War With A Mate - Episode 7: Michael McIntyre

Episode Date: January 24, 2025

Happy New Year! In this especially unhinged NYE episode, the guys have been at the sauce and are proud to have finally started what some consider actual gameplay. Revelations, promises and just a dash of threatening language all lie ahead in this festive bonanza of spirits.

it was christmas a few days ago it's basically christmas you're still infected with the christmas spirit yeah it's got in my body who knows how it got in it's not meant to do that more importantly who knows how it'll get out it should get out abruptly soon

Feliz Navidad like that okay that's how I get it out he's ejecting the Christmas spirit oh it's an exorcism it's a Christmas exorcism yeah

that'd be a beautiful film no yeah actually yeah a fun Christmas romp about removing a demon of Christmas Santa Claus no he's not a demon

he's an angel you have to invite him in by putting up the tree oh he's vampire rules apply yeah yeah well vampires are demons aren't they I don't know how that works no they're distinct mythological creatures how dare you how dare you confuse that folklore

you've got the three archetypes of mythological creatures you've got vampires demons and Santa Claus yeah there is a bit of overlap in that Venn diagram yeah like and that's where other stuff is like werewolves are part vampire part uh santa claus all right because of the hair yeah and the arctic conditions you don't want to be all furry at the equator you'll get too hot well this is a

this is a somewhat festive episode of war with a mate yeah the the new year's eve episode yeah we're about to we're about to enter a new year enter a whole new whole new headspace because we've also started the game yeah i mean the bootkeeping which is the game has begun in earnest that's all it is and with this of course being a sort of festive special it means that you and i fall in love at the end so can we subvert expectations and not do that the whole will they won't they has finally come to a conclusion after not many years ross and rachel get married in episode six of friends i mean it's not that far off is it in friends they get married in Vegas. They get together

fairly early on. Do they? Yeah. I think it might be season one when he unlocks the door. No, she unlocks the door at Central Perk. They have the romantic kiss. Oh, and it's raining and stuff. Yeah. It was raining earlier. Missed my chance. You did. No, it's not raining.

You repulse me. I look great in the rain like Daredevil sees in the Ben Affleck Daredevil movie. I blocked that film out of my mind so I didn't get that reference

well if you don't like art you don't like art but we've started it we've started it we've started the bootkeep and we've actually we've put all our units into some lovely excel spreadsheets we know who they are we know where they are we have an idea as to what they'll be

doing because we've got an idea of their relative strength mine are scattered all over my first turn is going to be getting them all back into one unit so I don't have to do as much bootkeeping. I've enjoyed that I've enjoyed you sat across from me for hours tonight putting together

all of your spreadsheets with all your men on and then realising that you're going to be spending the first turn of game bringing them all to the same spot in the desert so you can have them line up like it's a fire drill outside the office doing a head count and then going right you all

are now part of a different team in the office in you go so i can keep track of your optics but yeah the italians are invading get to the assembly point that's not that's not what a fire drill is yeah it is you get to the assembly point right right okay i'll give you that you've got a very basic understanding of fire drills that's about it what else do you do shiver don't bring your coat you're not allowed to bring your coat no you bring your coat your laptop your bag you oh you'd be in so much trouble in the office so much trouble. I hate that as well when they go, leave everything.

It's like, even my coat, it's on the back of my chair. Can I take that, please? I've never had a fire drill that strict, I guess. I've never not had a fire drill that strict. I feel like there's always somebody, usually a fire marshal, funnily enough, and it's like, no, don't take anything.

This is for the fire. I was a fire marshal, briefly. No, you weren't. Very, very briefly. was it for 8 hours during sleep you dreamed that you were a fire marshal no it was about 3 weeks and then that company is gone now and I won't say whether or not it was fire related

I had a high vis vest and everything and I took that off my chair so people would know I was in charge I don't even know which company you're talking about they all go bust you are such a bad omen I mean to be fair the company that made this game is already bust so we can't hurt them

