Watch What Crappens - #115: Seriously, Low Down Heifa? Seriously?

Episode Date: February 19, 2014

It's a big show this week. Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) have almost too much to skewer, what with the second reunion of Vanderpump Rules, the attempted takedown of Lisa V on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Mama Joyce's vicious plan on RHOA, the so Persian finale of Shahs of Sunset, and the is she/isn't she an alchie conundrum on Blood Sweat and Heels. Join us! Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-cra... On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/w... Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrap... Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. You know, just because Valentine's Day is over doesn't mean you can't still send someone special a little something. I mean, it could just be the mailman. It could be your friend. It could be just a hot pharmacist at the City Target up in San Francisco.

Who knows? But you know what you should give them? It could be a Starbucks person that you like that's always giving you free pumps. It could be a homeless guy at the corner. Yeah, that's what they need, strawberries. It could be Paula Abdul. And you know what you should send them? You should send them Sherry's Berries.

Yeah, treat Paula Abdul like the gift that she is and send her some Sherry's Berries. You guys, send giant dipped strawberries from Sherry's Berries for only $19.99. That's over 40% savings. Go to berries.com, click on the microphone, and type in WATCH. For our listeners, you can double the berries for just 10 more with our code. Just type in WATCH, okay? Yeah, I mean, the berries are, like, huge and covered in chocolate, and they're, like, melty and tasty. And you can have them, like, dipped in white chocolate or milk chocolate or dark chocolate.

You can get swizzle and all that fun stuff. You know, you should just send them to your friends. Even if you don't, you know what, even if you don't even like someone, send them to that person and kill them with kindness. Just like what's Kenya Moore. Yeah. You guys know that I'm always pretending to be on a diet. So when I got my Sherry's berries, I ate two and then promptly gave them away.

And my neighbor, Brian loved them so much that he washed my dog two days in a row i mean my dog didn't even need to be washed two days in a row and i got two washes so thanks sherry did you get your dog some sherry's berries too no chocolate will kill a dog oh never mind don't do that i wouldn't have to bathe them true okay you guys go to sherry's berries order now get Get double the berries For ten dollars more And do not forget To use our code

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The podcast of Bravo. Nothing runs with Bravo. But that's okay. We only care about Bravo. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? What happens?

What happens? Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Before we get started, you guys can find us on Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens. That is where we talk with you guys and you guys can post articles and stuff and we're always posting a bunch of stuff. So the show goes on all week long on Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens. You can also tweet us. We're not great at tweeting back, but we love to read tweets at What Crappens. You can find Ben on every social media outlet ever put out on the internet at B-Side Blog.

That's Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. His blog is even B-SideBlog.com, Match.com, Grindr, all of them B-Side Blog. And I am different on everything. On Twitter, I'm at Ronnie Karam or TrashTweetTV.

And on Instagram, I'm at TrKaram or TrashTweetTV. And on Instagram, I'm at TrashTalkTV. And that's probably all you really need to know, guys. Also, I write Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps over at TrashTalkTV every Monday night, so come by, okay? Okay, so that's enough of that self-promotion crap. Oh yeah,

Sherry's Berries. Yay, Sherry's Berries. Okay, Ben, that was a lot of me talking really nasally and fast. What do you want to talk about? Well, I guess, you know, we have some gossip this week. I had two encounters with marginal Bravo personalities, I guess you could call them, this week. And I feel like sharing the story. I think being on Bravo is marginal enough. So they're marginal, marginal Bravo people.

They're in trouble. So who are they well the first one that wasn't really a story i was out at the club and uh i saw candy burris's uh choreographer you know that like cute little uh cute little gay guy yeah the guy who's gonna be 15 until he dies yeah exactly so i saw him at the club and he was with some guy who looked like like a like a gay version of rick ross which was kind of interesting um but he seemed he seemed very nice i went up to him up drunk in the i was like hey are you candy's choreographer and he was like yeah i'm like oh i'm like you're adorable and then i walked away oh i'm surprised you didn't try and get his number no oh no no he's not my

type but he's he uh he was actually a cute little guy. So for that gay Rick Ross, if you're banging him, go have a good time with that. So now here's this other story. The very next day, I was out at a restaurant. And I was at Blood So's in Los Angeles. If you haven't been to Blood So's, you should go because it's great barbecue food. And I ran into my friend Diana there. And Diana's sitting at a table with her friend. And I walk up and I see her friend.

And I'm like, Oh, my God, hi, you know, because Diana is from the world of food PR. And people who read my blog may know that I write about food a lot. And I get invited to these random like food blogger type of events. And you meet all these food bloggers, you can never remember who's who. So I saw this girl, I know, I had met her at some food blogging event. I'm like, Hey, what's going on? How are you? And I give her a big hug. And she stands up.

She's like, hey, what's going on? How have you been? We're chit-chatting. Of course, I'm drunk, I should also add. I've been at Bloodsets for two hours. And I'm like, I'm just saying like, how's your night going? We're sitting there all chit-chatting. And then my friend comes over.

I'm like, hey, we're going to the Abbey. You guys should come. And Dan is like, no, I can't come. I can't come. But this other girl is like, yeah, no. Oh, my god. I think I'll totally come to the Abbey. That would should come. And Diana's like, no, I can't come. I can't come. But this other girl's like, yeah, no. Oh, my God. I think I'll totally come to the Abbey. That would be so much fun.

Oh, my God. I'll just see you there. I'm like, yeah, awesome, awesome. I'm like, I love that girl. So then I never see her the rest of the night. And I text Diana the next morning. And I'm like, hey, remind me the name of that girl that you were eating with. And she's like, oh, it's Krista Simmons.

And so I look up Krista Simmons. I've never met this girl ever before in my life she was a judge on top chef masters and i merely recognized her from bravo and assumed she was a friend of mine oh that's funny that's so la too hi how are you they're like oh my god that probably was like a guy who worked on the crew i better be nice yeah well she because she apparently asked diana She was like, who is that guy again? So neither of us knew each other. And we thought we were like old friends. I want to hang out with her now. Yeah, that's all you really have to do.

A friend of mine went to eat at Sir. And when Lisa was coming in, she said, Hi, Lisa! And Lisa said, Oh, hi, darling. Where do we know each other from again? And she said, Oh, we don't know each other. I just, you know, I just like you. And she was like, Oh, you know you have to fake it yeah it's a good well you know yeah i mean it happens in la all the time um apparently phonies here's a story this is a top brand but

this is this is a story uh that's killed me for the past 11 years but apparently my friend was waiting for me at a at once. And this person, this guy came up to her and was like, Hey, what's going on? And she thought it was me. And she's like, Hi, they were like chit chatting. Because like, she hadn't seen me in a few years. So like she was I don't know why she couldn't remember what I looked like. The guy walked away. And then someone's like, Oh, my God, did you know who that was? And she's like, No. And they're like, it was so and so. She's like, Oh, I thought it was my friend, Ben did you know who that was and she's like no and they're like it was so and so she's like oh i thought it was my friend ben and then i walked in and she's like oh some celebrity came in here i thought was you and just i just chatted with with him i was

like who she's like i don't remember so for all these years i've always wondered who my celebrity doppelganger is who had a conversation friend what if it was like Alan Thicke? That would be aiming high. It was probably one of the sons from Step by Step. Okay, so let us talk some gossip. I think the biggest Bravo gossip of the week is that Bethany's talk show got canceled. So I guess we just have to sit back and wait for Jill Zarin to start popping up as a talking

head on every fucking show on TV to talk about her feelings about Bethany's show. It's a rough year for Bethany. Her show got canceled. And also her Skinny Girl Margarita, her Skinny Girl brand is apparently tanking. And I think that's probably in part because of the talk show. I think the talk show was supposed to help promote the brand, but I think there's nothing about that talk show that makes you want to swallow anything.

You know, I think you just... You want to spit everything out of your mouth and just go die. Yeah, that was a pretty bad show. She was very abrasive with her guests, I feel like. She was kind of rude, and not in a Wendy Williams kind of fun, like, hey girl, kind of way. Just kind of like a bitch. Like, why'd I drive to do your show, bitch?

You're mean. Yeah, she's like abrasive, and she's like tacky. And the one episode that I saw had something to do with, like, how to put on underwear in a certain way so that way your thong doesn't do whatever. So she put on this, like, thong on the air. And then she took it off off and she's like,

who wants this? Who wants this? And she gave it to a guy. I'm like, that's just disgusting. Get your dirty used thong and put it into a medical red bag that you throw out into the dumpster. Well, we should all have such a terrible life because she got paid like $40 million for Skinny Girl flat

plus she's been making profits off of it since then. Plus, she made all that money from her talk show even though it got canceled. But, I mean, she's fine. She can now disappear and be set for life. Except, I read in some article that Jason Hoppe will not settle because he wants more money.

They said that they've offered him millions of dollars and he won't accept. Like, he wants even more, which I think is hilarious. Yeah, well, I was about to say, she could be as rich as she wants, but her daughter is still going to be raised in a highly dysfunctional environment. So have fun with that, Bryn. Yeah, have fun. Good luck, Bryn. You're going to be just as neurotic as your mother.

Can't wait for your show on Bravo in 20-whatever. 40 years. Yeah, exactly. You have to be past your expiration date to be fresh on Bravo. Speaking of child support, Amy Mabry Cundiff just put on our Facebook

page, Brandy tweeted today that Eddie is now asking for child support. LOL. That's amazing. You know, I think, honestly, a better situation for these kids would be to be living with brin in bethany's apartment at this point um yeah this is all going downhill and then there's some more beverly hill stuff but i'll talk about that when we get to beverly hill are you talking about what cindy c posted on yes

pages now okay yeah you will you will talk about that because i haven't it, but I've started to skim it right now as we speak. Okay, well, I'll just talk about it now, since you brought it up. So Cindy C posted on our page, looks like Lisa Vanderpump has had enough and is putting Brandy on blast in her blog about Cedric. Good. Okay, so this is what Lisa said.

