Watch What Crappens - #105: Bravo, Turkeys!

Episode Date: November 28, 2013

On this week's very special episode of the Watch What Crappens Bravo Podcast, we talk TURKEY! Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) join forces to thank Bravo for all it's bestowed on them this year. AW! Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-cra... On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/w... Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrap... Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, what crap is this? YouTube at Trash Talk TV spelled T-E-E-V-E-E or my recap website, which is TrashTalkTV.com. I'm joined by Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Gobble, gobble, gobble.

You can find Ben on all the social media networks at B-Side Blog or at his blog, B-SideBlog.com, where he writes funny recaps as well. You can also find Watch What... Pardon me, winter cold, fall cold. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens or at whatcrappens on Twitter to tweet us your questions and to just talk crap with us about Bravo. It's a pretty active Facebook page,

so a lot of people come there to leave us notes on the show and to talk a bunch of crap, which is pretty much what we do on this show. Yay! Yay! The quickest intro ever. We're late this week because I got a cold, and you know what, y'all? I believed that prayer could heal anything, and it did not.

I still got a cold, so fuck praying. This Thanksgiving, I won't be praying. So there, God. Yeah, yeah. Way to show who's who in the prayer situation. That's right. I'm showing God. Now, before you get all religious,

you know, it would be one thing to be talking about God for a different holiday, but we got Thanksgiving coming up, like, in just eight hours from when we're recording this. So we thought for this week, we'd do something a little special. We thought we'd list the things that we're

thankful for on Bravo. Yeah, it's a Thanksgiving special. First of all, we're so thankful for you listening to this right now, because honestly, without you, it's just us talking to each other, and we could do that anywhere. Yeah. And we do. And we do. And we and we do yeah but it's not as fun

as when you guys are here yeah yeah we love all you we love all you guys we love you dearly departed matt yeah matt i think based on social media matt seems like he's on his way to palm springs right now for his thanksgiving oh nice talker. I like it. Yeah, for those of you who are new to the show, Matt is our ex-co-host, who we still miss. He left us. He jilted us at the altar. Yeah, he got skinny and was like, bye. He's like, I can hang out with hot people now. Yeah, you guys are too ugly, so he left us.

Yeah, he's gone. Even though Ben's hot, half of us were still busted, so he left. No, Ronnienie you're hot too you're hot ronnie you're hot i'm hot to a certain um segment of society that's for sure and you know what guys you don't need everyone you just need one right and i'm and i'm thankful for that that's one thing i'm very thankful for i don't know i can't wait till i find my one i can't wait till i find that guy he's like, I've been looking for a big, bald, loud,

obnoxious, mean guy to settle down with. You never know. You never know, Ronnie. There could be a Thanksgiving miracle. I would meet him on fucking Thanksgiving. If I still went to the shelters and donated my time. That's the only place you find hot guys needy enough

to date me. And it's because I smell like turkey. and donated my time. That's the only place you find hot guys needy enough to date me. Oh, right. And it's because I smell like turkey. Just kidding, guys. Well, you know, there's someone for everyone out there. Peter, he finds all sorts of girls in the gutter, and he dates them, and I don't think they are very good women,

but that's what Peter needs to do to get over Frankie. Yeah, to get over Frankie, you know? Well frankie you know well you know peter's gotta date somebody so you know he dated this girl who was homeless and have flies on her but then i found out she wasn't homeless she was just renting you know i think that's almost worse it's like at least the homeless people have an excuse and at least like the homeless girls you could like punch them and put the video on the internet like if you're just a renter you can't No kidding, the police will get you if you do that to a renter. Oh, well, you know, but that's just how he's expressing himself.

That's just what he does. I would like to say I am thankful that the season of Real Housewives of Miami is over. That's the first thing I'm thankful for. Oh, and by the way, for people who are listening for the first time, that was us doing our Alexia Echeverria impersonation. We don't just, like, spontaneously adopt accents for no reason.

Yeah, we're probably, I'm pretty sure from now on, if you're new, we're not going to explain anything to you. You just have to go back and listen. Wait, I do want to address one thing, actually. We got a comment this week on our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens. A totally respectful comment. It wasn't someone

being like, you should stop doing this. But someone said that maybe we should rethink the value of our Real Housewives of Atlanta impersonations, which I love the way they put that. By the way, I forget your name. I love the way you stated that. It was very well put. Yeah, it was. It was a very nice way to put it. And they said it sounds like a little like mammy-ish and makes them feel uncomfortable.

I want to say to everyone, we don't do the voices on Atlanta to try to be racist and be like, this is the way black people talk. We're just trying to impersonate these specific women. And unfortunately, we're not always good at it. So sometimes it might sound mammy-ish, but we're not trying to be mammy-ish. I mean, I feel like there actually is a big difference there. We're not trying to be like, you know. Well, I think that last week specifically,

I mean, last week specifically, I really did go overboard with the mammy-isms because I got mixed up. Because I was doing an impression... We were talking about Mama Joyce. Yeah. But I was doing an impression of Portia, and they're both really high-pitched,

kind of mammy-sounding voices, and I mixed them together. Sopitched kind of mammy sounding voices and I mix them together so it was like a mammy bomb that went on it was like the biggest risk and you know I remember thinking that while I was doing it I was like you know that's probably a bit much because it was out of control but then again I watched Housewives after we got that comment and I was like yeah unless they stop talking like that then i can't i mean yeah because we put across across the board we try to impersonate all these women so whether they're like they've got like that's alexia with her latina accent or they've got like a jewish accent

from uh new york or an italian accent from new jersey or just you know just a white accent from orange county like this is oh my god now you god, now you're apologizing too much and just sounding like just white. Like now this is turning into a white guilt podcast. I have to. I have to clear my name. If you think we're racist, just go on Ben's Facebook page and see all his black friends. And then that's like our new excuse for not being racist. But yeah, we're equal opportunity offenders for sure. Oh well, you know, We're equal opportunity offenders, for sure. Oh, well, you know, like, we like all the races here.

You know, like, whatever race Peter likes that week is the race that we like the most. Oh, yeah, we'll degrade your race. Oh, well, you know, it's very important that you keep equal. If you have two sons and one can barely talk and the other is a model, it's very important that you make fun of them equally so one doesn't feel bad. Yes, yes. So if the Iranians are going to get it, so are the black people.

But also, you know what? Most of it is Portia's fault. Stop playing Portia. Because, oh my God, she really needs to learn to talk differently. She sounds like, I feel like anybody who dates Portia has serious pedophile tendencies

because she's a gigantic-ass child.'s a walking she's a gigantic ass child she basically sounds like the black ellen green from little shop of horror yes she's audrey too yes she's black audrey too and she even the excuses that she makes up for her man sounds like audrey who was abused in that musical that's true she She's like, I fell. The parallels are overwhelming me. She's the Audrey to wait. Can we cast the entire movie? Okay. Who is the plant?

The plant would be, I would say the plant is Kenya. Sandy Cohen. Oh. Oh, it doesn't just have to be Real Housewives of Atlanta? Well, I feel like it should be Real Housewives of Atlanta. But at the same time, it is like, they are feeding this plant, and the plant is giving them fame and fortune,

but at a toll. Yeah, so I think that that would be Andy, but Andy's so passive. Yeah. Like, he's such a pussy, and the plant's such a badass. I would say the millionaire matchmaker is the plant. I'm going back to your original statement. I think that it could be Kenya Moore

because if there's anyone who sort of resembles a giant man-eating plant from a different planet, it's Kenya Moore. Yeah, she eats everybody in her path and then spits them out. She does, and then she throws little versions of herself on her arms. And Mr. Mushnik is Jill Zarin. Wait, is Andy Seymour?

That actually seems to make sense. Andy Cohen, you know, for a show that talks about Bravo, I just... Wait, what were you saying? Was it a different Andy? No, I got in such a moment of inspiration that I had to stop you in your tracks.

I'll do it, because I was just going to go on an anti-Andy rant. No, Andy Cohen is the guy in the movie who steps into the shop and is like, what an interesting and fascinating plant in your window. I have to learn more about it. That's Andy. And they're like, no, could you be more awkward and try it again? He's like, okay, but isn't that just too fake and phony? And they're like, perfect.

