Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Suzi Ruffell

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

This week, Emily and Ray took a trip to the seaside to go for a walk with comedian Suzi Ruffell. Suzi tells us how her life has changed since becoming a mum and moving to Brighton - and why it’s so important for her to talk openly about being gay and having a happy, successful life. Despite being more of a cat person, Ray and Suzi totally hit it off… we even stopped for an ice cream! You can watch Suzi’s most recent stand up special ‘Dance Like Everyone’s Watching’ on Amazon Prime, and her brilliant podcasts: Likeminded Friends with Tom Allen, Out and Big Kick Energy with Maisie Adam are all available wherever you get your podcasts. You can catch Suzi live as she and Maisie Adam are taking their award-winning podcast 'Big Kick Energy' on the road for their first ever live shows.There will be special guests, there will be merch, and there will be real-time pacing and goosing from the dynamic duo. Kicking off in the summer of 2023, Big Kick Energy is a podcast covering the beautiful game of women’s football. From the highs and lows of supporting their local team, Brighton, to hanging out with the Lionesses, Maisie and Suzi are ready to bring their big podcast energy to a live audience.'Positive and energetic…a nice concept well executed.' (THE BROADCAST AWARDS SPORTS PODCAST OF THE YEAR AWARD, 2023)Keep up to date with all things Suzi on her website: https://suziruffell.com/ Listen to Emily and Ray's first walk with Suzi from March 2020Follow Emily: Instagram - @emilyrebeccadeanX - @divine_miss_emWalking The Dog is produced by Faye LawrenceMusic: Rich Jarman Artwork: Alice LudlamPhotography: Karla Gowlett Walking The Dog is a Goalhanger Podcast brought to you by Petplan: visit petplan.co.uk Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Walking the dog is sponsored by Pet Plan who pay 97% of all the claims they receive. Pet Insurance can be a confusing business, but I think ultimately it's all about the quality of the vet fee cover provided. Pet Plan cover things other insurers don't and can pay your vet directly, so you get to spend your cash on other essentials. No, Raymond, that doesn't include dog biscuits. Terms, conditions and excesses apply. Pet Plan is a trading name of Allian's Insurance PLC. Can I remember my dad picking me up from school on a horse and cart? That's so embarrassing.

I didn't have many friends. I mean, that's not going to help, is it? This week on Walking the Dog, Ray and I took a trip to the seaside to visit fabulous comedian Susie Ruffle in Brighton. Susie's had a string of sell-out stand-up tours as well as appearances on shows like Live at the Apollo and QI. But frankly, she had me at Celebrity Mastermind, Specialist Subject, the films of Sandra Bullock. Susie's one of those comics whose universe. loved both on stage and off. Not just because she's hilarious, but because her entire presence just sparks joy, or in Ray's case, Fury, at having to leave her and go back home with me.

If you want to hear more of Susie, do check out her brilliant podcast. There's like-minded friends with Tom Allen, her wonderful podcast out, and also her award-winning women's football podcast, Big Kick Energy with Maisie Adam. I'll stop talking now and hand over to the wonderful woman herself. Here's Susie and Raymond. What is he again? I've told you Susie Rupple, he's a dog. Sorry, okay, okay. But what kind of dog is he?

He's an imperial shih Tzu. I know I've met him before, and I know he's lovely, but if I had him, I would just spend quite a lot of the day laughing. Is that rude to say that about someone's dog, do you think? People are very precious about their dogs, aren't they? What about if your partner says that about you? She probably does.

I'd be delighted if she laughed at me all day, exactly, over the moon. If anything, she'd tell me to stop showing off. He's having a wee now. He's having a... He's having a... Letting people know that he's been here. Because he's come all the way to Brighton. That's Norman Cook's Cafe.

He heard it here first. It's where there's pictures of him everywhere. Is that really? Yeah. You know, he's from Brighton. He's a brighton boy, isn't he? We're all very cool down here. That's the thing you've got to remember Emily Day,

and you've got to be very cool to live here. Rumour has it that sometimes he turns up and does a set, but I've never been here for that. But I did meet him, you know. Did you? I met him at a gig in Brighton. He told me I was very funny, and I said, can I put that on a poster? And he didn't say no.

He didn't emphatically say yes. But did he say right here, right now? I said, look, right here right now, tell me I'm funny. And he said, please don't do that, actually. And then we had to go. But, you know, he was very nice, actually. It was me, him and Jane Horrocks. What a gang having a chit chat.

Just a few Brighton bods, having a chit chat. How nice was that? There's a lot of celebrities in Brighton. Well, Raymond's here today. So there's an extra one today. Come on, Raymond. Come on, you're funny little mop thing. Come on, Raymond.

Come on. There's stairs there. Oh, he's going up the stairs like a gent. Like a gent. Do you think of him as like a 1920s gentleman with a monocle? He'd look great with a monocle. He's, I would say, Raymond's, and Tom Allen has been on this podcast.

