Watch What Crappens - #153: Fatburgers, Mom Shawls and Lies

Episode Date: November 19, 2014

Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) are joined by special guest Ira Madison III from Buzzfeed! We?re all psyched for the return of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and are still riding high on the seasons of Vanderpump Rules and Euros of Hollywood. Of course, The Real Housewives of Atlanta slayed again this week, and we loved every second of it. Join us! Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Okay. Thank you. Bye, guys. Hey, everyone. Welcome to Watch What Crappens, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap in? Oh, hello, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. I'm so excited to have a guest. I know. Well, spoiler alert, we have a guest. And ladies and gentlemen, why don't we introduce him? Joining us, staff writer from BuzzFeed, is Ira Madison III. Hey, Ira. Hi, guys.

Welcome to the show. Woo-hoo. Yes, that's Ronnie. I'll clap, too. I'll clap for that, also. So, actually, Ira and I just met, what was it, like a week ago, two weeks ago? Yeah, a couple weeks ago. At none other than Pump. So very thematically on point. Oh my God, were you guys by one of those gigantic potters?

Yes. I don't think there's a way to not be near one of those gigantic potters. It's like nothing but overgrown topiaries in that place. And like, wow, it smells like manure. A lot of Greek looking architecture. Yeah. It's like Sur is sort of like the strange pan Asian thing. And Pump is more like pseudo Grecian like things.

It looks like the set from that teen movie, Get Over It, when they did Midsommar. You know, I don't know if I saw Get Over It, but I believe it. And I like that they did Midsommar on that. Did you guys meet through friends or were you just, did you just happen to start talking to each other? No, we have a mutual friend julian and julian actually invited us both to drinks at pump because he knew we would hit it off and talk about bravo a lot nice and you did and here we are and here we are we've made it um so anyway so um uh so you can follow us by by the way, on Facebook. Facebook.com forward slash WatchWhatCrappens.

You can follow all our social media at WatchWhatCrappens.com. And of course you can be a supporter of this podcast by going to Patreon.com forward slash WatchWhatCrappens. That's Patreon spelled P-A-T-R-E-O-N. And you can get access to bonus episodes, live hangouts. We had a hangout last week. Super fun. Ringtones. We just did our bonus episode.

We talked about Willow and Jaden Smith. It was a lot of fun. I could talk about that this whole episode, too, if we want to. I know. My prana energy is at an all-time high. I'm breathing out of my stomach, you guys. So, anyway, so go follow us on that of my stomach, you guys. So anyway, go follow us on that and support

us if you can. It'd be great. And then today, we have a lot of shows to talk about. We are going to talk about Real Houses of Atlanta, talk about Vanderpump Rules, get a little Top Chef in there, we'll get some Euros of Hollywood, and of course, The Return of Beverly Hills.

Should we just start right there sure yeah that's a big one so what did everyone think season premiere are we back on track okay ira before everyone already knows what we think about all these fools so what teams are you on all right what teams do you follow within the real housewives of beverly hills um my main question was where's eileen davidson yes they're saving that they're saving her yeah yeah because i actually stopped watching halfway through last season because i was so bored and um then i came back for the finale and the reunion and i was like eileen's joining the show i love love her from Days of Our Lives.

I tuned in. And she wasn't there. No. I think she didn't even come to the white party. Yeah. Which is crazy because the white party is only the biggest, most exclusive party in all of Los Angeles. Everybody's talking about it. I mean, it started out so small and now, boom, everybody here wants to come.

Was there anybody famous at that white party yeah i'm well at least every now and harry hamlin listen it's got it's gotten so big they have to get a second fat burger van there now there's not enough fat burger for that white party it was just really weird that they had fat burger there when they probably should have had in and out well actually the reason why they have fat burger is because i think kyle's daughter is engaged or got married to the fat burger heir yeah so that's like a symbol of their new newfound richness that's not just a burger okay that's like kyle's new claim to fame the fat burger dynasty yeah her i feel like uh her daughter's engagement ring was probably just like a pickle with a hole in it

just slide it right it's like a curly fry so if i have to pick a team um lisa obviously i'm always i'm always team lisa vanderpump yes uh and team lisa rena actually i'm she hasn't caused any drama yet but i love her um from days of our lives as well so i will be team vanderpump rena and davidson yes season do we do our lisa and eileen davidson are they going to be allies or are they going to be petty? Okay, they're allies. That's good. Well, Eileen Davidson is one smart cookie. She's not one of these idiots who comes on this show.

First of all, she doesn't need it. She's already famous as hell and rich as hell. Yeah. With her own money, thank you very much. So she doesn't need to be nice to anybody. She doesn't need anything from the show. She's probably just doing it for fun. And I mean, face it, every soap star wants to be on primetime even if it's this yeah and she's smart

she'll know the team with lisa those other girls were idiots i mean look who the only time anybody really really made a go at going against lisa was brandy and of course kyle but they're both dumb as bricks yeah brandy was pissing me off all episode. I mean, she, you know, we were. Poor Brandy. She's a victim. She, Brandy, you know, we talked about this on the bonus episode with Kenya and Portia. Brandy is another one of these women who, or just people in general, who is like, she pushes people. She comes after someone.

They fight back. and then she's like i can't believe she won't talk to me it's so awkward at the party like i feel like these are just all the mean girls coming up against me it's like no bitch you went at her and you tried to start start some shit and it didn't work and now you have to pay this the the price but the difference is that i mean and not to jump into no jump atlanta yet but um the difference is that when kenya does that and she's still like oh none of the girls are talking to me she still has the personality to be in the mix yes and she's still there and she's not going to run away from anyone brandy sat sat in the corner of the entire party. Oh, with those gays.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Those ass-kissing gays who were just eating all the fat burger and shoving that shit in their man purses. That was, you know, sometimes when we do this podcast, we do get accused of being, like, self-loathing gays. Which I guess is sort of like just being gay in general. I don't like myself. But just meaning that we hate on other gays aggressively. But then you see these gays that come with brandy

and they are the ass kissers. One guy has a face that's made of recycled beach ball plastic or something. It's just this horrible stereotype. He looks like the Mexican-J Mexican Jewish food truck guy from Top Chef, except with some lipo and a facelift. But what I was saying about Brandy is that she does that half accountability where she'll be like, you know, I said some things and she said some things. We both need to apologize and move forward. And so I was like, no, you said things. Yeah, yeah it was you she defended herself yeah it was pretty much all you you said things well we were both at fault i loved when she said that to adrian well you know we both did

things to each other no i'm no fan of adrian maloof but she didn't do anything to you she did nothing except no it was b No, it was Bernie. It was Bernie. Bernie did it. Yeah, let's not forget Bernie. You want to talk about evil people. Bernie the chef. That was Lisa Vanderpump, though, not Brandy.

He didn't do anything to Brandy, did he? I think he did something to Brandy because Brandy was on Team Lisa, right? Yeah, he leaked stories to the tabloids about brandy and lisa i love i i love bernie the chef what he's like totally in the murder mystery version of the real houses of beverly hills he's totally totally someone who like is like holding the candlestick you know yeah he's like murder she wrote crossed with crossed with Vicious. Some old, horrible queen. This one, what was I going to say? Oh, and also Brandy.

So she also acts like a victim, but can't help being a horrible, horrible bitch at the same time. She's like, hi, everybody. What, you're going to roll your eyes when you're 75? It's like me girls, but they're all 78. I mean, come on now. Oh, I loved, by the way the producers they they plumped this episode full of so many flashbacks but each flashback was so hilarious because when she's like this reminds me of when i walked in with the crutches and do a flashback of all the women being like look at her on the crutch i can't be sure a stiletto with crutches

and then they just like 10 seconds and be like it was like the most evil cackling. Especially Taylor Armstrong. That was hilarious. Cause she was like wasted. That was the year Taylor was wasted in every scene. It was just like overlapping. It was the lead up to the suicide. So she was really at like most dysfunctional.

