Watch What Crappens - #1103 Below Deck: OMGeeminy Cricket!

Episode Date: December 3, 2019

Below Deck has a fresh charter of horny moms to terrify Captain Lee, and Simone and Tanner kind of bang. To hear this week's premium bonus episode covering the Vanderpump Rules trailer, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. *** Limited Edition Shirts! "Shannon Bowldor", "Twerp", "Dork", "When Life Gives You Tacos Make Taco Salads" merch available plus we re-released our Ramona Christmas and Chanukah gear at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to St Louis, Philadelphia, Denver, Seattle, Los Angeles (The Crappies), Detroit, Columbus, Austin (late show added!), Houston, NOLA, Birmingham, Vancouver and Oklahoma! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Nancy, Ceasin, De Desisto. We love you guys. I'm Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Crab, Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yell Brabs. I'm Ronnie Karam from the Reztricks Bachelor podcast and here's Ben Mandelgar of the Real Housewives of Kitchen island on YouTube, Bob Biann. Hello, hello, hello. Are you hungry?

You know, just making it through the, making it through the week, we got a big week. Once again, we had some nice time off with Thanksgiving and we're gonna go heading back out on the road later this week to St. Louis and Philadelphia. But Ronnie, before we talk about those shows, do you know that we've got two more shows to announce? Well, what are they, being where are they?

Well, here's the big news, everyone. On May 1st, we are going to Asbury Park, New Jersey. I mean, this is like home of Spring Seen and Bon Jovi and people who are from Asbury Park. This is where we're going to the epicenter. Asbury Park, for example. Yeah, like my aunt and uncle who live nearby in Middletown. So that's gonna be May 1st,

2020, Asbury Park at the House of Independence. And then the very next night, this is actually truly, truly exciting. We are going to be playing the largest theater we've ever played in one of our favorite cities. We're going back to Washington, D.C. on May 2nd to play the Lincoln Theater. So that's Saturday, May 2nd. The pre-sale is happening right now as we speak. It's on Patreon, so if you are a cis-p a Patreon supporter, you have access to it right now. You can get your tickets now. And then tickets go on sale to the public this Friday. You know, I think

I think we might have two sellouts on our hands. I'm just saying that because DC has always sold out and New Jersey. I mean, New Jersey, Philadelphia, New York, that whole area always treats us very well. So make sure you get your tickets. It's May 1st, May 2nd for Asbury Park and DC. Yeah, we're really excited to go there. We've never been to Jersey before. I mean, we've been there, but we've never been there. We've never performed in Jersey, which is really exciting.

Yeah, so thank you guys for supporting these shows. The next one, St. Louis this week, we are going to be doing Grill Housewives of Dallas the next night in Philadelphia where their two shows were starting with Real Housewives of Jersey and then we're going into a classic Grill Housewives of Beverly Hills episode. It is season two episode 14 where Taylor Armstrong creates the cat meme scene. It's called Malibu Beach Party from Hell. So that is gonna be a super fun late-zone Philly. Then the next week we're gonna be in Denver,

then Seattle, and those will be our last shows for 2019. But then in January, we're gonna start with the Golden Crappies and LA. It's almost all that, Kitchatickets. Then we're going to Detroit, Columbus, Austin, Texas for two shows, then Houston, Texas, then Birmingham, New Orleans, Kansas, Omaha, Salt Lake, Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, and Oklahoma. Also, go over to crappinetsromerch.com and you can get your shirt, Janibal door, Ramona singer, Christmas and Hanukkah shirts,

and Ramona singer leggings. And when life gives you tacos, make taco salads, dork and twerp, merch all available right now. And we're also both on Camille, if you guys need those for the holidays, chill those.

And what else been? Have anything else to chill? Um, I know, just life. I'm shilling life today. I'm getting a clump just saying it. Oh no band. You can do it Just kidding. Yeah, I got it out. I got it out. I got the product out of my throat. I am shilling life and I am shilling Below deck, which I love So low deck Here we go with a lot of dick love. So low deck. Here we go with low deck. Low deck.

This was the last word I heard. You like how I can do that? I know. You're a warming genius. I'm everybody. Welcome to below deck. What? A pa pa. Wow. Yeah. I actually, the previous week's episode episode I enjoyed so much I watched it a second time after we were done podcasting about it Really because I loved that moment which happens again at the top of this episode when Riley is like yelling an action and Tanner says something about like he didn't do anything wrong. He's like shut the fuck up. Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? It's just like just the best.

It just makes me laugh every single time. Man, that fight was one of the funniest fights, a paleo fight. Paleo fight. You order something paleo, got it? And he's like, what the fuck? And then we get into our paleo fight, which, as you said, we opened with

and Ashton yells at Riley and screams, you below on fishing bits in Oliska and walks off So I said what is your problem? You haven't even explained it and he tells our he need to sail for Self-reflect and understand what upsets everyone rent you when you get into the fucking dinner table Yeah, I just watched Jersey I like I fucking dinner table. I thought I heard Bueller in the background get excited Feelers like got it. Well got it. Well So I think all the men in old men of authority knew law if you have a problem with just like oh You think you're the only man of authority

Okay, two days got it got it. She gives us like a fresh got it right off the bat. She really did. I got it. I immediately took a gif of it. So I could send it to everybody I know who gives me shit. So Tanner goes, you're so lost. I feel so sorry for you. So lost because fuck you, Tanner. Don't fucking stand up to me. The fuck are you? You're not anyone that's talking to me when action and I are talking. You understand that?

to me. Who the fuck are you? You're not anyone that's talking to me when Ash and I are talking. You understand that? I love the way she just like shuts down these assholes. And Tanner is over there smoking like a five year old who just found cigarettes. Like he is like smoking badly. Like he obviously has never smoked or doesn't smoke. He holding it weird he's smoking like a like a Little kid who just found cigarettes and Tanners like what the fuck you even talking about right now What the fuck you talking about She's like what I'm talking about that's what I'm talking about She walks off and he goes it's so sad. It's just so sad

Yeah, and then Ash walks up to Courtney and Simone's like's like, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Unfortunately, she's a new crew member, and it's my department. I'm like, these are not like delicate, you know, like delicate members of the Queen's Courts. You know, they're like adults. They can handle it, and they probably are really happy. That Riley spoke up to Kevin.