I know he's a great mate of yours. He's got something to clown about him, Raymond. How he runs up the stairs is so pleasing. I don't know if you've seen the sea before, Emily, but this is the sea. I assume you have, and I'm very well travelled. This is what we came for. Right, it's what everyone comes for. Oh, Susie, Ruffle.

This is a good time and place to introduce you, because you can hear the waves crashing. Oh, yeah, that's good, isn't it? I'm so thrilled to be here. I'm so thrilled you've come to see me. Well, I should say out. I'm in Brighton slash hove. Brighton slash hove. With one of my favourite comics.

Oh, that's kind. Because you know loads of them. What are my favourite human beings and comics? Oh, that's very kind. Susie Ruffle. You've brought us right to the sea. Yes, I have. And it's so beautiful.

And you can see that someone's swimming. They do it all year round, mad bastards. Someone's gone for a paddle way. Yeah. Think how cold that is. Do you ever do that? I will go in in the summer. and I'll go in until about October and then it's too cold for me.

I bought a paddle board last year and that was sort of hilarious. It's great fun. Just sort of stand on it and pretend you're Orlando Bloom. So you moved from South London to Brighton. And what prompted this move? Well I would say if we're being totally honest it is the traditional lesbian pilgrimage, which sort of happens to many lezzas. You sort of, you tiptoe into your late 30s

and you think, let's have a baby, let's do some wild swimming, let's fuck off to Brighton. And I am a cliche in all those things. He is quite cliched to leave London to move to the coast, but cliches are there for a reason, aren't they? It's because it's really nice here. I really love living just a bit outside of things, do you?

Yeah. Well, I moved to London when I was 7, no, 18. And this was from Portsmouth. From Pompey. Yeah, so that's sort of an hour in the car that way. I've never done it on a jet ski. I imagine it would be about an hour as well. Look at this doggy. That's a nice dog. You'll see some good dogs. Don't worry about that. Susie, there's a sign saying keep off the groin. Yes, yes. What is the groin? Well, it's a very personal question.

It's, I believe the groins are, there's sort of bits down there that sort of bits down there that's sort of, sort of, they go into the sea and I don't know why they're there, but they're the groins. I hope that clears it up for you. What kind of dog is this? I'm obsessed. An Australian Labradoodle. Oh, look, they're playing. That's cute. What's the Australian Labradoose? What's the Australian Labradoodle called?

Dougie. Dougie. Oh, you're nice, Dougie. That's one of my favourite dog names. I like that you've got a list of favourite dog names. That's so bizarre. Do you not? It's not something that comes up a lot. Bye bye, doggy.

Bye bye. Come on, Raymond. Oh, I really like Doggy, Susie. Yeah, good vibes, actually. Nice guy. We should go back. We ought to. Prior to the move,

I think it was prior to the move that you got married. We got married. We became mums. We got married. So we were meant to get married in May 2020. Of course, that didn't happen. We were locked down on the day of our wedding. We did drink quite a lot of champagne, though, so that was good.

Our friends were kind enough to send us some bottles, and we thought, let's crack on with this. They've got nothing to do all day. We're in lockdown. And then... And this is your partner. Alice. And then our daughter came along.

Not too much after that. Now that one's wearing a jumper, and I love to see a dog in a jumper. I like that dog's energy. Very bouncy. It's quite... It's one of those things that if it was your kid, you'd set a parent would say

she's very spirited and everyone else would go oh god is she coming and now she's at work yeah totally so I'm so thrilled that you've become yeah so we've become

I've got a beautiful daughter we've got a little girl she's three yeah she I mean it's wonderful and that became that all happened when we were still in London

yeah because we only moved down last year and was that a decision had you always wanted to have kids or do you think it was partly meeting Alice that had cemented that for you? I had always quite wanted children or a child and I think meeting Alice, yeah, I think we very quickly sort of slotted into a life together. It felt very, I mean it is sort of a bit, again,

a cliche, I'm so sorry, this episode should be called cliches with Susie Ruffle. It is a real cliche to say this, but lesbians do move quite quickly. We are sort of, we like to, you know, let's get things done. You seem great, I seem great, do you want to get married and have a baby? I think that the thing is with lesbians is that we talk. We really talk things through, God, at nauseam, if I'm honest. And so, you know, I think you get out everything you want to do. You're very honest. You're very, you know, obviously I'm generalising.

But certainly that's how it felt to us. And we were like, this is me, this is my life, this is my flaws. Are you still game? Yeah, let's do it. I was quite clear, I think, from the loss. I have to say you're selling it very hard to me. Well, well, if you know, if you are interested, I can give you a form at the end. And we can see if we can help you become a sort of a fringe member at the very least.

