Watch What Crappens - #159: The 2014 Golden Crappies Awards!

Episode Date: January 1, 2015

It's time for our annual Golden Crappies ceremony! Which Bravo shows will win? Who will be our favorite stars? And what musical numbers will dazzle the audience? Come listen! Here are the categories: Best Show Worst Show Most Overlooked Show Best Bravolebrity Worst Bravolebrity That We Overlooked Earlier in this Episode Biggest C-Word Lifetime Achievement for Asshole-ry Best Fight Most Shocking Moment Best Song Best New Housewife Most In Need of Being Fired In Memorium Most overdone plotlines Best Friend of a Housewife Best Vacation Outstanding Achievement in Trying Too Hard Worst Plastic Surgery Most Difficult to Fuck Husband Best Shitty Show You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the 2014 Watch What Crappens Crabby Awards! Please welcome the Crappens! Welcome your host, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Carroll. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh, thank you so much. so much. Thank you so much. Wow, that was a great opening number. Those women really, they put a lot of time and effort into that. So we just want to say thank you to all the crappettes. Thank you, guys. You guys put the crap in the crappette. Yeah, you guys really did it. You guys really did it.

I'd like to especially thank Evanceline who sent me that note thanking me for hiring fat dancers. I know that that doesn't happen often, but hey, it's the Crappies. It's the Crappies. We work with what we got. That's right. Thank you so much for coming to the Crappie Awards. We're really excited to be back here.

We've been talking about this all year long. Yeah. This is the hottest ticket in town. And if you are listening, you got the ticket. So congratulations for making it into our audience. We have a wonderful show for you today. We have some musical numbers by our nominees for Best Song. And we have some special celebrity presenters.

And, of course, the hilarious comic stylings of Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com Oh that's right guys we'll be here all week. That's right I seem to remember last year Ronnie you had to sing a song. You actually came up with an opening

number right for the show? Yes but this year I don't need to do that because we already have the crappiest theme song, which was written in 2014 by Mr. Ben Mandelker. Oh, thank you, thank you. Even though that wasn't technically a compliment, it was just a reference,

but I'm still going to say thank you. Well, I didn't just pretend it didn't happen like I did the rest of the year. Well, anyway, should we get on with our show? We have a lot of categories. Guys, this is a huge show. Huge! This is the highest honor that a Bravo show or star can receive. And we don't want to keep them in suspense any longer.

So why don't we get right to our first category, which is why don't we start with Best Shitty Show? It's all at the bottom of our nomination document. Okay, Best Shitty Show. Let's do this. The nominations for the Best Shit Show on Bravo. And these are shows that are, when we say Best Shitty Show,. And these are shows that are, when we say best shitty show,

they're like crappy shows that we love. Yes. They're terrible shows that we watch anyway. Yes. Okay. The first nominee is Vanderpump Rules. Strong contender. The second nominee is Game of Crowns. A show about women with horrible plastic surgery being mean to each other

and pageants they're way too old for. In rural Connecticut. In rural Connecticut. The next nomination is Euros of Hollywood. About a bunch of Euro trash who's mixing in with a bunch of Hollywood trash here in Hollywood, California. Below Deck, or as we like to call it, Maids on a Boat. Yeah. And Southern Charm, where racism still lives, but it's learned to hide behind

and dinner parties that people fall in the pool during. Okay, Ben, let's... Am I opening the envelope? Yeah, do you have your envelope? Yeah, I do. Let me hand you the envelope. Okay, thank you. All right. And the winner...

Oh, this is... I'm torn as to how to read this envelope. I have to say... You're not supposed to make it up. You're just supposed to read what's already on there. I know. I'm having trouble reading what's on the envelope. This is like our 19th annual Crappies Awards.

Do I have to remind you how this whole thing goes? No, I know how it goes. And I know that, of course, we selected our winners way farther in advance, so a very elaborate process. I'm just trying to figure out what the winner is based on what's written inside the envelope. And I think that the best shitty show, the best...

It was a close one, because there are stats in this envelope too. But the winner is Vanderpump Rules. Oh, congratulations! There's one show that's literally about waiters and then another show about maids. That's a really rough choice. You know what though? This was a very close category because game of crowns it was sort of like perfection absolute perfection it was one of my favorite bravo shows of all time but you can't

sort of can't deny the um the epic quality of vanderpump rules season two with everything with kristen and jacks and in the slap it was just it was too perfect and then the slap. It was too perfect. And then the slow spiral into hell that Kristen Horseface number one is taking. Yeah, so for that alone, Vanderpump Rules wins. But who knows? Game of Crowns is still up for some other awards down the line and maybe who knows what it may win.

Okay, well now that we've had our first award and we're very, very proud of you, Vanderpump Rules, we're going to have our first musical number of the evening. Yay! And here to sing her beautiful song that was performed this season on the Shaws of Sunset is Asa, that lady from Shaws of Sunset. Asa, welcome to the stage. Yay! Yay, yay! Yay, Asa! Thank you so much for coming here.

Water. Milk. Rocks. Water, milk, rocks. Water, milk, rocks. Water, milk, rocks. What? Water, milk, rocks. Oh, that was beautiful. That was amazing. Oh, that really cut to the core of the

Persian experience. Thank you, Asa. Water, Milk, and Rocks, guys. Water, Milk, Rocks. Long live immigration. Yeah. What a great show. Okay. What's our next award, Ben? Well, I'm just going from the bottom of our list up to the top. So I think our next category

is Husband Who's Most's most difficult to fuck. All right. So we're going from best shitty show to now the Bravo husband who's most difficult to fuck. The one you have the hardest time fucking. All right. Well, who are those nominations, Ben? Okay. The nominees are David Foster

from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Wow, now that one's difficult to fuck. Man boobs, turkey neck, and all he talks about are his own Grammys. Pretty difficult. There's Mohammed from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

and Shaz the Sunset and several other TV shows. Mohammed, who has Glorious Leechman face and a forehead that goes back into the middle of his head. And Jodie Foster hair. Here's a good one. Harry Dubin from Real Housewives of New York City. Sonia's main squeeze. Or was he?

Yeah, that guy looks like chopped hamburger. Going back to Game of Crowns, Lynn Diamante's husband, the optometrist's husband. Yeah, that's... If we had an award for went downhill the fastest from their wedding day until now, that man would have won hands down.

Was he really in such great shape at his wedding day? I'm not sure. He was decently husband. I mean, decently hot. Because I remember thinking, wow, be careful who you marry. Try and imagine them as an older person because you can go downhill very quickly. Okay, also nominated, Quad's husband. What?

He speaks like this. You got to stop with the doggy stuff, Quad. I'm going to give you some pointy head, Quad. And then finally, our last nominee, our last husband who's most difficult to fuck, Greg Leakes. He's very difficult to fuck because he's like 90 and it's hard to get him to put Meanie's purse down long enough to fuck him. And I think he has back problems too. So, Ronnienie will you please open the envelope and tell us who wins okay give me some drums

could you hear that could you hear those drums the winner of most difficult toult to Fuck Husband goes to David Foster. Wow, I'm surprised. I thought Harry Dubin was going to win that one, or at least Linda Amante's husband. But David Foster, wow. David Foster. Another award for his mantle. Yeah, you can't fuck someone with your turkey neck.

Sorry, David Foster, but congratulations on your win, buddy. Great job. Great work. Agreed. Okay. Now for our next award. Our next award is the worst plastic surgery. Now this is a rough one because plastic surgery has become

so prevalent in our society that people with plastic surgery are becoming their own race and starting to all look the same age and the same race. Everyone looks like, what's his name, Worf from Star Trek Next Generation. Worf, whatever his name is. Everyone is starting to look like a vector drawing. Unfortunately, they have not solved how to get rid of necks. Unfortunately, they have not solved how to get rid of necks. So you can still tell on people's hands and necks how old they really are,

but you'd never know by looking at those faces. Unfortunately, Groupon has not heard of decent plastic surgery and is still offering extremely cheap surgery to poor people on Bravo. So without further ado, let's read the nominations for the worst plastic surgery on Bravo. The first nominee is Brandi Glanville from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Yes. The second nominee is Tamara from Real Housewives of Orange County, who's basically starting to look like a hamster at this point. Next up is Vicky from Real Housewives of Orange County, who's basically starting to look like a hamster at this point. Next up is Vicky from Real Housewives of Orange County, solely because she's basically turning into the woman she hates, Gretchen, on purpose. Get Gretchen's chin out of your face, Vicky,

okay? Gretchen should trademark that shit. Next up is Sheena from Vanderpump Rules. Next up is Sheena from Vanderpump Rules. And next up is the entire cast of Game of Crowns. Yes. A lot of surgery. Poor people. Basically all poor people. You know what? If you're poor and your face is ugly and old, you better just stick with it.

