Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Simon Brodkin (Part Two)

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

Join Emily and Raymond back on Hampstead Heath with the brilliant comedian Simon Brodkin. Simon tells us about pulling off his legendary stunts, how he has become comfortable with himself and how he feels more of a connection with his work now he is performing stand up out of character. Simon is strictly team cat but we think after this walk he’s got a bit of a soft spot for Ray. We had a brilliant walk - but make sure you stick around until the end of the podcast - because the tone suddenly shifts…Simon has added final extra dates to his stand up tour Screwed Up - including two extra shows at the Hammersmith Apollo. Tickets are selling fast, so head to simonbrodkin.com for dates and more details. Follow Simon on Instagram and TikTok to see more of Simon's brilliant comedy.Follow Emily: Instagram - @emilyrebeccadeanX - @divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Rich Jarman Artwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to part two of my chat with the wonderful Simon Brodkin. And if you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, I really recommend you do because he's a brilliant guest. Also, if you want to see Simon in person, do go book your tickets now for his show, screwed up, which has been so popular. Its run has been extended. So grab your tickets from Simon Brodkin.com before they go. And while you're at it, I'd love it if you subscribe to Walking the Dog. That's enough from me. Here's Simon and Ray Ray.

What are the complications, Simon, which? becoming hugely famous as a character because there's a small group of you who would know that you know you're like a little club aren't you like obviously steve kugan would relate to that you know al-murray what are the complications that come with that i don't know whether i don't know whether complications um i'm going a bit medical i just yes yes yes what's the prognosis here so i suppose we don't have to say complications because that implies a negativity i mean what does it bring with it to you as a person? Well, first of all, I never thought of doing anything as me.

It was never in my, cross my mind. And I look back and I think I was just not comfortable as me or being me. And there's probably a reason why I pretended to be Spanish. The first entire night out with my wife is because I was probably felt more comfortable being someone else. And so that was always what was behind. I didn't think about that at the time, but that was behind my choice to do characters. And I think stepping out of that for me

was really difficult from a personal point of view because that means being myself. And that is the ultimate challenge for me. That is the hardest thing I've ever done. Forget getting around, you know, Donald Trump's security. to throw golf balls with swastikers at him at the opening of his golf course or throwing, you know, all the banknotes ever set platter. The biggest challenge was being myself and on stage when you're doing stand-up, one needs to just not be oneself. We need to be comfortable and effortless as oneself.

And that was the thing that was really, really hard, particularly because when I was first doing it, I'm getting on stage and people are recognising me and they know that I've got TV series and and, you know, relatively famous and very funny. And suddenly, I don't know how to even sound or hold myself or hold the mic. Or what do I say or what I want to talk about? So that was the big, big challenge for me. It was moving from characters to myself. Well, I want to talk more about this because this is your, I'm coming to see you, by the way.

You're talking on tour. Oh, brilliant. I'm coming. Brilliant. I might turn up with Raymond. I might smuggle with. Raymond is going to have a little box. Raymond can walk in.

You'll be on stage and they'll go like, oh, Raymond. I know. I was thinking Raymond can walk in at the same time as me. Not one person would bat an eyelid. Raymond! That's interesting what you said, Simon, about the struggling to be yourself thing because given that you have had a diagnosis of ADHD, obviously with ADHD comes masking.

And kind of pretending to be someone you're not a lot of the time. And I wonder if that's why the characters felt so comfortable for you that actually that's what you'd sort of been doing anyway? 100%. 100%. I think I'd always learnt to alter one's behaviour to suit that environment or alter perhaps that environment and never quite feeling comfortable with who one was

because you didn't quite fit in with everyone else. And so, yes, pretending to be something or someone slightly different. always felt totally natural to me and even more comfortable than being myself. See one becomes an expert in just changing some things in order to attempt to fit in more, attempt to get more acceptance, attempt to be more like them. But it's exhausting. Masking is exhausting after a while. Yes, you don't, again, these were not things that actively thought about but it's not a very comfortable place to be and not being comfortable oneself and loving oneself

is something that I tell my kids that is the most important thing in the world if you are comfortable within and if you have love and respect for yourself you're pretty untouchable and that is a happy place to be in it's probably one the hardest things to attain I think but I wonder if you'd have ever really learnt that

in the way that you have had you not had spent so long playing characters that actually you're kind of falling in love with yourself a bit. I don't mean that. Do you know what I mean? But you're kind of understanding about the power of authenticity, I suppose. And that's a really lovely message to pass on to your kids. You know, that's really powerful to hear that from a parent, I think.