And in fact, we know that because Tanner starts talking to Kate and he's like, every cool dinner is non-dramatic. Everyone's always been having fun. Kevin. And in fact, we know that because Tanner starts talking to Kate and is like, every cool deal is non-dramatic. Everyone's always been having fun. And Kate's like, hmm, really? I don't feel that way. I feel like Kevin's always super intense and overbearing in a loud mouth. And Riley was finally like, shut your mouth. So, yeah. Yeah. Riley finally after five seconds of being on the boat. She's like, finally, Riley said something to him. I was like, you know, it was kind of relief seeing Riley fight with Kevin.

Cause Kevin acts like he's Gordon Ramsay, but I think even Gordon Ramsay is more pleasant to be around the Kevin. Yeah. I just think that like when Tanner, when Tanner and Ash are both like, it's always so calm, there's never any drama that then Riley shows up.

And it's like, no, you guys have just been like obnoxious and these women have been biting their tongues because they just don't want to even deal with it. And then Riley comes, she's like, I'm you guys have just been like obnoxious and these women have been biting their tongues because they just don't want to even deal with it. And then Riley comes, she's like, I'm not gonna deal with it. So like, there are a lot of assumptions being made by the men, which is probably reflects a larger issue in life, okay? Yeah, the men on this show are dex.

You gotta do it. Yeah. What? You're like, I'm not gonna get into it. No, I just like, yeah, it's like a matter of day, you know. What else is new? Yeah, what else is new, especially on this show? My God.

So they're walking around still getting wasting, wasting. And Kevin is just being the worst effort. He's just, he's going, Gacha! Oh my God, I don't even know what he's saying. I guess he'd like learn two words. And so he's just like screaming them out. And so Riley's talking to Kate at the bar and she's like, well, I've always been combative in case I'm actually I've got your back. Kevin's been up in Oxus all night. So enjoy the sleighway because you're gonna have it for about 15 more minutes. So enjoy that.

Yeah. So Kevin and Tan are just wasted and obnoxious as you said. And they're just like a shot where the two of those guys are just like the worst. And then Courtney is next in with a face like, ew, could someone get these people out of here? I could be with the seafood tower somewhere and instead of stuck with these guys, ew.

Courtney is so hilarious this whole episode. When Ashton came up to them, it was like ladies, I'm so sorry that it's my department, I'll deal with that crazy bainchy in my department, all I will deal with it. Courtney just pats her head and goes, yeah. Like you know what Courtney hates you right away. She just starts patting her head

and just agrees with you but like with a shitty look on her face. I know. Yeah, I was just trying to fuck these guys and Tanner is just smoking, weaving back and forth on his 9,000th cigarette. Yeah, he is like barely standing up and then he sort of stumbles over to the portapati which is for staff only and he like pukes, pukes everywhere over in this porta-pati. And then after he's done puking, he just goes up to Simone.

He's like, I want to hook up with you so badly. You want to sit down, then I'll hook up with you. Oh, so disgusting. And she of course starts making out with him with barf breath and doesn't even flint. Oh. Yeah. She's like, isn't he so cute? I'm like, oh, I think Courtney is just like, Chris, clearly these two aren't afraid of PDA.

Oh. Yeah, PDA to me is like a pack or a handhold. It should never go further. And then he can stick, I've been like, yeah, she's like, she's like, I'm telling you little man. I love y'all. Yeah, he's giving Tanner a high five right in front of Simone. I don't understand why guys do that.

That also, I know you don't watch Love Island, but that's something that happens on Love Island all the time. Is that two people who everyone's been waiting to hook up finally kiss, and then everyone starts cheering. Yeah! I'm like, you're killing the vibe. Why would people do that? Well, it's like in some cheering like, yeah, I'm like, you're killing the vibe. Why do people do that? Well, it's like in some cultures when actually, what am I even saying?

I was reading a book about Greek mythology and then this queen like married, gets her husband and then they're boning like in the marital bed and then the lights come on and everyone's cheering around them and he freaks out. She's like, what? That's just our culture. Okay. You bang to check. Okay.

The whole town is here to celebrate in our bedroom. Wow. It's neither here nor there. Is that here? Was that here? Did here do that to Zeus, be honest? No, it's no one important in those books. It's always a little people in those books.

It's always a stupid half-day. It is. You're like, why are you even here? It is I have to be about. Yes, it is a half daddy Yeah, he's like me. It's my father Poseidon God of the sea Helen's like yeah, which we had a god of the sea Did you say Helen Helen? Yeah, remember no Helen from this show below deck that horn

It gets horny over food. And she's like, oh my god, it's captain. He's like, he's like, if there was a captain of the sea, you're like, he's like, if there was a god of the sea, what was that? Yeah. If only there were a god of the sea. If only that, someone had come up with that at some point in world history. Yeah.