Because you'll look better that way than you would with your Groupon plastic surgery. Okay, Ben, why don't you read us the winner? The winner of Worst Plastic Surgery is... Sheena Marie from Vanderpump Rules. Oh, Sheena, what a great job. And here to accept her award is Sheena herself. Hey, guys. I'm Sheena.

I can't believe you'd have this award show on my birthday in Azusa. You guys. Sheena. You guys, thank you so much for giving me this award. It was, like, really very important for me to win this because I'm about to get married. And now with this award, I'll have enough clown to get enough money to have a dessert spread that I want. Oh, Sheena, thank you.

Great speech. Thank you, Sheena, so much. So Sheena won this award because... Oh, no. Sheena just stepped on some glass on her way off the stage. Oh, my God. Yeah, guys. Oh, wow.

Oh, my God. Yeah, guys. Oh, wow. So Sheena gets this because everyone has terrible plastic surgery in this category. But Sheena actually ages her about 15 years, which is the worst thing that plastic surgery can do. So she wins worst plastic surgery for me, hands down. Oh, Sheena. You beat Brandon Glanville, and that is not easy. So congratulations, Sheena.

The rivalry continues. Oh, and we forgot to announce that the runner-up was Jax, who went through all that pain to get a free nose job on Bravo and still has a stuffed-up nose. Yes, that looks the same. Fortunately, plastic surgery cannot fix a coke habit. That's right. Okay, so now the nominees for our next category,

which is the Bravo personality who just tries too hard, or tried too hard, or is continuing to try too hard. The nominees are Aaron, that random girl from Real Housewives of New York City who got into a fight with all the women. She was drunk and friends with Aviva. Next, Brandi Glanville. Trying too hard to be relevant. Trying way too hard.

Brandi Glanville who possibly murdered her own dog and fed it to a coyote just to have a storyline last season. Next up is Cynthia Bailey. Trying way too hard. I don't know why you're saying I'm trying too hard, Ben. You're trying to start a fight with me, Ben? Because I'll fight with you, Ben. I'll take you down, Ben. I'm not afraid of you.

I'm Cynthia Bailey. What else is new? Okay, so next is, for trying too hard, Joyce and Carlton from Beverly Hills last season. Oh. Also, we should have nominated Carlton's Vagina, which tried harder than anybody else on Bravo to prove us it still works. Yes, Carlton, trying so hard. Also trying hard, the entire cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey,

trying way too hard. Well, except for Dina and Teresa, who barely tried at all. They barely even showed up. But the rest of you, shame on you. Teresa, who barely tried at all. They barely even showed up. But the rest of you, shame on you. And finally, the final nominee,

trying very hard to be horseface number one, horseface number two, and Stassi, is Christina from Vanderpump Rules. It says that! Seriously. Seriously. Ronnie, will you announce who tried too hard this year on Bravo?

Okay. The winner for who tried way too hard. I hope it's who I think it is. It is Christina from Vanderpump Rules. Yay, that's who I thought. Congratulations, Christina. Yes, that's well richly deserved, which by the way means that

Vanderpump Rules now has three wins. This could be a sweep. This could be a big year for Vanderpump Rules at the crappies. Yeah, Vanderpump Rules is winning the most awful of everything. Most of it because it's the most awful and also it's because my memory

is very, very short because I smoke a lot of marijuana. And so I don't remember shows that were on longer than like a couple of weeks ago. To be fair, there were no nominations for Vanderpump Rules and Husband Who's Most Difficult to Fuck. So I'm sure if it was in that category, it probably would have won too.

But yes, Christina tries way too hard. Also to be fair, I feel like hostesses in general try way too hard. If you've ever worked at a restaurant, a hostess will start a fight with you over table charts and fork placement. So I think that she had a leg up. But either way, congratulations, Christina. She tried way too hard, and she's still not a full-fledged cast member. She just shows up and tries to be bitchy, but continues to be more or less

irrelevant. Yeah, still terrible. Alright, let's move on to the next category. The next category is the best vacation! Vacation! First nomination is the vacation to Puerto Rico on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,

where the housewives all ganged up on poor St. Lisa Vanderpump, made her cry, and sent her to a Four Seasons with her hairy, silent, farting husband, Ken. The next Best Vacation nomination is the Hamptons for that weird half white girl's trip to her parents house who had a lot of money in a nice neighborhood on blood sweat and heels

where someone showed up drunk after her dad died and started a mess and the police would probably call the next nomination for Best Vacation, Montana, from Real Housewives of New York City, where Ramona threw a plastic

glass in someone's face, the editors added in glass breaking, and we saw a lot of cows. Oh, no, that was Berkshires. Let's revise that nominee to Montana and Berkshires for New York City.

Yeah, because on this show, the best could be the worst. And both of those were pretty fucking terrible. Next up, the best vacation nominee is Iran for The Shaws of Sunset. For the simple fact that Asa learned that she did not have equal rights in her home country, Adur. And they almost single-handedly started a war with the U.S. just with one visit.

And the last nomination for Vacation... By the way, Ronnie, it's not going to be the last one because we left off one nominee that I'll add after you say this one okay the second to last nomination is bally in the oc where we got to see monkeys get scared of vicky's face and we got to see ham hamster face tamara run away from the table

promising to never speak to anybody again when she wasn't wearing any shoes. And our last nominee is, of course, from Vanderpump Rules, season two, when the whole group went down to Mexico and Katie made a stassi, I think kicked Katie out of dinner

and then there was issues in the bedrooms and they all fought. That's awesome. And also Katie's own boyfriend threw a drink in her face. Yeah, threw a drink in her face because the whole thing was, I think, that Stassi didn't want Katie to bring any drama to the birthday

but then she and Tom got into a fight and they caused drama so Stassi got mad at Katie. And then Sheena started a fight because she was drama so stassi got mad at katie and then she started um a fight because she was in the van with all the guys and then um dldr ben because that's the way the show is there's just so much jack's then told all the girls what she said in the van and then all the girls got a hook hooking you off the stage now pulling you off the stage oh so Pulling you off the stage. Oh, so now I get to read who the winner is. Yeah, you're going to read the winner. Okay. Oh, shit. The best

vacation. And the winner is Puerto Rico for Beverly Hill. Wow. Were you not expecting that? Oh, our audience has arrived.

Is the audience mad or are they happy? I couldn't hear. Can't tell. It's like SimCity when you place the wrong building in SimCity and everyone's like, rrrr. The reason why, so it was close. The Iran trip for Shazza Sunset

almost won because it actually was it was actually really two good episodes examples of like reality TV at its best it was very moving and then Mexico almost won because it was so funny and then Bali was close with Tamara but Puerto Rico

because Puerto Rico was crazy the way they ganged up on Lisa and it was kind of epic in all the way they ganged up on Lisa, and it was kind of epic in the way they all turned on her, and it laid the foundation for everything we're seeing here, so it was very influential. And it was the sort of episode

that got everyone talking. After a really bad season, everyone was like, can you believe that? People who watch Bravo could not stop talking about it, and were taking sides, were feeling passionate about it. And we're taking sides. We're feeling passionate about it.

So while all the other vacations we mentioned were really fun and hilarious and so much shit went down, I have to give it to Puerto Rico. Okay, totally understood. Congratulations, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, even though that was probably one of your most boring seasons of all time. Yes. So, oddly enough, Beverly Hills has two wins. Vanderpump Rules, three wins. Yeah. Okay.

Now we are going on to our next one. Ben, why don't you read these nominations? Okay. The nominees... Oh, wait. I'm so sorry to do this to you. But I'm reading on the cue card that we actually forgot that we have another musical number. Oh, my God, so exciting.

Who's coming to the stage now? Hold on. Come on, teleprompter person. Where is it? Best song. Okay, so the next nomination for best song goes to Fonny from Euros of Hollywood. Please welcome Fonny. Yay.

