Watch What Crappens - #1654: Gay Ghost Only Fans the Flames

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

Real Housewives of Miami is back, but this time it's on Peacock and everyone has new body parts. This week's episode is a recap of Selling Sunset! Find all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens, and get tickets for our Winter Tour at https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/10th-anniversary-hunky-dory-tourSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, hello and welcome to Waterwhat Corroppance. The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on Yeo Brown. I'm Ronnie. That's been over there.

Hi, Ronnie. How are you? How are you, my little darling face? Oh, I'm very excited because after many, many years of waiting, pleading and begging, real house as of Miami is finally back on our TVs. Sort of. Yes, Miami is back and it's crazier than ever.

It's a facial bouncy house. Okay. Great, great time. But before we get into Miami, well, first, we're going to do episode one today. They released two. So we're going to do two later this week, just, you know, episode. Also, our crap is on demand on fire. This week, we did the super size Salt Lake City episode, and we are also going to do Orange County, a little later in the week. And we have tickets for our live shows which come back in the new year. January 27th we will be opening in New York City with the Golden Crappies. We'll be moving to Jersey and then to Boston.

We've got an amazing 22 plan. So we hope to see you over there. Get your tickets at watchlookcraftens.com Also as used take a seat every Monday night. We're gonna take next Monday off But for the most part take a seat some Monday nights green room app 7pm Pacific tempi m e-stone you talk with us We talk with here we laugh we cry So do that and thank you guys for your support and for being here. And we are so happy to be back with Miami.

Oh my God. Yeah, Miami, we've been, we were early proponents. I mean, we were, I think one could make an argument that we were the only ones recapping Miami when Miami was on the air. And at least on podcast form. And we've always been fans of Miami. But now Miami is back,

and I would wager to say that this reboot is kind of the Miami that I think everyone expected when it first showed up. I think that like everyone, when real house was a Miami premiered, I think everyone expected a lot, lots of like crazy faces and lots of vibrancy and lots of over the top kind of visuals.

That first season stumbled out of the gate and it had a hard time getting past that reputation even though season two, as I've said a million times, is one of the best seasons of all housewives. So this reboot to me feels a little bit like the Miami that we always were expecting. Also, things with the actual housewives are more like they should be. I mean, Larsa being on only fans and her storyline just being kind of like a feet seller

online with just a huge blown up face her storyline just being kind of like a feet seller online. With just a huge blown up face been discarded by the Kardashians. I mean, she makes more sense on the show for sure. Yeah, and we love obviously we always thought Lea Black was like a top tier housewife on Miami and everything. But so I'm like sad to see her not on the show, but I also think that, you know, just like seeing these crazy, crazy ladies, it's like, it works in its own different way.

Yeah, so here we are back in Miami. Yes. Oh, first of all, anyone new to these who's just like, hey, I'm gonna see if there's a recap for Real Housewives of Miami. We do terrible accents of everybody on this show. Okay.

Yes. No, no rocks are in. We're not intending to be offensive with them, but we like making these people cartoon characters and doing terrible accents. Okay. So you're about to hear some of those. Yeah, we're never trying to say this is how these people, like this group of people speaks. We're just trying to say this is how these people, like this group

of people speak. We're just trying to, we're trying to sound like the specific person, and sometimes we fail, but we, we're trying our best, and we just like to have fun with it. Yeah. Okay. So we start out with their taglines, which I think we went over. Oh, no, that's for two. No, we, yeah, no, we actually don't get the taglines in the first episode. We talked about them on take a seat, actually, but we get the taglines in the first episode. We talked about them on take a seat actually But we can revisit that again on the second episode the first episode begins actually with the spectral voice of Julie departed mama Elsa and we just hear say people love my army, but they don't love it because it's a fun place They love it because it's a very odd place

And then Lars is saying there's a lot of jealous, faithful in Miami, and Lexi is saying, my marriage between Herman and I is between Herman and I, and then Lisa Haas think crying, I just wanna have a baby! I pronounce you husband and wife. I just knew at that moment my son was gonna die. You'll be surprised what destiny has a store for you And then

Then we have wait was this the lyric to the song I've been around the world seen so many places. I believe it was Is that Adriana singing it? Yes. Is it really? You didn't know that band. Wait, was this her song taking away your co-hosting? I forgot. It's just a guest now on this show. How dare you?

Was this a song that she sang on the original? Yeah. Oh, it's like all coming back to me. Very like I totally forgot about that because I was gonna make a joke that since this sounded so not a tricksy. I was gonna say this was just like Joanna Crupa is gone, but she like lives on singing the song because it sort of sound like Joanna Crupa singing it. So the fact that it was actually Adriana from the original, I was like, and that also makes

sense why when, why she sings along with it on the air. And she shakes her boots. Yes. Yes. I apologize. I mean, I've had many nightmares to this song. I have to go. It's never left to me.

Because sometimes I find myself in traffic, just going, how, how, how, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, it sound like a bird being run over, over and over again. Can feel the rush out, make it blush, my, my, my, my, my. Well, I think the years have been, like, good as gold, I think the years have been good to the song. Because I was like, you know what,

I am into this song right now. This is working for me. So yeah, I'll drown a singing along to herself and shaking her boobs. Now I know this is Adriana now because we had a huge discussion on who the hell she even is anymore. Last week on that trailer recap, but I would not have known it was her. I mean, she looks so completely different. Looks good. I think just looks completely different blonde hair colored contacts different face. I mean, everyone's had a pretty Major facial upgrade. I will actually I would say except for Mottie soul she she looks like herself. I think she does. I actually think I've so I sort of like that everyone has settled into about I think. She does.

I actually think I sort of like that everyone has settled into about eight years of aging. I feel like that's like good for these kind of shows. You know, we've always said that these shows are best when everyone's like a little bit older. And I like that. I like that there's like a little bit more life in their faces that has been trying to be

that plastered over. And to be a Marisol, she's the first one we actually see when we start the show, like properly start the show. She's, hey fuckers, but you never thought you'd see me again, which is funny because she's not even a full-time cast member, right, or is she? I don't think she is. She's not, no, no, she's not the, she's not,

and my there is, is Adriana. Adriana, yeah. But they are, they are, they're so prominent in this first episode and they, it begins with them that it's actually shocking that they're merely just friends of. Yeah. Um, so she's drinking this big gigantic glitter soda thing and it's huge because she's really thirsty.

I mean, Marisol is one of the firstiest. And she's wearing these feathers and, you know, all this, and Alexia is picking her up in a red photo. And she's like, hello, my friend. And she's like, what, did he so long my face is melting off? We're so red we're gonna be like a Maxi Pat driving down the freeway.

Marisol's trying hard as usual. I have to give it to her though, like Marisol, she still is not like the most fascinating real housewife or a member of this show, but at least now she's trying. And in her first three seasons, she was just sort of like a lump. She was like, normally she would be like,

it's a car, but now she's like at least trying to make Maxi Patjo, she's like attempting to be like, vivacious, you know. Marisol is a tryhard in general, but now she's like trying hard in her tryhardiness. If that makes any sense. Yeah. She's so hard as a tryhard. You know, it's just some effort while you're trying.

Yeah. Heart. Being in the presence of Larza Pippen sort of helps. That's where like Ryses all the like, like you know, when they say a rising tide lifts all the boats, I think Larza Pippen rises, like, raises all the boats because Larsa Pippen's so terrible that she just automatically makes everyone seem like not quite as bad, you know?

Everyone gets a little bit of a Larsa bump. So Alexis, it's been a tough year, so I'm glad we're getting together. And she's like, I need a drink, a media there. Yeah. Mary Sol's really so glad to be back on TV and she's gonna make this happen. Yeah, man. No matter what, she will,

she will make it happen. She will. I think she also think she's on the second city reboot too. I think she's not quite clear what's being rebooted. She's like, and just like that, am I right girls? I'm the new Samantha. Right girls? Like, no, you're on the wrong franchise, Marisol. So Alexia, what do I think everybody in Florida says 10 times a day goes, it's hot.

