Watch What Crappens - #156: Kyle's Yacht, Nene's Beef, and Jax's Lies
Episode Date: December 11, 2014This week on "Watch What Crappens," Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) tackle the pressing issues: why is Kyle Richards' yacht so small? Is Cynthia Bailey a soci...al climber? How dumb is Jax? And when will people realize that America is the best country EVAR? Come listen to hear the answers! You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens,
a podcast all about the stuff on Bravo that we just love to watch.
I'm Ben Mandelker from b-sideblog.com,
and joining me, as always, and happily, and I'm happy that he's here too, Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com.
Hey, Ronnie.
A lot of happiness here.
A lot of happy.
You know why I'm happy?
Because we just recorded our bonus episode.
We sure did. We sure did.
And we talked about all sorts of random celebrity gossip.
We talked about all the Bravo gossip, and then we spent a good ten minutes or so, five to ten minutes, talking about Serial, the podcast that we're addicted to.
So, if you want to hear that bonus episode, please support us on Patreon.
Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com forward slash Watch Where Crap Ends.
The bonus episode is for our supporters.
And if we hit $1,000
per episode, and right now we're at like
$670 or so,
once we hit $1,000,
there are going to be two full watch what
crap end episodes per week,
which I'm really excited about.
We're getting close. Real close.
Let's do it, everybody.
Thank you guys so much for supporting us.
If you want to know our links for our social media stuff, just go to watchwhatcrappens.com.
And if you want to hang out with us and other listeners of the show and talk crap all week long, come to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens.
And one last thing about Patreon, that tomorrow night, a.k.a. Thursday, December 11th, Ronnie and I are doing
a Google Hangout. We do that once
a month, and so we will be doing it, what,
are we doing it at 7pm Pacific time?
Do you like 8pm Pacific
time? Is that too late, Ben? It's a little
late for me, because I was going to have some social...
I'm going to have to have 6. Okay.
If you're doing it at 6, well, we'll figure out a time, and
we'll post it on our Facebook page. How about that?
Yeah.
Because I was going to have some social plans for like 8.30.
So we'll have to figure it out.
We'll talk about that on our own time.
Yeah.
We will figure it out, people.
But what you all need to figure out is nothing, really.
I was going to try to make a segue.
Couldn't do it.
Trying to get into the Bravo stuff.
Let's just go right into it, shall we?
Please, Lance.
So let's start with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills because it was on last night.
And it is fresh in my brain and I took notes.
Okay, what did you feel?
Well, as I pull up my notes, just because I took notes doesn't mean I actually got them ready. A recap on Trash Talk, where I eviscerate these bitches every week.
Please come read them.
By the way, me saying I took notes is hilarious because I'm looking now.
I only wrote three notes.
I thought I took so many.
Here are my three notes.
I'll read the three notes and then we'll go back and go through the episode.
First note.
Kim's dress looks like upholstery.
Second note.
Oh, God.
Kim's dress looks like one of Y yolanda's doily things from germany
it literally looks like it's an ashley furniture sham for your couch um uh oh god kyle's daughter
is leaving for college another one that was my second note and then my third note is where is the below deck crossover synergy
yeah where was that i was surprised they didn't have that especially since the boat was donated
they didn't pay for that shit on the end credits thanks to whoever posted that the worst it's on
our facebook yachts are us i can't find it pretty much much. Pretty much. It's like rich, desperate people.
Yeah.
But it worked.
And I think that that was a yacht they stole from Kim.
Like champagne in the morning.
It's called Champagne O'Clock.
Oh, Champagne O'Clock.
I was like, sorry, I stole your yacht, bitch. So the episode, it began with basically Kyle going over to Kim's house to look at what Kim would be wearing to her daughter's wedding.
And it was like a house full of germs.
No dog.
I did not see Kingsley around, but everyone was sick.
I heard that Kingsley went away.
Kingsley probably needs to go away.
I think Kingsley was sent off to the sausage factory.
Kingsley is like Macaulay Culkin in the,
in the,
what was it?
The good kid,
the bad kid,
the bad son,
the good son,
whatever.
Kingsley is somewhere dropping bowling balls onto freeways.
Like murdering Elijah Wood somewhere.
Yeah.
Kingsley.
Put him up for adoption and some little tiny four foot nine sweet girl who wants to save wants to save the world adopted it and is going to kill a baby in a dog park.
Because that's what happens.
Yeah, no, I think Kingsley is currently trying to knock some woman off of a ladder and down many stairs a la The Omen.
He's like on a little, Kingsley's on like a little big wheel.
he's like on a little he's on like a little
big wheel
he's on a big wheel going through
hallways trying to knock someone out
thank god
those things don't have opposable thumbs
we'd all be in trouble
it'd be a real problem
so then okay
so Kim shut off the dress that she was
going to be wearing to Brooke's wedding
and I didn't like it but I'm also someone who doesn't have any idea about fashion.
Which one?
It was like brown and had like circle things on it.
Are you talking about Kim?
Kim, yeah.
I'm sorry.
I started reading stuff on our Facebook page.
Yeah, the doily one, right?
The one with like... Doily and circly and just... Oh, yeah. It is reading stuff on our Facebook page. Yeah, the doily one, right? The one with like...
They're like doily and circly and just...
Oh, yeah.
It is very Mother of the Bride.
Very mother.
And then Kyle's standing behind her with some weird floral pattern thing.
I feel like they dress ugly just because Kathy's making them.
Because we saw that Kathy controls them and we see how she dresses.
Yeah.
I don't know.
This whole family's a mess.
Yeah, a disaster.
And then... So the whole thing was that Kyle was then going off to Majorca. how she dresses so yeah i don't know this whole family's a mess yeah a disaster um and then uh
so the whole thing was that kyle was then going off to mallorca with the whole family which is
exciting i love that kyle's trying to be so rich now she's trying to be the richest one like
everything is about how much money kyle has she's like look at this it's a yacht and a private plane and lab it's like honey no
no yeah i mean she is rich it's not that she's not it's just i don't know why do i cringe when
it's kyle i don't cringe when it's lisa showing us a fucking dog designer yeah you know like
driving around in a new car because because lisa lisa Lisa is like British and seems inherently classy
and as a result, you sort of just
feel like wealthy, snobby,
classy people are
allowed to do wealthy
things, whereas Kyle just sort of seems
like a woman who came up in the world
and so whenever
she does things that are wealthy, it seems like it's
tacky nouveau riche. Totally.
And also because Kyle is still thinking like a poor person.
Yeah, she goes on a trip to Mallorca, but the yacht they spend time on is donated.
I mean, come on, bitch.
How rich are you?
Like, you can see through that shit.
It comes off as poor.
Like, it comes off as cheap is what I'm saying.
And honestly, I felt kind of bad.
I was like, gosh, I am just a catty bitch.
Because I was looking at that yacht.
I was like, that's it?
That's the yacht they got?
Okay.
Yeah, and the interior, they're like, oh, my God, look at these interiors.
I'm like, it looks like a mobile home.
It looks like a fucking trailer on the inside.
They have, like, the trailer couches and the trailer beds.
Yeah, I mean, I think I've gotten spoiled.
Not because I've been on so many yachts, but mainly because I've been watching yachts on below deck.
So I'm like, oh, what?
It reminds me of being on a cross-country trip with Meemaw and Papa and my cousin Matt when I was, like, 12.
They drove us from El Paso to Indiana on this fucking motorhome.
In this motorhome.
And, like, the beds were, like, they looked like cabinets. You know, have you ever seen
beds in a mobile home? Like, you pull down
a cabinet door, and those are the beds.
And then they have, like,
the built-in couches and stuff that look
like that. I mean, it looked just like a big mobile home
to me. Yeah. Well, the thing is this.
We've seen yachts. We saw the
Real Housewives of New York went on a yacht
for one of their vacations
in, like, season two or three. I think that was Scary Island. York went on a yacht for one of their vacations in, like, season two or three.
I think that was Scary Island.
They went on a yacht.
And it was, like, a big, beautiful yacht.
And then Below Deck is actually, like, a really big yacht.
Like, especially when you look at this yacht that we saw last night.
Like, it makes you appreciate it.
Especially when you look at Yolanda's yacht.
LOL at the editor.
Because they obviously hate Kyle, too.
Because Kyle's like, oh, my God. Look, my kids are so spoiled. Look at this yacht. LOL at the editor. Because they obviously hate Kyle too. Because Kyle's like, oh my god
look my kids are so spoiled. Look at this
yacht. Look at this trip. Look at this.
And then you cut to Yolanda
showing up and then David doesn't
want cameras on that trip. Or they're not
going to waste them. And they show that stupid picture of them both
laughing and enjoying
the Turkish ruins.
Yeah.
They're like, wow, it's amazing uh and then they show their yacht which
is like the biggest fucking thing i've ever it's basically like the lusitania so the the thing is
that like all right so like okay i could not rent a yacht i'm putting that out there i cannot put a
yacht but even vicky's yacht that she almost bought was nicer than this yacht that they had.
You know, remember when Vicky almost bought a yacht?
Like, here's the thing.
Okay, so back in 2007, I went on a little European adventure, and I was, I got to go to Monte Carlo.
I was, like, super excited.
I went, and I happened to be there when Monte Carlo was having their big yacht show,
which is a really big thing that famous thing that they're known for. And there were all these
yachts everywhere. Everywhere was yacht. And there was one yacht that was like huge. I mean,
it was literally like the size of, you know, like the statue of Liberty had fallen over and become
a boat. So it was huge. And then there were like a lot of like big yachts, but there were also a
bunch of like these really small yachts that get called yachts because they still technically are a yacht.
But they're not like – I don't know.
It's like sure, a Honda Civic hatchback is a car and so is a Rolls Royce.
But they're very different.
I don't know.
Listen to me.
Listen to me being snobby about yachts when I'm sitting here.
I can be snobby about yachts because I'm on a scooter.
And that's like the lap of luxury.
Yeah, it really is.
It's the yacht of two wheelers.
Yeah.
But yeah, anyway, Kyle's poor.
And I think we just were, that conversation was more interesting than Kyle's been all season.
Kyle has nothing, nothing.
That woman has no personality.
Kyle's personality is all about making up issues to make herself more interesting.
Like her fear of heights.
Or her fear of now jumping.
Or her fear of whatever.
