Watch What Crappens - #165: See You At The Halter

Episode Date: February 11, 2015

Grab your finest boob-decorated wine glass: it's time to celebrate the holy matrimony of Scheana Marie and her halter top. Yes, we are going down the aisle with Azusa's most blushiest blushing bride on a very special episode of "Watch What Crappens." With tears in our eyes and Lisa Vanderpump Sangria in our hands, we relive all the special moments of this not-tacky-at-all wedding. Oh, and don't worry: we also have plenty to say about Kim's sobriety on "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." Come listen! You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. And joining me, as always, is the wonderful, the amiable, and the Grammy non-winning Ronnie Karam. Hey Ronnie. Hello everybody. Great to be here. I don't need a Grammy to prove my worth. No. I have the love of a dog.

That's all I need. What if the dog was named Grammy? Then you would have a Grammy. It would all work out for you. I picked up Grammy's poop today. Don't tell me I didn't win. My Grammy pooped. I have to feed my Grammy. There to your Grammy.

I'm not a Grammy winner, but I am a Grammy owner. And my Grammy eats my couch. In case you can't tell, I'm caffeinated. And also, let's see, what do we have to talk about? First of all, if you want to follow us on social media, go to WatchWhatCrapHands.com, where you can find links to all of our fun things on Vine and Instagram and Twitter. It is just the best. Even better is our Facebook page, Facebook.com forward slash WatchWhatCrapHands. We thoroughly enjoy that page, and everyone who is on it, people write the funniest shit.

I'm going to use a vulgarity there to describe it because it is that level. It is like a, it's basically like a blog at this point. Lots of fun links. If you are not following it, I implore you to do so because I think you would really enjoy it if you enjoy Bravo. It gives you something to do while you wait for a podcast to come out. And then of course, please feel free to support us on patreon.com, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com, forward slash Watch Where Crap Ends. It's just a really nice way to help the podcast grow and support us. Our show, of course, will always remain free. But if you support on Patreon, you get bonus content. And you also, depending on the level at which you donate,

you get bonus episode, you get ringtones, you get to be part of a hangout session. I know MJ from Shadows of Sunset wants to donate. If she weren't so busy getting all her sliders delivered next door, you can hear them. They're all getting shoveled into her apartment.

So anyway. Yeah, we do a google hangout like video chat party every month and i think that would be next week right ben it's usually like mid-month i mean why the hell not right yeah you want to do it next thursday yeah all right so next thursday night at guess what 6 p.m uh pacific time we'll be doing that. So if you want, go on Patreon and join. There you go. You'll be a part of it. And if it sounds kind of weird to sit and go on to a Google Hangout

with a bunch of strangers, don't worry. It's actually really fun. Yeah, it's really fun, especially when you have drinks. Yeah, it's oddly very fun. So yeah, that's it. And then our bonus episode this week, we just recorded it. We talked all about the Grammys and Rosie O'Donnell, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Shirley Manson, Kanye, all of it. And I would say it was a very fun episode. So go check that out if you're supporting.

I think that's all our busy work. That's enough plugs. Any more plugs and I'll have hair again. I was going to say, insert Nicolas Cage joke here. You could do that anyway. Even if we're not talking about plugs, you can always insert a Nicolas Cage joke. Yeah, we'll always accept a Nick Cage joke. Yeah, MJ's like throwing a slider across the street. Stop it! I love Nicolas Cage.

Okay, what show you want to start with this week? Is there any good Bravo news? There's not, right? You know, I don't know. I feel like I'm not up on my Bravo gossip, oddly enough. Okay, yeah, let's just talk about shows. Let's talk about shows. Let's talk about shows, baby.

Let's talk about you and me. That's a little Salt-N-Pepa reference. The good times and the bad times, that will be. Let's talk about shows. Yeah, that guy. Shows. That's how we're going to introduce the recap segment of every week.

We'll do that with top hats and canes. It's good we're talking about Annie Lennox, so I'm not going to do it if I'm not going to do it with feeling, man. If it were Annie Lennox, I'd be like, let's talk about shows. Shows. And there would be pictures of starving African children flashing up behind us.

Yeah, exactly. And then she'd be playing her fake harmonica. She'd be like, which is something. Roddy didn't watch the Grammys, but he missed Annie Lennox in her performance. Took out her hand and did a fake harmonica. And she was like. She did. She did an air harmonica.

She did. And it somehow worked it was like a weird like duck calling and everyone's like everyone's like i don't know what's going on but i'm gonna go with it because it sounded better than ariana grande i'll be looking that up later. Yeah, please do. Please do. What are we talking about here? Shows. Should we just start with Beverly Hills? That one seemed to have a lot of scandal in it. Yeah, let's start with Bev Hills. Let's see.

Let me pull up my notes. I know you have more notes because you do the recaps. I always let you use through this. Well, I ended up going out to party last night instead of recapping like an idiot. Wow. Now I have all this work to do last night instead of recapping like an idiot. Wow. And now I have all this work to do and not even a good excuse, except that I needed to get out of my house. So I kind of have like a half-assed recap put together.

Yeah. But yeah, it opened with Lisa and her son, the climax of this big storyline, darling, where Max finds out his name. Oh, no. From Ancestry.com. And then Lisa and Pandy talk about it at the supermarket. And Pandy's like, she was not divinely addicted to that news, I'll tell you that much.

She was like, Max, it's ours. It's ours. What if some other family comes in to take him away? I'm like, we didn't really make him feel like part of the family By making him sound like a pet We pay for him We put a tag on the back of his neck

He gets to sleep He gets to sleep with Jiggy in the doghouse He's ours Pandy Pandy don't cry Now you can make me cry I love that they're setting up the pavilion display of her booze with a big gigantic foam florida lee i was like oh

i know i was like what is this this is like a like an assignment from the apprentice you know it's like set up set up some just marketing display inside a supermarket for sangria. But make it relevant to the product. So make sure there's fleur-de-lis and red roses. Yeah. Meanwhile, all of Orange County comes flocking. They're like, I hear there's a fleur-de-lis. I know.

Tamara and Gretchen are like, could you guys notify me when this is on sale so I can come back and buy this shit from my kitchen? However, does this sangria come with rooster art? Does this sangria come with a caliente sign I can put in my kitchen? Could you make a giant ceramic chef that could hold this sangria inside of it? Sure! Does this come with checkerboard jars that I can put on my counter? This should come with those wine tag

things. Does this come with margarita glasses that say hot chick on them? Oh, Gretchen, we miss you. I know. We miss you. For what it's worth. For what it's worth.

We miss your interior designs. So anyway, so yes, I hijacked your recap. Okay, so that's not where we open, I'm sorry. We opened back at the party from last week, where Kim and Kyle are bleh, bleh, oh you

man, oh you bleh no you yeah yeah and then so Kyle is mad at Kim obviously and then she's like she's like crying over with like Lisa and Eileen and Lisa and she's like I just don't understand why she would come in here

and do that like she's my sister just cry you know all that stuff and what I loved is that then Brandy is like all is that then Brandy is like... All of a sudden, Brandy is the virtuous one. Being like, you know what? I didn't want this to happen. I just wanted to come in

here and make amends. This is... I knew I shouldn't have come and I shouldn't have done this. As if Brandy is suddenly thinking... Just drove me nuts. She's casting herself in this good role. Yeah. Trying. It's not going to work. She can't hold it that long. Yeah. And then her's, like, casting herself in this good role. Yeah. Trying. It's not going to work.

She can't hold it that long. Yeah. And then her gay side. And then Kyle, of course, who only cares about Kim, and none of this is about Kyle at all, just goes and stands at Kim while she's sitting at a table crying and going, why is she still here? Why is she still here? And then running to a table of adoring gay men

who would hang on every word and then saying, I'm so sorry guys but can you believe it? It's like, Jesus. I'm surprised she didn't hand out like orange wedges and milk boxes to everyone. You know? It just felt like she was the coach

of a little gay soccer team. Yeah. She's like, guys, that ice chest over there is full of Cokes. Guys, hands in the middle. Two, four, six, eight. Who do we appreciate? Not Randy. Kyle. Oh, poor little Kyle.