So I don't know. I was like, it's a Greek mythology through this and came out on the other end of Bloedeck. They listen, I read half of a lot of books. I'll say you that. I tried to read books and I'm like, wow, I'm so smart. Look at me reading this Greek mythology book and I'm like, this is so boring. Is it ever going to end? Because you

can't tell really how long books are on a candle because they keep telling you it's like this percent done. And I'm like, I've been on 6% for three weeks. Good bye Greek mythology book. It's almost like a Cicophia challenge isn't it? Oh, don't you call me a Cicci? It knows the worst. I feast this. Anyway, I probably, she has no good myths. None. Name one. Okay, you win the Greek mythology's talk. If he's just needs to like bring up her myth game. Okay, it's not too late. She's a Greek god, so she could theoretically still be making myths. Okay, bring it up. Even

Demeter has a good myth. De-parking, parking, that's her myth. So the lady who decided to charge everybody for parking, okay? No, because the meter has that thing right with her daughter. Like her daughter's, she's like, she's like, Persephone, Persephone, you are going to stay here right now and you are going to live with me and Persephone's like, no, mother, I'm gonna go hang out with Hades and then like, she like marries Hades

and she's like, well, that's what you get. And then like half the year Persephone's down on Hades and then like she like marries Hades and she's like, well that's what you get and then like half the year for something's down on Hades and other half the year she's up with Demeter. Something like that. As my revenge I shall make everyone pay to park forever. Gotta go feed Demeter. Gotta go feed Demeter. So in the vans everybody's wasted and Kevin immediately falls asleep and then everyone else falls asleep and Kate's like I've never taken over this long in my life and then they're then they're walking again and Riley's just like I have to pee I have to pee So then corny goes they're back on the boat and corny checks in on Brian who's still like my day and she's like Kevin and Riley Got into a fight of her appetizers over appetizers like

Not cool. Oh god, so Tanner's like oh god Jiminy cricket and then when he was barfing Jiminy cricket I have to pee Jiminy cricket So everyone stumbles to bed and Kevin in his sleep is muttering Riley. I like that like in his sleep he's being ordered to get his he's being told to order a paleo dish. He's like counting sheep and then all of a sudden there's like Riley jumping over the fence being like paleo pale paleo, got it, got it, got it. Isn't paleo just like chicken like what is paleo? Was paleo the one where you have to go out and catch your food?

Like no, that's the no dairy. Nothing, it's I think the the basic tenet of it is that like it's only food that a caveman would be able to acquire. So, yeah, like not, not dairy and like certain legumes, I think anything that has to be like process or I don't know. It's an it's annoying. I know. My friend was on paleo and we were in Whole Foods and I was like a caveman house together. We're like literally at a Whole Foods buffet. Could you please get off of it? If a caveman were here, he would be able to scoop into the buffet. So he would kill the solvers. Yeah.

So it would be this over the head and drag us into a cave. Yeah. So speaking of cavemen is the next morning and Tanner and Tanner wakes up and he's with Simone. They spent the night together and he smells like MG and Tanner goes, Jimmy, cricket. So they're all like really going through their tagline. Yeah. They're just like jumping through taglines.

Also the night before, he's like, I gotta go to bed because he's wasting. She's like, well, if he's just bed, then he's fine, but if it's more than that, I'm very stern. And he's like, oh yeah, clearly. Yeah. So they go half bone, I guess, as we find out later. And then he does that, I hate when people do that

I hate when guys do this especially when they're like I'm a little surprised and waking up next to Simone I don't remember it. Oh, okay. Come on now. It's like but it was bound to happen this attraction there I got to bring a hot chick with the bing and S. I'm in oh God So it's the next morning and I can't delete checks and on some owns see how she's doing and he's like She says something he laughs. He's he's in a good mood and Ashton's checking checks in on Brian to see how his knees like I still can't walk when it breo And yellow pass, you know, it is Basically like zombified at this point. He's like, I'm worried I might lose

my job in my leg. So, uh, yeah, that'd be the worst thing to lose my job and my leg. Yeah, polo just loves a storyline that comes back every year. There's like the dad who always misses his kid. It's like, I've got to divorce because I'm in a bed. You know, I get mad when I'm drunk. And now it's like the guy who's almost losing his leg. I can't wait to see which guy it is next year who's about to lose his leg. It's like they're new thing. Yeah.

So Kate wakes up and asks, like, morning Kate, I love the out of the bed look. I'm like, ooh, I would never say it to any lady, especially not Kate. She's gonna get you back to that action. God, no kidding. You're messing with danger there, buddy. And she just is like, huh.

So then Riley is doing dishes while Kevin is walking back and forth going, I'm sorry, he's like practicing. I'm sorry, I'll keep about appetizers She's like I'm not oblivious to the fact that fighting last night was not a good idea. I'm quick to anger 100% guess for her anger comes from everybody From below dick you're gonna be shocked my father He's the kind of guy shows up at the door with a firearm with a FedEx truck shows up at Christmas Hello dick, you're gonna be shocked. My dad father. He's the kind of guy who shows up at the door

with a firearm with a FedEx truck shows up at Christmas. Wow, there's so much wrong in that sentence. I know. Also, like order your gifts a little bit sooner than Christmas. I know, and I don't know if I'm mad at the dad for having a gun really, but I am mad at the FedEx Christmas. Yeah, yeah, making this poor guy FedEx Christmas. It's like, what the hell?

Yeah, making this poor guy drive on Christmas, blesses Jewish. So that Tanner and Ashton are talking and Tanner, he's like, yeah, I only remember it from last night. I only remember the fight with Riley and Kevin and everything else I don't remember. Please tell me I didn't do anything like puke in a bathroom and then make out with Simone.

That would be terrible Oh, I did that okay, please say I said it Jimmie Cricket at least 10 times. Please please Please say hit my quota So Ash was like we've been together for nights is a crew we all had a great time when we're at I don't want Roman issues alright and ten it's like it wasn't bad everything I'm like you were fucking falling down yeah change some of your work for shut up so um Riley is like hey Ash where do you want me and he's like uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh it's like this weird pause with him like looking down at his toes and everything and busy is like if I'm 100% honest, I don't like Riley.