I love that. I laughed through that line. So it gets dark a lot. So this show opened with the apology tour because after last season, everybody basically got hammered on Twitter and realized that they had to be nice to the queen. So the first half of the show is everybody coming back and groveling to Lisa which was hilarious especially the Kyle grovel I loved that one I mean it's like every season begins with a Kyle

grovel because she always goes after the wrong person and has to come back with her tail between her legs the fat burger between her legs I'm just I don't get why Kyle is still even there I feel like she's the worst of the housewives, even considering everything Adrian's done,

considering everything Brandy's done. Like, Kyle's the most annoying and pointless to me. Well, Kyle, I think, is still there because she's, like, the head housewife. She's the one that was... kind of helped cast the show with all of her friends. You know, they always have they always have the main bitch and you know she's linked to the hiltons i mean she starts shit with everybody

she's the hiltons show up on the show yeah it's true it's surprising that the hiltons have not shown up more especially now that paris is no longer the socialite that she once was but i mean the thing is that like you know i've said this also many times before season one Kyle was a bitch on wheels and it was great like we loved her for it and I think we want to see crazy Kyle come back and she's so concerned about her image and the agency

the agency's grown so much she probably is like afraid to that she's gonna like imperil some of Mauricio's you know clientele but half of Mauricio's clientele is probably because she's on the damn show. Yeah, no, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Are we going to be on HGTV?

Because, you know, he, like, shows up. Those real estate agents always show up on those shows. How did you guys feel about, like, basically a season one reunion with all the classics, Camille, Taylor and Adrian? I thought it was boring I mean it was

I only really enjoyed the You're Such a Fucking Liar Camille flashback because I will never not love that scene All the girls dancing at the white party, it felt like a finale or something. It was weird.

Has anything started yet? I personally enjoyed it. I was like, even though nothing was happening, and even though they were dancing and had that weird, weird, that blue effect, I was like, because you know what? That happens once in a while. Sometimes when they shoot stuff at night, everyone looks like they're in some strange early 80s sci-fi movie.

But it gave me the warm fuzzies. I was like, oh, the old cast. Everyone's back together. These are the girls that made us fall in love with this franchise. I liked it for a couple of reasons. I loved when they showed Camille dancing in Vegas. That killed me when she was trying to make everyone's husbands get a hard-on. And I also loved Lisa's reaction to things.

Like when she told, when there was that girl floating in the pool in the big hamster ball. And she's like, Camille, darling, the Camille I knew would be in there. In that ball, you know. And then they flashed a Camille being a whore and then it was like listen i don't care if adrian's dating a toddler with a beard painted on as long as she's happy because she's not an angry old cow she's not a miserable old cow anymore like she was when she was married darling yeah and then they showed like a clip of adrian being a miserable old cow and she's like those shoes make a lot of noise.

Gosh, probably my favorite part of the whole dancing in white with the blue lighting thing, which is how Kyle kept screaming. This is the beginning. This is all of us back together. And Yolanda, the dream team beginning and the end you know uh yolanda sort

of you know towards the end of last season yolanda was really pissing me off because she was being so mean to lisa but uh i don't know i think yolanda may have won me back over because i like the way she was just like listen i just was you know i was needy i was dying of lyme disease and i just wanted you to be near me but you weren't there so it's fine I get it it's fine let's move on I was like oh I like that it's refreshing short and sweet so she's back in my good side like another bullshit apology to me I know but it worked on me I can't help it it worked on me you know these women like the only time they want to apologize for being for being that evil and look I'm not I know it's annoying when we're always team Lisa you know but I think we're pretty fair and we switch teams all the time.

But Lisa really didn't do anything. I honestly do not get what she did. So for all of these bitches to suddenly be coming back like, oh, sorry, because there's cameras here now and we have to be nice to you. That's bullshit. Like if they had come to her earlier and they were already friends again or something, that would have been okay. But this is – I don't buy it. My favorite thing – I'm sorry. Oh, no, no, have to i have to stop i was gonna say you know how i go my favorite thing that yolanda did was that when she took like a walk with brandy down to the beach and then there was like some dude selling like it's like a gypsy selling these

things next to my pockets and she's like she's like oh hello you know this is my property right and he's like oh no i didn't realize she's like no it's okay, you know this is my property, right? And he's like, oh, no, I didn't realize. She's like, no, it's okay. It's just as long as it's not every day. It's fine. But you know, as soon as the camera's off, she's like, get the fuck off my property. Get out of here. How is that even her property?

That's like right before the sidewalk and her house is all the way up on some hill. Well, you know, it's four acres. Is she going to start charging rent to the stop signs and the stoplights and shit? That is not your property. Get over yourself. Well, she said, she's like, no, it's four acres, so it's hard to know who's at the bottom and who's at the top. By the way, Ira, this is our accent for Yolanda. Even though it's more of a German accent, it's just that's our Yolanda accent.

I'm picking up on that. If she wanted to be healthy, if she wanted to be really helpful, she would have been like, this is my property, which is okay, but I wanted to tell you, broom skirts are out. They are no longer being sold no one wears them except for brandy because she's poor but i love your elmer fudd pillow um uh let's see what else happened so brandy brandy was just annoying you know like woe is brandy she's lived in two condos she spent forty thousand dollars in the past three months moving from place to place. She has a new book coming out. Yeah, what's her new book going to be?

Do you know? I don't. I didn't even know the second one came out. Yeah. There was a drunk tweeting one. I liked the first one. The first one was back when I still liked Brandy. And I constantly loved, you know, looking at my Instagram with me with her and her book release.

Oh, did you really? You went to it? Yeah, but then I started hating her. And so I didn't even know she had a second book out. The first book was the one that was like, it's not cancer, it's divorce, right? Or it's divorce, not cancer. Something like that, like that right real sassy something that amanda from new jersey would have really hated no i think that was the original amber it was like drug tweeting or something was the first one yeah i didn't know there was a second one at all um i mean the third one's probably just like a travel brochure or something you know it's like she's gonna take

credit so it's a book yeah it's like the thrifting it's like a missing thing for her dog it's like a missing sign i wrote this where's chichi or whatever what was the name of that super dog cha-cha oh poor dog well brandy has learned that the way to become a fan favorite is to be a victim right because that pretty much is what got her popular in the first place because everybody was being so mean to her for no reason so we all liked her because she was like fuck you um people love a victim but you can't just say you're a victim like something actually has to happen to you so she needs to get yeah buy a car yeah she needs to be back on crutches she needs to bait one of them into being really mean to her about divorce or something

because you can't just cry victim and then everybody suddenly likes you she has to go after kyle that would be your best move i think so by the way not enough kim richards on this episode she just sort of popped up yeah she sort of popped up and was like already kooky she was even gonna be in this episode i know i was wondering that too they just didn't have her in so they could do the where's kim joke yeah i think i think that's actually why they did it because i was wondering that she was like when where's kim gonna be like it's like i was already thinking like where's eileen davidson and then i was like where's kim and how could they have all these season one people here but no kim and no one's even mentioning it

and then all of a sudden was the where's Kim thing. And she's like, hi, everybody. It's me. And we're like, wow, Kim. And they all, like, hugged her gingerly and walked away. I like when Kim was like, so, Adrian, who's this guy? Is this your grandson? He's so cute.

Can I hold him? She's like, no, it's my boyfriend. Oh. And they just, like, it's my boyfriend. Wow. They just stood there awkwardly. Oh, God, it's so good to have Kim Richards back in our lives. What did you guys think about Harry Hamlin?

