Watch What Crappens - #166: Midget Househusbands of Africa

Episode Date: February 18, 2015

This week on Watch What Crappens, Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV.com) and Ben Mandelker (The Banter Blender) join forces with Angie Thomas to talk about Real Housewives of Atlanta, Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules! Don?t marry fame hungry midgets. You?re welcome. You can donate to us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: @watch-what-crappens On iTunes: bit.ly/crappens Facebook: www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, welcome to the Watch What Crap. It's the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV. And with me, as usual, is the lovely, thin, taken, and very well-read Ben Mandelker from the Banter Blender podcast.

Hello, Ben. And by well-read, you mean that I've, like, gone on time? That I just read your ass. Oh, yeah, exactly. I've been read a lot. Yeah, Ben's been read. I've been read. And today we are joined by the lovely and talented and beautiful Angie Thomas. Hello, Angie. Hi, everybody.

So you might remember Angie. We've had her on before. She's from the Small Potatoes Food Podcast. She's a personal chef here in los angeles and she's also from a new podcast that she does with a guy named grant sutton who's about to start writing at trash talk tv he's gonna be doing he's gonna be doing empire recaps and possibly drag race recaps i'm really gonna burn his ass out in his first round. They do an Empire podcast called The Lion's Lair. It's L-Y-O-N-S. Lion's Lair.

Find that on iTunes or on Stitcher or wherever. You can get a little bit of a taste about what Angie talks about on that podcast because we just recorded our bonus episode of the week and we spent a good chunk of time talking about Empire. thanks guys yeah a little empire action well we love our soaps both of us never hurt nobody uh-huh both of us are soap addicts i still feel guilty

for getting rid of revenge i just had to stop with yeah me too but you know we'll always have housewives so this week we have wait and support it you can by the way oh yeah i'm so sorry i think that's all our thing so if you want our social media addresses insta and all that just go to watch what crap is.com or come on to facebook.com slash watch what crap is uh that's kind of our community of listeners everybody's talking crap on there right this instant about what to talk about on today's show. We have show threads that go on and then you can post articles or whatever you want there.

It's really a fun Facebook page and you'll meet a lot of really hilarious people there, as we have. We also, if you want to support this and get extra content like our weekly bonus episodes or our monthly ringtones or our monthly Google hangout,

which is basically just a party online where we all video chat together, which is tomorrow night, Thursday. Um, the what? 19th, 20th. I don't know. Something like that at 6 PM Pacific time.

Come on to Patreon 19th. So patreon.com P A T R E O N.com slash watch what crap comes and donate whatever you want and there's different levels and come get your bonus episodes y'all yeah is that everything i think that's uh pretty much a lot of plugs and plus we have a lot of plugs like nicholas cage over here yeah um hopefully ours went a little bit more smoothly than his, but I'm not counting on that. So anyway, this week our shows are Vanderpoop Drools, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and Atlanta. Yes. So we're – well, first of all, we have to announce that we all just found out, and our Facebook page is a Twitter or a Titter.

Yes. That Real Housewives of Melbourne is coming to America. And we're not going to have to wait until it's all been aired already in Australia. We ain't going to get to see it. Only two weeks behind. Starting on a Thursday, March 5th on Bravo. How awful. What an awful thing to say, Ronnie.

So in just two weeks, this podcast will be filled with more terrible accents. More Australian slash South African accents. Actually, you know what's really cool about this is that it's going to be the shows are going to air Thursdays at 9 p.m. And, you know, during season one of Real Housewives of Melbourne which aired at like noon on Sundays we loved it so much and we had concerns that the show would continue to air during the middle of the day

on weekends and no one would watch them but I guess obviously it must have had enough traction that Bravo decided to bump it up to primetime. Yeah it's going to be good Americans are going to love it Yeah well it's either that the show had more had traction or bravo realized all their other non-real housewife stuff has been kind of stinking up the uh programming slate god awful hey yeah i mean how many times we have to see

commercials for a girlfriend's guy to divorce where it's like all like super depressed like honestly the most depressing 30 seconds on tv this week was every time that commercial aired that was like and now things get real on the girlfriend's got to divorce and it's like yeah i guess we're really getting divorced the music's like sad oh and that guy in his double chin and his terrible plastic leather jacket oh what are you crying about leave him like that woman's so hot why is she crying about that little weasel get rid of him yeah cuddy don't do it cuddy oh cuddy ixnay on the ebedway um so i watched that show actually the other day for the first time because i just left my braves on oh that show's terrible

it's not the best. Girlfriend's got you divorced. Or maybe I just was expecting something else. I guess I thought it was going to be funny. I like Janine. I thought she was actually really good. But she's off the show, I think. She already quit. She quit like the second day.

Like the day it premiered. The next morning, I was like, Janine Garofalo quits. It's like, Jesus, Janine. She's like a Rosie O'Donnell. She can't keep her fucking depression in check. That bitch don't want to work. I just feel bad. Her husband created Big Bang,

so she ain't thinking about it. She's fine. Really? No wonder. Yep. Well, she was on 24. She lasted through 24, and I liked her on 24.

Janice. She played Janice. The thing is with Girlfriend's Guide it just makes me feel bad for women that these are the shows that are that are made for women now you know like in a way Sex and the City has been terrible for women

because on the one hand it was a revolutionary show and was great for women and then on the other hand it's like and now for the next 12 years you're gonna get nothing but sad like Sex and the city ripoffs and that's all you're gonna get yeah proud feminist shows the center around how men um how much we need men like what yeah um which leads us to housewives because really isn't that what we do we swim in this pool every week like this reverse feminism pool.