I would burn their offices down if they existed still they are really getting to us you know what I will say is I'm in a much better mood than I was last time we were looking at this game because today you had a worse time than me I had a yeah

kind of but it wasn't too bad all of your units so again anyone keep a note at home which I would discourage massively um may remember that the biggest type of unit uh well it's a division it's a collection of units it's like the biggest category of a collection of units uh in theory but for some reason all of andy's divisions are just scattered all over the place and they're divided up into smaller groups which means making so many more excel spreadsheets because we need to have one

for every single distinct thing yeah and you've got so many scattered my seventh arm of divisions were sort of scattered across north africa well my the the libyan tank command on my side they've just decided to uh pass themselves around and get tacked on to every division that i have but it's weird though because i had to make 51 you had to make 30 32 32 it felt like you just have more units than me and they're also bigger and more together which made it a lot easier for the copy and pasting from the document we've got to transfer the bulk information into this one so it was great it was just sat copying and pasting going back to uh callback callback people love callbacks it's like geography it's like coloring in oh yeah it's just copy and pasting the game's just data

entry i mean the game that is the game but we also have to manifest the data we have to make it yeah i mean if they provided all the ways to track it i think someone would have finished this by now well back then they weren't like us they weren't they weren't technological behemoths yeah luddites we're machines we're androids you're an andy droid that would be fun i'd like to replace my body with a robot yeah i know that's uh that's that's something i've always thought about that's my goal for 2025 oh is that your new year's resolution yes to replace my body with a machine my new year's resolution is to um play this game but see it in a positive light because i feel like learning the rules really uh set me off in a bad way yeah you were furious uh last

week they just oh they really got to me they really did but you know it's the end of the year we're seeing it out this has been an interesting end to it and I'm not sure bad is the word

but good absolutely fucking isn't the word it was just sort of a neutral event just filling in some spreadsheets looking through

some stuff then you see spreadsheets very differently to me you've clearly got a much more positive view of what a what a spreadsheet is

yeah I don't mind spreadsheets oh should be an accountant no because as we'll find out through the game I'm bad at them

I just don't mind them. Oh, that's good. That's a good little bit of tactical insight. So you've got to, you've romanticized them in your head, but you don't know how they work. Yeah. Like most things. I'm trying to think.

That's, it's a bit like me and dogs. You don't, you romanticize dogs. Yeah. Oh yeah. You should not do that in 2025. That's a bad. Maybe use that as your resolution. That's a bad soundbite, isn't it?

Yeah, I romanticize dogs. Yeah, I think dogs are, I like the idea of having a dog, like a nice dog, like a beagle. I'd want a beagle. Do you want a little dog? Beagles aren't little. Medium or small? Small to medium, yeah.

You shouldn't go down with your skills. That looks like you're aiming for small. You see small as the extreme. No, I think when it comes to dogs, yeah, beagle's the one to go for. Underdog was a beagle, I believe, and he was cool. i don't think my dog's gonna be a superhero my dog will be cool no you get a rubbish dog fuck you my dog's gonna be really cool don't know when i'll when i'll have a dog but uh yeah i just romanticize the idea like we'd be best friends we'd go out for walks in the park

but then when i think about it i'm like oh but there's there's a lot involved with the dog There's a lot involved And it's not like a person Where the person develops and becomes a person The dog's always a dog They don't change I mean you can train them To do like small things

You can probably train a dog to feed itself You can train dogs to like find drugs And to like bite people Or do jumps But that's sort of it That's their peak Yeah but that's pretty cool I'd like a dog to find me drugs

you shouldn't be using the dog to track down drugs to hoard that's not a good not a good use of a canine at all i think it's a good use of a dog that's what they probably use them more in their off hours and they're off sorry you think that drug sniffer dogs moonlight as drug collectors yeah like you finish a long day at the airport and you take your canine unit and you go find some drugs you'd be a horrible policeman oh yeah there's a i've avoided law enforcement for that very reason as in working in law enforcement or just the presence of the law both you can have a horrible time today because the town is crawling with police today they're waiting for you stay home that's not levy threats against the police please

no i'm gonna stay home not the police all right okay don't go out of the streets tonight I like you police don't go out tonight so what we have I heard a lot of fireworks earlier they're already letting them off yeah it's festive yeah well not really

no it's just loud and annoying yeah I don't like it but you know that's probably what it was like out there in the desert being bombarded hearing all those loud bangs except it wasn't Christmas it was just a horrible horrible time

it was Christmas a couple of times yeah to be fair there were a few Christmases god what a horrible Christmas that would be Yeah, I would not want to be there. I mean, the weather, yes. Everything else, no. Actually, not even the weather.

