Watch What Crappens - #160: Getting Jaxed and F ing With the Wrong Noob

Episode Date: January 7, 2015

Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) are back to ring in the new year by ragging on Vanderpump Rules, Real Housewives of Atlanta and Beverly Hills and Brandi?s WWHL breakdown. Come on in! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Okay, thank you. Bye, guys. Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? It's so funny. Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo.

I'm Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com and I'm here with the lovely and irreplaceable Ben Mandelker from B-SideBlog.com. Hi Ben. Hi Ronnie and don't you dare put me in a box to the left, because I am totally irreplaceable right now. I am so Shakira-ing your ass right now. You should. Ronnie, I'm sorry to hear that you are under the weather. It sounds like you partied too hard after our Golden Crappies post-show celebration. Okay, so I think on that bonus episode—well, hold on.

First of all, go to WatchWhatCra crap is.com to get our social media links go to patreon.com p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com slash watch what crap is to support this podcast and get our bonus episodes ringers and um our monthly google hangout thanks to everybody who's supporting you guys are so great and we're actually making money from this now and it's touching like we're entering 2015 actually being uh like professional blogger and podcast people, which is kind of sad, I'm not going to lie, but also wonderful. So thank you guys. Yeah, we broke $700 per episode about a week or two ago. So it's super awesome.

And Ronnie, I hope you saw in your email, you got $2 today. Hell yeah. $264. Don't downplay it. Yeah. Ronnie got a little money. The last one we recorded was the crappies. And Ben, thank you for all that production work you did on it, because everybody was amazed.

What do you mean production work? We recorded it at a real life auditorium with dancers and applause. I was thinking that next year when we do it, we should do it like a year ahead of time. So that way the sound effects don't suddenly stop after the first five minutes. It might also be fun to do that one as our live one every year that people can come to. Actually, I was thinking that too. I was thinking, you know what would be better than me having to put in sound effects of people clapping? Is if that would be our live show.

Yeah. So anyway, our live show is not going to be happening. People are asking us. We're going to be doing it probably in the spring somewhere else. But they were, like, pressuring us, and we didn't like it. So we're rescheduling. Sorry. They wanted us to have, like, 100 people in the seats.

And we just weren't sure if we could get 100 people. We knew we could get probably, like, a solid, like, 40 people. Yeah. I'm sure you guys would come out and support. It's just the pressure to do something to make someone else money it's like fuck you how about we just like get together in someone's living room and like have fun and get to know each other that sounds better to me so we're gonna work on something like that well but but we will um we're hoping to work with the improv

they're they're working on another space so once that space is ready it looks like then we'll be able to do it in there which will be more intimate and more realistic for us to fill. And then it's on. Yeah, hell yeah. Never know what's hit them. It's on my donkey cow. So last week we did the crappies and the bonus show. I was talking about being in Texas and taking these new diet pills.

They're not diet pills, but like energy pills because my doctor won't give me Ritalin. Okay. So the whole time I was inxas in texas i was taking these pills right and they were awesome like i was awake i slept maybe four to five hours a night and was up like you know i'm learning animation and i'm like doing all this shit i'm learning so much stuff i'm feeling like alive i feel alive man and then um i got back and went to this New Year's party where the host was sick and woke up feeling kind of shitty the next day. And then the next day was like deathly ill. And I think it's because I just wasn't sleeping. Probably. I think my immune system was like in no mood to fight that shit off.

Listen, you were basically Ellen Burstyn in Requiem for a Dream. You were having visions of the refrigerator coming to eat you. And you thought were on a game show so listen it happens to everyone god wouldn't that be karma the refrigerator eats me so um anyway so yeah i'm sick but i kind of blame myself but for those people who are asking they're just guarana pills from gnc and they don't make you they don't they don't make me hyper just awake awake. You say Guarana pills? Guarana. It's something they use. It's probably like chalk and like speed.

I mean, who knows? But it's shit they use in diet pills. It's delicious. I mean, for your soul. Until you're deathly ill and you have strep throat and you're going to die. Sounds like a name of someone you might find in echo park hey you see guaran over there oh girl it is summer here in los angeles too it is it is hot again thank it was like 57 degrees

earlier this week and i was not having it but now we are back in the high 70s yeah that winter was not cute we had like a burst of winter and that was really cute not i turned on my phone it was like 34 degrees one night no no yeah that's not why we move here no so anyway this show is not about my illness diet pills or the weather so let's talk about some bravo oh bravo bravo yes that is how i feel about bravo many of the times kristen doughty is Bravo. Oh, Bravo. Bravo, yes. That is how I feel about Bravo many of the times. Kristen Daute is represented by this brown snot that just came out of my nose. It looks like Play-Doh.

Seriously? Congestion? Seriously? This is what I was hoping would happen. You'd go to a party, and you'd get really sick, and then you'd meet somebody, and then you'd hug her, and then everyone would see it, and everyone would know you're a cheater. Bleh. Seriously? somebody and then you hug her and then everyone would see it and everyone would know you're a cheater seriously i heard that you went to miami and got a cold seriously seriously who does that who does that so you want to talk about that first vanderpoop rules yeah because we have we have a lot of fun things to talk about this week so while we talk about

yeah vanderpump rules the big exciting news is that it's time for Sheena's bachelorette and bachelor party in Miami. Yay, it's all about me. Hey, I wanted to say, it's my speech, okay? I'm from, ding, ding, ding. For my speech, I want to say, screw you, Stassi. I invited you to come, but you didn't want to.

So screw you and your old lady clothes and your terrible, chunky jewelry. And my wedding. What kind of speech is that? It's like your bachelorette party. All these people came, and you're going to complain about Stassi. I know.

Well, first of all, what was remarkable about this episode was I think this is our first going to complain about Stassi. I know. Well, first of all, this was, what was remarkable about this episode was, I think this is our first ever episode of no Stassi. We didn't see even a peep of her, you know, old lady capelets that she's been brandishing around her Linda Dano collection. But we did hear,

um, we did see like a flashback clip of her going, that's disgusting. Yeah. It's like one of her classics well i took a bunch of notes um so the the episode began with sort of like a fast montage of everyone packing getting ready for miami and what was hilarious is that um jacks had this new gash on his forehead um and according to him, he was in a store,

and he looked and he saw his truck getting a parking ticket, so he went like a dumb dog. He went running to his truck and went right into a glass window. I don't know if the glass broke or not, but he was apparently down on the ground, there's blood everywhere. So I think yes. Now, can I say something to this? It was that about two months ago,

I was in my favorite bagel shop, The Bagel Broker. Oh my God, I love that place. My favorite. It's like one of my favorite places of all time. I'm sitting there and I see a guy, he grabs his bagels and he turns. And the way I'm sitting is,

there's like a Snapple machine, like a cooler cooler like a refrigerator and like on the other side of that is the door to go out so i see the guy grab his bagels and turn to walk out that door and all of a sudden i just hear the biggest crash like a boom you know like like as if like someone had just like thrown a couch at the window the window didn't break but the guy kind of sort of like recoiled and like bounced back and then he sort of like stood around and looked around at the place and then he walked out and i was like what was that and the bagel guy was like the guy just walked into the window so this is something that happens people will walk i mean it happened it's happened to me i mean it's just proof that people are as dumb as birds because we do it all the fucking time i mean you know

you wonder about birds like they fly into a plane turbine or whatever and you're like how fucking stupid are you birds like you're flying planes are flying you've seen them before they've got pollution coming right out of them you know they're not safe what are you doing birds and then you bump into a glass door like yeah humans are stupid but jackson is such a liar that i just can't believe that that's what happened even though it's totally plausible it's like it's like cereal it's like i know it could be plausible but you just know it's not you know well thank god jacks was not involved in that adnan sayid case because you know his testimony would have just been all over the place. Like, yeah, yeah, no.

We went to Best Buy, yeah? And then we went to Best Buy and then from there we went and we buried a body. And then we were burying a body. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we can't be burying a body. So we went to Dave & Buster's and we played some skee-ball. You know, I love skee-ball and I was like, hey, why don't you play skee-ball? And he's like, oh, I murdered someone.

So that was it. And the next time he talked to me he's like, no, no, I never went to Best Buy. I hate Best Buy. No, I went to Joe's Crab Shack, and that's it. And I spent my day there. Yeah, Jax's story, it just can't be right. It has to be something more awful. Like, I was trying to go down on a homeless person

and didn't realize she had one of those belts with, like, those sharp studs on it. You know, like pit bulls wear. Or I tried to look inside of those sharp studs on it you know like yeah or i tried to look inside of a deli slicer you know like to see if there were people living inside i tried to go down on the deli slicer because i thought it was smiling at me but it just turns out that i was looking at the bottom of the circle i um i missed i mistook a buzzsaw for my comb, and then, you know, problems happened. I was trying to make the fleshlight come on my face and realized I was holding a hand blender. I was trying to use my tweezers, and I realized I was holding a baby shark.

Baby shark. Baby shark. And it attacked me. Well, you know, I mean, clearly, clearly Tiffany. That's hilarious. Clearly Tiffany did this to him, right? I mean, isn't that like the most obvious thing? Like she brandished some sort of thing, tire iron or whatever, smacked him. Well, but then they were on the phone unless that was just

like a publicity person or whatever but i wish that it was tiffany but like looking at tiffany i know that it wasn't because tiffany oh god i hope tiffany doesn't listen to this because i really this is horrible to say but tiffany is like one of those girls where she's so well put together like she's really worked out and really pretty and stuff but you can just see that at one time she was like a really fat homely girl and that like got got it together and got contacts or something and like blew out her hair you know she's like one of those success stories from junior high and you know it doesn't make her any less pretty it just means like that's why she's so insecure and puts up with this bullshit from jacks you know yeah and i think that like she's like an ex homely girl and so she just puts up with this bullshit from Jax, you know? Yeah. And I think that, like, she's like an ex-homely girl, and so she just puts up with it.

And I don't believe she would hit him. I don't know. It depends. It could go one way. I agree that she has – she's too attracted to the fact that he's, like, I think pseudo-famous and that he's, like, sort of attractive. He used to be much hotter. And I think that she likes saying that she's dating J of attractive he used to be much hotter um and i think that she likes saying that she's dating jacks from vanderpump rules that's what i'm gonna assume

that must be part of it because she's gotta have known his track record you know um but at the same time i mean maybe she's just like a crazy like fiery latina you know who just she's not though i don't think she's a latina. Maybe she has the spirit of one. The spirit of a Sofia Vergara inside of her. I think she's a really pretty, calm, transgendered girl who left the shallowness of LA to go to the shallowness of Las Vegas.