Although, actually, technically, Andy Cohen would also be John Candy with his radio show and be like with slide whistles and be like, what a crazy plant! I think Andy would be that one of the background girls, one of the backup girls. And she's, like, the one that's always, like, low. You never hear her sing. She's the one who was never on Martin. Because the other two were. The one who never got the cast okay we've already

gone off the rails and we're just basically just in in summary if you took every single character in little shop of horrors and rolled them into one person it would be andy cohen oh my god andy cohen and a little bit of porsche i just wish we were still doing a video podcast so I could do an imitation of Andy Cohen every week, because I don't do his voice. I just do the awkward way that he can't control any of his joints. So every time they show him, he's just kind of like a windsock.

Just like different parts of him are blowing. He's like that guy on the Jiffy Lube. That blow-up doll they have on top of Jiffy Lube. He's got like ragdoll physics going on with his life. For sure. So we've made a list of things that we're thankful for on Bravo, and Ben, why don't you

start? So we did ten things that we are thankful for. I'd like to say that they're in some sort of order, but I kind of did them last minute. But I'll start with my number ten. And also I wrote these last night and I don't even really remember what I wrote. So this is going to be a surprise to me and to you.

So number 10. I'm thankful for Reza for making sure that the country still hates gays. And since gays are naturally self-loathing, we really like that. Reza, let me tell you something. Reza is doing terrible things for gays. You didn't see the latest episode. But just the way he's treating Lily and MJ, going back and forth and pitting them against each other, horrific. And then on this past week's episode, he told MJ, hey, we're going to a spa, a spa weekend. This could be like, you know, like massages and oil treatments and you can like wear your bathing suit. and oil treatments and you can like wear your bathing suit no instead he drove her all the way to sacramento and they crashed gg's family's weekend getaway which is so obnoxious i think

i just he makes gays look terrible that's not the way your best gay friend should treat you that guy makes humanity look terrible he's horrible and when they showed that big party last week where Mike was, like, going to the... His brother became a dentist or something. Yes. And then he's like, how does it feel being the only non-successful person in your family? Ha ha ha! I have to say it. Ha ha ha ha ha!

I was like, you're such an asshole. You are just, like, a total, total asshole. He's the worst. And he's just, like, this big, fat big fat sweaty gross guy walking around just being evil and every oh he's got he just they need to be done with him and i don't like that he's like the center of this group and makes all the decisions who made him boss i know well the other thing that's really annoying me it happened last week and this week too is that this group of of Persians here, who we're all discovering are actually all just terrible people,

Reza keeps saying like, well, listen homegirl, you gotta have a thick skin if you're gonna hang with us. Like, I'm sorry, our group has to have a thick skin. I'm like, no, that's terrible. You should not ever have to have a crazy thick skin, like that thick of a skin. No kidding, and that's not your skin, that's fat.

That's just mustache. I haven't gained weight, it's just that I need thick skin for this group. That's what we call Weight Watchers and excuse. Oh, and by the way, Ronnie, it really is a shame you didn't see last night's episode because Asa revealed

one of the greatest Bravo confessional outfits of all time, which is that she wore some sort of like gold thing in front of her face that made her look like the octopus kind of guy from Futurama and like I am no let me let me let me be a white apologist once again and say I understand and respect that this is probably part of Persian culture etc but there's like a time and a place for everything. That would be like me showing up for a Bravo confessional holding a Torah. You know, like, it doesn't, you don't do that.

Like, oh, me and a palace. You're like, here's my Mercedes, and I'm like, we get it, you're Jewish. Yeah. You're like, let me add some things. Okay, we get it. No, when she showed up, I like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Persians of the world, but I laughed. Well, yeah, and there's so i laughed well yeah and there's so much

you know there's so much snot on that gold i mean gold is not to be getting your snot on which um i'm looking at the picture right now on watch what crap and so it's just also it's just so full of shit i just watched last week's yesterday so i saw the part where she was in the water factory burning sage all over oh my goodness and that secretary's like hi um wow look at your outfit i know she's dressed like she's about to become the first iranian president of hogwarts what is she wearing and all the workers all like the forklift workers are just seeing this crazy lady burning sage all over the place yeah dropping ashes all over their sanitation devices nice i know oh my goodness so your thankful thing i have a gay thing in here too so i'll start with my um my gay thankful thing okay i would like to thank bravo because so many times in my life when i have

introduced myself and you know i'll always make like some kind of gay reference really quick because I want people to know I don't want it to become something like that I have to come out of the closet to them at any point in time and right you know most people do know the second I speak because I have gay tongue but you know sometimes you have to be more forceful with people but anyway the reactions I used to get from people a lot of times you could like really read like oh jesus it's a gay and you know you would think that bravo would make that worse but i've actually started getting this response from people since bravo started putting these terrible gay people on tv and it's been it's been at least a few years where they've been polluting the airwaves with the worst gays ever.

And we can name them. The Fashion Queens. You guys know who we're talking about. Yeah. But now I'm getting a reaction from people. They're so relieved that I'm not that gay. I think that Bravo has made it easier to be gay because they've segregated us into two camps. It used to just be gay. If you were gay,

you're just a show-tune faggot, and that's it. Everyone just figures you're sucking a dick behind a dumpster, just waiting to get home and watch Hello, Dolly. And I'm not saying that that doesn't exist. Or a little shop of horrors, as it were. But I'm not saying that doesn't exist, but at least now there's different categories of us. There's the horrible

gay, and then there's like kind of a normal guy gay. And so I would like to thank Bravo, because it is really nice getting that refreshing reaction from people, where it's like, it's like they're not hating me because of who I am, they're loving me for who I'm not. And could be.

So thank you, Bravo. Thanks. I think that's a great point. It's a great point. I am very thankful for Bravo for making me seem so much cooler just by forcing the fashion queens on America. Oh, my God. Suddenly I have taste. And I'm an old Navy shopper. Yeah. I know.

I'm like wearing a free T-shirt and Target shorts right now. And people are like, oh, we would really trust your advice a lot more now. Yeah, it's like Mel Carter never wore that to the Grammys. So you're fashionable. Yeah, and I still don't understand why Lawrence and Derek Jay are qualified in any way to be fashion experts. Well, they're not. You know, this is the secret. And I'll talk more about this with one of my other thankful things.

But this is the secret thing that Bravo's been doing. And this is my new theory. And a lot of it is just from sitting around staring at Bravo for so many hours for this podcast. It really starts changing your mind about stuff, and one of the things I think I talked about last week was that I believe Bravo is a conspiracy network. There's a whole conspiracy going on there that's anti-gay and anti-woman. They make it seem like it's this friendly network to us, but it's really evil and ruining

us, so I'll talk more about that later, but it's really evil and ruining us. So, I'll talk more about that later, but I'm not buying it, Bravo! What a wonderful Thanksgiving special this has been so far. Yeah, so basically the fashion queens, the point is the fashion queens are not qualified, but basically it gives straight people more ammunition. So

like when they're in court for killing a gay guy or tying him to the back of the truck and dragging him through the town, they could just point to that show and the jury's more likely to let them off. Let me tell you something. I guarantee this is what happened in Russia. Vladimir Putin was probably on a layover in America. You know, he turned on TV, he saw Fashion Queens

and was like, uh, you know what? Outlawed. No more. Yes, and you know what? Who can blame him? You know what, Putin? He's got a head on his shoulders. Once again, we are, by the way, back to my thankful thing, which was that we were a self-loathing group. Well, if you don't loathe yourself as much as you loathe the people you talk about, you're just a dick. If you hate yourself, too, you're just kind of a hateful person.

But at least we're not mean. Yeah. Okay, that was a stretch. Okay, so what's your number nine? My number nine thing isn't a fully realized thing that I'm thankful for, because I only half wrote the sentence. And I said, I'm thankful for Vaughn from the New Atlanta for reminding us. And then I just sort of said, dot, dot, dot.

And I was like, I feel like he reminds us of a lot of things. Why people like him are awful. It's probably the same thing of what you were talking about. He makes other straight people look wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. He reminds us that we can be good people because he's such a piece of shit. It reminds you, like, no, I don't agree with that.