It's too extreme. No, it is. It's not like a nice beach. It's a desert. I was about to make a comment of when is a desert a beach? When does it become that? When it's next to the ocean. When it's coastal, yeah.

That's pretty much it, yeah. I was meant to be doing the New Year dip tomorrow. Not doing that now. Weather's too extreme. It's not the freezing cold temperatures of going into the ocean in the morning. You just didn't want to do it. I was prepared to do it. Much like me in this podcast, someone was like, do you want to do this?

You didn't think it through and said yes. But you managed to get out of it. Well, it's just the weather, you know? Bad weather. It's a bad idea. It's a refreshing idea. Don't go in the ocean. Oh, imagine that.

Start your day. Start your year. As you mean to go on. Freezing cold. Yeah? With a tiny shriveled penis. Well, yeah, but that feels like a... That's a weird dig to make

since that's going to happen either way. Oh, so just outage your tiny shriveled penis. Oh, no! My New Year's resolution is to not do that again. I'm going to stop doxing my little penis. But no, I think... I think having a small penis would be fine. You think it would.

Yeah. Nice attempt there. Backtrack, backtrack. damage control speaking of when it comes to damage control I've noticed a bit of a bit of a flaw in the

not a flaw in the rules there's flaws I'll not get those two mixed up this isn't like a they've miswrote stuff again I've got so many more planes than you got three times as many planes yeah but they're all broken

yeah and I'm not allowed to start fixing them the first turn yeah why? I don't know because you guys are busy launching an offensive against Alexandria

which you'd need planes for surely about a third of them I want more I know you don't have any cap like that but you won't get them

because I'll be bombing the shit out of them before you fix them yeah that's turning them into rubble that's what I'm worried is going to be the plan yeah that's the plan

I also need to figure out how shipping lanes work I need to bring all my stuff over from Italy that's how the game works my side have to ship all of it across the sea

and at the start of every turn you can destroy up to I think it's like 70% is it 50 or 75 I think it's 50 if you're bombing it and then maybe more

if you add like torpedoes and stuff so yeah I can lose 50 to 70 did you hear that there was a technical problem I think with the mixer there no you just completely freaked out for no reason, stop touching the mixer no one can see you, you're not selling anything

you've got your own mixer it was for you, I thought I could gaslight you into thinking that there was a technical problem right okay so for context listen I'm going to call you up right now oh we're doing that

yeah a few weeks ago we were trying to record an episode couldn't figure out why your mic wasn't working properly you flick the little

switch on the back that just turns the mic quiet which yeah to be fair not really sure why it's a button I'll give you that

but you were troubleshooting online for half an hour looking on forums that just kind of rinsed the equipment that we have and then it turns out

it's actually user error because you just touched the small button I think it got flicked in transit I don't think you can blame me for that Flicked in transit, that's a great movie Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson I'll have to check it out

Yeah, you shouldn't, you won't find it It's not the one where she's the voice of the iPhone With Whacker Phoenix Yeah What a terrible film Whacky, whacking Phoenix It's a wacky guy Yeah, I've had enough of that guy

Another 2025 New Year's resolution and I'm not watching any more films by him. By him? Or with him in them. I mean, I've not heard great things about the Joker sequel. I've only heard bad things. Yeah, it didn't get a good rap at all. I think it was borderline straight to streaming

and that was damage control because they wanted to get some more money. And I don't think that worked. No. It doesn't even seem bad in a way that I want to see it. I mean, it was meant to be a sort of jukebox musical and I think people are, I'll not spoil the ending right now because I don't know

exactly when we're going to pop this one out and it's still kind of fresh in the zeitgeist. Maybe there's some people that really want to see it and haven't. Don't know why. Are you that busy? Really? Okay, if that's you, pause this, go watch it, come back. Pause it

until when? Until you finish watching Joker 2. They have to pause it, watch the whole film. Oh, we should add other little tasks for people to do in that. Yeah, let's ask things of our audience we don't have. You know what? Quite an alarming thought I've just had is now.

