Watch What Crappens - #112: Brawling with "Atlanta" and "Vanderpump Rules"

Episode Date: January 29, 2014

This week on "Watch What Crappens" we don some protective gear and head straight into the big fist fights that appeared on "Real Housewives of Atlanta" and "Vanderpump Rules." Ben Mandelker (twitter.com/bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) break everything down ? from the gay sidekicks to the pathological liars. Also joining in the fray is Katie Cazorla (twitter.com/thepaintednail) who gives us all sorts of gossip about the Bravo stars she ran into over the course of the week. Along the way, we tackle "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," "Shahs of Sunset," and "Blood, Sweat, and Heels." Oh, and don't forget all the gossip. From Apollo to Ramona, we've got you covered. Come listen! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's right, Shaz. Banter, pump rules. Come gather round and make fun of his voice. The podcast, the Bravo, nothing runs with Bravo. But that's okay, we only care about Bravo.

Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens?

What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens? What happens?

What happens? What happens? What happens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com, and joining me as always is my lovely co-host, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. Well, hello, Benjamin. Well, hello, Ronnie. Ronnie is from TrashTalkTV.com. You can find him on Twitter at TrashTweetTV. You can find me at B-Side Blog.

And I'm also on Instagram and all that fun stuff. Please follow us because we suffer from severe low self-esteem, and we can only feel better if you follow us. Otherwise, we might just, like, hurl ourselves from our buildings. And no one wants that. Do you want that? Do you want that? Do you want that person out there in the void? Do you want to kill us? Do you want to kill us?

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Just do a little search for watch what crap happens and your life will be like thoroughly enhanced and um made better don't you think i think that that sounds like a great idea everybody's great along you know it's 2014 there's too much there's too much to bullshit there is like follow us on twitter follow us on the facebook follow us on the internet come on the internet where we are yeah who cares so anyway okay so we have a lot to discuss uh this episode and later on katie gazzola our friend katie gazzola will be joining us uh but first we have just like oodles and oodles of gossip this week um from the from the realms of bravo so i think the for the big thing is that Phaedra Parks' husband, Apollo, is now going to try to

rival Joe Giudice for most federal crimes or something like that. He has been arrested, I believe, for bank fraud and identity theft. Did you read about this, Ronnie? Oh, yeah. He is in some big trouble. Okay, so do you guys remember, I think we talked about it on the podcast. We didn't play any audio from it, but I was watching some random video on, I think it was like Ebony. It was something that someone posted on our Facebook page, this video, and it was this interviewer in her living room, which is very professional. It was like an interview done by us. We're like, here's a Coke machine. Let's settle down right here for this very important interview. But she was interviewing someone named Angela Stanton.

I believe this is correct. That name sounds very familiar. I believe this is. We're not the news, okay? I'm looking this up right now. Angela Stanton. If you're coming to a podcast. Because I can't remember if she was going off about Nene or Phaedra.

Oh, yeah, yeah. She was talking about Apollo. Okay, so I watched this thing, and she was basically saying that she used to work with Apollo and Phaedra. And basically that Phaedra is this big kingpin, and she makes all of her money in these illegal operations, you know, racketeering and fraud and identity theft and carjacking. I mean, the list was so long, and nobody was listening to this girl. And this was like a very long interview. It was like a 20-minute interview.

And, of course, I sat there in bed literally eating popcorn while I watched it. It is your favorite thing to do is to go on the Ebony website and eat popcorn and see what videos they've got. Yes. If they don't have any Fantasia news, I'll take what I can get. And so I got my Angela Stanton news. And so none of this really surprised me. What really does surprise me is that Phaedra. OK, here's my theory.

First of all, Phaedra is so fucking smart. They are not going to indict Phaedra. She will not she will not have her hands dirty in any of this, which I love. And we can pretty much predict that with 100 percent certainty. She will stay will stay clean even though you know that she's running it because he can barely make a sentence he can't uh he can't steal identities i mean come on yeah i mean she's one as sad as it is phedra parks is one of the few housewives who actually has an advanced degree or a degree at all yes she actually has a brain and yes she's with a criminal but she's also doing it for the money but he is a hot criminal, you know.

Hey, what you want to do for a hot guy? Yeah, and she's making him work and put everything in his name, and he's the one who's going to be in prison. And my second, my prediction is that Phaedra is the one who set all this up. I think that she probably caught him cheating or something, and she got his ass thrown in prison because he's not going to just get out this time i mean he's not going to be in there three years and get out he's pretty much done well so really what happened according to i think it was access atlanta which is my own version of version of ebony um is that apparently this woman who works with apollo and his various schemes she was busted first i think back in september and she just outed, she basically outed Apollo.

She wore like wiretaps, she did the whole nine yards, like literally like the movie, the whole nine yards. And she looks just like Matthew Perry. She's like a black Matthew Perry. So she, apparently what they did was they, they stole a lot of identities and they opened up various illegal businesses or fake car companies. And I think they were able to get loans using the fake identities.

It was all a little confusing for me because I'm a very simplistic person. Well, yeah. One of them was. They opened a Ferrari store and then it was fake. And then they stole all these identities and then they applied for loans for ferraris that like in their own store the ferraris didn't exist and neither did the the people or the identities were stolen um long story short it's they really like apparently the evidence is very strong against apollo and he's an idiot you know here's something you shouldn't do if you're on tv don't be a con artist. Okay.

Because you will get busted. I guarantee it. Like what? That's the best way. Like how many times do I have to hear stories about people go onto wheel of fortune and then get like arrested for outstanding warrants like a day later. This is what happens. People,

you go on TV, you raise your profile and you know, it's bad for a criminal, a high profile. No kidding. And this all happened the same week that on his own show, he starts beating up some gay guy for no reason after bragging that he drops like five to eight thousand dollars every time he goes to a strip club. And then when people are saying you're spending your wife's money on that, he says, no, it's my money.

It's my money. I can do what I want with it. Well, we are going to get we are going to get all. Well, I'm just saying because that goes that goes like that's just killing. Well, I'm just saying because that goes, like, that's just killing yourself. I know. No, it's perfect. Like, what are you doing? You're on national TV saying your wife had nothing to do with it. Yeah.

And it's all your money the same week you get arrested. I mean, that is just too rich. It was, like, two days after that story broke, that episode aired. It was too perfect. Andy Cohen probably, like, shot his pants in, like, the best possible way for him. And his shit had a little beard on it. A terrible, terrible mismatching beard. I bet his shit was like little beard on it a terrible terrible mess matching that his shit was like mazel of the week is the toilet paper um sorry um so anyway uh that is

crazy he's going to jail and he and joju desk can buttfuck each other all day long yep two bottoms don't make a top remember that boys remember that in jail um so the other big news coming from new york is that ramona and mario are separated i don't know if this has been made official have they officially confirmed this but the gossip mill is super super super strong on this front um i guess i think he cheated on her and then they've both been seeing other people and she kicked him out of the house and all that fun stuff and they called the police to the house and supposedly ramona offered them some of her wine and they got there well you know like my mother always said if the police come to the please come to the door you never want a man to offer your own wine you got to offer it yourself

you want to be able you don't have to rely on a man to do anything for you what if one of the policemen had a sister or a wife or a brother or something who was going to get married or who owns a hotel and they're going to need some Pinot Grigio? And I'm a businesswoman. So I was thinking maybe if they taste my Pinot Grigio, they'll want to give it to someone for their wedding or for their new business or a casino. Who knows? You never know. There's business everywhere. I'm a businesswoman. I don't know business. I heard that when the police went to Luann's house because there was a teenager who had passed out in the bushes and she didn't even offer them wine. And I'm sorry.

That's just that's not that's de classe. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's de classe. I'm sorry. Well, you know, my husband may have cheated. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I'm not going to try and take the attention off of him.

All I'm saying is that Luann, you know, her child called someone the N-word in poetry or something on the Internet with art while her friends had passed out in a bush. And I don't know if my husband was sleeping with anybody there. All I can say is that Luanne, you know, condones the N-word in her house. You know, by the way, speaking of Luanne, she must be loving this. Not only did Mario once call her the discountess, which is, of course, in the front to all humanity. which is, of course, in the front to all humanity. But she was the one who, I believe, was stirring up the rumors in Morocco, of all places,

in the souk, that Mario was, you know, all over town doing who knows what. Well, that was also, over the summer, that was in all the papers, you know. Well, not all of them, but page six, you know. I mean, you only have to look at the guys grinning erectus to know that he is totally putting his wiener in every orifice you can find that has a cross dangling from it. Well, listen, like sticking it in Ramona is like sticking it in a pencil sharpener.

You don't want to stick it in there. And something else, women, if your man is working out every day and has a body like that at 50, he's fucking around on you. He is not looking like that for you. Okay? Yeah. No, I would have to agree with that. And by the way this the most important point of all is that i am so excited for real house as of new york to come back

in march like so beyond excited like i am needing this franchise so badly in my life yeah i can't wait either because i need 10 weeks of not hating housewives because that's always how long it takes for me it's like 10 weeks then i'm like uh like this week with beverly hills i'm like really i can't i can't anymore with these bitches because it's been something like 13 weeks and I'm like, ugh. This week with Beverly Hills, I'm like, really? I can't anymore with these bitches. Because it's been something like 13 weeks and I'm done. Yeah, no, no. Beverly Hills, apparently, I think we talked about this last week, the ratings are in the shitter. They're going to

clean house with the cast and good riddance. I mean, a good chunk of the episode this week was them sitting around painting pictures for Gigi. Well, we'll get to this. We're going to get to that all in all in a bit yeah we'll get to that because i've got some more gossip for them from that show um so other stuff in the gossip is vicky is finally divorced oh yes this was by the way this was sent in by our duly departed matt woodfield he sent us this yeah

matt woodfield we still love you so go on tell us i actually didn't read the link yet well basically it's nothing really juicy they just finally got divorced vicky got got away with most everything but don got like the 401k worth almost a million bucks and they got a house in irvine which is fitting it's like you know that's like a wonderful it's like congratulations you just you just inherited like a tired junkyard well you know the swingers community is really good in irvine well let me tell you something i was in irvine recently i went to dave and buster's enough said did well got myself a shot glass wow i want a shot glass i don't even know what to say you don't have to

say anything and no one has been your birthday in azusa i i would prefer if no one said anything oh and by the way there was a big forest fire next to Azusa last year, last week, so, you know, we don't know what Sheena's been up to, but perhaps nothing too good. So that was a Vicky, and Thomas Kramer has filed bankruptcy. Oh, Thomas Kramer,

our old friend. Sit down, shut up, or I'll file for bankruptcy! Yeah, I can't believe, you know, he's probably one of those people who's totally getting screwed over by craigslist right now because he's like well you know i paid 57 million dollars for this lion head and no one will buy it from me at the craigslist i invested 20 million dollars in adult onesies and no one is buying any of them elephant tasks offer so much money do you know how many chinese children it took to hunt this elephant

by the way stupid Americans on the internet I just want everyone to know that I just frothed over my laptop this is this is the extent

I will go for a German impersonation that will froth over my laptop and risk ruining the whole thing okay so that's enough

with gossip we've got a shit ton of TV to talk about. So let's turn over there, shall we? And you know what? Normally we start with Beverly Hills, but we're going to Atlanta. This is Atlanta's week. Not only did Apollo end up in the news, but we had crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy stuff that happened in Atlanta.

