Watch What Crappens - #107: Pride and Prejudice

Episode Date: December 11, 2013

This week, Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) are both joined by Lisa Timmons (Banter With Ben and Lisa) and Katie Carzola (The Nail Files) for a super long and fun romp through all of Bravo's trash. Vanderpump Rules, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Shahs of Sunset were all on fire this week. Come on in! Special deal for Crappens listeners! Get your own site! FREE lifetime domain registration with any package! Go to DreamHost here: http://www.dreamhost.com/r.cgi?1533003 and type in the code CRAPPENS at checkout! Thanks for supporting us! Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-cra... On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/w... Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrap... Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, Ronnie here. 2014 is almost upon us and you know what that means. You gotta get all the crap done that you didn't do in 2013. Like lose 100 pounds, have a baby with a registration, and that is a lifetime registration, okay? Free lifetime domain registration when you sign up for any of their hosting packages. You'll be supporting the podcast. You'll be supporting the internet by adding your lovely voice to the chorus that's already here.

And it's going to be a win-win for everybody, okay? Let's start 2014 off right. Let us read you guys. Dreamhost.com. Coupon code CRAPPENS. Thanks for listening. Enjoy this very special episode. Watch.

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Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. I'm Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com.

I'm recapping Real Housewives of Beverly Hills all season, so get your butts over there and read them. I'm here with my lovely and talented and year-older co-host, Ben Mandelker of B-Side Blog. Hello, Benjamin. Hello, thank you. Hello, hello, everyone. You can find Ben's old ass at B-Sideblog.com and on every social media outlet ever invented at b-sideblog. Yes.

And today we have two of our favorite special guests of all time. Yes. This is like an all-star, real-world battle of the seasons, except it's not a battle. And Jill Zarin's not here. But otherwise, we have Ms. Lisa Timmons. Hello, Lisa. Welcome back, Lisa. Oh my gosh, guys.

I've missed you. I've been watching lots of Bravo. So I feel good about this. Yeah. We feel good about it, too. You can find Lisa on her other podcast with Ben, Banter with Ben and Lisa. Or you can also find her on Twitter at TimmonsLisa. Okay, guys? We're also back with Katie Cazorla. Yay! banter with ben and lisa or you can also find her on twitter at tim and lisa okay guys

we're also back with katie cazorla katie is from the television program the painted nail i mean the nail files um which is about her experience at the painted nail clearly ron never watched it. Her gigantic empire of nail nailness. Nailed it. Nailed it. Katie, girl, you've seen my nails. You know how much I pay attention to

nail things. I know. Your salon is called your mouth. Totally, totally. Oh! Oh, thanks. He's very flexible with his feet. You should see the pedicures he gets you can find katie on twitter at the painted nail and where else do you want them to find you katie you know i'm a big instagram lover so i'm on instagram my name is The Painted Nail. And I'm on Facebook as forward slash official Katie Cazorla. Yeah, and don't worry.

We're almost done with links. If you want to talk to us during the show, we are at Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens. Or you could tweet us at What Crappens. Okay, guys. Now, let's just get on with this. okay guys now let's just get on with this we have gotten in a little bit of trouble with our listeners lately because we have just been talking about random uh the weather seriously our last podcast if you want to go back and listen to it we had like a five minute interlude where we sang all i want for christmas is you so oh my gosh however it was special because katie's fiance

walter was on piano. And as people know, he actually wrote the song. So it was very special for us. I hope it was special for you guys. But we'll try to stay on task. You didn't even have to watch the Rockefeller Tree Center lighting because you got to listen to the same exact song except sung by three non-alcoholics. Yeah, and you got to hear what Mariah Carey basically sounds like without any producer intervention.

Sounds like two men. Ew. Ew. So let's go ahead this week and start with Shazza's Sunset because we did not even get to that last week. And that show has been crazy, disgusting, fat and hairy, and it needs to be discussed. This is America! This is discussed. This is America!

This is America! This is America! Guys, I am loving Shaz this season. Everyone is ready to kill everyone else. You know, here, I had this really terrible thought today as I was watching, like, the umpteenth Bravo episode that took place at Gay Pride this week. I had this realization as people were bickering and screaming at each other across all these episodes. The Shazza Sunset have unfortunately become the voices of reason on this network.

They are like the only people that seem to have like a little bit of proper judgment about anything. And that's a real sad state to be in. What are you talking about? What did I miss in the episode? Everyone's crazy. They're all awful, racist, even the gay guy is homophobic exactly even the gay the gayest gay guy that i possibly know is homophobic and use the app word which is totally inappropriate and troll nessa needs to go well okay so i guess this is the reason i said said this. I'm totally pro-GG, actually.

I kind of want to see a fight. I'm always, listen. I'm team MJ. Here's why I think I said it, because I was watching Vanderpump Rules, and we'll get to this down the line in the podcast. And as these kids were fighting over, I'm on Team A, and they're on Team B. And Jax, I can't believe you did this or that. They cut to the Shazza Sunset float going down, down Santa Monica Boulevard.

And for the first time ever, they looked civilized compared to these Vanderpump Rules. Do you know why? Because Lisa didn't let anybody drink. They were all trashed on the Shazza float. So everyone was being very cordial and happy and jovial. I guess so. I guess so. Well, and also Reza wasn't there there so it's like leaving off stassi and then wondering why everything's calmed down you left the biggest shit stir off the boat you

know you can't just take peewee off the show because then it's just a talking couch and that's why i say the shots of sunset had a modicum of of judgment this week because they were smart they took reza out of the equation and suddenly had a very peaceful time. It's like, that's what smart people do. They eliminate the drama people. Can we talk for one second? I absolutely adored the fact that Lily was straight up channeling LaToya Jackson at that parade. She looked amazing. What the hell was she wearing? I'll tell you what she was wearing. A LaToya Jackson collection ensemble. But she looked like Cher. She looked like skinny Cher in a Latoya Jackson outfit. You know what I thought she looked like?

When you're playing Grand Theft Auto and you drive into the rich part of the city and they have the rich ladies walking down the street in their big black hats. That's what Lily looked like. She looked like she was ready to get run over by a car. And then you get out of the car and just beat them for fun because you can do that in Grand Theft Auto and that's why kids love it. Yay! Random acts of violence against Lily.

Little known fact, Ronnie, you can do that in real life. This was gay float auto. I would totally buy and play. Just start beating up floats you hate. Oh my god, that would make gay pride so much more fun. It's like, how about you put on some ass full chaps because your hairy ass should not be hanging out and i love that they okay so this week they go to pride it's pride obviously on

shaz and mike's walking down the street all proud of himself for not beating somebody up for being gay he's could be could swing that way. Oh God. He's so having fun. He's having too much fun. He's like, yeah, a couple fingers up your butt from a busboy doesn't make you gay,

right? No, Mike, it doesn't. There's a, there's a limit. There's a fine line. Yeah, four fingers,

totally gay. Two to three, uh, iffy. Two and a pinky, you're okay. But two the middle you're you're totally gay yeah uh but yeah he uh he's so proud of himself for not gay bashing but he's like you know i used to get scared when i would see gay people but now i don't feel that way and i love

that as he's talking about the homophobia he used to feel the second he saw a gay person they're showing the most horrifying gay people of all time it's like the 60 year old man in fishnet stockings roller skates and a bikini top yeah you know and then cut to someone who looks exactly like asa and her mother combined yeah i i feel like he knows what side of his bread gets buttered by Bravo. So, yeah, he's, I don't know. It's like it's nice that you're going to Pride and everything. But, yeah, let's not forget who writes those checks. Because you sure enough aren't making any money off that damn real estate.

That bus. That bus doesn't even take people anywhere. Well, I thought, so let's back up a little bit. Because we had two episodes since our last podcast. And I actually thought they were kind of fascinating because what happened on the first episode is that we met some new super flamboyant gay guy named Sasha, who's Persian.

I love Sasha. I have to say, I kind of team Sasha. I'm totally team Sasha. Yeah, like even though he's like, you know, he's like annoying. Raza was a dick. Raza was a dick to him. I kind of team Sasha. I'm totally team Sasha. Yeah, like, even though he's, like, he, you know, he's, like, annoying. Reza was a dick. Reza was a dick to him. Agreed. Agreed.

Total, total dick. Because what happened was Reza's nice, stupid boyfriend invites Sasha up to the apartment. And, you know, Sasha comes, like, you know, when Reza walks in, Sasha comes sort of, like, swishing over to him in a very effeminate style. And is like, hi, nice to meet you. And, like, I understand. It's kind of annoying. Like, that's sort of, like, swishing over to him in a very effeminate style. And it's like, hi, nice to meet you. And I'm like, I understand. It's kind of annoying. Like, that's sort of like an annoying presence, like having, like, a mosquito in jorts coming at you. Yeah.

But the guy wasn't mean. He was perfectly nice. And Reza was an asshole from the very, very first moment. Yeah. He's pushing the guy. Well, what I love about Reza's issues with him are he's like, I'm only a certain amount of gay. That guy's like way more gay than I am. I know.

I can't relate. I hate him. Reza's like, you know, like on the spectrum, like, you know, of masculinity, I'm like a three and he's like a 10. I'm like, Reza, what spectrum is this? Because. You're wearing Mrs. Roper's muumuu turned into a fucking blazer two sizes too small for you. Please.

That would count as spectrum. Yeah, I know. I just love your fat. Yeah. He's like, well, you don't say that. That's like me telling you you're fat. Oh, my God. And he's like, but I'm not.

He's like, really? I think it's time to start going to meetings because. Zing. Yeah. Yeah. Reza has some, I think it's time to start going to meetings because Zing! Reza has some, I think you know, on the one hand I don't know whether to applaud him for having such high self-esteem or

to pat him on the back for being so delusional What are you talking about? He's completely self-loathing Well, obviously I don't think he has any self-esteem There's no self-esteem there But now I do not Well, I thought it was sort of fascinating in this first meeting, one of the things that was getting Reza so mad was that he had this whole thing that like he was from the

wonderful miraculous empire of iran and that this and sasha was from like afterwards like the new regime um and that sasha coming to america didn't have any sort of uh consequences for being to the point whereas reza had consequences, and he resented that, because Reza was saying he has a whole family out here in America, so he can't just be the flamboyant queen that he wants to be, which is, again, hilarious, because as we've all seen, that blazer he's been wearing this season, that looks like a terrible carpet. Yeah, what exactly are his consequences?

He comes to this country with a shit ton of money. He doesn't really have to do anything he does anyway and he's probably placed in a very cushy place because of his connections like i'm really not going to feel bad for you because you like to suck a dick every now and then reza like seriously and by the way last time i checked reza was the one licking a guy's armpit and resputing i totally remember that like don't talk to us about like overdoing it with the gayness. Well, you have to read in between the lines, too, because this is Reza's show.

And so the fact that they cast a flaming queen to compete with his ass, I mean, he is just. That's just Tamara Barney. Yes. He's freaking out. That's why Vicky is mean to everybody who comes on their show. I mean, that's what these ladies do. You know, look at Beverly Hills. They're all going on Joyce now.

Like, they do not want someone new. And we've never seen a gay guy have the chance to fall apart like one of the housewives. And we're seeing it now. And that whole thing, like, your boyfriend just happened to meet some guy at the pool and bring him up to your apartment. I mean, come on, guys. At least, you know, at least go to the Chamber of Commerce. If we're going to cross storylines, just have the Armenian. It was totally contrived, but I don't care because the resulting drama was so delicious.