I can be a good person. Yeah, he really is a piece of shit, it reminds you, like, no, I don't agree with that. I can be a good person. Yeah, he really is a piece of shit. And you know what? Also, I think he's helping people to really realize what's happened to the education system in this country. I mean, that guy can't even put a sentence together. And if you're not going to pay attention to what your kids are doing in school, but you see the results of it on Bravo, maybe that'll get you to buy some, like, Baby Einsteins for your next unclanned pregnancy.

You know? I just, you know what, I feel bad for Atlanta because these shows are making the city look like it's full of clowns across the board. That city is fucking full of clowns. It's like... They don't even have extras who aren't clowns on these shows.

You know, the thing is that, like, Atlanta has, like, tons of culture and, like, very smart people of all sorts of backgrounds. But these shows, from know, the thing is that Atlanta has tons of culture and very smart people of all sorts of backgrounds, but these shows, from Real Houses of Atlanta to The New Atlanta to Married to Medicine to, I imagine, The Thicker Than Water, and then

also going to the former Style Network to where you had that Atlanta show that I loved, I'm blanking on its name. They all just make the city look like it's full of lunatics and idiots who are loud and brash and fight and all look like drag queens. The only thing saving the city of Atlanta from mass suicide are designing women reruns. I'm surprised Ted Turner hasn't just hopped on a covered wagon and headed west at this point. He's like, what is happening to my city?

I have to be honest. I'm not even trying to be funny. It's hard for me to conceive of this city as being a real city anymore. It's just full of ridiculous people now. It's horrible people who don't know how to talk and make up really stupid names for themselves. I know. don't know how to talk and make up really stupid names for themselves i know and who have like fundraisers um like fashion show fundraisers for like their little boutiques um for their secondhand denim i was like wait a second she's acting like she's designed this like you're a

middleman store shut up for a boutique that has two emily's at its helm they want an emily too and they hate each other yeah and, and thank you also, Bravo, for making all the white people in Atlanta Emily's. Yeah. Yeah, I really don't know who comes up worst, the black people or the white people

on all these Atlanta shows. You know, it's just across the board. It's just like a fail on a race of questions. Everyone's terrible on these shows because there's only been one white Atlanta housewife, but she was like the worst

out of all of them. I mean, funny, but as a person, probably the worst out of all of them. I know. And the only, like, by the way, the only, like, representation, like, upstanding representation of, like, a black woman on these shows, of someone who seems smart, intelligent, educated, is the doctor, is what's-her-face from Marriage Medicine. And she was, like, you know, no one cared about her. Yeah, everyone was like, shut know, no one cared about her. Yeah. Everyone was like,

shut up, Mrs. Huxtable. Yeah. It's awful. It's awful. And like, you know,

you, you basically, it's giving you an impression that the city is just full of Porsches and Phaedras and you know, it's not, but I, it makes me feel bad. I'm sorry. It's Atlanta.

Um, I would like to thank Bravo. And look, this now is becoming less of a thank you. But back when I was actually waiting tables, I would like to thank Bravo for giving servers a voice. And like poor blue collar people a voice. Because we've got Vanderpump rules now where you actually hear waiters speaking. And we had Below Deck, which was a bunch of maids talking. So, you know, thanks for

being equal and letting us realize that rich people aren't the only assholes in the world. Poor people are also pretty horrible too. Yeah, and you know I think this is a great leap in the right direction for Bravo considering this was a cable network that used to show operas. Almost nothing but operas.

And now what do they do? They show STD-ridden waiters from Sur talking about their penises and abortions and things like that. Yeah, they went from a cultured network to killing culture forever. Bravo for Bravo. Yeah, Bravo.

I would say, so number eight on my list of things that I'm thankful for is I want to give a special thank you to Heather Dubrow. And I say this because at this time of year everyone's thanking the pilgrims and the Native Americans. And you know what? No one's thanking Heather Dubrow. And she raises a family, okay? She puts in long hours.

And someone's got to thank her. So Heather and someone's gotta thank her. So, Heather, this thanks is for you. Yeah, Heather, thanks for everything you do. Thanks for giving gerbils a voice. Thanks for giving people with gerbil eyes a voice. And thanks for championing one of the greatest overlooks that comes of all time,

Malibu country. And thank you for lighting a fire under Orange County's butt to finally get some decent restaurants. Yes. And thank you, by the way, for bringing attention to one of the most overlooked actresses of our time, Miss Sarah Rue. Yes. And thank you also for being the only person in the world who could make Betty White look like a total C word when she didn't know you and ignored you on Hot in in cleveland and thank you for making your disdain for onions at a cookout a five episode arc and thank you for that guest

spot you did on kfi radio this year about motherhood where i got to listen to you go on a tirade about parents who refuse to serve healthy options as birthday cake at birthday parties. You dumb. Right. And, and, and thank you for inspiring Disney to make a live action movie called Maleficent based on your face. But I'm sorry that you lost out to Angelina Jolie.

I did hear that. I heard that you were called in for a casting, but that the producers didn't actually call you. So I would like, you know, after years of struggling in Los Angeles to be a performer, I would like to thank you for making it look so easy to get a job on TV. You've totally changed my mindset. Thank you. Thank you, Heather. Thank you.

Who knew, man? Who knew? I know. All right, what's your number? What's your next one? My next one is a big thank you to Andy Cohen. Because, you know, a lot of times in this life, and, you know, listening to this show, Self-Loathing, blah, blah, blah. You know, I get insecure about my looks or, you know, my fat or the way I talk.

Or maybe I don't sound smart enough. Or, you know, maybe my personality is just like too boring to ever make anything of myself Andy you've proved that you can make it despite all of those setbacks one of your eyes doesn't open all the way you're semi cross-eyed you still wear a faux hawk you are um flop around like the Jiffy Lube balloon, and you never have one relevant or snarky, funny, intelligent thing to ask anybody on your shows. And people love you! It has actually filled me with so much hope.

Between you and Heather Dubrow, I'm going to be the next Oscar-winning talk show host in Los Angeles. You know, I went on a date last night, and he told me that I reminded him of Andy Cohen. Oh, Jesus. You know, I love when people think that's a compliment. I saw a girl in a grocery store that I hadn't seen for like 10 years ago, and we started talking about these Housewives shows.

And she goes, I love Andy Cohen. Don't you think he's just brilliant? And I just stared down at her kumquats or whatever. Whoa. Mind your mouth. Did you just post something about kumquats? I did. That's why they're on my mind.

Trader Joe's is suddenly selling kumquats. They're seasonal, I guess. And I had never had one. So I had to look up on YouTube, do I peel it? Yeah. Like, what's the deal? Turns out you just eat them. You just put them in your mouth. I went down that path

myself about a year ago when I made kumquat preserves once. Yum! It's really easy. You just put a bunch of kumquats into a saucepan with some sugar water and let it go. I've got some marinating and some vodka right

now so that's yes i like that let's just talk about kumquats some more because it sounds so dirty it really does it almost sounds like kum cunts but no sorry ladies and once you're once you're in a store with one of your best friends and you start calling them kumquats it never goes away yeah that is now what they're called. And it's horrible to say it. It's so horrible to say out loud, but now they're just come-thwats. So thank you, Andy Cohen. Thank you, Andy Cohen. And thank you to my date, by the way. I didn't mind him

calling me Andy Cohen because my date was hot. I think he was just trying to get you to pay. He could have said anything and I would have been like, thank you. And now he'll listen to this podcast and be like, whoa, slowly backing away. Oh, no, never let anybody you date listen to this. I know. My friends, like my close friends, they don't listen to my podcast.

They don't read my recaps. They don't watch my videos. They actually think I'm a nice person. It's really funny. Like, I made a comment to my friend the other day. I was like, well, I don't know if you should play it in front of your mom because she was saying, oh, my mom loves Bravo. I'll play it for her. I was like, eh, your mom likes

me. You might not want to play me on a Bravo podcast. Yeah. Every now and then on a date like in the past, podcasts have come up and I get so excited. I'm like, oh yeah, this podcast is doing really well.