I mean, yeah, it's fucking Florida. Okay. It is hot. So Mary soul's joking. Like, how are you wearing your blumas today? Oh, look at me. And just like that, I'm fun sexy. Mary soul. So yeah. So then we it's just like it's just the energy of Miami and boat goes by and the wind blows and the glass flies off. I mean, they already got breaking glass in the first two seconds. Unfortunately, it's the wind that broke the glass and like, I and Marissa was, oh no, that's a really good sign. That's like, it's like, mazel top. No, that's just a glass that fell off the table. Okay. Like, I hate when people try to make everything into a good sign. It's like, it's like, ma'sletop. No, that's just a glass of alphabetable. Okay, like I hate when people try to make everything into a good sign. I'm like, Oh, a birdshad on your head. That's good luck. No, that's not good luck.

It means I've got bird feces in my hair. That is not good luck. Don't tell me that. Yeah. Oh, so then Alexia is like, it's good luck, but it sort of so the wind. And I like Alexia because Alexia is very on the nose with her commentary. She always has feelings. So Lisa Hawksy and Arise, now what's funny about plastic surgery is that Lisa Hawksy and look so insane her first time around with her plastic surgery because you know it's like she's married to the plastic surgeon. You know if I was married to the frozen yogurt guy, walk around with him and I'm just

plastered all over my face. You know, that's just how it goes. But now all these years later, her face makes more sense in this context. It does. That's what I'm saying. I feel like she really aged into her face. And so because she, like before it was like- It was completely non-aged face. And so she really aged into the, you know, river raft that is her face.

Well, before she was like 27 and she got the plastic surgery that normally some of the She really aged into the river raft to the surface. Well before, she was like 27 and she got the plastic surgery that normally someone who's in their 60s gets to look like they're 32, but now since so many people of that age get that plastic surgery that when you see that plastic surgery, it just makes them look that age because we have associated that. So it's like, wow, before she looked like she was 62. But now she looks, she doesn't look 62, but now she's really aged into a, okay, this, this face in this context sort of makes a little bit, but she looks crazy. I mean, she looks crazy.

Yeah, she looks crazy. She looks crazy. But I will also say as a compliment that, I'm really digging here, I don't know why. It's because it's Christmas everybody, okay? You're welcome. But also I have to say, I like this. She's keeping her face template. Because a lot of people just go crazy. Like Vicki Gumbelsen, you know, every year,

different face, Kyle Richards, who by the way, I think still looks beautiful. Kyle Richards. It's always so different, you know, it takes getting used to. Adama. As Lisa's just like, here's the template, just keep going with this. Yeah.

Everything just keeps going. She's like a universal adapter. It's like when you bring, when you go like her overseas and you get that big block and you can plug it into any plug, she's like, I got the universal plastic surgery thing. So no matter what I do, it still looks like Lisa as opposed to like, now I have a whole new, it's not, she doesn't get a whole new face. She, she just has, she doesn't get a whole new face. She just has, she just has the fixtures. She tweaks. She tweaks the same additions, right? Yeah. When you reach her initially, she went hard initially, so now she only has to tweak.

As opposed to just doing a series of tweaks that eventually go awry. Right. So, um, yeah, so she arrives in a lingerie lace body suit thing. Of course, it gets out of the car and it's like, oh, going the wrong way. They forgot to install the GPS in her filler. So she sits down and she's like, oh my God, you guys look fantastic. Like, so do you. And she's like, what are you drinking? She's like, oh, well, you know, Peter got me some custom be girls.

Oh, is that low sugar? Oh, I can't with his skinny bitches. No, she goes, Alex, Alex, he says, custom be girls with watermelon. She goes, is that my wind sugar? That makes a lot more sense. That makes a lot more sense. Leave it up to Lisa to ask if something with watermelon is low sugar. You got to love, got to love Lisa. That makes a lot more sense that I,

because I was like, wow, she's asking about the sugar content and straight to you. Wow. Lisa not knowing if fruit has sugar in it. So Adriana shows up next and she's hugging everyone. She's like, your girls will call representing or representing your girls. And she's like, oh, congratulations,

Marisol on your wedding. And she goes, oh oh, congratulations, Marisol on your wedding. And she goes, oh, thanks. My mom and dad sent him. They're up there doing work for me. I'm like, I guarantee you they, at this point, they're like, oh my god, we still have to take care of Marisol. We're not gonna find her. So, let's just do whatever we're gonna do up here in heaven.

Yeah. So the first of all, it's congrats, you know, congratulations to Mary Saul. And Mary Saul tells us about Mama Elsa passing away, which is so sad. And then we get the clip of Mama Elsa with her fan dancing around saying, I don't want to sit. I'm going to be laying down when I die forever. I'm also excited for all the people who never saw the first three seasons. And they get to see who never saw the first three seasons. And they get to see mom Elsa for the first time. They're probably like, whoa, was not expecting that. But those of us were used to mom Elsa and we love her. So Mary Salt tells

us after a year of hiatus and healing, I met a love of my life. Steve, we love and we're like identical twin souls. Both of us laugh and also we laugh. So we got together. So it's perfect, really. Just a lot of laughing and sipping on large cups and laughing some more. It's perfect. It's a perfect laugh.

When they say live laugh, love, it's we laugh and love. That's what we love. When they say live laugh love, it's We laugh and love. That's what we do Yeah, so another red Ferrari comes and it's Larsa Larsa now has An ass. It's like she's in a potato sack race with somebody standing behind her That's only got half a body if that makes any sense. I think it looks like a salmon fillet, you know, these big butts guys, like I get it, you know, big butts are in. What about when they're out? What are you going to do when big butts are out? Just get your butts taken out. No, the butt doesn't work like that. It's my house skin works. It doesn't just go back. The butt industry is not gonna allow that to happen. The butt industry is gonna make sure that those butt implants still get sold.

So, Alexia's like, oh well, I've known Larissa for many years now, and so many years, and we see of course, of course, they put up pictures of Larissa from like 10 years ago and she looked like a completely different person. And Alexia's like, yeah, I felt like I had a connection with Larissa the very day I met her, you know, and I think the connection was like the kind of connection you get when

you stick metal into an outlet, it was just like awful, and I wanted to die, you know. And Adriana's like, oh, that Larza, we haven't stayed in touch that much. Her face is different, her boobs are different, her butt is even bigger. Now, I think she's now becoming the Kim Kardashian look alike. I have to produce like is that a bad thing? And that's a random like well, whatever your taste is. I have higher standards. Adriana's accent is my favorite because it'll come back to me eventually. It's not back yet, but it's because she's not straight up Brazilian, right? She's like Brazilian, but then she's got,

is it Russian? Everything. French and what a, this, I mean, this, this show is like a hot pot of accents. It's really meant for us, you know? Yeah, like it's everyone comes together. Every accent comes together on this show. She still does that real tight smile

when she's like, dissing someone. She's like, well, so what if you've been up to Larsa and she's like, oh, you know, I'm just like trying to stay like the profile. Larza, you just stay low profile. Larza, who's like calling paps to follow her in the airport while she's cheating with someone's husband. Exactly. I mean, we're crying out loud. And I'm not sure. And I was like, oh, yeah, because I heard some stuff in the news. And she's like, yeah, Larza left Miami,

but the Kardashians, they shunned her out. Now she's back in the group and trying to regain our friendship and our trust, but there's mystery there and I'm curious. So the story, I guess, was that what that Larza was fooling around with Tristan Thompson, is that why she got kicked out of the Kardashian clan. It's hard to even know her care. But like, I think so.

I don't really keep up with the Kardashians. I've not heard my life. I just did like a little bit of research before the show. But like, why did Lars, I was like, wait, first I was like, why did Lars fall out with the Kardashians? And then I was like, wait, why was Lars it with the Kardashians in the first place?

So I learned all about that. And honestly, it's not that interesting. Yeah, but you know, it's like the help, you know, before they escape, they get your good silverware. And before Larsa left, she got the faces, she got the faces in the butts, she got the face templates and the butt templates on her way out because that's the face she's got. That's right. So we also learned that Adriana and Frederick, they got divorced during COVID, which we knew this was eventually gonna happen with that ridiculous boat that they were building

and also how late that they worked their own wedding. We knew that disaster looming. I'm surprised it took so long. And then Larza goes, Larza starts saying this stuff like, I'm so bad at dating. I don't even know the proper etiquette. I'm angry. So it's like, what are you kidding?

I mean, you're not bad at dating from what I'm seeing or living your best life. Not gonna lot, Laura says, like not gonna lie. And she tells us, I could attract a 70 year old man, a 50 year old man, a 30 year old man, a teenager, baby, puppy, flowers, flowers like me, plants, the kids. Coming birds. Coming birds.

