Watch What Crappens - #108: Missing Bitches and Crazy Witches

Starting point is 00:00:00 From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, did you know that it costs about $12 to $15 to get your own domain? Hey everyone, did you know that it costs about $12 to $15 to get your own domain? Well, if you go to GoDaddy.com and use the promo code CRAPPINS, you can get one for like $2 for an entire year. That's $10 you can save and you can put that towards a meal, towards who knows what, but you should really do it.

Starting point is 00:00:45 CRAPPINS is the keyword and you want to go to GoDaddy.com. Do it guys. It'll be real fun. That's what's Chaz. Vanderpump rules. Come gather round and make fun of his fools. The podcast's not proper. Nothing runs with Bravo. But that's okay. We only care about Bravo. Watch what crap is.

Starting point is 00:01:03 Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? What happens? What happens? Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love so much. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com. You can find me at Twitter, well, no, you can find me at bsideblog on Twitter.

Starting point is 00:01:48 Guess what? I invented Twitter, everyone. That's my handle. You can find me at bsideblog. And don't just find me, follow me, please. Also on Instagram. Everything is at bsideblog. And joining me, as always, is my charming, lovely co-host, ready for the Yuletide season,

Starting point is 00:02:03 I'm sure, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Hello, Ben. Hello. Thank you for having me on today. Thanks for having me on the show today. The spirit of Christmas is with you. Ronnie is at Trash Talk TV. Trashtalktv.com. I'm really messing it up today. You have that? You've been cranking. I know. I wish I had been.

Starting point is 00:02:23 And at Trash... Oh at my goodness, people. Trash Tweet TV on Twitter. My goodness. And our guest back again. In case you're wondering who that lovely lady voice was in the background. That's right. None other than Katie

Starting point is 00:02:41 Cazorla. Hi, it's Kim Richards. Oh my god. It's Katie Cazorla hi it's kim kim richards hi kim oh my god it's katie cazorla hi katie hey guys so hi katie katie can be found well before you even say what you're next gonna say i'm gonna say katie can be found at the painted nail and of course watch uh reruns of her show uh the painted nail on tv guide network was Nail Files, but that's okay. Guys, I am like... What's wrong with me? Today must be terrible Tuesday for you.

Starting point is 00:03:12 I can tell you exactly why. Because not just 20 minutes ago, I finished watching Vanderpump Rules. And this is what happens to your brain after you watch it. Remember those old ads? This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Well, this is like your brain on Vanderpump Rules. It's worse than that scramble ever was.

Starting point is 00:03:27 Turns you into a drop baby. Yeah. The reason I'm coming in a little late to the game is because I watched Watch What Happens live. So we're going to have some more fun statistics during this podcast, which I'm very excited to be invited back. Well, you know what? Why don't you just start off? Why don't you tell us? This is the gossip portion, and we put Watch What Happens coverage

Starting point is 00:03:49 in our gossip portion of the show. And I have to first stop and say that Andy Cohen is extremely smart because he wears glasses now. Oh, my God. So that's placing Andy on being smart. He might be saving the world when he takes those glasses off. I mean, he could be, like, going into a phone booth, taking off a shirt, and flying off to stop all these terrible things. His glasses are thick, though.

Starting point is 00:04:13 Have you noticed that? I was like, ooh, he's not, like, a sexy guy in glasses. He looks like he's wearing Coke bottles with frames. No, but he's rich and, like, well, he's rich-ish and famous-ish. So people, like, tell him he looks really good in glasses. He's a, everyone just says yes to Andy Cohen. Yes.

Starting point is 00:04:32 I don't know. I actually think he does look good. He looks smart. No, I don't at all. I think he looks better without him. Cause he has very small, close together eyes.

Starting point is 00:04:39 So if he wears the glasses, it kind of makes them look bigger. Right. Kind of like Ralphie from A Christmas Story. Oh, God. Jewish Ralphie. I can only imagine what Andy Cohen's going to stick his tongue onto. Okay, so Jesse, you guys.

Starting point is 00:04:55 Oh, God. Definitely got a cold pull. Yeah. To be fair, Ralphie did not put his tongue on anything. He just shot out someone's eye, which is also something I'm imagining Andy Cohen doing in the next few days. He's definitely put his mouth around a cold pole and shot out someone's eye. I can say that. Well, he makes us all want to shoot out our eyes.

Starting point is 00:05:16 Oh, my God. So the fun statistic today was they had Joyce and they had Sheena on, who are both Brandy haters. So it made for an exciting episode for me because I was team Brandi she started losing it yeah um so I'm actually team Kim Richards now which is so crazy yeah um because I feel like the show was more funny and exciting with her because she's equally as nuts in that crazy voice. But the poll for Watch What Happens Live last night was whose team are you on? Are you team Joyce or

Starting point is 00:05:52 are you team Brandy? And 70% of the viewing public is team Joyce's. Oh, Joyce. Listen, I have to say I don't really like Joyce very much, and I like Brandy, but in this situation, Brandy was being a total asshole. And I have to say, in this specific situation, this Palm Springs situation, I am team Joyce as well.

Starting point is 00:06:18 Yeah. She was so mean, and it continued. And by the way, drinking out of that bottle i mean that right there and she's like i don't have a drinking problem and i'm like anyone who drinks wine out of the bottle with a group of ladies at that caliber that's a problem well my favorite my favorite is that when yo when i think it was kyle was speaking to yoice and being like how did i can't believe you kept her calm and yoice was like well look you know i was the host of the party and i didn't invite people here to yell at them.

Starting point is 00:06:46 If I were, you know, at someone else's party, maybe. But this was my party. So I tried my best to be gracious. And I can just imagine Kylos was probably looking at her being like, I don't understand this concept of graciousness. Say how it works again. Aren't you supposed to invite people over and then have your friends attack them? Maybe that's what it is. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 00:07:06 Have some creep from Arizona come and bash everybody for you. That's Kyle's politeness. But I like that Brandy said she doesn't have a drinking problem, she has a drinking solution. Yeah, that was a funny line, although it was very much like a drag queen line. You know? Yeah, it was like from the

Starting point is 00:07:22 drag queen bumper sticker store. It was like a reject from Sex from like the drag queen bumper sticker store it was like a reject from sex in the city i gotta tell you though that is that was my favorite line and there was only one time that i actually felt bad for brandy when the whole thing happened with her dog and by the way they never found cheek chica oh wow well let's let's probably it probably ran away shit on somebody's carpet and they killed it well oh oh i feel bad you know to be fair um i that was the one part i did get a little teary eyed because i was thinking about my dogs and i thought my god that's so horrible and her kids and when her kids are gone she doesn't have her dogs and so that did upset me a little bit but it reminded me of remember when she made that comment about sheena knocking out

Starting point is 00:08:09 her teeth and she was like karma and they kept replaying it on all the cars yeah i hate to use that but you know what bitch karma works in mysterious ways so maybe you shouldn't be such a drunken hooker making all these blatantly rude statements about people. And your dog gets taken, but nothing else does. You know, it's like karma. So, yeah, that was the only time I felt bad for Brandy. The rest of it, she should look back at that and learn something from this. Honestly, it was embarrassing.

Starting point is 00:08:41 Well, and I also liked how she – well, let's just jump into our Beverly Hillsly hills coverage if we have more gods we'll get to it later in the episode but um i liked also how she immediately blamed her assistant she's like this is the second time this week that like the dogs have gone missing on your well but that was totally the assistant okay this is what happened the assistant left the damn door open again and the dog ran away and the assistant was afraid of getting in trouble so she broke the bathroom window and said, I mean, who's going to break in A to that house because it looks like Bob Barker

Starting point is 00:09:12 lives there. It's like who wants 1970s appliances and empty bottles of Boone's Farm lying around. Yeah, it's like an old gift that Phyllis Diller left on the stoop 20 years ago. Who wants an ironing board? Nothing was stolen.

Starting point is 00:09:28 Do you know that? Exactly. Yeah. So that assistant was just trying to cover and say, oh, well, someone broke in and stole that old leaky-ass dog. I'm so sure. I think that she left that door open and the dog ran all the way to Leanne's house. Oh, my God. That should be who it really is. Lene probably had the assistant on the payroll oh p.s i need to say

Starting point is 00:09:49 this really quickly before we continue because it's the funniest thing ever on on watch what happens they had this like crazy queenie bartender named mom i'm not sure who this person is but um when they made a comment about um brandy and they were like do you think they asked sheena do you think that brandy will ever just get over the fact that you slept with um her husband and she goes you know what she should get over it's been years and it's like beating the dead horse in the middle of the room and it cuts to this queenie bartender in sunglasses and a wig and he goes oh honey you know i would have slept with him those dimples yeah you were next in line mom i know oh my god i was i was laughing so hysterically like

Starting point is 00:10:34 i mean i'm sorry i didn't say we had it's totally hot you're right who wouldn't sleep and if she never gets over whatever there's a lot of things that brandy needs to get over because she talks a lot of big game. She's the Kyle and she's the Miss Know-It-All above everybody, Yolanda Foster. She's the one I hate the most. Well, you know, if I were Brandy, I might be hitting the bottle too because, you know what? You have this hot ex-husband and you know what he decides to shack up with? Trashy Sheena and then mannish Leigh-Anne Rimes.

Starting point is 00:11:02 I mean that's like tough. It's like I'm a tough. I'm a model. I'm a model here, and it's not good enough? You have to go for the donkey? I feel like really hot guys tend to fall into that trap. They don't understand how hot they are, maybe. I don't know what it is, but there are so many hot guys with homely chicks, right? Oh my god, exactly.

Starting point is 00:11:23 Sometimes I'm like like i don't understand do they not know that there's hotter women out there yeah like when you see a woman with like some old man you're like oh well he's got a good job you know it's just kind of natural you know that's very american yeah but when you see like a model with a homely girl it's like is it mommy issue what is it yeah look at tom and katie that's all i'm saying tom and christine who's who's christine who's that from vanderpump rules look at those oh i for some reason i thought you meant tom since you said tom and katie i thought tom cruise and we changed it to christine i was like wait is it like christine chenoweth because that would actually make sense oh my god okay

Starting point is 00:12:01 you know reasons that i won't say because i don't want to get sued. Look at Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. But she's pretty. Katie Holmes is pretty. I don't think that's I don't think that's like Leanne Rimes and Eddie Ciprian. No, I'm sorry. Katie Holmes was just a really tired actress. She was like, acting is hard. I've been doing this since I was like 14.

Starting point is 00:12:20 I just want to relax. My agent called me, told me if I was married to Tom Cruise for five years, I'd have hundreds of millions of dollars and never have to do anything again. And she took it. Yeah. Okay. So back to Beverly Hills. So why don't we rewind a little bit and start at the top of the episode.

Starting point is 00:12:37 Okay. Now, this week, I promised to take notes. And I took notes for Atlanta, and I took a whole bunch of notes for Vanderpump Rules, but I only made one note about Beverly Hills. Me too. One note. I'm looking at them. All right, but my note is not ready yet, so I'm just warning you. I'm going to say something when it's time for me to share my notes. But for right now, the episode began back at that dinner table where Brandy was drunk, and they're all sitting around the table and they're having to fight over who should butt in and who should butt out and who is on a team. Correct? Yes, and Yolanda

Starting point is 00:13:10 was ridiculous and acted like an asshole. Yeah, well, that's sort of her, that's sort of the way she is. That's like, that's her thing. Her lifestyle, Brandy, is just to be an asshole. Oh my god. Wait, were you guys the ones that told me that she was doing this, that David made a comment like she's only doing this to get her own show?

Starting point is 00:13:27 One of you guys shared an article. Yeah. I don't know if she did. Okay. I'm just making sure I heard that from you and not from some trash rag as according to Yolanda's terms. You heard it from a trashy podcast. Yeah. Well, we could be like Vanderpump Rules where we create a rumor and then forget that we created it and then pass it along.

Starting point is 00:13:45 Okay. Here's one of my favorites. Let's talk about just our favorite things because, let's face it, Beverly Hills is almost as boring as your house in Miami. No, this episode. What are you talking about? This episode was so entertaining. I was laughing. These bitches are trying so hard to fight about things. They have nothing to talk about.

Starting point is 00:14:00 They don't know each other. They're like, Lisa and Yolanda need to just check into Shady Pines already. Those two are acting like even getting out of bed in the morning. I mean, granted, Yolanda has that Lyme disease or whatever. That is bullshit. Can I just tell you something? You don't die from Lyme disease. She's acting like she has a terminal fucking

Starting point is 00:14:18 tumor. She got bit by a tick and she's a little bit tired. Okay? Give me... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And that is like someone who gets hit on a bicycle and then buys a motorcycle. tired okay give me i'm sorry i'm sorry that it's like someone who gets hit on a bicycle and then buys a motorcycle like why are you trying to buy another horse damn it you got bit by a tick in the first place you should put that horse down and use it to make glue that you can glue signs to the neighborhood warning people not to ride horses because they'll get lyme's disease well she's like well we only have two horses. So, you know, what sort of household can we have that can have only two horses?

