Watch What Crappens - #146: No Saving Real Housewives of New Jersey

Episode Date: October 1, 2014

Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) are back to hash out the latest happenings on Bravo. First the guys talk about the Florida trip from hell on "Real Housewives of New Jersey." Then it's on to the season finale of "Real Housewives of Melbourne" followed by the latest "Below Deck" and "The Singles Project." We're caffeinated and chatty. Come listen! You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? Crap happens. Crap happens.

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? It's a bunch of what crappens Oh, I mean, it's a bunch of what crappens Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ben Mandelker from b-sideblog.com You can find me on Twitter and Instagram and Vine and everywhere else at b-sideblog, all one word. And joining me this week, and I'm so glad he's joining me because I've honestly had a rough morning and I'm looking forward to just laughing with Mr. Ronnie Karam.

Hi, Ronnie. Hello, everybody. Hello, hello. Tell everyone where you can be found since you have so many social media links. You can look me up on Twitter, Facebook, whatever you like, at Ronnie Karam. Or if you're looking for Trash Talk TV recaps, we update on the reg on Twitter, Trash Tweet TV. And my YouTube parody videos are at YouTube.com slash Trash Talk T-E-E-V-E-E. They're supes funny.

And, of course, if you're listening for the first time or if you've been listening for a while and haven't done this yet, be sure to follow this podcast on Facebook. It's Facebook.com forward slash Watch Where Crap Ends. Super funny, great Facebook page, which I'm saying not to compliment ourselves. It's really a testament to all the listeners who are on there posting tons and tons of content. When we talk about gossip and things like that, we're pulling it all from the Facebook page. We don't even have to do research because everyone's just throwing out so much great content there.

So thanks to everyone who's participating in that. If you aren't, I really recommend you like us because it's a great way to sort of enrich the Watch What Crappens experience. Yeah, guys, come on. Now, the other thing that we started talking about the past week or two is Patreon.com, which is a site where you can sort of donate to the podcast and help us out a little bit.

Really super flattered and thankful for everyone who's donated so far. I think we're up to about $340 per episode, which is so amazing in just two weeks' time. It's all coming from like $1 and $2 donations, a few $5 ones. You know, when we get to $1,000 per episode, we are actually going to do

two full episodes per week, every week. There'll be two episodes of Watch What Crappens. So hopefully that will motivate us. If we go through a Bravo Drive spell like this has been happening we're kind of there's a lot of shitty things on we'll just be talking about like onions

yeah and like last time we pooped and stuff it's gonna be great yeah i i can share stories about uh lyft because i'm now driving for lyft and i'll tell you one thing there are a lot of stories um and also uh if you donate at least one on Patreon, you get access to a bonus episode every week. We did our first one last week, and we're going to be recording another one this week. We're going to talk about Bravo Gossip and who knows what else. Maybe Survivor. I don't know. It depends on what we have time for. It'll be 20 minutes.

There are other cool rewards. Just go to patreon.com forward slash watch what crap happens, and you'll find all that groovy stuff. Have we sufficiently pimped ourselves out? Yeah, I think so. I think we've begged enough. I think we had a good amount of begging. Yeah, you guys

are new sponsors and you're great. And I have major news to announce. Yeah? What's that? I'm having a baby named Felicia and she's in my stomach right now. No. I gained a lot of weight in Texas, so

I've named my new food baby Felicia and I'm waiting for her. So appropriately, you wish to say, bye, Felicia. Bye, Felicia. Yeah. My big news is that because you guys are now my sugar mamas and papas, I got Bravo again. Whoa!

That is a big deal, Ronnie. But I'm still a cheap bastard and did not get a DVR. So I'm DVRing shit on my Mac, like on my ghetto program on the Mac. But I watched both Below Deck and The Singles Project yesterday for only an added $20 to my cable bill. Ronnie, I am so proud of you. And I don't want to one-up you, but my big news is that I'm drinking coffee right now, which means in about five minutes, I am going to be off the walls. Oh, my God.

Okay, my even bigger news than yours is I've done nothing for two days. My bigger news than your bigger news than my bigger news is that I done nothing for two days. My bigger news than your bigger news than my bigger news is that I also had a small cupcake today. Wow, we're fascinating. We're about as fascinating as the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Yeah, I was about to say so donate now and you'll get twice as much of this interesting pattern. Isn't this fascinating? Do you like donuts or cronuts? I heard your segue. I don't want to ignore it. So yes, we are just as interesting as the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Wow, those bitches.

That's what the show could just be called. Wow, those bitches of New Jersey. Wow, dot, dot dot dot dot those bitches of new jersey i just renamed the entire franchise wow those bitches of orange county well actually i just noticed that they don't say new jersey they just say previously on the real housewives i guess they all do that but i thought they said like previously on the real housewives of new jersey so we don't get confused. It depends.

Maybe they have a hard time getting Teresa and Nicole saying so many words at once. In a coherent manner, I should say. So what do you think? My first observation this week of Real Housewives,

of those bitches, is that everybody, even the cast is bored at this point, okay? Like their diary room sessions at the beginning of the show, you know how usually they're like, well today I took my niece to build a bear and we built a bear! It was amazing! And right now

they're just like, and then Dina came over. And then we went on a vacation. I had a dream about Dina last night, and I'm really concerned for myself that I had a dream about Dina Manzo. I don't know. Was she paying attention to you? I forget what was happening.

I think she got mad at me about something. Okay. Because if she's, like, giving you love, that means you're wounded in some way. Like, you're missing a spiritual leg or something. Yeah. I really don't remember. I think my brain is actively trying to push it out of my memory. But you know that weird feeling when you have a dream about someone,

and then whenever they're mentioned for the next day, you get that weird feeling like something's happened, you know? That's what I'm going through. You're like, I can still feel their dream penis inside of me. Yeah. Ow. I still feel dream dina manzo um yeah i'm not even sure how that dream would work out i feel like i'd just be so bored i'd

wake up i'm not saying something because i never want to wake up i feel like just before i start to wake up she'd start to cry and be like don't leave don't leave me you're the only one who can handle all my pets and what does she say about her poor gaze she's me you're the only one who can handle all my pets and what does she say about her poor gay she's like he's the only one who will listen to me complain about jackie and caroline yeah wow great friendship thanks she can turn to turn to dream lexi and say don't worry we'll find you another dream brother i don't know this is a very strange hypothetical situation it's like freddy krueger but like boring it's like if freddy krueger was like instead of being murderous he just liked to cry a lot he's like he goes to people's dreams and

then cries in their dreams yeah he would come into your dreams and you'd feel like you were never sleeping and and he'd just be telling you really boring dina stories previously on the real housewives of Your Dreams. She's like, there was a gigantic penis. It's like, oh, Dina, this fucking story again? Not again, Dina. Seriously, she's gonna... I know that tonight when I go to sleep, I'm gonna have, like,

visions of her eating a giant sundae alone in my dream. I'm just gonna be watching her with a scoop of... How poor is Dina? Because she looks completely not happy to even be back on this show. She's like, oh god, what am I doing with these losers? I know, and she's also totally stirring the pot.

She's stirring the pot under the guise of not stirring the pot at all. She pulls Amber aside and is like, I just want you to know that Teresa told me about the things that Victoria Gotti told you guys, and I told the twins that maybe you know theresa told me about the things that victoria got he told me told you guys and i told us i told the twins that maybe you know some of this stuff and i just was hoping

that you don't say any stuff it's like it was so like it was such a stupid intervention it was an intervention to like to to say please don't intervene yeah she's like look i i wanted it to come from me because i didn't think it would be good if it came from you but then she didn't want to hear it from me. And now you're here. Like, so are you telling her to tell her? I'm so stupid. And then Amber's like, well, this never left me. I haven't even spoken about this.

I'm like, except every time you're on cancer, the only thing that's gotten more coverage in this out of your mouth is cancer. Did you say every time you're on cancer instead of every time you're on camera? Did I? Yes. Because that's all she does. She probably thinks she is being filmed by cancer. Previously on Cancer. She's like, I'm on a show called Cancer.

The Real Cancer Housewives of Cancer. The Real Cancer of New Jersey, which is actually the app name for this show. I cannot stop, speaking of cancer, I cannot stop watching her boobs jiggle up and down every time she talks. What is that? What muscle is she using in her chest that her boobs move independently of each other while she talks in the diary? I think that maybe you noticed that maybe when she had her mastectomy, maybe the implant that they put in was one of those dancing Coca-Cola cans.

So, so like one of her boobs is constantly doing that little So, like, one of her boobs is constantly doing that little sort of, like, dance where it lurches forward and back. It's one of those talking M&Ms. But not the green one, not the sexy green one. Isn't it gross that there's a sexy M&M? That we don't find sexy, but apparently

everyone else in the commercials thinks is sexy and like it hangs out to your carrera will they make you horny didn't you have that when you were growing up the green ones made you horny no and i remember in boys catholic school we take the green ones to see if they made us if they made us horny and then like whoever got a blow uh blow job god catholic school i never would quit catholic school if it was like that but then whoever got a blowjob. God, Catholic school. I never would have quit Catholic school if it was like that. But then whoever got a boner first would be like, Ew, the M&M did it. Was that too much?

No, when I was a kid, we would play baseball with M&Ms. And it was like every M&M that you took out of the bag counted as something. So like orange M&Ms were like a single. And tan ones, because there used to be tan ones, were like a double. And green ones were Grand Slams, if I remember. So I guess it's sort of the same thing as being horny. And which were the ones that caused cancer? The red ones, right? Red ones caused cancer.

The commie ones. Remember when they introduced the blue one? Eminems have jumped the shark. The blue ones are basically like the Teresa and Nicole of Eminems. And the green one and Nicole of M&M's. Here are the blue M&M's. The green one is Jackie, the stripper they brought back.

No, it's a green one. Green ones are the best. Also, in M&M commercials, green ones are supposed to be sexy. It would have to be Danielle Staub. The green ones aren't all dried up. You're thinking about that raisin commercial where the raisins dance around the cereal.

What? Is that like a raisin brand? I heard it through the grapevine. No, that's just California raisins. One of them has a saxophone. But yes, you're right, though. If all the women from Real Housewives of New Jersey got together in a band, they would be the California raisins, for sure.

I could totally imagine it. Likeessa on like a saxophone they'd be playing like kokomo it'd be totally like full house 1988 it'd be like full house means california raisins you know it'd be like a cheesy video you know i really. Bahama. Come on, pretty mama. Santiago. Montego. Baby, why don't we go to the Kokomos? We'll take it fast and then we'll get there slow.