And then we'll see if we can progress up to full-time lesbian. Maybe we can get you some sort of part-time situation to begin with. It might be a sign because on the drive down here, my producer... You started thinking, God, women are fit. Wow, we saw a car. And it was the most fabulous welcome to Brighton. Oh, yeah. A car overtook us in a very sort of...

gentle, polite way. Sure. And as it crossed into the other lane, I noticed, it was some sort of Fiat Panda type quite old. Their number plate was so, Miss Rios, gay. Yeah, I mean, honestly, it's the least surprising thing you said all morning. It's so brighton, that's so brighton. So, whoever they are, they're so gay person.

I thought, I love you. Yeah. Would you think maybe they were making a statement about you? It took you that. Like, when did you realise you were going? Well, do you know what? It's weird, actually. This is a podcast where I come out.

Oh my God, that's amazing because I actually have a podcast about coming out so we can both release it on our channels. Oh my God, you heard it here first. How? I'm interested, as a stand-up and a very brilliant one. That's kind of you to say, some nights. Does parenting, does it sort of change your comedy at all?

Do you know what, it's changed my outlook on... Sounds a bit trite, doesn't, to say, like, like, it's changed my outlook on my whole life. But I think if you do a job like mine, And I don't think it's unique to stand up. I think anyone, certainly women that have been really put their careers at the forefront of their lives, which I have definitely done. A lot of stand up for me, I mean this will seep into a therapy session. But when I started stand up, a lot of it for me was all about sort of getting validation.

People laughing and then that's sort of saying to me, it's okay, I'm okay, because these people are laughing and I'm good enough. And I'm sure it's got something to do with not having many friends at school and sort of needing to me. make people laugh. And what I have learned, and I think the move down to Bryant had quite a lot to do with this, but what what parenthood has done for me is it's, I don't need validation in the way that I used to. I don't need everything from an audience. I don't, I mean, if I haven't gigged for about three weeks, I do get a bit itchy. I like to gig all the time, and I like to write all the time, and I do turn over a fair bit of material, and I'm off and out on the road, and I, but I don't need it in the way that I used to.

And weirdly, I sort of think it's made me more funny. I look back at sort of older bits of stand-up now. I mean, from like, you know, seven or eight years ago. And I think the, I mean, in some clips, the neediness is, I mean, it's, it's really there. It's really, really, it's really, it's really, it's really, it's really, it's given, I mean, it's obviously giving me things to talk about, which, but anything that you do in your life, if you're a comic, gives you something to talk about because what I do is sort of observational

storytelling, personal, you know, storytelling about my life. But, well, I just think I'm a happier person. But I think that has a lot to do with Alice. And a lot to do with being with someone that was sort of encouraging for me to be sort of, I don't know, not exactly who I am. That sounds like I was really lying before,

but I'm, I guess I'm just more comfortable with myself these days because my home life is very settled and we've got a very nice sort of equilibrium in our little house. Well I think it's all about finding someone who tolerates your quirks. Yes. I don't mean you personally, but I'm...

No, no, it's okay. You're making it clear that I've got a lot of quarks and, you know, to be fair, I do. Have you still got a cat? I've still got a cat. She's very old now. She's a real old lady. She does sort of take to her bed for a lot of the day.

It feels like we've taken her to the seaside to sort of convales and die. But she's not dead. She's very much alive and well. But she is... She's 10. It's quite old for a cat like her. She's very little.

She's a Cornish Rex and she's tiny. Velma. She's called Velma. Well done. Ten points. And she's named after... Valmer Kelly from Chicago. Yes.

Do you think you and Alice... And your daughter would be up for getting a dog? Yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I think definitely. I tell you what I'd like. Now, what are they called? Oh, no. Now, now I've forgot.

them. And is it an air d'all? They're sort of quite grand. And then I tell you I also like a standard poodle. There's been a lot of poodles in my family. Well, I mean that's the dogs that people have had. I'm not sort of genetically related to them. Your first dog was Coco. Yes, well done. Yes. Coco. Coco was a lovely poodle, a miniature poodle. So not a toy, not a tiny one. Just the sort of middle-sized one. And he was lovely. And then when he died, mum said no more dogs we had dogs my dad sort of got a yard where there's lorries and things and he had dogs that lived on the yard but they didn't come in that weren't in the house sort of thing they had like kennels and stuff that they lived in and then quite recently and I think probably

I don't know whether I mentioned this on the last one I was on this podcast my mum now has another dog that we see an awful lot of now he is called Ron, short for Doudou Ron Ron. And he is a bejean cross a poodle. He's tiny. Do you know that's his champagne colour? He's lovely. Knowing what I do about your mum,

should you cross the cycle lane? Yes. Sorry, you give her. That's exactly the dog I would have hoped she'd had. I mean, it makes perfect sense. It all adds up, you know? Do you want it? You talk about your parents.

Oh yeah. Quite a bit in your standoff, Susie. And you paint. It's a brilliant example, I think, of how you can paint such an amazingly affectionate portrait of people while by taking the piss out of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it makes me love them because of your honesty. Well, yeah, and also they're both fine with it.