I love Harry Hamlin. I love Lisa and I hate, I mean, sorry, I love Lisa, I love Harry, I love him on Mad Men, I love him on Veronica Mars, I mean, sorry, I love Lisa. I love Harry. I love him on Mad Men. I love him on Veronica Mars. I am always here for Lisa and Harry. You know what's funny is that Harry Hamlin on Mad Men has now like erased all previous iterations of Harry Hamlin.

I didn't have a problem with previous Harry Hamlins, but it was always that Harry Hamlin was like, he was like in the 80s. He was like super sexy. And he was always just like this guy from L. from LA Law in my mind, this sexy guy. And now he to me is so that kooky dude from Mad Men that to see him like at home strumming a guitar or like showing a rattlesnake off to his family is like very strange to me. I couldn't deal. I was like, this is weird. This is that guy from Mad Men like being like it's like out of like pretty much anyone from Mad Men who is like I see in modern day. I get confused.

But in fact, I was at a coffee shop on Friday and Kiernan Shipka walked in and I was floored because she was like in jeans and like a flannel and she ordered coffee and was like a little young adult. And I was like, I can't deal with Sally Draper right now being from 2014. This is like blowing my mind. I saw her at Tender Greens and I was the same way. And she was so nice. You know how that has like a million employees in the line? Yeah. Like making your salad.

She's like, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. She walked down the aisle. That was kind of 50s of her. That was weird seeing her in jeans.

Yeah, so I'm having that same thing with Harry Hamlin, where I'm like, he has now gone back in time, and I can't get him back. Someone just invited me to something called Lush Hour. So I'll just, people know me. Was it Brandy? Yeah. She's like, listen, Ron, we've both said a lot of bad things to each other.

We've both done a lot of horrible things. I just want to apologize, but I think you owe me an apology, too. You know, that being said, by the way, I thought Adrienne Maloof actually did seem happier. I don't think it was like a show. She actually seemed like she looked happier, for sure. Yeah, she's getting that new dick. So yeah, she's going to be happy. Jesus Christ.

She's sitting on the toddler pole. Yeah, she's doing the Camille. She did the Camille Grammar thing, which is that she's Camille Grammar was dating that hot, sexy Greek guy who is hot and sexy until he beat her up. Oh, but allegedly. Yeah, allegedly. But like before he beat her up, it was like, go Camille. Yeah, like I was hot. But before he beat her up, it was like, go Camille. Yeah, I was hot. But his brother was a serial killer.

I mean, I know that you cannot be a serial killer if your brother is a serial killer. Still awkward Thanksgiving, though. I think you should just rethink that when you're jumping back in the dating pool. Yeah, yeah. I agree. I love that Kyle's opening is about planes and yacht and yachts she's like planes and yachts are nice but happiness is forever and then she's like awkwardly kissing her husband who's not banging transgender hookers in hotels you guys okay i mean there is no intro better than lisa's new one what how's it go again lisa's lisa's is perfect it's like i shall return

leader of the pack yeah oh throw me to the wolves and i shall return leader of the pack oh wow yeah throwing down the gauntlet i'm like just letting you know i'm the queen don't fuck with me yeah what's kim's what's good do we know what kim's is. Don't fuck with me. What's Kim's? Do we know what Kim's is? I don't know. It's probably like, Kim's is like, Chew in the barrel, 19 bushes,

and I'm Kim Richards, and you heard it here first. She's like, Tonight on 60 Minutes, Kim Richards. That's it. So did anything else noteworthy happen in this season? Something like

Being rich and famous is great But having a dog And a rented Bentley is nice too Something awkward I just feel like there were two or three that were about Happiness, like they were trying to sell us on How happy they were, which made me Believe that they were really unhappy

Yeah, no one who's happy is like, I'm so happy They don't say that, they just act to sell us on on how happy they were which made me believe that they were really unhappy yeah no one who's happy is like i'm so happy they don't say that they just act no no yeah no one's known who's happy says like money and fame are great but i choose happiness over that and that's what i am happy it's like no you're completely unhappy right now yeah um should we move on to another tv series yeah i think we finished all that didn't we did we wow something no i i think i think we got it all any last looks say that i do want to say that i feel so bad for kyle because everyone always makes fat jokes about kyle and it's not even because she's fat like i may i like to make fat jokes about kyle it's not because she's fat it's because she looks fat i think that she's no i think it's because she's obsessed like i may i like to make fat jokes about kyle it's not because she's fat because she looks fat i think that she's no i think it's because she's obsessed with it so i like

i like teasing her but she's obviously so paranoid and then she was starving herself before this season and you know lisa liked to get on her good side but it's like she's skinny she's like oh my god now she's friends with lisa again um and then she wears something backless at a fatburger party kyle and then ken like came around to hug her and kind of was jiggling her back fat and i was like oh my god that's gonna come up at the reunion or she's gonna find some way to get him back now yeah i actually kind of liked kyle's weird frock you know it sort of had this like it kind of reminded me of like brigitte nielsen in Beverly Hills Cop 2 in a strange way, in a way that I liked. I feel like it was not a good dress, but I sort of liked that she went for it.

Okay, so I'm done. That's all I had to say. This is why I will not be on Fashion Queens anytime soon. I have no fashion sense. Well, you just have to say it in that Bravo gay way. You just have to change your inflection. Girl, that back... That backless dress?

More like a backless no. Makes no sense. They'd be like, yes! That backless dress needs less backless. Okay, girl, what? Get in my taxi. I'm riding toless. Okay, girl, what? Put the back on that back. I'm riding a tacky tan, girl, what?

Oh, gosh. All right. Let's go to Atlanta. Let's do it. All right. So what did you guys think about the episode? Atlanta was my favorite this week. Really? Okay.

Almost always my favorite. Atlanta's been good this season so far. I mean, Atlanta was my favorite last year, too. I mean, Atlanta never disappoints. The Apollo stuff was amazing. Oh, yeah. Apollo's been great. It's good shit. But the apology that came was insane to me.

And it was fantastic that he chose that moment to do it. And Candy or someone was like, does Phaedra know? And he's like, oh, no. Now, just to let people know who haven't, weren't watching, this is the apology. Now, just to let people know who weren't watching, this is the apology. Apollo begrudgingly apologized and admitted that he never met Kenya in L.A. and that he made up everything about her blowing him. The Felicio. You know, this is probably not going to be a popular opinion because he's such a dick.

But what he was – I kind of understood what he was saying because I'm learning how to speak Apollo English because God bless his little heart just didn't learn that much. But he was trying to say, yes, I did say those lies, but I was saying those because you were lying about – you were saying that those text messages I sent you were something sexual and trying to cause problems in my marriage. So I was just trying to make it look like you were the whore because you were trying to make me look like i was trying to cheat on my wife which i wasn't now he's too stupid to say that but that is what he was saying and then kenya's like but why would you even bring that up right now because bitch this is what happens when you do this shit to people okay yeah and when you're on a reality show you're gonna have producers you're gonna say hey apollo why don't you go to bar one and apologize right like why is it okay for you to basically insinuate that um phaedra's husband is trying to cheat on her and has you know like what the hell like why is that okay and she's like

no no no we don't bring that you can't bring that up right now she's the thing is well the reason why i love kenya is because she does brandy so much better than Brandy ever could. That's true. She does the same like we were both horrible to each other and you need to apologize to me thing. But when people try and bring up her horrible moment, she's like, I don't want to hear about it. Like when Candy said, you know, I was kind of on Portia's side because you shouldn't have been waving that in her face. You had it coming. And Kenya was like, I don't want to hear about it.