Don't let me wrong. I don't say much else to them. I don't want people start and think he's a great parent. Literally, as I'm running out of the gig, just be yourself, guys. See you. I've seen your stand up. I know.

Yeah, exactly. So I think it wouldn't, I'm not sure it would have come about had known and been treated for ADHD very early on. That's probably my hunch because it's not so much the inhabiting the characters as professional and then going to myself. I think it was that feeling of discomfort just being me before any comedy career or just living life. We should say you're obviously hugely well-known. for these stunts that you do, I don't call them pranks because I think that implies a sort of slightly mindless comedy, whereas I think what you do, I appreciate that may not be your intention, but there is a pattern here, which is you're always holding to account people in positions

of power and authority, and you're exposing hypocrisy a lot of the time and corruption. and I know you've said, well, I'm not political. That may not be what you set out to do, but I'm afraid that is what you do. Yeah, I think because my interests are in the real world and in, you know, genuine things happening in politics or sport or the entertainment industry, so that's where my interest lies.

That's what I'm going to think about, you know, making. I don't know. what to call them. You know, pranks, you're right, suggested of whipping someone's trousers down and pointing at them, you know, and stunts sort of suggests me on a motorbike going over six buses. So I'm not sure quite what they're called, but they are, I guess, they're sort of, I think it's satire. I think it's satire what you do, because it is sort of, it's poking fun and tearing down establishment figures in the most brilliant way, because it's what people would have done once you know before they had cameras and things they did it with

political cartoons yes they'd make them look ridiculous yes and that's sort of what you're doing and they are sort of almost jokes in the real world there are moments of time wouldn't it be funny if I was able to let's say you know hand the Prime Minister of the country who is saying how strong and stable she is a P-45 wouldn't that represent that in a very, or whether you want to call it satirical, but it, you know, but it would, wouldn't that, in the most basic term, wouldn't that to be funny? Yeah.

And you did? And I did. And I think it was, although not according to the Conservatives in the party conference at the time. He started chatting scum, scum, scum at me. They didn't see, you look, you can't make everyone laugh all the time. We should say you've got a charge sheet longer than our proponents. Like, you've been arrested. How many times have you been arrested?

A few. A few. Let's not simplistic number. on but um yeah there's been quite a few one phone calls come on Ray Ray oh cheers Ray I mean you come on the guy's podcast you wait for him when he's getting the fans you stop for a drink and the moment he's got a chance he sneezes in my face oh okay that's one's one is an accident two he wants to give me something come on

It's all right, Robin. Oh, darling. Your satirical stunts, as I'm calling them... Yes, we were talking about the arrests, and I was very worried about getting the visa to America when I went there recently, and that was probably the most sensible I've ever been in my life. In fact, my kids just could barely recognise me,

because I said, listen, we're about to go through immigration. I've got my visa, I don't know how many years to be able to work out there, which you've got to go fill in the forms and get the interviews. But it's never done until. you actually pass into American soil and we'd landed at the airport in LA and I'm like you have to be the I gave them the sort of advice people probably give before going to school and I was like you have to respect these people like they've never heard me like using these words you have to be very very sensible do not laugh do not smile it was like because the yeah they give you a little

interview just before you come in I was the most straight they'd ever seen me because I was genuinely worried that the arrests may scupper my chances of being allowed into the country and you go haven't you just didn't you like get arrested for trying to play a joke on our on our ex-president you know and we should say if anyone is not familiar where have you been but some of simon's stunts include there was donald there was don't there was don't there was don't there was don't trump when he was yeah open his golf course and there's teresa may at his party conference and then this set blatter when he was announcing some stuff

at FIFA headquarters and then there was joining the England football team when they were going to the World Cup pretending I was a player and getting on stage with Kanye West at Glastonbury and you know The producer just announced she was there.

You were there? You were there. Brilliant. A lot of people, because there were rumours that he was going to bring on another rapper because it was just him. And in a way he did. And they often have guests. Yeah, well, and people like, it's that M&M.