And I also have an open question for the group. Does Reza's boyfriend do anything other than sit on the corner of the couch all day? Like, every single scene is the guy just sitting there waiting for Reza to come home. What does this guy do with his life? I think as soon as Reza's gone, he just like falls back asleep on the couch and then he reanimates as soon as there's like movement at the door. Yeah. You're right. It's like my computer. When I shake the mouse, it's like, hello, you're back. I brought someone. I think he's like one of those little bowls of inspirational sayings. And you just like, the only time you really pay attention to it is when you pick something out of it.

And then you're like, oh, that's nice. And then you just put it away. Agreed. No, he's like the security light in my dog run. It's not on, it's not on. All of a sudden it comes on and I'm like, oh my God, is there a dog running? The dog runs. Yeah, it comes on and then suddenly there's so much shitting all over him.

Oh my God. Jesus, Reza. Could you imagine dating that guy? But I don't like it. What are you doing? And I love how everything his boyfriend does annoys him. You're breathing so stupid. Imagine how he feels cleaning that shower drain.

Like pulling a dog's wig out of a shower hole. That's like so white. It's like very Persian to shed three pounds of hair into the shower drain. White people are like, I don't shed anything, but like homeboy Asa, you know, it's like pulling out a wig from the drain. White people have Movember and they grow a mustache. Do you know how many cancer children have little Reza back hairs growing all over their heads? It's like a whole salon.

You're welcome. Movember comes along, my face looks like a sea urchin. I have zero room to talk about shower drain cloggage, so I can't even. My God. I'm probably worse than Reza. Yeah, I'm Lebanese. I'm like a self-hating brown person. I'm like, let's make fun of them for erratic hair growth.

This is America. This is America. I'm not being free. So later in the episode, the only other significant thing that happened on last week's episode, I think, is that they all went to MJ's in Silver Lake for Club Nure, which is like the Middle Eastern gay night. And Mike is like, I thought this would be a great thing for Reza, you know,

like gay and Persian. Like, this is his brothers. He should be in arms with them. Little does Mike realize how self-loathing gays are. And so they go there, and surprise, surprise, Sasha is there. And Sasha comes up, and he's, like, talking to, I guess, Adam. And then MJ comes over and tries to sort of find out the side of the story. And Sasha starts saying it, and then what's-his-face Reza gets involved,

and they get into a whole big fight over all of it. And in the end, ultimately what happens is that Reza makes reference to Sasha's older brother who's there and Reza, you know, calls him gay. I think actually not to be mean. He calls him his faggot-ass brother. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

Never mind. But he wasn't doing it to... I love not to be mean, but that's how he identifies himself. Yes. I'm sorry. Well, I didn't mean to say not to be mean, but that's how he identifies himself. Yes. I'm sorry. Well, I didn't mean to say not to be mean. No, I'm just kidding.

I don't think Reza was intending to out him, but he did call him a faggot ass brother. Well, I'm not up for that whole we outed the brother thing. Your brother is hanging out at a gay bar on camera on Bravo. On Bravo. Wearing like a tight t-shirt showcasing his man boobs and like chest hair. Stop it. He was like a Persian Chris Parnell. And what I thought was hilarious was at first I started to laugh.

I'm not going to lie. I started to laugh because, you know. I'm going to laugh when we find out Chris Parnell is Persian. And you're being redundant. I know. Two Persians don't make a right Persian. No, but I started to laugh because, you know, like, Sasha's like, he is not gay. He never used that word.

And then he cuts to this guy and he's got, like, his hand up by his chin and be like, yeah, like, I'm not like that. So I'm like, oh, this poor soul. But then later I actually took back my laughter because. He recanted your laughter. I redacted my laughter because then once you know reza stormed out of there and everything then um sasha and his brother started saying this whole thing about like listen i we didn't come to this country to be called faggots and like like we don't want to put a label on on what it is and i actually sort of like understood that and i thought it was a very poignant moment

that the brothers were crying what other country do they call people faggots in you came to the wrong place bitch i know oh my god west hollywood i know i know my gay friends call each other that so you know i mean whatever yeah i actually don't do that i i don't like doing that but it's like you know what if you want to come to a place for acceptance i have a i have a spoiler alert west hollywood ain't it i mean you could be thin you could be gorgeous have perfect muscles not an ounce of hair growing on you they're still gonna be mean to you yeah like don't don't let the rainbow sidewalks fool you it is a place where you can go you look at beautiful people and you come home and cry exactly and sometimes it's not the straight people that are being mean. It's always the non-straight people. Yeah, everyone's so excited to become an adult

because you're like, oh my God, I'm not going to get beat up in high school anymore. No, now you're going to get ripped to shreds verbally in gay bars and it's way worse. Yeah. Y'all need to hang out more on the east side.

Whatever. Let's go. Come to the family, bitch. Well, that's something. That's an interesting thing that happened with the whole Reza thing and why he's so upset. Because it's really not just Reza. That's a humongous part of being gay. You know, there's all these different little segments.

There's all these different kinds of gays. There's like the bears. And they're really butch. And they don't like these effeminate little twinks running around like with assless ch no they like assless chaps i'm getting them all mixed up now i'm getting my brands mixed up but you know the butch bears don't like the drag queens and the drag queens don't like the anyone really i don't think drag queens like anyone no it's like they're different scenes of different tastes and i will say to reza's credit it is a little annoying like if you have a certain type that you like and and there's a certain type of group that you generally try to you know that you sort of like

hanging with a little bit more it's annoying when someone comes in and ends like oh you guys are both gay you should just automatically get along it's like well not necessarily you know but at the same time Reza was being totally dismissive like you know I if I if someone dragged me to a scene that was not my scene I wouldn't be like furious and just act like a prima donna like why the fuck am I here I'd be like okay well I might as well enjoy it it's a different scene but let's have fun with it you did that at my house last week

that's true I was like where the fuck are the muscular black guys this isn't my scene I'm trying to figure out what my scene is guys I know how you feel though can i just say something i know exactly how you feel because and not just because of like you know sexuality or whatever but most of the time people look at me and assume dumb bimbo so i should go hang out at the playboy mansion with my types but let me just tell you something like you don't yeah sorry guys

i went to college okay i mean i graduated but i went i've been she's been she's she's you know walked the grounds no but it's true like people you know you know, it's like people do make assumptions. And, you know, sometimes people are very excited because they know two different people and they just assume they get along because they like both people. It's like, no, it doesn't always work that way. But there's no reason to cop an attitude about it. Like the way Reza did, you know. He was just immediately angry.

And, yeah, he was the minute he saw that guy he was ready for a fight and you know one of the things if i may get slightly i guess not really serious but like not as sarcastic for a moment you know one of the things that i've learned on my little gay journey is that like in the beginning i really didn't like being around the feminine guys because i felt like it was a reflection on me and like you know even though we're sitting here doing this super catty podcast you know i don't see myself as being like like sasha you know like walking around with my ass out i wish i was like sasha i know i mean i wish i could do that but like i kind of do too i can't even wear leggings like that yeah there's a guy who can bite his own toenails but you know at the beginning you know it's like you know you're you know you're sort of insecure a little bit because, you know, you're just out of the closet, et cetera.

And you sort of, like, have this vision of what you are. But what happens is as you get more comfortable with yourself and in your own skin, it's like, okay, I may not date someone like Sasha who's, like, super, like, you know, super swishy. But, you know, I sleep with him after a couple of shots. And that's what's important. Well, I mean, he does have a great body. Thank you for your honesty ronnie but the thing is that like but then you know you realize you know just because you have like it's okay i don't mind being friends with someone like that in fact i like i have friends who are all different types of masculinity uh on the gay spectrum and

it's fine and that's and so seeing reza react to sasha like that it's like so insecure you know well it's trying to be you know it's that thing where you everyone you've grown you've grown up with so much homophobia that when you're out in the real world you're like this is why there's homophobia because those guys are flaming it's like yeah you're sucking a dick so you can either like everyone has the same rights to be whoever they want you know like you're not the only person allowed to be a freak. And, you know, everyone is. And that is kind of hard to deal with.

And sometimes at Gay Pride, I do look at, like, the freaks they were showing on Bravo, where I'm like, yeah, okay, 65-year-old guy and assless chaps,

and, like, you've got a hole in your fucking fishnets. Like, yeah, it's gross, but you know what? You have the right to be a freak. I may not want to be

in the same parade with you. I'll just walk on the other side of the sidewalk. But, you know... Don't leave your house then. Yeah, it's gross, but you know what? You have the right to be a freak. I may not want to be in the same parade with you. I'll just walk on the other side of the sidewalk. Don't leave your house then. Don't leave your house on gay pride if you're going to be a judgmental crazy cat. And the thing is also, you may hear us talk on this podcast frequently about

ugh, these are the worst gays or fashion queens, etc. I love fashion queens for the record, so continue. Well, I agree to disagree, unlike something housewives can do. But, like, the thing is that, like, people would be like, how can you be bashing all these gay guys on Bravo

and then be sitting here talking about, like, well, everyone has a right to express themselves. I think our issue is more, like, people sort of think... Our issue is they're Persian. We're being racist, people. Get it straight. Exactly. No, it's really more, racist, people. Get it straight. Exactly. No, it's really more like people think this is the only aspect of sort of gay life, is like these flamboyant guys in the heels wearing lipstick,

when there's really, there are all sorts of variations. And it can be a little annoying to have these gay guys kind of represent us, you know? Well, since housewives are being represented by crazy women who are constantly screaming and having pool fights, I can somewhat relate to what you guys are talking about. And bloggers are being represented by people like Kat from Eat, Drink, Love. Oh, yeah. I think that every section of society is being hurt by Bravo. Stop Bravo. Let's stop Bravo.

Equal opportunity shaming yeah i have a question katie i would love to hear how you're feeling about mj and your rationale behind that is it because her nails are so fabulous i actually really love them i just tell you other things her nails are disgusting i love crazy nails like i can't because i can't have them and so when i see them i just i covet them so much i don't understand why can't you have them do you play the guitar no i bite my nails and i pick at my cuticles so i'm never healthy enough to have those put on sorry guys i've completely taken this, no, I'm actually fascinated by this. Wait, I have to go now. Katie's like, this is not my scene.

This is like, this is America! This is handball, Lisa and Katie. I mean, I'm team MJ, so I feel like she can do no wrong. The only thing that I think she fucked up on was all she had to do was apologize at the campground. Remember a couple of... Absolutely. Just apologize. Everything else, I think she's...

I don't know. There's something about her that I really like. Besides the fact she's Ben's neighbor, I just really like her. Because you know that she's got good pills. That's why I like her. I would hang out with that girl because I know she would get me shit-faced for free. She'd have tons of food at her house.

And then you could go to her house and eat like a pig and she'd always out-eat me and make me feel better. And I'm not even kidding. I would totally be friends with her for that alone. She seems like a lot of fun, but she is a horrible friend. Can we just acknowledge she's a terrible friend? She's a terrible friend and a terrible

fucking human being and anybody who thinks different watches too much Bravo what are you talking about absolutely she's terrible what she did to Gigi was totally fucked up yeah then she immediately defended what she did for she defended

Reza blindly without even being there saying I defend my friends no matter what and last week you did the exact opposite of that yeah oh she broke she broke girl code big time oh my god you totally pay attention girl I take notes too I'm sad I didn't even know it was going to be on the podcast and I took notes. She just loves documenting her life. It's on your, like, MyFitnessPal diary. You're like, today I ate popcorn and a potato

and man, that MJ is a horrible human being. And this is what MJ said. Dear diary. Dear diary, I'm Team MJ so fuck everybody. Alright, what else did we have from shots so then what happened was you know the the sunday night's episode really took place with the gay pride and basically uh mike disinvited reza from a float that reza probably would not have gone on anyway and reza was like furious mainly because he probably was like, you know, he couldn't be on the gay thing.