And I tell them what it is and I'm like, shit, now they're going to listen to me and they're going to see the cattiest, worst side of me possible. Yeah, it's like putting a video camera in your car and then handing that videotape to somebody when you're just being the most vulgar, sexist, racist, misogynist,

like, horrible human being. And then you're like, you want to go out again? They're like, no, misogynist, horrible human being. And then you're like, you want to go out again? They're like, no, no, I don't. No. Okay, so what is your next one? Well, I thought let's take a break now to look at what some people wrote on Facebook of what they're thankful for this year.

So let's see. Abra Plans, sorry, Abra Peon says, I am thankful that Gretchen Rossi isn't coming back to Orange County. Yes, I'm thankful for that too. Bethany Chisholm says, I am thankful that Gretchen Rossi isn't coming back to Orange County. Yes, I'm thankful for that too. Bethany Chisholm says, I'm going to kind of miss Gretchen. I'm not going to lie. Usually when they get booted off

these shows, I'm so excited. Now, I will say that I am very thankful that Slate's not coming back. Yeah, Slate is her downfall. If it weren't for Slate, I'm sure she'd still be on there. However, she has a lovely handbag line that she can fall back on. Selling the three units per year.

Let's see. Bethany Chisholm says, I am thankful for Muhammad Hadid because he makes every Bravo show possible with his house and slugginess. Ain't that the truth. They'd actually have to buy a set builder if it wasn't for that guy. Absolutely. Let's see. A lot of people are very nice. You guys said you're thankful for Watcher Crabbins. We're thankful for you guys. Thanks, everyone.

Yeah. Oh, Jamie Horn says, I'm thankful that I will get to see a sexy J next year and that I haven't whiffed Joanna Krupa's smelly pussy. Oh my god. Let's smelly pussy. Oh my God. Let's do, let's find one more.

I love Maximilian. I am thankful for reunions. Otherwise those Miami bitches would never stay on the air. Yeah. Ain't that the truth. They save themselves every reunion. Got to stay up to their standards. Kelly,

big red. I'm thankful for Botox and its side effect of tearless cries. Wait, is that why nobody has tears when they cry? Does Botox stop you from having tears? It must be. It paralyzes their tear ducts or something. That is hilarious. All right, so let me go on to my number seven.

The next thing that I'm thankful for, it's actually a bunch of things all in one bullet point. for, it's actually a bunch of things all in one bullet point. I am thankful for Kefache, Wine by Wives, Jax's Sweaterline, Sonia's Toaster, Vicky's Bloody Piggy Vodka, Gigi's Extensions, Gretchen Christine Butte, and all the other

entrepreneurs for keeping the American dream alive. No kidding. And you know what? Let's hope that someone listens to this named Kim Richards and realizes that she's one of the only housewives without a line of something she should come out with like a line of circus fabric hey it's the kim richards circus fabric hang from your ceiling and dangle with your leg then fall off hey i've built something if you have a dog that loves you a little too much it's made out of the same material as a yoga mat but it's real expensive and it's flame retardant, and you just walk around your house

in it. Kingsley! Kingsley, yeah. This should hurt, but he's not ripping off my arm again. Kingsley! Did you see Vanderpump Rules last night? Yes. Two nights ago. Two nights ago, sorry. How funny was it when in the middle

of nowhere, Jax suddenly mentions, well, you know, this is a really important modeling shoot for me because if I'm going to get my sweater line started, this is the place for it to be. Oh, my God. His sweater line. And you know why? Because he wore a sweater last year that he took off to get into a fight. Yeah. So everybody kept asking him about taking off his sweater.

And so now he thinks he should have a sweater line. Fucking stupid people. I just love how his thought process works. He's like, well, you he thinks he should have a sweater line. Fucking stupid people. I just love how his thought process works. He's like, well, you know, people keep talking about my sweater, so I'll start a sweater line. I love that you gave him, like, a Brooklyn accent. He's like, oh, hey, I'm Jax.

I think he's actually, he sounds like he might be from Chicago, but I just can't imagine what his sweater's, you know what those sweaters are going to be like? It'll be like when Christopher Columbus came to North America and gave all the Native Americans blankets that had disease in them, and it killed all

the populations. That's what the Jack sweater's going to be like. It'll just be like, all my diseases all knit up for you in a big, chunky sweater. Oh my god, let's hope so. Take out all the douchebags in LA. He's just going to use his dried semen and spin it into threads and weave a sweater out of it.

Stassi's going to be mad because his sweater's going to impregnate porn stars all over the city. Made from 100% cum silk. Cum pots. That guy is pretty disgusting, but Stassi's

the worst. That show is the worst. Kristen needs to be fired. I love the new girl who's like, well, she's just mad because I'm prettier than her. I'm hotter than her. I'm more popular than her. I have better eyes than her. My butt doesn't stick to the toilet when I sit down. People don't hold their breath when I walk by just so I can't, like, my spirit can't infect their body.

I was like, Jesus, this girl's awful. I love her. I love her. I have to say, I love Ariana, I think is her name. And she is by far the best because she seems sort of smart. She's, first of all, the only one who's actually pretty of this gang.

And I love that she just has that thing where she just knows she's better than the rest, so she doesn't even seem to bother with them, you know? I love that one. Girls are like that. And I love that she can rip Stassi in two, and you know she's going to soon. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I think my favorite part of the entire episode was

the final scene that took place in a restaurant when you had, like, the cabal of evil bitches, which were Stassi, Horseface 1, Horseface 2, and that new other girl named, like, Katarina or Karina or something like that. Oh, my God. Doesn't she look like the girl from that Whitney show?

You remember when Whitney got her own spinoff on the hills? I didn't. I thought you were going to say maybe from the new live-action Return to Oz movie that came out. No. Whitney got her own show. Remember when she moved to New York to work in fashion? Oh, I think you meant like – That's where she met Kelly Catrone.

And then the evil girl on that show looks just like this girl. Livia Palermo. Yes. That girl looks just like this bitch. She's like, you need to break up with him. You remind me of one of those insecure girls, girl.

Well, when all four of those women were sitting at that table, it was kind of like a hot potato of who's the worst. It was like someone was holding the invisible ball that made them the worst person at that table it was kind of like a hot potato of who's the worst it's like someone was holding the invisible ball that made them the worst person on the table and they kept on passing it around because i kept on being like oh she is the worst no wait no she is the worst because it all started where they were just like chit-chatting about i guess the guys and then stassi was saying how she didn't want to be fake and then of course horse face like oh

if you don't want to be fake then why were you having cocktails with sheena which is the stupidest thing to ever complain about like the two of them were just sitting there at like a little table and so for horse face number one to get all pissed about it was one thing and then saucy then when saucy is like well i was doing it because i wanted to find out for you if tom was cheating i i was doing it for you i was like no sauc, you were doing it because you just wanted to gossip. You're the worst person now. And then this other girl, she just goes, listen, we need to have a

serious discussion. At which point I started to laugh because the idea of these girls having a serious discussion is so beyond. You know, it's like something that could never happen. It's like, they think they're on the McLaughlin group all of a sudden. This is not whatever. She's like, the debt ceiling. on the McLaughlin group all of a sudden. This is not... She's like, the debt ceiling.

Go. She's like, we have to discuss the debt ceiling. She's like, listen. If you dated a cheater and there was a rumor going around that he had slept with a girl, wouldn't you want to know the truth? I'm like, bitch, you started the rumor, okay? You started the rumor and now you want to get like verification of something that you made up out of your own like brain like do you see how the logic

is so messed up yeah it's so fucked up and then stupid horse face number one is just the dumbest brick in the world because it's not about did her boyfriend cheat on her with this girl she just doesn't want it to be on tv that's what she's mad at she's like i'm mad that we're even taught that this is the topic of discussion actually so at that point kristin who i previously thought was the worst of the table now i was sort of feeling sympathetic for her because she was saying look things are actually for the first time finally going the right direction i don't want to like you know i don't want to taint it right now i'm happy and then you know the other girl's like well we have to talk about this we have to talk about it and then and then kristin's like i don't want to talk about it and they're like i don't want to taint it right now i'm happy and then you know the other girl's like well we have to talk about this we have to talk about it and then and then chris is like i

don't want to talk about it and they're like you don't want to talk about anything why don't you just go why don't you go go so chris is like fine i'm gonna go so kristen walks out and when she as she walks out the other girl goes she's always walking away from things i was like oh my, my brain is exploding. This is what my Dartmouth education has led me to. Watching these stupid bitches. So stupid. And I love that the whole thing is about whether Tom fucked this girl.