So it was. Oh, do you know what? Do you know, it's interesting because the Donald Trump one, obviously, and I know people have asked you this before, and you've always sort of waved it off, and people have said, were you not worried about getting shot? Because there is a very real concern that. I mean, presumably at the golf course,

you threw all these golf balls at him. Yes, I believe there were snipers on the. there's a lighthouse, you know, on the course. I think, I didn't think about those sorts of things. It's, you're just so focused on getting it done. You are? Yeah, you're not thinking about the dangers involved necessary. You are, but not everyone.

What I'm saying is that's what would probably stop with the greatest respect, most people. Most sane people. Simon, you are, you're not normal, Yes, a bit of a screw loose. Well, that's why my tour's school screwed up. I mean, there's a recognition of that and realizing, wow, okay, this is not quite the way most people think.

And it came out of the name of the tour, came out of the ADHD diagnosis being, yeah, realizing, okay, something's not quite right here and sort of struggling more and more with the basics of life, whereas I could easily, or not easily, but I found it easier to get around the CIA and the FBI and the Secret Service and no problem. But you want me to make dinner for my kids at 6.30? What the? No, no! But I find that interesting because maybe in a strange way, my dad, who works in TV, he would always say to me,

he would always talk to me about foreign correspondence because he made documentaries and he would talk about them as a separate breed and how he said, Are they're adrenaline junkies? Do you know what to mean? That there's an element of them. And I was fascinated because we knew a few who'd come over. And it was so true. There was, and I realized what they were doing, it was sort of giving themselves sort of dopamine hits in a way.

It's dopamine. Do you think that's what you were doing? Absolutely. ADHD, you have a lack of dopamine in your brain. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that, it deals with the brain's pleasure centre. So I've got a broken pleasure centre, basically. So to just feel normal. Is that the next thought? Broken pleasure centre. So it makes you do things just to get that bit of dopamine. So,

you know, I partly play down the stunts because I, you know, maybe thought I was being a provocateur and you know wanting to speak truth to power but ultimately there's a lot of just I just need some dopamine you were self-medicating I was self-medicating and interesting talk about you know the the energy and the pace and not wanting to sit down exercise yeah is one of the things that naturally gives one's ADHD brain a sort of more correct neurochemistry after exercising. So that's probably why there's a love of exercising.

And in fact, there was this ADHD doctor who said a lot, he sees a lot of new patients when they get an injury. They've no idea they've got ADHD. They get an injury, can't run, feel like their life's going totally chaotic, see the doctor, doctor says, it's ADHD. And what's happened is you're not self, you know, medicate or whatever because you're no longer being able to exercise when you can't exercise

neurochemistry gets back to the sort of more natural ADHD imbalance interesting did you um come on Ray look at his little pink tongue Simon just a black ball of it little pink tongue there almost brilliant like his headlights one of the stunts you did I loved was when you went on Britain's Scott Talent it was so believable what about that show kind of made you want to slightly expose what was going on there. I'm interested. It's not exactly like a sort of Donald Trump, you know, baddie, if you like, or a clear corruption with set bladder. So I went on as this ultra-orthodox Jewish person. I am Jewish myself, so it felt like I was allowed to do that with the looking classic cultural

with the beard and the hat and the hair curls. And I said, like, my mother passed away and the only thing that would make me happy, I turned to rap music and wrote a rap song about how much Britain and Britain's got to happen. It's amazing. And I was just trying to tick as many. And you were a carer for your dad. Okay, you remember more than me. You see, I was a carer for my dad.

I can't remember all these tick boxes, which is all they want in order to get a person through. because I don't know. And look, having beef with an entertainment show is probably not something that I'd take on now, but I was probably angry with the world then. And I just felt like it's just so manipulative. And it just feels false. A lot of it, and it's trying to sell itself as true.