That's where I want to go. Way down to Kokomo. Wait, you guys, I'm sorry. I can't down to Kokomo wait you guys I'm sorry I can't go to Kokomo I might have cancer you might have cancer I've got cancer Mo wow we're totally blue M&M's right now yeah we are this is the coffee I'm sorry

this is the coffee imagine if I had one of the twins' culottes that'd be craziness Blue M&M's right now. Yeah, we are. This is the coffee. I'm sorry. This is the coffee. Imagine if I had one of the twins' culottes. That'd be craziness. Culotta! Wait, okay. My dad made me go to McDonald's to get my coffee because there was no Starbucks around, and that shit was not okay. I turned into a crackhead immediately.

Yeah, I had a McDonald's iced coffee recently, and when you order a McDonald's iced coffee, they put all sorts of shit in it. I like my iced's iced coffee, they put all sorts of shit in it. I like my iced coffee black, and they put all sorts of shit in it. I was, like, wired. Yeah, me too. That's what I had. Okay, so let's go back to the show. Back to those bitches.

Yeah, back to, wow, those bitches of New Jersey. We had two interesting cameos that I was not expecting. First was Kevin Jonas appearing as Kathy's contractor, which is a real fall from grace for this poor guy. Really? I was so proud of him. I mean, I would have been proud of him

if they ran into him as a cashier at Walmart. I mean, that's a real job. That's real, guys. No, it is real. It is real. It is a real job. Like, you know, that's real, guys. No, it is real. It is real. No. It is a real job for sure. Politics.

I know. Let's get political about it. But, you know, it's like his brother Nick right now is looking super hot, has a great new song out. Joe is still looking hot. And here's Kevin, like, having to appear as a cameo in the Real Housewives of New Jersey, building a house that's going to be foreclosed upon in nine months. How could you not feel bad about it? I will say he's looking better than ever.

All the Jonas Brothers, they are doing great jobs with themselves. Bravo to them. I think so too because I feel like there was someone with enough foresight to tell them, boys, you're really cute now, but I've pictured you old and it's not going to turn out great for you. So keep drinking that water and taking those fish oil pills. Keep being cute. Yeah. Yeah.

Keep being adorable because the fact that you're in your 20s is kind of where it's coming from in the first place. I don't know. I feel like they're going to grow up and not be as cute. But the funny part was that for the first like two minutes that kevin jonas was on screen he they didn't give him a credit because the whole thing is that rosie was like hey uh aren't you a singer something like that but before she did that before she came on screen i was thinking myself are they just gonna like not mention the fact that kevin jonas is standing right here in the scene like how is how are we ignoring the fact that there's a kevin there's

a jonas brother here with kathy and rich and by the way he's doing a cameo on a scene with people who are now featured players of the new jersey cast he wasn't even with the cast members well hey it's cheaper than buying a bus stop you know like a bus bench with his face on it that's true um and isn't one of the other jonas brothers doing yolanda foster's daughter that model who's everywhere now and is like a legit supermodel now gg like joe jonas and gg hadad gg don't look at how those lemons did for you you're rich now and famous yeah yeah um i think so at nick jonas i mean have you seen nick jonas recently um guess. Like in a picture with her. No, no, no.

I'm talking about Nick, not Joe. Oh, I don't know. I mean, Jesus Christ. Nick Jonas is looking fine right now. And honestly, his new song is awesome. You guys. Nick Jonas? Yes.

Oh, he looks kind of Planets of the Apes-y, but in a really hot way. Like a hot Planet of the Apes. Ben, he's super young. How old is he? I don't think you should be talking like that. Listen, I'm allowed. I'm allowed to talk like that. He kind of looks like Shoshanna from Girls.

I don't watch Girls. Isn't Shoshanna... Did I just kill your boner? Yeah. Shoshanna is David Mamet's daughter. Mamet's daughter, right? Wasn't she on Mad Men? I guess.

I think so. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? He does. He does have a little Shoshanna in him. He's a little... I've always thought that Jonas Brothers looked very Jewish, and I'm surprised... I'm Ronnie Carom, boner killer. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's Shoshanna from Grow.

We're going to get back to that when we talk about Singles Project. But... So Kevin Jonas appeared. He sure does know how to do push-ups. And look at those lines from right below where his love handles would be down to his wiener. I love those lines. We should post a picture on our Facebook page. He's looking great.

So the other cameo of the episode was the cameo I think we've all been waiting for. I think it's the one that, like, the entire, if not the nation, at least a county of New Jersey probably has been waiting for. And that was the return of Ashley, daughter of Jacqueline. She made a cameo appearance because Jacqueline started crying about her son with autism. And Ashley showed up on camera and sort of hugged her mom in the interview thing. It was like, don't cry. He's smarter than all of us. And you know what? That was probably the first thing that Ashley said. That was true.

I do think that little kid with autism is smarter than Ashley and her mother combined. Yes, that is correct. You. That is so wrong. Listen, she said it. I'm so right.

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. If you ask that little kid to choose which water he wants to drink, I guarantee it won't be the black water. I want to watch Ashley and her mother try and use an iPad. They're going to be like those dogs that play those games on iPads where they have to

touch little bugs. That's what they probably do. That's how they probably touch an iPad. Oh my... Like patting at it aggressively. That was so wrong. That shit is hilarious. jacqueline god bless her heart she's like always crying but i think a lot of it has to do with stuff she's not talking about like the fact that she could be going to jail yeah or you know stuff like that

yeah i mean to be totally honest to be totally fair the autism stuff doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother you like you know i think it's sort of interesting watching the journey of this kid and, you know, he has made remarkable progress and everything, but I mean, at the same time, it's now been like, you know,

it's like, I get it. You know, he has autism. I wouldn't say it bothers me. I just feel like she kind of uses it in a way that grosses me out. Like in a way I get that it's, you know, like, oh, it's a story of a mom who has a child with autism. We haven't seen that before.

And, okay, like, that part I'm behind. But then when she does shit like try to sell Blackwater with her son with autism or claim that Blackwater helps children. I mean, to me, that's just it shows that she's just kind of a gross person, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So she bugs me. Like, her kid with autism doesn't bug me. I mean, who's, it shows that she's just kind of a gross person, you know? Yeah, yeah. So she bugs me. Like, her kid with autism doesn't bug me. I mean, who's going to say that?

Like, oh, another kid with autism on my screen. Get him off. It's not that. It's just that she's totally obviously using her son with a disease. Yeah, when the Blackwater comes out, I mean, that Blackwater. I don't know whether I love the Blackwater or hate it because it's so funny that the whole Manzo-Larita clan has put so much money behind such a shitty product. Actually, I won't say shitty product because I haven't tried it. But such a ridiculous product. A product that has such marketing problems.

You know, like if Pepsi couldn't go clear, what makes them think that water can go black? You know? Well, if Pepsi couldn't go clear, what makes them think that water can go black? You know? Well, we see pictures. People post pictures at the beach and shit of people they see with black water. So, I mean, I guess people are drinking it. I was thinking of that show. I was thinking of that new show called Black-ish. And I'm like, oh, I love how they watered down black people to make them palatable enough for CBS or whatever.

ABC, yeah. And I was thinking, oh, maybe the Loretas need to do that. And just have, like, blackish water. The Loretas are probably like, oh, you know, you know, we're gonna... I'm here. Are you there? Oh, are we gonna have a Ronnie sing-along time

right now? Yeah, were you drinking water or something? There was an awkward pause. Oh, no, there must have... The connection must have cut out, but I'm just imagining the Loretta's probably like... Goddamn internet. Are you gone? Are you gone? We do sound a little jumpy

and skippy right now. I feel like you sound fine, so maybe... Okay. Do I sound fine as a Jonas? Yeah. You sound as fine as a Jonas looks. Yeah, I'm doing push-ups in my mind right now. Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me? Yeah. Okay. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Yes, yes, yes. No, so what I was going to say was that the ladies are probably going to give up on Blackwater. And they're like, you know, there's this new movie out called Blackfish, and I just, I can't see how it would be terrible to align our brand with that.

So I think we give it another shot. Blackfish. Our water kills orcas. Yeah. If you liked blackfish, you're going to love black water. Our water kills black orcas and autism. Drink it. Drink it immediately.

Orcas are the number one cause for autism. I just feel like that was the worst advertising she could have done. Because she's saying it helps kids for autism. I just feel like that was the worst advertising she could have done, because she's saying it helps kids with autism, but then she goes back on the show and her kid still has autism, and now we're just stuck with cases of black water. I'm never buying your water again, you liar!

Okay, so basically, Jacqueline did nothing. I don't know what she's doing. What are they doing? Okay, so everybody's saying that they... Here's what I think is going to happen. I want to know. I feel like down the line, we're going to have some scenes where Jacqueline is going to get in the mix with the women.

Because they probably shot it way after the fact. Because they have to fix the show. This is all my... This is conjecture. But in order to lead up to that, to make it seem like a graceful whatever, they are now including all these scenes of Jacqueline where she really only talks with Kathy, which is also probably a reshoot. Because if you notice,

all the Jacqueline scenes are, they have nothing to do with anyone else. And even this episode, we saw Teresa talking about how, and Joe talking about how they got texts from Jacqueline and Chris. But that could have been, those scenes could have been shot months later you know so i think that they're kind of like they're peppering in jacqueline to sort of make it that she's part of the mix again and then

that way when she gets truly in the mix it makes sense to us mentally because i've never seen i've never seen a non-cast member on a real housewife show have so many scenes. And even Kathy. I mean, Kathy and Rich are getting full on scenes, you know? And diary rooms. Yeah. I mean, it's like they're full on cast members again. It's a very strange season, honestly. You feel like they're kind of like changing it up as it goes along.