It's like no one ever hears this. Our voices are just in this little bubble somewhere. Oh, I fully expect us to be just shouting into the void. Well, I think people get like four or five of these in and then they're going to realize this is meant to be about the board game. Why have they not talked about the board game? I have very little to say about the board game.

Because it turns out several hours of filling in spreadsheets. There's not much to actually go into. Well we haven't started going up against each other really yet this has been bootkeeping. Next time we'll be putting the pieces down on the board because some of them we get to pick where they go the ones that we've filled out

today they've got pre-assigned bits that they go to. They've got their own spot in the desert that they start but we also start to get putting stuff down like supply dumps because we need to keep track of stuff like fuel water, ammo, all the all the fun things yeah a bit like the sims just a bit more violent and sweaty and uh we we get to

put down these supply dumps that are just stashed away in the desert and we got to put dummy ones as well so someone's gonna pop up towards one of these supply dumps in a few weeks time and go time to replenish my fuel time to replenish my my apples or whatever else you're eating and then to go oh it's all just a joke there was nothing here the whole time you know what i'm really looking forward to is one of us forgetting it's a dummy supply dump arriving there and having fooled ourselves i was thinking either that or defending it to our dying breath with all of our forces and then realizing we've defended nothing it's a couple of wooden hurts with nothing in them it would be a great double bluff though like oh he's putting all his men there he's got to be

defending something. Nah. It's only a good double, but it gives you some strategic objective. Otherwise, it's just a dumb thing. Well, it would. It would make you think that there's something worth having there. Oh, maybe there's a lot of fuel in there.

Maybe there's not. I have my own fuel. I don't need yours. That's the opposite of the game. That's the worst mentality you could have going into this. I've got plenty of stuff. I don't need anything in the desert. Trucks are so important.

Yeah. You are the chairman of the fuck the trucks movement. And here you are saying, oh, I've got all the stuff I need. Yeah, why would you put it in a supply dump when you can put it in a truck? That's just a moving supply dump. You're not wrong.

You're not wrong. No, that's a really bad idea. I'm going to have everything in transit constantly. It's going to be like the bomb in The Dark Knight Rises where Bane sticks the bomb in the vans and drives them all around town. Well, he doesn't drive them all.

Yeah, he's not driving. Yeah, I don't think Bane... He'd be a lot less of a cool villain if he just spent the whole film driving a truck. I don't think he's got a driving license. Probably not.

He's a bit of an anarchist. Yeah. Well, not really. He's got a cool voice. Doesn't mean he's not an anarchist. I mean, he isn't, but... Okay, let's have the impression. Go on.

Go on. Victory has defeated you. Sorry, that was Yoda. Was it? Yeah. It wasn't Bane. No, it wasn't anyone. Nobody cared.

I'm going too high. I'm going too high immediately. Yeah, you're sort of kermitting it. Nobody cared. No, I'm not even sure what that was. Just stop. No. Trying to find the right level

La la la la la la la la Nobody cares No it's too sort of It's too sing-songy I'm doing the I'm doing the The Dark Knight Rises Musical parody

God that would suck That's both a concept And your execution of it Yeah my execution of it Would be lackluster at best And you still owe me A full musical So don't work on another one

Oh wow really thought you'd forgot about that nope oh that's bad that is a oh that's what six years ago now uh maybe longer but yeah you do owe me and a couple of our friends a musical do you remember the name of it because i do cameroon something no no cameroon was um he was the he was the um oh what is it not not protagonist not antagonist side character yeah um yeah guy number two um he's sort of the the dame where there's sort of the comic relief who's the the through line where between each sort of scene they'll go oh well that was oh oh get that oh and then a sort of sexually charged comment um that's that's what the dame is don't you're clearly

not a fan of theater no uh but the but the note the the musical is called happy anniversary and thank you well I'm looking forward to seeing it maybe this year will be the year maybe this anniversary of us because it was the anniversary of us playing D&D and I said I would do that and it's coming

up to 7 years that we've been playing yeah I think if it gets to 10 years some sort of punishment is required this isn't impractical jokers you can't delay a promised musical 10 years James didn't deliver a musical 10 years in the making. Making him tonight's big

loser. So now he has to get a tattoo of a musical. A full script. A tattoo of the musical. All the sheet music and the script. You think I know how to get sheet music put together for this musical? You are going to be sorely disappointed.

