Was I In A Cult? - Pentecostal Cult: “South Central’s False Prophet”

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

As Tyler owns up to overlooking a crucial part of Orange County's troubling past, Liz is secretly grateful for his mistake—for without it, they might never have met today's inspiring guest, Vida.Growing up in South Central LA, Vida's father found salvation in a Pentecostal church led by a self-proclaimed prophet. For Vida, the church was initially a comforting community, offering structure and belonging. But over time, it became clear that what she knew as normal was deeply damaging: fasting replaced freedom, demons blamed for everyday struggles, and poverty persisted despite relentless donations. Vida shares her journey from unquestioning devotion to courageous self-discovery, ultimately reclaiming her life from the tangled legacy of faith, trauma, and generational pain. Thank you, Vida, for your courage, your honesty, and your wisdom—and yes, for challenging Tyler's musical tastes._______**Follow us for more culty content: @wasiinacult**Support us: If 'Was I in a Cult?' has impacted you, please rate and review us—it truly makes a difference! And consider joining our Patreon for ad-free episodes and more community connection.**if you have your own story of navigating spiritual trauma or culty family dynamics, reach out to us at [e-mail]—we'd love to hear from you!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The views, information or opinions expressed by the guest appearing in this episode solely belong to the guest and do not represent or reflect the views or positions of the hosts, the show, podcast one, this network or any of their respective affiliates. Please note this episode contains discussions of child abuse and trauma. Please take care while listening. A lot of these cult-like churches, they're just Pentecostal. So you can end up at one of these spaces thinking you're going to go to your regular neighborhood church that has a choir, it has a preacher that's inspiring and even might even be teaching some good stuff. But the thing about cults is they mix a lot of really good shit with a lot of bullshit. Welcome to Was I in a Cult? I'm Liz Ayacuzzi. And I'm Tyler Rheesom. And as you guys know, we like to joke around and have a little fun on the show while also discussing some pretty intense and difficult subjects. And Tyler, of course, sprinkles in his signature facts

to cleanse your palate in between the heavier moments. I sure do, and sometimes these facts, well, they hit, and other times, well, swing and a miss. Well, they mostly miss. I mean, they mostly hit. I meant hit. Yeah, sometimes I'll bunt, just lay down a nice bunt. They mostly hit, they mostly hit, Tyler.

Yeah, well, when they do miss, look, I'm not afraid to own up to it. And recently on an episode with Dani Nicolet, whose cult was in Orange County, I might have missed some crucial Orange County facts. So I was listening to one particular episode with a guest who was telling her story about being biracial in Orange County. And I love the little factoids that Tyler gives and it's always cute and fun. And so I'm just waiting that he's gonna really get into the racist history of Orange County. My thing was like, you know, the acknowledgement of how white the OC is,

but to me you can't really acknowledge that without acknowledging the deep history of racism there They used to have Klan rallies like right in Anaheim whole marches You can look it up like I grew up calling Anaheim Klanaheim So I hit him up like you're talking about the corny music scene in Orange County But not mention the KKK having a deep stronghold there. He acknowledged that he definitely missed on that one It's true. I did talk a lot about white rock and roll in that episode and I did miss on that. Now, as someone who is white and grew up in a very homogenous town in Utah, I do apologize for my oversight there. Now, we don't have time to go into it today, but there certainly is a history and current streak of abject and overt racism

in Orange County. You can look it up. So, after I said that, I wanted to make sure he knew I wasn't saying this as a person who's a hater. I'm really a fan and your podcast changed my life. And I'm just this South Central girl who grew up here in a cult. When I mentioned that, he's like, wait a minute, do you want to be on the podcast? And that's exactly how it happened. And then her story, well, it blew me away.

And me away. And so all that is to say thank you, Tyler, for missing the crucial facts about the disgusting racism woven throughout Orange County's history. For without that, I may never have had the immense pleasure of meeting and chatting with Vida. She's one of the most earnest, thoughtful, and open people we've had on this show. Her story is humbling, and we are honored to share it with you all today. So with that, please welcome today's wonderful guest. My name is Vida. I am from South Central Los Angeles. I grew up with one brother who's a couple years younger than me. My parents are very traumatized people who've experienced a lot of horrific things in their

lives. So my dad, he struggled with mental illness. He had it pretty much at least since he was about 12 to 13 years old and it went undiagnosed. So my dad began self-medicating at the age of 15. From what I understand, he was on heroin, he was on coke, alcoholic at a very early age, but his father was also an alcoholic. And my great-grandfather was in World War I as a black man. My grandfather was in World War II as a black man. He has also think about the fact,

these are also men who grew up seeing bodies that look like theirs hang from trees. There's all kinds of studies now that show that trauma gets passed out. Yeah, it's not just about what someone personally goes through, it's about what their ancestors endured as well. And science, it backs this up. Studies show that trauma isn't just psychological,

it's biological. Research on Holocaust survivors, the children of 9-11 survivors, and even the descendants of enslaved people all point to the same thing. Trauma can be passed down through generations. This is making me rethink all of my trauma on my father's side. That's valid. And for black Americans, this isn't just history.

