Watch What Crappens - #102: Lyme Brain, Koi Fish Tattoos, and Kandi's Ring

Episode Date: November 13, 2013

On this week's super-sized "Watch What Crappens," Ben Mandelker (http://twitter.com/bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) are joined by LA writer Jessica Ogilvie (twitter.com/jessicapauline) to discuss a blockbuster slate of Bravo shows. First, the gang takes on the loud "Real Housewives of Miami" reunion. Did Joanna take a low blow at Lisa? Does Adriana have any sort of a case? Is Andy the new Judge Judy? Then it's on to "Beverly Hills" to discuss Carlton and her love of crosses, pentagrams, and black cat stories. Also in the crosshairs: Yolanda's Lyme Disease, Lisa's fainting spell, and Kim's dog trainer. Then the gloves really come off as Ben, Ronnie, and Jessica dress down "Vanderpump Rules." Between Scheana's journalistic aspirations and Jax's koi fish tattoo, there's tons to make fun of. Things wind down with "Real Housewives of Atlanta," featuring a prolonged discussion in full Momma Joyce and Kandi voices, and finally, we end with a brief overview of "Shahs of Sunset." There's a lot to listen to; so buckle up! Also, apologies for wonky audio for the first 40 minutes. Don't worry, it clears up! Check out our Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens) for announcements and to hang out with us and other listeners. Ronnie is writing recaps of the season. Check them out same night as they air (http://www.trashtalktv.com/category/real-housewives-of-beverly-hills-3/) Our YouTube Podcasts: http://www.youtube.com/thetvclique Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap that we love on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker from b-sideblog.com. You can find me at b-sideblog. And joining me as always is my wonderful and plucky co-host, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Hello. Hello, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Hello. Hello, hello.

Ronnie is from TrashTalkTV.com and can be found at TrashTweetTV on Twitter. Isn't that right, Ronnie? That's right. Okay, good, good. We have so much stuff to talk about this week, just tons and tons of TV shows. And to help us out

is a dear friend of mine miss jessica ogilvy hi jessica hi ben hi jessica so we this is we we've had a whole like very fascinating uh tech situation leading up to this very moment um so if it sounds like j like Jessica is calling in on a radio show, that's basically because she has, because we've had to wire it in a way that she's using her phone. So everyone don't give Jessica a hard time. Enjoy and embrace the sound of her voice. Yeah.

Thank you. Isn't that the intro you've always wanted someone to tell you to embrace your voice. Always, always. Yes. Jessica is a writer here in L.A., and I'm so glad you're able to come join

the Watch for Crappens podcast this week. Thank you. I'm happy to be here. Yes, we made you do a lot of Bravo homework, and we're very appreciative of the hours and hours you spent watching these shows. Oh, believe me, it was my pleasure. And we're very appreciative of the hours and hours you spent watching these shows. Oh, believe me, it was my pleasure. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, this was a heavy week to ask you to come on because there's a lot of Bravo on this week that we had to watch. Yeah, tons and tons. Yeah. Well, I enjoyed every moment of it. Well, so did I. Unfortunately, poor Ronnie went the extra mile and watched. What was that show you watched again? Well, I didn't watch all of it. I turned on that new show on Bravo called Thicker Than Water. Okay, let's just start. I'll give a quick recap of this show.

It's a rich family who believes that the Lord wants them to be rich, and they say rich and millionaire every other word word and all they care about is being a millionaire how you gonna be a millionaire today hey hey mindy how you millionaire today what you gonna do to be a millionaire today how was school did you do something to become a millionaire and get back there try again i'm like what the hell i mean i understand parenting and wanting your kids to do well but that's pretty specific like yeah i think a lot of families are just like please don't get pregnant and um don't go to jail i think let's aim lower my goal is basically how can i be a ten dollionaire you know not a millionaire i just i just want to make ten dollars that's a value million air i'm a dollar store in air yes i'm a dollar store younair yes I'm a 99 cent younair yeah

more or less more or less although they do have some good stuff at the 99 cent store so everyone keep your eye out for a good deal

yeah if you ever need to buy a homeless person there's a whole rack of them right outside yeah just standing there just waiting to be purchased it's like

I love some 99 cent store so good yeah Just standing there, just waiting to be purchased. It's like a nice and bright. I love some 90-month-old store. So good. Yeah. No, you can get spices. You can get baby oil. You can get all sorts of great stuff. Tootsie pops.

Oh, no, I think. Condoms, light bulbs, batteries. Yeah. Tupperware. Tupperware. Fake Tupperware. It's really really just it's a who's here you could probably find some uh probably some of uh some toasters that were built by real housewives of new york city you'd probably find lynn's cuss love from orange county um any one of these bravo

entrepreneurial endeavors will wind up at the dollar store someday. Eventually, yes. You could probably find copies of some of their music. Yeah, if you're lucky. Actually, that would probably be expensive. Because that's not really a sale at all. Hey, you want to buy Melissa Gorga's song at the dollar store? It's like, but it's a dollar on iTunes, too. Why do I have to drive all the way down there?

But at the dollar store, it's on cassette single. My house for that. Yeah, I think we only need, like, one more season of all these shows until they have their own 99-cent store, and it's just products that those bitches sell. Soon, there'll be enough songs from these women that there'll be a new now volume it'll be called now that's what i call awful volume one sorry that's an amazing idea yeah i'm sure it will happen there will i'm sure there will be a greatestest Hits with Countess Luanne and Melissa Gorga and Danielle Staub and, of course, Kim Zolciak and perhaps even some unreleased tracks like The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing. I'd like that.

Yeah, I think that there's all these Broadway musicals based on pop songs. Why don't they just make a Housewives musical based on all the songs of the Housewives, but not make it about Housewives make it about something really deep like that like the holocaust yeah like the holocaust but told three songs of housewives don't be tardy for the party is really about um america being so late to join in on world war two and to save all of europe yeah and the ring doesn't mean a thing is when the Nazi camp wouldn't let the Jewish people get married before the end. And money can't

buy you classes. It's really about Hitler and how he'll just never fit in, no matter how hard he tries. Because money and territory will not buy you class, Hitler. And really, who did keep it classy? Hitler or the survivors? I think we all know the answer.

I think we do. Who kept it classy? Who did keep it classy? That's right. We are a classy crew, Jessica and I. We are classy. Jessica is part of the tribe, I should mention, to everyone listening. Oh, yeah.

We are Jews. We are Jews. We are Jews. Classy Jews. Classier than Hitler. Anyway, why don't we get... We have so many of these TV shows. Before we go on a totally bizarre tangent involving musicals on Hitler,

why don't we talk about... Where do we want to start? Should we talk about the Miami reunion because we all watched that this afternoon. Sure. Yeah. Okay. This was craziness.

This was absolute craziness. What I love about these Miami girls is every season. They always realize, oh shit, we may not get renewed. Let's be totally bonkers during the reunion. Yeah. Okay. Did you wait? Is this your first time watching Miami, jessica i'm pretty new to

miami yeah yeah so what were your impressions of these women having not really seen much of them well they're pretty i have to say they're pretty typical housewives first of all like they've got all of the different characters down but But I didn't think that they were, okay, I'm going to go out on a limb and say this. I didn't think that they were as awful as some of the other housewives. Really? Who do you think is more awful in general? Like which cast? Yeah, which cast would you say that you're like, oh, my God, these are really the awful ones?

New Jersey has been awful for me lately, and I say that as someone who used to love New Jersey. Right, right, right. Well, the thing is that these women, it's not so much that they're awful, it's just that they're just fully deranged, right? It's just like an hour of them yelling and yelling over each other.

I mean, they come on this one, this is the last Housewives to be made, or to be invented or to be invented to be born i guess it's the youngest child it's the youngest child in a family of hags haggie witches but um they know how to get the attention and they come and they're ready to pummel each other and just they i mean they will pick the lowest possible place to go and And I mean, they go there in the first five minutes. Like, they blow their rod all over the place in the first five minutes of the thing. And it's like, they even started this one like a sporting event.

All the women, you know, they have backstage stuff where they're like, are you ready? And they're like, yeah, I'm getting my makeup on. I'm ready to kick someone's ass. I don't know what I'm going to yell at someone about, but I'm going to yell at somebody. It's like, Jesus. And that's almost a literal quote. It's just without an accent and slightly more testosterone.

Without the muffled sound of gigantic breasts and getting in the way of the sound. Yes. Joanne went straight for the jugular with... Lisa. She went right there talking about how Lisa's having trouble having babies.

By the way, I don't disagree with Joanna. I mean, I think there's a really good correlation for not getting pregnant with not eating and drinking booze all the time. To me, that's a no-brainer. Yeah, and having a body made out of the same ingredients on the back of a Diet Coke can. I mean, the girl looks like a melted Ms. Pac-Man machine. I mean, the girl looks like a melted Ms. Pac-Man machine. That girl is nothing but chemicals and fake metal all melted up and glued together with some sticky, sticky, sticky glue. She's obviously the sister of Pinocchio.

She at one point was just an actual doll. And someone cast a spell. Geppetto came around, cast a spell, and she became like a talking, sentient doll. But the truth is, she still has the insides of a toy doll, which is why she'll never get pregnant, because she doesn't have any woman parts in there, I'm sure. It's just plastic. Yeah, I mean, Pinocchio probably would have been dirtier if they had blow-up dolls back then.

Yeah. She should just accept it. She looks exactly like a blow-up doll. She looks exactly like a blow-up doll. She does. She literally looks like a blow-up doll. She literally has plastic surgery. You know, like, there's, like, Jocelyn Wildenstein, whatever her name is, who got plastic surgery to look like a cat.

Lisa seems to have gotten plastic surgery to look like a blow-up doll. It's very bizarre. Yeah, it's a really, like, admirable resemblance. Yeah, I mean, she did well. I mean, on that front, I mean, she's, like, a solid 10 in terms of resemblance yeah i mean she did well i mean on that front i mean she's like it's just a solid 10 in terms of resemblance so we're talking about this thing with lisa and her baby that that has not been seeded yet what was that about what was the low blow because i heard the yelling and then the screaming and then lisa ran she said it's a low blow that you brought up my baby was it because Joanna, wasn't Joanna

insinuating that she did coke or something at the party? What was she insinuating? I don't know. I thought that Joanna said on either Twitter or an interview and it was very hard for me to follow. Things were happening very fast. But that Joanna said that like, you know, maybe she puts down the drink, then

maybe she'll get pregnant. I think that's what Joanna said. And then Lisa, of course, Lisa's very eager to have her own storyline she's not had any storyline and i think she knows she's unlimited times that's why she was sort of coming out going crazy and she's like how dare you how dare you like make fun of the reason that i don't the fact i don't have a baby that it actually has those like big tears and everything her lips swell up um yeah i think that's what the the thing is this on this reunion the entire episode there were low blows and there were a lot of threats of low blows of people being like oh you don't want me to go there you don't want me to say that i can say

things but i'm not going to you don't want me to go there you want me to go there i don't want to go there yeah that's what i'm confused what was that she's like oh i could i could say something lord don't make me say something lord okay i have it i don't make me do it i love the reaction to that too she's like how dare you and joanna's like i didn't say anything i just yeah i have nothing to say how dare you insinuate that things could get worse? Yeah, I was dying to know what the thing was, personally. Yeah, that's what I'm asking.

