Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Sindhu Vee

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

This week Emily takes Sindhu Vee and her Frenchie, Bowler out for a stroll around Regent’s Park. The discuss Sindhu’s passion for dogs, her views on parenting and how she got into stand-up comedy.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You don't do this whole hashtag blessed thing. Oh my God. Does anyone try to raise three little kids? You're not blessed. You're distressed. Hashtag distressed. I'm blessed. That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard.

This week on Walking the Dog, I went for a stroll with hilarious stand-up comic, Sindhu V. Sindhu has a Frenchie called Bowler and a Labrador actually, but he stayed at home. Well, he's an elderly gentleman of leisure now. But Bowler was an absolute delight. as was his owner. Sindhu has a fascinating backstory. She was a successful high flyer in the world of finance and then busy raising her kids when suddenly in her 40s. She decided to try her hand at comedy and it turned out she was a total boss at it. She got nominated for Best Newcomer at the Edinburgh Festival and went on to win a ton of fans with her appearances on Have I Got News for You, QI, Live at the Apollo and Mock the Week. Cindy's a real force of nature she's honest and very quick-witted

but she's also just a lovely human being we talked about her childhood and her absolute passion for dogs growing up in India her parents especially her fabulously straight-talking mum who crops up in her comedy a lot her really refreshing views on parenting and she even made me well up a bit

by sharing an incredible piece of wisdom she learnt whilst growing up in India about the relationship we have with dogs Sindhu's touring later this year and I really urge you to go and see her live as she's such a naturally gifted comic the show is called Alphabet and she'll be all over the country from May this year

so do go and book your tickets now all the info is at sindoov.com I adored Sindu and I know you will too so enjoy our chat and please remember to rate review and subscribe without any more fapping here's Cindy and Bola Baburam

let me walk where So I only speak to dogs in Hindi, which means in the park people are like, what the fuck is, you know? And I mean, but thank God, because, you know, I'm a Hindu, so, you know, so I'm always like, and the dogs listen to me because all dogs are born with Hindi and people don't accept this. They're like, oh, my dog loves you. I'm like, because I'm talking Hindi. What do you think? You see, I have a theory that my dog, I don't do shitsu, and I have a theory that.

The butt of all jokes at the age when children are age, eight years old. Yes. They come home and say, Mommy, and I'm like, oh, it's a shit's a joke. Okay, let's have it. Come on. My kids are always like, it's just a matter of days before you're cancelled, mate. I'm like, okay, mate. Then I'll just go back to taking care of you.

Mate. Morons, but literally you can't get cancelled for anything if you're over the age of 20. You can't get cancelled, though. No, because I'm brown and a woman. They won't cancel me easily. Unless I go down Preeti Potales Road, which is insane. Let's go down here. Come on, buddy.

We need a snack, though, before. before I start hyperventilating and having a seizure. I mean, it won't be a real seizure, but I'll feel like it's a seizure. Tell me, should we try the cafe and see if it's open, Cindy? I mean, there's a man walking out with a coffee, so I think there's a good chance. Is this all getting recorded?

Holy shit. Can you tell him a little hyper? Just a little? Well, shall I introduce the podcast and then we'll get some food? Yeah, and I'll stop talking. No, I don't want you to stop talking, Cindy. You don't just take a breath. That's the point.

We're London's region's miles. And this is the dog snorting because he's half potterbelly pig and half dog. Can you hear this? I'm with Bola. He's a French bulldog. He's a French bulldog. I think he's got Boston Terrier mixed in, but my kids think it's rude if I say that. I think he's got Disney character mixed in.

He's got pig mixed in and bat. Have you seen those ears? This is Bola, and I'm with his very fabulous owner. Cindy Vee, and I'm so excited to have you on the podcast, Cindy. So, Cindy, where should we go? Should we head off? This is your manor, Regent's Park, isn't it? It's, it's, it's kind of my hood, yeah, it's my park.

I've been bringing the children here for how long have had kids? 19 years, I guess, you know? Well, I admit, yeah, 18, 19 years. There's a lot of crackling, but I've got to eat. Yeah, no, it's, and Regents Park is very, you know, you never get bored. because it's all different bits and there's a rose garden and this and that. So yeah, no, this is my go-to park. Here comes a go-to Doberman.

Why don't we move over here, Bowler, since you have absolutely no idea of how to behave with other dogs. Just say hi. Just say hi. Do not get excited. Let's go. Cindy, why's that Doberman got, what's he got horns on? No, he's got ears, you know? Because when you grow them, if they're going to be show dogs, then their ears have to stand up, so they put a little stick in between. Is that why?

Yeah. It's also, that's very, I grew up with a lot of dog knowledge, a lot, because I had no friends. So, uh, and is this in India? Mm-hmm. In Delhi? Lucknow. My parents always had dogs and my grandfather had 14 dogs, but they were husband-wife, so there were seven couples. And so my mother grew up with a family with a lot of dogs, but they didn't, they didn't make it a big deal. Yeah. They were like, we got a dog. I always had dogs. I was also unnaturally

unafraid of dogs. So by the time I was 10, I'd been bitten 13 times by dogs. So, and I would just show up at the A&E with my dad and they'd be like, yep, rabies off people. Like, they just knew me at the A&E. And my mother used to threaten me. She would say, if one dog more bites you, I will kill you. So it was a weird thing, but I was so attracted to,

I just wanted to be with dogs. And we had two dogs. I'll never forget. I was maybe six, and my mom, she used to go to university then. And she came home one day when she took all the shopping, like groceries out of the car. And then she said to me, Samnese a tubba in the front of the car. In the well, there's a box.

Kuttae, lay out. There's a puppy. There's a puppy. Go and get it. And where there's a shoe box, the little white dog. And I was like, and I think that was my first, like, that was the first dog that had been in our home in my memory. Yeah.

And she was white and there's these white flowers that are very fragrant in India. They're called Champa. So we called her Champa. But tragically, she became my elder sister's dog and because my elder sister doesn't really like me or didn't like me, the dog hated me too. So the first dog to bite me was Champa. She attacked my thigh. And I was trying to run away. She was hang off my thigh.

I was saying, Champa, Champa, and she was like, ah, hang off my thigh while I'm running around the house. And my sister was like, go, Champa, go. What, encouraging her. So anyway. Then, then one day, mommy came home and said, I got a husband for Champa. Because you know in India, I was going to marry off everybody. So I got a husband for,

Married the dogs all. I love this. All my grandfather's dogs had weddings, the seven couples. They all had weddings. Yeah, yeah, it was like a proper thing. I don't think people appreciate how important we consider marriage. So then she brought home another white dog who was a spitz, so slightly bigger than Champa.

I know, Swits, yeah. And he was called Torchi. But he was called Torchi. He loved me and he was my dog. And Torchy and I, I cannot begin to express to you. I had a stammer, I had no friends, but I had Torchy. Him and I hung out all the time. We did math together, which is what my math is terrible.

We did a lot of things. And I think this is what's most important about this story. Torchie got sick one day. We took him to the vet. My mother was in America, so my father took him to the vet. And the vet said, come back tomorrow and get him. And my father couldn't go with me the next day. So we had a housekeeper, and she and me, or she and I, we took a jeepney.

There are these special public transport, you know, sort of little taxis, communal taxis. And we went all the way. I had never been so far away from my house in not my parents' car. And we went, and the vet wasn't there, but there was an open gate. And you could see the dogs in cages. And I could see Torchi had his back to me. And I shouted Torchy, Torchi, Torchi. He died.