It's inheritance. Studies have found that the stress of slavery, segregation, and racial violence actually altered how genes function, changing the way future generations process fear and stress. It's called intergenerational trauma and it affects everything from mental health to physical well-being. So when Vida talks about her grandfather and great-grand grandfather, that history isn't just in the past. It's written into the body. So fast forward, now my father has this problem.

He was very violent towards my mother. He would beat her, psychologically manipulate her. And it's impacted my whole family to the point where he lost everything because my mother at one point had divorced him and kicked him out. My grandfather, from what I understand, dropped him off on Skid Row in Los Angeles. He ended up in a treatment center. And in that treatment center is where he found the church that would alter our lives forever. Now she says it's where he found the church, but really it's where they found him because

this is one of the places that this particular church recruited new members. It's a very strict church. He was told it was Pentecostal or Church of God and Christ or something like that. And he went and that's where he met the prophet and pastor W.R. Porte. Because it was so strict and rigid, it was what my dad needed to stay on the right path. He ended up becoming sober and he was able to go back to school because the the prophet or the man he believed to be a prophet told him to go back to school. And that's why I want people to understand about cults is that it feels like,

Oh, I'm actually achieving something here. It makes you gives you a feeling of progress and purpose, especially if you're someone who felt like you never had it before. So my father went from being somebody who was a lost soul on skid row to getting his associate's degree in community college, then to USC and getting two masters and a doctorate. And despite his flaws, that is pretty impressive.

Sure. The only problem was, of course, that he then gave all of the credit to the prophet. I was in Pasadena with my mother. She was single mom with two kids, doing the best she could. My mother didn't have any real religious beliefs. She decides at some point, well, your dad's doing good. I'll let him have custody of you. So I go live with my dad and we moved to this one bedroom apartment.

Me and my brother is South Los Angeles. So I was like in third grade. My dad, even while he was in school and raising us as a single parent, there were times he had two, three jobs. And I just remember how poor we were. Like that was the first time I had really experienced roaches and rats. You could be watching television, money, or business, and a rat would literally run across your foot.

Now, of course, remember her father was now very dedicated to a church that changed his life. Once I moved with my dad, I was in church about six days a week. So this church was your after school program. You know, with my dad going to school and working as much as he was, that was one of the safest places to be, this church, right? For a lot of black families, the church is the place where you get resources. Ever since slavery, that's how we got free.

That's where we organized for civil rights. If you were hungry, the people took care of you. So that's naturally how people in my community see church. Which is beautiful. It's not just a place of faith, but a place of belonging in a world that not only didn't offer it, but for the most part rejected it. But practicing faith and following a prophet are not always one and the same. So, obeying the prophet is number one. Like, whatever he said was basically law. And he literally had a whole thing. Somebody had to usher him down. He had his own little special throne that they made. It might be him and his wife sometimes.

And he would honor both of them. And then all these songs will be dedicated to him. It was almost like you'd be thinking, are we praising Jesus? Are we praising him? He has a very strong confidence about himself. And then on top of all of that, he's also scary. He's a small man with a big voice, and everything was like a command from God, right?

And then the first lady herself, like, she was very elegant. I thought she was beautiful. No, he wasn't. She was significantly younger than him as well. He was like late sixties. She must have been in her mid to late thirties. Significantly younger. His first wife passed away under questionable circumstances and I have no idea. I was too young to really know all the details. But apparently this new one, she didn't do a lot of things, but she'll have to show up and criticize and give opinions and give thoughts and then go home. Oh, that's basically Tyler on this podcast. Shows up, criticizes, gives a few opinions and then

goes home. Yeah. And yet somehow I don't have a throne. You want a throne? Actually just something a little more comfortable. Something that supports the lumbar actually would be better than a throne. From what I understand, he's from the South. He came to LA and he had this big movie part he was supposed to get, but then God told him, don't take the part, preach the word of God.

Yeah, God disguises a casting director telling him that they went with somebody hotter, but continue. Yeah, we're looking for someone a little younger. Yeah, just somebody a little more famous, somebody with more Instagram followers. I'm sorry, what's Instagram? What's an iPhone? All right, this is the 90s. So he starts going to churches and preaching, and then all of a sudden he's raised enough money to start a church. There was a time in LA where all these single movie theaters that existed,

and all of them got turned to churches at some point, right? So this is one of the ones that became a church. It still looks like an old movie theater a little bit. They were these movie theater seats. But it's really raggedy. The paint's raggedy. And honestly, I liked being there. My friends were there. That's another thing people have to understand. When your whole life is somewhere,

it becomes a part of you. It was a place that, at the time, you think is helping you, and you realize it was actually traumatizing you. And I didn't know that. And we'll be right back. You're coming back, Tyler. Damn it. We'll be right back, Liz. So now Young Vita is growing up in this church and like all cults, there were rules.