I'm going to leave. And then Kenya was like, like, oh, no, you're going to have to explain this before you even do it for. Oh, for Ira. So my whole thing. What a dick. dick dyslexia so ira my whole thing is that i always try to impersonate candy and candy's voice is the most difficult voice to impersonate so whenever i do it it sounds like this sort of this strange it doesn't it's hard to even describe because her voice it's like deep and high all at the same time so she'll be like so i was talking to riley

and i was like see now it's like it's like a weird goose on my migrating to the south if you listen to it and so on this episode at one point she was like i was like and i cracked up i put a video of it on our Facebook page. I like the laugh. It's like... And then when she sings, she's like... When she first came on the show, I remember thinking, there's no way she's going to be good on this show.

She's so nice. know what is a music like what is a music producer gonna i didn't get it uh she's so good on this show and i love how just honest she is about every calling everybody out she does not give a crap yeah because she's more successful than all of them. So like she doesn't really have too much to lose. Yeah. And she's one of the few Housewives who's actually never really done anything shady to any of the other ones. Yeah. Like she's able to call people out because she keeps it 100 all the time. Exactly.

Although my friend David, he texted something that was really funny about how when Apollo apologized and then Kendi was like, I feel like I don't even know you anymore. And my friend David's like, oh, so because of the blowjob, this is like a new Apollo. Like, never mind the stolen social security numbers and the fraud and the lying and the scheming and the cheating. Oh, but he lied about Kenya. Oh, I don't even know you anymore. Who is this person? So that's what did it. See?

Nah. Follow. Grab it. She pissed a lot of people off, too, because she said, you just repeated the same cycle of violence, you know, the same black man cycle or something. I was like, oh, no. And she's probably getting a lot of shit

on Twitter for that one too. Stupid Apollo. Why'd you have to go and fuck everything up, Apollo? I still love how Phaedra's dealing with Apollo though. She's killing me. I love it. Pretending he's not there.

That's such a great northeastern way to handle it it's like right from the patrician class of you know the old waspy way so sad i know uh so by the way her kids her kids are so cute they like i feel actually very bad for those kids because especially Aiden, he is really, really adorable. So can we talk about how Nini is more draining than fibroids? Oh my God. She is more. She is a fibroid at this point.

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No, you speak. I'm sorry. I started to say something about five minutes but and i was like i can say it i just feel like nini is in a backdoor spinoff for a show that i do not want to watch she it's very weird to open the season with her not there. Yeah. The show in Vegas, like not even appearing in Atlanta and then being like, Hey y'all, I'm going to go to Vegas and show, but I'll be back. It's like,

Oh, is she in Vegas now? Is there going to be a housewives of Vegas spinoff? What's going to be, what's going to be is it's totally what you said. It's gonna be a spinoff. It's gonna be called, Oh is totally what you said. It's going to be a spinoff. It's going to be called Oh, There's Humanity. And it's going to be like NeNe doing coming on Thursdays to Bravo.

NeNe in the circus. Oh, There's Humanity. I said line, motherfucker. Bloop. It's a three-ring circus and NeNe's in the middle. I love that NeNe's trying to act like she's a star on Broadway. And she's like, well, you know, it's sold out. All those just knowing it's sold out and all those seats are gone.

And then they show it. It's so not sold out. There's like, I know it's like full row after row empty. And then the people who did buy tickets are like white trash NASCAR audience people with their arms crossed and their hats on. Like, oh, yeah. And it's not like on like oh yeah and it's not like she's like walking it's not like she's walking the footsteps of meryl streep okay the previous ringmaster for humanity was literally a no one like who was who came before her so it's like this is like sure it's a cool gig but this is not like okay the the the next step towards world

domination you know this is like a generic vegas gig also she's really obsessed with the fact that she looks like a drag queen because i think that if you had a drinking game and you took a shot every time nini said oh i'm really giving you drag queen now honey you be in the hospital yeah and she that she thinks that probably makes her like less of a homophobe but then all this time she's like stop being a queen you know i opened uh i was searching uh zoomanity to see who other ringmasters have been and the headline that comes up first is we're a circ show review of zoomanity one star well it's like uh this may sound very naive of me but i haven't seen actually in the clips

that they've shown so far i haven't seen so much circus action it's just like a lot of people lounging around and being provocative i'm sure there's a lot of trevise stuff and contorting things like that but i don't know the point is this i have no interest in zumanity either on this show or in real life. Yeah. Nini's really good only when she's making fun of the other castmates on this show or causing shit with other people on this show. Otherwise, I don't need it. Yeah.

No, no. Although her wedding spinoff was pretty hilarious, I have to say. Ooh, I did not like it. Because she was just abusive to everybody around her, which I just... She's just so awful. If you appreciate her as a cartoon character, you know, I can get into it, but man, she's the worst. Yeah, I'm just super tired of Nini in general. I mean, if you clipped her out from the episode,

you wouldn't miss anything. And I feel like I don't even need her back this season because all she's going to do is badger cynthia yeah who is doing really well at her modeling agency for models who can't read good yeah yeah for atlanta's finest couture scene uh you know cynthia meanwhile is really milking this feud for all that she can she's like i have everything's new everything's better my fibroids went away because now that nini's gone like everything is great and i'm gonna have a party at bar one just to celebrate my non-nininess and being an ebony magazine talking about going into business with peter i'm like how many flop businesses does he need to have before you get

that's not a good idea though he's like already does he not have a debit card to your bank account already because that's basically what he's asking for he's gonna be like the next thing we're gonna do is we're gonna put shot glasses in pita bread and you do a shot and it'll be called a pita a pita shot that's so can i have like uh two hundred thousand dollars please sure baby baby we're gonna go in business together baby she's like sure she's like uh i don't know okay she's like i'm so honored that peter would ask me to be in business with him he's a businessman and i've proven with my business that i'm a businesswoman like you have proven that your bank account is full that is all you've proven stop it yeah he's like i got a great new idea it's gonna be like

it's gonna change the car scene it's gonna be a car but instead of with four wheels it's gonna have five a five-wheel car come on cynthia invest with me baby i want to put another prong on a fork because when you're trying to eat a salad there's not enough prongs to get to get the salad on there it's going to be called a six prong salad fork it's going to be here's what i want to do i want to have a two-headed spoon so it'll be like two spoons two two spoon heads right next to each other so that way when you're having soup you can have two servings at once you can put chocolate on one spoon and vanilla on the other spoon And then you can have chocolate and vanilla ice cream. Did Ira run away? I am here.

Ira, I see you there in the distance. You can't run. Get back here. We put a bracelet on you. This is what happens on our podcast. We sort of go on these weird ditches. By the way, I wasn't even trying to do a Peter voice because I can't do Peter voice for some reason. So I just sort of did a general –

Peter? I did just like a general Huckster voice. See a guy from like New York City in the 50s. Like, hey, yeah, I got an idea for you, Cynthia. No, Peter. Just do a dumb, stupid, low voice. Peter. I'm going to do a coffee cup with a hole at the bottom.

So that way you can pour the coffee in and then your coffee cup is clean and tight. I still cannot look at a box of Uncle Ben without thinking of Peter. Papa Smart. Papa Smart. Oh, yeah. Peter is the worst. So let's talk about Mama Joyce, who we finally got back this week. I mean, I'm over that too.

Mama Joyce needs a seven bedroom house right down the street. A seven bedroom house. Todd is correct. Todd is correct about saying that Candy enables this woman. Candy gave her a house. She didn't want it. It should be like, okay, that's it. I give you it and that's all you get.

I'm surprised that Riley is not more spoiled. Like Riley is a beautiful, beautiful woman, young woman. And I'm surprised. Give her the house. Let her sell it. Let her sell the damn house and get her own. Get a condo. Get something.