Flux and Mjetsum, both the animated characters and actual flops. Mjetsum and the water. Loves me. And then we see a picture of her with Mike Beasley. And she's like, I'm just open, you know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna see what I'd like because like, the thing is I'm still married. Thank you for answering that because we had that question last week. And she's like, everything's been fine for a long time, but we just have to separate our assets.

Like, all our stuff guys, like, you know, and this dramatic music, is everyone looks at her like, like, you know, and this dramatic music is everyone looks at her, like, oh, you shady, pipping money stealer. That's exactly right. And then she goes, people assume that when you're married to an NBA player, that you're shopping all day, and you're getting nails done all day, but with Scotty, my job was to like support him and his career. And it was like, wasn't just like one year of two years, it was like 21 fucking years. Like, so are you saying that because you didn't get

the shop at Deer Nails every day and that you had to actually be supportive of your husband in some way, that that's why you've got out of this marriage? Yeah, well, also that she just kind of list what being a partner is, you know? She's like, yeah, so I've have an NBA player I just like supported him and did stuff for my family.

I mean, I'm assuming that he was traveling for 21 years, right? Like I'm assuming it's that like she basically did not have access to him But the way she phrased it made it sound like she was like, uh, I'm waiting for my Maldives. Hello I have to just like take care of children. You yeah So they ask where he is and she's like, well, he loves an LA and the boys are with him Sophia's with me. And so she talks about how they at least got their kids right, you know, and then she names all her kids, which I don't really care.

No offense. And then Lisa's like, well, wow, I'm so glad you're in this great place dating and living life now. Like, wow, everybody. It's just watermelon sugar or not. I really want to drink something. this great place dating and living life now. Like wow, everybody. It's just watermelon sugar or not. I really want to drink something. My ride.

Elr says like, guys, I'm gonna have a party. It's gonna be a hot girl summer. Okay, it's gonna happen right after prom. Okay, and so at the wardrobe, it's bikini. Oh God. Kick her out. Who says that? I'm having a hot girl's summer and dress code is bikini. Oh God, she's just so terrible. So Alexia's like, oh yeah, well, you know, something

you would wear on your own fans, right? Like, oh, like, Alexia's learning how to like, no, she's getting into mixed there a little bit. Yeah, let's see, it came back way bit here, which I like. Yeah, way. So Marisol is cracking up. And Adriana is just like kind of offended. Like someone has an only fans. And so Lisa's like, you guys are so judgmental. And Lexia's like, it's not judgmental.

I mean, how do your kids think about your only fans? And she's like, well, I literally only post the same things I would post on Instagram. And who's gonna pay for that? Ain't nobody paying for your Instagram? Who are the people out there who are paying to see Larsa Pippin roll on a bed? I mean, who, like, it's time for you to like become,

be honest with some life choices. And I want to support, you know, people can be attracted to what they're attracted to. People can have their fetishes, but also larsa, pipin. It's time to reexamine some things in your life, people. Yeah. Um, so then we see picks of her only fans and it's heard, like, naked on the floor in a thong, but, you know, like, covering her boobs or whatever. And so then Alexi is like, like, what are they paying you? I want to know, okay? I want to know now. And she says, well, you know, it's just like

the differences is that I just reply to DMs more on only fans. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, I actually get like a lot of guys from the middle of East and everything. And Marisol is like, well, what do you put up there on your fan side? And why do people care about ceiling fans so much? Oh, Marisol. So Marisol's like, Marisol tries to tell us what only fans is. She goes, you know, it's kind of like a peep show. You pull a strap down, you know, there's jazz playing, maybe some big band, every now and then.

It's like, Marisol, no, you don't really know what only fans is. And Laura says, like, listen, I'm making 10,000 a day and they're like, what? And Alexia says, are you kidding? Are you dumb? Because if you're getting 10,000 a day, you're showing more than you, than like your outfit for the day. I'm just saying, just saying.

And I was like, why am I more than that? I'm just saying, just saying. And I'm worth more than that. I'm worth more than 10 grand today. I have high standards. Um, why don't any of them just like pay the $5 and just look at our only fans at this point, right? Just look. Yeah, they're also like, oh, what only fair. No one wants to give for the five dollars. Yeah, so Then later or sorry boats. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, there's a song called yeah, all right And I was like wow, Trixie is not working on this show. Yeah, all right Well, cuz they outsource it to Adriana. So like Adriana. What else can you come up with? I with. Yeah, alright. Yeah, yeah, alright. This is not the same song.

No, it's just like her assistant was writing down the lyrics while she was on the phone. Yeah, alright. Alright, yeah. Yeah, alright. Are you writing this? You're too. Yeah, alright, alright. Bye.

It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and scum. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so- so expert experts.

Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So my amy shoes, expensive cars, Frankie is in the car with Alexia and he's like bro dude slow down you're so fast mom she goes I know this is Miami people don't know how to drive here. I was talking about you. Yeah and Frankie is remembering Lazaro who is Herman's driver and like she was saying I like you know like after died, like we never heard from Lazaro again. So I think that's strange, you know, think that's strange, which I don't know why she thought she was gonna, I mean, I don't know, maybe some, I don't know.

But, her map. Did you keep paying him? I know, that's the thing. That was my question. Unless, you know, maybe Lazaro, I don't know, I haven't watched season episode two, but maybe Lazaro had a very special relationship with Herman. Herman, who knows?

No. So, basically, we sort of get like a recap that they separated in 2015 and then a year later he died. And she's like, so do you think Lazaro had a lot of juicy stuff on your dad? He's like, juicy. What? And so she tells us after Herman passed away that there were rumors that he was gay, but there were no signs there, believe it or not. What are you talking about? These women told you he was gay. They told you he was gay in season two. He was all around town, fucking everybody.

You're talking about. And she goes, there were were no signs and they show a flashback of this guy James Davis Who's a drag queen who was around a lot in season two? I believe in well all I think all the seasons and James goes up to her month and goes you don't recognize me. I'm James And then he gets down on his knees and he goes now do you recognize me? Oh? recognize me. Oh yeah. So she's like, oh, it's been a long day. And so she starts talking about her salon. And we see earlier in the morning, she's talking to people at the salon going, do you like her colors? I went from the magazine to something, but you know, it's still art related. Um, and she talks about how the magazine that they used to have the kids, Herman's

kids decided to close the magazine after he passed. Yeah, so she started up Alexian Frankie Boudibar, which triggered me a little bit because I felt like it was a little bit of a knockoff on B. Lab and Laser because it was like instead of Boudie Lab and Laser, most totally different words actually, but there was a plus in there. I was like the same font and I was like, wait a second, does Heather gay know about this? Should we alert her? Oh my God. So she's talking about how Herman would be proud of her because she's continuing her life

and especially that Frankie is involved because Frankie was in a really bad accident almost 10 years ago and he almost died, but he's doing really good. But now she's got this new guy and he has two daughters. And we see her go to her penthouse apartment or whatever with a part elevator. Oh my god. This is like the most Miami project. It was insane.

It was like, I saw I've never been to Miami, but I just imagine every single apartment is like this. Or just like you park your Range Rover in a, in basically a vacuum tube, but it gets sent to a mail room. And then you enter this like gorgeous end house with the glossy surfaces and giant windows. And so she's there and then we have got Todd, her fiance.

And she's like, oh, I love you. That's that my, man. Yeah, that my, that's that like, oh, I love that. That's that nine. Yeah, that nine. That's that nine. Yeah, that where he's from, because that's how he talked. Yeah, he's from that nine. Hey, I love that you got home before me. That's so funny, Todd.

Like the man gets home before the wife. That's crazy, Todd. That's crazy. And he's like, yeah, but you go to work at like one in the afternoon. So come on, come on,. She was and I love it. I love it. Tell me. A woman coming home before a woman coming home after the man.

That's hilarious. So we can stop having this banter right because we do it literally every single day. You were saying isn't it crazy that I'm home before you and after a mind you go to work at one o'clock and I go to work early at like I was just gonna settle in now Alexia huh? Hmm and she's like after the two marriages I had I'm super jaded because I've been married to two guys that were liars and then we see headline Alexia asha various ex-husband arrested for cocaine

possession. Yeah she's but now with Todd like when I met Todd around five years ago, I knew that you would be the one that I was going to be able to trust because there's something about the man from Staten Island who lives in a very slick apartment that says, super trustworthy. Trustful, I got to pick out the chandelier. And so we close up on this like little tiny chandelier that's way too small for the room. And she's like, do you like it? He's like, I gotta say, you got great taste, but it's like a haunted house in here.