Starting point is 00:14:45 We have to get a third horse. But the sad needs only two horses. We need the horse to carry the lemons. I think it's the lemons. I'm telling you, if she wasn't out there trying to impress everyone with her fucking lemons, she wouldn't have been bitten by a tick. And P.S., do the statistics. I'm sorry to all you Lyme disease sufferers out there but we all know if you're going to have some disease of all the diseases it's either you're going to have acid reflux or lyme disease those are the two that like you can you would actually die from acid reflux before you

Starting point is 00:15:16 die from lyme disease okay actually lyme disease i mean look let's face it you get to sleep you get to sleep all day yeah no lyme disease can disease can actually really, really fuck you up. The way it really, really fucks you up... I'm not going to weigh in on it because I have no idea what's going on with Yolanda's inner body. The thing is she does use it as a little bit as a crutch.

Starting point is 00:15:38 When she said earlier, when I had the Lyme disease, I couldn't think of the right words. I just called her an asshole. That's not really what I was thinking. I'm like, no, no, you can't. No, no, it doesn't work that way. You can't blame your dumb phrases on that. And here's another thing. When she's like, you know, every day it's like a fight for my life.

Starting point is 00:15:54 I'm like, you have fucking Lyme disease. You didn't have your legs cut off in a war. You know what will help you fight in that fight for life? To have a proper meal instead of the master cleanse for five months straight. You know what? That's probably what is making you so exhausted. Stop drinking your fucking lemon water with sprinkles of cayenne. Go get yourself a steak.

Starting point is 00:16:13 Meanwhile, there's like a tick lying somewhere in like a tick hospital that's like, Ugh, I bit into this one woman and all I got was cayenne pepper, maple syrup, and lemon juice. I think I'm going to die. She did more damage to that tick than the tick did the tick is dying of the master cleanse disease by the way and i'm imagining the tick hospital to look like season two of down abbey and you know like like it's a converted old mansion and edith is like tending to a tick and falling in love with it yeah she's like falling in love with the tick that has his face it's a very romantic place.

Starting point is 00:16:46 I would, by the way, I would watch tick hospital in a heartbeat. I own, I only own see-through doily shirt from 1983 because I have Lyme disease. Yeah. And that's another thing enough with your fucking lace shirts and your terrible hairstyle. I like her hair.

Starting point is 00:17:02 I like her hair. No, you don't know. I do. I actually do like her hair, like her hair no you don't know i do i actually do like her hair everyone i'm so sorry i'm so sorry to be the voice of dissent but you know when i'm a blonde and coming from one blonde to another she needs to stop wearing it so slicked back her face doesn't read well for that either put it in a bun throw some curls in there the only time it looks good is when it's in a side bun and her bangs are swept over to the side. But when it's greased back, Heidi

Starting point is 00:17:27 Klum is the only person that can pull that look off. That's it. Just the Klum stuff. Well, much like Kyle and Yolanda, we'll have to agree to disagree. Oh yeah, I love that. I love when Yolanda suddenly turns nice

Starting point is 00:17:43 because you know that she's going to even be more evil. Oh, I know. When she decides... Okay, Kyle, you know what? Let us stop fighting because you have a lot on your plate. I know. Look how full your plate is.

Starting point is 00:17:54 I mean, literally, look at your plate. There's so much food on it. Do you need all that food on your plate? Do you ever drink cayenne pepper with lemon? You should because there's a lot of food on your plate. Fatty, matty, little pump, fatty. She does have the most hearty way of saying agree to disagree, which is fight, fight, fight.

Starting point is 00:18:13 And then she decides, okay, well, you know, I feel for you, and I just want the best for you and your family because you're going through a lot of things, like all those allegations that are probably true about your husband. Don't want to hurt your feelings and your husband is getting hand jobs from trannies and alleys and then he's sucking transsexual wieners i'm so sorry let's not talk about it anymore so your husband can have time to suck on men's wieners who wear lipstick oh my god that's pretty much the way i went but then the

Starting point is 00:18:41 best oh and then of course in the middle of it kim is trying to say something and well there's a little bit of a holdover from last episode lisa's like oh no no no kim no no no just no no just leave it alone kim and kim's like one note that brings me to my one note about real housewives and here it is thank you ben for that fabulous segue okay and it goes just like this lisa tell goes to shut the door because kim wants to publicly use the bathroom with the camera there so she shuts the door cut to crazy kim saying okay okay fine you can't shut me out oh no you're gonna shut the door in my face no she's not shutting you out crazy shutting the door i know this was preceded by lisa and kyle having a very serious conversation because kyle runs away from the table crying because brandy's being mean to her

Starting point is 00:19:31 right so everybody's coming up to hug kyle and tell them that's okay they're that her husband likes um like drag queen wiener and lisa comes up she's like darling darling you know i'm sorry about your husband and then kim comes hopping into the screen going, hey, my panties are in a wad. Jumping around, trying to pull her, as I put it in my recap, which you can find on Trash Talk TV, she's trying to pull her BBBs out of her meat origami. Like, just jumping around like, oh, my God, what the hell? I can't get it out. Kingsley, Kingsley.

Starting point is 00:20:04 Then she goes into the bathroom, and you just hear Lisa go, We don't need to see that, darling. And she closes the door, because you know that Kim was sitting there on the floor with her ankles behind her head, trying to figure out what's up her cooter. You just know she was. Well, here's the thing. I just think that if Lisa, who's the oldest, doesn't want to look at Kim's beat-up catcher's mitt,

Starting point is 00:20:24 then nobody else does. So why can't they just shut the door, let her play her own little baseball game in there, and then let's all open the door again. She wasn't shutting the door on their seat. Kim and, or Lisa and Kyle were actually talking and trying to work things out. They're making leather papasans again, darling.

Starting point is 00:20:42 I know. Oh my God, a leather papasan. I know. I'm sure it just looked like a big box of dried pasta. It just looked like an octopus was trying to eat her whole body. It's like she's giving birth. Her underwear was trying, her crotch

Starting point is 00:20:57 was trying to eat her underwear. She's giving birth to a squid. Oh! Not even a squid. Don't be nice. A full-on like octopus from mobi dead oh my god it's just like a bunch of popper dell falling out um somebody stole this volkswagen beetle 25 what i did love was that there was almost a sense that maybe Kyle and Lisa were about to break down a wall. And then all of a sudden it cuts to Kim in the confessional being like, now how do you close the door on me? Like, oh, shit.

Starting point is 00:21:35 Where is this going? You know what? I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do. Oh, you guys. I'm going to keep the door open. I'll keep the door open. It's my room. This is good. This is good.

Starting point is 00:21:45 We all need to talk about this and watch what happens. They made a statement about Joyce. Remember when she made the statement? I think it was like an episode or two ago when Carlton was saying that she's a Wicca and that she believes in, you know, her spirituality with animals and all that. And it cuts to Joyce going, oh, come on. That's just silly. Joyce clarified last night that she didn't say that in regards to that statement. She thinks being a Wicca and being in touch with nature and animals is a great thing.

Starting point is 00:22:16 There's nothing wrong with that. She was making a statement about something else, and they edited it to make it look like she was saying that about her talking about Wicca. She said it in front of andy cohen wow so the proof is is obviously they make all these statements and they use sound bites to back you know to make it more dramatic or shitty right and then they had brandy call in like skype in video skype in and brandy's saying hey you guys i just want to apologize i think i'm gonna look like a dick in the next three episodes. Yeah, but she goes, but they didn't make me look that way.

Starting point is 00:22:50 I really did say those things, so I just want to apologize. Now, cut to Sheena and Joyce saying, well, what do you think Brandy means? Because if they're saying Joyce is a fat pig, what does Brandy mean? And she goes, well, I have friends who are named Brandy. So I can only speak on this Brandy who's an alcoholic, lying bitch. So that's what that means. Whoa. You guys, you guys, I'm telling you, the fact that you do not watch Watch What Happens.

Starting point is 00:23:16 I just can't with that show. I honestly can't. There's like, usually I'm okay with my life choices because my life is really fun. But when I watch that show, I'm like, I start thinking about suicide. It's like when you, it's like when people take that anti-smoking drug Chantix and they all start killing themselves. Don't do it.

Starting point is 00:23:34 Yeah. That's, that's what, watch what crap or watch what happens to us to me. I'm like, it's time to die. It's time to die. I start praying to God to flood the world again. But choose your shows wisely. Because as soon as I saw Sheena and Joyce knowing they're Brandy haters, I'm like, this is going to be a fucking amazing show. One of my problems is that I don't – maybe I should just DVR it. Because I don't DVR it. Maybe I should DVR and just watch selectively like you say.

Starting point is 00:23:58 But what's funny about what you were talking about, about how Joyce was saying how they took her – took one comment and put it in a different context. They do that to all of them. And yet all of them, when they hear these things said out of context, they all get mad. But they never seem to realize that it happens to them, so why don't they give the other girl a benefit of the doubt that it happened to them too? They're just all stupid. They're very stupid people, all these women. Yep, they really are.

Starting point is 00:24:21 Also, something I'd like to point out about Joyce is she was the first one to to start bitching about editing this season which i think is hilarious because she's such a fame whore yeah but she started she's like well you know they had to say all these different things for opening lines and they ended up taking the part where i said you're too young and too rich and too thin or something and i didn't like that you know they they had me say a million things and of course they use that one it makes me sound like a jerk i'm like well you did record it but then yeah you don't have to say but changed it and so they changed it to um you're never too young too thin or too nice or something and i was oh okay so it wasn't the young and thin part bragging it wasn't the fat shaming part it was the it was the poor shaming you fucking it get out of here yeah so club's face get out so anyway so back to the so back to the episode so kim freaks out okay

Starting point is 00:25:11 whatever so lisa's just like well the best part is that kim gets mad at lisa for lisa being dismissive so what does lisa do she's just very dismissive and walks away she's like oh no i can't deal with this now she just walks away which I think is great. Because, you know, this is why I just love Lisa, no matter what. Because, obviously, Kim is just like, I have to fight with somebody. It's a job. I've got to pay for that Bentley. So she's, like, trying

Starting point is 00:25:36 to start a fight, and Lisa's like, let's just let her have her moment. I'm not getting into a fight with Kim, you know? And, you know, what she was trying to say, which she's too classy to say, is it's like it's like kicking a baby whose soft spot has been pushed in one too many times oh my god exactly when when she made that she goes like i'm not gonna fight with her it's like saying you can't reason with a drunk yeah yeah it's like it's like pushing a homeless guy in a wheelchair into the street because he looked at you funny you know you just can't yeah you're fighting losing battle just put it that way yeah exactly so then um so

Starting point is 00:26:10 then everything calmed down i think eventually over dinner and we also talked about that there was that random moment backing up just a little bit that when kyle was crying that of all people then yolanda goes over and this is sort of a continuation of what we're talking about before but but kyle sobbing and yolanda goes over and gives her sort of a continuation of what we were talking about before. But Kyle's sobbing and Yolanda goes over and gives her this big old hug. And saying the same things again. Like, you have a lot on your plate. You have a lot on your plate.

Starting point is 00:26:31 And then she gives this bullshit like, you know, this stuff is small stuff. This is small. Things are a lot bigger. Bigger in life. More precious issues. The tranniest penis in your husband's butthole was bigger than this problem. We're family. More precious issues. The tiniest penis in your husband's butthole was bigger than this problem.

Starting point is 00:26:46 That's not the beauty. We're family. We're girlfriends. We have to have each other's back. I'm like, yeah, okay. Tell me when and where you guys are having each other's back because I do not see it. Yeah, she's such a thief. Yolanda is one of the meanest people who's been on. And she hasn't

Starting point is 00:27:02 really even done anything that terrible yet. But the fact that she just she automatically found the meanest one right away which is brandy and she sits there and giggles and prods brandy and just makes her even worse i mean yolanda's really the worst yolanda's a mean girl did you notice at the dinner table when whenever somebody would say something or whenever anything would happen she literally would go like this she would go see see when somebody does that they're looking for someone to back her up and she's doing that to brandy who's noticeably and clearly completely tanked out of her mind and she's like oh there you go do you see there she goes there she goes like why would you even want brandy to back you up i know

Starting point is 00:27:38 i love that brandy's like oh you mess with y with Yolanda, you messed with me. I know. Since when was that a thing? Are you guys, like, lesbian lovers now? Like, since when has, like, Brandy, like, suddenly showing up in, like, armor to defend Yolanda's honor, you know? Yeah, pretty silly. I think Brandy's, like, really taken down the level of this show. So, I mean, this is coming from someone who was rooting for her to be a main housewife, because I thought it was funny. It's like, one whore in the middle of a bunch

Starting point is 00:28:10 of ex-whores who somehow made it, who married up or whatever, and are suddenly not whores. They have nicer makeup now, and microdermabrasion, and better bras, but otherwise they're still the same. I think that's funny. But now they're just all kind of dumb whores.