Basically, she didn't have Cedric deported, but she was his sponsor for his work visa, so when he went back home and didn't have a sponsor, he couldn't have Cedric deported, but she was his sponsor for his work visa. So when he went back home and didn't have a sponsor, he couldn't come back. And why the hell would she sponsor him? And by the way, side note, this just proves how dumb this guy is that he went after the sponsor of his visa. No kidding. And then he's dumb enough to leave. Like, customs, you know you know like the border is just

gonna let him in like he should just go back to that old phone booth he used to live in with his mom yeah go live with what not eponine uh fontaine from les miserables like his whore mother in paris give me a break um i dreamed a dream in time gone by ced Cedric, bring mommy a cigarette while she fucks this guy. So anyway, that was the first part of it, and then she ends with the most interesting thing that I discovered, which I never would have exposed, is the fact

that Brandy had never met Cedric. She wasn't a friend of his, and they hadn't modeled together. She had somehow concocted the story with somebody else. She came into my life on a lie. That should have spoken volumes. By the way, what's funny to me about this is that she concocted the story with someone else. Who could that other person be?

Oh, I know, producers. And it's the same reason why Sheena keeps popping up in Lisa's parties. It's because the producers put her there. And these people, when are they going to realize that this is obvious producer manipulation to get these exact responses out of them? No kidding. These people are so stupid. And it's so funny watching them try to skirt around it because they're not allowed to say,

well, the producers did it. You know? Yeah. Like Andy on the Vanderpump Rules reunion is like, well, Lisa, you know, you had Sheena there at that party and then Brandy was mean to her. And Lisa's just like, well, you know, you had Sheena there at that party, and then Brandy was mean to her. And Lisa's just like, well, you know, she can't be like, well, you did it. Like, what the fuck are you talking to me for? You're the one who made the call, jerk.

I wouldn't have put her on. I also have to say this, too. By the way, talking about Brandy and Sheena. Yeah, no, it's fucked up that Sheena was the homewrecker, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And no one wants to be around the homewrecker. But this is one of the problems with ladies' society, you know? Women go after each other. And you know what? Brandi's rage should be going squarely at Eddie Cibriot.

And it's not to say that she doesn't aim her rage his way, because she certainly does. But at a certain point, she has to sort of, you know, she has to get over this a little bit. It's been eight years. Well, it's the only thing she's got in her life she has no personality she's just got to use it to keep having something to talk about on the show it's like shut up already we know you got dumped but you married the hottest guy on the planet and stayed with him even though he cheated on you i'm sure hundreds of times because you liked spending his fucking money so shut up brandy just shut up um but this uh in the comment thread of this lisa thing um they're talking about it and someone said oh damn it um oh she cindy said now she's

blaming nini and says that nini told her to take down the fave to become the fave i mean these women are really disgusting this is what brand wait brand, Nene told Brandy to take down. Suppose, yeah, Cindy C. said she heard somewhere or she read somewhere that, do you love, do you love, this is how the housewives operate. Well, she heard from them who heard from them who heard from this person. It says now she's blaming Nene, says Nene told her to take down the fave to become the fave. Listen, that's exactly how you to take down the fave to become the fave. Listen, that's exactly how you do not become the fave. The way you become the fave is you get in with the fave. You don't try to take down

the fave, because the fave is a fave for a reason. Yeah. Did anyone not learn anything from Jill Zarin, who tried to take down Bethany? Did anyone not learn anything from... Well, Atlanta doesn't count, because they all try to take down each other at all times. They also all think that they're the fave.

Even Marlo. Yeah, I think the most egregious example is Jill, for sure. Jill is the big one. That's the biggest idiot. Oh, and she gave some interview, of course, talking about someone else's misery. Like Ramona's, you know, she was giving interviews because Ramona's leaving her husband for cheating or whatever so of course call jill i mean what the fuck people shut up jill zarin shut up so it just reminds wait i'm sorry i have to make a sidebar here okay discussion of ramona and everything it reminds me of a god awful press

release i received that i have to read to you guys just this just reminded me of it i'm gonna pull it up right now okay so there's this do you ever get do you ever get anything from this guy tom morrow ronnie used to until i fucking sent him an email told him to shut the fuck up and called him a stupid queen and he wrote back i'm married thank you very much yeah so he is he's this awful guy i'm not even gonna say what website he's with he's the worst if you guys feel like looking him up you can look them up but i'm not gonna mention his website and the reason why he used to send us uh ronnie and ronnie and i and also lisa timmons on socialite life like every single day an update about anything like if a housewife took a shit and he happened to be like in like in a five mile square radius he would be like hey this just in i

was in grammarcy park and ramona was five blocks away and she shit like and then he always has a picture of himself standing with them like it's like it's like that person who has to have a picture with themselves who does that like why do i like i want to see julia roberts not you with julia roberts exactly and so he so he always has gossip about basically low-level reality stars in the New York, New Jersey. He also uses those wet paint headlines where he's like, you'll never believe how Brandi Glanville almost killed herself. And then you click it and it's like, Brandi laughed so hard when someone farted that she almost died. It's like, shut up, Tom Morrow.

Why the fuck am I reading this email? He's truly, truly, truly awful. So all of a sudden, back from the dead comes Tom Morrow with a press release that he sends me. And he goes, hi, thought you could use this. He goes, now it starts. Me and Ramona Singer in the New York Fashion Week Mercedes-Benz VIP lounge last night. And by the way, at this point, he's already lost me because he opened his sentence by saying me and Ramona Singer. Okay, we're not in third grade here.

Okay, people. Ramona Singer and I. Anyway, so here it is. Me and Ramona Singer in the New York Fashion Week Mercedes-Benz VIP lounge last night before going to the Zang Toy runway show. I have never seen her look so good. She looks like she's 35. We didn't address the elephant in the room. Friends do that sometimes.

So already I'm like, shut the fuck up. Like, I'm so not impressed if you're friends with Ramona Singer. Like, that's the least impressive thing you could ever do. And the fact that he's like kissing her ass, talking about how good she looks. And the fact that he's not even friends with her. You know he's just following her ass around. Yeah, and I just love that he knows that friends do that sometimes. Like, shut the fuck up, Tom.

So then here comes, okay, so here comes the second paragraph. I also made two new friends. Gigi from Jerseylicious there, with her, quote, not my boyfriend, quote, Perry. They were both a lot of fun. She mentioned something about the Style Network being canceled and the show being up in the air at this point. Tom Morrow. I'm like, wait, where is the gossip in here? Like, you met two people from a canceled show that was on an – a canceled show on a canceled network, okay?

Yeah, I was going to say the big news is that there is a Style Network. Is that still a thing? I love that he's passing us along this information about, like, oh, the Style Network is canceled. Guess what? That happened nine months ago, okay? Anyone who has a working cable box knows this at this point. Yeah, Tom Murrow, you're like a 50-year-old fucking straight guy. Get a job.

Your wife must have a really good job. Like, if you're, listen, if you're going to, like, name drop, name drop about former judges of Top Chef Masters, okay? But don't stop at Drew Delicious. You know what I'm saying? What did you do when you saw Reza in an elevator? Now, that is important shit, all right? Yeah, I wonder, Ronnie, what would you do when you saw Reza in an elevator now that is important shit alright yeah I wonder Ronnie what would you do in that situation

what if I saw Reza I did I told you I know that's why I was sending you up I saw Reza in the Target elevator and he was stuck in there with me and I just said that's a Persian and he just looked like so afraid and then kind of ran out of the elevator that's so white of you

to do an impersonation of elevator. That's so white. That's so white of you to do an impersonation. That's so white. Yeah. He ran like hell. I don't think, I think that's probably the first time he's run in like 10 years. He ran like one of those snipers on the Turkey border where it was coming to get him. Yeah.

He ran, he ran like there was a slider across at the end of target. Like there was a slider stand. He heard that there was a slider, but when he got there, he discovered it was a slip and slide. And as we all know, that's so white,

it would be on a slip and slide. Okay, we're going. Okay, well, are we done with gossip or do you have more? This is obviously a very thin gossip day if we're quoting Tom Morrow, so I have no more. You know, yeah,

he made me so disgusted with Housewives gossip in general. Like, we're grown men. What are we talking about? Before I start trying to commit suicide over what we do every Tuesday, maybe it's time to just start doing it. Yeah. I'd like to say one more

thing about Tom. When we mention these celebrities that we encounter, we always mention them, I feel like, in a tongue-in-cheek way. It's funny. This guy really believes that this is like impressive. It's really impressive that he met someone from Jersey licious. No, man, poor thing. He would, he would die in Los Angeles.

She'd be like this just in my good friend, my good friend Jasmine guy was at Starbucks with me. I was going to say hello to her and say, how's it going? But I didn't. Friends do that sometimes. She'd be like, I was in Sur and I got waited on by Sheena. And she asked me if I wanted more water. And then she told the busboy to get some.

Friends do that. Yeah. Oh, God. I hope the listeners like this because I was really afraid that this podcast was not going to be good today because I'm, like, a little under the weather. But clearly it's going in a great place because we're just railing. We're just railing on Tom Morrow already. Tom Morrow is pond scum. And I totally agree.

Like, there's a difference between making fun of this shit and, like, taking it seriously, you know? So, anyway, we're better than you, Tom Morrow. So just stop. Just stop, okay? Take me off your MailChimp and just stop it. Yeah. Okay, so let's talk about shows. You want to start with Bev Hills,

since that probably was the most action-packed and recent. And probably everybody's talking most about that because we are, you know, again, we're seeing the unraveling of this friendship between Lisa and basically everyone. I mean, we saw in the previews that last, I mean, that next week everyone's going to dogpile Lisa

and she starts crying, which is crazy. Yeah, I mean, I'm still on Lisa's side through all this. These people, they need some drama in their lives, they keep talking about her manipulating and trying to get her way but if that's true, what's her

endgame, what is she trying to do what is the manipulation supposed to be is she just trying to get people to fight well, guess what, you are all fighting so I guess she succeeded and not with her, that's the thing they're all trying to fight with her but they don't have anything it's like

Kyle, when you get in a stupid dust up with Carlton over whatever star is on her leather hide neck Lisa has nothing to do with that that's just what happens because you're a petty woman fighting with another petty woman Lisa doesn't have to do anything

to make that happen. Well, that whole thing was so stupid. For those of you who didn't see it, there was some bullshit party for Gigi, who is going to college, if you haven't heard, because it's been on every episode for 15 fucking hours this year. Honestly, they act like they're

sending her to Asgard. She's going to a different realm she will never see again. She's going to live with Ewoks. Because she will always be the thinnest one in the room. She is going to live in a frozen palace up in the mountains. I'm sorry, I saw Frozen last night. So all my references, by the way. Oh my god, I love Frozen.