Well, where do we want to start? Being a powerful feminist means not having to be a bulldog with non-shaved armpits. Like, okay, whatever. Okay, housewives, you're winning. Let's start. Actually, I think we should start this week with Atlanta because Atlanta got shafted last week. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Well, it got good this week. Oh, my God. Well, Atlanta's had a really good season, I think. I think it's been really good so far. And not only in the drama, but just the fact that it's hilarious every single week. Even Cynthia's somewhat entertaining, which maybe I'm just used to her non-entertainment value.

Although I would like to say that one of our listeners, Jimmy Jim Bob on Facebook, has this to say. He says, Cynthia needs a new plant for her front door. What the fuck? That dead tree. So you heard it here first.

Nothing gets by our listeners. Maybe the plant has fibroids. Yeah, I think so. I think the plant was like, oh my god, I can't deal with Peter anymore. I'm just going to shrivel up and die. That is some funny shit. The plant's like, move me to bar one. I want to be next to where MLK died.

Put me under that highway. Yeah, so Claudia. Go ahead. I was just just gonna say the plan was like leon always watered me oh so where do we even start with this show um did it start with claudia and claudia's apartment where she was crying because porsche's mean to her that was the most hilarious thing i'm like you remember calling her a whore on national tv like five minutes ago right she's like but i don't deserve this people were mean to me in high school because i'm half white it's like claudia seriously shut up i really like claudia but come on now

i like claudia and i actually i i don't know i i didn't feel like those were crocodile tears i feel like that was like a real moment to be honest that was an adderall moment i don't know. I didn't feel like those were crocodile tears. I feel like that was a real moment, to be honest. That was an Adderall moment. I don't think that Claudia is the type to cry for sympathy. I think she's pretty steely, and I thought it was a real moment. Plus, I also like her cat. Yeah, but this tragic mulatto stuff is played. We get it the first time she pulls that card we're like I mean I understand you know kids can be

really tough and everything but then I mean she came on so strong those couple episodes ago and she just read the shit out of Nini and we all cheered and we're like yeah girl get it and now she's like she can't back it up and it's like is this gonna be your storyline or are you just gonna kind of

like use this that's not a storyline or are you just going to kind of like use this that's not a character I mean she needs to like either focus on maybe like the relationship thing or you know find some kind of fake career like King is doing like she can't just sit and cry if somebody hurts her feelings she's on a

morning show where they shit talk celebrities all day so she's not this isn't her first day. And by the way, talking about setting women back, how about that scene when Ricky Smiley has to pull Portia and Claudia into his office and

basically be the principal to these two girls. I mean, it's like, could women in the workplace look any worse at that moment? I mean, it was so embarrassing. I was cringing, you yeah that was cringeworthy but it was also cringeworthy because that guy's so desperate for attention that he would even do that like yeah first of all that you have two real housewives on your radio show like how confident are you in your talents do you have to yeah not one but two real housewives and sorry but that guy's not very funny either

so i think he's just trying to get all the uh all the attention he can get so i get it but that was awkward he's like maybe you guys can just hug and make up like have you met women no that's not how it works okay right well i love that porsche acts like there is no issue like there is no issue there's no issue is no issue. There is no issue. Then she's like, we're not friends. We're not friends, you know? And Claudia is trying to say, well, I just want to be cordial. I think also, because, I'm sorry, Ben, I think that Portia is, you know, as dim as she may be.

She knows how to play the game. And I think Claudia, it seemed like she did, but she doesn't. Because she doesn't realize, like, she's taken this all a little bit personally, I think. And you can't. I mean, you sort of can't like you have to if she's going to come out, you know, given those kind of hits, then you got to be you got to keep them coming. You got to keep it moving. And like, I think she would have been smarter to maybe push things more into like the dating Cordell, which that would have been interesting, or something else. Because now she's just turning this into like, these girls are being mean to me.

And that will get you nowhere. And she kind of like, it was her work. Was it her workplace first? Or I think she was there before Portia. She should be taking more ownership. Like, she shouldn't have to be like, like, she's very concerned about having a professional environment environment and she shouldn't she should just be like whatever because that's what that's what porsche's doing and be like whatever she's probably like 10 times better than porsche on there anyway yeah you just gotta be like i do what i do next yeah well i think she was i think she was supposed

to have a storyline with porsche because obviously they're trying to pit them against each other. And Portia, instead of going head-to-head, is just like, I'll ignore her because I'm higher on the food chain. But that got Portia fired eventually, and it's not doing Claudia any favors either. I am enjoying the fact that Nini's nowhere to be seen. I think that's hilarious.

Was she even on the episode? No, Nini's been totally replaced. She was. She was? What'd she do? Was she even on the episode? No, Nini's been totally replaced. She was. She was? What'd she do? Yeah, because she and Portia had a little lunch. I'm so fascinated with Nini with her ordering.

Because Portia orders, like, I have vodka tonic. And then Nini's like, I'm going to have a Belvedere with a twist and a Saint Germain and you know, she had like some ribs or something. Right. Didn't she have something? They had shrimp and grits, but she was excited because they had pork chops on them. Can I have some Belvedere with a pork chop instead of an

olive? This is Nini's story. The season is that she filled up Greg's toilet coffee mug and she ordered pork chops at a restaurant. And then she played, like, some terrible cameo role in Vegas that was, like, made for Bruce Valanche to play. Yeah, let's move around.