So let's start at the top of the episode, which I think, you know, we started, I think, with Kenya going to the sperm doctor. And she, first of all, the best part is she wants to get pregnant. She's saying, well, you know, it's gonna be really hard, especially with my boyfriend who lives in Africa. I mean, Kenya, come on now. Let's just like, some lies, you just have to give up. You just have to stop, stop, quit while you're very far behind. That's like every gay guy has a long-term relationship

before he comes out of the closet that lives in Canada. Like, isn't that the what is that what did they do that i think it's south park someone had like a long distance girlfriend or whatever but that's always the case yeah someone always has a girlfriend in canada or you know i can't even think of any place else right now which is is not voting well for the rest of the podcast all i have to do luxembourg place it's not america that's all i have to do and i can't do it yeah you're very you're very ethnocentric you're very yeah all you care about is america you know i think that's a good thing you know what there's nothing wrong with being able to think of nothing but america oh maybe i should just podcast now this podcast is nothing if not patriotic and why can't kenya find a man in her own country okay no i do not believe okay i do not believe

she's got some african oil tycoon a and i do not believe that she's gonna get a baby put inside of her b i don't believe anything that comes out of kenya's mouth and the only reason kenya should even be on this show is to be in group scenes and get yelled at by people. Because I do not, nothing in her personal life rings true. This whole thing about her mom, listen, honey, you've known the story about your mom. It is tragic. I'm not saying it's not. But now you're going to try and use it for airtime.

Even her dad's like, oh, no, that's not going to work. I know. How about this for an idea, Kenya? How about you stop acting like a crazy hoe and maybe your mom will say hi to you. Maybe your mom is just extremely embarrassed of you, and not because that you were born, but because of the way you act all the time. Because you make terrible movies, and you claim that you have a boyfriend, a Nigerian prince boyfriend. That's probably why your mom is like, oh, shit, I'm not talking to my daughter anymore. This is crazy.

She's making me look bad. Yeah. So there's that. I don't believe anything that comes out of kenya's mouth i don't even need to talk about kenya until we get to the part wait guess what though but guess what we're gonna keep talking about kenya because so she goes in and she's she's talking with this crazy uh sperm doctor guy who's sort of like tim blake nelson meets like rendon stimpey and she was saying how you you know, she's talking about what she wants in a donor. She's like, well, I want someone who's funny,

someone who's affectionate, someone who doesn't have body odor. I'm like, I just, I don't seem to remember what, what on the, on the human biome or whatever it is, like which, what were the genes for body odor and for affection and for funniness? Like, can you tell, like, can you tell which sperm have those qualities and she wants him to have green eyes oh yeah that's well that's a little bit you

can that maybe you could test for maybe if you have a donor that girl is wearing contacts i mean give me a break you're you want a baby that's gonna come just buy some little baby contacts because you know that's all you've got anyway. I also like that she also insists that she doesn't want any DNA from someone who isn't intelligent. Because I actually kind of agree because I feel like it would be very cruel if this baby had, like, the DNA of a father who's not very intelligent and the egg from a mother who is really very, very stupid. Like, that was just like you're just not letting the kid have any future, basically. Well, but how many brilliant people are going to jerk off for 20 in a clinic like for fun and also i love that one of her qualifications is that she doesn't want somebody who's doing it to be helpful so she basically wants them to be hot and like have no sense of charity in them

i also liked when she looked at the sperm up close in the, in the, when you speak about intelligence, I can't remember the name of the mic, the microscope, which looked at the sperm and she's like, Ooh. And I was just like, I'm just imagining that like up until that moment,

she always thought sperm looked like the opening credits of look, who's talking, you know, like I just, I know. It's like, she thought somebody was actually going to crawl up inside of her. Yeah.

She was like, where are the beach boys? Why aren't the beach boys? It's a really old reference for all you people out there. If you haven't seen Look Who's Talking, you're lucky. She's like, they're so tiny. I'm like, what did you think was going to happen? Did you think you were going to go in and just see a little tiny baby,

and then they were going to put it inside of you, and it would just grow a little bit more, and you'd pop it back out covered in slime? You fucking idiot. She's probably just imagining Candy's Kegel balls swirling around in the Petri dish. Well, another thing is, she's saying, like, she wants Obama's sperm. Okay, people.

Brilliant people don't necessarily have brilliant children. I mean, look at the Clintons. Yes, I was just about to say. I mean, God bless Chelsea. She seems very nice and everything, but it's not like she popped out of there with a personality ready to lead the free world. Well, I think you're talking about Bill Clinton's brother.

I mean, it just goes to show, people can sire very smart world leaders and then Roger Clinton. I mean, Slade's brilliant. Look at that Backwoods brother. Look at Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. It just doesn't always work out. They were twins. they were twins they were twins let's just see how many 80s movies we can bring up during 80s slash and early early 90s look at big business look at big business okay

you got like bett midler and you got lily tomlin see but to be fair they were switched but you have you have smart bett midler from the city and you have naive bet middler so it just goes to show yeah yeah different different flavors come out come off the same apple tree yeah different app you can get a granny smith and a delicious from the same probably not but that's what we're gonna say if we're gonna be folksy and american because this is an american podcast today yeah um so uh the other news um was that Phaedra decided to throw a big party for her little baby, the president of the United States or whatever he's called. So that's really the baby's name, Mr. President? No, no, no. His name's like Dylan or something like that.

But this also ushered in the return of Dwight. So for all of you guys who are waiting for a leather-faced skeleton to pop up on screen, congratulations it's back oh no, he's very waxy, he looks like the Madame Tussauds Museum of Unfamous People he looks like he looks like a scepter, like an evil like, imagine like

some evil person who has a scepter that has like little eyes on it, like Mumra from Thundercats doesn't he have a scepter that he could like shake it at someone likera from Thundercats. Doesn't he have a scepter that he could shake it at someone? That's what Dwight's head looks like, at the top of an evil scepter. I want to electrocute him. By the way, I just made a line. He's the kind of person that Dwight is. He's the kind of person

who says things like, Ooh, girl, it's the cat's meow. And then he'll follow up with and the meow don't bite and you're like what does that i want to see those legs i want to see them like two chairs at the merry ground you're like what huh look at that pool it's a big tub of water just like a pitcher ready on a hot summer day it's like a canoe at the rodeo perfectly special you're like

what huh i am hotter in here i am hotter in here than a sneaker at a red lobster i don't know i think dave david buster's like i already talked about david buster so let me think of my next favorite place red lobster i just feel like he's got like the flappiest used up but like i feel like if you're hanging out with dwight everyone's always wondering wondering who farted and he can't admit to it because he probably doesn't even know that he did it i think well because his nose i think has been sutured shut at this point yes and his butt probably needs to be so he was so he was the party planner for this i thought he was like a hairdresser originally i just don't understand what where dwight suddenly becomes the arbiter of good taste in atlanta this is this is

why i think atlanta is a ridiculous city where people like dwight are considered good party planners um because then we saw the party and it featured like a flash mob of dancing secret service agents it's like the most bizarre thing of all time. I don't know whether it'd be like, think this is like amazing or this is like, this nothing makes sense here. Well, he keeps getting hired because he keeps saying things like stand up on that pool,

honey, your legs look so good from here. And then there's like stubby ass little Phaedra, like, you know, like that's why he gets hired. He's calling Phaedra pretty while her husband's like, I want to eat something.

I ain't standing here while you do a stupid dance. I'm going to eat something. Stupid. Don't talk to me like that, woman. Stupid woman. Oh, it's true. You know, he, I mean, Dwight has a professional kiss ass. I mean, you know, again, not to malign the entire hair and makeup community, but there are a lot of hair stylists and makeup artists that we see on these reality shows that that all they do is just kiss their clients ass unlike unlike the ones we

saw on the real housewives of beverly hills this week who worked for days of our lives and kyle kept trying to make small talk and tell stories about george clooney and they look like they wanted to shove a brush down her throat to shut her the fuck up well it's funny if i if i may make a brief diversion to shaz the sunset because I know you didn't watch. I can mention it. I did. Oh, you did? Yes.

Well, there was a scene. How dare you imply that I wouldn't do my job? Well, you always are saying how you're not going to watch it anymore. So there was a scene where Lily Galici was like, I don't want to hang out with these people anymore. So I'm going to hang out. I love hanging out with my friends. I don't want to hang out with these people anymore. So I'm going to hang out.

Like, I love hanging out with my friends. As I cut to her with, like, her entire, like, quote, unquote, glam squad, like, fooling around with wigs, being really awful and annoying and also making just terrible jokes. And she's like, it's just so great when you can, like, hang out with friends who are just, like, you're just so comfortable with. I'm like, lady, you pay them. They are your employees, okay? They are going to laugh at every single thing you say. And you're on TV, okay? That's why. That's why they're like like that it's like all these reality shows it's like rachel zoe she had that guy joey who just basically kissed her ass you have um i remember even when paul abdul

had her show like all her friends were just like stylists and makeup people because they purely those people all they want to do i'm not saying in general but the people on these shows all they do is kiss ask they want to be on tv and they want to be with famous people well yeah and they're they're at work i mean jesus i kiss ass at work yeah if i'm you know i'm nice to people at work but inside my mind i'm not you know but i don't hang out with them and i'm horrible behind their backs those aren't my i mean you should hear the things i say about you ronnie it'd be very awkward on the podcast i'm sure don't you don't you think i get reports after korean pub pub crawls i hear i know what's going on oh ronnie the only thing we were saying

was that we wish you were there we had like 40 people and it was craziness and it was fun um so anyway okay so enough of this stuff let's just get right to the pillow talk, the Nini's pillow talk session. So the big centerpiece of the episode that happened with 25 minutes left was that Nini decided, like, we're going to have pillow talk tonight. We're going to get everyone together, and we're going to have pillow talk. And I don't know why she did this. I think this was her attempt to audition for her own talk show, you know? And the best part is she's like, what's great about the pillow talk is that it's like free couples counseling. And I'm like, I don't know at what point

Nini is qualified to counsel couples and why that would ever be a good idea or why anyone in that room is qualified to give any sort of advice because they're all dysfunctional and they're all ridiculous. Well, Nini made it clear right at the beginning when she started what she was there for.

There was never going to be any conversation or any help. She brought up every piece of shit that these women have been slinging about each other's men right up front. Who slept with who? Who's been cheating? Who's been like? And she brought it up publicly to start a fight. That's exactly. And she paced the room.

She basically done nothing this season except try to be nice. And she's been very funny. Well, I He's basically done nothing this season except try to be nice. She's been very funny, I think. I think it's been one of her better seasons. But, you know, someone actually posted a gossip item on our Facebook page saying there was a blind item that someone on the Real Housewives of Atlanta was doing lines right before the pillow talk session. And, I mean, I can't say for sure but um i would imagine based on his behavior that she would be a good suspect for that peter peter nini i mean any of them really probably yeah any of them i mean peter peter's beard looks like it's made from cocaine like he it's actually not a beard he just he basically just takes egg white and he slathers his chin in it and then he

dredges himself in cocaine it's all saving himself in cocaine so all this time people don't realize it's like uh in that movie traffic when there's the doll that's made of cocaine and so everyone thinks that katherine zeta jones is bringing dolls in from mexico but turns out it's cocaine that's what his beard yeah he's basically you know he keeps it white so that if he has a little in there he doesn't have to worry about being caught by anybody it's kind of the reason like even if i weight, I still need to keep a good 20 pounds on me because I need enough room in my belly button to hold an M&M. Just need that emergency stash, okay? God, I could go for an M&M right now.