It's like, Kyle, get afraid of bikinis bitch because i cannot
stand you spilling over anymore she spills more than a two-year-old oh snap you just read kyle
richards you just read kyle richards but seriously why are you doing that here's what bugs me okay
here's what i have in common with kyle
we're always complaining that we're fat right yeah i mean i legit do get really fat kyle isn't
like i don't think kyle's fat she's a mom or whatever i think she's little so i think it's
funny making fat jokes at kyle because she's not fat she's like every woman's or everybody's goal
weight right she looks great actually yeah i think so too but if you're worried about it be more
flattering to yourself yes find her to yourself you know that that back fat is an issue stop
doing that to yourself wear something with the back it doesn't i'm not saying wear a tent
we should just we just send her one of those like those black and white striped bathing
suits from the 1920s that like were like shorts and like a tank top all in one.
It's under some Mormon underwear.
Just like toe to neck.
Yeah.
Or like the Spanx version.
We'll just put her in full scuba gear.
Just knock her off the side of the boat.
Perfect.
Yeah.
So when they were on the boat, Yolanda came to meet up with them.
Because Yolanda, as we mentioned, had been previously on her own private cruise liner
with David Foster.
And since they were in Turkey, she's like, oh,
you know, I'll just stop off in Majorca and
hang out with the Richards and,
you know, Mauricio.
So she came on the boat, and they had like a bunch
of pleasant scenes of them
tanning and talking about
the kids, like, oh, youth,
there's nothing more beautiful in life than youth.
To be young, you know.
Look at them.
To not have a cat in the world.
And it was like that.
It was like that.
No, I was going to say it was like that for the hour.
Until.
I think Yolanda is one of the,
I've thought this since she's come on.
I just think she's one of the most boring people of all time and that's kind of the problem with beverly hills right now
there's really i mean you're landing this all on kyle who has zero personality unless she's
fighting with somebody but she's not even filming with anybody then you've got yolanda who has even
less personality i mean what does she ever do what has she ever done on this show? I know. Except try and fight Lisa last year at the very last moment.
But you know what, though?
Like, she is so beautiful.
I can't help it.
I just, whenever she's on the screen, I just look at her and I'm like, she is beautiful.
I love her taste.
I know, it's not like the worst thing to say.
Yeah, she's awful, but she's so beautiful.
What do you mean you love her taste?
She's always wearing, like, doilies
and Russian horror clothes. No, I think she...
Oh, I love the way she dresses.
Yolanda? Yeah, I do.
I'm sorry. Get out of the 80s, alright? It's over.
Let it go. It works for her. It works for her.
Okay, I like it. I'm not gonna...
Why should I back down? I like it.
You don't have to back down.
Like Tom Petty says, I won't back down.
You have the right to think Yolanda's amazing.
And I have the right to think you're great.
No, I'm just saying she's beautiful.
There's nothing about her character.
But boring.
And then Kyle, boring.
And then Cam ain't doing anything.
The season is still so much better than last season.
Because you don't have Joyce and the other one, Carlton.
I am like Lisa Rinna, and you know I love to meet some Eileen.
I hope she does something soon.
But there was – Yolanda did – it's not that she did something, but there was something that pertained to her this episode, which is that finally after like 57 minutes, she gets a phone call and Bella got a a gui oh yeah we saw that one coming yeah um but
i love yolanda's like i can't believe it how did this happen like you just left your fucking child
alone with like zillions of dollars in malibu which is full of other rich fucking kids what
do you think they're gonna be doing you dodo bird yeah exactly i mean if
you want to do something for your kid don't give them a million dollars give them an uber prepaid
card yeah or like thank you lift card or something you know that's like a gift for your kid yeah
that's why they're they don't want to spend it's like they'll spend 500 getting shit-faced all
night but they won't spend the five dollars on the noobs. Come on, guys. I wonder where she was headed. I wonder where Bella
was going. I wonder if, like...
I don't know why. I wonder if she was going
to a party, or was she going to a bar,
or was she going home? Like, why couldn't she just, like, drink
at home and take an Uber? I just don't understand that ever.
Yeah.
Whatever. Whenever I'm driving my
Uber around and I see...
I'm just like... When Malibu
turns... Starts turning yellow turning yellow whatever i just know
it's drunk drunk rich kids those drunk rich kids they should be on a yacht in majorca it is
hilarious and sad to see how many people are drunk driving i mean it's so deep i don't know why i say
hilarious it's not hilarious it's scary like when you're on the road on a Friday or Saturday night in LA, it is not
pretty. People are all over the place.
I don't even know how they
choose which ones to pull over. And they drive
badly to begin with. Like you can go out during the
day and like people are
like swiveling in lanes
mainly because they, I don't know why, they're probably like
checking their hair
or whatever. I don't know. I'm sounding so
like... I just love that Yolanda's like,
I don't understand how it could happen.
Just last week, you were saying
children shouldn't have
rules.
And she doesn't even
need to go to college if she doesn't want to because she's
pretty. I mean, shut the fuck up, Yolanda.
That's how it happened. Exactly.
Why don't you look and see all
the other like
wealthy kids of celebrities who are like get duis and are in jail or have coke problems that's where
it happens by the way off topic and we should talk about this in the bonus episode but i'll
just talk about it now because why not jessica beal is opening up a restaurant in west hollywood
that's gonna be supposed to be like soho house for kids meaning like it's it opening up a restaurant in West Hollywood that's supposed to be like Soho House for
kids.
Meaning like it's like a restaurant for kids.
It's like organic food for kids.
But it's like you have to be a child of like the elite to get in.
Right.
Like it's a club.
It's like a club for rich kids.
Wow. Jessica Beal is for rich kids. Wow.
Jessica Biel is starting this one.
Wow, have fun with that.
As if she's like a Vanderbilt all of a sudden.
And I think she probably should start opening restaurants because it didn't go too well.
What did you say?
I just saw one of her recent movies and she probably should start opening restaurants.
Was it like Stealth Part 2?
It was something about kids getting kidnapped from this little town.
Oh, that's fun.
It was a drama.
She was okay, but I was like, I don't know.
It was kind of awkward.
She sure is pretty.
God, I forgot how beautiful she is.
I just Googled her.
She is beautiful, but I find that her idea is totally insufferable.
It's going to be called Ah Fudge.
Yeah, that's right, Ah Fudge.
The last thing that kids need is a sense of entitlement.
That's really – that's just – I think the mentality is like, well, kids who are raised with celebrity parents have probably undergo a certain a certain experience that um you know it's
like not very relatable to other kids but i just i think it's just awful i think it's well you know
what kind of karma that brings you it brings you an article in eater la where it's a huge picture
of you and right under it is a video a giant video of guy fieri um stretching out a sausage.
Something like 10 crucial Guy Fieri facts.
So there you go, bitch.
That's what the world.
That's probably why she started because of Guy Fieri.
She's like, there's no way I'm letting my kid be exposed to anything that could resemble Guy Fieri food.
I'm starting up my own restaurant for kids. No one that came out of Guy Fieri's wife is coming near my restaurant.
All right.
Yeah. Well, good for restaurant. All right? Yeah.
Well, good for her, I guess.
Yeah.
I wish I was one of those kids.
Yeah.
So, okay.
So Bella got a DUI.
Yolanda's disappointed.
She feels hollow inside.
So that's what happened.
And then, let's see.
Lisa.
Well, let's talk about Eileen.
Let's talk about Eileen because she's new and she's getting more and more screen time.
So Eileen made hot dogs it's like playing with her kids and her kids are in the pool and she nags with her husband i don't i don't know i don't get it yeah it was it was pretty unremarkable but
you know amusing okay so that was it with eileen brandy you know i really i'm having such visceral
reactions towards brandy now like when she comes on screen, I feel hatred.
Do you feel that way?
She doesn't fit in.
She needs to be on a show on, like, E.
She's just like a big, spoiled brat.
Yeah, she's just not rich enough, classy enough, charming enough.
She just seems out of place on this show.
I just don't like it.
How about this?
Her face is just getting worse every time she's injecting it and lifting it and cracking it.
I don't know what the hell she's doing.
Her boobs always have to be out.
She's very trashy.
She's got her tits all over the place, which are still triangular because of terrible implants.
I just don't know what she's going for, and it's hard for me to root for somebody like that.
Well, you know what?
You know what?
She only had two scenes this week, I think.
First scene, she talks about how she has her own podcast
and how she's going to tone it down
so that way she can get bigger sponsors.
We don't know anything about that.
Get bigger sponsors and...
We never did that.
We no longer have sponsors.
We don't even have a freaking gay porn...
We don't even have Adam for Adam or whatever.
We can't even do those fucking dildo commercials anymore.
Yeah, we don't even get them anymore.
But anyway, so she's going to tone it down for the money.
And she can't tell us at one part of the show, yeah, I want to earn – I need to earn money so that way I can finally get a house and send my kids to college and show them, like, you know, I don't have to rely on a man.
You know, she says that.
And then, you know, 30 minutes later in the show, oh, guess what?
I got a six-figure check.
So I spent it and bought myself a six-figure car.
It's like, no, don't try to, like, curry my sympathy or, what is it, make me feel, like, proud of you or impressed that you're trying to save up for a house and then you spend it on a freaking Range Rover.
Well, her wording was, I got a six-figure check, so I got a six-figure car, right?
She did not buy that car.
She never said where the decimal place was either.
No one buys those cars.
You lease.
I mean, why the hell would you buy it when you're just going to get another one in two years, right?
Yeah.
So you know she's leasing it, first of all.
And I think she clarified that.
Somebody said that she clarified it on Watch What Happens, that she's just renting it.
It's not like a thing.
But still, like, how irresponsible can you be, dude?
Buy yourself a car that you can afford that you don't have payments on anymore.
Pay that insurance for a year.
Like, still think like a poor person.
You are not rich.
Yeah, or how about just don't.
You're not making more money than you've ever made in your life.
And I would love to be making that money myself.
Don't get me wrong.
But, bitch, you ain't rich.
How about don't buy a new car?
How about take that six-figure check and maybe put, like, some of that to your kid's education?
No way.
That's all Eddie's fault.
That's all going to be Eddie's fault for the rest of his life.
And frankly, if people don't see why he was fucking some other crazy lady instead of her, I will never get it.
She's nuts.
Could you imagine being married to that?
Yeah, that's his fault.
He should have.
You know, he has a bad track record you
know he he had brandy he had and now he has leanne rhymes he just he does not have good judgment
that's what we've learned he likes cray crays but he do a lot of guys like crazy women and leanne
rhymes her ex-husband who's like hot possibly gay but hot he's like a saucier at Jean Georges in New York City, I believe.