Starting point is 00:28:25 You know what it's like? It's like watching Pretty Woman, if Pretty Woman weren't about Julia Roberts' character, but by Laura San Giacomo's character, whatever her name is. Oh my God, San Giacomo? San Giacomo. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:38 Just shoot me. If we watched her boning a businessman, this is what the movie would be like. It wouldn't turn pretty and beautiful. It would just be, oh, there's a whore with money. Yeah, I'm telling you. That's exactly what – and here's the thing. The funny thing about Yolanda is she tries to act all wise and above everything.

Starting point is 00:28:58 And she's never had a job her entire life. She has no idea what it's like. She has constantly lived off other men's money. So the fact that she can be so entitled and such a know-it-all makes me want to smack her in her fucking Dutch face. Yeah, totally. Yep. I say it every week and it's true every week. She just gets worse every time. So, so anyway, so after this big fight at the, at the dinner, things calmed down. There was some stupid flirtation between Carlton and Brandy that led to nothing. And then, like, the girls tried to startle each other.

Starting point is 00:29:29 And then, like, Brandy in her wasted state said something that sort of indicated future troubles between her and Lisa. Because she told Lisa to stop strategizing. Which I didn't get that. Did you get that? I think she's basically saying well she's been talking shit with Yolanda about how because Yolanda explained it which means that

Starting point is 00:29:52 Brandy's been talking about it with Yolanda about how Lisa's always trying to manipulate situations and plot people against each other and we saw in the season preview that she tells Lisa that she's a chess player and she's always playing everybody like a chess piece yeah well now I just checked you, bitch. Yeah, checkmate, bitch.

Starting point is 00:30:08 And Lisa just sits there dumbfounded because she's trusted another fucking person who screwed her over. Okay, this brings me to another point. I know I just ranted, but just sit tight. It's the holidays. It's time for ranting. No, I wanted to say I was writing in the recap you'd think that if Brandy had watched this

Starting point is 00:30:23 show, she would learn her lesson about going up against Lisa, because everyone who has is now gone. There was first Cedric, then there was Adrian, then there was, you know, so I was going down that route. So I was Googling a picture of Cedric to make some tasteless joke.

Starting point is 00:30:38 And one of the first pictures that pops up in Google Images is of Cedric holding hands with Brandy, because the first time she was ever on the show was the season was coming in with Cedric. Remember? And so Lisa didn't want to be friends with Brandy because she was friends with Cedric. And Brandy was like, no, we're not friends. We were never friends.

Starting point is 00:30:56 We met one time. So I pulled up a picture of them holding hands. And I was like, oh, well, this is suddenly making sense why Brandy is all of a sudden out of nowhere turning. You know? Yeah, there we go. Yeah, early planning.

Starting point is 00:31:10 And I was like, now who's playing checkers? Or chess, as it were. Now who's playing guess who? Yeah, now who's playing Uno? Now who's playing the game of life? Now who's playing trouble and sorry together now who's playing scattergories i love that i love scatter i'm like the queen of scattergories i hate the one where you have to like play with the play-doh what's that one i was just talking about that last night that's one of my favorite games you guys can we please

Starting point is 00:31:44 have a game night? Yes. I feel like that plate has given so many people colds because they just keep passing it around. Yeah. Oh, my God. I cannot hear about this German fasted shit. I just flew back from Kentucky yesterday. Oh, good luck. Airlines make me really disgusting, especially the guy farmer blowing into the blanket that the airlines gives

Starting point is 00:32:05 us oh yeah don't touch those that's like that's basically like cuddling up with sanitary napkins from the from the airplane bathroom don't do it i'd rather lick the floor of the bathroom inside southwest airlines um coming back from vegas mind you okay so west airlines stuffed everything tastes like fried chicken because they allow people to bring on their own food. I hate that about Southwest Airlines. I always get stuck next to the person eating fucking fried chicken or people will get like a sandwich with onions and shit on. Oh, yeah, tuna. Ew.

Starting point is 00:32:35 And then they're all burpy. I don't fly Southwest. I'm sorry, you guys. I'm way too snobby. Like anything that. We're still poor. Well, I'm still poor. So I'm still poor too. Southwest. All right. No, it's poor. Well, I'm still poor. I'm still poor too.

Starting point is 00:32:46 Southwest. All right. No, it's not about me. I'm so poor. Not only do I fly Southwest, I fly Southwest with my dad's frequent flyer miles. All right. Speaking of... Speaking of taking transport...

Starting point is 00:32:57 Oh my God, I'm so poor that I got kicked off this fucking pod. No, no, you're still there. No, I'm going to buy him a basket of Top Ramen after that statement. That is ridiculous. There is no way that he uses his 10 miles for Southwest Airlines. Well, it's Hollywood. Anything is possible. Well, we've lost Ronnie, so we'll just continue until he comes back.

Starting point is 00:33:15 Maybe his internet connection, maybe he has dial-up because he's – Maybe he's using Southwest Wi-Fi. So as someone who is poor also, I would fly Southwest except it never goes where I need to go, which is mainly New York. You would not fly Southwest. Of course. There's no way. I know you. No, you are way too white collar for that.

Starting point is 00:33:39 No, no, no, no, no. Listen, I am a poor folk. I mean I'm like – I'm not like poor for right let me let me take it back i sound like one of these poor little rich kid types or whatever but i'm like i am not above flying southwest that is for sure i love a good deal i'm jewish i am jewish there you go um wait so speaking of speaking of things taking things to new heights like southwest airlines hold on let me see if we can get Ronnie back into this Skype call. Maybe Ronnie seriously got mad about

Starting point is 00:34:08 his Southwest Airlines statement and just signed off. I think not. And by the way, I would like to say I don't, unlike Katie, I cast no judgment on those who fly Southwest. I do. Too late because you guys kicked me off the podcast just for being on Southwest. Oh my god.

Starting point is 00:34:24 Anyway, if Southwest wants to sponsor this podcast, we welcome you. In fact, maybe Southwest should fly us somewhere to perhaps change Katie's opinion on this lovely airline. No, I will not fly Southwest. I flew it once and had the worst experience of my life. I'm never flying Southwest Airlines ever again. Well, now that's a different story if you had a terrible experience. Anyway, so let's get back to the show, which is Beverly Hills. Which takes place on Southwest Airlines.

Starting point is 00:34:50 Just kidding. So the show, the real house of Beverly Hills did reach new altitudes, like being on a plane, when it put the ladies in a gondola and sent them to the top of a mountain. And in case you didn't notice, the episode was called Escape to Bitch Mountain, which I appreciated. Hysterical. I was dying over that. I definitely appreciated. So anyway, so they went to the top of a mountain and they were feeding squirrels, which I would never do. And they were eating.

Starting point is 00:35:14 And this is where my one note of the entire episode came in. They're all sitting there at a picnic table. And Kim goes, you know, caterpillars turn into butterflies. Oh my God. And Kim goes, you know, caterpillars turn into butterflies. In her defense, she said that because Kyle was like, Ew, caterpillar! And she's like, well, hey, caterpillars turn into butterflies. Which I think was probably the smartest thing she's ever said on the show.

Starting point is 00:35:41 And then Kyle was like, well, I don't like butterflies either. And I'm like, okay, you're officially a fucking horrible person, Kyle. Who says if they don't like butterflies? Meanwhile, Yolanda's like, well, I got Lyme disease from a caterpillar, so I'd stay away. Oh, my God. You know what her statement when she said, well, I don't like caterpillars. All I could think of was like, you're the type of person that sees somebody in a wheelchair coming behind you when you're walking through a doorway. And you look back and you consciously know they're there, but you keep walking and you don't hold the fucking door.

Starting point is 00:36:08 Yeah. That is Kyle Richards summed up in a nutshell. You know, Kyle Richards, here's my issue with Kyle Richards. One of many is that in that same scene, a squirrel got up close to her and she yelped and she ran across the way to a rock and then huddled. She's like, it was too close for me. And what I really hate about Kyle doing that is that she's not 22 she's not 12 she's 40 something and she's acting like you know she's acting like a little girl it's like that thing you know where women

Starting point is 00:36:35 sometimes um regress when they're around other women it's like this childhood thing they did it last season when they had a sleepover and they're having like a pillow fight or something oh my god this is so this is like awful for womankind that this is they're representing women here. And this is this is where Paris gets it from. You know how Paris does her baby voice? It's because it runs in the family because somehow they've been taught along the way that it's cute for a grown woman to act like a six year old. We have talked about baby voice. It's daddy.

Starting point is 00:37:04 It's total daddy. I think that that family had some creepy uncle that did something wrong because everyone in it has daddy issues. And the only one that doesn't is Kathy. She probably wore that leopard muumuu as a child. Oh my god. She probably took on the role.

Starting point is 00:37:20 I'm just assuming they had a crazy stage mother who pushed them all into the spotlight and was very stern and created some issues where, remember when she died and they were carrying around her photo and talking to her like they're having conversations? I think Kathy stepped into the role of the mother at some point, which is why Kathy is – What's her name? That was very Dana Plato to me. Something is really wrong. You rob the person of their childhood.

Starting point is 00:37:42 They've got a lot of fucking issues. They do baby talk. They've all had drug and alcohol problems and it usually ends up pretty bad so if you want to see dana plato it's basically kim richards but with worse acting all i could think of that with that whole caterpillar thing was kyle's the only person in her couple that doesn't like little squirmy hairy phallic symbols so look here's the thing with kyle richards i don't actually mind like i think actually in real life if i knew these bitches i would probably like kyle i would probably get well i met her once and she was totally nice you know she wants to sit around and talk shit about everybody and i think i would really like lisa in life. And I mean, I think I would like her,

Starting point is 00:38:25 but for whatever reason, the way she's always trying to manipulate how she's being perceived on the show and how we all need to see how much money she has in comparison to everybody else. It's just so gross. And it makes me hate her. And I make fun of her more than anybody else on the entire show. Who do you make fun of?

Starting point is 00:38:43 Kyle. Kyle. What do you mean her money? Like, this is what i don't understand she's always like we just had this room redone and we're doing this and we're doing that it's like again kyle really do you think she has a steady income do you think she makes money marisa does exactly but there's something still to this day a little weird she's got that taylor armstrong syndrome where now she has friends like lisa vanderpump and yolanda foster who lisa's the only one that is you know self-made but when you look at the money aspect of those people the adrian maloose those people are in a completely different atmosphere than where kyle richards is yeah but

Starting point is 00:39:24 the but kyle richards i don't think it's as much with Kim, but if you look at Kyle, you look at Kathy, they're social climbers. I mean, they always have been. You know? Kyle, I think, is the most practiced out of all the horror ones because she's been living off of people since she was a child. Like, she had Kim to live off of.

Starting point is 00:39:41 Yeah, and once she blew through all her money, she married a husband she could live off, who they stole Kim's house together, and once she blew through all her money, she married a husband she could live off who they stole Kim's house together and then built their empire. This is how it works in my head. They stole Kim's house, and then that was Mauricio's first big sale.

Starting point is 00:39:53 Like, in my sick head, that's how it all worked. No, but I think you're not far from the truth. I think that's actually interpreted exactly the way it is in my sick head, too, because that's the facts. You can't lie about that. And by the way, is in my sick head too because that's the facts you can't lie about that and by the way just so you know kim richards in real life is really nice she used to be our client at the painted nail until one of my nail techs kind of went off and started doing it at their

Starting point is 00:40:18 houses so she does kim kyle and somebody else but yeah she stole our clients which is fine because you know because honestly how much free champagne can you go through i mean exactly like here's some hors d'oeuvres but when you're eating the entire cow it's like there's no little slider for anybody i would say to get back to ronnie's earlier point i'm sure honestly if we if we like went and sat down and had drinks with kyle she'd actually be a ton of fun and a lot of these people are actually fine or fun when you're out of the show, but when they're put in the strange situation of the show,

Starting point is 00:40:49 a side of them comes out that is often terrible. The worst. The worst side comes out. I mean, Kyle, if Kyle says that somebody is mean to her one more fucking time, that victim mentality, that's mean it's like

Starting point is 00:41:05 you are the meanest person on the show no one has ever come on the show except for joyce joyce is the first one that kyle has been immediately nice to everyone else who's come on the show she's been mean and snotty too and snide and said horrible things straight to their faces or whispering really loudly about them you know she's one of the meanest girls that's ever been on the show but her yeah her defense is always like they're mean so are you bitch remember that whole thing with brandy when she was on crutches and her and kim were acting like two little fucking witches who lost their eye remember from um yeah if they hit her crutches behind a couch and yeah like that was just a bullshitty, mean

Starting point is 00:41:46 thing to do, and, like, that's childish. And then for her to be like, yeah, well, your sister, or I saw her doing whatever in the bathroom. Then they all ganged up on her after they called her a whore and everything. It's like, you guys can dish it out all day long, but as soon as somebody says something, it's like, the two witch sisters go searching

Starting point is 00:42:01 for that fucking eye to pass around. The witchers? So anyway, so anyway, so they went up to the mountain, The two witch sisters go searching for that fucking eye to pass around. The witchers? Yeah. The eye. So anyway, so they went up to the mountain, and nothing really interesting happened there, except that they were attacked by squirrels. And then they came down, and... Oh, no. What else happened?