She has a bad attitude. Got it. See what I did. See what I did. Yeah, but you're still her boss and you should give her a job and not just give her the silent treatment. You're fucking weirdo. So he does go talk to her and he's like, so obviously we had words and it's

unfortunate and I don't know what happened with Kevin. Exactly, but I saw you reacting that way and I said, there's fire we rarely and that's why I acted the way I did, but I'm sorry for that. And she's like, um, I don't entirely understand why it went down last night and I'm sorry for causing it. Let's make it work. Yeah, so they hug everything is fine. And then downstairs, we get an update on Courtney's progress as an ironing lady, which goes, I cannot iron for shit. I know some of them. She's like, they need to make everything non-iring material because this is bullshit. Her ongoing challenges. Well, I'm really getting choked up a lot during this episode. It just brings back so many memories of trying to iron things myself.

Yeah, it is a bit. That's for sure. So preference sheet meeting. The captain's like, all right, is gonna be shortened, right half a dozen ladies. Let's hope they do this a lot Whoa, okay, yeah, she's there and her fabulous friends It's all moms to girl trip all moms and Kate recognized one of the guests because she was on a charter last year So he's a guy to discussing The disgusting flow guy, remember? Yeah. Oh God.

He was annoying. But for some reason, Captain Lee really liked him a lot. That was the guy who was just like shit face the whole time. I'm like, I don't have film pay. Yeah. So I remember Wendy being relaxing chill. And that's what I need right now. So I think they're going to be polite.

I don't see any dicks in that group. Get it? Yeah. Get it. I then really cut to a shot of the iron just steaming Courtney's face. Yeah. So it was like, I was not expecting that. You know, so it's a, this is like such a Riley episode, because Riley always has has an episode with screaming and yelling and screaming and yelling and then the next day it's like the apology to her where everybody has to make up.

So onto the next apology. So Kevin comes up to her and he's like, can I see you want to eat? And Ashton and Kader talking about how they're going to have a talk and she's like, they're both wrong, but I blame Kevin. He's a hairwink. So same, same, same, they're both wrong, but I blame Kevin. He's a hair ring. So shame, shame Tim same. So Kevin apologizes. He's like, I got he did. I just got I'm sorry. I'm a I'm an angry drunk Yeah, you're a spitfire too

Like oh god, please don't put please say there's nothing gonna happen with you and Kevin because now I just sparks two angry people. I would not be able to deal with that. So yeah, Kevin's like, all I like to push people and see how they push back and all we push back tenfold. You know, I don't like that as a quality in someone. I don't like someone who's like their raison d'être is to like push you to see like what the limits are. I like, that's not, I don't think that's like a very admirable quality in someone. How about you accept someone as they are and don't try to make them get agitated with you. And then if they pass, some sort of weird tests, then they are cool with you.

Yeah, I don't like test, testy people who are like, yeah, well, you have to like, I'm really cold until I decide that I like you. Then fuck off, okay? Yeah, fuck off. You have fun having no Yeah, fuck off. You have no friends, you loser. Yeah. So Brian checks on Courtney, which is sweet,

because he's like the sick one. And then Tanner kisses Simone, and he passes by, he's right before he makes out with Simone, he passes by Kate, who's folding stuff, and he goes, what's up, Kate? She's like, not much. Just working. Working is a great concept.

You should engage in it. So yeah, so they had Tanner is basically invited Simone in for another sleepover that night and they start making out. And then we got this really amazing shot of Tanner naked getting into bed with Simone and just like his butt is full up in the camera and Things are blurred out, but not enough like I needed the entire screen to be pixelated at that moment Well, it was weird because his butt wasn't blurred out, but it's just like I don't know if he had like a just a big

Sorry, say I don't like seeing but hold but there I said it. I don't know if he just says like a big like but hold like a dog that's showing all the time or if his nets are just really big and showing from the back but they were just blurring like one little dot. It was really it was, but it was just like this weird on, it was like a bad angle. It was just like this big white pasty floppy. It was like it was like imagining watching the Pillsbury doboy get naked. You're like, I don like imagining watching the Pillsbury do a boy, Gednick, and you're like, I don't need to see that.

Like, no, no, no, no. I have him here in front of my shower, so thanks. I'm gonna try and not take that personally. And let's get to the next scene with Ryan and Courtney trying to be romantic and staying bed together, but he keeps kicking her. And she's like, sorry, sorry, it's like, ow! Ow!

Ha, ha, ha. I can't believe I'm in a bed with this person. So now they're cleaning and then more Courtney bitching up the iron. She's like, they need to make anti-wrinkle fabric because I can't live like this. Mark Mark Captain comes to check on Brian. He's like, how you doing, kid? I'd hate to have to decapitate you. But if you're like hurt for one more day,

but you're gonna be with that ahead, you fucking loser, all right? I care about you, but I'm also willing to let you go, and that's called love, okay? Uh, so yeah, so basically, it's like, how about we ship you off to the hospital and get you an IV drip? He says that as if he's saying,

how about we go to the toy store and get you a present? He's like, so how about we go to a hospital and put you in and I see you with a bunch of other sick people where you could get cross contaminated. How about that? Huh? Sound nice, huh? Huh, kiddo? Hey, I got a gift for you.

Unwrap it. It's Epsis. All right. It's time for commercial. It's time for... Celebrity Beef. You never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.

I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows.

It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. But crap is commercial. You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or wonder yeah

So then Riley is trying to get some dirt from Simone about 10 are she's like so how was How was last night? How was last night? And someone's like oh it's good. We just cut a little bit. That's all we've been doing is cuddling, you know She's being you know, she's being quiet and Riley is like So you're not hoping for more I was like, uh, so you're not hoping for more and ashtans like, uh, but what we're all least trying to say is hey, you sleep together two nights in not being that's a real question. And someone's like, I like to take my time. I was like, well, that's with lemons or getting drinks for people or I'm consistent. You're consistent.