And not just rules, strict, specific, joy-sucking laws. Anything that made you feel good, sexual desires, food, laziness, anything, that was fleshly. That was of the devil. He would make these commands on when we had to fast No one's playing we had to fast for seven days No food at all The most you could have is 100% apple juice orange juice grape juice You get to you the hungriest you've ever been you just drink some water drink some juice You're satisfied for about five minutes and you just go on with your life. You were terrified to break it

I thought I was gonna burn in hell Like my father was very abusive about my weight. So he would bully me all the time about my weight and that's probably also why I liked fasting because it was like my opportunity to lose weight. I couldn't even watch what I wanted on TV. So the only things I could really watch were TBN, Trinity Broadcast Network. On Saturday nights, they had their like teen night where you could watch all your Christian rock music videos. You weren't allowed to listen to secular music in the house with my dad.

Normally I would go visit my mother and that was my opportunity to listen to secular music. So I would sneak in and listen to it at my mother's house. You know, and I went to a school in Inglewood at the time. Welcome to Inglewood, California. Inglewood, California is home to historic institutions like the Forum, where the Lakers and Kings played before moving downtown, and is now a major sports hub with SoFi Stadium, home to the Rams and the Chargers, and the newly opened Intuit Dome,

finally giving the Clippers a home of their own after decades of sharing with the Lakers. of sharing with the Lakers. ["Ain't No World"] In the 90s, it was a tight-knit, predominantly Black community with many middle-class families. ["Ain't No World Swang Out"] So you're going to a school with kids who come from, you know, their parents are dentists and police officers. And I was coming to school in raggedy clothes, flooded pants, hems torn.

It's one thing to be poor when you go to school. It's another when you're in a weird religious situation. You're taught to try to convert. So imagine I'm this weird kid with questionable hygiene, with questionable clothing. Hair was always messed up, so my father had no idea what to do with my hair. So I was just looking a mess, going to school, and also talking about Jesus. So... And apparently what Jesus wanted most was... Yeah, so you know the prophet he was always prosperity preaching so the only way you were going to prosper is by giving your money. Give to the Lord, definitely tithing one tenth of your income.

Mind you there's multiple services throughout the week so he's he's raking in tons of money. There were times when the prophet would get up and be like, God told me 10 people were going to give me a thousand dollars. God said, Dad is going to give you back tenfold. God said, blah, blah, blah, you're going to profit. You want to get a bread cast on the water, we'll come back to you. I don't even know if that's a real scripture, but that's some shit he would say, right? I know, because Tyler's going to cut in with the facts. Shout out to Tyler. Shout out to me for the fact check. So that whole cast your bread upon the waters thing, yeah, it actually is in the Bible. Ecclesiastes 11 1, which says, Cast thy bread upon the waters, for thou shalt find it after many days." You know, I think when I

read the Bible verses, Rob, you should put it in like a very deep God-like voice. So I'm gonna do that again. It says... thy bread upon the waters. For thou shalt find it after many days." Whoa, so the prophet did know a verse just in the most self-serving way possible. Yes, most scholars now think that this verse is about generosity, like give freely, and it'll come back to you in some way. Some even say it's about taking risks or investing wisely. Right. But if you actually throw bread on water, it just gets soggy. Or ducks and turtles eat it. Yeah, yeah, true. And I don't think the duck is sending you a tenfold return. Unless the duck is Jesus.

Or God. Plot twist? Plot twist. Either way, ducks notwithstanding. The Bible does talk a lot about giving, but it also warns against people exploiting faith for money. Hmm. And let's be real, if the prophet really believed in that tenfold return, wouldn't he be the one handing out those ten thousand dollar bills? That doesn't make any sense, Tyler.

None of this does, Liz. Then he wouldn't get the money. Everything was about raising money for him, his wife, and his stepdaughter. His daughter is exactly my age, by the way. I remember thinking, why does she get to take trips to Japan? Why does she get to get driven around in a Lincoln town car? And naturally, while the Prophet's family was living large, the rest of the congregation was dealing with more pressing issues like demons.