Bruce is busy. Let's just grab Meanie. She's like, I feel it. Well, they need Meanie to kind of stir the shit with Portia. You know what I mean? Yeah, but, like, Meanie's on her way out. Like, Meanie and Stassi, they're just two former stars who thought they were bigger than what they are. And now they're going to be gone.

Yeah. Agreed. I mean, Nini is doing nothing this season. I mean, except for the fight that she got into with Claudia. If she got into more fights with Claudia, it would be great. Only because Claudia would take her down over and over again. But there's just nothing left for Nini to do. And she's awful.

No one likes her anymore. Well, Nini won't even talk to anybody else. She just wants to be followed around like anybody gives a shit about her extra parts in vegas no one cares okay you can even get enough people to fill the first two rows of that stupid show it was almost as sad as that beauty pageant show where the finale beauty pageant there were only the husbands and children in the audience at the foxwoods Casino. I mean, come on! No, that was... Please don't incur memories of my favorite show of last year.

Kim Franz. A piece of brilliance from Bravo. It makes me sad. Speaking of the entertainment industry, we also should talk about Kenya and her future Oscar-winning or Emmy winning

production of whatever her show is. And she's sitting there writing her script when consulting with Brendan, her main gay, about sorry Andy that I said her main gay. Sorry about that. Consulting about the characters in her pilot.

For me as a writer, it made me want to cry to think that in some way kenya's pilot might actually be made into something with someone's money and my stuff just sits here that made me really want to cry and throw myself off the balcony again well that's why we need to get on some shitty bravo show let's do it let's just make a show about uber drivers oh i certainly can be like taxi cab confessions but it'll be us and i'll have to borrow angie's car but it'll be us come on that would be really good i can tell you there's certainly enough material out there oh my god yeah that i think we would be so good

in that show and someone's gonna try and steal it but guess what you can't steal it because you're not me or ben and you can't just steal what we've got in our hearts no you can't god gave us that or somebody do you think that this pilot's ever actually gonna come to fruition do you think it's gonna happen i think it will in like a crappy way like on youtube because remember she made that movie about like the weird voodoo thing that happened in the in the islands like like in the Caribbean. I do not. You need to go on YouTube, because that shit's amazing. It seems like there's an emergency outside, by the way. I think that maybe MJ fell into a stack

of pancakes across the street. MJ can't get her peanut butter jar open over there. Shazza Sunset is coming back, by the way, finally. Just you wait! It's Shazza Sunset is coming back by the way finally just you wait it's Shazza happen that's so Persian speaking of Uber I think I did I mentioned this on one of the bonus episodes or something that like

I had an Uber like I took an Uber to Gigi from Shazza Sunset like I literally dropped I dropped someone off and Gigi was waiting for her it was very strange oh wow great story everyone for me yeah great story glad you brought that up again that's what i'm being like ben um are we in a relationship because i'm like snarking at you all day and

i don't even mean to no ronnie i love you it doesn't matter you can snark on me all you want because you know what so here it's funny this is a sidebar has nothing to do with Bravo but so last week Ronnie and I played um Settlers of Catan it's Ronnie's first time I think that's what started it actually because I got used to being like you're a jerk in that game we played Settlers of Catan for the first time with Sylvia and our friend Sylvia and it was hilarious because Ronnie was like, out of the gate, Ronnie was destroying us and he just was like, he was just doing so well and he just kept on like, he was just

taking us down and yet, as Sylvia noted, she's like, it's strange how he just fosters goodwill. Like, he can be destroying us in this game, but we still want to trade with him, we still want to like, help him out and everything. It's just like, everything that Ronnie does, he's like, okay, I'm going to build build this here and you know just destroy your chances at that he does it with a smile and you're like oh yeah yeah you do that ronnie no because you guys are being supportive

of a newbie we were and anyway you ended up kicking everybody's butt anyway yeah you would be a perfect you were like you were like the claudia of settlers of katan i would be that housewife i would be like carol from real housewives of New York, where I would just be fun. And everybody would be like, oh, he's so fun. But then you'd see what I'm saying behind everybody's back in my diet. And everybody would be like, fuck you. It'd get to be the reunion time. They'd be like, who are you to say that about me, you old fat bitch?

And I'd be like, are you to say that about me you old fat bitch what what i say you'd be like you know i thought you were my ally on the island of katan and then it turns out that you were hoarding all the brick cards okay so fuck you caroline loved brick cards the sellers of katan reunion hosted by andy cohen andy co would be like joyce from new jersey calls and says hey ronnie you certainly seem to say that you hated bricks but for someone who hated bricks you had a lot of bricks do you think you could talk about that the caffeine is kicking in because this is like my favorite i think this is my favorite moment of the podcast history is somehow merging bravo into the settlers of katan hey um i would like to thank jackie the soap lady for sending me a box of homemade soaps those are

amazing i smell so good so if anybody has homemade adderall that they'd like to send me i'm getting a p.o box Speaking of caffeine. Okay, that was just a quick public service. Okay, so what else happened on ATL? Okay, the big stuff that happened. The big thing is Phaedra, right? But before we get to that, why don't we talk about Candy and Todd?