I was about to say, Ronnie, I bet you loved it. It's so show-tune-y. And the gate subtext is through the roof. Yeah, one of my friends is nominated for an Oscar for writing that. Thank you very much. We were apprentices together at the Jupiter Theater in Jupiter, Florida when I was 19 years old and she became a famous songwriter.

And she's going to take you to the Oscars, right? Because that's what friends do. No, are you kidding? That bitch won't even return my Facebooks. I shouldn't even be. She's probably like, you aren't my friend, fool. You aren't mean to me. So anyway. By the way, Tom Morrow, Tom Morrow, take note that when we name drop, we name drop with Oscar nominees. Yeah, that's right, motherfucker.

And if you need me to get F. Murray Abraham to get on here and tell your ass off, I'll do it. Yeah. And Oscar from the 80s still counts. It still counts. So for those of you who did not see what happened there was this big party for gg and of course it's at muhammad's house because god forbid yolanda rents a fucking hotel room you know a hotel whatever what do you call it the conference not a conference a ballroom well no gg wanted gg wanted something small intimate in arabic so apparently muhammad is the only one in the world who has that and muhammad by the way was going to for this big dinner, which I believe that he's actually a good cook.

I actually really believe that. But I loved his version of cooking or the extent of his cooking, I should say, not his version. He was stuffing some herbs into the chicken and then handing it off to basically the servants. It's like, okay, well, I'm done cooking. It's like I'm doing all this work and then you see all these chefs around him that he's handing it to. Like fresh off the boat that are still wearing their... I picked some mint and some rosemary from the garden. He's like a regular...

He's like the Arabic Aina garden. Strolling around the garden picking things. Yeah, I love that. He's in the garden. Shut up. Get inside. You're not in the garden. You don't do anything for that goddamn garden.

And by the way, look. Here's the thing with Muhammad. I was trying, I looked him up yesterday because I was trying to write a recap joke about something Yolanda said, which I'll get to later. But I was like, I'm sure that Muhammad's had 20 wives, you know. So I looked up his wiki so I could find out who his other wives were. And it actually made me like him. Like, he came from a poor family. He came over here. He didn't really have anything and what made him stand out was that he loved art and he's an artist and so when he started building homes he started painting art in the homes like on the walls oh that's

awesome you know so that kind of made me like i don't i don't hate muhammad he hasn't had a million wives so i actually came out of it kind of liking Muhammad, but that's just a precursor to me saying listen, people. I don't care how much money you have and how old you are and how many facelifts you need. Every time you get a facelift, you pull your hairline back two inches.

And that's why everybody on Bravo's hairline starts in the middle of their head. Congratulations on having a full head of hair, but it's in the back of your head. You're gonna look like a samurai guy in like one facelift stop stop with that like your forehead's smooth who cares who are you gonna fuck with your forehead dude stop so anyway i'm glad you brought i'm glad you brought attention to this my my i have to say i like muhammad um i think it, I like Muhammad. I hate his hair. I hate his hair, but I like everything else.

And I have to say, my big takeaway about Muhammad was that I always thought his house was the biggest in LA. And then I paused when they had a transition and they zoomed out from his house. And when they zoomed out, you saw the house that was next to his. And holy shit, that thing is huge. This is what I do when I watch the shows. I go house hunting. Well, that's what the shows are actually really fun for you know yeah unless they went except for when they go visit brandy's house i know her poor her poor little lease

her house looks like it could actually be on house hunters which which means it's like it's a one bedroom with maybe an open concept and some count need to be replaced yeah she's settling for a bathroom and it's not near the end of town I mean near the center of town but she's got to take it because it's in her budget and it's better to live within your budget she needs to stop spending so much money by the way I mean Botox is not cheap and she's obviously getting what it will with her shot she's had a stiff tongue again this is like five weeks in a row she's had a stiff tongue. Last week she said it was because she had a food allergy.

This week she said it was, what did she say this week? She had aspirin. Oh, she had an aspirin. No, bitch. It's Botox or cocaine. Yeah. Or both. Or both.

No one's believing you. Oh, you know what the problem is? She's snorting her Botox and she's injecting her cocaine. And she's all mixed up and her tongue can't deal. Yeah, well, she needs to stop spending money, because we know that housewives don't really make that much in the scheme of things. She's not going to do anything once housewives is over, and you don't make much money from having a book either. So I know that's a lot of money to you, but put that money into your Wells Fargo account, age gracefully, and send your kids to college and stop acting like such an asshole. Okay? Maybe too late for one of those

things, the aging gracefully. But she can at least age. Well, she's still only 40. I mean, she still has a chance. Yeah, but she's done a lot to her face. Yeah, but I mean, if she stopped now, it could at least kind of settle.

You know, like how you can age very gracefully. She looks lovely. She will age very gracefully if she just shuts up and acts graceful. Yeah, which she never will. Okay, so, we're having this party at Muhammad's house and Kyle,

for whatever reason... Passive-aggressive. This is what it was it was a passive aggressive reason that's the one thing that was not top top but go on so Kyle goes up to Brandy and she's like listen

I have this ring and it's a crown for the school that I gave Carlton and I forgot to give it to her but it goes with the ring and so I mean it goes with the necklace so she might as well have it so here go give it to her for me.

And Brandy, who's totally against Lisa meddling in everything, runs right over to Carlton and is like, here's this thing. Here's this ring. And of course, Lisa's like, that doesn't even match.

You know, it's not this level. Yeah. Lisa just looks at it and she's like, oh, she's like, I think what she was trying to say was like, oh, like, are you sure this goes with it?

It doesn't look like it matches, you know? And maybe she was trying to like, you know, fan the flames a little bit, but that's not like the, it's, I don't know. To me, it was pretty innocuous, you know? I thought, and this was, this pretty much launched World War III. Yeah. So then Carlton's like, I won't accept that. With her terrible fake accent. I can't, I can't, I can't accept it. I can't. I with her terrible fake accent I can't I can't accept it

I can't I can't accept it then Brandy remember Brandy hates meddling she said that about 20 times in this episode runs back to Kyle and you know she doesn't want to be manipulative so she's like Kyle Carlton doesn't want this ring

she won't accept it and Kyle's like what why she's like well because, because, you know, whatever. It's the turn of Adrian Maloof. Yeah. And Kyle's like, well, you know, screw her or whatever. And Brandi's like, can I just keep it? So Brandi keeps the ring. And then she drops the bomb

that Lisa said, oh, well, Lisa said it didn't even match, which is why Carlton was mad, because it doesn't even go with, you know, so she totally changes what happened to manipulate the situation, so Kyle will attack Lisa, because she doesn't have the balls to. And Lisa was encouraging

Carlton to keep the ring, because it might have been a peace offering from Kyle, even though we knew it was the exact opposite. It was a passive-aggressive like, hey, guess what, you fucker? I gave you a necklace, and you better remember that. that yeah again lisa is trying to help kyle and saying listen just go make up with her she's obviously trying to make a peace offering and carlton's like no i can't and so you know i can't i can't do it how many times have we seen lisa do that for kyle

she's always done it she's always tried to stick up for kyle and get people like actually she's always tried to stick up for everyone really especially brandy especially especially specifically brandy yeah well she gave brandy a whole career and a life brandy would never have stayed on that show had lisa not taken absolutely because no one else would even look at her or speak to her or film with her absolutely yeah brandy gave her i mean lisa gave that bitch life so look like i said last week i'm not a big fan of sticking up for anyone desperate enough to be on one of these stupid fucking shows but lisa really i mean come on brandy like the woman made you yeah period like behave so brandy is totally fucking up but of course kyle fell for it and started trying to start shit with lisa and lisa's just like basically not laughing in her face but just shrugging it off

because she's over it you know yeah well because it's also so stupid and like lisa said in the confessional she said you know it was such an innocuous remark i can't even believe it was even repeated yeah well my favorite thing that she said was, I guess God forgot to give me a dick because I just don't understand these women fighting over stupid shit. Well, I think that also there I think there's actually some cultural stuff that and Kyle was trying to sort of like get an apology from Lisa from the comment she made all the way at the beginning of the season about Mauricio, the rumors about Mauricio being with a younger woman. Admittedly, that was actually poor of Lisa. That was poor for him. I'm not going to defend that. And you know what?

I think that when Kyle was sort of asking for an opinion i think that i think lisa she could have just said you know what i'm sorry i didn't realize it's still bothering you i'm sorry but she didn't even say that that's what it was about she said kyle said kyle said well you know like when you know all these rumors about me and marizio because kyle had told lisa that she was mad that lisa wasn't standing up for her in public like she wasn't going on the red carpets and denying it. Right, right, right. That's what it was. So Lisa thought that that's what she was talking about,

so she said, well, I stood up for you publicly, and so did Ken. She didn't know she was talking about that thing. If she said, look, you made a comment about my husband fucking trannies in front of my daughter, which was really tacky, she would have said, you're right, I'm sorry. Yeah, and I think the thing is, though,

this may be me overgeneralizing, but I kind of feel like it's a British thing tacky she would have said you're right i'm sorry yeah i think the thing is though like you know this may be me over generalizing but i kind of feel like it's a british thing to be like this is ridiculous you know to be like like listen we've talked about it it's over no more discussion yeah we're not going to sit here and talk about our feelings yeah exactly and i don't think kyle understands that it doesn't necessarily mean that that Lisa is justified in the way she acted. Because it's also up to Lisa to understand Kyle's American culture. Which is undermining, backbiting. I mean, all Kyle has done all season is try and turn everybody there against Lisa.

And you know what's kind of funny, too, is that all last season and some of this season, Kyle just wanted to be friends with Lisa again. She just wanted to be friends with her. And the moment that they be friends with her wanted to be friends with her and the moment that they're friends again the first thing kyle does is start to undermine lisa yeah yeah kyle's a fucking asshole but it is you know i said this last week and i'll say it again it's really good to see kyle being a bitch because really that's what she's good for it is it is i'm like i'm really enjoying that that side of kyle so i can't wait to see her get her asshole ripped open at the reunion because she has no brain. But, you know, that's part of the fun of it.

And I'm glad she's at least not pretending anymore. She's being a full-fledged bitch now. And meanwhile, Yolanda is jumping on this whole anti-Lisa thing. And I think it's purely because Lisa did not show up to paint pictures in Malibu on an afternoon. Like, I think it's clearly that was the thing that annoyed Yolanda, and she's been very dismissive of Lisa ever since, and trying to brew things up with her, too. I'm like, this woman has to get a life.