So she also really screwed the pooch.
She had a hot man who can cook.
He can cook.
She left him for Eddie Super.
Who cares if he was gay?
You stay with that beard for that food.
Well, she doesn't eat.
Why does she care?
Do you think Leanna Rimes is sitting around eating sauce?
I would stay in a sham relationship
if i got like if i had a if you're serving me excellent food yeah she doesn't care about that
yeah um let's see what else kyle richards talked about working how she's how she was always working
at 14 unlike her children i was like yeah right you're probably working as a personal assistant
for kim making her bacon yeah but i looked it up and she actually was on some sitcom called down to earth at that time yeah i that was
about the ghost right that was the show with the ghost right yeah it was a flapper who died yeah
i have to come help i remember that show i here's my random memory when i was in first grade my
parents took us to Disney World.
And we got to the hotel.
And I was, like, so excited.
And I turned on the TV.
And there was this crazy show about this, like, Ghost Maid.
And I, like, loved it.
I was like, oh, my God, this show is amazing.
This is great.
And I only saw that one episode.
But I was like, wow, they have, like, the coolest shows in Florida.
And then I never saw it again because it didn't last long.
And so in my mind, I like I associated it with arriving in Florida that first day.
And there was this cool like I was in Florida, a different state, going to Disney World.
Everything was exciting.
And there was a show about a ghost made on TV.
Like this is the most amazing thing ever.
made on TV.
Like, this is the most amazing thing ever.
See, if Adnan Syed, if he remembered, like, if his girl,
it just goes to show, you remember things.
On important days, you remember things.
Like, ghost made shows.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, I think that was playing all over America.
It was. It was actually on for three years,
but your parents apparently protected your little eyes.
I guess it was on for three seasons? Wow.
Yeah, 1984 to 1987.
Oh, you know why? Because when I was a kid, we didn't have cable and we had an antenna and ABC did not come in.
So I think that's why I got to watch ABC. I got to see some ABC.
I'm kind of bored with Beverly Hills right now.
Are you?
I mean, that whole Lisa and Lisa hung out.
And I like them both, but I was kind of bored.
I don't know.
I'm kind of bored right now.
Nothing's happening.
I'll put it this way.
Nothing is happening, but I'm not bored.
I'm enjoying these ladies.
I'm enjoying their little adventures, but I'm not bored.
Okay. Well, we'll have to see where this goes because i'm bored okay so let's move on to let's move on to um vanderpump rules yeah vanderpoop drools so um this this show is
hilarious talk about a show where things do happen this is this show it's just it's perfect so i was
actually just at a meeting before this and um i was describing the flow of the show and this is
how this is really how if you've never watched vanderpump rules for some strange reason if you
have taste i guess you should start watching. So every episode is like this one where
someone, in order to deflect attention off of themselves, they say, well, don't yell at me
about it. Tom's the one cheating with so-and-so. And it's like, what? And then it becomes, hey,
I heard that Tom's cheating on someone. And then the other person's like, oh, my God.
And they speak to someone like Kristen said that Tom's cheating.
And the other person says, why was Kristen talking about Tom?
And they say, I don't know.
Why don't you talk to Kristen about it?
It's like, hey, Kristen, why are you talking about Tom?
Well, Jax said this.
Okay, fine.
Then why don't we talk to Jax?
Jax said, I never said that.
Okay, let's all get in a room together.
Jax, did you ever say that?
No.
But you said this.
Okay, yes, I did say that.
That's every episode.
Yeah, they just lie over and over. And Kristen keeps
spreading stuff so that people will talk to her
because it's the only way anyone will talk to Kristen anymore.
It's like, she'll spread something
and then they'll say, well, Kristen said it.
So they have to go to Kristen and say, did you say it?
She'll be like, well, yeah, and here's why.
And then they have to sit there and talk about it with Kristen
and then Kristen gets all,
you know, thinks she has friends again.
But she doesn't.
Seriously? Seriously. Seriously?
Seriously.
Seriously.
You're motorboating a guy's dick.
That's my favorite thing, motorboating a guy's dick.
Which is really, again, it's just not
possible. It just doesn't
like, unless the dick
was out and erect, it's just not
possible to really do it in the club effectively.
So let's see here. The first thing was Kristen and Stass's just not possible to really do it in the club effectively um so let's see here
the first thing was kristen and stassi went to lunch because you know kristen just wants to work
stuff out because this is stupid we're like in the same town we should be able to like seriously
like we should seriously be able to like seriously talk like this is dumb like what the hell and then
who is she with it was like no don't do it she, I'm just going to text her and see what she says.
And so she goes out with Stassi and Stassi's like, um.
Seriously?
Seriously?
Would you like some?
I got you some Sauvignon Blanc.
Seriously?
Stassi has, of course, no interest in anybody unless they can give her something and was totally being a c-word until kristen started
dropping bombs about other people when stassi became serious and started taking her seriously
and probably invited her to lunch again next week yeah when kristen was like seriously tom tom like
seriously made out with one of my friends seriously well i love how she phrased it because she's like are you talking about the rumors about katie or the rumors about tom seriously like which rumors
are you talking about because i can talk about infidelity with both of them seriously i've got
double double the juice on these people so i've got two horses in this race. Seriously? He may have motorboated a guy's
dick, but Tom
fucked a girl in Vegas.
Why is anybody on this show allowed to go to Vegas?
I know. Every season,
the big controversy is always
centered around making out with someone in Vegas.
So, Kristen
said that there were two instances.
One is because Jax's
girlfriend, Tiffany, who's from Vegas, Tom made out with one of her friends.
And the other one is that Tom had sex with her.
And then the other one is that Tom cheated on Katie with one of Kristen's friends, right?
Or one of Sheena's friends.
Oh, geez. But he ended up copping to the making out. cheated on katie with one of kristen's friends right or one of sheena's friends oh geez but he
ended up copying to the making out well here's what i love about this okay oh wait you know i
was gonna do the build-up to the whole tom yeah yeah which is that i believe what happened first
was that was it kristen who who approached jacks about it or is who approached someone approached
jacks about when he was at the bar.
I think it was Kristen.
And then Jax was like – and Kristen was like, seriously?
Did Tiffany say that Tom had sex with like – that Tom had sex with her friend?
And Jax was like, uh, uh, uh, uh.
He like tried to lie.
Of course, after Jax being like, I don't care.
I'll say whatever.
I'm not afraid. I'll say whatever. Yes, you are. You're afraid. He's like, no, I'm't care I'll say whatever I'm not afraid
yes you are you're afraid
no I'm not I'll say whatever I mean whatever I said
I'll like totally say it I don't care I'm not afraid
she's like oh yeah well then
what about when you said that Tom
fucked that girl in Vegas and Jackson's
just like blink blink
yeah he's like uh I don't
know I don't know about that maybe
I don't know I don't know that she don't know about that. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know that she said that.
This week on Serial.
Today, that Tom had sex with someone in Vegas.
Or was that a lie?
So that's not the truth, Jax.
Previously on Seriously?
Seriously.
Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.
You've received one call from Kristen.
Call and collect from Sir.
Serial?
Sireally? Surreally?
Surreally?
But then Jax says,
You know what I would love?
I wish that Tom would bring a girl in
and just have sex with her right in front of Katie.
So that way she would finally leave
and this charade of romance would be over.
So then, Kristen goes out to the back
and tells Katie,
Seriously? Seriously? Jax just totally said that he wishes be over so then kristen goes out to the back and tells katie like seriously seriously jack's like
just totally said that he wants he wishes that tom would have sex with someone right in front
of you so you'd break up so then jacks comes out and then jacks then kristen's like did you not
just say that you wish that tom would have sex with a girl in front of katie so we'd break up
and jack's like no no i didn't say that two minutes after he just said it on camera
but then like more people arrive i don't know how like there's just more people
then finally jack's like fine yes i said it my favorite is that homely girl
who's like trying to be the new bitch now that stacy's gone but they only get like supporting
screen time yeah they
won't follow her around who we now know has really bad skin and too much makeup thanks editors but i
like her because i like that she's always trying to be stacy but just can't do it like she's just
auditioning so hard and they just won't give it to her yeah like who's telling off this what's it
was one of the guys was it tom she's always telling off someone in this ultra bratty
way. I remember.
What did you think was gonna happen?
I mean, bat, bat, bat.
Are you?
Are you my business, bitch? Aren't you a hostess?
Get to the fucking front and catch the cable.
What are you talking to?
She is such a brat.
She tries so hard. She tries
so hard to be one of the mean girls
she's trying to make fetch happen and it's not happening um one thing i loved about the scene
you were just talking about outside in the smokers area is katie i like that katie has been taking
acting classes because a she's trying to cry a lot so you can tell she's working on that
and also she's doing this diction thing lately where she's pronouncing things.
She's enunciating things really well.
Like she said, these people are out to get me.
I was like, oh my god.
Okay, you're hired.
Yeah.
Well, by the way, also, I think that Sheena came outside during that point.
And I just want everyone to notice that she was holding a big glass of wine.
After this whole thing about no drinking at the job, she's like,
I got my glass of wine. What's happening out here?
I can't believe this is happening within a month of my birthday.
Like, why does this always happen to me?
You guys, my butt had glass in it.
Why aren't we talking about that?
You guys, like, me and Shay are, like, the only ones who don't cheat.
Because me and Shay are great.
Why aren't we talking about the fact that it was hard for me to come out here
because my foot's so handsome to my face.
I can't believe Jax would lie to Katie.
Like, how do you think that makes me feel?
I like when they were like, well, did you say this?
And she's like, no, I didn't say that.
And I'm like, well, yeah, because you said that.
What was the thing that she did say?
They're like, yeah, but you did say you saw Katie motorboating a dick in a thing.
And she's like, I didn't say that.
Yeah, I saw that.
And then someone's like, well, don't you have a wedding to plan?
She's like, yeah, thanks. It's going great.
Thanks for asking.
Oh, God. I love it.
And then, so then, so Tom finally
comes over
and they have, like, one-on-one and Katie's
like, did you have sex with a girl in Vegas? He's like-one, and Katie's like, did you have sex
with a girl in Vegas? He's like, absolutely
not. She's like, did you make out with one of Shino's
friends? He's like, yes, I did do that.
She's like, I can't believe
you did. Did you do it in public? I heard you did it in front of people.
