Walking The Dog with Emily Dean - Tim Key

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

This week Emily and Ray go for a stroll in North London with comedian, actor and poet Tim Key - they chat about Tim's childhood cats, his route into comedy and working with his hero Steve Coogan. Tim has released his poems via a set of cards - to order Tim Key's Poetical Playing Cards go to timkey.co.uk Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh Tim, this is my favourite kind of grass. It's the classic, isn't it? It's your classic Downton Abbey Labrador's bum. It's soft, isn't it? Beautiful, Tim. I'll tell you what, a bit more of an incline and we'll be rolling down this, would be, me and you. I hope not.

This week, Ray and I went for a stroll in North London's Parliament Hill with comedian, actor and poet Tim Key. Tim's one of the most respected and loved stand-ups in comedy. He won the Edinburgh Comedy Award just over 10 years ago, and since then, he's also become very well known as Alan Partridge's sidekick Simon on mid-morning matters and this time, and in the movie, Alpha Papa. And now, let's face it, there's no stopping the man. Tim's quite a private person, and he doesn't do a lot of interviews, so it was really interesting

finding out more about what makes him tick. We talked about how he essentially feels he's an introvert, his pretty unusual gap year in Ukraine, and what it felt like to be finally working with his comedy hero, Steve Coogan. Tim also gave me a present, a pack of Tim Key's poetical playing cards, which feature some of his genius poems, and they're beautifully designed. You can use that quote if you want, Tim. You can order them online at utter and press.co.uk. And for more info on Tim generally, go to timkew.com.com.

Raymond and I loved our walk with Tim, and I hope you do too. I'll shut up now and hand it over to the man. Here's Tim. A coffee to take with us. We'll go to the cafe on the way. That one's not the cafe, is it, Tim? No, it's this one here. Okay, we'll go here.

Let's get a coffee to take with us? Yeah, yeah, we can actually. So we're going here first. We haven't done much walking. Is this how I'm walking the dog? Well, do you want to describe to the listeners how you're walking my dog Raymond? I'm cradling him. I think you weren't sure about Raymond, Tim, to begin with.

And it's really been an instant reversal of affection. Is he a toy dog? No, I don't call him that. I think he's petite like me. But is he technically a toy dog? Isn't there a class of dogs that are toy dogs? Yeah, like Yorkies and, yeah. This looks like a toy dog.

He's looking at what looks. Everyone else. Their dogs are running around and you're just clutching. I'll tell you what. You're lucky I've used the word toy. It's either toy or silly. You tell me what you want to call him. I think it's technically a toy dog.

Do you? I don't know. Let's not get caught up in labels, Tim. How do you feel about him? Do you like it? Well, I tell you what, we've just walked past two people. There's another, they're all smiling at the dog. This is why I like having him.

I think it brings out the best in people. Yeah, it does. What does that sign say to him first time? No dog's allowed. So, do you want to hold Raymond? I'll be honest. I think we could get him through. He doesn't look like a dog, really.

I don't think they're talking about this kind of dog. By the way, everyone, this is Tim Key, who's on walking a dog. So am I waiting out here? I need to introduce you to say what you do. Comic. Comic. Actor. Tell me if I miss anything out.

Writer. Performance, poet. Just poet. Poet, yeah. Didn't like performance then. Poet, yeah? What else? I think I read that in The Guardian and I was trying to show off.

Oh, but you have heard of me. I have to do the formal works at the beginning. Anything more? And, well, I would say one of my favourite comics. Thank you. And I'm really excited you agreed to do this. Oh my pleasure, I love dogs. And I don't, do you?

Yeah. Do you not really? I do like dogs, yeah. Okay. I do. Shall I put him down? Let's put Raymond down. Shall I go and get the...

Do you want to hold Raymond? Well, I can get the coffees, if you like. Oh, go on, Tim. Have a break from the dog. Yeah. What do you like? Just whatever, as it comes. Are you going to get a mocker?

I'm going to get a mocker. Tin's just come out at the cafe. I've come out, yeah. And you've got us... Some mockers. Got three mockers, yeah, one for me, one for you. Have you introduced Sarah? One for Sarah the producer.

Is Sarah just implied? Yeah. Got a constant. I'm treating it like Lynn and Alan Parkford. Right, sure. She's carrying a lot of bags. I know. So, and Tim's just given me, which I'm really thrilled about before he went in.

Tim Key's Poetical Playing Cards. Yeah. And the good news is that I was genuinely laughing at them when you came out of the cafe. What? The quality of production? No, I think they're really brilliant. They make me laugh so much. I think they're funny, yeah. That one's a dog as well.

What's yours called? Oh, this is Raymond. He's three. I'm afraid this is as big as it gets. Oh, thank you. That must be annoying about having a dog. It's what I love. But do you think that could be the difference between us?

No, no. Which way, Tim? This way? What do you think? That would feel, that's, that doesn't feel right going that way. I think we go up. Okay. So I'm just following you, Tim.

Well, should we do my running route? Yes, that would be lovely. We should say, do you want to tell us where we are today? Hampstead Heath. Yeah. And we've met by the water pump. next to the another dog. Yep.

They're laughing at your dog. Do you know what kind of dog that is? That was a... That was a... There's was a normal dog. What do you make of Raymond, Tim? Raymond's a joke. Not in a bad way.

I've met people like Raymond. Raymond's a sort of... If Raymond was a person, it'd be the sort of person who's nice to have along. Yeah, he really... Do you want to hold him? I'll hold the lead, yeah. Come on, Raymond.

We can take him off the lead in a minute. It's just if there are any big boys around. There's not a great deal of... He's not dragging me along. Let's put it that way. How much does Raymond weigh? Six pounds. That's quite heavy.

Do you think so? That's nearly half a stone. Fat shame, my dog. I'm not fat shaming it. I haven't said he's quite flabby. I've said that's heavier than I thought. It's beautiful here today. It's good, isn't it?

Have you been here before? I have. This is my manner. Well, this is kind of where I grew up. Really? What? You grew up in London? I grew up not far from there, in a place called Holly Village, which is a weird Gothic house. Holly Village? They look like Gothic. They're next to the cemetery.

So tell me why this is your manner. Do you come here every day for... Do you genuinely run? You know what? I run. I do run, yeah. But I tend to run now on a treadmill. Oh dear. On a treadmill. Right. In a gym. But I did park run on Saturday. in this in hamster teeth. Do you have a department?

No. You don't strike me... Do you know what it is? Oh my goodness. You don't strike me as a rhomative. You don't strike me as a sort of keep fit person. Right, okay. No, I don't...

It can't be long since he accused me of fat shaming your dog. What's that about a minute? What does that mean? No, just because I see you as sort of uber creative and uplaught late and with a candle and a quill. Yeah, yeah. You could still keep fit if you used a candle and a quill. Oh, can you? Okay.

