Watch What Crappens - #103: Oh, Well, You Know, Miami Reunion; Carlton's Castle; and Special Guest Katie Cazorla

Episode Date: November 20, 2013

On part 1 of this epic two-part podcast, Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) are joined by Katie Cazorla, star of "The Nail Files" on TVGN. Things get down and dirty real quickly as the three discuss Joe and Teresa Giudice's latest fraud indictments. Then it's on to the "Real Housewives of Miami" reunion where there's so much squawking, you'd think Thanksgiving had arrived early. Next, Ben, Ronnie, and Katie fully dissect Carlton's luncheon on "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." From witchcraft to the c-word, we take it all on. Be sure to stay tuned for part II, which features "Vanderpump Rules," "Real Housewives of Atlanta" and "Shahs of Sunset." Check out our Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens) for announcements and to hang out with us and other listeners. Ronnie is writing recaps of the season. Check them out same night as they air (http://www.trashtalktv.com/category/real-housewives-of-beverly-hills-3/) Our YouTube Podcasts: http://www.youtube.com/thetvclique Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a weekly podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love. We do truly love it. I'm Ben Mandelker from b-sideblog.com, you can find me at b-sideblog, and joining me as always is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie.

Hey, everybody. Hello, hello. Ronnie is from TrashTalkTV.com and can be found at TrashTweetTV on Twitter, and also TrashTalkTV on Instagram and stuff like that. So first of all, I have to give a disclaimer to the audience today, which is that I have a cold and it occasionally manifests itself in a hideous sounding cough, but don't be alarmed. I don't have to go to the hospital. It's just a bad sounding cough. So if it sounds like a foghorn, just pretend it's the sound of Jax and Stassi having sex. Okay.

Every time I do that, just pretend there's like happiness between those two occurring. Why do you cough out complaints? Yeah, this is what my cough sounds like and to me this here's my cough and to me it really does personify everything about jackson's dossie okay ready i think that's that sort of sums it up so that voice that you just heard right there is our guest for this week uh please welcome back someone an og tv guys and personality who has since gone on to become an actual reality tv persona the one the only the star of the nail files as seen on the tv guy channel katie cazorlo hey katie party party party time you look so good yeah thanks i tried i'm wearing my good sweats today Party time. You look so good.

Thanks. I tried. I'm wearing my good sweats today. Wait, you have pants on? I haven't even gotten that far. I mean, they have hummus on them, but they're pants. I would have just had some hummus, but I found mold on my pita just now. Oh, a moldy pita.

That reminds me of Jax. He is basically the moldy pita of the reality TV world. Oh my God. Ew. I just think about him. It makes me feel like I need to take a shower. Yeah. With moldy pita in it.

Um, a hummus shower. So Katie, tell everyone where they can find you on social media. Okay. Well, I feel like I have branched out and now have so many ways to get ahold of me like a stalker definitely would have a field day with easy access very so i'm at the painted nail capital l capital a on facebook um and i'm also official katie cazorla yeah um and then for

instagram i'm at the painted nail and twitter i'm at thepaintednail and Twitter I'm at thepaintednail oh my god such synergy I know I'm a lot I listen I feel like if you can't find me looking up thepaintednail then something is wrong with your computer or your brain or you

you have Jax on the brain Moldy Peta by the way I guarantee not a single cast member of Vanderpump Rules will be able to find you. They're going to be like, huh? They're going to be typing in N-A-L-E. They're like, huh? She's not coming up. With a rusty nail?

I don't get it. A broken nail? She does. They don't understand things. That's the problem. They're just very stupid people. So as you can tell, people of the world, we're going to be

talking about Vanderpump Rules as well as Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Real Housewives of Miami Reunion Part 2, and of course, Shaz of Sunset. That's a lot of stuff to talk about, guys. That is so much, you guys. That's a lot of crap we ingested this week. A lot. That is so much, you guys. That's a lot of crap we ingested this week.

A lot. My skin's breaking out. It is. I think I have lades. Lades. Hey, so what do you guys want to discuss first? Do you want to talk about a little news? Because we've got a little. Sure. Why don't you start with that? Okay.

Oh, but you know Peter. Oh, yeah. By the way, Katie, in case you don't know, we've created the Alexia News Network, which is because since Alexia seems to start every one of her sentences like, oh, well, you know, she always sounds like breaking news is happening, so...

Oh, my God, she does. Every time we have gossip, it's breaking news from the Alexia News Network. Oh, my God. Oh, well, you know, this is what happens, so Peter, listen up. Peter, well, you know, this is what happened. So Peter, listen up. Peter, well, you know, my heart goes out to Peter. Everything I do is for Peter.

Oh my God. Poor Peter. Yeah, poor. So Teresa and Joe have another two charges brought against them. Well, you know, there's always more charges. Oh, well, you know, Peter, sure, he punched a homeless person in the eye with a fork, but

you know, at least he wasn't indicted on charges of bribery and bank fraud. I mean, Herman would never allow that. Oh, God. Herman works so hard. He doesn't want to be disappointed. Bravo should be the excuses network because there's more excuses

thrown on that network than I've seen on worse than basketball wives worse than any show i've ever possibly watched the hills looks like there's less excuses than the bravo network yeah i would agree so wait so what's they so theresa and joe that so there's more indictments on fraud for them right yeah it's like bankruptcy fraud apparently this one i mean not bankruptcy fraud, this one is loan fraud because Teresa applied for a bank loan and said that

she had a job as a real estate person and she made $15,000 a month. They were like, hmm. Oh my god, what kind of real estate did she do in New Jersey that would allow her to make, was she selling skyscrapers? She's probably selling Barbie Mansion.

She's like, so right here we have Malibu Barbie Mansion. She's selling it to Melania. Oh, God. She's making a commission on her daughters. She should have a cookbook called Fraudulicious. That's, I think, what she should do. Fraudulicious.

There was a really funny one that Jets posted on our Facebook page and this is from that crazy and nights.net which I don't know where they get all their juice but it they have a lot of like housewives blind items and they're always hilarious because they really could be anyone this one

is this B list reality star from a hit reality franchise always knew her husband cheated on her. It was a big topic on the show. What was not a big topic is that one of the women he cheats with most frequently is the B-lister's sister, who has also appeared on the show. That's obviously Joanna and Marta. Like, obviously. Obviously.

Except the only thing that doesn't make sense is calling them B-listers. Yeah, just call it what it is. It's anything below D is pretty much where these ladies lie. I know. I'm allowed to say that, seeing as that I'm of reality caliber. Yeah. Seeing as you're a star on the TV Guide channel. I'm pretty much in that same group.

