Was I In A Cult? - A Cult of One: "The Professor Will See You Now"

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

There was no commune. No matching robes or group chants. A charismatic leader? Yes. But no room full of followers. This is a story about a cult of one —  a lesser-known, yet perhaps more common, type of cult. When Alex first met her college advisor, she thought she’d found a mentor—someone brilliant, charismatic, and seemingly invested in her success. But behind the charm lay something much darker. Slowly, methodically, he pushed boundaries under the guise of guidance and concern—first emotionally, then physically—until she was isolated from friends and family, no longer trusting her own judgment. In today’s episode, we explore how one-on-one cults operate using the same tactics as larger cults—love-bombing, coercion, and manipulation—but in the intimate, hidden space between just two people. This is a chilling tale of how a trusted authority figure became a master manipulator, pulling the strings until Alex’s world was no longer her own. It’s a stark reminder that sometimes the most dangerous cult leader isn’t the one standing on a stage—but the one sitting across from you, offering a warm smile and a seemingly harmless invitation to talk.  _____ Follow us for more culty content: @wasiinacult  Got a story about manipulation, power dynamics, or your own cult of one? Email us at [e-mail] Want ad-free episodes? Support us on Patreon and help fund our cult-unmasking, truth-telling, boundary-protecting journey.

The views, information or opinions expressed by the guest appearing in this episode solely belong to the guest and do not represent or reflect the views or positions of the hosts, the show, podcast one, this network or any of their respective affiliates. It was a hundred percent a thing that I was manipulated into, groomed into, coerced into. And by the time I got to the worst of it, I was absolutely not making my own decisions. And that is why now looking back, it absolutely feels like I was in a cult. Cult. Welcome to our show, guys. Was I in a cult? I'm Liz Ayacuzzi. And on this side is me, Tyler Meesom. And today's episode, it doesn't come with white robes or a dilapidated commune.

It's about a different kind of cult, one many might not recognize as a cult at all. One that happens behind closed doors between just two people. A professor and his student. I'm talking about a cult of one. Now we've covered the cult of one once before with Dr. Nadine Macaluso, but honestly it's probably one of the most relatable kinds of cults because most of us have been in a toxic, controlling relationship at some point in our lives. Check. Maybe it was a romantic partner.

Check. Or a boss. No check. Or a podcast co-host. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check. Another podcast co-host, of course. But in the case of today's guest, a professor who blurred every line imaginable. And mind you, a cult of one can be just as controlling and just as damaging and just

as difficult to escape as any group cult. Exactly. One-on-one cults work the same way as any other cult. Love bombing, coercion, isolation, manipulation. But what makes a cult of one so dangerous is that it's unexpected. It doesn't resemble a traditional cult at all. There's no odd group behavior or rigid hierarchy to help raise the red flags. Instead, it's just one manipulative, charismatic person who convinces you they hold all the answers and that you need them to survive. It often feels like an ordinary relationship until suddenly

it's anything but and here's why stories like today's are so important because it's a reminder that cult-like control doesn't always happen in communities. Sometimes it happens in your college advisor's office or worse in his living room. So with that, but out of a desire to protect him, but out of a desire to protect myself. My cult leader will be named Dick. She came up with that on her own, by the way, and I love it. It's quite befitting.

Isn't it though? I grew up in California. Both of my parents are physicians, and so we were upper middle class, but my parents also, literally, I cannot remember a day in my childhood where they weren't working all day in their office and at the hospital and then coming home to still more or less try and take care of their patients. So they were very, very busy. But my mom and I especially are super, super close and that has always been the case. I look exactly like her.

So I grew up just knowing deep down that I also wanted to be a pediatrician just like her and I really started taking academics seriously. So my college was itty-bitty and it's up on a mountaintop in Northern California and it has maybe a thousand undergrad students and is denominationally affiliated. So I was walking in to an already pretty small community and a lot of the students already knew each other because they had all gone to church or high school together. And so far Alex's life plan was set. She was going to be just like mom, living out her happily ever after with a stethoscope

around her neck and a lifetime supply of Paw Patrol Band-Aids. Did you know that patients are more apt to trust a doctor if the doctor is wearing a stethoscope? No, why is that? Just it's doctor uniform. So doctors will intentionally just wear a stethoscope even though most of the time they never use it. What if they're holding knives in their hands?

Are they trusted as much? As long as they have the stethoscope, yes. Enough of that nonsense. So there was just one tiny speed bump in the path to becoming a doctor. So I was in the honors program and I took my first day or two of biology and I thought to myself, I hate science. Yeah, I mean it turns out science is kind of non-negotiable for med school. I just googled it. I didn't, just people know that. People know you're smarter than that, Tyler.