Vegas is LA's ugly little sister. It's the same kind of people, but sadder. yeah you think and she's dating a reality star which i guess means something there i don't know why i'm trying to figure it out and then i'm like i like but why i think we're like analyzing her and she's been on screen for all of like one minute of the show ever but still you have to analyze someone who

willingly goes gets into a relationship with jacks you you know? And I wouldn't... Right. I'm not holding it... I wouldn't say that she didn't hit him with something. Because it's Jax. Who knows what his story is? I just don't see a girl like that doing that. Like, to me, she's either a beautiful,

you know, in-transition woman who's just shy and, like like giving a lot of gifts because she just wants to be loving and like accept everybody like she wants to be accepted. Or she's like an ex ugly girl who's just desperate and doing whatever she can. Like I had a friend who used to work at Saks and she would get me Erno Laszlo soap. And it was really nice. So it's like $80 soap, you know, like, like I care. I was 20.

My skin was already beautiful. So then we'd go out and, you know, like I care. I was 20. My skin was already beautiful. So then we'd go out and she'd like wait for me to pay for the bill. And I'd be like, I'm not paying for this taco. And she's like, but I gave you that soap. And it's like, you didn't give it to me. Your work gave it to me. So like you're not being generous. You're stealing.

And your work is being generous. So I'll buy Saks a taco bitch. And I think that's how I feel with this girl because she's giving away a lot of stuff that's not hers and then acting like well she's not acting like anything we haven't seen her but if she's mad then she's acting like well everyone's like she gave you all this stuff it's like yeah but he gave her um a semi-hot reality star story to tell which is probably all she's after anyway that's yeah that's that is all she's after either way the point is um she's a nice transgender girl just trying to be a good person i think what we've concluded is that she was homely in middle school um possibly a boy too and now and

now has transitioned and is still feeling low self-esteem and i still hold up the hope that she has um a little bit of fiery crazy in her that when she gets drunk she beats up jacks when she when he tells these stories about san diego that's my theory well i i just wish it was that she beat him because really like if you if you want to root on something terrible in 2015 to start it off let's root for jackson getting beat because that boy deserves it well to be fair also i think i think he would have oddly bragged about that he would have been like yeah it was so hot she like got real mad and then she punched me in the forehead so to be fair this works against my

theory but maybe he really just is super dumb and walked into a glass window i think he probably i think i think we had it right when we said he probably tried to go down on a meat slicer yeah yeah that was the most realistic to me that's the most yeah i like that he'd like smelled something in there someone was just slicing some old ham he was like oh so uh anyway um so this whole this whole motley crew they all go down to miami and i loved it because sheena walks into her suite at the Dream Hotel, and she's like, oh, my God. There is anything you want here. Oh, my God.

And, like, it's, like, a nice suite that's all modern and everything. And her friends and family have, like, applied all these decorations that make it look hideous. It's, like, Azusa's finest in terms of decor. It looked like they toilet these decorations that make it look hideous it's like azusa's finest in terms of it looked like they toilet papered that room and our her wedding colors cream and pink because that did not look cute on those pillars it looked like the staff knew they were coming and they just wrapped everything in toilet paper so they couldn't leave like herpes on everything yeah they're they're like we don't want any we don't want any traces of Azusa in here.

Yeah, they're like, wrap every phallic symbol in toilet paper, please. They call it the Azusa flu. That's what they call herpes down there. Everybody gets it. Syphilis explosion. There are all these billboards around town in LA. For those of you who don't live here.

With Blair Underwood on them. No, have you seen the other billboards? There are volcanoes, and they all say, syphilis explosion! What? Is there a syphilis explosion going on? I guess so, because there's multiple billboards. They're everywhere. If you look, you see a giant volcano, and the words, syphilis explosion.

Which is also the original title for Vanderpump Rules. I'm just... I'm becoming that Sandra Bullock character from... Not Demolition Man. What was her star-making role with Arnold Schwarzenegger? She was in Demolition role with Arnold Schwarzenegger? She was in Demolition Man with Sly Stallone. That was her first thing was Love Potion No. 9, I think. Oh, yeah, that was terrible.

Demolition Man, and then she was in Speed. No, they remade it. They remade it. They remade this movie with Colin Farrell. It was a sci-fi movie. She was in Total Recall? Total Recall, yes. I thought Sharon Stone was in that.

They both were. What? So, I think. I never saw it. Damn it, Ben. Now you're making me feel stupid, and I'm trying to tell a story, and I have to Google something. Total Recall. Total Recall Explosion.

Cephalus on Sandra Bullock's face. Okay, yeah, it came up. Okay, so anyway, in the future, no one has sex because it's so dirty and gross and all it does is give you disease. So instead, everybody gets on these brain scan things together and they fuck that way. And you know what?

That sounds so good to me. Because syphilis explosion. I mean, come on, people. Wrap that shit up. Stop spreading that shit around. I mean, how come syphilis isn i mean come on people like put put that wrap that shit up stop spreading that shit around i mean how come syphilis isn't cured by now that's that's i blame jenny mccarthy because we're a bunch of fucking monkeys i'm jenny mccarthy because jenny mccarthy won't stop sucking dick you can't saran wrap a throat i am trying in azusa in Azusa we take a plastic bag

and we put it around our faces and cut out a little hole that's the first time I went to the hospital and it was on my birthday I can't believe I suffocated on a plastic bag on my birthday so they're in everyone moves into their rooms in Miami and then they go out to dinner and um

sheena did you see she does dress she wore it was this thing it was like she took a rastafarian wig and made a dress out of it it was like all these dangling threads it was like some pitiful stringy mess and basically it was like her crotchling threads. It was like some pitiful stringy mess. And basically it was like her crotch and a bunch of like dangling threads. Everything at Wentzill was like $2 because the staff is totally protesting. Yeah. And on top of that, she was wearing like purple lipstick. And again, I don't really know fashion very well, but I think I know when it's like not working and i think it was really like it was really not working and then on top of that shea

was wearing some like just tank top to this restaurant i was like the two of them this this is if anyone wants to know what a suza is it's that image of the two of them that is adding a porch with a couch on it. Help me! Help me! Help me! Why is Tom Sandoval wearing an arm cuff on his bicep to dinner? He's wearing an arm cuff?

Kendall wrote that. I'm reading the comments on our Facebook page. This shit's hilarious. It's those metallic jewelry temp tattoos someone wrote. Oh. Well, I also liked how, by the way, in the midst of all this, we kept on cutting back to, like, pump, and it was, like,

obligatory scenes of showing that Lisa's on top of her restaurant. She's like, I'll have Pandy run the restaurant. And it's like, scenes of Pandora walking up to people being like, I need water on on this table and uh there needs to be more people walking around it was like yes yes yes i'm like okay lisa i'm so sure and pandora's like i don't approve of how much ice you're putting in the

glass there needs to be less ice in this glass and more ice in that glass ice and ice consistency in glasses makes or breaks a restaurant thank you she's like I'm glad I was here mum I die whenever Lisa's like oh poor Pandy she can't spend the week with all of her best friends in Cabo or wherever the hell they are

Pandy does not I'm sorry I cannot see Pandy hanging out with this group no no no Pandy hangs out with like group. No. No, no, no. Pandy hangs out with wealthy people. She hangs out with people whose kids are in consulting firms and doing investment banking or whatever. I feel like she hangs out with all the siblings of famous kids. Like, maybe not Kelly Osbourne, but Jack. And maybe not Kim Kardashian, but maybe one of the homely cousins that lives in Kyle's house.

You know, people like that. The last thing that Pandy does is go to Miami and, like, go to a party where people are swinging, like, rubber dicks in each other's faces. Yeah, I just can't see that. She's like, take this and put it all the way down and swallow and try not to throw up at the same time not gonna happen she's like i'm terribly sorry i can't come to the bachelor party i've got a pressing deadline with a divine addiction all my all my tens of readers my tens of readers are expecting another post i love that lisa said i could never hire the perfect person who could check the ice and the glasses or make sure the squirrel system is on top of it so i created one it's like oh lord lisa i love lisa

i love that lisa's like slowly becoming 90 in front of our eyes like slowly because we watch the show every week but really rapidly if you think about it like we caught lisa right at the end of her her um prime you know yeah and soon she's gonna be like this little stick figure who's not making any kind of sense and carrying around a stick like the witch from into the woods but like in the same wig and eyelashes and you're gonna she's gonna look like slightly different but she's just gonna start saying things that make no sense. Pandy. Pandy. I created Pandy to check ice on squirrels.

What the hell's happening to Lisa? I love you, makeup and wings. Well, I just like to think of Pandy as some sort of, like, modern-day answer to the bionic man. It's like, we created a man. Or whatever, the $ionic man it's like we created a man or whatever the six million dollar man like it's like the six million dollar restaurant six million dollar manager she's like how come we've ordered 20 hot dog buns but we're left with 21 and when are we starting to serve hot dogs created by lisa yeah what was that noise? It was like

whatever the million dollar man would like go running. It's like Pandora going into the kitchen. But walking like really slowly into the kitchen. Being like people have ordered and we can't wait more than ten minutes for the tuna tata.

She is the perfect manager. If a server doesn't fire the food you should know that if the ticket has been there for over 10 minutes after apps have been served it's time to fire it the flowers and the centerpieces are dying she rushes in i wish maybe in post if one of us can remember we'll put in the um yeah i'm doing post today so that won't be happening sorry sorry you guys just have to imagine please tell me imagine that music oh god i thought i didn't press um when it came to me it being my duty to do this shit today i I was like, did I press record? I did. We're safe. We got screwed.

Yeah. Because I was not created by Lisa Vanderpump. No, you were not the bionic manager, the $6 million manager. No. It is funny to just imagine Pandora was like, you look in her eyes, they're like red. It is funny to just imagine Pandora with, like, you look in her eyes, they're, like, red. She's just, like, a robot who knows exactly how to operate in a restaurant. Like, someone knocks over a glass, she's, like, there to catch it.