Yeah, if you have a demon problem, you should probably address it. So demons would get into folks. It could be any type of demon. Sleepy demon, hungry demon, foot eight demon, don't matter. It's a demon in you, right? So anyway, the problem would be casting demons out of people. The thing that's fucked up when you believe believe something like that, you acted out. I was in the bathroom once, right? I felt like I needed to throw up. Just clearly something was

wrong. Somebody said, there's a demon in her. And they took me from the bathroom. Basically, damn near carried me down to the altar through a service. But I started to believe there was a demon in me. So I started to act as though there was a demon in me. So I started to act as though there was a demon in me. It's embarrassing to say that. I'm not gonna lie to you. Like, I was convulsing all the things. I've watched them do it to other people. So I'm sure it didn't seem unusual to anybody else. I thought demons were really getting cast out. My dad, now this is the other thing, my dad has bipolar disorder and bipolar schizophrenic. So he's really seeing things I'm seeing spirits. He would tell me that all the time. I see the devil. I'm praying he'd be in this room praying

You had to yell my dad wanted us to yell cuz he wanted the neighbors to hear. Let's see if I can do it Humbla, humbla, shumbla. Oh bless us Lord bless us Lord. Oh, we give you praise Jesus We give you praise Jesus. We give you praise Jesus We need your blessing today Lord Oh Lord, we need your blessing today and we bind those demons that are coming to tear our family apart We're buying those demons that are outside causing violence. We are and it will be hours of that You know my dad even though he was sober, he was still very violent. He was a sober person who never addressed his mental health issues.

One time he thought I ordered some 17 magazines, which were sinful, which I didn't order. He comes home one day, he catches me actually looking at one of the magazines, and I freaked out and dropped the magazine, and he comes charging at me. You want to be of the world? I knew it. So I'm pleading with him because I had a comb in my hand because I was doing my hair, but the way I'm holding the comb and shaking my hand, the comb flies out of my hand and hits him. He charges at me and starts punching me. And when I say punching me, I mean punching me. And I'm running while trying to cover my face and trying to cover my body.

But at some point he stops and he's like, I gotta go back to work. And then he comes home later that night, there was a Friday night service. We had services Tuesday night, Friday night, Sunday night. When we got to the church, the prophet does his regular sermon, but towards the end he starts talking about honoring your father and mother which is a very common sermon foolishness is born in the heart of a child and the rod of correction will drive it far from them something like that and the reason why I think so is because I was such a big part of my childhood it was like being told that honoring your parent and them beating

you is to help you like they're beating you out of love. Peeweasels' kind of scriptures basically justify child abuse. But I thought God was telling me something. I didn't know my dad had already talked to him. So I'm thinking God's telling him about what I did to my dad, even though I didn't do anything. But that's the kind of psychology. And like that's how... I was just a little kid, you know? I was just like... But I believed it. That's the thing that makes me so mad. It's the fact that I believed it. I thought it was my fault. I thought I really thought I had done something wrong. Wow, God is telling him how terrible of a daughter I am. And then he calls me up. It tells the whole church

that I dishonored my father. Oh shit. I've told this story many times and I don't know why it's fucking me up right now. I think, so I can see his face. I see the whole thing. So I get up after the prophet calls me up and has me apologize to the man who abused me thinking I deserved it because I dishonored him. So that's the kind of things this prophet would do. We'll be right back. And we're back with Vida who is growing up and still dedicated to her church.

When I got to high school, it's one thing to be poor when you go to school, it's another when you're in a weird religious situation and you can't participate in the things the other kids can participate in. I couldn't go to any dances. I was a little strange, I think, because of the fasting and going to church all the time. They'd be like, oh, you go to church too much, you know, that kind of thing. People would always tell me my church was weird.

But of course, at this point, Vida knew nothing else. And another thing her so-called prophet did? Well, he prophes- prophesized. Prophes- prophesized. Is that a word? Yeah, it is. Cool. It is now. Prophesize is a word. of course it is. Okay. Yeah. So he might give you a prophecy, God told me he's gonna bless you with a new job. The chances you get a new job are pretty high at some point in your life and guess who's gonna get the credit for that? The prophet. And that's the scary part of how these cults work is that sometimes the shit works and now you're in this position where

you feel like I have to obey this man and you become even more dedicated. But the thing that was so crazy a lot of people's lives didn't get that much better like you might have got a good job and that's great for him because now you have more money to give him which is really what a lot of that manipulation was about but now you don't get to actually use your money. You don't get to actually take care of your kids with that money. I started by my dad, he had got a job working with the city.

It was a really good job. He ran an entire facility for the city. It was a community facility. It was called a youth and family center. And I didn't know until I went to college how much my dad actually made. It was almost like about $90,000, which is a lot back in 2002. And just for context, $90,000 in 2002? Well, that's about $160,000 today

when adjusted for inflation. And that is a solid salary. But somehow that money never made it home. The whole time we lived in that apartment, we didn't have a stove. None of the furniture was ours. It was from our landlord. It sucks because they got all of our money. That just breaks my heart. And then when Vida turned 18, He kicked me out a month after my birthday.

Because he strongly believed that 18 you had to be out of the house. I was at USC. Go Trojans. It's hard for me to say. As a youth fan, that's hard for me to say, but I just said it. Vida grew up in South Central Los Angeles, and now she was at USC, which is right on its edge.