Oh, no. This is tough. This is because I hate saying Mama Joyce is right. Well, no. But Mama Joyce is right. But Mama Joyce was right, 100%. This guy's a piece of shit. He is, and he's like weaseling his way into her enterprises and causing

them to fail. I mean, I don't know. Mama Joyce is still an asshole. Mama Joyce is an asshole, and the only reason she knew that he was a piece of shit is because it takes one to know one and she saw she smelled the damn truth you know you know something and not for nothing all of candy's problems are because of her mother the whole her whole rationale her whole way of thinking that girl is so abused and that relationship with her mother is so toxic and codependent she is incapable of being

in a healthy relationship because her core relationship her foundation is rotten yeah so there's no way that she knows how to find a good partner and it's so sad because like you want her to win there she is like so likable she seems like good person. I think Candy has like such a good heart. But man, she's like she is broke as fuck. Broken meaning like her spirit is broken. Oh, yeah, yeah. This one, this is going to be bad, I think. This is not going to end well.

Yeah, well, the fact that he needs a break from her, like he's going to go to L.A. And then. It's awful. I was so embarrassed for her. I was like, like, it seems so like she's desperate like you know like what does he like what does he need all this and what does he need what does he need a break for like doesn't he have guys in atlanta like he should be so lucky he should be so lucky he's allowed into that relationship yeah while letting all her things

tank you know see nah todd yes in the letting all her things tank, you know, see, Todd. Yes. In the meantime, letting her things tank. That's exactly right. He's fucking up her jobs and her shows closing and he was supposed

to be in charge of that. But he's, I didn't even think about that. And now, and try to turn it and like make it, well, did you do this?

Did you do that? And it's like, well, that was your job. You know what he is? He is total. You know what he is? He's middle management. You know, he has? He is total. You know what he is?

He's middle management. You know, he has a lot to say about. Yeah, that guy's an Applebee's manager for sure. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. I mean,

I don't think, I don't think that he's the con artist that Mama Joyce says that he is, but I think though that he should be so lucky that he is with Candy Burris. Candy Burris is the one keeping him afloat. And he keeps on acting as if he's the one. Bringing all the value to the relationship. And that's just not right. And you know another unfortunate mistake.

That I saw coming. In the beginning. She handled everything so poorly with her mother. That I think that she set the tone and he is i think that he is also very um angry with her because of all that still and he's he's taking it out on her i think so too i think that's like that's a very good point because it's not like you know you're right that's just it's just a good point i was just gonna say that it's not fair for him i don't think it not fair for him to be, though.

I don't think it's fair for him to be mad because that's one of those situations where you know exactly what you're getting into. She did not hide it. She didn't lie and say, I'll fix it with my mom or I'll put you ahead of my mom or anything. I mean, she was pretty honest. She was like, my mom may be a crazy bitch, but she's my mom and I love her and that's it. She's always gonna win and if you marry into that you cannot suddenly start complaining a month into your marriage that you're not gonna have sex with your wife because you're too stressed about the mom or whatever this guy's a total climber and he's getting what he wants he's

actually got some of his own success now and doesn't need her as much and so he's like fuck her meanwhile she's getting all fat yeah yeah and she's getting all fat and cry because she's so insecure about it and it's killing me watching her deal with this fucking midget because he's got some stupid show on like bop or like whatever channel don't call that show stupid well the thing is the thing is also like that show is like a Real Housewives show, but, like, costumed by Walmart. Okay, I've seen that show. Hey, it has Lisa Wu Hartwell.

It has Lisa Wu Hartwell. Or Lisa Wu, just Lisa Wu. Acting. But the thing is that, like, you know, he's doing the most manipulative thing of all, which is that he's trying... He's weaseling his way in and trying to convince her that he's indispensable.

Like he is essential to her operations. And that's not true. He's essential to her vagina. Her operations were doing way better without him. That's all she needs from him. She has everything else. And one thing that we do know about Katie, though, she does not play with the money. I mean, I'm sure there's an ironclad prenup. one thing that we do know about candy though she does not play with the money so what i mean i'm

sure there's an ironclad prenup i wasn't that part of like the negotiation of the marriage oh yeah that was he did yeah but i'm she got one didn't she yeah oh yeah she did last second yeah he's he's you know the thing is we're all on todd's side and he has just been like a bitch about everything you know he's he kind of is an asshole and if you think about it i mean you know he got up with candy when he was like a pa or something on this show and uh that's sort of a questionable professional line to cross you know so it just sort of shows his morals if i may take a page from mama joys well candy's awesome i mean i get it i mean she's great.

She is. And she was making some crazy noises this episode. I was going to record them. But one of them is a ringtone. I made one of them a ringtone. We've got so many Candy ringtones, but one of them is Candy going, Ah, girl! Ah, girl!

She sounds like an old-timey radio trying to get reception. Yeah, because it happened. Mama! Yeah, she sounds like you're trying to connect to AOL in the 90s. Yeah. Hey, it's an email from Papa. I could listen to that all day. It's an old fax machine. See? Now. Rolling. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I could listen to that all day.

We should just tell people, oh, we got a new ringer of Candy's voice. It's just the sound of a fax machine. So, okay. So why don't we get to the real mean potatoes this episode, which is the real. Candy. Candy. The small potatoes this episode. Which is the real one. Andy. The small potatoes. Yeah. Now.