So now her future was wide open, a blank slate of possibility as she ventured into the land of sensitive souls and aching poets, where there's probably a whole class dedicated to analyzing Taylor Swift lyrics, also known as The English Department. I had the really incredible, not incredible luck of meeting Dick on my first day of undergrad when I was assigned to him as my advisor in the English Department.

I had giant purple circles under my eyes because I had been crying for like 24 hours straight because I just wanted to go home. I walked into his office and I was like, I need to change my schedule because I just dropped pre-med and I'm switching to English and I just need to get that figured out. And instead of being like, oh, okay, cool, let's do that, he kind of stopped and looked at me and he goes, well, do you want to talk about that decision? And it struck me as a little bit odd to, you know, even want to disclose the kind of nuances of my decision making to this person who I had just met. And I went, no, I think I'm good. And kind of moved on, but it really,

I just remember just sitting there being like, oh, that's a weird response. But he also seemed very interested and was like engaged and very helpful. Don't stand, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me. Get it, Tyler. Don't stand. You know what I'm talking about when I'm referencing the 1980 hit by the police, Don't Stand So Close to Me.

It was inspired by Sting's time as a teacher when he found himself in some uncomfortably closed situations with students. Wait, wait, wait. Sting was a teacher? Mm-hmm. Yeah. His real name is Gordon Sumner and he taught for two years at a secondary school in Cremlington, England in the early 70s and he became aware of some students having crushes on him.

I think I really understand me having a crush on Sting, mate, if Mies was a student of Sting. He wrote this particular song because he described the school and being a teacher as a highly charged environment and admitted that it was uncomfortable at times. Now the song reflects that awkward and potentially dangerous dynamic, though Sting has been very clear that nothing inappropriate ever happened. Good thing he went from the very highly charged small town teacher environment to the low charged environment of global rock star.

No, but speaking of weird crushes on Sting. Oh, you've been with Sting. He was in one of my early movies, right? And he was probably the first big rock star I interviewed. I fly to New York, I get him in the interview, he comes in and of course he's Sting, he's fantastic, he's smart, he's fantastic, he's smart, he's beautiful, and he's very kind, and I'm chatting with him, and we're getting along quite well, and it's an on-camera interview,

and I'm standing next to him, right, as he's sitting in the chair, and he leans forward so that the sound man can put the mic on him. As he leans forward, I'm standing next to him, I can look down and I can see like down his back and into his underwear and he's wearing pink leopard skin bikini underwear. Nice. Yeah. And I'm a straight man, but I swear to God, it was really all I could do

to just not touch them, just to not touch them. And I felt like, look, I bought your albums. I feel like I should be able to touch your underwear. But it was so kind of sexy and fantastic and I could never wear pink leopard skin. So that's my sting story. Well, regardless of that. Regardless. So yeah, so this song, Don't Stand So Close To Me, became a massive chart-topping 80s

pop anthem, often mistaken for something light and fun. But clearly, it's much darker. When I started, he was 28. So he was 10 years older than me and had like just wrapped up his doctorate and was now teaching full time as a professor. So he was also very young. He is super tall and that in itself just he commanded a presence. He was terrifyingly like incisively smart I genuinely don't know that I've ever met anyone as smart as him and he was obviously really good at English because that was his field and an incredible reader and writer and

Charismatic he's funny. He's outgoing and extroverted looking back now like a total narcissist and so self-involved and selfish and absolutely devoid of empathy, even as he really performed empathy constantly. And like a thing that he really humble brag prided himself on as being like so involved and so caring for his students. And that of course was like all of farce. Ah yes, performative empathy, something in which narcissists and cult leaders are experts. It's ironically fully self-serving and it's not because they care about you,

they're doing that so that you care about them, so that you'll like them, so that you'll trust them, admire them and eventually give them your full attention. I took one or two classes with him, but he was always very supportive and encouraged my work and went out of his way to be like, hey you're smart, you have good ideas, like you could really do something in this field. I really liked him. I felt like I was listened to and acknowledged and heard. And because I had always been so insecure, I really thrived on the positive reinforcement

for performance. I genuinely think he started grooming me by the end of my first year and I just did not see it at all because I was so vulnerable and so and struggling so much just generally with being at college and trying to figure myself out. So I was just kind of set up from the start to be taken advantage of and he saw that and because he's an abuser and because he has all of his nasty little cult leader inclinations, he saw that in me and really, really exploited it. There was always a level of trying to eke out some sort of vulnerability from me in all of our