Yeah. Like, I'll be like, Mum, do you mind if I tell everyone that you said you had a hangover because your vodka had too much lime in? She said, oh, I'm rough. And I said, what happened? Because my mum's fun. Like, here's the thing. Mom likes going out and having a drink.

I was once at the Edinburgh Festival and my mum came up and she bought a bottle of vodka and was in the Pleasants courtyard being like you'll go and get some cokes some diet cokes I've got the vodka Also like it was relatively recently so it's like oh mum like I'm doing all right here like the run sold out Stop trying to give my friends But you know it all comes from a good place, but yeah so my mum's really fun It's great fun actually And she and her friends Sort of really you know go for it

And they go to Benadourm every year And there's like there's drag queens They go and see If people are talking too much more I'd be like, can you be quiet? He's trying to perform And that's very sweet And mum says I always say that because I think are you And I'm like, what I do is quite different

But But I love drag and so does she So she goes with their girls and they have a really good Anyway, she'd been out with the girls and woke up the next day feeling really rough, feeling really, really rough. And she decided to, not she decided to, she, do you want an ice cream? Is it? I know it's cold. Do you want an ice cream?

I think we should get an ice cream because this is Morocco's. I think it's the best ice cream in Brighton. Is that okay? Yeah, let's do that. I love that idea. Let's have an ice cream. I always say, if you don't have an ice cream in January, when can you, you know? Walking the dog is sponsored by Pet Plan.

As some of you may know, I'm fussy when it comes to my dog, which is why I never went back to that groomer who gave him a mullet. But I'm fussiest of all when it comes to his health, and that's why I've always insured him with Pet Plan. I've always found them so easy to deal with, and they cover things other insurers don't, which is probably why they're the UK's number one pet insurer. Your number one as well, Raymond?

Calm down. Terms, conditions and excesses apply. Pet Plan is a trading name of Allian's Insurance PLC. So they've got blueberry cheesecake, hazelnut, Kinderbueno. I don't know what that is. That's lemon sorbet. That's the one.

Is it? You had to go sorbet over ice cream. Always. Who stole your thumb? Can I get a lemon sorbet and a cone, please? Sorry, I will have the blueberry cheesecake, please. Thank you. Bye-bye.

You were telling me about your mom? So, yeah, so I was at her. I think I rang her. And she answered and she said, oh, hello, love. And I was like, oh God, something's happened. I said, Mom, what's wrong? She said, I'm not well, I'm really poorly. And I said, oh God, and I was really worried, obviously, you know.

And I said, oh God, Mom, how are you feeling what's happened? She said, well, last night I had a lever of vodka lime and sodas. And do you know what? I think it's the lime. And she honestly thought she was allergic to lime. I said, do you think it's got anything to do with the vodka? She went, oh, no, I've drank that much before. Well, your dad was a, he sort of, he was a lorry driver and then he bought and sold lorries, didn't he?

This is right, yeah, this is correct. He used to, he delivered coal to begin with when it as a child, sort of as a child of a 14 year old. That was the family trade, delivering coal with a horse and trap. So, which sort of sounds to Kenzie in, but it was just the 70s, I think. Yeah. Well, I always get the sense that you feel very certain about who you are. I don't know if that makes sense, but I feel there's authenticity about. you that well I think it took me a while but I'm quite comfortable with who I am now

we're uncomfortable you know I quite like my heritage for I think when you're growing up it's sort of quite embarrassing if you've got a family that's a bit like loud and like big personalities like I remember my dad picking me up from school on a horse and cart that's so embarrassing I didn't have many friends I mean that's not going to help is it my dad's always his dream was to be rich and I think that's not uncommon if you grew up quite poor. I think they sort of had money a bit when they, when he was a child, my granddad had his own business, so some weeks they had money and some weeks they didn't.

I don't know that they were particularly a family of savers. Yeah. You know, I think it was like, it's either a party week or not, you know. My dad's always the kind of person that will, you know, he'll buy everyone a drink and it'll always be in a nice suit. Your family were very bullion, aren't they? Yeah, that's good word to use. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, they won't know what it means, but, you know, they're exactly who they are. Yeah. You know, when my dad met my agent, Flo, we were actually in Brighton. I'd just done the dome. I was, you know, probably 11 or 12 years ago, and it was the biggest gig I'd done to date at that point. My dad, and I said, oh, Dad, this is Flo, who's just signed me, Flo, this is my dad. And my dad said, sorry, Flo, I'm missing a tooth. A horse kicks it out.

And, you know, that's just who he is. Yeah. You know, he's just someone, he's got a gold tooth in the front because the horse kicked it out. And that's just who he is. It strikes me though, that from what you've said, it kind of took you a while to find your voice as a, for sure. Like, do you think when you first started out, and I suspect this is true of a lot of comics, I get the impression you felt you were doing a slight impression.