I think it was that she was doing coke in the bathroom at the wedding. That's what I'm going to go with, because it's her. And she was mad at her husband, and I'm sure she was like, fuck it, I'm going to have some blow. I feel like that's what everyone does in Miami. They get mad and do coke in the bathroom. Totally. You guys. I mean,

I don't know, like go play like highlight or something. Scarface wasn't just some made up movie. It was, it was like based on real things. Yeah. Well, you know what,

actually what I thought was funny is that what really set up all this was this benign question about like, what's it like to live in Miami? And Lisa makes this joke being like, well, none of my friends work. And then everyone sort of, like, jumped on her. Like, Alexia's like, well, I work. Oh, well, you know, I work for Herman's magazine. Like, well, you know, you know, I do that. Well, but I love that it wasn't even, like, a feminist thing where they're all trying to say that they worked.

They're fighting that their husbands work. She's like, well, you know, Herman goes to the magazine. And then Joanna's like, yeah, well, my husband works. Okay, he works hard. I was like, oh, my God. And then Lisa's trying to say, like, she starts saying that she doesn't work and none of her friends work. But then she gets upset when people talk about the fact that she doesn't work and none of her friends work but then she gets upset when people talk about the fact that she doesn't work and none of her friends work it was it was very convoluted and somehow it got to the baby it got it spiraled down to that baby very quickly

also a favorite um a favorite moment was how she dead seriously called herself an immigrant from canada oh yes that i have to say that was my favorite part of the entire episode. She's like, well, you know, as an immigrant in Florida... Yeah, it's so difficult to find work as an immigrant. Really? Because I have not seen that problem. I don't think I've heard of that problem. I believe the context was that Joanna was saying, you know, I've had to work for every single thing. Like, I came to this country. I had nothing. And then Lisa's like, well, I was an immigrant, too.

Oh, my God. An immigrant from Canada. Yeah, but all this back when they were just, I think that they thought, oh, this season's been boring. We're going to have nothing to fight about. And they just came out fighting about whatever the first thing said was. It was like, oh, well, you know, a lot of people don't work. I disagree. I disagree.

I disagree. I disagree. It's like, you all don't even know what you're disagreeing about just shut up over there quiet down we've got entire histories of whoredom to go through i would i would like i would like a ken burns documentary about lisa's immigrant struggle from you know yeah the from the third world back country of toronto she's like when i got here it was so difficult to get it into my bones that books are just cheaper here and that's just how it is when i had to when i had to convert from the metric system to this weird like foot system foot and yards thing that was very hard for me. I lost a lot of job opportunities. Do you know how much less I weighed in kgs?

Just kidding. Maybe that number was a struggle, much like your struggle, Joseph. I'm sure that if they ever decide to revamp the American tail franchise, it will be drawn directly from Lisa's life as a Canadian immigrant, a little mouse with a big hat that got a really blown up face, a little mouse, a little mouse that doesn't work, but used to work as a model,

just so you know. So one of the things that I was pretty surprised about, okay, a couple of things surprised me about this reunion. One was that Adriana just showed up and admitted that she's a liar. I cannot believe, I don't know what happened to her between then and now. Suddenly she's like, well, okay, look, maybe it was kind of like, I can see why people would think that it's a lie. Technically, it was a lie, but it's not what's in my heart you don't see me inside of myself so

look at me inside of myself uh before you have like a whore like i heard you were through the great like she that honestly was like one of the most amazing things ever for her to be to be like you know i mean like i mean literally it's a lie but like i guess if that makes me a liar then so be it it's like yes actually if you literally tell a lie and that lie is truthfully a lie ironically that does make you a liar yeah that's how you are in fact a liar and she just keeps on going. She's like, no, no, Leah didn't set me up on any dates. Oh, don't you lie, Leah. Don't you lie, Leah. Well, of course Leah set me up on dates.

But, you know, here's why. Because she wanted to sell a house. I'm like, what? So now you're a whore. I never kissed him. Here's the thing. This woman who cares, you know, last season, Jessica, I don't know if you saw this, she got really mad at another cast member because they both took a picture of this renowned artist

and the other cast member tweeted it out first. And Adriana had this whole big thing where she was like, she beat me to the tweet. And she beat me to the tweet. And because she was mad because she thought this other woman didn't care. It was just taking a picture of a guy that she didn't even know who it was. But Adriana knew who the guy was as an artist. And it was disrespectful for Adriana not to get the first tweet so this woman who cares about you know social graces and mores etc etc all of a sudden

doesn't understand why leah would be upset that she went out of her way to set her up on dates with these guys these rich guys and adrian's like's like, well, you know, we didn't kiss, so I don't see what the problem is. I don't see the problem. Like, it drives me nuts. Yeah, she's a lie. She's a lie. But my favorite part was, so Leah, of course, one of the perks of being married to a very

famous defense attorney is that you come prepared. So Leah started throwing down the evidence. And my favorite quote that Adriana had was, when she tried to shut down, she goes goes you stop right there on your leah trial black you know trial you just stop right there with your plaque trial leah trial black leah stop evidence trial liar standards standards yeah that that was the most hilarious thing i've ever seen because when she doesn't have an answer for something she just starts yelling unintelligibly and and she wins

like she wants every argument like if you ask anybody on the street did she lie half of them are gonna say no she's like because oh there you go again with your black magic ashtray camera clock phone penny penny magic black magic because they actually have no idea what words she's saying they're like i i guess that she's right yeah she seems right to me okay yeah she seems really really sure of her point i'm gonna believe her yeah i'm gonna go with that i also i also loved when leah then presented this evidence of this check of all this stuff this tuition for to retire the school's debt in order for this kid to stay in it and she gets up there she presents it to andy as if he's judge judy like permission to approach the bench she gets up she stands up her back fully to the camera and then just stands there

and continues to talk to him until he tells her that she's allowed to sit back on the couch. He's probably like, you can sit down. Yeah. And that was hilarious. She's like going over all this evidence. She's like, look, here's a check I raised from this woman. Here's a check. And here's the proof that it was to keep that kid in school because I did it over the christmas holiday and it would do that and i said this kid better specifically get in

there and then and then you've got adriana like oh god now yourself to a cross and then stupid alexia right next to her going oh well you know you know you helped a lot of children not just her children you know you helped a lot of children. So there. You helped a lot of children. Are you dissing her by saying that she helped the entire school? Is this a diss? I don't even understand what these ladies are fighting about. I don't get it. It's confusing.

What are you saying? Lisa's like, and as an immigrant, I don't understand the term retire debt. So let's just talk about my baby again. Don't talk about my baby again using words I don't understand him that's a low blow no I but the thing that actually was annoying was that you know Adriana first is you know she she what she she attacks on a different point which is that leah saying look i was doing all this stuff because i thought adriana was alone i had no one to help help her out when in fact she had a husband and then adriana responds i've been like oh such a philanthropist such a philanthropist that has to get credit such a

philanthropist it's like that's not that's not what that's not what's up for debate here you know whether or not she's a philanthropist what's up for debate is that she did this she did this whole gesture got all this money raised because she thought no one else was supporting you and your child yeah right yeah i love that she can turn that around as like her doing something bad but whatever and the other thing i was really surprised about was that leah came out swinging this time. I feel like she's always been shocked in the past, and I guess she was just ready for it to get bloody this time and came with folders.

Yeah, she was smart to have those checks ready because if she hadn't, then we would never heard the end from like Alexi being like, oh, well, you know, like a check, you can only know a check if you see it. Like there are a lot of checks that year. There's so many checks. I don't know what checks. I't read i don't know herman reads for me herman writes off the checks but i'm sure of one thing they're written down on a piece of paper

and it's not fair to bring paper to reunions this is ridiculous you have too many children and we have no more paper in my house because my son rolls them up and smokes out of them all the time oh but you know he's trying to change peter peter's trying to change so you know at first he And we have no more paper in my house because my son rolls them up and smokes out of them all the time. Oh, but you know, he's trying to change. Peter's trying to change. So, you know, at first he was trying to be like his father, but now he's trying to change and he stopped smoking all the paper from my house. But, you know, still checks. I believe in online banking.

So that's where I stand on this argument. But now he's really into origami. So, like, we still have a paper issue in the house. Even though he's not folding them, he's folding them a lot. And we have a lot of cranes. It's really beautiful. And that's what makes him happy. So that makes me happy. Oh, God bless these women.

So those were the main things that happened. Next week, we're going to get more allegations of whorishness about Joanna. Yeah, it's on Thursday, by the way. It's not next week. It's on Thursday. Oh, Thursday. And then we're also going to get more allegations of whorishness on Lisa's behalf, I believe. Oh, I'm excited. And then Leah supposedly lied about something, so that should be interesting.

So that's those bitches. But, you know, I don't even think they should keep filming this Miami. I think they should just have reunions. I think they should just have them on to talk about just reuniting shows that we've never seen before. To talk about fertility issues. Yes. I think also we also can't finish the Miami segment without discussing Joanna's awful gay makeup guy. Oh, my God.

Yes. I'm so sorry about that. And just because that fat bitch isn't here, I'd like to apologize on his behalf to all the gay people for what he just did to us. So thanks a lot, bitch.

So here's the thing. Makeup artists, I think I've had this conversation, and in fact I think we just discussed this very uh, very recently, Jessica makeup artists generally tend to be crazy, awful people. Like I've, I've every single makeup artists that I've met has been crazy, maybe one exception, but they're all super, super crazy. And the reason why is because most of them, I'm not going to say all of them, but I think

a good number of them don't have any discernible talent. And they just want to be near celebrities or important people. So what do they do? They cozy up next to them. They say, oh, I can do makeup. I'll do this. And then they become a confidant and they become a sidekick and they do whatever their celebrity master tells them to do. And this is a perfect example.

This was a crazy person here who was like, shit, like Joanna K Joanna Cooper is a supermodel and I'm going to be her gay. And the only way I'm going to stay being her gay is if I go after the stupid blog model across the hallway. And that's exactly what he did. Well, Lisa was saying that he was going after her on Twitter and stuff. So I guess that Joanna was telling him stuff in the chair and then he was going off onto Twitter and spreading all these rumors about Lisa and then they got into a confrontation at the thing and he was calling her ugly and he was just disgusting.