South Central is known as a place of resilience, culture, and history. In the 30s and 40s, Central Avenue was the West Coast Harlem where legends like Duke Ellington, Billie Holiday, and Louis Armstrong played for black audiences, shut out, and other areas. It was also home to the Dunbar Hotel, which was the only first class hotel for black travelers in segregated Los Angeles. It was a hub for musicians, civil rights leaders, and intellectuals. And beyond music, South Central thrived with creativity and entrepreneurship.

People like John Dolphin, who ran Dolphins of Hollywood, a record store and radio station that helped bring R&B to the mainstream. It is also the birthplace of some of hip-hop's biggest names. Like Schoolboy Q, who came out of South Central with hits like Color Greens featuring Kendrick Lamar. And Man of the Year. And like any college freshman, Vita was juggling school, work, and just trying to keep her life together.

When you're in school and you're working two jobs and you have a paper due the next day, you don't have the same time to go to some service. And I didn't have the desire to go, but then I got called in. My dad calls me and he goes, Sister Portee, that's the first lady, she wants to talk to you. Okay, fine, I'll catch the bus down there. She asked me why I haven't been coming to church. I tell her why, I'm busy, I'm working, I'm going to school, I got my own place.

And she goes, do you have a boyfriend? And I said yes. And she says, well, are you involved? I was like, yeah, I didn't know what that meant. What the fuck does that mean? I'm thinking she means like, are you serious? And she just starts, oh, you just went to college and just started sleeping around. And I was like, what the fuck is she talking about?

I was still a virgin. I had a boyfriend who I was scared to even kiss. When she started going off like that, just accusing me of shit without even really trying to understand, it really upset me. So we end our session, and she goes, going off like that, just accusing me of shit without even really trying to understand. It really upset me. So we end our session and she goes, we want to see you in church, right? And I said, yeah.

Never came back. And I couldn't figure out why I didn't want to go back. But I didn't feel the same desire. Exposure to life outside the cult's control is a powerful thing. Once you get a taste of independence, making your own choices, managing your own time, it's hard to go back to blind obedience. But that doesn't mean leaving is easy. Then the thing is that sucks is when you do leave something with nothing else to land

on, you go through this crisis. What does this mean? What did I believe my entire life? Will I, if I don't obey the prophet, will I die and go to hell? Am I doomed? Will my life suck because I didn't listen to this man? I found another Christian group.

I went to one of their parties. They played regular music. They played TI. I was like, what? Y'all listen to TI? Yeah, yeah. Sack so big. Didn't throw no ice.

I can eat your pop bottles all night. Baby, you can have whatever you like. T.I., known for hits like Whatever You Like, Bring Him Out, and My Personal Jam with Rihanna, Live Your Life was absolutely crushing the early 2000s. Let's go, Rob. My-a-thee, my-a-ho. This is certainly more Music Central episode for Liz than it is for I. I now know how she feels. This is how you make someone feel empathetic. You put the shoes on the other foot.

This is what I have to do every week with you. Sit here and listen to you talk about some guy's balls who's fucking sagged to the ground singing bluegrass. Yep, the old ball sagging bluegrass band. Love them. I've seen them like eight times. Go back to T.I. Rob. Actually my bluegrass ball sagging band is known for their number one hit. I had to sneaky listen to this on the weekends at my mother's house, you know? And I was really into like political rap, like Dead Prez, Tlaib Kweli, Mostef, Immortal Technique, all that stuff.

That was like my shit, right? So if you were an underground rapper in the 2000s, the college scene was it. So I was like, I got to see Dead Prez, I got to see Black Star, Tlaib Kweli, Mostef, I got to see like Common, I got to see Lu Stock to live quite a little stuff. I got to see like Common. I got to see Lupe Fiasco. I was like, oh shit, this is really cool. Chi-Town shout out, Common and Lupe are from Chicago. The show goes on is a jam.

Can you guys tell that Vida and I are similar ages? All right, all right, the show goes on all night. Till the morning we dream. Okay, so when Vida first reached out to me on Instagram, she mentioned that, you know, surprisingly, I do talk a lot about old white music and that isn't my wheelhouse. Surprisingly. Yeah, surprisingly. It is a surprise.

It was a surprise to hear that. But she challenged me to get out of my mog life. MAWG, which is an acronym for middle-aged white guy. One of our listeners called me that this week. I'm a mog. You are. Not mogga, but mog. You also, when I look at you,

the adjective that comes to mind would be moggy. I'll take it. I'm slightly moggy. I'm slightly moggy. And that's true. But I took this opportunity to learn about other music. And you know what? I loved it. You see, according to Vita, the 90s was filled with a lot of tough crime laws, mass incarceration, the three-strike law, and Rudy Giuliani's zero tolerance policies. This led to the underground hip-hop movement, which was headed by groups like Dead Prez, a charged hip-hop duo consisting of Stickman and M1.