Yeah, so that's getting tired quick. I don't know. I actually disagree. I actually am very riveted by that storyline, so that's getting tired quick. I don't know. I actually disagree. I actually am very riveted by that storyline, and I'm really into it. And I really... Listening to Kim and Kyle scream at each other? Honestly, I'm into it. And I know you have this whole conspiracy theory that Kyle is only out for herself,

and that when the camera's rolling, yada, yada, yada. I don't know. I'm sort of like, I'm empathizing with Kyle. I'm not going to lie. I don't think she's only out for herself. I just think that she's a fame whore and she shouldn't be bringing a drunk on TV. I know, but what I'm saying, I just feel like she is a fame whore, but I feel like in this situation, I think not even her calculating fame whore-ness is really key. I think this is like bigger than that, you know?

If she had had, if she had had some kind of conversation with Kim before all of this happened, or something. Right. I don't know. I just feel like she, she has a party and then works herself up to cause a drama. Cause she, that whole thing could have been fine and calm,

but Kyle's over there working herself up and then throwing a temper tantrum because the cameras are rolling and it's just but that's the thing i don't know i exactly and i want taste okay i need my real housewives to be tasteful and not ever fight ever but i guess this is where we differ i actually believe that her frustration is actually at it's like a boiling point and i actually don't think the temper tantrum was for the cameras. I think she actually is just like, could there be anything more frustrating when you have someone like Brandi Glanville suddenly

trying to act like she's your sister's best friend? I can get it. I get it. I don't think it was calculated. Yeah. Well, you need to be... She needs to be a little slicker about it, because getting in a drunk person's face and then yelling at them, I mean, what does that do?

I mean, to me, it's like getting in a baby's face. It's like, what's that baby? All that baby's going to do right now is shit itself in fear. There's nothing else that baby can even do. It's like, how would you punch a baby? No one ever said these women were bright. Of course not. But, like, I'd be but like i'm frustrating as hell frankly i

mean i'm on kyle's side to the point where kim's just frustrating as hell and when someone's that far gone they just need to get their shit together period like pretending that it's not happening isn't really doing anybody any good well she needs to get like proper i think um outpatient treatment i think that she needs to... You know, we've seen it in the past two seasons that she's been sober where she had a life coach, and

then she was still holding Kyle accountable for her action. She was still being like, well, the way you treated me... She had to take responsibility. She went to, like, I hired somebody to come over and talk about it. Exactly. And that's why I actually was, like, I was loving Lisa Rinna this episode.

Because, you know, like, what I love about Lisa Rinna in general is that when she talks to these women or when she's talking in her confessionals, don't you kind of feel like she's talking to you? Like, you feel like she's, like, a friend of yours who's, like, addressing you? I know that sounds kind of demented. But I kind of feel like she's talking to you? Like, you feel like she's, like, a friend of yours who's, like, addressing you? I know that sounds kind of demented, but I kind of feel that way. And when she was saying, like, listen, addiction, like, she's an addict. She may be sober, but she's still an addict. And, you know, one pill, taking one pill is not to be taken lightly. And I was like, yeah, Lisa Rinna, you're right, you know? And I feel like that's sort of getting lost. And that's why Brandy is sort of, like, Brandy's, like, fucked up,

because Brandy's like, well, she took a pill. I'm like, well, no, that's not right. It's, like, it's not as simple as that. Yeah, but Brandy's also an addict, so it's, like, when the hell... Brandy is not going to be a great sponsor in these situations. Exactly.

Your sponsor has to be sober. Exactly. And, like like fast forward to the end of the episode sorry to get ahead of it but when I think Lisa Rinna was talking to Brandy about this Lisa Rinna was kind of trying to get to the bottom of what was this

a little bit. And then Brandy's like well I'm torn between my head and my heart because my head says she should get help but my heart's saying well she's sober and she says she's sober help but my heart's saying well she's sober and she she says she's sober and if she says she's sober she's sober i'm like that's not how it works at all she said i had to write it down because she said you're sober until you admit that you're not and kind of i understand what she means because until you're ready to get help it doesn't matter

like if you're someone's friend and they're a drunk then you you know you just kind of try and help them through it or what i guess yeah but that's also an addict talking yeah and so it's kind of weird hearing her say that because that's kind of what she's doing like she's like well i drink when i see my friends and i actually drink more because these women stress me out and then they complain that i'm drinking but then they stress me out and i drink more and it's like she's again the victim the victim like she wouldn't drink if these women didn't bully her she wouldn't and she never even drank until her divorce until she got cheated on yeah exactly like all the victim thing it's the same thing except kim's been doing you know kim's obviously more worn down and has a lot more squished brain cells because of it. Squished brain cells.

I also like how Brandy, again, plays the victim. When Lisa Rinna is asking her about this, I'm trying to remember what Lisa Rinna's game plan was, about why she sat down with Brandy. I think she just wanted to, I think she kind of, I don't know what it was, but she wanted to kind of tell Brandy, like, yo, you're sort of enabling her. But I love how Brandy's like, well, now Kim wants to be my best friend.

And then that's, like, a big burden on me because, like, now, like, I have to handle that. That's, like, a lot to handle. I'm like, you are not the victim in this, Brandy, because, like, don't turn this into, like, that you're not an enabler. You're the victim here because Kim, that, like, you have turn this into, like, that you're not an enabler, you're the victim here, because you have taken on the responsibility of being Kim's friend. Like, no, you're just an enabler, and you are manipulative, and you're turning Kim against Kyle. Well, we know from watching Brandy what she's been doing this whole time, and one of Brandy's greatest flaws is her timing. She doesn't know how, like, if you're going to pretend to be a drunk's

friend and hold it out until you turn on the drunk and get him to go to rehab or whatever the plan is she's not even waiting it's like one conversation with lisa renna ruins the whole you know takes the whole thing down and all of a sudden she's the victim because she has to be there for kim and be there for kim's alcohol it's like god you couldn't even stay true for as long as you've been filming this season i mean come on how terrible of a fucking human being are you right like you can't even fake it for that long because she totally threw kim under the bus she was like well because lisa said is she still using and she she's like, well, no. I mean, she's taking hernia pills. Yeah. Which, by the way, I've had hernia. You don't take hernia pills.

Yeah, I've never heard of hernia pills. It's like, okay, I had hernia. Okay, I had a hernia surgery, an emergency hernia surgery in 1998, or 99. That's quite a year for you. I know, really. That's a callback to the bonus episode.

So, yeah, because I had surgery, I think and uh it's quite a year for you I know really um that's a callback to the bonus episode um so uh yeah because I had surgery I think I had Percocet for like two days okay

but I could have probably just had Tylenol like she doesn't need to be on pills for her hernia and by the way I also believe that she probably has a herniated disc

and these two women are too dumb to know the difference between a hernia and a herniated disc I don't think she has anything. She's a freaking addict. Back on the back on the pills.

The end. And Brandy, you know, Brandy's pretending to be her friend. We all know she's not really her friend, but she just outed her on national TV. It's like, come on. And what did Brandy and what did Brandy at one point she made like a side comment where Lisa said something. I don't remember something like, well, it seems like she's doing something. And Brandy's like, oh, that you know of, to imply that it gets much worse than what they saw, right? Yeah.