He's like, no. She's like, because you won't even
kiss me in public. He's like, but I'm getting
better.
Oh, that's so sad. They never have sex.
He won't have Pda with her oh katie
no get away from him those calories are expensive those feelings are high in calories but you know
though katie does have a point which is that jacks is an asshole like jacks is actively trying to
break them up and tom schwartz won't say anything.
Won't be, like, he should have an allegiance to Katie.
And instead he's like, oh, yeah, that's Jax.
Like, he's a real asshole.
But, you know, I can't stay mad at him.
You know what they call a guy who stays mad at another guy?
A girl.
But it's like, no, dude, dude, bro.
Like, Jax is, like, across the line.
It's not, like, sexual, but, like, that guy's fucking hot.
We're totally straight, but I want that guy's penis in my vagina.
By the way, I like whoever wrote on Facebook about how Jax is always like, you know, I'm a guy's guy.
I'm a guy's guy.
And yet all he does is, like is gossip about his guy friends and break up
their relationships.
Yeah, true.
Yeah, Jax is a jerk,
but you know what?
So,
like, the opposite is
Stassi. They've both got people on
their sides of the team who are always
trying to start shit. Now, granted,
Stassi didn't really start anything in this
particular thing with Tom, except for repeating everything she hears.
And then she's like, you can't take this anymore.
What are you doing?
You guys are so immature.
And then the girls sit around and try and make Katie feel terrible.
Like, you even went home.
I wouldn't go home.
I would have fucking cut his dick off and fed it to a donkey and waited for the donkey to poop and smashed on his dick when it was inside poop and then i would
like burn the shoes that the poop was on possibly particles of his penis gross why are you still
with him you loser they're just awful people they're awful people wait what did jacks talk
about in therapy again i feel like he uh he went in there and he started talking about how his anger issues are better or something like that.
What was it?
I'm trying to remember.
By the way, I watched Phantom of the Bumblebee.
It was on an airplane.
So it's like all foggy.
I was pulling my eyes so hard during that scene.
Because first of all, the therapist is obviously not even real.
This is probably like the fifth time they've shot with her.
And it's probably the fifth time he's seen her.
And she just looks at him like he's the biggest moron on the planet, which I love.
She doesn't even hide her disdain at all for this guy.
But all I wrote down from this was that he was talking about how he's really sensitive and he's crying a lot.
Getting in touch with his feelings.
Yes, that's what it was.
I knew it was something funny.
Because of cocaine and Adderall and alcohol all mixing together.
That's why you're an emotional basket case, you idiot.
That's what, you know, Adderall has done more for reality TV than, like, whores.
I liked when he said, yeah, I've just been having a lot of really good cries lately.
God, the John Fuggs.
Whenever he visits that therapist, because she's always sort of slouched down in her
chair i always imagine that off camera she's like taking her foot out of her shoe and she has it
like rubbed up against his crotch i just always imagine that's what's happening i always imagine
that they're having this therapy but below she's massaging his crotch with her toes in her stockings
i don't think so i think she's totally grossed out by him.
Grossed out and yet can't help but be attracted to him.
Ew, no.
She's just trying to get some time on Bravo for her business.
I also, by the way, one thing,
the editors on this show are brilliant.
And one way you can tell is, like, at one point,
you know how, like, on a show,
like, if someone mentions someone by name, they usually do a cutaway to that person,
sort of, like, as a reference.
So at one point, someone mentioned Jax, and they cut to him at the bar being like yeah man i have been getting bigger it was like this hilariously douchey moment like yeah i've
been working i've been working out a lot um what else happened in this one i like that katie went
from like trying to be a huge victim now here's Now here's the tricky part when you're a girl like Katie.
You can either be the victim or you can be the strong woman,
but you can't really be both.
Like if you're crying and telling all your girlfriends
about your boyfriend being mean
and your boyfriend's ignoring you
and my boyfriend this, my boyfriend that,
and it turns out my boyfriend cheated on me.
You can't just turn around when your girlfriends are like,
then dump him, get rid of him. Oh my God, he's disgusting. You can't just turn around when your girlfriends are like then dump him get
rid of him oh my god he's disgusting you can't just turn around and then be like but you know
like i mean why would i because maybe we're gonna get married no either be one or the other but
don't be wasting my time and look yes i am speaking to my girlfriends don't be wasting five
hours of my time making me hate your boyfriend
and then be calling me the next day
and being like, oh, we made up.
I don't want to be going to dinner with you
and your fucking boyfriend. He cheated on you.
Piece of shit. Well, that was the issue last season,
I believe.
I think the first half of the season
they were getting mad at Katie
because she was bringing all this
Tom drama with her.
And they felt like they had talked about it, like, ad nauseum.
And she wasn't doing anything about it, so they didn't want to hear anything anymore.
I mean, they had the same issue with Kristen, too.
But I believe that was one of their issues, which is why there was such a big drama surrounding Katie at Stassi's birthday in Mexico.
Because Katie and Tom got into a fight and
it cast a pall on the entire dinner
and Stassi was like, if you can't
be an adult, you should leave this table right
now. This is my
birthday. It's like Columbus Day,
Christmas, Halloween, Easter,
and Martin Luther King Day
all rolled into one
gluten-free burrito.
Bad guys, it's my birthday!
I love that Katie, when sticking up
for her boyfriend, is like,
I know Tom better than
anybody else in
the world. And Tom
does not have the cheater bone
in his body. I'm like,
every man has a cheater bone. It's called
a boner bitch. That is the bone that his body. I'm like, every man has a cheater bone. It's called a boner bitch.
That is the bone that cheats.
And we've all got it. So stop flattering
yourself. Yeah, exactly.
I probably did it while you were, like, orange
haired. By the way, off topic, I would
like to point out that I just shifted in my chair
and it made a fart noise, but it was not
actually me farting. So if you heard that,
if you heard that, believe me, you would
know when I fart.
You would smell it through the podcast.
Ew.
Ew.
I can't believe you would say that on my birthday.
So what about that drag queen that brings Lisa paintings for no reason?
Yeah, that was random.
It's a random-ass drag, like some cheap-ass pop art.
Just so Lisa will say, I i love you and give him a little
kiss but he makes all these like full-on paintings of lisa fuck i'll do it if it means i'll get a
free meal office and says thank you darling go have dinner on me darling and um then i guess
he got to be on tv so that was cool but then lisa lisa really is a bitch sometimes and i love it
when they cut to her, instead of being like,
oh, this artist is so talented, his name is Cherry Pie Jones,
and you can find their work online, and I just love it.
I'm putting one in my home.
No, she's like, well, it's no Picasso, darling,
but it's good enough for the office.
She, I know, she's like, that's good enough for the closet.
I'm going to give it to Rocio.
I told Rocio she could have it,
but not in my home, you know?
It's in Rocio's bathroom,
because, you know,
she's not going to mess up her living room either.
I'll give it to the new girl,
whatever her name is.
Rocio, too.
Rocio actually has a display
of the different Kleenex boxes, you know?
Because that's art, you know? All the different kinds of flowers that they can put on those boxes.
Yes, yes.
This drag queen art belongs in her bathroom.
Maybe Lisa should get some art from Fanny.
Fanny!
Um, I have like a tiny fly in my glass of water and I still want to drink it.
Is that weird?
Well, it's not weird.
Is that a fly? Is that weird? It's not weird. Is that weird?
Is it like one of those really, really small flies?
No, it's like a fly.
It's a house fly?
It's a fly.
So I don't know if my poop killed a fly
as it came out
or if there was a fly in me that was dead.
I don't know.
But I have flies inside of me.
And you talked about farts.
So for those of you who haven't turned off the podcast yet,
oh, I would like to say I loved that they had a gay mayor party.
Wait, I just want to say something off topic.
While you're talking about flies, I happened to open up Instagram,
and Chad Ochocinco has a photo of himself with the shirt that says,
Fly Supply.
Oh, my God.
You have a fly supply. Maybe I sex with chad ochocinco and
didn't know and then i pooped out a fly because he's got a supply of fly he's got he's got a he's
got a supply of flies anyway the the uh 50 game mayor uh still saying fly that's fly yeah people
say fly oh that's still a thing i don't know ch Chad Ochocinco says it, at least on his sweatshirt.
Just like a field says.
She's like, those french fries are fly.
But your kid can only eat them if they're rich.
Yeah.
At restaurants, fly.
Fly.
Fly girl.
She's a fly girl.
I'm going to write pooped out a fly and see what happens.
Pooped out a fly.
Why is it that they poop when they land on you? and see what happens. Pooped at a fly.
Why is it that they poop when they land on you?
Pooping pigs can't fly on
US airways. Flies.
They poop, they die. You know what?
I love the internet. I could be here all day
reading these. Okay, let's move on. What do you want
to talk about? The 50 gay mayor
party at Pump? You were just going to say that?
Oh, I didn't really have much to say about it. I just love
that they had the party
and Jackson's like, I thought it really have much to say about it. I just love that they had the party.
And I thought it was a band.
And Tom's like, yeah, it's called the Gay Mayors.
I have a question.
Since you've been a waiter and everything,
they spend a lot of time complaining that, like,
passing trays is, like, the lowest of the low. Like, you just hold a tray even get to, you just don't even, you just hold a tray out.
You don't have to use your brain, which of course made me laugh.
But is it really the lowest of the low?
Like I didn't know there was a hierarchy.
Yeah, I mean, cater-waitering is not the same as being a waiter.
It's shittier because any idiot can be a cater-waiter.
They just hand you a tray and you walk around and kiss people's ass.
But when you're a waiter, it takes some kind of skill.
And then bartenders are better than waiters because they make a shitload more money and
they kind of work on their own so they're like free age i mean what they're saying is true
yeah and also they don't get paid a catering wage if i do catering i get thirty dollars an hour if
they do catering they get their fucking eight dollars an hour you know i see i guess i guess
i guess the reason why i like took like was sort of like caught off guard with this is that I was surprised that it was this that was demeaning to them.
Of all the things that have happened on the show, it's being a tray passer that's actually demeaning.
This is where they draw the line, where this is what's embarrassing to them.
Yeah, I mean, service is service but you know there's there's still um hierarchy like you may
be like on the bottom floor of the marriott but there's still going to be room service waiters
and there's still going to be fine dining waiters who are over the room service waiters because they
make more money and it takes more skill well i know that fine dining for sure is like the top
and like that's like a big deal to to get in to get into like a four star restaurant it's sad it's
like monkeys in a cage there's always one on top of the pyramid.