He had meningitis. So I was the only kid in my fourth grade class who knew what meningitis was because the vet told us. But I had to tell you, the loss of a dog at that age is very, it's very instructive. How old were you then? Why do you think it's instructive?

Because you understand loss, you understand grief. You don't know that that's what you understand, but you are going through it. Circle of life, I suppose. And you'll realize that things happen. Yeah. Things happen. You're going to say hi, Bowler, or are you just going to...

Oh, well, Bowler. Did you hear that? He's ever so sweet, though. He's lovely, though. I like his name. Barty. Boller. Boller.

Boller. BARTy and Boehler. They sound like a sort of 1960s comedy duo, do you know, Barty and Bola. Nice to meet you, Barty. And talk me through your present-day dogs. You have, we've got bowler today, who's how old? He's just turned a year old.

He's basically a lockdown puppy. He's like birds, people, ducks, blah. There you go. He's chasing pigeons. He's a year old. What is that bole? And why is he called bowler? Because see that mark on the top of his head?

The lady said, oh, the Kennel Club calls this a hat. So I said, because I'm intelligent and, Excuse me for choking on your podcast. I said, let's call him Bowler for Bowler Hat. And everyone in the family said, okay. And then the next day, my son started calling him, oy, oy. And my elder daughter started calling him poopy,

because she had to clean his poop. And then the baby, our youngest, started calling him Janice. And I was like Janice? And she said, yeah, with an S, not like the Janice from Friends. I'm like, you've seen friends? Like, the whole thing was so crazy. I love his red puffer.

He needs it. He doesn't like the cold. Does he not? I don't like the cold. Yeah, but like our other dog who's a lab is like, I'm a dog, I'm an outdoor animal. Bowler's like, I'm a moth. I refuse to be outside. You have a Labrador as well.

We have a lab called Crunchy, yellow Lab who's going to be 13 in Feb. And the reason he's not here with you is because he can't walk that much now. He walks, but not like this. But this park, This is where Crunchy came and this is where he was trained and this is very much a crunchy moment. And also Crunchy has perfect recall because he's intelligent, unlike someone here who has to be in a lead.

Because instead of recall, the only thing that works... I thought you were saying unlike someone here and then you were looking in my direction. People say to me, how is Bowler's recall? I'm like, depends how much cheese I have with me. No one told me how much dogs love cheese. When... Yeah, I think... By the way, can I just say, I think Bolor is very confused by these water birds. He's like, wait, what is happening?

Because we should say, do you want to talk us through the scene, Cindy? What have we got? Here we've got. So we're standing in Regent's Park where the big pond is, and there's duck and geese and other waterfowl swimming by. How do you feel about birds? They're cool. Okay. Birds are nice.

I mean, birds are birds. So, Tom. When we got back to India, my father worked in the government, And part of the work that he had to do was to visit the Tibetan refugee camp called Happy Valley up in Masudi in Uttar Pradesh. And as a token of their great appreciation, after we went to visit them, we came home, and I lived in Lucknow. And one day a lady showed up, and she had this little red dog. And she said, this is from the Dalai Lama's niece. And it's as a token of our appreciation.

We've already named him. He's from the temple. His name is Tashi, which means good luck. That's how we got our third dog. Because Torchi had passed away in Manila and Champa stayed back. Daashi was, I was like, oh, I have a dog. That's all I want. My mother was like, don't get bitten by this dog because I will kill you.

One day me and Tasha outside in the patio of our house, there's a flash and an eagle has come and picked Tashi up and is flying away. And I am, I don't know what to do because this wingspan on this thing was huge. So I start screaming in random screaming, not like eagle, just, like, and I'm. And I run towards the eagle. It drops Tashi. And Tashi has a hole from this hip to this hip. So I immediately gather him up, tied up, run screaming through the house.

We drive to the vet. They stitch him up. And so for his whole life, Tashi used to walk like this. And my mom said, you know, I think the eagle thought he is rabbit. I'm like, okay, but that still didn't make it cool. She said, Adi, next time don't be so stupid to leave outside the dog. Get inside. Look at how excited bowler is by these large birds.

I know, bowler. Listen, dude, you're no mermaid, so stay on this side, please. Bowler's no concept. He's having such a good time. Oh, he's really enjoying himself, Cindy. He is. Oh, Cindy, look. A Dalmatian.

They're real Disney dogs, aren't they? That's a beauty. Curella Dilloole. Sorry. Lovely dog. Thank you. Meanwhile, Bowler hasn't even noticed. Have you seen?

Have you seen? That's why he's part big, part, bat. He didn't notice. So we got Bowler in January of this year, not knowing that we were going to have a lockdown. Oh, he's absolutely beautiful. Well, I'm really excited to have you, Cindy, because I've heard about you and seen you

and I love your work. And suddenly, I feel you're sort of, you know, a really big part of the comedy scene. or this comic everyone's talking about. But it's been quite a quick process. It feels like quick to me. It probably doesn't to you because you've worked down hard. But I want to go back a bit to where it all started.

How would you describe your family life? I would say one level, you know, my father was a professional. He was an engineer who then joined the civil service. I grew up, I don't remember zero to five. I just don't. But after that, when we went to Manila, they were expats. There was a big Indian-Pakistani, South Asian community. They were part of that.

My father worked at the Asian Development Bank. My family life, see, I had an elder sister who was six years older than me. And, you know, we went to the international school. I think in some ways it was like a pretty regular Indian household. But the one big difference was my parents, my mother was a North Indian, my father was a Tamilian, a South Indian. And we never came across that. It was very unusual.

Really? Because they didn't have what in India we call love marriage, which here is called marriage. They didn't have a fully arranged or a fully love marriage. So it was unclear to me from a very young age what was going on. That was one thing I always remember being like, oh, I'm a different kind of Indian. Because there were two languages at home. There was two kinds of food at home. And my father was sort of very, my father was a really fun dad, but very strong.

but he wasn't around a lot. You know, so like at the dining table you couldn't say what. You had to say, I beg your pardon, or you had to have something to say. You couldn't just be like, what? And he had this fear that we would turn very American because we were at the American schools.

It was very strict about that stuff. My mother... You talk about a lot your mother in your comedy, don't you? I think the greatest thing about my mother, which I'll say, which is not about... Well, let me put it this here. When I was growing up, she was very...

She was super fun. but she was super angry. You never knew what was going to happen. But she was very fun. So I think as a child you thought, well, this is a maniac. I mean, what exactly is going on? But in hindsight, having been married as long as I have and getting to know my mother very well,

my mother was, without a shadow of doubt, an extraordinary woman for her generation without a platform to express that. So what happened was, Mommy was busy doing all these amazing things. She was an amazing cook, and then she organized the South Asian events at the ADB, and she did this, and she was doing her MSC in psychology. What she wasn't doing was being a super stable stay-at-home. How are you, my darling?

Have you had a good day at school kind of mom? And so my dad did that. And so he always came across as the nicer, because he actually asked us things. My mother was always just telling us things. There was no dialogue, only monologue. So I think when I was growing up, I was the youngest in a family where you have a relatively strict father, quite conservative in some ways.