You didn't paint pictures for my daughter. She's going away to college, in case you didn't hear. Because dorm rooms are so huge, she needs to fill up all the space with these pictures. here. She needs, because dorm rooms are so huge, she needs to fill up all the space with these pictures. She will need, she will have so much white

space and extra room. We need to fill it with pictures from my frenemies. Oh, she's so stupid, Yolanda. So Yolanda, oh god, I don't know, I don't even know what to say. So Yolanda is trying to start shit about Lisa but then doesn't want any fighting at the party

it's like well which do you what do you want i know you're the one who's starting it exactly what do you want lady and then she goes into this big echo chamber to talk shit about people it's like this room made out of tile and it echoes and the whole party can hear it and she's like and she also yeah let's talk about carlton and kyle well she also snaps at lisa about because lisa is telling carlton like telling carlton to go make up with kyle and and she snaps at lisa for doing that but meanwhile yolanda's been the one all season who's been the biggest advocate of like we need to nip it in the bud now is the time when we nip it in the bud you know like like that's like you know she's the time when we nip it in the bud. You know?

She's the biggest one who'd be the... In anyone else's party, she'd be the big proponent of doing that. Yeah, she's an asshole. So basically, this is the episode right before they all go after Lisa. So I'm really interested to see that, just to see how they phrase their issues, because last night the editors were basically like, here's what you need in case you don't understand to see that just to see how they phrase their issues because last night the editors were like basically like here's what you need in case you don't understand why everyone hates lisa

and they edited together all these horrible things that lisa's done which were all nothing like none of them were horrible at all like she asked kim when kim got out of rehab and came to the first dinner like how are you feeling are you okay like. How are you feeling? Are you okay? Like, are you, are you feeling strong? Do you feel like you can relapse? Yeah. Is that really mean? Yeah,

it's not. And, and, and Kim was like, wow, maybe like I, maybe it's like a sensitive time for me. I don't want to discuss it.

It's like, Kim, like, did you learn anything from rehab? Isn't the whole point of rehab is that you like, you apologize to everyone and you like are supposed to be understanding and you're supposed to be sort of open about these things and she was i think lisa was asking like a normal question that perhaps a friend would want to know the answers to that would maybe help inform them on how to act around you or what's appropriate for them to act

to do or say it's so stupid that kim would hold that against her. Kim really, you know, Kim has never been too bright, but she's really showing what a vindictive little bit she is. Like, lady, this woman has done nothing to you. Why do you need, what do you, what is your end goal? That's what I don't understand with all these women. Like, Kyle, what is your end goal? So you're going to get rid of Lisa, okay? So let's say that you get your wish and Lisa quits. What are you going to do? So you're going to get rid of Lisa, okay? So let's say that you get your wish and Lisa quits. What are you going to do? No one's going to want to just watch you fucking fake play basketball. Yeah.

You know, pretend your husband's not cheating on you and try not to gain 100 pounds. Like, that's not interesting, Kyle. Yeah. I wish that they had ways to tell on DVRs whose scenes are being fast-forwarded through. I know. Maybe in time they will be able to. I'll tell you whose scenes I would fast-forward through would be any time that Yolanda

and David Foster are being lovey-lovey. I mean, it's just so annoying the way they sort of act with Mohammed. It feels like this very self-aware, like, we're the cool, modern trio of people who just sort of understand relationships it's almost like wanting to be like they almost seem like they want to be in a woody allen movie

you know i think they're so fucking phony i don't buy one second of that especially when he's like well you know a woman is supposed to take care of the house and she does and she's like oh i'm just here to live for my man you know what no? No, that is not going to work. This is the modern era. I don't buy it for one second. That bitch is paying her rent. Or how about when David Foster gives a bro hug to whatever, Kunash or whatever, the house manager,

Muhammad's house manager, David Foster. Like, what's up, bro? Like, fist bump to Kunal or whatever. It just seems so fake to me. Well, that reminds me. Yolanda made a comment like well i can see why brandy's mad at lisa because lisa is friends with the girl who cheated with with eddie sibrion and i would not have that girl in my close circle that's just not cool and i'm like you're hot you're married to your best your husband's best friend bitch like get off your high horse yeah like where but since when do you have

such a fucking high moral bar and i'm sure and i'm sure there was and i'm sure there was someone before yolanda in muhammad's life well yeah joanna krupa for one and her oh yeah jj like come on give me a break they're all i love when they try and play morals it's like you've got how many children from how many different fathers like come on get over yourself you're white trash with money honey yeah um what else oh well what do you think about that because you might did you know yolanda's a fucking fuckwad but i do i do see what she means kind, about how that would be annoying to Brandy, but she does work there way before Brandy came in the picture. I mean, look, my feeling on it is the same.

If it were me, I would not have Sheena working the event, but if I were a producer on these shows... No, not the event these shows I mean in general she's saying Brandy's mad that Lisa's close with Sheena at all and that that's not cool but she knew Sheena first so it doesn't even matter

is it even legal to fire somebody for something they did a long time ago you can't do that thanks for working here for three years um you're fired though because i'm friends now with somebody whose husband you've got yeah my feeling is this when when brandy is like you know lisa i found out from a very good source that lisa knew that sheena was was eddie's mistress all along i'm like so what like how does that change anything like i i don't care.

Yeah. No one cares. Like, your husband was a whore. Okay, and Sheena's saying, okay, this was seven years ago. Well, how old is Sheena? I don't know. Does anybody know how old she is? Her makeup would indicate that she's perhaps 45, but her maturity would say perhaps 13. Well, a 45 telenovela star.

Yeah. Let me see. She was born in 1985. So she's 30. I mean, she's 28. So that would have made her. So basically your husband was fucking a 20 year old,

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I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Listen, Brandi's just looking for an excuse. She's looking for an excuse for, you know, and what I also like is that Brandi made some simpering remarks about, like, Kyle getting her daily phone call from Lisa or chatting on the phone, chit-chat, like, which would seem to indicate that she's upset that she doesn't get her daily phone call anymore.

But at the same time, then she doesn't talk to her at the party. I mean, what do you want? Do you want to, like, not talk to this person or do you want to talk to this person? What do you want, Brandy? She just wants to be able to talk to her so she can keep spreading shit about her. And according to Lisa, she's the one who is being ignored. So I don't know. Whatever.

Too much about this. I'm so sick of fucking hearing about this. And next week, you make an old lady cry. So congratulations! Congratulations. Like, just go piss on the entire cast of Cocoon. Like, you don't do that. Not nice.

Should we move on to Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 2? Now, this was just so much fun. I watched the first half last night, and then I fell asleep. And then I watched the second half today. I can't remember too much, but I just know that I certainly enjoyed it. I just watched it right before this so i think i'm still laughing so my my favorite part if i can remember correctly was the top of the episode and uh kristen has stormed off and now like all of a sudden stassi is stassi is under fire i think

or there's or she knows talking or people are talking about something completely different and then kristen stomps back in like a third grader and then she interrupts whatever they're talking about and she just seethes at Tom and Ariana seriously I need you to not be doing that right now I need you to not be doing that

if I'm going to stay out here you need to stop doing that aka them holding hands you're all over each other we're just holding hands you're all over each other stop you're all over each other like we're just holding hands have some respect have some respect seriously seriously seriously respect i deserve respect oh so stupid i love i love that she deserves respect yeah why what have you ever done that you would think that you would deserve respect from anybody?

Like, you don't even deserve to have the MS put before your name on a letter. Like, you're the worst. You're officially the worst. She is so dumb. And the lies that she tells herself are so hilarious. Like, when she actually managed to say while crying that she's so much happier now. Seriously. I'm like so much happier now.

Seriously. Seriously. She's so stupid. Okay. Andy. And I love that Andy gets all moral with them too. Like you, it's like,

he's basically Satan and he's like, well, don't you feel bad but he was saying well don't you you know how do you feel when you were swearing on your family's lives that you didn't sleep with jackson and it cuts to her being like i swear on my sister on my nieces on my brother-in-law on my mother on my father and they're like on all your family she's like yeah my grandma my grandpa uh my great aunts and then they come back? And she's like, yeah, my grandma, my grandpa, my great aunts. And then they come back there and she's like,

yeah, you know, it was so embarrassing because I was watching that episode with my family. Why would you watch that episode with your family?

I know. Why? Why would you watch anything with your, why would you even let your family know you were on this show? You should have just told them,

oh, the show got canceled. I'm not going to be on TV ever again. You're having viewing parties with your family when you've on this show you should have just told them oh the show got canceled i'm not gonna be on tv ever again you're having viewing parties with your family when you've been fucking some guy that everybody knows has like tons of stds you're fucking over your boyfriend who your family all knows and probably loves what are you watching that with your family for oh my god her mom's like seriously sorry her dad's like seriously kristin seriously her mom's like, seriously? Seriously? Her dad's like, seriously, Kristen?

Seriously? Her mom's like, seriously? Her dog's like, woof, seriously? Woof, woof, seriously? Seriously? Her doorbell's like, boom, boom. Seriously? There's someone at the door.

Seriously? Her doorbell is also Mickey Mouse voice. So, but like 80% of this was this Kristen thing, which I was like, poor Stassi or Stassi. Sorry, I got tweeted at that it's Stassi, or Stassi. Sorry, I got tweeted at that it's Stassi, not Stassi, but I refuse to give that bitch any sort of... What do you call that when there's

like a little character above a word that tells you to announce that part louder? What am I trying to say? Emphasis? Stress? Emphasis, but what do you call... Oh my god. Anyway, I refuse to get hurt.

I'm so stupid today. I'm sorry. I smoked pot yesterday. I'm not going to make it classy. Her name is Stassi to me and it will stay Stassi. Classy Stassi. If there's one thing that rhymes with classy, it's Stassi.

And assy. I will continue to call her Stassi because it sounds like the German secret police. And I, okay, so here's one impression I took away from this. I loved that the whole thing was about what a victim Tom is. Yeah. When it's basically been admitted that Tom's cheated on her like a zillion times. It wasn't just some prostitute in Vegas cheated on her like a zillion times. It wasn't just some prostitute in Vegas.

It was like a lot, apparently. Yeah, I love how that conveniently gets lost in the shuffle. That he like banged multiple waitresses in Vegas. And somehow he's like the innocent soul in all this. And he's just playing up that victim card. To be fair, he is very dumb. And he probably thought that somehow banging those waitresses would bring him and Kristen together. He's like, I did it for you. I did it for you, Kristen.