She says something's going to happen. Something's already happened, and Brandy says more than you already know. Exactly. Which actually proves Kyle's point. more than you already know exactly which actually proves kyle's point because kyle so i mean we're getting so far ahead of each other but like you know when kyle and kim were having their second argument of of the episode kyle was basically like kim don't you know don't confide in this woman she's going to like she's going like oh i'm sorry kim saying, if I remember correctly, Kim was saying she was mad at Kyle because she thought Kyle was trying to out everything that Kim had told Brandy. When Kyle had told Brandy,

why don't you tell me what Kim says? And Kim was like, I can't believe it. It's private. And then Kyle was like, no, but the point is she goes and tells people anyway. And that was a perfect example. I think with the flashback, so that was interesting what the editors did

because it shows you how your brain changes things, you know? Like, your opinion changes what really happened because, or unless I just misunderstood it last week, because they show Kim, because Brandy's told her, well, she's trying to get you to say stuff on national TV, and Kim's like, yeah, she was just trying to get me to say why I was calling you or whatever. Or get you to say why I was calling you. But then when they cut back and showed it, Brandy said, I called you.

Kim called me. And that made me call you at like two in the morning, worried. And you said, oh, well, that's just Kim. That's what she does. And then Kyle says, oh, really? So then what? You know, what is it that Kim does? What is it that Kim does?

Because she's trying to say that Brandy's a liar and wouldn't be able to explain it. But she wasn't trying to get Brandy. You know, and that's big for me because I don't really like Kyle. But I can see that that's not what happened. Brandy immediately twisted it and put it in a drunk's mind.

And now Kim's just spitting it out over and over again without hearing. And in fact, it's like Kim's also doing that thing where you latch on to one thing. Like there's like she what Kim basically did was she's like, why are you trying to out my issues on national TV? And then that was her whole thing. And then she didn't listen to anything else. Nothing else that was happening. She didn't she didn't listen to anything else nothing else that was happening she didn't she didn't listen to so it became about like kyle is so evil because she's trying to air my dirty laundry on tv and it was like very frustrating but as we saw in the

discussion with lisa rena later on it was brandy brandy is the one who was like more than happy to allude uh whether it happened or not that kim you you know, has major drug issues that are ongoing. Yeah, she's just being a good friend by not talking about it. Yeah. And she won't have the intervention, but maybe Lisa could put something together. You know, she's just really a sneaky snake. Now, Lisa Rinna, on the other hand,

I like that she's, you know, Lisa Rinna's a viewer who, she's like a fan who became a housewife, right? She loves the show. She's talked about how she's always watching it. She knows all the ladies. Right. But she's in the unique position of having a higher station than them, too. Yeah. In life.

And she can, you know, she can call it out and say these women are crazy and why isn't anybody talking about Kim's blatant drug addiction? And she can say all that. And I like that she'll bring it up. But she is sneaky too because she was just calling Brandy an addict at that party and saying Brandy needs an intervention and rehab and all this shit. So she's talking about both of them. But then she's getting Brandy alone to talk about Kim's. I mean it's weird. is getting brandy alone to talk about kim's i mean it's weird and one thing brandy pointed out in one of her bravo blogs a couple weeks ago was that lisa renna's always been so nice to her face

so to hear her talking about her being an addict and all of this is crazy which you know i mean if lisa renna is like so truthful she should be saying the same thing yeah but you can be there's but you can be nice you can be nice to someone's face insulting they're an addict like what's wrong with that you know especially if you are honest with her about talking about someone else's addiction that if you think she has an addiction it almost seems irresponsible if you bring it up whatever happened person about whatever happened to you're sober until you say you're sober until you say you're not right brandy yeah you know like what so why why should lisa according to brandy's logic why should lisa even bother if brandy's not

even ready to admit it to herself you know i'm saying well that's true yeah you know i actually believe it or not this may sound controversial i'm not totally convinced or i'm not totally convinced that brandy is an addict i think she she's a drunk, if that makes sense. Because you can be a drunk without being an alcoholic, if you know what I'm saying. Like, you can just be, like, someone drinks a lot. Probably not addicted, but you just don't know how to handle your booze. And you're just, like, sloppy. And you should probably tone it down. Well, we've all been there.

Yeah. And Brandy just... And we all have that friend who's there. Yeah, I just feel like Brandy never realized that she should stop drinking like she's a 19-year-old on Schlitz, you know? She just never, every event, she just gets so drunk that she pulls that shit. So yeah, it's just like she can't handle her booze. It's embarrassing. I think probably what's...

The Lord knows I've been that person many times. Yeah, of course. I think the thing that's probably frustrating for Lisa Rinna is that people sort of act, including Kim, almost like she's cured. Like, Kim is cured. I mean, they don't and they do. But there is this implication like, well, she went through rehab and so now everything's great. And it's like, no, there's still work to be done and it's not being addressed.

And on top of that, she fell off the wagon and it's not being given the gravity that it deserves. And also, she never really went to rehab. So the first season, she was a drug, but no one was allowed to talk about it. Yeah, she probably went to Kingsley's training school. She's like, hey, I went to a Santa hotel in Ohio, and I didn't know where my crack dealer was. But now I know how to— I'm fine. I'm recovered. Now I know how to roll over.

I can sit. I can stay. I can roll over. I never could play basketball because I could never catch. Now I can. Now I can put my hand in someone else's hand and get a biscuit. Hold on. I've got to go pee pee. Somebody let me outside?

Somebody open the door. You know what I'm really good at is if you go, ooh, I can go, ooh, with you. It's my favorite song. It's so annoying to everybody but every time an ambulance passes, I go, oh!

Oh! You know what's great? You know what sport I learned? It's called, I don't know what it's called, but if you throw a stick across a lawn, I just go run, and I get it, but I get it out of my mouth, and I bring it back. When I get coffee, I like going to Pete's instead of Starbucks,

because they have a little bowl outside with water in it. Now, instead of drinking, what I do is that, like, I walk by fire hydrants and I just pee on them. I used to have to go get cream, but now on my vagina entrance, I just put my ankle behind my head and start licking it.

I learned that the only thing worse for me than drinking is chocolate, because that will kill me. Kyle, how could you send me chocolates for Valentine's Day? It's so unsupportive. Kyle, I'm sorry I couldn't come to your party, but I heard there was an electrical fence around my place, and I didn't want to get buzzed.

Hey, I'm sorry, driver. I forgot where I live. Just scan the tag in the back of my neck. You know what I love doing? I love sniffing other dogs' butts. I don't know why. I trust Randy.

Her butt smells completely like corn. You know what? Kyle always gets mad at me. She says I'm going to lose my head because every time I go driving, I stick my head out the window. But it feels so great and now I don't need to drink.

Oh, Kim. Yeah, this whole episode was kind of sad because it was the addiction episode. Everything was about addiction. But I liked it. It was about something. I don't know. I felt, I liked it.

And I, and again, I really, I really feel like. It was Brandy. So then we flip over to Brandy's addiction. And Yoli having her conversation with Brandy. Wait, before you get into that, I think we have to have a moment to thank Bravo for introducing us to Keith, the yoga instructor.

And I think that Keith deserves... Oh my God. His wiener was so big, he kept moving it out of the camera's way. Did you notice that? Surprisingly, I didn't notice that. You would think that'd be one of the first things I would notice.

Girl, I'll get you some screenshots. Please do. Oh God, Keith was beautiful. That thing was humongous, and he's wearing these tight little short shorts. I was like, ooh, Keith is angling for a yoga show on Bravo or some shit. Oh, Keith was gorgeous. I was so happy. And then I went onto Twitter to see if people were talking about Keith,

and everyone was like, Yolanda, have some manners. At least walk the man to your door when he leaves, because he was like, okay, ladies, bye. And they just saw him walking out quietly. I'm sure they just gave him $600 for that hour. Yeah, Keith was gorgeous. But anyway, go on. So Brandy comes over for yoga

and Yolanda starts having the talk where everybody thinks you're an alcoholic and you're a drunk. And, you know, I have daughters, so I can't be a hypocrite and be okay with this behavior. Which is kind of hilarious as she's married to the guy who ran over Ben Vereen drunk. Never forget. Never forget. Never forget. Well, no, no.