But at the end of the day.
He still smells like the shit that somebody else just threw in his face.
I'm like you guys have done so many more embarrassing things.
Tom is sitting here.
He doesn't have a driver's license anymore.
Because he keeps getting tickets.
He keeps forgetting to pay them.
He shaves his forehead.
He does like half a million things.
That are just like.
So embarrassing. But don't make him do trey passing like that's that's truly the one that's offensive
yeah we all have limits it's like when you give a sandwich to a homeless guy and they're like i
don't eat mayonnaise like really you're gonna be picky about this fucking sandwich i just bought
you a sandwich yeah like would you like me to mendocino this fucking sandwich. I just bought you a sandwich.
Yeah.
Like, would you like me to Mendocino Farms your ass and bring you a list,
and then you can pick what you want me to order
on your sandwich, fucker?
Yeah.
I know.
Now, why don't we move on to Atlanta?
Because...
Oh, my God.
Atlanta was actually pretty crazy this week,
and it's kind of shocking that we...
Atlanta remains amazing.
A lot of stuff happening.
There was a big old fight.
A big old... All the ladies
got together.
Well, that was towards the end of the episode.
So for the beginning parts, it was
mostly everybody still just on their own.
Claudia
has an empty apartment.
Badass, which was funny and so ridiculous because she's so not
um the best part of course was the old lady lunch with candy oh yeah where we find out what we found
out right before this but we find out early in the episode that mama joyce has a boyfriend
and that last year during all this time when she's bitching at candy about how her husband's
about how todd's just using her for money and making a mess out of everything and this and that
mama joyce brings her boyfriend into the home that candy gave her which was candy's old home
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From Wondery, this is Black History For Real.
I'm Francesca Ramsey.
And I'm Conscious Lee.
What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?
Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.
Exactly, exactly.
There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about
or thinking about, especially outside of February.
And we are about to flip the script on all of that.
Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.
In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
And a little bit more.
She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights.
She is a villain to others.
Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.
Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Black is beautiful.
And they decide to remodel it, so he starts just ripping it apart and then leaves.
So now the house is just rubble, basically, on the inside.
And now the resale value is terrible
i mean i would be furious it's like you give someone a toy and then they break the toy don't
tell you and they say i don't like this toy you can have it back and you can sell it to someone
and then you try to sell it's like it's you can't like it's so it's. It was actually maddening to me.
I felt so bad for Candy.
And honestly, Todd, oh man.
He was so right.
He's like, when is enough enough?
And she's like, see?
It's like my mom also.
See, now I can't say no to her.
See?
But the thing is that he like, he's right.
I mean, you don't have to, like, cut her out of your life.
But don't give her more shit.
If you gave her a house, she didn't like it, she messed it up, and now you're going to buy her a new one?
Don't buy her a new one.
She had her house.
That's what she gets. And the only money she would ever pay you back with is money that you've already given her.
Yeah, exactly.
If she wants a new house, sell the one that was given to her and use that money to get a new one.
But don't bankroll that.
I say poison.
Poison.
See?
Nah.
See?
Nah.
Riley.
Riley would treat a house right.
See?
Nah.
That's just the way Riley is.
See?
Riley.
Me.
She did it a few times this episode. Her voice was going
at one point, where was it? Was it at the house?
She was like,
where's my tub?
Riley, Riley,
see,
we was going to have a tub here and
Riley was like, see, there's no tub.
Riley, Riley, see, there's no tub. Riley, Riley.
See?
Now, Riley.
We was going to have a tub here.
But Todd bugs me because he, you know, I know that he's right.
But Todd is always complaining about everybody else and always trying to cause shit.
Look, you married someone.
You knew her mom was a pain in the ass.
Just shut up.
It's almost like I feel like once you marry somebody when you know their faults, you're not allowed to complain about those faults as much anymore.
Or he can complain about it.
But to be like trying to convince her of something like, you know, what are you going to do about it?
Nothing.
She's not going to do anything.
What do you think she's going to do?
You know she's not going to do anything.
Nor should she.
And nor should you expect her to because you knew what you were getting into. Like, he's pulling a girl thing where you marry somebody and then you're like, well, that was the starter version and now I want to turn them into this.
Like, no, you married what you married and that's what you're stuck with now.
Sorry.
At this point, he should just say, like, okay, you're on your own.
Your mom made a mess of the house.
You're going to have to deal with that.
I'm not going to deal with that.
You have to, if you want to keep on forgiving her or letting her do these things, it's on you.
I'm staying out of it.
You know, just back away.
Back away politely.
Agreed.
You know, he's producing his own shows now.
He's a producer on that Hollywood Divas show. So he's producing his own shows now he's a producer on that hollywood divas show
so he's making his own bank now so put that money away in your little in your account and keep your
money separate and just make sure that you're not paying for anything mama joys but if candy wants
to let her and i like candy the candy's like well of course i'm mad of course i'm frustrated the
problem is i'm never gonna do anything because she's my mom. And that's it. I'm just going to be mad.
And I'm going to probably be mad forever.
And that's just how it is.
And I know that that may sound weak.
But it's also like, you know, she's just resigned to being true to her mom no matter what happens.
She's going to be loyal no matter what happens.
Now, I disagree with it.
I would have that bitch committed probably to a mental
hospital or an old folks home
and forget about her and throw the way the key.
But it's not me. So have fun with that.
And you guys
tell my mom doesn't listen to this podcast?
Neither does mine, thank God.
Okay, so
anyway, Candy goes to lunch with her aunts.
And that's when this shit gets good.
She's like, what do y'all see?
You know, a menu now.
What are you going to order?
See?
Nah, I like black-eyed peas.
Hold on one second.
Are you there?
I'm here.
I'm so sorry.
Are you still recording?
I stopped it, but now I'm recording again.
Okay, so sorry.
This old man who lives next door needed a piece of tape.
He's trying to pull the gates.
This piece of tape.
I'm going to get a gate around my bungalow so no one can enter unless I buzz them in.
And guess what?
I don't have tape.
Yeah.
So there. Well, guess what? I have tape. But it's his loss? I don't have tape. Yeah.
Well, guess what?
I have tape.
But it's his loss because he didn't come to my apartment.
Oh, he might.
He's going to keep trying.
Don't want no tape.
Don't need no tape.
Won't be no tape.
What did she say?
I'm not about tape.
Don't start no tape.
Won't be no tape.
See? Tape. Rylan's got about tape. Don't start no tape, won't be no tape. See?
Raleigh's got some tape.
Anyway, I love that her aunts were like,
she's like, what are y'all going to order?
Fried chicken,
fried okra,
some breakfast fried,
and some fried mac and cheese balls.
I love those old ladies.
I love those old ladies, and I hope that one day Bravo will just let those old ladies I love those old ladies and I hope that one day
Bravo will just let those old ladies
read transcripts of the show
one of these
days Bravo's gonna realize
that they need to do a show about old ladies
like don't give us
shows about like
divorcees
like trying to be sexy again or moms trying to be
sexy again, or
moms trying to have it all.
No, we want to see funny old ladies.
Hello, golden girls.
Straight up old folks home,
actually. That would work for me.
I mean, people would die a lot, but you get used to it.
Yeah, you know, we always need...
Shows always kill off characters, so
just be very
de rigueur.
They'd be like, where's Jocelyn?
Like, she hasn't woken up yet.
And that's it.
Like, for three weeks we'll hear that until they find Jocelyn with flies all over her in the break room.
Ah, Jocelyn.
And then they'll be like, who killed Jocelyn?
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Seriously?
Seriously, Jocelyn?
Did you or did you not tell Jocelyn that she could fly?
Jocelyn, like, why didn't anyone try to call Jocelyn when she's missing?
Like, seriously? Seriously?
The cell phone tower pinged Jocelyn at a Best Buy at 1pm.
Is that true or is it false?
Was that Pacific time
or was that Eastern time?
Could you two even know the difference?
Well, y'all
need to get humping
and thumping and making
a baby, can't we?
See?
Now, Adnan, I don't know why I didn't call.
Hey, man.
Lee.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It was like my Candy version.
I said Adnan is guilty because I told him, why haven't you had a baby?
And he said he ain't a-hopping
and a-thumping and a-blowing nobody's
house down. And that
means no grand-nephew
for me.
Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling.
Seriously? Seriously.
I love those old ladies.
I know.
Okay, so. I want to meet Mama Joyce's boyfriend.
That needs to happen.
Yeah.
And then, okay, so there's the Mama Joyce stuff.
Let's see.
I mean, Kenya and what's her face?
Claudia.
They, like, hung out in Claudia's new unfurnished apartment.
I like Claudia.
I like her a lot.
Yeah, I like her so far.
She seems cool.
And I thought, actually, I thought her story
about growing up,
like, her biracial
upbringing, and then her mother came over
from Italy, and her dad who banned them, I thought that was
actually a very interesting story.
And I liked it.
I felt like it was a nice
real moment in this show of craziness.
Yeah, and everybody's right.
White people and black people are racist against her
and then even her mom hates her and won't say I love you.
I mean, what the hell?
That leads to a very fucked up personality
which leads to an extremely successful reality career.
Yeah, that's exactly what you need.
No love.
No love and demons.
Thank your hateful mother because she just got you a job on Bravo.
Yeah, exactly, Claudia Jordan.
Yeah.
Claudia is pretty cool.
It's funny watching Kenya try so hard to be friends because I just don't see how long that can last because it's Kenya.
Yeah, that will fall apart.
Yeah, Kenya has zero friends and i feel at some point
claudia is gonna once claudia is friends with the other ladies it's gonna be trouble yeah because
kenya is gonna try and keep her for herself and she's not gonna be able to because in order to
shoot on the show she's gonna have to meet the other women right right which is weird like why
wasn't she at that dinner i don't think they had made her a full-time cast member at this point.
Probably not.
I don't know what's going on.
Because she's had a lot of stuff filmed.
So they've used a lot so far.
But maybe that's from the future that they're putting in the past.
Like they do on these shows.
I don't know.
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
I'm loving watching the demise of Portia.
And I know that's horrible to say because I actually kind of like Portia.
I think she's funny.
And I certainly like.
Certainly like talking about her.
But it is very funny watching the demise of Portia because it just looks like a totally terrible train wreck.
Yeah.
Coming very slowly down the tracks.
