book I also wasn't allowed to do rugby and then when I was about 25 my mum told me oh no that's not true they're sick to do that but I just didn't want you to so I told the school you couldn't and I was like to run around the pitch for two years during PE so maybe she also just didn't want me to do karate but I don't know you've got to have a thing it really didn't feel like a it doesn't feel like a thing it really really truly I don't it doesn't affect any

and I don't, oh here we go. Ray's going to have his water now, aren't you Ray? Stumbling over. Ray, Ray, you've got to have your water. No, he'll take a while to have it. He's just, have your water, my love. We'll leave it there. I want to talk to you briefly about therapy because you touch on this in the book and you say you go to four therapy sessions. Yeah. And you get kissed. I completed it. Well, actually,

I think I was killed in two because by half-way through the third one, I sort of have an out-of-body experience where I hovered above myself thinking, you are being a boring twat. This is so, like, I don't mean any of this anymore. I don't care about this thing anymore. I'm over it. Why did you decide to go to therapy? I basically lost my mind.

I had this week where I sort of lost my mind where I'd been on tour and then I had a free week before the final show of the tour, basically, which was at Hackney Empire, which was the biggest show I'd ever done. but all the rest of the tour I had like sort of four shows a week and we were travelled around loads and then this one it was like no you got the full week to sort of like you can almost sort of decompress before you do the big one and I thought great I'll use this time to like go and play loads of sport and just like chill out and relax and not think about the show and I didn't have any other work to do and instead I was just like every day I would get up

sit in a chair with my laptop on my lap just stare at it not looking at anything and just find myself in these like absolute doom scroll spirals where I'm like looking at Instagram on my browser on my laptop, then taking out my phone to look at it there at the same time without even realising what's going on and being like, oh my God. And I did that for like three days in a row, just being like, you know that you just have to get up and go and do something, just leave the house or whatever, and then just not doing it. And then I just suddenly thought, I've been working so much, I was like, I think I forgot on how to have fun. I think I can't remember how to have fun. Coupled with the fact I was maybe in a moment where I was feeling a bit of like,

I was feeling a bit lost. Other than the tour, I was like, what else am I doing? Like, I've got other ambitions and I'm not doing anything towards them. And so then I just like in that doom scroll where I'm sort of like, oh, flip between Instagram in the browser, Instagram on the phone, Twitter that on a brand on Safari because I blocked it on Google Chrome so I don't look at it but now I've logged it on this thing or I've got a VPN so I can go on it and then like my email is refreshing. No one sent me anything. All right, Guardian culture section.

Okay, not that anymore. Look at a clothing shop. All right, not buying any of that. And I was just losing my mind. without noticing it was happening, I was on like a website that showed you all therapists. Yeah. And I was just browsing it and then just sort of like vaguely just clicked on one. And then was like, oh, there's a phone number.

And then I just sort of found myself dialing it without even, I wasn't even really conscious it was that happening that much. And then this guy answered and was like, what can I help you with? And I think I just said to him sort of pathetically. I was like, I don't know how to have fun anymore. He was like, right, okay. I don't know if you've called the right place. But then I went and spoke to this guy and... What was he like?

Well... Was he posh? No. He wasn't posh. He was expensive because I'm so pathetic I was like, well, I'm not the most expensive one. Yeah. That'll be the best one. That's not how anything works.

Yeah. I went to the one with the most qualifications and the highest price. But you only need one qualification. So I don't know why I want to most... You approached it like you wanted to get off a murder charge. Yeah. Going to a lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because just FYI, it does work in the legal system. Yeah. It works in lots of things. If you spend a lot of money, you will get off regardless of what you've done. Yeah. I think that's what I was trying to do to my own brain. I was trying to make him tell me my brain's wrong. And I thought the most expensive person in the world will be able to do that.

He wasn't in the world. But I, he was a nice guy, but I was just like, it was just a lot of talking and saying all these things. And I don't know about you, but I sometimes have it where I'm talking and saying stuff like that. And then I think, I don't mean any of this as I'm speaking. I don't really mean any of this. at this I'm just saying it. I've probably done that six times while we've been talking. I don't know what I'm on about it. I was slightly why. Nah, because then I just changed my mind so much on those things but that I would have that third first two it was really useful.

Third one halfway through I was like we were going over the same stuff from the previous two and I was claiming to still feel the same about it and I didn't anymore. Right. And then the fourth one I just went in to say I'm not coming. I'm not coming here anymore and he said did he take it well? Yeah, I thought he would like try and convince me. Oh no, this is just the beginning. I need your money every week. He didn't give me. I think he was sick of it as well.