Come on. I banged them for you. Why don't you see that I banged them for you, Kristen? Another thing was, okay, we know, I think I brought this up last week but i don't know if i did or not but i still want an answer okay so horse face number two gets wasted and says oh well horse face number one slept with jacks yeah so then the next day when she's sober she's sobbing and apologizing and saying i don't't, you know, I'm really sorry that I caused trouble. I really am so sorry.

I know you hate me. I hate me. You can't hate me more than I hate myself. Why hasn't anybody confronted Horseface number two about not telling Stassi that Kristen had fucked Jax? Why is she getting off scot-free? I think, well, she already was confronted about it. And she said, you know, I just, I didn't put any weight into it. I never thought much of it.

But now she's like, but now I do. I don't know. I mean, of all the offenders. I missed that part. Yeah, that was a few episodes ago. Not on the reunion, but she was confronted about her tardiness. I personally loved when Tom started railing on Stassi. And basically saying, like,

attacking her for having a huge amount of schadenfreude through this entire thing. About how she would almost smile with the chance to ambush Tom and Kristen. And I love how Stassi all of a sudden plays innocent and starts to cry. Well, fake cry. I mean, Stassi can't even fucking cry i mean

she's terrible she's like no tears no snot nothing yeah well the best is that she totally did the kindergartner thing where she stood from her chair she was like and then just walked off yeah and then she goes after her cry so she had to walk off to pretend to cry stupid that was such like i love how she's shocked. She's shocked that anyone would ever say this to her. That, like, wow, Stassi, you seem to take a great amount of joy in watching other people suffer. When basically she says that in her confessionals. I mean...

She does. She relishes the fact that... She's a spoiled brat. She relishes the fact that she's the villain. And she relishes the fact that she got so much attention from it in season one and everybody hates her and she's made comments about that on the show that everybody hates her and so she was even worse in season two yeah and now she's gonna cry about it yeah but isn't that always how it works you know the bully is always the first one to cry when you hit him back yeah yeah and i know because I cried many times when people hit me back.

It really hurts. You're not expecting it. And then boom, you've got a bloody nose. Yeah. Why? That's exactly what happened to Stassi. She had a metaphorical bloody nose.

I also really liked when, during that time when Kristen had stomped off the set, when Sheena was like suddenly it became about sheena she's like yes she's like yeah it's like i like i'm such a good person i'm such a good person i try to be there for her and she just walks off and like how can i be even more of a good person than i am right now it's like shut up she knows stop congratulating yourself andy was like so you know kristen what do you think about, you know, Tom impregnating an alien or whatever? And Sheena's like, you know how hard it is for me being in between all this?

No one asked you. Okay, this is not your question, Sheena. I'm for Azusa. I just want to go back to Azusa and get more hummingbird tattoos of my mom. I like what she told Stassi. You saw me fall down. You saw me. You saw me fall.

You saw me bleed. And you couldn't even text me. What does Stassi say? She's like, what? Well, I mean, honestly, I don't even think she had an answer. It was really fun to watch Stassi through this whole thing, because poor thing's hair is so terrible now.

She looks 10 years older. Yeah, she's got, like, bad Madonna hair. And I liked how Sheena did dress down Stassi for that whole thing. She's like, I don't give a shit about what you think, because when you didn't come see me or even text me to see how my teeth were doing, it showed that you didn't give a shit about me, so I don't give a shit about what you think because when you didn't come see me or even text me to see how my teeth were doing it showed that you didn't give a shit about me so i don't give a shit about you i was like good good good sheena do that say that

stassi well yeah because stassi is like how could you do that to me we're supposed to be friends it's like okay everyone you're supposedly friends with you screwed over purposely yeah over and over again like she throws everybody she's just like well we're not friends anymore like last year when she just didn't want to be friends with horse faces anymore you know and then she was me to sheena the second she was friends with them again yeah she is terrible she is so terrible i know well she knew she knew how to write last week when she said that's dossie's type of girl that just can't have a lot of other girlfriends. Right? Didn't she say that? Or is that just what I dreamt?

Yeah, she did. But I did get kind of a different take on Stassi this time because now that we've seen what a loser Jax is, I mean, we kind of knew he was kind of a loser. But I used to think, oh, he's just hot. He's a nice, dumb guy. But he's such a douchebag, idiot, loser. He's awful. He's horrible. He's a sociopath, narcissist. He's terrible.

I mean, I think that's why we ultimately feel bad for Tom because of all these people, Tom really seems to show true remorse for things that he's done. Like when he has erred, it seems like he has tried to make things right and he has been humble about it whereas kristen when she when she went off the straight and narrow she was obnoxious and she projected onto tom and jack's showed no remorse and stassi's just stassi and he's when you see tom sitting there being like we were bros man like we were roommates man like we had so many fun times, man.

I think of all the time that we spent together. Like, when we all lived together. Does that, like, not mean anything to you? Like, do you feel... He feels nothing, man. Like, he feels nothing. So what about how it affects me? My tooth is gray.

Like, I'm sorry, Sheena, but, like, Jax is the one who you should be speaking he doesn't feel anything we were roommates but i feel things and i felt things the time that my teeth got pushed out seriously we all have teeth seriously i'm trying to be your friend i'm trying to be your friend seriously we're doing a bad job of it seriously seriously no but like when i loved when like everyone was basically piling on jacks like do you feel anything do you feel anything at all he's like i mean like on some level on some level no no i mean i'm trying i'm trying to go to therapy i know yeah i like that i'm trying what is that what do you. I'm trying to go to therapy. I know. Yeah, I like that. I'm trying to go to therapy. What do you mean you're trying to go to therapy?

Are you going to therapy? What does that mean? He probably thinks therapy is a new bar in Hollywood. It's an eye bar, right? I think there is actually a bar in LA called therapy. But he's trying to go to therapy. He can't even keep a story straight. Yeah, about why he was arrested.

Everything he said this night was a lie like he can't even remember what lies he told even though they've been on tv i mean that guy's obviously like a cokehead or something's going on with him but he also and he also thinks it's like somehow charming that he's been to jail so many times he's like oh yeah i've been there so many times it's not fun but you know i've been there it's like that's not like that's not an uh something you just sort of say with a wink and a nudge. Maybe 20 years down the line. Yeah, it's like when your friend who's 40 is like, oh, my God, last night I got so wasted.

And you're like, you're an alcoholic because we're 40. You know? Well, not we because you're not. I'm not either, thank God. Not yet. Not yet, damn it. I'm holding on. But Jack's also another thing about that.

Andy's like, well, yeah, so you were in an orange jumpsuit? And he's like, yeah. You do not wear an orange jumpsuit in county lockup. No, he said blue. He changed it. He's like, actually, it was blue. Oh, okay. I thought in county lockup, it's just like jail, not prison.

I don't think you have to wear like a full suit i haven't been yet but i'll sure be bragging about it on this show when i when i do um i have to say that i i one thing that i loved about this reunion and last week too were all the cutaway shots of jack's listening slash trying to process the words he was hearing like his mouth like half agape eyes blank head cocked like a dog wondering why like the door doesn't open all this time yeah that guy's a fucking moron so okay here's the thing what i was gonna say is i kind of feel for stassi in a way because her issues are so deep that she spent so much time knowing that he's that person. Like, how insecure do you have to be to spend your life with

somebody like that? I mean, that's bad. I mean, Bravo, generally, you have to have daddy issues to be on Bravo. Everybody who's on a Bravo show has daddy issues. Every single person. There's not one person that you can name on Bravo who doesn't have daddy issues. And if you can name them, it's probably someone we really like

and don't count, like Lisa. I doubt she has daddy issues i feel like she is married to a grandpa but still that's true i do feel like saucy i don't feel like she has daddy issues i feel like she has like human being issues like she just she just doesn't have any way to possibly relate properly to any human it's like daddy issues but it's that her daddy was a horrible human being, and so is she. Maybe this just all came from The Amazing Race. Maybe she was so traumatized from being eliminated in New Orleans,

on the New Orleans leg, in her hometown. That U-turn was unfair! It ruined my life! I'll still always remember her and her dad and the other two Schroders on the four-person bicycle going down. I think it was the Talladega Speedway or something like that.

And her complaining the entire time. If only I had realized this was the birth of an awful, awful reality star that would soon come back into my life seven years later. Yeah, it would be nice to everybody because you never know who's going to be an awful Bravo star in the future. Yeah. So what else from this show? I can't quite remember. Again, I liked how Lisa was bagging on Jax. And it is hilarious how she insists the reason why she keeps them all around

is because there's a family dynamic. It's like, no, it's because the producers are making you keep them on staff. Yeah. And she acts like she actually works there which you know she comes in every day and brings flowers and goes home yeah she's like well you know i have to schedule them at different times i'm like bitch you are not sitting down marrying catch-ups and writing a schedule get out of here you know you're not rolling silver shut up lisa yeah i love how lisa is on this show where she's just telling everybody off and calling calling them out on every single little thing like you have

no remorse you're a terrible person i'll see you tomorrow yeah see you tomorrow darling keep your shirt off yeah by the way one thing i would not want my employees to have to be like would be to have no remorse because that means they will fuck up and not care well you know what she's in west hollywood they're bartenders if they work out and shave their foreheads they can keep their jobs that's true there's not very many qualifications yeah um that's why they have like 20 waiters on the floor for five tables have you ever been there yeah so they've got like a staff of 20 people when there's like five tables because they're all so inept. Yeah.

They're like, okay, you five, you'll be taking table full. Well, I think I've mentioned on this podcast, because I went last month for Lisa Timmons' birthday. We did happy hour there. And excuse me, it was a sneeze. I'm like allergic to vanderpump rules gossip but um we were we were there uh and our friend marcos kept on having to get up from the table to go fetch our things our drinks because no one was bringing them over to us and so he was wearing black and he was walking around with like multiple drinks and someone someone on the staff thought he actually

worked at spur and like asked him to bus a table. Oh my god. It was like Job at the country club on Arrested Development. And then Kristen came out and fucked him. Sorry. I don't know why I did it. I don't know. Marcos needed to get laid. So, sorry.

I thought Marcos would be better at getting bread to the table if his dick wasn't full of stuff. So I emptied it for him. What? I did it for my job. Sorry. Slowed him down. Sorry. Seriously? Seriously. I owe you a condom, Tom.