Well, they started shooting it so fast to try and catch Teresa and Joe in jail that they really don't have much else going on. Yeah, I had read that they're shooting all of those scenes after the entire season was shot. So, I guess they're putting them in, but then you guys

fired them on purpose because they're fucking boring. Why would you show those two again? Jacqueline, I mean, if you want to talk Jacqueline, let's talk about gaining 50 pounds, okay? Because that's a real story and I could deal with that. I could watch that and be like, oh, Jacqueline, we're the about gaining 50 pounds, okay? Because that's a real story, and I could deal with that. I could watch that and be like, oh, Jacqueline, we're the same. Or then if you want to

talk about Kathy, talk about what it's like to... I don't know. I don't think she has anything to talk about. But Kathy was always a good egg. I've always liked Kathy. What's good about Kathy is that she has Rosie, she has Rich, and there's something very warm about Kathy, and nothing really something very warm about Kathy,

and so nothing really happens with Kathy, but I always enjoy her scenes. And by the way, I would like to say, Kathy's mom returned this episode. I love Kathy's mom. And she finally, the first one in the whole season, except for maybe Jim, but I don't want to give him any credit for it, she was the first one to say, regarding Joe and Teresa, like, hey, if you do something wrong, you're going to get caught. It's going to catch up to you and you got to suffer the consequences. My heart goes out to them. But if you do something wrong, that's what's going to happen.

And I was like, thank God. Thank God someone says it. Yeah. Well, I guess. I don't know. Every time Kathy's on, I just kind of get me question. Here's a question. This is a philosophical question.

A lot of times, Teresa was saying, you know, she and Joe went to dinner at her brother-in-law's house. And she was saying, this is what I love. It's family. No one asks questions. They just accept you for who you are. Is it better to have friends who don't ask any questions, who aren't inquisitive and don't go there? Or is it better to have friends who do want to find out what's going on? What is better in a friendship?

You mean as far as Jackie texting her suddenly? Well, no. I'm just saying in general. If you were in a situation where things were going awry, would you want friends who wanted to find out and wanted to know? Well, if they want to find out, yes, that's really nice because they're saying, let me help you

and be there for you and be your friend. When they're asking you on camera, it's not nice because they're rubbing in your misfortune on camera. Yeah, I agree. Because notice all the people who are bringing it up on camera are assholes. It's not like one nice person. I mean, Dina has, but she's not asking questions.

She's just like, oh, your husband's going to be ass raped for the next 10 years. Oh, God bless you. Let's make a bill to bear. Whatever her thing is that they're doing. Dina's so excited because he's going to come back. Like his body will be in disrepair when he comes back. She'll be like, oh, come here. Hang out with Mrs. Grandma Wrinkles.

Yeah. She's like, oh, you're missing a butthole. can adopt you now joe lexi will tend to him um well why don't we get to like the real fun part of the episode if they're if they're if they're if we can say that it is fun which is down in florida uh where uh basically we had a semi-fight situation bust out. Basically, Jim and Amber met up with the rest of the gang, which is, like, Melissa and Joe, Teresa and Nicole and Babby and Dina. So they all met up. Alligators, lots of alligators. Oh, he's so cute, the alligator.

So, basically, everything starts off, like, okay, on a civil note. Okay. And then everyone's sitting around. And Jim starts saying to Bobby and Nicole, he starts saying to Nicole in front of Bobby, like, you know, he's like, you know, I think like a man would, you know, make a commitment after 11 months. I think that's think a man would make a commitment after 11 months. I think that's what a man would do. And so Bobby, this is sort of a passive-aggressive attack at Bobby, even though Jim's saying, no, I'm just supporting Nicole. Bobby goes up to the bathroom and locks himself in the bathroom because he's mad.

And then everything goes to hell for him. Which is what all men do. They run to the bathroom. They have anger poop. Yeah, exactly. goes to hell which is what all men do yeah they run to the bathroom they they have anger poop yeah exactly and so then amber amber's getting furious at jim because she's trying to be on good terms with everyone and jim is stirring the pot and amber's like she's like stop it jim stop it jim like i don't want to hear another word about it jim oh you want to go there, Jim? Then you go there, Jim! You go there, Jim! You go there.

What a shrew. Yeah. And then I think what happens is then, what, the girl, Jim starts saying real asshole things. He's like, well, because Bobby said things about your family. Bobby said things about your family. He's such a bitch. He really is such a bitch.

Yeah, and I hate that he's making me agree with Midget Joe all the time, but I love when Joe's like, you know, normally I'd hit him, but in man terms, you don't hit a bitch, and Jim's a bitch. Yeah, he has a point. He has a point in this case. Especially because Jim's the type that you probably lay one finger on him, he's going to call the cops, and be like, I'm going to sue you. I mean, he even said so. He's like, I'm going to sue you, and you're going to rot in jail. to be like, I'm going to sue you. I mean, he even said so. He's like, I'm going to sue you and you're going to rot in jail. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. He's really scum. He's like, you know, everyone on this show is scum, but he's like a different breed of scum. Yeah, he's a

bottom-feeding piece of shit. The only thing he wants to do is start fights like a little bitch. He's like the Peter of this show. Yeah. And by the way, I don't see why Bobby has to make a commitment after only 11 months. Well, and also since they met at the auditions for

Real Housewives of New Jersey, I mean, that was some gossip that we talked about, I think, last week or a couple weeks ago, was that they're not, like, a real couple. They met at the audition. So, he's obviously just dating her to be on the show, and everybody knows it. And that's why she's

so casual about it too she's like i don't know if i need a commitment because you don't meet an actor i mean you look you don't meet you don't fuck somebody you meet in an audition that never works out well before you know it they're doing like the mime wall in your bathroom and you're like get out of my house but you especially don't date a reality show actor i mean that's the bottom yeah that's truly truly the bottom but well the thing is so well i'm not really buying any of that it's like the men on this show are the ones who want the drama the most and i'm like but irregardless irregardless it's like first of all it's not it's none of jim's

business second of all who cares if it's only been this is not like a three-year situation 11 months it's like it's a nice chunk of time but like no one needs to make a commitment at 11 months so that i think it's ridiculous um and jim he he is he is an asshole because he is not thinking about his wife these are his wife's friends this is his wife's show and he i mean he is thinking about it because he's creating drama but he's not thinking about his wife because you know he's just shut up like it's none of his business it's not his issue not his not his fight yeah well he is of course the first cast member to do like a full interview anywhere he was on after buzz or whatever being a bitch yeah he's obviously

he'll be on here next week i'm sure more into this than anybody else yeah i'm sure he'll be on here next week too you know he probably would we should tweet him and ask him we're like jim why don't you come on explain yourself the story i'll be like do you realize though why you look like an asshole though do you realize well that's what i'm loving about dina i'm loving that dina like that's the only aspect i'm really loving about Dina so far is that she's like, you're a bitch. Yeah. You know, and she's like, nobody likes you. And when she tells him, oh, you were doing so good.

Yeah, you were ahead. People were starting to like you. Yeah, now what are you doing, you idiot? Yeah. But I'd like to highlight something. I think that the most important thing to remember from this episode is that Teresa always textuses his people back. Yeah. Always textuses people. Always textuses.

Don't mess with textuses. She's She loves the textuses, especially when she gets the textuses ingredients to people's. Yeah. She's like text Texas's Walker Ranger. So, Texas. So the episode.

Texas's Ranger. Just forget it. Just fast forward through that part. Yeah. So the episode basically ended on a quote-unquote climax where Bobby was coming out of the shitter. And by the way, I sort of believe that he actually had to take a dump. Like, I feel like he may have been mad, but I also feel

like he had to take a dump. Or maybe when he gets mad, he shits out his anger. I feel like that's a guy who frequently has to take a dump. Yeah, he looks like he's got the raviolis on a continuous bring. Yeah, he had some manicotti to get rid of. Yeah, he looks like

the waitress at the Olive Garden knows his name. Yeah, he's had an unlimited breadstick situation once or twice before hey look when i'm not wanting when i'm wanting to get away from a situation i see no problem pooping it's like the only thing is i have to fight with people in my own apartment because i don't like pooping in public oh yeah no one likes pooping in public is never, especially if you're not in the bathroom. Oh, my God, I know. Like on your seat or whatever. Oh, I don't want to be old.

I know. By the way, here's a plug for my other podcast, The Banter Blender. If you go back and find an episode, I think it's titled something like The Most Embarrassing Story Ever. Spoiler alert, it's about this topic. So if anyone wants to hear a story where that happened to me, it's there. Pooping in public? Oh my goodness. So anyway, that's basically all that happened this episode. Jim and Bobby, they're not going to get into a fistfight.

Because if they got into a fistfight, we would have seen some of it on this episode. They're just probably going to get close to a fistfight. Well, the important part is that Jim, of course, blurts out, well, at least,

you know, my wife didn't fuck my mom or something. I don't know. He yells something at the girl. And then, Oh yeah, he's going to, one of the twins is like,

you are dead to me. You're disgusting. So at least that shit's going to hit the fan. That public shit. It's probably going to be Bobby's public shit. Hitting that thing. It's going to be amazing. Yeah That public shit. It's probably going to be Bobby's public shit hitting that thing. It's going to be amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

That'll be good. Should we move on to our favorite Housewives show of the moment? The Real Housewives of Melbourne? Real Housewives of Melbourne? Oh, I'd love to move on to The Real Housewives of Melbourne. It's been real hard for me not to watch the reunion episodes, Ben. Because I've got them sitting there waiting for me. And I finished this episode.

And I really wanted to see the reunion episodes. But I decided that since we're doing this together, I'd wait for you, Ben. Hey, you know what I call someone who watches the reunion ahead of time? A reunion ahead of time spoiler. Ha ha ha. So, first of all. Why don't you buy soap so you could wash a reunion off of time spoiler. Why'd you buy soap so you could wash the reunion off of you? You know what I call someone who doesn't watch the reunion episode?

A reunion not watcher. So, first of all, we have to say everyone say hello to Gina. Gina. Because apparently Gina is listening to the podcast. She tweeted at us and said thanks for thanks for something. She said something like thanks for everything or love you guys. And that was kind of the highlight of the week for me. Yeah, Gina, we love you, Gina. All right, dear Gina.

Gina. Hey, Gina, this is why we love you, because you're Gina. Hey, Gina, here's a little bit of friendly advice for you. Keep on listening to the podcast, okay? Oh! Well, it does look like you're going to be doing something. Hey, Ronnie. Hey, what's that?

You know what I like to call Gina? A podcast listener. Oh! Good one, Bean! Hey, one thing that I'm skipping way, way ahead, but we'll go back. One thing that I'm loving is that but we'll go back one thing that I'm loving is that they really go after Gina full fucking force and she finally loses

her shit and just starts cursing everybody out it sounds like from what I read so far about the reunion oh good yeah because apparently she is just like kind of lost some points with people because she starts going off on the other ladies and I think she calls one

of them an ass hair, which I mean, of course, I'm going to love. So I cannot wait to see her just losing her shit because, you know, in Housewives, this is like the tricky Housewives spot when you're the one that everybody's been beating up on all year and some people handle it better than others. Like, Lisa Vanderpump

is the queen and she came and just victimized everything. She held out and she's still the hero of the entire show. Yeah. And then you have things like Tamara Barney, Real Housewives of Orange County, who completely wasted that opportunity. Yeah. Or Leah Black, who on Miami really fought back. And it was hilarious because she was like.