Starting point is 00:42:17 Oh, no. Okay, they go up to the mountain, and Carlton and Kim Bond, because they're, like, petting squirrels, and so they're so spiritual. Like every alcoholic becomes like a total Buddhist, which I always think is hilarious. Like I love that Buddha most likely had a Coke problem because it's like everybody, you know, everybody who's either been a murderer or a heroin addict just loves Jesus now. But anyway, I love that the scene where Kim was not only praying, but she was praying to a trash can. Yes. Oh, yes.

Starting point is 00:42:48 She gets up and people up to her. I'm on Kim's side, you guys, because it doesn't matter where she feels she's grateful for something and she's grateful for her sobriety and being alive because she went through a horrible period. So for fucking Yolanda to make that that comment what is she praying to the trash can yeah that's what she's doing you fucking dutch oven she's over there praying to a trash can well as usual i think that kyle was the first one to say what are you doing praying praying at the trash there were like three of them who were commenting well i would say i i respect i respect katie's point it's true like you know She'd been through a lot. Let her pray. On the other hand, it is kind of hilarious

Starting point is 00:43:27 that she was praying to a trash can. It's like you're in the middle of nature and you're praying by the trash can. I also love that she stands up from her prayer and is already swiping something on her iPhone. It's like, Amen! Woohoo! Someone gave me an extra laugh in Candy Crush!

Starting point is 00:43:45 That's what she was praying for. I just need to clarify something. The Buddha could not have been a coke addict because he was huge and fat, so I'm calling he was an alcoholic. Oh my God, I know plenty of fat cokeheads. Trust me, if that worked, I'd be a cokehead. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:44:02 Life of Little Caesars, I'd do coke. I'd work five jobs to be a coke head so anyway after the yeah after the religious experience by the trash can the women go down there go down back to the house they make dinner and it's calm because lisa and yolanda go home and then everything's calm and so kyle is saying her typical sort of side eye comments about how funny how calm it is now. Isn't that strange? And then, so it's like a whatever, they have a meal, and then that's when Brandy gets her call that Chica

Starting point is 00:44:29 is missing, and the assistant has lost the dog. Chica has been reclaimed to the underworld, unfortunately. I, um... I have to say... I'm a different person. I had to put my dog down a couple years ago and

Starting point is 00:44:45 it still traumatizes me i get it i get it but for whatever reason i just i laughed the way that all the ladies were standing around you know acting like kennedy just got shot i know well yeah my feeling was that like i wasn't laughing uh about why she crying. I was just laughing at the way she was crying. Because she was like... She was crying. Are you fucking kidding me? My dog! What are my children going to think? She's right. Her kids will be devastated.

Starting point is 00:45:16 It's sad and everything. I felt bad for her. I felt bad for her, but I was also laughing. It was funny. She gets a text. She's like, I'm going to go to the bathroom and check my text. So she texts it, and it's like, emergency, there's an emergency. The police just left, and she's like,

Starting point is 00:45:32 I hope my dogs are okay. I mean, wouldn't a mother first think, like, oh my God, the kids. I mean, even if that's not your first thought, you should say that if you're on TV. Be like, oh my God, I hope my kids are okay. Not your dogs. I mean, I know the kids aren't staying at your house, but still.

Starting point is 00:45:47 Why was this person trying to call her frantically? Yeah. Well, what I also liked was when Kim is trying to console her and be like, wow, look, I'm sure that, like, Chica, like, whatever he or her... She's like, Chica! Brady's like, Chica is

Starting point is 00:46:03 the Mexican word for girl! And Kim's like, Chica! Brady's like, Chica is the Mexican word for girl. And Kim's like, oh, yeah, okay. Well, you're going to find her. We can just put some signs up and call out her name. Get the posters up. And Joyce is like, I've lost a dog. She's like, shut up, Joyce! That was amazing.

Starting point is 00:46:20 It's not a competition! Joyce is like, the best that Joyce does it in the exact one-upper way, she goes, I lost a dog, so... And she just trails off. That's the classic one-upsman way. Just end with so as your period. So, yeah. And Brandy yells at her

Starting point is 00:46:39 and she starts following her. No, I just want to give you a hug. I just want to give you a hug right now. That's what Mama Joyce does. And then it ended on that. No, I just want to give you a hug. I just want to give you a hug right now. That's what Mama Joyce does. And then it ended on that, and then I woke up and was like, I can't believe I watched this boring-ass episode. Yeah, that's how I felt too, Ben. I mean, I get your love for

Starting point is 00:46:56 I guess... I was enjoying it. I thought last season was boring as hell. You were enjoying it? I was enjoying it. I'm enjoying Kim Richards off the leash. I mean, she is just bad. She is even crazier than normal this year, and I love it. Yeah, I agree.

Starting point is 00:47:11 I like that sobriety didn't ruin her drunken personality. Because the pills keep it going. Let's move on to... Exactly. Thank you. Thank you, prescriptions. Oh, you're welcome. Let's move on to Vanderpump Rules rules um which again jesus it sounds like the

Starting point is 00:47:26 set of miss saigon in here like a big fucking helicopter is about to land on my apartment i know i hear it from over here in my apartment jesus leia salonga is about to come out and start singing the ballad oh my god that was for all the gays out there leia salonga shout out. Yeah. Nice. And also all the Aladdin enthusiasts too. I was like, listen, I can throw down a Leah Zalonga reference. Surprise,

Starting point is 00:47:55 she hasn't shown up on this show. Aladdin. So, Vanderpump Rules. So, another hour of hateable,

Starting point is 00:48:03 lovable behavior. Mostly on the hateable side, but lovable because it's so hateable. It started off really with basically Stassi getting her butt waxed. And that was really the high point of the episode. I think the show has finally realized it's just admitting that it's crap. I think before it maybe was trying to be something else. And now it's like, we're just just gonna be the lowest of the low every piece of music they have is from garage band completely unchanged including our theme song when i do the producing because i don't know

Starting point is 00:48:36 literal like uh interns sitting there dragging clips into the timeline and then just pressing export yeah and they're opening with ass waxing scenes and you know i think the ass waxing is sort of like a metaphor because in a way this show is kind of like those hairs that grow in your ass and day in day out they just get like have shit that's covered all over them like shit comes in and a big piece of paper or toilet paper comes in and wipes the shit off. It's still sort of on it. It's just a shitty and smelly. And you try to rip it out, but it grows back. In a nicer way. You can clean it. You can shave

Starting point is 00:49:12 it. You can wax it. But an asshole is still an asshole. I gotta tell you, I was absolutely horrified by that scene. That just goes to show you what kind of disgusting human being Stassi is, because there's nothing more hideous that I actually had a bikini wax before the way you

Starting point is 00:49:31 have to lay down the things you have to do, the positions you're put in. And then looking at that strip of wax with all that disgusting pubes in it, when you're done is by far the most, it's like doing a colonic. Well, but but if it but if it makes you feel any better this is what she normally does except instead of having a waxer putting wax in there it's usually jack sticking whatever whatever oh god whatever appendage he wants in there instead how about his comment about sleeping with 300 women can we even just discuss oh wait we need to stick in the wax shop for a second i have a lot of notes notes. We'll go down. When Horseface number two got her turn to get waxed and the waxing lady was like, well, one lip is waxed, but the other one's not. Should I wax the other lip too?

Starting point is 00:50:13 Or do you just want to leave it there? All I could think was, okay, at least the housewives know how to get some free shit. You know, Kyle will get Fatburger to come cater her whole party. She doesn't care. It's free. You know, they know how to get some free shit. Kyle will get Fatburger to come cater her whole party. She doesn't care. It's free. They know how to get free shit. On this show, they just want a $30 wax. The worst part is that

Starting point is 00:50:32 I'm just imagining Katie with one lip shade and the other lip orange, like an orange asymmetrical thing coming off of it. It's like, do the curtains match the carpet? Yes, in the very exact replica no they don't one side does and one side doesn't i look maybe her vagina is red but then her lips

Starting point is 00:50:55 are like brown like her eyes oh yeah you're right maybe it's like an orangey color i would see it as like a more of an orange tint with a dark brown. She has the worst hair I've ever seen. That's all I'm going to say. I'm putting that on record. Worst hair I've ever seen. And not having money is no excuse. So I am, I'm sorry. She's like,

Starting point is 00:51:14 she's like, I got my waxing done on Southwest airlines. So that's why I would rather get waxed on Southwest airlines and have that hair that Katie has. I seriously would i would rather the floor of southwest airlines after i told you after a flight back from vegas than to have the hair that katie has well so if you took did you take southwest on a flight back from vegas is that yes oh my god katie that is the worst ever everybody knows that oh i didn't know that and that was my one

Starting point is 00:51:44 experience and i'm never doing it again. Because it's like the white trashiest of the trashy people in the world on that flight. This Chinese, little Chinese guy, projectile vomited, hot pink throw up in between the scenes. So, sorry, sorry, sorry. Back to the show. Back to the show. so sorry sorry sorry back to the show but so um anyway um all right so let's get out of this awful waxing salon because it's making me want to throw up all over my apartment so then we go back to sir and it's like oh it's a crazy night at sir and one thing leads to another

Starting point is 00:52:18 and we're suddenly we're back to stassi and um stassi is like mad about jack's hooking up with 21 year olds and everything and what i love is that katie katie's like taking stassi, and, um, Stassi's, like, mad about Jax hooking up with 21-year-olds and everything, and what I love is that Katie, Katie's, like, taking Stassi's side, and she's, like, you know, she's saying, like, in regards to Jax, like, you know, your behavior is repulsive, and it doesn't make anybody want you, and I'm, like, this is really, should just be the, the, the slogan for all these people's lives, okay? You have repulsive behavior, and nobody wants you, because you're all, this is not just Jax, Katie, okay? This is you, this is Horseface, this because you're all, this is not just Jack's Katie. Okay. This is you. This is horse face.

Starting point is 00:52:47 This is Dossie. This is Tom. This is like every single person who enters, sir. That's the thing. Yeah. That was my rant. Everyone.

Starting point is 00:52:54 Sorry. I just, Jack said it best when he goes, you know, sir, it's just a, he made some comment memories. Like sir is like a gossip filled shit show or blah blah whatever

Starting point is 00:53:06 and it's like you're right and you're the main problem yeah exactly you are the the the open sore from which literally all the curfew of absurd that no matter what you'll never go away. Yes. Meanwhile, speaking of which, in the midst of this, Sheena pops up to tell us that like, oh my god, my article is about to be published in The Divine Addiction. She announces this as if she landed a spot

Starting point is 00:53:38 in Time Magazine. One of my favorite Sheena moments of the season. Well, I'm not a professional makeup artist, but I wear makeup, and I know lots of people who wear makeup. She seriously says, she goes, well, I do my own makeup,

Starting point is 00:53:56 and she says it as if it's a huge achievement, as if, oh, you know, I always bake my own bread, or I make my own yogurt. Congratulations, you put on your own makeup. You've got plastic brooms from the 99-cent store glued to your lids you tacky whore 99 of women in this country do their own makeup but that does not qualify you for anything yeah how about this i know how to unclog my toilet does that make me a professional plumber i use it every day and i can unclog it well guess what i'm a professional plumber i can use it every day and I can unclog it. Well, guess what? I'm a professional

Starting point is 00:54:26 plumber. I can screw in a light bulb and turn my lamp on. Guess I'm an electrician. Wow. I'm going to call a lady. She sounds like a Katie. She sounds like a real lighting professional. I call them sick to work. I might be nominated for a man. Guys, I put on my own clothes. I mean, I'm pretty much a stylist. Yeah yeah you put your clothes on by yourself and you pick them out so you should have your own line of sweaters so then anyway then we go back to stassi and jacks and stassi is just yelling at jacks again and one of my favorite things that she yells at me she goes i'm sitting in a champagne glass jacks and you're bragging about how you banged a 21 year old let me tell you something i can't tell you how many times i have been in a

Starting point is 00:55:04 champagne glass and had to deal with someone bragging about these things that it's disgusting isn't it disgusting i know it's like you know what you're a bad person i hope she never goes to mount airy lodge and gets in that big champagne hot tub because because i i don't want that ruined moment that that moment ruined for her by Jax. You're a bad person. You know that? By the way, that was a little shout out to all those people who live near the Poconos who know exactly what I'm talking about. Do you guys know about Mount Airy Lodge? No, I didn't grow up a rich Jewish kid.

Starting point is 00:55:36 No, no, no. Mount Airy Lodge is this one. Mount Airy Lodge. That's not how the commercial went. It goes, all you need to bring is your love of everything. Beautiful Mount Airy launch. It's just like shit. It's a shithole resort in the Poconos.