And I obviously had a bit of a problem with that. It's like, come on, this is all just silly. You know, this is all, but they pretend that it's these people of the street. and the talent wins and it did did did da when actually you know it's an entertainment show isn't it they can do what the heck they want they will you know write the script as they wish and you know there's not a thing at the beginning which says every single thing you see in this performance is exactly true and these people have never you know they can do what they like with it but it does it all feels I guess yeah manipulative and contrived and oh he's a he's a shih Tzu what's yours is that Oh is it cotton de chile? Oh is it cotton de chile? Yeah she has Barbara Streisand's dog. Oh really Barbara Streisand cloned her dogs you know? Yeah she had them cloned if you got the money. Oh like I haven't already

Google what it costs 75 grand a dog by the way that's a big decision. Bye bye bye bye what's your dog called? Willow. Willow? Nice. She's so sweet. She's so sweet. She's from Macedonia. She's from Macedonia. Yes. Oh, she's ever so sweet.

Oh, thank you so much. Lovely to meet you. You like my jokes as well? Amazing, we've got a double. We've got a fan of Ray and Simon. Thank you guys. I'm a rescue comedian. I would say, out of every

buddy I've had virtually on this podcast, you've had probably the most sort of warmth and attention from Parsers' bar. from passes by. Why do you think that is? All set up. Tom coordinates. I've got a little apple hair tag in my ankle. They know where I am, no. You see, I'm not going to let you dismantle that.

I thought there was such a good, now you would make a good teacher because most teachers when I was at school went, Simon, shut up and get out, you didn't answer the question properly. What you did was just go, let him be an idiot for a second and then calm the class down and we'll get down to the answer. I wish there were more teachers like you. I think you do what I probably do for a long time, which is I dismantle things with compliments with humour sometimes.

Yes. And actually, because there's a part of you that feels I don't want to seem like I'm enjoying that compliment. And it's not really, or maybe I'm wrong. Yes, no, I'm sure you're right. I'm sure you're right, because how can you come out of that other than going? I'm fucking amazing. Everyone loves me. I'm the biggest comedian in the UK

That felt like the avenue to go down So I was thinking Let's do a silly joke But you know what Aside from all the silly joke And the sort of obvious egotistical answer That gives me a great deal of pleasure Not because it's a competition

But because as I said to you before For me the biggest compliment Is people wanting to see you And liking you And because we have funny relationships To our comedians Don't we think we know them and they give us a sense of, because when they see me, they are hearing me talk about my life or the world in a funny way.

And that it gives, I think you've got to like your comedians. And I think if that is the response that I'm getting, then that feels like I'm doing something right. But you're not a detached comedian. I think there's a warmth to what you do, which is probably what encourages that reaction that people don't feel you're a bit, touch me not. Right, right, right. The, I was going to give a silly answer and I didn't then, you see, you've already, you're Yeah, yeah. I'm so proud of you.

I feel you're really learning. We're such a team, which this is going to be from now on the blandest, most serious podcast answers from me. You've decided. Don't you dare. So, yes, well, I, as I said to you in originally why I wanted to do medicine was because I love people and being with people and helping people now. I'm not saying I'm helping people here.

They do say the best form of medicine is laughter, don't they? But I am doing it because I am loving seeing the smiles and the laughter. When you tour, some comedians... Which you are at the moment. Which I am at the moment. Some comedians do want their audience to be in complete pitch black. Right? I couldn't perform if I can't see people.

and it's fascinating the psychology I think Ricky Jervais wants pitch black and I just find that fascinating and I'm sure he's more mentally stable than me because he's not doing it to you know I don't know what the it's an interesting thing to explore

but if I'm not seeing I'm out of that for me I'm having a conversation when I'm on to do it on stage and if I can't see how people are looking and reacting and responding then I feel like I can't perform correctly. Is that still the case because we were obviously talking earlier and I'm really fascinated by that Simon how you're now performing as you say for the first time really as yourself as Simon

Brodkin aren't you and yes this was about 2019 did you sort of make the decision to slightly break away from doing characters and think right okay as might yoward you say ladies and gentlemen this is me yes okay yeah which was daunting presumably how are you finding it? it now. Amazing. I mean, it's incredibly liberating from the point of view of just, there's no, what am I pretending to be, this is me and almost in stand-up. The more yourself you are, I think, the more, the better the stand-up. 100%. And it was an area that I felt tremendously underconfident where they didn't know whether anyone would even like it or think it was weird or why is he talking like that.