But my thing is there's never been any cheating drunken scandals fistfights that's probably why i'm on tv guide network and not bravo and you hang and by the way you have to work a little harder at that huh yeah and by the way katie hangs with a listers okay she may be a d lister on tv guide network but like her her circle of friends excluding us is all a listers i mean you need to run over a homeless person and like the, fuck a guy in front of the Home Depot. I know. I feel, you know, the thing is is I don't need to act like a crazy person to

be of that caliber. And every time I see all these women, like, the worst to me, honestly, is Kyle Richards. Like, I think she is probably one of the worst people. Like, she can dish it out all day long, but as long, like as soon as the finger goes to her direction,

she turns into a complete crazy nightmare. Yes. You know, and it's like, I just, I can't even be friends. Did I just hear Paris Hilton? That was,

that was, that was the, those are the first few notes of Paris's new song. There you go. There's some Jackson Stassi. Oh my God. That is it. Legs. Jackson Stassi. Oh my god, that is late. Hashtag late. This has nothing to do with Bravo,

but did you watch Kanye's new video? Speaking of people, like speaking of terrible people's new songs. No, I did not see it. Oh, Jesus! Oh my god. What just happened? I knocked over my whole house.

That was Kanye West knocking your your door being very angry about whatever you're about to say that was kanye west terrible green screening and off rhyming um that just broke down the house but it was he went on ellen and it's some green screen in his like basement and he's fucking his poor wife on a motorcycle i don't need that i'll tell you there's only one woman there's only one artist who's allowed to use a green screen for the music videos and that's mariah carey singing auld lang syne to fireworks okay she's the only do you guys remember that when she did that yeah i do remember that but she could sing back then yeah she can sing well no she can sing now. This is a tangent, but I saw a video. Oh, quit your lies.

Quit your lies. No, no. I saw a video of her this week where she was backstage on Jimmy Fallon, I think, and she was singing freestyle some song to the audience. She sounded good. She sounded good. Of course she did. She's Mariah Carey. Well, I'm

defensive. Katie is defensive because she has ties's Mariah Carey. I'm defensive. Katie is defensive because she has ties to Mariah Carey. Oh, you don't like her? No, here's the thing. I love her. I love her because she wrote amazing songs with Walter. Walter is Katie's boyfriend, fiance? Where are you guys at?

Yeah, just man friend, I guess. So he's my fiance of a million years. And he I just saw that all I want for Christmas is you is on the charts again, which Walter wrote, by the way, people, you don't understand how we are so close to music royalty right here. Oh, my God. You know, the headphones that I'm wearing right now for this podcast, I have to name

drop. I'm going to please do it. I'm'm gonna be a black right now okay um the headphones that i'm wearing were actually worn like three weeks ago by blake shelton and two weeks ago by barbara streisand herself oh my god from a gay icon to a homophobe. I know. That's quite a journey. That's Katie. Last night, Katie and I had fried pickles at Barney's Beanery. So this is the legacy of Barbra Streisand.

Oh my God, I know. This is where she's come to. And right now, I'm literally eating stale pita chips. So welcome to my world, people. D-list at its finest. So the point is this. For those of you who think this is just some rinky-dink podcast you should know that people who wear barbara shirazan's headphones

come on this podcast i mean this is like this is top of the line this is top of the line um so what other gossip news do we have ronnie that was all. I made it sound like more. I was more excited about it when it started. Oh, Alexia. I know. Come on, Alexia. Well, you know, that's the thing. Alexia's very excited about any piece of news. She's like, oh, well, you know, there was a pigeon on the street today, so, you know, Peter, he likes pigeons.

Well, you know, it wasn't Peter's fault that that pigeon pooped on the street. It's just that Peter squeezed the life out of it because it was interrupting my photo shoot. But, you know, like, all the pigeons do that. Like, a lot of pigeons go and they poop in the street you know like peter peter was just doing what he saw like that's all that's what he sees that makes him happy like you know he's very disturbed about frankie so like that's okay if he's gonna squeeze a pigeon that's okay oh my god it's not like it was a homeless person yeah it's not like it was a homeless pigeon is the pigeon had the home like it's a family like he didn't film it at least when he squeezed

the pigeon's life out of it he didn't film it at least at least. He's growing up, you know. He's becoming a man. Yeah, like, if the pigeon, like, if he wanted to poop in private, like, and not in the street, he should have pooped somewhere else, like, in his nest. But if he's on the street, like, of course, Peter's going to squeeze it till it poops. I'm so sick of the crazy pigeons of Miami. Oh, my God. There should be a show about that.

It'd be more interesting. The real pigeons of Miami. So, why don't we start with Real Housewives of Miami since we have Alexia here. And it's our last chance to talk about these bitches probably ever. How fun is that? How fun is that? I can't imagine that they're going to be back. What do you guys think?

Oh, I don't know. You know, I love, even though this season is bad, I love the Real Housewives of Miami. I have like a place in my heart for it. Why? Well, because last season was amazing. And second of all, for us on the podcast, they have such funny voices that it's really a delight for

us to do it. To be able to every week do Leah's laugh. I can't do it. You're the sick one. That is the first sound I've ever heard in my life. That sound that you made, Ronnie, is like the sound of the Star Wars gun I had when I was a child. Like when it was losing its batteries. Oh my god, you're right.

It does sound like it. I would actually rather hear Jax and Stassi. There it is. You hear that sound again? You hear it? It's a very quick one-second ordeal. Ew! It's a very quick one-second ordeal. Ew! It's fast.

So, okay, so I'm having a hard time remembering what happened on part two of the reunion because part two and part one, they flow together for me. So, guys, remind me. Remind me of some of the things. Jog me, and I'm sure I'll chime in. Well, mostly I think that they knew they were in trouble. Yeah. chime in well mostly i think that they knew they were in trouble yeah um and they basically came back fighting about anything like anything because joanna krupa's makeup artist called lisa a whore oh yeah yeah right so that's where we started we started with that evil horrible queen uh getting

kicked out or whatever and then they restart the show. And Andy's like, what's going on? What's up, guys? Hey! He totally knows what's going on. He's so full of it. One of the things they talked about was they came down on Lisa because they said that she was being racist by being like, the Cubans, whatever.

I personally, I mean, again, I'm not Cuban. I actually didn't think she was being racist. I think she was just trying to be funny. And they know she's not being racist. And that's what everybody uses when they have no argument now. I know. She was not being racist. But her argument was really funny back when she's like, I'm an immigrant myself.

And then she's like, I'm from Canada. And it's like, you know what? I realize it's a different country. She's like, I'm from Canada. It's like, you know what? I realize it's a different country, but you can never compare someone immigrating here from, like, Mexico or, you know, South America as to Canada. Yeah, no, absolutely not. And then when she talks about, like, she can't be a racist because, you know, her background, she's of mixed heritage. She's, like, a part Scottish, like, a part German.