conversations. Like, oh, I care about you as a person. How are you feeling? How are you doing just kind of overall? And it would be like, oh, I'm good, I'm fine. And it would always be like, you look like there's something on your mind. And so there was always like this little bit of probing. And at the time I was still with my high school boyfriend and we were on and off and Dick made it a point to ask questions about that and about the relationship that just had no business asking. And then escalated to the point where he eventually was giving me relationship advice. And it was a lot of really deliberate planning on his part that I now see because he was my professor,

because he was 10 years older than me, because he was so incredibly smart and everybody knew it, that of course I would just take what he said as capital T truth and not question it. And that's exactly how grooming works. It's calculated. It's slow. It's deliberate. First, they build you up, make you feel seen, special, chosen. And then they slowly push boundaries, testing how much control they can take without you noticing. So by the time you notice something's wrong, it's almost impossible to untangle their influence from your own thoughts and feelings. It was the end of my first year of college.

He asked me to be his TA, which I was of course thrilled to do. TA stands for teacher's assistant. Or Tyler's ass. Which is covered by pink leopard skin underwear. Yeah it is from me undies. So I started work as his TA and we just worked together more because I was grading papers for his classes and took another class or two with him and so that contact was just increased and increased and increased and also was like, here have my phone number. Like we're friends. It's cool.

He over the course of that second year certainly made it a point to interact with me more than other students. To the point where I felt special and I was like, oh, I have a mentor and a friend. Isn't that so sweet? Well, no, it's not. He's 29 and you're 19. This is gross and weird.

But like, I couldn't see it at the time. And he was married. So of course it was like fine, because like he's got his wife and everything is great and they're so in love. And then an opportunity presented itself, the perfect setting for someone like Dick to push those boundaries even further. A summer study abroad.

We got to the end of my sophomore year of college and the honors program at the time would standardly have a three-week European summer course and he was in charge of running it. There were only six of us as students in the course so it was him as a less than 30 year old in charge of six 19 year olds, which is also just crazy to me. We all trucked off to England for three weeks and he was like, do you want to go on a train for two hours to see this thing that you're interested in together? That seems fine.

And of course I was like, yes, yes, that's wonderful. And it was during that time that he spent a lot of time talking to me about how my boyfriend was just not right for me and how I could do so much better than that relationship. And he was also starting to just plant these little seeds of your family. They don't value the fact that you're studying English rather than going into medicine. And so he really started to isolate me from other people at that time. We got home from the summer trip, kept in touch over the summer, so that by the time that I got back to school in the fall, that's really when things escalated.

That's when he got me to a point where I was willing to keep secrets and lie to people and cut me off from other friendships and my brother who had started at the college at the time. That period of time from the fall of my junior year to the kind of early spring feels like both a thousand years long in my memory and like a blink of an eye. So we are fortunate to have many great sponsors for our show.

Wine, underwear, deodorant, kitty litter boxes, gummies. I mean, seriously, everything you need you can get by being part of our little cult. And if you want to eat, guess what? We got you covered there too. Yeah, our kick-ass sponsor, Factor. It has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating easy. Not to mention the cleanup. Mm-hmm, they're dietitian approved

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That's code factor podcast at factor meals dot com slash factor podcast to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. Okay, so just to clear something up, last week on the episode I stated that Kool-Aid was invented in Chicago. Well, turns out that I was incorrect. Ooh, that's a new feeling for you. It is. It's a weird feeling.

It is a weird feeling. I was alerted by an astute listener, Mr. Nick Stone, who pointed out that Kool-Aid was in fact invented in Hastings, Nebraska, which by the way is a lovely little town in which I spent time in on my Mormon mission. And Kool-Aid was invented there by Edward Perkins in 1927 and it was originally called Fruit Smack. The brand was moved to Chicago years later. In fact, the town of Hastings, Nebraska has an annual summer festival called Kool-Aid Days and a Kool-Aid Museum.

It must stop when you happen to be in Hastings, Nebraska. Hmm. This is the one time we will actually tell you to drink the Kool-Aid. Back to Alex. We get to the fall of my junior year of college and all of the professional boundaries have been crossed in terms of just like communication

and we're engaging in class and then we'll text like throughout the day. A lot of it was talking about literature still because that is a thing that we had obviously in common. And he started coming with me and my friends to coffee shops on the weekends to all like work together, which wasn't seen as weird at the time because, well, we're all just working together and it's in a public space and it's you and four other people. And so this is why too, I genuinely, like I see him as a cult leader because it wasn't

just me. It was all of the other people in the department who also more or less just nodded along to his behavior and accepted the fact that he was really involved in students' lives. I know one of the other professors who have talked to him during that period and was like, hey, you seem a little too close to Alex. What's up with that? And he played it off and was like, no, people are just jealous that I am working with her because she's smart and they're jealous of her academically and they're jealous of my attention. But the other professors weren't the only ones to take notice that something was off.