And it was kind of funny yeah you know everyone has like a different tactic but just coming on and calling people asshackers I think is probably my favorite before I even see it I think that Gina could probably do it quite well because first of all she's a barista she deals in facts every day she deals in facts

but also to be totally, she's a barista, she deals in fact every day, she deals in fact, but also, to be totally honest, she is a lawyer, and so if you're going to, like, attack a lawyer, Anna from Miami aside, you will probably get destroyed, and not to jump ahead too far in this episode, but she and Andrea had a confrontation at a restaurant, and Gina just sort of destroyed Andrea. It was amazing. She just took her down, and Andrea really didn't have anything to say. You know, Andrea had a few simpering comments here and there, but Gina just leveled her without even raising her voice.

Well, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. But first things first, the episode... First things first, before the episode first things first before the episode even started yeah they said this season because it was the season finale so i said this season on the real housewives of melbourne where's jaina jaina's like jaina you called me a cunt every stupid little thing that they've been bitching about the whole season in one little minute and it was hilarious because you really see how stupid all of it was yeah it was piled together like that

yeah it's sort of like a minute that you could watch over and over and over and over again hey hey gina i've got a little friendly advice for you i'm sick of gina hey gina don't walk in my tennis court everything was like that amazing and here's another way that you know andrea is a total cunt is when there's an article that someone posted on our facebook which is pretty amazing that has andrea claiming that she quit the show um and joking around saying oh i just quit because i didn't have enough outfits i ran out of outfits to wear on the show you have to go through lots of clothes um but then there was another article i don't know if it's even posted here about how they were bidding

on the office space next to the plastic surgery building because someone was going to buy it and they didn't want like an office park or something going in there because they have celebrity clients they need their privacy and so they she came up with like two... We have Crocodile Dundee comes in here. We can't have an office park next to Crocodile Dundee when he's getting his Botox. I don't need people stapling papers when there's celebrities in here trying to get the Botox did. Nicole Kidman's maid comes in here. We can't have people see that.

So she came up with two fake people and was trying to do all the bidding to outbid people without looking like they were the ones bidding. And they ended up losing the bid for the space. And so she had a public meltdown and started calling her husband

a fucking idiot and started screaming and yelling and just having a public fit and i love it where are the cameras for that shit because that's amazing and it just goes to show you that she's an asshole in real life as well absolutely well um uh first of all my favorite i think my favorite thing with andrea this week was that when she showed up i think her first scene they showed her walking awkwardly clearly they had to like to reshoot this five times because they had that awkward I'm walking on camera gate.

And she was wearing this ridiculous outfit, this big black hat, and this short shorts, and her boobs out, and big sunglasses. And she looked so ridiculous, I actually took a picture of it and put it on the Facebook page. It was like, Carmen Sandiego spotted in Melbourne. Because she looked like she

was living a life of crime. She just jetted in from luxembourg you know on the heels of robbed a bank you know she was so mysterious she's so mysterious also by the way i want to say marissa rapier or rapier or whatever marissa i don't know how to say your last name and i'm on coffee right now so i'm really hyper and can't pronounce this woman marissa on our facebook page one of our listeners oh hi i thought you met someone on the show i was like who the hell she wrote a comment on that picture which doesn't have to do with andrew but she goes just what is lydia always nodding at in her interviews and oh my god marissa you are so right lydia's always nodding she She's always like, oh yeah, she's like, I'll tell you one thing I like. Cheese. And then she nods, like,

up and down. I'm always imagining, like, someone's dangling a cat toy. You know what I like? I like to know what time it is. Nods. I'll tell you what Gina's gonna get. Gina's gonna get a's gonna get Gina's gonna talk him to Nodding yeah because it's like that

Knowing nod She doesn't know anything Yeah that's some funny shit Um okay so Uh this starts out with the Uh the rock star I'm gorgeous And I'm married to a rock star Jackie's gonna she's married to silver chair

Silver chair she's gonna have's married to silver chair Silver chair Gonna have a party for a lot of mascara Gotta audition some burlesque Dancers Yeah if they audition some Burlesque dancers Did spray tanning Skip Australia I mean I know you guys

Are far away and Gina seems to have found It but what the hell Man I'm not normally a pro spray tan and kind of person but those girls i mean if you're gonna be naked all day you better do something those girls look like the back of my arm listen i have many questions about australian burlesque because last time i saw a burlesque dancer I don't think there was a tribal drum involved. Apparently that's how it goes in Melbourne. So too rocked.

It seems like there's a lot of competition so you've got to get a gimmick. Like in Gypsy, you've got to have a stripper gimmick. One of them in Gypsy blows a horn, one of them has lights. They all sing show tunes. It's not good enough to just have boobs because 51% of the country has those.

Yeah. I'm surprised a kangaroo didn't come in with a little headdress on and little tassels on and kangaroo nips. They're like, Oh, I love your pouch. Where's your Joey? He's firing us for a song of silver chair.

I can hold a baby in here. I can also hold pretzels. It's my prerogative. Hey, our next burlesque dance is a wallaby that came all the way in from Aya's rock. It's gonna be the Sheila dance. It's gonna waltz Matilda in a burlesque way.

Shine, shine, shine. So there was that, and then I guess they all donated their time to be on TV because they hired all of them. But the next best part was Gina making cancer calls. She's like, hello, darling. It's Gina, and I'm calling to invite you to my cancer party. It's been 10 years since I had cancer and I want to party. So let's do this.

Bring anything that causes cancer. Cigarettes, wine, whatever it is, bring it over, we'll party. And then she's just pretending like that shit didn't happen like with Janet. She's like, you want to come to my cancer party?

And Janet's like, oh darling. Oh, I would love to, Gina. I would love to. You know, we go back 20 years. I would love to, darling. I was feeling so cranky about our tiff. You know, I actually, to be honest... I've been wanting to get past all this drama, Gina. It's too much.

You caused it. By the way, I have to say, though, maybe it's like I'm a sentimentalist, but I actually liked it when they made up. I was like, aww, because they were like my two favorites, and I didn't like seeing them fight, and even though Janet's like a little weak, a little wacky, I don't know, I liked it that they made up. Yeah, I think

that holding grudges is stupid. Yeah, I liked it, and I especially, and I liked it, and then of course, what happens next is that Gina calls Lydia, who's at lunch with andrea who's in the middle of her bank robbing mission and uh when when gina calls lydia lydia is such a cold bitch about it she's like well i can't go anymore because i forgot that like my mom has invited me to a girl's night out it's like the worst excuse ever she's like oh i forgot i have a girl's night out with my friend meaner about her aids

i've got dinner to talk about um i'm having trivial pursuit night at a friend's house me and my mate are going up to dig out a tree because she bought naked with the money that the guy i fucked bought her and we're gonna go plant tree replant trees in the big gaping holes that she's left on a property sorry she's so appreciative i have to i have to go replant trees in the big gaping holes that she's left on her property. Sorry. She's so appreciative. I have to go help her out. But then I love that Lydia actually. I met a new maid in front of my house, and I've got a potty trainer.

Sorry. I'm having a girl's night with my maid. Basically, I'm going to stay in, and she's going to serve me. But the best part was when she goes, Alright, well, thanks for calling. Good luck with all the cancer people. She goes, I hope you raise a lot of money for all the cancer people that really need it. Thanks.

Thanks. Thanks, Lydia. You're really a wonderful person. Your sincerity just oozes through the phone. I hope you... Tell all those cancer people good luck. Tell them that their spirits are radiating.

That's, you know, on account of the radiation. Tell them I'm sorry what they went through, but I'm still drinking Diet Coke. So, that was amazing. And then Andrea's photo shoot wait before we get to interest photo shoot i'm sorry so then as soon as they get off the phone uh lydia tells andrea oh yeah apparently janet's going to this thing and then these two bitches they're like why is janet

giving in why is janet oh yeah so middle school like they school they're actually like well you know that's nice of Janet but the fact that they're like it's so blatantly that they're drawing a line in the sand like it's an us versus them thing it's so middle school and then they're they're like George Bush

like if you're not with us you're terrorists and then I love that they call Janet and they're like we're disappointed Janet If you're not with us, you're terrorists. Gina's a terrorist. Yeah, Janet. And then I love that they call Janet. And they're like, we're disappointed, Janet. We're disappointed in you, Janet. And Janet's like, oh, darling, I don't care. I just want to have friends. I'm doing it.

I'm medically. I'm doing it solely to support the cause. Don't look for cancer. It's like they're Regina or George. Regina. But anyway, so then, Andrea has the photo shoot. Wiping my lips. Isn't that weird?

Like, I'm exfoliating my lips right now. I like it. It feels really good. I like it. So then Andrea, then she does have her photo shoot for her book, which is also hilarious because she is so unnatural in front of a camera. Like I've never seen like it was I've never seen more awkward poses for a book shoot. She's really she's one of those people that just needs to fucking breathe. Take the stick out of her ass.

Stop getting Botox. Stop shoving yourselves into yourself into spanks that are like made for five-year-olds you're like accept your body accept your fucking face all right lady because you're just you look so uncomfortable at every moment she can't even move her face i'm like what are you going for here it's not like it's a good looking face you look like fucking what's her buns what's that actress That I'm always saying she looks like I think she looks more like Catherine Keener on crack

Oh my god she looks like Catherine Keener with Gina Davis's fillers It's not a normal Combination She can't smile and then this photo shoot She's like alright get me with my Pissed off look Alright here it is and it's like this smile shoot, she's like, all right, get me with my pissed off look. All right, here it is.

And it's like this smile. And then she's like, I saw Tina Fey do this one. Let's do this one, the Tina Fey look. And she just puts her hands in the air. I'm like, don't insult Tina Fey like that. You are not allowed. I'm like, you are bossy pants, but you are not allowed to equate yourself to Tina Fey. Tina Fey and I, we've both written books.

Yeah. There you go. And I like that her favorite look of all was the cold action look. And they cut to it. That's like her pointing. I'm like, no, don't put that. Don't put that on your book cover. That's awful.