I mean, here's the thing i you know what yolanda was basically saying is like if you don't want people to think you're a drunk stop acting like a drunk that's basically what she was trying to say but you know the lyme disease got in the way of her words so randy doesn't care if anyone thinks she's a drunk yolanda's saying i'm your friend and you're basically at this point i can't even stand up for you anymore and brandy's like i don't need you just you know brent brand think Brandy was shocked that she was hearing anything from Yolanda. Well, Brandy, who doesn't care what people think about her, and yet these women make her drink.

So it's like you're either affected or you're not, Brandy. And you obviously do care because why else do you lash out? Because why do you say, how can you say at one moment to Yolanda that I'm not mean, it's just that, like, when people say things, you know, I'm temperamental, and then I hit back below the belt. So if you don't care what people think, then why do you hit back below the belt? Like, it doesn't, like, you know, it's like, it's this sort of, like, demented logic that's so self-serving for her at any given moment. It drives me nuts. It's like, you know... You can tell that she's best friends with an addiction

counselor because she knows all the right things to say to get out of anything and to manipulate you. It's not my fault. It's a disease. It's not my choice. It's just something that happens. It's just who I am. It's there. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me.

Any way to not take responsibility for a goddamn thing. I know. Jennifer Jimenez probably deals with so many people who are so delusional or have so many issues that uh hanging out with brandy probably feels like a breath of fresh air you know but the thing is so so yolanda's but in all truthfulness uh yolanda is basically telling her like you know sort of like get your act together a little bit like start acting a little bit more mature and brandy is like well i don't think i'm an out just because i drink doesn't mean i'm an alcoholic i mean look people said about your daughter and it was such a nasty underhanded remark say what you know we've made fun of yolanda we've made fun of her daughter and all this and that like how yolanda's like well it's just whatever

regardless of what we have said the point is these two are supposed to be friends. And she makes a comment like that. And it's just like, no, I'm not saying anything against your daughter. I'm just saying it as a comparison. And it's like, no,

that was actually a passive aggressive, nasty underhanded remark. And you say things like that and you prove everyone's point about you. Yeah, exactly. Well, people say that about your daughter and that's not true and then and you know give it to yeah you gotta hand it to her for not being afraid of a fight with brandy

well you gotta hand it for her for for not taking the bait also because that was brandy was baiting a fight at that point and yolanda you could see yolanda was like pissed but she was kind of like you know what i'm going to ignore that awful comment because this is not you know you're trying to like deflect here and you know Brandy's just it's again like she doesn't think through an argument

before she does it because yes people have been saying her daughter's an alcoholic because she got a DUI and it's in the public eye and the reason that they're saying that is because Yolanda should have been like yes she deserves that reputation because she got a DUI and it's in the public eye and the reason that they're saying that is because Yolanda should have been like yes she deserves that reputation because she got a fucking DUI and that's what she deserves

and she's going to have to come back and earn it it's not not justified so Brandy is saying people are calling your daughter an alcoholic well that's justified and people are calling you an alcoholic because you're drunk everywhere making an ass out of yourself in both cases it's fucking justified Brandy your argument is stupid shut up brandy doesn't seem to realize that actions have consequences she just sort of thinks that like well if you just sort of state that this

is the way you are and you know like well you know i'm not mean but you know if you come at me i'm gonna come at you and i'm gonna hit below the belt that's just the way it is and i'm sorry it's like that doesn't really cut it in civilized society, if you ask me. In civilized society, it doesn't cut it. Civilized society. In Yolanda, in Malibu. But truthfully, like, I don't accept that out of a friend, you know? Like, if you,

like, that's not, if that's a trait that you have, that's a trait you should be working on and not have. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You know what I'm saying that bitch is hopeless when she had her podcast they showed brandy doing her podcast at podcast one yeah and she had heather mcdonald who's on the chelsea lately show and she asked her you know i don't understand why chelsea can say anything she wants i mean they don't get mad at her she says anything anything she wants. I mean, they don't get mad at her. She says anything, anything she wants.

And no one says a thing, but when I say one little thing, everybody goes crazy. The difference is, Chelsea Handler is a comedian and she's funny. You're just a bitch. Like, you're not funny, and you're not a comedian, and you're not joking. You're just being mean. There's a difference. Yeah, and also, Chelsea Handler, a lot of people that she's

making fun of, I wager that they're probably not her friends. You know? Yeah. And that's the difference. Or necessarily her peer group. Yeah. And Chelsea Handler's already successful and she doesn't give a crap.

Yeah, exactly. No, you know, Brandy's just awful. And she's funny. Yeah, Brandy's just pretty. She's awful. And she's going after Yolanda, the one person who's in her camp. I mean, listen. Yolanda's Yolanda. We make fun of Yolanda all the time, but, like, don't go at me.

My cousin sent me a link to David Foster's Instagram page, and it's as obnoxious as you'd think, but he has a picture of Yolanda giving, like, kissy face to the camera, and he's like, my wife is so strong and supportive, even with her disease. Hashtag love you, hashtag Lyme disease. I'm like, does every picture of Yolanda have to have hashtag Lyme disease? I mean, Jesus.

Hashtag blast. We get to get a show about Lyme disease or whatever. And also, what does David Foster need the support for? He's like, my wife is so supportive of what? It's not like you're on the streets looking for a job at McDonald's. Like you just put out like your 10th Andrea Bocelli album. Like who cares?

He's a judge on some show in Asia. I just learned he's like, he's a judge on like an American idol show somewhere. He's like, he's like, I had to choose between the Malfi coast and going to Turkey again. And I didn't know what to do. And thankfully my wife was so supportive in the process you know I was trying to decide and I came home and Yolanda put on lingerie and

made chicken you know the other night the other night we had dinner party that did not wind up around the piano and I had a really tough time with that but Yolanda really supported me through it the other night I was playing the piano after a dinner party, and someone started talking. Yolanda immediately stood up and gave a speech about how much she loved me. So thank you for your support, Yolanda. The other night...

I'd like to thank you for being my husband and supporting me. The other night, two of the three tenors came inside the dinner table and sort of stayed down in the servants' quarters where they were supposed to be. It was very difficult for me, but Yolanda really helped me through it all. They didn't even bust the table when they were done. What else happened on this episode?

Let's see. Just because it was everybody's addiction. Jesus, I'm sad now there was one thing that was amazing and hilarious which is that eileen david oh eileen yes was went to the step and repeat at the burbank film festival which was the funniest shit i loved first of all the idea that there is a burbank film Festival is amazing for people who don't live in this area. I think you could see the Ikea sign. You could, I was about to say, when they arrived.

Because the movie theater is adjacent to the Ikea. Like, they pulled up at an Ikea. And they go into, like, this suburban movie theater. And I love their, like, talking, and Eileen's like, okay, well, I'm going to go do the red carpet now. And they cut to her going down an escalator. She's like, bye. And she's, like, descending down, like a m her going down an escalator she's like bye and she's like descending down like a mime like an escalator and the escalator like where the escalator ends is where the red carpet begins it's like and she said the red carpet is like a bath mat yeah but that's the

best part is like eileen is like so elegant and she has this like erudite sort of personality and persona and that she does this ridiculous little film festival that's like celebrates C-level short movies and she loves it. She did that movie. Oh my god. I'm so embarrassed for her and I've seen so much of her day's work which is of course

total cheeseville. But you know what I love is that she's like doesn't care. She's like she seems to get a kick out of it she and she she's like she knows exactly what it is she knows exactly what this burbank film festival is and she's like yeah let's get some hot dogs you know yeah well there's different levels of stardom you know soap stardom is kind of low so you're always trying to get that bigger thing it's like being in you know even if you're rich and you have your giant mansion in malibu you still have to pay your actor dues and do your like short films and stuff yeah it's like i'm in a student film it's about needlepoint yeah you know let's drive to arizona and watch it girls

but you know what it made me realize why she's doing this show because i was always like well you know she's like this big soap star who's getting like this huge amount of money to be on the show like does she really need to be on the real housewives i'm like oh wait she does because right now people who don't really know her are like oh who is this like accomplished soap actress with this great you know personality she should be in all these different things and then you see the stuff that she is doing like oh now i see why she needs this show yeah well it's prime time it's a soap opera that's primetime. You know, she finally made it. And also, soap stars don't make as much as you would think. I mean, that's more like a nine-to-fiver. Yeah, it really is. It's like the nine-to-five of acting. So yeah, this is actually a big step getting on the house.

from Wondery this is Black History for Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Conscious Lee what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for Black rights. She is a heroine to some, as a fighter for Black rights. She is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated

by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Ronnie, are you still there?