Well, first of all, his best friend says that he did. So he told his best friend that he did, whether or not he did. But then at the same time, J jack truly is a pathological liar yeah but to that degree why would he lie about that and then lie about it in a confessional that's weird it doesn't make sense like nothing makes sense on this show oh that's true that's true but all okay then even without that the second thing was that tom obviously wants to fuck this girl like yeah it's so obvious that they're gonna do it at some point and third of all tom just fuck some other girl like a couple of months ago get over it he's gonna fuck another

girl again it's just gonna happen his excuse was that you were being a bitch and that's kind of your natural state of being so like if you're gonna let him off on that excuse then he's gonna be he's gonna cheat on you whenever you're a bitch and you're kind of a bitch every day so you see where the circle is leading she just knows horse face number one she just knows that academy is a new scripted podcast that follows ava richards played by hbo's industrieshala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after

realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear

a little less, and a little bit more. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on Februaryary 5th or you can listen early and ad free on wondery plus starting january 29th join wondery plus on the wondery app or on apple podcasts but um she can't she probably can't do any better than tom in the looks department you know if she if she dumps tom her next option is gonna be like ernie the better than Tom in the looks department. You know, if she dumps Tom, her next option is going to be like Ernie, the short order cook in the back kitchen. True. True. But you know what?

A horse can't just keep going back to an abusive stableman because he's holding sugar cubes. There's plenty of sugar cubes. All right? There are plenty of troughs on the farm. Hey, did I talk about immigration yet? No, is that the next thing you're thankful for? What was the first thing I was thankful for?

The first thing you were thankful for I think may be a gay thing. You switched your order up a little bit. Oh, I think I did. Oh, I did switch it up. I was talking about the gays. Yeah. So what's the next thing that you're thankful for, Ronnie? Okay, so I'll go back to my original thing. This is going back to Shaz, though.

But I just had it written down. This is why you never write things down. It messes up the flow. Yeah. Okay, so this is my tricky policy with Bravo. You know how they're trying to infect policy, like anti-gay policy, by showing gays as being horrible people? Yeah. Well, I realize that with the Shaz of Sunset, that they're also like a super conservative network that is trying to get the Republicans

to do something about immigration. Look, whether you are for or against immigration, we need to understand that something got to be done. I don't mean it means kick everybody out. I mean, make immigration easier. I don't know, do something. But you know what? People are going to take that shit seriously now

because of the Shahs of Sunset. And you know who else? You don't want you don't want any iranian which is basically what these people they say persians but i mean they're iranians you don't want to give them nukes you want to give gg a nuke listen don't let obama be soft on iran okay that's what bravo is trying to tell us and in this instance i'd like to thank bravo thank you bravo you might have just saved us from world war three yeah i feel like um what's his name the guy i never know how to say his name the guy from iran he probably he probably swatched the shots and he's like

damn it's like those persons are crazy yeah so you know thank you because i think that we're finally going to get something together and we're not going to let Iran get their nukes. And hopefully we'll do something about immigration, too. So thanks a lot, Shaz and Bravs. and people will all die as they drink shards of diamond in their water. They're like, ah, there's blood in my throat. Asa's diamond water, we thought it was for our country. Okay, now as we are now advocating war on

Iran, this podcast has truly gone off the rails. So whoever it was who complained about the Mammy stuff before, congratulations, we have now totally gone over the edge. We've just taken us into nuclear war. Like, so, if you guys really want to take out the Iranian population,

this is what you do. You take Asa's diamond water, send it over, pretend it's relief aid. Okay, so anyway, um, uh, I'll go on to the next thing that I'm thankful for, which is much more pleasant. Uh, the number... The number six thing that I'm thankful for

is Riley. Just for being Riley. Riley, what are you going to do for Thanksgiving? Riley, Riley, what do you think about Todd? You going to make a good turkey? Something's off with my candy.

My candy impersonation. I'll tell you, when I watch the show, sometimes I will speak along, and I'm like, finally, I got it. I can sound like candy show, sometimes I will speak along, and I'm like, finally, I got it. I can sound like candy. And then I get on here, and I'm like... Oh, that makes me laugh every single time. Riley. Riley.

See? It's Thanksgiving time. I want Riley to make a ham turkey. But Mama's like, why are you making your daughter do a ham turkey? That's the husband's job. Last week, you really perfected that voice. I was dying. Just the way that you can get your voice

deep in the gutter, and it's... Oh, my God. And then the previews for next week on Atlanta are just amazing. Well, first of all, this week with Phaedra and stupid Apollo fighting in that restaurant. And Phaedra keeping her calm. And then getting in the car and forgetting that she's wearing a mic. I love when that happens. Oh, I love that.

And just losing it and being like, who dat bitch? I was like, whoa, Pedro. Who dat, who dat, who dat bitch? Oh, Pedro's about to kill a bitch. I love that. My goodness. Well, Apollo did a terrible job of lying. He's like, well, you know, I was in Los Angeles and I was at the Beverly Bullshit.

And I saw her at a party. And she came over to my room. And I was like, no, I want to go back to the Hilton. I don't know. I don't know where he went. Yeah, I love that he's talking like he's on the people's court presenting evidence. He's like, well, then she called me. And then she texted me and she wanted me to fuck her.

And then I said, no, I declined. I declined politely. What? Oh, the show. Meanwhile, five courses of Little little neck steamers are coming through everybody's like i'm for them all here are your steamers okay my wife will pick up this check um what else oh the mama joyce thing looks brilliant they finally sit mama down to have dinner with todd and candy and explain herself. And she goes into some tirade.

She's drunk or something. I don't know what the hell's wrong with her. But she's like, There ain't no river deep enough, Candy. There ain't no mountain high enough. There ain't no devil wild enough to keep me off your ass, boy. I was like, whoa. I cannot wait till next year.

Until next week. I cannot wait till next year. Until next week. I cannot wait. I just hope that Riley doesn't have to see that. See, with Riley, I'm just going to send her off to tag so that we should see Mama Joyce acting out. See, I don't want my daughter to see that. Yeah, Riley's just going to be like, while you're arguing, I'll be doing my one-woman show on my stage in my bedroom. So, call me if you need me. It's called Strubs. I kind of want some.

I'm kind of mad. I guess this is... Okay, okay. I can see how I could be thankful. Yeah yeah what's the next thing you're like i would like to thank bravo for teaching us all finally a very very important lesson and if you've never had a maid you don't learn this lesson you really need to be taught otherwise you're going to get screwed over do not give your maids shit do not be giving your maids a ton of money because they'll leave you why would they be a maid if they have a ton of money?

Do not give your maid a fucking liposuction and a facelift, because bitch will leave and become an internet porn star, which is what happened to Hochstein's maid. I don't know if she's an internet porn star. I'm kind of making that up, but I'm assuming that's what she's doing. Heading in that direction.

Don't give your maids things. So thank you, Bravo, because a lot of people need to learn that lesson. Otherwise, maids just leave and we're all cleaning our own damn houses. So thank you. Thank you, Bravo. Yes, thank you. Thank you immensely. Thank you, Faxtine.

And along those lines, I think we should also thank Bravo for teaching us that people who work for you are allowed to say anything back to you, whatever they want. If you ask them to do something, they don't even have to do it. They can, in fact, start a Twitter war with your friends or they could just walk off the job and it'll be okay. So I'm glad that Bravo taught us that too. Yeah, work ethic. Thanks, Bravo. Work ethic. Thanks, Bravo.

What's your next? The next thing that I'm happy for is for Kari, from Mari to Medicine, for informing us about low-class matters and bulimia, which, as you may or may not know, is something that she's struggled with for many years of her life. Yes, thank you so much for sharing so many things that you've struggledimia for many years in my life and it wasn't until I met Duncan that I started to not throw up as much so that show is going to be coming back yes they've got a season 2

I'm horrified I can't wait I love Marriage Medicine that show is the worst Quad and Mariah the things that would come out of their mouths absolutely not shows the worst. Quad and Mariah, the things that would come out of their mouths. What? Absolutely not. Yes, thank you, Bravo, for absolutely not.