Or, you know, we know him as Lee or we know him as the football. And then I put a couple of little clips up of me doing stand-up on social media and the response. And this was a time when I didn't even have social media handles. Well, just before this, I didn't have social media handles that were anything other than character names. You know, so it was at Lee Nelson and I decided let's start doing at Simon Brodkin and released a couple of clips. and the response was immediately really positive. And that then gave me confidence to carry on. And it sort of snowballed from there, really.

I imagine your manager, who I know and adore, by the way. Rob. Yes. Yes. I imagine it must have been for your management. There were conversations about that, because Lee Nelson's very successful. And there must have been a kind of, hang on.

Are you sure this is the right you want to do it? There definitely was. And I understand that point of view because if, you know, ultimately, if you're a business and you see it from a business point of view and you've got a product that is selling well, why on God's earth would you change the product? But from, again, I don't want to start saying an artist's point of view, but essentially, you know, that is my thinking. And it was just, I just need, I just knew that I wanted to go down this. route and yes it takes risks but look it's the entertainment industry everything is a risk isn't it

going from medicine to comedy that's a ridiculous risk but i wonder as well if i know this sounds weird but does it feel slightly more rewarding and satisfying getting laughs as you than it did as lee oh most definitely i'd get off stage and lee and it would be no matter how well the show had gone no matter how many people were there it would just be like almost sort of got away with that and there And there wasn't a connection with the material. It was like I was playing a role as I was going to work. And I was doing that role and that job. And then I'd finish and take my gear off and they'd be back to me.

Take your doctor's coat on. Take your doctor's coat on. Exactly. And whereas now this is me. This is I am going. I'm talking about me as me talking like me about issues to do with me. So there is absolutely that connection, which made, you know, at first the early gigs really difficult. A, why would I be good at something straight away, having never done it before?

I know it's the same area, and I think I've used this analogy before, about going from, okay, it's still football, but I'm asked to go from being in goal for 10 years to suddenly playing up front. So it's still comedy, but going from the character to myself. So it was so hard and obviously very personal and the stakes are high when you're suddenly going against advice and doing something that people are, why are you doing or what are you doing? And you're not very good at this, are you? Well, that was the hardest bit. But yeah, so those initial difficulties were really hit harder and also the success and the sort of, you know, love one feels on tour. And this is the biggest ever tour. And there's a third Apollo show and, you know, you can be. earning a shitload of money and you can be hugely famous, but you can still feel something's just not quite right. And do you feel, what I'm saying is, I suppose,

what I'm into it is, I wonder if you feel a bit more, kind of a bit of peace with yourself now. Definitely. Yeah. That's the really cool thing about stand-up. It went into so many avenues. It went into the challenge professionally. and working out how I was going to do it.

But what stand-up does is rely upon being oneself. And so it was almost like I had to work on myself to be at ease with myself in order for professional wins to be good at stand-up. So yes, it's felt like one big therapy session the last many years of stand-up in this conversation. Are you comfortable with the idea of therapy?

Oh, definitely. I think everyone should have that. Do you? Yes, definitely. I mean, the right therapist. I'm not saying just have a chat with a crank. Don't go to Dr. Struckoff, like you. Can we say, Simon wasn't struck off?

He chose to leave the medical. Despite the various articles and the court case, Simon's denying that I wasn't struck off. One of Simon's greatest achievements of my CV. You didn't give yourself time to be struck off. That's true. Give me another year, I would have had it. I'm going to come and see you on tour.

That would be brilliant. There are tickets? Can people still come and see you? Are there some tickets still over? I know you sell up pretty fast. The selling out fast, but added just recently another and very final ever batch of new dates because, you know, you go... So where's the best place to go to an end? You go Simon Brodkin.com. Okay. And there's a link on all my, you know, Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and whatever to buy tickets.

And, yeah, selling out fast out of the third. Apollo I was saying added dates all over the country in the biggest theatres so it's super super exciting I want to ask about Raymond my support act now just walks across the stage and raptures of applause it's like a Briton's called talent pudsy oh I never finished that story because guess what ADHD there we go but probably haven't ended one question and answer but you know what I do feel oddly comfortable with you and I think that's what it is right whenever people say oh funny how everyone you know has ADHD and I'm like yeah we tend to travel and impact so I might have news for you.