I mean, what the hell? By the way, it's about time it goes haunted, like some place chic, okay? I'm so sad for all these ghosts and he is crappy ass like rickety houses in the middle of the woods. Why doesn't it go to ever be like, you know what, I wanna like take over with this Miami penthouse, this is what's about.

You know, Herman's like the gay ghost of that house. Yeah. Herman's just like, oh, oh, boo. Yes, queen. So she's like, you know what? I've married two Cuban guys, but the Gringo, I've never had the gringo. I'm like, Todd, I don't even know that name. Like, Todd, Todd,

Oh, well, you know, doesn't work. Oh, well, you know, that doesn't work. Oh, well, you know, so daughter. I'm I'm sure that this daughter does not want to be on TV at all The daughter Sophia comes out like this Like our hamster here. Oh, we're not on video right. We are free. We're not we're viewing each other But we're not actually doing copies on the map We're no, so I don't know why we're doing each other, but we're not actually doing copies on the map. We're no, it's not a lot of what we're doing. I like it. It's not the man. But she comes out like rubbing her hands or her hair. She's like, oh, good morning. Is there any breakfast? They are trying desperately to be the next ham on daughters, not the next to deeds, the next ham on daughters. And so, um, she's, uh,

Alexis says, you know, it was a very different, you know, Oh, well, you know, Peter's matured so much. And like he's not the same 18 year old. He was many years ago, thank God. He's actually literally as many years ago, at older as he was the last time you saw him. So that's how many years have passed. And that's how much older he is now,

which is kind of amazing, you know, time. You know, it stays the same shape. It just gets drier. So clip of 2013, a guy like, hey, wait, you can't walk away. You damaged my car. You damaged my property. And he's like, yeah, but you flipped us off.

So fuck you old man. She's like, back then, you know, Peter was going through a very difficult time in life. But he's so different now. He's living downtown. He's looking for different business opportunities, and we're still very close. He's always going to be my boy. Okay, so he moved into his own apartment. And he has no job. He's looking for business opportunities. I guess the

rap career never worked out. But you know what? I want to be married for the rest of my life because as far as I can tell, he's not a drug dealer and he's not gay. So so far, so good. But unfortunately Peter and Todd told, told, Peter and told, told, are not talking to each other. Told, told, told.

I still can't say his name. It's not a liar, but I can't say his name. Told, told, told. Oh, So Peter and Todd hate each other apparently. So then we go over to Lisa's house, a big box mansion on the water with lots of columns. It's always the dumb people who want to live in a house that looks like a library. Always, always. She's like, I want my house to be like an Excel spreadsheet, lots of columns. So she's there and Lenny is with a child in the pool.

And she's like, Hey, boys. I was taking a nap doing what I do. So they're just like her. Yeah, they hate her. They seem to hate her. Clearly, she seems miserable and bored. Yeah, they hate her. They seem to hate her. Clearly, she seems miserable and bored. And at least it's like, I do definitely feel like Barbie living in a Barbie dream house.

I mean, it's very Hollywood, you know, 20,000 square feet. I don't even know how many bedrooms we have. Okay, okay. This house, so I was trying to figure out the bedrooms. I love just didn't. I love what people do this bit as if they do not brag about this all the time to so many different. Called to Penny's Savory to be like, so do you want to write in a little bit of an article

about my house? It's got 45 rooms. Yeah. So there's nine bedrooms, final answer. I'm like, the thing I love most, of course, is my closet. And so we go see her closet and she's got like remote control racks that like fly down.

She's got like a fly system based on her closet. It looks like a dry cleaners to be honest. It's like, you know, the dry cleaners, the way they come down from like out of, they come from some sort of void those things on a rack down in front of you. It's like a roller coaster.

I actually think it's always the coolest thing watching them all go, but that's what she really has. and she thinks it's so chic, but it just looks like a dry cleaners. Which I like because it's not the fanciest closet, but you can, you know, you know, those racks rotate too, you know, I love that. I love a dry cleaners closet. I've never really thought of it that way. I like that. I know, I'm so awesome. Is it? She's like, well, you know, she's like, we're mean, Lenny, or Delvarian love,

and we're still the king and queen of parties in Miami. I don't know how happy you're not the neighbors are, but, and then we see gops gops. This is just her way of saying, we're still cleaning on to the dream of the thing that that we're cleaning on to the tiny thread that keeps us together. We're just that we both like to drink and actually talk with other people other than ourselves at our house.

Right. That's what that's about. Yeah. So she goes to talk to Lenny and she's like, so Lenny, how are you feeling? Is like things have never been better. Wow. Things have been great with us. The kids are great, right? Right. And she's like, yeah, you want to keep me right, Lenny Harry feeling is like things have never been better. Wow, things have been great with us to kids are great, right? Right.

And she's like, yeah, you want to keep me right? Lenny he goes, yeah, I'll keep the cow. Oh, it's charming. Oh, like it is. Lenny is ever my God. I need to let him hear. Speaking of people growing into their surgeries, he has not grown into that Chuckie here at all.

Oh my God. So Lisa says that they almost got a divorce because they couldn't sort of family. And then during the separation, he had that emotional affair with some $2.00, ho, and let it is not give up that easily at all, or Lisa doesn't give up that easily also, or one of them doesn't give up easily.

So when he saw that I was serious and I was done, he came groveling back and he came back and it was the best decision of his life. And now we have a loveless marriage where all we can talk about is how we're gonna throw another party and not talk to each other during that party. Yeah, so she's like, so we're doing okay, right? And guess, well, look, Rome wasn't built in a day. Damn. That man me. But I never was in built in a day, but like you've been standing outside that call, I see him for a long time at this point. Yeah. So if they just sit there and silence, they clearly hate each other, right?

I just wrote, there's a couple with no pre-knop. Yeah, okay. That's exactly right. Right. So then we go to a scene where we're a lady just walking us, pans out tits out, let's go. I was like, Oh, here we go. New lady. Like we're not even going to transition her in the normal way. We're just going to just start with her. Pants out tits up. That's the first, that's a first for that first

line. That's the first first. So she comes as a goodie and she's like, okay, for Bianca's wedding, she wants to know she can get people on a yacht so she can come right in front of the mansion and then we can start the ceremony in front of a tree. Guys, that's it for now. I have a call. It's Alexia. Alexia, finally, finally, we're going to see what's going on with Alexia's wedding. Get out, get out, get out, Alexia. Oh, everyone knows Gertie and me on my army. Like, there's an event, it's Gertie doing it. It's been a Gertie fight and so Gerdy is like Gerdy is going to be doing Alexia's wedding And we see a flashback of them planning it and Gerdy is like, you know what at the end of the day We'll be gratifying this wedding you just got gratified

She's like let me see your vision board and she shows her this vision board of course just white flowers It's like white flowers and then white flowers in the church. Wow. So, Gritty tells us, Alexi is a good friend of mine. So of course, she taught me of the shoulder one time to plan her wedding because why? I mean, who else is the best? Wow, thank you, Gordatine.

And Alexi, honestly, this is like my last wedding. Okay, and it's going to be spectacular. I cannot wait to walk down that aisle and see to toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe Go go to go to find this bitch You know it's funny cuz at first I thought her accent was actually South African But it turns out that's actually not anything to do with where she's from in the world But she sells us she's like well, I am a top luxury event planner and I was featured in Martha Stewart in book and the not Penny saver Contact magazine highlights magazine What was that you what what was that that I said? Cornflakes box. Cornflakes box, very good.

The ingredients on diet coke. Reback, shoe box. We can do this all day, honey. All day. Yeah, she goes, let's lay all day and don't play. Why sway, Shantay, copay. Hey, she goes let's lay all day and don't play wife's wish on take Hope hey, hey, they take a good look at me baby. I'm a star baby. I'm a star And then there's just like a lizard they just show a lizard that's like I

Have been gratified It's a gratified lizard So she she came from Haiti. Well, she went from Haiti to Paris to the US, right? Yes. So she sort of got the second. One, two, three team, team, one, two, three team. And then all of it, her team is hilarious too. She's like, okay, here we are at this event. We're

here to plan an event. Okay, team, are you ready? Team? They're like, okay, so they go one, two, three and then they all separate into different directions going, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, oh, look me, darling, my phone, we're all so busy. I got to fight my own husband. Okay, so like he was my high school sweetheart and he's aer at the but would you be don't do any of that role playing? You know, I have two sons. I made this. I made this. I got to fight this. I got to fight this boy. She's taking pictures at the same time of these models and she's telling them she's directing them like totally, you know, her energy is all over and she's like, okay, okay, that's great. Give me some architectural poses. Okay, I want to see.