Here are two of your condoms, Tom. I love how pop culture influences things. Like, Pretty Woman has really changed so much in our life. Like, you know, they're saying, well, we didn't kiss which that would have really made it worse like what are you fucking pretty woman give me a break i mean yeah what does that matter you don't kiss like that's from a movie that doesn't even matter shut up yeah and i like i like the way that kristen also piled on to that because jackson's one who's like, yeah, I didn't kiss because I didn't want it to be...

It's more personal to kiss. She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally agree. I'm being very serious about this. I'm being very seriously. I'm saying this seriously. Seriously? I'm being serious. So we're basically putting

Vanderpoop drools to bed. I'm so sad I wish Carlton could cast a spell much like the one she cast on Kyle's computer to resurrect this show immediately oh we didn't bring that up I know we forgot to that was my way of bringing it back

yeah so Carlton Kyle thinks Carlton's a witch because her screensaver was popping out all these words like race which is a spirit Kyle thinks Carlton's a witch because her screensaver was popping out all these words like, I have him here somewhere. Race. Bigot.

It's a spirit. Bigot. What was the other one? Travesty. Travesty. Which, I mean, anybody who's seen Kyle's back fat spilling over his dress size is too small. You know, just a pissed off PA who decided to do this. Well, at this point, the producers are now just like, fucking with these women. Like, oh, if you piss off Carlton, we're're gonna slip a roofie into your drink to make you sick or we're gonna

like change your screensaver and i like how like they know with kyle they have to do a change of screensaver to get her totally spooked like they're like with joyce okay she's probably seeing things in puerto rico we got to go heavy with joyce kyle we'd be like we're gonna change out the mouse pad kyle's like, it's so weird. I've always had this Spongebob mouse pad that I got free from an event and now the mouse pad that's there, it's from Starbucks. I don't get it.

Now I have a mouse pad with, you know, a slave driver on it. It's like, shut up, bigot. Stupid Kyle. Like a witch burning on it. I would like to see more accusations come from mundane objects in Kyle's life. She's like, my fax machine, which I haven't used in

eight years, came to life, and it faxed out the word, mean. That's Kyle's favorite word. I'm surprised she hasn't used it that much this season. That's mean. Now that's mean. That's mean. Do we's mean. That's mean. Do we think that perhaps maybe Kyle actually wrote those things on her screensaver? Yeah.

Or Portia did. Or Portia's probably going to fuck with her. Well, I have to say, that also implies that she knows how to change her screensaver. That's true. Never mind. It's probably Mauricio. He's like, maybe if she's busy, I can get out to Phil. She won't notice.

Hey, babe, I'm going to be on the computer for a second. Is that like gas lamping or whatever? What is it like? Gaslighting, yeah. Gaslighting when you make someone think they're crazy. Yeah. Oh, my God. If someone gaslights Kyle Richards, that would be amazing.

Well, they've done that to kim her whole life i honestly believe she's been gaslighting kim her whole life yeah she probably thought which mountain was a real place for the first 30 years of her life okay so let's move on to um speaking of gas lighting so which one? Atlanta oh Atlanta well we got another candy crying scene this week oh yeah see Bradley knows how

it's done if you're breaking up with me then you better tell Don Juan and he's gonna go in on you. I love that Don Juan is always ready to cut a bitch. Like, he could be at Disneyland, and he's ready to shank somebody. He always

looks so upset, and so ready to tell somebody off. It's like, dude, what are you mad about? We're at an audition. Like, there's, all you have to do is sit there. There's no reason to be this upset. He looks like, um, which one's the cat in Tom and Jerry's? Is that Tom or is that Jerry?

He looks like the cat. The cat is Tom, I believe. Tom. He looks like Tom when he's, like, when Tom's angry because he can't get Jerry. That's what he looks like. He sort of has that, like, he has, like, a cartoon kitty cat face that's, like, scowling. You know? He just always looks like

he should be a bobblehead with, like, a finger that's always waving like, oh, no, you did. But you know, let me tell you something. I'm almost 100 percent always on Don Juan's side. I'm always like, yeah, he's right. Me, too. Me, too. Because he's the only critical thinker in the whole group of these dumb. He's like, he's like, why are you putting on a musical when there's no script and you're doing it in 10 days and you're paying $40,000 for the theater?

He's like, we don't expect that. I was thinking about having a rally stage in the bedroom, but see, she's having her own performance there. So, see, we got to rent out a theater. So, we got to see Candy's audition process, which was hilarious because I don't know when they got a script. But somehow they had pages for Portia to read. And her lines were like, wow, y'all, I really love hot dogs. Really? That's your play?

That is in your play? I would see that because you know what? I love hot dogs, too. And I would totally identify. I love that Portia couldn't even remember it she's like hi everybody oh thank you so much for having me to your barbecue I love don't have to stay on the words they're like yeah state of the script she's like hot dog real hot dogs no what what I loved is that at one point she starts like she's saying something completely different she's like she's like oh you know you want me to stay

on script as if like she's going off script like a talented improviser. Not that she just completely messed up the lines. Yeah, they're like, okay, Will Ferrell. Okay, Kristen Wiig. You just do whatever you want. Let's see if it works. We'll just do multiple takes. Off script with Portia.

I will say that it was pretty interesting that Portia is somewhat talented. Yeah, you know, I have to say, I thought she actually read the lines when she got them right. She was actually okay. I mean, you're talking about hot dogs. But, you know. And she redeemed herself with a singing, so good for you, Portia. Yeah, she could actually sing. So there you go. There you have it. I was happy. I was happy to see some redemption in her life. If the rumors

are true and she's fired, Candy's not going to be very happy because she was trying to cast someone who could bring exposure. Well, I'm sure this production's gonna air before the end of the season. No way. You think so? Do they have that much time? It takes so much time to put together a production. No, but haven't you been

following that they keep saying, like, well, there's not a lot of time left, da-da-da. And you know what? I have to say, I'm liking the cast. You got Eddie LaVert, you have some lady, and who... Oh, there was someone else on the cast. I was like, oh, interesting. Jack A's not in it. I don't care. It wasn't Jack A.

There was someone. I feel like it was an 80s sitcom star. And by the way, to take it back to Frozen, I noticed in the ending credits that Edie McClurg was one of the voices of Frozen. I love Edie McClurg. Did you see that? Did you see she's in Frozen? No. Who was she in it?

I don't know. But I just want everyone to know that Mrs. Poole is still working, and she's working with Disney. You know what's kind of shocking? She's kind of full of herself, that Edie McClurg. I did an improv show after her, or before her, because I came back and she was in the green room,

and she was like, honey, do you know where the celebrity parking is? And I was like, really, bitch? No, Edie. You're in fucking Coahuenga Boulevard in Hollywood, okay? There is no celebrity parking. Dumb, dumb.

No offense, Ronnie, but right now you're very Brandy Glanville. How's the little girl from Small Wonder, you fucking loser? You can't take down the fave, okay, just to become the fave. Taking down. I want to be the next edie mcclurg i'm gonna take that bitch down i'm gonna call the girl from small wonder right now actually my favorite edie mcclurg actually she didn't seem mean she was just kind of full of herself which i guess isn't a shock um but uh my favorite thing that she was in was that movie elvira queen of the dark queen of the night i was that movie Elvira, Queen of the Dark, Queen of the Night.

I love that movie. Yeah. So good job, Edna McClurg. You keep on entertaining us, even with things from the past. Yeah. So anyway, I completely derailed the conversation there. The point is, this musical is happening soon. And there's one of the cast that I'm really excited about but I can't remember who it is so therefore

I made a totally unimportant observation. I am reading Facebook comments to see what people want to talk about. While you read that, I'm going to talk about how really this episode is about Nini being ridiculous. Nini's got to get over

herself a little bit. A little bit? Oh little bit oh my god okay this is this goes to show you you just are who you are you can try to be whoever you want to be you can tell you can read a self-help book and say i'm going to be this person listen you can get a better job you can get a nicer car you can get a better boyfriend but your ass is always going to be the same ass you was 10 years ago and nini is walking proof of that she just cannot help herself she is just the biggest fucking asshole on any of these shows she is so full of herself and no matter how hard she tries it just keeps

that moose just keeps like breaking out the gate and stomping everybody down. She cannot help herself. Absolutely, because what happened was that Kenya decided to throw a masquerade ball and the proceeds of it were going to go towards one of Nini's favorite charities. It was Kenya's way of... It was really the first time I've ever seen fundraising used in a passive-aggressive way. But at the same time, fundraising is fundraising.

And whether she does it to be obnoxious or whether she does it to be nice, it doesn't matter because the money's going to the right place um allegedly although someone just posted on our page it was erica pete's hi erica that saving our daughters did not receive any money money from kenya moore's charity event so oopsies oh my god really yeah well that's really not much of a shot. Okay, so here's the thing. So Kenya sends out an Evite to this masquerade ball. And by the way, what a way to really bring in the big bucks than by sending out an Evite to your donors. Right? Because if there's anything that old money does, it pays attention to Evite.

Well, you know what? I think that you can see who's opened it. I think that's how everybody should do everything now. Because I'm never going to send a paper invitation again. If I can see that your ass has opened it and not replied, I'm using Evite for everything. Oh, it's been like that for years. Like at least 10 years it's been like that.

Yeah, I didn't know. I didn't know. I love it. Yeah. Well, so that's what happened. Everyone opened up the Evite, including Nini, or perhaps Nini's assistant or manager. And then Nini acted like she didn't know about it.

So maybe she didn't know about it. Maybe her assistant did open it up, which case the assistant should be receiving the, all the wrath, not Kenya. So, but, but Nini was like,

because Nini's like, even beyond that, she's saying this bitch should have called me and apologize and groveled. And if she's going to have a ball for me, I at least need to know what to wear. It's like, yeah, you know, she wants to be thrown a proper ball. me, I at least need to know what to wear. It's like, you know, she wants to be thrown a proper ball.

You know, that's her thinking. She's like the Edie McClurg of Atlanta. She's like, where's the celebrity parking? Where's the celebrity ball parking at? Edie McClurg's like, I didn't get the Evite. Hey, neighbor! I didn't get the Evite. But you know, I mean, to be fair, Kenya's not innocent, okay?