He said to such an extent, he said, yeah, this breakthrough that you've had in the way you feel now, record yourself saying it and you can listen back to you saying it and I was like, do you not want money? Do you not want? And I was like, oh, that's how much this guy charges. It doesn't even need mine. But then I thought, I'm not doing that. I don't even listen back to myself on podcasts. I'm not listening back to myself banging on about this shit, which I'm finding boring. Maybe it's a sign that you didn't need it because.

I think I just. I think I was probably nervous about the show. I think I was probably a bit, that was how it was manifesting that week. I think you're quite well. I don't think you're very neurotic, Reese. And I think, actually, I don't like the word neurotic, mainly because it tends to be thrown at women a lot. Right.

It's like for women who are a little bit empathetic. Yeah. And might cry when you say, you're a stupid old bitch. She's so neurotic. Yeah, sure. So I'm actually going to ban that word from my vocabulary. Complicated. I think you are, I think all comics are necessarily complicated.

but I think it feels like you'll probably manage your feelings reasonably well. Yeah, possibly. I definitely felt, I'm just like introspective and I think lots of comics are because that's where you get. Sometimes it's where you get material from. It's, yeah, the book isn't as serious as all this sounds. It's like, it's this but jokes. But it's, uh, come here, Ray.

But I had therapy for 10 years. and loads of my friends are doing it still constantly and I'm also yeah I just think it didn't it doesn't help me well no one ever said to me you don't need it anymore in fact the last session they were saying please you really must not stop now we have much work to do you're not safe you're a week away from your fifth stamp you get sixth one free um yeah i i they saw me coming he didn't say you don't need it anymore but i said i don't need it anymore and he went It might be the fact that you turned up though and had the confidence and agency and that's boundaries isn't it and a lot of therapy is about working on the fact that it would it took me 10 years to be able to say I think I don't need therapy whereas the fact that you were able to do that in four sessions what a lot of people might have done who still needed it would be to run away and never come back whereas you met with him confronted him said I don't need it I think a little bit what I was doing is like am I allowed to

to not come here anymore. I think I was still going. Yeah, I turned up and said. And that is the sign of... I don't think I'm going to come back because of this. That's the sign of someone who's quite emotionally healthy. Right. Whereas I think if you'd have just said,

I just never called him again. And by the way, I do have that in my locker. Sure. Me too. Are you a ghost? Well, I've been in a... Not in those terms. I've been in a relationship for...

I can't ghost her. She lives with me. I just never go in that room. I don't mean... She's allowed in more than one room to clarify. I don't think ghosting just... applies to romantic relationships. It's friends, it could be accountants, doctors. If something embarrassing happens and you think I must never go back to that place again. Oh god yeah. Have you?

Who have you ghosted? Pharmacists. There was a period where I was getting too many embarrassing medications for a pharmacist in a row. I started having to go to different to different pharmacists in the area and I ran out. So I was getting on a tube to go to the to go to the chemist because I'd already gone to one for bum medicine and the other one for dick medicine. I was like, well, I've now got a different bum thing. So I'm having to go to someone else for that. And I was like, I can't go back to the same places.

Of course you can. One, they don't remember. That's, they don't, but that's the sort of level of, um, arrogance thinking that anyone remembers you. Comics do this where they're like worried. Like, if you play the same venue twice, it's like, can I do the same material? It's like, even if the same people were here, which they're not, they don't remember it or care.

You should be. writing new material to get new stuff. But if you haven't in the week since you were last here, then it's fine, but we all obsess over, they know everything about everything I've ever said, so they know that. And it's the same with like, a chemist is going, they're not, you're not walking in,

unless you're getting it every day, you're not walking in and going, is this the same bum guy from a month ago? Bomb guy's back. Well, I would do that like the gyms. Like I've joined, like about 10 personal trainers I've had because I can't go back to the last one, because I ghosted them.

But why have you got, you just didn't want to go anymore? Yeah, and I can't, I find it very difficult. It's more recently that I've been able to say, no, I don't want to do that. I never used to be able to do that. Yeah, there's lots of stuff in my life where I guess I'd feel like I can't say that.

I just think people will hate me, and then guess what? They hate you even more because you ghosted them. Yeah, it is worse. I think people are quite happy for you to go, I kind of did say, when I went to that last therapy, I was basically saying, I found this really boring last week. And it's not insulting to him,

because he's not saying anything. He's basically asking me. You're boring then. He's pulling a string in my back, and I'm speaking for an hour about how I feel. And then I just was like, I must not need this because I find this dull to talk about. And I didn't the first two times because I haven't said any of this. Yeah.