Yes, that's a hundredth century. Of a stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've said, yeah. I might have said that before. Yeah, I definitely feel like that. I was doing an impression of a comic. And also I wasn't comfortable talking about my family. All of the comics that I, or a lot of the comics that I was coming through with,

were university-educated. Their parents may have been as well. They were, I didn't go to uni. They were people that, you know, had parents that, like, you know, read books. Yeah. Mom does read books, but they're all sort of Daniel Steele. There's anything wrong with that, Catherine Cookson. Not anything wrong with that, but that's what, you know, she sort of, you know, then...

I didn't know about feminism until I moved to London. No one talked about it at school, and no one... I didn't get to a very good school. I kind of knew about it, but I didn't really know... I didn't know anything about sort of politics or culture or... It just wasn't the stuff that was talked around at the dinner table, because I guess from my mum and dad, there were more pressing matters. We never talked about...

who they were going to vote for or anything like that. Yeah. They both would vote, but there wouldn't be a discussion about it. There wouldn't be, they might even when we went to bed, but... I find it very interesting that this idea of you not, kind of knowing who you were as a comic, and I wonder, because you came out when you were sort of about 21, weren't you? Yeah, that's right, yep. I wonder if the longer you had to be the real you, as it were.

Oh, 100%. the better that was for your comedy. 100%. Well, I wasn't particularly comfortable with my sexuality until I was probably 30, but I started stand up when I was 25, 26. No, 24, younger, yeah. And why do you think that was? I think that, you know, as we were saying before,

about what was discussed around the dinner table, being gay wasn't something that we talked about at home, but I didn't know anyone like me growing up. I didn't know it was an option for me to really be myself. I didn't know that. I didn't, you know, it wasn't, you know, and Paulsworth isn't,

it's not like it's cut off from the world, it's only an hour and a bit from London, but it felt like, it felt like, you know, to be able to be me, I would have to go quite a long way for that. And I think that,

you know, there was a lot of internalised homophobia, internalised shame. Yeah. Because, you know, I didn't, I'm very happy with myself now, I'm very happy with who I am, but I didn't want to be getting.

I really didn't want to be gay and so I didn't really want to talk about it. When I spoke about it on stage, I was always quite dismissive of myself. I was quite mean. I was, you know, I was to do stuff that was sort of now looking back, you go, there's quite a lot of internalised homophobia in that because I was trying to say the thing that I thought they might think about me. But actually, the more, you know, as I sort of grew up and certainly when I had a partner that really loved me for me,

I sort of was like, I'm going to have to sort of be okay with myself on stage. I can, you know, I can take the piss out of myself, but I think there was an element of self-loving in the first couple of, the first couple of times I went up to the Edinburgh Fringe and things like that, because it's just, I found it very difficult to be okay with myself, I guess. I kind of can see how if you aren't, 100% comfortable with yourself or haven't quite come to terms of that.

It's comedy is truth. Yes. And it's very hard to stand up on a stage. You all meant the comic should be the most truthful, authentic person in the room. Yeah. And how can you be that? Exactly. Yeah.

And I think I sort of grew up assuming, I don't know, I didn't, I didn't know it was possible for me to have a life like the one I have now. Someone said to me a little while ago after my most recent tour show. It was very sweet. They were saying that they always come and see my shows, which is lovely, and I'm someone that goes out on tour every couple of years. And they said,

I always love coming to see you because you're so hopeful. I always leave feeling very hopeful. And I would say that that is something I didn't have in the first five years of stand-up because I wasn't particularly hopeful about myself. I was all quite, I was all, yeah, I guess I wasn't, I didn't feel hopeful, I guess. But I mean, I would say that my brand of Go-G Comedy

is about, being upbeat. I don't... I want people to come and I want them to really... The most important thing for me is that it's funny. It is all about making people laugh and being really silly. And if... Yeah.

You know, I can impart something of myself. And it's brutally honest these days. Where I will sort of tell people everything. I feel you're one of those comics who... You really put in the 10,000 hours. It didn't happen. Are you saying it didn't happen? super quick. Certainly when I was starting it didn't feel that there was very much room

for a person like me. What do you mean? For a gay woman. I remember someone saying to me we've got Sandy and Sue, we don't know what to do with you. That was someone that worked in tell me like an exec. About Sandy Talks, Sue? San Jose Witton. We've got Sandy and Sue. What we're going to do with you? And I remember thinking, well, they're both sort of university-educated women that are gay, but are very different to me. I think I'm, and I want to say, I love both of them. I think they're both brilliant and I've had the pleasure of working with both of them and was delighted to find I really got on with them as well which is great but for a long time it felt like there wasn't

really a place for me in telly I guess and so I've always been about the stand-up really I really enjoy doing telly there's telly that I've loved I love doing stand-up on telly that's a real that's sort of my favorite thing to do if I'm doing telly things like live at the Apollo which you hosted quite recently yeah yeah I've hosted that and and done a spot on it as well and And that's just pure joy for me. I love doing that. And doing the panel shows and stuff and the, you know, the travel docks and things like that. They're really, really fun if you're with really fun people, which I've been lucky enough to do that a couple of times. But, you know, so much of, so much of sort of getting the exposure for your career, for your big career moments. So much of it is to do with luck or to do with the opinion of some, quite often dude that doesn't have a life like mine and doesn't have a family like mine

and isn't an outsider, for want of a better word, that I realised I couldn't really put all of my sort of hopes and dreams of what I wanted my career to look like down to someone else's opinion. So for me, when you say about putting in the 10,000 hours, it was just about getting really good at stand-up. Now, there are people listening that don't like what I do, but if you like the kind of comedy that I do, I think I do the kind of comedy that I do quite well.