I thought you were going to go more down the lines of like, you know, in comedy clubs and lots of booze floating around. No, I don't think you're like that. Well, I don't know. This is what we're going to find out. So this is, so what, do you live sort of in this part in North London then? I live in North London, yeah. And you weren't always here, were you?

No. So where you grew up in Cambridge? Oh. Your dog just stopped. Oh, he doesn't like water. Oh, really? He's going to have to come across there. I can't pull him.

Yeah, come on. Ray's just stopped as her. That isn't. There's no animal that's like that, is there? Well, there's my dog. Sorry. He doesn't like water. But that was insane.

Do you want me to describe what happened? Yeah. Well, Raymond was walking along normally. Came along, came across, I would say that's not even a puddle. That's damp. path and stopped to a hole and slid, skidded to a hole. Well, he pushed his paws firmly down on the floor as in a system...

Do you never get embarrassed by him? So you grew up in Cambridgeshire, did you have dogs? No, not really. Had cats. Not really is quite an interesting answer. Well, seeing how much I could argue my cats as being dogs really. So you had cats. Yeah.

And tell me about your mum and dad. Let's go on this part. Oh, really? Why not? I quite like it. Yeah, okay. And what do you want to know about my mum and dad? Are they called Carol and Bill?

How do you know that? I know things. Are they called Carol and Bill? Yeah, they're called Carolyn Bill. Oh. And what did they do? Or do they do? Well, Carol, who's the woman, she's from Wales.

Yeah. And she moved to London. She was born in Newport. And did she... Was she a homemaker? Or was she worked? Well, she, yeah, she worked in the bank. She worked in Barclays Bank.

How much of this do you know? I don't know any of this. How do you know their names? I just know their names. Yeah. Yeah, no, I know you know. I must have read it or something. Oh, we're coming across a bit of damp path.

Oh, yeah, I won't like this, will he too? Up goes the dog. I'm holding him, just... I wore boots. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're clever. I should have worn wine. Yeah, so go on. So then she moved to...

Her friend, Bridgett, was leaving... Was leaving Wales. Yeah? I think to be with her boyfriend, Alan. And then my mum said... So she was going to Cambridge. So my mum said, well, I think I'm going to do that as well. Really?

She was only 18. So she just left Wales and moved to Cambridge. And then she met your dad? A fancy dress party? Did she really? Yeah? Well, I seem you know what they were dressed as. What were they dressed?

No, I don't know that. Well, I have a guess. Have you met them? No. Do you want to know a bit about their stature? About their stature or something? I want everything. My mum is about 5'6, you know, Welsh.

And what about Bill? Six foot four. And what is Bill's job? He's retired now. Yeah. He was in engineering. You know those... Oh yeah, there's another dog.

You know those electronic microscopes? Electron microscopes. Oh, right. I don't... You know where you get a really close-up photo of a bee's eye. Oh, I do like those. Yeah. I thought you might like those. Does he work in those? Yeah, he worked in those for years, yeah.

And you had a brother? Yep. Name? Oh, I don't know his name. Hang on, can you please just tell me what they were dressed as at this country dresser? Oh, yeah. Well, I'm going to go. Presumably your parents would have met, I would have said, in the 70s. So fashionable then, I think they didn't go together, did they?

No. Yeah, they did. Yeah, they went there to meet. If they went there, if they went to meet, they would have been dressed as. They would have hung out for six months before meeting. Yeah, they would have gone as Bonnie and Clyde. Oh, very good, yeah. My mum was dressed as a pirate and my dad was dressed as a schoolmaster. Let's get that out of the way.

And then on their first date, he went to her house. Yeah. Or a flat, I don't know where it was. Yeah. And didn't take any flowers and there were some flowers in the bin. And he took the flowers out of the bin. It's like a sitcom. Took the flowers out of the bin and straightened them up. Then she answered the door and they drooped back down.

I think that's all my anecdotes about my parents dating. Was your family life? Was your house kind of funny? Yeah, was quite? Was it? Yeah. Yeah, my dad's very funny. Is it?

My mum constantly tells me that I get it from her. It's actually more or less a catchphrase. Yeah, it's all from me. Except when I'm actually talking about her when she's absolutely furious. She doesn't like that. Was it one of those houses where, you know, when people sit around the kicks in table and there's noise and laughter and things or um we'd always eat together yeah there was a yeah there was i think there's quite a lot of that in place where i don't think we'd like eat in front

of the telly well we did a bit yeah but i think they thought that was quite useful quite a good thing to do to eat around the table we've got a brother as well oh yeah do you get on with him i do yeah and is he funny yeah he is he's more of an extrovert than me isn't he hmm I can see what's happened. It's all very clear to me. What's that? I'm more of an introvert. I think I have...

I've got an outlet. That's what's happened. Yeah. So it all goes into that. Yeah. And it all gets distilled down into me, you know, being on stage and just stamping about. And I shout a lot and quite jokey on stage. Yeah.

And then, well actually, you know, I'm quite joking in real life, but what I'm not is... Yeah, I'd say you are. I don't like to be... Should you go on the grass, Tim? I like the grass. It's not grass. As I said that, Tim, do you want to explain what it was like? Yeah, I'll explain what it was like. It was like someone's taking the piss out of me.

Should we go up here? All right, good. You've put your boot in the mud. It was a muddy box. But this was nice, Tim. We could go here. Yeah, we could go around there. So, yeah, so I have that outlet. What I don't like is...

I find it really extraordinary when someone is like talking and they talk for ages in a row without anyone interrupting. I find that amazing. Do you? I bet you're quite good at doing that. You know, holding court, you know, and someone just in a group of a few people is just talking and you sort of

I sometimes sort of become aware they've done about 90 seconds now this is interesting stuff where I would like I'd say maybe even if it was a really good anecdote that I had I'd just compress it down

into about eight seconds and then take questions I think yeah but you must know performers like that because a lot of performers who are more like that yeah that we both know I can think of quite a few I definitely know that you know him Yeah But that's sort of the opposite to me

Because I once went to I once went to his house And I don't know if I was thinking of the same one But mine's Frank And it's not at all I'm just saying like it's a difference where I just remember we had dinner together

And there's like a few people there It's just and then Frank is just doing these anecdotes I'm like that is That's fantastic But it's from a It's not really how... But is that... You see, I relate to that

because I suspect you said you thought I might be like that and I think you're perceptive because I think I am. And for me, it was because I came from... I grew up in an acting family and it was very much a sense

of right, you're on. But do you not have that? Yeah, sometimes with like... Yeah, with close friends or whatever. But I mean, which, you know, this was like... When I raised the idea of Frank, that's in a good way.