But now I've said it. I'm sort of like, what a lot of bollocks that was? And that's maybe, maybe that's the sort of male, the cliche male approach to therapy. It's like, I'll say them, but I'm not going to think about these feelings much. I'm just going to get them out and move on. You've said before to me, I think, that one of the, if there is ever a criticism level, leveled at you or has been leveled at you, it's, oh, your comedy's a bit distant sometimes, or detached and that there's not enough vulnerability. I don't happen to agree with that, actually,

but that's a whole other thing. I think the process of writing, though, is necessarily, even if you're being funny, which you are, you are brilliantly funny writer, but it still requires sort of spilling your guts a bit, even in a funny way. It's more vulnerable in a way, isn't it? there's vulnerability. How did you find that? Did you find writing more challenging from that perspective? It's definitely. I mean the book is like I would almost have it as church and state with stand-up because it is to me it's still quite stand-upy in the way it's written. Yeah. But it's entirely vulnerable and it's how I feel about everything and it's all the utterly humiliating and crushing things that

have ever happened to me both in terms of like the most basic generic embarrassing teen movie things that can happen to someone happening to me. Like? Getting my pants pulled down in front of the prettiest girl at school. But you normalise that. I'm still traumatised by that happening to you. I've put it in a book. So am I, clearly.

I'm saying I'm over it. How many times does someone say that before you go, I don't think you're over it? Same with just like my hopeless romanticism as a teenager, like just sort of like just writing poems for people and just be, oh, God. Not just writing poems. You sent a single word.

sent a single rose to someone I'd never met. Like a murderer. That is such a serial killer move. I had a boy once send me, and it was a son of a family friend, which was it. And he sent me a Valentine's card with cut out newspaper letters. That is, oh my God, a ransom note. You can't.

Is it because he was trying to... Not just any ransom note, a very 70s ransom note. For anonymity reasons. Yeah, he cut out the letters from the... newspaper. Well, it does show some effort. It does show a level of effort. Yeah, I think I might, my logic was secret admirer. That's what Valentine's is all about. You've got a secret admirer from a different school across town. Secret admirer, I think, is for someone you work with and know, but you don't know they secretly admire you. It's not, it's not secret stranger. You've not, it's not

strange. Yes, it's like I've noticed you around. It's like, oh. There's got to be an element of and I've noticed you around. Yeah, it was a bit like... It can't just be a man on the... God, it was awful. That person who I sent that to lives around here, and that's not the reason I brought us to this park, but I am now, we're talking about it,

looking over my shoulder quite a lot. So is she. Yeah. I know, dreadful. God, yeah, so much stuff like that. But all of these things, and you mind them for comedy so brilliantly, and they're so laugh out loud, funny to read about.

But also, I know that writing that down, of course, it happened to you. It's funny to me. because I didn't have to go through someone pulling my pants down, although a dog did once rip off my skirt in front of about 25 children. It was like Bucks Fizz. It had a wrap-around skirt. A dog came running out.

This is Frank Skinner's favourite thing that ever happened to me. He makes me retell it. A dog came out, and I was so proud of my outfit. It was a little matching top. Crop top, may I add. Oh, no. With a matching skirt. Oh, God.

Even less, there's nowhere to hide. Velcro skirt waistband. Dog came out, ripped it from the bottom, went running off and towards. I literally did the most cliched thing of the crossing my hands over the little petty batto pants. But that's not how I reacted when my pants pulled down, as you know. What, yeah, because I slowly, I sort of was like obsessively in the moment trying to retain dignity and not panic. And you're like, you can't. You're, you're fully exposed. And you're a late bloomer age 14.

This is the worst possible thing. As I say, all anyone talked about that age was dick's eyes and pubs, neither of which I had anything to contribute Even though the conversation out would have been banging on about you know how well I was doing in both departments It was like it was like this guy just went up behind me and was like the truth and sort of revealed But so then I responded by really slowly Bending down to pull up my boxers and then separately bending down again to pull up my trousers instead of just like covering up like that And in the gap when I pulled up my boxes but my trousers were still down, the teacher noticed the situation and had to go at me because he thought I'd done it to myself.

Reese, we know what you're like. Dada, I'm going to expose myself. Yeah. So it was a flash up. Exactly. He thought I was like, hey, a bit of fun. And then I got up once. So at that moment he went, Reese, like that.

And everyone turned to look at me. So then trousers are up. Everyone's been like, what's going on? Because not everyone had seen, about half the people had seen. And then everyone saw it in that moment. But I was now covered boxers wise. And then I just thought, like you say, I can't be here anymore. So I just walked over to my desk, picked up my jacket, put it on, got my bag on my shoulder,

walked to the door, turned back to the class and gave them a look that I thought was like a look like, dear, oh dear, but really was probably more like, oh God. And yeah, I think you've seen enough, folks. And then I just walked out and went home. Can I if you don't mind me asking, where were the trousers by this point? Oh, they were up by this point. They were now up. Were they clutched by you?