Well, she's a brat now, and it's really annoying.
She's showing up to this group dinner wearing, like...
Alexander McQueen, right?
Yeah, and, like, a $5,000 purse and all this shit that she's...
Everybody knows that she's basically whoring herself out to this rich, ugly guy.
Meanwhile, that Brit... that girl from Ladies of London
probably, I'm shocked she didn't show up in the restaurant
and be like, well, Alexander said I was
a muse, so when you wear that dress, you're really
wearing me and my soul.
Well, maybe that's why they broke up.
Yeah. Remember?
Well, looking for another sugar daddy, but
you're talking about the muse, yeah.
No, I'm making just a totally separate...
Alexander died. I thought I'd never get a totally separate... Oh, when Alexander died.
I thought I'd never get up again.
Because every time I see Alexander McQueen,
I'm like, Alexander!
And I remember one time I hadn't eaten for a few days
and I found a jelly bean on the couch and I ate it.
Alexander said,
that would make a beautiful color for a
micro mini. Alexander!
Come back to me!
Every time I use a paper
clip, I think of Alexander because
it was his favorite thing
to use to bind papers together.
And when I used it, he once said,
you are my paper clip muse.
Alexander!
One time I brought Alexander coffee.
He said, I'll need cream in that.
So now, whenever anybody brings me anything,
I say, that needs cream.
Alexander!
One time I saw a fly floating around in my water
and I thought for a moment that perhaps I had pooped it out.
And Alexander said,
no, it just died there very poetically. And I realized
then that I was Alexander's
muse.
Oh,
ladies of London, so don't miss you.
Really don't miss you. I enjoy that.
I miss some parts, but man, that show
got boring. It started off with so
much promise, but
like Alexander's career.
It's like a plane is about to land on my roof.
Do you hear that?
Maybe it's Alexander back from the dead.
That old man's like, do you have any tape?
He's like, hey, plane, you got any tape up there?
So he's saying that because I'm screaming with my door open.
He's probably standing outside waiting for me to find tape.
I probably shouldn't have said maybe.
Let me check.
Hold on.
Just kidding.
Okay.
So back to Real Housewives of Atlanta and the fight.
The fight that everybody had with Gina.
When Nene was like, we are never going to be friends
again you betrayed i don't even know what happened you betrayed me
all right and don't talk to me then darling how do i care so well but the thing is this though
the fight at first started so all the ladies gathered because candy thought it would be a
good idea to clear the air, which of course is hilarious.
And I love how they keep on referring to
the reunion as the last time that we all
got together in this sort of cryptic
way.
And we were all paid to be in the same room
together. Yeah. So first Kenya
and Phaedra tried to
clear the air,
which was kind of a failure also,
as these things always are.
Because Kenya was like,
your man was lying on me,
which, by the way,
my least favorite expression is lying on,
it's like, it's lying about.
About!
I know, and it's such an unfortunate expression
in this specific conversation, too.
It's like, me and your husband were never fucking around he was lying on me like that's you don't want
to mix those two yeah it's like so it was the same thing where she was she was like
apollo cleared the air said that he was lying and then phaedra was like well you know you did
phaedra didn't believe it and phaedra phaedra did make a point that if Kenya has paid off an African prince and Walter to be on the show, then maybe she just paid off Apollo to lie on the air.
Well, I like that Nini was like, oh, well, you know, first of all, Kenya, you know, I never said that you were a whore.
So I'm not like these other ladies who called you a whore, blah, blah, blah.
And she's like, that's right, Nini, you didn't.
like these other ladies who called you a blah blah blah and she's like that's right nini you didn't
and then nini like less than a minute later it's like well that's not why you were fighting you were fighting over that video yeah i know i was actually glad that that was brought up
yeah because that is true and no one want everybody wants to forget this history especially
kenya but the fight did not start because of apollo the fight started because kenya was being
an i guess they were both kind of being assholes, but Kenya was trying to charge like
millions of dollars to do a stupid workout video for them and her production company that produces
nothing. And they didn't agree. So they got in a big fight and it got uglier and uglier. And then
Kenya started insinuating. She started flirting with Apollo publicly and insinuating that Apollo was texting her and wanting to fuck.
So Kenya started it.
Yeah, because the thing is that, like, just because the contract didn't work out or whatever didn't mean that the friendship had to go sour.
They could have just had an amicable parting.
But then when Kenya decided that she was going to make a rival video of, like, that was going to be, like, the stallion booty, you know, when you do something like that, then you're going to make a rival video of like, that was going to be like the stallion booty.
You know,
when you do something like that,
then you're going to make an enemy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kenya's an asshole.
I mean,
she,
she's really doing her best this year to be fun and light,
uh, and be as much of a victim as possible whenever she's dramatic.
Everybody was so mean to me,
but bitch,
please,
that is all your bad.
Every single piece is your bad.
And Apollo got you back good by lying about that.
And that's, like, one funny thing.
One funny, smart thing Apollo's done all season.
Get out of here, hag.
Yeah.
Get out.
Get out.
Get out.
I don't believe it.
So that was good because I liked that Phaedra, even with the truth, is like, if it, you know, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and it's yellow and floating around a pond, sticking its head underwater, looking around down there to see what's on the bottom of the pond, it's a duck.
Yeah.
Go on, Phaedra.
where she was like,
well, from now on, if people lie to you,
then I won't admit that they lie to you,
then I won't take what they say.
What was it?
She was like a very technical way
of not saying I apologize.
She's like, Kenya,
I'm willing to not discuss the fact
that you're a cheating lying whore.
And that's it.
Yeah.
I love Phaedra.
I'm sorry you're a whore.
Okay, that's my apology.
She's great.
I love her.
So the best turns into Cynthia and NeNe because Cynthia has been talking big
and trying to make this big anti-NeNe stance,
but of course this has not been to Nini yet.
We have not seen this to Nini.
I mean, it takes extreme balls to go up against Nini because Nini doesn't use her brain in a fight.
She just uses her mouth.
Yell, yell, yell, yell, nonsensical bullshit until you're quiet, which means she wins.
So that's a pretty brave... But you know what though, at the same time,
you know,
I applaud Cynthia for not getting into
a shouting match with Nini, because once
they started hashing out their issues, then,
you know, like you said, Nini just starts yelling, and
she starts just saying things that
sound like
convincing or whatever. She's like, I loved you like a
sister, you know.
But she's not even letting Cynthia talk.
She's getting up because she's going to go leave.
She's doing everything that she's always accused of doing,
which is that when you try to
come at Nini, that she doesn't listen.
And Cynthia was right.
You know?
Nini was wrong.
The way she acted at Kenya's stupid
charity thing, Nini was wrong.
all of a sudden, Cynthia was painted in a bad light because she didn't support Nini.
And then when Nini called her husband a bitch, like, you don't...
Peter is a bitch.
Nini was not wrong.
But you don't call your friend's husband that.
I don't even think that's a big deal.
Because she was saying, your husband's fighting like a bitch.
He's not one of us.
He's a man. Tell him to stop a bitch. He's not one of us. He's a man.
Tell him to stop being a bitch, meaning one of us.
She's not saying – I don't know.
I found that so not offensive at all.
I would have said, shut the fuck up too.
I'm not going to be fighting with your stupid fucking husband.
Here's my thing.
Also, they're actual friends.
So I don't know what Nene did that was so bad to Cynthia. I think Cynthia got sick of everybody saying, you know, you're just Nini's sidekick and you do whatever she wants and you're so far up her ass, which was all true.
And I think she got so sick of it that the minute any little thing happened, she was, like, ready to go to war over it when it was nothing.
I don't know.
I mean, here's the thing.
I didn't think Nini calling Peter a bitch was, like, the worst.
But, like, I think if Cynthia and Peter were offended by it, I think they have a right to be offended.
It's a rude thing to do.
Nini apologized.
But that's true too.
But Nini is an awful person and we all know this.
She's an awful person.
So you can't – I don't think you can take –
It's like getting a terrorist on a jaywalking charge. But at the same time, it sounded like you were implying that Cynthia suddenly realized that she was like a sidekick and didn't want to be the sidekick anymore.
So she took the first chance.
But I think it's more like, no, Nini is an awful person.
She probably is starting to realize it.
I think we've been there with friends before where you're just like, this person is wearing thin on me.
I think that Cynthia is an idiot with no personality.
She came onto the show and needed to be friends with the biggest personality to make it.
Because if you're friends with NeNe, NeNe was the highest paid, most popular housewife.
So she did anything she could to be NeNe's friend.
Kissed her ass, never had an opinion, never did anything.
Then once she had a little bit of her own fame and didn't need NeNe anymore,
and was sick of NeNe's horrible, psychotic personality,
she took the first chance she could to jump ship
and become an enemy because it would be, A, a storyline,
which she's never really had,
other than marrying a loser that looks like a little bit.
And she took the chance to jump at a storyline
and be fighting with somebody who, at the time,
after that season, everybody hated Nini
because she was nothing but an egotistical fucking asshole.
And so she figured she would jump on the bandwagon and get
more people on her side by
going against a person that now everybody hated
the most. I think that she's just
an opportunist. She's a fucking...
She just goes from any popular
person that she can team up with
and does anything that she can to
use people and get screen time. I think she's an awful
girl. I don't know.
I don't think it says.
She's calm, but she's as much of a fame whore as the rest.
I don't think it's as Machiavellian as that.
I think that maybe the truth is somewhere in between both of us.
I think that, yeah, she probably was social climbing.
She probably did latch on to Nini because she was a big star.
And yes, she probably, like you said, getting a terrorist and a jaywalking ticket, she probably did see a chance out and took it.
But I think that she genuinely probably did not.
I think she probably really could not deal with Nini because she was just too awful.
It was, like, too awful to, like, even be, like, to kiss her ass.
So I would probably understand that.
If she just said look
nini your personality is is uncomfortable it's hard for me to keep friends because you're always
fighting with everybody you're completely unreasonable i need to take a break from you
or something but she never did that she accepted nini's apology she acted like they were still
friends she kept texting nini about this and that and this and that and then started giving
interviews about what a bitch nini is behind her back like that girl's not trustworthy like she
acts like she's nice but that girl's a big old lion heifer and i i'm not a fan of nini but i just
say at least nini will call it like it is and when nini was saying yeah but you know we were texting
we were calling and this and that and you then you're going behind my back and giving all these interviews.
And Cynthia never denied any of that.