Totally. Neither of us have been listening to the other person. We've been walking around different parts of the heath, just talking. But I think you feel, oh, I don't have to mask. That's what you feel when you meet these people, you're like, these people. These people. I sound like Donald Trump. These people. I know what you mean.

We're both not new. We're screwed up. Yeah. And Ray is such a fitting mascot. He doesn't look like a normal dog. People always say to me, oh, it's a bit odd your dog. And I realised now that's why I got him, because I can't have a lap, people like me can't have a Labrador.

No. That's why you've got a slightly weird lilac burmese. You can't have a normal tabby. Yes, yes, yes, definitely. You're weird. We're weird. We're both bloody odd. We're really fucking strange.

That's the train. And Ray, you fit right in. You absolute nut dog. Simon, I want to know. about your lovely other half. Yes. You've been with her a while. I have.

When did you meet her? I met her when I was studying for final exams at Manchester Medical School. Right. Because you told me a bit about that and you were a bit shy when you met her, hence you're putting on... Well, I didn't feel shy. You remember this is a sort of post-diagnosis going, oh, I did that because I wasn't comfortable. I just thought it was perfect. And did you just think that's perfectly normal, don't we?

Pretending to be Spanish, really tight. Oh, thank you, mate. Cheers. I love your dog. Thank you. Another one. So I've gone a bit Brenda from Bristol. Oh, another one.

I'm actually getting sick of this. Can I get a question in? A little bit pissed on with this now. I mean, the love for this match. So tell me about, yeah, meeting her love. So did you look at her? Did you see her? sort of across the crowd with club and think oh my god she is the one for me there was there was

a certain amount of fancying the pants off her yes um and she's a sort of ying to my yang so she yeah yeah she she's the she's a teacher i mean can you imagine i mean literally she is just what i need uh Simon, thank you. Enough of that. She, yeah, she's she super organised and... She is organised and sensible and tolerant, but she has got a devout obviously bloody tolerant. She's going to get an OBE for tolerance. I kind of love her already. Yeah, well you should. She's incredibly nice and lovely and sweet and caring and kind, but she has a sort of little naughty streak. Oh, which is... It's the dream.

That's where I step in. And I think she likes attaching herself to the naughtiness that comes with me. Yes. Has she been very supportive over the ADHD diagnosis and that journey? Because it is quite emotional, Simon, isn't it? Yes. She is very supportive of everything. I think she...

Let's let the Park Ranger go. Hello, Ranger. Yeah, I mean, she, again, loses patience with me pretty quickly. Does she? So when I'm telling her about the sort of, you know, the intricacies of some sort of different, I tried like a 0.5 milligram difference and I felt this and that. She's like, dude, I don't, I don't care. I don't care.

The recycling bins need to go out. Yeah, exactly. So she has an amazing way of just going, I'm just not interested. I've got a list of quotes from her, actually, which she said over time, where she thinks that says things like, I'm afraid, sorry, say. You just everything you say bores me at the moment and stuff like that. And I've just got no time for you now. There's so many.

So she is very strong-willed and always supportive, but knows when to say, let's stop now, Simon. I'm going to bed and you just keep talking. I like the sound of her. Yeah, she's great. She's amazing. And you've got two kids. Am I right?

You got two kids. And the best thing about having kids is they've just grown up with me as they're that they think I'm normal. I keep reminding them I'm going to do just to let you know that what I do things, you will eventually discover that is not normal. So I'm just going to warn you. How are you at saying no to people?

Ooh, I guess it's sort of silly where it depends what they're asking. I mean, in a people pleasing way, I like saying yes to people, and I've definitely become better. And again, that's about having confidence in yourself and respect for yourself. and I mean, I'm obviously somewhat needy, what with, you know, playing in front of how many hunches of people every night. Otherwise, I don't feel good about myself. I have to have everyone

laughing at me and looking at me. So there's a definite neediness there, but I think I've become better at saying, though. But I get, did you have something in mind about, do you want me to look after Raymond? Is this what's going to? No, do you know what? I'm interested in people that don't. struggle with that. I always think it's a bit of a superpower when people are able to say, and no, that doesn't cause offence. It's not loaded, there's no passive aggression. I don't have that. I don't have that. Do you not? I care way too much about what people think about me. Yeah. You see, I tend to say yes, Simon, and then I try and get out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I end up

pissing someone off more. Yeah, had I just said no originally. Totally. I think again, and I've say this to my kids, you know, being assertive, as long as you're not rude, is actually the kindest thing you can do. Because you set up a lie just to make them feel good and then it just doesn't work. Yeah. And being honest, actually, my wife gave me this sort of being honest and is the best thing you can be.