Yeah. I think what I feel... find more odd is when you just sort of meet someone near in the pub and they just, um, you ask them a question and then that's that. Yeah. You're like, wow. Whereas I'm kind of much more, I think, um, in a conversation, I think it's more, you know, a few seconds and then you sort of hand it back and then it's the other person for a bit. What's your dog? Well, working, it's a mungal. He's beautiful. Collie, yeah.

Well, working dogs. His mum works on a sheep farm. So she does the herd here. Beautiful. Do you know what? I was all meant to, when I saw him, I thought, well, I've got to ask what the breed is. Yeah. Because what's in him.

Yeah. But he had his little white socks and a little fluffy pom-pom. Oh. And he just come trotting up to me. I was like, Mom, done. Oh. I completely forgot to ask what Mixy was. Oh, well, it doesn't really matter, does he?

No, I know. What's his name? Pippin? Pippin. I like Pippin. This is Raymond. Hello, Raymond. Pippin looks like he wants to eat him.

Yeah, he gets a bit of him. Oh, Pippin. Bye, Pippin. Nice to meet you. I love those little interactions to him, actually. Yeah, me too. You don't, do you? They're all right.

Do you? Interaction's awkward. No, I interact. I'm not saying you don't interact, but I think... That sort of stuff? Yeah. Yeah, I can take or leave that sort of stuff. I was interested by the dog.

Yeah, piffing. When the guy is... I mean, that dog was lying down with its tongue out and then running to a different bit and lying down with its tongue out. And then the guy goes, I think it might be a sheep dog. And I'm like, yeah, no kidding.

Of course the fucking sheep dog. It was surrounding. getting the three of us closer together. Oh, I'm really glad you didn't say anything. I only, yeah, if you only have bad things to say, then it's your best to just let it go. Maybe down this bit. Oh yes, I like this.

This is where we went on Park Run. Oh, was it? Yeah. I went down here with Ed Miliband. Sorry? When he came on the podcast, he took me up there. Okay. I like him. Yes, I thought he was really nice.

He runs as well, doesn't he? He looked exhausted the last time I bumped into him. Did it? Yeah. Look, that's what I think, well, When I think about people becoming MPs, I think, God, that looks tiring. Yeah. Do you?

When I think about people becoming MPs, I think, no, I don't think that looks tiring. I think that looks really stressful. Yeah. And also I don't know how they do it. Yeah. Like when someone does a budget, they're very, they must be very clever, mustn't they? Yeah. The amount that I get done in a day and they've sort of doing it.

a budget and I'm like I've got three weeks to get this treatment of some sitcom in and it's like about 10 lines long I've eaten so many biscuits and then that guy walks onto the screen and he says right well here's how the country's going to work for the next five years right and he hasn't been he hasn't spent eight years doing that that's he's knocked that together in the last couple of months you must he's got his team Presumably you must never allow yourself to feel any sense of imposter syndrome. Because I think if you stop to think about the way to respond. Me personally?

No. Oh, him? No, if you were doing that job. Yeah, I know. Oh, man. Yeah, I don't know how they do it. And they get so much criticism. Yeah.

I just feel like I'd last about three days and then even if I was the Prime Minister and I'd got in and then I realized that even though lots of people liked me, there's a good 25 million people who think just a jizzound, I think I'd just sort of go, right, well that's really stressful, so I think I'll now be a journalist again. Wouldn't you think that? Yeah. Just walking around knowing that people, that a lot of people hate you. Tim, I want to go back to Cambridge, to Early Tin.

Oh, yeah. So no dogs? No, two cats. And did you like the cats? Well, liked one of them, yeah. And what about the other one? Well, it had such coarse hair that it wasn't easy to love. And that was designated as my cat.

Because it was the younger cat. What was the hair like? Just really... Oh, you don't want to know. It was just like... To be honest, it wasn't the greatest coat before the incident and then it was much worse after that. What was the incident?

Got locked in the garage and... And we thought we'd lost the cat and then after a few days we opened the garage door and the cat ran out. Oh no. And it was bald and it had knocked over a jar of terps, I want to say. Is there something called terps? Yes. So all its fur had fell out. So then we then lost it again because it was so shamed.

Yeah. And then we found it in, what's that grass called that's like got white at the end of it? like, not papyrus. Pampus. Yeah, that's wife swoppers. They use that grot. Oh, right, well, my mum and dad have that. That is wife swoppers, I'm afraid, Tim. What's that mean?

What, so you can sort of drive around looking for that grass and knock on the door. Yeah, it's a signal. Right, okay. Oh, God. Tim, I'm really sorry, but that's quite well known that wife swoppers use that. Is it?

Yeah. I can't understand that you know that wife swoppers use pampas grass and you haven't heard park run. Well my references are more 70s. They really are. So maybe give your parents a call. Lots of crows on this bit, aren't there?

I've never seen so many crows. I love crows. They sound like the sort of archetypal old nag in Coronation Street. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was good. That was right and cute.

Yeah. What's your favourite bird, Tim? Now, I know this. What for? Just in general. Penguin. What are you like at school? I'd always go that way, but I think we're going to go down here.

Let's go this way. No, maybe we go down this way. Well, did you say what's like at school? Yeah, so I just wanted to know what you would like at school. I mean, it's hard to say about yourself, isn't it? But what do you think other people would have said about you? Were you rebellious? Were you mischievous?

Did you get in trouble? No. Were you academic? Yeah. Yeah. I think I was that, you know, the basic sort of in-between. Why are you? Well I don't know I mean I wasn't a cool kid I was quite you know when you before you're sort of in sets and things like that I was always quite

quite brainy I think or quite you know quite good at arithmetic stuff like that so but not but not head of the class right not top of the class and I think a little bit kind of a bit naughty but like not hardcore see the headmaster naughty just a nice nice balance of everything are you one of those sneaky people that got away with it i think i think i was i remember there was like a day where i think it must have been the last day of term where everyone was like you know schools out and egging people and letting off fire extinguishers and I do remember a teacher coming up to me and saying, you need to talk to these guys. Like I'm some kind of mole.

They'll listen to you. How did you feel I would have been quite upset about? I felt quite good about that. I didn't take the job, but I felt like that's quite nice to be asked. Look, let's not be around the bush. I was captain of the school football team. Again, I think I was captain in the school of football team because, you know, turn up and stuff and I don't think I was the best player well I wasn't the best player I mean you're looking at a team with Chris Tippett Jamie Altamimi Robert Doyle I like um people's classmates oh I love it I love the meaningless you know like to you they're so important I know because they're the first surnames that's my theory that you learn sort of off by heart collective surnames where the idea of someone you can remember the register being called every day absolutely

I remember all those names. And I think I'm quite obsessed with them. Not those names particularly, but with names in general. I think when I first started writing, definitely writing poems, everyone in my poems had a, almost all of them had a Christian name and a surname. But always really kind of innocuous and bland. You know, people called like Chris Wilde and Rodney Wood. they weren't people from school

they were just like sort of the definition of what someone might be called yeah well I love that in your poems because I one of your most oft quoted poems was it quite early on in your work when it's about

well you say out I couldn't begin to you'd have to quote it but it's about someone googling themselves isn't it? I love that and how does it go Tim? It goes Tanya googled herself still nothing I've been doing that for 15 years That's disappointing, isn't it? Used to be Anne.