No, I'd have done them up very soon. Some not like a gentleman of the road. I would have pulled them up and done them up. slowly as someone just like getting ready for a wedding. Right. Like it was, I was trying to do it with such class. Yes. In a moment where that was not called for and it was impossible to regain.

And then I went home and it was the last dev term. So it was two weeks before I went back to school and it was, could be discussed. And I think that was my game plan deep down was like everyone will forget by the time I get back. And what happened is I got back to school and no one said, no one ever said anything to me about it, which for years I thought meant, ha ha ha, I had won success. And I think I now realize, no, that means it was so embarrassing. They didn't feel the need to take the piss out of you further. They were everyone just like, honestly, let's not mock that.

And then I got an email on the school intranet system from a bully at my school. But like, he wasn't a bully of me. He was a horrible bully, but he wasn't like, I don't know. I was sort of getting away with it because I played football. But he sent me an email. You were kind of, and you had the funny thing as well. Yeah, I was sort of like, and I was. sort of just like getting going undercover and just sort of like being you had a wittier side and

great hair and that can carry you a long way through school but he sent me an email on the school internet of just a photo attachment of Condoleezza rice making a gesture with her thumb and index finger that suggested very small and that was when I was like oh everyone knows about this and everyone's been talking about this but just not to me and then I sent him an email back of Condoleezza Rice with both hands out wide like she caught a big fish and was bragging about how big that fish was

and I thought that would be funny and I realised I was basically saying to him you've got a big dick unlike me you're very well into help see previous email for me for reference for my photo but in any case

Condoleez of Rice must be referenced because that's the sort of school it was I don't think that bully knew who that person was no I don't either but it is mad that it was like school intranet email bullying of Condoleezza Rice.

Probably talking about shrinking fiscal policy. You've got a better class of bullying, Harpenden, I found out. Yeah, definitely. Well, I'm sad those things happen to you because I never like bullying in any form. It would have been hard to feel the book without them. I was going to say, it's been great for the purposes of the book. On a purely selfish level,

I really enjoyed reading about your pants falling down and you're being humiliated. Let's not say falling, That implies that no one's responsible and someone is responsible. His name's Bobby. Let's not absolve him of any guilt. I bet he still finds it funny. He chased me down the alleyway.

He walked home through an alleyway. He chased me down the alleyway to say, obviously the teacher had then established what had happened. He'd probably bragged and said, I pulled his pants down. You see, this is what happens with criminals. They'll always do that. They'll tell someone on the train. I've seen the films.

But I'd burst out of the room at that point, so I wasn't there for that. And then he said, he came down the alleyway after me and said, Louis Reese. And then I sort of turned back and he was like still laughing and said, Sir says I've got to say sorry. And I was like, what a wonderful, earnest apology I just got from you. Sir says, while you're giggling at me. Did you see that dog came over to smell Ray. And did you see he refused to get up from his. It is the most casual. I don't think Ray was this casual when I saw him last. Do you know, Ray lies on the, do you know how when Jeremy Kyle would lie a bit supine on the floor? sometimes yeah yeah look mate in a way to show I'm a man of the people you think

that that's what Ray's doing here raising a slight Jeremy Kyle trying to trying to give off sort of casual energy do you remember when he would do that yeah but I don't I don't think Ray I don't that's not what I'm getting from Ray here oh no he's not got the he looks like an oil spill he's all sort of like it's still spilling out because of all the long because he's got such long fur I think you secretly I do really like Ray. I think you do. I do really like Ray.

He's just unlike anything or anyone I've ever met. Well, I think that's why you like him because you know what, Rhys? He's an outlier. You're not like anything or anyone I've ever met and that's kind of why I love you. Good. On paper, don't take this wrong way. I don't know if you and I should get on. Really?

Interesting. But I really feel drawn to your personality and I always have. I don't know what it is. Maybe we have a similar or both have a kind of. neurodivergency that works with each other. But I think I've never not had a nice time with you. Why do you think on paper we shouldn't get on? Because we're different. I don't know. I honestly don't know. But I think maybe I'm a bit, I see you as someone who holds back a bit with your emotions and I'm a bit in your face emotionally. Do you know what I mean? Isn't that? That's called balance.