Now. Now. So Apollo went crazy. Oh my God. Okay, well this is great yes i mean he didn't kill her i mean he could have i was i wouldn't have been surprised if he had whipped out like a weapon or something because he was he did take out a weapon he had a drill in his hand at one point he sure did by the way yeah but i mean that shows you how much work he's actually done around the house. Like, who's going to drill somebody to death? That's like the dumbest weapon I've ever seen.

That bucket of screws and bolts and nuts didn't just, like, you know, find themselves there. Somebody had to go to Home Depot and buy them. That was his whole argument. He's like, look, I built this house. Look, I went to Home Depot. Look at all these light switches. He's like, look, I built this house. Look, I went to Home Depot.

Look at all these light switches. It's like, Apollo, none of those are on the house, which means you didn't do shit. You just went and spent a bunch of money. Idiot. He's like, I built this grass. I built that tree. He's like, look at all these supplies I never used on the house. Yeah, that's not a good argument.

Yeah. So, Phaedra, what I love is Phaedra hires aires a locksmith and she's like i would like to change the locks in the door the locksmith's like may i ask what for why i'm like what locksmith yeah ask this is not this this is not like like the dmv or something i don't know it's like please electronically sign this form and a five-page agreement. Like, just change the fucking locks. What, do you have a screwdriver? Jesus Christ. What do you want, an award? And what a man, too.

Like, Apollo's there like, bitch, I'll kill you. And he's like, oh, I'm on my phone, so I'll just be right over here talking on my phone. Exactly. How about you not let this woman get killed on the job? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so he's changing the locks, and then Apollo comes storming up. And it was definitely awkward it was definitely like

LOL at Phaedra changing the locks the morning he goes to God Phaedra but she had a good point because I thought that too but her thing was she didn't know he had been out cleaning the streets running the streets as she said that's actually a good point because he could have easily just been giving her

keys out and just like inviting people to go over there and do what they want. Exactly. And let's not forget, we're actually overlooking the first part of the episode, which is that Apollo brought up all these texts showing that Phaedra was Texas' guy. Oh, God, Mr. Chocolate. Mr. Chocolate. Yet, like, I think it's our, like, 15th

like, African man. Visible African man on this show. There's a whole other show somewhere in, I don't know, like Libya or like Congo of like the real house men of the real housewives. And not for nothing, with the exception of Ben's acquaintance, who we all adore, but who's totally booed up, where are all these amazing eligible nigerian billionaires

i mean like where where do i get in line for that i'd like a bentley i'd like a hermes bag yeah we have to find we have to find these african princes for people there's obviously there's some place where they're easily accessible and they have very low standards perfect sign me up and apparently the exchange rate's good because they're buying a lot of expensive shit here it's like what going to mexico used to be like like i'm going to mexico to buy my car it's five dollars let me go to atlanta find me a woman yeah five dollars it'll get me a bentley there do you guys think that Phaedra was actually texting with a guy? A hundred percent.

Or do you think that Apollo had somehow fabricated these texts? Oh, no. Apollo's too stupid. Apollo can't even speak English. He is not going to know how to fabricate a text. And then he wouldn't get so upset about it. He's good at identity theft. I mean, identity theft is kind of his thing.

Well, obviously not. He's obviously not good at it. This is some shit that Kenya has put in that little peanut head. And because you know, she's not, she, the whole African prince thing, I mean, this is

Kenya written all over it. And then we see in the next episode, Kenya throws it in her face. That's a good point. Oh, yeah. Immediately. Yeah. Yeah.

So you're saying that Kenya was texting you? I think Kenya made all this up. I think so, too. Or he planted this seed in Dum Dum's head. But where would he get all the texts? I mean, I'm surprised he knew how to. Well, he did stop her phone. And then he said, like, oh, I sent the text to myself. You can't send texts to yourself. Maybe he meant the picture. I was honestly. I think he screens knew how to. And then he said like, oh, I sent the text to myself.

You can't send text to yourself. Maybe he meant the picture. I was honestly. I think he screenshotted them. I was thinking he screenshotted them and sent them to himself. Who knows? I just think that this is some stuff that he and Kenya are in collusion to create this thing. It seems like that to me because he's definitely not smart enough. And even if

she were, who cares? Does it really matter at this point? Well, that's basically just, that's my point. Like, this guy just basically threw his family in the trash can and he's acting like she did something wrong. You're leaving me alone during my sentencing and you're leaving me alone during

Yeah, why the fuck would she want to take the kids to watch her husband get sentenced? You fucking mor moron you just threw away your family like you lose bye have fun in jail and of course she's gonna divorce your stupid ass the second you're in there yeah idiot he's a little deluded that he thinks he like when he was barging around in the house he was like don't move that leave that there leave that there like in eight years a box is never gonna get moved you know like he's a little i don't think he understands the way things work like over time that things change things move and that if you ask to like have your shoes left at the door for so they may they may be moved in eight years when you come back yeah they're

gonna be your house your children your entire life. Their identity. You better have some money for me when I get out. Nope. Sorry. You're going to be lucky if you get out. Because you know that Phaedra has some big dick, like some stripper with a meth problem in there just waiting to kill Apollo's ass.

He's going to so get his ass shanked if he starts any crap with her. Strangled by a giant dick stripper. Yeah, he's going to so get his ass shanked if he starts any crap with her. Strangled by a giant dick stripper. Yeah, he's going to be choked to death with Ridiculous' dick. I like that. This is the thing that offended Angie. Of all the things, the strangulation by a big dick stripper. And the other thing is like, I will never fully buy that she's not involved anyways.