But what I like about that is, there are a lot of choices in a small thing like that, that Tanya, the fact that this Tanya is what makes it work for me, and I don't know why that is. And is that something when you're working on Pertree, you know, do you sort of agonise over those small decisions? No, it's never only agonising, but it is always, yeah, you're always thinking about it, I think.

But there's not a bit where I think, no, it's not Denise. Oh, really? No, it always is just quite, what's the word, you know, natural. Yeah, it's organic. Yeah, whatever goes down, whatever comes out of my pen is usually fine. I never go back to them. It's interesting that surname thing, Tim. I just thought, because you studied Russian at university,

and that's a Russian literature thing I always think about, is the soul, veneta. They always say their surnames. The cherry orchids. They often say they're, they're patronymic, don't they? Oh yes. So, um... So patronymic is the father's... Yeah.

So... You explain what it is? Well, yeah, that's the thing. I know it's from Iceland, because Icelandic. Right, so I think that I'm probably called Tim Bilovich King. Right. So that's son of Bill? Yeah.

So I feel like... often they refer to each other as... Oh, I see. So if I'm in a novel, I'm not going to be in a... in a Tolstoy novel, but if I was to get into one of those, when I first entered, they'd say,

Ah, Tim Bilovich. I think that's how they do it. Oh, I like that. You sound like the difficult, recent signing for Chelsea. Tim Bilovich? Yeah. Yeah.

A couple of good games early on and then doesn't put the work in. Yeah. Should we go on this bit of grass? Tim's just pointed at a really marshy bog I think he's making a reference to my earlier suggestion What's it called revenge

But I feel like this is where we go Oh Tim, don't take me Yeah yeah Tim are you joking No, come on Come on Come on Come on Lynn

Tim Key has taken us through A really horrible I think this might be the worst bit of the heath I thought you can say I think this might be the worst podcast episodes. It's like we've had to walk through all these thorny rose bushes. But look at what we get at the end of it. That's the big thing. I know people always ask comics this, that whole thing about, you know,

where you're aware comedy was a currency and did you use it and were you funny. So I apologize if you've been asked this countless times before. But the good thing is I haven't been on that many podcasts. No. We just aren't so thrilled you've agreed to do mine. I'm doing a slew of them now. I'm warming up for Richard Herring's Did you

Were you funny or were you aware of people saying Oh that's Tim's thing, he's funny? Tim's the funny one, you know I was aware Yeah, I think I was aware of it So I must have been about 15 or something Yeah I don't know where it's sort of

I don't know where it came from really I guess I had I don't know maybe it was quite funny at home I don't know I kind of maybe it was quite jokey at school I do I definitely remember at one point

I guess I must have been at 15 or something and I think I remember thinking I'm not funny anymore and that sort of brought it home I literally was like there was a few days it just stopped working I mean it's not it's it's happened since obviously and it's sort of slightly more of a problem when it's your job

yeah at the time I just remember thinking maybe I'm not um not funny anymore I don't know then it started then it started working again so then in that sense yeah you must have been conscious that this is a nice thing I've got yeah exactly I'm only saying that to say it was quite a um I suddenly was aware I did a play yeah and I had one line And I found that really difficult, I found it tough. This one was about probably 10. And I had to say, ooh, there it is the tiger, I think. Ooh, there it is the tiger. But it's written, ooh. And I remember practicing it, and it never sounded right in my head.

And then when I said it on stage, I'll be there going, ooh. I think if a part like that was written for me now, I'd say, can I make this my own a bit? And I'd go, ah! Or even, oh. But I had to, yeah, march on stage in my little shorts and say, ooh, there it is, the tiger. What was this, Frank Spencer meets the tiger?

What was it? I can't remember what it was. Yes, it's interesting that confidence, which we'll get on to this. Oh, I, yeah. Well, that was all drummed out of me. And all my stage stuff, I can quickly go through that at school. That was all drummed out of me at primary school. Was it?

Yeah, drummed it back in gradually. I'm still drumming it. What was drummed out for you? Well, I just never got a part in anything and all if I did, I had to say, ooh, there it is. The tiger. I think I was a suitor. What would that have been? He loves you.

He's cuddling up to Tim Key's beard. Let's face it, it's where we all want to be. But only is privileged few are allowed access. It's true. Just the Raymond's of this world. Were you popular with the ladies? No. Were you not?

No. Did you have girlfriends? No. I was quite paralysed by fear. Yeah. Throughout school. What do you mean? I just found it very, I didn't find that very easy.

Yeah. Clam up. Fear of failure, I imagine that is. Yeah. Fear of humiliation. Yeah. Oh, Tim. Oh no, don't worry.

That was 28 years ago. I needed you when I was 15. So, you went to university, you went to Sheffield. You decided to do Russian when you went to university. No, you had a gap year. I love your gap year. How did you know about my gap here? Oh.

What did you get this stuff from? stuff from. I like the way you approach being interviewed. Yeah. In the manner of someone in a sort of incident room. Yeah. This is like 24 hours in police custody. They didn't used to do that on Parkinson did they? What do you mean? Well, they wouldn't be confrontational when he asked them about their childhood. Do you know about that, Michael? I wish they had that. It would have been much better. Yeah. Oh, so you don't mind my being interviewed technique? No, because that's the thing. Tim Klee's shtick. Right. Do you think? It's a bit iconoclastic. Right, okay. It's a bit Maverick. Tim Kee's never going to say, I think there is an element of Tim and Tim Kee.

Okay, yeah. I think that's probably true, would you say? Well, definitely. What, you mean like a... Not your stage persona, obviously, yes. Well, yeah, okay, but somewhere in between, the two. Well, wouldn't you say everyone who performs? Yeah. Do you think that's true of you? Because you're on stage persona. You know, you can't. You can. You can. You can. You can. You can. You can. You can. You can. You don't. You can. You don't. You can. Well, come on, you know, you're sort of swigging beer and you're this sort of reading poetry. And I always say you look like my nightmare man. Yeah. Okay.

But you're not in reality, but I mean your stage persona is. Yeah, the stage persona takes like, that's a, that's a long time sort of in the making. Yeah, exactly. In terms of like, that's been sort of smashed into shape over years and years and years. Yeah. I think when I first started doing that I was a character I think I even once or twice once got introduced as a different name I thought that's that's really odd and I'm really glad at the time or a little bit into it I was thinking I should I'm annoyed that

this is now my I've got my name assigned to this character really why just because you feel it's not you and people yeah I felt like it would give me more freedom and it would mean that that was like a one wing of what I did or something and then now I'm I'm really glad that I stuck with my name. Why? Because, well, there's more of me in it. There's a lot of me. It's not me, but there's a mixture.