So my mom, and I didn't know this until afterwards, had called the school and was like, hey, you need to look into this. I think this professor is like having an inappropriate level of contact with my daughter. And the school was like, no, no, no, he's great. And he also was starting to disclose some really, really just like personal details about like his marriage. And he told me that he and his wife were separating and that she was moving out and that he was just so grateful to have my friendship and my support. And at the same time, I had broken up with my boyfriend after a couple of months of his kind of like being in my ear about how that relationship wasn't really good.

And that's when he was like, you should really think about publishing an article before you get to grad school. That'll make your application look really strong. And then he was like, we should write an article together. We started off by having writing meetings in the mornings for like an hour. And then like after classes were done, we would meet up again in the department to work on the article later in the evening and eventually that slowly turned into this thing where I would go to his house to work on the article and

then it would turn into like oh are you hungry we should make dinner oh well it's like late now I don't really feel like doing work anymore do you want to watch a movie so he spent you, a good portion of the quarter just increasingly crossing boundaries and then on kind of an emotional level, breaking down any of the kinds of hesitation that I might have had by just like really slowly getting me used to being in his space. But what about his wife or supposed soon to be ex-wife? She had moved out and he said they were in the process of getting divorced and that they were getting the paperwork taken care of. So I found out later that there was no paperwork that had been filed or even talked about and they

were just essentially living in different places but that they were still married. And then one evening, Alex was at Dick's house. He more or less was like I'm really interested in you and I really like you and also I respect you and care about you and want you to know that basically once you're out out of college like I just see us being in each other's lives and like what do you think about that and I didn't really know how to respond and that was the first time that I really felt the kind of twinge of oh shit this is weird but I also was so used to just taking his suggestion by this point and so convinced that he was really smart

and knew what he was doing and was like a good person that I could trust that I just completely disregarded my own kind of discomfort. And so I was kind of like, oh yeah, like sure, that sounds good. I didn't think that anything else would come of it until the next time that we were alone together in his house and he was like I just really want to kiss you right now and I immediately felt this kind of like pit in my stomach and I was like, oh No, I said I don't want to be in a relationship with you. And he kind of

was like, oh no, no, no, of course not. I'm just telling you that I would really like to kiss you right now and whatever you're comfortable with is totally fine. Well, I'm sorry. You're like a foot taller than me and I'm in your house and I'm 10 years younger than you. And also I'm in a position where like, I don't know if I say no what's gonna happen to me. So I just was like, oh, okay, I guess. And so we kissed and then from that point on it was just like an exponential escalation of contact and a constant barrage of information so that he basically was just like the only person that I was talking to.

And what now I can see is like information control and isolation and all of those kinds of like cult leader tactics. And I just didn't see it coming because I was so convinced of my own ability to kind of like spot red flags well that doesn't work when your like brain is melted and Someone else is in there like making your decisions for you from there. It was like slowly Breaking down the kind of barriers to physical intimacy till it got to the point where like he sexually manipulated me and coerced me. And I don't know why he respected the one boundary that I had was I was like,

I'm not going to have sex like capital S-E-X with you because I want to be able to say if anyone ever asked me that I did not have intercourse with you, but all other kind of sex is sex and all of those things are still violations of my autonomy that I now have to like continue to deal with and grapple with. I always had a level of discomfort and of course it was because the relationship itself was inappropriate and I wasn't actually consenting, but I just Convinced myself that it was fine But it like went from that to like we're gonna be together forever and someday we'll get married and you know

we'll just like write off into scholarship sunset and work together and I Was like, yeah that makes sense. Sure, But I was still just a junior in college and had not even turned 21 yet. I could not legally drink, but I was more or less signing my life away to this dick. And dick he was. We'll be right back. You know, underwear drawers are a lot like the Wild West of wardrobes. There's just no rhyme or reason to them. You got like four from like seven birthdays ago, two from Christmas that you didn't even know were in there.

All different brands, different fits. Yeah, I know. I've still got a pair of panties that was thrown on stage back when I played guitar for Whitesnake in the 80s. It was crazy times. You just live in your own little world, don't you, Tyler? Yeah, it's a very happy place. But now that I felt the buttery soft comfort of MeUndies, all my other pairs, they gotta go

because MeUndies is all I reach for now. Yeah, Meundies has all the kinds, all the sizes, all the patterns, all the colors. For women, they have literally every style you want. I just got a pair of their high-waisted, like, cheeky ones. Love them. Yeah. Love them. And I just got some core boxer briefs from Meundies.