You have a mother who's very busy being all the things starting with a good wife. And you have an elder sister who is really quite a, is becoming an American child, much to the chagrin of her parents. And then you have me, who I was like, okay, absolutely nobody paid attention to me at all until I screwed up, which I did regularly. So it was a lot of negative attention

that I ran away from by just not, like just trying to be smaller and smaller so I wouldn't get caught in that whole thing. But my father had a lot of time for me. He had a lot of time for my, I always wanted to tell jokes, but because I had a crazy stammer, these jokes took hours. And it was embarrassing for other people. They were mortified.

I'd be standing there going, ha, ha, ha, ha. My mother thought it was irritating. She used to take a sheet of paper out at the dining table and say, just write it. We do not have, just shut up and write it. She just had no patience. She thought if I just put my mind to it, I'd get over it. And I did, but I think, so I think my childhood was sort of, it was, it was, I wasn't the center of the story.

Sounds like your mom was quite a sort of extrovert as well. Yeah, massive. And we had to fall in line with that. But I will say that my father took keen... I mean, look, my father taught me to tie my shoelaces, play badminton, ride a bike. He taught me everything about flowers and dogs. He was so into dogs, which is unusual for a South Indian Bremen, but he loved them.

So we would pour over books about dogs. He really indulged my interest in dogs. He'd never mind it taking me to A&E. when I was getting bitten by random dogs, he would tell my mother to knock it off. Because what would happen in the Philippines was there were these gates. And this is you, because you moved after your dad's work, didn't you?

Yeah. All these houses had gates, and there was a gap between the sidewalk and the gate, and dogs would put their noses out, and I would go touch them, and then lose a hand regularly. You know, and so I don't know that I... I think also because I wasn't close to my sibling. Oh, hello. Who are you?

He looks at Irish. wool found, isn't he? A tiny Irish wool found. So, and because my sister and I weren't close, she was six years older. And I was a very annoying sibling. So I think, you know, so I feel like in those Manila years

I was a bit of a loner. I also didn't look like anyone in my class. I was the only brown kid in my class. I had a stammer. I wanted to tell jokes. Can you think of anyone more annoying? I just, you know, and so and my mother, my mother had a policy

of not indulging us in terms of clothing and so on. Because like most... Were they quite wealthy or not. No, but that's the thing is they were very frugal because they had to save money for their families and pay because they were professionals. And so everything was being saved. So I had to wear like jelly sandals from the supermarket

and all the other kids had like Adidas. My father saved all his money for us. Really? For our marriages, for, you know... Marriages, of course, yeah. They thought clothes were... You needed good clothes, but not lots of clothes and not fancy clothes.

They don't understand brands. They're just like, what is this? I quite like that about them. Oh, no. I was raised. They were right, it turns out, Cindy. I was raised very frugally, very frugally. Are you still frugal now, do you think?

Well, my father was so disappointed when I decided to join investment banking. He said to me, but I thought, because he said, but you are not going to help society. He was very, so we were raised like that. And I was like, yeah, I know, but I need a visa. And my mother was like, very good, because my mother would have liked to have so much more money. She was to say to my dad, very good, because now she can have Mercedes-Benz, unlike me, who only had a stupid Indian car. So she was, because my mother came from feudal landlord money.

So she was so happy, like, she was so happy when I became a banker because she said, she used to say, because for women, money is power. She's right, though. Yep. And I used to be like, okay, can we just get a coffee? Like, we had, why are we, because in Starbucks coffee is so expensive, but you can afford. Because you have a power. I'm like, it's just a coffee.

Honestly, can we just go in now, please? Getting these minor lectures every time. Tell me, were you brought up by an Aya? Yeah, Ama. But that was from zero to five. Because she was Nepalese, and I called her mother. I thought she was my mom, so I used to call her Amaji. And my mother wanted to go, she wanted to work.

And all over the world, if a woman wants to work, she needs help with kids. Yeah. So she was like, I'll recruit her. Sort of like an older lady who's often uneducated, but very good with kids, you know. So it's not a nanny-nanny. Yeah. Quite, you know, nannies are like governesses in India. But no, this is like an ayah.

She's like a house help who takes care of children. Amma had had 10 children that had died in succession in Nepal, which is not unusual. But her husband had kicked her out and said, you're a witch, so you can't touch kids. So obviously, she didn't want to work with kids. And my mother, being the master, manipulator, and quite frankly liar, managed to get this. woman into the house leave me and leave and left her for half a day and said well something's going to happen and when she came back amma had tied rags around her hand and was i was three weeks old and was taken care of me because i was a baby and she for the first month she worked with rags

because she thought if she touches me i'll die i ended up living and so i i saved ama and ama saved me because my mother was very postnatally depressed her brother had died in urbanized in the rapid urbanization of India, a lot of rural folk wisdom was set aside. And so I remember, village women that used to work or whatever, would know when a woman was unhappy. And they would say, it's got to, gham her. She has sadness. And they dealt with it. But in the cities, it was like, take a pill, what's wrong with you? You have a nice house, what's your problem?

So I think my mother got caught because she came from a rural background, but she wasn't around those people. So I think she got caught. But my mother went on to become a therapist and she understood then. So she was able to circle back and say to me, Oh, now I know why I was not attached to you. She's one said to me, I used to think it's because you're a very ugly child, you know, and you look so much like your father and you know I hate him. So I thought maybe that's why I don't like this baby.

But no, I love you. I was just having a postnatal depression. I'm like, oh God. I was 20 in my 20s when she told me, I'm like, well, thanks for saying. You know what? I always think it's never too late to have insight and a revelation and it's, I don't know, it's always good to hear that. I'm glad you got to hear that in a way. Yes, I think, sort of making sense of stuff in your childhood. I think every child is willing to give their parent an infinite amount of time if it means their parent one day sees them and owns what they were not able to do for them. it liberates you as a child.

And I think my mother was so good at that. She took ownership. She said, I want to own all my shits. And I was like, don't say it like that. Just say all my shit. I want to own all my shits because then you can be free. And I think she did that, you know, throughout my life. And I think that's also why I had a very complicated childhood.

But I don't, I carry it lightly. You know, because they say, well, first of all, I had unconditional love from, zero to five, thanks to Mama, which my mother also didn't interfere with. Because she knew that was important. That was one thing. The second thing is, she kept circling back as she did therapy and understood and kept saying, oh, wait a minute, that was my fault. I was biggest shit head. This woman you talk about, it feels, I know, I'm so sorry because I know you lost her not that long ago, but it feels like she's here.

Every time you talk about her, I so have a vivid image of your mother. Yeah. No, I mean, I, you know, I think it helps that my mother and I have a very similar personality. She is the person I used to observe telling jokes. And people at every party, at every gathering, people would come to her. And she'd say, let me tell you one joke. And then she would tell the joke, and then she would go and cook. And she always looked like a million bucks. So I recognized the immediate intimacy of humor in my mother.

And she would, people would literally, she was famous for that. You know what? My mother was so many different things in the course of my lifetime in front of my very eyes that the thing I think is the biggest blessing is we talked about it all. She gave me that space and that permission to come at her with the worst. I mean, I threw my mom out of my apartment in Montreal. I was like, get out. So she packed her stuff and got her friend to come pick her up. And the next day she called me and said, so what are you doing today? She just didn't make me because I think guilt in parenting so often go together and she really released me from that

which meant that I could get to know her as a person and then you know and she's well do you think also with parenting I always think your parent has to remain solid you know so that you're reacting and behaving

weirdly and chucking people out of apartments and the next day they're solid they're like, I'm still here. Yeah, 100% and it's rare in Indian parents you know, things are very conditional. I don't want to, you know, say that for the whole country

but Indian culture, there's a lot of respect, there's a lot of hierarchy, there's a lot of expectations, all of which I've lived through. So for my mother to then change, I mean, don't get me wrong. She wasn't like, it wasn't like I could behave any way I wanted.