I am pay, I am pay. Okay. The Corbusier, okay. Me is bandero, me is bandero. So now we go to the mansion and it's large as how. So large is walking around in a bikini with like a net. She looks like she's in one of those like reusable grocery bags, you know? Yeah, we're like the bag that Limes come in.

Yeah, she's like in the Lime bag, but painted black. So she's walking around in that and there's someone there in him, Zena, white, not to be confused with Bano, white. And she's like, I feel like it's your party and you need some hot killer shoes She's like, but do I have a necklace or do I not have a necklace? Well, I definitely know you need heels because like you need a killer and Lars is like, but is it too much and she's no, it's my amy but is it too much and she's no, it's my amy. She's making my amy terrible.

So she's like, my vibe is very Miami. It's like sexy and fun. And I just feel really independent. And for me, independence is really important. But it's not the same with that Scotty. I'm like, well, what do you want? What is it then? What do you want? It's all excited about the independence, but it's not the same without Scotty. I'm like, well, what do you want? What is it then? What do you want? It was all excited about the independence, but it's not the same without Scotty.

She's like, I'm single and yeah, harder than ever. Okay. So 20 people are coming to this party and Lars is like, well, yeah, we built this house. There's like a private beach, but we got to sell it, you know, because I'm proud of Laza. You know why? Because Laza is winning. You know what? Laza is doing great. You know, people thought I couldn't make it without Scotty,

and people thought I couldn't make it without some old friends. And then we see a picture of the Kardashians. That's just like, but I'm great. Just look at me. I'm on peacock, and I just love this my peacock and I couldn't even close on a house on Selling Sunset, but I don't need that. I am great. Larsa is great and I don't need Scotty, but I will sell his house and use that to do something with my life. I don't need Scotty, just the mansion. So she's like, yeah, and I'm, I'm going to do what I want.

I'm politically, I'm politically, I'm politically, what's the word? I'm totally, genetically, totally, totally. This is alexia coming over the loudspeaker. It's not, totally. Could you just give us another, another take, but this time I'm saying unobologetically to say so uh her The larsa is like it's unobologetically she is whatever I don't need Scotty to say that word so then her friends come over and like oh my god Larsa Can't even take this body and she's my body shut up Larsa. Me in this old thing. So the girls basically follow her around.

Basically she found her own groupies like the Kardashian. She's her friends are to her what she was to the Kardashians. It's just a bunch of girls with the same face walking around going, Oh my God you look so hot. You look so hot. You look so good. And look so hot, you look so good. And she leads them out to the backyard where the poo party is going to be.

And there's like an inflatable slide. And she's like, I didn't want a big one because I'm afraid of heights, but this one I don't like the colors on it. So she's going to like deflate it because she doesn't like the color scheme because it's rooting. This otherwise very well put together a party that basically has a strange wall of balloons that stuck behind a corner that they move out like nothing. It's just it's just like a wall of balloons and that's the only day corn that's party. Yeah. And a shark. And a shark. Yeah, like a bull. A bull that you

ride bit is the shark instead of a bull. And she's got a rack of pink hoodie sweatshirts. It's like the middle of summer. Everybody in this episode they they said like five times, oh my god, it's the hot. We're gonna wear matching sweatshirts. And she even said, so this shark thing, which I actually think it's funny, I like the idea of a mechanical shark, but she goes, shark or we get the shark killing cat off while you're trying to ride it. Oh, a cut. Oh, I wouldn't ride it, but not killer. That is it. I rode the bull at the saddle, saddle, saddle, saddle branch once and I was like, my groin will never forgive me if I do this again.

So no more, but she goes, it's shark boy. We need to get the shark going, which is like just such an obnoxious way to just address people who you've hired, you know, but so Larza. Yeah, so then everybody's getting ready to come to this party and Alexi is getting her hair done and she's like, I'm getting so many extensions and Frankie's like, Mom, no, you're natural. She's, oh, but I'm gonna do a braid. He's like, Mom, no braaad. Poor Frankie. Poor Frankie. And then Adriana, everyone's in Glam and Grady is like, good-ified.

And then they all go to Glam. And so now we have Lars says, so we talk about these balloons. She basically got this step-and-repeat of balloons, but it looks kind of like a weird amoeba, like a balloon amoeba. It looks sort of like a cluster of viral cells. And she just has them for no good reason. She just has them. So she sort of moved this random block of balloons.

Just a represent. So a represent. And each PV. Yeah. So she's like, I need to move these and the some guy moves it. She's, uh, it looks bad right now. What are you? The DJ? You're so cute. And he goes, yeah, that's calling going above and beyond. I move some balloons. Yeah, there's so heavy being that they're balloons. So now we also meet Dr. Nicole Martin,

who's a Lexia's friend, because Alexia picture up, I believe. And Alexia's like, oh, well, you know, I've known Nicole for a few years now. And like, we have a few things in common. Like she's Cuban, like Cuban American, like me. And she's like a doctor and like my mom and dad were doctors. And we have a few things in common. She's Cuban-American, like me, and she's a doctor, and my mom and dad were doctors. And then her father went to jail,

and my ex-husband went to jail, and she has feet, and I have feet. And she likes crackers, and I actually like cookies, but they're on the same island as the market. So that's pretty cool. And we're both so perfect and pretty. So they're driving together. And then Lisa and Greene, who cares?

Why am I writing down with the wearing? I never do that. They show the bathing suits. Right, and that was the episode. Lisa, this is such a Lisa entrance, so because she walks up to the door. She's like clomp, clomp, clomp. Oh my God, where's the doorbell?

Oh, there it is. Thing done. She's really struggling with her, like, top of the scene activities there. Like, I'm gonna have limos, finding doorbells, you know? Yeah. Finding doors. I mean, at least she found the door this time.

Yeah, this is good. She goes in and she hugs Lars on. She's like, oh my god, that's a lot of ass looking at me. And I love it, looking at it. What you have to, because it's right there. Like, you can't, not look at it. Which is good. I mean, it's good.

It's a great ass. Oh my God, there's the doorbell. It's been on her ass this entire time. Don't, don't, don't. It's just like, ow. Stop poking my butt cheek. Do do do do do do do. was just like, ow! Stop poking my butt cheek. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. It's like, oh, so now Gertie and Alexia and Nicole arrive.

And Lisa, Lisa Hockstein of all people goes, oh my god, everyone has huge boobs. I'm like, Lisa, you can realize that you have you seen yourself in the mirror. Yeah, she's like, it's always a titty party. So Alexi's like, oh my God, I need to check my boobs. So they come in now, Alexi is there.

And the coals like, you know, most people would know it, but I'm a board certified anesthesiologist. So if you mess with me, all knock you out. So like, are you still auditioning your opening lines? I know. I was like, you know, she wanted that. So she's like, well, they didn't choose it. So I'm going to work it into the show. Yeah. So she's kind of the nerd of the group. And she's like, yeah,

I'm financially independent. But I would consider me an Anthony of power couple. Yeah. So Anthony is this, he's a successful attorney who likes his toys and they're not married but she calls her husband because they have a family together and they've been living together and she just thinks that marriage is antiquated and if it's the, excuse me, Starbucks burp. If it's not broken, don't fix it.

Yeah, he's like a little tiny Robin Williams, but he has very angry eyes. So she's, uh, they, we see them with their little kid Grayson, and they're talking about how he still loves boobs. And Alexi, Alexi is like, oh my god, Frankie still loves boobs too. Well, now, now you just made a awkward. I know. I mean, what's talking about like making a joke about a little child and you're like,

oh yeah, my 24 year old son. He likes boobs and likes to have sex with girls. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. So in Adriana is coming with a new lady who's wearing blazer pajamas. Yeah, it's a fake Meredith Marx. And it's funny because Meredith Marx initially was a fake college. Richards. So like the the derivation of college Richards continues on.