Yay. Fonny. Fonny, Fonny. So I make my art because it's my life and I like to make my art but now I'm American so I'm like funny America! Blown and bad. Funny, funny, fine, fine, funny. Your name is funny, funny, funny.

Funny, funny, funny. Oh my life I've never been so happy to perform thank you so much. Oh funny that was so good. Come on, audience. That was great. That was... All right, there's one girl in the back who really liked that. It played well to the second tune.

That was Big Red Kelly in the back. She was like... Yeah! Okay. Okay, so our next category is Best Friend of a Housewife. Okay. Congratulations to all the nominations. I can't wait to hear who they are. Yeah, there seem to only be three, which seems strange.

I'm a little surprised by that. Maybe we can remember some as it goes along. So the first nominee is Luann from Real Housewives of New York City. Luann, you deserve to get that apple back, but I'm hoping that they never give it to you just so I can see you continue to act up. Yeah. Yeah. Next is

Danielle's gay husband on Real Housewives of Orange County. So this is actually a friend of a friend, in a sense. Danielle herself is a friend of the Real Housewives, but the nomination goes to her husband, the gay husband whose name I forget, on Real Housewives, but the nomination goes to her husband, the gay husband, whose name I forget, on Real Housewives.

Just by being so gay, he caused more controversy. Okay, Danielle was supposed to be a housewife, but when the storyline came out that her husband was gay, she threatened to sue and took herself off of the show. Oh, is that what happened? Well, according to the internet, which is always correct.

So I would like to congratulate Danielle because, you know what? That gay husband really made that season more interesting than it ever had any right to be. So thank you. And then we also have Pickles from Real Housewives of New York City. The ever-confused look on Pickles' face. Congratulations. Oh, here's a nominee that we forgot to put on. The ever-confused look on Pickle's face. Congratulations. Oh, here's the nominee that we forgot to put on.

And it is Jacqueline and Kathy and what's-her-buns, Dykstra, from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yes. And you know what? Here's another one from Real Housewives. Our final nominee from Real Housewives of New Jersey, Victoria Gotti. Oh, my gosh. Good one, Ben. Okay, now it's time for the winner. Who is the winner?

Well, we had to close our eyes and imagine this one, but the winner was a tie between Victoria Gotti and Rosie from Real Housewives of New Jersey, because that conversation would have been so much better had they just let these two housewives film together. That guy fucked his mother. So what? Who cares? Why is he on Twitters? What's a tweeter? You know what? You know what?

If someone said to me that my husband fucked my mother, then you know what I would do? I would get an assassin, which means, you know, go up and the assassin would punch you in the face. Yeah, well, if you punched me in the face, my husband would bury you someplace. You know what? You know what? How about this? How about we stop talking about the berries and the fruits and the vegetables and we just, you know, we get along.

We're family. We support each other. Ah, stick it in your twatter. You know, no more of this talk about water, okay? He needs water. She needs water. We all get together. We're family, you know? Family. Congratulations,

Rosie and Victoria Gotti. You came on a wonderful show on a terrible year and made a wonderful scene. Yeah, it was great. I was surprised. I thought Pickles was going to win that one. Nope. But Pickles, don't think that you can't win in the future.

Just try a little harder next time. Okay, Pickles? Yeah. Yeah, do better. Try to say more things. Okay. Okay. The next round of nominees.

Most overdone plot lines on Bravo. Now, this one we actually had to take some time to come up with because there were like 18 of them. So we had to choose, pick and choose wisely. So here we are with the most overdone plot lines on Bravo. The first nominee, weddings. Yeah. New weddings, old weddings, remarrying, renewing vows, all weddings. All weddings.

All weddings. Please stop all weddings. Please stop all weddings. Vagina waxing. Another good one. Lots of bushes being trimmed all over Bravo. And while we're not against grooming, I'm sick of looking at your twat get waxed, okay? Yeah.

I'm looking at you, Ramona and Sonia and everybody on Vanderpump Rules and Lisa's butthole. I mean, I don't even know what else happened, but please stop it. Yes, too much. Twitter fights. Twitter wars. You said this about me on Twitter, but you said

this first, so while you talked to this person in the new media, but you were tweeting this and you were retweeting. You were, you know, I never tweeted anything, but you retweeted. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I didn't do nothing. I just retweeted something. I didn't write it. Well, that still counts. Retweeting counts. Eh! Who does that?

Who does that? Spray tanning! Oh, God. Spray tanning. Like, oh, my God, it's so cold. Oh, my God, are we really going to do this? Are we really going to spray tanning like oh my god it's so cold are we really going to do this are we really going to spray tan oh my god now you get to see me naked this is freezing I can't believe we're doing this

and old ladies who think that we're all going to believe that they're still capable of having babies ordering those real lookalike babies in the mail to see if they're capable of having babies we saw it on Marriage Medicine we saw it on Real Housewives of Atlanta real lookalike babies in the mail to see if they're capable of having babies. We saw it on Marriage Medicine.

We saw it on Real Housewives of Atlanta. And we saw it on Real Housewives of OC. It's too much. You're all too fucking old, okay? None of your wombs are in working order. Put an out-of-order sign on that and get a new storyline, okay? How about a storyline about women who are going through hot flashes?

Yeah, how about that? I mean, we almost got that with Banzo, but she wouldn't commit. Okay, Ben, read those nominations. For the winner. The winner. This is a very competitive category, but the winner is...

Super, soups, dupes. The winner is Weddings. Yay, Weddings! Yeah. Yay, Weddings. I have an audience, too. So the reason why Weddings wins... The award for best audience goes to Ronnie's iPad.

Yay. I just sent you a tweet about what an asshole you are. What an asshole your audience is. Excuse me, though, Twitter fights did not win this award. No, so the reason why weddings are the very worst is because all these other things are annoying, but they tend to be just a few scenes here there weddings dominate an entire oh we forgot another oh even though this didn't win we forgot our other uh nominee which is kids

going off to college oh my god please stop with kids going to college, especially you, Beverly Hills. Like, enough. Beverly Hills, you've used enough kids going to college. Then you've used enough to, like, deplete the lake for every other Housewives show on TV. Like, seriously. Kim. Kim twice. Kyle.

Yolanda. Then probably Kim again. Then Yolanda again. Kingsley. Lord knows where Kingsley went. He went off to school of some kind last year. And now I think he's off at the quote-unquote farm being euthanized. God bless his heart. Well, either way, though, kids going off to college is a bad one

because that also usually takes an entire season. But the weddings, it's too much because it's the season. And then on top of that, there's a spinoff. And, you know this is this is not the channel for that i don't think people watching bravo actually really care about weddings this isn't like the we channel you know this is people don't like seeing fairy tale romances on bravo we want to see death and destruction so so uh definitely weddings win that one for sure. Agreed. Agreed. Okay, now we have a very special moment.

You guys, this is a very special moment. Yeah. And it's taking me a minute to cue it up here. But it's a very special moment in time where we all need to gather together. We all need to gather together and we need to hold hands and remember that even though we have. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,

a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or

wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of academy early and ad free right now by joining wondery plus even though we have a really good time making fun of people on bravo sometimes very very serious stuff happens like people dying so I'd like to welcome that stupid trophy wife, trophy mistress from Ladies of London to give it

in memoriam to Scott. Scott! Scott! Noel. You gave me a $10,000 apartment, Scott! Scott. And it was000 apartment, Scott. Scott. And it was so cheap, Scott. And I wondered,

how could I be with a man who is so cheap, Scott? And when I confronted you about it and asked you for a better allowance, Scott, you jumped. I just want to say that I'll never be able to find a man like Scott for the rest of my life. Because Scott is so wonderful. Goodbye, Scott.

Goodbye, Scott. And hopefully, the Bible is wrong and you will get to go to heaven, Scott. the Bible is wrong and you will get to go to heaven, sport. Because if you are in heaven, you'll get to meet Mama Sharon, who is also dead. Oh yeah, you messed with the wrong one now, bitch.

I can say anything to you, Mama Sharon. Oh yeah, you call me a hoe? Call me a hoe? Am I a man or pimp? You messed with the wrong one now bitch I'll kick your ass that was so

beautiful thank you so much for coming and I'm sorry for all of your losses yeah that was really amazing so thank you thank you Noelle and the ghost of Sharon yeah that was really amazing. So thank you. Thank you, Noelle and the ghost of Sharon. Yeah, that was really beautiful.