At least you're consistent. So now so Brian heads off to go to the hospital. And then now everyone changes into the repilates and Riley, okay, I just start bleeding. And now here come the guest. Jesus, like, thanks, Riley. God. So the guests, the ladies show up and I love the girls. It's like, and then Riley's leading and then the guest show. Well, it's a neutral part of life. So then Kate goes, um, usually at this moment, I have a horrible feeling, but I feel great.

It scares me a little. I'm like, I'm scared to, whenever you have a good feeling on the show, that means it's going to be terrible. Whenever you have a bad feeling on the show, it's going to be 10 times worse. And when if you have a good feeling, it show, it's gonna be 10 times worse. And whenever you have a good feeling, it's gonna be three times worse. Yeah. The ladies do impress me though,

because they don't come to the boat wooing. It was actually impressive. Not a single one of them even woozed. I was like, uh oh, where's that hot? I think they were too hot. They were too hot. Didn't affect the last ladies. They're like, woo, woo!

And these ladies are just like, wow, look at that boat. That is pretty. Hmm, it's odd. I think my bed is sweating through my underwear. Yeah, they couldn't even like give a spirited cougar moment. One of the ladies was saw Tanner and it goes, hi, you're easy on the eyes. And then Simone just give the woman a nasty look. Like, you bet to stay away.

OMG. Yeah, they had a lot of Simone giving that giving that look to the lady all insecurely because she just keeps going after Ashton the whole time. Yeah. So then we get to the lemon slicing. So, Janet Simone is in there trying to slice lemons and obviously having trouble with it. having trouble with it. Tanner's like, nice lemon slice. And she's like, we'll see. So then, I thought nothing could top making iced coffee from last week.

But apparently lemon slicing is the new challenge. Yeah. Oh, good. So the captain's like, bad as staring, let's do it. So I'm going to split you open. If you goddamn leg didn't start working, right? Yeah So then the lady is watching Riley pull the the ropes and she's like look at that booty. That should be our daily work out girls So the meanwhile Kate encounters the slices of lemon that Simone cut and she's like, oh my god

Look at this this one's, this one's thick. I mean, it's like if Helen Coward cut Noreng, just all over the place, all over the place. But you know what I have to hand it to her, because you have to try really hard to cut this thin. Ah, and Courtney goes, it looks like compost. Ah! That's not gonna be a good thing.

Kate tells us, Kate tells us, Simone doesn't know how to cut citrus. So then Tanner is talking to Ashton and he's like, yo, I went down on Simone last night, huh? And then I get like a 10 second hand job. Like, what the hell? And then it does. It got right on him saying 10 second hand job.

It cuts to Simone with a shaker. Just like close up on her hand with a shaker. So Ashton says I don't know maybe Kate's right maybe Simone isn't that great at service. So then like Riley walks up and Tanner's like yo I went down on Simone last night. I'm like okay so I guess we're just gonna broadcast it to everyone. Well Ashton made him. He's like till Rory what you just told me. He's like I went down on Simone she's like ew why did you tell me that? And she said you're only cut old. Okay. He's like, Hey, Jolly fish. Guess who I went down on? I'll give you a hint.

Her name lines with Shimon, Perez, like good references that not like perfectly nails. Yeah, exactly. It's a first name. It gives like a full. Hey, hey, guess what I just did in the bathroom. It rhymes with Benjamin Netanyahu, but only the last syllable of the Netanyahu part. That's what did in the bathroom. Poo. I poop. Oh, God. so Tanner's inflating one of those. Also all his jokes pertain to Israeli prime ministers. It's like, I'm so upset. You know what you'd look sexy in? Like a president. You'd look sexy like a president.

It is real, right? BB, right? Is that right? Sorry, my history is not very good. I mean, it's current history too. You know what I'm really hungry for I can go for big slice of Let's just say it rhymes with Gold in my year. We get the gold apart and the year pot just my part

Big slice of my if you know what I'm saying So Tanner is outside inflating something and Riley's like, Oh, just pretended some own. So one of the ladies invites Captain to dinner. She's like, you can wear wet-ever. I was like, all right, here they come. Now they're drinking and they're getting like, routier. Yeah.

Well, I guess it's time for me to iron one of my large white shirts with big flowers on it. Got it You are really So Kevin is talking to Courtney in the kitchen. He's like, what should I make type 15? Ah, and she's like, um, well, it's a white party and you can't just make white food And he's like, um, well, actually I can make chicken breast and mozzarella and brahda and pasta with cream sauce She's like, oh, well, that's nice Like yeah, I think you're like, oh wow, that's look at all those white foods. He just came up with and Kevin Chef Ben made white foods for a white party last season on Bullock Mad just saying although you know

We give Kevin a lot of shit and he is a prick But I would like to point out and I might have pointed this out already But when they do provisions on this show Kevin comes down the ramp and he carries a prick, but I would like to point out, I might have pointed this out already, but when they do provisions on this show, Kevin comes down to ramp and he carries in provisions with everybody. That's true. Like you. Ben.

Uh-uh-uh. So Kevin's like, he's like, I appreciate Courtney. She's got a real palette. Kate's not a foodie at all. I'm like, you were talking about chicken parmesan and barata. Like is that like a really elevated thing? Yeah, you're talking about chicken parmesan and barata. Like is that like a really elevated thing? Yeah, you're you're real bull in appetite over there, buddy. Wow. Oh,

chicken. He's like, well, Courtney, I was thinking about doing some chicken fingers and maybe some beef jerky. What do you think? You've got a real palate. I was like, um, Courtney would appreciate kits up. So you they put man. So she goes to a nice dinner with a mom and dad after they go on a pony ride, it's like you can't just fucking compliment something. Just can't just can't just leave it. So I guess I love you, Sue chef and cake goes, you never tell me you love me. So the ladies do a shot and make up a poem with a shot, but I didn't really write it down. I just wrote basic. I wrote ladies to a shot with a poem period.