There's some stuff I will say some stuff, which is, you know, a tissue of lies and it's like fantastical. And then there's other stuff I'll say, which is just 100% true. Well, I always think when I've seen your stand-up, which I have to say, I sort of met you before I'd seen your stand-up, I think, off I think and it kind of blew me away because it's so brilliant but it wasn't what I was expecting and I think how I perceived it was that there were sort of roots of truth and then the branches there were sort of slightly insane branches yeah so when you went to you had your gap year so I had a

gap year which was in Kiev well half of it in Cambridge we put up play on which was the Ruin Inspector Hound. That's, I think, partly to make sure that I could be in something. I think that was what was probably happening. Yeah. And, yeah, four of us put it on. Four of us directed it. It wasn't, I don't think, I think that's quite rare that four people direct something.

Yeah. It was a bit of a mess. And then. And you went to Kiev? Then went to Kiev. Were your parents worried about you? That's quite a... My mum still talks about it.

What do you mean? Seeing me off. Oh, my God. Yeah, she said, oh, seeing him go in that coach. I mean, I've got a coach to Kiev, let's put it that way. Do you think it's near enough to get a coach? How long do you think? Baring in mind you've got to go across the whole of Poland.

Before you're even interested in Ukraine. And Poland isn't exactly near. I mean, there's about four hours before we're out of England. You must have been terrified, Tim. I don't know, I'm just assuming you're coming at it from the same place as me but I think, what were you, 18 or something? 18, yeah. That's quite a bold thing to do, quite a brave thing to do.

I got everything muddled. I was meant to go on a gap year and I didn't organise it all. Yeah. So then I sort of like, it's the only one left really. The only thing left that you could do was go to Ukraine and be a teacher. And it wasn't really what I'd gone into the shop before. Yeah. I think I was interested in, you know, building a well in, where do they do that?

Nepal. Go to Nepal. I think that sort of thing or China or something. Kiev was a bit of a surprise to me. Was it? Why? Well, that I ended up there. Oh, I see.

But I really loved it. Really? Yeah, it's great. And did you, had you already decided to do Russian by that point? No, no, no. Because at university, then you changed your course, right? I decided to do English. I'm now, the bits that you already know about me, I'm now taking them on my chin. I'm just accepting that at some point you're going to tell me.

I do research, though. I think I'm doing quite a good job keeping this quite surface. You are doing, you're doing a great job. So, got on the coach and 36 hours later got off the coach. at Levov and then had to go to, it's all before mobiles as well. Let's sit down to him for a moment, shall we? Oh this is a nice dog. What's your dog called?

Marty. Marty? I like Marty for a dog. Yeah, it's nice for a dog. Yes. I thought so, yeah, but he's pretty much. What's about yours? He's half multi, half people. Oh, beautiful.

What's his name? Raymond. That's a good dog. I know. They're like a pair of 70s men, Marty and Raymond. 70s cops. What's quite funny listening to the other ones is there's an elephant in the room when you're stopping and talking to the dog people.

The other podcasts on this seriously? Yeah, if you're just walking along and then you just stop and you're talking to someone and you're with Jonathan Ross, then you know that the other person is sort of asking you what kind of dog you've got but is also thinking, what fuck is going on there? It's Jonathan Ross. Do you not sense that all of the conversations are coloured by that? Well, they might have been thinking that about you just.

No, I don't think so. I think it's more like, how old's your dog? And the other news, why the fuck are you walking around with Ricky Jervais? Oh, you can get, do you want to give him a treat, Tim? Yeah, all right. So you don't give him treats depending on him doing good stuff? No, he just gets them. Look at his face.

You open those, Tim. So, yeah, so I want to skip ahead. You've got your degree. Got my degree. And then I, this again is something you've talked about, but how you joined the footlights. Yeah. So you didn't go to Cambridge,

but you were a member of the Cambridge footlights. Oh yeah, that's what happened. And how did that come about? And it wasn't a sort of, because I think I initially heard about that and I thought, oh, I love him. He'd be some sort of talented Mr. Ripley. But I don't know if that was the case

or whether you just, you auditioned. I think there was some quite good kudos from doing it somehow, because you're sort of like, you're sort of both in this kind of quite fun thing that you're doing. And also it really did get me started doing what I'm doing. Yeah. But also you're sort of sticking it to the man and you're an outlier. Yeah. Who's just, you know, causing chaos and making waves.

It's quite simple. At the time it was quite a simple thing. of just going and doing an audition for, I think I'd finish university and I think I wanted to do one more play. And I just was lucky that I happen to live in Cambridgeshire. If I'd lived anyone else, I would have just done the play or some amateur dramatics or something

and then, you know, start applying for jobs or do a law conversion. But the thing I auditioned for, was the Footlights pantomime. And weirdly, it was written by Alex Horn, who is now one of my very best friends. And we worked together a lot and stuff. But at that time, he'd just written this pantomime,

which I had to say was, it's terrible. I don't know how long it took him. The guy's got, the guy's, I think the guy found his niche after this period. So I was, so I auditioned for him. it. The Cambridge Fruit likes Panto. Yeah, for the Panto.

And so what I had to do was pretend that I was at Cambridge University. I don't know. I was sort of making it up as I went along. I went to this little audition room and then I could hear people auditioning this terrible pantomime. I mean it was dog shit. I'm good friends with Alex. Alex. I like a lot of the stuff he's done but...

So what did you do? He wasn't the finished article. No, they didn't. But I saw this list of, there was a list of people who had gone in before me. And each of them, it just had their initials at cam.ac. . . .uK or something like that. I mean, they all look like the same. It was the same email address again and again and again with like, you know, a different bit at the start.

Yeah. So it goes CjR at cam.ac.uk, t.l at cam.ac.uk. Timke 5 at hotmail.com. Oh God. So yeah, got the got a call back and then had two weeks of recalls with about 12 of us. And at that point, I was doing that. and then doing temping. Did you not have that sense of being caught or being...

Oh yeah, I had a sense of feeling very alive. I mean, I would finish work at whatever, half five, and then cycle whizz down the hill from work to this place. Lock my bike up and then go in and do this stuff. And then often I'd finish doing that at like about 10 or something. Then I'd leave there and go and find my... friends from home we're obviously still living there and we'd have a point and I'd say well I mean it's interesting stuff I think we're getting quite close to getting this

and then but also there were stuff where I had to I was pretending obviously that I was there but I think I worked out that the way to do that is to just not volunteer any information just be this sort of grey figure and then if someone did ask me a direct question I'd have the answer. Did that ever happen? Yeah, someone would say, so where are you studying? And I'd say, Sydney Assessix College. Oh, okay, and what are you studying?