They feel great, they fit great. It reminds me a lot of when I was an underwear model in the 70s. Rob, you want to wake Tyler up now or later? They also have lounge wear, kids' pajamas, socks. Yeah, and you know what? If you look, you might even be able to find some pink leopard skin sting undies. If you're lucky. I feel lucky. Get 20% off your first order plus free shipping on orders of

75 or more at meundies.com slash cult. Enter promo code cult. That's meundies.com slash cult, code cult for 20% off. Meundies, comfort from the outside in. Me undies, comfort from the outside in. Back to Alex and Dick. He was really good at playing these psychoanalytical games where he'd be like, okay, let's talk about the ethics of our situation. So he always was performing this awareness of the potential power imbalances

that we would then talk through exhaustively until I got to the point where I was like, oh, yeah, you're right. Like, really, this isn't bad or wrong. And it's institutional laws and boundaries around these kinds of relationships that keep people from doing this ethically, which like is a bunch of horse shit, of course. This is simple justification, a powerful psychological tool used by manipulators and cult leaders. It's a form of cognitive reframing where they take something inherently wrong and they twist it into something that feels rational, even virtuous. By framing your doubts as evidence

of outdated societal norms or institutional injustice, they make you question your own judgment and replace it with theirs It's not just persuasion It's thought reform designed to slowly erode your sense of right and wrong until their reality ultimately becomes yours the fear was that if Anyone found out that I was in a relationship with a professor anyone found out that I was in a relationship with a professor, that I would get kicked out of school or that he would get fired. So I felt like I had to start lying to people.

I just constantly walked around all day long feeling like I was just like the biggest piece of shit on earth because I was lying to my friends, I was lying to my brother, I was lying to my parents. Because of course my mom was like super mom and like could see this happening from, you know, hours and hours and miles away. During that period when I was in a relationship with him, she did contact the school a couple more times to try to like get them to investigate and they just Consistently were like no not a problem and he was like you're too close to your mom So she is able to manipulate you into doing what she wants

And so it was total projection of all the things that he was doing to me and he turned my family into the enemy basically and I And it really broke my heart because I love my family. I wanted to be close to them. I wanted to tell them what was going on in my life and especially with my mom. Like I wanted to just talk to her and tell her how conflicted and torn up I was. But I went from basically talking to my mom every day about every little stupid facet of my life

to really avoiding her phone calls. And I certainly didn't visit home nearly as much because I didn't wanna go home and be questioned. And I had to just be like, no, no, everything's fine. Nothing inappropriate is happening. I don't know what you're talking about. Leave me alone, basically. So the easiest way to control someone

is to cut off their support system. Alex was already distanced from her mom physically, but he also had to convince her that the one person who cared the most about her was actually the enemy. It's psychological warfare. Yeah, warfare, which is exactly what it sounds like. It's strategic, targeted effort to manipulate and break someone down mentally and emotionally. Abusers and cult leaders use it to confuse you, isolate you, and make you question your reality.

So I became increasingly anxious and just really depressed and was like scared all the time. And of course that worked in his favor because he was my only point of contact for the world, basically. Like I would go sleep in my dorm room, get up in the morning, go to the department, spend most of my day in the department near him, and then would sneak over to his house after classes were done until, you know, it got dark enough for me to like sneak back

to my dorm room and would fall asleep for an hour or two and then get up and go to class at like 8 30. And the only part of my life honestly that didn't fall apart at that point was the academic part because I was like, I will be damned if I let anything get in the way of my GPA, basically. But it was always this kind of implicit like, if you leave, I just am really worried that you're never gonna be healthy, happy, fulfilled, able to take care of yourself even. You know, nobody really emotionally can take care of you or see you or understand you in the way that I can. And of course, I was like, you're right.

And he was really, really good at just pulling all of those little pieces together to make me feel like I was basically just trapped in this web. Which is exactly what she was. I remember one day we were like making dinner and talking about my family and I had said something to the effect of like I just don't see my family as ever being okay with it and that I didn't know what I would do because I couldn't see myself being with someone long-term that my family also wasn't on board with. And he didn't get loud or angry, but like something in his face changed and he just talked at me for, I don't even know how long. Like I genuinely lost track of time and it just felt like something in me had snapped and all of the stress of sneaking and lying and being worried about what my family would potentially think

just totally overwhelmed me to the point where I couldn't do anything other than just like sob. And I like could not stop. And of course then, like he comes in to comfort me as if he's not the person that just, like, created this situation in the first place. And so, I just remember feeling, like, so incredibly alone in that moment and just not having any sense of, like, what I could even start to do to not be alone. And more than anything, I just wanted to go home.