She still had very high expectations of me, but rather than just telling me what to do, she stood by my side. Yeah. You know, she came for all the children's births. She did all the nights, all the nights with the children, you know, because she said, I know what it's like, I know what it's like, I know what it's like. You know, there's those people who are like, you're like, do you want to get a coffee? They're like, sure.

And then you're like, actually, you, I, let's get tea. Okay. How about some cake? Fine. Pizza. Very good. I mean, there's always very chill. Yeah.

And I think that's, I have a little bit of that from her. Less and less, though, as I get older. I'm like, I'm having coffee. Nothing else. But I think I have that from her. And I think my love of dogs comes from, or not, not my ease with dogs. Yeah. My mother used to say to me,

Jojeev, a being that relies on you for food, is like God, because it keeps you present. Never forget that. don't just because they can't do it themselves that's hundred times more why you have to do it first and I think that's a very important lesson in that you know Cindy I mean I know you must have been academic when you were growing up because of your quite impressive record because you you went to Oxford didn't you and you went to university in America as well Canada in America and Canada America so you must be pretty clever well I had to be I didn't have a choice mommy was like you but I get straight A's

You know there's a stereotype of South Asian parents. It's not that much, it's true. And also in my case, it was doubly important because my father always did very well at university and he was a genius kind of and all of that side of the family. They all playing chess at the age of two. And I think for my mother, it was important

that even though she wasn't from that kind of system where they all were getting such good grades and they were so intelligent in math geniuses, she came from a family that were futile and not very academic. I think she wanted her children to be able to... She wanted to hold her head up high to that side of the family. But also, South Asian parents were just like, you're going to school, you better do well.

And so what happens? You come home you go to be. Oh, God. Is that a bad thing? Is that... Oh, God. Even the thought of it's making me nervous. No, you'd get a proper thrashing.

They'd talk about it for days. They'd talk about the shame. They'd talk... my mother would say, why didn't I die before this day? The whole thing was completely chaotic. And were you funny when you were younger? You said you would make, I get this impression of you being quite... I like to tell jokes.

Did you? All the time. All the time. I was very young. People I meet when I'm, like, I met some people when I was in my 20s and I hadn't seen them since I was four. And I remember the first thing she said to me is, I still remember the joke you tried to tell me when you were four.

It took a long time because of your stammer. I was like, ugh. I'll say one thing about being a very young child and trying to make people, especially strangers, laugh. I think when I saw people laugh at things I was saying, I felt that everything was okay. And if everything is okay, then when you're a child, you're okay. So, you know, so there was that when I was little. It was a lot of positive, you know, affirmation when someone laughs at your jokes. As for academics, it wasn't a choice.

It was, you know, I was, I wasn't into studies, I wasn't very serious. I just got good grades because I couldn't take the shit at home. And then I got to a certain age. I finished school, went to university, and mommy said, you have to get married soon because, you know, you're not that academic. Like, you don't care about... But you went to Oxford.

Well, and that's why I went is because I went to Delhi University. And I was kind of like, well, I guess I'll do political science or whatever. And then mommy was like, well, you have to get married because you don't have an ambition career-wise. So I said, okay. and, you know, arranged marriage is not forced or anything. But prior to that, but then you'd had this thing where you were asked to model in. Oh, God, that was in the middle. Yeah.

No, no, no. I was at Wiesel had come to India and they saw me and they asked me to do it. And my father was like, no. And my aunts were like, yes. And so I did it. I opened their show in India. Have you got the picture still? No, because I was mortified.

Were you why? Well, because I was from Delhi and the way they dressed these models up, I thought we looked hideous. They put all this big makeup. I thought, what is this? I was used to Bollywood, you know? I wanted to look like one of them. I end up looking like some kind of thing from a carnival.

So I didn't take... And there was a lot of angst about it. My father was like, you know, modeling is not a serious thing for a young lady to do. And I suppose my father's family is very academic. And so I did that. And then they asked me to come to Bombay and then to Paris. My father was like, absolutely not. I was quite scared of my parents.

We were a strict family. Then I went to university. and then everyone in university, because India was a closed economy, you know. You either became a doctor or engineer or joined the civil service. So my friends, my generation in India was the most biggest change, right? Because we weren't as conservative as our parents, but we didn't yet have the freedom of an open economy. So a lot of my friends then started applying and leaving

and going to America and this and that. But then my friends all started leaving and they started coming back and saying, oh, we're going to go to America, I'm going to Yale. Because, you know, you have to remember, we would have to get funding. Our parents couldn't afford it. But I had a friend who said, oh, I have applied, and I'm going to Oxford to do something called PPE. And I'm like, is there an exam?

She was like, nope, there's just an interview. And I was like, oh, my God, I've got to do it. And I remember saying, where is Oxford? Is that like in Cambridge? Those are my words. Is that like in Cambridge? I didn't know anything. I just knew like Brides had revisited, you know?

So I signed up to do that stuff. when I decide to do something I get behind it I want to know I'm interested in that thing with the marriage thing with your mom because it sounds

She kept introducing it I was meeting boys right up until I was 25 All over the world She would find boys And wheel them out And I always thought I'd have an arranged marriage

Did you? Never thought I'd marry a non-Indian Until I did I was like oh Well that was wrong I guess I No I think

I decided not to marry When I decided I didn't want An arranged marriage The obvious thing to me was that I would never marry because that's how you marry and you can't really marry a foreigner. You can't sleep with them.

You can't marry them because they don't get us. And then I thought, well, I'm not going to marry. I'm just going to have a job and have a string of boyfriends and move on with my life. But that's not what happened. I think it's testimony to how Indian I am that I assumed I would just not marry if I wasn't going to marry the way that all my cousins had. married, my parents wanted me to marry. I didn't trust myself. I didn't think I'd pick someone. I thought my mother would be a better judge. I always did believe that. I thought she'd be a better

judge. It sounds like you picked someone great. He is great. He is great. Well, I love a Dane. Hey, I love a Dane. In fact, I love a very specific Dane. When I got to Oxford, I realized how much I love academia. Yeah. Because I was, I was, you know, there was, it's an incredible place to get into ideas. And so I decided then that I would be a professor. And my parents had a lot of respect for that because it's a very, it's a very respectable, if not, renumerative profession. My mother was sad.

She was like, oh, now we have to get her married to someone who is not poor. But my dad was very much like great. And I wanted to study philosophy. And I was. And so I followed that. And I went to McGill to work. work with a certain professor, then I went to Chicago to do my PhD with Lloyd and Susan Rudolph. But I think because I always had to have a fellowship, the demands then on you become very high.

You know, you're in your early 20s. You can't let your grades drop. You have very little money. But the rest of your life is also ongoing. You see what I mean? I couldn't work abroad because I didn't have the paperwork. I became exhausted of having to manage not just my studies but the whole infrastructure that I required because I have you know I didn't take a penny from anywhere else except scholarships and fellowships

and I think I became tired and I was young man I was 25 and I was exhausted my mother was literally like you have to marry you the pressure she put on me to get married was incredible and I told her off a lot later and she said I don't know why you're telling me off you got married such a good guy

and I was like oh okay So I think I turned not to banking in specific, I turned to a corporate job that would give me a visa. And I became a banker. And that was a totally different life. Completely. I'd never thought I'd be in finance or corporate. No one I knew in my family was ever in, you know, a corporate job. Yeah.