Now, they're best known for their radical, Afro-centric, and socialist-leaning lyrics which focus on issues like systemic racism, police brutality, and self-determination for black communities. And you know what? I listened to a lot of them. And I gotta say, I dug these guys. I really did. Thank you, Vida, for turning me on.

My favorite song, hip hop. Give us a taste. Robert. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- Yep. So this whole new world's opened up to me. So it's like, why the fuck did I go back to church? And then one day, I got a call from my dad. That's what he starts telling me. Why didn't you come back? I told him, I just didn't feel like I needed to go back. I didn't really have a real answer for him. Then he tells me, I'm thinking about leaving. He said, I spent over 20 years at that church. I've given

everything, my time, my children, my money. My dad told me one of his biggest regrets was that he wanted to have money for when I graduated from high school to take a year off and travel the world. And it really hurt him that he couldn't do that for me. My dad had sued the Englewood School District, won, it was tens of thousands of dollars if I remember correctly. That specific money was for my brother. It was supposed to go into an interest-bearing account. But my dad took the money, gave it to the church, and my brother went to ask for it when he was 18. My dad was like, that money's gone. I gave it to the bishop. Fucking cults.

We'll be right back. So Vida's dad, after all of these years, has called to tell her that he has finally left the cult. And Vida is still processing her life up until this point. So he leaves, he finds another church that's not as strict. He's thinking, hey, I'm free now. I don't have to follow these rules anymore. He ends up relapsing. Some of those rules were helping him. I just wish he had gotten actual psychiatric support and help. I never saw my dad as an alcoholic, ever. When he raised us, he was completely sober.

But then things got progressively worse. Oh, also my dad was calling me like 20 times a day like saying crazy things, threatening me, calling me names. He said some shit to me that's probably the worst shit he's ever said. Then he starts bringing up all the abuse that I went through as a kid that I didn't know was abuse. At this point I'm also realizing that I was abused. Mind you, I worked in social services. I worked with abused children. Never clicked in my head that I was one of them. And I started having these emotional breakdowns. Almost every relationship until my present one was an abusive one. It was like I was dating my dad multiple times. One of them raped me and I convinced myself it wasn't rape. That's the kind of shit I dealt with.

And I was going through my own existential crises. It was so bad. I tried to, I wanted to, I didn't want to live anymore. I couldn't function. I couldn't keep a job. And it was a scary thing because then I started to lose my faith and I didn't have anything to latch onto. So I was like, well, what does happen when you die? scary thing because then I start to lose my faith and I didn't have anything to latch onto.

So I was like, well, what does happen when you die? So death was like terrifying because I had a story before at least now I have nothing. So what do you do with that? You know, so I think what helped me though is I was a really great organization called Women's Creative Collective for Change. But here I am in a group of women, queer women, trans women, and they're the most loving, giving people who taught me so much. These can't be the same people that I was raised to believe they were evil. That was my first time being exposed to other conversations. And I was like, well, what do you believe happens when you die? And da da da da. So I had different beliefs. And one person, I'll never forget, her name was Simone, shout out to her.

She said, maybe you're not meant to really worry about that part. She's like, well, you're here now. What are you doing with the time you have here now? Like, you're worried about something that you don't know when it's gonna happen, but you do know what you have right now. And I think that unlocked some of that fear for me.

It took time. But then when I started reading about spiritual abuse, they're like, you were in a cult. I was like, wait, what? I think of cults like you're in long robes and you all have to wear the same things. And I was just in church. What do you mean? Isn't it a cult? Then I went to other people's churches and they weren't like mine. Like they were normal. Like they would do normal things. I realized I was in a cult. Some of us do some fucked up shit in these cults. I've hurt some people because I was a homophobe. You know, I know I hurt people. My church was one of those churches that marched against gay marriage and I'm sick. I'm sick that I was a part of that Because I don't believe in any of that

I believe in love and humanity and treating people with respect and everyone deserves dignity everyone and everyone deserves the same rights and This is no different from my experience being raised as a Mormon and that's the thing you see when you're inside You don't always see the harm. You truly believe you're doing the right thing. But once you step out, you start to see the damage and who was really benefiting from it all along. And for Vida, that meant looking at what her prophet was doing through a different lens. The part that drives me so crazy and pisses me off the most is you're taking advantage

of people who are already desperate We're poor. We're in a poor community Like you have these things that have impacted black families for so long and we have always sought the church for solace We thought the church to get free Will fight for our civil rights. These are the only safe spaces we had and you took advantage of that that fucking pisses me off That pisses me off. That pisses me off till no end. Because these communities need real answers, need real resources. Why aren't you out there, instead of doing these stupid ass prophecies, why aren't you advocating

for more parks, more trees, things that actually benefit our community? Why aren't you advocating for more programs like the Community Safety Partnership? What are your programs that help reduce violence in communities? Where's the church advocacy for these programs? Sorry. I get real passionate about these things. I don't know if you can tell. But I'm not religious at all. I don't go to church now.