Alright, this is the time of the podcast when Ronnie disappears, and he's probably talking right now and probably doesn't realize that he has... ...coming back. Hello. Oh, hi, Ronnie. Welcome back. Oh, yeah, I got cut off. Were you singing a show tune? No, I was explaining to the audience that this is the time of the podcast where you get cut off. And then you probably are still talking.

And then you realize and you come back. Yeah, and just keep talking like it never happened. Yeah, exactly. But this was the point where we realized that Eileen is very self-aware but not so self-aware that she doesn't understand how cheesy that shit is to be showing on TV. And that gives me hope for a very bright future with her. Because you have to have a certain sense of delusion to be a real housewife or it's just not going to work. And I haven't really seen that from her yet. So now that I've seen at least a glimpse of it, I have high hopes.

Yeah, and i have to say i was actually pretty surprised by that clip i thought like okay it's gonna be a crappy movie i figured like one of those crappy movies that you see on like cinemax not even like a porny movie just like some crappy straight to dvd but this was like even worse this was like this was a bad bad bad movie. I'm trying to find the comment. One of our listeners wrote on our Facebook page, and I'm so sorry I can't give you your name and shout out because I just can't find it.

But someone wrote, because when Kyle Richards was like, this is definitely not the Cannes Film Festival. This is Burbank. And someone's like, oh, Kyle Richards, don't act like you've ever been to Cannes. Oh, yeah, Kyle Richards, don't act like you've ever been to Cannes. Oh, yeah. Kyle Richards making fun of it. That's hilarious, Kyle.

At least this woman has a job. What do you do? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I like the part where they were all pretending to eat a hot dog. Yeah. I just loved how out of place

Lisa Vanderpump was in Burbank. I mean, remember the episode a few seasons ago when she went to Hollywood and she was scared out of her mind? Burbank, she's probably like, darling, I forgot to bring my passport. Where are we? It's like, should we go to the California pizza kitchen afterwards across the street?

There was literally an Ashley furniture across the street from where they were. I was just there. I just went to that Ikea to get a new duvet cover. Oh, how was it? You know, I get to get new bedding myself. Mine's getting a little old. Yeah, it was great. Oh, it was Anthony Zampogna.

Zamponia. I don't know how I pronounced his name. He said, okay, the Burbank Film Festival is funny, but when was Kyle ever been in the same reality as Cannes? Ooh, Anthony. You go. Yeah. Can we talk about these ads that were happening of Fifty Shades of Grey with Lisa and Kyle?

What the hell was that about? And Jax. Ow! Is that supposed to make people want to see that movie? Because I did not think about getting banged roughly after watching that. I thought my penis was like, okay, shut down. It was like 50 pubes of gray. That's what I was thinking when I was watching them.

Oh, snap. 50 shades of gray. It's like they're talking about their bushes again. Yeah, these are not the people. It should have been. Honestly, if you're talking about their bushes again yeah this is like this is these are not the people it should have been honestly if you're talking about 50 shades of gray it should have been the cast of vanderpump rules yeah of course seriously gray isn't even black or white it's like neither seriously have you seen the 50 shades of gray um stuff at Target. What? They have like little sex things at Target. Stop

it right now. Stop your face, Ronnie. Stop it. Are you serious? Yeah. Sex toys at Target? Yeah, go check it out. I mean, they're not crazy. It's not like anything too crazy. I think there's like a penis ring.

No way! And yeah, there's like a penis ring. No way! And yeah, there's a couple of like naughty little things in there. Are you sure you were in Target and not just like at the pleasure chest? No, it was Targ's. Wow, I have to go check that out. It's a great excuse to go to Target because I love going to Target.

Yeah, check it out. Go get you a little ring. Yeah. Yeah, girl. I'm going to get myself a ring. A penis ring from Target. Yeah. Please, my woman. Yeah. I'm going to get some deodorant and a penis ring. Yeah. Then I'm going to slap her around with a whip. Yeah. Perfect in time for Valentine's Day. Oh, I think, don't we have an ad about flowers?

Didn't we do an ad like, get her what she wants? I'm like, what about the guys? What if the guys want something? Yeah, just forget about the guy on Valentine's Day. Yeah, what is that about? I know. Our ad has really misogynist copy. It's like, you know when she says she doesn't want anything? She wants it all.

So go get her flowers. Thank you. You don't want your girlfriend to be the one who's like, ew, my boyfriend didn't get me flowers. You know you'll be in a doghouse when you don't get her chocolates. Because, you know, girls are shallow. Yeah. All girls care about what their friends think.

And if you don't get her flowers, her friends are going to be mad. So get her some flowers. That being said, guys, if you do want to get someone special flowers, you should use our discount code. I think that would be a great idea. That being said, guys, if you do want to get someone special flowers, you should use our discount code. I think that would be a great idea. That being said. It's true, though, that it isn't for men. What do you get men for Valentine's Day?

A tie? I don't know. I never have Valentine's Day. I don't even know what that is. I used to get a card from my mom, but I don't get that anymore either. This is my first Valentine's Day in all my life where I actually have to... I have a boo, and I have to...

I do have to think about that. Oh my god, what are you going to do? I don't know. I mean, we're not going to do anything. Neither of us really care that much, as long as we're just like... Oh, Ben, haven't you heard our commercial? I know! He says he doesn't care, but he cares. He cares! It's like when it's your birthday

well you don't have this kind of birthday no i'm gonna get him some kind of birthday where i'm like i don't want to party i don't care it's stupid i'm just gonna have a drink and then my birthday comes and i'm like well i didn't have a party and no one likes me no no i think it's we both are the mindset that like we don't have to like get like a reservation at a fancy restaurant um it's more like but i I'm going to get him something, but he doesn't like chocolate, so I don't know. I guess I could get him flowers

from our flower sponsor, but it's probably too late for that. I don't know. Get him something. I don't know what I'll get him. I'll get him something. I'll figure it out. I'll gladly take suggestions.

You better get him something if you want to get his chocolate. That's right. I said's right i said it you said it you guys are very sexually free because of those 50 shades of gray commercials yes he's been liberated thanks to kyle richard and lisa vanderpump yeah the thought of jacks going down on lisa and kyle and those commercials really did something to me wonderful yeah mr jack we'll see you now. Mr. Jax, his face every week. Can we move on to that show now? Seriously?

Seriously? All of our favorite points were hit in Vanderpump Rules this week. Seriously was said about 50,000 times. There was a crop top dress. This was a great episode. I know.'re right now if I can remember I'm going to write down how far along are we

we're 44 minutes in if I can remember I'm going to start playing pocket bells cannon right now over the podcast and it's going to make it feel like we are walking into Shino's wedding okay Okay. Okay. Okay. I don't know. That was my weird attempt to make the Flock of Volcanon.

I want to bring your back up. Oh. I want to bring your back up violin. Oh, well, you're supposed to do it at that point, though. Oh, okay, okay. Do you want me to? Go ahead. Do it again.