One, when I don't deliver it. How are you going to pay, not pay, well, that too. How are you going to provide the music to the, I assume, full orchestra supporting this one-man show? copyright infringement oh you're just gonna play

we're gonna play licensed songs means you can't record it and send it to people I will I'll just edit the songs out for something that doesn't fit that's gonna be so much worse

going on fiverr and getting some background track yeah oh we uh oh we started the game it's actually it's happening for real now

it's for realsies and we started it this year with you know a few hours to go but we did it scraped under the line of a goal

we weren't aiming for I don't believe no I don't think it was a hard goal we kept on saying that we're going to start the game there were so many

obstacles to start the game like learning how the game works now we've done it we've done it yeah we're in we've we've kicked off

the lid we've climbed inside I'm not really sure what the analogy is for that no the box isn't that big it's pretty big

you couldn't climb inside you couldn't put a person in it no you couldn't not yeah you couldn't No, any size of person, really. No, no, not really. I reckon when it comes to the longevity of the game,

we might be selling it short. It might be a lot longer than we've realized. We'll get into a rhythm with it, as we understand the rules. Well, the description of this scenario that we're doing for the practice is 25 to 50 hours. We're doing this every... It's like a four-hour stint every week, isn't it?

so that's you know that's still a lot yeah it's quite a while I mean that's months basically the goal for 2025 is to finish the learning intro bit that can't be the whole resolution the resolution has to be

that we've done twice we've done the same thing twice yeah oh that's a horrible thing to realise about this yeah that we're doing this first six turns twice yeah and then we're doing another 116.

And then we're going to do two of the turns blindfolded. No, I'm not doing that. If you want to hamstring yourself. It's going to give you a bit of an unfair advantage then. Because the game is mostly data entry. Yeah, which is hard if you can't

see. Wow, way to malign the blind listeners. Okay. That was not cool. I apologise. Yeah, there we go. do yeah i feel awful now i'm gonna go into 2025 feeling bad yeah make that your resolution to feel bad yeah i'll keep you in check yeah well i'm pretty ill so i can add more badness you are

quite ill yeah there's been a lot of periods today where you've just sort of had a pause and then coughed quite a bit. I'm spick and span. Yeah. Got a great immune system. Yeah, I don't get that. Yeah, me neither. Maybe it's the booze.

The one I'm drinking now, the Amstel beer. Fancy lad. Yeah, that's me. Fancy lad. What is it? Fancy lad cream cakes from Fallout. It's one of the snacks you can get.

You're more of a Fallout fan than me, I guess. Suppose so. Suppose so. what are you a fan of oh no it's too broad a question i'm panicked i've tears and headlines got no interests i'm a deeply boring person well the game says a lot about that if we had if we had any sort of good interest we wouldn't be doing this yeah we would have picked something else for the podcast yeah we'd be talking about a podcast just been doing hobbies yeah we're doing this as it's a combination of

a way to guild us into making sure we keep playing the game and I think also like a vanity project or a way for you to launch your acting career so you can join the MCU yeah I would like to transition this podcast into an MCU role yeah yeah so I actually asked you this earlier

if you were in the MCU who would you play I'd be Molecule Man Molecule Man can't say I know him he's cool is he he's just the same guy in every multiverse he's just a guy who's the same everywhere that is sort of who you are yeah and then i think dr doom uses him as like a battery or something to destroy the multiverse so you want to be used as

a battery by robert downey jr yes absolutely oh the the look of i don't know if it was arousal or there was some sort of gratification you just had on your face there you dirty boy I'd describe it as non-sexual arousal that's not a that probably is a thing I'm not going to pretend to be an expert on arousal here if I was an expert on arousal what I wouldn't be doing

is spending my board games yeah that's clearly not in my repertoire what is in my repertoire is bookkeeping and data entry and committing to an arduous task that