Listen, makeup people, you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself for being makeup people, but understand that you are in the service industry and you need to shut the fuck up, okay? That's like a busboy coming up to my table and calling me a fat bitch i may be a fat bitch but you're still the busboy fill up my water and get me some more bread shut the fuck up busboy and that's what you need to understand

makeup people know your place i mean what the hell and he wasn't even and he wasn't even a funny gay like all he kept on saying was like like, fix your makeup. Your makeup looks bad. Fix your makeup. You're a stupid bitch. Fix your makeup. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't even, there was no redeeming quality. There was nothing redeeming about his little flight of insults. Yeah, it was just ugly to watch. And I feel like Bravo, you know, we've talked about this before on the show,

but I think Bravo is, like, it's a conspiracy. Like, they seem like it's this gay channel and it's so fun and campy and it's all pro-gay and pro-women but then they put the most vile you know gays and women on it and i think it's ruining feminism and it's ruining it's ruining homosexuality let's be honest it's just killing us you know i'd rather just i'd rather just cozy up to a vagina i'm not gonna fall for this anymore and it's just the same way that UPN was run by a bunch of old white men, like trying to bring the black man down and keep him in the ghetto. This is some bullshit.

It's a conspiracy. Let's all stop watching Bravo. Thank you. You touched on something very important here. The UPN Bravo connection. Yes. The UPN Bravo connection. Yes.

It's actually still run by all old white men, and they're secretly out to get us. That's what's happening. I think so. I think so. And I think there's probably no better example of that than if we were to move on. Actually, I was going to say Beverly Hills, but even before we go to Beverly Hills, there's one little snippet that one of our Twitter followers pointed out to us. Let me pull up this person's name so I give him or her credit. Okay, this is from Shira Adika, who drew my attention to watch what happens. And I guess so Brandi Glanville was on last night.

was on last night and as you know one of the issues one of the one of the contentious points during the reunion was that brandy told lisa that um joanna broke up yolanda's marriage to muhammad which is such a crazy bravo gossip grapevine it's ridiculous so anyway um so i guess brandy whatever whatever brandy was saying, I watch what happens live. Joanna tweeted something like, now I know why your man left you. So then Brandy said, I watch what happens live. Well, Mohammed said, your pussy stinks. So if you want to talk about steps backwards in feminism, I think Bravo really has done the trick. Yeah, and Andy just sits there like laughing Like it's the best fucking thing to ever happen

You know I watched that clip that she posted On our Facebook thank you so much for posting that But also fuck you for posting that Because I spent like 18 minutes Watching the entire show And I don't think I can I don't think it's I don't know I feel like I just can't win in life if I keep spending my time

On this shit you know Like I watch a stupid thing and you've got Brandy calling someone's pussy stinky, and then you've got Joanna writing other nasty tweets. And then at the end of the day, like, who am I sitting here watching? Brandy, who's disgusting. And she's like that horrible gay where, like, you know, he's supposed to be funny. Like, even if he's mean and nasty, at least be funny. You know, you're a gay.

But he was just horrible and brandy's that kind of person to me like she seems like she's going to be funny and be the best fag hag ever and like that girl will say anything and wear a bikini to the oscars like she seems so fun and then you listen to her talk and she's just a mean horrible bitter dark soul like who's just probably cutting herself at night. Like, she just needs to stay inside. And then next to her is that Mark Consuelos guy who's married to Kelly. And I saw him at

South by Southwest a few years ago. His hands all over these nasty 20-year-old waitresses. So you've got this slime bag sitting there, like, making fun of girls on Bravo. And then you've got Andy with this terrible, like, I'm famous, so now I'm gonna like feather my hair look. I just can't

anymore, you know? And having this many shows to watch on Bravo, I'm about to fucking take that network down or there's just gonna be little dead Ronnie parts splattered all over my apartment that people are gonna have to volunteer to come clean that. Dead Ronnie parts? Oh no. It's gonna explode all over this place.

Mark Osuelos and Brandi Glanville and Joanna Krupa. Jesus. All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Why don't we focus your rage on our backyard, which is Beverly Hills, and talk about last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Very entertaining. This is the second episode of the season, and I'm fully on board with all the shenanigans.

I think the... I guess we start off with Yolanda having more Lyme disease issues. She had to get something taken out of her heart for medicine. Oh, shut up, Yolanda, miss. Oh, you don't know what it's like when you have to lay down and stare at the ceiling

all day, all night. Actually, bitch, that's how I spent my 30s, alright? Don't judge me. You don't know me. My favorite is, so she goes in, she has the surgery or whatever with her internist who could not have looked any creepier. He's had

a lot of male plastic surgery that was performed perhaps by Fievel himself. We're going to bring it back to American tale. Like the second half of American tale was that Fievel went to med school and became like an immigrant plastic surgeon. His first patient was Yolanda's internist. My favorite scene was when he went,

when Fievel goes and gets frosted tips. when Fievel goes and gets frosted tips. Yes. My favorite scene is when Fievel and Yolanda's husband grow out when they first see each other. I don't know if you all caught that. Yeah, I did. There was a fist bump, I believe. Like, there was a clasp and a hug.

There was a complete, like, bro hug. I was like, you guys are middle-aged men. You are white as white can be. Do not bro out. Please do. Don't bro out in a Lyme disease clinic, please. This is not your moment. You have too much plastic surgery to bro anyway.

No one's mistaking you for a bro. It was just such a clasp moment. Yeah. Listen, I know David foster is extremely powerful in this town but that does not give him the right to bro out with his internist i'm sorry yeah thank you i'm gone that shit was if you're an internist by the way you you should be in a white jacket okay first of all you have to be in a white jacket um i i prefer you to have some sort of scruffy beard to show like you've been up all night working on Patience. You're so in demand. I don't want you to

look like you just came from the guitar center picking out picks for your midlife crisis banjo. Yeah, he's like, I hope you get over this Lyme disease soon so you can come over and check out my Willie cover band. Whoa! I'll tell you what, that apology song is pretty amazing yoli

it's pretty amazing and what what was he doing there he did absolutely nothing except like stick his head and be like good luck yolanda like what exactly was art isn't he supposed to be doing something medical yeah like maybe taking the pump out of her heart instead of just sitting there while she says I feel like I've lost my balls I feel like I've lost my nuts

she's like I've lost my balls the best part of this was the daughter model Gigi calling Gigi who thinks she's dying because she's about to faint because she's on a fucking lemon cleanse and riding a horse at the same time. And she's like, I had to eat an almond, mom. I'm so sorry. I had to eat, like, an almond.

And she's like, okay, eat a couple of almonds and chew them really, really well, okay? And I love also that Gigi, here's her mom coming out of anesthesia, just had heart surgery, essentially. And Gigi calls us like, Mom, I feel a little weak. It's like, bitch, your mom just came

out of anesthesia. She's like, loopy. She just had major surgery. And you are crying because you ate an almond? Because you know that she's like because you know that she you know that yolanda has that program on her ipad and her computer that she's got like all the cameras going to her ipad so she's sitting there in the hospital like gg can you hear me it's your mother i see that arm and gg put it down she probably like put in sensors on Gigi's trailer floor

and this way she can tell that Gigi's actually a little heavier than the last time she walked into her trailer. Gigi, you are 0.4 kilos up, Gigi. I've left a gallon of water outside your door. When you take it, it will be locked. No more cashews

for you. You have a pecan. Only almonds for you. Only almonds. Unplotted. Gigi, you totally misinterpreted what I said. You can only have almond flour and almond meal, but no actual almonds. Those are going to stick into your stomach lining and cause leaky guts. Now, look out your window. Your father and I are standing here. We are going to have an air buffet together. I have brought salt and lemon pepper spray.

So while Yolanda was having her Lyme disease issue, we got to know a little bit more about one of our new housewives, Carlton, who, as I mentioned last week, is that wonderful mix of being snobby and really dumb. Yeah. There's nothing more fun than watching a stripper age, y'all. That's one of the things that Florida and Los Angeles both get. We get to sit and watch strippers crumple up like really slutty std ridden roses that just turned to dust right in front of you it's like stick that one in the middle of a book and close

it before she ages anymore i i'm gonna really make myself sound like a dork but i'm a big fan of zelda and i remember getting zelda ocarina of time the the Nintendo 64 one, the first 3D Zelda. And it was so exciting. And one of the very first things you have to do is you have to go and save the Deku tree. The Deku tree is this like mystical tree that's wonderful. And you have to save it because it's ill. But at the end, even though you do try to save it, the Deku tree dies. And it sort of like has this sad, you know, it just sort of deflates.

And that's kind of what these women are like.'re like the dying steak in zelda slowly deflating the ocarina of time has just been playing way too quickly yeah the magic is lost the bark is thickening cracking they they uh they follow the same fate as the day future um i guess i should probably update the analogy maybe there's something from like avatar isn't there there's like a tree of souls or a tree of something i don't know that you know you have to like sacrifice sigourney weaver to make her come back to life that's what that's what these women need we need to sacrifice sigourney weaver for these women to be restored to their former

beauty. We will have to find Sigourney Weaver, kill her, and give every one of these women an amulet of her blood. Sorry, Sigourney Weaver. It's not a real threat. What scene are we on now? Lisa and who?

We're talking about Carlton. First we go to Carlton's's so carlton's house um she has all these crosses because she loves crosses she's just dumb they make their kids this is my favorite carlton well it's not really a quote but when she was like well it's this big goth house and she's like yes you know i love crosses i mean what an amazing symbol to have all over your home. I mean, it's strong. It's a cross.

It's so strong. I also love pentagrams. Some people think that that's weird, but that's my faith. What? What is your faith? Well, because she's a Wiccan. They haven't really delved into that, but she is a Wicca. Oh, she needs to just shut the hell up.

And that whole part about how she's achieved something, because when she was a little seven-year-old girl, even before her big desaline sacks that she's got taped to the front of her, she used to dream about living in this big giant goth house with pentagrams and crosses, and now she's done it. Yeah, you totally visualized a homely rich guy to come into some club that you could fight some other slut over Mary and get your house. Like destiny, destiny's hilarious. You guys.

Yeah. I actually love the story she told later on in the show when, when that, how she met her husband, she's like, well, I was in a club and I saw this man and another woman came in the way. And then they started to fight and he came down and saved me.