Starting point is 00:55:52 From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

Starting point is 00:56:31 And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Starting point is 00:56:54 Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success.

Starting point is 00:57:28 If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app

Starting point is 00:57:44 or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. They're like, have to take a staircase up to it oh my god i would get pregnant just getting in that thing it's just they're like come to a gigantic cup of sperm where you and your husband can swim around in bubbles that's pretty much it and there's like a whole it closed i think a few years ago there's a sordid history go on to its wikipedia page and enjoy a good read it's a hell of a lot more interesting than anything the people of Sir have to say about anything

Starting point is 00:58:26 in life, or especially anything you might find on The Divine Addiction. Well, last night, or this week, last night, because I watched it last, well, it was last night. Last night was fun because we really got to see Horseface number two, like, be as evil as

Starting point is 00:58:41 the other Horsefaces, because normally she seems like the nice one to me, right? Nicer one. She's like the nicer horse. She's the horse that doesn't like Winnie as much when you get on her. She's like Jessica Parker. She got wasted at

Starting point is 00:58:57 that guy Peter's birthday party who's 30. He's an LA 30. He's like an LA 30, right? Yes. So he's an LA 30. He's like an LA 30, right? Yes. He's actually like 38. Yeah, exactly. Nice body and everything, don't get me wrong. Looks great.

Starting point is 00:59:14 He's like the smartest of the group, by the way. Yeah, well that's why he's the manager, Ben. He knows how to work that squirrel system. So, Sheena gave him a terrible lap dance. Oh my god god you know that sheena has never really been a stripper because she would have broken some penises that was the worst oh my god she did the worst lap dance ever and by the way what was the big fucking deal walter and i watched that together and he didn't see anything wrong with it either he's wrong with it it's his birthday

Starting point is 00:59:42 it's funny you're you're fun you like to do crazy things at parties there was nothing wrong with it either it's wrong with it it's his birthday it's funny you're you're fun you like to do crazy things at parties there was nothing wrong with that was a you know i mentioned grand theft auto last week i'll mention it again that was a grand theft auto lap dance you know when you when you take your car your character into the strip club and grand theft auto they have like some woman dancing gyrating you know and it's like totally not sexy it's like it looks like one of those car things at the front of a car lot that flaps around. That's what the lap dance was. And obviously it was all in good fun. And she did it in front of Shay.

Starting point is 01:00:12 And there was no problem. And so Katie suddenly doesn't want to do it. And then all shit breaks loose. By the way, Katie, who not just two weeks ago did an entire sexy or wannabe sexy burlesque dance for her boss all of a sudden is like, I don't

Starting point is 01:00:27 do that. I'm above it. Oh my god, good point. I totally forgot about that. Yeah, good point. Yeah. Good memory. And she's like, ew. But not only does she not do it, it would be one thing. Look, if she doesn't want to do it, I actually think it's fine. It's fine. And even if she wants to throw up this cockamamie

Starting point is 01:00:43 excuse, like, no, that's disrespectful for Tom. So that's fine it's fine and even if she wants to throw up this cockamamie excuse like no i'm like that's disrespectful for tom so that's fine leave it at that but then they go outside to the club and then start talking shit about it's like that's the problem like these girls are are 30 you know going on 16 and or 14 i mean they're they're just um they go outside and then they start talking about like would you believe like she did that and like she's wanting me it's like it's so disrespectful for Tom and then horse face number one like

Starting point is 01:01:07 like I know like who would you do that you know it's so disrespectful she does don't take pretty Korean barbecue okay by the way oh my god

Starting point is 01:01:22 can we discuss because I've been we have to go back We have to go back. We have to go back because I have so many notes from even before this club thing. They go inside and they start talking about it.

Starting point is 01:01:29 Like, would you believe that? Like, it's like, it's like, it's like, and then the horse face is number one. Like, ugh. That's men.

Starting point is 01:01:36 Katie just sent me a video of herself dancing on the left of volume. I was like, what is happening? I don't know what's happening. We're sending each other videos. You guys made a comment

Starting point is 01:01:44 about how Sheena's lap dance looked like one of those blow-up things on top of Carlotte. Yeah. I always make references about those things because I think they're absolutely terrible. Andy Cohen looks like that. You know what? Everyone on Bravo pretty much looks like that. And that's also the way my brain looks. Okay?

Starting point is 01:02:02 My brain is just flapping around and like eventually going to wilt when the wind dies out. Someone's gonna turn off the fan eventually. And then my brain, um, no, things terrify me. Well,

Starting point is 01:02:12 what I, what I love speaking of horse face number one, before we get back to the, cause we, the, the big fight of the club, we're going to get into that cause it was so ridiculous. But going back earlier in the episode,

Starting point is 01:02:21 horse face number one, she's all excited because Tom is taking her to a date. Okay. They're going to Korean barbecue. And I guess they've never done this before. And she's a vegetarian. So Tom. At Korean fucking barbecue.

Starting point is 01:02:35 Korean barbecue. It's like the most meat centric thing you can have. I'm not of like Brazilian. Oh, my God. We're like Brazilian reference twins. I love that she goes. I love that she goes. Tom. Tom told Tom called ahead

Starting point is 01:02:48 and they said there were vegetarian options Tom knows he's in the dog house I'm like, yeah, because he's in the house with the dog He's in the horse house He's in the horse stable So, okay To be fair, Tom is a total idiot

Starting point is 01:03:04 His girlfriend is not just a vegetarian she's like a strict vegetarian she doesn't even do seafood she's been that way since she was 11 it's not like it's a fad so he should know better yeah like and like I actually like I mean I'm not a vegetarian but like if she's been doing it since she's 11 I respect that you should

Starting point is 01:03:19 know he's so dumb has he never even been to Korean barbecue for once or looked at a picture of it or done some cross-checking on Yelp? He calls up Park's Barbecue. I love that place, by the way. That place is great, but Suwon's even better. Suwon's even better, I'm going to say. I can't go anymore. I don't eat meat. Damn it. Ronnie, we need to find a place. Stay out.

Starting point is 01:03:38 Yeah, I don't even need no fake meat. Let's go eat some bread someplace. Bread is the new cow, you guys. But I love they go there. First of all, I love when they get to their restaurant. They take so long sitting down at their table that they literally had to fast forward them. They had to do a time lapse of them actually sitting down at the table. I don't know if you

Starting point is 01:03:57 noticed that. I'm like, what could possibly be taking so long? This is what I imagine happens when they get there. There's a grill on the table. Where's the pasta? There's a grill. happened when they get there. Like, there's a grill on the table. Where's the pasta? There's a grill there. Why does no one speak English? But that was ridiculous. They took her there.

Starting point is 01:04:17 There was not... Everything there has fish or meat in it. And then they're like, well, we can give you some spicy cabbage. She's like, cabbage. Why would I want to eat cabbage? It's like because you're a horse and he's going to put it in a trough. Yeah, what kind of vegetarian has never eaten cabbage before? I know.

Starting point is 01:04:35 And by the way, that's another thing. You're right. Why didn't they just bring out a feed bag with some oats in it and put it on her fucking neck? I know. But then Tom goes and he gets two giant slabs of beef and it's like that's just cruel you idiot like yeah ribs no less a big rack of ribs like what it was like i didn't know it would be whether or not to be mad at her for being ungrateful or for him for taking her to a place that was totally inappropriate like they both were just like two

Starting point is 01:05:00 is two idiots two idiots over a grill that's the name of the episode it should be two idiots. Two idiots over a grill. That's the name of the episode. It should be two idiots over a grill. It's called Two Idiots Go to K-Town. That's what it is. This is what it is. They go to Koreatown and they sit down at a place and they realize it's totally inappropriate. And by the way, honestly, who takes their date to Korean

Starting point is 01:05:20 barbecue? They get dressed up. He's in a blazer. She's dressed all nice. She actually looks very pretty. Takes you to the smokiest place on the planet,'s dressed all nice. She actually looked very pretty. Takes you to like the smokiest place on the planet, you know? Like Black Beauty, she looked pretty. Who even does that? You're right. Yeah, that was pretty stupid. But you know, the fact that she can't

Starting point is 01:05:36 even just try and be nice and have a date and he's like, well, you know, Jax is starting to date again and you know how Jax is. He just like bones these girls. And she's like, yeah, you know when guys do that they just go bone sluts to Las Vegas.

Starting point is 01:05:51 They got like perfectly good horses back at home. Yeah, it's like why bang a horse in Vegas when you have a horse at home to bang for free? Oh my god. I just felt so bad for that whole situation and as soon as it was over i was like okay it's gonna get better i always think that about vanderpump rules like it can't get any worse but i'm always wrong it just gets worse and worse i just i just shake my head and every time i start

Starting point is 01:06:21 feeling bad and i i want to kill myself i just think just imagine your meemaw sitting here and then that makes it more fun because i could just imagine her like shitting herself watching this stuff i know hey can we just talk about something that was really funny when katie got really drunk at the table she was she was trying to like make a statement about something she's like you can't conjugate any oh my god that was that was my favorite part when she goes she says to Shay, this is afterwards, she goes, after Sheena walks out, and we'll get to that, she goes

Starting point is 01:06:49 she's like, she goes, are we gonna have a conversation where you can't conjugate any kind of verbiage? And I was like, okay, first of all here are the things that are, here's what makes me laugh about all this, okay? That she acts as if she has any sort of education is hilarious when she obviously doesn't.

Starting point is 01:07:07 Oh, those brows. B, okay, she's also, I think she meant to use the word verbiage, and in which case, not verbiage, verbiage, in which case she used it incorrectly. Yeah, that's V-E-R-B-I-A-G-E. There's no verb. Like, I was like, what is she trying to say here? Exactly. She meant, she wanted to say conjugate verbs, not verbiage. She used verbiage to sound much more intellectual, etc.

Starting point is 01:07:30 So then I went up to, because I knew I was going to make fun of her about this, so I went to a dictionary just to make sure I had the proper definition. Me too, just to make sure. And the proper definition is to basically use excessive amounts of words to describe something. And that's basically what she did by trying to say verbiage. It actually was verbiage, but it was the incorrect use of verbiage. I'm surprised horseface number one didn't get mad that she

Starting point is 01:07:51 was being forced to listen to verb cabbage. I know, that's a side trick. I don't like verb cabbage. Why don't you conjugate some vegetables for once, because I don't eat meat. I don't like Why don't you wear a vegetables for once? Because I don't eat meat. I don't like spicy vegetables. Why don't you wear a conjugate when you bone a girl?

Starting point is 01:08:08 Oh, they're the worst. This whole cast is the worst. So the reason for this fight, by the way, is... So we talked about it a little bit. We're basically describing this fight in a very backwards, Syriana sort of way. So basically, Peter had his birthday at this club. And my favorite part about that was that as they go to the birthday he tells us oh i can finally get out of the restaurant and

Starting point is 01:08:29 what happens they go to this club and everyone from the restaurant is there including ken and lisa which wouldn't that be weird to go to like someone who's way younger than you party who works for you well except that she left at least she's like i'll just buy him a drink and leave to listen she had to you know why because peter's She's like, I'll just buy him a drink and leave, darling. Listen, she had to. You know why? Because Peter's the only one on the staff who has half a brain. And so she's going to, like... It's a way of being like, good job. Good job for having half a brain.

Starting point is 01:08:52 He's one third the longest. Yeah, and he's also the... Yeah, he's the only one that, like, can actually add stuff properly. She's like, we've got to keep him, darling. So anyway, so there's this whole lap dance situation. And then so the girls go outside. They're drunk. And they're just, like, drawing it out.

Starting point is 01:09:06 Like, ew. Like, why would Sheena do that? Like, that's so inappropriate. She's... I mean, I'm practically engaged. I wouldn't do... I'm, like, engaged. Like, do you see?

Starting point is 01:09:20 I'm, like, sophisticated. I have an asymmetrical haircut that looks like a persimmon color so you know the only reason that horse face number one and horse face number two their boyfriends stay with them right it's because they are fucking blowing each other under the table that's the only reason those two are staying with them it's like they're the glue that's holding the closeted gay guys together it's gotta be so then sheena comes over she's like i don't even know what she's talking about probably about like why are you even here no one at this table likes you exactly time in the history of vanderpump rules that stassi doesn't open her big fucking ugly fake jawed mouth is at this point which i was shocked i know i when when

Starting point is 01:10:01 when one of the horse faces said why are you you sitting with us? You're not friends with any of us. I just couldn't even believe it. This is a 30-year-old woman saying these things. I mean, of course, listen, I'm not saying that I'm mature. We're sitting here making fun of these people. That's not mature either. We're not mature. But I don't know, for some reason, I feel like- Yes, we are. I would be friends with us. I feel like our brand of ridicule is a mature brand. We're teasing people. We're not just sitting there going, I mean, even when Shiana came outside, they're like, oh my god, you're a slut. You're a whore.