I'm like, why do you need to be so close to this family that you don't even like exactly no i mean she's an ungrateful bitch i'm sorry yeah she's one of the joys the wit just needs misery yeah no she's she's manipulative she's evil um she's psychotic listen i don't think Todd is great I think Todd is I think Todd's shady in his own way and he's sort of like a downer but that being said Mama Joyce is nuts and remember her at the reunion she's lost her mind

oh yeah I mean she really thinks that she's like I don't know she's angling for like real mothers of Atlanta like real grandmothers like her own spinoff but she rubbed me the wrong way i can't believe she told candy candy you need to keep me in the man i've been accustomed to i was like oh no you did not just say that first of all that's what you say in a divorce why are you telling your daughter that? She's gross.

She's going to take that shoe off if Candy doesn't oblige. Beat her on the upside of the head. I'm just reading my notes here to see what else. So the Apollo thing was the biggest thing. Yeah. And I can't wait until Phaedra hears about that next week. Mm-hmm.

Candy. I'm sure in typical Phaedra fashion, she will not actually apologize. No, she won't. Oh, no, of course not. Because remember her apology to... Who did she have to apologize to? Was it Nini?

Did she apologize to Nini? No, she apologized to...? Was it Nini? Did she apologize to Nini? No, she apologized to, um, Portia to Cynthia. Well, I would, anyone have to apologize to Cynthia, Cynthia or Andy,

where she said something shady about them. And then she was called out about it. And maybe it was Kim. It was a Kim, I think. And she was caught like on voicemail saying it. Oh yeah think. And she was caught, like, on voicemail saying it. Oh, yeah. And then she was like, oh, yes, I guess I did say that.

Like, that was her apology. Well, I wouldn't apologize to Kenya for anything if I was her either. Because Kenya was always trying to start shit and make it seem like Apollo was after her when he was. Well, maybe he was. I don't know. So Kenya deserves anything that she gets on this show. seem like apollo was after her when he was well maybe he was i don't know uh so kenya deserves anything that she gets on the show if kenya is run down by a semi i'm just going to assume that she said something mean about that semi's wife or something like she deserves it she'll probably run

herself over with a semi and then like team kenya i love her i love her i actually love her too in a weird way she makes this show yeah i i love her in a strange way. I actually love her too in a weird way. She makes this show. Yeah. I love her in a strange way now. Also, like I hate her and love her at the same time, you know? Yeah.

I mean, how can you not love her when they had that scene where they were singing really bitch. Oh, really bitch. The return of Brandon. Yeah. Beige on beige crime.

Wait, what did you guys think about the debut of Claudia Jordan? I mean, she didn't really do anything. Yeah. But the only reason I'm happy that Nini is coming back is because I want Claudia to tear Nini apart. Were they on the same season of Apprentice? I don't think so. Do they know each other?

Claudia, I think, was on the Omarosa season. Oh, and then Claudia, but wasn't, oh, and Claudia was with. Because Claudia had the drama with Omarosa, and Claudia made that comment about Omarosa after her husband died and they had drama. Oh, wait, was that? Oh, gosh. It's all blurring together because Omarosa was on Omarosa's second season. She came back with All Stars

again. Yeah, I didn't realize that Claudia Jordan was on that. I didn't actually watch that season. I don't know anything about Claudia Jordan, but she's going to be a bitch on wheels and I love it because she's already giving everybody shit. Yeah, she can give you good bitch, and that is what I'm looking for. Because Kenny's just sort of crazy, and Atlanta doesn't really have a good bitch anymore. Yeah, especially because she and Portia are on the same like local tv show

i think and she's doing like the claudia's doing the radio portion and portia's doing the tv portion and they're already like mad at each other poor little portia i know portia's so dumb and next week she gets into it with cynthia and now like cynthia's again she's like it's like the new empowered cynthia it looks like cynthia starts yelling at her she's like you want to come for me i'm like oh cynthia settle down cynthia stop trying okay i know it's like going after porsche is just so easy and you know cynthia's serious because she's wearing like her fake glasses in that scene yeah i love when she wears her glasses cynthia's like one of those when actors get headshots and they do them in all those different costumes. They're like, look, I'm a maid. Look, I'm smart because I've got glasses on. I've got an afro now.

Shut up, Cynthia. You're still just Cynthia. I know. Stupid Cynthia Bailey. Still looks great, though. You know, can't take that from her. Love Atlanta. No fibroid can take that from her.

Loving Atlanta so far. Do you guys have anything else from atlanta uh i have nothing why don't we move on to vanderpump rules vanderpump rules vanderpump rules still one of my favorite shows on tv i think it's one of the most important tv shows for america at this moment i think it's an insight into the millennials. It's an insight into the human condition. And it's an insight into basically, you know, the labor versus management conditions that plague this country. So I think it's important viewing for everyone. Also, you know, I think it's important for Americans to realize that nuclear war isn't necessarily a terrible thing. Yeah.

And maybe we should just let everybody arm up and go at it. Because if shit is going to keep going like this, we deserve what we get. Yeah. And maybe we should just let everybody arm up and go at it because if shit is going to keep going like this, we deserve what we get. Yeah. And if someone wants to drop, you know, the a bomb, the corner of Robertson and Santa Monica Boulevard,

this show is making a very good case for it. It's called the cleanup. Let's stop calling it the nuclear bomb and start calling it the cleanup crew. Watch. Now we'll get people angry like i can't believe you would advocate genocide like that that's gay bashing no it's not it's idiot bashing um so uh wow so here's my first takeaway from vanderpump rules why is stassi dressing like a middle-aged woman all of a sudden? Her hair is like middle-aged women. Well, it's not that her hair is middle-aged.

It's aging her, but her clothes are definitely you know, she looks like she's 42 years old now. Because she's trying to act like she's accomplished something. That's my favorite thing about Stassi. She's acting like she's coming back from this Broadway tour or something that she's accomplished like she's coming back from this like you know broadway tour or something

that she's accomplished in her life when really she started banging some guy with a decent job in new york that's all you've done stassi like you didn't do anything you didn't graduate from anything you didn't learn anything you didn't perform in anything you've done nothing so stop she's like you know coming back now it's so different really it's just like she's like i have a chunky necklace now it changes everything i mean that's well at least she's not couch surfing anymore she's got like a little condo that it's probably paid for by bravo yeah she's like i mean all these waitresses it's different rossi has moved as i feel like, as much as Brandy at this point, back to New York, and now she's back.

And maybe she dresses like a 40-year-old woman just because she's tired. She's just exhausted from moving the boxes. She is running around so much. She has a tough life, you know? I like when she's telling her dad, I don't have to do anything. I mean, when I was in New York, it was so freeing. I would just get in my jogging pants and walk around all day. That's not something to be proud of, okay?

Living off some dude. This is 2014, girl. That's not what you're supposed to be doing. Are you supposed to be trying to be an actress or something like make an effort yes saucy needs to sort of like regain the reins of the show she's a little too uh periphery uh her bittery is more like chatter on the side and as fun as it is it's not like it's just it's better when she's like in the middle and she's mad at someone and then she launches a hate campaign like for instance there's a part in the middle of the episode when katrina who is like a secondary character she's sort of like taken over saucy's role and at one point she's certainly trying to

yeah she tells i think she told jacks that saucy was around and jack's like oh oh saucy's here and she's like and she's like she's here and she doesn't want to see you and that's something you have to live with okay you will never be friends with saucy again okay she might come and she's like and she's like she's here and she doesn't want to see you and that's something you have to live with okay you will never be friends with stassi again okay she might come and she might say hi you make it say hey but you guys are not friends you guys are over you have to get over that it's over it's done it's like done it's over she's not gonna speak to you it's done over i mean she's clearly been watching reruns of The Hills. Yeah, I mean, it was like this super nasty attack on Jax. And the best part was Jax was like, oh, okay. I mean, well, Jax was kind of an idiot anyway.