I was like, no, bitch, you stalked him for six months. Yes, you totally pulled a tail. Every single thing. Yeah. I also, one thing I love about, oh, go on. I was just going to say, I think Carlton is either going to be, like, an incredible addition to the team, or, like, the biggest dud that Real Housewives has ever seen. She could go either way right now i think she's gonna be i think she's gonna be

incredible because she's already been so dismissive of everything she gets offended at everything like when she went to kyle's house and they're having like a girl's girl's afternoon or girl's night or whatever and she's there and she starts telling some stupid story she's like well my daughter started to cry because a black cat ate a bird and then kyle's like excuse me let me get the food and she's like how rude could that be i'm like i'm with kyle i'm hearing this story about the black cat and the bird i'm like see ya that was helpful i'm not the biggest kyle fan but that was an amazing kyle's part she was like really i don't care i don't care i'm going to get him yeah and then and then later on when when what's her name joyce i think

her name is joyce right the beauty queen she's like and then i went on a beautiful she's like she's like i went on a blind date and i looked horrible maybe i'm giving her the most latina accent of all time she doesn't sound like that at all but she's going on and i just love how carlton just couldn't believe it couldn't believe how she would go on for so long and i mean they were snorting just horrified at it all well her story is so ridiculous too she's like well you know i didn't want to put a lot of effort into that man so i just you know i wanted to look as ugly as possible so i put my hair up and didn't wear any makeup and so i go to meet him and oh my god you guys he's the man of my dreams when i saw him i knew i had to have him because that

happens to every chunky buck tooth like fucking gap toothed balding fat guy give me a break you saw him and you knew he was the love of your life did he have his fucking bank statement hanging around his neck shut up over there you just fell in love with robert redford over there you'd shut up we're not falling for it missy hanging around his neck that's exactly what it was your dollar bills at you is that what happened yeah exactly she's like when he got a dollar bill past my cervix i knew he was the one it's like shut up over there but that girl i prefer because she's like an idiot trophy wife and ain't nobody gonna believe she's anything else but this carlton one is acting like you know have you ever this is so mean i'm probably i probably talked about this girl before but you guys ever known a stripper that has like aged and they have to like go out and get a real job in a real life it is hilarious

i had one stripper who realized that everyone thought she was stupid so she started like trying to read books and it was hilarious because she would just bring up the most random things to try and sound smart and it was just embarrassing for her it's like you're still wearing see-through pants and that's how i feel every time Carlton comes on. I feel like everything she's saying is just something to make her sound smart and it's like, oh honey, just stop. Well, to be fair,

she is a member of the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce. So if that doesn't make her smart, I don't know. She is a business woman first and foremost. Yeah. She is a pioneer in Beverly Hills. She knows things about business. She knows things about revenue.

She knows things about streams of income and revenue. She knows. She knows. She knows about chambers, too. She knows about chamber pots, chamber maids, and actual physical chambers. So she knows about the Chamber of Commerce. She's smart. She knows about Diane Chambers from Cheers.

She knows. She knows it all. She knows every single line of Cheers. Little known fact about Carlton. She knows every single line. Oh, Carlton. I predict that she's going to be an amazing addition to the cast because she's stupid. She thinks she's fancy when she's really not.

And she is obviously an ex-stripper. And dem bitches can fight. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And she hates everyone already. And she's appalled by everyone already. And one can only hope that sooner or later that will translate into violence. Oh, yeah

Well, the best thing is she's appalled by everyone over things that she actually Like in habits like she she represents everything that's wrong with all these women in one person and she doesn't realize that she's like She's she's like Natalie Portman in Thor the Dark World. she actually has the power to destroy the universe inside of her spoiler alert I saw that this weekend

that's where my mind is going good reference thank you Jessica did anything else happen on this hour anything notable we got to watch Kim and that dog and that dog trainer kicked the shit out of the dog, which was horrible. Worst fucking dog trainer

ever. If ever you need an actual service, I get that you want free shit, but don't let Bravo just hire your doctors for you. Don't let them hire your lawyers, your psychiatrists, your dog trainers. Don't do it. Hire real people. That dog needs a trainer.

Yeah, but I'm so glad you brought that up though because that is the worst dog trainer. That dog barked at him and he lost his mind. Like, it was possibly the most amazing scene I've ever seen. The dog not lunged at him.

The dog barked at him and he was like, oh my god! You're the worst dog trainer. And then he was like oh my god oh my god you're the worst dog trainer and then he's like but you have to keep the dog calm you have to try and keep you have to stay calm and focused like like you just did when you completely lost your and kicked the dog like kicked the dog in front of the owner wow so um i think the other big thing that happened uh on this week's episode was that there was a lot of talk about Lisa being on Dancing with the Stars. And first of all, we saw Taylor.

We saw Taylor. And by the way, everyone, Jessica's voice now sounds clear and present because we fixed the tech situation. So welcome back, Jessica. Thank you. Thank you very much. Sounds much, much better. Yeah. So we saw Taylor again. We saw Taylor for the first time this season. I you very much. Sounds much, much better. Yeah. So we saw Taylor again.

We saw Taylor for the first time this season. I don't know. How did you guys feel seeing Taylor again? I felt good. I felt like her cheeks were even plumper than usual, which is nice. They're plumped with love. Definitely plumped full of love. Chock full of love.

Colorado love. The love of Colorado and the Rock um colorado love the love of colorado and the rockies the love of fresh air and a good man a good man a good man with a nice paycheck good man with a yeah exactly with a big beautiful big bank statement and um i i was happy to see taylor i i like taylor all i've always had a special spot for Taylor for some reason, although she is possibly clinically insane. But I love her. Yeah. I love her, too, in a weird way.

I mean, she is clinically insane, and she has very strange twists and turns in her life, that's for sure. But that's what makes her fun. I'm a little sad to see her go this season. Me too. Yeah. Yeah, I was sad to see her go too. She always, she's got that, like, she wants to fight so badly.

You know, she's got, like, she wants to bring out her inner fighter so badly. And every now and then she does. She wants to go oklahoma on your ass and she doesn't even know what that means still three years later she doesn't know what it means but she still wants it but she still wants it deep down inside she wants to know she really wants to get redneck basically yeah yeah she does i felt kind of bad for her because here she is you know with some lawyer she scammed off some other woman at some crappy dinner at the grove upstairs

somewhere at the grove, which, you know, that can't be good. Yeah. I've been there. It's not good. Never again.

It's the only place she's invited to that. She gets to go on camera. She has to sit dancing with the stars, you know, to paint in the acid is to go see a TV show. You have to stand there for like three hours before outside in the line. I just felt really bad for Taylor, you know,

and then that whole, like, let's try and explain Taylor's absence. Let's just say that she's in Chicago all the time now, instead of her ass got fired from the show. Because as I recall, Taylor worked very hard for this zip code, and she's not going anywhere.

That is true. You know, you're right. She worked very hard for the zip code. How could she trade it up for something in Colorado or Chicago or wherever she's supposed to be? That is true. You know, you're right. She worked very hard for the zip code. She did. How could she trade it up for something in Colorado or Chicago or wherever she's supposed to be? Yeah. She did let it go after all that. You know what? That just goes to show that maybe if Taylor tried a little harder at certain things, you know, she would still be on the show.

She would still have a husband. She just has to try harder, Taylor. It's all on your shoulders. I think that's the takeaway. All of is on taylor's shoulders yeah she can blame herself for everything that's gone wrong it is her fault she's got the whole world in her hands taylor it is your fault um so uh so the thing that happened was that um lisa she's been like oh no i have so much to balance. I have a new restaurant opening up, and I'm dancing with the stars,

and I have Sir, and I have the ladies. And so then at the end of the episode, she's on Dancing with the Stars, and she fainted. And then Kyle and Kim started laughing because they felt like it was a fake faint. So did you guys think it was a fake faint or no? No. I think that Kyle and kim are horrible when they get together i think kyle and kim are like the meanest mean girls that i have ever seen when they get together and when i like also kim's reaction to that faint was like the bit the biggest overreaction I've ever seen. That was like, Lisa faints and Kim's like, what just happened?

I was like, did we miss something? Am I watching something different than what you're watching? I know. I love that Kim acts like she hasn't passed out like four times a week for the past 40 years. Shut up, Kim. If anyone knows how to faint, it's your ass. Like, of course, the one to call someone out on fainting incorrectly is the drunk. Yeah, and by the way.

Like a lord, Kim. And here's the thing. If you're someone who faints a lot, that actually does not make you the expert because your eyes are always closed when it happens. You don't know what it looks like because you're doing it. And if you do know what it looks like Maybe that doth protest too much Yeah And I like that she's like I fan it a lot

I fan it for the cameras And I fan it not for the cameras I know about fanning Yeah I know It's not just falling down There's a certain way to do it If you're holding on to somebody's hand, you're not fainting. If you're fainting, then you're not holding on to something.

You're just falling on the ground. But if you're just falling on the ground, then you might have fainted or you fell. Maybe there was a crack in the sidewalk. But if you stayed down, you probably fainted or had a heart attack. Now, when she got up, the way that she looked around the room, see how she looks in his face? That means it wasn't a thing. Because when you really think, you wake up and your first thing is the call out for your best friend.

So you wake up and you, Sorry! Sorry! Where are you? That's a thing. But when you look at a hot dancer right into his eyes while you're holding his hands, it's not real. What? That bitch is so crazy

and honestly like it's obvious that they like this was this scene was probably taped way after the fact because if they were just watching it then those women would never have thought that that faint was fake unless it was already like speculation you know who thinks faints are fake like that it's like people on reddit and they write comments or whatever and then it becomes you know internet gossip and then it sort of bubbles over it does not start with kim and kyle richards they they i'm sure they saw independence day and thought it was a documentary they thought the world actually ended okay they need to be told yeah you know don't give him attitude he saved our lives like 20 times they're not out there sleuthing for fake faints. They're not the ones

finding out what's real and what's not real on television. Listen, Kim doesn't know how to work a popcorn machine. How is she going to know what a faint looks like? Kim just hired the worst dog trainer in the world. She does not know about a faint. She found a homeless guy. She needs to work at admitting in the hospital all right listen here's what aids

is like do you think show tunes when it's time for your rent to be paid then you don't have aids you don't have it get out i like that she also says, like, yeah, I thought that rehabilitating Kingsley is going to be easy. Kim, you just, you're brought in like the most deadly dog in the world. It's not going to be an easy rehabilitation. Okay. She's like, well, I just, I rehabilitated myself so I can rehabilitate a killer dog. It's like saying, oh, I brought in this, like, lion and I thought I could teach it how to, like, hang out. Because I was an L and so you see the correlation, of course.

Also, how are you rehabilitating a dog when you bought him as a puppy? It's not like she just got this dog and it was a full grown dog. She bought it. It was a little tiny puppy. That's not rehabilitating a dog. That's buying a fucking dog. Well,

to be fair, the training, the puppy, the puppy was an alcoholic. We went to group sessions. I met him at the clinic, and I'll tell you, no one had better stories than him.

The reason I don't say his last name is because it's an anonymous program. It's just Kingsley. That's all you need to know. He's so private. He's so bold to talk about the things he talks about. You know, instead of doing so much coke, just lick your own wiener. There's a solution. I love Kim Richards.

Everything she says, even when she was talking about she starts crying that kingsley isn't trained and she's like well if i could do this for myself i could come back on me again it's kidding wait we're talking about the dog i forgot sorry she she also had some when she saw taylor she had a quote that i almost recorded and i'm just gonna play on the podcast that went on for about 15 seconds and it's her being like taylor you just look like you know so like really happy and it's like it's so good to see you happy and you look good and and it's like it's it's good to see that it's really it's it's really good it's really good you know she's like taylor i hate you i hate you so much taylor right now meanwhile she's

telling it's like a vase she doesn't realize like kim's chillers over there oh hi so what else happened in this show so we had the sawdust with the stars kyle is got has got this whole thing against lisa and it is hilarious but it looks like it's actually from wondery this is black history for real i'm francesca ramsey and i'm consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful.

Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harreld, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted

academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Works because everybody does turn on Lisa. So I'm interested to see how Kyle's going to work this out

because right now everybody hates Kyle. So she somehow manages to turn the entire cast against Lisa this season. And you can see her working very, very hard at it from the very first scene of the first episode is all about how Lisa's mean and a bitch and blah, blah, blah. You know, once you got the Chamber of Commerce behind you, you're pretty much, you know, you just pretty much are a bowling ball.

Just roll right through. A wrecking ball, if you will. A wrecking ball in the shape of a bowling ball. Don't fuck with me, Vanderpump. I can park in a loading zone now. Bitch! So, now, speaking of Lisa and things of that note, why don't we talk about

Vanderpump Rules? Are we opposed to discussing this wretched show? Yes, wretched. Well, we better, because I watched it. I don't want to waste that hour of my... It's really the best hour of hate watching on TV. It's just... From beginning to end,

just vile, deplorable people. There's just no one to root for. Last season, you could almost root for Sheena because she was kind of, like, bullied by Stassi, like, out of the gate. But Sheena's just awful now, also. There's just no one to like. Not a single person. Except for yourself. You just feel good about

yourself. You feel so good about yourself. You really do. Because you are not those people although i will say this if you ever have you guys either of you worked in a restaurant in la i have not yes okay yeah i was a young chap yeah but see that's it's it's just for me it was like oh it's like kind of like watching a really boring day at work when I was 24. This is just taking me back to kind of a bad and essentially very uninteresting place where nobody's really doing anything but fucking each other and getting mad and doing it again. That's what it felt like to me.

Yeah. I think – so let's see. The episode began – I don't remember what the episode began but let's see let's go down through our characters so sheena's big thing is that she twisted an ankle uh right she's wearing flip-flops around a pool and as we all know she walks like a newborn fawn so she looks like she just came out of a giraffe womb and she's stumbling around and it was all it was inevitable that she's gonna twist her ankle i mean the the teeth coming out was only stage one of of her perils she's gonna shed

her skin yeah she's gonna be like coming out as a new homely girl from az Shetted! And now she's Sheena again. It's a cycle! So she was over at the Vanderpump household, hanging out with Pandora. And Pandora has an online magazine called The Divine Thing or The Divine Life, which we just have to imagine is probably one of the worst online magazines in the world if the editorial staff includes Stassi and now Sheena.

Right. This is not Pulitzer Prize when it's fair. That's basically the entire editorial staff, which is the funniest part. Yeah. It's like that. She's like, listen,

if you don't write more articles for The Divine Life, I have had to hire many other writers, some of which include she and then meanwhile she's like shanna i would like you to write a column about makeup and then you look at shina's face it looks like she just took a tray of like foundation and makeup and everything and just stuck her face in it she just took her face and just plopped out in fact maybe she's like spread the makeup all over her pillow and went to sleep and then what's on her face in it she just took her face and just plopped out in fact maybe she's like spread the makeup all over her pillow and went to sleep and then what's on her face is the way she looks like in the morning after taking going to sleep on a pillow a pillow made of makeup that's exactly

exactly right that's exactly right why was why was stassi like what is wrong with stassi and why does she ever get to keep a job because she like it really if you talk to your bosses like that in real life you get fired like you get fired immediately like there's no why does she ever get to keep a job? Because really, if you talk to your bosses like that in real life, you get fired immediately. There's no – why does she get to blow up at Pandora and be like, this is a joke. This is a joke. You're hiring. You're hiring.

Sheena, this is a joke. And Pandora is like, I might have to fire you if you continue to behave like that. Like, what world are we in horrible well i mean in the world of online magazines anything goes obviously and especially when you don't pay i love that part she's like well then she should pay me yeah and then you had a point well then cut to her being like listen we're moving into the new offices this week bitch you're getting the offices are you kidding me for For your website? Who has offices for their website?

That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. You ain't Yahoo. Shut up. Yeah. Okay, what is the name of this website? Because I'm going to go look at it. It's called like the Divine Life or the Divine Thing. Just look up Pandora and the Divine something or another.

I went to it once. It's not very good. I mean, listen, Stassi is one of the writers. I mean, maybe the quality will go up now that Sheena's on staff because as we all learned, she was a journalism major. So she's basically been a writer her whole life. She basically is Thoreau. I look forward to it.

She basically will be getting a Pulitzer. She's basically going to be at the White House press dinner. That's called the Divine Addiction.com, darling. The Divine Addiction. Are you addicted yet?

By the way, terrible name if we can't even remember it. We're sitting here going, The Divine Life. What's divine now? Lemon and raspberry vodka champagne cocktail. Pear and blackberry crumble. No, wait. No, no. That's not divine now. That's terrible. Terrible, terrible.

Roasted chicken stuff. Wait, is this all recipes? I think I'm on the wrong thing. That's not divine now. That's terrible. Terrible, terrible. Wait, is this all recipes? I think I'm on the wrong thing. But wait, now there's something about nails. So that would be it. If you want to make a nice nail, then what you do is you get some nail polish and you put it on your nails and then you blow on them and wait for them to dry

and then you have nice nails. Yes, yes, yes. And then we'll talk about getting coffee cups to match your nail polish. That's divine now. Yeah. So, obviously taste levels are not at the highest on this show

and case in point would be Jax who, at first, you would think is moving in the right direction when he announces that he needs to get rid of his tribal tattoo and you want to clap for him and be like like yes yes that's as a model you should be doing that get rid of your awful tattoos and he's like so what i want to do is i want to cover it up with a koi fish and i want it to be a black and white koi fish that will be swimming into color colorful flowers there's a lot of symbolism in there do we feel like maybe he should have consulted the divine addiction before that before

he moved on yes do we think the divine addiction would have improved the situation i feel like the divine addiction could have at least told him not to get a koi fish which would have been a step in the right direction because there's really only one way to make a tribal tattoo worse and that is to morph it into a koi fish that's it there's really only one way to make a tribal tattoo worse and that is to morph it into a koi fish that's it that's actually the only way that's that everything else is an improvement i mean so does jack think that he's just not going to ever meet a jewish person again and that's why he's typing stassi on his fucking arms is he crazy yeah who does that he's he well first of all we know he's not a bright gentleman.

Okay. So that explains a lot. We know he did not go to an accredited university. We know he did not have a journalism degree. We know he's not been basically a writer his whole life. He's not smart. And a pop star. He's not smart or a pop star or a cosmetic expert.

Listen, here's the thing with Jax. He's very, very dumb. Okay. He's the type that's going to get Stassi tattooed on his bicep. And you know what's going to happen is in 10 years from now, he's going to meet someone who might be a little bit smarter than he is. And they're going to actually think that he is a big fan of the secret police in Germany. They're going to say, stassi really you really like the stassi that much do you think they should be back um the last makeup article that i can find is from the 26th of july

okay and it's sexy sweat proof summerproof Summer Makeup Routine. Summertime is the perfect excuse to lighten up your everyday makeup routine. When temperatures rise, wearing a full face of makeup not only becomes uncomfortable, it doesn't look fresh or chic. Oh my god. I like that's the perfect excuse. Like, ugh, I really want to

lighten up my makeup, but I have no good reason to. Ugh, thank god it's summer. I have an excuse. If only it were summer. Damn it. Back to the clown makeup. I need to have another. I'm going to Australia.

It's summer down there. It's the perfect excuse. Summer time. What a perfect excuse. That's her whole life. She's like, well, I know I'm not supposed to wear flip flflops, but it was summertime, the perfect excuse for flip-flops. I know I'm not supposed to be putting people in Stassi's station at work, but it's summertime, the perfect excuse to see people in Stassi's station.

That's my excuse! Well, it was really sunny outside, so I killed that Asian woman for her umbrella. I know it's murder, but summertime is my excuse. It was so bright outside. Wait. So this whole thing with Stassi working for the Divine Addiction, which, as we all know, is a very coveted journalistic piece of employment. Posts once a quarter, apparently. Very prestigious. It's like The Week, apparently very prestigious it's like uh it's

like the week right or or it's like the economist you know like if you get it if you get a gig writing for them you know you're set so this really pissed off stassi and we had one of our i thought the great arguments of the week was stassi storming up to sheena and being like i need to talk to you outside and sheena being being like, well, I'm on crutches. Can we talk about it here? And Stassi being like, well, I'm a professional, and I don't like to have fights out here. Oh, so what, you want to fight and work?

Then that's on you if you want to fight and work. Hey, she wants to fight and work. That's on her, right? What a great worker. You got time to glean? You got time to glean, bitch. And then Sheena's like, well, can I talk to you after work? It's like, fine.

Then you can think about what you want to talk, what you want to say. You can think about that. You can think about that. She was like, I don't even know what you're talking about. It was amazing that Sasha was like, okay, fine. Then if we're going to talk after work, then I want you to sit and I want you to think about

every single thing you want to say. She was like, I'm just sitting here with a broken ankle. Which, by the way, was a bruise. We have to talk about that too. She is clearly not She clearly does not have the medical beat in her in the divine addiction.

Well, I love that next week she shows up with glasses because she's having vision problems and Lisa's like, darling, first it's the foot, now it's your eyes. You need to stop being so needy for attention oh thank god finally finally

she's like wow when I broke off my teeth one of the teeth went into my bloodstream and caused a bruise in my foot and that made me scared and so I started closing my eyes a lot and now I can't open them anymore so I have to wear oversized glasses that are for clowns.

She's like, I'm ugly now, like ugly Betty because I have glasses. So the other thing that I loved was Tom who cheated on horsey face number one bought an Ikea table that she's always wanted. By the way, just for the edification for Jessica and some of our audience, we call the two waitresses,

Katie and Kristen, we call them horse face one and horse face two. Oh, perfect. Perfect. It's not nice, but it's, but it gets the job done.

Yeah. Like it keeps us updated throughout the season. It paints a picture. Yeah. Horsey faced one has broken up with her boyfriend and then gotten back together. Cause he fucked somebody in Vegas. Which basically, if you're dating a waiter, don't ever let them go to Vegas because every waiter on this show fucks somebody in Vegas.

Yes. And I have to say, it doesn't necessarily happen to everybody in Vegas. I know the commercials make it seem like that, but I usually spend time in the poker room next to really old, flabby, like, gross, chain-smoking ladies and definitely never, ever get laid. Do you guys? You know what? I have actually never seen

an attractive person in Vegas. I think I'm going to... The only attractive person I ever saw, and this is going to be a name drop, but I don't care, was Taye Diggs. I saw Taye Diggs at a bar, and that was the only attractive person,

and he was an import from L.A., basically. Yeah, that's a good sighting. And everyone else is just ugly. That's a good sighting. Yeah, it's a good sighting. Well, waiters, you know, I was the only attractive person, and he was an import from L.A., basically. And everyone else is just ugly. That's a good sighting. Yeah, it's a good sighting. Well, waiters, you know, and then even decent-looking waiters apparently get fucked in Vegas. They know the places to go, you guys. So, anyway, she's still mad, but to win her back, he's bought this table from Ikea that she's always wanted.