You've talked before, haven't you, about not the similarities, but how working in that world of the city prepared you for sand art? You know, I just think that's kind of almost just, we can go into this gate, it's great here. I think that's also just age, because I think what people forget is in between banking and stand up. I had three kids and raised them. I was a stay-at-home mom. That's what prepares you for, that's what prepares you for nothing surprises you, you handle things, you multitask, but also being at home, being at home as a stay-at-home mom when you had never, ever planned for that

gives you great insight into shit you don't want to do. Of course I want to raise my kids, but I can't become 60 and give a shit. Just all I give a shit about is where my kids are. That's insane. And I wasn't raised like that. My mother went on to have a huge career,

my father did. I just think my roots were not like that. And just because of circumstance and where I lived and who I married, I got into that situation. I thought, no way. What situation? You mean?

Stay at home. Yeah. With kids. No career. I was like in a foreign country. I was like, what is happening? And my husband is Danish. So we're going to go back to India and you get food poisoning and die?

No. We're going to go to Denmark and I'm going to live in the dark for six months. No. Compromise was here. You know what I'm saying? Tell me, you met your husband when you were. At university. Oh, you're at university?

So before you'd gone into banking? Yeah, he was an exchange student there. Got it. But we didn't stay together, we just dated. And then went our merry ways and then met up here again. And lo and behold. As my mother always said, You thought you went to Chicago for PhD?

You went to meet your destiny. Like, actually, it's your destiny because I got married. She said, yeah, before I died, you did the correct things. You must have been considered Christ's capture, Oxford. Who? You? Oh, my God, no. I mean, I literally had the self-esteem of,

I can't even think of something that would have had as bad self-esteem as I had. I'm looking here in the grass at something. Is there something in this wet grass? No, I had the worst self-esteem in the whole. Yeah, no, absolutely not. No, in India, I was considered ugly, especially by my mother, who told me every day you are over tall, you are over-dark and you're not very bright,

what will we do with you? Someone has to come who doesn't have a good eyesight to marry you. I was like nine, I'd be like, okay. Because I remember in India at that time, and now it's changing, petite and fair, and, you know, and I was dark and tall. I mean, 5, 10, I was like, the circus. The circus appreciated me.

But, of course, when I came to the West, yes, I understood. And I want to say this for every young woman that listens to this, or every woman that listens to this podcast, you will only radiate the energy that you feel inside you. So when I got to Oxford, I was like,

I'm unattractive, I'm, you know, I've disappointed my parents, I'm not married yet, I don't, you know, I didn't get the highest grades in math. My energy was so self-defeating that I don't say, I think boys ran in the opposite direction. Yes. And also, I didn't meet any of those boys who like basket cases. You know, those boys exist.

I didn't meet any of those, sadly. I met really, you know, straight up smart guys who are like this, which is nuts. So I don't know that I was considered a catch, but I will tell you I had, it was, it was, it was the amazing two years of my life. I did the degree in two years, not three, you know. I think I was considered quite fun and slightly mad in Oxford. Yeah, not a catch, but, you know, it's like once you let a bird out of a cage, no matter how nice the cage is and how kind you are to the bird, it's a different experience for the bird. And by bird, I mean myself.

Yeah. The bird from Delhi. Were you good at your job when you worked in your... I was diligent. No, I was a salesperson. I sold bonds. I was very diligent. Yeah.

But I did not have any idea what I was doing because I had not done an MBA or anything. So I was diligent. And like I said, if I put my head into something and I had to because I didn't want to lose that job. Because I would have had to go home. No job. No husband. You got this thing from your mother, this work ethic. Come on, puppy.

The idea, Cindy's not calling me puppy, by the way. No, I'm calling. That's not her special baby name for me. No, it's my special baby name for this guy. But I like this, this idea that it's not how talented you are. It's how you apply yourself. 100%. 100%.

Was that instilled in you by your mother and is that something you very much instill in your kids now? My father and mother, they worked very hard. They were very, you know, they worked hard. My father was so disciplined. They worked hard. They worked for us. They... Yeah.

And my mother always did everything with a smile. There is no substitute for hard work. And there is no substitute for practice. So when people say, oh, how did you get good at something? I remember I used to go to the bank on a Saturday and sit and pour over books and look at old trades to try and. understand what had been happening because I wanted to be good at my job I didn't want to get fired yeah and my mother used to say this thing she used to say karat karat kharaska

jan mat hoi so ja'an rasari a vat jad sirpur paredishan which is karat kharat kharah by doing again and again again janumat hoi sujan your brain stem learns just like a rope going up and down the well will make a mark on the stone even Even a rope makes a mark on stone. That's how powerful practice is. In 2015, a promoter told me in January, at the end of January 2015, the first time I'd done five minutes in his club. And he called me over after and he said, how long have you been going?

And I said, well, you know, I sort of did my first gig in 2012 and he said, it's interesting, you've been going this long and you've only shown up here today. And I said, well, you know, I don't gig that much. And he said to me, well, you're very good, but you're not going to get anywhere if you don't gig consistently. Because, you know, and so I took that to heart and I decided to gig twice a week, come hell or high water. And I called my mom and I said, I don't know how I'm going to pull it off because what if the kids have this and then the kids have that? And then can I go? And you know, my mom said to me on the phone, she said, you want to do comedy. If you want to do comedy,

put in the work, otherwise don't waste my time. And then she said, I'll come. I'll come and I'll go to, I will go and listen to children playing piano. Anyway, they're playing quite shitty. But they're my grandchildren, I don't mind. You go and do comedy. And she moved in for four months. So you're home in London? Yeah, at the end of November so I could gig.

When was the moment when you thought, I want to give this a go? Oh, the first time I got on stage. I remember talking into the audience and they were laughing and I didn't know what was going on. And I remember thinking, what is this? I'd never seen live stand up, let alone done it. And I thought, I have to do this again.

What is this? but I can't. It was never a hobby. You've got two kids at this point. Three. You had three. You'd had your third by that point. Yeah, she was little.

Did you think you were going to do that? I suppose that classic sort of 80s or 90s idea of the woman in banking, which is pop them out, get four nannies. Absolutely. I was going to be MD at four kids, four nannies. My boss had five children. She was amazing. And I thought, well, that's what I'm going to do, because why not?

And why didn't you? I really, really, really. Really, of all the things my parents had ever said to me and all the things I ever thought about myself, I had not, for a moment, stopped to think that I would ever be so maternal that my ambition would implode me. And it did. I just, I didn't like not being around my kid, which my mother pissed my mother off so badly. Some people are, but yeah. Everyone has kids. It's not that special. And I was like, Ma, but I miss him.

And she was like, oh, you are as maternal as your father. Very irritating. I was like, well, but it was easy for my father to be maternal because he didn't have to stay home and do it. Yeah, exactly. My mom did. But he was very maternal. He is very maternal, I should say.

And then what change do you think? When did you suddenly think, actually, did you then start to feel, okay, I need something else going on? Was that why? I felt that the whole time. I mean, it wasn't like I was maternal and loved being home. I think I was feeling maybe unavailable to myself. Yeah.