Oh, my God. I hope that that's on her website, right? By the please follow me on Twitter. You know that her yearbook photo is the one where she's looking to the side and she has her finger curled up against her chin. Or she has her hands clasped together and she's resting the side of her cheek on her hands. She's doing one of those

things. Oh my god, those glamour shots. With the back lighting. You can see the perm. She's so awful. She's pretty much the worst. So then stupid Lydia comes by to visit and she's like oh darling it's so good to see you and they're like oh how would gina be in this photo shoot they're so obsessed i mean it's amazing and she's like oh look me i'm gina i'm standing here

it's like look i'm gina i've got my hands on my hips you know hey you know what gina would do if she was in front of a camera she'd try to It's like, look, I'm Gina. I've got my hands on my hips. You know, hey, you know what Gina would do if she was in front of a camera? She'd try to model. You know what I call this experience when you stand in front of a camera? I call it a photo shoot. And then they started doing, like, terrible put-downs of all of the housewives they're like look at janet she'd wave her arms like that you know what chica would do she put her hands on her hips no chico they actually were mean to you they're like oh look at me i'm chica i'm putting my skinny

arm forward i miss that she's like chica does a skinny arm pose, which she totally does. Chica's like, look at my shoulder. Yeah. Like the best part of me. Have you ever noticed, by the way, that whenever Jackie takes a photo, either in the opening credits or in other times when she's on the red carpet, she does this thing where she puts her hands on her hips, looks to the side, and then she pecks her head forward.

She does this little punch with her head. Like, hi, I'm getting a psychic vibe right now in your face! Every time, she's like, boom! It's my psychic friends telling me. She's turned out to be one of the funniest ones, that one. I thought she was going to be unbearable. She's actually turned out to be pretty likable, oddly enough. I actually really loved her party,

because, first of all, they got this drink together in five minutes. I think it took them two weeks. You know it's pretty much just like rebranded Ecto Cooler with some vodka in it. Totally. It's like one of those rebranded things where they just call a warehouse and put some vodka in the thing and flavor it apple and call it Mascara. We designed the bulks. And he's like, all right, I'll have it there in two weeks.

And that's it. Just like I'll have it there in two weeks. And that's it. Just like every other product that they sell. It's like their makeup is like that crumbly shit from the dollar store, but it has like Gretchen's face on it so people buy it. However, however, however,

however, it's my makeup. Could you imagine an Australian Gretchen however Gina however however

Gina wouldn't make a never mind I'm going in a strange Muppet place I don't want to do it anymore um wait so before

however hey Gina hey Gina you know what you know what I call you know what Gina calls makeup? She calls it cosmetics! So, a little friendly advice. A little friendly advice. Let's talk about Gina's party first, because that's what happened first chronologically. You know what I call that? Going in order.

So, Gina has her cancer event. Oh, alright. Gina has her cancer event Gina's cancer event I think it takes place if I'm not mistaken it looks like it takes place in a 1987 cocaine dealer's home

it's like all mirrors shiny neon and it's amazing it's perfectly Gina Rick was the first one to bring Denny's to Australia we bought it here. I think I got cancer here. I think this is where.

I got it. This is called the Cocaine Cancer Den. I got this off a mirror here. I was snorting something off the cocaine mirror. Next thing I knew, I had cancer. it's so like 1980s um brian de palma cocaine chic yeah that's very like nicholas cage resting yeah at home yeah exactly and i would expect nothing less from giner where he must have been on coke to agree to do a left behind movie what the fuck yeah when is that when you're doing a

movie that my parents and my meemaw are begging me to come in town to see the premiere with uh you know you're in a shitload of trouble career-wise nicholas cage yeah but nicholas cage has this ability to do a bunch of shitty movies and then all of a sudden do something amazing from wondery this is black history for real i I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Conscious Lee what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History Month exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th,

or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. Bishop Grey's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself.

But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad free right now by joining

Wondery plus. I doubt that left behind is going to be it, but I'm willing to try. I mean, that's that originally starred Kirk Cameron. If that is letting you know about the quality of this upcoming film we're about to see. Hey, Nicolas Cage. Anyway, dude. Hey, Nicolas Cage, a little bit of friendly advice.

If you want to be Left Behind, why don't you hang out with Gene or... Hey, Nicolas Cage, maybe you should talk to Patricia about how to read scripts. Because she seems to be doing a better job than you, alright? Hey, Nicholas Cage, next time you don't want to be left behind by the rapture, how about you pray to God more? Hey, Nicholas Cage, God wouldn't have left you down on Earth if you had better plugs, alright? Bad plugs don't get into heaven, Nick. Hey, Nicholas Cage, a little bit of friendly advice. Next time you want to make a movie, how about you call up bit of friendly advice. Next time you want to make a movie,

how about you call up your agent and say, hey, I want to make a movie. Hey, Nicolas Cage, a little bit of advice. Maybe you should stop striking the moon. Hey, Nicolas Cage, here's a little bit of friendly advice. If you want to make a movie adaptation, why don't you start on another movie called Adaptation? Hey, Nicolas Cage,

you should have married Cher when you had the chance. She's still on top. Ha ha! Hey, Nicolas Cage, I heard you once tried to raise Arizona, but here's a little bit of friendly advice. Why don't you try to raise California instead? Ha ha! Hey, Nicolas Cage, here's a little advice.

But it causes heart attacks. Hee hee hee hee hee hee! Hey, Nicolas Cage, here's a little bit of friendly advice for you. Next time you want to do well for yourself, why don't you take your face off and put it on John Travolta's? Hey, Nicholas Cage,

here's a little bit of friendly advice. Next time you want to read a good script, how about you don't use your eyes, how about you use some snake eyes instead? I'm out of Nicolas Cage. I can't do anything else. Hey, Nicolas Cage. Next time you buy some furniture, why don't you make sure that they're wicker,

man? Ah! Why don't you and Chica talk about Wicca, man? Oh my god, Nicholas Cage. Hey, Nicholas Cage. Hey, Nicholas Cage, here's an idea for you. Why don't you go out to Ayers Rock and shoot a movie there and call it The Rock? Ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha! So let's get back to Gina's cancer party. By the way, here's a phrase no one will ever say. Let's get back to Chica. That's one phrase no one will ever say. Or to quote Seth Meyers, let's get back to Chica, said no one.

Let's get back to Chica. Hey Chica, what did you do today? Well, I organized all these chairs. Look at all these gold chairs, how they're organized. You like that? Oh, you've got such style, Chica. Hey, Chica, a little friendly advice. Next time you want to be on the show, do something other than make canapes.

Hey, Chica, Caroline Manta is not such a great role model for the looks department, alright? You might want to step away from that idea. Hey, Chica. How about you grow your hair a little bit longer or cut it a little bit shorter so that way your haircut makes sense? Hey, Chica. Here's a bit of advice. Why don't you just keep being nice

to people all the time? You know what I call Chica? I call her a human being because that's what she is. Oh, Chica. Chica's so nice. She is so nice. She's probably the nicest. She's like one of the only nice housewives that I don't want to get by.

She's probably the nicest person on Bravo. Well, it's not Bravo. It's called something else. Encore. Or like, what is it? Here's a bit of friendly advice for you ronnie next time you make a reference to australian programming why don't you learn what it is beforehand foxtail it's foxtail but it's in the same symbol as bravo so it makes you think it's bravo but it's not as foxtail well here we go. So the only thing that was really interesting

that came out of Gina's cancer party is that she revealed she's making a soap line and she handed everyone these soaps that were kind of like these busts of like a Greek goddess. And I personally kind of love them. I would never buy it, but I just love that Gina has these crazy soaps.

And then Jackie's like, oh, it shouldn't be headless. It shouldn't be headless. She's like, you just got over cancer. Why are you making something without a head? Well, she doesn't have brain cancer. Come on, give her a break. I know.

She's like, I can't watch the Highlander series because I always behead people. That was kind of weird, though. She's like, come to my cancer party. I'm announcing that I'm writing a book, selling soaps, and, you know, have a new hairspray line. It's like, what? What?

It is sort of weird, though. If you have to use that soap, you'd basically be molesting a lady's breasts. Yeah, you're basically molesting a headless woman. It's essentially like one step above something you might find at Spencer's Gifts. Yeah, well, I mean, she was wearing a toga thing. At least it wasn't naked.

Make them naked and sell them at Spencer's. People will buy that shit. Yeah, they would. I bet Jackie would not like going by the Venus de Milo. Oh, I don't like that she doesn't have any arms, head, or legs. That's not right. Yeah, Lydia would be like, that's in the Louvre in Texas.

Which I've been to. She nods her head. I've seen lots of artwork at the Louvre of Texas. Yes, Paris, Texas. That's in the Estelle Getty Museum. It's very famous. I've seen it at the Googly Eye Museum. Yeah, in New York City. Yeah, Googly Eye.

Alright, so what else here? Party, party, cancer party. And people were kind of turning on her. So were people making catty comments because I was trying to perfect my chicken cooking during this part? Nothing happened. Really, the next thing that happened in the show

was that Gina and Andrea sat down to bury the hatchet and Gina, to be honest, she opened up the dialogue in a mature way. And she said, she was basically like, you know, there are certain things and like, I don't remember calling you a cunt,

but if I did, you know, I'm sorry. She didn't really quite say it like that. She's like, I didn't remember calling you a cunt, but if that's what was related to you, I'm sorry,

which is sort of a half-assed apology. I truly would have liked Gina to have been taking a little bit more ownership over it. But that being said... But she didn't call her a cunt. She called Lydia a cunt. She said, I'm going to go out there and tell Lydia she's a cunt. Why is she spreading all this stuff about me? Yeah.

And Janet went back and said she called you guys cunts, which she didn't. So she's just being, I mean, I know that she's, I know that Gina doesn't really ever admit the shit she's doing. But technically she didn't call her a cunt. She called Lydia a cunt. But the thing is, Andrea. I mean, I'm sure she has called her a cunt since. But Andrea's always changing what she's most mad about. You know, because Lydia did it. She apologized

for the tennis court and the bronzing powder. And she, but then, you know, all of a sudden, Andrea, is it the legal email? Is it being called a cunt? What is it, you know? But that being said, Andrea was, like, very cold and unreceptive. It was not, she did not go into this in a friendly

way. She came out with a list of grievances. Oh, she was ready to rumble. Gina came. Gina showed up and she's like, alright, Gina, have a seat. It's her office. It's not your fucking office, lady. She even said, well, I brought a list because I'm treating this like a business meeting.