Well, I guess what I'm saying is, I mean, I think I actually agree with you,
and I do think that Nini was blindsided by this.
I do believe that.
But I feel like Cynthia, she's a weak person. I feel like I don't think it was as manipulative as you seem to be saying it was.
No, I don't think she was.
I think she was weak.
I think that she was just going off instinct.
She's going to be friends with a popular girl because, look, she's a model.
She knows how girls work, especially in a clique of girls.
That's what models are.
They're like herds of girls you know so she knew how that worked and she was a she was a popular girl's friend so
she could be popular too i don't think it was something super deep and like well thought out
on her part i just think it was it's actually pretty simple human nature like you're friends
with the popular to be popular and then when it to be popular. When there's someone more popular
or it doesn't suit you anymore, you just dump them.
I don't think it's some psychological...
I was under the impression, by the way,
that Cynthia, after the apology,
that NeNe was the one
who continued to be
nasty on social media, which is why Cynthia
then did these interviews.
And that's why
the apology never stuck i just think
that ultimately cynthia is a little too weak to say you know what this friendship is over i i'm
coming to realize that we are very different people i don't i don't like your personality
although she appears to be moving getting more empowered and stronger and moving in that direction
but the truth is that she could not stand up strong.
You know,
she can wear her stupid fake Claire's glasses all she wants to and act like
she's suddenly intelligent while her husband's spending all of her money and
now taking even more of her money for like another probably illegal business.
She's an idiot.
She's being totally used.
She's always being dominated and controlled.
She's a total weakling.
And then of course,
the first second she has to go up against
Nini, we see clips from next week of she
sobbing at a table and asking for defense again.
Like, shut up.
I wish that they had
a better moderator, because Candy was just like,
Nini, Nini,
Nini.
But Nini was just going off.
Even if Nini
did have a point
in what she was saying, which she did.
You could tell she was hurt. It's like it's all
lost if you're just going to like bombard
and yell. You have to like
be able to listen to the other person because
it's always shocking to me that no one
in these situations ever gives
the other person the benefit of the doubt. Never like
calmly hears their side out
and then I'll say my side and we think,
okay, where is the truth in this? Like, where did
we go wrong? Like, no, it's just like yelling
and I know that's what we sign
up for as viewers, but it's also
frustrating to know as human beings they're
totally incapable of communicating properly.
Well, yeah, Nini's the
worst at that. She can't communicate at all.
She just yells on screen. Can you imagine if Nini was the worst at that she can't communicate at all she just yells on screen
can you imagine if nini was the lawyer on serial and i didn't do nothing you didn't even see him
there whatever i've not tweeted about that girl long before that hey girl whatever she was a hoe
it's like yeah episodes would be five minutes because she would walk off yeah i'm leaving yeah yeah nini is horrible but in this in this situation i just
i just have at least nini is her own person and yeah you know she may be her own awful person
but when i like her i like her i think she's funny and stuff and like to actually have an
acting career as a housewife is pretty impressed like i'll give her credit for her things you know like it is pretty impressive to like
be able to carve out a career for yourself as a housewife because that never happens
um and she's uh an arrogant asshole about it but someone like cynthia it's hard for me to respect
them because especially when they marry someone like peter who it's just he's doing it on tv like he's buying cars behind your back with your money and i just have no
respect for anyone like that yeah so it's hard for me to ever be on her side because to me it's just
she doesn't have anything to be mad at like if you ask cynthia like her list of grievances and
why she suddenly hates nini oh because he called your husband a bitch? Really? That's it?
She was mean
at a charity event? I mean, come on.
That's it?
After all that you've supported her through
when she was being a terrorist to everybody else,
I don't really understand how I'm supposed to be on Cynthia's side.
And take off your fucking fake glasses,
Cynthia. Serious.
You're embarrassing. You're embarrassing yourself.
So let's move on.
Do you have anything else to say about Atlanta?
Or should we move on to Euros?
Euros of Hollywood!
Ah, funny!
Euros has been moved to the midnight slot
on Bravo, which is a very,
very sad sign.
I know.
I guess people are watching it.
I really like Euros.
I really, really do.
And you know what's strange
this week I was like
liking Bliona
somehow like
I've gotten to this place
where I think she's a disaster and awful and a bitch
and just the worst and yet
I kind of respect
her work ethic
yeah she's out there hustling man
the way she bosses
people around. You can actually see
her now on the internets because she made
herself famous. Yeah.
I like, you know,
you see the way she bosses around her dancers
and everyone and
it came off to me as someone who
knows exactly what she wants and she has
very high standards and
I was like really impressed
in a weird way and she's also paying for it so she kind of has a right yeah like get bitchy about
it but she's not just using somebody else's money she's like i roll check to this person and i roll
check to that person i've written so many checks i feel like a a Wales Fargs. Is this word? But she's...
I like her too,
and I like that, obviously, it seems
to be important for her to be liked,
which I know sounds funny about
her, but
I think she's trying to be...
When she's being bitchy, she's trying to be funny.
A lot of people must think that's
hilarious, and it's just really
rude and obnoxious, but I think that's her way of trying to make friends's hilarious. And it's just really rude and obnoxious.
But I think that's her way of trying to make friends.
Yeah.
It's so odd.
It's the Albanian way.
And it's sort of funny how in the beginning of the season, it's like, oh, my God, Leona is just awful.
She's just like, she's a huge bitch.
Eating the Parmesan cheese, like, directly from the run, whatever.
awful she's just like she's a huge bitch eating the parmesan cheese like directly from the run whatever but then now it's like isabella is like the one who or isabel she's now the biggest bitch
although she's mainly been put on defense because she said like a few things and it's gotten like
it spiraled completely out of control but she still is kind of a cold bitch. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she really is.
What do I have to apologize for?
There's nothing for me to apologize for.
And those wide eyes.
And those big lips that she can barely move.
She is being totally ganged up on, though.
She is.
She really is.
All that stuff is very unfair.
And they even showed the clip of what she actually said.
She didn't say she was on drugs.
Yeah.
She was just saying.
She came in acting erratic.
She was throwing up in the studio and being embarrassing.
And that's it.
And Fonny's like, can we at least show that I am not on drugs?
I just want to say that in all my life.
I have never done drugs.
That's not who I am.
I'm all about my art and my life.
And then don't do drugs because I'm funny.
Funny.
I love how the episode opened because Fonny was getting
her citizenship this week.
And it opened with her coming out
onto our balcony going, I love you, America!
God bless America, America!
Woohoo!
It's funny!
Dude,
was I the only one who was, like, a little
surprised when, like,
twice during the show, like, she broke
out into, like, America the Beautiful or whatever,
and I was like, oh, she has, like, a real
voice.
Yeah, she can actually sing. Yeah,
that's something that I'm finding kind of interesting
about Euros, and, um,
I probably have to exclude
Mossimo from this. Sorry, sorry masimo but it's different
than most of the american reality shows where people think they're talented but they're really
not and on this show they actually seem to be talented like leone is talented yeah you may
like her or not but she seems talented fanny's talented she sounds like she can sing and she
can definitely paint.
Massimo's not, but he's very cute.
He's cute.
Maybe he's talented in a different language.
I don't know.
The position guy seems to know what he's doing.
The clothing guy seems to know what he's doing. It's weird seeing all these people who are actually kind of talented on a show.
I know.
By the way, speaking of Yannick andannick and his rings oh my god his little
girlfriend he she my girl she so what a whiny brat what a whiny brat like i could not even believe
how she's carrying on and now she won't talk to the guy like he should dump her dump her and fire
her or both you know one of the reasons she was doing that i think this is the first time we've
actually seen her doing it.
At first, I thought, well, maybe she's just comfortable now in front of the cameras.
I don't think that that's why.
I honestly think it's the group effect of having other girls her age around.
Because they're watching her and they're being her audience.
And they're like, yeah, you go, girl.
Oh, yeah, you take it.
I wouldn't take it either.
You know how girls gang up.
Boys do, too, actually.
Like gay boys, at least yeah but
um they're like kind of ganging up on the guy and so she's feeling more and more empowered to be
just like a bitch on wheels and tell him off and this and that it's like no he's not with you
because you're a bitch and you tell him off he's with you because you're a hot piece of young ass
okay exactly the minute you stop being that he's gonna find another piece of young hot ass so
know your worth and be quiet i know for her to stomp around this photo shoot and being like
i can't believe you're saying that she looks like good you're touching her hair you're like you're
doing that's all like you're doing that like to spite me it's like get over yourself you know
you should be so lucky that you're on this photo shoot like you're lucky you even have a job and
this is your boss too by the way this is your boss well and that stuff all came after she was like ew i mean that's disgusting it's so stupid
i can't even believe you're doing this i mean you're tacky you don't have any taste like this
is ridiculous i can't believe you're not listening to me gross that looks horrible that's awful it's
all the same background this sucks you suck like bitch this is the boss of the entire
shoot you can't a you can't talk to him like that and you can't make him look like such a pussy in
front of an entire crew of people or no one's gonna listen to him like she needs to learn the
ropes or get the hell out of there i wouldn't i wouldn't have that and then yannick is like well
you know she's an american girl so you know how they are. They like to yell and scream.
And, you know, if you tell somebody off, if you tell an American girl off, I mean, she'll leave you in two seconds.
You can get plenty of girls.
You're big, strong, and wealthy.
You're going to do this fine.
She needs to sign up for an account for sugardaddy.com, whatever that website is.
Sugarbabies.com.
Here she comes.
Yeah, that girl doesn't have long.
Yeah, she's, I mean, I always got a vibe.
All season long, I got a vibe that she was sort of like an immature brat.
But I was like, but it hadn't really come out yet.
I was like, oh, maybe she's, maybe I'm just misreading her.
But then this episode this week, I was like, there it is.
I knew it was lurking there.
I could see it. She had like all these little snotty comments all season but she sort of delivered them with a smile which made me think oh maybe she's not a brat maybe she's just
like a ball buster but nope she's a brat yeah she's awful or when she walked into his um
his store and he had he was making like a hundred thousand dollar sale at the time
store and he had he was making like a hundred thousand dollar sale at the time yeah and she's like i'm sorry for interrupting business i can't believe you didn't introduce me to them i'm your
girlfriend yeah no i was like kick her to the curb send her back to american apparel yeah if
you're gonna date if you're gonna date some young piece of ass to just sit there and be quiet then
get a young piece ass it's just gonna sit there and be quiet if you're gonna date an intelligent woman who going to sit there and be quiet if you're going to date an intelligent woman who's actually going to have the brains
to help you with your business then do that but don't take shit from that that would make i
wouldn't yeah yeah i know sasha of course i'm poor not rich so i do have to take it when it's true
when i'm dating someone they start yelling at me because you know i'm getting older i don't work
out and i kind of have to take what I can get.