She's, like, all white. She's, like, the most mixture of white. She's, like, it's, like, oh, wait, I think we lost Ronnie. Well's like all white. She's like the most mixture of white. She's like, it's like, oh wait, I think we lost Ronnie. Well, don't worry. We'll keep talking until he comes back. But the fact that she acts and she said she was part native, whatever that means. But is she native American? She is basically, I don't know.

She's like native Canadian, whatever that means. Well, then I'm native American because I'm from here. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're from upstate New York, which does make you very mixed. God knows what's in me. So what was the last thing you talked about before? We were just unceremoniously booted from Skype. We were just talking about how Lisa was claiming that she's of mixed heritage,

but all of her heritage was like white. It's like white and then all of her heritage was like white it's like white and then white and then white yeah it's like white and more white yeah it's like saying that you're like part marshmallow part mayonnaise it's like saying that like you know like some people call themselves like an oreo it's like basically saying i'm like a nilla wafer you know oh? Oh, I love Nilla wafers. She's like, I used the migration assistant on my Mac to transfer all my contacts from my iPhone to my computer. I'm an emigrant. Oh my God. My dad, by the way, my dad,

my parents were in town this weekend and my dad said he turned on the TV and he saw Real Housewives of Miami reunion was on on and this is the way he described it he goes well um i saw one woman who had a huge amount of plastic surgery going on yelling at a woman who had less plastic surgery and they were yelling at each other and the woman with with uh more plastic surgery was losing so that was lisa Joanna. Yeah, I think so. Well, and then we had... Was this the week where Joanna suggested

that Lisa was doing coke at the wedding and that's why she can't get pregnant? Or was that last week? I think it was a little bit of both. And then... God, what else happened on this show? So then Joanna and... I think there's something with Joanna and Adriana, too.

Oh, Adriana said something. Oh, no, it was last time. Something crazy. She's like, oh, now the trial of Miss Black trial, Leah. But I think that was last week. Nowhere. She said, you know what? You go take your limp penis.

Your limp penis. Why would I want a limp penis? What limp penis? It's spelled E-I-N-I-S-S. At least my man can get up his limp penis. His penis.

People say, your husband's gay. Oh, so what if they're gay? They can be gay together and have limp penis. I love the gays. Oh my god. I also liked, I think Katie, you pointed this out to me last night. I love the gays. I love the gays. Oh my God. I also like, I think Katie, you pointed this out to me

last night. We were talking about it, how Joanna was bragging at some point of being like, my last boyfriend had a private plane and owned a coal mine.

Oh yeah. She literally like, she goes, I don't need his money. I don't need his, sometimes she gets like really ghetto and has like a Cuban accent.

Yeah, it makes no sense. Which I'm like, how does that happen considering she's Polish and she lives in LA ghetto and has like a Cuban accent. Yeah, it makes no sense. Which I'm like, how does that happen? Considering she's Polish and she lives in LA. She was like, I don't need his money. Every guy I've dated always has had money. Excuse me, my ex-boyfriend, he had his own plane and a coal mine. And I was like, oh my God, what the hell is she talking about?

Can you imagine looking at someone's match.com profile and it's like, owns his own plane, owns a coal mine? Oh, my God. I'm setting up a date immediately. I think they met on Coal Mine Cupid. Oh, my God. On sea date. Yeah. She thought the sea was for something else.

But I think that Joanna is part something else. She's Polish, but it wasn't her dad not Polish. I think they were both Polish. I think she has something else because her sister is Marta. Marta.

And she always gets that accent when they start fighting. Like, when she starts getting mad, she starts getting that accent a little bit. Yeah, she does. She's like, Marta, I miss you so much.

You know, like, she's like my sister. Like, Marta, you were supposed to help me with my wedding and be by my side and do all these things, know now i have to use my friends i would rather have my sister oh well you know well you know like sometimes when you come from a different country like you pick up another accent like peter his accent's always changing and i'm like you know

that would still make him happy then that's fine oh well you know oh well you know the only reason peter punched that homeless person was because he thought it was his old accent coming back to haunt him and he didn't want it back so he punched it and then took a picture of it you know the accent reminded him a lot of frankie and frankie before the accident and he's like he cannot he can't hear that you know like like that's important for him so that's why he punched a homeless person and can i just tell you something really bad what yeah about this so i make walter watch all these Real Housewives shows with me. Yeah.

And we tried to watch Miami together. Uh-huh. When there was that photo shoot episode, he knew what she was talking about when it came back to the reunion when Walter was watching it with me. And he was like, oh, my gosh. He was like, that's right. That woman makes so many excuses for her son. oh my gosh he was like that's right that woman makes so many excuses for her son and she brings up her other son's accident all the time as a way to justify peter's bad behavior yeah i like that this is seeped into walter's life now no he really pointed that out and i was like oh my gosh he's

totally right you're so observant who knew that he could write ballads and then talk amongst the elite housewife lectures he should write a ballad about this the ballad of Alexia oh well you know oh well Peter oh well you know that's really the album

oh well you know stories from Alexia oh well you know Peter her number one song is no excuses oh well you know before every song starts No, and her number one song is No Excuses. Oh, well, you know, before every song starts, she goes, oh, well, you know, now I'm going to sing another song, you know, for Peter. Well, you know, I wasn't going to sing a song because I'm not a singer,

but I thought, you know, poor people need something to listen to. So I came out with the song. She's actually going to rename Daniel from Elton elton john peter she's gonna say you're my friend well you're my son well well you know it's like it's poetic license you know you know he choked that i can't even do it without laughing because it's so effing ridiculous she's gonna well peter you know on the train when they look like peter Peter, you know, on the train, when it looked like Peter. Oh, well, you know. She's just going to cover. Didn't take a picture of it.

She's just going to cover all the songs or place keywords with Peter. We are the Peter. We are the Peter. Oh, well, you know, we're the world, but you know, it's Peter. You know, well, that's how it goes. You know, it's a poetic license. She just explains. Well, you know, and then a Peter comes along.

A whole new Peter. They're in my, oh, well, you know, Peter. A whole new Peter. You have Peter on your face. Peter, Peter. That was my but I forgot the rest of the lyrics

I don't know the rest of the lyrics I just know Peter Peter part of it she just oh my god oh you know Peter I guess that's how much that's how much happened on Real Housewives of Miami by the way I'm buying that album. Tell Walter to produce it immediately because I'm buying it and we're selling it on our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens.

Oh, well, you know, Peter. Oh, well, you know. Our Facebook page. Oh, well, you know. Peter. Oh, my God. You know. I would buy that album.