Okay. That's what he did. I'm my butt. I'm my butt. And I'm dancing. I'm my butt, I'm my butt And I'm dancing on my butt In the club, in the club I was about to say, that's what you hear Ashina say Who's playing this music? I asked for poison, every rose has a thorn

I can't believe this is happening I can't believe that Instagram wedding platter Took it to me My wedding song was supposed to be my first single, sung in French. I can't believe this wedding is happening. Doesn't anyone realize my wedding is this week? This can't be happening on my wedding day. In the club, in the club, on my butt, in the club,

slappin', slappin', slappin' club, in the butt, in the club. My wedding, in the club, in the club, halter tops, in the club. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy club. In the butt, in the club. My wedding in the club. In the club. Hold her tops in the club. Wedding cake. This show is filled with gold. Okay, so it opens with Sheena at Lisa's house. She just stops over all the time. Lisa's like,

sit down, darling. Lisa must have permanent lighting at this point. I'm just waiting for the day when she walks in and those damn swans start attacking her. Oh my god! I can't believe the swans would peck at me on my wedding week. Seriously, swans?

This is my wedding week and I can't believe you're doing this to me right now! My favorite movie is The Black Swan and I don't know why these white swans don't get that. Why are they pecking me? I love their craft. Oh, my God.

Sheena. Okay, so she's basically asking Lisa Vanderpump for 300 bottles of free sangria and 300 bottles of free vodka. Yeah. Because she's like, she's like, well, we have a $30,000 budget, and yeah, we kind of tripled that

I mean how much does a halter top cost she's like she's like listen beef jerky costs a lot and we put it on every table you know how much that candy bar costs think about a pack of milk duds and then multiply it by like 500.

We're going to drive off in a monster truck that says just married and that costs $40,000 alone. Okay, so she's asking Lisa for free shit. And then the guys start off by doing, of course, the gayest thing ever and going to get their hair done. Well, first of all, by the way, I love when she knows with Lisa and they're talking about the rehearsal dinner and Lisa's like, I have no idea why you're getting a rehearsal dinner at Sir. It seems crazy to me.

I'm like, lady, I love you Lisa Vanderpump, but don't play naive, like you're not an executive producer and this is your restaurant being shown on TV. Of course this can be at Sir. Yeah, but at this point, the show takes place at Sir. We've already seen an ad for the sangria. Lisa

doesn't need to be giving all this free shit away. She's already... I wonder if she just charges Bravo for it. Do you think? I have... No, of course not. Bravo's not going to pay for that. Listen, to be honest, you know, it was between Sir and Joe's Crab Shack for this rehearsal dinner. She's like, I can't afford for the mallets, so I gotta have it at Sir.

There's a new ramen place on Sunset. I can't fit everyone into Sunset Grill, so we're gonna have it at Sir. Sunset Grill. Maxology's bucked. The Cheesecake Factory always has a line so I guess we're gonna go to sir sizzler I was thinking about sizzler but then I wasn't so sure

it seemed a little bit out of the budget oh my god I don't want everybody being able to go back for seconds I was thinking about having rehearsal dinner at Caro's, but then I thought, no. I love that Katie... I'm kind of jumping all over because I have notes,

but do you want to talk about boys getting haircuts? I don't really. I don't know why I have that in my notes. Who cares? Except that they're super gay. Yeah. Yes. And how do you find a straight guy anymore? Like, how do you even know? I know. Not that guys shouldn't take care of their looks. I'm not saying, like, straight guys can't take care of themselves.

I'm just saying, you know, it's right before the wedding. You're supposed to be at a strip club and taking him to do, like, fun dude things. You know? You're not supposed to be, like, fucking talking about your hair and your eyebrows. Tom's like, hey, Shay, for your bachelor party, we're going to deal with strippers. As in, they're going to strip the hair off your face. We're going to Shorty's Barbershop. Kristen?

Kristen? Kristen? When I'm getting my hair done, I don't want to talk. The only thing I want to talk about is hair. Ha. Kristen? Kristen? so what about let me see what else happened here okay one thing i noticed is that katie is hilariously obviously reading blogs or whatever like probably paying too much attention to the social media because she is trying to sound less stupid

and trying to use really big words and it just makes me laugh she's saying you know Tom you know here she and Marie is getting married and my boyfriend is just blah blah blah I'm saying this and that and I just don't find that to be a viable excuse

any longer wow you go Katie yeah she said viable excuse any longer. I was like, wow, you go, Katie. Yeah, she said viable. And any longer. Yeah. That's big. She put words together. Yeah, she's doing really good. But I did feel bad for her because here they are at the wedding,

and then her man that she's trying to talk into marrying her shows up in some ribbon tie and like yellow plastic glass, like sunglasses. I know. I know. Poor Katie. She's sort of like she made a mistake. She hitched her. She hitched her ride on to hitch her wagon onto a cute horse.

Not a good horse. Yeah. Yeah. That's too bad. So one thing that happened also is that James and Horseface had a conversation because – oh, so Tom told James – he basically told James, right, like, oh, just so you know, Horseface is crazy. And she, like, texted me, like, hey, I want to come through and hang out, right? Didn't Tom do that? Yeah.

want to come through and hang out right didn't tom do that so yeah james and confronted james and confronted horse face which was a hilarious interaction because james is like he showed me text that you sent him and the horse is like seriously like i have the same text like yeah i have the same text like so what as if like that was like somehow that somehow that made it all right supposed to make it better like she's like yeah i have this yeah it's true i mean i have the text what's your point seriously seriously like oh never mind your infidelity is excused because you have texts also yeah you have proof that you were in like like you're being honest at this moment you know and then like she's like seriously i wasn't trying to hook up with him i was trying to just just have an adult, normal hangout session. And then she's like, see, I have an emoji.

It's like a tongue sticking out emoji. That's not like a sexual emoji. Her case was predicated on the tongue sticking out. She's like, I just sent him the tall city bank building emoji that no one really understands why it's on their phone. Seriously? Just to say, like, you know, building. Seriously?

I sent him the ghost emoji to show that the bad feelings I had are dead and now we're ghosts. Seriously? I just sent him the little lady salsa dancing emoji because I wanted him to understand that just because he left me doesn't mean I don't still have rhythm inside me. Seriously? I just sent him an emoji from that last tab that no one uses with all the symbols that are on CD players to show that, like, CD players may be dead, but our friendship is alive? Seriously? CD players may be dead dead but our friendship's not seriously I just sent him

an emoji of the line graph to show that like our friendship is on the up and up I love when Lisa saw Kristen she's like Kristen looks very very attractive but you can put lipstick on a Kristen but it's still a Kristen

yeah I'm like nice to have that planned lisa nice rehearsed line it's pretty good it's still funny though yeah it's still funny though so then um after horse face made this whole um this whole case uh based on the emoji then we like cut to like night before the wedding and Sheena had her whole bridal party in this room and she's like, I got my bridal party gifts. And it was like, out of the Tamara Barney

collection, it was wine glasses that had boobs on them. And you know those glasses were stolen from Sir, too. Yeah. You know, it was from like Sir's spring one. Diana's's running around like has anybody seen the glasses from the from the bar anybody seen them was that was that kristin kristin wasn't you seriously suck a dick i did take them and i gave them to sheena suck a dick diana seriously yeah

diana seriously i took them but i did it like i was a customer at the time so fuck it what are you gonna do call the police on a customer fuck it I'll yelp you bitch that's not the way you speak to a former manager oh my god Kristen yeah those glasses they're like glasses from Sir

with stuff from sticker shops on them and like boobs it's like the taste level of Shina Marie never fails to sound. She's like, guys, I found my wedding planner on Instagram.

It's only $3,000. She's like, guys, I was inspired by Panera Bread to put boobs on my wine glasses because it looks like two loaves of Panera Bread. Guys, I went to Pollo Campero, and I decided that I wanted to have something sexy and spicy like the salsa,

so I put boobs on wine glasses. Oh, my God. That girl's so tacky, and I love every second of it. And I love how her mom's voice is just like hers, but only higher. Tina, what do you want with the camera? I don't know, Mom. In Azusa, it's a tradition to go to Red Robin and fill up your wine glasses with ice cream. So then I put boobs on them to make it like an L.A. Azusa tradition.