Well, we don't know that he bought it. He might have used her credit card. But the basic point is whoever bought it, he is putting it together for her. And she's like, oh, well, yeah. The knight in shining armor. The knight stranger in Vegas if I have this IKEA coffee table. The knight who arrives with a tiny little Allen wrench. That's what a girl's always dreamed of.

I will also say that I am tired of that storyline already. And we're only what two episodes. And now I'm already tired of hearing Kristen say, Oh, you think that's going to make up for him fucking someone in Vegas? You think that's going to make up for it? Like I'm sick of it already. Well,

you know, here's the thing either accept the apology and move forward and, and love him for the man that he is or kick him to the curb, but don't hold it over him. It's ridiculous. Have some self-respect. If this guy cheated on you and it pisses you off, don't stay with him. Find someone else. But if you are going to stay with him, then just understand

that it was a dark zone, a dark time and that you're going to try to work to make things better. But don't like... This dum-dum is learning from season one where it was all about Stassi. Because Stassi broke up with Jax. Because he cheated on her with some hooker in Vegas. Just like this one.

And so this season she's doing the exact same thing. Where she's going to make the whole season about her breaking up with Tom. It's like, horse. Listen. This has already happened. Do you understand? It's already happened with other characters on the same show. You don't get to just come back as Stassi this year because you're afraid that people are going to call you a boring horse face.

You're still a boring horse face. And you need to come up with your own damn storylines, Hooker. Come on now. Think for yourself. Go run over a homeless person and try and hide it. Or get a pension for shoplifting or get, you know, get an alcohol addiction. I mean, Jesus Christ, get your own storyline, get an attack dog or something, anything, anything, get a deadly disease. I mean, come on. And if you are going to go down this route, try not to have your major story beats revolve around building a coffee table.

have to have your major story beats revolve around building a coffee table okay try to have some sort of like fight have some sort of like um shirts coming off fisticuffs drunkenness drunk driving as a result of the fight but if it comes down to just who can build the best beer stuck table no we're not gonna especially also it's it's kind of hilarious this guy struggled for hours and hours uh to build this table because you know I know Ikea stuff can be confusing, but anyone can build it. It's not that confusing. Right. It's not that.

It's, yeah. No, it's not that confusing. And I think that she, I believe that she actually did come back and build it in like a couple of minutes. I believe that. I believe that. Yeah. No, she, she, I feel like she has a, she's, she's got, she's good with her hands.

She knows how to build things. She does. Yeah. Now the other Tom, which is Tom Schwartz is this cute guy. Who's been sort of on the, on the periphery the past season or so. And he's dating Katie and he came in for a job interview to,

to be a bartender at sir. And what I loved was the explanation for it. Katie, you know, Katie and Tom are getting serious and there's been talk of marriage and he really wants to have a more stable job. And I'm thinking to myself, since when does working as a bartender ever qualify as a

stable job? I haven't ever known a single bartender that's lasted a job more than six weeks, maybe three months at max. I don't see like, oh, we want to start a family so he's getting a job as a bartender. Well, I think he's just trying to get moved up to regular status. Because if you're a regular, then you actually get a paycheck for being on the show.

And if you're just someone's boyfriend, he probably gets like, you know, $5 and a case of beer or something. Yeah. Because you know how those Bravo people pay? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Not a damn thing. I did appreciate that he was so attracted to Lisa.

Did we believe that? I don't know. I mean, she is like a fox. Yeah. I also thought he acted wildly inappropriate for a job interview. I thought he was like a little too overly familiar. He should have bowed down a little bit more, shown some more genuflection. Agreed.

He was like a little on the giggly side. Yeah. I think he was like a little on the giggly side. Yeah. I think he was just too nice. He needs to walk in and be like, listen, bitch, this is how I'm going to do it. And then she'll be like, what a horrible person. Let's hire him. She'll be like, oh, what a horrible person. But you know what?

He's very good at what he does. So we're going to hire him. Yes. She always says as if being like a waiter is this like, there's like a limited pool of good waiters in Los Angeles. Right. Like, God forbid she fires Jackson Stassi that, you know, she will ever be able to fill those shoes again. waiter is this like there's like a limited pool of good waiters in los angeles right like god forbid she fires jacks and stassi that you know she will ever be able to fill those shoes again there's no yeah there's no no there's a critical wait staff shortage here this is this is a city

where it's just it's damn near impossible to find a waiter everyone wants nine to five jobs in the city every single person what we have is too is too many nurses and not enough waiters. Yeah. If only there were more people that wanted to be actors or models, who wanted a flexible schedule that they could audition. If only. If only Lisa Vanderpump could find those people. I can only tell you how many times I've been to bars and seen underperforming bartenders.

Well, actually, that is true, too. Well, yeah, that is. Yeah too. Well, yeah, that is, yeah. That's true. That's fair. So speaking of Jackson Stassi, one of the reasons why he got the tattoo was because he's trying to win her back. And part of doing that

is that he decided to take her out to dinner. He said it was a date. She said it was just dinner. So before they went out to dinner, he had a primping session with Tom Sandoval at his apartment. And I think one of my favorite parts was that he put on this one shirt and his tattoo

sort of bled and stained it very quickly. He's like, ah, my Dolce & Gabbana custom shirt, done. Tom goes, does that mean it went through customs? What's even worse is that Jax says, no,

it means the guy at the store helped me buy it. So they're both completely wrong on what it means to have a custom shirt. A custom shirt does not mean that it actually went through customs, nor does it mean that you had a custom-made experience of seeking it out in the store. You had an experience with a sales associate. This guy helped me out. It's a custom shirt. They directed it to me. It's like it was it was made for me right off the bat yeah for me yeah yeah i was into that primping session too i was into the part i was into um when tom asked jacks

if he was going to bust out the flat iron. I liked that. I liked when he, I liked the shoe selection process, the vest selection process. I liked everything about that. Yeah, the vest was a great choice. The vest was a strong choice. I also enjoyed that before they went into that closet, they acted as if like,

okay, this is going to be like a two-hour situation. They're like, okay, we got to get to this. We got to do this right now. And I was like, okay, let's like, we got to get to this. We got to do this right now. And he's like, I was like, okay, I'm going to wear a white shirt with a douchey vest and here's some shoes. Bam. Bam. I'm like, this is probably what it wears.

Good thing you came over for this. Yeah. I also, by the way, I am not loving the beard on Jax. I feel like it makes him look shaggy and it's, it's not like a full beard. It's just like a sad beard. It's not doing him any favors. You know, I'm going to agree to disagree with you on that. Really?

Yeah, I am a fan of the beard. I am actually a fan. Really? Okay. Yeah. There's just something about his face that's looking so weathered and worn out. It's like he's not as hot as he used to be to me. He does look weathered and worn out.

Yeah, that's true. The voice of reason. Drug and alcohol addiction does wonders on your face, y'all. Yeah. Nothing does excellent things for the skin. Yeah, you can't put a coy tattoo

over that, okay? Yeah, exactly. A hideous coy tattoo that looks like a mermaid at a milkshake shop. That's basically what it looks like. You just see a lot of scales and a lot of clouds. It's a mermaid at a shake shop.

I hate this show so much. You know what I'm writing right now? Hate over and over on my little sketch board. Okay, I've got crosses and pentagrams. And then I've got faces and big boobs., and then I've got, like, faces and big boobs, and now I'm writing hate, hate, hate over and over. So, if I do die,

someone please come rip this page out of my notebook so my poor Meemaw doesn't think I've been worshipping Satan and goats. Well, let's wrap up this show quickly, which is basically that Jax and Stassi went on their date, finally, and Jax begged and begged and begged, and Stassi, to her credit, did not take him back, and I think she shouldn't. And she said, listen, I can't take you back because I think you're

a liar. I can't trust you. And then he's like, but I'm so in love with you. And her response, very modestly, was to say, sorry, I'm trustworthy, and it's easy to fall in love with me. Jessica, how many times have you had to tell people that? You know, if I had, if I had a dime for every time I had to say that, I'd be a rich woman. That's it. Yeah. I mean, that's the whole thing. You know, when you're, when you're trustworthy and it's so easy to fall in love with you, it just becomes, it's a problem for everybody. I can't tell you how difficult it is. When I look at Stassi, the first thing I think of is, ugh, it's so easy to fall in love with her.

With the permanent bitch face and what is the face that anybody would love immediately. The air of entitlement is just, you know what, it's what I look for in my future mate. Exactly. I love that she's working at the blog to really make her way in fashion. She's like, you know, this way I'm not just a waiter. I'm also involved in the fashion industry. I love that she's working at the blog to really make her way in fashion. She's like, you know, this way I'm not just a waiter. I'm also involved in the fashion industry. Yeah.

I can say as a blogger, that's a great way to make you feel shitty about yourself. Because you'll be blogging, you'll be happy, and then you'll realize I'm at the fringe of everything in life. And I'm writing a blog about it. Yeah, guys. We are in the television industry I don't know we're also in the broadcasting industry the radio industry and we blog to make ourselves

more you know to give ourselves experience in those industries yes yeah totally this is equal to writing cheers what we just did so then I guess the whole episode ended with Jax having a real world Seattle moment if you guys remember of him equal to writing cheers yeah what we just did so then uh i guess the whole episode ended with um jack's having a real world seattle moment if you guys remember of him like crying in the car and

basically saying how much he loves stassi and then they pull over and she gets out of the car and he's like would you close the door would you close the door would you close the door then she closed the door he's like why'd you close the door and it was on that brilliant moment of logic that the episode ended. Oh, Vanderpump. Well, okay, let's make some predictions for this year of Vanderpump Rules. I predict that Lisa will get anal warts and blame Jax for sitting on the toilet. Yes. And I predict that horse face number two will cut herself after seeing her boyfriend

look at a real blonde. Yeah. And I predict Stassi will be killed by Jewish people. I think it sounds right. That sounds very accurate to me. Mark my predictions,

motherfuckers. It's very, very accurate. All right, let's move on because this show hurts. It hurts my heart. Okay. Let's go to Atlanta this show hurts my heart. Okay. Let's go to Atlanta. What do we have to say about Atlanta?

My heart sings. It was good. It was really good. Favorite line on Atlanta. She has a small head. Portia had her new wig. Portia's got a new wig. She has a small head.

She does. She really does have a small head. The other good part was when Cynthia's like, yeah, you better talk over there, Portia, with your little wig. Atlanta might have been the best one of the week and I'm not usually a big Atlanta watcher but I really enjoyed that That show is hilarious and we got to see another Portia fight when all the ladies finally got together this week for whatever stupid fighting And basically Kenya Moore does the Adriana, she went to the Adriana school of fighting where she just denies everything.