Starting point is 01:10:35 You're horrible. You're a terrible singer. Your eyes are too close together. Your nose is ugly. Your knees are fat. You don't have thigh gap. You're hideous. Everyone hates you. You're going to hell. It's like, Jesus, my God, guys.

Starting point is 01:10:48 I feel like when we ridicule these women, there's an element of social justice about it. Being like, oh, no, like, these women are wretched witches, and we're going to give it right back to them. We're not doing this about, you know, Sally and, you know, you know, Sarah who worked at the local coffee bean. Although Sally and Sarah are such whores. Oh my God. Oh my God. They're just fat bitches. Fat bitches who don't know how to conjugate verbs. Verbiage. No, but do you see what I'm saying? Like this isn't, we're not doing this. I wouldn't do this in my real life. The reason why we are allowed to do it now is because these crazy little hookers put themselves on tv so we're allowed to do it yeah i agree and and they not only put themselves on tv but they

Starting point is 01:11:31 put themselves on tv and act horribly so it's like i feel like this has to be that we have to do what we do to make people realize why this is unacceptable behavior i just think it's funny that stassi has the nerve to make it out like she's such a good person and Jax is the devil and now she's not going to say anything so that she should be lucky that people are friends with her. It's the craziest

Starting point is 01:11:56 thing I've ever seen in my life. And P.S. Sheena was not nice about Stassi last night. Clearly their friendship is non-existent. No, exactly. Well, that's the thing. It's hard to even stand up for Sheena because she is such a fucking loser herself.

Starting point is 01:12:11 It's like, well, you know, look, Stassi. Stassi tells her, well, you know, I was mad at you. I'm saying you know a lot because suddenly I'm Alexia. Oh, well, you know, this is a news... Oh, well, you know, this is what Stassi said. Okay, Peter has to know

Starting point is 01:12:26 what Stassi said, you know, just the way he expressed himself. He needs to know. It's like, I'm mad that you have taken... Lisa's on your side now. She hates me. And Stassi's like,

Starting point is 01:12:34 but that's why I'm asking you to help me, and that's why I talked to Lisa about you, so maybe she'll be nice to you now. You should be thanking me. How about that? And I love this whole idea

Starting point is 01:12:43 that Stassi wants to get... I'm sorry, that Sheena wants to get Stassi's opinion on her article. Listen, bitch, you're not writing like a Pulitzer Prize winning thing for the New Yorker, okay? You don't need it to be. You don't need it like an editor. You don't need a read-through. I love that it was three sentences. And then I love that Stassi was like, the biggest compliment I can give people is that they write like me and you write like me.

Starting point is 01:13:06 No, it's the two biggest compliments that I can give anybody ever is that you look thin and your writing style reminds me of myself. I know. It's like Joan Didion over here. I mean. Yeah, I didn't know Jane Austen was on Vanderpump Rules. I mean yeah I didn't know Jane Austin was on Vanderbilt I feel like they I feel like terrorists in the

Starting point is 01:13:28 Middle East gather children around into these camps and they're like we have to kill Americans and the kids are like no everyone's nice everybody's the same and then they show them Bravo shows oh my god exactly let's take down the city that's what it's saying like basically you look

Starting point is 01:13:44 at when Stassi, Sheena just paid the bill. Right. And then they cut to Stassi's devil interviewer. She's like, I'm just going to let her think we're friends. And that way I will not have my bosses mad at me anymore. Like what kind of bitch.

Starting point is 01:13:58 And to think that like, it couldn't, I think Katie wins bitch of this episode, but still Stassi takes the cake with being she's always just cunty in every episode it's crazy right it's i mean it's astonishing and you know she'll eventually say oh just playing a character but like why would you do that why would you whore out your personality your reputation for life just to play a character ever since ever since katie told us that they only make 700 a

Starting point is 01:14:26 week i just that's all i can think about i'm like every time i see them i'm like you're getting your ass waxed on national tv and you make 700 a week have some pride i know she would make more doing porno i mean serious well maybe it'll happen what do you think about i have to ask this question before i forgot what did you think about the therapist basically mocking jacks's intelligence well first of all mocking him while flirting with him that was semi he looked honestly actually i will say this i mean give credit where credit's due jacks was looking smoking hot at that therapy session he has not looked hot all season long no i thought he had his glasses on in a little thing i don't know he looked really hot to me therapist is an actress isn't she i'm trying she looks like

Starting point is 01:15:10 elizabeth moss i was like what's elizabeth moss doing here okay and p.s a therapist a good therapist would never ever in a gazillion years allow themselves or their practice to be on a show like that of course not well this is clearly just like a range. It's like a fake. She was in an apartment. She was in like the Jessica apartments. I'm like, Oh my God, Franklin. And the Jessica apartments are like two buildings down from me. Okay. That is like the quintessential. I had no idea. I was so close. Yeah. It's on the Posa or something. And it's on Formosa Formosa Formosa in between Hawthorne and, and Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah, exactly. I'm basically wedged in between the Jessica and MJ,

Starting point is 01:15:49 but, um, but I loved, but I did love when in the little, like little thing, they'll be like the 32nd thing. When the therapist was like, we're going to give you some books to read.

Starting point is 01:15:59 Jack's like, okay, well, um, that's cool. Like I read the great Gatsby. No, no.

Starting point is 01:16:05 I saw, I saw, I saw The Gatsby. And then I read, like, a little bit of it. No, he goes, I looked at it in high school. I looked at it. But I love that he can't even say the title. He's like, I saw The Gatsby. Do you realize, by the way, he was being so stupid at that moment

Starting point is 01:16:23 that my brain actually couldn't comprehend it and had to change it to something that seems somewhat feasible to say that he read it in high school but it's not even that and then remember she goes well maybe this might be a little too much for you to handle oh and us weekly i mean like the guy can't even he needs like like a like a therapy picture book he needs like one of those like you know like the the field that the touch the pat the bunny book for like when you're like like, like one month old, he needs to leave. He needs pat the bunny for therapy. Like where he can like touch like cloth and everything and be like, you're, if you're a sex addict, it doesn't feel like this.

Starting point is 01:16:56 Oh my God. Oh, I remember that from like, from elementary school when they would do those, like, have you been abused tests? And they would give you how, how does your mommy or daddy spank you? Show you show us on the doll yeah and i would just beat the shit out of my doll i never actually had one of those tests just to see what would happen nothing ever happened you know that test is a little but that test is far too complicated for jacks he just needs some he just needs a bunch of fabrics put in front of him and be like, what does this one make you feel like? He's like, sex. What about this one? Sex.

Starting point is 01:17:25 This one. Stassi. Sex. Sex. Sex. This one. Vegas. Sex.

Starting point is 01:17:38 I love – I wonder what the camera guys are thinking on this show when they do things like, okay, Jax, you're going on a date with an ugly girl from New Jersey. Okay, go. And they're like, what do you like? What do you like? I love you for anything well like thinking when they're in the room while stassi's laying on her stomach holding her butt cheeks open getting hot wax spread all over you know what do you think the sound people and producers everyone in that room that she's allowing to see her actual asshole what do you think well i've worked for a reality company long enough to know that they're very proud of themselves

Starting point is 01:18:06 and they're patting themselves on the back thinking that they've got the next great art piece. I used to think that the camera guys on The Amazing Race were the most badass camera guys because they have the toughest job running around with all these challenges. No, comps camera guys do.

Starting point is 01:18:22 No, the ones who have the toughest job are the ones that had to film Stassi getting her ass cracked. Wax. Those guys. Those guys should get an award. Andy Cohen should get them on Watch What Happens and ask them what it's like to be them and how they survived.

Starting point is 01:18:35 Oh, my God. Can we please write a letter, but not under our names? We'll ask Jax to do it. It'll be signed with an X. Why don't we just record ourselves reading it so we know that they'll hear it. Okay, so there's only, so we are now of course, you'd think that this is all the episode

Starting point is 01:18:52 had to offer, but no, the last five minutes offered up something very unique and interesting. Oh my god! I cannot wait! So, you know that new girl... Before we get into this, I just want to say, I love Sheena's fat boyfriend who cries and he needs to be on shanna what i say shay shay yeah shay i think he needs to be on every reality show

Starting point is 01:19:13 ever questioning people and crying because he's amazing yeah i i like that um so who is the new like awful bitch that's with him now her name is is Olivia, whatever her name is. She's not horse face. We have to give another animal for her that she's a face for. Olivia Palermo. She looks like a praying mantis. She's like a possum. I feel like she's like a possum face. Yes, pointy. She has a pointy face. I'm telling you, I thought she looked like a praying mantis. Okay, so she's

Starting point is 01:19:37 I'm going to call her possum face. Yeah, possum. Possum face. Actually, guys, yesterday I was at a car dealership and I saw this weird bug and I asked the guy what it was, and he's like, it's a cockroach out of its shell. And then to the side was the cockroach's shell. Have you ever seen that? Yes, I mean, I watch Vanderpump Rules. And that's what her face is.

Starting point is 01:19:57 Yeah, we watch Vanderpump Rules, so I know what cockroaches not in their shells look like. It's Stassi on the waxing table. Okay, I'm sorry okay i'm never gonna let you get to this point okay i'll be fine i'll be fine no so um so possum face is having some stupid like garage sale off of like clinton avenue or something and the girls show up and they're talking about katie like yeah it's like horse face number one is like okay he was like uh out of control like she threw water in my face and like threw my keys in the bush. What if he showed up?

Starting point is 01:20:27 I know this must have been way, I don't know what it was. So then Katie shows up and they, they're like, Katie, why did you do this? And why did you say that? Like Jackson, Kristen, like, why did you say that we had sex? Cause that was Katie's bombshell was that she said that, that Kristen and Jackson had sex. Now, first of all, so then Katie's response is, are you kidding? I hate myself

Starting point is 01:20:52 more than you hate me, more than you hate me, more than you will eventually hate me. My question was, but do you hate yourself more than I hate you? I don't think so. More than America hates you, because that's impossible. Keep going. You're close.

Starting point is 01:21:06 Yeah. I like that it's more than you will eventually hate me. That was a great moment. Keep letting your roots grow out, and eventually everyone will hate you. So the big question is this. Well, oh, so the first thing is, even before she said that, she didn't say no. When Kristen said, why did you say that? And then she's, instead of her being like, oh, I don't know. I was talking out of my ass.

Starting point is 01:21:27 She goes, it's just a rumor I heard that I was just passing along. Who does that? This is what all these girls do. They create rumors and then they perpetuate them without ever double checking it. But they perpetuate it under the guise of double checking it. We're like, well, I heard this rumor. I just want to know if it was true because it's terrible. No, I think what happened is her boyfriend told her and she's trying not to get her boyfriend in trouble.

Starting point is 01:21:54 Tom told her? Because it seems like the boys know because they showed clips from next week when one of the boys lets Stassi use their phone pretending to be him. Okay, that's not cool. Who the hell? What guy would do that? Yeah, that is terrible guy code. I'm telling you. Well, but Tom is a pussy and that's just the way it is.

Starting point is 01:22:12 Tom might get the shit beat out of him. The fact that he would let Stassi use his phone. That's not even his girlfriend. I thought it was Kristen's phone. I don't know. No. his phone that's not even his girlfriend i thought it was kristin's phone i don't know no stassi says tom i'm gonna use your phone right now and like grabs her from and starts texting as if it is tom talking to jacks and tricks jacks into admitting something terrible which we're led to believe that she's that he's been he's boned horse face i cannot wait and honestly you guys.

Starting point is 01:22:45 I know this is going to make me sound like the devil. But it won't. I think everyone is secretly praying. For their Christmas wish to be. Kristen Paul Jackson. Yes because I think that it was foreshadowing. When they showed that part. Where Jax was like yeah I fucked 300 girls.

Starting point is 01:23:00 And you know I'm not ashamed of it. Well some of it I am. some of the girls I'm ashamed of and I think that they'll show that clip over and over next to horse faces like jutting out porcelain teeth I'm begging for that to happen like if I see a shooting star it's either win the powerball that's

Starting point is 01:23:17 586 million dollars or secretly Jacks and Kristen you're like I wish that Jesus would come back to earth or I wish that Jax fucks horse face number one. Oh my god, that just feels to show the type of person I am. You're welcome. The show brings out the worst in us.

Starting point is 01:23:36 It brings out the worst. It's like Southwest Airlines for Katie. Oh my god, it will! I will go eat at that airport. Okay, so let's, I think uh we're going we've been i've got things to do so why don't we move on to atlanta because we've we've talked a lot about vanderpump rules and don't tell me what to do i am going to tell you what to do we're going to talk about atlanta right now you know we've been talking about Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules,

Starting point is 01:24:07 but Atlanta was hilarious this week as well. Oh, my God. Atlanta makes me laugh every single week. That is one of the most consistent sitcoms on TV. I'm going to go to sleep. I need help. Okay. Well, we will guide you through it, Katie,

Starting point is 01:24:21 because it was a very funny episode. Okay. So, first off, Candy goes to talk to Cynthia. Yeah. Wait a second. Was this on Sunday night? Yeah. Oh, my God. I haven't watched it.