I have had a personal struggle with absolute things for 20 years of my life. So I don't understand the difference between things that are absolutely not and absolutely. I've had a personal struggle with the word not for decades. Back in the 80s, when I was a young, twiddish, anorexic model, people would say, you look fat, not.

And it would confuse my brain, the use of the word not. So the fact that you're using the word not is disrespectful and low class. When people said I was modeled not, I thought they meant that I was like an astronaut and that I'd be going into space

for a fashion show. But Duncan taught me that that was not the case. So now I have a spacesuit and I don't know what to do with it. But I plan to rent it out to Mariah. I plan to go to space not. Oh, you see what I did there? Damn you, 80s.

But seriously, you guys, in all seriousness, don't you miss not? I miss that. I'm really, like, after like after pizza i'm really hungry not i miss don't worry it lives on with my father your father still uses not oh of course i love not that's i i want to bring not back that's my new goal so everybody this week try and use it in a sentence like i hey merry christmas not ronnie i have to tell you, I do not like Knot. I love it. Knot!

Knot! I don't know why I'm so nostalgic. Oh, you did get me. I thought you were just saying it. No, I said the exact opposite. I totally understood you the first time, Knot. Oh. You guys, I need Knot back in my life.

Okay, what's the next thing that you're thankful for um is it my turn let me see maids um let me how bitch oh how bitch I feel cause of the bravo gaze but we've already talked about that um this I don't have like a big tirade

about but I would like to say thank you bravo for Vicky's chin I think it needs to be said by somebody yes thank you thank you Bravo for finally resurrecting that crazy moon guy that McDonald's used to have in the 80s and and repurposing him in Vicky's face yes thank you thank you thank you so much that's really all I have to say about that but you know I love it it, helped her get one up on Slade for one second. And I'm thinking that Slade was probably fired from the show just so he couldn't say something that would force Vicky to get another surgery. Because that face.

That Bravo would have to pay for probably. Yeah, like, tires only have so many times around a block before they just explode. Right? Sometimes you just have to bust out the spare. spare yeah there is no turtle wax that is going to save that tire not not even in the most not even in cuba can they save that tire not even there that tire ain't even going to keep anybody warm in a fire um okay so the next thing that i'm thankful for is for Phaedra Parks, because she is a gift that keeps on giving.

And this week, the gift that she gave us was referring to Kenya Moore as an old beauty queen with scrambled eggs. That, to me, was just like, thank you, Christmas came early, and I'm a Jew. I love Phaedra Parks. Okay, speaking of Phaedra, somebody... Goddamn sickness! I'm a strong person! I'm looking for this now.

Somebody posted the most wonderful thing on our facebook page this week about phaedra and it was an interview with somebody named i'm opening this now did you look at this michael i didn't this it's this youtube thing that vibe got a uh vibe magazine got an interview with angela stanton who if you'll recall nini made a comment when she was fighting with Phaedra in a reunion, something like, oh, well, let's just ask Angela Stanton then. Well, Angela Stanton came out and gives this interview, and it's hilarious watching her, first of all. She's a character in her own right. But she's going off about how she used to work for Phaedra with Apollo, that Apollo was one of Phaedra's employees, and that Phaedra runs this huge criminal ring, and she was the one stealing all the cars and taking them to the chop shop, and she had this big scam going, and there was some other scam too, I forgot what

it was, because I was kind of laughing so hard through the interview, and that they both, she and Apollo both went to jail for Phaedra, and Phaedra was supposed to take care of her family and represent her, and then squelched on her part of the deal. So now she's turning on Phaedra, but apparently Phaedra's so good at covering her tracks and getting everybody else to do her dirty work that she's not being arrested. But she's this huge criminal mastermind, basically, which is amazing, and I hope it's true. Wow, I believe it i believe every every ounce of it a criminal mastermind with a donkey booty video well you know she's trying to she's trying to hide her money you gotta you gotta launder that shit boy well we all know where that money is it's in that ass yeah phadra parks exposed as a career criminal must see so that's what it's

called if you guys want to look it up on the old YouTube. So thank you, Phaedra, because, I mean, come on. That's an entire series. And now I see why she couldn't get her judge show, because they were trying to give her, like, a people's court type show, a Judge Judy type thing, and it just never went through because she's a fucking terrible lawyer. She's a lawyer so that she could, you know, scam everybody and have her big criminal enterprise

and i love it yes this is this is like some high level conspiracy shit going on right now hell yeah oh and there's another article that was posted that was on tmz that's all of the texts from kenya moore and kenya moore says apollo is a liar phaedra should threaten to cancel his allowance oh i like it I like it. What's the next thing that you're thankful for? I would like to say I am thankful for... I would like to thankful

to say I'm thankful for... Sorry. I would like to say I'm thankful for Bravo giving us thin women on TV who were eating a lot. And for that, I say thank you, Eat Drink Love. That show may not have been the best ever in Bravo's history,

but it showed us skinny bitches eating like cows. And they ate. They actually ate every episode like five times an episode. So thank you. Yes, that's very refreshing compared to someone like Lily Golici, who actually on last night's episode did eat a turkey sandwich.

But I still feel like that was probably the first thing that she ate in about two weeks. Lily Golici, God, I can't with that girl. Okay, what's the next thing that you're thankful for? I'm going to go back to the listeners and let's see. Lore Rain says, I am thankful for the WWC guys thanks Ronnie and Ben you two make my week 100 times more better because I look forward

to your podcasts every week that keep me cracking up for the rest of the week and it is great knowing the WWC family all express the same thoughts I have during the Bravo shows keep doing what you guys are doing because you make all of our weeks better thanks Lorraine I actually meant to read shows. Keep doing what you guys are doing because you make all of our weeks better. Thanks, Lorraine. That's nice.

I actually meant to read Melanie Hackenpore's but the Lorraine, that was very lovely. Melanie says, I'm sorry, Hackenpore. I'm thankful that the Manzos will no longer be on Real Housewives of New Jersey. I am not thankful that they're getting their own show.

I am thankful for every person that has a weird accent that you guys can mock terribly. I am thankful thankful that they're getting their own show. I am thankful for every person that has a weird accent that you guys can mock terribly. I am thankful for Riley. I'm thankful for Leah Black. How fun is that? I'm thankful for Tomato Drums, even if it's not Bravo. Oh, that's on my Vine, everyone. And I'm thankful for housewives with Twitter accounts so that they can keep their wars raging on and on and on and on.

Oh, that's so nice. I like that one. Let's see. I like Suzanne Zareski. I thankful for mj's white bathing suit oh oh yeah yes i am thankful for that one too very much so um oh this is from one of our our one of our long-standing listeners this is from jesus Robert Garza, who so eloquently says, I'm thankful for all the selfies Ben posts, all the laughs Ronnie causes, and all the boners Matt gives me. Whoa.

Well, so, Jesus, better book a flight to Palm Springs, because that's where he goes. Yeah, we'll give you the address. I'm so glad you're getting off with at least one of us. Let's see, who else? Catherine Edmonds, Gallery Girls, R.I.P. I'm so glad you're getting off with at least one of us. Let's see, who else? Catherine Edmonds, Gallery Girls, RIP. I'm not thankful for that, but I do share your thoughts.

The Gallery Girls got killed? Yeah, I'm not happy about that. But that was this year, though, right? So maybe they're saying thank you for Gallery Girls. Maybe. Katie Cerniglia. I'm thankful for Gigi's dad wearing socks and sandals. Yes, I'm thankful for that too. Very much

so. Oh, and someone... Oh, I'm a socks and Crocs boy myself. Oh, yeah. By the way, someone, I scrolled past it. I don't know where it is anymore, but someone said, I'm thankful that Bravo hasn't found my neighborhood yet. So... Alright, so my next thing... Oh, they'll be there.