This is not a friendship meeting. This is a business meeting. I'm like, what the fuck business is this? You guys aren't doing any business together. You're not doing any transactions. Shut up and actually be a human being for once. once oh my god that she showed up with a list that was hilarious yeah she's like he called me a cunt which i didn't appreciate like number one on the list well the best part is so then obviously things start to get heated and then as things got heated andrea of course let out one of her classic andrea jokes and she goes i hear you're doing a soap brand is that so you can wash your mouth at oh god but then gina but then gina had the best response ever she goes maybe lydia can wash a vagina with it i didn't get it i was like

what i mean it didn't make sense but it was kind of like this she took it to like a really vulgar i think they just finally got her so mad that's why i didn't like it because i didn't make sense, but it was kind of like this... She took it to, like, a really vulgar place. I think they just finally got her so mad. That's why I didn't like it. Because I didn't like that they finally got Gina so mad that she acted like an ass, you know? And she was like, well, wash your vagina. I mean, maybe if it made sense or something. But I don't like that they finally got under her skin. It bugged me, because Andrea is such a weak human being.

I was like, come on, Gina, stand up! You can do it! It didn't make any sense, but I just... I actually liked that she just got so dirty so quickly out of nowhere. It was just like, it was such a... She knows it, bugs. Yeah. It made me laugh out loud. It's like, you're going to call me Volker, I'm immediately going to mention your vagina.

Well, ultimately though, Gina... Once things got heated, Gina really dressed down Andrea. And you know what? She had the best response. She told Andrea the best thing, which she says, you can't be the aggressor and not get an aggressive reaction back, which is exactly what Andrea did. Because Gina came in with an apologetic tone. Maybe Andrea didn't get the apology that she wanted, but Andrea should have said, listen, I know what you're saying, but it's hard for me to feel like this is genuine because it feels like a conditional apology.

You know, this is what I heard. This is why I'm hurt. And, you know, I feel like I need something from you and more than what you're giving me. But instead, Andrea was, like, very hostile. She rejected pretty much everything Gina said. And then she became the aggressor. And so when Gina says, you can't be the aggressor and not get an aggressive reaction back, she's right.

I just don't understand what this obsession with an apology is. What does everybody need an apology? Who cares? Everybody has to apologize for everything now. You say something somebody doesn't like, you have to go publicly apologize. What does that matter? No one means it anyway. she said you're a cunt because you're a fucking cunt if you don't want people calling you a cunt stop acting like a cunt what's so hard about that how about you apologize for being a cunt cunt yeah exactly you know and and i get

gina's point which is that it's hard for her to apologize because it validates all of andrea and lydia's heinous behavior it makes it say like oh well they had a right to this behavior because i did something wrong so i i get that too they were just making shit up to be mad about this whole season and gina's not playing along with it but i did love at the end okay which we'll get to in a minute but at the very end when gina finally just starts playing like them, and she's like, you know what? I need an apology from you. You really hurt my feelings.

I need you to apologize. And she's like, what for? And she's like, just generally, just say generally I apologize. Was this at the very end of the party? That was really funny. Yeah, because at that point, it's just like, fine.

The only thing you understand is I'm sorry. You know, hurt somebody, then apologize. Hurt somebody, then apologize. So apologize. Right. You know, like if you want to play that stupid apology game. I'm sorry. You know, Hitler.

I hope Hitler was here because if Hitler was still alive, I wish he was here because he could just apologize and everything would be okay. Apology doesn't mean shit. Shut up already with these fucking apologies. I know. Everybody out there in America and the world, stop it. Stand by what you say, okay? And if you're going to apologize, do it half-assed like Gina does, where she's like, I'm sorry if you were offended that I said that,

you know, whatever, vagina hair. I loved Gina's awkward insult, by the way, when she left the restaurant. She's like, well, good luck with your deck of cards with your life, because that's all you got. A deck of cards that are about to topple. I was like, Gina, I love you, but that made no sense. Well, is that a saying there?

Because people keep saying deck of cards on this show. I don't know what the hell. Is it just like a translation thing? Maybe it's like an Australian version of um your life is a house of cards but the best part was when she's like yeah it's a deca called it's about to crumble you fucking idiot and then the woman the the two people who were eating in the restaurant were like watching they were like oh my god what's happening this drag queen is pissed off oh and uh someone on twitter pointed out that uh andrea was trying to move gina's putting on makeup move against her yes i saw that yes andrea's so sad she can't even fight for herself

it's so ridiculous bye andrea i can't afford outfits and also i screamed at my husband in public god i wish i saw that that That was, I don't know. I love this show. I'm sad that it's. Well, so then we got to the Mascara party. Oh, yeah, La Mascara. And Jackie stands on the thing. And all they have basically are boxes.

And all their artwork is done. And then people are drinking the cocktails. But it's all mixed with something. So you don't know what the hell is in there. But I love that she stands up on the bar. And she's like i did this this came to me and i got this done and i just um i just want to thank the universe because i made this happen with the universe i'm like is the universe your husband's fucking money because i don't remember you having any money to do this like and then she ended up thanking her husband later.

But I was like, yeah, I don't know that I'd be giving the credit to the universe. Because you basically kind of bought this shit off Craigslist and put a painting on it. Yeah. I just want to thank Silverchair. Silverchair is a great band from the 90s. Silverchair. Yeah, I'm kind of sick of people giving invisible things credit. And maybe it's just because I just came back from Texas.

But we were at a restaurant and the guy cleaning the tables came up. And he's like, how y'all doing? I said, good, how are you? And he's like, blessed and amazed. And I was like, really? That's great. Hashtag. Yeah, hashtag wow Jesus. Everyone every day is like look what Jesus did for me.

I got a new car. I'm like Jesus did not do that. You're an accountant and you bought yourself a car. Stop it. Oh gosh. Well should we move on to Below Deck? Let's move on to Below Dick. Below Dick.

It's pronounced Below Dick. Below Dick. Below Dick. Below Dick. By the way, this picture on our Facebook page of Andy Cohen grimacing after tasting tequila is the funniest fucking picture. We can never change it. I know. It's been up there for a few weeks, and I think, yeah, it's never green, I would say. It means to never change. Never change

and if you haven't been to our Facebook page, you should come to the Facebook page. You can see Andy Cohen drinking tequila. Maybe if he would drink a little... Hey, Andy Cohen, here's a little bit of friendly advice. Next time you should drink some La Mascara. That way you won't grimace. Okay, Below Deck. I really am enjoying this show,

Ronnie. I'm enjoying it. Yeah, I'm enjoying it too. I admit it. I really am enjoying this show, Ronnie. I'm enjoying it. Yeah, I'm enjoying it too. I admit it. I admit it. It's good. Yeah, it's been really fun. It's a funny show to watch. So we had a new deckhand come on board this episode.

You know, this is one of those things, like when you go to a small school without a lot of people and somebody new comes and everybody wants to have sex with them, but then you realize probably around Christmas time that that person really wasn't that hot in the first place. It was just fresh meat.

Yeah. This poor guy. He has a nice smile. He has a nice smile, nice personality. He's good looking. I'm not going to take that away from personality. He's good looking. I'm not going to take that away from him. He is good looking. Yeah, he's cute.

I'm not saying he's ugly. I'm just saying everybody's acting like Brad Pitt just walked on the boat. I'm like, hmm. I'm like, I'm sorry. Kelly still is the highest ranking officer on the SS hot ship. Which one's Kelly? The brother of the hick? Yeah, he's the hot one.

Yeah, he's fine. When he started dancing on that stripper pole, I was like, Yay! Now that's a maid I'd hire. And he's so sensitive, and yet he still is obsessed with Janice, the plainest of the plain. Janice, plain and tall, except she's short. That was a literary reference. Janice plain and short and obviously using me

because her boyfriend hung up on her on FaceTime. Janice plain and short. That's so funny. And when he's like when he gets wasted and passes out and he's like, can you just lie here with me? She's like, that was a real turning point. I'm like, shut up, Janice. Yeah, when a drunk guy wants to breathe his barf breath

all over your back while you're sleeping. That's so romantic. Settling with Janice. I like your smile. They should have a spinoff called Settling. Let's just see how long you can stay with somebody you don't even like just because you're too sad to go

back outside. It's called When the Plane Girl Realizes the Super Hot Guy Likes Her and She Realizes She Should Really Lock That Down. Yeah, only when the plane girl realizes the super hot girl super hot guy likes her and she realizes she should really lock that down yeah only because she got broken up with that is so offensive she's stupid she don't deserve kelly they need to bring another hot girl onto the boat so that way kelly can go for the hot girl which he totally would i don't know he seems like a good guy though he probably once he has his heart onice, he probably wouldn't want to leave that. Whatever.

She made him cry. Yeah, that's true, too. Thanks. Somebody's texting you. Who is that? It's my friend, Matt. And he's probably texting something inappropriate. Matt Whitfield?

No, it's Matt Goldman, everyone. Matt Goldman. He's probably like, happy Jewish week, Ben. Yeah, he probably is, actually. He's like, what are we going to bench on for Yom Kippur, Benny boy? Happy Jewish week. Happy Jewish week. What a week to be Jewish, eh, Ben?

He's like, this is the one week of the year that we can admit to running this town, Ben. Let's go party! So, how about that Torah? Hey, are you going to come to book club? We're going over chapter 17 of Torah today. Y'all are little! So, who wants a bagel?

So anyway, what were we talking about? Let's see. So the yacht. My poor Jewish friend David Bowman growing up, he was like a Mexican Jew, and I used to go to temple with him sometimes after school because my mom didn't want to come pick me up after junior league. And I would go, and I felt bad for him because you always have to sing the Bible there, and he just sang so off-key. And I was like, God, I would sing and I felt bad for him because you always have to sing the Bible there. And he just sang so off key.

And I was like, God, I would sing the shit out of this if they just let me up there. But I never got to sing it. All the hiding. Yeah. There's a lot of lie, lie sounds. Side note. Lie, lie, lie. There's a lot of, yeah, in Jewish prayers or Jewish songs, there's a lot of lai, lai, lai, lai.

Which, for some reason, I really hate that phonetic noise of lai. Yeah, because it's wise. Yeah, I only like it with Simon and Garfunkel. But other than that, I really hate it. Lai, lai, lai. Lai, lai, lai, lai, lai, lai. And even then, I don't even love it that much. Like, I like a la, la, la.