Starting point is 01:24:33 Oh, my goodness. Okay. So we'll tell you what happened. We're going to tell you. Okay. So first she goes to speak to Cynthia because Cynthia's mother tried to ruin Cynthia's wedding, which was totally fake and stupid and never happened. But Cynthia's like, well,

Starting point is 01:24:50 I understand. And then the second Candy starts crying, and poor Candy, because Candy is sobbing and she's crying so hard that tears are going down her neck. I noticed that too. It was like going down into her breast. She's like, I don't know what to do with my mama.

Starting point is 01:25:05 My mama's not going to be there. Like I want my family home. Oh my God. You're like, I'm team candy. Riley, Riley. I'm just adding in the top voice.

Starting point is 01:25:17 I think when both of us do it and I just add in the squeaks, it comes off more now. Let's do it. Let's do it again. I'm team candy and I think she really deserves to be with that guy. is being so mean to her everyone is 100 team candy she is by far the best of this entire crew yeah everyone likes her she's really excuse me i just want my

Starting point is 01:25:35 mama to understand see see riley she understands but like, he's like, I don't know about your mama. Like, we was just trying to try on dresses. She always says that. We was just trying to try on dresses. And then Cynthia's like, I gotta get some paper towels. And she leaves. She's just like, fibroids, fibroids, fibroids. She's like, let me get some paper towels so I don't cry on my fibroids. But I love that Cynthia's like, well, now I can understand.

Starting point is 01:26:17 But now my parents were never, I mean, my mom was never that bad. So basically you're saying you can't understand. She's like, my mama never had a weave as bad as that. Mama Joyce is taking it to a different level, though. What happened to Mama Joyce? Okay, so basically Cynthia is as useless at giving advice as she is at being on a reality show. So then Mama Joyce goes to see the lawyer chick. Phaedra.

Starting point is 01:26:43 Joyce goes to see the lawyer chick. Phaedra. Phaedra. So she goes to see Phaedra. It was amazing. She wants to know about this prenup agreement and the wording of it and how she can get the money instead of Todd. Yeah. So basically that's what this is all about. It's her trying to get Candy's money in case Candy does.

Starting point is 01:27:01 Oh my god. And then she gets mad at Phaedra because she doesn't know why Phaedra introduced Candy and Todd. She's like, well, you're going to introduce Candy to one of the workers. I mean, I can't do the Mama Joy voice. You don't have to do that. I did some sort of fishmonger.

Starting point is 01:27:16 Ronnie does the best. She changes it because when she gets mad, she gets really high. But when she's not mad, it's really creepy how she, she gets really hot. She gets really high, but when she's not mad, it's really creepy how she talks. It's like quiet. She's like, well, I don't know why you set her up with

Starting point is 01:27:31 him. He's short, and he has a big head. A short with a big head. A big head. That was her rationale. She's mad because it's ugly. And Phaedra's like, mmm. I wasn't sure if she meant the metaphorical big head like cocky or like you just have the lollipop head he has an ex-fat

Starting point is 01:27:52 person head he does she it was like no he's adorable and i think like mama joyce is doing some straight up like i'm saying what she's talking about she's doing some like straight up 14th century like like well, you don't... If you're both short and you have big heads, then you cannot be in a union together. I don't know why I did that in a semi-Irish accent. What castle is that coming from?

Starting point is 01:28:16 She comes from the castle of Joyce. She has to think about him, so she's attacking his looks. She's just being vile she's being fucking disgusting and poor Phaedra is just like well you know I think he's cute or whatever and I don't

Starting point is 01:28:31 really know what to say and then Mama Joyce is like I could choke you right now Mama Joyce that was scary oh my god I'm so pissed I missed this okay keep going I'm excited so now we're gonna have a scene that both of us can do and this is mama joyce comes to the candy factory to talk with

Starting point is 01:28:51 candy yes okay okay so i'll start hey mama why don't you go take a seat over there mama riley was just here see riley was here hey Hey. Hi, Mama. So, why don't we talk about that bridal gown looking at the other day? Like, I don't understand why. Like, there, you thought, like, there was the place to, like, talk about these things with Carmen. And, like, see, like, I've known Carmen for, like, 25 years. And, see, I don't understand this, Mama. You was taking sides candy

Starting point is 01:29:27 sides sides that girl called me a loose lip t-banging whore Yeah, Mama He's just hating N-word, Candy And you did nothing Now, see, Mama Like, I've known Carmen for 25 years And Riley seems to really like Carmen See, I don't know See, we was just trying on gowns And we don't talk like that when we try on gowns, Mama Candy, we was just. Candy, we was just

Starting point is 01:30:06 kidding. Candy, we was just kidding. Huh? Huh? I am done with that whore, Candy, and I am done with you, Candy. That is wrong,

Starting point is 01:30:22 Candy. I am your mama. that is wrong I'm your mama that was like five minutes of just voice and that's what it was uncomfortable voice watching and it truly was Atlanta theater is beats my dinner

Starting point is 01:30:42 with Ray Files let me tell you something Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Candy actually busted Joyce. Candy said she was basically like, well, Mama, by the time you was my age, you've been married three times and your Mama never said anything about it.

Starting point is 01:30:59 And Joyce was like, that's when Joyce said, well, you see, we was just joking. She was like, shut up, Mom and Joyce. Mom and Joyce is so horrible, and Candy is so sweet. And honestly, listen, my mom, I get standing behind your mom, but no. If my mom acted like that, look, I've already told my sister, if Dad goes first, you're dealing with Mom. I ain't doing it.

Starting point is 01:31:24 So I don't know if that's just a cultural. So I don't know if that's just a cultural thing. I don't know if that's just a candy thing. But my mom's up shit creek. She's already pissed me off. I'm not doing shit. She's going to be in some hospital somewhere, and if Carly won't pay for it, I'll whore myself out as an old man to pay for it. I don't even care.

Starting point is 01:31:40 But she is not coming to live with me, and she's not getting a dime of my unemployment check. Oh my God. Well, okay. So the other thing that happened on this. Oh, well, you know, Peter, Peter, like, you know, well, like, you know, like, he loves your mother. So, like, you know, like, they should go out and have, like, dinner together, you know.

Starting point is 01:31:59 I love my mother, but, yeah, she's not getting anything. I love my mother, but yeah, she's not getting anything. So on that note, the other big thing that happened on the episode, Katie, was that they were getting ready to go to their Savannah trip. So first we saw Kenya packing things up, including I think she was thinking about taking a gun. And let me tell you something. This woman, she does not speak English.

Starting point is 01:32:23 What she told us, the reason why she was bringing the gun, and this is a direct quote, she goes, If a donkey is feeling froggy and wants to take a leap they can leap to the emergency room because they just got shot in the ass what that is a direct quote yeah kenya kenya like kenya's just i get her being crazy but just being stupid yes i don't know you can't be both i feel like you need to be one or the other like like for the first three words of that sentence it started to make sense she's like if a donkey is feeling or the first five words because she's like it's a reference to the donkey booty but then she starts to talk is the donkey is feeling froggy and wants to take a leap and the leap i mean it just it's like what and then you already had your phrase i love the knowing

Starting point is 01:33:04 smile that she gives like she just really got a good one in there yeah she needs to be more like uh phedra now phedra knows how to work her way around some words and later on um when there was like a big um a big fight on the bus which will explain phedra um refers to kenya as nini's like interpreter and so phedra goes i didn't know she had... Nini, she goes, I didn't know Nini had enough money that she was hiring interpreters now. She should have spent more dollars and got someone besides an escapee from

Starting point is 01:33:31 Whore Island. Oh my god. So hysterical. Okay, so Nini is taking everybody to Savannah. I don't know why. No one knows why. I guess the show is cutting down on the budge. So they're everybody to Savannah. I don't know. No one knows why. I guess the show is, like, cutting down on the budge. So, they're going to Savannah.

Starting point is 01:33:51 And she has a meeting. Everyone's supposed to meet at 11 at some country club. Well, apparently, Nene lives, like, an hour and a half away from everybody, which I think is hilarious. So, everyone's late. And they're not only a little bit late. They're, like, three hours late. What? The first chick to show up is on time.

Starting point is 01:34:08 She's the new girl. Oh yeah, like Monique spelled like M-Y-N-I-Q-U-E. Yeah, it's like she's trying to one-up the other Monique's terrible spelling of a name. She's like, I've got three apostrophes in my Monique. And every letter is a consonant. I mean, everything.

Starting point is 01:34:28 You know what I'm saying. No, I don't, Jax. Can you tell me that again? No kidding, Kenya. Nice verbiage. Verbiage. Verbiage. So the new girl shows up, and then Kenya shows up, and she's only 45 minutes late.

Starting point is 01:34:43 So she's patting herself on the back the whole time so nini starts getting pissed well nini is actually pretty calm but kenya you know takes this opportunity to rile nini up and be like if i were you i'd be mad that everyone was late like i would be furious like you arrange this you put your time into this i would be mad yeah and you know nini's blowing it off and calling her on trying to get her riled up and all that but then it's like three hours and the girls start coming and i love that most of them don't actually none of them say i'm so sorry i'm late yeah not a single like hey you guys oh it took me forever no one has an excuse no one even tries they just show up they're like hey

Starting point is 01:35:19 and start eating whatever food is there and now by the way and by the way we had jill zarin on this podcast a year and a half ago and jill zarin told us that whenever there was an event the producers always made sure that the limos would show up late and so that way they would be they would be waiting for the limos they'd be cranky by the time the limo got there and then the people who were waiting for them would be cranky because they were late so this was obviously bravo stirring some shit up which was so smart oh god this is what pisses me off you guys about these reality shows like no offense but these women a lot of them didn't know each other they set them up on these fake trips they set them up on fake shopping outings they they all get car services and everything nothing about this is fucking real

Starting point is 01:36:05 until they they pretty much pre-set up everything where they cast people who are going to deliberately hate each other it's like whatever happened to we're just seven people strangers who came together and live in a house like i miss those days they're jersey short the reason it did so well you know why because nothing was set up i swear to, every single thing that 495 Productions did, they put a bunch of people in a house, cameras, booze, hot tubs, no cell phones, no TV, no Twitter, no fucking Us Weeklys, and you saw what happened. Millions and millions of people were watching this.

Starting point is 01:36:40 I agree. Because it was real life. At least the first season. Yeah, season one. The other seasons they had to do more. Oh, well, Snooki and JWoww I tried to watch. Oh, my God, I feel so bad saying that because I'm in that 495 family. But, oh, it's, like, just so brutally put together, you know?

Starting point is 01:36:57 No one cares about them anymore. So, anyway. Just like Snooki and JWoww. Yeah. So, anyway. Okay, so, Ronnie, I really interrupted you. But you were saying how they were getting late. Everyone finally shows up three hours late.

Starting point is 01:37:07 Oh, so everyone gets late. Well, the best part was Candy shows up, and Candy's like, where the hell were you? Why were you late? And Candy's like, well, it was an hour and a half to get here. I can't do the voice. She's like, see, it was like an hour and a half

Starting point is 01:37:23 to get here, and, you, and we had to stop at Chick-fil-A for a minute. See, we was late. She said, I had to stop at Chick-fil-A. It's like, gay people, fuck Chick-fil-A. Well, who doesn't? I mean, if we stopped eating food from everybody

Starting point is 01:37:41 who hates gay people, we'd starve. In an outburger, you can't go there. It's Mormon. I hate gay people. Yeah, I know. But gay people eat there because the burgers are tiny. We're used to it. We're used to the hate. We'll still eat your burger. They also eat at Five Guys for entirely wrong reasons. They're like,

Starting point is 01:37:57 hey, what's going on in here? Five Guys? All the sauces are free, especially the mayonnaise. Woo woo! I would totally have five guys tonight. Oh, you guys are both vegetarians. I hate you guys. No, you know what?

Starting point is 01:38:12 You hate animals. That's why you murder them and eat them. I've got all sorts of chicken in my fridge anyway. Anyhow. Yeah, so Candy actually stopped for Chick-fil-A, which I personally didn't think was such a bad thing because she didn't know there was gonna be a fruit platter when she got the best part was that kenya was like well i don't know why she had to stop at chick-fil-a you know that she could skip a meal or two or three or four or five or six no she didn't

Starting point is 01:38:43 she went all the way up to six before they cut her ass off. She's the worst. Kenya is this Mama Joy, Stassi, Katie. She's in that group. Well, listen, do you remember last week or the week before when that fit mom controversy happened? It was this lady who posted

Starting point is 01:39:00 something on Facebook that says, what's your excuse? And it's a picture of her ripped body and she's surrounded by her three toddlers. Yeah. She's like a, she's like a fitness trainer or something. So she put it on her Facebook cause she's like trying to sell fitness equipment or whatever. Yeah. I got fat ladies across America went fucking crazy on her and it was all over the news and all over the internet. And I was obsessed all week with reading all these comments about everybody fighting. Why did she say that so bad?