My next thing, the number three thing that i'm uh thankful for are koi fish because now i know what to do with a heinous tattoo i can make it more heinous with a koi fish that's what i learned from jacks on vanderpump rules this season why what did he do he got stassy and then turned it into a koi fish? No. He had a tribal tattoo, and then he covered it up by turning it into a koi fish, and he was going to have the koi fish swimming towards some sort of colorful flowers,

and it was supposed to be symbolic of something. And then he also got Stassi on his arm, too. Oh, my God. Okay, I would like to say I'm very thankful to Bravo for having zero sense of irony. Most things know how to make fun of themselves.

They remember past two weeks and can make callback jokes, stuff like that. Bravo has no sense of irony. They have no sense of self. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. They have not one, but two of the Housewives shows this

week having ladies swinging around on ropes i know when russell just killed himself two seasons ago and then you have all the people from real housewives of beverly hills swinging around on ropes that is just wrong that is wrong brother wrong you know and it's dangerous too because these women have spent millions of dollars carefully putting different parts of their bodies in different places and to put them upside down and swing them around threatens to jeopardize the entire franchise. Yes, totally.

Exactly. I don't know, Bravo. Bravo's a disturbing fucking channel. I mean, poor Carlton. All her stuff is going to come shaking loose. Carlton. She's so stupid, it's amazing. I listened to a song called I Kissed a Girl. Shut up, Mr. Furley.

I know. By the way, I have a theory that Carlton has actually never dabbled in lesbianism, and I think that she just gets off talking as if she does, but she has no experience in it whatsoever. No, it's just how she gets the attention of rich dudes. It's like girls in college, you know? They can only get attention it's like the ugly girls can only get attention

by making out with each other in bars and then they'll get some guy to bang them both in the alley drunk. Like, wow. Great job. By the way, I only have two more things that I'm thankful for but I'm going to put in a 2A right now which is to say I am so thankful that Carlton no longer practices black magic. I'm thankful for, but I'm going to put in a 2A right now, which is to say I am so thankful that Carlton no longer practices black magic.

I'm so thankful she only practices the light magic now. I was so scared there for a minute, but knowing that she's back on the side of good, so much less stress in my life. I was like, oh, my God, she's a witch. She's practicing the black magic. She's like, no, no, no, not anymore. Now that she has children, never again.

Never. So I'm thankful for that. Okay, well, that was my number two. What's your number two? Oh, was that actually your number two? Uh-huh. Oh, wow. Oh, sorry, I stole that from you.

My number two is that. No, no, no. I'm saying that my last thing was my number two. Oh, okay. I think, or maybe, I don't know. I think you're out of order. It's okay. No, I have two.

I have two more. Okay, so here's my true number two. I am thankful for breaking news, so that way I have an excuse to subscribe to the Alexia Echeverria breaking news report. Oh, well, you know, like, this is just the end. Oh, well, you know, Peter. Oh, well, you know, Peter.

You know, Peter, he has a lot of things to say about Thanksgiving, you know. Like, he doesn't like turkey very much. Like, really, like, you know, Peter, he has a lot of things to say about Thanksgiving. You know, like he doesn't like turkey very much. Like it really like seeing the turkey get killed reminds him of his father and the way his father would kill people. But, you know, so if that's what makes him happy, that's what makes him happy. And what's what scares him, that's what scares him. Well, you know. Well, yeah, you know, Thanksgiving, you know, sometimes scares Peter because one time he was walking down the street and he gave somebody a dollar and they said thank you. one time he was walking down the street and he gave somebody a dollar and they said thank you and then he gave them a punch in the face and then took a picture of it and he got millions of views

on the youtube so it's like he he got a thanks and he gave some giving so he totally understands the holiday you guys and it's all because he's upset about his brother oh well you know like he's oh well you know peter he's he's very sensitive and like he's an artist too. And so like when he was like punching the homeless man, he wanted to show like what thanks could be like for different cultures, you know? So that's all that it was. Yeah, you know, Peter's an artist. So, you know, he's like that artist Polk who used to just drop things on things. And so, you know, he uses homeless people blood drops and the way they splatter on things is artistic, you know?

And with the money he's raising from that, he's buying a bunch of CDs so he can copy his song, The N-Word Bitch, and he can sell that to raise money for his brother to go to counseling. Oh, well, you know, Peter, I mean, he's basically like Gallagher, you know? Like, he just has a smaller hammer. Like, his hand is his hammer. It's just like Gallagher. Homeless people are like watermelons. Yeah, they're like watermelons and watermelons are like the most beautiful fruit so like in a way it's like a compliment to the homeless guy and you know that's just the way

peter is expressing himself as an artist because so well you know miami heads are very um juicy oh well you know like it's a latin thing you know to think a homeless person's a waterman oh well the other person doing the news was racist right now because they said it was a latin thing and that was racist and when you say a gang and you say latin that means racist and so you know peter i told peter don't be like the other person doing the news because they're racist and well and you know like uh the breaking news network the alexia eschevera breaking news network we actually only have taxis and so like sometimes peter will kick a taxi because he thinks he's, like,

saying, hey, mom, because he thinks I'm in the taxi, but, like, sometimes I'm not in the taxi, like, sometimes I'm not out of the taxi, and so Peter gets confused, you know, but that's just who he is. That's just who he is. I love that that's how every confessional ends with her. That's just Peter. That's how he is.

By the way, we have to give, actually, this is the first real true thank you I have to give out, which is that both on this podcast and on my other podcast, Banjo with Ben and Lisa, we're always trying to get people to sign up with GoDaddy.com. And finally someone did it. And it was Lori Wendell. She bought a domain, and this is the domain that she bought. She bought OhWellYouknowpeter.com. Actually, we've got a few. Emmy bought Spider Butler for Matt.

And she actually made a website. You can go to, I think it's called spiderbutler.com. And then someone also bought Shut Up Jill Zarin. Oh, that's great. Or Shut Up Mountain or something. Yeah. So we need to make – I need to, like, spend some time and actually make a site for that because we had a contest where people could go buy a site with our code name, which maybe you still can. Try it if you need a site.

It's Crappins, yeah. GoDaddy. With GoDaddy.com. Yeah, the best name we would make a website for, like a simple website. And I think that Shut Up Mountain deserves a website. I think that's really good. And we could send people there and they could send someone to Shut Up Mountain

every week or whatever. Yeah, and I think that if someone wanted to buy the Alexa Echeveros, or, I'm sorry, how do you even say her last name? The Alexa Echevera BreakingNewsNetwork.com I would be very happy with that. But I love, honestly though

I have to say of all those, I just love ohwellyouknowpeter.com honestly, like Laurie Wendell, when I read that it so made my day I thought that was the funniest thing, because it's like my new favorite running joke of ours, ohwellyouknowpeter and when people say it in the comments some people would say it

they're like oh well you know peter and they just do their comment like their normal comment and i like honestly i crack up every single time oh you know peter oh well you know peter like he likes to write comments about urls that's just like because he wants to bring back bum fights you know i don't know if you remember that website but peter wants to know that. He's like an entrepreneur. He's like a Donald Trump. He's like a little Donald Trump. If Donald Trump slept all day and got really fat in two months. Yeah. So let me see. I'm thankful for that minute-long moment on Real Housewives of Orange County this season

where Tamara's tongue got stuck to a block of ice and she could not speak that was probably the best moment of the entire season of Real Housewives of Orange County I think we need to go like American Horror Story Coven style cut out that bitch's tongue and she would be 50 times more interesting than she is now but you can't cut out the tongue because then you you have to also remember the great visual of her sticking her injured tongue into a little cup of hot tea. Like some weird lizard

trying to attack a fly. I would just like to see Tamra learn to be that much of a bitch with no actual words. And I'll bet she could do it. I'll bet if the only thing she could move on her entire body was her elbows, she could still be the most offensive housewife ever created. Oh, that's a good one.

That's a really, really good one. All right. Now my number one thing that I'm most thankful for. Oh, well, you know, Peter, we have the breaking news. This is the number one most thankful thing of all time. Oh, this is the number one. This would be number two, but it moved up to number one because we feel so bad for Peter's

brother. So my number one thing that I'm most thankful for is Vanderpump Rules for reminding me that no matter how much I feel like I've failed in my life, no matter how much I feel like I've done nothing, no matter how much I think things could never get worse,

I know that they can get worse, and it's in Vanderpump Rules. Like, that there is a glimmer of hope for me. And I know that this is something that will resonate with a bunch of you, because actually several of you said the same thing in our comment section. You all said, thank God for Vanderpump Rules for making me feel so much better about myself. I mean, for real.