Azusa. I wanted to bring a little piece of Azusa to this wedding, so I put boobs on your wine glasses. Everyone's like, thanks. Let's see, what else happened? Hold on, I'm looking. Oh my god, my favorite part of this, I know we're jumping all over the place, but my favorite part of this was when she's talking about getting her cheap-ass wedding planner,

and then she's trying to show us all how controlling she is over every little detail. And she's like, why are those chairs over there? She's like, because that's where the singers go. Well, I don't like it, because that's weird. Like, have them sit with everybody else. Why don't they have step stalls? What's up with the fountain? That fountain's gonna make a noise. I want it turned

off during the ceremony. Could you imagine right before the ceremony, you just hear, the fountain. I know. She's like, why are there so many chairs? I want to alternate chair, stool, chair, stool, chair, stool for the audience. I want to see people at different levels.

Why is that huge rock right there? That's ridiculous. I don't want a mountain there. Move it. Cover it in something. Yeah, you really got this under control, Xeno. Yeah. So then it's the day of the wedding

and uh she is getting her makeup done and of course she needs to have some sort of drama because why not so she's like wait a second i just realized i had made a boudoir album for shay and it's gonna be his wedding present and i left it at home. Oh my god, I left the boudoir album at home. What am I going to do? I'm like, you know what you're going to do, bitch? You're going to give it to him when you get home. That's all you do. It's the easiest problem to solve.

Also, yeah, boudoir, like he's not going to be spanking it at the wedding. And also, not really an appropriate wedding gift. Exactly, exactly. But this is the girl who gave everyone a wine glass with boobs on them. Except for Katie, who got a red solo cup with a stem.

How about a watch? Katie, I wasn't even gonna invite you. I can't believe you're here. You have a copy, man. Katie's like, I know. Remember when I said I hated you? She was like, yeah. Remember when I was like, your eye's crooked? I was like, yeah. Remember when I said I hated you? She was like, yeah. Remember when I was like, your eyes crooked? I was like, yeah. Remember when I called you

a stupid skank who I hoped would die young? She's like, yeah. You remember when I said your vagina smells like wet glue? She's like, yeah. I was like, wow, this relationship really sucks. Why don't you guys just call it a night? This does not sound fun. She's like,

she's like, hey, now that we're really good friends, can you do me a favor? I left my boudoir album at the I left my boudoir album at the Qdoba cafe. Could you get it back for me, please? Thanks. So she has Kristen go pick up her fucking boudoir album

at the Carrabba's Italian Grill. And for whatever reason, that meant that now Kristen is invited to get hair and makeup with everybody. I didn't really understand that. That's basically what it was. She was like, yeah, she's like, well, as a thank you.

Which is so fake, because obviously, if Kristen weren't to get the hair and makeup, she would have already had the hair and makeup, right? Yeah. Unless the conversation was, if Kristen was like, seriously, I have to do my hair and makeup,

and then she was like, well, get my B-1 album and you can do your hair and makeup here. Arianna's like, I don't feel safe. Yeah. I don't feel safe having her around curling iron when I'm in the same room. I don't feel safe

at all. And then, meanwhile, over with the men, Shay is, like, getting dressed, and I guess, did Tom get him that blazer that said, like, Shay on the collar? Right? Did Tom do that for him?

Yeah. Shay got him these, like, white. He got Shay stitched on the back, so when they flip up their collar, it says Shay. So then Tom has, like, a really profound moment where he's like, you know, like, nothing feels better than doing something really cool for a really cool person. Kristen! Kristen! Yeah. It's called humanity, dick.

Yeah. Oh, I like when Shay said, I feel like I'm getting dressed for my funeral right now. The men on this show have a way with words. Like a very, very romantic way with words. Yeah, he's like, you know what would make this situation a lot better is if I had a boudoir album of Sheena.

I wish I could spank it to Sheena's pictures right before the wedding. Yeah, that would be really great. So then, because they basically were scraping the bottom of the barrel to I wish I could spank it to Sheena's pictures right before the wedding. Yeah, that would be really great. So then, because they basically were scraping the bottom of the barrel to create any sort of drama, we had this... And they were walking around the wedding venue not being able to find the bridal suite. Exactly. Where's my planner? And then the mom's like, seriously? Seriously?

That's what I was going to say. We had like five minutes of sheena walking around a mansion and she's like i don't know where to go oh but her mom going seriously seriously i died with that fucking gigantic azusa weave she was like i'm buying my weave in azusa because i'm not paying those la prices for a weave she like, I knew we should have had this wedding at a Cece's pizza. I knew it. She's not what part of Unlimited don't you understand? We could have been eating pizza right now.

Who cares if you forgot your wedding gift? As long as you give them Unlimited pizza, that's all I really want in life anyway. Seriously. You could have made him a boudoir pizza. Gosh, he should have. The boudoir picture should just be like Sheena holding different flavors

of pizza. Would you like jalapeno or anchovy? You can have them both. We had a threesome last night. Jalapeno, anchovy, and barbecue chicken. We had extra cheese. I put olives on my pizza, and I didn't feel bad about it, because then on the next one, I put sausage.

I had an olive pizza, then I had a sausage pizza, then I had a pepperoni pizza, and then for my fourth one, I had an olive pepperoni sausage pizza. Just to make sure he climaxes by the end of reading my boudoir book, I ended it with one of Domino's mudslide cakes. The boudoir album is actually a bunch of pictures in a pizza box. From Cece's. Cece's Pizza opened in El Paso Texas oh my god people were acting like it was the best fine dining experience everybody

was there was like a line to get into CC's and they had someone standing by the door in case someone tried to take pizza out El Paso fucking everybody's coming in putting someone standing by the door in case someone tried to take pizza out. Of course. El Paso. Fucking everybody's coming in, putting shit in boxes and plastic bags and trying to take it. No, it's to go.

No, I'm sorry, ma'am. What goes on in CC's stays in CC's. You are not allowed to take this experience into the outside world. The magic of CCs must stay pristine. Keep it all indoors. I remember CCs being pretty good, actually.

I've actually never been. And I would go. I'm not above CCs. Let me tell you that much. So, okay. Meanwhile, so then the guests start to arrive. And that's when we see Jax. And Jax arrives with Carmen.

Mine, mine, mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. He's like, yeah, you know, Carmen's not my date, but she's really making it work for me, you know, or making me work for it. So I've got to put on a little of that Jaxon charm. Yeah. I'm like, is that what we're calling genital warts now? Jack's charm? She's going to love it.

It's going to feel like ribbed. Ribbed for her pleasure, man. It's a little reminder of me. This isn't a disease. I got this done to my penis on purpose to please you, baby. It's a 3D tattoo. That I can grow on you. And then I love that then Jax

had this moment where he starts talking about that he can't believe George Clooney would marry a human rights lawyer. He's like, that's so boring. Who wants that? He's like, yeah, you know, I'm going to go the Clooney way. You know, I'm going to wait.

I'm going to wait and just hold it out until I get my human rights lawyer or whatever. What planet do you think you're on that you're anywhere similar to George Clooney? Yeah. Fucking bartender. You're a bartender in West Hollywood with a face like a chipmunk. Stop it. Yeah. And do you even know what a human rights lawyer is?

Do you even know what human rights are? He probably thinks it's a lawyer who's a human who also is also right-handed. He's a human rights lawyer, right? Or he just thinks it's a human who knows how to write lawyer. I don't know why it's so impressive

that George Clooney is dating someone who writes lawyer. I write lawyer. I can write lawyer. And he can't. He can't. What else happened on this? Well, I can tell you.

I have a lot of notes. So, okay. So then, at one point, I just have a note that Sheena said this. I don't even remember when or why she said it, but she just goes, I have the hottest bridal party ever.

Like, you don't, but that's okay. Oh, and then she was like, so then Sheena busts out her wedding dress. We finally get to see the wedding dress that Aunt Dee made. And she's like, so Sheena goes, I wear crop tops all the time. That's like my thing. So as a I wear crop tops all the time. That's like my thing. So as a result. Yeah, crop tops are my thing. They're kind of my thing.