I think it's produced by um oh well you know productions well you know it's produced by oh you know Peter he's like very into like music now and rap you know that really helps him that really helps him get through this with oh my god he actually does like rap he does he does oh well you know he likes to rap he wrote that song he's like mom this song's for you and she's like oh well okay you know press the play and it's like yeah my inward yeah my bitch get on your knees bitch on your knees bitch she's like yeah okay peter you know that's a good song but oh well you know it's just a way for him to express himself which is you know that's what that's what we need for him that's what we need for him he needs to express himself he's like

by the way you're canceled can you guys just answer that question for me it's been bothering me all night no no new york's filming they just they had a really long contracts period i think they they like had a hard time getting everyone together but it's not not canceled it's coming back they're filming oh is that dud um what's her name kennedy on there carol red so well she must be having a very hard time this week with all this talk about her best friend's dad getting shot 50 years ago not to be insensitive, too soon what happened now? what was that?

have you ever heard of JFK? he was assassinated yeah, do you know who JFK is? I think he was like on a money oh well you know, there's like a lot of presidents so like, you know, like JFK I think Peter should be on the $5 bill oh well you know, it's like I know it's been like 50 years since JFK was assassinated,

but it's been like five weeks since Peter punched a homeless guy. So I think that maybe we should talk about that too, you know? Peter should be on a $5 bill. It's just, it's going to happen. Oh, well, you know, we could call it Peter currency, like Peter currency. I don't know. I'm like Cuban. I don't know these words very well.

I spent $9,950 on my dress. Hey, by the way, can we just discuss the Joanna Krupa? I feel like we're not getting to this, and it needs to be discussed in public. Yes, it is. The Joanna Krupa defense of Muhammad is my friend. We're just good friends. We've always been good friends cut to brandy glanville on watch what happens live um we need to talk about this yes so yeah that was

pretty amazing so basically the fight was that yolanda is saying that uh this dumb hoe joanna crupa broke up her marriage because she was boning Muhammad. And she's denying it. And so Brandy, who's just awful. Like, we were talking about this a little last week, Katie, how Brandy is just, like, terrible and she says things that are so out there and it's supposed to be funny. So, like,

when you first meet her, you're like, ha ha ha ha ha because it's supposed to be funny. But then you realize she's not funny. She's just a C-word. Yeah. But a nice C-word's just a C-word. Yeah. But a nice C-word. A nice C-word. Not really. Like, she's horrible. No, she's not.

Everyone hates her. I'm making a call back to when she said that. Never mind. We'll get to it. Oh, you see, I'm so defensive already. You can't call back something that hasn't happened yet. Sorry. It's a call forward.

But in the meantime, Brandi was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy. And he asked her about that. And she said, I know Mohammed. He told me that. And Joanna was watching and tweeted, no wonder Brandi's husband left her. Which, of course, great Joanna defense. Joanna needs to move to Beverly Hills. And that bitch will be the first crossover.

You watch. She'll move her there next year. Yeah, absolutely. I think they are going to move her there. I just don't want to think about... Mohammed also says that she has a smelly pussy. Yeah, I just don't want to think about that. I don't even want to think about what that could smell like.

Because I'm already imagining, like, odors of, like, borscht. Oh, my God. I love borscht. Don't insult one of my favorite question suits that way. I'm sorry. I actually do. I love borscht. Oh my god, I love borscht. Don't insult one of my favorite question soups that way. I'm sorry, I actually do. I love borscht. I imagine that it smells like, have you guys ever made your own chickpeas? Okay, make your own chickpeas and then put them in a

plastic bag and leave them in the fridge, and then the next time you open them after they've had time to cool down and release all their gases, that's what I imagine Joanna's vagina smells like. I went to this Middle Eastern restaurant over the weekend called Carousel and we got like tons of leftovers

and my dad put raw onions in the leftovers we probably shouldn't do that, they're onions with sumac and I opened my fridge today and that's Joanna Krupa right there oh my god here's the thing, I don't think it's going to even smell food based and the only reason I'm saying that is because if you think about the types of men that she likes,

they're always like some sort of foreign guy who probably has really musky flour tortilla-type stinky balls. And no, I cannot eat flour tortillas because when you first open up and smell them, they have that like really musty fraternity guy dorm room musty ball smell. And so I think that she's a mix of that because it's very European. And also like rained on newspapers. That and then like when you go to when you feed your dog extra tuna that like you don't put into your tuna pasta and then he comes over and he wants to come lick your face and he licks your face you're like oh i forgot i fed him tuna and then that resonating smell of dog saliva and tuna mixed with flour tortilla musty fraternity balls that is i call it right there that is what i'm

thinking i'm gonna go out on a limb and maybe say skunked rolling rock. No, that's even, you're being kind. Listen, have you ever smelled rolling rock when it's skunked? It's not that wonderful. So let's just compromise and agree that she smells like all of those things with a hint of cocoa butter. Because you know that she doesn't want to get wrinkles down there. Oh my God, too late. And for those of you just

joining, we are midway through the most misogynist podcast of all time. I know, this podcast has officially turned into like a filth show. It's just like, it's just filth. It's pure filth. Oh, well, you know, like it's what helps Peter, you know.

Well, we're at the end of a housewife cycle and it's like, it's pure filth oh well you know like it's what helps peter you know well we're at the end we're at the end of a housewife cycle and it's like it's just it's just ruined us you know you watch these shows and by the end of the season you're really really a much worse person than when you started she basically said okay i'll just say it she it smells like discarded fibroids that's what i'm gonna say oh my god no No wonder Peter won't fuck her. Wait, which Peter? Peter from Atlanta? All of them. She's gone to all of them.

She's gone to all of them. Oh, yeah. I forgot. Oh, well, Peter. Oh, well, Peter. Yeah, I'm like, which Peter? There's too many people with the name Peter. It's kind of like Heathers.

And they're all stoned. They're all stoned. That's why we need names like a Lizzie. I like that. Yeah're all stoned. That's why we need names like a Lizzie. I like that. Yeah, that's good. So on that note, should we transition over to Beverly Hills? Sure. Let's get out of Miami.

Basically, Miami, you know, if you all pray as much as you say you do, maybe you'll get another season. And I hope that if you do, you'll try harder. Yeah. And by the way, Marisol, Marisol tried very hard to get back onto the show. Oh, God. Yeah, let's talk about that for a second. Marisol, why don't you just admit you hate my mother? Oh, my God.

She is really awful. And she's such a downer, too. Like, whenever you ask Marisol, hey, Marisol, how's it going? She's like, oh, well, I've got good days and bad days. Today is one of those, you know, bad days. No, my mom is not feeling good. Like, listen, bitch, your mom is 90 years old. She's had a stroke. She's one of those, you know, bad days. Shut the fuck up, Marisol. No, my mom is not feeling good. Like, listen, bitch. Your mom is 90 years old. She's had a stroke.