Because I was always hiding and pretending and I'd always, you know, I don't know, you want to present yourself as something that you're not. And it's just silly. It's dathed and it leads to longer term misery, you know. I remember even telling people where you live. You know, and I'd say, North London. Yeah, Kentish Town. What are you talking about?

Why did you say? Just because it's not very cool to go, a hamster garden suburb. You know, so you put on a front and you try and tell people what they sort of want to hear. You see, I did the opposite, I think. When I was at the girls school I went to, because everyone was, we were a bit more artsy, bohemian, weirdos where I didn't have as much money as the other girls. Yeah. So I told odd lies and I would say, I said I had 17 rooms in my house. Amazing. That's one of the least believable lies. I mean, that is 17 rooms.

Where is your palace? Why did we lie? Do you think that's part of it? Because there is a, and this comes to the, are you good at saying no to people? because there is this visceral urge to be to fit in and to be liked, loved, respected. And we think, as many people do, the best way to do that is to adapt to them, whereas actually the key to life is the opposite. If you are totally yourself, if you are people, love that. Who are the great artists? Do they think like other people?

Well, of course they didn't. That's what makes them stand out. So the more different you are, often that is the, that's the real thing people should be trying to aspire toward. I know what I was going to ask you, and I forgot, was the ending of that Britain's Got Talent story. We were talking about Britain's Got Talent earlier and I just want to remind everyone what happened because what was brilliant was you did actually get through. They put you through as this character. And you were dressed in prosthetics. Yes. What got you found out, though, is that they all gave you these comments, the judges, and then someone rumbled that you were recognised, weren't you? One of the producer, oh no, okay.

I think it was Ant. Oh, was he? Yeah. Because backstage, when the act is on and performing, they're just watching, aren't they? They've got the time to sort of take out from doing anything, and they're watching and enjoying. So he, do you think he recognised you?

It was me. And they then told the producers, and the producers, look, you know, reviewing the tapes there, and they're like, yeah, right, so that we think it's. But of course, they can never say exactly it's you, because, but they came up to me, and as you saw in the little clip that I've got out there on YouTube, because it was actually part of a show

called Britain's Greatest Hoaxer on Channel 4. And they then were like, you know, we need to see more ideas. I can't remember exactly what I'm basically they rumble me well Simon I love chatting to you I've loved chatting to you what a thoroughly nice chap you are well thank you very I'm changing to mask just see the evil no I'm not I'm not this is this is me you've got me you've got 100% me and it's been a pleasure what do you think of Raymond I love Raymond Raymond is possibly the most relaxed nonchalant.

He is being himself. He's not going to fit him with the other dogs. He walks as quick as some of the amphibians at the amphibian crossing. And he just takes his time. There's not a bark coming out of him. There's not a moan. There's not a lead in sight. He got his poo out early by the bins, did the business,

and the rest has been taking it all in. Well, do you know what? I think that thing you were saying earlier, which I find very powerful, is your difference is your strength, essentially. That's what Raymond lives his life. And we should teach that at schools. Forget some of the subjects. I can't remember what ones they are that should be forgotten about. But let's teach a bit of that. You talk about, I think you asked me earlier, whether therapy is a good or bad thing. It's a great thing. I mean, let's not overdo it. Let's not start going too overboard with every emotion and what are you feeling. but generally, humans, we are the most complicated beings. We have a brain that was designed for the era of when we'd hunt food, try and have kids, and just try and survive. And now, look at this world, it's too much for these brains, and it leads to all sorts of disordered thinking and worries and concerns. So yeah. One thing that I do think is great,

is that I think as someone who's got knows their way around the human mind and body and brain a bit more than the rest of us because you've had extensive medical training I think it's really important that you've been open about your ADHD diagnosis because there is a lot of I suppose cynicism about it and everyone's saying a lot of people are saying oh it's just like a TikTok thing isn't it and for you to say that I think well no he knows a bit more than the rest of us and if he says this is legitimate, I think that's quite powerful. 100% I think it's probably still vastly underdiagnosed. I think that the only area that probably is worth, you know, poking at a little bit is just people saying I have ADHD without getting a diagnosis and just going, yeah, I'm a little bit late sometimes and because the symptoms of ADHD are things that all of us have. It's just the intensity, it is the, it is the volume, it is the how they mount up and make your life often unmanageable.