Why didn't she come in to say hi and see how things are going? He truly is a puppy dog. He is a puppy dog who knocked over a box of something. And you go over to that dog, you dog you're like no you do not do that you stay away from the box of kibbles and bits stay away from it bad dog bad dog and then he puts his ears down and then he starts fucking it i have no problem with anyone being mean to jacks because he's also a horrible tipper so he's a horrible tipper he's a horrible tipper were you in the service industry at one point and i was before um my fabulous uh my so fierce and so successful um tenure in

at buzzfeed tenure at buzzfeed um i was a waiter at a Miracle Mile restaurant and he was a very poor tipper. Really? A little inside scoop for the world. Jax is cheap. To be fair, he does not know how to count numbers.

He's giving you $50. It was a five and there's a circle in the middle of the thing. It's like, no, that's just the circle around the president. That's not a zero. Ira, do you write lists like housewives lists? Um, I don't think I've done,

I haven't done anything housewives related yet. Um, but you know, I make some lists. I do some pop culture things. You know, I talk about, I did a,

which gay porn site quiz are you last week? That was a big hit. So, you know i talk about i did a which gay porn site quiz are you last week that was a big hit so which gay porn site are you i'm all over the map i mean i would know i don't look at porn so of course i don't wait so you're saying which gay porn site is you that was the quiz that i did like oh i wonder what i would be i want to find it i know i want to play that also i thought that right at porn hub i feel like i feel like i'd be something like awful like sean cody even though that's not no that's not awful are you kidding those are the finest guys ever invented those guys oh that doesn't doesn't do it for me. Yeah, because they're too much. Those are all being let's pretend we're straight guys. Yeah, exactly.

As they bareback everything in sight. Yeah. Like, I'm surprised. If Vanderpump Rules didn't come around, Jax would be on Sean Cody. You know? You know, he was like one step away. No, he's more of a Randy Blue. Because he's like big.

Like, Seanody is for when they're like lean and muscular jacks is too like roidy looking i'm trying to look up uh your thing me too and i'm just getting a lot of gay porn sites yeah that's all i'm getting i'm typing in buzzfeed oh here we go here we go i'm gonna take it live now and i feel like this is still um on message with our podcast because since we're talking about vanderpump rules we it's like appropriate to talk about like um like gross illicit sexual things okay who would you swipe right on oh this oh there's a lot of stuff going on here oh i'm just going to answer you just elba to all of these things. So Idris Elba.

Although you have a lot of good contenders here. Jesse Williams. Ricky Martin. Hey, you know what? Ricky Martin still looks great. Joe Manganiello. Oh, see now this is very difficult. Ira, you made a very difficult quiz.

Oh, Ira, you're so cute. I can't get past the first question. Which gay porn site are you? Who would you swipe right on? Oh my gosh. I did Joe Manganiello. Okay, I can't do this right now. There's too many options.

There are a lot of options. Yeah. Oh, and you got... Oh, this is a really good quiz. This is just a good quiz in general. Okay, bookmarked. Yeah. So, okay.

So, Jax... What happened... Oh, so Jax went to his therapist, which was hilarious. I love when Jax goes to his therapist. His therapist is hilarious i love that she just like openly mocks him she's like you got another tattoo are you serious right now i mean what is inside of you like literally i'm curious i have to know she's like more importantly would you like to see what's inside me would you like to actually put yourself inside me i love this

she just obviously hates his ass it's so funny yeah well he well the thing is what's funny about jax is that he always tries to sort of like do the therapy on himself he's like i keep on doing these things i'm crazy i'm so impulsive that's just what i am it's like no jacks just be quiet let her do the therapy stuff you know he's an idiot though i also i mean my favorite part of the i don't really watch fan and punk rules regularly uh and you know i mean it's these white people running around doing a job that i hated um but i really enjoy these like sitcom-esque um antics around james just walking back into his job like he was george costanza i'm pretending he didn't get fired let me put on my shirt and then the racing over the pump. Is he really fired? Well, I just like that this busboy gig means so much. I mean, like, it's not like he lost out a position at UCLA's, you know, like a doctorate position.

You know, he was kicked out of the ucla's doctorate track for philosophy or something like it's like no you you lost out on a busboy position just walked down the street to fiesta cantina you will get another job well there's a reality show there he's a fame war yeah he wants to stay on the show yeah he has to be on the show why else would you stick anything in kristin he's like at least i wrote you a letter i wrote you a letter to show how much i care about this position like it really means a lot and i think you'll see that this doesn't really reflect me and you know i'd love like another second chance at this and it's really important to me lisa because no one ever gets fired at this job why don't you take a honda civic selfie friend

he's gross oh well that's the that's the best part at the end you see him driving off in his take a Honda Civic selfie, friend. He's gross. Well, that's the best part. At the end, you see him driving off in his BMW. It's like, you're her busboy with a BMW. Also, I love when Lisa burned in the interview part when she's like, you know, he's telling everyone that he's a good family friend of mine, but the fact is, I don't really know his mother.

I met her once at a party. So I was like, that pretty much sums up that guy like my mom met lisa once we're good family friends wow um i'd like to say and interject that i have been doing the quiz and my porn site is tim tales oh my god ben you power bottom my god ben you power bottom i guess so i guess so tim tales tim tales is one with like kind of semi-violent guys with gigantic wieners so good luck walking for the next week buddies no i'm the soft so sad that i know who all these people are porn sites are like looking at netflix when you've had netflix for a long time and it's always just the same thing and you keep looking through it, hoping that there's going to be some movie that you've never heard of before that's going to be amazing. That's how I feel.

I think I just need to get a boyfriend at this point. So anyway, speaking of boyfriend drama, we have Kristen and Tom going back at it again. Oh, my God. The fight over the cable box. That's hilarious. I mean, that is such like a young it again. Oh my God. The fight over the cable box. That's hilarious. I mean, that is such like a young love breakup. I love it.

She's like, Tom, I need the cable box. And he's like, but I have a lot on that DVR. He's like, Kristen, but like I had stuff I wanted to watch still.

I haven't seen the last four episodes of the good wife, Kristen. I'm still catching up on my Frazier reruns, Kristen. the last four episodes of the good wife kristen i'm still catching up on my fraser reruns kristen he's so stupid um but she is a disaster seriously tom seriously i'm here with an ikea bag and i'm getting everything that'll fit in it okay seriously i still love you tom seriously i love that ariana just sat there the whole time refusing to leave just watching her like she was a crazy person while she's while she cried she is the craziest person of all the craziest i don't understand how uh i don't understand how

anyone could date her after this show like this is this is like a career limiting move except in love i just remember i read some stupid little interview she did that someone posted on her page a while ago and it's they asked her um what's your favorite uh what's your favorite thing right now she's like i love on this building out on i love this i'm sorry she's like i love this spray paint art on this building on melrose it says stop making stupid people famous. Like, seriously, there's no irony in any of that. But one thing I always Instagramming that particular piece of graffiti. And I found that the only people I ever see Instagramming it are stupid people who are trying to be famous for having really no talent.

Well, the entire idea of Instagramming something, Instagramming that is hilarious because the whole idea of that Instagram is that you're showing, you're basically advertising yourself. Yeah, the irony. Yeah, the irony. Well, that's why this show is so wonderful because it really brings to light all these really thoughtful subjects. I really love the irony. Yeah, the irony. Well, that's why this show is so wonderful, because it really brings to light all these really thoughtful subjects. I really love the part. I'm just going back because I just saw this in my notes. Back to the psychiatrist who openly hates her client. I love that she was saying, well, is there still anything with Stassi?