I don't believe in any of it, to be honest with you. Even though I lost my faith, I never lost my belief in community. I do believe that community is healing. It's probably why I'm so dedicated to my community, to South Central LA, because it's been the place that has held me together despite all the trauma that I've ever been through. This is the one place that's been here for me, and that is South Central LA, where the community will come out for you. And the psychological damage done by cults

is the hardest to see from the outside, but it's often the most lasting and devastating. The hardest part of all of it is I can't even trust my own brain. I can't trust my own feelings, my own thoughts, my own beliefs. It sucks so bad because you go your whole life believing things. If you had asked me before his relapse, I would have never said a negative thing about

my father. Because I thought everything we went through was my fault or necessary out of love or God demanded it. The other thing that really sucks is you can't even believe your own accomplishments because it was never you. It's either because the prophet prayed for you or my dad would say I put that in you. I taught you that. You got that because of me. So if I would tell people things that I did growing up and they'll say wow you've done so many things. You've accomplished this. You've accomplished that. That's great.

My first instinct is to diminish it. Or I feel guilty, like damn, I done tricked this person into thinking that I'm worth something. And that's the part that sucks is I can't, to this day, trust myself. And that's the one person you feel like you should be able to trust is your fucking self. I wanna feel that.

And it wasn't until I went to the doctor for something else. I'm pretty sure I was at my sciatica and I was 320 pounds at this point. And so I go to the doctor, he was just asking me questions about my life and different things. I was just like, I don't know why he's asking me this stuff, but I'm talking. And he goes, he says, wow, you've been through a lot. And he's like, thinking about the sciatica, unfortunately, you know, for those things, there's not really a lot of healing. I mean, there's nothing you can do, but we hear some stretches, we give you some medication. He said, but this is the thing, I'm more concerned about your depression. He said, because I don't think your problem is physical, I think your problem

is psychological. He said, you are severely depressed. But see, I didn't think of myself as depressed. He takes me to a health psychologist. I learned about the adverse childhood experiences study. It was actually originally, guess what, an obesity study. Because what happens in your childhood is if you experience a certain level of trauma, your cortisol is being activated over and over again. So this thing that's supposed to help you becomes toxic. The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, or ACE study, was groundbreaking when it came out in 1997. It started as an obesity study but uncovered something much bigger, a direct link between

childhood trauma and long-term health. The study identified 10 types of adverse experiences, from abuse and neglect to household dysfunction. Things like a parent with substance abuse issues, witnessing domestic violence, or losing a caregiver. The more, quote, aces a person had, the higher their risk for depression, addiction, chronic illness, and even a shorter lifespan. And it's not just psychological. As we mentioned, early trauma rewires the brain and body.

Constant stress floods the system with cortisol, the stress hormone which, when activated too often, becomes toxic. It can lead to inflammation, weight gain, heart disease, and chronic pain, just like Vida's sciatica. And today, Vida has taken this information and applied it to her life in a positive way. I'm working in city government teaching trauma-informed care. And you know how I teach? I don't teach as a parent. I teach as a child. What I mean by that is I teach from the perspective of a child who didn't have the parent that they want to become. And I don't talk like I know everything. I listen to them.

It also gave a lot more empathy towards parents because, you know, it's so hard to be a parent. That's why it's hard for me to be rough on my dad. He thought he was doing the right thing by putting us in this church and giving his money to these people. He thought I was going to come back to him tenfold and his children would be blessed. He did the best he could. I can't be upset with my mom for sending me to live with him. She didn't want us to be one of those kids

who didn't have their dad in their life. So teaching these classes have definitely taught me empathy for my own parents and empathy for parents in general, it's hard. It's hard, you have to take care of this little being and you ain't healed from your own trauma yet. And you're doing everything you can to make sure you don't put that trauma in your own child.

I want people to realize that you can heal and you don't have to pass that trauma down. So healing is important, addressing that trauma and making sure we empower this next generation so they can at least be able to cope and heal through whatever they experience. Because we can't control everybody's experiences, but we can support them as they go through them.

So of all the things, empathy, community, and healing. Those are the things that I want people to walk away with. As we mentioned before, science tells us that trauma isn't just emotional, it can be biological, passed down through generations. But here's the good news, guys. It's not permanent. Just like trauma can be passed down, so can healing. Research shows that therapy, mindfulness, and strong community support can actually

reverse some of those changes. Even small acts like breaking cycles of neglect, prioritizing your mental health, or simply showing up with love can rewire how the next generation experiences the world. And that's exactly what Vida is talking about. You can't control everything your child will go through, but you can give them tools to heal, and when healing happens, it doesn't just stop with one person, it echoes forward. Empathy, community, and healing aren't just ideas,

but they're the foundation for breaking generational cycles. I love this episode. I learned a ton, and I am so grateful that we can have Vida as part of our Was I an Occult family? And today Vida is doing great. She's taking care of herself mentally, emotionally and physically. 330 was my biggest and then I lost all that

and then I gained and then I lose. But I wanted to be able to get into my body and not be so afraid of my body, which is what I've always been. Now I'm trying to do it in a healthier way. I've started taking like the hip hop aerobics class and taking tennis. I'm doing all these things that are a little bit healthier.