And I really love doing it, and I've got an audience that will come and see me every time I go on tour. And that's the only thing that I can control. Do you know what I love about your comedy? When you say thanks very much, good night. People have said it before, and I don't mind that. What I love about your comedy, Susie Ruffle, is that you're a real example of someone who's... It's an absolute technical masterclass, but it's got so much heart. Well, that's a really nice thing to say.

I think I just tell stories and try and make them funny. that's um I think that's the thing I think you know when I've been I've been doing comedy I mean not for probably like coming up for 15 years now and people assume that the end goal ought to be being on all of the telly shows hosting all the telethos having a sitcom people assume that that's what success should look like for a comic and I'm sure all those things are nice. But for me it was always just about people saying, oh, she's so funny. She makes me laugh so much. That's, that was it. Like, don't get me wrong, it's lovely doing Live of the Apollo. It's lovely getting booked to do QI. I'm sure if I made a sitcom I'll be

delighted to do it. I'm not saying that I don't want any of those things, but sometimes people might assume that as a comic you want to be really, really famous. I think sometimes people mistake being a comedian or wanting to be a comedian for just being a bit obnoxious in the pub. That doesn't mean that you're destined to be a comic. I have met some newer stand-ups that, you know, are very into how many likes they get on social media and, you know, this, this clip went viral and it's them doing, you know, a silly video. And I have absolutely no judgment on that. But you know, I think if that's what you want to do, that's great. And if you want to make money through it and if you like the idea of being a bit famous because of it.

But for me, it's always been about like being a proper comedian. Yeah. They can go into a room of all kinds of different people. You know, not just playing to your audience. You know, I can go into a corporate gig to a load of old straight man and still make them laugh. Are you a people pleaser, Susie Wuffle? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, massively.

I'm desperate for you to like me. Absolutely desperate. How does it manifest itself in your daily life? I happen to make people laugh for a living. I mean, that's what it's, being a comic is about being a people pleaser, I think. Even those comics that are like, I don't care what you think, they're secretly going, please, like me and tell me I'm funny. I don't know. A lot of my friends that stand up to people that didn't have an awful lot of friends at school,

and were looking for their tribe and, you know, found comedy. Did you not have a lot of friends at school? No, not really. Well, I wasn't really being me, because I was so consistently terrified of people working out that I was gay. Most of my teen years was about people not realizing this thing about me. So I don't think I was ever really myself. So it was sort of impossible for me to have a best friend

because I was putting on a performance of being a straight girl, of pretending to be in love with Heath Ledger when secretly I was thinking I want to be Heath Ledger and kiss Julia Stiles and ten things I hate about you but I couldn't say that. That breaks my heart Susie but you know don't worry I'm not dead

it's all worked out okay well you know it breaks my heart but then it also makes me happy because I think how great that do you think you know I love the fact that young women would look at you now and think oh okay she's doing all right

do you know what and that is the reason that I talk about that is that's not the whole reason It's because, you know, that's a kind of comedy that I do. But I think that growing up, I think growing up, a young person, teenagers say, all you really need is to be able to look at someone and go, you're a bit like me. And you seem like you're a grown up and you seem like you're having an okay life. Maybe I'll have an okay life. Maybe I'll get the opportunities that you've got.

Maybe I'll get to have a go at these things. But I think I sort of grew up going, I think that one that's on the horse racing is gay. I think I look at someone. That's why I like talking about being a mum because I did not know that I could... When I was an early teenager, I did not think it was possible for me to live authentically, although I wouldn't have had that language.

But I thought, God, I think I fancy girls. Oh God, that's really stressful. And that probably means that I won't be able to be a mum. I probably won't get to have that. But I know that when I first meet you, to London, I remember thinking, well, I can either be, I know that I'm gay, but I can either be an actress or a lesbian, so I didn't think you could do both. And I mean, it's only been in recent years really that people, I think Jodie Foster only officially came out about

five or six years ago. Like, it's not like, I mean, although it's very different now with people talking about sort of gender and sexuality and people being far, I don't know whether they're being braver, because I think there's probably loads of people that wanted to be brave 20 years ago but weren't really given the opportunity and I think you know you looked at women that came out like you know Sandy Toxwick who did come out and I you know I don't think it was particularly easy but I didn't know that I could be out and be an actress I didn't know then that I was going to become a comic but so I just sort of assumed that I would sort of live in the closet yeah maybe have affairs well you also do a brilliant podcast on this kind of subject really

don't you? Yeah, I do a podcast called Out where I talk to people about, but it's not really about coming out, it's about being out. And it's, I basically created it because, you know, it's a way to chat to people. We talk about being gay, but it's really just a conversation, you know?