I'm doing a PhD in what? Nicolide Gogol. Like the short stories of Nicolai Gogol. At one point someone came up to me in the bar and said, Sam, he said, so I'm in, I've just been cast. in government inspector. Yeah. A pretty blank face from me.

And he said, so I wondered if you had any, like, because I know you study, you're like doing your PhD in Gogol. And I remember saying to him, yeah, I am, but it's pretty tightly focused on short stories. I mean, that's, I mean, it's like saying I've studied, I'm studying Shakespeare. Oh right, because I'm in Hamillard. Yeah, I wouldn't know about that stuff. I'm doing this on it. I'm doing this on it.

Yeah. Hamlet does ring a bell, but... You see, that's my idea, that's my idea of hell. You were lying for a reason. And it wasn't really a lie. It was just like you were being... You were withholding information. Yeah, I need to keep this charade up for just a few more days

and then I can come clean to everyone. And why shouldn't it be open to everyone? You know, I sort of think... Well, I suppose the problem with that is, if it is open to it, everyone and all the best people aren't studying there, then you're suddenly putting on a pantomime with all the local people that's organised by the university.

Oh Tim, this is my favourite kind of grass. It's the classic, isn't it? It's your classic downtown Abbey, Labrador's bum. It's soft, isn't it? Beautiful, Tim. I tell you what, a bit more of an incline and we'll be rolling down this, me and you. I hope not.

I hope not. Not only thing. Not accidentally. I don't think our relationships not quite to that level yet. You obviously knew at footlights, you were talented, and then you got involved with Alex,

and you went to Edinburgh as a result of that. Yep, yep, yep, yep. I feel, I mean, to me, it seemed fairly overnight, but suddenly I was hearing about you all the time. Obviously, it wasn't, and you won, it culminated in you winning the Comedy Award. Unfortunate use of culminating. That was 11 years ago.

You know what I mean by culmination? that period in your life. Yeah, totally. Which was presented to you by... Who was it? No, Frank gave me that. That's how I met Frank. I'd never met him before.

Is that the first time you met him? Never met him, yeah. Well, you really overwhelmed when you got that old. Oh, yeah. Were you? Were you? Are you expecting it? Hoping for it. I have actually heard people talk about their shows

where there's not even tongue in cheek. They say, yeah, yeah. But it was good. You must have learned it was good. You go through that whole month and I've done it. I've done it seven times, eight times, yeah. What, you've done it? Edinburgh, yeah.

Was there pressure after that? One-I-one. I didn't have a single meeting with anyone. Did you know? No, and I think that was really useful because I don't really like those. I don't really like meetings. They're a bit odd. Do you?

Tim Key, 2020. I don't really like meetings. I know. I think they could have done me a lot of good. I think if you add in meetings to my career, I think I'd go stratospheric. Do you know what I think, Tim? I think that when young comics win the Edinburgh, Foster's, Perrier, whatever current incarnation is,

I think what tends to happen is that agents swoop in and they give them almost a timeline of their career. I'm going to get you on this show, this panel show that we're going to do a tour, we're going to do this. And I think what worries me is that you've had no chance to make a decision about whether that's the work you want to do. I agree. I think it can take a long time to work out the stuff you don't want and the stuff that you do want. And I think if you allow yourself to be, you know, lined up in a certain direction, then that might be you for, yeah. And sometimes there's no harm in it, I think.

And sometimes that what someone suggests you should be doing is what you've wanted to do all your life. But I think... But isn't that fame and success and money in a way? What you want? No, that one-size-fits-all approach, which I'm not saying it always is. Sometimes that is what people want, but I never got the sense that that was the kind of career you wanted. My agent was really good. but the lucky thing was I was doing a TV thing with Alex Horn and Mark Watson at the time

which was called We Need Answers which weirdly they'd commissioned I think 13 of these game shows on BBC 4 and I've got to say there's about two or three of them were pretty good actually yeah but that meant that we were straight into that and so there was a sort of ready-made excuse to not meet anyone was it after Edinburgh that you were spotted to be on Alan Partridge no weirdly mid-morning matters was the first there was a there's part of the three people who own baby cow squirrel was Steve Coogan doesn't own baby cow no no not Steve Coogan Henry Normal and the third person who

who ran it was Lindsay Hughes and she'd seen me in a Edinburgh show with Alex Horn in 2003 so about seven or eight years before and the way she told me about it is that she'd seen me in that and thought

we're going to put this guy in something and then they just had me apparently in the back of their mind that this guy so it wasn't I didn't come to their attention during that I don't think I can see that though if you were casting something like I don't know how you are at compliments Tim I think if I see something and I see you're in it I think oh this will be good is that a nice thing yeah it is actually and it's quite

kind of that's quite a useful thing to know you never do anything obvious you never do the expected thing it's just like an intelligence I think behind everything you do and and also the surreal I think that's what I always think I'm not going to know what I'm getting here what about this thing here do you think we can go do you want to say what we've come up against? No, let's keep this one a secret. Well, essentially, it's a hazard tape. Yeah, it's a hazard tape.

So that can mean one of two things, can't it? There's a dead body? Or there's not, but you still can't go through. What does it say? It says this wood is closed for public safety. Please do not enter the wood until it is reopened. Now, I'm the type of person that wouldn't go through there, but you strike me. I think we're through, aren't we?

It's not for long. You've got to remember that the wind is blowing the tape up. invitingly. Oh I love that Tim's doing this. Yeah so I was saying about you being in things that I thought it made them seem like quality products and I wonder with mid-morning when you got asked to do partridge yeah I wonder if they saw that and they just thought people aren't buying this shit with just cougars. We need some cachet. No I'm not saying that but I'm saying they would get that you would belong in that family because of the way you performed.

Right, right. There's something the way that I think Steve Coogan acts, which is similar, which is there's that unpredictability. And I think you have that. There's a danger you have as a performer. And he's got that. Right. Is that fair?

Well, I mean, I'll take the compliment. I'm happy to take it, but I'm not going to build on it. No, but when you walk on stage and I think, oh my Christ, what's he going to do? Right. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. But anyway, what I'm saying is, what happened when they called you? Well, what happened was I was very, that was quite surreal when they called me.

Just, well, obviously my agent called me, but also she opened the conversation by saying, this is totally a secret. It was my birthday. Yeah. And we went to this party and... Carrie Raid him. He ought to cuddle for me. At the end of the party, we were sort of leaving,

and there was this sort of weird, mysterious guy who was just propping up the bar with a flat cap. And I think I went up to the bar, and he just turned round and revealed himself to be Steve Coogan. Was it? And so I said hello, and then he said, I want you to be in our show. He didn't.