That's like when I have a crop top wedding dress. And you know what's awesome? Tons of girls are going to get those now. I know. Tons of girls in Azusa, at least. Yeah, or places like them. But it's also like, since when did crop tops become her thing? That's my thing.

That's like in Big Brother over the summer when Caleb all of a sudden was like, yeehaw, that's my catchphrase. That's my thing, right? And everyone was like, you've never said yeehaw once this entire summer. I'm just like, I don't know, crop tops are like my thing. That's like being like, you know, like pants are like my thing. It's like you wear a crop top. I'm going to wear pants. You have a crop top, so like, my thing. That's like being like, you know, like, pants are like my thing. It's like you wear a crop top. I'm gonna wear pants. You wear a crop top in Los Angeles.

It's not that unique. Like, my thing is spring. So I was like, I'm gonna do something crazy and have a spring wedding, because that's my thing. She's like, my thing is that I like to wear thongs. So the bottom part of my wedding dress is just a thong. Honestly, that was the biggest shocker that it wasn't. Yeah. I would not have been surprised at all if that was like hot pants and a crop top.

Yeah. Okay, so then she has her friend. What's her friend, Faith? I don't know. Her friend singing at the wedding. Oh, yeah. She was like the former. She was the former servant from like season one.

Yeah. I think his name was Tina. And she's like, she starts singing some weird, french song she's like they only show i guess because they maybe they didn't want to pay rights for the song i can't help falling in love with you i don't know who it was they just kept on showing the same note she's like oh and then she just starts to freak out because first of all they're 10 minutes behind schedule she's like that's yeah she's singing i'm falling in love with you in French or what? Or is it, oh yeah,

Fools Rush In, which is hilarious because Sheena's like, the song says Fools Rush In. I'm not rushing in. It's all happening like my tattoo.

Yeah, it's all happening. It's too early. So she starts, well no, she starts freaking, well even before that happens, there was a weird thing where the groom

had to come through so Sheena had to be in a closet and she's like, there's no air conditioning in here. It was like, there was a weird thing where the groom had to come through. So Sheena had to be in a closet. And she's like, there's no air conditioning in here. She was freaking out about the... To me, it should have been a national moment of celebration that Sheena was trapped in a closet with no air conditioning. It's like, finally, we solved it. It's all been a plot to get Sheena trapped. Yeah, we did it.

We got her holed away in a closet. Don't unlock the door! Yes, keep her in there. She rips off his mask. Yeah. And then, and then, yeah, so then the singer starts to sing, and Sheena starts to freak out. She's like, I have to be at a certain

place at a certain time in the song, otherwise the song doesn't make sense at all. Like, I don't think anyone really cares. Yeah, I don't think that anyone was listening to those lyrics. Yeah, I don't think anyone was listening to those lyrics. She flows slow

off the street What the fuck? Why is she singing this song? Who picked this? Is this another wedding planner issue? It was. It was.

It was the $3,000 wedding planner from Instagram. She messed something else up. Poor girl to have to sing that. I know. She looked like an ass. And they're just like, sing it again! Oh, God. By the way, for those of you guys who are Hills fans,

I hope you all noticed that Stacy from the Hills was Sheena's Bridesmaid. So that was fun. Also, then I have Horseface number two said, Sheena looks like a crop-top bridge angel. What does that mean? Bridge angel? Did I ever mistype that? A bridge angel? I probably mistyped something. It was probably autocorrect.

Maybe like one of those gargoyle things in front of the Ghostbusters library. I have a feeling my autocorrect turned something from whatever to bridge. I don't know. Anyway, they got married. Hop, hop. They got married. Seriously? Seriously.

Oh, did you notice Rachel and Brandon in the back row? I was like, poor Rachel and Brandon. Why are they in the back? Wait, Rachel and Brandon? Yeah, they were in the back row of the wedding. Wait, who are Rachel and Brandon? How dare you? I can't, why can't I think of it? From Big Brother. They dare you? Why can't I think of it? From Big Brother.

They were there? I didn't notice them at all. I was looking for Katie because Katie said that she was there. Our Katie. Katie Cazorla. Oh, really? Yeah, she went to the wedding. But I didn't see her anywhere. Oh. And then

Sheena finally did it. I wish we got to see the wedding, like the ceremony. Did we see them do vows? Yeah. Remember, they alternated back and forth. She was like, I haven't called. And she was like, to the, to the board. She did not.

How did I miss that? I watched the whole thing. Because it was boring. And then they did it quickly. I wrote this song for you. Yeah. In the club, in the club, my ass is jumping, Shea. In the club, your the club, my ass is jumping, Shay. In the club, your eyes are

pretty, ass, ass, ass. Clap my ass cheeks together, yes, yes, yes, yes. Ass, ass, ass. Forever! He's like, yeah, you're way, uh, you're way above me in hotness, and I like that you love me even though I don't really have a good job, so

I do. Yay! Dun, dun, dun't really have a good job so I do I promise to love and respect you through deathness and darkness and life and death and sickness and health and forever and I will always take you to the on the border Mexican grill and cantina to celebrate our love

I will always think of you as I swallow a CC. I love you, babe. Every time we go to Bojangles' Famous Chicken and Biscuits, I'm always going to remember the love we shared on this day. I'll never forget our first date

at Long John Silver's when I told you, what are you, Long John Silver's. Every time I go to Whataburger, I'm going to think to myself, what a shay. Every time I drink a frosty, I think,

please never let this happen to me and shay. I love you, babe. Please never let this happen to me and shay. I love you babe laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

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laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter moving on with my life today. Oh, you have a hard out? Is that what... I do, and I didn't mention it earlier. Damn it, I should have,

so we could have tried to squeeze ATL in there, too. It's okay, because nothing really happened on Atlanta this week that I can even think of. I mean, there was like a moment between Claudia and Portia, and Portia was obnoxious, and Cynthia and Leon were listening to their daughter and once again he had to think

why did Cynthia ever leave Leon he's so gorgeous oh Candice oh the one thing that was amusing was that Candice mother's love was cancelled which pissed me off because I would have seen it

and she's like I just feel so see now right I feel so irresponsible for all that we are working

on the tour count on me to count on me and Todd's like I feel so irresponsible for all the people working on the tour. People count on me too. They count on me. And Todd's like, well, they count on me too. And she's like, see, nah, they count on me. It's like, Todd, people, it's not your reputation at all. No one, you have no reputation.

It's Candy. Yeah, I've yet to see anybody count on you. Yeah. Including Candy. Except in this case, she did. And that was a problem because she's like don juan and what's his buns made all the arrangements and don juan's just like laughing he's like oh todd messed up he's like told you yeah um and then all that stuff happening with Phaedra.

What the hell? It looks like she's having an affair or something, or at least that's what's coming up in the... That's what's coming up next week. Can't wait. That Phaedra stuff is getting really awkward. Apollo's coming home and being all violent and stuff. Yikes!

That was reported on the news that he went... Because that was the day he was supposed to report to J-Lan and said he went home and he stormed through the home, and it was scary. So yeah, so sorry everyone, if you wanted us to get into Atlanta. We just... I'm too lame.

Ronnie's got to go. It's my fault. It's his fault, and luckily nothing happened this week anyway. So anyway, thanks everyone for listening. Remember to follow us on Facebook.com forward, watch our crappins, all sorts of talk about Atlanta there, Thanks, everyone, for listening. Remember to follow us on Facebook.com forward, Watch What Crappens. All sorts of talk about Atlanta there if you need to get your Atlanta shade.

And Patreon.com forward slash Watch What Crappens if you feel like supporting us. It really goes a long way. Every dollar counts. Yeah, everybody. Next week is our Google Hangout Thursday night, 6 p.m. Eastern time. We will be doing a fun online party with whoever wants to show up on there. So just go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens to find out how. Yeah.

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