Starting point is 01:39:28 Because the ladies who have kids are like, oh, well, she thinks she's so great, so I'm less of a woman because I'm a mother who doesn't have a perfect body and blah, blah, blah. So it became this big war between fat women and in-shape women and it was just a moment of the year that

Starting point is 01:39:44 was just delicious to me. I mean, Oh, I got to get on that because I, you know what? I'm sorry. If someone's willing to put themselves out there and work super hard for the body that they have,

Starting point is 01:39:53 there's nothing a person can do, but applaud someone. I think it was, I think it was less about that. She did it, but like that, what's your excuse thing. It's it's,

Starting point is 01:40:03 I actually trainers do that a lot. I follow a lot of them. Yeah. She meant it like as a training inspiration. It comes off as like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like. But some fat blog, you know, some fat acceptance blog or health at every size or whatever, picked it up.

Starting point is 01:40:19 And then that's everybody's going crazy because they took it out of context, you know? So everybody was going appe shit on this woman And then the skinny women and the fat women were fighting I mean it's been two weeks of me laying in bed Just reading comments and laughing my ass off Because it's been glorious That's going to be my reality show that I'm going to pitch It's going to be fat versus skinny

Starting point is 01:40:36 Put four fat women, four skinny women in a house And see what happens That's actually a really good idea And watch them slowly trade places because they're making each other crazy. Yeah, the skinny girls have to eat, the fat girls have to starve, and they'll both go, they'll be furious. They'll all end up just being like

Starting point is 01:40:54 a slice of eight. Yeah. So the only reason I bring that up is because I know that Kenya must be getting so much crap from fat ladies now. I just know it. I just know, and I haven't even had a chance

Starting point is 01:41:08 to go online and look, but I just I never want to make a heavy woman mad again because I'm terrified now. I never say anything. But I'm like, oh my god, these ladies are going apeshit on each other. Never say anything because

Starting point is 01:41:24 especially if you're skinny i mean remember when what's her name on shazza sunset was like i can just eat whatever i want i'm just naturally skinny and perfect and it's like i wanted to smack her in the face dip her in ranch dressing and throw her to the wolves like i was like who the fuck says things like that if you're a thin woman you never say that because there is nothing wrong with being thin there's everything wrong with being overweight no one looks at thin women and goes oh god what's wrong with them they look at a person who's even 10 pounds overweight and goes oh that girl needs to lose weight so it's totally wrong for women to do that and for kenya's not a small woman either what is she talking about she's the donkey booty booty. Well, she's all buff, though.

Starting point is 01:42:06 She's supposedly all just muscle, you know. She's like judging everybody based on their weight, and I'm like, oh, but also watch out, because you're going to get your ass eaten up, and I'm going to laugh the whole time while I eat. But also, Candy doesn't

Starting point is 01:42:21 need to skip a Chick-fil-A. Sure, I mean, she does have a big booty now or whatever, but, you know... She looks good. She looks really good. She's good. She's got a hot man who loves her, unlike you, Kenya. And she's got a career that she built herself that she doesn't have to make an ass

Starting point is 01:42:38 out of herself on TV to make a little money. With your three outfits and your terrible rental closet that you'll never pay for. And your gunk you probably stole terrible rental closet that you'll never pay for and you're gone you probably start from some old man you were boning for money shut up yeah so then what happens is they finally get on this bus and nini is just she's so pissed she almost drove off without them but she gets on the bus and just like i don't want to talk to anyone so they're all on the bus and the best thing is you just want to just you know logic dictates you get on the bus

Starting point is 01:43:04 you shut up until everyone starts to feel better, and has some food in them, and feels relaxed, but Candy gets on there, and she goes, I just want you all to know that, like, it's really disrespectful, and da-da-da-da, you don't waste people's time, and she was, she was talking on behalf of Nini, and it was, it was totally unnecessary, and so Candy was basically like, shut up, shut up, and they got into, like, such a huge fight on the bus. And then Cynthia was like, I love that Cynthia goes, who died and made Kenya principal of the bus ride? Which made me laugh only because, again, there was an implication that there was any sort of like schooling happening here or education that involved a principal.

Starting point is 01:43:40 But no, there was none. So anyway, Candy and Kenya fought and then the bus sort of headed off into the sunset and i guess we'll see what happens with these wait so that's the whole episode there was that's the thing with real housewives of atlanta it's hard to talk about it the same as we talk about the other shows because it's just funny it's like sitting down and talking about like a sitcom like how long can you talk about it you know i don't really take it as seriously because i just enjoy it. I don't hate anybody on it like I hate

Starting point is 01:44:08 some of these other idiots on these shows. And literally the entire second half of the episode had to do with watching these women show up one by one. And yet it was oddly involving. Because each one you know that Nini's going to lose her shit once more every time. I could watch a movie.

Starting point is 01:44:23 I could go watch a two hour movie of people just showing up late to Nini function and watch her shit once more every time. Like, I could watch a movie. I could go watch a two-hour movie of people just showing up late to a Nini function, and watch her get madder and madder and madder until she finally blows up. I'd be like, oh, that was a great movie. But I love Nini. I'm in a different place now. I had to go home and pray and say, Jesus!

Starting point is 01:44:41 You know, like, who is Nini? It's like, now that Nini has worked in Hollywood, she has to be nice to everybody. And it's hilarious watching her struggle. I know. I know because she just still wants to open those fucking fat gums of hers and go flapping away. But she can't. She is now, it's like Brandy.

Starting point is 01:45:00 If Brandy got booked on some sort of show or got some other opportunity, you literally cannot say the things you want to say because you will burn every single bridge. if Brandi got booked on some sort of show or got some other opportunity, you, you literally cannot say the things you want to say because you will burn every single bridge. Then you'll never work again. Needy must have some flawless agent over at like CAA or William Morris. It was like, don't say this. Don't do this.

Starting point is 01:45:18 You'll burn every bridge. We still can get you on another show. You can do that, but don't make any comments along big women, Asian women, black women, white women, like gave her a rundown of what not to do and now she's teamed down nini so she's not my favorite anymore but she can still talk about queens apparently well she's still yeah gay people are still okay she still makes me laugh the most she does i think she's so funny but brandy is gonna be nothing because Brandy has nothing but a shit attitude.

Starting point is 01:45:48 I mean, Brandy really has no personality except being a drunk asshole slut. So it's like once that's done, she's already lost some endorsement deals. Someone posted on our Facebook page about her. Oh, she was supposed to be the hostess of like a Hard Rock hotel or cafe thing. Which sounds like it's no big deal, but that's like a $50,000 to $100,000 gig. Yeah. Which sounds like it's no big deal, but that's like a $50,000 to $100,000 gig. Yeah. Now that Brandy is drunk and now she's being a little racist, that's no good.

Starting point is 01:46:12 No good. That's the last thing that she can do. So anyway, why don't we move on? Should we talk very briefly about Shazza Sunset? Didn't we already talk about that? No, we have not talked about Shazza Sunset. I'm so confused. Okay, wasn't the last episode where they all went to gay pride yeah but then there was another episode where um gg became like

Starting point is 01:46:31 besties with sasha they went to planet dailies for like the 15th time in the past two episodes oh my god what is up with this planet dailies like it's that restaurant it's such a bad restaurant elder cocktails are super sweet and they keep on going there on Shazza Sunset. It's like the Daily Grill. Ugh, terrible. Oh my god, thanks. But I think the only thing that's really significant about the episode that I can remember, I'm sorry to anyone who wants us to talk about something specific with it, was that

Starting point is 01:46:55 Gigi got really drunk, and then coincidentally bumped into Reza, MJ, and Asa hanging out at St. Felix on Coanga. Yeah. And then, like, Gigi and MJ tried to talk things through, and then Sean was there,

Starting point is 01:47:12 and then Reza came in and tried to stir... They ordered sliders. First of all, that's noteworthy, because they always order sliders. They got sliders. They were very excited about the sliders. If Matt Whitfield were here he'd be very happy because matt would always love to point out that they love a slider

Starting point is 01:47:28 so you got sliders and then i don't really remember what happened i think that like mj gave like a fake apology she's like all right i'm sorry you know what i'm sorry she's like that's not good enough um i don't know i didn't i didn't watch that one i'm sorry let's just not talk about it this week you know i'm sorry it's just boring and i'm waiting to see maybe that mike and and reza don't get along now it's like there really is no substance to this show anymore past the first season yeah i like season two also but it needs to i've always hated that piece of shit show i hate the sunset it is the worst, the worst, the worst ever Worse than the rules

Starting point is 01:48:07 It is worse than The Princesses of Long Island What about that girl Courtney loves Dallas or does Dallas Oh no, nothing's worse than that I don't watch it, I don't watch that I don't watch the other one there With that crazy

Starting point is 01:48:23 Oh my god love and heels or something city and the love in the heels and i don't i don't know oh that one's not out yet yeah that's coming out in january it's like uh to those that wish as well wait here's to those that wish as well and those that don't can go to hell. It's the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but in New York. I can't wait. All right. So I'm going to pull the plug on this podcast because I think I'm mentally drained. This is done.

Starting point is 01:48:53 I am exhausted. I am done. And it is Christmas. Yeah, I just bought this ugly sweater right now for a party. Oh, how fun. I don't know if I have any of them, but I wear them in real life. Wait, how fun. I don't know my house. I've got plenty of them, but I wear them in real life. Wait a second.

Starting point is 01:49:06 Next Tuesday is Christmas Eve, is it not? We deserve it. And then the weekend after that, the one after that is New Year's Eve, right? Yeah. I guess who's not watching Bravo? Is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Starting point is 01:49:24 taking a break? What we should do is we should not have an episode for Christmas Eve. Well, let's take next week off. But maybe we should record a new episode of the Crappies. Yeah, we need to do the Crappies Awards. So we'll do the Crappies.

Starting point is 01:49:39 That'll come out New Year's Eve. How about that? Yeah! Party! So we'll find some time. I'm going to be here in LA. I'm coming back on the 28th. So I'll be here too. Or where are you going, Katie? Are you going to be in town? I'm going to New York for Christmas.

Starting point is 01:49:53 I was thinking about flying back on the 27th, but I am invited to a New Year's party in New York that might be too hard to skip. So. How fun. I don't have to speak for you. We'll Skype. We'll record the crappies and hopefully we can get Lisa involved too

Starting point is 01:50:07 and maybe a few others. Let's see if we can get some special guests. What the hell? Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Founder of Prump Rules are new next week. I have to fucking recap right before Christmas Eve in Texas. Screech! Bravo! Dumb jerks! It is run by Andy Cohen.

Starting point is 01:50:23 See, I thought Bravo liked gay people Guess not Not Christians But to make up for it The description is Kim sends her dog to boarding school Oh my god Okay I take it back

Starting point is 01:50:39 Thanks Brobs Thanks Brobs So anyway Look for the podcast, the new podcast, in two weeks. Everyone have a wonderful Christmas for all you goys out there. And I have to say happy birthday to my friend

Starting point is 01:50:54 Neil. It's his birthday today, and he's a big listener of the podcast. So happy birthday, Neil. And so are your boyfriends. Hope you guys have an open relationship. We'll meet at another party someday. Bye. Happy birthday. Thank you once again, Katieie for coming on absolutely don't forget at the painted nail and official katie because i'm all yours and ronnie is at trash tweet tv and he does recaps every monday night including

Starting point is 01:51:20 including over christmas of beverly uh the real housewives of beverly hills he writes the funniest night including Christmas. Including over Christmas. Damn it. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. He writes the funniest recaps. So you're really the only... He's the only website you have to go to. TrashtalkTV.com Yeah. And you can follow me at B-Side Blog on Twitter and all that fun stuff. And of course like us on Facebook. Facebook.com forward slash

Starting point is 01:51:41 Watch What Crap Is. It's a blast on there. and since we won't have an episode next week the way you can deal with it will be go to the Facebook page and you guys can all chit chat and or I should say you guys we all will chit chat we're going to post fun stuff so thanks everyone

Starting point is 01:51:57 for listening thank you Katie and Merry Christmas Merry Christmas Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Merry Christmas. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie watts todd glass liza slicinger slicing driving

Starting point is 01:52:26 friends with her for 10 years one of the funniest people out there and i still have a hard time with the last name liza our very own owen benjamin that's me takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more you don't have to wait any longer just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy there's no need to wait for it anymore because it's here and it's funny and i love you a few days ago brooke tudine posted an inspirational quote on her wall that got 17 likes and three comments thumbs up brooke Geico also wants to make a comment. In just 15 minutes, you could save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance by switching to Geico.

Starting point is 01:53:12 And nothing says inspiration better than saving money. Well, except for those posters that say things like teamwork, excellence, and make it happen. Hashtag keep climbing. Hashtag savings. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

Starting point is 01:53:32 Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

Watch What Crappens - #108: Missing Bitches and Crazy Witches

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