I love a na, na, na. I love a na, na, na. But a lai, lai, lai, ugh, I really don't likela. I love a na-na-na. I love a na-na-na. But a la-la-la, I really don't like that. I'm a hmm-hmm lover. Like, ooh, ooh, mmm. I'm a hum lover. I like the hum sound. Like, the mouth closed.

You can just feel the tones coming from the back of your throat. You're like, turn up that Odetta. Let's hear some hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. Yes, I just made a NoDetta reference. Okay, that's enough. That means it's time to move on. To Below Deck. So anyway, this new guy comes on

and Amy, the Texan who all of a sudden everyone hates, is interested in him because he's from Texas too and he likes to kick. He had a kicker phase. She just, you know, it's fresh meat. She wants this guy. But then Kat also is interested in this guy

and Kat is the ultimate cock blocker. Do you have kickers? Do you ever go horseback riding? Do you spit your tobacco in the trash can around the sidewalk? It's so sexy! Do you pick up litter on the highway because you don't mess with Texas?

Oh, you're from Oklahoma, so you're sooner. Sooner or later, we're going to get in the hot tub. Sorry, I'm still doing the bad Australian jokes. Once they get into me, it's hard for me to let it go. Yeah, it's hard to let it go. For sure. No, but so it was really funny because when kat was like hitting on him she was like so tell me about yourself like

where'd you grow up like i'm trying to do her weird like american british accent so she's british i don't get that i only knew that because you told me she she sounds more american this season but i think last season she had some weird brit in her accent. Oh. I mean, she looks like she would be British. I could see that. She looks like an extra in, like, um, Oliver Twist, or, like, one of those movies. I could picture her in, like, one of those big

poofy skirts. Yeah. Being like, Sweeney, Sweeney, talk! The demon robber of Fleet Street! She has a very British working class face. like you know yeah i can imagine her with like one of those hats like a mary poppins hat and like uh like chimney dust on her skin i can imagine her from like 1863 um she's like a baker she she provides like she shows up with a loaf of bread and is like, here's a loaf of bread for your journeys. Something like that.

Yeah, she definitely has, like, a character phase. Because I could also picture her being in Deadwood, like, one of those, like, saloon hookers. Yes, she definitely has a Borgia look. She's like, ah, how was your travel? Yeah, like, aye, governor, why don't you give us a kiss? Give us a kiss, governor. Why don't you come up here to the hot tub on the yacht and we'll get you all hey, governor, why don't you give us a kiss? Give us a kiss, governor. Why don't you come up here to the hot tub on the yacht, and we'll get you all set, governor. Penny for your thoughts.

Yeah, dirty hooker. But, like, literally dirty. Like, covered in dirt. Yeah, but with a musical number involved, too. Like, master of the house. Da-da-da-da-da. Yeah. I like her, in, duh. Yeah.

I like her, in other words. Yeah. So, yeah, so she's like, what's up? Do you like girls who swallow? Or whatever. Yeah, I'm hot. I used to be fat. And then, okay, here, so everyone's like, all controversial on the Facebook page. They're like, that's not cool of that girl to be trying to fuck her boyfriend again.

Listen, just because that little Texan tries to jump on every hot guy that boards the boat doesn't mean that she has the right to them. Right. Okay? Yes. I don't think that that's true. The guy has some say in who he wants to bone. She doesn't get to just say he's hers because she's the first one who tried to stick it in herself that's true but if they do have some sort of chemistry and they're having a moment in the hot tub together you sort of know not to come

in and cock block you know well she did leave she left but not after ruining the mood well good for her hey look you gotta you gotta fight for that dick on that boat. There's not much of it. You've got the hot model guy and then you've got, what, Alex P. Keaton and the captain? No. But listen, she already got Ben to splooge on the

seahorse pillow, so I mean, she's got hers already. Oh, that's a one-timer. Look, I say all's fair in love and or. Okay, guys? Love and or. You guys have fun.

Yeah. Sure. That girl's like, I'll sell him first! That's like when I go to gay bars with my friend Darren, he's always like, that one's mine. I sell him first. I'm like, oh yeah, because he's always like that one's mine i saw first i'm like oh yeah because he's a fucking supermodel of course he's like why do we always like the same guys because we like supermodels it's not like you're picking some like danny devito in the corner who looks like

he might be nice like you're picking the stripper darren okay darren that's not really fair. Darian. Let's see what else happened. They almost destroyed a dock when their lurching boat pulled off a pylon, which was exciting. And it turned out to be a mechanical error, so Captain Lee was happy. He's like, I'm going to find out who left us in gear. He's like, I'm going to find out.

I'm going to find out. I'm going to get the bottom of this. Someone's going to get punished. Yeah, and then it turns out we found... Remember last week, I was like, who's that other guy? Turns out there was another guy, and he was identified. His name was like Brian or something, and he's like the first officer. Didn't something else happen? No?

Is that it? I didn't really take notes on this one because I just enjoy watching it. Yeah, I forgot to. I forgot to take notes. That's okay. Why don't we move on to Singles Project then? The Singles Project. The Singles Project. The Singles Project.

I will say this. I watched it last night. I enjoyed it a lot more than I did the first episode. I don't know if maybe I got my bullshit out of the way and I was able to watch it like a real human being or maybe because I know the characters is a little better or maybe

just the stories were more interesting this time around i i think it was maybe a combination of all but i enjoyed it um i enjoyed it too i'm writing emails right now with miss leah black i'm like tell me about this real housewives of miami gossip which we'll talk about in a little while yeah i think um i figured they're the worst I'm reading for you. So let's see. So it's a good show. I did take some notes on this one. Let me get over it.

They're very important, these notes I took. I think, honestly, maybe the episode I watched was just a bad episode. I could have just watched a bad episode. Because this one was much better. Which couple do you want to start with? Well, we can go in order okay so the gay guy uh orange the orange or orange little eyebrow obsessed gay guy yeah isn't his isn't his twitter name something like if his i forget his name if his name was like john it was

like john browse new york or something like that yeah so he loves eyebrows he's obsessed okay so well so he must love the jewish guy then ended up finding two decent guys at one time and so he's kind of trying to date both of them and last week he made out with one but then this other guy who he really likes saw that and so he's kind of like what the hell are you with me are you not with me and it's kind of nice and he's like i won't kill i won't kiss you until you know we really mean it aka until there are no cameras basically he just didn't want to do it on camera which i get well it's also kind of like pretty woman like i'll do everything else with you but when i kiss you

it means i love you i can't imagine a gay guy being so prude. I can imagine. You know, like, you know, people are like, you know, I don't know how long that guy's been out of the closet. I don't know the whole backstory of that guy, but I can actually really understand, like, if you don't want to make out on camera. I actually really get that, but what I did think was cute was when they were,

they went on their apple orchard date and when they were leaving and they were putting the Jewish guy into the car, the Uber driver is this old man, and he was watching the two of them hug and kiss and whatever. And this old guy had such a cute smile on his face. He was really enjoying it. I was like, aw, I like when old people are friendly to gays.

Aw, he was probably touching himself down there below his thing. Either that or he was just like really excited to be on TV. He's like, yeah, yeah, do it, guys. Do it. So they were pretty cute. I don't think that's going to last because the cute little Jewish guy, first of all, I mean, I've said it

a million times on this show, two bottoms don't make a top. So I'm not sure how that's going to work out. Yeah, the cute little Jewish guy, I mean, he's actually very attractive. And actually, his big bushy eyebrows I thought looked really good on him. You know, they sort of have two... The Jewish guy seems super nice and very smart. He sort of has...

There's something a little annoying about his personality, I find. Just a little bit. Sort of like when he made the apple tart at the end and he brings it and and the guy is like oh my god this is so he's like really do you think so really really i'm like just say thank you you know i'm saying like there's that was like a little bit of an annoying quality to me well i think that's kind of a running thing with him i mean he's only been on two episodes yeah but from what i get from that, he doesn't believe that Ryan... Is his name Ryan? I have no idea. He doesn't believe that

the orange guy, who I think is Ryan, he doesn't believe that the orange guy is being sincere. Yeah. Because everything the orange guy says is very... Insincere. Insincere. So it comes off as being very insincere. I mean, he comes... To me, he seems very nice.

But yeah, he comes off as very insincere. This guy's always like, really? Because he'll be like, oh, I went on another date, but now I'm with you and you're amazing and you're the best thing I've ever met in my life. And then he'll be like, really? Because you just

met me, so I'm not sure about that. And then he's making out with another guy on national TV. I don't know. To me, the reallys seem not so much skepticism as more like a self-deprecation

in the face of a compliment. It's really a minor quibble. I think they both are very cute, and they look like they will have at least a few more good dates, if not more. Good for them. Yeah, they're pretty cute. Yeah, I'm happy. Well, you didn't see the other guy, because you didn't watch last week, but the other guy is really cute, too.

I saw the flashback of him. He looks like, he's kind of like Madison, but not as annoying. Yeah. And he doesn't have that bully laugh. And he doesn't have that bully laugh. And by the way, this is an aside. If you go to our Facebook page, you can see pictures from inside one of the houses that Josh Flagg is trying to sell. I randomly was in it, and I saw that the sign outside said Josh Flagg.

And it is so tacky and so gaudy. It's not a reflection on Josh. It's more just like I can't imagine how Josh is going to sell this house. It is so awful on the inside. So go look at our Facebook page. Oh, that show rolls. Oh, my God. He's sold some hideous homes. I hope it's on the show because, honestly, it is atrocious.

So let's see. The next couple. How about the girl and the southern guy? I love this. Oh, my God. Kind of the weirdo blonde girl and that southern artist guy. I like them. Yeah, me too.

Her mother. Okay, so they went to visit his mother, first of all, in South Carolina. Oh, I love her. And she's like, honey, you come here and give me a hug. Oh, my God. She's like, I don't know what to do about this. She's like, I'm so nervous.

I haven't never been this nervous before in my life. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say about this. I don't know. She's like, don't be nervous, honey. It's going gonna be fine. How's your womb feeling? Is it gonna be a good bedroom for my new grandbaby

who's about to start growing in there? Whoa. Calm down, Mom. Calm down. That mom was a little over-eager. Yeah. But I like the mom. I thought she was sweet, and they obviously are loaded, which is why he's able to be an artist in Brooklyn. But, you know, I like that couple, because they're both quirky. I like the way they talk to each other. They make are loaded, which is why he's able to be an artist in Brooklyn. But, you know, I like

that couple because they're both quirky. I like the way they talk to each other. They make all these stupid jokes, but I love that they can make stupid jokes and they crack each other up and that they have their own, they do their own weird mime games. I think it's actually pretty awesome. Well, she did

the same thing that the gay guy did. She went on another date. Because, I mean, they're on a show about dating, so they kind of have to keep dating people. And she left the date last week. She's like, look, I've got a watermelon baby inside of me that's about to start coming out. And I need to find a more private bathroom. And then she just left the guy there, which was hilarious.