we just have to finish i mean we don't have to we could just stop now could we could we yes well what i what i did see earlier on i mentioned to you is the the game that we bought has been purchased again um people are now selling mint condition versions of this game for less than we bought it which is fun by quite a bit started a gold rush i think we have because this game hadn't been sold in mint condition online for a long time we happened to come across it in mint condition and bought it and now there's been three of them in the last month and they're all they're all selling for less i think somebody saw the price we paid for it thought it was worth more than it was

tried to sell it everyone else jumped on the bandwagon we've inflated the price of this game we've market manipulated yeah but we're not getting anything from it no we've just we've not market we bought at the top oh andy i swear to god if someone else starts a podcast with one of these cheaper board games i mean it'll be frustrating because one they pay less money and two it'll almost certainly be better than this i bet they've got more people they'll have more charisma they won't be as brave or humble obviously or subtle or subtle they can't be you know our big selling points but they they could tick off some of the other boxes like knowing what they're doing.

Good at games. Yeah. Releasing the podcasts weekly instead of dropping the first like 10 in bulk. This one's going to be caught in the bulk release.

We're not dropping all... Let's not talk about this on mic. They don't need to listen to us do admin about a game that's admin. It's too many layers

of admin. Andrew, we will be dropping like so many of them all in one go. I know we're dropping a lot but we're keeping some in reserve. so maybe in future once we've got a weekly schedule

going and I'm this ill we can just miss one well no we'll record separately we'll do little bits in between people will just have to listen to me ramble alone insane I'm sure they'll like that no they won't

actually if they listen to this I don't know what they like I don't know why they're listening it's either because they know us personally and it's out of pity or they just want to listen in maybe they feel left out and they're our friends and family This is going to be the cultural event of 2025 for us

when I'm cast as Molecule Man and they go back and they go I wonder what this guy's done before Oh, it's a bad podcast And then you get cancelled for maligning the deaf community Sorry, blind The deaf community Let's stop bringing attention to that

Yeah, sorry, the deaf community haven't been maligned, however I suppose they're inherently excluded Yeah, there you go Yeah, they are inherently excluded from this, unfortunately Transcripts yeah well that's that's going to translate even worse because actually to be fair it's not like the the sort of what will be confusing for them is the bane impression i just did because they're

not going to know if it's if you're being facetious oh i'd like to make that very clear for anyone reading the transcript it was bad it was just a bad impression mute button where's Stop fucking with the mixes. One, they can't see you making physical jokes and two, it'll fuck stuff up. I can do lots of physical jokes. Stop.

What's this one? I don't know. What's that one? Okay, now you're deep throwing a beer bottle. But that's not what happened. That's insane. And there's a little cough for you. Just proof that I'm ill.

I'm going to edit that out. you're gonna have a fucking nightmare it's just sniffling and coffee it doesn't help that it's new year's eve we're fairly merry so yeah what is an attempt to put together a slightly coherent podcast after hours of entering data while having progressively more beers is i mean one i think some of the battalions that i've entered today might be labeled fairly incorrectly that's not good that's really bad man i know for a fact that i've i've got a labeling system i've got where the i've put sce next to all of them so i know it's for the scenario and i had when i had a cursory glance when i was

counting how many i had it was missing from a lot of them of course why just copy it into a new folder no i need to know that this is for the scenario then i'll copy it into a folder i'll remove the se for the ones that have it god you're this is gonna be a fucking mess this is going to be fine i'm going to go back through during the week i'm going to have a little a little look over panic because i can't remember how it's meant to look god they don't make it easy no they don't but all no i i said i said i'm not going to get frustrated at the game anymore you know what no that's next year fuck this game okay here we go no this game it all out buddy this game isn't well written it's not well designed it's a bad game

there's a few mistakes there's a few mistakes we've got nine pages of addenda which are on top of the in-book addenda then i've made my own list because they've started to make more mistakes there's always going to be something dead there's a lot of stuff right have a look in the monopoly rulebook and find how many addenda pages there are that come with it. Yeah, that's what this whole edition fucking 50 million. They've ironed out the bullshit. No, they haven't. It's all the

same. It's the same game over and over. Yeah, but the first edition, they got a lot wrong. The rules were a nightmare. You've never seen the addenda for first edition Monopoly. I'd love to do that. I'd love to go back and find an

OG Monopoly set and just see how it's evolved. Well, it used to be The Landlord Game. The Landlord Game? Yeah, that's what Monopoly used to be called. That was its name? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that was its name.