I'm, like, going in my own fantasy land now. She's like, there can't be a bathroom attendant at all time in a one-person bathroom. And if there's a piece of toilet paper on the floor, I'll clean it up. Because I'm Pand pandora restaurant manager i like that you it's sort this a woman barely alive married to a gay branding sangria oh it's a terrible theme song listen to it do you hear that i think it would i think that it's a good time for somebody to do an article about how much these housewives are pulling in from their businesses because lisa's one of the smartest that i've seen she opens a restaurant that only serves her alcohol notice that not only serves it but like her her own alcohol is her well drink so she's making so much goddamn money off of her own stuff like it's really smart right she's a smart chick she has

vanderpump vodka now she has that sangria she has wine right and she um and she has she was able to pitch and get a show based on her restaurants up on the air which just drives tons of traffic to them yeah and we'll probably have a pump spinoff because you know they're gonna have a pump spinoff you just know that that's coming and let me tell you something planter sales are through the roof never before has had there have had the planter industry been as big as has been since pump opened up morocco do you have any more jumbo planes to bring over these gigantic pots that we've built it's nothing if you go to pump it's like nothing but planters like i imagine when there's like a red carpet or if it gets like really busy in there and they've got the velvet rope up like if a planter walked up the planter would get in because it's like

the coolest planter place in the world but i had to climb a goddamn planter to get past the bar one time because there's like a planter and the bar corner and you can't get through it it's like a one-person space but that's how you get to the back bar. So you have to climb the fucking tree to get over there. No, there are planters on the bar. Like the bar outside, there is a bar that's like the cheers, like a square. And in each corner is a giant planter,

which is so stupid because you have to get around the planter so that way the bartender sees you. So there's all this space that's taken up by these giant planters oh my god plantas plantas planta fashion anymore people all right so what else happened on this show we're half an hour in and we're on like scene two i know let's see there was jacks getting naked and getting into the shower and swinging his junk around yeah i don't know yeah um what i liked was oh you know what i loved so when they're all at dinner ariana uh said i don't know if she was being tongue-in-cheek or not but she was saying that she and tom uh read each other's

minds constantly because they were both wearing like a like a like a tiger shirt or a cat shirt and then it just like cut to this um voiceover from horse face and i wish i'd recorded it because she didn't even say anything funny. But just the tone of her voice. She just goes, okay, Tom and Ariana. Okay, we got it. You're like perfect together. Because you're wearing the same clothes.

Okay, Tom and Ariana. Seriously? Seriously. Seriously. And then what I liked also to have at that dinner party was uh so when she just started making her speech that you referenced earlier when she's like i can't believe stassi couldn't get over and be here with everyone and then um it came out that katie and stassi are no longer talking because katie decided to come to this bachelorette party

yeah because in the last episode kat Katie decided to come to the party, and then Stassi was like, once you betray me, I'm done. Once I feel betrayed, it's over. And I feel betrayed. So I guess it's over. Yeah, this coming from the girl who claims to be over all the pettiness at Sir,

and yet is knee-deep in it. So, but the best part was that, like, when she was talking about how stassi like betrayed her or like but it's like stassi's not talking to her anymore and like couldn't like was like was being immature katie was like she can't be there for me the way i've been there for her i'm like i don't know how going to a bachelorette party counts as being there for someone like i have to go to miami i really need you to be there for me for that yeah I really need you in my soul when I'm in Miami getting shit fast

I need you to stop I liked her list of stuff to do sign a guy's butt and then I have to like give a lap dance to a stranger and then I have to swallow a stranger's load I mean it's just like another night at Sir

done I'm on top of it And then I have to swallow a stranger's load. I mean, it's just like another night at Sir. Done. I'm on top of it. I'm on top of this list like I'm on top of Shane, because he's too lazy to, like, get up and thrust anything. I wish I could do more on this list, but my legs are tangled up in my string dress, and I can't move. I tripped on the stringers that my mom put on the columns in my string dress and I can't move.

I trekked on the stringers that my mom put on the columns in my room and now I can't walk and it's my bachelorette party. I went to a job interview and the guy had one of those things on his desk where it was like balls hanging and you swing one ball and all the other balls swing back and forth. So I made a

dress out of it. Yeah. That's a You swing one ball and all the other balls swing back and forth. So I made a dress out of it. What's a bachelorette party without a dress that represents balls slapping? I like my dresses to represent gravity. Look at that. Sheena. It is my birthday and bachelorette party why is there glass in my foot cena this wedding is gonna be hilarious oh it's gonna be amazing you know my favorite part of the episode was though after this dinner they all went up to like the room or whatever there's like a

they're just like drinking in the room having having fun. And Ariana was talking about it. She tells Tom, she's like, you know what's really annoying about Kristen is that she keeps laughing with other people's jokes as if she's in on the joke with them to sort of make her seem like she's in on it. And then they showed this montage of Kristen laughing along with people. And it

was so funny. I had to rewatch it four times because it was so awkward she's like it honestly like was i should have vined it because i could watch that shit i'm trying to pretend that she wasn't part of everything that shit was so sad kristin has become so famous lately for just being a fucking idiot yeah like article they're writing articles about what a stalker she is in real magazines not like just stupid online shit like she's getting real coverage you're like the downfall of american society starring christian doughty seriously seriously who

says we're american society this is my plan one world this is my plan america i'm just gonna like downfall because i know that like at the bottom is tom's mistress so yeah seriously seriously i just love when she was like this is all how i planned it because now he's gonna go back and tell them and then they're gonna get mad then he's gonna give up all their secrets and boom i'm going to have proof yeah meanwhile meanwhile speaking of pathetic cases uh we have veil who has been given every warning in the book against jacks and what what happens jacks you know jacks i mean you got to give it to jacks he is a big idiot but he is smart when he wants to get some booty, right? He knows exactly what to do.

And he sits there and he starts saying, I'm a bad person. Like, I'm just bad. I'm a terrible person. She's like, no, don't you ever say that. Don't ever say that you're a bad person. You may have done bad things and they may have happened in the past. But right now at this moment, you cannot say you're a bad person. He's like, you want to go get some AC go room with ac she's like yeah oh don't say that you're you're good i know that bad people don't know they're bad um and someone someone brought

this up on our facebook as well but my angel who told op Oprah believe people when they tell you who they are and that is the truest thing in the world yeah people tell you who they are I tell people all the time who I am and it's not a lie like I know my goods and I know my bads and I'll be honest about them but then people are like well you know I can change that no you can't you cannot change it by the way Ronnie I want to give you a massive um round of applause and heartfelt congratulations for somehow bringing maya angelou into this mess well you know we're talking about poetry it is this is poetry of the soul so yeah don't say that ronnie it is poetry you're a good poet oh no i'm not i can't rhyme anything

no you can you can rhyme terrible you can you just haven't finished the first sentence to rhyme with yet and then the next sentence will rhyme with it yeah poetry just be like i want to stick it in you um and also the hole where you go poo-poo. See, it rhymed. It's poetry. Yeah, like you are a good person. Like you may have had bad poetry and bad rhymes in the past, but right now you can't say at this minute you're not a good poet. So what do you think is her deal?

Do you think she's like, I'm starting to think that she's like last year's girl who is a real actress who got cast on the show. That girl they showed a clip of. Yeah, Lorelai. She was from season one, actually. Well, her.

I'm beginning to think she's a ringer like her, where she's a real actress that takes the job, and her job is to fuck jacks, basically. Because I think that's what that girl was there for, too. Because there's something about actresses who actually kind of work occasionally suddenly becoming waiters again and fucking jacks like this is now becoming a pattern yeah that's actually very that's that's well observed um i tend to think that she's just selfish self-destructive and she what jack said last week was that like everyone's telling her that like oh jack Jax is so bad, Jax is so bad.

What they don't realize is that that's exactly what appeals to her. She loves that. She was on drugs, you know? She was on the good stuff. Yeah, she wasn't fucking around back then. So it's like maybe heroin couldn't kill me, so maybe whatever jades or lades that jax has can kill me yeah um so then dating jax is like another form of slow suicide so romantic yeah the most romantic of all um especially the next day when they're then like partying like during a thunderstorm and jax is like been texting carmen the uh the chicken the chicken run girl uh from earlier

this season and he's texting tiffany and he's telling them both that he will fly them out to miami um and he says the first one who bites is the one he'll fly out which is so shady you know it's amazing i mean it's so awful and the thing is, we... I don't personally know people like this, but I've heard of people getting involved with guys like this. And it's just so crazy to see it from that guy's side and see sort of how unapologetic and how he just doesn't care.

And it's like Tom says, he's never told to stop eating fudge, so he keeps eating fudge, which may be a spoiler alert for the next episode. But it's crazy that he just does this and gets away with it and women keep going to it women you have to stop you have the power stop this man no they won't do no and you know what plenty of men date self-destructive assholes too i don't know oh absolutely daddy issues absolutely i hate when people are mean to me i hate when

people are mean to me that is not a turn on i don't get it i don't understand how it's a turn on but it is people love it people love to be treated like shit now i love to be fed i like different addictions like yeah i want to find a feeder you know someone who's like wants to make me so fat that i can't even walk just so always rely on them and i can never leave i mean mean, to me, that's romance. Yeah, that is, I, I personally would like a feeder, but, uh, I, I'm not willing to give myself over to being plumped up. Yeah, but you can be a feeder. I don't, you don't have to, you can't be both. Usually the feeder is like hot and works out every day. And then the feedie is like really fat and then eventually they have to be cut out of their house to go to the hospital.

Oh, I thought it was that the feeder makes the attractive person look less attractive. Well, normally they date someone who's already overweight, right? Who has an addiction to food and then they keep getting them more and more food and feeding them until they become so big that that person can't do anything else but rely on the hot person it's such a great strategy it's i mean for what though like to trap a fat person in your house like yes i mean what the fuck yes that's exactly it it's so sick but also like delicious like you can never leave me well you know you know if you don't want to be stuck with a fabric you can just be abusive and then you can have someone under control that way so that's always that always works so many different flavors of

abuse yeah you can just be classically abusive and then wonderful world i know um uh by the way i one last thing about this episode that uh cracked me up was um when they were partying uh like on that boat or whatever and uh i guess they were like at one point kristin gave ariana some sort of look and then kristin says to us she's like she's like i wish she could i wish she could i wish ariana could hear what my look was saying because if she could she would hear it say fall into the ocean i'm like oh burn burn that's like you just got christened you got horse-faced uh seriously fall into the ocean seriously seriously i hope you swim seriously i hope you take a few steps and then the third step is like not on the boat and instead you could fall forward into the water and then

you're like oh no i'm like not on the boat anymore seriously seriously seriously okay um kelly big red row can someone tell me for the love of God if it's herpes on Vale's lip? Is it herpes? What do you think? Is that just a normal spot? I think it's like a bump. Because first of all, it's been there way too long. Second of all, I think I actually had a good glimpse at it this week.