That's amazing. And really mean. And then she called the guy that she's dating, the artist guy and she's like, oh my god, I was just on this terrible date and I was thinking of you the whole time and he's like, um, actually that was really uncool that you did that to me. Aww. So he kind of

is the girl and it was cute. They had to make that. They seem like they're going to be a legit couple. They seem like they really do vibe properly. Yeah,

I think so too. I like them. And then, let's see, then we have who is the dentist? Basically, the two black people.

What's the dentist guy's name again? Bowtie? The dentist. You the asshole you know the asshole in the bowtie that guy oh oh he's a dentist isn't he a dentist um so basically i call him urkel but i'm not sure what his situation is this i actually think he's a nice guy but he's socially awkward and he doesn't say things properly and he also has a sense of entitlement so i guess that does make him an asshole, but she is like the ultimate catch. She is beautiful.

She is well-spoken. She seems to be very well off. I don't know what she does, but she is like a total catch. And he has somehow like, as she says, bullied her into like falling for him. And he invites her out to a night with all the guys and the guys start coming for her

and she's like, whoa, this is whatever. He doesn't really stand up for her. I think it's totally... She was totally right to walk out of there. He was in the wrong. I hope he realized that he was in the wrong. I don't think he realized truly. I don't think he understood what the hell she was so mad about.

The thing is, when you're a dentist, I guess, I'm just guessing because I wouldn't know anything about this. He'll be a dentist. Yeah, I'm about to speak out of my butt a little bit here. But he is a doctor. If you're a doctor, heaven light. Or a Dr. Karen Sierra. Yeah. You know, when you're a doctor, a dentist, or, normally you have beautiful women like all up in your butt crack.

So to actually have to work this hard for a woman is probably rare to him. Yeah. And also she's really not easy when he says that she's a tough nut to crack or whatever. She really is like she's a tough nut to crack or whatever. She really is. Like, she's very defensive. And I think that that's kind of a point where women are coming to because men are kind of Neanderthals for the most part. And I think, like, look at how defensive gay guys are. Part of it is that we got beat up when we were kids.

But another part is that guys are kind of Neanderthals and it does make you defensive. I mean, by the time you start getting older, you're like, oh, God, this guy's going to be nice to me. Then he's going to fuck me and leave me. Then he's going to pretend he doesn't know me next time I see him in Gelson's with some whore. Yeah. But that being said, though, this guy has an advantage over all that. Something that goes against that, which is that every week, she lets us into her mindset on TV.

All he has to do is watch the show and see where she's coming from or see what she's all about. And then he should be able to use that and know how to talk to her, how to react to her. Because she's every week, theoretically, talking about what turns her on,

what turns her off, what she likes, what she doesn't like, and what sort of person she is. That's like a big advantage that a lot of people don't get when they're dating someone. And he's not taking advantage of it at all. Well, but it's also a huge disadvantage because a lot of the beginning – when you're just beginning to date somebody and you have that feeling of just total love and you're totally obsessed with them. A lot of that comes from what you're making up in your head. And has nothing to do with them. Because you're coming up with this amazing personality they probably have. And you're picking up on all these little clues.

That maybe have been dropped during the dating period. And you're thinking this is this perfect person in your mind. And that's why it always takes relationships a couple years to suck. Because you have to really start seeing someone for who they are and not for who you want them to be. And I think he's probably just like, oh, my God, this woman, he's seeing all of her insecurities where normally it would take him a lot longer to get to that point. Yeah, that's true, too. Either way, I think that she is way out of his league and that he should come correct next time. And that he should come correct next time.

And he should learn that he had better not let things go for two days without talking to her. Like, you've got to, like, he is so lucky to have her. And he should always remember that. And he better change it up next time. Well, it's hard for me to be interested in them. I think she needs to loosen the hell up. Because she's beautiful. And I get confident. well it's hard for me to be interested in them i think she needs to loosen the hell up because she's beautiful and i get confident but she's too she's too lilith for me but i love a lilith girl yeah i don't and i can't have that but um last week they went away together and they left their

cell phones at home and it was just them those two on a uh relaxing weekend in the ham i think it was in the hamptons or something and they rented this house and walked on the beach and neither one of them had a thing to say yeah this is the most boring shit i've ever sat through i was like oh my god i never actually believed that they had any chemistry i kind of feel like the producers sort of pushed them together to be honest well. Well, I think he sees somebody beautiful. She was ignoring him, and that made him like her more. And then he finally got her attention, but they don't really have much to talk about. But now they've got all this pressure from people on the tweeter.

And I don't know. I don't think there's any hope for them. I think that there's hope for them individually. I mean, they both seem nice. Yeah, I think they'll go on a few more dates. But you can't have a – honestly, I think it's a bad sign when you have a fight like that so early in the relationship. So I'm... And he's already calling her his girlfriend.

Like, no. It's over. Yeah. Then we have Tabasum. Tabasum. Speaking of defensive 40-year-olds. Tabasum is that same thing where I think she's just... It's almost like you work so hard to be beautiful to a man but

then you're attracting the wrong kind of men because you look like a blow-up doll and then you get offended that they're not respecting you but your kind of whole existence is about pleasing them which and then she goes but she goes on a date with a very charming british man and i thought they were like very cute together and i was like oh finally she found someone. And then she's like, I don't know. I wouldn't say that there was a lot of chemistry there. I'm like, okay, enough with you. Enough. No, I'm walking away from you, Balsamic or Top of Summer, whatever her name is.

Yeah, she's, I mean, I'm glad she's dating someone her own age. That was funny when she's like, I'm going to just date someone my own age instead of going for younger. She's like 33. Yeah, I was like, I'm going to just date someone my own age instead of going for younger. She's like, 33. Yeah, I was like, that is not your age, girl. But you know, her friend that we saw, her friend, and look, I don't care. It's not like I'm some spring chicken. I just think it's funny

that no one can say their age. Everyone's so ashamed. I mean, I see someone who's 23 and I'm like, they probably are still telling poop jokes. You know? And there's nothing wrong with being 23 either. It's like, why are we all so fucking worried? So what? Everybody ages.

Get over it, okay? But anyway, her, I just don't like. I think that she's too defensive to find anybody right now. And she's too focused on stupid things. She's made herself look ridiculous to look hot to men. And then she's always trying to date someone she thinks is like physically hot which never works out because they're always trying too hard to be hot which means they're still trying to fuck half the world i don't know it's just very confusing i don't know

what's wrong with her but i know that i can barely stand her and i usually like girls like that yeah uh yeah i i did you hang up on me who are you texting right now i was listening to you i was listening to your whole bullshit you are writing an email or something i am not i am not no i was listening to you i think that she i don't know i'm not interested in tabasum really i i find i don't know she's like i don't dislike her i mean i like her she just seems like one of those girls that i've been on the phone with for hours of my life. Listening to their crap. And I don't want to listen to their crap anymore. That's the thing.

It's like you give them advice and then they don't take it. And then they wonder what's wrong. And you're like, you know what? Never mind with you. That's what I feel like about you, Tabassum. Yeah, you dated a guy you met in Little Armenia who's an ex-gogo boy and is now studying to be a paralegal. And you boned him the first night and then he didn't call you and you're curious as to why come on i think that basically if at 41 she's just starting to realize

that maybe she should date people her own age i think you know what tabas tab whatever your name is just enough go away yeah nice, but go away. I think you need to take off your eyelashes, stop putting fillers in, take off the weave, just become like a normal good... I mean, because she's still beautiful. It's not like she's going to be ugly

without all that clown crap. She's a beautiful girl. She's just trying too hard. Anytime you try to look like a blow-up doll, all a guy's going to want to do is stick his dick down your face. Okay? That's it. She gives me a little bit of Marisol Patton. I really

get some Marisol Patton off of her. Yes. Entitled and collusional. Physically, I think she looks like Marisol. Alright, well, I think we've covered all the bases on the Singles Project. I don't know how it did in the ratings. Maybe it'll come back.

By the way, I asked Matt Whitfield, our old dear friend Matt Whitfield, I asked him how Melbourne is doing in the ratings, and he said he didn't know because it's not in primetime. And I said, well, do you think it'd be the sort of thing that maybe Bravo would move to primetime? And he said no. Yeah, because they're not owned by the same... They're owned by the same like mate like umbrella

corporation but they don't make the same money off melbourne that they would off of one of their own they should have they should move it to prime time at least to give us something it's the best one they've got right now yeah i think yeah there's a lot of not a lot of press but like if you i think eon line wrote something to that effect it's the best housewives there are like articles out there that say that. Anyway, thank you all for listening. We are going to go do a bonus episode now. Again, if you want to hear the bonus episode,

please support us on Patreon.com. Patreon.com forward slash WatchWhatCrapHands. If you donate a dollar per episode, you get access to the bonus episode. And you can put a cap on your donations. That way you're not donating a huge amount per month. You can put a cap so you only donate one dollar per month. We don't care. Oh, and just one quick thing about that.

We're still having trouble figuring out how to actually download from the page. So what we did was we made it a private SoundCloud file. So just when you go to our Patreon page and sign up, just be sure to go to our activity feed and you'll see all of our fresh posts there. Yeah. And just a heads up, the activity feed, it's a little link towards the top of the page. Unfortunately, I think Patreon and me,

sometimes it's like a little tricky to find the activity feed. But if you look it's there. And once you see it, you'll always know where it is. Yeah, but it'll be up there the same day as the podcast airs yeah yeah so we're gonna go record that right now we'll talk about gossip and who knows what else so thanks

everyone this is what a what a fun delightful episode Ronnie with a fun yeah that was fun times the bonus episode we'll be talking Bravo gossip evil dick gossip and possibly some survivor stuff so we'll see you guys on the flip side bye facebook.com forward slash watch what happens BitGossip and possibly some Survivor stuff. So we'll see you guys on the flip side. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. To the insurance company that spurned me. Our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. Fifteen minutes ago, I began courting GEICO.

It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tears you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to GEICO. Sincerely, not yours, Tara in Telluride. GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.