It was also designed as a game that was meant to be boring, long, and frustrating, and as a critique of capitalism. And now it's the most sold board game in the world. So that was the Bible? No, the Bible isn't a long-form board game that's a critique of capitalism. Yeah, I've clearly... You've mixed that up. I've misread the scripture, it would seem.

Hey, at least you gave it a go. Maybe this is why you're having such trouble with the rules. Poor reading comprehension. It's confusing, though, because when it comes to Monopoly, you have to deny the doubles three times. Oh, that's... That's not even something. One of the most niche areas of comedy

is the Venn diagram that overlaps between Monopoly and the Bible. and I've just delved into that right here that's going to be a shockingly rich field it's niche but god is it rich and full comedians have been mining that niche for years

I can see it now, Michael McIntyre with his floppy hair telling the relatable joke about it oh yeah, have you ever noticed Monopoly isn't the Bible Oh, he's got an eye for it, hasn't he? Sees all the things happening. He sees between the lines of reality.

No. What happened to him? He was like everywhere for a while. I think he was just born that way. Oh, okay. We have different issues with him. I think, you know what? He's successful.

I'll give him that. Michael McIntyre was a successful comedian. Yeah. You know what? We'll leave the jury out on Michael McIntyre. he has one year to come on the podcast and entertain us as a guest or we will declare him the worst comedian of 2025 stop doing like joker-esque like ultimatums to the police and to michael mcintyre telling them they need to come onto a podcast and not go to town otherwise

there's some sort of consequence i've got two goals for the podcast this year to parlay it into a role in the MCU as Molecule Man, and to bully Michael McIntyre on this podcast. I've got some bad news for you, Andrew. You said that's your goal for this year. We've got hours left. Well, I better get a move on.

Whoa, put the phone away. Oh my god, he's tweeting at... He's not even tweeting anymore. Is it X-ing? I'm X-ing Fred to Michael McIntyre. Leave him be. go on my podcast or I'll be mean about you.

Hey, this isn't a place where we get to judge anyone. We don't get to look down on anyone. We don't get to... We only look up from this little place we're in. From the bottom. From the bottom.

We look up at people. We admire them and their accomplishments. And then we hope... Threaten them. Then we hope one day after the threats and after the admiration

they'll look down at us and they'll go, well, they're doing something as well. They're playing SPIs, the campaign for North Africa. and they don't have to but they're doing it because they're brave

they're brave and they're subtle they're humble they're definitely humble that's why we're at the bottom we don't want to be above anyone we don't want to be above anyone we don't think we're above anyone until I become a Hollywood star

I'm going to be one of the worst on the pod you'll be fine but when you're in the MCU you've got to take no autographs for anyone because I'm better than them oh you're doing like charge 500 500 pounds

my signature's worth more than 500 pounds if I'm in the MCU if anyone wants my signature based off the podcast of course it's free and I appreciate it thank you very much they're just using it to get you in trouble they're using it to steal my identity

so we're going to go into a year now where we're going to be spending the whole year playing the game I mean we'll probably do some other stuff but the whole year

we're going to be playing the game like throughout the whole year yeah we've only done a little bit of it we haven't even

really played the game this year we've done many like situations we've learned the rules we have as well as we can

and we've we've started the bootkeeping you know what we deserve this is humble by the way we deserve

we deserve an Anna Boy, for learning these rules. That's not humble. For learning these rules. That's not as humble. We don't deserve anything. We do. We do. But you know who we deserve it from? Michael McIntyre. Each other.