And it looked like it was like a mole or a growth. It definitely was not a herpes. It looks like the end of a finger, like a pinky finger. Yeah, it's just like a little growth. She probably has to deal with that all the time. which is probably pressing question yeah um oh i guess at the end of the episode the guys did confront jacks about like his shadiness and he was like he was like well i can say every i can say what happened in miami i can say that i can say that and they're like nothing happened jacks and then and then like james

really low he's like well i could say what happened in miami he's like but nothing did happen yeah well how do i know that jacks i heard you fucking a girl in the bathroom that's very different than you assuming something might have happened when you weren't even in the room i don't know why these guys still are friends with this he's like a douchebag and he's screwed them over so many times, and he's meddled in their lives. He's awful, and yet they hang out with him, and they're like, well, you know, we're brothers.

It's like, no, that's seriously? I say seriously, seriously to that. Yeah, brothers don't do that to each other. I mean, sometimes they do, like Adam and Cain, but, I mean, Cain and Abel, but look how that ended up. You know, even Abel, Adam, and Cain. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. think about when they hear the words black history rosa parks reconstruction mlk february black history exactly exactly there are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about especially outside of february and we are about to flip the script on all of that because on this show you're gonna hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some.

As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world.

Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge

all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Back then, brothers, fathers, sisters, mothers, who knew? Everybody was mixing it up. Also, I got the impression that when James texted Kristen about the San Diego shenanigans, it sounded like it was a surprise to the women. So did the women not realize that Jax had cheated on Tiffany?

Is that what happened? And then now it's out? Wait, say it again? So when Tom and Tom and James were at dinner and they were confronting Jax about what happened in San Diego, James texted Kristen, remember? Because then Kristen went to the bathroom and then bailed. dinner and uh they were confronting jacks about what happened in san diego james texted kristin remember because then kristin went to the bathroom right because jacks said at the table oh well you want to do that i can start trouble for you too i can tell everybody what happened in miami

right and but no but the thing was but everyone was writing that down and sending it to kristin and he was saying oh my god my heart is pounding so hard right now because it's all going down right now and you're missing it, Kristen. And then Kristen left her phone at the table, which is pretty far-fetched. Yeah, that was very... Either that was planned by the producers or she was like, I don't want to rat them out, but I'm going to leave it out

because I know they're going to look. But either way, I thought the girls were surprised to hear that Jax had banged someone in San Diego. They seemed surprised at that. So I think – I guess they didn't know that. No. I think some of the people knew but not everybody.

I don't know. I don't know why anybody is surprised by anything that that guy does, honestly. He's so gross. I can't even get involved in it anymore. I just laugh because, like, how do you even follow it? You can't even stand up or hate somebody like that. Cause they're so, they've obviously got some kind of a problem,

you know? Yeah. Well, I, and I have empathy. I mean, if nothing else, guys,

if nothing else, well, it's all very exciting. And next week looks amazing because you have, first of all, Tom crying to horse face, which looks shocking and then um and then the best part is in the preview like tom i think it was like tom or jack's like hey guys

look who i found and this like weird like 45 year old guy dressed like he's 22 shows up and he's like hey and he's like hanging with them and then they mentioned the rumors that he and Jax may have hooked up at some point. So I am, like, ready to see what happens. Yeah, Jaxon has taken it up the butt. Clearly. That's why there was a dildo in his bed. Yeah, and even if he hasn't, Bravo is not above making up a gay rumor about him. Yeah, you gotta love Bravo.

And he'll just stay with it for his $700 a week or whatever. So I wonder what happened to them fighting for their ten thousand dollars on an episode uh i don't know i mean there's if there's ever been a cast that's replaceable it's this one i know and like the most about stassi not being on the show this week was just how much fun the show was without stassi bye bitch i know she i mean she's really showing how to like torpedo your own nothing of a career and she's such a fame whore and she was started at such a young age to be a fame whore to just walk away from a reality show i think she's angling for her own but yeah what are we gonna do stassi follow you walking around new york city waiting for your boyfriend to get off work come on yeah exactly going to do, Stassi? Follow you walking around New York City waiting for your boyfriend to get off work? Come on.

Yeah, exactly. Going to Lohman's, you know. And also she's like, oh, Christina's my best friend right now. Yeah, because she's fucking up your ass and doing everything you want. Yeah. So sad, Stassi. By the way, you want to talk about someone trying too hard. The redheaded girl who was at the bachelorette party. Oh, yeah. She like, anytime someone made a joke, she's like, ha, ha. You know, anytime, she's like, woo.

Like, she's the first one. And you know what's funny? That redheaded girl goes to my gym. Well, as we all know, as I mentioned on previous podcasts, horse face number one and horse face number two go to my gym. You know, although I haven't seen them in a long time. But I used to see horse face number two with this redheaded girl. And the reason why it stuck out with me was because one time – this is all sorts of name droppies.

So everyone, just get ready. But one time, I saw Taye Diggs at the gym. And these girls, aka Horseface one and 2 and the redheaded girl, they circled him like vultures. And the four of them were talking, and they were being all as flirty as possible, trying to get in on that Taye Diggs. And that's why I always remember this girl, this redhead.

I was like, oh, don't go after Taye Diggs. He has a lady. Of course, this was pre-Adina Menzel divorce, but I still was very protective. Yeah, you don't want to mess with her. She plays the Wicked Witch. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's why – whenever I see that redheaded girl, I always think of her. She was the one who was flirting the hardest with Taye Diggs. In fact, I overheard her saying something like, oh, you should come by or something like that. And I was like, oh, don't you dare. He is a married man. He is a married man. He may be sexy was like, oh, don't you dare. He is a married man. He is a married man. He may be sexy as all hell. I'm married now.

I'm married now. It's like, you get your hands off my tits. He is mine. Okay, Tay-Tay. Anyway, I'm glad I saved this. Now, let's move on to the Real Housewives of uh hill we got to beverly hills we were already talking about lisa vanderpump bev's hills what's episode what an episode okay so i write recaps of this show on the night that it comes on okay yeah i just like to get it out of

the way normally it takes me anywhere from two to three hours because i've been doing it for so long i can just pound them out i wrote this one last night i started at nine and i finished at almost three in the morning because it was so good the show by the way let's just say first and foremost the show is so back it's so back on track it's honestly the best it's been in about two seasons well because they have somebody intelligent again. Yeah, and people to really root for. Like, you know, last season sucked. The season before that actually wasn't so great either. It was all basically about the Adrian Maloof

rumor. It sort of was like a flimsy season. It was sort of not great. Now, this season is as strong as it was season one and season two. Yeah, agreed. And thanks to who? mean and lisa and lisa rinna too lisa rinna is bringing it in a different sort of way she's not bringing drama but she's bringing she is though she's like backing up the drama and she's she's also another

soap opera mind that's gonna help eileen which well here's the thing here's the thing and we'll get into the details of the episode um and i'll let you i'll let you steer this one since you did the recap so it's all super fresh in your head but um the thing with lisa rena is that she's she's like very likable more likable than i thought she would be and she's sort of like laughy haha but this is the episode where it's like okay now real lisa rena is coming out and she has she said some like not nasty things but she like said things this episode but she does it in this way where she's just like and you're just like it's like she says mean things she's like well that's straight up white

trash over there huh and you're like yeah but she does in a way that still sort of winsome you know and like okay now it's starting to get you know that they took that clip from something else like when they were in that restaurant in whatever or talking about how she grew up or something and inserted it right there. Because I feel like she's doing a really good job of coloring her words in a way that's appropriate. Like she's not getting downright nasty yet. So some of those I'm like that was cut from obviously cut from something else. So some of those I'm like, that was obviously cut from something else. But what I loved was that Eileen started a total soap opera storyline.

Like an old, old one. Like from the old school playbook. And it's obviously a soap opera storyline that's not true at all. And Lisa is like, okay, let's do it. And so Lisa helped her and was like her little henchman going around spreading this like insanity thing which yeah loving gaslighter loving it if anyone you know gaslight that bitch and brandy and she deserves the wrong one yeah she messed oh yeah she messed she yeah you know screw like forget about gaslighting shannon madore gaslight brandy because she actually deserves to be gaslit yeah she deserves it it's like you're rooting you see

her downfall coming and we're all rooting it on it's beautiful so for those of you who didn't watch it they go to this dinner in malibu which you know everyone's exhausted because it's like a 10 hour drive so it's just the four it's just four of them it's yoli eileen lisa rena and brandy well brandy gets shit faced okay so brandy tries to get eileen by acting nice and then saying well you were married when you met your husband weren't you and tried to get her in this like moment right so eileen was like yes actually we both were married and that's why i feel bad for people like you brandy because you're the victims of of other

people's true love you know how hard it was for us to find each other and realize that this whole time we were with somebody else we weren't meant to be we were meant to be with each other we've ruined people's lives um sorry bitch oh my god loved it i was cheering in my fucking house because she she wasn't that um blunt like she was being very very nice and the way she said it you wouldn't even realize that there was actually that's what the message was she was actually being very nice like you know i felt bad it's like serious southern um bitchery going on there which i love like she totally just slammed brandy in a way but in a way that brandy can't say anything but you're awesome and sweet that was beautiful that was a beautiful moment yeah because you know the way she framed it was like yeah you know i i feel terrible because like i've been the

one to commit the crime and i've seen the aftermath and it's a terrible thing, and I feel awful, and I think, you know, it's unfair for you. But really the message was what you just said. Yeah, it was basically like I empathize with you, Brandy, but I sympathize with Eddie. Yeah. Which, you know, and what a beautiful way to put it. In my family, you know, someone's going through a divorce,

and it's so painful for all of us. Like, I'm not married to them, and it's painful for all of us because you're seeing two people you love broken apart and this and that. But at some point, it has to be like, well, what? Were you supposed to stay together the whole time? You know, you have to start looking at shit from different angles once you meet the other side, you know, which is Eileen in this case. Yes. which is Eileen in this case. Yes.

So Brandy was going to try and use this whole thing where she's going to go after newbie Eileen because she has no one else now to go after. And, you know, Brandy has to have someone. She'll make up someone. And so she tries to go after Eileen, and Eileen not only slaps her back down, but when Brandy couldn't win that argument with words, she throws a glass of wine in her face trying to be funny.