Don't get it twisted. Kenya should have reached out to Nini a little bit more aggressively. And furthermore, when the event finally did come, and Nini showed up with a sarapus on her face, or with a sarapus, I suppose you could say, Kenya totally put her on the spot i was like and now i want to have nini come up here and say a few words that is shady like you don't make someone speak at an event without warning them ahead of time but i was laughing my ass off i was like okay you know this is why kenya is one of the highest paid housewives and only her second season she's almost getting a million dollars a season which is unheard of for your second season as of being a housewife it is because she knows how to play

i mean she is bringing nini down like nini had that facade this whole season and she pretty much kept it up until recently even though she cracked a couple times when she yelled at people but she was kind of in the right but kenya knew how to break her down and she broke her down that was amazing like she made her lose it in front of a whole group of people on national tv in front of a charity in front of in front of one of her charities which she then was like with one of many charities that i support here's what kenya did that was so impressive she made me take peter's side in an argument okay Okay? Because Peter basically went in on Nini and was like, you act like a fool.

And I was like, shit. We gotta go, babe. I wanna go. Here's what doesn't make any sense to me. Peter wants to leave. Wouldn't the logical thing be to show some sort of solidarity for this charity? Not to leave

in the middle? I can't stand Peter. I hate him. Well, I think he was saying he has to leave because he doesn't want to tell Nini off because he knows that if he starts something with Nini in a fundraiser, that she's going to start screaming and yelling, which is what she would do.

Yeah. And go crazy on him and it would ruin the night. He's saying, just get me the fuck out of here. And also, I'm sure it was boring as hell. It looked like there were 10 people at that whole thing. I know. And no food. I didn't see any food. And I think that there was probably like Charles Barkley

wine. God, that is cheap. That is a cheap party. Charles Shaw, two-buck Chuck wine. I wonder if what's her face? I wonder if Carrie from Marriage Medicine organized the party and got the wrong sort of cake, a sheet cake for the entire party. I don't appreciate how everybody stood around the pool during the party.

Like common whores. I've had a 30 year struggle with getting sheet cakes at parties. And Duncan does not appreciate a sheet cake at a party. So I gave my sheet cake to Kenya Moore for her party. Well, you've heard the terrible news, right? That she got fired from Married to Medicine. Is that official? That seems crazy.

Well, that's what Mariah said because it's Mariah's show. She's a producer on the show. So stupid, though. So she fired Carrie. So stupid to fire her. So stupid. That is sad. But this Kenya Moore thing.

Okay, so Nene loses it and acts like a total idiot when she's giving her speech. She gets up there, and she's like, what did she even say? It was like two sentences. She says, she goes, like, saving our daughters

is one of many charities that I support she goes like thank you very much save our daughters is one of many charities that I support and then she just walks away and then basically drops the mic and walks away she goes oh no first she goes it's surprising how many friends I have

that I don't even know about and saving our daughters is one of many charities. What does that mean? How many friends I don't know about? Because Kenya is saying she's her friend, whatever. Whatever. It was so poor. It was like, fuck you, Nini.

Just when I was starting to like you again. Yeah, she's a horrible human being. But still funny. Just when I was starting to like you again. Yeah, she's a horrible human being. But still funny. And I'm really impressed. Because it looks like, especially Beverly Hills. That show, I mean, those people who cast that show really fucked up this year.

Joyce and Carlton are both awful. No one wants to know a damn thing about them. They're idiots. Neither one of them are truly as rich as they need to be to be on that show to you know to keep it as classy as it well i say classy with air quotes as it was um i mean they really fell down but atlanta does not fall down when they have to make new casting decisions i mean those people know what they're doing phaedra great she's turned out to be great.

And now she's going to be a criminal, which is even greater. And they finally found somebody who can bring down Nini, which is amazing. Because Nini is one of those people who wins every fight by being the loudest and talking over everybody. And that's how Kenya wins fights, too. So I cannot wait to watch this play out. I think casting, you deserve a pat on the back. Yeah, I'm excited.

This is the first time in a long time I've been excited to see how the season wraps up. And when are they going to go on vacation? And where are they going to go? It seems like that's like, is that even going to happen? I feel like we're so deep down into the season. Vacation's got to come up soon. Oh, because I'm thinking

they just went on vacation, but that was last season, which seems like it was just on, right? Yeah, they have not gone on vacation yet. I mean, Beverly Hills is going to vacation this coming week, and Beverly Hills and Atlanta, I think, premiered the same week. Yeah, they were like a week or two apart.

Yeah, and that's another thing about Beverly Hills. Kyle is cutting Carlton out of the group trip. Oh, yeah. That is so cool. You know what, though? Good for her. Good for Kyle.

Yeah, good for her. But it's not really. That's the bitchy Kyle that we like. I know that Kyle is like, Kyle's pretending it's her and Joyce's trip. But that is the cast trip that everybody is required to go on every year. So for her to cut Carlton out is basically just getting her fired. Yeah. But you know,

though, this is, that's the bitchy Kyle we like. That's the bitchy Kyle that we want. So, and it is also, by the way, speaking of manipulative,

could there be anything more manipulative than, uh, having everyone on the trip except for Carlton to get her kicked off the show? I mean, that's how, that's how Kyle works. She's like the biggest fucking puppet master. Of course she's terrible at it.

But it worked in this case because Carlton did get fired. So, of course, I think she got fired more because of her old-ass vagina talk than anything else. Yeah. And her stupid fake witch religion. Oh, but I love that Kyle was like, oh, you know, don't you think that's anti-Semitic? I mean, her religion's stupid. I don't believe in that. Yeah.

Really? Do you hear yourself? Okay. Seriously? Seriously. That still pissed me off that I keep going back to it. Should we? I mean, what else happened on Atlanta?

You got a voicemail. Check your voicemail. I got a voicemail? Yeah, check it. Oh, I'm sure I did. Let me go check it right now. Hold on one second. I'm pulling it up.

I'm pulling up my voicemail. This is it up. I'm pulling up my voicemail. Uh, this is me vamping as I pull up my voicemail. Bloop. Bloop. Here it comes. Here it comes. Ben, what you doing? What you think you doing calling Crystal?

I will tear your ass up. I will drag your ass down the street. That is wrong, man. You call Crystal you low-down heifer? Low-down heifer? Low-down.

Mama Joyce, will you marry me? That was the best fucking thing I'd ever seen. You low-down heifer. That almost tops that color purple line. You just a big ol' heifer. Ha ha ha! It's like

Squeak is all grown up and she's turned into Mama Joyce. For me, I was going to say Mama Joyce has turned into Angelica Houston from The Grinters. Like a low-rent Angelica Houston. She's not putting out hits on anyone. She's just trying to trap them.

She does look like she was beat with a bag of oranges. I'll give her that. Yeah. I mean, she is definitely up to some evil plans. She tried to trap Todd. She tried to get someone named Benny to trap Todd with another lady and take pictures of it. It's real. This is like Julie Cooper on the OC kind of shit that's going on right here.

This is really bad. I mean, she is really going off the deep end. She's trying to get one of the friends to get pictures of Todd misbehaving so she can get them broken up. That is so so wrong and gross, and poor Candy is still trying to stick up for her.

She's like, people will leave. She's like, see now, people will leave but Mama will always be there. I'm like, Candy, no. Mama is not there for you at all, in fact. And you're actually pushing away the people who would be there for you forever. Yeah, your mom isn't there for you.

The only time your mom is there for you is when you've changed the pin to her allowance account. There's only one person that's going to't there for you. The only time your mom is there for you is when you've changed the pin to her, you know, Alexa account. There's only one person that's going to be there for Candy. And you know who it is? Riley. See, now Riley's here for me on our stage in the bedroom. See, now.

You low down hippie. See, now, mama, when you leave a voicemail like that, I'm like, I thought we were over this, mama. I thought we was over this, mama. Yeah, I truly believe, you know, when you get married, your spouse wins. That's just how it is. Your family no longer gets to control you. You have a new person holding your nuts, and it's your spouse. Yeah.

And that's it. Your mom loses. And frankly, if that was my mom, she'd be in a home and I'd cut her ass off if she acted like that. In fact, that's already my plan of action. And my mom's going to have to do really nice things for me not to do that. How do you like that? My mom is going to have to pay for Mama Joyce's mistakes, is what I'm saying. Mama Joyce has ruined it for mothers everywhere.

My mother is not getting a cut of my unemployment checks until she does something nice for me never so we're done now we just had to put that voicemail in oh you know I have another voicemail oh okay beep please Gretchen shut up

shut up you're stupid that's so funny I don't know why Vicky left me a voicemail Gretchen, shut up. Shut up. You're stupid. That's so funny. I don't know why Vicky left me a voicemail. Shut up, Gretchen. You're stupid. Wait, I have a voicemail from Candy, believe it or not. Wait, let me listen to this voicemail from Candy.

I say something about you, and he's like, oh, she just, you know what I mean? Oh, wait, hold on. I have a voicemail coming in from Reva. Bloop. I was a prisoner, but now I'm free! How fun is that? Yo, Persian people love to leave a voicemail, but white people are like, text me!

My crew parties like no other crew ever crewed before listen your part your crew parties by getting fucking wasted in a hotel room like every other fucking crew in the whole entire world exactly you knocked down a door congratulations welcome to being 22 and in the cancun Your friend threw a plate on the ground. You guys are just too much, you crazy kids. We are, of course, talking about the Shaz of Sunset season finale, where everyone, except for Lily, of course, went to Palm Springs to celebrate something or another.

And Reza asked Adam to marry him. Or, this is actually how it went. Will you marry me? I was like, actually her one. Will you marry me? I was like, you. Adam, will you marry me? I mean, I know you're not into working out. But you can't even get on a knee. Like, you're going to sit at the fucking table and not even get on a knee?

Like, come on, man. Do this right, you lazy fuck. Get on your damn knee. If you can't do it, do it in the living room or somewhere where you can kneel on a couch i mean jesus christ make an effort adam's such a sucker i know he really is he really is so i love that i love that his okay this is this is reza's reasons for wanting to get married well you know i wasn't sure but you know he really puts up with me and he listens to me and when i have problems he takes care of me and he gives me food and there's always pudding and he's good with sliders and he doesn't mind the hair on my back

it's like is there anything about adam that you like like is there any reason that you're in love with him that doesn't have to do with shit that he does for you like he's basically marrying this guy because he's a sucker and will do anything reza says like that's so romantic well one thing that i really like about adam is that like he sort of tastes like a dry cookie and you know persians love a dry cookie so like that's a really cool thing about adam and then when i think about him it reminds me that i really have to have more compassion because I need to be free. I need to be free. I need to be free. Oh, so, you know, I watch this show on protest.