So, I mean, that's where all this anger is coming from. He's mad because he's taking the rap. That's the whole... Well, that's what I've been saying the whole time, too. But I'm starting to doubt it because I feel like he would have outed her by now. He's so mad by now. And he's at least intelligent enough to know that she's leaving him. I mean, he's seen a lawyer.

He's gone that whole route, and he knows that he's shit out of luck. So why is he not blackmailing her, or why has he not come out yet and said – Well, because maybe he doesn't want his kid – well, maybe he's worried about his kid. He doesn't care about those kids. And by the way, the other reason why I think that he may have made up those texts is because that way he's the texases is because it gives him like uh i think maybe with a divorce it would give him some sort of thing like oh she was cheating on me something like that like i think he was trying to get some leverage but at the same time though he apparently then threatened her oh that was the best part oh my god that's what i love when he's talking to peter and peter's

like he's like yeah i confronted phager about it and's talking to Peter and Peter's like, he's like, yeah, I confronted Fager about it. And Peter's like, well, what'd you say? He's like, well, I told her this is what people get killed over this. I'm like, oh, real smart. Real smart convicted criminal, like mentioning that, you know, alluding to death threats. Yeah. When you're even making Peter uncomfortable, that's that's pretty bad. What'd you say to her? What'd you say to her?

What'd you say to her? Oh, you're threatening to kill her? Oh, man. No, man. Why don't you just jerk off into a sock or something, dude? Oh, man. Part of me is as horrible as all that was. There is still part of me that I was so sad

because poor Apollo never had a shot i mean we've seen his family yeah that kid was born in the street this was gonna be his life no matter if he met phadra or not like this was gonna be his destiny unfortunately it seemed phadra however i like she knew what she was getting into when she married him. Like I will just, that's why she kind of bothers me. Now she's doing this whole like preacher's daughter with a stone before the rainbow gone come Jesus. Like, I'm just like, you know what? You need to have so many damn seats because she is educated.

She comes from a supposedly this like self-righteous Christian good family. And she ran off and married a convict. And now it's like clutching pearls. Oh my, I didn't know. Let me, you know, I was just like,

give me a huge break. Part of me feels like game knows game in her core. I think that she is shady as hell and she's just smart enough to clean her mess up. Yeah. She is a smart cookie. cookie i mean the whole time she why would you deal with some man when you have when you're like a strong black woman like pedro who's got all your businesses why the hell are you gonna stand around and wait for some man to

control your life and tell you when you're gonna have a bait i mean it's almost the ultimate in feminism if you think about it she went she got this guy who used to work for her and then went to jail so she knew she could control his stupid ass he's fine as hell she climbed into his dorm room like from what he makes it sound like he was staying in a homeless shelter or some shit when she was coming over you know like some dumpy little room i know i was just trying to think of a tiny room. Suddenly he's gone to college. That's a very white perspective. Well, you know, she climbed into the dormitory at night.

Oh, whatever. The tiny home. I immediately changed it to homeless shelter. He was staying over at his cousin's house. You know, peanut. He was staying over with Bun. With Bun. Bun. She's like, Bun. Bun, you better go get him i'll call the police it'll ruin his life bun

you know the thing is um i loved the way phedra was acting when apollo came storming through because she was cool as a cucumber you know until she wasn't but she was like she pretty much was the whole time the only time she got a little freaked was when he started, like, actually coming at her. But then her voice, oh, I loved it because she was calm, calm. She's like, you better not come near me. Like, when she raised her voice just a little bit, like, it sort of had all the heft of, like, you believed her threat. Like, it wasn't, you know, that's why someone like Nini is worthless because she's all noise all the time. But someone like Phaedra, who's cool as a cucumber. And then when she starts to like unleash that anger,

it's like scary, you know? Oh yeah. We know he's violent because the other thing that bothers me is like a few years ago when he tried to kill Brandon. And, um, so we've seen that side of him.

I mean, it definitely like, look at this guy. I mean, he's, this is what he's about. We all know he's capable of being very violent. And it's like, well, if he's just beating up gay guys, then whatever.

But now it's like we're also shocked and upset. Like, that's what he is. Yeah, he's an animal. And honestly, when he did pick up that drill, when he picked up that drill totally innocently and then walked over to Phaedra and was like, don't call the police. We came out the wild.

It was a little scary. I thought so. Whispering. And then the other guys on the ladder trying to disappear. You know that gif of Homer Simpson disappearing into the hedges? That's what he was doing. He was like... I just came over here to do this.

Yeah. And I mean... He's's like you better not call the police i'm gonna fix that bathroom door i'll do it i'll do it pedra i just like that he obviously is trying to be violent but he's kind of a midget too like everyone on this show has an attraction to like really he wasn't violent because the camera was there although like she said he had nothing to lose i mean it was mean, I was it was a tense moment. If the cameras weren't there, I'm not convinced that it would have gone over as. Oh, no, I think it would have been way worse.

Yeah. I mean, that's why she's changing the locks. Hmm. Well, screw that guy. He's in jail now. Hmm. I wish we could get Apollo updates like we get Teresa updates. Yeah. What is the latest update?

Isn't she getting out early or is that something? Teresa, like, she even has decent PR in prison. Like, honestly, if you think about all the shit that this woman did, the fact that she still gets good PR is really weird. But she does. People are, like, rooting for Teresa. But everything I've read is like, Teresa's working out five times a day and looks amazing.