But Reza was being a bitch when they asked him to do that float in the first place. He was like, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. Like, he would do it. He's like, this float is, sorry, I started doing a totally wrong accent. I started going, like, Indian or something like that. That's okay. You usually do a really good Reza. Focus.

I'm like, let me focus. Let me get in the zone. He's like, homeboys, float, like, is a disgrace to the gay community. I'm like, come on. It's not. in the zone. He's like, homeboys float like it's a disgrace to the gay community. I'm like, come on. It's not. I mean, it's really, it's just a float. I mean, the disgrace to the gay community is the blazer you've been wearing all season for interviews. That's the disgrace to the gay community, right?

Someone on our Facebook page, facebook.com forward slash watch where crap ends, posted a comparison between that blazer and the carpet in The Shining and the exact same pattern.ining. I am so impressed. And the exact same pattern. The exact same pattern. Like, literally, like, little children on, like, big wheels

have gone racing down Reza's blazer at this point. And scary twins have appeared on it. And it's actually, by the way, much more frightening than that movie ever was. I agree. Not on top of his rug stash. Did you guys already talk about, because I can't remember which exactly, which episode it was,

how Lily completely owned Asa at that lunch? We didn't really talk about that, but I mean, we can. That was a few weeks ago. Oh, okay. I couldn't remember if that was in the past two weeks. No, Lily did. I mean, listen, Lily has a law degree. She knows how to i i love lily lily's no phaedra parks she's

a real lawyer yeah although i have to say lily's a lawyer i thought she had a bikini line she is but she went to law school she she does but she went to law school she also i have to say though did she pass her bar i i think i think she did, actually, I don't know if she passed the bar or not, but I think Lily's only problem is when she busts out that weird wig with the bangs, because that was no good. No good at all. I told you, she looked like a scary, like the air was let out of Cher. I loved it. She does look bananas.

It was kind of like Rhythm Nation. It was a Rhythm Nation Latoya knockoff ensemble. She is too much, that girl. My favorite scene of her in the past few weeks was when she went shopping for bikini materials. And she's like, hey, when are we? Well, you know, you don't come in with a really good idea, bikinis. You've got to really just kind of let it speak to you. Is there like a hot girl discount for the bikinis?

Yeah, we're hot. We shouldn't have to pay for a price. We're hot. And then she ends up picking like. We need a boy here to pull this out. We need a boy. This is why we need a boy and not like three hot girls. I love that she picks like mustard. I love that she picked like a must.

It was like mustard. And that's going to be her brilliant bathing suit. Congratulations. Yay. Yellow looks good on everyone. Wow. Yellow. Burnt yellow.

Wow. Meanwhile, I think the only. Here's a whole grain. So I think the only... Here's some whole grain. So I think the only other thing that I thought was sort of funny, which I kind of feel bad at laughing at this, was at the end of Sunday's episode when Reza was sort of talking through his issues with Asa and he started to cry talk. And when Reza cry talks, it's like the funniest sound of all time. It's like, I'm realizing...

Wait, I've got to get in my Reza voice. I'm like. Head in the zone. I've got to get in my Reza zone. Like, let me do some random phrases like, homegirl. I'm like, I'm Reza. I'm homegirl. Homegirl has to realize that being gay and suicide and a secret life were my only choices.

I just started to laugh. Like, what he was saying was very poignant. But, like, the way he was saying it, I'm like. Oh, did that happen? I didn't catch the end. I just got so sick of that show. I turned it off. to laugh. What he was saying was very poignant, but the way he was saying it, like, oh, oh, oh. Oh, did that happen? I didn't catch the end. I just got so sick of that,

so I turned it off. Yeah, no, I agree. That's how I am. Yeah. I have to admit, though,

Ben, if I showed up at your place for, like, a special talk, and you had brought red velvet cupcakes,

I'd probably start crying, too, because it looks amazing. You know what? He was like to be a little brown boy in Beverly Hills, but not only a brown boy, but gay too. I don't know. I don't feel for him,

and I don't think you should just get to be hateful to everybody because you had, like, a bad childhood. Shut up. I know. We all got problems. Bad childhood, P.S. He didn't have to come over ps okay because he didn't have to come over on like in the back of a truck or shoved in the pipe of like somebody's you know suv he

didn't come over like that or on a donkey in the desert yeah he's over at first class i mean come on yeah and i don't feel for him bye done with you i you. I don't care. I'm not going to cry for you. He doesn't have excuses to be mean. And also, last week, after I saw that gay-hating one, I was like, ooh, I better look on Twitter to see what people are talking about. First of all, still don't really understand how to use Twitter, because I searched Reza, and all I saw were his tweets. I didn't see all the tweets of people that I'm sure were telling him off. There must have been people telling him off.

I don't know how to do that. But I saw one of his tweets and he was like, Hey, tonight watch Shaws of Sunset where Mike lies about standing up for a gay friend who came out of the closet. That's hilarious. Oh my God. So now he hates Mike.

It's like now he's going to turn on Mike and make his life hell. That guy has to betray someone new every single year. I just can't. Wait a second. So then who paid for the bus ad? Did they both collectively pay for it? I think Mike did.

I think Mike did. Don't you mean whose parents paid for the bus ad? Exactly. There's a reason Mike's mom is so depressed. By the way, I love Mike's mom. She is like a, she's, you know, no-nonsense Jewish mother. And I love the way she's like, well, you're making mistakes with your life. I'm like a, she's, you know, no nonsense Jewish mother. And I love the way she's like, well, you're making mistakes with your life. I'm like, yes, yes. I know he should really just

get engaged to distract from the career. Listen, Mike's doing the right thing. He's marrying this girl who is like the heir to some fortune. I forget what it was, but wasn't like her, isn't like her dad, like some huge multimillionaire he knows yes that's what they do they don't you he's like a male gold digger just fyi he he knows that what he does is kind of bullshitty it's kind of like the yolanda syndrome you may have had one or two modeling jobs and you're a model and all you've done is lived off rich guy's money like that yeah that kills me about her she's like oh i supported my family my whole life i'm like really when did you start putting your ankles behind your ears honey because it's not been your whole life okay pisses me off so like nothing makes me want to throw

my phone at the tv more or walter for that matter you know then listening to her talk about how she's done this and she's in that no you had one or two modeling jobs some guy spotted you thought you were hot and then decided you know that he was going to take care of you and then you're you've lived off his money ever since lucky girl honestly if you want to fuck muhammad and goddamn what's his face david foster knock yourself the fuck out i really don't care like more power to you honey because i am not willing to do that i will be over here with my government cheese happily not having pre-filled jacks oh my god i love government cheese fyi i've never you know why because it's it's wick

approved it's actual cheese uh sorry ben here's the part where the actual poor people impart a little knowledge to you please that's so why that's so why the government cheese like persian people are like give me some iranian cheese from a goat oh my god i my dad used to because he would help out at like those where they would pass out the food and he would bring it home and my mother was always horrified because my dad's french and it's like you are a cheese and wine connoisseur and you're bringing home this shit and it actually is really good it's real cheese it's not cheese product yes no it's not like the orange cheese it is oh it's real actual cheese because they give it to pregnant ladies i want to tell you

guys something i don't care if it's cheese actual cheese. Listen, guys. Because they give it to pregnant ladies. I want to tell you guys something. I don't care if it's cheese or cheese product. I will eat it all. I believe you. That's right. You go. You go, private school bed. Do we get you?

I dare you. I've taken a stance. I've taken a stance on this podcast. I will eat all cheese product. This reminds me of a maple syrup conversation we had years ago. Wait, this is good. Tell us what we said. Yeah. Little tangent. Yeah little little tangent yeah do tiny tangent and then i'll stop ben and i had a podcast we're talking about nikki minaj because i was recapping american idol just referencing saying that she loves the way somebody's saying so much that it made her want

to have uh buttermilk waffles with aunt jemima syrup poured on it. Or log, yes, log cabin. No, it was Aunt Jemima, wasn't it? Was it Aunt Jemima? Yes. And then Ben said, oh, real maple syrup. And that's when I said, do you know how expensive that shit is? Apparently not, because I grew up with Aunt Jemima. In this moment, I have more in common with Nicki Minaj than with you. To be fair,

as a purchaser of a real maple syrup, I have become very aware of how expensive that shit is, but I still maintain my snobby standards, which is that

I do actually like Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima, but I am a real maple syrup guy. I will use it when I can. I don't like any syrup. So more power to all of you for your ghetto syrup and your expensive Canadian imports.

So speaking of sweet syrupy things, why don't we move on to Beverly Hills? Because you know what? It was out of control. Pulling out the notes. Pulling out the notes. It was out of control. Pulling out the notes. Pulling out the notes. It was so crazy. Like, between all of the Kim confessionals and all of the bickering and all of the passive aggression and stupid bullshit going on, it was like my head was exploding in all different directions. It was like that kung fu clip where that guy takes his hands and smashes one guy's head and his head explodes.

That was what was happening to me by Bravo. I really wanted them to take the Kim confessionals and just edit them all together. So I could just watch that on the repeat. They did that on Watch What Happens Live. Oh, I'm so jealous. I should have watched that. They took all of her craziness and did like a musical type of montage, but it was like a Kim montage. And they did it for Kyle and that boring ass Abigail Breslin. So yeah, that bitch bought these pair of shoes

I wanted at this boutique in Studio City. And apparently she wears size six, because it was the only pair they had. But anyways, so let's talk about what... A real vengeful act. Yeah. Stupid Abigail Breslin. I wanted those Kula Burras.

Okay, so my whole thing is, how did you feel about Kim, Kyle, and Joyce being in one car? Brandi and Yolanda in the other, and Lisa and Carlton. Which car would you have picked? Lisa and Carlton. I would have chosen Lisa and Carlton because I thought that Brandi and Yolanda were being really annoying in a certain way. And of course, I don't want to be with the richard sisters uh or with uh joys i so for me it was team team vanderpump with yoice with yoice yoice oh i you guys i really enjoy this podcast i just wanted to tell you it fills me with yo yo to the world

yo guys are just too much um i have to say i would i mt i love yolo she's fucking going crazy and she is like so germanic that i can't help but love her and i love that brandy is basically basically a gay man yeah brandy is like a train wreck these days she is a stereotype more so than usual she is a real disaster. But, you know, I think what's so funny is that Lisa and Carlton, they get on the phone, they're calling the other car with Yolanda and Brandy. And Lisa's like, oh, darling, we have to come up with a nickname for you. Like, oh, we have to call you Blackie or whatever.

Or no, Yolanda calls her and says, we have to call you Blackie. And, like, I love that Carlton is like, oh, that's hilarious. And you know, if Kyle had called up and been like... That's so bloody rude. That's so bloody rude.

I don't even think that she knows me well enough to have her give me a nickname. It's so bloody rude. Oh, yeah. Carlton, by the way, I'm just going to say this before I forget.

If anyone's ever seen The Room, Carlton's face and body are basically the female version of Tommy Wiseau. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. That's giving me a nightmare right now. Yeah. That's an instant nightmare right there. I'm going to post a picture of Tommy Wiseau to the Watch What Crappens.

Okay. Her body does not – you know what? I'm sorry. I don't like to work out, whatever. And whenever I watch certain shows, yes, it makes me feel bad, a la Victoria's Secret Fashion Show tonight, which I will not be watching. But I just wanted to put this out there that their bodies – Joyce has an eating disorder, and I'm going to say that.

I'm going to publicly put that on record. Something isn't right with her. I feel bad because I think all the girls are really jealous of her. You know, I feel bad because I think all the girls are really jealous of her. But to be fair, that whole thing about going into Joyce invited them. She's trying to make nice due to the producers pushing this. But yeah, for crazy to show up and be like, I need my juicer. Oh, you know what?