Yeah, yeah, but that was after I'd had the phone call. Yeah, were you... So I already knew. I would have vomited with excitement. Well, I didn't do that. It was quite, I was really worried because it was quite intimidating. And you go into this room. Oh, the first day.

The first day, did him. Yeah. And they're like, what have you done with his character? No, no, no. No one's asking me that. Look at this, we can't get out. Oh my God. Tim Key?

Well, that's a life lesson there. Tim Key made us walk through the hazard tape. Yeah. And he said it'll be fine. And we walk through and now we're trapped. This is nature's hazard tape. What are we going to do, Tim? A locked gate.

We can try and climb over. Okay, I've climbed over. Hand me the dog. That's quite hard to get over, actually. Oh, lovely, Tim. We did it, you see. Yeah. So there wasn't really a life lesson, or if there was, it's just go whereevs.

Here we go. This is an incredible view. We can see... A shard. There's the shard. There's the gherkin. You could go on. Could you? Do you reckon you got one more in you? Well, I was going to say canary wharf, but it's not quite.

It's further over, isn't it? It's there. You can see it between those trees shining. Oh yes. And with a thing. You know you were saying earlier about how you were given a line, which was ooh there's a tiger oh there it is there it is about the tiger and now you'd have the confidence to say no i wouldn't say ooh when i saw a tiger great point yeah would you with when you're

working with steve kugan though presumably i would be nervous about suggesting or and the givin brothers gibbons brothers is it who writes it would you feel nervous about suggesting to them no um do you sometimes say, look, I think Simon would say this or... Yeah. And what's quite good is... Are you asking that? I do picture Steve when I suggest things. He's so...

It's like he's inordinately kind of respectful of my suggestions. So I'm going to... So I'll... Yeah, go on. I'll be... Yeah. And you'll be Steve. Okay, yeah.

I mean, you may not do it like this, but bear with me. Yeah, okay, yeah. I was just thinking... Okay, wait a second. Wait a second. What's this, Tim? I was just, I was having a description. I just thought there was a line that Simon had.

I don't know if he'd say that. Yeah. I just wondered whether he could say, maybe say it a bit more like... Yeah, yeah. Go on. Go on. Instead of saying... Hear him out.

Hear him out. Instead of saying, yes, that's all right, what's this Tim? Instead of saying yes, that's all right, mate, so you're all right, mate. Yeah, go on. What do you think about that? Yeah, fantastic. This guy, you should see his live stuff, fantastic. I think it's because I do it sort of few and far between.

Yeah. But there is sort of a, I think I always get, I find it quite touching that he listens and sort of goes, go on, yeah, let's. Yeah, he's very, very amenable. But at the same time, I think it's partly because I've sort of trying to find my feet over the last however many years doing it. And I do think I am quite good at, I think I know my place, basically. And I think it's because when I started doing it, I was just so clear in my mind what my job was, which was to, you know, be a conduit or be, you know, an avenue for Partridge to come to life via. rather than to be like an even weighted two-hander.

Right. And, you know, it wasn't like I was entering into a double act. Yeah, it feels... I know what you're saying about that thing of sort of enhancing it, but I mean, you have ended up creating a brilliant comic creation in its own right, and I'm not going to let you... But I find that so... I'd really find the whole thing quite odd, that part of it.

Do you? Yeah, that people say to me that their favourite... Not everyone, obviously, but a lot of people say, their favourite incarnation of it was mid-morning matters. And I'm like, I mean, obviously it's slightly odd because I'm watching myself in it. But I feel like it's really good. I do think there's some stuff in it

where, to be honest, I love the stuff in the knee thing in this time. In this time, yeah. I love all the bits of me and Steve in that because that is, yeah, each time there's been a bit more, I think we both have kind of, I've worked out how to do it a bit more. Yeah.

But in this one, weirdly, the first day of that, I found really hard because... Why? I think because I was jet lagged, actually, because I just come straight back from Australia. Yeah. And then I said... I mean, I'll tell you what. I don't know how you got over jet lag, but if you think a good way to get over jet lag is to just spend four hours trying to do a scene with Alan Partridge, then you've gone mad.

I remember like driving, you know, back home and phoning my agent. Actually, not phoning my agent. Just thinking, if I phone my agent, I'm going to say something like, I can't do this. And then the next day went in and it all sort of clicked. And then after that, I just, I loved that one. That incarnation of it with Steve just sort of, it's heavy shoes, just sort of wandering across the studio floor to me. The heavy shoes really, that's a brilliant way.

because there's a heaviness about his whole persona in that. Yeah, my heart is thinking as he's coming over. It's that feeling of knowing someone's dying when you walk into a show in a room and you know within a minute you see the fear in the eyes, don't you? Yeah, yeah, I've been there. Tell me, we need to talk about your cards because you've given me some, but absolutely beautiful. I agree.

Well, do you talk us through them, please? I can do actually. Yes. They are. Emily Juniper is my collaborator. Yeah. She makes stuff to do with spoken word being placed on paper. Yeah.

So her company is called Utter and Press. So she made a poster for one of my shows. And then she made a complete play script of my last show. Where it's all, every little section is dealt with. with in a different way. It's really, really beautiful. On stage, I always have a pack of playing cards. I mean, the answer was staring us in the face, right? And a few years ago, I thought I might try and make that. We can go either way. Up to you. We went that way last time. Let's go this way. So last time, as in on the way here, not we already tried to make this podcast.

So the cards are essentially... So, yeah, so, I think. So, yeah, so, I, so, I think, I think a few years ago, I thought. I'm going to pull one out. If you hold Ray, I'd have to pull one of the cards up. Whoa! Oh, sorry. I'm holding him. Hello, doggy.

I think you're really getting on with him. Yeah, I like him. I'm pulling my cards out, Tim. While I do, um... I can ask you, when did you last cry, Tim? Do you cry? Uh, yeah, I last cried.

Um, God, it was about two or three days ago. Tuesday. Uh, watching a show. What show? Uh, James McNicholess, the boxer. Oh. It's about his, um... about his grandfather.

Have you seen it? No, I haven't actually. His grandfather was a world champion boxer. I watch it though, because I love when he's into the boxing. It's really good at the Soho Theatre. Oh, that sounds very up my strait. Well, it's pretty good, and he's talking about his grandfather and then talking about, you know, his own life and measuring up to him.

And, yeah, it got me at the end. Did it? Yeah, he's got a phone conversation with his grandma. And... Do you quiet things like that? Like, would you... Well, it's got to be case by case, isn't it? Well, no, but what I'm saying is some people find it easier to cry at films and books than IRL.

I can't imagine crying at a book. I'm sorry. How dare you? Oh, and also I have to ask you another thing I'll ask everyone. Do you have therapy? What do you have it? Only this sort of thing. It's about as close as I get. I can't imagine you.