It wasn't even just that. It wasn't even that, oh, she she throws a glass of wine in her face trying but it wasn't it wasn't even just that it wasn't even that oh she just threw a glass of wine it was because then brandy well brandy was drunk at this point and then she was like do a scene from days do a scene from days because she was like being a super fan and aileen was like no i'm not going to aileen aileen's basically like you have to pay me if you want me to be but here's the thing the thing is she wasn't being a super fan because brandy isn't a fan of that show because she didn't even know that lisa rena was the original really like but when i say super being that she was being like a crazy she wasn't being like a friend she's being like like like audience performer like she was being one of those people who's like oh you're a comic tell a joke go ahead yeah it's part in the middle of this party yeah you know what's up funny you are she was being a total cunt and uh when

people do that and then she pulls out money and throws it at her like she's some street performer like brandy was being a bitch she was trying to belittle her because she can't fight with words so she has to fight with cuntiness and eileen refused to play along and then they started making fun of brandy for being so pathetic. And Lisa started, like, whomping like a seal and clapping like a seal. And they're kind of making fun of Brandy, who's, like, obviously drunk and losing every battle she's attempting. And Brandy's like, I'll throw a glass of wine in your face if you don't die. And she didn't.

So she threw a glass of wine in her face. And then Eileen did another fabulous thing and instead of getting up and slapping the out of brandy and making it a huge housewives fight of the season she started crying yes oh my god this woman knows how to play it okay all these years on a soap opera has taught her well because she's not going to be manipulated she instantly became the victim love it yeah well and and deservedly i mean it's humiliating because you know what she's thinking She's not going to be manipulated. She instantly became the victim. Love it. And deservedly. I mean, it's humiliating because you know what she's thinking right now?

I mean, it probably was, it could have been a sincere cry. I mean, because she's thinking to herself, oh gosh, I've just had a glass of wine thrown on my face. And people in this restaurant don't know the context. They're going to think I'm in a real fight. And this is like, I'm an actress. I'm like a working actress. And this is like the sort of thing that would get on gossip blogs and get around and it's like it's it is it could be mortifying and now she has to deal with that and it's like because she thinks she probably thinks about that because she's a career she has a career and she's been around the business long

enough and she recognized she can think more than one step ahead as opposed to brandy who throws a glass of wine at like a petulant three-year-old and then expects something to happen as a result of that well i think eileen knows from watching the show what she's walking into with brandy and she knows how to deal with people like her and instead of turning it into a big housewives thing she totally twisted it turned herself into a victim and then went one step further and when she's sitting there with her husband the next day, she's like, oh, you know, I just feel so hurt and attacked by Brandy. And I'm just not understanding because she's such a super fan. And, you know, she's like obsessed.

And who knows what she'll do next? So now not only is Brandy a cunt, she's a psycho swim fan. Exactly. And you know, you got to loveileen, because that shit is golden. It is. And to be totally honest, it's not as far-fetched as when Heather Dubrow was like, should we call an ambulance for Shannon? Because that was ridiculous. But in this case, I mean, do I think that Brandi is a swim fan?

No. But it's also not crazy, because these actresses have been around crazy fans for years crazy fans and there are a lot of fans like could you do this could you sign this could you sign this and say no and they will fuck you and then it turns to rage and i think that these actresses are actually very sensitive to it the reason the reason i can't get on that theory is because eileen knows that there's no way that brandy's a fan of that show because the only people she can name on it are john and marlena who are basically like but it doesn't matter it doesn't matter if she's like a cocoon at this point but the thing is it doesn't matter

if she's like a real fan that's not if she's a real fan she has fan mentality and that's that's what matters it's like that she's you know you could see anyone who's super famous you know that they're famous and you're like oh my god i can get an autograph and they don't give you an autograph like well fuck them they're an asshole you may not even know any of their work but just because they're like famous you went up people do that you know um i'm just saying i just think that she's i think that she knows who brandy is and what she's dealing with oh yeah instead of trying to fight her she's gonna twist it and make everybody think that she's insane because if she says that she feels threatened then brandy can get fired she's like she's very smart she's like immediately taking it to a

physical threat level because if brandy fucks with her she can get her fired so i mean to me that's just like the best move i don't think that i think eileen is too smart to believe that brandy's a real stalker and her husband basically laughed in her face. Like, the thing that also killed me about this show was that you see how they are as a couple. Because Eileen's like, well, she's a stalker or whatever. And he's like, well, babe, maybe that's taking it a little far. I think she likes you and she was trying to be funny and be a soap opera or whatever.

And just, she was an idiot, you know. But I don't think she meant it in a mean way. And then Eileen, like like got mad at him for not being on her side and i just thought that was so cute because it's like here's this guy married to this soap opera queen who's probably pulling like this in real life all the time because you know that wears off you know yeah and it's just like oh there she goes again she's gonna make someone else you know get signed into the mental hospital for fun but also i watch her on days of our lives and i know what a crazy bit she plays so i love

when she can pull out a little manipulation like that right in the beginning i'm like oh it's great no one better fuck with eileen she will take you down well what i like is that we have now lisa rinna lisa vanderpump andileen, who have now become kind of like the untouchables in the sense that those three need this show the least. You could make an argument that Yolanda probably doesn't need this show because she's got David Foster, but truthfully, those women have their own income, they're doing their own thing,

they need this show the least, and it shows their behavior because they'll just do their own thing. And what to show the least. And it shows their behavior because they just they'll just do their own thing. And what's nice is that, you know, again, I am an unabashed Lisa Vanderpump fan. It's almost like now Lisa doesn't have to, like, pander to these ridiculous women that they're that she's stuck with, you know, on this cast. Now she has, like, two people that she can be, like, cool with, you know. And it's like, OK, it's like it's just like nice to see a cast that's not dominated by like carlton's and joyce's and kyle's and kim's you know yeah like desperate needy sad human beings like these are actual women who know they have more money than

you and they know they're better than you the thing is that they're fine with it everything's sort of like fine right now but i i'm sure that this group there there will be a riff they'll be the cool kids and the not cool kids and it's gonna it's it's gonna be pretty fun to watch well it's so funny to watch everybody turn against brandy in one episode i mean well that's how you do it if i mean she that's like there's just no randy had no there's no side there's no there was nothing there was no excuse that she could have given in fact i was actually surprised then then sort of like after this this whole fiasco like the next day or next few days later um yolanda had a party at her place and i was surprised that brandy didn't go marching in there being like yeah well you know like you know i'm i'm sorry for you know throwing wine in her face but but I'm owed an apology, too.

Like, I'm surprised she didn't say that. Like, you know, Eileen shouldn't have put wine in my glass. She did. She should apologize. She did in a way because when Kim came in, Kim was like, hey, stop, it's me. What are you guys up to? And Brandy was like, well, just before you hear it from someone else, I threw a glass of wine in Eileen's face last night. And Kim's like, oh, were you drinking? Were you drinking? well, just before you hear it from someone else, I threw a glass of wine in Eileen's face last night.

And Kim's like, oh, were you drinking? Were you drinking? And Brandy's like, well, we were all drinking. Yeah. You know? Yeah, exactly. So you were all drunk. You were all doing it.

You were all. But I love that Kim's like, well, at least you admitted what you did. That's what's important. You said you were sorry. Which, of course, in kim's life is all you have to ever do is just do whatever the fuck you want but say you're sorry after and it's okay i know by the way kim looked great she looked so good when she she appeared on screen for only like a minute the entire episode but what's she gonna do she looked she looked young like when she showed up, I thought it was a young lady. I didn't know who it was. I was like, who is it?

I was like, oh, it's Kim. She does look really good, yeah. I'm going to give props where props are deserved, and I'm giving props to Kim Richards. You do it, Ben. You go. You go, girl. Yeah, she did look very good. She did.

Unfortunately, she was still boring as hell, but she did look good. Right. And by the way, I just want to touch on before we get into the whole Yolanda party. There was a scene before all of this happened with Brandy and Lisa sitting down to lunch. And it just – it continues to drive me nuts. Like Brandy, how she's like – like, well, I'm owed an apology. Well, she'll give me an apology soon, whatever. And I want it to be known, by the way, that Lisa, on this episode, she did apologize to Brandy.

She said she was sorry for the whole Sheena stuff, all the Sheena things, okay? Now, watch Brandy still expect more of an apology. No, she said very specifically, I am sorry for not giving you the heads up that Sheena was going to be at that party at my house. Yes. That was it. Yes, exactly. She's not sorry for anything else. And nor should she be. By else. And nor should she be.

By the way, nor should she be. And watch Brandy continue to harp on that. And we're going to get into Watch What Happens later, probably after we talk about this show. But on Watch What Happens, I think Andy or someone asked Brandy, like, are you sorry for throwing

wine at Eileen's face? And Brandy's like, how many times do I have to apologize? Do I have to apologize more than once? And Indy was like, yeah. And she was like, well, I'm not going to. So I want to hold Brandy to that standard. Because I guarantee she's going to demand apology after apology from Lisa. Yeah, that whole Lisa thing was made up bullshit. I love that Lisa is

Not giving a shit about brandy shit brandy is like for fine I want to policy so Lisa gives it to her and then brandy's I wow She makes some snarky comment and then Lisa's like look brandy. I Can't give you any more in this relationship. I'll be nice to you at parties, but that's it I was like, yeah go sister and brandy's like well That's fine, and it's just like then you're paying for lunch and i might get something to go that was love it lisa is like a cool queen and she does not give a fuck yeah and i love how lisa at this point is just barely tolerating the rest of the cast like so when they go so when they go to the uh yolanda's party lisa is there

she looks like i mean she looks like she's in hell she doesn't she doesn't like yolanda anymore she can barely tolerate kim and kyle she hates brandy i mean she is like miserable and it's hilarious to watch but she knows how to do it she knows how to do it um ken won't even come anymore yeah and i love how when Yolanda keeps on being very tacky and saying things like, Oh, and congratulations to Lisa on the opening of Pump. I wish you would invite us next time. And then Lisa's like,

Well, darling, it doesn't take a rocket science to know why you weren't invited. And then it's like, you know, flashbacks. Cut to her claiming they can beat her or whatever at some party. Yeah. Stupid Yolanda. And I love that Lisa's response was, cheers to letting things go, darling.