Someone brought I was watching this with Marcos and he brought up a really good point which is kim's a recovering alcoholic if she wants her fucking juice let the girl have a damn juice i mean if her thing is some grapefruit juice in the morning let's just throw that in a bag and let her have it i mean poor kim she's a mess and you know also and let's be honest sometimes you gotta admit she probably doesn't know the difference between Kingsley and the juicer. She's like, hey, Kingsley, give me some orange juice. If I squeeze Kingsley, it makes the orange juice come out. Oh, my God. My favorite was when we're all kind of sitting around and literally, besides not having our juicer, everyone starts stripping down the clothes.

And to make a reference about something, it's like, it kind of puts, it dates you, it ages you. And when Kim was like, God, what am I, freaking Bo Derrick? I started, I was laughing so loud and uncontrollably. I loved her Bo Derrick reference.

She's amazing to me. I really hate when Brandi starts acting like Mae West. I mean, you have some class. Like, you know, I was an icon first. I was here first. I was on Witch Mountain in a Shamu Moo Moo. I was just this.

You think you're so smart? I mean, what are you, like, Eleanor Roosevelt? Hey, you think I can't teach you how to talk? Who do you think taught Mickey how to talk? When I met him, he was black and white and never said a damn thing. Now look at him. He's a superstar. Last time I was in a bikini, I was hanging out with Marie Curie,

and she was holding something, like, radioactively. It was so hot. I'm like, I can never be in a bikini again. Oh, my God. By the way, what's the deal with Joyce having a stylist come over to style her for two days in Palm Springs? And by the way, she has the worst clothes. Oh, my God. She really does.

She wears like this old lady tunic. She's like a little Miami old lady. A little old lady from Miami. She has Mama Elsa's. She has Mama Elsa's clothes. When she was trying on that when she was like well first of all she's like look at my two assistants listen bitch again you've done nothing for that money stop bragging about it like swallowing your husband's load a couple

of times a year is like earned you anything like shut up a stint but seriously like get over it that's not your money you know she's acting like and of course you know her favorite movie is that horror movie pretty woman that's like her dream movie she said it on the on the that's like her goal movie so of course she's trying to have her own pretty woman moment where she's like trying all these different clothes with all these assistants and stuff and i'm like jul, Julie Roberts, stop it. Don't you just love Cavalli? I love Cavalli. I like when she was like, oh, this one's Kinga.

And I was like, is that like a Project Runway contestant? I know. I didn't know what you were talking about. You know, also in that opening sequence, I think it was either intercut or not, but Kyle and Carlton went shopping for things, I think, to go on this trip. And it was funny because Carlton had her list of grievances. And, you know, we all really don't like Kyle Richards.

But even in this case, like, it had to be a little Team Kyle because Carlton was so ridiculous. She's like, and that time when you looked at my sponge and my sink. And I thought that was rude. Like, why was she looking at my sponge that way? I thought that was, like, a little off. I wouldn't do that at someone else's house. It's like, shut the fuck up. I know, you're right.

It started off like that, and I was like, this is so bizarre. Why did they even get together? Yeah, it was like every little thing Carlton had an issue with. And I was like, you know, Kim is, I mean, Kyle is really, she is terrible. She is the pits. She is horrible, yeah. But it's a total double standard. I mean, if Brandy or Lisa said any of She is the pits. She is horrible, yeah. But it's a total double standard. I mean, if Brandy or Lisa said any of the things that Kyle said, it'd be hilarious.

Like the time you nicknamed me Blackie. I really hate, oh, that was Yolanda. Oh, you know what? That was adorable, actually. Take that back. Never mind. Never mind. Although, to be fair, though, Kyle, here's one of my issues with Kyle that popped up in this scene and later on,

is that when Kyle is wrong about something or if someone says, you know what, you kind of bothered me about something, Kyle's first reaction is not to say, oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, like, I'm really sorry, that was a misinterpretation. Her reaction is to say, oh, well, I would never do that, I would never say, I would never mean that. It's like, shut the fuck up, Kyle, someone's like,

you've upset someone, and it's not about whether you would or would not, it's that you did, and just say sorry and move on. Exactly, just say what is wrong that's why she and camille had that fight season one season one when camille's like you said this and kyle should have been like oh my god like i'm so sorry like i don't think you know like i i don't remember saying that if i did like i'm so sorry i didn't mean it and it's like instead she says i would never do that and you should know that about me do you know why because love means never having to say you're sorry no

the kiss begins with Kyle Richards oh my god Kyle is the worst but you know what I'm gonna say that for this episode especially like when the girls were um uh like when they walked into the house and Yolanda was like these sheets have

wrinkles in them why aren't they ironed i expect to have iron sheets it's like are you effing kidding me and then what takes the cake for me is when they're literally literally the luggage that they bring was ridiculous but then ghetto ass brandy sitting down there who's what mind you leasing a house doesn't own it and as the balls to say, is there a waiter here that can make us drinks? No kidding. Brandy, it's like you just stopped being a waiter yourself. Give it some time, honey. Give it some time.

If you were younger, we would have wished you could have worked at CERN, but you know what? You're not. Well, the iron sheets was my favorite thing because I was just like, why waste your time ironing sheets? Iron Kyle. Exactly. Do something good for the world. You guys, she definitely got Botox this year, too. Oh, yeah.

Who? Remember, Kyle said she was against it. She doesn't do any of that stuff. Oh, yeah, right. Have you seen those Frozen commercials that she and Kim did? She's like, she looks, I'm calling her Connie Chung. Because she doesn't, that's, she's like, she looks I'm calling her Connie Chung because she doesn't, that's she's just Asianized herself. It doesn't

nothing's moving. I really want those two to do a lifetime movie. My daughter was kidnapped by the internet. I would watch, I want to see Kyle and Kim in a movie. I would watch it. I would love it. I would love it like maybe like just another installment in the Witch Mountain

franchise, like Weekend at Witch Mountain or something like that. Going to the pool at Witch Mountain. Well, first of all, I have to say too, when these women go and they pick their rooms, it's so embarrassing. I feel like it's embarrassing for womankind to watch this like, this reversion

to being like in sixth grade. I mean, just get a fucking room they're all huge and big and wonderful who the fuck cares someone's making your bed so be happy with that you know also how do they keep ending up with not enough rooms those that's the producers that's the producers yeah i will clearly but still it's just hilarious that like they fall for it every time so this this episode of beverly hills actually kind of reminded me of Vanderpump Rules in that last week I mentioned how Vanderpump Rules is like a lazy Susan of awfulness. When something is awful – someone is being awful and, like, they're the worst and someone moves the lazy Susan and you've got another person in front of you instead. You're like, oh, wait, no, they're the worst.

And you know what? This episode was kind of like that with these women because – Brandy, they're picking up on Joyce. Yeah, I have to say across the board you know like when just when they're sitting around at the pool and it's like let's get in the pool and they get in they make a debate over why why doesn't joyce get in the pool why doesn't anyone get in the pool and then yolanda is like well you know if i were my party i would be the one i'd be the first one getting in the pool like shut up yolanda who's who like since when is it a thing that the leader of the party has to get in the pool oh my god what i exactly i was watching this you know what

they're all fucking jealous i'm telling you they think she has like maybe extensions or something going on with her hair or makeup but the fact that yolanda made those comments it's like and by the way what the hell shoes are these women wearing they're not at a public pool it's a private residence and they're all dressed as if they are going to the pool at the Soho House in New York. It's ridiculous. Well, this is the one time, and I kind of like when it gets like this because I feel like it's right before they're going to have to revamp the cast.

I'm not team anybody because everyone is crazy. Like, nobody has – has one moment Joyce will be really annoying and I'm like I get why somebody would be annoyed with her but then they overreact and then I'm like it just looks like everybody came there looking for a fight it truly is kind of like what Kyle

was saying that ridiculous expression of tits on an ant you know like honestly Carlton was looking for a fight what's her face yolanda lisa they all were they're all trying to start fights and no one has anything to fight about and these fights are just ridiculous that one towards the end which continues on to next week i mean this is the saddest sign that this is the fight that continues until next week well yolanda we do need to get it on the table okay fine then well here's how i feel well

here's how i feel i was talking but then i talked but then i was talking yeah but i talked and that's what a conversation is you talk and then i'm like one person should talk at a time like stay out of it and then you and then you've got kim on the other side hey here's what i think and everyone's like shut shut up, Kim. Hey, I don't think so. You know if you drink water from a water fountain that's got pennies in it, you become richer later on. Even though it tastes metallic. And they're like, no, that's not what we're fighting about.

And they're like, but what is a conversation then? Well, if I have to tell you what a conversation is, it's like, oh, my God. And then you've got Brandy on the end of the table, like, screaming N-word at maids. It's like, oh, geez. When she, at the back of the pool, when Joyce said she didn't want to get in the pool, Brandy's like, oh, you're, like, black. It's like, oh, my God. You're such an idiot. Like, how could you?

That was so, and then when Joyce goes, but I'm black. Yeah, what? I was like, oh, God. We're black, and we're Native American, and American and we're like Italian and Portuguese and Finnish. Please make. Marcos had a really good point about Brandy, which is if if she would have started if she starts to call you Jacqueline, then you call her Brittany. And the funny thing is, you don't go, I'm so upset. And it's just this is like the perfect combination where these people are going to be at an impasse.

Because Brandy would love that, actually. She'd probably start thinking her name was Brittany. She's so drunk. Yeah. Well, and also. I've been there before. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

I was just going to say, it's getting so offensive. Because not only is she calling her the wrong name, she's being racist about it. Exactly. And calling her Yoice. And she's like, well, that's how you pronounce it. That was totally rude. When she was like, oh, okay,

so what do I call you then? Like Yois? Yeah. And it's like, she speaks English. I mean, that was totally uncalled for and bullshitty.

And Brandy is that mean girl. So that whole thing about bullying, I'm sorry. They were, bullying is defined as where you have, you're harping on someone so bad that it turns the character of the other person whether it's for the worse or for whatever it's when you've actually just harped on someone so hard that it's changed their attitude you bullied

them those girls had all ganged up on Joyce at that table, except for Kyle, which was totally bizarre. Well, Kyle's the only... She's the only one that's nice to Kyle. Everyone else hates Kyle. And meanwhile, and I agree, in the past, Brandy, when she has lashed out, she's been very vicious when she's lashed out at people, but it's usually because

someone's come at her and she lashes out. But in this case, she was just being a straight-up bitch and insensitive. And the fact is when it later got to the dinner table and she was saying yois and Joyce says, you know, I really don't like it because when I was a child, I was really made fun of and it really – it hurts me. And then they, like, were making fun of her or being like, oh, shut up. Yeah, but you know what about that? That's not the bullying word. I'm like, no, you're – when you talk about being bullied as a child, that's actually legitimate. Yeah, but you know what? Not with That's not the bullying word. I'm like, no, when you talk about being bullied as a child, that's actually legitimate.

Yeah, but you know what? Not with Joyce. Okay, and here's why. Okay, you're Puerto Rican and you didn't grow up here. Okay? This is horrible, but how do you pronounce Joyce if you're Puerto Rican? Joyce, you do say your- It's like Jennifer.

You don't say Yannyfer. You say Jennifer. Well, we do, but there is no J sound. No, because that name doesn't exist in Spanish. Right. You say it, they say it with a silent, it's like, hey, like, like, ache. Jose, like Jose. Jesus is Jesus.