Because, you know, I was very available to, as a mother, daughter, sister, wife. But I don't think I was available to myself. And I think that was part of the... I mean, getting on stage was not part of a plan. It was some kind of insane thing to do that I, you know, that just happened to happen. But the staying on stage, I think, was maybe part of that. So you start doing comedy and then your career takes off so quickly it feels like to me. Well, I mean, it wasn't. It wasn't. I think the reason it became, I think I was nominated in 2018 for the Newcomer Prize.

And then things really took off. You know, there was all those nights of standing wait to do five minutes. And like every comic does, I don't mind it, you know, in 2014 and 2015 and 2016 and 2016. and so on, and you know, doing double handers in Edinburgh. But all of it, I enjoyed it so much. I wasn't, I didn't, there wasn't for me a moment where I thought, well, this has to happen, so then then that other stuff will happen, you know? Yeah. I just thought, here I am on a journey, not just journey, but I thought,

to me, at the stage at which I was in my life, to have stand up and to love it as much as I did, and no pressure of scholarship or, or having to support myself or not disappoint anyone. It was like having a candle in a storm. Because there must be when you're first starting out, there must be those difficult first few gigs when... What do you mean?

There were so many on stage promoters not being very pleasant. Yeah, yeah, of course. But that's part of the game. But do you think you're quite resilient then? Well, I played a lot of sport. You know, I played basketball. I rode. So if you're going to play a game, you go in for practice.

You don't get to win every practice game. How does you react to someone? Are you quite good at processing shame? Or not processing it, as it were, you know, not letting it be internalizing it? What am I going to feel? I mean, it'll have to be something pretty big for me to feel shame. Shame's a huge term. Like, who is going to, I mean, I think I might feel like I should be better at my job

if I'm on stage and people say, you're shit. I won't feel shame. Shame I feel if I think I've been too tough on my children. and perhaps made them feel small. Not even shame, that's guilt. What is shame? Why I'm trying to think, shame? Well, I think shame.

I think if I behaved without integrity when it came to my husband or my close friends, then I would feel shame. Like, what the fuck? Unless I'd been drinking, in which case I'd be like, it was the booze. Something that people have really picked up on

about your material. You talk a lot about parenting, and I think the reason people like it is you're astonishingly and brilliantly honest. And you don't do this whole hashtag blessed thing. Do you know what I mean? Has anyone tried to raise three little kids? You're not blessed.

You're distressed. Hashtag distressed. I'm blessed. That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard. I see it all the time. I'm like, huh? There's a fetishizing of motherhood. Do you think so?

Absolutely. It's a fetishizing. And by the way, if you are blessed, great. But that doesn't mean, listen, let me put it you this way. If you are feeling blessed by being a mother, great. But that's you, not motherhood. Motherhood doesn't come immediately with blessings. You are the one, you are processing it in that way.

I mean, hashtag bless, hashtag distress. You did recently, I don't normally promote other podcasts, but I'm going to make an exception because Rob Beckett and Josh Whitaker. Oh, that was a fun one to do. They're two of my favorite boys, and I love that podcast. I love doing that with them. It's called... It was lockdown parenting.

Lockdown parenting? And it's absolutely brilliant. I really recommend you check it up. But what I love was their response when you were saying, Rob was like, oh, do you play with the kids? And you went, I don't play with my children. What do you mean? I mean.

But it got me thinking that, Cindy, because I had some thoughts on that. And tell me, do you have kids? No, I don't have kids. But I have, my sister, my sister, sadly, she's no longer with us, but she had kids. And she was quite, they were very young when she died. Oh, God, are they okay?

No, but I, what's lovely is that? I've got a relationship with them, so I've sort of had to learn. I didn't, I had no idea about that. No, it's a weird thing. But I've learned with Bertie, my niece, that I was really struck by what you said, because I've come a bit, sort of news to it, and I realized that actually, what's better is if, genuinely, if she says, do you want to play this, and I don't want to.

I don't think there's any point me sitting there, joylessly going through the motions, which I think she'll pick up on. I say, I don't like Frozen game, but I like jigsaws. Can we do that together?

Yeah, and also I think what people forget is if you're a stay-at-home mom, you're 24-7 with your kids. And so at some point, you're like, I'm not fucking doing this anymore, man. We're going to watch line order,

and when the dead body comes, you're going to put a cushion in front of your eyes. Okay? That's what's going to happen now. Because I can't handle it anymore, man. Those are the facts. Emily, those are the facts. I mean, if I was doing it once in a while,

maybe I'd put my shit aside. This all the time. My kids are watching Law & Order so early in life because it comes on in the daytime. They came home from nursery in the middle of the day. I was like, oh my God, I had two little ones. What are vomiting on me? No, I was shitting itself.

I was like, okay, right, okay, fine. And also I had this thing where I was like, I love them, but I don't love this. So I was like, fine, here's what's going to happen. Everyone's going to have the... And also, have you ever tried to feed little kids? And then the food is here. It's in their ears.

It's on your ears. You're like, oh, God. All right, okay, fine. Everyone settle down. And when this is done, I'm going to sit. And you can watch... I think it's called Five Gold on the television. I'm going to watch Law & Order.

It was my favorite show when I was at university. You two, then the little one used to sleep. So I say, you sleep. And then my son, I would say, we're going to watch a show. There's some bad stuff. If I go like this, he'd say, okay, Mama. So he had his toy, you know, whatever, Thomas the Tank and Wilfred and whatever those things are called and fat controller and all that jazz. And then every once in a while, I'd be like, dun dun, dun, and they'd be like, oh, there's a dead body.

I'd be like, close your eyes and he'd go like this. And then we watched the show and it was great. I don't see how, like, does that make sense though? It makes sense. In order for kids to be who they want to be without you, if you want to, if you want to. any surplus when your kids are being who they want to be, you have to create space for yourself. Yeah, yeah. Otherwise, it's just, because otherwise then your spouse comes home and as it is, they're so annoying, and then they come home and you want to take all that shit out on them.

Yeah. Then your marriage is not working, the children's food is in your ears, you haven't seen law and order. What's going on? What is going on? I have several very dear friends who have been able to put their children so centrally in the film. I admire them. I don't envy them. I admire them because I think, and their kids are doing very well. And they don't get angry that much at their kids. You know, I, my kids didn't do as well as them. I was constantly shouting at my kids. And yeah, you know, like you, they come for play dates and it's evening and it's six and you're like,

should we have a gin and soda? And they're like, no. I'm like, oh. You know, it's, I admire those friends of mine because I think they, I think they're more, and I think seriously what it is, is they're more at peace in general with themselves. I don't think I've ever been at peace in that way with myself.

There's always something until I found comedy. And when I found comedy, I thought, everyone's perfect, this is perfect. Now when I meet them, they say they don't want gin and soda, and rather than having a judgment call about myself or them, I have a double gin and soda and I enjoy their company and I think we're all fine. But it's only after I came to comedy and I think because that to me, comedy is where I feel seen, I feel heard both by myself and others.

So I don't need other people to be a certain way so I feel comfortable. Yes, I see that. I have a theory, Cindy, that I think... I love theories. Oh, good. Good. Tell me I'm dying to know now. Because I like your theories.

Shut up. I'm watching Law & Order. Is not there? Close your eyes. There's a dead body coming. And by the way, we're not watching Law and Order SVU, which is special victims. It's only rape and incest because you're too young for that. We're just watching regular shooting and dying.