I actually almost went downstairs and got an M&M from the vending machine just before. And now I really regret not doing that. I'm going to make you pop mocha from starbucks with no ice so and so okay so as nini jesse rafael started this talk show it started it was it wound up being like at first like a bunch of like stupid questions it was basically like one of those really dumb board games remember that game scruples whatever it's like what would you do so nini was like what would you do if you found out that your man was bisexual you know and i loved porsche's answer because she's like i don't care if he's heterosexual whatever like he needs to be porsche sexual i was like i don't even know

what that means like you're only attracted to porsche or you're only attracted to the car well i love that nini you know nini didn't even bail any of this she's paid first of all she's pacing back and forth like a moose in a pen like she's just like ready to like go crazy it's like somebody's just like mosquitoes are biting her ass and she's ready to roam the fields and pacing back and forth huffing and puffing going okay who thinks their husband is bisexual porsche i think this is one for you i actually kind of like that she called out porsche on that because uh you know she wrote all the questions towards everybody like just to be a cunt to everybody it's like well how would

you feel if your husband left his six children to be with you and take you out of the strip club and then ignore his family and his children for the rest of their lives. How would you feel? And you know how she would feel. She would blame the children for being ungrateful. Wasn't Nini the one? Wasn't there an episode a season or two ago where Nini was in a situation like this where she was on the receiving end of these questions and she was very uncomfortable? Maybe she was on candy-coated nights or whatever.

Wasn't she? She was the one, and she hated it. And now all of a sudden she's putting everyone on blast, as they say. I i don't remember that was that on atlanta yeah uh you know what i don't know everything runs into each other i don't know i saw the one i'm like remember i'm like remember when nini went to turkey to see her family remember when my iranians killed nini for being gay remember when nini yelled at someone for putting their shoes on her couch remember that time when nini and kelly ben simone got into a fight remember when nini um nini left her stuff at the dry cleaners and they lost it but then she saw the dry cleaner out at dinner wearing her clothes remember the time when nini was on a camel and

almost fell off of it in morocco well on i dream of nini she um on i dream of nini there was an episode where greg's kids wouldn't come because of course he left he left his family for nini who he met as a stripper or whatever so of course his children hate them and she's like greg we're not getting married this is not my fault this is not fair that your kids hate me really because it kind of is you stupid homewrecking whore like no i don't i don't blame nini for that i blame greg for that i i am not gonna fall into you i don't think that the woman just gets off scott free like well i wasn't the one who was married please you're both fucking pigs give me a break like she's so holier than that my whole thing was just like don't make the kids come here and apologize to you like they did something wrong you fucking yeah he should have

gone to the kids but the kids didn't have a reality show uh set up in their houses so yeah whatever well nini's produced you know supposedly nini's producing a bunch of shows for bravo this year and so she needs to keep that million dollar a year paycheck coming in and she hasn't really done much this year so now she's just going to take a wrecking ball to everybody's life yeah as much as i think she's a horrible hideous moose that probably needs to be taken down she's uh very funny she's so funny um wait so now the the next one of the next questions that she asked was oh and by the way we should also mention a key detail is that in the middle of this kenya shows up perhaps like an hour late or something an hour and a half who knows how long but very late she shows up with

her main gay brendan okay and we've seen brendan before he's twerked before and last year last season he got into a little thing i think with porsche and cordell or like he's he's one of these they tried to beat him up last year at some party at one of porsche's parties right yeah here's what we got in what you have to know about brendan's like a very fierce, and I don't mean that in the gay fierce way. He's like a fiercely protective sidekick in that he knows that the only way I can maintain my status as main gay sidekick number one is that I have to fight for my master no matter what. Because I have this whole theory about sidekicks and masters that the best sidekicks are the ones who are just like attack on behalf of their master. So Brendan has come in here.

And so Nini is now very frustrated and she's like angry at Kenya. And so then she starts asking about strip clubs. I don't remember what the exact question was. How much time to spend in a strip club? Is it okay to spend time in a strip club or whatever? And this is where Peter chimes in. Petereter a great thinker of the western world he says he basically says there's a lot because there's a lot of us that go to the strip club so there's no need to apologize and i'm like he's such a lowlife like this guy with his with

his coke beard he is so he's awful he is so lucky lucky that he has Cynthia Bailey. I don't understand. I don't understand how he has her. Yeah, he is basically wondering why it's such a big deal to go to a strip club. He's wondering why it's such a big deal to go into a joint bank account and spend all your wife's money on a car you didn't earn. Why it's such a big deal to fucking buy a building without telling your wife with her money that you can have your losing fucking business and your latest lose. I mean, that guy's just a pig and she's an idiot for taking it and standing up for him i love that cynthia's like well i don't care them you know i know and that's none of anybody's business oh my god i know and then on top of that i think it was peter maybe it was apollo who said he said like we see we see the strip club like an office i mean i mean i can understand that business deals do

happen at strip clubs but like when you're trying to justify spending thousands of dollars there, it's ridiculous to say it's like an office. I'm sorry. To say that you're just giving people money, like you're giving these strippers money just as tips, like really you're dropping $5,000 to $8,000 a night just tipping? I'm so sure. And I love that Nene was like, well, here's what happens in a strip club.

Low jobs, suck in, suck in. fucking yeah like yeah thank you thank you exactly and that's when and that's when apollo like chimed in and was like i spent five hundred dollars five thousand dollars at the strip club it's my money it's like first of all it's not your money for many reasons it's like either it's pager's money from this show or it's some person who's money you've stolen. And second of all, like Kenya was right. Like, where is he getting,

where is he getting thousands of dollars from? It's definitely not from the donkey booty video. Definitely. Well, we just found out. Yep. Yep. He's basically,

he's basically living his life. It's like everybody glamorizes shit like that. You know, they're like, yeah, I'm so good, fellas. Does nobody remember the end to good fellas? It does not end well, okay? It does not end well.

I mean, Tony Soprano had a fucking heart attack. He was the only one who ended up happy. Yeah. Did you, so what do you think, by the way, about strip clubs? Do you think, because basically they're saying like, he's like, well, it's my money and I can spend it there if I want to. And do you –

I think going to a strip club with your friends – I mean I don't know any of my friends that would put up with it. As a gay guy, I mean I don't – it's very – I don't know how to answer that. I would say yes, it's OK. But spending $5,000 to $8,000 is not OK. I agree. And if you're fucking somebody at a strip club – like if you're getting a lot of dance i don't care but if you're like fucking or getting a blowjob or something obviously that's not okay i mean i think every relationship is different i would not i would not make a unilateral thing

and say like a married guy shouldn't go to strip club you know i think someone's like yeah fine go have some fun with it but i don't think that you should be dropping like thousands of dollars on it of your wife's money. And that's what kills me because you know that that's what Peter's doing. I mean, at least Apollo's robbing people. At least he's making something of his life. He's like Robin Hood.

He's stealing from the rich and giving it to the strippers. Yes. No, he's stealing from the poor and giving it to the poor, basically. He's like Robin Hood. He truly is like Robin Hood. Yes. We got a text saying my skype is fixed that's katie i think that's katie oh we should we have to ignore her for the moment

because we are podcasting um but but the thing is that um uh but what was he gonna say the best is how peter he acts like he wasn't he never gets lap dances, out of respect from Cynthia. And Candy's like, see, now, Peter. I can't do it today. Riley, Riley saw you at the strip club and was like, see, mama, like Peter was getting a lap dance. And see, that's not right, Riley. Well, what the hell was with that? Okay, how did that start? Because Peter brought Candy into it by saying well you

you're no stranger to it you've been with us so he like announces that candy has been to the clubs with them yeah and she was saying well now you're putting me in a situation of like saying that you do get lap dances like right after you said you didn't like why are you putting me in that situation yeah and how are you gonna and how are you gonna extol the virtues of a strip club and say that it's just like fun and harmless and it's like an office and then have us think that you never get a lap dance? I mean, it's just ridiculous.

Yeah, that's really stupid. I mean, of course, if you are a regular patron to a strip club, you're going to get a lap dance at some point, okay? If you are spending thousands of dollars, they're just going to give it to you no matter what. But what's with the women on this show with terrible men they're all with terrible men all of them i mean who's good on this show which

man is good because i could i could tell you bad i mean i could argue with anybody that you would say was good on the show they're all terrible and the women just stand there and they're like oh well there's only one good one ed hartwell he was the only good one now they're divorced remember him oh at least no heartwells oh i don't remember that was season one no season one and two you know who's a good man oh yeah why'd they get divorced sheree woodfield actually you know what croy croy was a good man too i feel like yeah of course a good man yeah he was one i'm like he left he lowered his standards but you know maybe he must have like a thing for women who eat chick-fil-a and smoke cigarettes and drink Chardonnay out of their car. His standards.

Yeah. So, okay, the strip club. So let's get to the fight now. Okay, so what happened in this fight? Okay, so Kenya is called out, of course, for what she said about that new manly-looking woman. Kenya had a funny line when, because what happens

is Natalie said that she gives, like, her man doesn't go to Christopher Williams, doesn't go to the strip club because she does all the lap dances herself. And I liked when Kenya was like, so do you tuck before the lap dance? And you know, the thing is that what's sad is that like if you're being called out for looking like a man in this group of drag queens that's like you must look a lot like a man all she needs

is some new eyelashes and then she'll fit in yeah and you know a penis reduction surgery so she gets called out and um so the husband is also fucked up like he's really fucked up like before any of this even started every time they cut to him he's doing that like uh crazy blink or it's like that super hard blame you're talking about chris the singer christopher williams he looks sort of like and by the way he looks kind of like an old version of shaggy you know like he sort of has this like he definitely has this like drunken shaggy look as in shaggy the singer not like a shaggy dog or anything you know yeah well he's he has like that angry flinch he's obviously coked out of his mind there's coked up out of his mind there's something wrong with him so he gets up and i think he's gonna do

a rendition of i was broke until i met cynthia which is my new favorite song yeah but instead he gets up and like starts staggering i mean what the hell was he starts talking about he starts defending this whole stupid issue about how like um what like were he and natalie common law married or whatever and so he asked kenya he's like what did you say and then she starts being like whoa i mean a hum and a hum and a hum and a he asked Kenya, he's like, what did you say? And then she starts being like, whoa, I mean, humina, humina, humina. And then like, Natalie's like, you're backpedaling, you're backpedaling. And Kenya was like, I'm not backpedaling, I'm frontpedaling. Became all about tricycles. It was very intense.

Training wheels were involved. So then he gets up, so then she gets up. So Kenya gets up. Okay, so what happens is, oh, you know what? And this, actually the whole reason why this was brought up is because Nini,

Nini asked the question. Nini said, Nini was like, basically like, hey Kenya, why don't you tell Natalie, why don't you tell Christopher what you told Natalie

about their common law marriage? Something like that. So Nini totally instigated it. Of course. So Kenya, so Natalie then starts going into it with Kenya. So Kenya stands up

and she gets mad and then Christopher's like, sit down, da-da-da-da-da. And then Nini's like, stay in your seat, stay in with Kenya. So Kenya stands up, and she gets mad. And then Christopher's like, sit down. And then Nini's like, stay in your seat, stay in your seat. And at one point, Kenya starts to sort of like head over towards Natalie. I didn't personally think it was that violent of a gesture or a movement. I think she was just heading that way, you know? It wasn't like her fists clenched or whatever. So at this point...

Well, Nini's got them sitting in those fucking foam beanbag chairs. I mean, it's basically like sitting, your butt's... I used to have one. Your butt's like touching the floor, your legs are up in the air like you're getting a pap smear. And then you're sitting up like you're watching TV in bed. It's like the most uncomfortable position to be fighting somebody. And especially if you need to be waving your finger in their face and getting all up in it like you know kenya's about to she's got to stand up so then

christopher grabs kenya by the arm and personally i didn't think it actually looked very violent what he didn't look like he was just no he was just saying look i mean they was trying you know yeah i don't know women women are very touchy about these things i won't even pretend to know what the line is between violent and not violent. But so Kenya was like, please don't touch me. And this is the point then that the sidekick, it was like, chop, chop, sidekick, get over here. This guy Brandon in his like red satin pajamas jumps up and is like, don't you ever lay a hand on her!