Because when she's saying, they called me Jose in school and I didn't like it, I'm like, yeah, but isn't that how you pronounce your name when you went to school? No, because that name doesn't exist in Spanish. So you would take on the American pronunciation of it. So then what is her name in Spanish? It was never Yenifer Lopez. It's Jennifer Lopez. Can I just say something? My mother, okay, so this is a proven thing. My mother would, whenever she, she was in the Peace Corps in Africa and everybody speaks French there. Okay. And my mother's name is Barbara. My dad is French and she absolutely hated it when people would call her Barb

because that means mustache in French. So it was not, they called her Barbara instead of Barb, which was her name. And it's just, that whole thing just becomes totally annoying and I get it. So when she asked her to stop,

those women should have listened and been like, okay, you know what? You're right. We're just being assholes. And done. but they're big dicks and like well they are like we should really be making fun of how you dress because that's more valid yeah there's so many other things that they can make fun of joyce more that we'd be on their side and like listen i've actually been there where you just have like a mental block and you keep on calling one person

you keep on wanting to call them something else But you also know how to control it and when you do it you're more apologetic like Brandi was sort of like oh Whoops again, and then and then her excuses Well, Jacqueline is more of like a Latina name and it's like a sexy name Joyce is just like old fat pig and you know what I have even though I really don't like Joyce I have to give her credit for not being like, you know what, get out of my house. I said the exact same thing. I looked at Walter and I go, oh, my God, you know me.

I would have gone all Elmira Heights crazy on that bitch's ass because she invited her there. I'd be like, you know what? You can take your scrappy little fucking weave and your skinny little horrendous body with your fake boobies. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script

on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold. Black is beautiful. student to make, The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex

collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Get the fuck out of my house and walk your ass back yeah because because then when joyce tried to sort of like reason with her a little bit for the record i actually think brandy's boobs look okay look they do not fit her body at all it's like joyce too when you're that skinny and you get a boob job it literally looks like you have a giant ingrown hair i just don't understand

why boob jobs are off to the side now. It's the weirdest thing. Like, those little ping pong implants she got are almost under her armpits. It looks like she's used too much deodorant for her whole life, and she's got, like, glands that are swollen. Well, maybe she went down to Tijuana and saw Yose and got her boobs done and did a buy one, get one free deal. Or maybe she's just been taking too many protein supplements and just has a huge cyst like Jax. She had cancer scare.

A man boob cancer scare. I love Jax. I did not realize he was 10 years older than Stassi until today, and I laughed so hard. And the best part is that he looks like he's 30 years older. I know. But the thing is also, I think also Brandi told Joyce to shut the fuck up,

and Joyce didn't react to that, which I was like, I can't believe this woman, the patience that she has right now. But then just as I was starting to feel bad for Joyce, just when I started to feel bad for Joyce, then she goes, well, everyone, I have, like, a big announcement, which is that I've been cast in the lead of something called Siberia, and I just want to let everyone know. I thought that was

hilarious. So, of course, I... She was letting them know something else that isn't, you know, I mean, she was just trying to change the subject, I think, and then she wanted to be proud of, like, getting a job, I guess. But she didn't get a job. This is another thing. Her husband produced this

show. That's why her stupid ass was on it. I looked it up. The second she said it, I googled that shit, and I was like, okay, honey. You know, here we go again. I loved that. I thought it was hilarious. Yeah, and then Kyle's like, oh, how wonderful for you. Now, I also loved, and then this eventually

segued into the Yolanda-Kyle fight that we were talking about, but what I loved about that was the way Yolanda totally started the fight. She's like, why are you nodding your head? You have something to to say why don't you say it to the table you know i'm like shut up yolanda like everyone's just awful there well yolanda is really bad okay so while we're talking about yolanda i want to read this article that was posted on our facebook page by i believe emmy let me see you put it here i think it was emmy whatever let's just do it oh michael cook actually gave us this one.

But this is from Reality Tea, and it's about Yolanda Foster, that her friendship with Lisa Vanderpump, the breakup seems to be real because they're talking crap about each other. And David Foster just gave an interview in the Canadian press. And he says she's doing the show for a specific reason, and the reason is that she wants to have a lifestyle and fitness show, David revealed. She's very good at it, and she's very good at giving advice. She previously hosted such a show in her native Netherlands, and she thinks, and she's right, that the Beverly Hills Housewives show is a platform for her to tell her Lime story and to get her point across, and then catapult her to the show that she ultimately wants to do.

And then, just the last thing, the Beverly Hills show, like she says, is just a bunch of clowns trying to make a living. He quit. Oh, that is awesome. Then he just made fun of his wife then.

Yeah, exactly. And so they asked Lisa about this on some red carpet and she said, a bunch of clowns. Well, I must be the hardest working clown in the business. Lisa responded. Oh my God,

that should be her tagline. Hardest working clown in the business. Oh my God, I need that. I need that on my business card. That'll be her opening line next season. Be like,

Beverly Hills is a three ring circus and I'm the hardest working clown. That's genius. Oh my God, I used to be the ringmaster now i'm on on my own i like to have fun but i don't like to have fun i like having fun unless it's fun so there's um something else i wanted to bring up was this black people don't swim thing because i have heard that as a joke before not I'm not standing up for Brandy, okay?

But I have heard people say that. Well, my black friend said it. But I thought it was just stupid. So I Googled it. You guys, there are so many fucking articles and like a BBC documentary or whatever about this. And it's fascinating. I did not know that that was a real thing.

Well, here's what I love about that though. Brandy's like, because they don't want their weave to get messed up. Cut to her at the dinner table, her weave falling out. I know. I was just going to say that. Well, you know, here's the truth. I mean, like, the majority of my black friends have made jokes about, like, oh, I'm black, I don't swim, whatever. And it's like, and I've made jokes with them too but you know there's a

context is everything you know there was no black people there so don't make the jokes well there was Joyce no but there's a you know what there's a time and a place to say those jokes and there's also a way to say it and the way Brandy said it really was with a tin ear

it just it sounded more on the racist side than on the racist side than on the joke side. Nobody laughed. Did you see that? Everyone was like what the hell did she just say? Yeah, she's kind of awful and she's really painting herself into a bot.

That's not even a saying. But I've noticed that people are really starting to dislike her because when she first came on she was a victim because Kim and Kyle were so mean to her. So she had the whole victim thing for the whole season, which bought her a regular spot on the show, right?

And times drama, too. So then her first full season, she mostly stayed quiet. She got in trouble a couple of times, but she was still wearing off the victim thing. Well, now this year, she doesn't have any of that. And people have actually made her successful. They bought her book and so these fans feel like they own her now and they hate her ass i don't know if you've read her bravo blogs at all but wow

what do you mean tell me well normally they'll delete things on the bravo blogs if there's a lot of hate towards the housewives they delete it not on the real princesses of long island because i've enjoyed a lot of time reading some oh that's awesome well yeah they don't care about them they probably never even went to that blog they probably just put it up and left and it's the best blogs like people are so mean but kyle like if kyle has mean things said about her they take them down they had to take down an entire faye resnick blog last year because it was so hateful and this year they're just hating on brandy and it's amazing because she is a bitch and she needs to be called on it that's ridiculous like i get speaking your mind but don't be a dick

about it my god says me yeah um so um was there anything else major that we didn't touch on on this episode or should we move on to Vanderpump Rules? I'm just going to check. Just checking. Brandy is an asshole. Oh, well, let's talk about all the Kim stuff because that was all great. Oh, yeah. Kim is on fire.

I am absolutely loving her this season. I love that weird vignette of her having the vibrator joke with her daughter intercut with Joyce getting ready. It was so weird. Remember that? I was trying to understand semantically, I guess, the packing element, but it was just so jarring. Well, it's just packing different things. But what those women pack is crazy anyway. But the fact that she had to go to the flight store on Beverly, that's for like traveling to Europe. Like Europe for like three months, for this whole summer.

We're going to go summer in Europe. So you go to the flight store and you get all your crazy shit from there. She showed up. She showed up at the place with a wallet full of euros. She showed up at the place with a wallet full of euros. This is Eden in Palm Springs, isn't it, Gary? It's like you know you're not flying to Palm Springs, right? You're not Yolanda.

Yeah. See, Yolanda's, okay, really last thing, you're right. Yolanda's Louis Vuitton bag, her suitcase hard suitcase which is like private jet luggage just to Palm Springs was hysterical that Lisa had to help her carry it oh yeah right like who even takes that's that's seriously like a $20,000 bag then you cut to brandy and crazy Carlton's room where it's like... It's like bags. She's a Betsy Johnson. I saw that at a Ross because I stopped

to get soda on them. I had to go in and get socks somewhere and the only thing that was a Ross. And I don't know if you've ever been in a fucking Ross.

You know who you're talking to right there. You know you're talking to experts. That's a MIMA conversation, right? Have you been in a Ross? It's more like, how did we ever get out of the Ross?

The place looks like a bomb went off in there. It's like you're digging through piles of just shit with irregular legs and arm sizes. And the fact that she had a Betsy Johnson, she's an adult woman, and she had a Betsyville pleather quilted bag. I just

wanted to die. It was like the shitty junkie room next to the rich school room. It was just so hysterical. Well, she is a witch, and she is appreciating nature by getting Betsy Johnson because crap, as we know, fertilizes many things in nature. Oh, my God. That's why she's patronizing it. Are you guys going to get a tattoo for christmas um uh of like carlton's yeah well i'll get a i'll get a tattoo of of anything carlton from fresh prince bel-air any tattoos but we were alerted on our facebook as well that this week

carlton's blog she's like well it's typical that these women would be mean about religion you know religious bigotry is a serious issue I'm like bitch you have a crucifix that says fuck you on your arm you have a fucking confessional in your house as decor yeah no kidding you fuck under like 20 different crucifixes that are like upside down shut up and how about like why don't you like i don't care that she's a wiccan like why don't you just like own it why don't you say like yeah no i'm a wiccan it's actually really great people don't know a lot of things about it but it's about animal like we we have a respect for nature and animals instead she's like that

was bloody rude to everyone but the kicker of the entire episode for me, I have to say hands down because of last week's Jack's or Kristen statement when she was like, you guys just make the consumption that I, I, you know, think everyone's blah, blah, blah.

This week's horrible grammar award definitely goes to Brandy when she goes, I'm, I'm sorry. I just don't understand. It genuinely was an accident it genuinely was an accident and all I could think of was

brava brava fucking ah what did Kim say in regards to the Wicca which thing she's like how she doesn't play anything in my water. Like she, or she just kept on saying,

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Honestly, that's how I felt.

I don't know what that means. She was amazing. Okay. It was great. Why don't we move on to vanderpump rules because yay i love time it's time it's time to talk about the worst people in all of los angeles oh good i need a break so so it was gay pride taking a bath i'll be back oh my god lades is back in the game lades is back in the game jacks jacks is uh the game. Jax, Jax is, he's back on the scene, and he's ready to spread, he's ready to spread the

yo-y. And by yo-y, of course, we mean everything that's in his crotch. We mean HPV and whatever else comes along with Jax. With having sex with Jax. Scabies. Scabies and rabies. That's basically what he's spreading. Keeping it real with Jax.

He just wants to squirt his use all over everybody that was good but so yeah so he's back so jacks jacks finally had a realization which by the way is always exciting when he has a realization uh that he and stassi like the taylor swift song are never ever getting back together. Good for him. It is good for him. You know what? He doesn't need that wench.

So. It's his turn. Yeah. So he went. So naturally, he realized, I'm going to start playing the field. So he went to one of LA's classic douchebag bars called the Wells Born, I think. And immediately. I don't know where that is.

That's why I was like, what is is this place it's a place on the west side enough said i know no it actually like looks super cool if you go to the website it's like it looks like it's an english study but it's actually just full but you get there and jackson there yeah you're like oh shoot i i when he was hitting on the 21 year old, I, uh, that's when he started talking about his age, for some reason, I couldn't remember how old he was. And when he was, when he, in his little confession, this, I thought was so funny and good job on the editor's part. When he starts saying, ah, I'm a bartender.