Yeah, exactly. By the way, I want to say this. So Yolanda makes a toast and in her toast she's like, I just want to give I want to give a toast to the man that I love more than anything in the world. He is my husband and he is there for me at every step of the way,

and he fills my heart. And I don't know how I do without him. It's like, how many toasts do you have to give this guy? Like, I swear to God, every time, if my parents have an event that's not like an anniversary party, if they have a dinner party, or if I go to any party and the host raises the glass, the first words of the toast are not to profess love for their significant other.

That just doesn't happen. Why are they doing that? Is this party your anniversary party? It's like going to a Fourth of July party and be like, a toast. I just want to say that I am deeply in love with David Foster and he is the man of my dreams to say that you know i am deeply in love with love with david foster and he is the man of my dreams and it's like that's not no you say you're deeply in love with america well she's so obviously a trophy wife who has a um prenup in place because she has her head so far up that guy's hairy nasty asshole i hate that fucking guy david foster okay

this is david foster hey hey man you've. Hey, man, you've been playing golf? Oh, yeah, I've been playing golf. How about you? Oh, yeah, with John McEnroe? Yeah, I know him. Oh, yeah, he still can golf, can't he? Shut up, David. Or when Yolanda looks nice, he's like,

babe, that dress is so perfect, I could have made it. What? Like, shut up, David. You're a disgusting human being, you fucking douchebag. Has anybody ever told David Foster what a douchebag he is? Like, does he have any clue how he comes off? I've never seen anybody that fucking arrogant walking around on TV before without getting slapped down. Yeah, it'll happen soon enough, I'm sure.

And the second he does, he's out of there. That article where he was like, oh, I can't believe Yolanda's fans come up to me and they're like, oh my god, you're Yolanda's husband. He's like, I've got 16 Grammys. I mean, he is pretty powerful on music. So what? Still. I mean, it doesn't mean you can be a fucking cocksucker. Like, be a nice person. You're so fucking arrogant.

No one cares about your house in the middle of the freeway, you fucking arrogant fuck. Your house is worth like $4 million, but you're selling it for $28. Shut up, David Foster, you fucking loser. You know what? Where I find that his arrogance really takes form is more with this idea that Yolanda always says. You know what I love about having a dinner party is that people come over, we all drink and have food. And then everyone always winds up around the piano playing i'm like it's not like it's that everyone just like the way the energy moves that everyone just gets around the piano you can tell he's just

waiting counting down down the time before he can tell everyone okay come sit around the piano i'm gonna play music for you and you're all gonna listen and applaud you know and also how he's like, okay, everybody, welcome. Welcome to the piano room. So one of the things we like to do in my shows is we ask someone for a suggestion. And it can be anything. A phrase, you know, I like the morning. Or cereal is delicious. Or is brown a good color? Or is it too plain?

Anything. Then we take that suggestion and we look at each other and then we'll come up with a song about that suggestion there's no practice there's no rehearsal we just take that suggestion and we feel it and we come up with something and that's art it's like david we know what fucking improv is all right you're not talking to a fucking room of toddlers you fucking piece of shit just sing your fucking stupid song oh it also looks it also looks like stilted and uncomfortable they have to all sit around and be quiet like i sort of get what taylor was going through like two years ago when she was like what i had to sit here and be quiet. Like, David Foster gets to call the shots. Like, I know your ex-wife, all right? Yeah.

I love that David Foster can't have a dinner party around a piano where someone's not drunk and yelling at him. Yeah. By the way. This time it's Brandy. She's like, hey, how about a song about finger banging Yolanda? It's just so awful. So awful. And then babyface.

Oh, yeah. Here's another dick move that David Foster did. And I hate that he's making me stand up for Brandy. Brandy is alone at this party while she's with her fucking wee-faced gay or whatever. That guy does not make enough money to be doing that kind of work to his face. He looks like a Lego person. Stop it. Yeah.

So, anyway, she's sitting next to this queen who has nothing to say and then baby face on her other side she's just making small talk she didn't like have her hand on his leg or anything she's making small talk and then from the other end of the table david's like hey brandy uh he's married you know you might want to back down he's married yeah that's a tacky comment that was so gross because he wasn't even kidding don't say that to a guest. No, it's so rude. He's like, she's pissed off Yolanda, so now he's going to start, like, making shitty comments to her at a dinner party.

You know, that's just not cool. But then Brandy can't. She's so stupid. Like, that's her chance to get some sympathy back and be like, oh, excuse me, and go to the bathroom and cry. Yeah, she should have been like, I can't believe you would say that to me. Like, that was humiliating. That was embarrassing.

I'm alone in the world. I'm alone in the world. All these people have somebody. Like, do I have to write this for you, Brandy, for fuck's sake? Yeah, that's actually her signature line. It's like, I can't believe you beat up on me. I can't believe you say that because I'm, like, alone in this world and not even Lisa's friends with me anymore. Yeah, and then so what does she do?

She's like, let me see your ring, honey. Oh, we could do better. Oh, Brandy. You could have been a bigger ring. You could ring, honey. Oh, we could do better. Oh, Brandy. You could have been a bigger ring. You could have spent more. Oh, she's so awful. She is.

Which moves into Babyface's wife, who, by the way, looks like she's 12. Yeah. Looks like she's going to beat the shit out of Brandy. And then Brandy's like, oh, she tries to smooth it over by going, well, don't worry. If he bought you a bigger ring it means she's cheating on you she's just so awful in so many different ways now by the way baby face seemed like an angel you know he seemed so sweet remember he sat down at the table and he turns to brain he goes hi i'm kenny i was like oh baby face yeah he was sweet and his response to brandy when she said that was just like you know i think that

you're probably talking from experiences in your own life and she's like well that's right he's right okay give it to him i'll give it to him he's right i was like okay you can sit down now brandy have a seat i um i also one of my favorite moments from the episode came around then when i think that brandy uh she was like looking at lisa and she's like oh i like your earrings and then lisa and kyle both go thank you and brandy's like well i mean they're they're both nice she's like a funny stupid kyle and lisa rivalry is hilarious to me because lisa just wants to be friends and have fun with kyle and be snarky but kyle just can't do it she

hates lisa so much and it shows in everything she does and she's so jealous and it is so fun to watch kyle squirm well by the way we're not even talking about the fact that um brandy came into this party and she's supposed to be apologetic and like apologize to eileen and put the whole days of our lives thing behind her and the first thing she and she tells eileen like she's so sorry and then as soon as she gets some booze in her the very first thing she starts doing is talking about days of our lives again like over and over and over again and then lisa rena evens like you're crazy and then brandy says she goes i don't want to be anyone else i want to be me so she actually thought it was a compliment to be called crazy i'm like it's not it's not

the mark of individuality to be called a crazy stalker okay that's not a good thing that does not like that is not emblematic of you have personality it means you're fucking crazy. I know. Being crazy isn't a personality trait. It's a disorder. Yeah. Stupid. And then I also liked when Eileen and Lisa stepped away and just started to gossip like hell about Brandy. They just were like, excuse us. They go into another room and then they just start talking all sorts of shit. Lisa's like, I like her, but she's nuts. I'm like, yes, bring the shade.

And Eileen's like, I feel bad for her. I'm like, I her but she's nuts i'm like yes bring the shade and elise like i feel bad for her like i know because she's literally crazy i know poor super fan yeah so they're spending it and it's just gonna get out of control this season because from what was being put out on the blogs while the season was filming was insane i mean shit was going down and yeah so far this season i've been like what the hell this is so boring nothing is gonna happen this year but it is about to go down because everybody turns on brandy i mean she doesn't have anybody now yeah i'm loving this season i have not been bored um and by the way for the record when eileen and lisa were gossiping about brandy and then at

one point eileen goes thank you bitch she was totally doing a soap opera character at that moment i was like aha she did it and brandy wasn't there to see it and i was like then i felt really excited that brandy missed it oh my god the best part was when brandy was apologizing to her and she's like i'm so sorry it's just i was acting crazy and she's like yeah you were she's like yeah and i had so much to drink she's like yeah you did like well you know i really am sorry and she's like yeah you did like well you know i really am sorry and she's like good you you know good you should be she's like yeah because i went home and i cried and she's like good you should have cried speaking of brandy crying so i'm watching the whole time

love it yeah so on watch what happens live after the show, Randy was on with Jeff, what's his face? Jeff Lewis. So, okay. So I watched this episode because you had texted me saying you've got to watch because apparently things are crazy. First of all, I haven't watched Watch What Happens in a long time. And I was just like reminded how awful the show is. This is like the worst show on television.

Isn't it amazing how much one person cannot improve over the course of so many years it's like it's so juvenile i mean we're juvenile we make stupid jokes and we make like jokes about vaginas and poop and all that stuff but that's like exclusively all that watch what happens is it's like okay so brandy like how how big of a penis do you think donald trump has, how big of a penis do you think Donald Trump has? How big of a penis do you think this person has? How big is this guy's dick? And it's like so stupid.

And then it's like, okay. Brandy, what do you do to your face and your boobs? You know, what's in your butt right now? Hey, what do you think? Jeff Lewis's hair, is it real? Is it lipstick? It's like, ugh. And then he's like, hey, Jeff Lewis, to promote your new paint, we're going to do some Pictionary.

So first word, it's like, it's a penis. It's a penis. It's a penis. It's a penis piercing. It's a uniball. Oh, my God. What is it? It's like a bong. It was literally like what sixth graders do to entertain themselves.

That may be even an insult to sixth graders. It was so, it's so stupid. It's like fart, penis, vagina, boobs, tits. I feel embarrassed. I feel embarrassed for him because he seems like such a nice person. He doesn't seem like a douchebag at all. I listened to that Jay Moore interview that he did, and he just seems like such a nice guy. I think if I hung out with him, we would get along so well, and we would laugh and blah, blah.

But, man, I hate him on TV. Man, I hate him on TV. I just fucking hate him on TV. He makes me crazy. He's such a douche. And he's like a squirrely douche where he hides behind that bobblehead face and that squinty eye

and trying to act all cute. And you're not cute. You're an asshole. And you're ruining people's lives and thinking it's hilarious. Yeah, he's like, oh, Andy, we think you're so cute.