I hope to see the new TV movie coming out. Oh, shut up, audience. I can't wait to see the new movie coming out based on Mama Sharon's life called You Got the Wrong One Now, Bitch. Yeah. Okay, now on with our next nomination all right um okay this go ahead read our next category our next category is bravo celebrities who should be fired all right All right. And the nominees are Amber Marchese from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Just go and take your cancer with you. The Two Twins from Real Housewives of New Jersey.

You're equally as stupid as each other. You're as smart as a colada. Brandy Glanville from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Get a real job and stop spending all your goddamn money. You're poor. Jill Zarin, just for the sake of it. We've got to fire that bitch

every year. You still deserve it, Jill Zarin. And hey, Jill Zarin, if you're listening to this, shut up. Shut up, Jill Zarin. You just need to shut up richard blaze from top chef boston hey keep on working out you're still doughy shut your mouth stupid richard blaze nobody cares about you and since when don't you like agar agar or whatever that shit is that you're suddenly getting all judgmental about you powder nose motherfucker and finally the last bravo liberty who should be fired

lizzie from oc no one came to your birthday party because you're a lame ass lizzie okay get out of your house and get a job designing bikinis isn't a job that's the worst drawing i've ever seen in my life okay so uh the winner ronnie will you please read the winner the winner for should winner for Should Be Fired goes to... That's a tough category, guys. Who's it going to be, Ronnie?

Lizzie from the OC because at least Amber has a husband who started shit, the twins yelled at a lot of people, Brandy Glanville is at least trying to beat up old ladies Jill Zarin still is cunt Richard Blaze opens his mouth really wide and you do nothing Lizzie, bye wow

wow, summarily dismissed by our award show. Very impressive. Very impressive. Alright. Alright, everyone, settle down. Lizzie is never going to hear it. Settle down, everyone. Settle down.

Okay, okay. Stop. down. Whoa, okay, okay. Stop. Stop going around your feet. All right. We're just looking for a way to get everyone to be quiet. Okay, there we go. Had to get the security in there on that one. This is one of our most important categories. Yes.

Best new housewife. You know, it's really difficult to make sure the species is going on. Look at white bread people in the South. No one's really having babies anymore because everyone's working. Everyone's got a two household income now. But white

people may be dying out, but it's important to make sure that the housewives will live forever. And Bravo has bred some new ones this season, so let's important to make sure that the Housewives will live forever. And Bravo has bred some new ones this season, so let's read the nominees! Number one is Eileen Davidson.

From Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Eileen Davidson hasn't even done much yet, but you know she's going to take down every idiot who stands in her way. One of the only Housewives with a real job and an actual acting career. Welcome to the club, Ollie. Lisa Rinna, one of the most desperate D-listers ever to appear on TV,

maintains a bubbly, sparkly personality defying all the odds. Shannon B. Doerr. A random new housewife on The Real Housewives of Orange County who apparently doesn't believe in plastic surgery, restaurant manners, or tiny home. Kristen Taichman

from Real Housewives of New York who's married one of the ugliest pen on the shows combined who has the least amount of money probablyliest pen on the shows combined, who has the least amount of money probably out of all the husbands combined. Not a good move, Kristen. And Claudia Jordan. Still too new to call, but it seems like she's going to bring everybody down.

And we know that she earned her peach on The Real Housewives of Atlanta midseason just for being the biggest cunt around. And the winner, Ben! The winner is... Alright. The winner is... Shannon Bedore from Real Housewives of... Oh, Shannon! I'd like to say...

I'd like to say thank you, but unfortunately Heather's standing in the spot that I was going to stand thank you but unfortunately Heather's standing in the spot that I was going to stand in to give this award so Heather I was sitting there Heather

if it's so important to you, there, stand there it's fine, it's fine, over it over it that's where I was sitting I don't know what you're talking about, David. You know what? You know what? You've said your piece.

I'd like you to leave the award show now. Thank you. Oh, that's great. David, I'd just like to say to my husband, David, thank you for making me look like a bitch. And I'd like to thank Dr. Wu for sticking his thumb up my butthole because, honestly, nothing had ever gone in that exit before. And every time I'm in Ross or any other outlet store, I'm purposely going out the exit on purpose just to see if I can set off an alarm.

And I'd like to thank Heather for stealing my chair and making the biggest storyline of a shit season that we've ever seen. So thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. David. David. for stealing my chair and making the biggest storyline of a shit season that we've ever seen. So thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. David. David. David.

David. David. David. David. Do I go off stage right? Stage left? David. David.

David. Ben, I have to hand it to your audience. They're really good. They are good. And you know what's good is that when they're done. They're really good. They are good. And you know what's good is that when they're done clapping, they just stop, all of them, all at once. Like, they start clapping, and then they just know, okay, next award, they just stop.

They're really good. Okay. You know, I would, I will, this is now my category, correct? So the next category is the crappy for Candy Burris' best vocal range. And the nominees are. Actually, I'm sorry, Ben, but this is actually not a nomination. I'm sorry Ben but this is actually not a nomination this is a very special nominee for

best song actually the next nominee performance for best song is Candy's sound effects while she talks so Ben please introduce Candy, Candy Burrows come on out here see now

Riley was like mama you're full of crap Please introduce Candy. Candy Burrs, come on out here. See? Nah. Riley was like, Mama, you're full of crap. And I was like, nah, I was going to go over to see Mama's love again. But then, like, see? Nah. Todd was like, Riley, you're going to win an award now. But, like, I don't know, Mama. Award. Thank you so much to Academy. That was beautiful, Ben.

So thank you. Thank you, Candy. Thank you, Candy. Thank you. Best nominated song. Okay, Ben. Thank you, Candy. Thank you. Best nominated song. Okay, Ben. Now, what's the next award? Well, the next award, then, is...

Why don't we go on to most shocking moment? Let's do that. Because I know we have one more song performance coming up later. Oh, two more, actually. We have two more songs in the category. So, most shocking moment. And the nominees are Shaz of Sunset being actually moving when they went to Iran.

Meaning it was an actually emotionally thoughtful show that got me a little choked up at parts, and that was on Shazza Sunset, and that was very shocking. Yes. The other, the second most shocking moment, the nominee is Caroline Manzo. She got on a trapeze.

Caroline Manzo on a trapeze. Very shocking. The third, Aviva throwing her leg on the table, Real Housewives of New York. A shocking moment. And our final nomination, unless there's any others that I am not reading on the paper, Nina losing Top Chef New Orleans, the other guy. Yeah, that was pretty cray-cray. So, Ronnie, will you please read it? Please announce the winner. The winner of the best shocking moment on Bravo this year was...

Caroline Manzo getting on a trap wow that's a surprise surprised? yes I thought for sure it would be Nina or Aviva well Aviva since she planned that whole thing

since the very beginning of the season it may have been shocking to us but actually if you'll recall that scene, nothing really bad even happened. Aviva just knew she was going to throw her leg and she chose any reason to do it.

She just threw her leg. So as it was fun and they showed it a zillion times, it was not very shocking. It was wonderful though, so thanks Aviva. Yes. Well done. Well done, Aviva. Caroline. Caroline with a win. New Jersey now has

ranked up some awards. I don't have the stat count just yet, but I still think that Vanderpump may be... Vanderpump rules may be winning, although OC now has two wins. Jersey has two wins. Beverly Hills has two wins.

And Vanderpump has, I believe, three wins right now. So Vanderpump is in the lead. I wouldn't know because like a housewife, I hate counting. Yes. Our next award is for Best Fight. Our next award is for Best Fight. That's quite an achievement to even be nominated on Bravo, as the entire network is built around that.

So let's see who the nominations are. The Atlanta Pajama Party, where Nene pretended to get everybody together to talk about sex when really she wanted to see a bunch of big booties in lingerie screaming at each other over stupid reasons. It's also where we got to see Candy Burris lose it for the first and probably only time on Real Housewives of Atlanta. Portia vs. Kenya, which began in a coffee shop. Oh, began at a... At a reunion. Nope.

It actually began way back at a restaurant. No, not a restaurant. A charity event. Yes. Where Porsche called Kenya Mrs. Miss America. Miss America or something. And ended at a fight at a reunion where kenya actually got her ass kicked and dragged

across the stage by porsche yes oh and by the way there's another category that's not listed another nominee that's not listed on here and it was um stassi punching horse face number one in the face oh that was pretty good yeah um porsche versus Kenya. Shannon versus Heather at the dinner party. The chair fight. No, those are two different fights. Oh, Shannon versus Heather at the dinner party. She's like, the truth will come out, David. The truth will come out.