And he's like, no, I mean, no, it's over. I wish her the best. And she's like, well, it sounds like there's something something there and then he stopped and he's like yeah so now because of this therapist who's just with him now he thinks he has to get back with stassi i love it yeah and i love that he just was yeah and then the scene just ends like he's just totally talked into it now he's gonna totally go back oh my oh my god. He's such an idiot. We also saw the grand opening of Pump, which was exciting because we saw the other Tom. The other Tom basically is the world's worst bartender.

So basically after two seasons of him begging for a job, he finally gets a job and he sucks at it, which I guess is no surprise. That's the theme of the show, that no one is actually capable of doing anything. Oh, and then Sheena and Stassi had a confrontation. Where Sheena was like, you made fun of my wedding. And Stassi's like, when did I ever make fun of your wedding? I was always very supportive. She's like, no, I heard what you said. You said things to people about my brother.

That mother voice. Technically technically it was a retweet yeah oh that was the best like i never tweeted anything bad about you i just retweeted so fast i'm out of retweeted someone says stassi is hitler and is worse than a person who's killed a bunch of Jewish people for no reason. I may have retweeted that. And then I went on to Wikipedia to find out what Jewish people meant. Also, who hasn't made fun of her wedding? She got married in a fucking halter top dress, okay? I can't believe, Ronnie, that you're making fun of Sheeran's wedding. It was like a who's who of Azusa there.

I don't know if I got glass in my front. I stepped... You know what? It was a Jewish wedding, and they made me step on broken glass. I have glass on my foot now. My wedding is ruined. Oh, stupid sheena they made me go into a chair and they lifted the chair up and didn't they realize i was afraid of heights they ruined everything oh sheena sheena she's so stupid so is stassi gonna go back to work what's the plan

with her because she's got three episodes in and she's just kind of wandering around in mom clothes she's just she's just basically in shawls and just making comments from the side complaining how she hates being drawn back in and yet all she does is make little comments but all she cares about is the circumstance or yeah she needs to do something and katie i don't think katie did anything you know they were just all sort of like generally bitchy i feel like we're missing something i feel like something happened um super fun show but it was mostly just kristin for me everything was about kristin and that fucking cable box for whatever reason i thought that was the funniest thing i'd ever seen she's crying about the relationship and he's like but there's some like there's some ali mcbeal left

on that tv i never got around to watching well what's funny i mean because tom is tom is so sweet but he's also so stupid when he was like he's like he's like well you know what i did was i like changed everything over to me but i kept it under her name with her social security number and i don't know why she has an issue with that ariana's like tom you have to realize that any time you give her a chance to come at you she's gonna do it he's like no but i don't think so with a cable box i mean she knows she she knows how much i love murder in the first but what about when what about when kristin was saying that she pays his bill still that she's paying his cable bill and his car insurance bill?

What's that about? I don't even – I don't know because they're two very stupid people. And so they don't understand how to separate things properly. That's just the crux of it. I mean look how much stuff she still had at the apartment. She had tons of it. I mean, look how much stuff she still had at the apartment. She had tons of stuff. See that giant Ikea bag? When she came walking out with it,

there was like five babies in there. I was cracking up. Yeah, the recapper said, I brought a bag big enough to carry out Tom. Seriously? Seriously? Oh, our running gag with Kristen is that pretty much whenever she's sort of like cornered, all she does is she goes, Seriously? Seriously? Oh, our running gag with Kristen is that pretty much whenever she's sort of like cornered, all she does is she goes, seriously?

Seriously? That's all she knows how to do. So if ever she's like caught, if someone says like, well, Kristen, she's like, seriously? What I like to also, she's still brought up again. But I like to also, she still brought it up again. She's like, you know, you can't blame me for being bitter about being really jealous and annoyed at you about something that happened to be true that you cheated on me with Ariana. And he's like, I didn't cheat on you. And meanwhile, she was the one who slept with Jax twice.

Like, she always forgets that. She had sex. He kissed Ariana. She had sex with him twice and is getting mad at him. Yeah, she's kind of sick. I don't see that ending very well. She could be some great... She's someone who could go crazy and slash his tires or cut his brake lines or something. Nothing will ever end well with her.

She can't even finish a meal properly without turning it into a disaster. She's crying over her last piece of chocolate cake. She's like, Seriously? Where'd this cake go? I just thought that we were going to last so much longer. I thought you were like a forever cake. I can't believe you made me eat you. All right,

let's move on to euros of Hollywood. So Ira, Ira, you do not like this show. No, I've watched like five minutes of it and I don't have the time for these euros. Plus, I was seeing briefly this French person who was very upset that they didn't get cast on the show. Really? That raises a lot of questions.

So, why was your friend upset? and you were seeing a french person that's so exotic it was like two weeks but um he apparently auditioned for it and was in you know like a next couple rounds or something about it but they went another way they're like we give you two questions out of four sorry which makes sense because he's kind of boring um you know he's no carla bruni but he's like some dj in europe i don't know what the hell he does i think they're all just too many djs is that all they do in europe it's like the most popular program is garage band because that's all i can hear in any of these songs is like standard apple loops with some fades they're like like seriously between vanderpump rules in this show it's everything is like well you know, I sell carpets, but in Europe, I'm a really big DJ. I work at Lamps Plus, but in Europe, I'm a huge DJ. Yeah.

In Europe, we don't have full surf. I'm lucky to be here because in Europe, I was just a DJ and here I'm pumping gas. I like Leona's song. Look at my face. Look at my face. her albinian accent she's like she's like welcome to my face i want you to be with me i'm on the top but this is my face i have a good car i am i have to say i am oddly invested in this show. Like, I laugh.

Like, the show makes me laugh with the way they say all the... But I'm also, like, very into the storylines. Like, I really care. Like, I care about Fonny, and I hate Leona. And I'm like, I feel Sasha's passion, and I want him to do well. I am strangely into it. Yeah, I kind of want to see what's going to happen. Like, I want to see if Leona's going to do well. I am strangely into it. Yeah, I kind of want to see what's going to happen.

Like, I want to see if Leona's going to become famous. Someone posted on our Facebook page that she's worked with David Foster and, like, listing all these big DJs that she's worked with. Well, you know that you just have to pay a producer. It's not like, you know, they beg to work with you. They work for money, you know? Yeah, yeah.

So it's not like she's made it, guys, just because she's worked with all these people they she's rich as hell she had like 10 people working on her they were working on her hair her feet her nails her knees her fucking butt everything i mean kim richards worked with candy yeah i mean kim zolciakolciak. And Candy has Grammys and clout and everything. So if you pay a producer for their time, they will work with you. I mean, Kim Zolciak not only worked with Candy, she worked with Dallas Austin. And he's like a big-time singer-songwriter. Well, a producer, I mean.

So, yeah, anyone will... A producer will take a paycheck. Yeah. And the thing is, no, I don't see a big future for Leona because aside from the fact that her Albanian accent is super strong in her songs, her voice is not very appealing. It's like maybe if she were in the 90s, it would work because it sort of has that like, everybody's free to feel good sound, you know? But outside of early 90s house music music i don't see a place for her in i was actually i have to say i was actually surprised because her voice was kind of good like i thought it was good it was on key which i mean when you're watching one of these shows

is really all you can ask for i thought it was kind of good i just don't know if it's good for that kind of music and she's yeah she's trying too hard for an age group that she's not in like why are you trying to be that kind of a singer you know there's other kinds of singers in the world yeah i mean i i agree i don't see her really i don't see her having a big american splash especially now that we're seeing her personality i don't think people are gonna like her uh and her accent is way too strong i'm putting my money on fanny funny i have funny i wear pajama i didn't mean to make it so horrible at the party but she was hurting my feelings oh my goodness i love fanny i really love fonny. She's crazy, but I love her.