And so now we have like, it's not a marathon. Marx. It's Julia Limigolva. And Adriana is like, Julia and I are like, Talma and Louise. And I'm just just like, didn't they both die at the end? She goes, yes, but die happy. Yes, because you'll die happy. So she's like, oh my God, I loved a little feathers,

Julia and Julia's like, I pull it out of rooster. And she's, oh yes, Julia has been isolated in a farm. So now she needs a little social interaction with some humans. And then we see a clip of Julia milking a goat while roosters crow all around her. Yes. And then we also meet Gerdy's friend, Kiki,

who's like this gorgeous woman who is hilarious. And Adriana walks in and she's like, Oh, beautiful home. I remember being here for many years, nothing has changed. I'll just stand here while you roll a flashback of me slapping Joanna Kruppa. No, you're not going to. I thought I set that up. Wait, wasn't that at Lisa's house? Yeah, it was at Lisa's house.

I thought that's what Adriana was setting up. But I wasn't that at Lisa's house? Yeah, it was at Lisa's house. I thought that's what Adriana was setting up But I guess maybe that was the old house. I got bulldozed over No, this is this is Lars' house. Oh, you're right. This is Lars' house. Yeah, this is Lars' Lars' Lars' goddy's house. So She then we cut to just the girls outside we get a snippet of their conversation and Gertie's going I got my first spray time by the way. it's subtle, but you can tell the difference. Gurdified! Gurdified! I have a blue check by my name, it's not for to be verified, it's because you're Gurdified!

So, Ajaraan is like, well, I know it's just a pool party and all the girls, but I feel like Larsa would be better dressed if it was all guys around her because it's very revealing and that but the astronauts can see that from the planet moon So Mary saw comes and she's like, I don't usually get invited to hot summer girl parties. I get invited to hot flash summer parties. Oh I love that. I mean work that into my cap array. Good job, Marisol. You're on the team. Almost so friends. She's like in a full one piece, right? So, Larson goes, oh, wow, you came in a bathing suit. I like your style. Just, well, you said it was a pool party. Yeah, and then they're just sort of talking. It sounded like they said that Gertie has been with her husband for 26 years, which was sort of surprising. Did I hear that wrong? Yeah, they met in high school. Oh, that's right, high school. And so then

Lisa is just eyeing everyone's boobs. Lisa is so jealous. Like, you know that she's going back onto the night after this party, right? All she could talk about is how big everyone's boobs are. And Adriana is like, well, I have a 32 triple D thing to Lenny. And then she sort of like flashes her boob. Yeah. And so everyone's like, well, your boobies. And they're all telling her a great job. At least it's like, I think I'm taking the credit.

Like, thank you. I'm saying like, thank you everybody. Like, I did it. So far, Lenny is still the king, boob king of Miami. And then it cuts to Larsa telling us, oh my God, but they're like super thick. Are you kidding me? You look like you're sitting on four southwest seats.

Like you can see the indent between your implants and your butts. Please do not spread bad surgery comments to everybody else. Yeah, please, please, Larsa. So now Adriana is grabbing Larsa's butt and she's like, oh, well, you know, maybe I need to get on only fans. And Alexi goes, oh, so you're on only fans, like, okay, okay. So she's like real judgey about it. Yeah. And Adriana goes, she's going to show me the ropes.

I trust her. And Alexi goes, oh, really goes, she's gonna show me the ropes. I trust her. And Alexi goes, oh really? You're the person who trusts like that. And she's like, of course, why not? A girl who's single, newly single, I have to provide for myself. And she's like, ah, Larsa might have a little competition. So then Nicole's like, yeah, well, Alexa told me that. And I was like, really?

Is Larza doing this? Because like, it has like a very risqué sexual connotation to it. And Nicole is basically like she, you can see she wants to slut shame Larza, but she also is like aware that she would be slut shaming. So she tried to kind of like, connotate it, but also be sound like she's in support

of the whole thing, because she's like, oh my God, it's like really risque. Like there's a very sexy connotation to it, like, because I registered and I want to know, because like the first thing that I thought was, oh my God, it's such a super slutty platform for skanks, it should be called for skanks only, only skanks. So I'm saying, but then I was pleasantly surprised

at the extensiveness of the platform. It's not just sluts showing their booby parts to all the horny boys of the world. It's not just sluts like Larissa. There's so much more. And yes, she was kind of like that. She's like, yes, not only sluts like Larissa, there's also chefs and recipes.

I know chefs buy sluts. It's amazing what the platform has to offer. And Larsa's like, but come on, like I do that stuff on my Instagram too. And Alexis's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Instagram is PG 13. And Nicole goes, it's not just women showing their booties. She was, oh, yeah, it's guys too.

I know. I know. She's no, there's chefs. Oh, no, yeah, chefs who show their penises, but there's recipes for coolos. Well, there's like people who work out on there with their PPs and their coolos. That's not who works out on there. Like Alexi is not having it. No.

And some Marisol is like, well, I think that Nicole is quite sneaky and I don't trust her. And I've heard that she said not very nice things about some of the girls, but when she's in front of them, she's like, they're besties. Says Marisol, the queen of doing all that. Yeah. So Alexie is like, okay, then tell me how you make your money on this only fun. And she's like, well, you show five, you pay like $5 a month. And then like, you know, you'll like show your workouts. So I mean, come on, you wouldn't pay $5 a month. And she's no. And the call goes, come on, I pay $40 a month of Peloton.

Come on. Oh, really? And so you'll pay $5 more for Cooloton? No, not me. No. So did you say Cooloton?ulotan? No, not me, no. So did you say Kulotan? Kulotan? Yeah.

Kulot. So Lisa's all of a sudden down with it. She's like, look, if Larsa wants, like, you know, gets like $10,000 on a day for only fans, let her get it. Maybe she can teach me. The new Lisa would invest that money, but the old Lisa would blow it on her meds.

But you know what the funny thing about the new Lisa is? There is no new Lisa only old Lisa. So all these like killed new Lisa. Yeah, Keke is like, why do people only associate only fans with showing skin and making money? And if it is so what, sell your cool, sell your vagina, so what? Analexy is like, well, the truth is,

we're like super old school, that we're old-fashioned, and we have this thing, you know, this thing, like it's a doctrinal thing that our parents give to us. And large is like, oh my God, these people are worried about my only fans, they're on their third or fourth marriages. Like, who are they to judge me?

Which, not a terrible point. Not a terrible point. So then Marisol gets on the shark to be wacky, but no one will be cares. And everyone's like, oh, got poor shark. Poor shark. So Adriana's like, wow, I am so shocked that Larsa's butt is soft because her butt is so obviously

fake that I thought her butt would be hardest breaks, but her butt actually feels good. So then Mary Soul checks in with Julia. She's like, oh, Julia, you don't live in the grove anymore? Like, where are you now? She's like, oh, no, no, we moved to Miami Beach. We got farm with chickens, we have goats, we have things like that. And Alexi, uh, and Alexi is like, uh, or Adriana is like, yeah, she takes care of everything. And then we said Juliet, oh, sorry, go ahead. No, yeah, I was going to ask you where I was just going to say that Julia basically, basically is like, we get like a view into Julia's life.

She's like, I have a very glamorous house in Miami Beach, and a farm in Broward. And then of course, they were finally the arrival of Martina Navarro Tolova. She's like, hi darling, I came for some milk and for my coffee. Oh, my God, just need some milk. And standing by the goat, waiting for it.

And then it says, by the way, by the way, I have to say, the caption on Martina Navarro Tolova, iconic world superstar tennis player, because Marchina, Julio's wife. Just ultimately reduced down to that. Yeah, she's like, before Marchina, I had relationships with men. I had dollars, but I never got married. I never found soulmate until Martina. And she's wearing this outfit in her diary room. It's like a fan, like a folded fan thing, but also feathers, but also like, I mean, it's crazy. It is crazy. And Mary so's like, well, I want to do the farm thing. Like, I want to see the farm, like maybe see some chickens

or something. And Keke is there and she's like, so can I milk the goat with my mouth and like she's trying to make a sausage joke? And Julia's like, no. So Keke is like, well, I don't know. I mean, I didn't, I never done it before. And she's like, I don't know about goat milking. She's going to teach me a marathon.

I was like, are you crazy? They're basically no-anting her hardcore. Like, no, no, you can't milk a goat with your mouth. That's not how that works. Are you stupid? And so Keke, you know, I'm from like, Keke, instead of just saying, I was just making a joke. Now Keke is like, well, I don't know.