You'll see! You'll see! After Shannon had been gaslighted by Heather all season. And Heather stood outside with camera going, we call the cops. We call the hospital. I think she's having a mental breakdown. She's crazy. She's literally crazy.

That was pretty good. Another Shannon versus Heather. It all began at Sharegate in a lovely Houston. One of my favorite fights of all time because it's about something so stupid and yet it's the sort of fight that you can actually see yourself having a fight with friends over

Mama Joyce trying to go after Carmen with a shoe in the bridal shop and Mama Joyce versus Miss Sharon on the Real Housewives of Atlanta. You got the wrong one now, bitch.

And the entire cast of The Real Housewives of Melbourne versus Gina on The Real Housewives of Melbourne. Oh, Gina, you're awful. I could have been on vacation. Say that, Gina. Why would you even say that like that, Gina?

Hey, Gina, you know what I call this? I call it an awards show. You're an insignificant ass hair. You know what they call people who are up for awards? Nominees. So, Ben, please read the winner. This is a hard, hard, hard. This is probably the hardest category we've had all night long.

And the winner is. And the winner is. The winner is. The winner is. The winner is... I'll tell you what the winner is. The winner is Stassi punching Horseface in the face.

Oh my... That was stupid. No Oh, my. Boo. Boo. Boo. That was stupid. Boo. No, audience. You're wrong, audience. No.

No, audience. All these fights were amazing. Like, they all should, like, if they could all win. But here's why I'm giving Stassi that one. Because it was so deeply satisfying. It was, like, if anyone has deserved to get, like, punched straight up in the face, even more than Kenya even, it was so deeply satisfying. It was like, if anyone has deserved to get punched straight up in the face, even more than Kenya even, it was horse face, number one. And on top of that, it lives

on in a gif form, and when you see it in a gif, it's so deeply satisfying and hilarious that it's just such a wonderful, impactful moment. It was hard, though, because I almost gave it to Shannon versus Heather at the dinner party. I almost gave it to Shannon versus Heather at the dinner party. I almost gave it to Chairgate

and then Mama Joyce with a shoe. I mean, how can you deny the shoe? I don't know. My favorite came in last with you because to me it was that old lady fight. I mean, that was the best thing I've ever seen on Bravo. Those old ladies fighting was possibly the best. Well, maybe it's a tie. Can we say it was a tie?

That is wrong! What you talking about? You got the wrong one now, bitch. It was a tie. So we're gonna give it to both Stassi and Mama Joyce. Yay, everybody. Mama Joyce versus Miss Sharon. Is that the one, right? Yeah. Mama Joyce, I'm glad you won something since we don't have a terrible wig

and awful daughter and most hateful person who should have been the first one to die. Isn't Mama Joyce nominated for in the next... I'm going to add Mama Joyce to our next category so she gets one more nomination. Okay. And now...

We have a lot left. We better hurry up. Yes. Wait, let me tell the orchestra pit to queue up some music for this next category. I can only wonder what music the orchestra is going to play, but we're going to get to the bottom of it very shortly. Yeah, this next nomination for best song of the year goes to just a little wee bitty girl of a girl

who originated on Toddlers and Tiaras. Okay, go on. Originated on Toddlers and Tiaras and whose fame-hungry mother went on to find her own Bravo show to ruin. And the song is... Who's laughing now? Who's laughing now who's laughing now lol who's laughing who's laughing who's laughing now

who's laughing now lol who's why i'm hungry is there a charcoal in this town oh that what a wonderful job you did little girl whose name i forgot, but you'll never be Honey Boo Boo. It's honestly a great song. LOL by Susanna's daughter. One of the biggest mysteries of the year is, who is laughing now? I am laughing now. now. I am laughing now. And now before we head into our

top categories of the evening, it's time to have a lifetime achievement award to Tamara Barney for her leadership and her prowess in all fields

of assholery. Rarely on television have we seen someone who possesses the full range of assholery that Tamara has. She can stir shit. She can start rumors. She can throw wine in your face and she can just be downright evil and she can play the victim. She's an awful woman.

Not only is she fucking terrible she's been getting plastic surgery to turn herself into a hamster and coincidentally enough hamsters actually eat their babies she has turned her face into one of the most evil creatures in the world and more so than any other asshole in bravo tam Tamara Barney knows exactly who to turn against every season so that her asshole flame burns strong year in, year out. Although this year she did make a misstep

going against Shannon B. Doerr, who turned out to be already one of the most beloved housewives of all time, we still appreciate the fact that Tamara can be immature, selfish, and disgusting enough to make her own mistake about her victimhood. Congrats. However,

the fact that Tamara did go against Shannon shows that she can be the biggest asshole of all time. So we would like to present this award for Lifetime Achievement in Asshole Reef to Tamara Barney Josh. Congratulations, Tamara. for Lifetime Achievement in Hassle Reed to Tamara Barney-Joch.

Congratulations, Tamara. Tamara couldn't get away from work at the gym today. She's been trying all morning to find out what to put on the shelves. But we hope Tamara and her staff at Cut Fitness all have a wonderful, wonderful day. Really beautiful. I have a tear in my eye. I'll tell you that much. That was actually really beautiful.

It was really like, you know what? Nuff said, right? Nuff said. Nuff said. Nice. All right. So now it's our next category. Now we're moving into our major ones.

And this is the category. They're getting big now. They're getting big. This is the category for biggest C word, which, of course, means the biggest, you know, crappins person. Or cunt. Or cunt. Depending on how innocent you are and if you have kids in the car. In which case, if you do, sorry.

Okay, the nominations for the biggest crappy cut. I believe I'm reading these nominations and you'll be opening the envelopes. I open the envelope on best fight. Ben, this is what I say to you naming these nominations. Okay, that's great. You're great. You're doing great. Okay, wonderful. Okay, this is a

crowded category, but we're going to get through it. The biggest C words... It's like 30 nominations. Well, it's Bravo. This is like C word capital. Okay, so the nominees are... I have glass in my butt. Shut up, Sheena. Alright, you're done.

Okay, Reza from Shaws of Sunset. Aviva. glass in my butt. Shut up, Sheena. Alright, you're done. Okay. Reza from Shaws of Sunset. Aviva. He had a big one. He had a big year. Reza went against another gay this year and showed homophobia and realized later it was because he was just Iranian.

Yes, and then he turned on Lily because he saw that MJ, who he previously turned on, realized that everyone liked MJ, so then he turned on Lily and went back to MJ and was just an asshole at everything all year long. We have Aviva from Real Housewives of New York City who introduced the most ridiculous scandal, which I'm actually shocked and saddened that we forgot to nominate it,

which, of course, is Bookgate. Oh, why Bookgate? Also, she came out of one of the most disgusting human beings ever, George. George. George is one of the most he could be nominated on his own

and in fact, I'm surprised we didn't nominate him for a husband who's hardest to fuck. Sometimes we just try to block people out of our lives. When you go to a farm where you got your leg chopped hard as a fuck. But sometimes we just try to block people out of our lives. When you go to a farm where you got your leg chopped off as a child and you make the audience laugh and cheer for the machine that chopped your leg off of,

you know you're a cunt. All right. Our next nominee for biggest C word, crappin's word, Ramona, who may be in the running for next year's Lifetime Achievement in Assholery. Hey, okay,

what, okay, alright, okay. This one time, you know, I used to not be a C-word, but my mother always said, you never want to rely on a man to be a C-word for you, so therefore I'm a C-word all the time.

This one time, I once was hanging around Geraldine Parsons Smith, and she said, you know what? You have to be more of a C word, so that's what I am. I'm sorry I'm a C word, but that's how it is. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but that's what I have to do, okay? One time, we were in the Berkshires, and my mother was making dinner, and my dad came in, and he said, you're stupid. I don't want to eat beef. I want to eat chicken. And chicken starts withhires, and my mother was making dinner, and my dad came in. He said, you're stupid. I don't want to eat beef.