And since she stopped wearing makeup, her skin looks great. but everything I've read is like Teresa's working out five times a day and looks amazing and since she stopped wearing makeup her skin looks great and then they show her like with her hairline down to her nose like smiling smiling wisely I'm like I've never seen a wise smile on Teresa I guess they're force-feeding like children's books down her throat or something and by the way if there's if it's any consolation to people there's's a headline by The Inquisitor, one of the great journalistic sources on the web, saying Teresa Giudice is allowed to watch Empire and Scandal. So you know what? The world is okay. Everything's okay.

Could you imagine watching those shows with Teresa? The whole time she'd be like, huh? What are they talking about? What are they doing? Who's that? Who's that? What's happening on the Empires is? She'd be that friend.

She'd be like, who's the umpire? When do they play baseball? Who is that? I've got my friend Cookie. Why isn't Cookie up? I don't understand. My friend Cookie's white. Why is she up there? I don't understand. Who's the black girl playing Cookie? Cookie's white. She's supposed to be white. I love Cookies. I can't have

Cookies, though. Defending. She's like, hey, Gia, you have to, why don't you send your audition tape to Empire Records? They're doing a lot of good things right now. Gia's like, okay, Mom. My mom loves cookies. Shake my ass around on the camera.

Cookies. It's cookie time. Yeah, so Teresa's doing well. She's working a lot i'm glad she's getting her squats in yeah because she's gonna need it for her uh spinoff show so maybe that's why all his people are that scene he kind of pretty much like sealed his fate with the bravo audience yeah but he's still hot he still has that i don't think so anymore you know he's one of those guys like his face to me is just ugly now i think it's gross it doesn't look right like everything's too close together on his face and it's like the facial features are too small for his big giant muscle head like i don't like him anymore people's personalities ruin their

physiques and their good looks and that's why gay people fuck and then talk later because you don't want to ruin that yeah you know writing that note writing that one day all right why don't we move on to um should we move on to the Wedding of the Century? This is all going wrong! Play it over. Play it over again. Play it again. We were first talking about Vanderpump Rules. I took a bunch of notes, everyone.

For some reason, I always feel motivated to take lots of notes on Vanderpump Rules and nothing else. Because Vanderpump Rules doesn't follow as much of a strict formula. It kind of changes it up every week, so you have to pay a little bit more attention. It's not just like, hey, let's go to a tea party, and this week we're going to a cancer party. Yeah. There are also too many gems that come at you. It's too much. You just have to write them down.

Otherwise, it's like a crime against humanity not to mention all the crazy shit that happens on that show every single week especially so you know we always complain about weddings on bravo we hate weddings on bravo it's like they're just it's the same thing over and over again i would say the exception is the sheena wedding i feel like this is a wedding that i thoroughly enjoyed from beginning to end because i don't think bravo really tried to make this look magical and wonderful. I think Bravo was like delighting in the fact that it was all going wrong. And the irony is it was actually a lovely wedding. It was a lovely wedding, but she knows such a like bridezilla.

She didn't even realize how nice her wedding was. Um, yeah, well, she's, she's too much up her own ass to even see what's going on around there i hate when brides act like that at their wedding like everything's going wrong what an idiot it's supposed to be you're supposed to be the most beautiful ever and you're acting like a

heartbeat just stop it all this shit was donated you found this bitch on instagram you know she's working for five dollars and she's like um i'm paying her thousands of dollars you did not pay that bitch thousands of that girl is wearing like a marshall's clearance that's not even like front of the store marshalls that's like backed by the fucking copper chickens yeah that's come on yeah um i mean you knew that, like, I mean, Sheena, the thing is this. Sheena is just an awful person, materialistic person. The fact that, like, she pretty much opened the episode saying, I have a husband. Like, none of my other friends have a husband.

This is awesome. Well, I bet they do in Azusa, bitch. Yeah. Maybe your friends in Hollywood don't. But I'm sure all of azusa had babies like before you were even done with high school come on now yeah exactly 10 years ago they're from el paso texas and i'm sure that ain't too far from azusa like mentally yeah it's better mexican food so um this episode was about sort of like the wedding reception and uh it began actually with uh

horse face number one uh encountering lisa vanderpump which was hilarious because horse face decided to try to be like all professional and like and polite at first so she's like hello lisa how are you today you look wonderful how are you this evening ma'am i know Good day to you, Mr. Underpump. Tip of the hat. Seriously? You look lovely. Seriously? Seriously?

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Ma'am, you look wonderful. I hope you've had a wonderful day so far seriously ma'am that looks that dress looks wonderful on you well it actually did on elizabeth hurley 25 years ago do you remember the very first time we saw liz hurley when she came out with you grant and she wore like the very first versa well i'm aging myself but the first time we ever saw versa she like on a celebrity was on elizabeth hurley hugh grant like took her to the oscars and she wore that dress and it was basically like safety pin like big gold safety pins like holding it to get it was so hot on like a 23 year old liz hurley right yeah seriously you're wearing some vintage versace seriously it looks wonderful though seriously how are you

i know what lisa's doing yeah um but then like that quickly devolved because then uh because lisa's just so outwardly a c word. I love it. She doesn't, she's really, the housewives has been so good for her because she's really honed her C wordiness and doesn't try and hide it at all. She's just like, yeah, hello darling. So what are you doing now? Like you're fired. So obviously you've got to be doing something.