You, on the other hand, are worked out and wealthy.
You don't have to take anything.
Oh, I love the rules.
If I went to my boyfriend's work,
or if I was just, like, working with him and I said these things,
I guarantee he would dump me.
And it's not even like a sugar daddy or anything like that,
but it's just, like, I don't think anyone would want to take that from anyone like to be like scolded in and they seem to think that it's like they're lucky he's lucky to have an american girlfriend you know he's like
who would want to date uh me like everybody date you what are you talking about you're cute you're
nice you're rich and you do things in the day. Like, that sounds good to me. Yeah, no. Yana could get, like, many, many, many women.
I mean, he's actually hot.
He's hot.
I mean, he's definitely got Euro trash sensibilities, but...
He's got, like, nail facial surgery, which I normally hate.
But I like him.
I don't know what it is.
He seems very nice.
He and Sasha, I like them both, even though Sasha can be, like, a hothead.
You know, German tank.
I have to say, this is very funny that i'm like the german tank i can't believe that you know
what kind of girl is friends with uh europeans you know we're a group of europeans and she should
be helping us make it you know she could help us in so many ways i love that he's so bold at just
being like i don't like her because she's not helping me in the music industry that's so funny
because normally you just you're like, you want to go to lunch?
You know, can I do this for you? You want that?
Can I talk to your agent?
And he's not like that at all.
He's like, you know, we both have accents, so you
should help me with getting an agent.
I think Sasha also, I actually do
think Sasha said something about, what's her
face, the bratty girlfriend. It was like,
you know, in Germany, you know, I would just say, shut
her down. It's like, I have to say, just her down that's that's how you do it in germany but
you can't do it in america that way yeah she'll leave you that's such a german thing to be just
like shut her just shut her down she has broken the rules now you shut her down um i love going
back to that fanny isn't an american thing i really dug that that because we've come to this point in our country
where to be an American means you kind of
hate America. Or
if you love
America, then you're some weird right-wing
Republican who hates gay people.
He speaks on this weird
divide in
the country where everybody hates each other, and that's
nothing new.
And look, i'm not
saying like america doesn't have any problems i really don't like the fact that we're kind of
killing a bunch of innocent people in the middle east constantly that no one wants to talk about
but you know i love america like i'm proud to i love it here yeah i love someone says that
because it's so unpopular and i went to to Palm Springs for the 4th of July holiday in the summer,
obviously, with some friends.
And I was like, hey, happy 4th of July.
And this guy who I was going to bone that weekend was like,
ew, I'm not going to cheers to that.
I was like, why not?
It's 4th of July, dude.
That's what we're supposed to do.
I will not be a proud American when all of the things that we're doing.
Look at the police and look at the wars and look at this.
And there's so many more poor people than there used to be.
And there's so much this and I hate Republicans.
You should.
And like, and guess what?
Like, bye.
Move to China and shit in a hole that you dig yourself in the ground.
You stupid.
It's more like he should realize, like, what he just said to you.
He should be so lucky that he was able to say that to you.
That's what I said.
And he's like, oh, whatever, please.
Just because we have some rights doesn't mean that you get to trample all over the rest of the world and have my say.
And I said, dude, you need to move.
Go to Russia.
Go to Russia and enjoy your life there.
Yeah, exactly.
You know, this country definitely has issues and
it definitely needs to be more progressive in certain
areas and there are definitely problems
but overall
it's a pretty good country.
It's a pretty good country.
Like happy, you know, and if there's shit to
improve, let's help improve it, you know.
Let's do something.
It's like he sits around making
$80,000 a year as a fucking video editor for a website like give me a break that's like the easiest
fucking job in the world you make a ton of money you're traveling all over the place you get to be
out of the closet here which you know is a big deal to a lot of countries again russia stone
you to death legally for being gay like how about you just lighten up a little bit and stop being
such a spoiled fucking brat?
So it's nice to see someone who's actually excited.
And I like Leona, too, how she's like,
oh, I love this country.
I love that you can go to the Starbucks.
I love the green juice.
I love California.
I love that you can just go
and you can buy, like, a metal bodice here.
Yeah.
No, I... Tell people to put a diamond on your camel toe bodice and they do it there's no questions i like and i'm not the biggest like oh merca like i don't
have an american flag on my mailbox whenever there's a terrorist attack i don't go that far
but it is nice to see kind of a new American who's not just full of negativity and complaining all the fucking time and full of victimhood.
Yeah, because there's certain, you know, I think the thing is that what I think a lot of Americans take for granted is that there are certain, like, fundamental aspects of daily life in other countries that are just, they're different
than in America. I don't know if they're better or worse, but
I think for some people it's oppressive
and it's,
you know, there's a lack of opportunity, there's a lack
of, like, social mobility, there's a lack of,
there's a big, there's just things,
I'm not trying to be like, yay, America,
like, number one, but there's just things
that I think people
may take for granted.
And then you go to other countries and you realize, like, holy shit.
Like, I'm really glad for the creature comforts of America.
Yeah.
So, I mean, I just wanted to say that because I'm never filled with that, oh, America, kind of furor.
Well, I am sometimes.
But, like, in this case, I really am. I'm like, this is really nice to see a show about positive people who are like
making a change in their life and going at it with everything that they've got and loving where they
are and just being so excited and it makes me it makes me want to be more like that i know it's
actually kind of interesting to me that they embrace the ideal of the american dream because
i thought i kind of thought the American Dream was something as a concept that
we sort of are raised and knowing it's part of like this nation's philosophy but I didn't know
that really other countries knew about it if that makes sense like I didn't know it was a thing that
like if you're in Austria you hear about the American Dream and decide you want to go for it
too like it's so it's always a little shocking to me that they keep on talking about the American
Dream uh because I'm like, what about the Austrian dream?
Well, we're not going to talk about the Austrian dream because we remember who came from Austria with a dream.
Yeah.
But just kidding.
No, that's true.
No, but you know what I'm saying?
It's pretty dark.
Yeah, but, you know, there's a lot of opportunity that's here in this country and it's just sort of funny to think that like uh these people from europe
recognize that and and i understand that for instance in music or tv or film there's this
common knowledge that it doesn't matter how well your movie does and around the world what matters
is how it does in america so i get like on the show business side that people want to make it big in america because that means you really made it
but these people are talking more about generally the american dream and um not just like oh i hope
it make make it big in showbiz so i think it's just i don't know it's sort of an interesting
takeaway from you know a silly show yeah and oh my god it is a silly show massimo's choreography
oh my god uh that was that was he had to do uh for those who didn't see it he had to do uh he
had to choreograph a dance move like a dance for a music video with non-dancers on the roof i mean
he he said he is professionally trained in dance i don't know but um the only thing i could imagine
was that this is gonna be a weird video like that fat boy slim one from years ago for praise me
oh praise you praise me praise whatever uh funny i look like a first lady in my picture of america
yeah i like that um yeah i mean i guess that's pretty much it with with this one except that
they all went after
Isabella at the end and she refused to apologize
which I loved
I don't think she should apologize
but I like this show and it looks like next week
it's on again at midnight
so I don't know if we should cancel this one for the roster
because nobody's watching it apparently
it's too bad
the people I've met who do watch it, they all love it
like I met
here we go again with shows that we love die.
Listen, I am still carrying a torch for not only Galliard Girls, but...
Princesses.
Princesses, but Game of Crowns.
Hello?
I liked Princesses better than Game of Crowns.
Really?
But I'm hoping...
I don't think Game of Crowns has a shot in hell of coming back, but
you never know. Hey, did you read that stuff
online where Andy was saying he'd never say no
to a new Miami? Oh,
that was with the Adriana DeMora stuff
where she's going to have a new show about
divorced people or whatever.
He's saying there might be another
season of Real Housewives.
And I also read something about his
dream team of housewives from different
cities included Adriana.
Really?
She's not your dream team at all.
She's like
the Hoku of Real Housewives.
You know?
She's the Hoku?
No, because in
1998-99 you had
Britney Spears, and then after Britney came around, then all of a, you had Britney Spears.
And then after Britney came around, then all of a sudden you had Christina Aguilera.
And then each one, it's like declining returns.
So then you have Jessica Simpson.
And then you've got Mandy Moore.
And of course, these women have gone on to do actually very big things.
We have Mandy Moore.
And then it goes down to Willa, whatever her name was.
And then you have Vitamin C. and then you get down to hoku
you know and when you get down to hoku it's like okay like we've gotten very far away from the
original and so adriana to me is like the hoku of the real housewives he likes him mean and violent
because he loves nini too yeah that's true he's like nini ad. It was like all the most horrible people
that you could imagine.
I read that and I was like, that's your dream team?
That's awful. No wonder this show is going the way it's going.
Of course,
if people don't beat each other up
and get mad at each other, I find it boring.
I don't know. I guess that's hypocritical.
Sorry. That's how I roll.
I'm hypocrite.
Don't say that. Well, I think that's about it roll. I'm in for it. All right. Don't look at that.
Well, I think that's about it.
I mean, we can talk about Top Chef.
Restaurant Wars happened.
It was fun.
The blonde one went home.
I'm not into this Boston thing, and I don't know why,
because I love some Top Chef, and I keep watching Top Chef.
I'm never going to stop watching it,
but I don't know what it is about this Boston thing I find so boring.
I like it. I like it. I i'm a fan i am a fan my favorite thing was seeing the indians who were like very
clearly the boston ladies talking like boston ladies i don't even know what accent that was
anyway yeah i don't need to talk about that one. I'm binge-watching Jimmy Oliver, who cooks with onions, chilies, and scallion.
And I'm watching The Taste is back on, so I'm obsessed with that show.
I'm watching that again.
And what's the other cooking show?
Oh, it's not a cooking show, but I love me some Property Brothers.
And now there's a Property Brothers at home where they're modeling an entire house together.
Yeah.
Fun.
All right.
Well, let's wrap this up.
Thank you, everyone, for listening.
We really appreciate it.
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a fun time.
Thanks, Benjamin.
Thanks, everybody.
We'll see you next time.
See you next week.
Bye.
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