Basic. I missed. I don't think I even processed that there was a poem. I just was like, noise. Here's to me. Here's to you. I got feet. So I wish you say, right. So Brian calls Captain Lee from the shore and he's like, great news, brew, they caught out 75% of my knee. They've replaced it with some cabbage and I'm good to go. Well, you just saved your own goddamn head. All right. Now get over here, you little rascal.

Glad he recovered. All right. What a murderous stupid ass, right? So it's very happy because she found a cave and she was like, it's my dream beach picnic cave. I just want to have like a beach picnic there right in the cave. It's secluded, dark, away from everyone else,

the general public, cave picnics, it's a new thing. So Brian returns and the lady sees his bandaged knee and she's like, oh poor guy. All right, just put your ankle right up here on my shoulder. You need to elevate it. Damn. Damn. You really fooled me with your lack of woos. Yeah, exactly.

They have a slow who. It's just like, it's just bubbling for the surface now. So Brian, who is just like, you know, had a very scary ordeal with us. And he's been in pain and like, the first time he's felt good in four or five days. And he thought he might actually lose his leg. He comes downstairs and he sees Courtney, and he tries to kiss her.

And she'll like recoil. And he goes, um, have you shared? He's like, no. And he gets to search, he goes, ew, shared hospital germs. Which is exactly my reaction. Yeah Kevin goes seafood in Thailand You can tell it comes from the sea fresh that morning my god. Oh Glad he yeah, I don't crazy glad he's finally found someone with a good palette Katen Courtney are doing dishes and some was like okay, what do you want me to do? And Kate's like, um, laundry, thanks. And now some of us getting all hurt that she

asked to go back to laundry all the time. And Kate's like, well, I tried doing service with her, but Courtney's good at it. And she's not. So. Kate picked me. Kate picked me. All right, you're not going to be a selectite in my K-Picknik, okay? So, so now as they're like floating through the waters, they pass like all these jellyfish. And this one lady who sort of looks like Heidi Dillon from Real House House of Dallas, she's like, oh, jellyfish, huh? Who's gonna urinate on me if I get stung? Trick answer. All the guys are gonna urinate me all at once. Yeah. No.

And Riley's like, Tannering, Ashton will be more than willing, I'm sure. And the lady just nods like, okay, that's a good answer for me. That works. So they go to the, they're preparing in the cave, Tanners with Kate. And he goes, those are bad. So she says, I know. preparing in the cave Tanner's with K and he goes those are bats. I know it's a cave

I love our cave shade Like should we hang this disc of all I think it'll be whimsical. Oh, listen to the bats. They're mad. They're mean bats I would not like to eat food with bats at our head just because I would be afraid of them shitting on me. That's my main issue. Oh They will there's a whole place in New Mexico called Carl's bad caverns and it's made out of batshit Guano Hmm, you could have said Guano a Guano's batshit. It's specifically a word for batshit. Actually, there are caverns They're not made out of batshit, but there are big rocks made out of batshit. Yeah, guano. Guano. Okay, I'm learning a lot today. Guano, the extra mint of seabirds and bats. Oh wow, seabirds getting involved. Oh, look

at you getting involved in the guano game seabirds. So Simone is folding. The ladies are doing shots. The tender is going to the picnic. The lady is still just harassing. Asked him. Asked him. Sound with what I see right here. Ask him. Kim. I sit right here. Man, I don't care if the guests are men or women on this show. They're just all pigs. Would it come to like sexually harassing people? All pigs all the time. So, um, so then Kevin gets a call from his daughter and so it's the obligatory or I have it also, she means the most to me. So like in the spirit of she means the most to me, he's like, you know what I do with my daughter, I just sent her a few emojis, a few frog emojis,

she loves that, that's all. A few frog emojis, she sent me some cute emojis, they'd see it. I'm like, wow, great. Sounds like a really wonderful, substantive relationship you have going on. You know, his kid's gonna be on below deck in 20 years. Like, my father was so mean to me. That's right, yell it everybody. It's like a sick little thing, you know. Yeah, exactly.

He would only, I would say dad, I love you. I miss you and he just sent back forgomoties. Mm-hmm. So back at the cave, the lady goes in and she has a disco ball nature is amazing. So I missed that. So meanwhile, the the tide has the tide has started to recede. And so they're going to have to like put on special shoes to like navigate around coral and stuff like that. But before they do that, Tanner's taking a group photo and he's like, he's like, okay, let's do a photo with it. I want to get another one from behind.

And then someone says, because you want to get me from behind, Tana, I was like, oh. And then God pushes them all off the bench. They're sitting on and it was hilarious. Yeah. God's like, enough. So now the ladies are like navigating over to the tender and Kate is like, okay ladies, so just be careful. There are sea urchins and just be careful. There's a sea urchin and the lady is like,

ah, I stepped on the sea urchin. Lady, she pointed out the sea urchin to you. She just stepped on it. I don't know a sea urchin. Something's sticking in me. It's like purpley. A sea urchin? I think it's a sea urchin.

And fucking hurts. The sea urchin's like, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. My father was mean to me, got it. My father's the kind of sea urchin who shows you show up with FedEx washes the shore. My father shows up with a little sea urchin gun. They're stuck in me and it's not ash, Dan. So Ash and Luke, let's go back to the boat and so could in vinegar. So thank you. And so Kate Tanner left to clean up and kids like, oh my God, amps, always amps. Look at my life, look at my shoes. So forgotten verse from a little mermaid.