And the other thing which I'm sure, you know, we both advocate for is you've got to get yourself a proper diagnosis rather than, I mean, don't start doing quizzes online and things. It's like it's a lengthy process. It involves school reports ideally. It involves all sorts of things like that and it's... And the issue with that gets back to what we were talking about. Another section is the funding in the NHS and there's more funding on television than there is in the NHS. And because of that, you then get the situation where, well, people can't wait three years or, oh, my car door's been dented. No. That ends me being a fun company. This is my new, my new, well, it's not new at second hand, but, but, buggers.

Oh my God, that's so annoying. Absolute buggers. Have they just done that? Yeah, they just done that. How? Well, you know what? It's Hampster Garden Suburb wrecking crew. But you know what?

There is CCTV here, I think, isn't there? I know, but they won't be able to see who parked here and who opened their doors scraped past me here. Got it. Absolutely gotted. Oh, Simon, I'm so sorry. I felt terrible. Oh, look, they've gone and done it all here as well.

What is that then? Are you joking? Oh my God, Simon. Cubri, a deliberate attack. after all the love we come back to his car the tires are down oh my god

and here freaking hell they've really scraped the whole damn thing it could have been you know I've realised this is going to be absolutely hilarious

for your podcast that's my car you can't write this stuff so Simon the car that you were so upset about being scraped and I've been sympathising with you this isn't actually

your car in summary that be a fair appraisal. I'm thinking in your head, you're thinking, I respect that. A lot of people would have admitted that. And I'll just go, you guys, go on, you guys move on. I'll just wait by my car as I realized. Just, goodbye, just looking at the scratch. Come on, these, tell me, look at these. For the listeners who are rightly laughing, did you not see that there was, I only got this car a few days ago. Grey Prius, grey Prius. Parts one apart. Simon, there is a high vis jacket. Yes, okay, there are children in the back that don't belong to me and I should have spotted

that. I get that. There are a few markers of... That is maybe the greatest ending to a podcast I've ever had. Simon Brodkin got really iration upset at the damage. It was the way it got Why is you in? Oh look. And they've done this. I was like, how is that even possible? They've managed to scratch so many different parts of the car. Oh my God. And how theirs is a different colour and make. I mean, how have they turned the whole? No, it is the same. Part one apart. I'm going to give a slight. Actually, I've just realized. No, that's my car as well. That is my car. Okay. Is that definitely, are you sure that's your car? This is mine. This is my, look, look, look.

it's not your car this is my that's not my car either this is just really fun this is my car this is your car this is my car do you have a green water bottle and an apple this is my car I've never felt a bigger tit in any part of my life and I wish we would have ended just at the gate there why did we have to carry this on this guy sounds intelligent and with it he's so together and he's really worked out life we're ending with you I'm really I love This is my car. It's not my car. Oh God.

Simon, you're brilliant. You've really made me laugh and think and you've been so lovely to Ray. You see why I need to be married to a teacher. Yeah. My thoughts and prayers. Will you tell the wife about this is my car? Of course I will. I think a few more people, just my wife will hear about it.

Oh my God. Hashtag idiot might be trending when you, uh, when you post this. Yeah. Oh, well, Simon, we've enjoyed it. I've loved it. I've absolutely loved it, and it's been wicked hanging out with you guys.

I've loved it. What do you say, goodby? Have you enjoyed meeting Ray? Will you say goodbye to Ray? Of course I enjoy reading. I really warm to him as the whole thing's gone on. I thought he was maybe a little loof. Ray's just being Ray, man.

And when he sneezed on my face, I now take that as a compliment. And two sneezes. I feel like his best mate. Bye, Ray. Don't be an idiot like me. Recognise which is your home. When he gets there.

I've really hope. you enjoyed that episode of Walking the Dog. We'd love it if you subscribed and do join us next time on Walking the Dog wherever you get your podcasts.