I've never been around a goat. I need to learn about goats. Yeah, another, another just doing that thing where they're like, we're on housewise, we have to fight about something, right? So Mary so's like, I mean, come on, you don't live on farms to know how to milk an animal. Okay, use your hands.

I mean, dude, you have to be smarter than that. All right. And she's like, it has nothing to do with being smart. It's a question Mary so. I'm just like, I mean, but seriously, you're gonna melt the goat when you're mouth. I'm like, come on, now you're calling you stupid. I mean, come on. She's like, yeah, it's kind of weird. I'm like, honestly, with this guy's, I would not put a past them, right? So Kiki goes, this is the question

I'm asking her. Okay, I don't know if it's something that's been done before. Marisol goes, oh, it's been done in porn. And she goes, oh, did you see it in porn then? Did you see it in porn? And Marisol's like, let's just change the conversation. She was like, I was just about to talk about Marjana Navratola and you ruined it. So now Larson's like, guys,, I wanna take photos with us all matching because I love when people match and I've been hanging out with Kim Zolciac a lot. So I got us all pink sweatshirts for this freezing cold 89 degree 100% humidity Miami afternoon.

Yeah, and so we get all the ladies takes. Girdy is like, I mean, she's giving away all these free shirts. It reminds me of my teenager days. I mean, it's kind of teeny, Bobby. And Lisa says, yeah, it's like for younger demographics. It's like affordable. It's very affordable. Which I know might be like, you're being a brat right now, but I love just any larsa, any shade against larsa. So I was like, yes, he're being a brat right now, but I love just any shade against Larsa.

So I was like, yes, it's a hoxie, yes. Thank you for making her for sheeding that. And Larsa's tell us, you know, people say things like that, they're just like old in their brain. Old in their brain. Oh, you know that anti-swetcher sentiment comes from old brains, these guys. Man, people with dementia really hate in expensive sweatshirt sentiment comes from old brains these guys Man people with dementia really hate inexpensive sweatshirts. I didn't really feel like I was old until I woke up one day and said

That sweatshirt slutty and I realized wait a second. I'm old. I got that old brain So they all put on these sweatshirts in the middle of summer and it's hot as fuck and Alexy's like no I'm not gonna do that because it's hot, but I'll hold it. So they take a picture. So then the next day or when I'm doing this, I'm sorry, interrupt. This is very Kim Beerman because there was a photo

that Kim put up on Instagram like maybe two years ago where she was like with the Kardashian birthday and Kim was there and Larson was there and maybe even Brielle got to come along but they did like this black and white photo and it was, I forget, it may have been Chloe but there was, it was a picture of them all together. They looked all identical and it basically alerted me that Kim and Larsa have some sort of friendship because you know Kim wrote that sort of thing. I love you, sweetie. Oh my God. And I was like, Larsa, Pippin, with these sweatshirts is totally doing a Kim thing because Kim always

wants to match. She always puts her kids up on Instagram and matches them all up and puts bows and that girl's hair. So I was like, this is just not only is she a low-rent Kardashian, she's a low rent beer man. That's even worse. That's bad. Yeah, that's bad so we got a Julia driving with her daughter and her kids like oh, you just got a text Marty's asking for a cappuccino. She's like, um, well, I need to tell her about that She's okay. Well, just leave a voicemail. I'm recording. Go. So Julia looks in the phone. She's like, I'm sorry, honey. I can't get cappuccino because I'm already late. It's a voicemail. People can't see you, which is much like us doing a crap and sound demand. No one can see us, but we can. I'm fully doing it. We're fully doing like Julia to Martina right now. I'm fully doing like Julia to Martina right now. You don't know how many times I've been mugging just for Ron.

I've been mugging to the camera. I actually changed my lighting and then I was like, wait a second, only Ron is seeing this right now. Only Ron. Happened not on demand. Only Ron's. I'm paying for this. Only Ron.

I kind of always do that when we record anyway, don't you? What? Watch each other or just make face back. Oh, I do all the gestures. Even when we don't have the cameras up, I will often have my hands flailing all over the place, because I need to just fully get into it, you know, for someone. So then, so anyway, they arrive and, well, they're not arriving, but like they're still driving and Julia's talking about that there. Their new house in Julia is talking about that there.

Their new house in Miami is almost ready to go. And she's like, the last thing that I want my daughters to go out and for me to worry about, you've seen them in putting on the heels and going off in a crock top. I don't want to wear a crock top. So she tells us how I grew up., it's gonna make me sense of vintage but I grew up in USSR and it was in bed in me to leave at the first opportunity.

So I became Miss USSR and it gave me opportunity to go to Las Vegas for Miss Universe. I had no English. So Dick Clark said hello and Dick, I said, oh my god, how much I get paid for this. I said, no, my name, my name Dick. I said, okay. He said, he said, what would you do to change for world peace? And I said, can you please reword that for me? And then the donkey that I was on died on stage,

because I had read in the donkey all the way from US Sorry to get to Las Vegas in time. It was a nine month journey on that donkey poor thing died right there So I was eliminated didn't understand the question, but I was told it was show and tell so he says world peace I know it's my cue. I lift up potato and I say potato I lose I said rice a Gorbachev lovely lady don't know what she sees on the scale am I right everyone my stand-up did not fly in Las Vegas so then they get home and Martina comes out she's's like, Hi, hi guys. And she's like, am I in trouble?

Marti? And she goes, yeah, because you're late. And you didn't bring me coffee. I would have waited if you would have brought me the coffee. I wouldn't have minded waiting for that. Let's take a look at that, house ladies. Well, the goodness as you took so long driving, I actually sprinted to the coffee shop and got my own and got back here in the time that

we had that conversation. I guess I'm just another just your standard world class athlete. So I think I want like a house tour of the super modern start thing and they there's like this one room and there's all these shelves. And Martin Julia's like, these shelves will be full of Martina trophies. And Martin's like, no, no, no, books, books, books, books, books, books, books, books, books, books. Too small for my trophies. And I also liked it. That was their media room, but there's no room for a TV. It's all books. Like to Martina, that's media. She's like, books. That's all we need. No, no, you misunderstand. Media room is media room. The room where we sit and have every copy of

the play, Medea, from Ancient Greece. Well, we could also do Tyler Perry version because he loves Mars. We love Madea andhya, but no media please. So she says the first time she met Martina, it was in the year 2000, during the French Open. She's like, I, with friends in club, I did Russian James Bond moment. I said, you come talk to me. And she received the message and she put, she took the phone from her ear, put it back on her shoe, and then she leaned down, went under laser, and came to bar. Hello, I'm Marty. I'm Marty. I killed Chris Everton and I will kill you if you cross me, okay?

So that was the end of their moment. Martina disappeared and she's like, and then I run into Martina at French Open. Oh, really? Really? Just happened to be there. Just happened to be. You're a stalker, Julia. Thank you, or you're a stalker. And I hope someone has alerted, yeah, I hope Martina knows this. She's like totally been stalked. So she's like, and I see her French open. So I said, how about breakfast? And then we had the second day breakfast. And then we had the third day breakfast. And then we had fourth day breakfast.

I'm like, oh my god, this is really loading up. This isn't how gay people do it. Let me gay men. This is not how gay men do it at all. Could you imagine just like eating around somebody at all on the first, second, third or fourth day? I tried the same technique on Caroline wasn't making it. Did not work. Did not work. I took a few few different anachronicalva. She did not appreciate it either, but aren't you now, she likes a free breakfast that turns out. Yeah, so she talks about how when they started,

you know, they were in Paris one time and Martina was giving PDA, basically, like she was like, come here, I was gonna kiss her in the street and Julie was like, no, no, we don't do these, but they moved to Miami where everything goes. So she feels so free in Miami. And she's like, I don't want to go anywhere else ever. This is my new home. This is where I can run the streets with Martina Navratalova, hand in hand, and wear crock tops all day long. So then we go over to Nicole to learn more about Nicole and she's been practicing medicine

already for eight years and she's like, yeah, so when people come in, they're like, you're my doctor, you're so young and you're so pretty. And I know it won't be, I won't always be able to have that reaction when people say you're so young and you're so pretty. But for now, I'm young and pretty and I like things like sweatshirts actually because I don't have old brain yet according to Larissa. So that's just what I am. Does a young pretty doctor? So we find out that her mom raised her because her dad was away, but we don't know why. I went to jail. Well, she said, well, my dad was gone, but she hasn't like she's not telling us the jail

story yet. So she's like, well, my dad was gone. but she hasn't like, she's not telling us a jail story yet. So she's like, well, my dad was gone. My mom had to take care of a send and she talks about her marriage again. That's not really a marriage, but it may as well be like, nope, actually for the differing of properties, that's not how it works. And that is why the ladies are going to give you shit about this. That's what I was going to say. I was going to say that she might not be legally protected. I don't know. What do I know? I'm not a lawyer, especially not a That's what I was gonna say. I was gonna say that she might not be legally protected. Well, I don't know.