I want to eat chicken. And chicken starts with a C, and that's a C word. And every time I hear the word chicken, it makes me sad and think of the C word and think of my father and how abusive he was. And it makes me stop crying and reminds me of the time that he flicked a zucchini noodle at my mother's head because it didn't go with the chicken dish he prepared. Whoa, whoa. This is weird. This is really weird, okay? So these trees over here, these trees, they remind me, okay?

They remind me of this one time when I came out to the woods and I was saying to myself, what do I want to be when I grow up? And I didn't know, and I looked at this tree, okay? This tree right over here, okay? And I looked at it and I said, oh, okay, you know what I'm going to be? I'm going to be a C word. So I decided because of this tree, I'm going to be a C word, and that was it. It was because of this tree, because of these woods, I've seen too many noodles.

I've talked to Geraldine Parsons Smith too much. And I became a tree C word. Don't eat chicken. All right. Our next nominee, also from Real Housewives of New York, Josh Taichman, who is Kristen's huge asshole husband. Yeah, he's the worst. I don't even want to talk about him. Or a stupid product that's always in the camera's face,

or a stupid ugly face, or the fact that he calls his model wife fat. So you would think he would be one of the worst husbands, but then we have Jim Marchese. Hey, Jim. One of the biggest C-words that has ever graced Bravo TV. I like that song. He is just the worst.

But is he the worst? Because then we also have Aaron from Top Chef Boston. Oh, Ben, you know what? I don't agree with this nomination because Aaron is poor and he grew up with parents who didn't pay for his college. You know, it's really hard. His parents didn't pay for anything and he doesn't have any training.

He's going against these assholes with real training, Ben. You know, it's really hard. His parents didn't pay for anything, and he doesn't have any training. He's going up against these assholes with real training, but... Yeah, you know, he was a bad kid when he grew up, and he was into drugs. But then he found cooking, and it sort of saved him. So, you know, whatever. Aaron, making not having an education a bragging point. Congrats, Aaron. Also, biggest C-word, lynn diamante who fabricated a a death uh a death not death charge what's it called

i have to walk into this court and they have people say oh lyn, are you here to try a case? I go, no. They put a restraining order against me. It's so embarrassing. Why is he doing that against me? He's the one who threatened to murder me and spray me when I was dead with the baby from an orphanage. See, so while Jim Marchese is such an asshole, Lin Diamante is the sort of asshole that's just pure entertainment, a gift from the gods, with giant portraits of herself all over the house, creating death threats,

ruining careers left and right, sabotaging friendships, and just being downright underhanded and self-serving. One of the biggest assholes also, but in a delightful way. And I'm proud of her because, as a half-Levonese person myself, it's really nice to see a

Lev in the cunt category. Lynn, I'm going to have some hummus for you today. I bought some from Target. I hope you have a butterfly also nearby. Oh, thank you, Bayon. Okay, our next nominee, Horseface number one. Seriously?

Seriously? And our next nominee, Horseface number one. Seriously? Seriously? And our next nominee, Horseface number two. And our next nominee, Stassi. Who does that? Who does that? Who nominates people in categories?

Who does that? I used to work here like 30 years ago. Now I realize, like, you guys are, like, children. Like, I'm, like, an adult. I used to, like, watch award shows. And then, like, I went to New York. And I realized, like, award shows are, like, so immature now.

Like, who does that? I mean, it's really important to show up back to, like, the bar where you used to be so immature and work at. It's important that you're wearing, like, the, um, um, Linda Dano collection so that everybody understands

how mature you are. Like, I would literally prefer to chop my fingers up, put them in a pickling jar, make them look like big dills, and sell them at a farmer's market, then go back to an award show. Who does that? He does that. And our final nominee. Now the winner is about to be announced.

Final nominee, Mama Joyce. All right, the winner. Ronnie, will you read the winner in this very competitive category? That is wrong, Candy! Okay, the winner of the biggest crappy cunt on Bravo.

The winner is Dandy Cohen! He wasn't even nominated. I think if he won last year wow you can't stop winning because you take these sweet innocent people you expose them on tv ruin their lives for other people's enjoyment and when things start going wrong you rub their noses in it publicly flog them shame them and then write books about how fun your life going out to dinner with celebrities is. That's well and richly deserved. Richly, richly.

Richly deserved. You know what? When someone is a murderer, do you put the murderer in prison or do you burn their mother at the stake? Thank you. Thank you the stake? Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Totally made sense what I just said.

Thank you. Yes. Really great. Okay. Our next award is the Best Bravo Liberty of the Year! Best Bravo Liberty of the year! And the nominees are Josh Flagg,

who was moderately entertaining this year, but we're being really nice to him because Grandma Edith died and she was just a goddamn saint. So God bless you. Also, I saw him outside a gay bar and he was super nice to my dog and was wearing leather and some weird... And he seems like a mensch. He's a mensch.

He's very nice. And he puts up with that queen he's dating. Yes. Okay, Josh. Next up is Gail Simmons! Yay! Who still manages to wear the worst clothing I've ever seen on television while maintaining a perfectly sunny

charming personality and outsmarting Padma at every turn. Candy Burris! Candy Burris lost her temper for the first time this year, but let's face it. She's supporting a midget, she's raising an angel, and she's putting up with Satan in a wig, which is her mother. hmm Shannon Pitor one of the newest members of Bravo

who's already won the best newbie award who is still mad about her chair yes Bonnie who proves that sometimes Europeans do deserve to live I'm just kidding I love Europeans I love Europeans I don't know why I even said that

but Bonnie is adorable. She also makes music and art and is nice to everybody unless you fuck with her in which case she takes you down. I make art. I love making art. For my life. I love to make art. I love to make art.

I have to be nice to my friend Matty more. And I like to make a dance dance. And... Oh, hello, hello America. Good luck. Good morning America. It's me Fanny. I'm American now so in all my life I never thought I could make my art here in America. I took the test for American ships and I know who the president is. Yay Fanny.

What do you say to this thing that I have on tracks? That is a lie. I just don't know why people have lies about me. I'm not lying. I'm just a little bit scared. I'm just a little bit scared. as if it is, yeah, he's funny! What you said is thinking I have a drugs. That is a lie. I just don't know what people have lies about me. I never wanted to be pop star. My husband wanted me to.

I only wanted to fucking make art because I am funny! You know, this is, it's very hard for me to like you, you know? Because, you know, my life, I've never met someone that is difficult, you know? Because in my life, I've never met someone that is difficult, you know? My boy!

Next nominee is Thomas Ravenel! Thank you, Fonny. You may now take your seat. Fonny, you did not win just yet, so you can go back to continue on. When I am done, this is

when we give speech I love the stage It is not hard Being single I am single too It is not so hard Oh here comes Here comes the German

Your German friend The tank Whatever his name is You know I have to say Right now Fanny That you're really Disrupting the award show They're just trying name is. You know, I have to say right now, Fonny, that you're really disrupting the award show. They're just trying to get to the nomination. So I have to say right now that you're being very disruptive. I do not like it.

You're my Stalginis! I'm Fonny! Okay. Okay, all right. So continuing on the category for Best Bravo. Really a very surprising interlude there. I was really not expecting that. Oh, by the way, you may not have this written on your envelope,

but let me remind you that I believe Gina is nominated. Gina. You know, I'd like to say that I'm not even on Bravo. I'm on a channel with the same logo in rip-off shows, but it's called... Arena Bending. Bending, it's a thing. It's called Bendy Arms.

So I'd like to say, you know, thank you to Bravo. You know, no thanks as well. You're an insignificant ass here in Australia. Next up, Thomas Ravenel from Southern Charm. Thomas Ravenel had a very successful bid at the Senate, and we'd just like to congratulate him on his child he had out of wedlock, his bid for the Senate that failed, his charges of beating somebody at his home

and possibly pushing a baby in a pool, and just general assholery while describing how his father was right in keeping slaves before the Civil War. What a charming guy. Next nominee, Micah from Blood, Sweat, and Heals, making alcoholism

fun again. Did you hear that, Brandi Glanville? Yes, she was the bright spot on a show that started with so much promise and then became boring. Yes. Similar to our next nominee. Blood, sweat, and tired tired ladies.

The next, the next, yes, exactly, similar to this next nominee, Caroline Stanberry, the only bitch on wheels capable enough to carry a show with a bunch of wet noodles the ladies of London and last but not least

Eileen Davidson still new but leading the pack already on this season's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills okay Ben please read the winner ooh okay and the winner is hmm The winner is... The winner is...