I hated being up there, and I hated being around him even as I was obsessed and felt if, for whatever reason, we were to be separated, like my world would just shatter because he totally carved out my whole world and then remade it in his image. The thought of being removed from it was worse than being in it, even as I had started to acknowledge just how terrible that was. And this, in my opinion, is the most painful part. When you finally start to realize they aren't who you thought they were, but they've done such a good job of making you dependent on them that the thought of leaving kind of feels like death even though leaving is the only

actual way to survive. Well, that's because of something called trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement. Now, when you're in a high stress situation, your body releases cortisol, right? It's the primary stress hormone and it heightens your alertness, puts your body on edge and keeps you in survival mode. It's flight or fight. Now, this response is useful, obviously, in real danger,

but in prolonged emotional manipulation, it just leaves you in a heightened state of anxiety. And when that stress is followed by moments of comfort and validation, your brain rewards you with dopamine, a powerful neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and relief. So your brain starts associating that person with not just the stress, but also the solution. Yeah. So over time, this repeated cycle literally rewires your brain's reward system. It creates a chemical dependency where the person hurting you becomes the only one who can calm your

nervous system. And it feels like love. It feels like love. But it's really your brain and body being hijacked. Boy, heavy stuff. Yeah, it's dense. So, I mean, Alex may not have liked biology, but we just put on a class, Liz.

Tyler's proud. And on that note, we'll be right back. You know, we adults have few joys in life, but seeing a box sitting on the porch is one of the best moments of my day. And knowing that it's filled with wine, well, that makes everything a sunny 75 degrees. And that is why we use First Leaf. It's a wine club that delivers our favorite types of wine directly to our door.

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For weeks now, New Jersey residents have been played by unexplained drones flying overhead. Is there intelligent alien life? And if so, has the government been covering it up? All right, UFO sightings the military can't explain. Congressional hearings, Pentagon whistleblower. What does it all mean? What does it all mean? We are here to try and figure it all out with our new Ancient Aliens Podcast. have never been alone. Listen to the Ancient Aliens podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts. OK, we're back.

Now, Alex is broken, right? She's almost a shell of who she once was. And then March 2020 comes, and as you remember, the pandemic. The maker or breaker of all things cult, apparently. It is strange how many of our episodes have dealt with the pandemic. They either brought people into the cult or kicked them out of it or made them rethink things. I guess life-changing events will do that to somebody.

March 2020 rolls around. So right as we were getting ready to leave for the semester, I got an email from the HR department and they were like, hey, we need to talk to you. My brain turned into a white sheet. So I went and they were like, look, we have evidence that you are in an inappropriate relationship with the professor. What's up with that? And I just like was so terrified of what the potential repercussions even would be that I just straight up was like, No, I don't know what you're talking about. I have no idea.

And then we go home. Like, I don't hear anything. We go home for COVID. Of course, he had been like messaging me incessantly being like, don't tell them anything. Delete all your messages. You know, I'm all I'll handle it. Don't say anything. To which I was I at least at that point knew that that if I continued to lie that things would only be worse for me so I went to my mom and

I was like, hey, I really need to just tell you what's going on and you know, I'm super sorry for lying, but I'm in this relationship and the schools found out and and I basically Told her but I was still so I was still in the cold basically so I was really adamant that I had made the decision as much as he did and that it was just as much my responsibility as it was his and I started to spin the line about how it was only wrong by institutional metrics and that what actually was going on was not actually that bad and blah blah blah and she was just like no. So he was talked to by the HR department and he really tried to get me to basically not say anything.

But they called me and I was pretty honest with them about it. I obviously wasn't able to tell them like, hey, this was abusive because I wasn't even thinking in those terms yet. But I was like, yeah, we were in a relationship and like, they kind of didn't really say anything other than like, thank you for your thank you for your testimony. And then they fired him. And he turned around and sued the school for question mark doing their job and got it so that he was able to secure an NDA with the school so that all of the kind of records of what happened were sealed and they would not be able to legally share with any potential future hiring committees why he had been let go. And I, on the other hand, still had like a year and a half of college left and was kind of staring down with mortal embarrassment

the fact that I was potentially gonna have to return to this teeny tiny school and just like take responsibility for this thing that he now was entirely removed from. So certainly Alex herself had been duped, but there was a line of confused people left swimming in Dick's wake. All of the professors in the department were very clear that they did not hold me responsible

and that they were just as basically confused and manipulated by him as I was. I remember explicitly two separate professors telling me, like, we had no idea, we loved him, we also thought that he was great. And so even though the cult of one kind of like description really applies to the relationship that he and I had, he 100% was cult-leadering his way around the English department as well. So I ended up just being online for the rest of college. I was more or less non-functional.