So I've heard all the worst one-liners. So, you know, I know to avoid those. And then he proceeds to not give one-liners, but say things that any woman who would be around his age range would immediately turn and run when he goes, you know, I'm 33, but I say I'm 30. You know, I don't really do the modeling thing as much anymore. I'm like, oh, my God. For someone who just proclaimed to know what he should or shouldn't. But, you know, she's 21, so it worked.

And he has a camera following him. So there you go. True. True. Oh, my goodness. So he found a little ballerina. And then the other thing, so it was Gay Pride. And so Lisa, they made a float.

And there wasn't too much drama. They just sort of built a float. And the guys pretended like they didn't want to put on angel wings. Wait, I think the occasion was on there. Kevin Lee. Oh, yeah. I love Kevin Lee. She, she, she. See, now here, if you want to talk about the gay thing again,

Kevin Lee is someone who's extremely flamboyant and ridiculous. But what I like about him is that I feel like he's very smart and he's in on the joke and he knows what he's doing. And he, I feel like, does not give the kids a bad name. No, actually, he's really well known. He just did a birthday party for Babyface. He also did Wolfgang Puck's event. So he's really well known andrespected for what he does. I went to a

party in Beverly Park where Adrian Maloof used to live across from Lisa Vanderpump. It was this crazy Russian billionaire lady. As soon as you walked in, there was a black panther and a lion in two separate cages. Her whole pool was covered

with acrylic furniture. Wolfgang Puck was the caterer and Kevin Lee threw the party. separate cages and our whole pool was covered with acrylic furniture and wolfgang puck was the caterer and kevin lee threw the party so that just oh and lmfao performed oh well next time they ever let the tiger the panther and the lion out to just go eat everybody because that's the party i would have liked to see yeah survivalist party absolutely amazing it'd be like that movie with michael douglas whatever it was called. The Ghost in the Darkness. Oh, my God.

Ghost in the Darkness Part 2. Ghost in the Darkness in Beverly Hills. Electric Boogaloo. Yeah. Beverly Hills Liger. So they built this float or whatever, and so they get on the float. Oh, so the big thing is that Sheena is getting to sing her big hit. on the float oh so the big thing is that sheena is getting to sing her big hit song which is such a big hit with the gays like the gays like every gay person has sheena's song are you joking

according to sheena according to sheena i was i wait i don't know i don't want to be like oh my god that song's a piece of shit and then you guys are like oh my god i love it it's in my ipod i would like die no i'd leave if it gets in my ipod that's the equivalent of like jack's infecting a lady it's like she when i when sheena had her like pink lashes and everything i have to say stassi is such a bitch but she get i think this is two episodes ago and i'm sure you guys discussed it but my favorite read ever ever ever was stassi saying sheena for real fire hoses her makeup on her face every morning yes and now every time i see sheena i have to give stassi a little tip because stassi looks great actually yeah you know it was like uh it was like, the way she puts on makeup is like that scene from UHF.

I remember like... UHF? Oh, my God. Do you guys remember that movie? I think it was Coke Derek references. I know. No kidding. No, there's a scene where,

so Michael Richards is in this movie and he's like Stanley Spadowski and he has like a children's show and he has like a little, there's a little kid on there and he's like, are you ready to drink from the fire hydrant?

Everyone's like, yay! Are you ready? Yeah! And the little kid like opens his mouth, they open the fire hydrant and this like giant like forceful,

this gushing water just like shoots the kid through the wall. I'm like, that's how she puts on makeup. I think, I think this whole Vanderpump Rules episode

was like the episode of the little rascals where they wanted to enter a car race. So they had to build their own car. And you never saw their parents. Oh, my God. Can I wait?

Can we just talk about what Sheena said? My favorite was, okay, so Walter really just can't do Vanderpump Rules. But I force him. I physically force him to watch it. It's kind of like in um a clockwork orange remember where they like held his eyeballs open okay so it's like that and basically the part where she goes in to do her songwriting session and she makes it out like it takes like two minutes you just hear a beat you're like okay and i want to like make sure this song is about like work

twerk drink and fuck okay that's what i Like a direct quote. But the question was, what's your message, Sheena? That's right. You know, hot, hot, fucking. A doozle. Bowsy Trash makes it big in Hollywood. Eyelash glue. Yeah. And then when she, he goes, okay, so something like this.

And she goes, love it. And then when they go to leave, she goes, oh my God, work, twerk, drink, fuck, mission accomplished. That's too much. Could you imagine, seriously, Barbara Stryzen leaving the studio after doing a songwriting session. She's like, oh, my God, work, twerk, drink, fuck, mission accomplished. You laugh, but I would actually probably laugh. I would buy that. She'd be like, look, look.

You guys, I'm sorry if my song is stuck in your head, but you're singing it. It's awful. Her voice is the worst thing about her, and that says a lot. She has one of the worst voices on Bravo. Her speaking voice is terrible. It's like she doesn't even know that she can use her larynx. Everything's through her. Hi, I'm Sheena, and I talk through my nose.

I haven't used it since, like, 1986. You know what? I think she's trying to be a Kardashian. I'm not kidding when I say this. I think she's, like, obsessed with the Kardashians, and she's kind of wanting to. You are giving her a lot of credit, and that is very sweet of you.

That should even have a goal. I know. No, but she's doing that thing where it's like, I just feel like i don't care and like you know it's like the long drawn out nasally voice that's so fucking obnoxious i want to punch her in the mouth well you know what's also funny is that she actually thought much like mike thought putting an ad on a bus would affect his real estate sales that she thought by singing on a float at gay pride would somehow be a big break like it would be like this magic spell like this glitter would fall on all the gays and they'd rush home

to their itunes to download it let me tell you something when you're standing there on on on on the sidewalk as these floats come by you you just hear like general beats you don't even hear music there's so much noise and everything the last thing you're gonna hear is this wretched song and then be like oh my god i gotta download that you're more like get that pride and go download sheena's song oh my goodness we should get a float grand float grand float auto for us and we do can we do a watch what crap and slow i'll fund it how do we how do we get in the gay pride parade no i'm telling you that's what you do you as a i'm an actual business owner are you a member of the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce? No.

I'm probably good. Here's the thing. It's true. I own a business in Hollywood, so I'm going to sort of segue this to do some sort of nail flow where it's like, nailed it, but then we can have to watch what crap is in the back. Oh, my God.

I think we should do it. Okay, can we get Peter on the float? Can we just talk about that for a second? Okay. Peter is the only one who does any fucking work. I know.

He's sitting there stapling. He's looking hot. He's the, I love how he's turning 30. I thought he was a lot older. He is not turning 30. I'm sorry. What does he look like?

He's worked there for like five years and he was 30 when he got the job. Yeah, that guy is turning 40. He's always 30. You know, back when he used to do he got the job yeah that guy is turning 40. you know back when he's doing a lot of modeling like lisa's turning 52 my ass i love that the only time time tom has any kind of personality is when he's like miles away from kristen his impersonation of sheena when he did the dance routine was amazing oh my god he knew it like spot on and he did it twice yes Yes he did, in the little splits. The fact that he could do, you know what,

there's something secretly hot about Tom. I think something's hot. When he's not around Kristen, I totally dig him, because he's like kind of like cute and sexy and whatever. But he's just the right amount of dumb, right? Yeah. You never win any arguments. That's the fact that he gets in arguments with katie it's like

or with kristin i'm shot they're arguing it's like it's like dumb and dumber like lloyd and harry getting an argument on the back of their moped so i mean it's you know that's the two of them well they got into like a like an amazing argument because later in the episode kristin decided horse face number one decided to um go after ariana and and be like because she had read ariana she had read some of uh her texts where she had said to tom like like oh my god wish it were coachella again like yeah we'll just we'll do it in the backyard whatever and so so kristin goes up to ariana she's like have you like, have you ever hooked up with Tom? And Ariana's like, no. She's like, oh, like ever?

Like, no. Like ever before, after? Wait, are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? And he's like, no. And then she's like – Let me check down there.

They say no. And then she's like – and then she tells us. She's like, you know, like she just like said no. And like I didn't like how comic collected about it she was. know, like, she just, like, said no. And, like, I didn't like how calm and collected about it she was. I'm like, shut up. You're so stupid. But the best is Ariana just sitting there. And Kristen's, like, going in a downward spiral.

And as you know, she's, like, standing there crying. Like, it's just, we're, like, in a really tough place right now. And there's, like, a lot of rumors. And Ariana's just standing there being like, can you get out of my face, please? Yeah, get the fuck away from my bar. You're embarrassing yourself. I know. Meanwhile, Ariana continued.

Yeah, get the fuck away from my bar. You're embarrassing yourself. I know. Meanwhile, Ariana continued. She's my favorite of the women because she had to deal with that stupid bullshit on the float when they're like, team A and team B. We're the fun team and they're the not fun team. And that was spearheaded mainly not by Stassi, but by that new sidekick that Stassi has who is one of the vilest creatures on this show.

Who is that girl? Dani? No, not her. She's bad too, but the new one she's like named like Jordana or I don't know. I don't know. You know she's like the pretty one that Stassi used to be best friends with, but then she hates Jax and now they're friends again. No. She's the one when they went to brunch

with the four of them and went to brunch. Olivia Palermo? The skinny one. Yeah, the skinny bitch. Olivia Palermo, that is exactly who I think it is every single time. It's Olivia Palermo, I'm one. Yeah, the skinny bitch. Olivia Palermo, that is exactly who I think it is every single time. It's Olivia Palermo, I'm telling you. It's like she shaved some years off of her, and she's back in the game, man. And she's just as much of a bitch as Olivia is. I love that she's telling Jax, like, well, you're saying that she should stop it, but you should stop it.

I was like, oh, my God, she needs to stop it. You all need to stop it, all of you. Well, my favorite is when they're like, oh, did you hear that? Like Jack's Tacoma 21 year old. And Stassi turns to Jack and says, you make me sick. I'm like, bitch, you're 23. You're 23. Okay.

Christina Kelly. But that's the name of the girl who looks like Olivia. She's got two Ks. Just add another one onto her. And that's about as loathsome as she is. Well, how about, how lovely is it that Katie's like, oh my God, I can't believe what happened. And Stassi's like, what do you mean? Oh, you don't know?

Oh, God. Katie loves it. What a good friend. These are all bitches. I know. Bitches, bitches, bitches. To me, the biggest bitch is turning out to be Lisa Vanderpump. Well, I still love her.

I don't know why. I just love her because because i feel like she's she's in it with all of them she's winding all of them up she does that with the housewives but she tries to act above it and i'm like just own it just own every single time someone walks into a restaurant she's like oh the service is terrible but i'm amazing and look at these flower arrangements. No, Lisa does wind them. She's like, I hear that Jax has been back out on the scene. Oh, go get back to work on the float.

And they're like, what, huh, what, huh? I'll carry on, carry on. I love that where she's like, get to stapling. You know, she's like out at everyone. I know. Have you ever in your life imagined that a straight little 23-year-old bratty girl could manage to make gay pride about herself? Literally, that float – you know what that float should have been called? Not like the surf float. That should have been called Bitches on Wheels because that's what they were.

They were bitches on wheels rolling down Santa Monica Boulevard. You saw that, right? When she was waving, she's like, I hate this right now. Oh, my god. I'd rather be at the surf. This is ridiculous. And she's waving to people and I'm thinking, all those people that were

waving and saw this whole thing go down, like, what a fucking bitch. Seriously. No gay people like Stassi. That's the thing. She's not a gay icon in any sort of way. Everyone hates Stassi. She's no Sheena. That's for sure. She's no Sheena.