Shannon Bedore. Whoa, Shannon. Two awards. Two awards. You know why? Because Shannon... I love a good number of these people. I love Candy.

I love Eileen Davidson. I love Gina. But Shannon, you know what? I just love, love, love Shannon. I felt like she was articulate. I felt she was a bundle of contradictions, but she wasn't righteous about it. She admitted that she had contradictions. There was something very relatable about her. And she re-energized this franchise like the franchise

was like you know sort of limping along this this season i thought was riveting mostly because of her ongoing feud with uh heather and then tamra i think shannon and i mean hell let's give her credit for like letting us watch her marriage crumble on national TV well yes thank you thank you Shannon so for Shannon and for David and for Dr. Moon and for everyone I would say

close close category but definitely Shannon yay Shannon we did it okay sorry Fonny, but maybe you'll have another chance at fame and fortune. Probably not.

Alright, so this next category is like a variation on the biggest C word category, but it's sort of different. This is Worst Bravo Liberty, and the difference is that the other people are like assholes, but these people are just like, they drag down the show.

Right? Okay. Do it. Is that what we're going to say the delineation is? You know, there's a difference between the biggest asshole versus the worst. Okay? Well, also, yeah, Best Bravo Liberty, I think they were nice people. Josh, Gail, Candy, Shannon, Fonny, T-Rap, Micah, Caroline.

Well, maybe not Caroline. Well, Caroline was nice. And Eileen also seemed like very nice. So they weren't like best because they were worse. No, no, I'm saying, yeah. I'm saying this is the delineation between the biggest C word. Yeah, I'm with. Although it's sort of funny because these people could have been,

we could have mixed this category with the who should have been fired. Oh, with the biggest C word. I see, I see. Who should have been fired because the C words are people who are just like nasty. And these are people who are like... Well, maybe we should just combine those two. All right, we're going to get rid of the...

Why don't we get rid of worst of Bravo Liberty because it's pretty much a... It's actually a duplication of everything we saw. The only difference is that... And we've already talked about all these people. Okay, so this is more of a... Just adding on to the previous category of the worst of the c words so these are people who are also nominated yeah that were not read runner up so we couldn't fit into the runner ups and next year we'll be more thoughtful on how

to do this all this stuff um because some of these people also deserve to be in the firing one from earlier in the episode um nini leaksakes. Awful. Awful. She's definitely, should be nominated for C word and fired. She's funny and charming and the biggest asshole in the world. And I wish she would just go back to being like fun and charming

and not thinking she was Julia fucking Roberts. Yeah. Who do we say should have been fired? Oh, we said Lizzie from OC. You know, if we had nominated NeNe, I think Nini would have won that, to be honest. Nini, the thing is, Annie. Annie's so close with Nini as a person, I don't think he would fire her. But we're saying she should be fired. Yeah, but I think he'd let her quit.

She'd be like, bye, bloop. Don't move on with my career. Time to say bye, bloop. Like she does every season when she's trying to get more money gross bye we also have a person that we did not mention

Heather Dubrow we should put her in the C word category Heather Dubrow is one of the worst people I've ever seen this is by the way I hope everyone's appreciating the glory of our award show we're the worst people I've ever seen. This is, by the way, I hope everyone's appreciating the glory of our award show. We're the only award show where mid-show we stop and talk about who should have been in a different category.

Also, Andrea from Melbourne. Oh, Andrea. And, you know, some of the best stuff about Andrea was later when we read stories about her freaking out on people in public when there wasn't even TV cameras around. So, you know, congratulations on being a cunt on TV and off of TV, Andrea, when you don't even need to make the effort. Okay. And so, in the spirit of an award show, the best Bravo-opardy that should have been in a category earlier in this show goes to...

Where's my drumroll? The drummer is on break, so we'll just do our own. The best overlooked Bravo Leopardy from earlier in this show goes to Heather Dubrow, who should have been nominated for Biggest C-Word,

as in Biggest Crap in the World. And I love that Heather Dubrow followed up her season of being a total cunt on TV by talking about how Teresa deserved to go to jail and Bravo was harboring a criminal. I love that she spread her C-wordiness. She spread her C-wordiness to all of the other franchises as well. So congratulations.

Yes, that was great. That was a wonderful... And you're awful. I hope your husband leaves you with mapping you gerbil face. So Heather Dubrow, congratulations on winning Worst Bravo Liberty that we overlooked earlier in this episode, which is a very meta category. Please stop auditioning for things. Yes.

Okay. Ronnie, will you take over Most Overlooked Show? Most Overlooked Show on Bravo this season. The nominations are Game of Crowns, which was watched by Ben, me, and about three of you in the Krappens' audience. When stars of a show are tweeting you and asking to come on a podcast you know they're in trouble

did you hear me jill zarin euros of hollywood the real housewives of melbourne which to be fair was overlooked because it wasn't an american show and it was shown on Saturday mornings at the same time as Dora the Explorer.

The Real Housewives of New York City, which was overlooked because it's been so shitty that no one watches it anymore. It was good this season. Says Ben and only Ben. No, you were saying it too. Probably Matt Whitfield someplace.

You were saying it too. Don't act like you you were saying it too. Probably Matt Whitfield someplace. You were saying it too. Don't act like you weren't saying it too because you were saying it too. Maybe I was, but I can't remember that far back. And finally, Southern Charm about a bunch of white people

not even trying to erase their racist history and partying with other people's money. Although I don't know how overlooked it was, because I think it did well in the ratings. Well, that's great, because I can't wait to see more of it. And I can't wait to see them pressured into hiring a black person to be on it. Okay, Ben, please read the winner. And the winner. And the winner...

The winner for most overlooked show is... Oh, no. No surprise here. Game of Crowns. Truly, truly overlooked. You know, it seems like every year Bravo has a gem. There was, of course, Princesses Long Island.

Oh my God. Last year. Female Jewish Cartman was introduced to America. We were also introduced to Jay-Z's future mistress. If you think I'm being crazy...

Your drink looks cold. It needs a hanky. I got nine problems, but a personal jet ain't one. Help me! And of course it also introduces to Erica, be like, well, I guess I'm just like the hottest girl on the North Shore. And then the year before that we have had Gal Girls, which, of course, is legendary. One of the best TV shows in the history of television.

But this year, Game of Crowns. Game of Crowns was nonstop hilarity. Anyone I showed this show to could not stop laughing. It was pure brilliance. I feel like one of Bravo's best shows ever. And I say that because uh the characters were hilarious the um the storylines were out of control i mean it literally death threats you know um scheming and lying viciousness and there was also beauty pageantry

involved so there was actually an element of competition i think though that that finale at the foxwoods Casino when there were five people in the audience fucking killed me. And they're a made-up pageant that nobody was really in. Yeah, legends or something. Loved it. The side characters,

the woman who kept on emceeing all these pageants, the woman who was her mother, the people in the audience, the old people. I'll host it. I'm going to sing. Remember when Susanna and Lynn Diamante, they both won

Miss Rhode Island USA, won Miss Massachusetts USA because they submitted a form and they were granted it. Then they had their celebratory dinner in Applebee's and they were granted it, so then they had their celebratory dinner in Applebee's, and they invited all these people, and there were 10 people there, and there were people in the background eating salad

who had no idea what was going on. I mean, it was like every corner of the show had some piece of genius involved. Yeah, it really did. God bless you. We are going to miss you guys. Great job. It didn't catch on with Bravo,

maybe because it's a little bit more of a TLC show, but it's not quite TLC. It's a shame. Really, honestly, it's like just one of the funniest things that Bravo ever put up. Yeah, so congratulations. Well deserved. Okay.

Okay, Ben, please read the nominations for the worst show. The worst show. The worst show on Bravo. This is also a very rich category. First up, we have Married to Medicine, which

was a huge dud in its second season. Huge. First season was so good. Second season was so, so bad. Manzo'd with Children I think we should just hand it to Manzo'd with Children We have, but Ronnie we have a full slate of nominees

to read through Manzo'd with Children just awful Manzo'd with Chicken Salad Manzo'd with Egg Salad It was like, how to make egg salad and throw it at people. Okay, our next nominee, Real Housewives of New Jersey. My God, that was terrible.