Those people are rock bottom, and they really think they're on top of a hill. Ugh, they're really... It's the dregs. The dregs. The dregs. I don't even know what dregs... You know what dregs...

Like, that's what Jack's gonna make his sweaters out of. Dregs. He's gonna reach down into a gutter, pull out something, dry it, put it on a wheel, spin it into thread,

and make... It'll be like a half blend. It'll be like half blend of his, of like, dried cum and dregs. Yeah, it's cum, twats, and dregs. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, I would, I cannot believe that this is my number one thing that I'm thankful

for this year, because it's extremely out of character for me, and I never thought that I would want to see this with this character but I would actually like to say I'm thankful for Kim Richards sobriety because it proves that you do not need alcohol to be a crazy drunk

she is still the craziest drunk on TV and she's not drinking she's still it's like once you really marinated your voice it stays like that for an hour. And, like, your brain apparently gets so mushy that it can't quite bounce back. It's like when you've used a sponge too many times and it just stays, like, flat and brown.

Yeah. Like, no matter how much water you pour onto it. Yeah. That's Kim. No matter how many times you put it through the dishwasher that sponge, there's no coming back that's Kim, I mean this week when she was all mad at Yolanda for speaking when she's trying to lecture everybody

at the Cirque du Soleil thing and then Kyle says, well did you say bye to Yolanda, she goes, yes she says, well what did you say to her and she goes bye no, no it wasn't even that, it wasn't even bye it was a long pause, she goes Bye. No, no.

It wasn't even that. It wasn't even bye. It was like, with a long pause, she goes, goodbye. Yes. No, I am thankful for that.

You know, the thing is this. Here's the truth of the matter. How many chairs did Kim fall off of when she was drunk? Zero. How many did she fall off of when she's totally stationary and sober? One. So we know that she's just? Zero. How many did she fall off of when she's totally stationary and sober? One. So we know that she's just permanently fucked up.

Yeah, she's just permanently drunk. And I love it, because I feel like so many people use drug and alcohol to give them a personality, and she's just proving you don't need it. I mean, well, after you've done enough, you don't need it. But did you watch that whole thing that they were doing during commercials

where they were talking about that movie Frozen? Oh, I had to fast forward. I couldn't. Kyle looks like Connie Chung. She has gotten so much Botox that she cannot move any of her face anymore. She's like an Asian invasion is on her face. And Kim seemed drunk because she's like, oh, Frozen. Oh, I remember Disney movies.

Oh, but I'm cold. Hey, can I get some ice to my drink? Get in, it's cold! I was like, oh no, Kim drunk again. But also, it made me wonder, what's wrong with Kim's neck? I mean, why is she always wearing something around her neck? It's like the girl... See, I'm talking about American Horror Story again.

I'm sorry, I just got caught up, you guys. Because you know what? Her neck is getting old. That's why. It has the chicken feet thing. You know? Chicken skin. Yeah, well, the waddle or whatever?

Just chicken skin. Just your old standard chicken skin. Well, I don't know. I feel like it's better to just have a waddle than look like you might have tried to cut your own throat, but you're trying to hide it. All I have to say is this. Those two women, their hair looked great, and I think we all know who can be to thank for that. None other than Miss Joyce, who was so kind to fix everyone's hair, including Lisa, who was most unappreciative, as we soon found out. Oh my god.

Okay, the first recap I wrote of this season i said joyce would only last one year that was pretty much proof yeah come on she that was like the most awkward insertion of an attempt at a storyline of all time i mean that was the worst they were talking about first of all they were talking about something totally different they were already having a ridiculous fight over Yolanda, which was stupid. Or the paparazzi. The paparazzi called Brandy a bully in front of her kids. All of a sudden, by the way, I love that Brandy suddenly has some modesty and she doesn't appreciate something.

Yeah, Brandy who's videotaped by the paparazzi at least once a week, shit-faced to the point of falling down. Brandy whose t who's hanging out yeah brandy who starts twitter wars and calls uh the stepmother of her children like the c word and stuff on twitter um brandy who like just last week did a fucking porno nude scene in her hot tub at home and her lease. Brand, what else does that little charming little Brandy does? The girl who goes on Howard Stern and talks about nasty anal, like, whatever. Suddenly you're worried about your kids.

Yeah, and now all of a sudden, all of a sudden she's called a bully and she's missed, you know, like, Emily Post here. So I love how in the middle of this stupid fight, this artificial fight, then Joyce goes and brings Lisa Vanderpump off to the corner and is like, listen, I just want you to know that when I first met you, you were actually very cold to me. And I did not appreciate that because I tried to fix a hair and you said, oh, I don't care. And Lisa's like, what the fuck?

Well, I love that Lisa's smart smart and this is why she's queen but this is this is why lisa's smart she just says darling i'm sorry i didn't mean to hurt your feelings well you did you were extremely rude oh well i was probably just saying don't you know don't touch my hair whatever i didn't mean to be rude but you were and the way you said it was so and she's like oh god she just God. And she just walks away. I know, yeah. Lisa's like, I said, you know, like, oh, it's okay. I don't care. And then Joyce is like, no, you were like, I don't care.

And she's like, Joyce, like, swiveling her head back and forth. But the best part was, like, she somehow shrouds this in some sort of sanctimonious thing that, like, I'm telling you this because I'm a direct person and I don't like to gossip. And I'm telling this to your face because I will always tell you something to your face, unlike the other girls who are telling me about this behind your

back, but I'm telling it to your face. I'm like, you know what you just did right there is you just threw everyone under the bus over the stupid hair. Well, even Brandy said it. Oh, good. I know. What was that? Oh my god. I feel like Beverly Hills is back on track this season. They're back to petty fights over stupid shit

and they're all angry at each other and that's what I like. See, I disagree because I think Beverly Hills is off because of these trashy women they got. I like it. I think before, at least the women, like even Taylor, she was a con woman and she was married to a con man,

but at least, I don't know know there was something interesting about that even though i hated taylor you know i did yeah adrian became a bitch but i don't know there's something about them that sees they used to be like the classy housewives because even the first season they had that fight going on the whole season but it was just kyle calling someone insecure it was like that was it the whole year and then it became the psychic which was an amazing episode right but there were like the richest and kind of the classiest and now you add two like strippers in it just doesn't or three because brandy i don't know i'm not liking the turn i'm not liking the trashy turn i like it when it's classier ladies acting

like trash trashy ladies acting like trash i, that's why we have lifetime and oxygen. That's true. That's true. Well, I'm at the end of my list. I guess we finished the things that we're thankful for, huh? Yeah, we finished. We're done. Let's go kill some Indians and celebrate the country. Yeah. All right, everyone. Well, we are most thankful for all of you, and I am most thankful for social media which provides us a wonderful platform to extend our brand

I'm at I know awful awful transition I'm sorry I'm not thankful for that expand our brand listen I was just trying to get from the next talking point so I'm at blog on Twitter and Instagram

and Vine and everywhere else, Pinterest, whoever, wherever. Please follow me. Please, please, please. Yeah, I actually don't really care if you follow me or not on anything. But do come read my Real Housewives recaps at TrashTalkTV.com. You'll like them. Yeah. Ronnie is super funny, in case you couldn't already tell.

And Ronnie is at TrashTweet tweet tv and trash talk tv.com and then of course our very very funny podcast is on facebook facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens we have like 2100 fans it's awesome it's great everyone's funny everyone posts good links and stuff things that you never would have found out anywhere else. They're on that Facebook page. And of course, you should subscribe to us on Stitcher and on iTunes and your life will be just so much

better. You'll have so many more things to be thankful for once those podcasts are automatically downloading onto your devices and your computers. Yes, guys, yes. Yes and yes. So everyone, have a wonderful, wonderfulgiving and hope you don't get stuck in too much traffic uh gobble gobble yeah we'll see you next time guys bye that crap end

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