Everyone just misheard her. She never said that she was getting inappropriate texts from anybody. Oh, come on, guys. Stop taking everything so seriously. And then Portia went on her. Well, listen here. I am going through a divorce.

So hear that. I'm a woman. I'm a strong woman. I'm going to walk out of this house. I'm going to walk down the street because I'm a woman. God, with that woman. But I watched it late on Sunday night and then I fell asleep right afterwards and it kind of wiped my brain clean. I remember, oh, there was... He's gonna pack my bags? Who's gonna pack my bags? Gay people! That's who!

Oh. And then, I really do enjoy this Cordell storyline because he really does seem like a huge, huge asshole. And I love Portia's mom. Posting on our Facebook page. This is on the post by others if you guys go look for this wherever this is posted. But it was awesome.

It's a Cordell interview because, of course, last week Portia insinuated on national television that he dumped her because he's gay. So he comes out to stand up for himself in an interview. And oh, my God, this guy, listen, if you can't talk, have your lawyer prepare something for you, read it to you, because his uneducated ass probably can't read either. This is the dumbest man. I couldn't even understand one sentence he was trying to say on this. He's like, yeah, well, you know, she'll go on that to you. She don't do

one thing. I tell her, she, no. No. I was like, what? And then they enter. I'm like, what are you? He has not said one sentence yet. What is he saying? Is he gay or not? He's like, well, I'll tell you about this gay business porsche i told porsche you come home she said no go home

they're home change lock no porsche that's why i'm like what the fuck please stop asking cordell things just throw the ball he's a very dumb closeted gay man that's basically what the situation is but portia has a new wig so she's fine yeah no she's new new wig new life and i love her mom i love i love i did not want this for you i i said i saw her and i saw him and the way he treated you i did not want this for my daughters yeah this was a week of the mothers because then we finally got some mama joyce too explaining why she doesn't like todd and wow so basically mama joyce admitted to the world that she doesn't like todd because if candy chokes on a chicken bone and Todd is in charge of her money, he's not going to give any to Mama Joyce. What the fuck kind of thing is that to say?

Just come right out with that. That's the reason that you're upset. Don't even sugarcoat it or pretend that it's about anything else. Just come right out and say, because if you die, he's going to take this house from me. And that's what I'm worried about. That's the way that, yeah. It's so awful. And then on top of that, when she's like, well, you know, Riley doesn't like, Riley

doesn't like Todd. You know, it's like, oh, now you're turning the poor kid against Todd. Like, it's actually pretty vile. That was a low blow. That was, in fact, to quote Miami, below the belt. That was below the belt. It was, she actually went there. Unlike Joanna,

who merely threatened to go there. She went, she went there. She did. She actually did. That's right. She took, she didn't even,

she didn't even bother with, Oh, I'll, I'll say it. I'll say it. She just said it. She just said it in that big empty room. Now,

now Jessica, since you're pretty new to this podcast, this is around the time when I attempt to do an impersonation of Candy Burris. But I famously am really bad at doing a Candy Burris impersonation. So we're going to try it right now. But, Ronnie, why don't we do a conversation between Joyce and Candy Burris? Okay. All right.

Well, Candy, you know, I've got – wait, hold on. Let me think. I've got the Porsche still in mind. Yeah, that was very Porsche-like, though. Porsche is like, welcome over, Candy. Now, look what I'm doing to this living room. Now, I'm going to have to get me a house flipper in here, Candy. See, the way I saw the house last time, there was furniture in it.

See, Riley liked the furniture. But, Mama, you got to do something with that furniture. Well, now I'll tell you about the furniture, Candy. Now, I was thinking about getting some furniture. But I know you're spending all your money on that man. That man who doesn't have a job. That man who has no purpose in this life except to spend your money, Candy. Where's your money, Candy. Where your money, Candy?

Where is it? Now, Mama, you always think of every one of my guys. You don't like any of my guys. Why you listen to the people in this business? I thought most of your boyfriends growing up only had one hand. Because one hand has always been in your purse, Candy. And that's why I think that. You support these men. What about me?

You know what I did for you? I let somebody stick something in me until you grew into a bowling ball-sized turkey baby. Then I squatted down with my stomach hurt and you popped out. And my whole life I taught you scales,

Candy. My whole life! And you become a musician and take my money, Candy. That is wrong, Candy. That is wrong, Candy. See, now, Mama, I told Mr. Riley, and the thing is that I got a ring, okay? And this is a ring that I want. And see, when you say that, it's like I wanted this ring. I wanted this ring. I wanted this ring.

That ring is the top, ugliest, ugliest, and ugliest. They mixed all their sperm together, found the ugliest girl on the block, put it inside of her, and left it up to nature to give them the ugliest baby possible. And that was that ring that you got on your finger, Candy. That is wrong, Candy. That is wrong, Candy. Mama, I saw the ring in the window and I chose it. See?

Riley, I was like, Riley, you like the ring? And she's like, yes. And so when you don't like the ring, it's like you don't like me, Mama. Your daughter has a weight problem because she is so depressed with her mama's money going to short man candy.

But he's a man with a job. I don't care if he's a police officer candy. I dated a police officer and you know what he did? He was an asshole mama. But he makes up

and if you choke on a lollipop, Todd makes more than a police officer, mama. Riley likes Todd, and he makes more than a police officer, mama. Oh, Candy, get out of my house. This is my house, mama.

And I'm gonna go eat five chicken bones right now and see what happens. Yeah, that was a pretty hard thing to watch because she really loves her mom so much and she's been supporting her mom for this long and her mom's turning on her because she's greedy. That's ugly.

It's ugly. It's real ugly. It's like a bad fibrosis, fibroid. It's like a bad fibrosis, fibroid. It's like a bad fibroid. It's like a melatoma, you guys. It's like, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm not a health journalist like Sheena, so I can't really provide good examples.

I just know – all I know about medicine is what I see on Bravo. So I know a lot about plastic surgery and now Lyme disease and the occasional, the occasional tidbit from marriage to medicine and now fibroids. Yeah. And I know that a bruised foot is a broken and sprained foot. And we'll turn you blind. Blind. Yeah. Yeah. It's very dangerous. will turn you blind. Blind.

Yeah. Yeah. It's very dangerous. So other things that happened on ATL, Mimi tried to start some fight with Kenya, but Kenya knows not to go there. So that was pretty uneventful. And it was just mostly Kenya lying portion, insisting her husband isn't fucking half the town.

Oh, and Peter. Oh God, Peter. Maybe. I invested a lot of money into a new mall. What was his deal this week? Where did he lose their money now?

Oh, I don't even remember where he lost their money. I think it's next week. This week was just about her fibroids. You know the good thing about this show, this one that we're doing, not that we're talking about. We get to really be horrible people on this show because, I mean, I don't know anybody who listens to this show, like, in real life, you know? It's not like my mom's going to call me and be like, I heard that you made fun of a fat child on your show today, Rondal.

Congratulations! Like, we can just be horrible people. But as time passes, you know, we're proved correct so many times that it doesn't even feel like being terrible anymore. It just feels like being, being like a truth justice warrior like this with his stoned ass all the time stone spending money i told you in the beginning he's a deadbeat he's going to use all her damn money of course that doesn't make me psychic just a viewer of the show right but i've felt so much guilt like you know i don't know that guy maybe he's

really trying and maybe just because he doesn't has a bunch of kids that he doesn't support now doesn't mean that he's like a total loser and maybe i'm being too harsh no no no no he's a total loser like the fact that when when she is meeting with a doctor about her condition and he's sitting there cracking up about like this like about like uh like their sex life you know and he's like cracking jokes i'm like this poor woman this is actually a very serious thing for her and something that's troubling her and the doctor's trying to be like well you know when you have fibroids one thing that's very common and peter can't have sex look at lord i'm not getting any sex that's a terrible peter impersonation i can't do any impersonations on atlantic pretty much like peter though it was like oh he's like a box got hit in the face too

many times yeah doc you know what i'm talking about i ain't getting nothing right here doc i'm like excuse me this is about her fibroids and not your freaking blue balls right off at a canister right you play because sick bitch ain't touching it Go drink off of the canister. You play with it because the sick bitch ain't touching it. And just the fact that she's obviously been saying to him the entire time, like, oh, we're not having sex because of my fibroids. And he's probably been like, yeah, no, no, no, no. And then as soon as the doctor said that, he's like, oh, okay.

Yeah, I thought it was actually so insulting. I thought so, too. You said that, doctor, because she don't want to have sex with me doctor the doctor was like uh it's already awkward enough that i have a camera in here pick out your teeth guard while you talk yeah can you stop speaking through a people i think today okay okay but yeah, he was pretty gross. And oh, and he's like, I was wondering why she got fat, doctor. And you know, it turns out because she got sickness. And she's like, stop calling me fat, Peter.

You know, I'm sick. And he's like, just stop being so much. He's just like, I can't control it. You can control it. You can control it. It's just such a lowlife i can't control it you can control it you can control it it's just the worst you tell those five boys to stop you just say stop you know living in la you meet so many dumb girls who are dating hot guys and they just let them treat treat them like crap because they're like well they're hot a and, maybe they'll be famous one day because they're so hot.

And you almost understand them because it seems like they're making an effort in their career. But when you see a woman married to an ugly guy with no money and he still treats her like crap, I mean, come on now, guys. I understand that we don't want to be bra-burning feminists anymore. You've made that abundantly clear. But maybe keep a little bit of it. A little of your self-respect, maybe. Just a little bit of the old dignity intact. It doesn't weigh anything.

Just a smack of it. Keep a little bit inside of you, okay? Zero points, guys. Zero points. Zero points. Yes. let's see what else happened oh wait there was also this thing about aids right oh that was that was part of that big fight when um kenya at the reunion last year told um phaedra oh you might want to get an aids test if you're gonna be sleeping with a man who's fresh out of um jail and then later, Kenyon's like, I never said that he had AIDS.

I never said that. So I like that she was merely just making a general public service announcement for people who might be having sex with people coming out of jail. She wasn't saying

Apollo had AIDS or Phaedra had AIDS. I mean, I can't believe anyone could even misinterpret that. Right. It was very thoughtful on her part, I thought. Yeah. It was very thoughtful on her part, I thought.

Yeah, it was. Doing the world a favor, really. She educated me. I was like, hey, everyone, who wants to have unprotected sex? And if you're coming out of a state penitentiary, even better. Now I know. Now I'm like, wait a second. I should get an AIDS test or that guy should get an AIDS test first.

I should get an AIDS test and then I can have unprotected sex with that guy coming out of the penitentiary. Yeah, that's what I've learned from Kenya. She really teaches a lot of things. I learned a lot. I learned so much from her. I learned everything from her. A lot. So next week we get

to see Kenya sobbing because her house is repossessed. Oh my god, I cannot wait. And I love that Kenya is making this big victim storyline for herself, that she's going to be homeless and that she's going to be displaced. Pay your fucking rent, bitch. Really? That's your storyline?