Like in my life, like in my shoes. I want to be one of the people are not. So the captain is kind of giggling that the lady got sea urchin. He's like, those sea urchins are a real pain in the crapper, right? They stick you with like a corkscrew. You got to rely on good old vinegar. So Simone's soaking the lady's foot in vinegar. And she has the lady's like crying and someone goes, does it hurt? It really bothered me that we never got any follow up like the moment that that that came out It just she just was like the next time we saw that lady was at dinner. She's like, okay. I'm ready for dinner now I'm like, well, I guess your seersion situation is solved. Thanks for no follow up. Ma'am

Yeah Tasty testy testy see her shit Like a match Yeah, I need like a full you can't just like give me two parts that like give me act one and act two of the sea urchin story and not give me act three. Yeah, it's like my thoughts. Okay, he and come home. It's like intermission. Let's go come up, but then nothing ever happens after a mission. Yeah, it shows really good. It's normally really good about like, you know, closing out a loop, like finishing up, tidying it up. And I just felt like we were, I felt like we were, we were brought on this search and journey and then just like let us stray.

Well, Kate has to get picked up. So the captain's like, Riley, I want you to take this sea boat, the sea bicycle thing and take these, take these canoe dingolines over to cake and uh so she does and Kate's like um radei i want you to tell me so radei's like trying to write these stupid bikes which are so hard no one really has an easy time on these bikes remember when that girl did a music video and she's like i want to be on bikes see bikes i want to I know. Damn hot. It's like this girl going really slowly on a C-bike. Yes. Oh God.

It's like, is this really as fast as this goes? Do you have different speeds? So either way, now it's dinner time. And the guess, because it's so hot, the guests want to eat inside. And unfortunately for the crew, the table is like right next to galley, which means that they have to do

all the food prep and everything in silence. And they can't yell at each other like normal. Yeah. And Kevin's like, we can do anything. Okay, cause that's weekend. So we're getting ready for dinner and the ladies are just fucking wasted. And the ladies go down to Lee's room, he's changing.

And one of them's like, wow, look, it's a captain. You keep yourself in good shape, huh? Wow. He is like trying his best not to lose a shit. Like, who comes into the goddamn captain's quarters when he's changing into his best floral shirt? Who the hell does that? Yeah, I'm trying to work out my orange flowers here, ladies.

All right, man, get some privacy. So Simone is on turn downs and she's like, how am I on tune downs again? When I'm on Nate's house, I don't think that Kate knows the definition of second sue. I'm like, you don't know how to cut a lemon. So. Yeah. And it's hard because Simone's so sweet, but it's like, yeah, she's so lovely.

And she's very smart. I do believe she's very smart, but like she, she, she oversold herself, I think. Yeah. Well, being smart and being good at something you're totally different, you know, like a wedding tables or the service is a certain skill, okay? You don't just like get the EHD and then you're like suddenly a good waiter. I like that's correct.

And so she calls her parents and she's crying and she's like this is particularly some of mathematician I'll speak all these different languages, I can learn service. You can, so go to Apple Bees, like everybody else had to, okay? I had to work my ass up from Apple Bees. Do you know how many times I was called a bad Apple? And then later called a bad waiter. Thank you.

I know what my point is there, but Apple Bees. For the point is that you don't, you just, just because you like brought someone like a popsicle once in life, it does not mean that you're a second stew. So some moments like, kids probably upset that I'm smarter than her and is trying to make me look dumb. I'm like, no, you literally had to ask how to make a nice coffee. Okay.

And you're a second stew. Let's not a second stew question. We saw it happen on camera. Yeah. So then the captain joins the ladies for dinner and that yeah look at this handsome chap. Oh, it smells good too. Oh my goodness. So it's time to start serving dinner and it's really quiet but then you hear a... and it's Riley punching your generators. Got it. Got it. Got it. 100% powered by got it. No, it's like one of the appliances or something making noise.

Yeah. So they're getting served. They got your battered oyster and some chicken Parmesan and a case like, huh, dinner's going to be surprisingly well. It must be because our guests are so hammered. So Kevin's like, finished. We've got bad day to waste He's gonna be surprised and well. It must be because our guests are so hammered. Hey. Okay. So Kevin's like, first we've got badda de oysters, apples and just ready to do whatever. And a lady's like, oh, can you say badda again? He's like, no, mother, I won't say that.

Wow. I mean, yes, badda de oyster. Hmm. So then Kevin is, then Kevin's service is very fancy chicken parm. He's like, it's not, this one's really easy, all right? It's not that fancy, but delicious. Yeah, they don't care, because they're so wasted.

So, and downstairs, some unsolvable bitching. So there's a one lady who's in a tiara and she's like the most drunk and she's next to that captain Lee and she's like, she is why I have a hard time finding a man. No, I don't find I don't think I'm into a category I'm just I'm just gonna take a really special man to time me down. You know When it's special it'll happen get me the fuck out of here. Please Don't you I feel that's how I feel all right?

You're talking into the window right now and now you're making out with the window, and now you just made a smiley face in the condensation from your breath. Okay. So, one of the other ladies goes into the kitchen. She's like, what's happening? Can I serve? I have to do something. I cannot with that conversation.

It's about relationships. So, then she's wasted. So, she's trying to take the plates and kids like, okay, okay, okay. Wow, you're really making me appreciate Simone's balance at this point. Yeah. So then she's way says she's trying to take the plates and kids like okay, okay, okay, wow You're really making me appreciate Simone's balance at this point. Yeah, you are drunk And Kevin is so furious because he does not like that a Common person is holding his plates and be that like she's not balancing it So it's probably to move around so he's like scowling and of course Simone walks upstairs and sees this and interprets it as Kate

like scowling. And of course, Simone walks upstairs and sees this and interprets it as Kate, like trusting this lady over Simone, when in fact, Kate's just trying to play Gatthu as otherwise drunk. I'm sure Kate goes like, do you like to be a second stew? So the lady serves Captain and she like flops the bowl down, like the bowl practically falls in the lap. So here you go. Kevin's like, this is my take on the tear me shoe. It's not your shoes. It's a take on one. I'm like, wow, that look at that palette that you have chicken parm in term of

sue. Wow, it's almost as good as the diner that went to the other night. So then Captain Leah is like, well, I guess we got three more hours of this dinner, so let me make some small talk. Hey, so crazy Tierra lady, how'd you go from Chicago to California? She was, oh, I just followed the grateful dad. Yeah. Well, it wasn't so much a grateful dad. It was more like, it was like a Kmart circular that just kept blowing away from me and I just kept them following it until I got to California.