Like I would get up in the morning and do my little online coursework and then just sit in my room and like sob. And in the meantime, he got hired by another university to teach. So now he just like, I'm assuming spends his days surrounded by a thousand other potential cult members. And within a couple weeks, he started messaging me again. And so it became this really toxic cycle of him convincing me that we were going to be together and that I wanted to be with him and that I wanted to figure things out. Even though I was physically out of it, my brain was still 100% locked in because he

just would not leave me alone. And I'd be like all in and then I would try to have a conversation with my parents. And they were, thank God, always like a very firm like, no. They were like, we love you, but he will never step foot in our house. And if you are in a relationship with him, we will be happy to spend time with you and be with you, but you as a couple will never, never interact with us basically. And so that to me was just like devastating, but he of course just used that as further fuel to be like,

see, they want you to be miserable. See, they want to manipulate you. And the thing that was like so damaging was that he framed it in such a way thing that was like so damaging was that he framed it in such a way that he was like your mom especially is using the fact that she knows you will never choose anyone over your family as a way to get you to do what she wants. Yeah she was being an incredible mom and it was so hard to deal with because she never was mad at me.

And now looking back, I'm like, it's because she knew I was being manipulated and abused. And of course, like how can you be mad at someone who's not actually in their right mind? But she was also super firm. And that's kind of the only thing that kept me like tethered to the last little scrap of reality that I had in that moment. And so the mindfuckery continued. Until one day... One of my friends called me one day with my other friend on FaceTime and she was like,

Alex, I don't know how to tell you this, but I got to tell you and please don't hate me. And at that point I was like, oh, like nothing at this point is going to be worse than what I've already like experienced. And she was like, well, Dick is dating my sister and they're going to move in together. And her sister was another former student that was a couple years older than me, but that had also been coerced into a relationship with him while she was at the school. And that was really kept like hush, hush.

And I don't know what he's been telling you, but you need to know that like, this is bigger than just what he's doing to you. So I lost it. It was like all of the pieces kind of snapped into place when she told me that. And I called him immediately and it was the first time I've ever accusted anyone, which felt really good in the moment, but I was like, you piece of shit lying coward. What the fuck is wrong with you? And I was like, do not talk to me. I'm going to block you. He of course still was very much like, I care about you.

Like, I just wanna be your friend and if I can be any support for your grad school apps. Like all of that kind of stuff, just to try and retain like some level of control. And I at least was so angry by that point that I was like, no, fuck you. Like leave me alone, you don't get the privilege of knowing anything about my life anymore.

And then I just hung up on him, which felt really, really good. Now, breaking free is messy and complicated and extremely hard in the beginning. And for Alex, even though at the time, it may have felt like her life was over, it was actually just the beginning of rediscovering who she truly was and reclaiming her power bit by bit.

And I got into a PhD program which I was really excited about and I got a really great therapist who is like wonderful and incredibly helpful for like getting me to a point where I am actually able to make informed decisions and be healthier about how I go through life and not be so susceptible to the kinds of abuse and manipulation that basically defined my entire college experience. I'm four years into grad school now and I'm still working through things and processing things and like learning just how deeply insidious he was. You can be the smartest person in the world and still be taken advantage of because people like that, predators, cult leaders are able to get away with shit because their

brains aren't working in the ways that normal people's brains are. And so now I like 100% believe that like it can happen to anyone at any time and like your vulnerabilities should never ever be used against you. Trust your gut. If it feels weird for any reason like that's enough of a reason to to step away. You don't owe anyone an explanation for removing yourself from a situation that feels like your boundaries are being crossed on any level. I'm really happy to be super close to my mom again. Like she has been so gracious and understanding and

supportive and I really owe so much to her support. My current boyfriend is really wonderful and has been really helpful in just showing me what a consistent and supportive and actually just a healthy relationship can look like. And things are good. I've got a great dog who is the love of my life and his name is Hemingway. And things are so much better than I ever imagined they could be. Thank you, Alex, for sharing this very important story, one in which I feel is valuable for everyone to hear, especially young women navigating power dynamics, trust, and boundaries. It's a reminder that manipulation doesn't come with flashing red lights or theme music. It hides in plain sight behind charm, intelligence, and performative empathy.