She's probably lived five years too long. She's gonna die, alright? It's like crying that it's raining outside. Shut up. We're at a reunion. Stop that crying. I mean, aren't you over it? Aren't you over, Marisol? And you know what? Frankly, those women need to... Is it a group thing? Is it a group

of the people you hang out with that's what makes your face look like that because i wouldn't let my friends do those certain things to their faces and they all have that really really tight kind of almost like almond shaped eyes now because their their skin is pulled so tight p.s i have update. Okay. So this is really cool. Oh, well, you know. Oh, well, you know. News break. News break. Oh, my God. You know. I was watching on Bravo, oddly enough,

Legally Blonde. They played, like, over the weekend. Best movie of all time. All time. Right? Still hasn't won any kind of Oscar. I swear it should. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world.

Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery Plus. MLK, February Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Oh, we saw Luke Wilson last night at Barney's, which was very funny. And to tie this all together, I was watching it in the very opening scene

where it's kind of like the clueless montage looking out the dirty old window, that kind of thing. So Reese Witherspoon's like skipping through her sorority. Joanna Krupa is an extra. She's literally the girl I have a photo. I took a photo because I couldn't believe it. And clearly She's literally the girl. I have a photo. I took a photo because I couldn't believe it.

And clearly she's had a lot of surgery on her face because it is her. And her face is different. Her nose is wider. Her lips are a little bit thinner. So must have been when she first moved to L.A. maybe. You have to post that on our Facebook page. And for everyone listening, go to facebook.com forward slash, uh, watch what crap ends.

And Katie will put that picture up so we can all see. I'm totally putting it up right now. Do it. Well, yeah, I think that it is hanging out with friends. It's like when you go to a different town and people have normal faces and they all look like weird because we live in LA. Yeah.

What are they doing to the people in Texas? Actually nothing. That's the problem, problem you know or that's the marisol's face is really really bizarrely frozen i mean it's i've said this before on my blog her face truly looks like the flying thing that bowser jr flies around in super mario world and if you don't know what i'm talking about look at it's like a clown face circular thing with a little propeller. No, she looks like Artec from Neverending Story. Right? Or wait, what was the giant flying dog?

Yeah, it was like a dragon dog. She sort of looks like a Felix the Cat clock a little bit. You know, like her eyes are back and forth. I have one of those and it's way cuter. I'm saying a trail. Does your clock accuse you of not loving its mother? Yeah.

I renamed my clock Marisol. I mean, clearly that's, I can't even, I can't even with her. Yeah. Like go away. You weren't invited back.

She's like remote or Alex that from real house was in New York. Like you're not relevant anymore. You're only good when you're on the show. Now that you're not, beat it. She wasn't even good when she was on the show. So why don't we go to Beverly Hills? I am loving this season. I thought last season was a little boring,

but this season, I'm really enjoying this injection of new blood because these two ladies, Carlton and Joyce, are nuts. And I think the big thing that happened this episode it really focused on um on carlton's house and because she or her life carlton had a luncheon basically and so she invited everyone over to her hideous hideous goth mansion and even though it was hideous the least thing that she could do is take care of it and

she was moving furniture out of the way and she scraped up her floors i saw it happening i was like you stupid bitch you're gonna scrape up your floors and she blamed her hot nanny she's like what did you do and it's like it's on your side stupid how could that have possibly happened i know i was like furious i'm always furious at carlton yet slash loving her because she's such a dumb snob you know um i i love that she has this like weird lesbian kind of lifetime move oh she sleeps with the nanny she sleeps with the nanny i know the name i love you i love you i know that was the big that was the big thing at first like oh my god hot nanny that nanny's totally boning the husband. Nope. Just the one that looks a little bit more manly than the husband is getting banged by the hot nanny. By the way, no offense.

Again, I don't want to be super misogynistic on this show, but as hot nannies go, they get a lot hotter than Lizzie or whatever her name is. No offense, but it's true. As long as we're going to start to say... I think she's pretty hot, Lizzie. Really? And also, I like how she talks kind of like this. She's like, oh my god, you're so hot, Carlton.

No, but it's Southern. She's like, oh my god, you're so hot. And then did you hear her totally ridiculous? I love how Kyle... This is a funny thing. Kyle at that dinner was getting it so hard from Carlton, yet Brandy calls her, see you next Tuesday, and everything was fine. I really, that was kind of weird. I actually agreed with Kyle's complaint there, because the truth is this.

Carlton was so offended when Kyle asked about her religion. so offended when kyle asked about her religion but if you are in a mansion with crosses everywhere all over the place i think it's reasonable for kyle to say oh are you catholic and i don't think that's an offensive question to ask you know like how is that more offensive than brandy saying oh you're a nice cunt you know also how is it how is it more offensive than hanging crucifixes all over your home and pentagrams like as decorations when that is someone's religion like that you're using as some fucking terrible decoration in your whorehouse where you've obviously fucked 10 people at a time in your giant bed? Like, how is that not offensive? Walter saw the bed. He's like, oh, my God, that bed's amazing.

I'm like, yeah, but everything else is, it looks like Ozzy Osbourne's like leftover shit that a decorator brought in and he said no to. I know. Even Ozzy Osbourne would be like, whoa, it's a bit much. Tacky. I think it's insulting. I don't hang up. I don't hang up, you know, yarmulkes around my house.

I do. I do. But it's like hanging up, you know, she's not only hanging my house. I do. I do. But it's like hanging up, you know, she's not only hanging up crucifixes, she's hanging up crucifixes and pentagrams. I mean, that's like if you were hanging up yarmulkes and then you were hanging up, like, SS symbols. Well, I think, listen. No, it would be like this.

If I had a blinged-out dreidel as a paperweight on my desk, but then I also had a figurine of Hitler, like, just, you know, on my shelf. I think that that, and I'm like, oh, it's just decorations. No, it's not. It's religiously fucking idiot. You're like, this bone was made out of, this bone was made out of,

I mean, this pen was made out of slave bones. I hope you don't think I'm racist. It's just decorations. I just love slave bones. I love slave bones. I love the way they look. Did you guys hear my new ringer? It's to the showers.

Oh, you didn't hear that? It's just for fun. It's the sound of an Auschwitz train. Oh, Lord. We have visited the Holocaust so many times in a Bravo podcast. I know. But now we don't have 100-something episodes when we talked about the Holocaust. But now we don't have Matt to get mad at us when we do it.

Listen, I'm Jewish. I can make an Auschwitz joke. Actually, I probably still can't make an Auschwitz joke. But listen, don't have Matt to get mad at us when we do it. Listen, I'm Jewish. I can make a Nosfitz joke. Actually, I probably still can't make a Nosfitz joke. But listen, it was relevant to our humor. So the thing is this. Hang as many crosses as you want. I don't care if you hang them as decoration. But don't be offended if someone asks you about them, basically.