They tried to retool it. They brought back Dina and a bunch of other people, and it was just insufferable. So bad, they actually cut the season in half. Bravo wastes nothing, yeah bravo is your grandma who will take the liver they'll take the shit they'll take like the shit shoot out of the chicken you know put a little hummus on it and try to serve it to you on a cracker okay that's bravo and they still put half the hummus in the fridge they were they were building this they were building this plan while it was going down the runway. It was midway through, all of a sudden,

they started wedging in scenes with Jacqueline and Kathy that were evident, obviously filmed way after the fact. Just nothing added up. Your reality show is so boring that you're adding more autism into it. It's time to just call it quits. When you're calling on the most boring people from last season to come save the current season, it's a disaster. Our next nominee, Don't Be Tardy,

the Kim Zolciak show that seems to always pop up, and yet I don't know anyone who actually watches it. I love that show. I won't watch it, but I mean, I just love that show. We wouldn't know if it's bad or not, because we don't watch that shit. Mostly because I'm pissed that that bitch actually

got a decent person to marry and is having like a thousand babies and the rest of us are all unhappy and alone. Fuck off, Kim Zolciak. What did you ever do? You never learned anything. You don't have any kind of talent. I mean, what the hell? Yeah, tell her. But invite me to your house if you like this show.

Tell her. Okay, next up, Blood, Sweat, and Heals, a show that began with two or three great episodes and then just became boring boring season two and i guess they know they're boring because someone's already been thrown in jail for cracking a bottle over the model's head i will say i have hope for season two because there is too much potential with these women. But when this show started, I was like, oh my god, this show is so, so, so good. And then it just got boring. And then our last nominee, Toned Up.

Oh god, was that even this year? It was. It was so bad, it feels like it came from a distant universe. All right, Ronnie, Rondal, Rondal Karam, will you do us the honors of reading the winner you know how bad those shows were? I'm sharpening a pencil right now while you were reading those numbers that show is more exciting yeah I was like why am I having

trouble sharpening this pencil? Is there something I'm doing wrong? Is there a certain way to sharpen it that I don't know? Because I can't get a tip. Like I can get it sharpened but I can't get a tip on it anyway okay the winner is Because I can't get a tip. I can get it sharpened, but I can't get a tip on it. Anyway, okay. The winner is... Save my boots.

Get out of my hand loops. My paper's so small right now. You should see how big it is. Okay, the worst show for me personally, Rondall Karam and the committee, was Bonzo with Children. I couldn't.

I couldn't. And Married to Medicine worked really, really hard at being terrible. I mean, they really made an effort. They did. Man, those Manzos, you guys shut the fuck up. Your Yelp reviews are more interesting than you. That's really sad. Manzo with Children was so bad that Bravo burned through that season

airing back-to-back episodes for like three weeks and then it was done. It was just awful. The worst. The worst. Goodbye. Hope you die. I mean, not the people on it. You all seem very lovely, especially you, Lauren.

Yeah, she's the loveliest of all. She's like Cinderella. Egg salad-erella. And now we have arrived at our final... At our final category. The one we've all been waiting for. The big one. Best show.

Best God. Best religion. Best Bravo show. Christianity. Judaism. Buddhism. Allahism. Alcoholism.

Best Bravo show of 2014. This is a good category. I don't know who's going to win. Why don't we alternate reading these nominations? Okay. The Real Housewives of Orange County. Great season this year.

Excellent season. Thanks to the rivalry of Shannon Bedore and Heather Dubrow. Next nomination. Game of Crowns, which already won Most Overlooked Show. Next is Top Chef, not the current season, which is sucking asshole, but New Orleans. That had Shirley and Nina and all sorts of good people,

except for the guy who won. Lots of guest spots by Emeril, and lots of flour in the food. New Orleans puts flour in everything. Don't ever eat there if you're gluten free. Next nominee is Vanderpump Rules. A hotbed

of disease and lying that won already our first category of the night, Best Shitty Show. Whitney Houston believed the children were our future. She was wrong and then she died. The next show up for nomination is Below Deck, which this year actually got me to like it. It's my third year after I'd hated it for too long previously.

I think thanks to Shelley Long coming onto the cast and playing that new weird skinny lady with a funny man face. Even though it was

only season two, you must have just hated it so much season one, it felt like two seasons. And our final nominee for best show on Bravo is

The Real Housewives of Melbourne, a show that aired in the middle of the day and featured funny accents with a storyline that sucked us right on in for Team Genre. And right on off. Okay, the winner is... I don't know who's the winner, Ronnie. I don't know. I don't either, Ben.

I don't know. I don't know which one of us should open the envelope. I don't know if's the winner ronnie i don't know i don't either i don't know i don't know which one of us i don't know if okay mine is okay well we have two winners i'll open the envelope for the first the first winner is the real housewives of melbourne honestly the real housewives of melbourne everyone told us to watch this show and i was like no i cannot take another housewife show my life is already full of this bullshit. I need to do something positive with my life and read a book. Well, I gave that idea right up. This show made me laugh so fucking hard the first time I saw it.

And normally I don't laugh. Like, I'll be amused by these shows and feel better than people on them and love to make fun of them and all of that. But this one actually had me dying, especially Gina and being a drag queen, and just all of that but this one actually had me dying especially gina and being a drag queen and just all of their intros alone the old lady janet um the psychic shine shine shine all of it had me cracking up they really got it down in their first season fighting over something stupid

that started in the first episode and lasted until the last and And I'm just, I'm so proud of them. They were the most fun to talk about on this show all year long and do all the impersonations of them. And I hope they come back a million years in a row. And I hope that Bravo gives it some chance in a real slot. All right. And now for my envelope. I had a hard time with my envelope because on the one hand, I had Game of Crowns,

which you just heard me do a whole speech about how it's pure perfection so how could anything else win if game of crowns is that perfection but on the other hand we had my whole monologue earlier about vanderpump rules so what's a boy to do when you have two great testimonies coming from the same person i know what you're gonna do what am i gonna do you're gonna name orange county it's the best no i'm actually going with it was a good a lot david thanks for making me look like a bitch no you know why because um uh orange county and um gamer Crowns split the difference and Vanderpump Rules

won for me because as much as I as much as I absolutely love Game of Crowns Vanderpump Rules to me it almost like defies defies words

it's just it's more of a cultural force I feel like almost like defies words. It's just, it's more of a cultural force, I feel like. I don't know, I feel like Game of Crowns was- Also, Bravo's first attempt at doing something, well, not their first attempt, it's their first successful attempt at doing something for a younger crowd and pulling in people

who would not normally be watching Bravo, now are watching Bravo. I think that they really, it finally worked. They got young people to watch. They were trying to replicate this housewives thing. They tried to do it with gallery girls, like making a housewives show and they tried to do the Long Island Princesses and they just keep trying to do all

these millions of ways to recreate the same bullshit and this time they didn't. They got a housewife on it but it's it's actually about men being awful as well as women yeah it is I think it's there's something there's something genius about Vanderpump

rules in the same way that there's something genius about Game of Crowns and Vanderpump rules it's more like how do these people exist how do they keep doing the same stuff over and over to each other and yet they don't learn anything and how can i see more of it exactly ben i'm with you so i thought i feel so bad we have to announce you the best song of the night was of course well wait isn't there another is there one more song that no that was stupid that was

kenya's that was ken. That was Kenya's song. So instead, I'm cancelling Really Bitch because frankly I can't even take Kenya Moore anymore. And I'm going to say, you know what? All of these songs were great. There couldn't be a winner. I would pick Fonny

because, I mean, running Dinner Party with Hinner Fardy or whatever she rode with, I thought was pretty brilliant. But I think I'd like to close by bringing out Andy Cohen to sing a closing number. All right. Yay! You're born in the county

You're red and your face is pulled back I could be talking about ladies with crowns on I could be talking about musical hacks You could, and you wait tables Or you live off really rich men. Come back for 2015, when we'll be doing it all again. What's the crappin'? What's the crappin'?

Here's what happens when there's so much that crappens. Oh, the crappets are back. Thank you crap ends. All the crap heads are back. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, crap heads. Thank you, everybody who supports this podcast. Thank you for everybody who listens to us. Thank you for everybody who stops and listens to us. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you. much, everybody. Thank you. Great show. See you all next year. Bye, everyone. Go to WatchOurCrappins.com to follow us on social media. David.

David. David. David. Where's the social media, David? Making me look like an asshole, David. David. David. Where's the social media, David? Making me look like an asshole, David. David. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It.

It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore.

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