Come on. The lady on the hour before you has Lyme disease and like on this show, someone just got left by their husband and someone's show got canceled and someone else got left by their husband and someone's show got canceled and someone else got told they had aids and you're sitting here worrying about not paying your rent shut up kenya and i love that she she clearly like hired um some people from applebee's to come and pretend to be paparazzi walking out of her fake court date you know she walks out like well well

well that's that we won how great it's like oh. How great. And it's like, oh, Miss Moore, Miss Moore. It's like, do you want to bloom an onion? I mean, are you happy with your case verdict? She's like, oh, I'm not surprised. People and paparazzi people, because they're like, Miss Moore, Miss Moore. And they're like standing there miss more and they're like standing there with a plate of rubber desserts yeah like only one of them they're like two cameras and one person had like a piece of paper taking down notes as if that's what journalists do anymore

these days like where's the recorder they just take their their iphones out there now and she's like held like a little press conference like i'm just really happy that justice finally prevailed and you know, the American way still lives on. I'm just really happy about that. And everyone remember to get your AIDS test. Just saying. If your name is Phaedra, you're at high risk. It's public service.

Especially if your partner is just getting out of jail. You're welcome. The More You Know by Kenya Moore. So what happened else on that show? Shall we move on to another show? Let's do Shaz very quickly since we are going very long. And it was like a week ago. This is a long podcast.

How cool is this? How fun is that? I'm Reza! I'm Reza! So wait, question. Jessica, I know you weren't able to see Shaz. Have you ever seen it before? I have seen it, yeah. Yeah, I have. Yeah, so you know the world of...

the Persian world of Shaz's Sunset. It is pretty... It is a pretty outstanding world to watch, actually. It is a world. So real quickly, the big thing that happened this episode was that lily our good friend lily who you know as we all remember i'm lily galici and i'm having a party and it's only a certain number of people can actually sit here can only fit any people in muhammad's house um so that's my lily impersonation um in case there's any confusion. She had a party, and MJ didn't RSVP until the last second.

And Reza had weird panic attacks of MJ showing up and being turned away. What did you think about that, Ronnie? Did you think that was all bullshit? I think here we are again. He gets in a fight, calls someone a drug addict on national TV, doesn't speak to her for three months, and suddenly now that the cameras are on, he's concerned about her feelings right before a party. Really? Fuck off.

Unless that's some bullshit and they really have been hanging out this whole time and are just fighting for TV's sake, then okay. But I doubt it. You know, I don't know. Aren't they supposed to be real friends? I don't know. I thought he was a total asshole to her on the latest reunion and um i i thought it was suspicious that he suddenly was caring about her now that the cameras are rolling that being said she should have rsvp'd earlier i

actually was on lily's side you can't like have a sit-down dinner with like 120 people and then the day before be like oh yeah i'm gonna you know. But then again, Lily could have also followed up and been like, hey, are you coming to the dinner? MJ and Lily hate each other, so I'm sure, I mean, I was surprised that MJ was even going, but like, yeah, I mean, RSVPing to an Evite is like the easiest

fucking thing in the world to do. Yeah, that's true too. But someone left an article again on our Facebook about this party saying it was really lame and they had dinner but then there wasn't enough booze to have the after party and that there was no music there was no band there was just everybody standing around in the living room feeling really awkward and so everybody left they probably they probably weren't allowed to have music because it makes it more difficult to record the uh show oh or Lily's just a cheap bitch

and Mohammed will only pay for so much. Here's Mohammed again. Fucking Mohammed's house. He of the Joanna's vagina smells stinky is here now appearing on yet another Bravo show. Yes.

With a lot of stinky vaginas. He's going to have some major stories to tell after this cast leaves. And I love how they were acting like this is the classiest party of all time. Granted, people wore a shirt and tie, which never happens in L.A. But when that tranny walked up with boobs hanging out, I'm like, this is not a special party right now. This is just a tragic Persian mess. Yes, pretty much.

Hey, everybody, it's Persian Prom! Everybody, you want to come to the Persian Prom? I don't know what that means, but I win! My friends are so hot. There's, like, one of them's hot, and then the other one's hotter. And then the other one's hottest,

and then the other one's hot-magansma, and then the other one's hot-magandy. And then the other one's hot macandy. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hotter, hotter, very hot, hottest. And I'm hot, too. That's my excuse for my friends being so hot. Yeah, so basically that's it. Oh, Jessica, of note, Mike, the Jewish guy of the cast, is getting his – I guess – I don't know if they're engaged, but she's Italian and she's going to convert for him. Really?

So that's a story there. Interesting. Yes. Interesting. That's what's happening in the Jewish Persian world of Shasta Sunset. On the Jewish front, there's a conversion about to happen. There's an update on the Jewish, the Jewish Persian world of shots, the sunset on the Jewish front, there's a conversion about to happen. There's an update on the Jewish front.

This is just a way to bring a full circle back to the Hitler jokes at the top of the podcast. Well, we can't, right. Exactly. We can't be out of loop on what's happening in the Jewish circle. Not, not on this podcast. No, we need to know who's being, we need to know who's converting. Right.

And we always need to know who's converting. Right. We always need to know. At all times. We have a running tally of goys who are becoming Jews in Beverly Hills. We have to call our mothers every night and tell them. There's another one. I'm so sorry. I'm like passive aggressively ruining this conversation with my fake cops. No, it's okay. I was thinking the same thing. Let's check in with Facebook real quick, guys. aggressively ruining this conversation with my fake cops. Let's check in with Facebook real quick.

Let's do one last Facebook check before we end this thing. So Kimberly Chickbaum just posted actually a bunch of people are posting this now but Chickbaum just posted Caroline baby. Caroline my baby is engaged. It looks like Vito and Lauren will be making lots of egg salad. Caroline, baby. Caroline, my baby is engaged. Oh, yeah.

And it looks like Vito and Lauren will be making lots of egg salad. You know, good for Lauren Manzo recognizing that one in the hand is worth two or three or four in the bush. Because that's basically what she was doing. She was like, I've got a new body now and I want to see if I can trade up

for something better. And I think she realized, you know what? I got a big old fat guy who makes me mozzarella in the kitchen sink. I'm going to keep him. Did she break up with him briefly? Are we in a haunted house? Did anyone just hear that? It's Lauren.

She's sick of our shit. She's died and come to kill us. I thought it was Carlton walking in with her coven. Carolyn Manzo, the problem with becoming thin is you realize that you have blamed your fat for way too much. And by that I mean you get thin and you're like, wait, but I thought no one liked me because I was fat. And then you realize you're just an asshole. And listen, I've been there a million times, and that's why I just keep getting fat again, because I lose weight

and I'm like, wait, this was supposed to solve a lot more. Guess what? Just grab on to Vito, hold him like a big hairy security blanket, and keep that man forever. Good for her. And you know what? Just remember, soon it'll be summer and you'll have the perfect excuse to marry

Vito. Homegirl Lily is a bitch. Brampton putting Joanna on blast. Don't watch what happens. We've already covered it all. There was a lot more on Shaz, but it was a week away. We're going to have to figure out what to do with the Shaz situation because it airs the day that we record

and it's too good of a show for us to not talk about. But I don't know. There's a lot of stuff going on. We'll figure it's too good of a show for us to not talk about, but I don't know. There's a lot of stuff going on. We'll figure it out, people. Just bear with us. Yeah, because there's also Top Chef, which, I mean, by the time this comes out, there's going to be a new episode. There's not really much. We can't even talk about Top Chef at this point.

Someone got kicked off. Someone made something. Someone else got kicked off. There was a tomato. There was a challenge with a tomato, I believe, and the other challenge was – I don't remember what the other challenge was, but I know that the quickfire had to do with a tomato. There was a challenge with a tomato, I believe. And the other challenge was... I don't remember what the other challenge was, but I know that the quickfire had to do with a tomato. There's always a tomato. Yeah, this was like the Cajun tomato or the Creole tomato of some sort.

And then they did something with John Besch. And everyone just made terrible food and no one was happy with it. And someone went home. I forget who. I don't even remember who went home. Someone. But I love the show. Well, I love that show and I love watching Reza get fat. So those shows are both still watchable for me. And I think all the shows were pretty good this week.

I made that mistake that I occasionally make where during the week I actually try and accomplish something, which is huge. Where during the week I actually try and accomplish something. Which is huge. Because you can't go live a full, fun, exciting, rewarding life. And watch eight hours of Bravo shows a week. That's just not how life works. That's not why Bravo exists. It's not for healthy, well-adjusted people.

So last night at about 10. I was like, oh shit. I better get caught up on all these shows. And then it was four. And then it was five. And then I had that family screaming at me, what'd you do to become a millionaire today? You a millionaire? You a millionaire? Jesus wants you to be rich.

I was like, oh lord, I need to stop with this. We need to start doing a podcast about laying down. About current events. If you do a podcast about laying down, count me in. I have so much to say about that. You don't understand how hard it is to be laying on your back and staring at the ceiling all day long.

Oh, you don't know what it's like. I'm going on water crappins to talk about it. What are you doing? I'm lying down staring at the ceiling. Me too. It's a bacterial infection. Lyme disease is in my brain. I lost my balls.

I have to do puzzles to activate my brain. I have to go on a cleanse. By the way, that's the reason why your brain isn't working. Because all your nutrition comes from like lemon rinds and cinnamon. What's affecting your brain functioning is the fact that you have it. You ate half an almond today.

That's why you can't think you haven't eaten a full meal since the Bush administration. Yeah. I don't know why I feel so badly. All right. Let's wrap this bitch up benjamina okay let's okay um jessica thank you so much for coming on and enduring all our tech problems and it all worked out in the end because you sounded great at the end and um you were just a delight as always oh this was delightful for me so So thank you. Thank you.

Do you have anything you want to promote? Any, like, Twitter handles or anything like that? Yeah. You can follow me at Jessica Pauline if you are so inclined. I tweet amazing tweets on the daily. Absolutely. You should. Everyone should follow her.

Jessica's great. I'm at B-Side Blog on Twitter and Instagram and Vine and all that fun stuff and Ronnie is at TrashTweetTV on Twitter and TrashTalkTV.com is his website and TrashTalkTV I think on Instagram and you should absolutely follow our Facebook page

Facebook.com forward slash WatchWhatCrapInns we have like over 2,000 likes it's growing and growing and growing a lot of people contribute. People post links. People post gossip. People just make fun of each other. They get into fights. It's hilarious.

We actually did have like a little fight like two weeks ago and I want you all to realize it was the funniest thing ever. So it's a lot of fun on our Facebook page. So everyone can come like it if you want to see some drama. Yeah, and come over to Trash Talk TV, too, and find the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps because I'm getting them up the same night every night this year.

So come on over. They're pretty funny. Yeah. All right, everyone. Thanks so much. Thanks, guys. All right. Thanks, guys.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the Internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

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