And then later on, when she's pointing out all the sorcerer's goblets around her garden, you know, and Kyle says, oh, do you ever practice witchcraft it's a reasonable question i'm sorry and she did she does she does and then for and then and then when and then when carlton says like is that really how you're gonna ask is that what you're gonna ask like get to know me better and like as i was talking to our friend lisa today and lisa's like that is her trying to

get her to get to know her better like what do you want to do trying to get to know you stupid asshole i just don't understand the elitist like what is her job what does she do where she can buy an insanely tacky universal studios back lot house like that in la i want to know she is basically a stripper who married up i mean they're all over this town you see them all over the place and they're the snottiest bitches in the room every time. You know what? No one is ruder to you in a restaurant like when you work in a restaurant. And look, being a waiter for years and years, I learned so much about people. And I'll tell you right now, no one is ruder than like a hoe who traded up. Yeah. I will say that firsthand because I used to be really good friends with people that ran a spa in Beverly Hills. I

will not say the name of it, but it's in a very fancy hotel. And when I first introduced Walter to them and said his last name, the girl like shuddered and was like, oh my God, was he married before? I go, yes. And when I said who it was, she goes, oh my God, that woman was the worst human being alive because she was Walter's money. And when women define themselves as their husband's money and they really came from nothing, they all of a sudden have this new money attitude where they're better than everybody else. And it's like, you know, it's so funny because if you didn't have that, you'd be doing this job, too, and working your way to being a better person instead of some stupid CN you next Tuesday whore siren from the sea gold digger amen

I'm just going to make a million dollars Katie well that's Carlton to a T and the funny part about Carlton is that she thinks she's very like randy and clever and smart with her British accent but she says the stupidest things like at one point someone mentioned the kitchen she goes I don't cook in the kitchen.

There's only one place where I cook. And I'm like, you know... I'm like, where do you possibly cook? I know you're trying to be second- It's like she's basically admitting to be a meth head in her opening. Yeah. I know you're trying to make it sound like when you have sex, it's you cooking,

but I really am now imagining you with a cauldron in your bedroom. And not like a cauldron, a witch's cauldron. I'm imagining you making pea soup in your bedroom to your stupid husband. There's this glass pipe in it, I'm telling you. Look at that face. It makes a lot more sense now that I know. Now that we've talked about cooking, I'm like, oh, that explains the meth face and the big dentures. Get it?

Thanks. Thanks for the explain. And I also like this bullshit where she's like, well, you know, I had my hot best friends come in to help serve. I'm like, no, lady, I saw in the background you had a hired staff of, like, caterers there. Don't, like, I don't know why your friends are there, but, like, you actually paid money. So why do you have your friends there? Yeah, that woman is a wreck. But I'm super thankful for her because she is hilarious. And it's obvious.

Someone put this on our Facebook page, but it's so obvious that she's watched the show and she hates Kyle from the show because she's determined to hate him no matter what she says. She does. Someone actually wrote on your page. It's kind of funny. They wrote, Jennifer Lutz benway wrote i find it hilarious when carlton glares at kyle every time she opens her mouth um she does it's like she wants to hate her so bad but then when they show kyle you do hate her because she's that mean girl her and her sister are like two witches they remind me of like old mean kardashians where all they do is like talk shit about people and then they're they they're like don't be mean to my sister and it's like

well your sister just sat there and talked shit about everybody so now she's getting what she deserves well you know what well you know what you know what they say you can escape from which mountain but you can't get the witch out of you oh my god the girl out of which take the girl out of which mountain but you can't take the witch out of the girl. Booyah! Little Witch Mountain humor for you right there. I also, by the way, speaking of Carlton, another example of Carlton being ridiculous. So she has this dinner table set up

and she has a giant throne at the head of it. Like a ridiculous throne that is probably from the line The Witch and the Wardrobe. And she doesn't sit in it. She's like, well, I just think it's ridiculous to sit in the throne. So then Kyle sits in it, because Kyle's like right there and she makes a joke about it and then karl is like mad at kyle for sitting in the throne like bitch if you don't want anyone to sit there don't put the throne out or don't set a place there let's put four people in one

chair out of the way so everyone was sitting across from each other it was a setup some creative producer was like we need to stir up some shit here who do you think is going to take this seat it's either going to be brandy or kyle and between those two skags it ended up being kyle so there you go and then like and then carlton is i love later than she's talking about like you know she's she's so like like offended by the things people like kyle are saying and she's like you know my husband's hung like a fucking donkey but i don't go around telling everyone that i'm like bitch you just told the whole world yeah oh my god walter it's like okay so this is like my side it's like burt nerney so walter goes oh my god you just told everyone who's watching this show that's probably like a million

people and it's like you're right it's gross who says that their husband is hung like a fucking dog this and by the way that guy is not hung if you looked at him he's not hung look at that mansion when you have a mansion like that that means you have right you have a dick the size of a pinky fingernail okay no his his hands are very short and stubby that he has like silo hands so there's no way yeah there's no way no it's a little hand where it's like it's like a terror what are those that um the tyrannosaurus rex where it's like really tiny arms yeah but you know what actually one of my favorite parts of that luncheon was when kyle was asking a bunch of like small talk questions to carlton and at

one point someone made a joke like and so what's your blood type and everyone laughed and then like five seconds like after the laugh yolanda just goes blood type that's funny i just like lost it i don't know i thought that was the funniest thing ever yolanda is nasty this year she is like she is so vicious you can just tell she is not gonna be a pleasure cruise this year she's just only been with men with money that's the funny thing. Oh my God, I've gone off so many times about that because it makes me crazy. It makes me crazy to see it. And listen, it makes me crazy when I see

guys do it too. There are plenty of gay guys around here who do the same thing. It's like some 20-year-old gorgeous gay guy with some 50-year-old nasty. It's like, please, you're together because you guys really enjoy watching the sunset together. Shut up with your fucking look on.

You're a man. Oh my God. How much do you guys want to bet Muhammad Hadid is going to have some sort of developmental deal with Bravo? Oh, he gets on to every single show. He gets on to shows. He even seeped into the Miami reunion. He wasn't even seen. He was there. He really is like seen. He was there.

He really is like the man whore of Bravo. It'll be a show about how to get a Jodie Foster haircut. He's close to Bruce Jenner's hair to me. I think he looks just like Cloris Leachman. I mean, every time I look at him, all of this, I picture Cloris Leachman going down on Joanna Krupa and then complaining about it. Oh my god!