Just close your eyes. And by the way, people say I took my eight-year-old son to see James Bond. Well, hello. There also has sex in that. There's too much. I'm just watching Law & Order, all right? So just take it easy. In fact, the baby thinks it's boring, the youngest.

She's like, oh, not Law & Order again. But I think some people have, I call it the look at me, Jean. And I think it's about saying, look, I'm doing the show. Hi, Mom and Dad, it's the Sindhu V show. You know, it's like you've got something in you. For sure, for sure. Oh, look at this little one's in there. So beautiful.

Little Palm. You've got a tour coming up. Have you had to put the tour on hold because of COVID? Well, the tour was supposed to start this autumn. Obviously, couldn't do that. So now it's been shifted to May 2021. I'm so coming. Can I bring Boehler?

We'll sit in the front. Okay. I mean, I can't say no to Boehler, can I? But, you know, it's May 2021. And while we're on the topic, I should say tickets are on sale on my website. It's cinduvi.com. It's 50 dates so far all over the UK. Exciting.

I know. It's very exciting. And what's, can you tell me a bit about what this show will be? Alphabet. So, yeah, so the show is called Alphabet. Yeah. And this show is, it wasn't at all about Corona because we didn't have Corona when I started writing it. But now, I think there will be some insights about Corona, a few.

Not about Corona, like the disease. I'm not a scientist, about what it meant for me. One of the things in the show is what I call GFD. What's that? Girlfriend Divorce. You know, when you get to that part in your life where you've had these girlfriends, your whole life and they're so close to you, but you get to a certain point and you think,

my standards have been too low. Too low, you know? But I love you, but my standards have been very low because your self-esteem is higher because you've gotten to know yourself better, then you look around, you think, how have I managed with you for 25 years? You're rubbish.

And I think that is a point you think, can I divorce this girlfriend? But you can't, but you should, but it's a complicated moment. So there's that in there, for sure. I love girlfriend divorce. Yeah, GFD. We've all done it.

Well, all you've thought about it. Have you done it? Yes, but then we got back together. Oh, my God, it was not divorce. It was separation. We were separated for five years, almost died. And this show is more autobiographical. Is it?

Directly autobiographical, I would say. But not because I'm like, oh, I have had this great life. No, it's just like the stories are more about me and how I got here. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, how cute. Well, Bowler's response, listeners, I want you to know, Boehler's response to every single dog is to freeze and to push his eyeballs out another two inches, which is really amazing that he can do that without them falling out.

Oh, come here, Bole. It turned. I didn't like that dog. Did you say anything? No, and also it was so snow-white, and it was like one of those things you want to pick up and take your makeup off with it, and then it just becomes a savage kujo.

You know, Stephen King, that demented Rottweiler stuck in a car, became kujo. Meanwhile, Boler's reaction, was, huh? The whole time. Did you see that? Bolo was like, huh? You didn't understand

what the bird dog you were seeing. It was like in Jurassic Park. And they go over to that nice creature and it goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was horrible. So anyway, so your show, Alphabet, and why have you called the Alphabet then? I can't tell you.

Oh, I'll find out on the night. You will find out on the night. People never knew why I called my first show Sandhog. And then they found out, and they were like, oh. Alphabet's the same way. You know, a lot of people are quite frightened to say, I don't know this, or... And I love the way that you were saying, I didn't know who Billy Conley was.

We didn't know where Eddie Isard was. I didn't know, I'd never seen stand up, because I was always a Thomas the Tank. You have to appreciate, I came here, I went into banking, I had no TV, no time to do anything. There was no Netflix. There was no mobile phones, you know? I got a banana phone through the office. Then I had children and it was all Thomas the Tank and that, what's that? upset her grandfather dances like,

Opepeppa pig, her grandfather dancers like this. You see him that it's ridiculous. So I didn't know because I had not ever seen it live. I didn't choose to watch TV. I used to go out in the evening with my husband if he had any energy. Otherwise I would read with kids putting kids to bed, taking them to school, do this.

In my free time, I went home to India. I went to view cinema and watched movies. I watched all the Mission Impossible and all that stuff. I didn't watch stand up. It wasn't a genre I knew of. I had a DVD of Eddie Murphy. So if I was to say that I didn't I was not saying it out of any hubris I genuinely had a lot to learn.

Yeah. And you know, and I mean, but what a joy at that age with three kids to be like there's this entire world that I'm dying to learn about. And it was such a, I would go to pick up the kids at school and just be on my phone watching YouTube clips in the car. And did you not tell anyone that you were doing it? I told nobody. I told nobody when I first time.

Did you not? Not my husband, nobody. Why? Because I wanted something for myself. Your husband must be so proud of you. I think I wish is I didn't talk about him that much because he's a very private, yeah. He sees this as something that I'm doing and I'm going to do. So there's no...

We have a lot of respect for each other's ambition. Always have had. We're very good friends. Are you easy to live with? It depends who you ask. Obviously, I think yes, but I think. would say, I would say the kids, not so much. I don't know. I don't know. You'd have to ask someone else. Obviously, I think I'm easy and wonderful to live with, but, you know, I'm pretty easy going about, but, yeah, I don't know, I don't know. I think, I think the kids, you'd be really good fun as a mom.

I can be, but I think, I'm also very strict and I won't tolerate bad grades, so that's hard on them. I won't tolerate it, so. I've, I've been known to say to them, if that's the grade you have, you're going to find a house where this works. Get out. go and find a house where these grades were because they don't work here. I think if it wasn't for their father, they would, you know, be very more, I would say, psychologically conflicted. But I think my husband's like, ugh, it's fine, she's, you know. But we've found a medium, a medium because to be honest, my husband is not someone who is not ambitious or hasn't achieved a lot himself, but he's just done it like in a regular way without his, you know, without threatening.

Our marriage is a bit like if Mr. Spock from Star Trek had married Jack Nicholson from The Shining, and I'm Jack Nicholson, but I don't think that's, I think most people are like, yeah, that makes sense because Danes are very rational, you know, very, very rational. And also they don't put any expectations on their children. Their children just have to exist. And I'm like, what? Eating, sleeping and shitting is not what they're here for.

What are you talking about? So that's, you know, what we found are happy. I think respect is it's a weird word to use but I think if you have respect for your partner's way of thinking Yes, I see that and ambition you don't have to agree with it but you have respect for it Yes then a long-term partnership will go through things but there will be certain bits that no one has ever feels has been

Infruited upon I think until you can see the boundaries of your own self You can't see the boundaries of another person. And that's, I think, you know, I think I've been a better partner since I've started comedy because I've seen my boundaries. I've been a better friend. Yeah, I see that. I totally, I think that makes a lot of sense.

And also, you're feeling, I think when you feel you're living an authentic life as well, I think that's important. You're doing what you feel you were meant to do. Without ever knowing, one of my therapists, and I have several. I have two at the moment. Anyway, one of them said to me, it's interesting to see a person self-actualize. Yeah, yeah. Because it's very, there's a lot of contentment in that.

And I was like, wow. So I checked them with my dad. I'm like, does that mean I'm enlightened? He said, absolutely not. Self-actualization and enlightenment are very different things. I'm like, okay, fine. Thanks, Dad. I'm interested because I always ask if people have had therapy.

Oh, my God, so much. I have two therapists right now, two different ones. Imagine. Well, you know, you have different shit. Not everyone can take care of. I'm very, I have a lot of panics and phobias. So I have a... Do you?