Stassi's her own song. Oh, Sheena, I'm gonna love you till the very end. Love is a song no one can sing. But you gotta love Sheena. I mean, not Sheena. You gotta love Stassi for certain things. Like, oh my God, we have to hear her song that many times. It's like a donkey kicking me in the head 47 times.

I mean, every sixth confess confessional stassi says something totally on point that cracks me up like when she like the one time when she was like i mean jacks jacks is the one who told me this but then he lies about everything to make himself look better and he's a complete idiot so i'm just like oh i kind of love when you say that shit you are terrible though isn't it funny how they just all all just openly reference the fact that he's a huge liar? It's like, yeah, Jax, but, you know, he just lies all the time. And he's just, like, sitting there laughing. The promo was, like, for the last, for not last episode, the one before, Jax might have cancer.

And they're like, yeah, so he doesn't have cancer. We never really thought he had cancer. But he just lies. No, when they were riding the bikes, I have to say this, when the when they were riding the bikes i have to say this when the three boys were riding their bikes and jacks was like i mean dude you know i just have this like self-realization because you know because of my cancer scare i'm like you had a fucking ingrown hair on your nipple cancer jesus christ you didn't lose 40 pounds in one month and it was totally unexplained he's like he's like life is short jacks exfol it. He's like, life is short. He does need to exfoliate.

Yeah, exfoliate. Yeah. Oh my God, yeah. Life is short. Gotta get back to banging as many women before you die. That's basically what they were, that's basically what he was saying. That was a takeaway. That was a takeaway.

So then at the very end, then Kristen and Tom have some ridiculous fight outside of Sur as all the gays are flowing by. And I think she think, well first she tried to trap him and be like Ariana told me everything and he's like okay and then she's like do you think this is okay to say this?

Do you think this is okay? Like That's how she speaks That's how she speaks You think that like What if like one of my guy friends was like texting me, you think that how she speaks. She's like, ugh, ugh, ugh. You think that, like, you can't, like, what if, like, one of my guy friends

was, like, texting me, you think that's cool? And he's like, yeah, babe. He's like, ugh, ugh. Are you sure? You want to tell me you're sure? Are you sure? Like, babe,

and then, like, I don't remember if I was there, she was just, like, crying and being like, ugh, ugh. Like, you went and, like, went off to Vegas

and had unprotected sex with a whore in the shower in Vegas. Like, ugh, that's, like, not cool. Don't had unprotected sex with a whore in a shower in Vegas. Like, ugh, that's, like, not cool. Don't forget it's a girl. That's not the girl's fault. Everyone's calling this girl a skank. It's like, look, Tom is the one who was in the relationship, number one.

Let's stop with the slut-shaming. And number two, their relationship ended when they didn't have sex for three months. And, like, you know what? It ended before the cheating happened because these two do not need to be together they should have broken up probably three years ago yeah okay you know what west hollywood is fucking expensive yeah that's true like listen he's like hey babe i still don't have my license yet so i still need you to drive me around so let's just stay in this relationship till I'm off probation.

Oh, my God. I totally forgot about that. Oh, my God. What losers. Yeah, that was, by the way, Lisa, that was a season one thing is that Tom got a bunch of, like, parking tickets. Oh, I know. I've watched all of this. Okay, I wasn't sure.

But I appreciate it because the plot lines are so convoluted, it's easy to forget that Jax had cancer last episode. I love that he said cancer like 20 times. He's like, well, you know, after that cancer scare. You know, when I thought I was dying of cancer. Turn it down, guys. My horoscope sign is cancer. Let me tell you something. If I reacted the way Jax did every time I thought I had cancer, I'm telling you, I would be living –

Do be fair. You do react like that every time you get a cold. No, that's what I'm saying. Like I'm the biggest hypochondriac. Every time I have an illness, I think I have cancer. But like this guy, he makes me look like I'm very sane, okay? He's really – he makes Kim Zolciak and her cancer scare look like a rational life experience. Oh my god, I forgot about that too.

Wow, that is like some OG cancer scare shit on Bravo. That's right. Wow. Speaking of Kim Zolciak, why don't we move on to Atlanta? Do it. We don't have to move to Atlanta. We just have to move on to Atlanta. Oh god.

This was the episode of the season so far if you ask me oh this was amazing mama joyce done gone batshit she brought reinforcements for her crazy this time around and man was it amazing they were all crazy so did anything else even happen in this episode or should we just talk mama joyce with kenya kenya um cried about like her unresolved issues with her mom and uh porsche fainted off camera and was like oh this pharmacy is hot and then um oh and she oh wait no oh yeah was she willing to pick up hiv prescription does her story end like like like temptation like temptation that would have been amazing if cordell was a pharmacist and for those of you who haven't seen temptation that's the way

it ends for those of you haven't seen temptation what are you doing yeah basically it ends with the couple in temptation get divorced but they still spoiler alert but since the since the husband's a pharmacist the wife even though they're divorced like 30 years down the line she keeps coming to him for her HIV medication because she got HIV oh my lord that's kind of the latest episode played out

wait a second is that for real that is a real movie plot this is a spoiler alert but you know what everyone the movie's still really great what happens is that Journey Smollett, because she cheats, she gets HIV, and it's like

fast forward 30 years, and her husband has now moved on and has a hot young wife, but has a pharmacy of his own, and Journey Smollett has to hobble in with a limp and get her AIDS medication from her ex-husband. From the only pharmacy within 500

miles. Yeah. She has to go to the one and vet her ex. Why did you guys even waste your brain with this movie? It was the exact opposite. I referenced the room earlier, so I think my reasons are self-explanatory. No, no, no. Katie.

Tyler Perry's Temptation is the best comedy of the year. It was absolutely amazing. I recommend it. Okay, show me the watch then, because I feel like I... We'll go. You know what, Katie? We'll crack open a bottle of wine, and all four of us will watch this movie. It is really amazing.

Kim Kardashian plays Sheena. Yeah, Kim Kardashian's in it. I forgot. Ew! Oh, my God. This is such bullshit. Only years of training for Watch What Crappens. And this is such bullshit. Only years of training for watch what crap is. And this is what happened. So anyway,

Portia went into the pharmacy to get meds for her fainting and then she goes and she decides to use the free blood pressure machine which promptly announces that she has stage 1 hypertension. She's like, her expression. It was so great, she has stage one hypertension. She's like, ah! And like, her expression.

It was so great, I got stage one hypertension. That was a highlight for me. I like that she doesn't know what it is. So she's like, well, you know, that's Cordell trying to do some voodoo on me. I ain't taking it. I was like, oh, no. You're so stupid. You're too stupid.

I wish the machine could just be like, too stupid to live. Please make your way towards the razor blade, I hope. Soon as possible. I'm surprised she wasn't like, well, I do have a lot of tension in my life. And I do get a little hyper, so it makes sense. Makes sense. Oh, my God. I have a condition, but I forgot what it's called.

Hmm. Oh, my goodness. That was a circle. oh my god i have a condition but i forgot what it's called hmm oh my god that was the in the cynthia and cynthia bailey news we learned that cynthia bailey's dog's name is bailey which i think is a little weird that's like me having a dog name wait did she name it after her agency abbreviated i think so i mean could you imagine having a dog named after her last name it'd be like timmons come over here tim Timmons. Timmons. Timmons. Actually, that's adorable. I'm going to do that.

Like, I'm like. That's cute. I like that. Guys, I had to take Mandelker to the vet. Well, I put Mandelker down. You put Mandelker down. Oh, my God. That's awful.

Mandelker had breast cancer. It was really sad. Actually, I think it was just in her own hair, but whatever. I put him down just to be safe. I've been giving my cat too many protein supplements. Don't tell Carlton. She'll be so mad. I was telling a story about how I had to put down midnight and you walked away.

Oh, God, that fucking cat thing. I'm so mad at you for ignoring my cat story my cat ate a bird and you walked away i don't know could you believe that i was like what the hell are these idiots talking about bailey has a dog named bailey but more importantly her super hot ex-husband leon uh came to talk to noelle about boys, etc. And I'm like, every time Leon appears on this show I'm always like, what the fuck is wrong with Cynthia Bailey? She is with like a

shyster, like an old fat shyster and she gave up this like hot smart guy who's got to shit together. Oh, he's so amazing. Oh my goodness, he is dreamy as hell. What is wrong? He's a big dreamboat. The three of them should have just, like, she should have stayed and they could have just been a beautiful family because Noelle is, you know, she's growing up, you know,

she's on the right path genetics wise. She's gorgeous and she looks so much like both of them. She looks a lot like her dad. She looks a lot like her dad. The daughter? Yeah. Yeah. Huh.

Okay. No, you don't think so? I don't know. I just, you know, I don't think either of them are the dad. No, I think that Noelle looks a lot like Leon. She looks a lot like her dad. Really? Yeah, for sure.

I didn't see that. I really didn't. I tried to, like, you know, get the whole thing of it. But I feel like when Cynthia hugged Leon when he was leaving, you know, she was like, oh, so young and tight. Yeah. Right? She's like someone who makes proper financial decisions. when he was leaving, you know, she was like, oh, so young and tight. Yeah. Right. She's like someone who makes proper financial decisions. It feels different.

Somehow. Someone who's responsible and has education. Oh my God. Someone who's not in love with Cordell. Someone who hasn't spent my money to rent out a gigantic building. I don't need. I love that. That is kind of my favorite isn't that weird what was that could you imagine i mean i just don't understand what is the building

gonna be for it's for my business it's for our business baby it's for everything we're gonna buy together you know we're gonna take over the world oh my god get a fucking job dude it's gonna be for the bar one t-shirt manufacturing. Wait a second. Where does Peter What does Peter actually do? Does anyone know? He uses Cynthia's money to build open things and then have them go out of business. He and Apollo should open a fake business together.

It would be very successful. Yeah, that'd be great. That'd be so great. He could open up a clothing store. That's like the quintessential. Or do a cookbook. Yes. Like Gretchen Christine.

It's where they're going to film all the future editions of the donkey booty exercise video. Alexis Couture. Yeah. Oh, God, yes. Gigi's Extensions. Oh, my God. Gigi's Extensions, it's really just her phone. It's her multi-line phone system.

Yeah. It's just for office stuff. Gigi's extensions. Oh, my God. I need Gigi's extensions then. I would love that. That's a really good business plan. She's really big in the B2B sector.

So, anyway, and then let's see. She's really big in the B2B sector. So anyway, and then let's see, in the Phaedra news, basically, Sheena Apollo made up. For now. For now. Until he fucks up again. She made a creepy face out of clay to show how good she is at reconstructing. Let me tell you something. If she has a dead body come through her mortuary that's got its face blown off i i feel like every single one of those dead bodies with their face that she reconstructs is gonna be exactly the same it's gonna it's gonna look like

the bust from the lionel richie video hello that's what's gonna look like every single one her particular form of racism is dead people like she thinks they all look the same yeah they just look very creepy but no the real the real the real fun of the show was mama yoice who i love that crazy so basically candy uh candy's like see like i've got a wedding to go to and so i was like rather let's run some dresses because Todd, he wants to move forward with this and I'm like, Mama, you're going to move forward with this and this will be a nice fun thing

for Riley. She sounds like a clown horn when she talks. So anyway, they went to... The hardest working clown horn in Atlanta. Hey, hey, hey. Are we making donkey booty noises now? She was gone Oh my god No she's a clown horn

So So basically They went to go dress shopping And so Candy went with her assistant Whose name I can't remember It's like Crystal or something like that. And Mama Joyce has been spreading rumors that Todd and this woman have had relations. Oh, my God.