He's like, oh, oh, thank you. Oh, my God. It's just, it's like, ugh, it, we think you're so cute. He's like, oh, oh, thank you. Oh, my God. It's just so awful. But that being said, the big story was that Brandy had a quote-unquote meltdown. Because basically, I think in the first segment of the show, Andy was like, hey, Brandy, like tug on jeff lewis's hair to see if it's real and then so jeff is like uh can i get an std from that or something like that he makes like a throwaway joke at least what i thought was i think what everyone thought was a throwaway joke and she was pissed you could see immediately she's like you know as if she had excuse me this is the woman

who says things about finger banging at a dinner party right like your whole personality is based around what a whore you are like yeah your whole thing is like yeah you have a whole episode where you're like well i guess i have to like learn how to like i'm so vulgar i'm so vulgar i have to tame down my vulgarity on my podcast you know this is this is that woman so everything's going along and then in the last segment of the show she suddenly is holding a glass of wine. And she very awkwardly was like, you know that thing where you come up with a comeback, but it's way too late. So you just never get to say it. And you're sad. She's like, no, I'm going to come up with it.

I'm going to say it anyway. She's like, hey, remember earlier in the show when you asked if you could get an STD by me putting my fingers in your hair. Well, maybe we just have to loosen up. We have to wet your hair first. I was like, what? And then she flings her glass of wine at his face. And he's like, seriously?

And she's like, yeah. Now you can't get an STD because the vodka cleared it all up. And I wish he had just said, apparently not. seriously and she's like yeah now you can't get an std because the vodka cleared it all up and i wish she had just said apparently not because she has plenty of booze in her and she looks like a walking fucking pap smear well yeah and then she was like it was just like this weird thing where she was like she got mad at this thing this joke and he was like huh and he was like he didn't know what to do he was just like this is crazy and then she and then she's like yeah it was like really offensive like you know it was in my

book it was in my book about the std which i have no idea what she's referring to do you know what she's referring to because andy said first of all this is like another example of how bad andy is because he's just like like he doesn't know what to do and he's just standing there kind of letting them work it out which was so funny but brandy's like yeah and he said but wait you guys were fine during commercials what happened weren't you just talking during commercials it seemed fine and she's like yes he said um he was i said i was pissed and he said he was just kidding and i told him it really hurt my feelings because he knew that it was real because he had read my book so what does that mean though because it wasn't some random joke it wasn't some random oh you're

a slut joke it was a personal attack based on a story about her std in her book like oh so she oh she's taking like a trauma yeah it was like some traumatizing story or whatever of getting herpes or some shit and so he should you know what i'm sorry making fun of her cancer you know what i am sorry like she may be sensitive about stds and all that stuff but sorry i don't're using does not equal cancer okay you're using scabby vajay does not equal cancer shut up yeah i think that i mean it's it's a little almost narcissistic to think that this this std joke was that targeted at at this that he read the book i mean he said that he read the book but then he said he didn't i guess there were two books or whatever but um when you when you have a reputation for saying these things and you're on a show that's all about like poop and boobs and tits um if someone makes an std joke

you can't just assume that it was directed specifically at you um it was ridiculous and then so the funny part is that she starts to cry and she turns around in her chair puts her back to the camera and just starts to sob which was like amazingly awkward but hilarious and no one was really allowed to laugh because it was insensitive but def was still making fun of her he was like i don't what the fuck am i supposed to do with this like he was making looks behind her back and stuff i loved it yeah and then andy andy was so confused andy started to sweat above his lip um he didn't know how to carry on. It was actually amazing.

But, I mean, you know what, though? She needs to relax. She just can't do that. I'm sorry. Even if she had an STD. Well, the internet blew up, and everybody was talking about it, which, you know, you've got to hand it to Andy. There he goes. Like, another successful show.

Like, in his book, that all went great. Like, you just proved that you don't know how to uh handle yourself under stress you can't handle two strong minds at one time you're terrible yep you had the best night of your life so congratulations yeah but meanwhile brandy tweets out she tweeted last night this is what this is what her tweet was people jeff lewis and i were joking we were good friends turned around because i couldn't stop laughing we wanted to fool andy hashtag we fooled andy i'm like uh nope nope not buying it if jeff if jeff backs that up maybe because he's not a liar he that is like the biggest bullshit and just shows that she's a liar yeah she she a lie brandy you a lie girl you a

liar you a liar you should definitely if you haven't seen that clip it was really really funny people have been posting it on our facebook page so if you haven't seen it go look at that shit because it's good um but yeah this is the beginning of brandy's downfall because with no friends left on the show being younger than everybody else and now being basically hated by the entire public like she has nobody on her side and she has no storyline and no you know I don't see how she's gonna eke out another year but brandy Andy does love her so maybe it'll that'll work out but I just I'm hoping this is the end of brandy

it's hard to watch because she's so i hate hearing myself say this but she's just so low class compared to the other ladies the other ladies are so rich and intelligent mostly i'm excluding the richards from that and yolanda actually But they've got some actually rich, intelligent people on this show, and it's funny to watch them have to deal with people like Brandy, you know? Most of those people pretend that these people don't exist. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It's like being forced to go to the DMV every day. Mm-hmm. I agree. Okay, let's move on. I agree. Let's move on. I agree. Alright. We agree on something ben we certainly do um well i guess there's only one more place to move on to and that would be well i have to say atlanta um so you know i was really looking forward to the christmas holiday because we we did record but we had that week where we didn't do anything but the crappy.

So I didn't have to watch the shows that week. So it went two weeks, basically, without me watching – or three weeks without me watching Real Housewives of Atlanta or Vanderpump Rules. So I had six hours to catch up on yesterday. Wow. Atlanta was amazing all three hours. I was like, wow, I love you. I love this show so much. And I thought I was going to be killing myself sitting through that much of it.

And I just loved it. It was so funny. It's so good. Well, I started taking notes. And then I guess I just stopped because I have all these notes from like the first scenes and then all of a sudden i stopped taking notes but i'll just go through my notes and then we'll take it from there so my notes all pertain to uh cynthia and peter looking at the new location for bar one and it's like funny because cynthia's like like you know peter asked me to like to team up with him partner up and now I finally get a say in bar one.

She's acting like, oh, like, yeah, I'm like Lisa Vanderpump. I'm going to hire myself a million-dollar manager like Pandora. You know, like, I'm going to take over this restaurant. So I love that they show her. They, like, walk into this, like, shithole, and she looks at the floor, and she's like, well, we're going to have to redo the floors. I know that. I'm like, well, no shit, Sherlock. There is no floor.

There's, like, five broken tiles, and the rest is like plywood like congratulations on having a great like instinct there you know yeah great style cynthia yeah it's like you look at a broken window well we'll need a new window i know that for sure really i like what she said you know here's my problem all these blogs talk about how i I support Peter and I give him money for all these businesses. Well, here's what I have to say to those rumors. It's none of your business and he's my husband. So you can't be calling them a lie and then admitting that they're the truth in the same sentence. Yeah, Dom, how?

I mean, seriously, how dumb can one person be? And then Peter's like, hey, baby, baby, you like this place, baby? Oh, good. You write a check. That's all that matters, baby. I don't even care if you like it. Just write a check. Like, classy, Peter.

Jesus, grow some pride, dude. And then they go outside to look at the back patio. And there's, like, garbage everywhere. It's literally, like, under an overpass. And it looks like it's like a like a dance floor for homeless people and she looks like they're putting in yeah it's like you could hear like you could probably hear like the falcons in the background you know but um and then she's like oh it's just like miami i'm like if this is like miami i am

not going to miami i'm staying out of florida that shit was so funny oh and then even worse i love that one of the selling points she's like is that a funeral home yeah that's where martin luther king was whatever that's where his dead body was yeah that's where his dead body was and she's like well we're just like martin luther king he had a dream we have a dream it. It's like, oh, no. I know. Don't you dare, Cynthia. I'm like, that's where his dream died. Don't forget, that's where his dream died, okay?

Yeah, you equal the death of his dream. That was, yeah. Thank you for elevating bar one to the level of Martin Luther King. Okay? Thank you. She's like, bar one, where Martin Luther King's dream died. Yeah. Happy hour. Yeah. Happy hour.

Yeah. Happy hour. Come fund our sham business. A dollar off for every dead dream. Yeah. MLK would have been so proud to be buried. It's a bar one. Oh, my God.

That shit was funny. Honorary stool. It's so, like, insulting. Ugh, it's awful. Hey, it's awful hey what's next what's next well i don't that's all that's where my my notes end oh that's so funny i was like oh yay ben has notes i'm so excited okay no i had notes was this the barbecue was this the barbecue one where they went to uh the ants barbecue uh candy's ants barbecue no that was last week um that shit was amazing okay first of all what kind of barbecue is that i want to be

invited to one every day i know it looks amazing oh my god that looks so good and then uh mama joyce who's obviously drunk at this point like now there's no question that she's a drunk or she's on pills or that something's going on because she's a drunk or she's on pills or that something's going on because she's making no sense she's slurring her words she's starting fights in public like she's just she's a drunk something's going on there but that whole thing with candy that whole fight with candy about sharon and then todd and i'm getting sick of it yeah i think the big story with candy this week was that she got Candy colored nights back on the ground, off the ground. She like she did it again.

And and what's her face came on it? Claudia. And then the other thing I think the main the main story was that there was a like Candy had a party. Right. And she's like a sex party, like a sex toy party. And the girls came over and Nini, so last week what happened

was that Nini and Cynthia made up and Nini and Kenya made up. And so Nini walks in and they're like, oh, hey, Nini. And she's like, ah. She refuses to hug or barely even say hi. And she's such a cold bitch. I'm sorry.

She really is. And when you compare her to Lisa Vanderpump, which is sort of hilarious to do so. But you look at Lisa. Lisa hates all the people on her cast too. But Lisa knows how to at least be gracious or civilized. And Nini is just like awful. It's like you can't say you're good with someone,

or you can't say, if I see you at a party, I'll be civil, and then refuse to even hug them. It's so déclassé. Déclassé, darling. Darling. She's another one. She's got brandy complex, where all she wants to do

is fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. She goes to lunch and makes up with everybody. They decide to fight and hug. But then the very next time she sees Cynthia, she's like, I didn't say I was friends with her again. Fuck her. I'm not going to be friends with her. Okay, hello. Uh-huh.

Why is she looking at me? Why does she want to be friends? What are you doing? This is how desperate you are for a fucking storyline, NeNe? God. God, Kristen. Seriously? Who does that?

God, Jax. Why do you lie? Why do you keep lying? Why didn't you just tell the truth, Jax? We're like bros, Jax. Like, why do you do that? What kind of bro are you? Why do you ruin all the fun, Kristen?