Thank you, Vida, for your time, your story, your vulnerability and your daring to call me out on my whiteness Is it daring I I tend to do that every week. Yeah, I know but first stung a little bit more Liz And the world loves you for it Liz for your mocking of me. That's okay. I'll take it. I will own it Thank you Vita. I loved talking with you. You were awesome. You were inspiring. And I wish we could have put out the entire interview

because I loved the whole thing. I learned so much. And we also learned that she and I live about 15 minutes away from each other. So let's go grab that Air 1 smoothie girl. Yeah, just go get a bank loan first for it. We joked about that. She did make fun of us for our LA jabs on this show

that don't encapsulate all Los Angelesians. And yes, we stand corrected there as well. It was funny. She wrote a rap about Valley girls when she was in middle school and it was hilarious. And she shared it with me. So if you're interested, we were, we're gonna play it for you guys

at the very end of the episode. Now, before we go, we are gonna play it for you guys at the very end of the episode. Now before we go, we are gonna ask you for a bit of a favor. As we know, most people who write reviews for anything from a saucepan to a podcast are typically the disgruntled ones. Yeah, Linda. If the handle falls off, don't blame the pan. Blame your ability to cook. Yes, our show certainly isn't everyone's cup of tea tea and you know what? That's just fine with me. But if you are a listener of the show and it has impacted your life in one way or another, whether it's because you've been in a cult yourself or you're just

globally learning new information, we have a favor to ask you. Tell us about it by rating and reviewing the show on Apple podcasts. For whatever reason, as stupid as it is, those reviews and ratings do really help our show continue. Yeah, say something nice. Make me feel all warm in my bosom with your flattery. Your bosom. It's a Mormon term. The burning in your bosom. They would always say like when you felt something good and righteous, they would say the burning in your bosom. Bosom? Who? It was a Mormon term. They said it all the time.

No, it's bosom. Burning in your bosom, not bosom. You know, they speak, it's Utah bosom. Your bosom. You're burning in your bosoms. Especially during these cold months, guys. Tyler's bosoms are very frigid right now. Nice to meet you, I'm Tyler. Sorry. It's all right, laws. Fucking Taylor. It's all right, we're only on our 97th episode. It's all right, it's good that you... Starting to learn my name. I'll wear a name tag. Hello, my name is... On your bosom. No'll wear a name tag. Hello, my name is.

On your bosom. No, on your bosom. Your bosom. Join us next week. We have a very cool new episode where we take on one of those pesky MLMs. Speaking of Mormons in Utah. I was selling myself, man. I was becoming somebody that I didn't love

because I was no longer interested in the person that I was talking to. I was interested in building my Mary Kay business. I was no longer selling product. I was recruiting people and I needed bodies that would spend money. We were all like little mini cult leaders. We were all like little mini cult leaders.

And a big thank you to our newest Patreon members. Like Jessica Hoover, Sarah Ripley, Shane Rayleigh, I hope I'm saying your name right, and Rebecca Mosley. Thank you ladies. You know what I I bribed them with gummies. They all got a nice package of Viya. Whatever gets them into the cult and if you guys want ad free episodes of this show join our membership. It really does support and help us and help support us. Thanks everyone. Don't forget as they say in my son's kindergarten class, it's okay to be mad, it's not okay to be mean. Looking at you, Liz Ayacuzzi. Shut up, Taylor. See you in a week, everyone. Yep. Was I, Nicole, This Written, Hosted, Story Edited, and Produced by me, Tyler, No Trauma.

Taylor. Me soon. And me, Liz, Breaking Cycles of Neglect, Ayacuzzi. Sound Design and Edit by Rob Soggybread. It's Robe. You didn't know? Robe, the Duck follower, Para. Quack, quack.

And our Assistant Editor is Greta Gittin' Betta Stromquist. And now for Vida's incredible Valley Girl rap. Hit it! I was in like middle school. I'm a Valley Girl straight from Van Nuys. I like cruising the mall and looking for cute guys. I got rhymes for every day of the week while I keep my finger bent by the side of my cheek. I hop into my Jeep as I bump tight beats, buckle my pedigree pooch up in the back seat. I head to the hood but they called me a wigger so I showed them I was hard with my tattoo of Tigger. Maybe I can't rhyme maybe I can't spit but that's okay

cuz that's just scandalous. Pluto TV has all the shows and movies you love streaming for free. That means laughter is free with gut-busting comedies like The Neighborhood, Boomerang, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. for free.