Don't you ever lay a hand on her! It was like craziness out of nowhere. He was like very hostile, very angry. And he like swatted Christopher's arm out of the way. And then from that point, it was... But then what was Apollo doing? I mean, I'm so glad that we're talking about it this slowly because it happened so quickly.

And I was like, what is happening? What happened? So then what happened was, then there was like shouting and anger. And then like people separated them. And then I think Apollo was telling the guy to calm down. Because Christopher at that point, then there was, like, shouting and anger, and then, like, people separated them. And then I think Apollo was telling the guy to calm down. He was telling, because Christopher, at that point, they had taken him out to the side, and Brandon was, like, huff, in a big huff, you know, he was trying to make his mark on

pop culture. And then Apollo, if I remember correctly, I think he was, like, yelling at him to shut up or settle down or whatever. And then I think maybe Brandon may have said something or whatever. That, like, switch went off in Apollo's brain, and he just started going at it. Shirts came off. It got very sexy very quickly. And there were fists flying.

It was – Yes. I will say one thing about Brandon as far as being a gay in Atlanta. He's the first one who's actually semi-manly for a gay. I mean the other ones dressed like women. For Atlanta, but also he's so worked out like he's got such a nice body and i don't think he's overly flaming do you i mean except when he's around um he's more like he would be overly flaming in like in other places like for atlanta he's pretty much like a butch football player you know like yeah i don't know

when he got in that fight and his shirt came ripped open i was like yes this is how this is the kind of jail room porn i like you've got you've got both boys fighting not to be on the bottom and they just end up sharing yeah did i definitely got the feeling like you know apollo was having like flashbacks of jail and i think even kenya made a joke about that you know like i forgot what her joke was but she made some joke about like how this apollo was like in his jail cell fighting for his virginity apollo's trying to get that soap back it was definitely like a prince of tides moment and uh okay so just to continue the theme of movies from 1990. Yeah, it doesn't end there. Next week, it goes even fucking crazier, and the women are in it now.

And Candy's screaming bloody murder at somebody. Oh, my God. All ghetto. I cannot wait. I'm telling you, I want to know where Mama Joyce is. Where is her stiletto when you need it? She needs to walk in there like a sheriff with a gun, but she just holds a shoe up. She's like, nah, you do it. I can't do it.

I just be like, everyone just sit down and shut up. You know what she is? It's like on Jerry Springer. She's like Phil. She comes in with a shoe. Who wants a beating? Who wants a beating? That's where Mama Joyce comes in.

No, it's going to be great. It's going to be good. And I love that Nini is yelling at the top of her lungs at kenya for starting it by standing up oh no it's not you for like putting wood in the middle of the floor pouring lighter fluid all over it and lighting it it's someone else's fault for getting up and trying to move away from the smoke shut the fuck up this is all your fault and you know it i think there were there were a few times a few people had fault i mean i think nini it's primarily a fault because she instigated it. I think Kenya, she should have stayed in her chair. I don't think it's the worst offense that she did, but she should

have stayed in her chair. But that guy was already up. No, no, but she was talking to Natalie at that point. She wasn't talking to Christopher then, really. And I think that really, though, the person who really escalated it to a crazy, violent place was Brandon. Because the guy was just

basically holding kenya back and she was like don't touch and he would have been like i'm just so whatever brandon he jumped up like this guy was holding about apollo he was punching and going crazy but at that point the fight was already going like at that point like you know apollo's prison boner had gone off he was having memories of riots in attica you know he that he's like he's basically like an animal okay apollo is an animal and certain animals have triggers and he was triggered and i'm not condoning what he was doing but uh you know at that point there's well i think apollo's just gone so fucking crazy that phaedra took turned in whatever evidence she had and got his ass taken away forever because you know what you do not fuck with Phaedra, okay?

I have to say something in all seriousness. I mean, we were joking around a lot, but when I was watching that, I was like, you know what? Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student

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to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about especially outside of february and we are about to flip the script on all of that because on this show you're gonna hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. I would not be comfortable at all with someone like that being in my household, like being the father of my children. Knowing that something could change like that, very scary. Well, when she had the reins when she had the reins you know she got him out

of jail he was all that she had or she was all that he had she had all the money she had all the power and the brains and he was like her lapdog and now that he's gotten a little famous and now that he's got you know money coming into some other separate account that she's like trying to keep her name off of so So she's not thrown in prison. He thinks he's got power and he starts talking to her and shit like that. I mean, if he's talking to her like that on national TV, what do you think it's like in private?

Oh, absolutely. And when he's telling her, I'm not going to dance. I'm off the food. I'm hungry. This is bullshit. Oh,

no, no. Bye. Bye. Enjoy. Enjoy it. And she's going to divorce your ass while you're in there, take all the money out of all those secret accounts, and you're going to be able to do nothing about it. She's going to be like Nev Campbell at the end of Wild Things.

Yeah. I hope you've been doing your thing. Spoiler alert. Spoiler. By the way, but I will say this. As savage as Apollo was being and, like like he really was out of control he should have been stopped i kind of was on his side like if there's anyone who deserved to be down as that brandon guy i'm sorry that guy was obnoxious i don't even see what i don't even see what brandon

did honestly like i'm not even being argumentative i just don't even i didn't even see what he did it all happened so fast no because it's more you know, he's been sort of prissy. Like, he's been prissy ever since he sort of showed up on the show. And the way he sprung up there and went after Christopher, like, it just was, it was overkill. And it really escalated it. And I don't know. I kind of feel like he's a guy who's, like, he's had a beatdown coming for him. And I'm not, like, endorsing it.

And, like, I don't think it was gay bashing, by the i'm endorsing gay bashing but like and i don't i don't i don't endorse like you know you know who escalated this whole thing and really deserves to get punished for it matthew shepherd matthew shepherd started this no but you know what i'm saying it's like there's there's like a part of me that's like you know that guy did deserve to get punched finally it's like when perez hilton got punched by that guy i was like i was there that night and that was an amazing thing oh that was a great that was a great moment to cry yeah that was at the fox reality award someone came up and fucking punched him in the face and i'm standing outside eating with johnny bananas from the real world eating an ice cream cone and perez comes running out like crying like he's

tears are about to start streaming down his face and we were dying it's like one of those things where it's like you don't you really don't endorse violence against someone but if it's gonna happen you know violence happens every day it's it's best if it's you know the quota is filled against horrible people instead of good people yeah yes i agree it is nice when it's filled yeah it's gotta happen so let it happen against the Perez of the world. So speaking of horrible people, why don't we head from Atlanta all the way to Los Angeles and start talking about some Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules. How do you feel about that? I do, too. I thought you were going to say, speaking of terrible people, let's get Katie Cazorla on the phone. Actually, we do have katie waiting for it so here to uh help us discuss beverly

hills and vanderpump rules is our dear friend and the star of the nail files on tv guide network i'm sorry tvgn um please welcome back to the show katie cazorla hi katie welcome back i'm so excited to be here, you guys. There's so much stuff to talk about. It's crazy. Oh, my goodness. Well, so why don't we start with Beverly Hills, which was a little bit of a dud this week, as it has been every single week. What did you guys think about this week's episode?

Okay. Well, I got to tell you something. about this week's episode okay well i i gotta tell you something i'm really sick and tired of seeing lemons in every shot at um at your lemon's house your lemon like i don't understand this whole lemon thing it's like she's saying how healthy and how blah blah blah it's like bitch you have lyme disease like you are not the best spokesperson for like what to drink to stay healthy okay lemon and lime. Oh, my God. Can we just discuss, too, before we go into it?

Because there really is nothing to go into. But when they were doing their art class up at her color-corrected ocean views. Yeah. Because Malibu doesn't look like that, FYI. It's not Tahiti. It's fucking Malibu. Yeah, especially where they live. They live on the street

it's like it's fucking pollution i know oh my god no one even swims in that part of malibu so clearly it was color corrected but the funny thing was is they do this art class did you did you see their art yeah it was like it was like therapy art it was like the sort of thing that they give like little kids they're like well he doesn't want to talk about the crime that he just saw, so draw something, paint something on this little kid. She's making a pentagram for Gigi's wall. I get that you're Wiccan, but you know that's also Satan, right? No, I love when Yolanda...

So for the backstory for people who didn't watch it was that Yolanda has a wall of little paintings that she's made for Gigi and the entire family in the kitchen. And so now that Gigi's going off to college she wanted like all her friends to get together and paint on these little like little tiny canvases and gg would be able to put them up on a wall and be your memories from home and i'm like great that's just what every college girl needs are like a bunch of paintings made by your mom's frenemies you know and the best part is is she gets pissed when lisa vanderpump cancels she was like i can't believe the nerve of her to cancel i i was like shouting at my television like a

crazy person at the magic johnson theater i'm literally like of course seriously like i was like of course she's busy she runs nightclubs and restaurants and you bitches have nothing else better to do than to do kindergarten she's like i put ginger on the lemonade today why is lisa not here to taste it i can't believe it all day and you saw who was there too it was people who don't have jobs and don't have shit to do we're at her house and by the way and also yolanda's such a like a such a painter humblebragger she was like oh i can't get to my heart right let everyone look at you the turns around this like immaculate like painting of a of a heart with dots like everything's like perfect she's like oh it is so off i'm so sorry

and i love that joyce just wrote you're a Like, that's what everybody's obsessed with in Joyce's world, like how famous they are. I secretly want Joyce to get her own spinoff because she really is one of the most clueless, out-of-touch people. But I enjoy watching her. I didn't get to talk to you guys about

when she was shooting the guns, but she was, like, waving her hair around on last week's episode. I love love that she wrote you're a star because she just couldn't fit congratulations you fucked a fat guy with money who can get you a job on a tv show that's not going to be picked up live the dream oh my god i just thought it was the funniest thing i've ever seen i'm like and the swirl who did the horrible that was carlton she's like she'll put a lot of painting on here, and it's a tornado. I'm like, oh, that's great. Like, a painting of a tornado for you at this girl's

dorm room. That's your 50-year-old vagina dying slowly. Alright? Let's, like, name the picture what it is. Also, oh, also, did you guys see that Carol Radziwill had a photo up there? Or a painting up there? No. No, she didn't. She did, and it said it's like

that's like a beach scene and it says carol rads will and the title of her book i was like paint her fucking book cover she's like yolanda's wall she's like it's the widow's guide to painting on a small canvas oh my god how funny was it when carlton okay so carlton said you can't you just can't like that when she was referring to starting to get all the girls to gossip about kyle oh yeah and saying that you can't ask that but i think he was secretly trying to use the see you next tuesday yeah but pulling it off with her like you can't kyle you you just can't and i'm like you know what she's doing well this is going a little bit uh backwards but that was ridiculous anyway okay this is carlton last night i well kyle gave me a necklace which made

us made me feel like we were on good terms but then i had a dream that kyle was mocking my religion and they're like uh nope she she hasn't talked about you at all actually never said anything what i dreamt it and who does that who mocks someone else's religion i mean really i know she's saying things all right listen i've been to those chamber of commerce meetings and i can just tell they've been tainted by her. And everyone's like, but no one's heard her say a single thing. And she gave you an expensive necklace. So shut your crazy mouth. And when they said, oh, you better be careful.

She'll put a spell on you. And Carlton gets mad, like, I'm a Wiccan. It's about nature, getting in touch with nature. I don't put spells on people. But you better watch out. I know. And by the way, I seem to remember earlier in the season that she was very emphatic when she said she would never, ever practice black magic again. Now that she has children.