I would have why know. I'm not a lawyer, especially not a Florida lawyer. I'm not either, but I've watched enough housewives to know that when the man is saying, oh no, we don't need to get married. And he's the lawyer, by the way. We've watched, listen, we've watched Real Housewives of Orange County.

We've seen what Sweet James is up to. Okay, so we know things are up. That's exactly right. You know, we're watching that at the same time as this. I'm like girl, you better get a piece of paper. So she is saying, because of this, she wanted her career, she wanted to have basically her own independent money and everything and it doesn't want to be,

doesn't want to depend on a man for her money, okay? So then she's like, papas coming home, papas coming home. So then Anthony comes home and she's talking again about everyone's always asking her when they're gonna get married. And like if he popped the question now, she would definitely say yes, but she wouldn't be running out to get married to plan the wedding.

She's kind of boring, gonna be honest. She's kind of boring. She's kind of boring, but she's like, but she's kind of boring, but I feel like there's a lot of disaster in her world that she's containing for us Well, he's he seems like a disaster like she says, oh, you know Anthony. He's a real Rhymes on some man, okay? He you know like one day he'll be like I want to fly a plane then the next day he'll be like I want to race really expensive cars. That is a man Who is bored being rich and at the top and is just so fucking bored He's doing any kind of death-defying thing he can that is exactly right. Okay. I was like these are all red flags

Don't call them a Renaissance. He is such a Renaissance man It's not a Renaissance learned how to take himself to a piercing bagota and get his ear pierce. He is such a renaissance man. Like it's a bit like feces. You know, when they he flew planes next day he was like, I want to be on hero one today. Next second he was like, you know, not comparing planes to heroine. I'm just saying it's like it just seems like a really bored. I'm happy person. I agree. Filling his life with activities because listen, we've seen Squid Game. Okay, so now we go over to We go over to Marisol's house. There was no spoiler in that but for people who know watch they know what I'm talking about So so now we're at Marisol's house her tiny little house, which is, that's actually a very nice little house, but like on this show, this show, this show,

like mansion library mansion, even bigger mansion, mansion with Martina. And now it's like, I know, I'm talking about a little elf comes out with a cookie for you when you get near. It's like literally not even a house. It's just one of Martina's like trophies. It's actually just like Martina, you won the trophy for best farm in Broward County.

You've given you this trophy in the side in the shape of the house. And I'm just, Marisol moved into the journey. I'm just icing some drinks up in here, everybody. So Alexia comes over with her gay, Johnny. And she's like, oh my God, I'm still preparing. You guys caught me with my panties down. And Mara's like, oh, you're in green again. Yeah, I'm like in green a lot.

It's the color of money. Why not? I'm not. I just so like she is like, so well, you know, like I'm so in love with Toto. It's so much normal to see I've ever had. And of course, I'm not. I just said so, Lexi is like, so, well, you know, like I'm so in love with Tot-Dutu. It's some of the normalcy I've ever had. And of course, I had to be with a green goal, you know, with her man, I thought he'd be around forever. So I'm like, who are you, you know? The man that I married and the man that I buried were very different.

And that gentleman was at the funeral. And I wanna know, is it physical? You know, the guy he's here in Miami, but I haven't seen them. Yeah, Alexia just is like, like going through an Alexia lot. I didn't realize that was going to take 20 minutes when I started that.

She really, like, well, it's funny when she does a lot, when she does a little. That's why it was so funny when she's like, oh, you're, oh, you're wearing green. Is she like, guy like green? Are you like, oh, and? And it's like, no, that's it. That's it. She likes green. But then it's like, oh, and I've it's like, no, that's it. That's it.

She likes green. But then it's like, oh, and I've got a cocktail. Oh, you know, it's so funny about cocktails is because like Herman loves cocks and he like tells, but you know, he would chase the tail of the cock. You know what I'm saying? Cause he had like, they said he was gay and like I didn't think he was gay, but then the luncheon said there was a man at the funeral and the funeral. And I don't know if there are a man at the funeral.

The man may have had a sister who is actually related to Melissa Goraga. So it's like lots of things happening at the funeral and it turns out the gay and like Instagram means not Instagram, which is different from all events because Instagram is like PG-13, you know? It's like, whoa, like. So Lexio, my God, still the same. It just goes to show you things changed, but things stay the same, right?

So Johnny's like, well, you know, I've seen him in Miami. And he knows who I am. So the last time I saw him, he said, take my number down and I did. And he said, if she ever wants to have a conversation with me, make sure cameras are around because I'm ready, Batch. And I was like, okay. And Mary still's like, wait,

are you really ready to sit down and talk to this guy? And like he's like, yes, it'll be like closure. And like I want to know, because I have like so many questions, you know? And his assistant goes, he's like, yes, it would be like closure. And like I want to know, because I have like so many questions, you know, and his assistant goes, he's like, are you prepared to hear answers that you don't want to hear? Well, you know, I haven't finished Game of Thrones yet. So like, no spoilers, please. Like, no, not answers about that.

Okay. Yeah, did I think I spoke to you with that? Cool. And Mary so I was like, I don't even know that she's talking about right now. I mean, and he's like, I don't even know if she's talking about right now. I mean, and he's like, but are you gonna be okay with him saying I loved him and he loved me? And she goes, I think so. Yes, it'll be closer. And Mary soul's like, I need a meal.

I can't with the, John the ghost. Okay, I'm texting him right now. Oh my god, what should I do? Should. Oh my God, should I put emojis? Should I use emojis? I'm like, no! I'm not put emojis! What about one of these like, uh, bases? How about that?

I think I kind of like in the mood, like when I say, hey, the wife of your gay lover wants to meet with you. I think maybe like, would be good. Yeah. How about a, uh, then a poop, then an eggplant, and then just like a car driving?

Let's just confuse them. What about the monkey with a hand oversized? Like, oh an eggplant, and then just like a car driving. Let's just confuse him. What about the monkey with a hand over his eyes? Like, oh my God, crazy, crazy, have a bat. And so Alexi is like, oh, you know, I hear he's a really cute young guy. And Mary Stone goes, can we see his Instagram? Let's look at it. He's like, well, he's private, but he does have this little picture. We can, I think look at it. He's like, well, he, I actually think it was a really good first episode.

I mean, they had to, they were just like establishing and reestablishing things so not a lot happened, but I was very, very entertained by it. Even Marisol, who made me roll my eyes many times, like when she greeted them, we didn't talk about that. When she greeted them at the gate of her house,

she goes, hey, gangster. I'm like, oh, Marisol, no. No. No. Well, I'm loving it, a really glad it's back, and I'm glad to be talking about it with you. Kay? Everybody, thank you so much for being with us. We will talk to you next time. Bye.

Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Suboney, she don't take no baloney. Dana C. Dana, dude. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniella. Itchlands. Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickle-ists. Alva Nagila Weber. Jamie, she has no less name. Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch. Just saying, okay. We McLevenven Karen McLelland. She's always supplying its Kelly Ryan.

Let's give a kiss Arino to Lisa Lino. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the bug. You don't touch the Nikki Morgan lettuce. The Bay Area Betches Betches and our super premium sponsors. Always the Wizer's Allison Weasler. Somebody get us 10ccs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily signs. We will, we will, Joanna Rocklandu, my favorite Murto, Karen McMurto. Kristen the Ruby Rubano. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. We want to hang with Liz Lang. The incredible edible Matthew sisters. No one makes us feel well like Megan Capciwell.

She's cheese on a bagel, it's Megan Ragle. Nina Kuchikuchi. Nancy Cicinto. Give him hell, Miss Noel. Shannon, out of a can in Anthony. Let's get Racy with Miss Daisy! Let's get racing with Miss Stacy! Let's take off with Tamla Plane! She ain't no shrinking Violet Coochar! We love you guys! you you you you you Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download

the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.