It's weird. I can't imagine ringing you up saying, Tim, I'm really upset with you. with you, I think you just make me laugh. If what, hang on, who are you playing there? Who are you playing there? Who is that? Well, just say I'm a person in your life.

Well, is she upset with me? If you can't imagine her, don't try and imagine her. Let's say, I'm upset with me. Yeah, well, she upset with me. Okay, let's say I go, Tim, I'm leaving you. Okay. I think you just make me laugh. Yeah, but maybe I've been thinking the same thing.

Yeah, I think this is a good moment for us to... Don't get wrapped up in the scenario. Who is she? I'm intrigued. I'm just saying I think it would be hard to stay angry at you. Yeah, you could say that about a lot of... I think you get a pretty specific persona when you're interviewing someone for your podcast. Okay, so if I was friends with you, what would annoy me about you?

Are you unreliable? You were bang on time today. Yeah, I know. No, I'm not unreliable. I'm pretty good, actually. So what would I say behind your back? Hopefully nothing. But if I think that Tim, what is it?

He's, Tim's very, can be a bit. Yeah, yeah, good, yeah. Tim can be a bit. Ideal. If I've got one criticism. I don't know. We'll get into the. We'll get into that next time.

I don't think you want to answer that. You don't think I want to? No. No. Why not? Um, well, no, I'm, I don't mind answering it. But I don't think I really have the answer. Okay.

I can wait. Okay. But how long can you wait? I mean, I've got a feeling I can wait. Look at that. Oh, what is it? Well, it's like a... Crop Circle.

Yeah, exactly. I've got the cards here. Oh, there they are. Tim Key's poetical playing cards. They're so beautiful. How did you open them? You didn't break the seal. You went from the bottom, yeah?

Yeah. And I'm going to pull one out at random. Oh yeah. Seemingly at random. In a sort of Deron Brown random way. Have you ever met him? Yeah, his stuff's more advanced than this, isn't it? Right, Tim Key's poetical playing card.

I've opened one. It's eight of clubs? Eight of clubs, yeah. They're completely practical. Eight of clubs. Oh yeah. It's very long. Can I read it?

Yeah, you can read it. My wife squatted and took a crap. I bagged it up and we carried on. I hate our Saturday afternoons. Oh. I love that. But that would make me really happy. that. What word? Well, I don't know, just

I think poetry makes me happy, but I think something like that, it's so concise and it's so funny. Do you know what, Tim? I would give those to someone, because they're a beautiful gift, but I would also give them as a test of whether I wanted that person in my life. Because if they got them and they loved them

as much as I did, then they can stay. I think I'm the same. I think when someone says that they really like my poetry, I think, oh, that's a tick, actually. I do actually, yeah. Well, I think it's my sense of humour. But I don't know, I kind of find, yeah,

because I've got like quite a lot, quite a, you know, idiosyncratic sort of career, there's like, you know, I think you can sort of fall into something where you get quite successful, quite young, or whatever and then your thing is doing that thing and you're just going from I don't know

if I'm in a movie when I'm 25 and then I'm just like going from one part to another then it would be there'd be less kind of weird peculiar things that I've just sprouted up hello dog

what a lovely dog's smallest eyes I've ever seen can't be on a dog What a beautiful dog. What kind of dog is this? You don't know. Okay, bye-bye. Okay.

I wanted that to sound weird. You've got to take an interest in your own dog, haven't you? What do you like at confrontation? Terrible. Are you? I bet you are, too. I can imagine... Not a single speck of it. I can imagine leaving messages going, Tim, we really need to discuss this thing and you...

You just wouldn't want to... to talk about it? None of it. How do you deal with it? What about if a neighbour is noisy upstairs and it's driving you mad? Would you go and knock on the door and say I'm really sorry like I'm trying to work? I'd go knock on the door of a shop and get some ear defenders. Don't worry about that. I'm not going up there. Zora can do what she wants up there. Is that absolutely you don't like that? Can you imagine? Hello? I do it. Not happening. I bet you do. For the For the tiniest peep, I imagine. Any excuse?

I bet you'd love it. Sitting on your sofa, all your music and TV off, just listening. Try me. Fucking try me. Hear a tap go on up there, up the stairs, bang on the door. You do realise it's not just you in this block. Where's your car? Oh, I want one of those.

Oh, it's over here. Oh, fantastic. Is it over here, Sarah? Yeah. Oh, this is great. Oh, I'll give you a nice lifting. Oh, fantastic. It would only be about one minute down the hill.

Oh, you don't have to come in the car. No, I want to go in the car. Having spent time with Raymond, have you warmed to him? I think you thought he was a bit odd when you first met him. I know. I think I was just looking at it to have an angle at the start of the podcast. If I'm being brutally honest. If you got a dog, Tim, what would you get?

Well, you know what? It's just such a, you know, a basic go-to choice to get the old cockapoo, isn't it? But I have to say, my... I've got two godsons who've both got a cockapoo. And do you love to? I like the cockapoos. I think they're great. Yeah.

But, I mean, I feel like, you know, you should just, like, buck the system and just get a black Labrador and see a salutes. Probably. I really hope you get a dog one day. So Tim, we've come to the end of our walk. Well, I know. I'm admiring your car. Listen. Yeah.

I love my playing cards. Thank you for my gift. And everyone should get them. Where can people get them, by the way? Can you go online to get them? Was it a gift? Yeah. You can have them back.

No, no, no, no. They are a gift. Where can people get them? You can get them from a website. called Utter and Press.com.uk. It's Emily Juniper's website. I think they're really beautiful. Actually, if you go on my Instagram,

I push him quite hard on there. Yeah, constantly linking to that thing. I love it. We don't normally end the podcast. I like it. I'll tell you what, we have horrible phrase, but overstocked. No, we haven't. Tim, I really love chatting to you because I'm a huge fan of yours.

It's always a laugh, isn't it? Is it your birthday? I hope I wasn't too probing. No, you won't. You can remove that and it won't sound like you were. Have we turned it off? No. No, we need to say goodbye now.

Is it your birthday? No, why do you say that? Did you look in my bag? I saw a glimpse, yeah. But if you'd seen a pregnancy test, would you say, are you pregnant? No, that's the thing with me. I judge things. You say that?

If I'd seen Rolos in there, I would have said, oh, got your sweeties. Do you think I should be more consistent and do the pregnancy stuff? as well. Tim, I'm going to give you a hug. Okay. Have me saying goodbye to Tim. Wait, no, in real life I'm going to have you. Oh, right, okay.

Hi, Tim, thank you for doing my podcast. My pleasure. Thanks for having me. I'd love Raymond, but I think you should... It's useful for your podcast, isn't it? Focal point. I really hope you enjoyed listening to that and do remember to rate, review and subscribe on iTunes.