Never. See, Carlton. Okay, so Carlton. This was an episode with a lot of Carlton. She's really stupid. So she has this party. And, you know, we have been hearing about it for this was an episode with a lot of Carlton. She's really stupid. So she has this party. And, you know, we have been hearing about it for, like, already an episode. But she's like, we don't throw just any party.

This is not a typical Beverly Hills party. Our parties are a little crazy. And the kids have to go to grandmama's house before us to have their party. So you know what the party was? It was about 40 people in her backyard. And there were three girls on stripper poles. And some of them were in, like, makeup. And it lasted, it looked like, for, like, an afternoon.

And people were wearing, like, American flag bikinis. It was so trashy. What was that? But it was also, like, it was, like, nothing. Like, Adrian Maloof threw way crazier parties, you know? Like, we've seen way, way, way crazier. Like, this is just classic Carlton, where she just tries to make herself sound like she's, like, this super sexual. She should have put that shit on Twitter or something because there was nobody at that party.

I mean, it was like the cast and their assistants. I know. Kyle Richards left early, and she does not walk away from Free Fat Burger easily. Oh, my God. Definitely. And you saw all the sponsored stuff. The pole dancers were sponsored. The burger, Fat Burger 10.

Well, that's always at Kyle's party, that Fatburger. Listen, I don't care if things are sponsored. I don't care because I would do it. If I don't have to spend money on Fatburger and they're going to give it to me for free, sure, why not? But the fact that Carlton was acting as if this was going to be like the Playboy Mansion, Midsummer Night, Dream Party, whatever. She just tries so hard to seem provocative and seem super sexual. And she's nothing.

She's just lame. She's just a lame lady. Does she sleep with the nanny? What? Does she sleep with her nanny? Well, they allude to that. I think they probably just know each other from their stripping days or something. Like she's hired her to keep her around but you know every time there's a woman around she's like oh i love kisses and did you see when she was like doing the like

eating pussy sign with her fingers like oh my god on carlton it's like jesus christ it's like mrs roper like she don't even says to the other women, like, have a little bit of class. Don't you ladies have any class? And then she does that. She pulls the V and licks in between her fingers. And it's like, God, you're disgusting. Yeah, and gives people gift bags from hustlers. They can wax each other. Like, shut up. And meanwhile, also, I have to say as a hostess, like, I was... When Joyce came in, Carlton was so cold to Joyce and her husband.

I'm like, listen, get the pole dancing sticks out of your ass. These are your guests. You invited them. Just pretend to be happy to see them. I'm sorry. I am not a Joyce fan. I think Joyce is. She is stupid and clueless. But these women are forcing me to be on her side every single week.

It's like, I'm sorry. Don't make root for Joyce, because that's what you're doing. Yeah, they're just, they're all terrible at this point. But that stuff at the end kind of made it worth it, because it's like the saddest cast members ever. It's Joyce, Carlton, Yolanda, and Brandy. They're all horrible. Like, none of them have a storyline. And Brandy's there why would she go to such a trashy party who yolanda oh i was talking about the thing at the end the the thing

at yolanda's house at tm just watching like the saddest housewives of all time sit around they have nothing to say they complain and they complain about lisa and then brandy has the most illogical thing she's like you know like i i have a broken hand and i came like i could have been in the emergency room by now but i'm not i chose to be here instead it's like don't do that like don't be like you're a martyr because you didn't go to the emergency room because you because lisa's been telling you to go to the emergency room for like five days now and now the day that like you decide that maybe you're gonna go you decide to go to yolanda's instead and now you're a hero because of that like don't do that not only that but again you broke your hand because you hit somebody too hard you stupid bitch like are we supposed to feel sorry for you you're horrible you're horrible oh and today here's something

someone posted on our facebook again somebody said that today on braddy's podcast she was saying that lisa a few years ago was living deep in the valley and that she was on the verge of bankruptcy. Well, she's pretty more so. Like, Brandy has room to talk in her rental fucking hideous Brandy Bunch house. No kidding. I mean, it just made me like Lisa more because at least her ass can work her way back, you know, without, like, being awful. She keeps blaming everything on everybody. It's so ridiculous.

I'm sorry, but... By the way, who is in the police zone right now? I'm hearing helicopters and sirens. Well, I've got sirens. I think Katie's got the copters. Oh, okay. I don't have choppers. I'm sitting next to our washing machine.

Katie, you sound very distant. Is something wrong with your microphone? Hold on here. I'll turn it up a little bit yeah turn it up um by the way so another thing that happened at carlton's party was that kyle richards saw carlton's hideous tattoos the first time and kyle of course being very stupid she was like is that the jewish star is that the jewish star oh my god here's the other yeah you're right why was she so she took it the wrong way stupid kyle by saying that's offensive to my religion she wasn't saying she was offended by her thinking it was a it was jewish star and she was offended by she was offended that she didn't know what the hell it was wait but not only that

shut up about your fake jewishness okay like Like, you converted to Judaism to bag your rich fucking husband, and you don't even know to call it the Star of David. Shut the fuck up, Kyle. But at the same time, also shut the fuck up Carlton, because she said, is that the Jewish star? And it wasn't, and Carlton acts like as if she had said something like massively offensive to to wicca wiccanism or whatever you know uh like like these these people are look they're looking for fights under every rock and ponytail yeah they really are are you bloody fucking serious or how about like when also later on at yolanda's house when they're about to go up to like the painting area and they grab the things and and yolanda asks yoice if she wants to have any wine

she's like well no i'm not gonna have any but we should leave some for brandy it may have been a little bit of a day but then i love cars like do me if i could please not label her like do not label her like just just don't just don't i'm like yoice was like no i'm just saying i don't want wine you don't want wine but let's bring some in case Randy wants wine. You know, it's just like. Because you know that drunk is going to want wine. And you know she will. She's got a broken hand.

She's got to drink away the pain. And who makes her guests climb a fucking mountain? Okay, first of all, you're making me paint pictures for your daughter, which is ridiculous. And where's my food? You're giving me fucking lemon water. Okay. And you're making me climb a mountain i'm never coming back to this house again i love how they all wear heels too like you're this you're

coming over to paint and the way joy stress you thought she was like campaigning like i was like what is she wearing why would she have to campaign she's already the most wonderful amazing fabulous fantastic miss universe of the Fantastic. No, it's Miss, didn't she, she started her own pageant. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What is it? It's like Queen of the Universe. Yeah, Queen of the Universe. It's a real modest title, you know.

Can I enter it? Like Queen of the Solar Panel System. Wait, can I enter? Am I too old? No, I, listen, there's no age limit on the queen of the universe she's the queen of the universe you can never be too thin too young or too rich i love that she she made them change it from to to what was it too young too thin or too rich to too young too thin or too happy that's like what buggy's stupid i think we did she really yeah the first episode was or too rich and she had a big fit in you know on twitter or whatever saying that

they were making her look stupid on purpose and she never would have said that and that never would have been her choice so so it wasn't that you can never be too thin or too young that was offensive it was that you could be too rich she's so stupid um so one thing we have not discussed yet is i'm gonna be at a convention to sign autographs that was the highlight of the episode i had to pour myself a drink during that that to me was like the fucking just i don't't even know the word. It's like the just the saddest convention. That lady played the delivery person who brought the candy to the candy store when Facts of Life came from an orphanage to a candy store. We used to hang out together after school.

When they put the camera on this woman amy dolan's and then they put the caption star of pumpkin head 2 i cracked up and then then i then i got very sad and i was like oh gosh of all the people in this room kim is actually the most successful right now you're right kim was the most successful and then what was the deal with jimmy mcnichol oh my god how awful is he is he related to christy mcnichol i think he i think they're brother and sister wait who's christy mcnichol um only one of the stars of empty nest and one of the best one of the one of the girls with the best coke in town in that time period it's everybody oh my god the fact that you guys

know this i'm surprised we didn't see in a background at the convention um didn't you though didn't you i had my own little silicone beast around my stomach that i was gonna bring for kim to sign a werebaby if you will um god the werebaby oh god you know what i sorry, but the fact that Kim was like, Hey, Oh my God. She's going to try to dip the where baby in ranch. She's like Kingsley. She didn't call it Kingsley. Anything that's like fur, she just calls Kingsley. I actually think something's wrong with Kim Richards. I'm not, I know. Katie's this'll be, as they say no but katie's this will be as they say on saturday night live this will be on the cover of duh magazine oh my god no wait i'm just

saying like not in like a not in like a drug addict kind of a way yeah no not in that way like something is like mentally like she has like a mental issue that like yeah because meth needs your fucking brain cells yeah have you ever known anybody who just recovered from meth? I've known alcoholics who are like, I'm dry now. Or maybe even people on heroin who can maintain a job. I've never met anybody who's been like, oh, I was a crystal meth addict and now I'm fine. Usually they're like, can I have a dollar? I once went on a date with a guy who made it through the date.

He announced that he used to be a meth user. I was like, oh, okay. But he seemed totally normal. He seemed totally normal and fine. He then went to Burning Man about a year later, and he came back, and he changed his name, and he went crazy, and he jumped off a bridge. He somehow survived

the fall, and now he's living homeless on the streets of LA. So, yeah, meth... Are you asking, kidding me? This is a true story. And his name was Jimmy McNichol. He now has a werebaby. But I love that Kim's like,

I used to come on to me. I used to just lay there and let him touch me. I was like, oh my god, Kim, stop. Jimmy McNichol, like a lion. Jimmy McNichol. Whenever someone lion. Jimmy McNichol. Whenever someone acts crazy, I'm just going to be like,

stop it, Jimmy McNichol. It was just like, he was so, it was just one of those, like a very, very sad moment. Like I didn't know,

but at the same time, I felt sort of happy for them because there were like two sad people who's like the prime of their fame in a way has already passed and that's like very sad but when they're together it feels very vital for them and like they have that

together and it's like at that moment it's like they are stars again and so you feel sort of happy for them but kind of sad i didn't feel happy for them i just felt sad for humanity i just it taught me that no matter how old and gross you feel you can always get older and grosser and you just appreciate what you have in the moment because they always get worse i really like when when kim was talking about all the fans that she has and she's like she's like i even have hello larry fans and i'm like what the hell is hello larry i just like i have fans of the sprinkler movie and i'm like what the hell is hello larry i just have fans of the sprinkler movie and i have fans from wishing out and i have fans from chips

there's another thing we need to discuss besides the disgusting werebaby can we please order one of those by the way um i if we get one i want ronnie to um carry it around in a baby carrier around west hollywood shut up you're saying that because i look like that creepy lesbian cynthia nixon's girlfriend no the one holding the little baby yeah i know cynthia nixon's girlfriend i'm like could be both i know i found i i did find it i it was so sad that entire sequence but yet i did find it oddly sweet like when those people gave kim the their great-grandmother's like tortoise pin i was like this is so sad but they're like so happy about it and they're gonna go home and

tell all their friends and this is like bringing a lot of happiness to their lives i was like they rode their bikes there from well i shouldn't say that because they were huge but they took a bus there from Nebraska to bring her that turtle pin and Kim's like I love turtles where's your grandma's glass pipe oh my meanwhile speaking of speaking of uh like world-renowned actresses uh Kyle Richards uh had a cameo on on uh dance of our lives and one thing that I loved was that like as she was getting ready for the lines about to leave to go to the set she was like with her daughters and everything and she starts telling it she's like

you know acting is just who I am it's just part of my identity I'm like okay settle down Meryl Streep alright you are not this is not part of your identity at all you are so such the also ran to your sister like you're not you were you were not her Kim did all of the work you were so such the also ran to your sister like you're not you were you were not her

kim did all of the work halloween okay and she's talking about she's talking about er okay she played nurse dory on er for one two three four five oh for 21 episodes oh does anybody remember does anybody remember kyle on er no because she just walked on and put fucking catheters and people and then left again wait a second did she have lines she must i'm sure she had she was probably like an under fiver on er because last the reason i looked it up was because she was like well you know george clooney i mean george would just have so many lines and you know what he did he wrote them on his hand like shut up with the george clooney stories all right oh my god are you wait how did i how did i miss that and i loved i loved also and i watched almost every episode of that

stupid show and i loved also how when she was on the the days of our lives and she goes and talks to uh what's her face who plays marlena how they like you met her at my party i met deidre hall yes don't you remember i even wrote it down because I have a picture of you guys from my grand opening party. Wait, are you sure it wasn't Maria? I'm a cute, fungus, X days of our lives fan, and if you have Deidre Hall

at your parties, bitch, you better start inviting me or I'm just going to start telling the world horrible things about you. I thought it was Maria Conchita Alonzo that I had the picture with. No, you have a picture with her,

and then you're in the background. Important distinction. There's Eric Estrada. Yeah. Deidre Hall is next to you. Oh, my God. Were they signing autographs for money? Can you please post this

on the Watcher Crappens wall, please? You know what? I got to find it, because I remember... You're like, Marilyn McCoo was there. Yeah. Billy Dee Williams,

the lady from Pumpkinhead 2. Oh, my... Aware, baby. By the way, the lady from Pumpkinhead 2. Oh, my. Aware, baby. By the way, I did this. Here's a classic Ben Mandelker name drop. I did once have dinner with Billy Dee Williams about two years ago, and it was a very strange experience. He's very quiet. Did you meet him on Grindr?