God, Kristen. I can't believe we didn't do tom impersonations during vanderpump rules we're lame we'll have um yeah nini is awful i can't even with her but this new claudia bitch is not even gonna have any of nini's crap okay yes nini has met her match she's meeting someone at the bottom rung which which is radio. Okay, Nene was the rung lower because she was a stripper. But still, and don't get offended, strippers. Okay, I'm not saying that's a bad job. I'm just saying, like, in entertainment, it's below radio. Okay, admit it to yourselves.

Yeah. So. But above podcasting. Yes. If it makes you feel better, podcasting is below stripping. And busboying. Yeah. So because sometimes we've gotten a couple of emails that are like, I don't appreciate you making fun of the sex industry.

It's like we're not making fun of you. Jesus Christ. Calm down. Calling someone a slut does not completely invalidate your porn career. Okay. Anyway, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Claudia is at the bottom rung, okay? And much like Nene, when she was at the bottom rung and was willing to stab anybody in the back to get more famous, which she did, and it totally worked for her, Claudia is not afraid.

And she knows that this is her chance to become a star, and she is going to fuck your life up, bitch, okay? You need to take a step back and re-evaluate if you're going to be the mama of the group then you need to do that and just like say fun sarcastic things off on the side while laughing really big and being fun nini but if you're going to be psycho bitch nini you better watch the fuck out because you're about to get taken down by a whole new cast of young people yeah and the thing is uh nini is pulling a stassi, which is that she's acting too big for her britches, and she doesn't realize we don't need her anymore. She can be cut out of the entire show, and the show will go on perfectly well. Better.

Better, if not better. She's painful to watch at this point. Yeah, absolutely. I'm getting lost. damn flu head okay yeah she needs to go pretty quick so what else happened Candy's boring the whole thing with Phaedra is killing me because what is up with people

sticking up for Apollo and saying that Phaedra should be there and be supportive Apollo just ruined their whole family and now he's spending every night in a god damn strip club and she's supposed to be nice to him that's bullshit the only time he ever shows up is when he knows there's cameras there that guy's a piece of shit i can't believe she hasn't already started divorce well she has now i think but yeah no i'm team phaedra i support her i i i we've mentioned this before if you compare this this to Teresa and Joe on New Jersey, like this is,

this is behavior I can get behind. I mean, we have our conspiracy theories. Was she, was she the public master? Was she not the public master at this point? We don't know. And the truth is,

if you put all speculation aside, what we do know is that Apollo committed these crimes and he's going to go to jail and the, the family will be torn up. And I think she has a right to be pissed and be like fuck you i'm kicking you out of the house i'm getting a new starting a new life whatever i like that she addressed that in this episode where she said you know all the bloggers were saying that i had something to do with it and i had something to do with his you know his uh misdeeds

but we're two separate people and we do two separate things and you know i like that she brought that up yeah no i i i am pro phaedra and her little boy is so adorable he is so he seems like he seems really bright and cute and it's sort of sad to know that this is this will at some point start to really affect him in a bad way and it's too bad yeah he is so cute he's like come here what's his face she's like he won't the baby won't respond to that name so he has to be like come here mr president come here mr president he'll only yeah only respond to being called mr president that's the best thing i've ever seen and then he like didn't want pager to go to her like award but then the babysitter was like

you can ride horseback on me i was like oh aiden he is adoring he really is adorable and he seems very smart um so what else happened i'm looking forward to they had this like weird jesus christ and that was making a smoothie yeah she's got two whole salmon in there that she's wearing up salmon and a cupcake she's like mom put those those meatballs from last night in there i'm trying to think if i've had it if i've seen any bravo leberties this week i feel like i've had a good run of like running into them or seeing some people but guess not i am going to search night though by the way you are what are you going to be doing over there? It's Lisa

Timmons' birthday, and she's just gathering some people over for cocktails. Happy hour at SIRT. Didn't you guys do that last year for her birthday? Yeah, so she wants to do it again. Is that her Chuck E. Cheese? I think so. So if we have any Vanderpump Rules interactions, I'll be sure

to report about it next week. Yeah. Okay, I think that's pretty much it that happened. I'm just excited to see people taking Nini down, because that shit needs to go. And then Kenya forcing a hug on Portia. On Portia. Because Kenya's such a big person. Yeah, but Portia's a brat, too.

So the two of them, it's just like... Yeah, they're all ridiculous. Yeah, but Portia's a brat too. So the two of them, it's just like... Yeah, they're all ridiculous. I also want to say I've started to watch Celebrity Apprentice, but I just haven't had time. It's been four hours of Apprentice in the past two days, and I just haven't had time to get through it.

But hopefully starting maybe next week, we can start to cover Brandy and Kenya on Celebrity Apprentice, assuming they're still on the show, for a bonus episode. Oh my God, you know that's going to be a wonderful shit show, and I hear people are loving it. I was going to watch it too, but I just haven't had a spare four hours yet. Yeah, I didn't watch the first episode, because the

first episode's two hours long, and it's the one where they all fundraise, and I just don't like those challenges anyway. How many famous people can you call? How many famous people can you call? But then I watched the first hour from Mondayay night's episode and it was like a two it's like two one hour episodes so i watched the first hour and it was massively entertaining and geraldo rivera is gonna be he's like he's gonna be the the big star from the season if he if he lasts long why is he a total ass oh yeah but you can't tell if he's

he's like an egomaniac but you can't tell if it's a strategy or if it's just him and it's it's great well he's the worst i mean they've got like a hundred of the worst on there this year everyone who's on it is like the worst yeah and there's actually someone on there who I don't know. It's like he is a crab boat captain, which I guess means he's on Deadliest Catch, but I don't know if that's for... He could just be on a fisherman's commercial. I don't know. For like fish sticks.

Fish sticks commercials. I mean, Celebrity Apprentice, they have to reach. They're like, well, you were on a commercial for hot dogs. You can be on Celebr apprentice well it's like atlanta she's like now i know you've been on lots of game shows like oh yeah no whenever a sentence starts like that i want to reach for that fast forward button but those prices by the way girls apparently can be real bitches i love it well by the way the only other thing that happened on this episode of

atlanta has been like the continuing saga of roger bob the side character that no one ever cared about which is that there's this new friend of the cast named dimitria right and um she's like i've been dating roger bob on and off for seven or eight years and then on this episode at the party there was this girl named like gocha and she was like oh that's funny because i dated him like two years ago in november and the other girl's like and she leaves and you'd and they're like how mortifying whatever as if anyone in the audience cares about roger bob or these two girls who aren't even on the cast but then what's funny to me is that you know the girls are gonna get mad at the gocha chick they're gonna be like that fucking gocha chick she just wants her moment she just wants

attention which is like classic like the classic female problem like issue which is which is that they should be mad at roger bob for playing both girls that's my that's my takeaway women stop blaming each other okay so kenya comes to, like, talk about some producing deal, which is hilarious. But he's like, hey, okay, you know, yeah, you know you're my girl, and I'll look over this. And you know I love you because I don't just do this for anybody. What are you talking about? Of course you fucking do. What producer doesn't take meetings with anybody who has a project you idiot like you don't work for anybody you don't work for tyler perry

anymore like you used to but now you're in some like rinky dink ikea furnished office get the fuck over yourself bitch please okay he's like well i don't do this for people normally so you're lucky like shut up and you're lucky you got a nice car because that's the only way you're getting that dick and everything that moves because that guy is not cute you know these shows really actually it's cute i thought it was shocker yes but you know like these shows are really starting to kill me because the women are assholes like we know that the women are assholes and it's fun i mean not all of them obviously but it's fun to make fun of that the women are assholes, and it's fun. I mean, not all of them, obviously, but it's fun to make fun of the women. But the men are such pigs.

They're so gross on this show. Let's show some nice men. I'm getting sick of all these nasty douchebags on these shows. Yeah, and by the way, I'm looking at pictures of Roger Bob. He's good looking. No, he's good looking. Okay, I'm going to look him up now. Roger Bob. looking okay but that that being said that being said uh i thought it was totally uh unprofessional

that he has a client in dimitria who knows whether or not they're together but he has a client dimitria and she has like her music video premiere party uh and then all the av equipment doesn't work and so the video barely gets played when it does complete the music doesn't even play and this is sort of like a big deal because it's on Bravo. It doesn't even get played. It's like laughing stock. And he didn't show up. And he's her manager.

That's the sort of thing where a manager is supposed to be there to fix it. That's bad. That's the sort of thing a manager would get fired for, for not showing up to an event like that. Look at me getting all mad about the professional misgivings. Yeah. I'm not sure about this guy. I just did an image search. He's not cute.

He's got six. Look at him. Look at the picture of him in like a. Now we're both coughing. Now you're getting sick over the microphone. I've got like something in my throat. There's a picture of him in like a beige sports coat. He looks good there.

He looks good there. Yeah. I mean, that's a nice suit. sports coat he looks good there he looks good there yeah i mean that's a nice suit i think he's good like he he has a good face he has like a i mean it's not like my body type but like if you're into sort of like a bear body like a little bit of a heavier whatever he's like hot um this guy's totally gross and he's too gross to have that attitude and i hate arrogant men and i'm so sick of seeing them you and david foster go on a fucking shut up boat motorboat somewhere quiet be quiet together fucker okay so we're done right yeah did we forget anything we have a bonus episode to record so we have that too okay i just didn't want to start saying bye everybody until i was sure because i'm like i'm loopy at this point everybody thank you so much for listening this was such a fun

episode because it's been so long since we've actually talked about the shows yeah thank you for listening please come to watch what crappens.com to find all our social links or twitters and blah blahs um i write real housewives recaps at uhashTalkTV.com and Ben writes lovely blogs over at B-SideBlog.com Well actually yes and actually since I haven't been blogging as much instead you can devote your energy towards my other podcast which is called

The Banter Blender which you can find on Facebook. Facebook.com forward slash Banter Blender. Yeah that's a good one Also come join us on Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappens. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Watch What Crappens. That's where you can

become a subscriber, which just means you get a bunch of extras, like the bonus episode we're about to record, phone ringers, which will be posted this week, and a monthly Google Hangout party where we all hang out and chat and have a good time which was so much effing fun the past two times we did it so come there there's all different

sorts of levels that you guys can uh sign up for and stuff we are not doing our live show so sorry about that but thanks so much for the support and for being here and we love you guys we really do bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like reggie watts todd glass liza slicinger slicing driving friends with her for 10 years one of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me,

takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. On Monday, Josh Leibarger made his status

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