Yeah, I lived in a tour bus. I was a hippie. I still stir fry across the country. I'm here to know this. And Katie is listening to the kitchen and she can Courtney fall down on the ground laughing. And Simone's like really upset now. And she's like, oh, I'm really irritated. I'm the second and I'm doing laundry in town. It's like, sorry, Sims. I don't like people being called Sims. Like that. He's like, yeah, yeah. It's a pointless game. It's a game I don't like. So I don't like some of being called that. Yeah, Sims. It reminds

me of where I got my, like a blazer. There was a place called Sims. There was a place called Sims in like white planes. And my dad would be like, you need a suit, we're going to the Sims. I've always go there with all these old guys. They look like they were like, you know, bit players in the sopranos.

Like, oh, okay, you were gonna give you a suit. Let's see, what body chup are you? You are putly. One of them said I was putly. I was like, whoa, whoa. And that is when I burn Sims to the ground, right? Then and there, anyone who's from Westchester probably who had like a son or was a son probably got forced to go to Sims at one point. Sims for the one.

Yeah, anyone we can go up for at least Sims. Sims. So, it's a bad time now and Riley and Kate are in the mass talking and Kate's eating noodles and Riley's like, how's it going with the girls? She's like, I mean, it's nice to have sturduses that don't act like if you ask them to do something that you're attacking them. Uh, dun, dun, dun. So Riley's like, well, Simone seems a little flustered.

So Kate goes, some of Simone Kate, some of Simone Kate, it's not my radio. I'm just literally going, because that's how annoying I am having to call you right now. And Simone is crying in bed. It's like, it's okay. We're in bed, I'm just in the bathroom. Yeah, I know, we're clearly crying. I like that Riley's like,

she seems a little flustered and Simone's like, woo hoo hoo. So, Kate's like, oh Courtney, do you want to go check in on Simone to see if she's okay? And Courtney's like, no Kate, you do it, okay? I just like, it's not my room, do you want to go check in on Simone to see if she's okay? And Courtney's like, no, Kate, you do it. Okay. And she's like, it's not my room.

It's your room. Sorry, you lose. So Simone passes by and Kate's like, oh, God, I just don't understand this. So Rally's like, well, she might be sensitive. Well, I don't like that she's soaking. Okay. You're not good at your job enough. You're not good enough at your job to soak right now.

Your best quality was your good attitude. Don't lose that honey. Yeah, so she's like, Simone, um, are you, uh, are you upset? Like, no, like I said, I was just I was using the toilet. I love that like Simone would rather say that she's taking a 25 minute long Shit than to admit that she was crying in the room. Yeah, so she's like, well, you don't look like you're okay. It's like, okay, I want to talk to you. She's like, I just want to be more pot service stuff, but I feel like maybe you don't want me to be there. I just don't know what's going on.

Never telling me what's going on. She goes, do I need to tell you other time? Then she gets a really high-game voice. Yeah, she starts getting really high, like, I'm about to destroy you. So get ready Um, I assumed you knew the job well enough that I didn't have to tell you everything all the time

But also in my head I'm thinking I'm working late. I should be doing service. It's confusing. Okay It's like it feels like someone acts as if I owe her when really she's not good at her job and training as a gift her when really she's not good at her job and training as a gift. Hey, Sekwa, I'm just not sure you're ready to do service. Sekwa, am I a shitty second stew? Just, well, I'm not sure that you're a great second, second stew. And when you go into your room and have your 20 minutes, I had to use the toilet. I was, I had a very large bowel movement. I wasn't crying.

And then you came back and you were very swollen. I had a very large bowel movement. I wasn't crying. Then you came back and you were very swollen. So... She's like, well, I already said it was gonna speak to you and people are asking me about it. She goes, oh, so you told her that the crew members... No, the crew members. Appropriate.

Okay. The first person you should speak to is me. Yeah, so, and some of those. Well, I could see how that's something you could feel, but for me, it's just a moment that I can I don't feel like it's not okay. I'm telling you. It's not okay. Note that my voice has gotten deeper again Remember when it was high? That's because when it gets low. That's what I'm going for the kill and now you've made our department look bad so hmm I haven't made our department look bad

Just but I'm telling you that you have okay Why don't you keep saying things that I'm telling you? And then you say no, and then I tell you that I'm telling you. How about we continue that? And then they just stare at each other. It's like, don't, don't, don't. This is my cliffhanger voice. I use this voice when I'm telling the producers. It's time for cliffhanger.

And it's a cliffhanger. Yep, that's it for below dick. Um, good episode as usual. So, um, I guess we'll have to see how that shakes out next week. And then Mannyana, we're back with Real Housewives of Orange County. And then, uh, later this week, we are going to have, uh, Real Housewives of Dallas and St. Louis. And we're going to have New Jersey and Philadelphia and then a classic that we hills episode, season two episode 14, and the late show at Philly. So there's so some tickets left to go to WatchCrapids.com to get tickets for that, and get tickets for next week's shows in Denver and Seattle too. And until then, we will talk to you in Maniada.

Bye! Bye! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. by completing a short survey at 1dry.com slash survey.