No, no, no. Could you imagine? May the Grindr be with you. may the grinder be with you so kyle is also on little house on the prairie hellinger's law concrete cowboys beulah beulah the watcher in the woods these are all one-offs by the way oh i loved by the way i love the still that they showed of like betty davis holding up a piece of wood and like kyle like next to her like a really creepy still it's just like the most random like this is exactly the sort of thing that would appear in a Christopher Guest movie

but I love when she was talking to the Marlena lady while she was talking to her she was also reminding her that they are sort of contemporaries she was like I just want to say I love you on this show and you're so great and we've met a few times actually and you're just really great

and the work that you do and we've met before we've met so great and we've met a few times actually and you're just you're really great and um the work that you do and we've we've met before we've met so um anyway so we've met it's like come on kyle oh my god when you're when you're struggling to look good for marlena it's time to just sit down kyle okay marlena don't care marlena's just like yeah i've been here for 12 000 episodes but no she's been there for 36 years. I know they've done 12,000 episodes. Didn't you hear that part when they had the number written on the script? It's like, oh my God. 12,800 or something. 200.

It was like unbelievable. And I've probably seen probably 8,000 of those. I had to stop when they sent Lucas to Iraq or something. And they were like, oh my God, Lucas doesn't know the secret. We have to find him in Iraq and save him. I was like, okay, I think I'm done. I think I'm absolutely done. I never really watched the show.

But, you know, when I was a kid, we didn't have cable or anything. And when I was a kid, you know, when you're a little gay boy, this is the Ben Confessional time. So when you're like a little gay boy, you know, and you you know you're you're you want to see guys their shirts off and basically i would like watch the soap operas not because i cared about anything that was going on but i was just like waiting for those moments when they would appear shirtless oh yeah it's so funny because you know back in like this is like 1991 or something like that in 1990 i remember seeing you know they were really hot and every now and then i catch like i see days of our lives i'm flipping through or whatever and it's sort of sad because they have the exact same actors on and they sort of are acting like they're the same like studs with the rippling bodies but they are old and look terrible

oh yeah both romans yeah both romans were on forever but the young people that they would get on days of our lives were always hot well lucas wasn't hot but his body was hot and austin was amazingly hot and also that's where lisa rena came from and she literally was incepted on days of our lives they created yes with those big ass lips she played austin's sister uh forgot her name but she was on there and then she was replaced by krista allen who fucked george clooney for a long time you see all these connections, you guys, that Kyle Richards is bringing us? Well, you know what? Speaking of incestuous workplaces, might

we just head on over down the street to Vanderpump Rules and the goings-on? Oh my god, Vanderpump Rules! I'm so excited for next week. You have no idea. That show wins. This wins.

Yeah. Wins. Wins. It's hard to top the brawl in Atlanta, and yet somehow those twits down at Sir did it. Okay. Not only did we get Kristen. Okay. I don't even know where to begin with all this.

Let's just begin at the top. Let's just go in sequence. Okay. The show opens up it's like stassi and katrina and horse phase number two and sheena maybe i don't know it's like they're just talking and it's like it feels like the show's been going on for half an hour already because we're just like jumping right in the middle of it and it's like oh guess what by the way jack's admitted that he did actually have sex with horse face number one it's like boom i was like what the hell i thought it was a lie i think it's made up i don't know i don't i don't know it was about so disappointed it was crazy i could not even believe that like

we just oh we're just starting with a bombshell this is where it begins this should be the cliffhanger and we're just starting here and where the fuck was the camera crew why weren't we shown this part i don't know that's probably why jack's admitted it because he was off camera he thought it probably wouldn't get back to him oh maybe that's why because i mean where was this the whole season i don't know well well what i so i actually texted lisa timmons our friend lisa timmons because she'd already seen and i was like two minutes in and this show is crazy already and she's like it's going to be like that for the rest of the episode and man man, was she right? Yeah, I agree. I mean, I was going to say, I loved, I loved how angry Stassi got.

And I loved when she said that she wanted to wrap a dildo and acid and give it to Kristen as a present. So it would eat out her insides. I was like, no, it was dip a dildo. I was like, how do you wrap a dildo in acid? I must've written that down wrong. Oh my God. Wait, do you guys want to, I just have to like, tell you this.

Um, speaking of dildos, um, this is just, just, just like tell you this. Speaking of dildos, this is just, just, just a little tidbit of info about me. When I first moved to LA, you know, I was trying like everything to make money and, and,

you know, pay for my apartment and car and all that. And I signed up to be like a distributor and do like those toy parties, you know, host toy parties yeah oh god i know and what happened is i had to pre-buy like all of this stuff and then you when you sell it you make the money it's like mary kay but dildos and so i was i was yeah um and so i had this Toyota Paseo that I drove.

It was like a hood of a car with four wheels. And the latch never really latched correctly. And I was driving on the 101, and it was bumper to bumper, and someone hit me. And then I hit somebody else, and I had this box of dildos in the back of my car on my way to North Hollywood to go to a party. And everything went flying out of the car onto the 101 so this entire big box of dildos was scattered all over like the 101 entrance where Kawanga is and I'm like freaking out because I had prepaid for all this stuff and I'm like I need to make my money back on these dildos so I'm like panicking trying to figure out oh my god how am I need to make my money back on these dildos. So I'm like panicking, trying to figure out, oh my God,

how am I going to collect these without getting hit by cars? They're going to think I'm crazy. And here I am like running over, like, please don't hit my dildo. And I like that you were actually going to sell the dildo that has like asphalt and skid marks on it. Yeah. Someone got some gravel. Some, some baby came out with a piece of gravel sticking out of his eye.

You'll get this. The only dildos that weren't ruined were the black dildos so i ended up selling like two black dildos and the pink ones had like some of the silicone chunks were taken out of them and i'm like these ones are half off these are the floor models well hey weren't you gonna tell us some stuff about vanderpump rules oh my god yes so on friday night i was invited to the okay grammy party okay magazine like it was just an okay party yeah and okay well it was it was like i walked in i'm like oh my god brothel threw up in learn nightclub so i I walk in and I see

Tom holding hands with Ariana. Good. Good for him. Oh my god, right? They're totally holding hands, like walking around together. They're all cuddly, whatever. Yet, he went to the party with Kristen Horseface. So, please explain that to me. Seriously?

Seriously? Seriously? Like, really right now? You don't even want to come near me? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Like, really right now? You don't even want to come near me right now? Seriously? Seriously? You're imagining the tauntaun. I'm going to file a police report. I'm going to file a police report on Ariana because she's

near the hors d'oeuvres and I want the hors d'oeuvres and like seriously? Seriously? She got too close to my feed bag and I was like, bitch, those oats are mine. That's my trough. Seriously? She got too close to my feed bag, and I was like, bitch, those oats are mine. That's my trough. Seriously? She got water on my sugar cubes. When Kristen said that she's in a stable relationship, she means literally she lives in a stable.

Yeah, she's like dating somebody in a stable. Oh, my God. So I saw them. Even better, Kyle Richards and Stupid Joyce were hanging out together. better kyle richards and stupid joyce were hanging out together um i saw um jacks with a girl named carmen dickman that's his new like girlfriend and i i didn't have time to google them because i have a fucking life so if anyone has any info on carmen dickman i think that's probably i think that's probably how he found her he was like jacks walked into a club and he like pointed to his car he's like car then he pointed himself man and he like, Jack's walked into a club and he like pointed to his car. He's like car.

Then he pointed himself, man. And he's like, he points himself, Dick man. And then he just found the first person to respond to all those words together. Like George glass.

This is my boyfriend. Um, uh, George, George glass. Yeah. My girlfriend, Carmen,

um, Carmen, Dick man, Dick man. Yeah. I love. Okay. So let's get to this fight that happened.

So Stassi, at the beginning... Go ahead. There's so much that happens. I think we have to go in order. Let's build up to the fight. We learn, first of all, that Kristen... According to Jack, they did have

sex. They had sex twice. The first time was, um, in the next room over from Tom when Tom was asleep and they were watching drive. And I love that. I love that that came up. They're watching drive. And by the way,

I, when I saw drive, I saw that on a date and it's not a romantic movie. Okay. I don't know why, but it's kind of boring. Like if you're going to get a random blow job that's the movie to get it in that's just happening no i'm totally i love how she's like and p.s it was

during the movie drive which by the way how was the movie kristin yeah and kristin should have turned on and go i don't know because my mouth was full of your boyfriends yeah she's like kristin's like uh seriously it was like really moody seriously i was born um so so you know what they do a lot of in that movie they drive it's so stupid like seriously they should just call it car like and there's a man they should call it car man dick man so they should just call it dick in my mouth so okay which actually brings a good point which is that all this bullshit that's happening has really made chris and want to get back in touch with her acting roots so um i got

her so she pulls up her resume her resume is hilarious it's obviously all a whole bunch of like like applebee's from michigan that's her resume and then she goes to the valley yeah and then she so then they she and tom go to an editor to edit together their reel and or her reel and what's hilarious someone actually wrote this on our on our wall and they said you know like ben like you actually like it's scary how on point your kristen impersonation is because that's the way she sounded and like i don't want to brag but really she really does sound like this she was like oh mom like hi mom like that was her real she's like oh i'm acting now like we're not oh my god i think i took oh yeah she it's she goes

it's like a full scholarship school mom she's in a bikini in her reel. She's like, the scene's over? Seriously? Take? Take what? Take what? That's a wrap? I don't see anything wrapped. Like, seriously? Seriously. Lights? Camera? Who puts a sex scene in their reel, PS?

I know. That was the best part. That was the best acting. In fact, that's how she should have defended herself. She was just being a method actor. Also, that was the best part. That was her best acting. In fact, that's how she should have defended herself. She was just being a method actor. Also, that was the worst. She looked like she was just wrapping around that guy. It was like her huge back.