I wanted to create something that was like, where real people spoke about their lives, and they spoke about having successful lives, and I've spoken to, you know, MPs and, People that have won Oscars and people that have won Olympic medals and all kinds of different types of people. Scientists and, you know, just people, some of them are famous, some of them aren't. But people that have successful lives and they happen to be gay. Yeah.

And their gayness has never stopped them from achieving. Because I think that was something that I really didn't just think. I really believed for a long time that it would be the thing that hindered my career. Yeah. Is that a raven or a crow? You seem like you know about birds. I mean, Emily, please. Please, Emily, come on. That's the kind of thing my dad would say to me. Once me and Dad were going past a Lebanese restaurant, it said Lebanese outside of it, I bet you can get something in there. I was like, Dad, I mean, that's not even, it's not even the word lesbian, but he couldn't stop laughing. He thought he was so funny. Look, can I just say? Yes. I was talking about a raven.

in an ornithological way. Oh, don't use words that you know, I won't understand. That's very rude. You know I didn't have the education you did. Come on. Orthological. I thought that was someone that did something with the dentist. What's it called?

Ornithology, I think it is. That would be a great name for a lesbian bar. When you come out and move down here, we'll open it together. Come on. Seasy Ruffel wants me to come out. And I have to say, having spent the last hour with you, you sell it well. You really are good PR.

Thank you. I'm doing, yeah, well I'm, I am doing the PR at the moment for the Saffix Society. What are your membership fees? They're very low actually. Who are your best men friends? My best men friends? Yes. Because you're very good friends with Tom Allen, aren't you? Oh, Tom Allen is, yeah, my, he's, I love him. How did you two get friendly? We both died on our ass at a charity gig about 12 years ago and had terrible gigs.

He had to follow a drag queen, impossible, I had to follow a raffle, even worse. And we both had arable gigs. And the only way to get over it was to drink. And so we had a drink together and then we haven't stopped drinking together since. But yeah, so we're very, very good friends. Oh, yours is lovely. Is that a miniature poodle or a toy poodle? Oh, so cute.

My friend had a, you had a bigger poodle, didn't you? Yeah, but is he part bejean? No, but she's got something in there. Because my mum has a dog very similar that is a toy poodle cross a bejeum and it looks so much like the tail going back. What's your poodle called? What a sweet little dog, Susie. Very sweet. Come on, Ray.

Do you, um... You said you were happier now, Susie. Yes. And I think one of the things, people always say comparison is the thief of joy. Oh, I love that quote. Yes, that's very true. Do you think that's true? I think it's 100% true, yeah.

Are you quite good at not competitive? pairing yourself or is that something you have to... No, I think I naturally want to do that. Therefore, I don't follow any comics on social media. I mean, the people that I think of my sort of proper friends I do, but I have no idea what's going on in other people's lives and careers. Yeah, but that's probably a healthy thing, isn't it? Because...

I don't think humans are meant to know what everybody's doing. Yeah. You know, and obviously you have friends that you can be enormously happy for, but I don't think you need to know. I don't think you need to know the ins and outs of what everybody's doing. Yeah. Because inevitably, you know, with a job like mine, there are things that you do get, there's things that you don't get, there are people that book you,

there are people that don't, that's just how it is. And as I say, for me, it always comes back to stand up. Oh, here we go. This is a bench for Margaret, and it says, mind how you go. I like that. Thanks, Margaret. I will. See, that makes me want to cry.

Yeah, of course. Because I imagine now, how lovely. That was probably something she always said. Yeah. Maybe her partner might have said that to her. It's really sweet, isn't it? Are you quite emotional, Susie? Yeah, very emotional.

Do you cry quite a lot? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tele, adverts. Benches. You know, all the big ones. Do you find the sea calming, Susie?

Oh, yeah, I love it. And I love coming down when it's like, oh, you know, a couple of weeks ago, and it was like blowing a gale and it was pouring with rain. I was here, hood up. And I love it. Oh, were you quite gone off? Are you quite a gothic novel? Oh yeah.

Yeah, I love that. I see you as a gothic novel. There was just something, I don't know, there's just something so, makes you feel alive, doesn't it? Yes. And that's the great thing about being by the sea. It's quite nice to feel small.

I totally, yeah. I think that's good. I feel very little. Although quite unlikely thing for a comic to say. But when I'm being big, for one, for a better word, it's all on my terms, isn't it? Yeah.

I'm not the loudest person in the pub. I'm only the loudest person when I've got a microphone and it's all controlled what I'm doing. You're a... Oh, thanks. What did the lady say? She said, Sue's your fab. Keep walking.