I'm digging for her dentures. No, no, no. Insemination gloves. The one that goes like all the way up to your shoulder to like dig for her, for her. This is,

this is where the, this is where the vagina, what is it? Like the vagina dentata, like myth comes from like vaginas have teeth. They don't have teeth. They just have chlorothreachman's denture. Yes. Gold diggers definitely have teeth

in there. That vaginal muscle just hit him in the right way and it jumped that guy's hand off. Sorry. I just got a text really quickly. I just got a text from a friend of mine and he's like, hey, are you going to Gretchen Rossi's event tonight? I want to and he's like, Hey, are you going to Gretchen Rossi's event tonight? I want to answer and be like, um,

even if one of like, I don't know, like, you're like, I don't go to Skid Row. Yeah. What am I going to do? Go.

So she can, I can see her in her makeup and her Gretchen, Christine handbags and her Gretchen, Christine swimsuits and her Gretchen, Christine jewelry. I'm like, I can't, she's a walking billboard for tacky,

like gross looking Michael Kors crap. Well, it's time for her to be back out there. She has an excuse to rent a civic center and let Slade stand out there in a Salvation Army uniform bringing a damn bell. That is insanity. Oh, and her least Rolls-Royce Phantom. Come on, it was alone for the day.

No, I don't still have it. It was expensive what am i done with something i love that she's played by jennifer tilly oh my god no can i just tell you something i feel really bad but she was on shop nbc which is now called shop hq and she was on there with her Gretchen Christine bags, and they literally sold three bags when she was on there. Do you know how hard it is to not sell anything? They have ceramic cats. People buy thousands of ceramic cats in Victor watches.

Buy the millions, but yet she only sold three handbags. Well, guess what? There's three lucky ladies. You don't have to wonder where their lipstick is going tonight. Oh, my God. However, I can tell you

exactly who bought those handbags. Slade and his mom and my two dogs. Oh, that's four handbags. Yay! Yeah, get 10% of my money back.

Let me ask you something. Is the Gretchen christine rossi whatever event is that happening at tj max is it does it pertain like around rooster art is she like today we're giving away rooster out for your kitchen yay no i think it's taking place in front of the bin where you dump all your crap for goodwill yeah slade's hiding in there collecting he's curating all the things coming in and he's stealing them it's in Reseda

and instead of a red carpet it's a used carpet oh my god are you gonna walk the used carpet tonight at Gretchen Rossi's in fact speaking of used carpets

let's talk about Joanna Group for some reason I just have an image of Gretchen Rossi with that computer-generated guy who's like, Call 1-800-5-8. It's like, you know, when you get the carpet installed, he comes on the TV. You know what I'm talking about, that guy? Oh, my God.

800-5-8. I do. 800-Empire. Empire. It's like that weird, like, CGI, like, 1996 CGI guy. I'm imagining Gretchen being like, yeah, I have a guest spot with the Empire guy.

She's like, we have a lot of cool people coming to our event. We have Alf, we have Charo, and we have the guy who designed the Empire carpet dude. Oh my god, that's like Teresa and Joe Gorga Judice is doing those lame commercials for the tanning bed places in

New Jersey. Like that to me, that to me is like pretty close to me throwing myself off of the overpass by the four or five and the one-on-one. Like there's no way in hell. I would ever in a million years do a tanning bed, read like local commercial. I would, because if million years do a tanning bed local commercial. I would, because if they paid, I'd be more than happy to. I just sort of require

pasties, though. Oh, God. I can't even think about watching a commercial to just completely roasted Italian sausages, talking about why you should go to a tanning bed. You know how many takes they probably had to do with Joe Gorga? Where he's like, you know what you've got

to do? You exit the tent and you get up on the Tapanic Parkway. Come here and you can be nice and red like a stuffed pork sausage. That's all I can imagine him doing those promotions. He looks like a Slim Jim, but muscular.

No, he looks like a stuffed sausage. It's hideous. So wait, let's get back to Beverly Hills, because we've now veered completely off topic in the most hilarious way. Okay. The other thing that happened is we learned a little bit about Joyce and her life, which is that she's... Oh my god. Is she fucking kidding me? She's done.

She created a pageant that I think had like... This pageant, honestly, I don't know enough about it, but I'm just gonna say it's not as good as Cynthia's. And when you say that it's not as good as Cynthia's pageant, that's really saying something. The Queen of the Universe pageant. The Queen of the Universe pageant.

And you know, we're going to a hospital and we're going to visit kids with cancer. Because that's what every fucking bald-ass dying child with cancer wants. Is some beauty queen coming in there to feel good about herself. She feels so ugly and insecure. Jerks. And by the way, when she said that, she's like, yeah, we're going to go visit some kids with cancer. She had, like, this huge smile on her face.

I know. She has this creepy pageant thing about her where I almost feel like all of a sudden you're going to see her slumped over and sparks are going to be flying out of her neck. And you're like, I knew it. I knew it. Stepson wife. Like, not even real real she's not unrealistic and for really really flat tiny girls to get boob jobs it's really not cute yeah it's definitely not and i have to say i actually closer together i mean i hate talking about the boob jobs the most

because it feels the most wrong but that said it's like those melissa gorgon ones how are the how is that even a boob job? Those are under your arms. What happened to cleavage? Is that like the new thigh gap? Having your cleavage that wide? It's like a bicycle lane. Put those things closer together.

I don't even, I don't know. The thing with her is that I definitely do, she comes off as fake beauty pageant to me. And she does sort of like kind of tailor her personality to whatever the topic of the conversation is. And I actually agreed with Carlton when Brandy was getting like raunchy. It's like funny because it's like Brandy. But then when Joyce tried to do it being like, oh, I am so tight. He can't fit his big penis.

He's got a big penis. Can't fit in me. I was like – I kind of agreed with Carlton. Like it just doesn't sound right coming out of Joyce. It's like, no, you am so tight. He can't fit his big penis. He's got a big penis. Can't fit in me. I was like, I kind of agree with Carlton. It just doesn't sound right coming out of Joyce. It's like, no, you're trying too hard right now. Yeah, you're trying. But I love when Joyce was like, oh, we're going to rent this crown from the place

that they filmed Pretty Woman in. And look, I did a lot of sexy pictures when I was young, and I wasn't a whore, but it was nothing porn. It was just these sexy pictures, and then they basically show her doing porn. And then she's like, you young and I wasn't a whore, but you know, it was nothing porn. It was just these sexy, sexy pictures. And then they basically show her doing porn. And then she's like, you know, I wasn't a whore. So I came to this town and my

dream was to be like pretty woman who's a whore. Yeah. It was a hooker. Like, what is this? What is this fascination with pretty woman? And the way she said, oh, when I first moved to LA, you know, I live, I came to the Beverly Wilshire and that's where I stayed. Are you effing kidding me?

You know where I stayed? In my car in the Bally's Total Fitness parking lot in Hollywood. So that's the real pretty – like that is pretty, woman. You're supposed to like be ghetto first and then make it. Yeah. And then I love the guy. Her dream is like a whore that made it. Oh, my God.