Yeah, so I have a cognitive therapist who says... Oh, CBT. And my mother was a therapist. I was getting therapy without consent for so long. Do you find it helpful? Huge. I'm a huge fan of good therapy. I think when you're feeling the best in your life,

you must go to a therapist. That's when you should go. Interesting. Because then you're going for insight, not for fixing, you're going for insight. And self-knowledge is the greatest knowledge, because from there you say, oh, okay. But also you find out, I am such an asshole, oh, God. I should change this. But when you're feeling broken, you can't, that's not the moment to realize you're an asshole.

It's when you feel great about yourself. Then you go and you look at things, you think, yeah, I'm a dick. Better change that. And so I think that just is a more enhanced way of living. I think I remember one time there was this young lady I knew, young girl, young woman, and she was tutoring one of my friends' kids, and she would have this see-through water bottle with a black thing in it, black piece of something. And I said, what is this?

And she said it's charcoal-activated water. And I think going to therapy when you're in a good place is to activate something in yourself. Because who doesn't want to be super present and super aware? without LSD, you know. You know, people of LSD say, oh, the yellow was so yellow and the green was so green. I don't need the LSD. I want to just have that anyway.

And to do that, you have to get out of your way. And for that, you need therapeutic insight. Do you cry a lot? Oh, I almost cried three times on this walk. You just didn't notice because I know how to hold it back. I was like, it's not going to go well. Just keep your shit together, man. Three times almost on this one.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, just keep your shit together. Oh no, I feel terrible. I'm not your fault. I think some topics, they're on our lips and they're on our tongue, but they live in our hearts. So when you pull those out, there's that little moment of opening, and I think tears can come from that. I love that, though. Yeah, I think people think everything lives up here, but some things live in here.

I think sometimes, though, when people, like if someone asks me about my sister, for example, I feel myself getting tearful, and, And then I always say to people, I don't want you to feel bad because that's my work, that's my, that's like an honour to her that I remember her. Absolutely. And I'm sure you have that with your mom, you know. With my mom, but I was telling you about Torchy. And I remembered my nine-year-old Torchie the dog. I remember being nine and calling to him and having no idea that death was a thing. And then realizing in 15 minutes that it's a thing.

And I think when you're nine, and he was my only friend. You don't understand. I had no friends. I had this dog. And I remember coming home. my dad explaining to me what meningitis was. And then the only dog we had was the one who bit me all the time. The whole thing was a disaster.

But what a lot for a nine-year-old. Look, also in our culture, crying is a big thing. Mommy used to cry ten times a day. I mean, it was like, God damn. She'd say, do this, no, I'll cry. Then something they say, oh, the children are so lovely, they're so fair and not like you, then she'd cry. She cried about everything all the time.

It's such an important way to feel human. I think you're quite a direct person, Sindu. People say that. Are you? Yeah. But I mean, I'm direct in the sense, I'm not, in Denmark, people are direct and they say things like, this food smells bad, and you're like, you know, like they say directly what they want. Right.

Well, I'm not direct like that, but I am very honest. And if I'll find a way to make sure that people know exactly what I'm thinking, provided it's not disruptive. Because I'm also a peacekeeper. You know what I mean? I mean not in my home necessarily, but I am a peacekeeper. Like if there's something big going on in a group and I'm part of that group and there's lots of, I'll stand back and watch. Would you?

And keep my opinions to myself unless I'm asked. Oh, Cindy, I've so enjoyed our walk. I've kept you for ages, but I really love hanging out with you. I just talked about me the whole time. But as my mother used to say, you're quite a bitch. I don't know how he can handle you your husband. You are sometimes bitch and sometimes you are bitch on wheels. And I was like, what is a bitch on wheels? She would say extra bitch.

I said, oh, okay. Thanks, ma. Did she love your husband? Oh, my God, worshipped him. Worshipped him. She used to say, he is gem. He is one golden gem. And I say, you know what, gold and gem are different.

Keep your stupid English to yourself. He knows his worth. I know my worth. I know his worth. I'm like, it's fine. I sometimes, I don't do this often, Fendu. I've probably done it about twice before. But sometimes I really embarrassed myself

and I say to the guest, I'd really like to be a friend. Let's be friends. That'd be so great. Oh my God, of course. Why not? I mean, but like you're, you know, because you're kind of a grown-up and I like that.

I like that. Because a lot of people in comedy are younger than me, you know, and I love them, but they're all like, I have a housemate who I don't know. And they don't wash the dishes. And I'm like, huh? Like, that's so outside my world of experience.

My housemate, aka my husband, and I have worked out the dishwashing scheme. Your parents would have approved with me as a friend. I've got a Mercedes. My mother would have... Oh, she would say this is one woman with Bavar and Mercedes. I was a banker, and I bought a Prius when I first got a car. And my mother came.

And she spent a little bit... Like a few days, she figured it out. And I came home one day from dropping the kids. And I walked in, she said, You sharm have you no shame? And I was like, what do you mean? She said, you have been banker.

Husband is also in finance. And you want me to come here and go around in your turta. Terta. At least have BMW. And I was like, I'm not buying a BMW. I said, it's ecological. She said, ha, ha, ecological. You have taken whole contract of ecology of the world with your shitty car.

I'm not going this car. I want BMW. blue and I was like, I'm not getting a beautiful. She hated the prayers. Did she? Hated it. She used to say I used to let's go have a coffee. She would say, yeah, let's go in your shitty car. I'm like, it's the only, and then

my husband had a Porsche. And she said, see, this is God has finally heard my prayer because my son-in-law is having one porche for me to go in places. And she couldn't get in it because it was so low and she was so fat. She was like, I cannot, I'm sitting on road, but it's

Porche. I have to stop calling it Porche, mommy. I just want to say one thing to your podcast before you said, and then I'm going to forget. As a Hindu and all Hindus, we believe that dogs remember their last births. So that's why they're so happy to be with us, because they know, they know why they're there with us, because we don't remember our last births, but they do. Oh, I love that. And my Nepali ayah also used to teach me that the reason dogs always lie where you have to step over them is because they have so much debt to us that they're trying to cancel out their debt by always being around your feet.

so that in their next life you can be free. That's why he can be free. Isn't that beautiful though? So Boler knows he had to come to us and nowhere else but he can't tell us but that's why you love us. Oh I've kept you so long but

I could honestly I don't, I might kid have you. Well we're going to be friends now so you can't get rid of me. Yeah but you know what's making me sad? Your mum's never going to know that you had a nice friend with the Mercedes. Wait, no, a lady.

Lady with Mercedes, her own money and so she splits on men too. Like, I'm not sure she's, okay. Everything, my mother is like, oh. No, that's about right. She would always say, see, she has her own money and her own power, and the men come and she kicks them. I'm like, I don't.

She was so virulent about women being, like, better. It was nuts. Oh, she was ahead of a time. I've loved today. So am I. I love meeting Bola. I've loved meeting you, Cindy. I really would love to come and see your show.

I'm going to. Come. And if anyone wants to get tickets, I'll be putting this at the beginning of the podcast, all the information about it. it. But your website again is Sindovi.com. And you can book tickets through there.

Best thing to do. Thank you, Bola. Bola say bye. Bye-bye, Bola. I really hope you enjoyed listening to that and do remember to rate, review and subscribe on iTunes.