Oh, that's perfect. That's perfect, isn't it? We ying and yon. Yes. If we were both screaming, our emotions at each other all the time. Not that you're doing that. But if we were both doing it, it would be a fucking nightmare. Like you, when you talk about yourself at school and, you know, this kind of hanging back a bit and my thing was also here comes the nightmare too much again. I don't know if that would have been said about you. And no, God no. You know, maybe that's why we like each other. No, I wasn't, I was, yeah. I'm saying we like each other. I notice you haven't returned that. Well, something's go without saying, I think, Emily. you say it best when you say nothing at all. Yeah, I don't know. And I don't know if you,

if you mind me saying life is a roller coaster, just got to ride it. That's kind of the message of the book really. Life is a roller coaster just got to ride it. I think that's your way of saying you like me and like to be my friend. Yeah, yeah, very much so. Okay. Whenever I've got something to promote, I'd love to be your friend. Oh, we're sure. No, come on. That's, that's the emotional distance, isn't it? I can't say something nice or receive something nice. Well, I did. Just one final question. This is what happened on the first time I was on. Yeah, you said you can't take a compliment. Yeah, I did. And I freaked out. And I freaked out about it and I was like the thing is I do want people to be complimented to me at all times

but behind my back I did say that I feel you're more relaxed with me now you shouldn't get me more I think I've learned that if someone says your book is brilliant not to go oh no shit don't buy it I think it's I've learned to go yeah thanks it is brilliant thanks I felt I'm going to tell you what I felt relief oh because it's always awkward when someone sends you something yeah what if it had been it was just it had been khaki well it's not just that but it was my kind of book. It's a personal taste thing, isn't it? And I like it when people can write. And it's not always the case. Sure. And I really loved, as soon as I started reading it, I thought, oh, thank God, he's done it. It's good. This is going to be good. You know that feeling of saying?

He strung some words together. Yeah, well, it's definitely not. It's not a comedy cashing book at all. It's not about comedy at all, really. I don't talk about, I barely talk about stand-up comedy in it. There's that one story about the venue setting on fire, really. It's really not an autobiography about my career at all. It's, I wanted to write the book. It's not got anything to, and I'd have written it for free. Don't tell the publishers that. We won't.

It's too late now. Well, I hope you carry on writing, because you're hugely talented. I wanted to write a book for longer than I wanted to be a comedian. And then when it came to the time when I was afforded the opportunity to do that, this is the book that was like, this is the one. Yeah. So it's definitely not a, you know, you're a comedian. Can we give you some money to just write this many words and then we'll put it out kind of thing?

It's nothing like that. I'm not accusing anyone of anything. My hilarious life, yeah. It's not my hilarious life. No, it's certainly not. My humiliating life. My hilarious life, maybe with a very colourful backdrop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

And just a head shot. Just a head shot for the cover. Scratching my hair. Maybe rubbing my chin and looking for the corner. By the way, I'm just making that up. If you now as a listener go and Google book covers and think that I'm talking about someone specific, I'm not, I'm really not. We're going to find. Kids book next.

Series of 10 kids books next. My name on it, someone else can write them. That's how it works, isn't it? I'm not saying a word. Reese, I have loved seeing you today. And I really genuinely, and it's so lovely to be able to say this, urge people. to get a copy of your brilliant book. It's just such a joy to read

and it really made me laugh and I did get that feeling, honestly, that I don't get that with many writers other than David Siddharis. I'm also a huge fan of where I just feel so immersed in it and I actually laugh out loud. I actually laughed out loud.

Did you? A number of times in that book. Fair enough. I'd love to know the moments because I'm searching for the book. I'm doing some live shows and I need to know what the funny bits to read out are

because I don't know what. Well, I'll tell you. Because I wrote it. Reese, it's been an absolute joy. Raymond has loved seeing you again. Goodbye, Raymond. Well, you say goodbye to Raymond. Off you go, back to space.

Oh, dogs in space. Can you imagine just having this with you all day, this little furry ball? I sort of was looking at him thinking his life is when you're just holding him and he's just sort of there slumped and then he's just looking around. Oh, it's a mad life. And on paper, it's my dream life. But I guess there's too much fuss over him for it to be my life. dream life I think I'd be like too many cuddles I'm not affectionate I'm not affectionate as this are you not no are you not demonstrative no do you know what

he's got a spare bed if you move in I can teach you yeah okay what have you in the basket your girlfriend can come and visit yeah that's what I'd prefer to do curl up it like how Michael Scott does at the end of his bed when he's going out with Jan in the office he sleeps on the little shay-long thing at the bottom perfect weiss we love you bye bye bye bye I really hope you enjoyed that episode of Walking the Dog. We'd love it if you subscribed and do join us next time on Walking the Dog wherever you get your podcasts.