I also love, by the way, that whole story about how – She wrote for the stars. And her whole story about how like she did a whore that made it. Oh my god. I also love, by the way, that whole story about how... Shoot for the stars. And her whole story about how she did a lot of tasteful photos, then she did one that was a little less tasteful, and then she's like, and then I called up Donald Trump, and the next day he said, oh, you're okay.

I'm like, this is not a story. You were not in any danger of losing your crown, and you didn't lose your crown. Why are you telling us this story right now? And then I love that when she goes to Beverly Wil wilshire and she's sort of like telling all this to that guy uh working the store and he's like you know what you should do you should go down those stores and be like like big mistake huge remember that scene remember that scene like remember when she said big mistake huge i'm like yes we get it we've seen the movie oh my god yep

and in my memory it's still a movie about a whore. So none of this is making any of this better. And also, that guy was just on the show as well, I think, because he was getting a wedding ring for one of the Joshes on that Million Dollar Listing show. So does Bravo just basically have three stores that they can shop in? It's like every Bravo show is starting to take place in the exact same neighborhood with the exact same restaurants and real god real estate places okay so speaking of real housewives um so do you remember marissa zanuck yeah of course okay right like she that she was on another like million dollar listing or something because i think she's doing um real estate now because i'm driving up canon and it says if interested in this property contact marissa zanuck and i had her phone number on there oh she's always been real estate oh that's her yeah that's her thing

that's how she made um oh sorry i didn't mean to sound like that no she's always been in real estate she start her first tv job was called selling la on hgtv and she was um one of the real estate agents on that show god she just she just really wants to be on television. Yeah, really bad. And then she moved in. She was working, I think, for Mauricio, which is how Kyle met her. Right. Supposedly.

So the other thing that happened at this lunch was that Brandy brought up the rumors about Mauricio cheating to Kyle and was basically like, so what do you think about these rumors? And then Kyle got all mad and was like, I would never do that. I would never do that.

Do we agree that Kyle is totally full of it and that she would 100% bring up rumors? Because that's what she does every single time. Well, she outed What's-Her-Buns as a drunk. Her own sister is a drunk in the first season. That's right. She outed Camille as a porn star, basically, in the first season.

She outed... Who else did she out? She's always mean to Brandy. I mean, let's be honest. Yeah. She's horrible. She deserves whatever she gets. And you know her husband is so cheating on her.

And when they showed the clips of next week and he's like, oh, listen, you could tell any one of those ladies that they could give me a lie detector test any minute of the day and I would pass it. I'm like, oh, no. Anybody who offers to take a lie detector test is a liar. Because, like, who's going to bring out a lie detector? You're right. Most of the people that are like, I will take a lie detector test right now. It's like, you're such a liar because that would never happen. Yeah.

We're going to go take a lie detector test right now. This very minute. Okay. That's ridiculous. Number one. And if you really didn't do it, it's like, why are you even, I'd be like, I'm not, I'm not talking about something that has nothing to do with my life. This is ridiculous.

Do you know that Walter thinks he's a coke head? Oh, really? Yeah. That's why he's always stuffed up like that i think a lot of them are coke heads you know i mean no i'm serious i really think he like well you know oh well you know like peter he like does coke but like it's what helps him express himself you know like it makes him forget about frankie who's what peter needs is to move into his own house so you guys should maybe try to buy him a house. I've got a great place up on the hill. Oh, God. Who was their girl that worked there?

Like for him, remember? Worked for Mauricio and then left their job to go... I don't remember. I don't remember. Which show was that on? It was this one, I think. No, it was somebody worked... It was like maybe Vanderpump rules or i don't know

something like that somebody used to work for mauricio okay oh it was on that million dollar listing show wasn't it heather heather is working with mauricio yeah yeah yeah she left to go work with um josh right right no no she was working with malibu guy. Yeah. And then she got fired when she was dating Josh. And then now that she's marrying Josh, she went to do a deal with like Maurizio or something. And Josh got all pissed off because Maurizio is now the competition because Josh used to work with Maurizio and then left to start his own company. Oh, that's funny. See, it's all this. It's all incestuous.

And Mohammed is probably in the mix, too. Probably owns all the companies yeah exactly he has something to say about all the altman's vaginas oh my god so uh we could talk about lisa vandy on dancing the stars but there's part of me that just wants to move right on to vanderpump rules because oh wait wait we've got a little bit more of beverly hills and that is um everybody confronting kyle and then there was a good thing on Twitter about this gay dude, which really, I don't know why I have

to say that he's gay, but I'm assuming he's gay, but he said something like shut up. Hold on. Where is it? Do you have it here? Hold on. I have it on our Facebook page. Wait, somebody yelled at you guys? No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. It was just a tweet that some guy left that his name is Real house bear so i'm

assuming he's gay but it says talking shit about lisa vanderpump when she's not there is really sucky brandy glanville especially to fat kyle oh my god hashtag bad friend yeah so he wrote that and lisa retweeted it right oh my god and she said I don't normally retweet. However, everybody else is, so here we go. And then Kyle Richards writes, at Lisa Vanderpump, I don't normally retweet, blah blah blah. Thanks for the retweet calling me fat. Hashtag mean. And then

Lisa Vanderpump wrote back, thanks for your piss talk. Thanks for your piss taking. Hashtag even worse. Love it! Amazing. Oh my god. Twitter is, if it wasn't for twitter these stupid housewives would have nothing really to fight about do you know that they have like season long stories that are based off of like well you said that on twitter it's selling stories in twitter it's like that's all that these vapid empty whores have to talk about is you saw the

story and you put it on twitter it's like get a fucking life you have children like go do something stop fighting yeah don't you have a chuck E. Cheese in your town jesus christ oh man okay we're gonna take a little break right here because the podcast wound up being two hours long so i'm splitting it in half right here. This is part one. This is the end of part one. Go to iTunes and go to SoundCloud and download part two of this episode where we're going to talk about Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives of Atlanta and Shaz of Sunset. It's a lot of fun, you guys. Remember, you can follow me on Twitter and Vine and Instagram at bsideblog, all one word. You can follow me on Twitter and Vine and Instagram at bsideblog, all one word.

And you can follow Ronnie at TrashTweetTV. Of course, Ronnie's website is TrashTalkTV.com. And he's doing recaps of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills every Monday, the same night that the show airs. So you should definitely check that out. And of course, Katie is at ThePaintedNail on Twitter and Instagram. And be sure to like us on Facebook, facebook.com forward slash Watch More Crappens. Super funny stuff going on there. You really should like us.

It's easy. You can get involved in the conversation, see the links that are going around. Way more content than this podcast has. So check that out and be on the lookout for part two of this episode. It should be uploaded the same day as part one. So it's right there.

See you soon. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new YouTube channel called wait for it. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger, Slicing Driving Friends With It For 10 Years, one of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

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