And his entire roadshow. Just us. I'm not going to do that. He doesn't have a roadshow anymore. He's static now. Maybe this can relaunch his career. You think this is the springboard that Michael McIntyre needs? Well, if it has enough leverage to threaten him

onto the show then yes i'm pretty sure he's on the wheel what is that the wheel i don't know the wheel the wheel this isn't helping you're just saying things at different pitches it's the same pitch if you go back and analyze the audio you will find that it's like no it's actually looking at the sound it is different yeah i mean that's a concerning thing from our audio engineer yeah that's uh don't call me that i'm the person who has the app that we use to edit the software edit the sound yeah that's your wheelhouse i shouldn't be doing that i'm not gonna do that let's leave the software to the good folks at audacity yeah yeah they know what they're doing oh shout out to audacity we're using them to edit the episode so if this sounds really good

um it's a coincidence um it's just it's the way that it turned out and audacity happens to be the the the program that we use um i'm not using it properly so it can't be down to them i'm sure i'm sure their program is great but i don't know how to use it it's really user-friendly i've got no idea how it works okay so our audio production is a lot like an infinite number of monkeys but we have one got one monkey if they end up with a podcast boy that's lucky we got one monkey we got no listeners ah we're in the sweet spot i think they call it the goldilocks zone wow you really tickled yourself with that now it just made me realize the futility of what's going on and i'm going to be editing all these episodes it's about a game that no one's finished

no one wants to hear about it and if they do want to hear about it we're barely talking about it so there's nothing here for anyone we really hate no Venn diagrams oh we keep on talking about Venn diagrams we keep on talking about Venn diagrams and damage controls what are the best types of charts

oh so do you have any goals off this for 2025 play it, talk about it that's what we've started no again we started the podcast that's not a resolution that's just a thing that's happening would you like to threaten anyone no you've done plenty of that

I'm not I've threatened one person a lot you've threatened Michael McIntyre and you've made a thinly veiled attack on the police force no I didn't you misunderstood me there I love the police alright okay

that's pretty much it well no I'm not going to threaten anyone what I will say is that this podcast surely has to get more about the game eventually I mean maybe next time we keep saying that but yeah we'll have stuff to actually talk about related to the game which will be fun yeah this is us just you know kicking back a little bit it's the end of the year we've started this boy we've earned it we've I think I think we've earned

a little bit of R&R do you not yeah the R being recording and the R being reconnaissance of which I have two a reckoning for Michael McIntyre he's done nothing but steadfast comedy

in the industry for a good decade now also if he was ever in a room with me I would pussy out so fast of a man

who seems very friendly I mean yeah I don't you know I've never seen Michael McIntyre in like an

interview type situation I've only ever seen him when he's in sort of performance mode sharing laughs with the world yeah oh man you know what what a great guy you've really you've really turned me

around on him i don't know if that was your intention andy but man it wasn't what a what a guy i just wanted to be on the podcast i want to shake that man's hand that's my resolution to shake his hand i'm in 2025 i will shake michael mcintyre's hand well we saw compale my thing of getting him on the podcast via loose vague frets and if he shows up you can shake his hand the podcast at the moment doesn't have any

format we're getting him onto a podcast while we're talking about him coming on the podcast we've just created an Uroboros of Michael McIntyre content a closed loop well clearly we've got

nothing more to say about the game today and to inflict any more words on anyone listening in, it would just be under false pretenses. So, what we will do is we'll wish you Christmas has passed, but maybe you're listening to this next to another Christmas, and we

can wish you a live Happy New Year, but again if you're listening to it afterwards which you will be by default it's passed. So, I hope you kept your resolutions. Maybe make it a tradition to listen to this. every new year's eve every new year's eve listen to this and remember you know you can always make

a resolution it doesn't always have to be a threat it's less i just want him on the pod but i feel like frets on the way it's not it's not so anyone listening tweet kevin feige to get me in the mcu and michael mcintyre ideally in the same tweet it's called xing now that does sound like a threat. No one ex-Michael McIntyre. Any sign-off for the year, Andy? Anything you want to say to the person listening? Have a great year,

everyone. Have a swell one. I promise the next one will be about the game a bit. That's it. The resolution is next year the podcast will be more about the game. We're going to have formats.

we're going to take notes beforehand we might have segments and it'll be about the game and you'll be there for the whole ride me, Andy and you you Michael McIntyre you'll be here right by our side well

have a great time whatever you're doing, sweet dreams and stay subtle, humble and brave up the trucks happy new year feliz navidad What a mess Feliz Navidad

Okay stop it