It was so gross. Like, that is the most unattractive scene. If you're going to put a sex scene, at least put a good one. Don't be putting that. Did you guys see that sex scene of Shanna? No. Actually, it was being passed around. No, i didn't see it it was really funny there she did some skin and max movie is pretty funny yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah having sex with some guy

yeah it's good um so then um so then anyways then it's jack's birthday and he has a birthday like boys night out at the palm and what's crazy what's hilarious is that saucy does it there that's like a for like 100 year old fucking men who does a boys night at the palm and p.s his 34th birthday i love how tom was like um oh his 34th birthday for the fourth time i know so then but what i personally loved was that so saucy decides to crash which i think is hilarious because jacks has crashed her party twice but like they're in this this this this at this table and then like saucy just emerges from the darkness and it's like she is just so scary like she is she truly is someone who does emerge from shadows she's like maleficent or something it's just like that's why she her and jacks are perfect for each other because they're

both psychopaths sociopath they're both fucking terrible crazy they see the craziest most like if someone ever goes missing that was friends with stassi you know where to look because all you have to do is pull her tape up from bander pop Rules. Yeah, exactly. So then, so she basically calls out Jax for having sex with Kristen and everyone gets mad. I'm going to destroy her. I'm literally going to fucking destroy her. But also, you know, this all says something about the difference between men and women, too. I mean, she shows up at the party and she's like, I'm going to cunt and the guys are like jacks you slept with your best friend's girlfriend dude not cool okay let's get another round like the guys don't even care they're like that's not cool

man jacks is a jerk man this birthday sure is fun i hope we go to a strip club after. Hello. Oh, my God. Lobster. Let's get some lobsters, man. Not cool. All right, lobsters. Yeah. Yeah, nobody cares. And the girls are like, let's make this last for 10 more years.

I'm going to fucking, like, seriously, I'm going to destroy her. I'm going to set her up and destroy her. Anyone who says that, there you go. Well, and that's actually, so that's what happened. So Stassi hatches this plan where she's like, I'm going to invite Kristen to drinks and have Kristen apologize because she's trying to apologize and make her think everything's fine. And then I'm going to drop the bombshell that I know this. And Jax, you have to back me up. And Jax is like okay okay and

i love that jacks is like listen i'm 34 i'm not lying about anything anymore i'm like i'm 34 you have to like make that statement because we're like yeah because you're fucking 43 and p.s we just discussed when they cut to schnarf and she's trying to talk about how disgusting she thinks that jacks and kristen are sleeping together she's like oh my god that's absolutely disgusting this is coming from someone who was fucking a married man with children yeah so remember that she yeah well i love that i love that tom just can't believe it the reasons that tom can't believe it he's like but jack's like he smells like he smells and then his breath is literally like always i mean i just can't believe it i can't believe it

that's why you can't believe your girlfriend fucked him i know because he has bad breath i mean really because i i'd be more concerned of getting, you know what, here's the thing. Have you guys seen Team America? Yeah. Okay. Right. And so there's the character, the guy puppet that they pull to, like, do all the recon work. He's, like, some method actor that does, like, Broadway stuff.

And he's starring in, like, Wannabe Rent. And it's like, everybody has AIDS, AIDS, AIDS. That was, like, playing through my mind throughout all of vanderpump rules me too because tom looked like oh shit i'm gonna die yeah well that's why he asked that's why he asked when he when he found out about his like was it protected yeah because he knows everything about jacks he knows all the diseases he has and now he knows that he's got two poor guy so anyway so what happens is they all go to beso and there's like it's basically i love that they're always at beso does who's ava longoria fucking over there that they're always eating at beso i find that because the

restaurant's not doing that well it's like a tourist trap so what they do is they let all the shows film there yeah and then that way um you know people that come into town and they're like oh i want to go to villa blanca and dash and now they want to go to beso because everybody goes to beso yeah beso's disgusting it's hollywood boulevard like in coahuenga or something like a little bit east of coahuenga is nasty there's people peeing outside but but at least at least it gave us a gem which was adrina partridge's mom coming out of there drunk, which still remains one of my favorite viral videos of all time. Oh, my God. Yeah, you're right.

That was out of base. Oh, my God. So anyway, so they all get it's going to be group ambush time on Kristen, which is exactly what Lisa was like, by the way, like, darling, don't whatever you do. Don't don't hang up. Just do one on one. And that's like, sure, sure, sure. So she gets every single waiter, sir, practically, gets them in Beso.

And so they, what I love when they're waiting for Kristen is they cut to Sheena talking about her ring. She's like, well, it's a princess cut, or whatever. Just crack me up. It's like four and a half carats, but like... It was like the editor just threw that in there

just because they were like like they just want to make her look as vapid as possible it was hilarious not hard so um so then yeah so kristen comes over and um you know she apologized they're sort of apologizing whatever and then that's when that's when stassi drops the bomb that she knows you know that that she that kristen had sex with jacks and of course horseface is like seriously really like really really come on what i love what she said well that's when you fucked my ex-boyfriend she goes who's your ex-boyfriend oh i know which one no she goes yeah which which one who's your ex-boyfriend who are you what's your name are we friends she's like well which one did you fuck and it's like oh my god you used to date tom yeah yeah i fuck your ex-boyfriend all the time because your ex-boyfriend is tom my boyfriend

right that would require way too much logic for kristin to even everybody has aids and i love that like jacks was like you know he's he's telling us he's like regarding the lie he's like why would i make this up what do i possibly get out of this i'm like jacks why do you make up anything that you say you lie about every single thing that's why yeah because you're trying to please stassi. Just like you said last week, you'd do anything to please Stassi. Duh. God, it's so... Like, honestly, it's disgusting. Everybody has AIDS. So, do you believe it?

No. I do, actually. The text thing. I think the text, when Tom saw the text, that's when I believed it. But the thing is... I think that wasn't right. I think that was somebody, like, I'm telling you, something wasn't right with that. I don't right. I think that was somebody, like, I'm telling you, something wasn't right with that. I don't know. I wonder if Tom was smart enough to see if the text

actually came from Kristen's number or just from a contact that was called Kristen, you know? No, I think, no. Here's what I think happened. I think stupid Stassi sent it and then erased it from Kristen's phone to make this whole thing. I'm telling you, there's like some sort of

they, like like set her up there's no way she had sex with Jack there was that weird texting thing that they had a few episodes ago where Jack was like I don't know what you're talking about you know and he's not smart enough to suss out something like that yeah the whole thing is a little fishy but I love that so they get

in this big fight well Stassi's just yelling at her and she's denying it and then she slaps the shit out of her but she slaps her on the neck and i know because i made a gif of it but she slaps her on the neck and then the next day she's holding a bag over her face and she can't move her face i'm like bet you did not get hit in the face i know exactly well oh there was and then after she gets hit in the neck though there then stassi then throws a glass of water in kristen's face and by the way it was so so deeply satisfying to see all this happening. Oh, I was cheering like it was the fucking Super Bowl.

Yeah. But then there was actually like there was like some fighting. They all like were like scrambling and wrestling. So maybe that's where she hurt her horse face. But here's what I don't understand. At the OK Magazine party, Jax. This is like crazy. Because Jax was. I'm was sorry but that just sounds so

funny i know but i'm sorry at the okay magazine because it just didn't make sense to me i watched this after i went to the party i'm like wait this is totally fucking retarded because here's what happened you look and you see mikey or whatever his name is, Shay, with Sheena, with Tom, with Kristen, with Holding Hands, with Ariana and Jax. That group was together. But Stassi was not there with her little minions. And neither was Katie or other Tom. I think that if I remember correctly from what Sheena said, because i went to surf a few weeks ago and sheena said that i think they're all not talking to stassi right now i don't know wait a second

what what please tell um it was like sheena said wait for the season finale just you wait for the season finale and she said i'm good with all the girls i think except for stassi i think like no one's talking to stassi right now is what she said. I think. I could be messing it up. It was a few weeks ago, and I had a few drinks. But here's the thing. Then you're right because all the girls were hanging out except for Ugly Katie and some of the other ones. But no. Yeah, there's a picture with Kristen, with Sheena, and Ariana together that someone posted on our wall. So it's like something has happened.

But the allegiances on this show shift every hour hour you know it's ridiculous you can't so i love that so then in the in the wake of this big fight then tom and kristin are like back at the apartment and they're sort of like licking their wounds and then tom is making these jokes about like maybe we should just move to alaska or something and kristin literally says we can't be actors there oh no because they have all these roles that are coming to them over here she was gonna be in august osage county and now she can't because she has to move to alaska well the thing that's so sad is that this was i mean this was a really great episode but then next week it's like sheena's singing her song oh god they're all doing another photo shoot for sir where they're naked like how many of those do we need to see yeah hey by the

way um can we just talk about the tanning salon scene that should have been cut out of this episode yeah oh no because this is the month of everybody getting waxed and spray tanned on bravo like everybody's vagina is being featured for i reason. I know, but do you realize how many people are in the room? This is what I still do not understand. Like, Stassi's disgusting crotch has been filmed and seen by all the editors,

all the sound people, every single person. The network has to watch and approve this stuff. So, like, how many people between her Mexico trips, her beef getting waxed, now she's getting spray-tanned. Like, she really is the, she, to me, is the most disgusting one on all of it. Yes.

And she's also the biggest reason to watch. You know, it's so sad. Like, the most despicable fucking human being. And you're like, yay, I can't wait to see what she does next time. I know. Oh, my goodness. And she uses the word disgusting the most. fucking human being and you're like yeah i can't wait to see what she does next time i know oh my goodness and she uses the word disgusting the most you're so disgusting you're a terrible person disgusting one thing i do love about stassi is that like you never get like a break from her

being evil like like when they all went to malibu afterward they had like their little beach beach blanket bingo whatever moment in malibu and they're all frolicking around and jax is like yay i'm like people like me again and the middle of it saucy's like oh yeah i forgot like i hate jax and so she just basically starts attacking jax for for basically turning on it just like my brain explodes like the way that you know because they said they said you're giving it's it's oh so jacks just gets a pass but yeah kristin's the one i mean jacks had sex with you and she's like oh yeah that's right you know what you're disgusting exactly but she's right though i mean she was right and you know what i have to say jacks is pretty disgusting about it she really

he really was because he did have sex and he did show no remorse. He's like, whatever, I'm over it. I'm like, no, it's not up for you to be over it. Oh, I know. Like a sociopath, I'm telling you. Yeah, he really is. And they said, aren't you even sorry? And he's like, no, what do you want me to say?

I'm not sorry. It's your fucking best friend. That's terrible. It's like he doesn't even seem to understand. And Lisa was right. I'm going to shed any tears over this. And it's like, clearly't even seem to understand and and lisa was right any tears over this and it's like clearly you fucking sociopath robot i know at least lisa vanderpump was right when she she gave him a talking down to him and was basically like you're totally like you get off the hook for everything but what i understand is lisa you're the boss if

you don't want him to get off the hook fire his stupid ass there are a million better bartenders oh she's like stassi in a way and i actually like lisa so i don't mean that in an offensive way but Don't want him to get off the hook. Fire his stupid ass. There are a million better bartenders. No, she's like Stassi in a way. And I actually like Lisa, so I don't mean that in an offensive way. But she's one of those people that needs to have people that are dumber around her to talk down to. I mean, the best part of this season for me, aside from Stassi's complete evilness, is Lisa. Because she is fucking hilarious dressing everybody down and telling it you know just laying it right out on the table for them I love how she does that but she needs stupid people to do that because smart people won't take it and you can see that on Beverly Hills like she can't talk to

people that way on that show you know she oh no no they don't they don't like that because these people are like they have the IQ of a dirty condom in the corner of a dorm room. Yeah. I mean, there you go. Yeah, these kids are really fucking stupid, and they deserve everything. They deserve every little wart that pops up. Oh, my goodness. Everybody has AIDS, AIDS, AIDS.