Does that make you happy? Yeah, it's really lovely. I really like that you admit that. Yeah, of course it's nice. I've put a lot of work and effort into what I put out into the world and that lady's enjoyed it. That makes me very happy. None of it happens by accident.

It's not very cool, is it, to say that you try at things. It's like saying that you're doing your homework or that you're doing your revision. You know, everybody sort of goes, no, I don't work hard. You're just, you know, I'm not a hard worker because it's sort of not cool, but I am. I'm a real grafter. I didn't at school.

I'm making up for it now. But I like working hard. I like, you know, I give a shit about what I share with people. And when you're writing a show... Yes. because you did dance like everyone's watching which was inspired by your brilliant mother yeah she misread the sign and was like oh I love that dance like everyone's watching

and I said mum it's dance like no one's watching we're understanding the fundamental principle yes but she sort of thought well you if everyone was watching you should dance more you know she thinks like if everyone's watching you get on a table that's where you get that from maybe yeah I guess so my dad's a bit of a shelf as well not a bit of my dad's a real show off. Yeah, so with your stand-up, you don't create your stand-up

by sitting at a laptop, do you? No, no, no, no. You do spider diagrams. Yeah, yeah, and then I get on stage and I just chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't sit down, I don't type it all out. Lots of comics turn up,

and it's all typed out, and I think, oh, God, that's... I mean, obviously, that's great for works for them, but that feels too mechanical for me. That feels like a really mechanical way of writing, but I don't do sort of set up punchline. If you want that, don't come and see me. I'll do sort of stories that go all over the place

and eventually should have something quite funny at the end might have mum's voice probably an act out I might pretend to be a spider or something at some point you know your mum she must be so thrilled Susie your mum to be a grandmother yeah she is does she absolutely delighted

absolutely thrilled she says to me I had a nice life before but she is now the light of it she is the light of my life and I'll be like I'm right here I am right here and I am on the telly and she's all about her. Sorry yesterday with my daughter

and she like bounded over where's my baby, where's my baby, give me that baby, I love that baby and then squeezed her they were holding hands. I said, do you go to say hello to me? She went oh sorry babe, sorry she just looks so cute in her out, don't she? Alice proposed to you I think didn't she? But your mum was sort of slightly

She ruined it? She ruined it. Alice asked my mum for her permission, which is a real sort of fuck you to my dad, who is alive and well. But she asked my mum, a very feminist move from Alice. And mum was that, of course, I'd love that. And then mum sort of said to me, if I wish you I'd get a ring. Or if you want to be the one that proposes, you better do it soon. But then I sort of knew that Alice wanted to propose. that was, you know, because in straight relationships,

it's very sort of formulaic, all that stuff, isn't it? Oh, I hate all that. You know what I hate? When I see on things like social media, it's like the boy done good with the ring, I literally, grammatically, it's an absolute horror show. But, yeah, I hate all that.

Or finally, my God, if you had to really beat him down to pop the question, don't spend your life with him. Don't spend your life with him. That sounds terrible. I found it oddly restorative being near the sea. Well I'm pleased. And I was going to say I bet for someone for creative this is probably quite a good place to be isn't it? Well yeah also I think you're you're sort of surrounded by people that like being a bit out of it. People that are a bit obviously there's loads of people that are very normal here but I think there's quite a lot of people

that are quite unusual. I feel like ours, I know what you're going to say and you know what I'm happy to be part of that club. Oh look at these ones. There are two little, a lot of poodles in Brighton, Susie. A lot of poodles. Yeah, a lot of poodles. I don't know, they're quite gay, aren't they?

There's a dog. There's a breed. I've loved our walked in. I want to really encourage everyone to listen. You do so many brilliant things, but I know, but I'm not plugging anything. I've just come on this because I like you. Do people, people probably, can I come on so I can plug that?

I've got fuck all to plug. I'm not on tour and I'm busy writing a thing. They won't be out for 18 months. So I'm just here for friendship. And to see Raymond. Susie, I've absolutely loved walking with you today. I've had a lovely time. Thank you for having.

Have you? I really had. It's been such a treat. And what do you think of Ray on your second meeting? I just love him. Do you? Yeah, I love him. He looks like a mop

and I mean that in the best possible way. Do you think your daughter would like him? Oh my gosh, you would love him. She'd want to kiss him. She'd take him like his face and I'd have to say no, kiss his head. Raymond, you're going to say goodbye to Susie? Imagine if he spoke?

Imagine if that's how it ended. I learnt that Raymond could speak. She's ended the podcast by going, see you later. Bye. It's been nice to meet you again. Thanks for carrying me when my little legs got tired. You've been listening to Walking the Dog with Emily D. I really hope you.

enjoyed that episode of Walking the Dog, we'd love it if you subscribed and do join us next time on Walking the Dog wherever you get your podcasts.