And it doesn't matter how smart or self-aware you are. When someone's determined to break down your defenses, well they can. But what Alex's story proves is that there's always a way out. You can take back your power. Even if it takes time, even if it's messy and painful. Because when you break the cycle of a trauma bond, your brain is literally recovering from like a kind of addiction. You're rewiring the pathways in your brain that kept you trapped.

Those formed by fear, reward, and thus dependency. You're essentially unlearning the belief that you needed that person to survive and you're slowly rebuilding your sense of personal trust, independence and self. Yeah, and as Alex said, if trusting your gut means walking away without an explanation, well then do it.

Your boundaries, they don't need an audience. Protect your peace. You owe nothing to anyone who makes you question your worth. Hear that, Tyler? I owe you nothing. And I owe you nothing. What about Rob? We actually owe Rob some money, probably.

And a weekend. We owe Rob a weekend. Rob makes more than us. Let's stop pretending that he's the short end of this. He's a millionaire. He does this for a hobby. He does it so he can hang out with us, really. He pays us. I like to control the discourse. And one more thing, despite Alex's long journey towards a healthy life and the event that is now fortunately in her rearview mirror, she did have a few things to say to Dick in case you're listening. Dick. I hope your blood turns cold and I hope you know exactly what I am talking about. And also you're

not as smart or original as you think you are. And certainly not as cool and funny and empathetic. And also you're still probably a liar. So like, I hope you lose your job. Thank you to everyone here listening and supporting our show. We really appreciate it. And don't forget, we have ad free episodes available on our Patreon, which is basically like Patreon was in a cult,

but the info is in the show notes. So join the Patreonage if you dare. And a quick shout out to our most recent Patreon subscribers, Hillary Schroeder, Megan Fudge and Nicole Roseberry. Thank you ladies. Real names, great names. Those aren't flavors. No, those are great names.

Those Ben and Jerry flavors. Megan Fudge and Nicole Roseberry. Those are salt and straw flavors for sure. Thank you guys, thank you ladies for your support. We genuinely really do appreciate it. Yeah, it really does help us bring very important stories like this to the world. We love doing that. And we will be back next week with an incredible story from a very inspiring woman who was in the

shiny happy people cult, which if you don't know is the cult of the Duggars. What a creepy name. The Duggars. Well that too. Of shiny happy people. Shiny happy people is such a creepy name. Well it was named after the documentary, but she talks about it and says it's a perfect

name for it because they're all miserable and dying inside, but they put on this shiny happy people face and you have to be shiny happy people and a good woman of God. I hate them. Play a clip, Rob. Play a clip! Betrothal was the name of the game. You had courtship but you were never left alone because nobody had self control, clearly not the parents.

So the courtship would be a very guided dating structure relationship with approval from parents on all sides. We'll see you next time or as the case may be, hear you next time or you'll hear us next time. Whatever you understand. They get it. Right. Wasana Cultis written, produced, hosted by me, Liz. Pink leopard skin. Iacuzzi. And me, Tyler, just boring white boxer briefs, me some.

Sound design and edit by Rob Titey-Whities Para. Assistant editor is Greta, comfort over fashion, Stromquist. And our executive producer, Stephen, bare bummed Labrum. Nothing at all. Just let it all hang out. Nothing at all. Nothing at all.

Take out your knife. Purify me. I should have added silky. They were silky. They were very silky. They were silky. They just were likeky. They were very silky. They were silky? They just were like, I still, they're right here, burned in my memory. Stings, wonderful little underwear. He was so great because I actually told him, I said, man, you look really great and he did. And he was so like proud of that. Rock stars have little egos

or they have, they're very insecure and when I told him that he looked good, he even mentioned it later he's like he thinks I look very good. And then we had a hair and makeup person and we had her at the ready and I was like we have a hair and makeup person, do you want it? And he goes, you said I looked good and I said you did and he goes, well, I don't need her. Nice. Aw. Yeah, yeah. But did I mention that he had pink leopard skin underwear? I did, didn't I write? I did.

I'm going to make a chat GPT. I'm going to have AI create Sting in pink leopard skin underwear. And our fifth Patreon member gets it. Specially delivered to their inbox. I'm going to get an email from Sting's manager. Please refrain from talking about Mr. Gordon Sumner's underwear. On your show.

He'll probably love it. Does he have children? I don't know. I don't know. Just trying to see who my next ex-husband is gonna be. Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me. And TV fans like me. who my next ex-husband is gonna be. with NCIS or Tracker. Or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump. Run Forrest! Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows all for free.

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