Lades, lades, lades. Lades, lades, lades. I think that pretty much covers it. I mean, we can talk about Blood, Sweat, and Heals a little bit, but not much. I mean, it was actually a very serious episode, and it was, you know, the long and the short of it was that it was Micah's dad died or was dying, and she was dealing with issues, childhood issues, and it was surprisingly, I thought, thoughtful and sad and moving.

I think it's so funny. You give everybody the benefit of the doubt i thought it was sad the guy's dying like yeah he was an abusive asshole who's fucking treated her like shit her whole life and he's dying and she doesn't want to go say goodbye to him she wants him to apologize to her before he dies it's like she's only going to him for the most selfish fucking reasons ever, which I don't blame her. But don't go. He was abusive. It's like now you need him for a scene on your TV show before you get fucked.

I know. That's so selfish. No, I don't know. I didn't take it that way. I still thought that the issues that she was dealing with and grappling with and she was like really crying. I don't know. that she was dealing with and grappling with and she was like really crying i don't know i thought it was i i thought it was uh like i don't want to say it's thoughtful but it was like more substantive than like vanderpump rules you know well slightly i mean if it wasn't intercut with

her being wasted and like flashing her badge at someone's work party well that just goes for the territory um so really not much happened on blood sweat and heels but i am loving the show and then shaz the sunset um what happened worst people in the fucking world you know they're pretty bad on vanderpump rules but at least they're not trying to you know i gotta stop watching shots yeah i stopped too and then i got shit for it so i so i caught up on it and that show is just they are so awful to each other like they don't there's not one honest friendship on there red that has fucked over every person who's been on that show and then he's like what we do that to each other you just have to have a thick skin you have to have a thick skin home girl like oh

you have to have a thick skin to be hanging with us. It's like that's pure skin. That's like five layers of fat, you fuck. And meanwhile, even though Lily can be totally vapid and ridiculous, I'm totally on her side when she's like, these people, like, no one defended her, no one called her or anything like that, and she's like, I'd rather hang out

with the glam squad than with these people right now. And I'm like, you know what? I respect her, you know why? I respect her. You know why? Because by her not going to Turkey, because she decided not to go to Turkey, she's basically going to get fired off the show. She doesn't hang out with them. She doesn't do anything.

She's not even going on a group trip. She would rather be fired off this show than hang out with these people. And I have to admire someone like that. No, I think she's probably going to get a spinoff. What will it be? Like, it'll truly be a spinoff. It'll be like her dog spinning in circles.

Oh my god! Coconut! Coconut has healthy and crumbly treats. It's so cute! It's gonna be a show on coconut and foofy notter butter and we're gonna go to Iran because you can just go to Iran.

No fat people are allowed on my show And then I'm gonna put on wings And then I'm gonna talk to my brother Here's my brother Hi I'm Lily's brother Hi brother how are you How are your dried up ovaries You've completely disappointed the entire family

I hope you're happy When are you gonna get married I don't know when I'm gonna to get married. I'm just going to hug our poopy father, father, cat, or a not-touched chicken. Our whole family was born so you could procreate. You're completely disappointing the entire family. You're

only put on this earth to have babies for men. Let's put on bikinis. Did you not see the one with her brother, Katie? Yes, her brother has a worse voice than she does. He's like Mr. Bean with a bad voice. He's like the Droopy the dog version of Lily. I just want to know something.

How the hell do they have those voices? And how the hell is he married with a kid? I don't know. And is cocaine really. Okay. When did cocaine stop making people lose weight? Because this week on Bravo, we've seen Reza and MJ who are obviously coke heads and they're fat.

They're fatter than ever. And we've seen Nini the movies on coke. I mean, when did they take the ingredient out of cocaine that like speeds up your heart rate enough to make you lose some fucking weight That's so that's like so Persian because like white people they do cocaine and they like lose weight But Persian people just want to have like a dry cookie like that's so Persian Like give me give me a slider with cocaine on it. I'm gonna sniff Peter's beard

If you give me if you give me cocaine, I can just eat french fries faster I can eat so many bowls of meat if I have some cocaine because my hands move faster. That's a Persian. That's a Persian. No, Mike is the cokehead, you guys. Didn't you see him grinding his teeth? Yeah, Mike. They're all cokeheads on that show.

He's the cokehead. So, you know, and by the way, I hate when they keep saying, you know, our people, we've been persecuted. We've been this really drive around fucking beverly hills okay doesn't feel like you're persecuted yeah you're give me a break okay we all come from different countries and cultures that we could sit here and whine about on tv the fact is you are you're handed everything that you have by your fucking parents you know like also everyone's like oh awesome her art you know her parents paid for that fucking art so i hope you enjoy your five dollar dollar bottle of diamond water that her parents paid for with their fucking life savings like

people are not persecuted give me a fucking break and by the way if you want to work if you want and if you want to talk about nasty vile behavior like forget everything in vanderpump rules forget everything we saw and Atlanta, anything. You just have to look at Gigi and her sister fighting in front of that poor little girl. Oh, my God. How inappropriate was that? That was just really so despicable.

Both of them. Both of them. Shame on both of them. They just have terrible parents. That's what the issue is. They've got that, like, dad. His sister's like, oh, stop. You have to stop fighting now.

It's like, you have raised two awful women right now you awful awful women yeah if you stop fighting i will buy you a direct cleaning service it's like shut up like so so terrible they're terrible they stab each other in the back all the time their family yeah reza stabs mj in the back for some new girl that he doesn't even know because she's skinny and pretty then he decides that he wants mj back because there's no one to share like binge moments with him so he takes mj back and then he's mean to mike and then he ruins mike's reputation on national tv and then decides you know now he'll be friends with mikey it's like that's disgusting the only one who has any brains in this in this show it seems like these days is mike's child bride who is like yeah you know sometimes

when people get older you're supposed to be able to like hang out with different people and they're like shut up little girl oh when she told her i'm not a little girl that's not cool and and mj is like well you are 10 years younger than us and she's like actually i'm 20 years younger than you yeah i did like that i like she's like well yeah that was funny oh but you know i'm all for like being bitchy and having fun and like if you're gonna be mean be mean or whatever i get it but i'm not like that to my friends like i'm true to my friends i'm not gonna be out there being a fucking bitch to my own friends you know you gotta have a crew and it's not even racially but i mean if those are your friends are your friends watching these people stab each other in the back kills me.

Like if, if it's Stassi going after people, I get it because like she, she has a clear line of who's her enemy, you know? But these people, they're going against our best friends for no reason, just to be on TV. It's great. I know. Isn't that disgusting? Seriously. That's, that to me is like, you're, I had an employee actually do that, try to cause like all these problems and do all that stuff. And it's like, what are you doing? You're actually jeopardizing people's jobs like this is real, our real life.

And this is going to be seen for from so many people forever. The fact that you can act so vile and disgusting is like i it made me like not want to do anything ever again so i kind of get the whole lily like not wanting to be pregnant she works i mean she runs a company she works i get it none of those bitches do anything but live off their parents money yeah you know she you know lily is annoying but she actually seems like a fairly smart person and she and she also i feel like, she has her lines that she draws in the sand. And she has her values. And she's like, okay, basically, you're going to act like that.

And you're not even going to stand up for me or say you're my friend. Or you're not going to call me afterwards or whatever. Like, fuck you. Like, I saw how you acted on TV. I saw how you acted in the reunion. I'm over this. Goodbye. And then for Reza to be like, I loved when they had their conversation.

And Reza was like well i like like i am i invested i invested a lot of time to like bring you into the group and get to know you and she's like sorry you know like yeah she was not taking it like she was supposed to go fall on her sword in front of reza for what like you fucking asshole you never did anything but act like a total jerk to her the whole time and then when she said when she got told off at that dinner he just sat there and let MJ do it and didn't say anything it's like these people are your friends

yeah these people like you and then he's like and then she didn't call me and she didn't I mean I don't understand really yeah I mean and then on top of that he screwed her over another time because you know I'm sorry she was saying like if i go to turkey it's basically because of asa because asa has been a friend to me and i'll do it for asa but then there's part of me that's like do i want to be with people who are like this and so then reza goes and tells us oh well

just so you know lily's not going to turkey and it's like that's such an undermining thing to do and then it makes lily look bad so of course, like that is actually going to make Lily not want to go. Like why, again, why would she go with these people? And I loved how unapologetic she was as Matt Woodfield would say, team Lily. Yeah.

She should, she has nothing to apologize for it. Now she's going to lose her damn job because that's what happens on those shows. You know, as soon as you play nice, look at what happened with Adrianrian maloof like she was like you know what i'm done with this i have a real life and real businesses and children and

i don't want to do this anymore oh no no no adrian maloof tried to start so much shit because she wasn't the queen bee and then when she couldn't win she was like bye and then she's like i'm gonna open a restaurant started all this shit like trying to open a restaurant across the street from lisa's she's a vindictive cow oh she's the worst adrian maloof is the worst wait when did she try to open a restaurant right after so all that stuff that happened okay so apparently she really did try to call everybody and get them to take down lisa which of course you can't take down lisa because she didn't do anything wrong okay so then adrian comes back the next season and keeps trying to get her every second for saying the malufo which it's like bitch i get that you don't have much history in your rotting little brain but that's actually not an offensive

term like dancers in the 30s were called hoofers and they were gorgeous creatures you know it's it's old slang lisa's an old lady like give her a break yeah so adrian's trying to make this huge thing and turn everything against lisa and it didn't work and so when it didn't she started going on tmz saying villa blanca sucks and she's going to start a new restaurant across the street and she'll show lisa what real competition is like i mean she's on camera saying all this shit and i have not seen this restaurant i don't know where it is but i do know that she's on her like third 20 year old she's vile she's so gross wait wasn't she with rod stewart's son yeah and she dumped him now she's with someone even younger than him mark sanchez right what don't you oh my god i'm sorry

i know mark sanchez i refuse to believe that mark sanchez is with with with adrian maloof i mean say what you will about a quarterback him as a quarterback he is way too hot to be with Adrian Maloof. Way too hot. 24-year-old Jacob Bush. Wait. This is as of October 4th, 2013. Oh, Jacob Bush. Maybe she'll be with Jax.

So anyway, why don't we wrap this up? Yeah, because now I'm absolutely horrified talking about Adrian Maloof. This is going into a very scary area. So I just can't think about what's happening why don't we why we wrap this up um yeah because now i'm absolutely horrified talking about this is going this is going into like a very scary uh area so i i just can't think about what's happening with adrian's coochie so um anyway katie thank you so much for katie thank you it's so good to talk to you i've missed you oh my god i missed you guys too you know you are my favorite and

there's no one else that I can talk so much shit with about these shows except for you guys and of course the listeners whom I love so much. Back at you. Yeah, thank you so much for coming on. You can find Katie on Twitter at The Painted Nail,

I believe. And same on Facebook. You can join us at facebook.com forward slash. Do you have a painted nail page on there yeah I'm at the painted nail on Instagram and Twitter and I am official Katie Cazorla and uh painted nail LA on Facebook and then um our Facebook page is facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends really Really, you should follow it. We made several references to it already during this podcast. So if you like it, then you can get on top of those references even earlier and contribute your own.

I'm at bsideblog. Ronnie is at TrashTweetTV, both on Twitter. I'm also on Instagram at bsideblog, et cetera. And Ronnie, go check out his site. He does really funny recaps uh at trash talk tv.com he does like beverly hills come over really he does ronnie does beverly hills bunch of dildos flying out of the back of your coil but fun dipped in acid very very much like medea it's very like Medea. You give me like the poison to her rivals.

Um, so anyway, yes, yes, I did make a classic. Um, if you thought I was referring to Medea, Tyler Perry,

then shame on you. So thanks everyone for listening and we will talk to you all next week. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza Schleichinger, Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there

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