I'm still in my pajamas. Your voice just got strange and robotic. And that's actually how I imagined Fonny's songs were going to sound. It's going to go through like a robot filter. That's how she sounds. She sounds like she's got like five different accents going on at one time. She's like, would you like a croissant at my house? It's all good for you. Oh, underwear. I'm so sorry I answered the door in my pajama.

Funny. In Austria, people are snob. Snob in Austria. Oh my God. So was this the one? Let me see. Leona. northern austria oh my god so was this the one let me see leona wait so what happened was that leona brought a bodyguard try saying that five times fast leona brought a bodyguard to isabel's rooftop i want to throw your bodyguard off the side of the building so rude yeah that's sasha sasha got so mad sasha was like i can't believe you brought a bodyguard that's that's ridiculous no. No need for bodyguard. I want to throw him off the side building.

I get so mad now. I'm so mad. Don't want to hear my song anymore. He was furious. I don't know why. He was furious. I love that she brought a bodyguard. Wait, hold on.

The best part to me was when Liana was like, you know, all this is stressing me out. So I went to see my good friend, Russell Simmons. And she's like, oh, hi, Russell. I'm so sorry I didn't make appointment. I know I never do this. And he's like in the middle of meditating in his backyard. She's like, but I need some meditation. I'm so stressed.

And he's like, just say rum, rum, rum. She's like, rum, rum, rum. Oh, good. I feel all better now. Bye. That was wonderful. That was magical, Russell. I'm so stressed. And he's like, just say rum, rum, rum. She's like, rum, rum, rum. Oh, good. I feel all better now. That was magical, Russell. I'll call you. I love you, babe. She's like, sorry for dropping by unannounced. Meanwhile, there's a full camera crew set up there and he's mic'd up. So sorry. Russell Simmons. Fame whore in a yoga pose.

Maybe I'll care a bit more about Heroes of Hollywood if Yolanda makes a guest appearance. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if she does. She'd be like, hello, welcome everybody. You need to learn English, okay? This is America. You should say that to Massimo. By the way,

the best part of the show is Massimo's family. Oh my god, that was so cute. Did you get to that part, Ira, when Massimo's family oh my god that was so cute so did you get to that part era when massimo's family skyped with him no no he has like this family of like 12 people who are from like italy and croatia and they were skyping with him they look like they were skyping from 1974 it was like a different era on that screen and once a month they put on a show for him so they all like did they all like danced and like did a conga line yeah and they had on a show for him so they all like did they all like danced and like did a conga line yeah and they had like a guitar out and it was so cute it was like watching

those home videos from 1968 of old people dancing around yeah and like the whole family makes a show just for him because they miss him oh my god drip he's so you know what? I like Massimo. Yeah, he's so sweet. He's so sweet and so destined for not success. I know. I hope he finds a nice top to take care of him forever. Yeah, he should go on to Tim Tales. Get that taken care of. Then he'll be there shaking the change in his pocket.

He'll be like, welcome to Tim Tales. I'm just reviewing this for my food blog um uh what was i gonna say now i have like images of tim tale stars in my head um no massimo oh he met with uh john hersfeld whatever from two days john hersfeld i love that movie two days in the valley Did you guys ever see it? No. It's so good. And it was Charlize Theron's first breakout role.

Here's why you have to admire that movie. Because this guy had the balls to cast Charlize Theron, Terry Hatcher, Danny Aiello, and Michael Jai White. Although he was only a brief scene. I mean, if that's not like a dream cast, I don't know what is. Oh my God, Terry Hatcher. Terry Hatcher and Charlize Theron. She'll always be Coraline's scary mom to me. She'll always be Lois Lane to me.

No, she'll always be Susan from Desperate Housewives to me. No, she will always be Dr. Monica Delmonica. Totally. Bitch, hag, I hate her so much. Soap dish for the win. Okay, did you guys watch Top Chef? Yes. I didn't know it was back.

Yes, it's back. You didn't know it's back? It's back and more mediocre than ever. Get to it. It's about four episodes in. It's gone to me now. I love it. It's about four episodes in. That's too much. It's gone to me now. I love it.

I love it still. And what's important is that Aaron, the biggest asshole of them all, was finally kicked off. Oh, man. He had a bad week. It came out in the news that he had beat his girlfriend or something. So he got arrested for that. And then he lost Top Chef. Not a good week for that, psycho.

Why is Bravo obsessed with these abusers? Well, is Bravo obsessed with abusers or has the world just gone crazy and people are just beating the shit out of each other now? Because that's kind of what it looks like. Did you guys see that YouTube video

of the guy smacking that girl on the train? Yes. It's like a man and woman fight on the train in new york and everyone's so shocked i'm like has no one ever seen this before because i don't think no one who lived in new york was very surprised but yeah but you know he was he was um they didn't press charges the cops did not press charges on him they pressed charges on the girls because those girls those girls i don't want to say they had to come in but they were i don't know that you should ever hit a woman but i mean they were definitely asking for something no they

were they were pestering him pestering pestering him and then finally she shoved him i don't think you should hit a woman either but um she hit him in the face with her purse right or did she she did something and finally he just i mean it was going on for like two or three minutes. And then finally he just was like. And it was impressive. And then all the girls started fighting all the guys. Boom like whoa shit. And then it wasn't even that all the girls started fighting all the guys.

But then the train was like cheering it on. So I guess my point is. The world is. That's just where we're at guys. Yeah well. You shouldn't hit a woman. I guess my point is the world is – that's just where we're at, guys. Yeah. Well, you shouldn't hit a woman and you never should hit a woman. And at the same time, that doesn't give you license to then just go pester anyone because you know that – as a woman, it doesn't give you license to then go and like go after this guy ceaselessly and then hide behind that. You know what I'm saying?

I'm trying to say this in a way that sounds as least sexist and blame the victim as possible. I may have failed. Well, some victims need to be blamed. Like Kenya. It doesn't make you sexist. Like Kenya. Mostly Brandy. Mostly Brandy, particularly Kenya.

And probably most of the people on Vanderpump Rules. All Bravo victims need to be blamed. Anybody who gets slapped on Bravo deserves it. And anyone on Bravo just needs to be blamed for something at some point. That's what I think. So that pretty much wraps this up. Did you guys have any

other random Bravo things you wanted to talk about, discuss? No, I think I feel pretty good about it. All right, cool. Well, Ira, let's start with you. What is your Twitter? My Twitter is IraTheThird. So it's just all spelled out, the third.

And you can find me there. You can also find me at Buzz buzzfeed.com slash Ira Madison. Cool. And then for us, you guys know us, Ben and Ronnie, you can find our social media stuff at watch what crappens.com. If you want to support this podcast to get bonus episodes and ringers and a

monthly hangout, just go to patrion, P A T R E O N.com slash watch what crappens and you can donate whatever you want there just check out all the different plans and we'll have your ringers out for next thanksgiving um and we have now and we recorded our bonus episode already and on it we talk about uh the kenya sherry shepherd feud and also the crazy interview with will will smith's kids willow and Jaden. Yeah, so it was a fun week.

And next week we have Ms. Katie Cazorla rejoining us because it has been way too long since we've talked to her. So come back for that. Thank you guys so much for being here. Check us out at Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens to talk to other listeners and us and post links to whatever you guys want us to talk about. Talk about the shows the night they air. I'm doing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps all season long over at Trash Talk TV, too. And I think that's all we've got.

So thanks, everybody. And thank you so much, Ira. It was good to meet you, buddy. Thanks for joining, Ira. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet.

The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer.

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Clara May in Columbia. Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.