She's terrible. Yeah. She is terrible. And Mama Joyce keeps on claiming that it's like they've been saying it. I've been hearing it from around town. So this is obviously like the assistant hates this. I mean, I would be insulted if there was some crazy old bat who kept on saying i was sleeping with my friend's like husband or whatever and uh so they go to

get the dresses on and candy candy goes in the back room to try and address and so basically there's a guy named kwame there and this girl and then mama joyce walks in and she doesn't she doesn't just walk in she walks in with her two sisters on each side of her. And then you know it's on. Because you got both aunts there. And when you got Mama Joyce and the aunts, you know there's going to be... Oh, and they were not even going to try to listen to Reason, which I love. They're going to be on her side no matter what happens.

They're just like, uh-huh, you know what I'm saying. You know what I'm thinking. Yeah, so Candy's like, you're not going to do it. I'm sorry, I can't do a Ben impression of Candy. Just do a Reza. Do a Reza. It's close. See, now, I put on this.

We was trying on the dress, and I was like, Riley, does this look good on me, Riley? Like, I want a strapless Riley. Or see, I sort of like it with a strap up or maybe a strap down. And then Mama Joyce is just like, I don't like it. Like, why, Ma? Why?

What don't you? I just don't. She's like, okay, I'll go try on another one. She's like, can't. Then Kent goes to the back. And what Mama Joyce says, what is under her breath while Candy's gone is, if she wasn't wearing somebody else.

No, she goes, oh, she ain't wearing that dress anyway. Oh, yeah, she ain't gonna need it. And she's like, now why you gotta say that? What are you talking about? It's like, you know, this ain't family. She went crazy. It was like, this is a family thing. You ain't

family. Like, oh my god, I love when Mama Joyce goes crazy. Mama Joyce, this is the craziest she's ever gone. She took off her clog. She took off her old lady clog. She took off her shoe to throw it at that girl. She was ready to beat her ass down with that shoe.

You know what the show was titled? The episode was titled Old Lady in the Shoe. That is amazing. No no it was not and then the best was the best as mama joys gets up and so kwame's holding her back and then this other aunt with the glasses she's she says she goes why you keep talking to the girl she's like you keep talking you keep talking why you keep talking i'm like because you're like she was responding to mama joyce yeah mama joyce was being so mean and just awful and i mean it's so clear now that she's just wants that money you know she's just evil now like off the charts evil did you guys see when candy had

like a mental breakdown with fantasia barino and watch what happened okay now i was i was just gonna get to that because i did not get to watch the whole thing because my thing didn't record the sound but i went because you said it was so good i went and watched clips online and this is candy and he's like so you know everybody's saying that your mom's basically using you for money she goes what now listen listen listen here listen andy now let me just address that right here one second. That my mama on your tweet and that mama

mama It was like a straw going in and out of a cup. I was like... We need to do a mashup of her with Reza crying. Yes, yes. No, but Fantasia went a little crazy and defended her. She's like, you know, I ain't gonna say nothing.

Oh, Jesus. I love Fantasia. Fantasia is my favorite. And Fantasia knows about family using your ass. She had a whole show about it. Yeah, no shit. The show about it she's like why you think I try to kill myself with aspirin oh you remember when Fantasia had an aspirin overdose and Fantasia's like I'm in the hospital I OD'd on aspirin shut up Fantasia I know when you believe

Fantasia. I know. When you believe. When you believe. Well, I. My favorite Fantasia song is, I need a thug boy. White beaters and chains. He looks so pretty, but he acts so mean.

Mine is when she spells B-A-B-Y-M-A-M-A. It was the first thing she ever spelled, actually. Oh, yeah. God bless. God bless. Thank God for those on-set tutors. She showed up on American Idol a few seasons ago, maybe like two or three years ago, and she sang some crazy song where,

if you look at Simon Cowell, he's like, I was going back and forth, like, what the fuck? She came out there doing her toad from Super Mario Brothers voice, and she was like, I did the dog, I did the dog. forth, like, what the fuck? She came out there doing her, like, toad from, like, Super Mario Bros. voice, and she was like, I did the dog, I did the dog. It was, like, back, it was, like, this crazy, like, I didn't do what you did.

I was like, oh, my God, what is this? I love her so much. I love that song, too. I'm trying to remember what that song was, but it was so funny. She's like, I do what I do when I say what I say. I do what I do when I do what I do. God.

And she's, like, in this big, like, weird, like big like weird like leather like unitard thing and she's like going back and forth that's when she dyed her hair red like bright red and she gained a bunch of weight she was sweating all over in her leather pants and jumping up and down simon's eyes through the felix the cat clock thing where he looks back forth but his head didn't move. To be fair, he always looks like that. That's true. But it was even more, in fact, afterwards, after she left, he goes, what the hell was that?

And I, it was like, that's my favorite Fantasia moment. That was like a bloody cat. Oh my God. I love Fantasia so much. I can't even. That was like a bloody cat getting acupuncture in Beverly Hills. I could just see the pain going away in Midnight's eyes. God, oh god.

We were laughing so hard and that's so not really funny. That is why your cat jumped off the balcony. Yeah, no kidding. So anyway, so back to Mama Joyce and everything. So what I love is that this went on for like 10 minutes, by the way. It would be like Mama Joyce would sit down, and then the girl would say something, and Mama Joyce would get up with her shoe. It was literally like almost like a parody of itself. It's like what you would imagine seeing.

Like Gary Springer. Yeah, it really – It was Gary Springer. And so then finally like Candy comes out, and then she tries on like one last dress. And then finally this one aunt this one old aunt who's sitting there silently the entire time what does she say she's like i don't want you to get married and then the other one's like i don't want you to marry me either my favorite was when my favorite was when um candy's like what is going on and they're like well i don't know how it started but that girl

i'm like you do know how it started i love the way that they relayed the story to mama joyce it's like that girl came in with the baseball bat beat the shit out of your mother shoved it up her left came back and poked her eyes with a popsicle stick and now she's ready to go it's like what none of that happened none of that woman oh maybe That woman, oh, maybe her name is Lauren. She just was sitting there. She sat there the entire time, did not lose her cool whatsoever. And Mama Joyce is being held back by Kwame, holding her pay-less shoe, trying to throw it at this woman. Oh, my God.

Hazing visual. Her clog. Yeah. That was honestly, I could not stop laughing. That was really one of the most sublime moments in the history of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Well, does that bring us to a nice tidy end? Or is there any other shows that you guys wanted to talk about this week? I feel like I'm at a tidy end.

No, Top, I'll just mention real quickly. We have not forgotten about Top Chef, but it's... It's boring. Nothing's happening. What? I love... Oh, my God. It's so good. It's so good. And Restaurant Wars. I but it's – It's boring. Nothing's happening. What? I love – oh, my God. It's so good. And Restaurant Wars, I love it.

Oh, that's yawn. But I did watch Courtney Loves Dallas, and I had never seen that girl because – We can talk about Millionaire Matchmaker. I didn't watch that one. Did all of you guys watch Millionaire Matchmaker? I watched it. I did, but, I mean, if only we did, then I don't know if it's worse. Basically, Patty yelled at everyone. I love when Patty yells at people. Yeah, I like it if only we did, then I don't know if it's worse. Basically, Patty yelled at everyone.

I love when Patty yells at people. Yeah, I like it. You know what? I can't watch at this point with Bravo. I just have to say this because I saw the new previews for some of the new shows, like Toned Up, which I will not be watching. Toned Up, some other dumbass show where it's again it's like is it now it's like real housewives of atlanta but in new york oh yeah the real housewives of new york is coming back i saw the commercial for that no but they've got another they've got another show it's called like

something in heels what is it i know you're talking about i can't remember yeah there's so there's a lot of shows that are really confusing. Where are the white women at? No offense, but why does it either have to be all white or all black? Why can't we mix it up? Throw a Kim in there, please. Throw Kim in. There's a new show coming out called 100 Days of Summer. That's coming in January.

But I happened to turn on the TV the other day, and Bravo was air airing at like nine in the morning a preview of 100 Days of Summer and I watched like 10 minutes of it and it's god awful, people.

God awful. They should never have let that preview out. Yeah, it looks so boring. It was stupid. And they have this like big black guy who's obviously gay.

He's like, ooh, I love the women. He's like, oh, I love women in their shirts. I was like, oh, God. Oh, God. The whole thing was awful. It made Ben have a Reza moment. He's like, oh, I love women in their shirts. I was like, oh, God. Oh, God. The whole thing was awful.

It made Ben have a Reza moment. I was like, homeboy, homeboy, you better come over here. Do you know how hard it was for me to be gay in this town, and now you're acting like this? That's so Persian for him to be in the closet. Like, white people are like, oh, I'm flamboyant, but Persians are like, hey, I'm a straight man. Oh, my God. You know what? It's not hard to be gay. You know where it's hard to be gay? Oklahoma. How about that? God, get off it. You're a rich Persian who lives in Beverly Hills. Nobody feels bad for you. You're not Matthew Shepard, you asshole.

No kidding. God, seriously, like stop it. I'm going to punch him in his stupid clown mouth i think punch him in his stupid clown mouth needs to be the last thought except that courtney is really stupid i saw that she's like i'm a fashion i'm like no you're not you lie she is not 30 no way this keeps showing up at my door that's all I saw was boxes kept coming to the door. I said, oh my god, I'm gonna try this on. I was like, oh, I hate this bitch.

How does anybody watch her? How did she get a spin-off? How'd she get an original show? What happened to the plastic surgery in Dallas? We should be doing Dallas, Texas. Let's do better. Let's raise our game. You're right. How did she get her own show no offense not really she has no likability factor at all i get bethany i don't

get her she sat there and opened fucking boxes and tried on clothes that she got for free because of her blog please by the way for the record if anyone wants to send us free things uh you're more than well we need to get a po box emmy tried to send us free things, you're more than welcome to. Oh, we need to get a P.O. Box. Emmy tried to send us a t-shirt once, and we didn't have a damn P.O. Box. I'm going to go get one. That's really funny. We'll get one.

We'll get one. Oh, yeah, but we can't accept packages. So if someone tries to, like, bomb us. Well, P.O. Boxes. They can bomb the P.O. Box. Yeah. Oh, they can? Yeah.

I think it'll take. With love. We'll check it. You know we'll check it once a year okay everybody well thank you so much for uh listening to us this week and thank you you can find um our special guests you can find katie on the tv guide network when our show comes back on when is your show coming back on it's a new show though right katie i know and it's not going to be on tv guy network it's going to be on a bigger network yeah can you announce it yet or what i can't but you know what's really funny i i honestly like would rather announce it

on watch what crap is first above anyone even calling my mom i would like to do this so wow so the exclusive oh my god i think i'm to do this. So, so the exclusive. Oh my God. I think I'm going to give watch your crap and see exclusive. And I will fully allow all of the listeners and yourselves to shit talk every moment of the show. So thank you, Katie. You can find Katie on Twitter at the painted nail and you can find her on

Instagram at the painted nail as well. Right, Katie? Yes. It's all the people who write super nice stuff on the Watch What Crappens page. I love you. Oh, my God. Randy Miller.

Cutest avatar ever. Yeah. And then you can find our lovely Lisa Timmons on Twitter at TimmonsLisa. And you can also find her and Ben on their other podcast, Banter with Ben and Lisa. Just search it every place that has taste in podcasts. Aw, you're sweet. You can find Ben Mandelker at bsideblog.com where he writes hilarious recaps or on every social network at bsideblog.

You can find me at trashtalktv.com. I'm writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps. You can find me on Twitter at TrashTweetTV YouTube at trash talk TV spelled T E V E E. And that's it. We will see you next time. Love you guys. Thanks for being here. Come to our Facebook page to tell us what you want to talk about next time.

Facebook.com slash watch what crap ends are on Twitter at what crap ends. Bye. Bye. Love you. That crap end. Bye. Love you. That crap end.

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