I fucking hate it. So I haven't watched most of this season. But I always watch it like a week later because I get desperate. Because The Good Wife is not on right now. Like, my shows are still in repeats. That's my excuse. But anyway, I did watch last week's Shazzo Sunset, the last week they had in Turkey, I guess it was. Oh, my God.

Reza was hilarious in that episode, trying to make all of Iran's problems his own. It's like, you know, there's people getting fucking murdered over there. And it's all about, like, well, you know, we were so close to the border. And I thought if they knew they would kill me, I could die at any minute. I mean, we were on the ground that they could walk on. They could see me from the tower. They could have shot me from the tower. It's like, dude, do you understand what is going on around you that has nothing to fucking

do with you you narcissistic asshole get out of here get out of this country and he's like i broke up with iran we were on a date we were dating and i was like should i get back together with her and then i was like no we broke up and i'm like Iran, I'm sure, is really fucking sad about that. Get out of here, Reza, you a-hole. I know. I think Iran actually made a better enough divorce. Iran got to keep the house. He got to keep the fish tank. Iran won.

Yeah, we'll give that one to Iran. Iran didn't gain 50 pounds after you broke up. I think that's an automatic lose. Yeah. after you broke up. I think that's an automatic lose. Yeah. Meanwhile,

poor Lily. I mean, there's no way she can last on this show. They gave her a token five minutes, not even, on the finale. And it was like this very sad scene of her ordering Chinese food. She's like, well, I'm home now. And I'm like, can I have Chinese food? And that's what we do, I'm home now. And like, you know, I'm like going to have Chinese food.

And that's what we do. I'm going to call food for nutter, butter, flutter, gutter for some moogle guy pan. That's hilarious. They show her walking into her apartment all alone. And her dog is running around in circles like her little retarded dog. I'm sorry. People don't like that word. Her little circle-tarded dog running around in circles, and she's like,

I thought it was some food not her butterslaughter daughters. It's like sad music playing while we watch Lily eat by herself. I know, and the truth is that she probably has it best. Yes, and then they cut back to those horrible heathens throwing up all over each other,

and MJ's saggy tits. Really? Who's the loser here why is this sad music playing it should be like it's like yes i would rather i would rather be eating chinese food from wherever she ordered it from than to be sitting around the table listening to mike condescend to me about who knows what yeah or reza making it all about him i heard chinese food once and it was mad at me because I was gay, so I broke up with it. No, I'm free!

Like, this, like, the Chinese food that Lily is eating is, like, it's, like, so amazing because, like, homeboy, like, homeboy can't eat Chinese food. Like, I can't do that. So for Lily to eat the Chinese food is almost like an insult to me. So that's how I feel about it.

I don't know. Yeah. She basically made her own bed when she decided that she wasn't going to get back together with the group. I mean, she made the decision. We saw her make it. But I don't know. She never, she was bad casting in the first place.

All these people actually knew each other. Yeah. And it's almost like after season one, were like okay listen ryan seacrest your show did okay but everyone on it's basically ugly so get someone with some big tits so people will watch this shit and he's like okay you know i know some persian with big tits and so they hired lily it's like how does this make any sense yeah and you know the thing is the reason the other reason that lily's probably doesn't care about any of this is because she's used the show for what she needs it which is to uh needs it for which is to rate her profile and to hang in celebrity circles because if you follow her

instagram or anything you see she hangs out with all sorts of like random d-level celebrities like the kind that are like above shazza sunset so she's got what she needs out of it she's she's fine i even just saw someone posted a picture of her from a magazine, like a glamour shot sort of thing. She's in magazines, even if they're small magazines. She's in them. She doesn't need these fools. Yeah, she's going to be paid to go to events. And that's basically why you do a Bravo show. Yeah. And I don't know. I actually like Lily a lot. So I'm sort of bummed to see her marginalized so much. But who knows? Maybe she'll get feisty on the reunion. Well, it's like they did it on purpose. They cast this kind of bimbo ish girl, so she could get eaten alive in this group, you know, and that's exactly what happened.

And she was, you know, you got to hand it to her that she's at least mature enough to be like, why would I hang out with people who hate me and who are mean to me? Like, that doesn't make any sense. And I have to say, i had this awful thought i think it would happen maybe during the vanderpump rules reunion where someone said something like nobody likes you i think she said it to ariana i think kristen said it to ariana like nobody likes you and then everyone was like no everyone likes ariana everyone liked that and i was like you know what even the vanderpump rules kids know how to defend a friend and yeah the shahs did not yeah and i love that res this whole thing was well you know after the reunion you never even called me you never even made an effort she's like uh

yeah because you guys said that you weren't my friends like yeah why would i call you like yeah why would she call yeah exactly that's so stupid he's so stupid yeah that was pretty stupid that guy's ridiculous and they they're going to be, I'm sure, picked up and be back again. They do really well. But, ugh, that show. I hope that they bring back Sasha, at least for the reunion.

This is America! This is a reunion! Sit down! Shut up! And get me out of bankruptcy! I can't believe he's going bankrupt. That's so crazy. crazy i know thomas kramer for everyone who's wondering what the hell we're doing so we need to decide what show we are going to watch because wait what about what about blood sweat and heels oh my god there's more jesus bravo we don't even need a new show but i was gonna say we have to watch that sloven charm show because i'm watching it please okay fine i'll watch it but i'm also watching Blood, Sweat, and Heals.

We won't get into it today. We can get into it. I watched it. Okay, so whose side are you on? Micah or Brie? They're both stupid. Who deserves an apology more? Micah always acted like an asshole. She needs to take

responsibility for being drunk. But Brie, even though she's correct, Brie's saying, well, if my parents died, it would be different because my parents and I have a relationship and she didn't even have a relationship with her father. That is not cool. Like, she's

right that Micah is totally using that as an excuse for her bad behavior. And she is also right that Micah jetted out of that relationship and only tried to mend it to be back on. And she is also right that Micah jutted out of that relationship and only tried to mend it to be back on TV, which is also true. But to say that out loud, like I'm a horrible human being and I can say it.

I'm not one of her friends. Like what a horrible thing to say. That was just not nice. And then she turned on her friend. And if your friend was an alcoholic, I'm sure she didn't just start drinking so you've accepted this for years but now you're with these heifers who think that they're so smart and you're totally falling for it and those girls are just horrible that yeah i can't decide

if i love brie or hate brie because on the one hand she is a this like prissy spoiled brat of a girl who like talks about how her family comes from old money and has ties to the community, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And it's like, I want to hate her for that, but then I also kind of want to love her for that.

You know, I think that, and I, I, I of course love Micah. I think that you're right. I think that Micah did. Oh,

Bree, an apology because she did come into that place, a drunk mess. She did. She was a drunk mess. She did. She was a drunk mess. And even if she did say, I wanted to come in there and have fun, you still came in wasted and made people wait for you.

And you should apologize for that. You should apologize for being cold and for being unsympathetic to the situation and for being like a prissy bitch about it. Yeah, but for my kid to use it like, oh, well you you were so mean to me my father died they didn't know that your father died and it's like you're bringing you know she's using that as an excuse she is obviously a drunk you know she should have been

told off the second she went to that girl's work party and was like flapping her jj and screaming and shit like that needed to be addressed then i don't know if it's like you're an alcoholic and we're not... Because first of all, if you do have a friend who's an alcoholic, the worst thing to do is be like, you're an alcoholic, and then treat them like crap and not talk to them. Who does that? It's like the...

It's an attempt at tough love, I think. Oh, well, they have no love. And that Demetria is so full of herself. I'm like, bitch, again, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You have a blog. Sit the fuck down, okay? You have not won the Pulitzer. Yeah.

Like, seriously, like, who do you think you are? And she's like, this is my mentor and I've got all these book, I've got three book deals. Really? You're writing three books at one time. You know what? I'm writing a screenplay and 10 books and i'm inventing a video game so that makes me better than everybody else no bitch you were not published you do not get to brag about being an author well actually she is published but like

you don't have some bestseller that you can act like fucking mary higgins clark okay just calm down over there sydney sheldon oh god you know. You know, by the way, I would like to say I would love to play any video game that you create, Ronnie. It'll basically be like Lisa manipulating people. She'll bring cookies to people's house and then we'll watch them shoot her in the head. Oh, God. It's going to be fun. Fun game. Fun times.

All right. Not much happened on that show except for that fight. And, you know, I don't know. Mike is a drunk and Bree's a bad friend. And those two heifers, Wesley Snipes and Demetria, really need to tone it down a little bit. Because they're a little too full of themselves. Yeah, and then Daisy. Poor Gayle King.

You want to talk about daddy issues. Oh, well, you know, I'm so glad I'm so close to my dad. And then her dad's standing up like, I pray for my daughter. Like, didn't we just hear that you abandoned your daughter until she was an adult? And now she's like doing her best to win your approval. That is the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. And for her to sit there and try and like keep it together to pretend that this is like her dream come true. Oh, it's just another bravo daddy issue story bravo daddy issues the love affair continues yes the love affair with my father that never liked me all right well let's uh wrap this up this was

a very fun spirited podcast if i do say so myself it was a long one holy geez i know 30 minutes y'all plus a 10 minute sherry's berries commercial where did this comeall, plus a 10-minute Sherry's Berries commercial. Where did this come from? Plus a rant about Tom Morrow. I mean, this is really out of control. The only thing missing was a song. I think the Tom... No, I sang. I think the Tom Morrow thing really set us off.

That got the tone just right for this. That's never how you should start a podcast. I don't know. I kind of liked it. It got me amped up, ready to go. It got me fired up. It made me feel like Edie McClure going through the regular people's entrance. Okay, everybody.

Thank you so much for listening. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens. find us on Facebook at Facebook.com slash WatchWhatCrappens and on Twitter at WhatCrappens. Find B-Side at all of his social media networks at B-Side Blog. And you can find his blog at B-SideBlog.com

and what were you going to say? I was going to say, and if you want to see my celebrity name dropping things, you can go onto my Instagram and see my latest photo which is very celebrity name dropping. Oh, okay. And that's Instagram.com slash bsideblog. Yes. And I'm Ronnie.

You can find me at TrashTalkTV.com. There's a bunch of really talented recappers over there making funny recaps. I write Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps every Monday. I read them. And I don't care if you follow me anywhere because I don't really do that stuff anyway. Okay. Thanks so much, everybody. Talk later.

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