And Kristen's like, you know, party, uh, pissy, Chrissy, you know, acting again

it's wonderful I should have quit a long time ago seriously did I hear her say she worked there for seven years yeah but it hasn't been open for seven like this is the biggest confusing thing about this show they opened

Sir at the end of I believe season two of Housewives. That's when they opened Sur. The finale party was the opening of Sur. And that was three years ago. That was the Sur lounge that they opened up. Oh, so Sur was already a restaurant and then they just opened the lounge? It was like a nothing restaurant.

It was like a small little restaurant. It was like, you know, people went there. But it was like, you know. But went there, but it was like, you know. But they never even mentioned it on the show. There are all these, because it was like, because season one of Lisa, Vanderpump, she was focused on Villa Blanca. I think she was focusing all her attention there, but it was known that she owned Sir, too. And, you know, it was like, Sir was like one of many of these there are a bunch of these like restaurants in boystown these kind of generic euro trashy restaurants that are like like cafe like cafe etoile you know like it's like a nothing it's like a restaurant that

is like a little overpriced and serves as vaguely european thing that basically like old theater queens think like it's so fancy you know it's it's just like not good you know and that's what sir is and it was but now it has a higher profile oh okay i've just always been confused because they keep the years keep changing like how long it's been open but uh i think they just opened three years ago okay i get it now either way like horse face you know she quickly goes from being polite to being passive-aggressive. And then she's like, well, you never liked me. Seriously, you never liked me. Which is, you know, classic Horseface victimization.

And they sort of get into, like, a little spat. And I love that, like, at the end of the spat, Horseface gives this, like, super awkward hug. Like, again, trying to be polite again. And Lisa's like, why does everything have to end with a hug? Oh, yeah yeah oh yeah well that was like good yeah you know it's lisa's this whole week on both this show and on beverly hills lisa was just totally you know destroying all her she was very funny on the horse face lisa just destroyed them all i don't like your attitude darling no you don destroyed them all. I don't like your attitude, darling. No, you don't like me. No, I don't like your attitude.

No. Good fighting, good arguing skills. And then Lisa's just standing there looking at her like she's the biggest fucking moron she's ever seen. Until she slinks away with her tail between her legs. And Lisa just rolled her eyes. Lisa's basically staring at her being like, I'm richer than you, I'm more famous than you, and I'm smarter than you. So no matter what you say, you're still

going to be worthless. She's like, you can't compete, babe. Bye. Meanwhile, we then had a scene of Stassi and Christina. Oh my god, can you believe those losers at the wedding? It's like, everybody

is there but us. What losers. Let's have a drink and try and find pictures of them on Instagram to prove what losers they are. It's like, bitches, you're in a Chili's with, like, obviously watered down vodka and chips. Okay, you lost.

Let's just face it. I know. Stassi's big return was her just seeming like this pathetic outsider to this wedding. Who wears that crop top wedding dress? That's her thing, Stassi. I didn't know if you knew this, but crop tops are her thing. That's kind of her thing. And by the way, I erroneously labeled last week's episode. I made a halter pun, but it really should have been a crop top pun so i'm sorry oh well i don't make any puns you can tell who's producing

what weeks because i'm just like real housewives of atlanta post that's why i do the bonus episodes those episodes i just say like snl and empire that's all i say that's what i did and Empire. That's all I say. That's what I did. I like times. Yeah, and then so Stassi was basically being like, who does that? Who does that? Being worthless.

Jax, meanwhile, Jax was just like a big O for this episode. He was like, he was like, he kept on, he's still going after this Carmen chick. And he's like, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. He's like, I kept on, he's still going after this Carmen chick. And he's like. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. He's like, I'm not pursuing her, but I'm not not pursuing her.

But he didn't even say that. He's so stupid. He's like, I'm not pursuing her, but I'm not not not pursuing her. I was like, do you know how many knots you just put in there? You're basically pursuing her, stupid. Count your knots. He is so stupid. Yeah. Yeah. what he's does he always go around begging like that that's not a good look no he's well he's like the classic aging Svengali like

he's losing his looks he's run out of girls to bang and he has this one girl left and he just has he's he's begging for it and she don't want it well look at that big old waterhead he's got he needs to stop drinking because you know like some people when they drink well men like he's begging for it. And she don't want it. Well, look at that big old water head he's got. He needs to stop drinking. Because you know how some people when they drink, well, men, he's got that big Alec Baldwin balloon head thing. It's not cute. Is that from drinking? I mean, I have a gigantic head. I don't feel like I drink that much.

Some people when they drink, they get, but his neck is all swollen. He just, to me, looks like a bad, loaded drinking head. His face is turning into a cookie puss, basically. He looks like a giant cookie puss on top. Okay, that too. Yeah, I guess you guys haven't been to Carvel.

No, what's a cookie puss? Carvel ice cream, their signature cake is cookie puss, and if you look it up, that's what Jax looks like now. It's like this big, weird looking thing. Yeah. Trust me. Too much rubber in his face.

Yeah. And then remember, he was like, I'll fuck a fact check. Hey. Yeah. That's when it starts going downhill. I have a cousin like that. He was always so beautiful. He was just so handsome.

And everybody wanted him. Even other cousins like we were like wow he's amazing and then he was just so arrogant he fucked everybody in town and then as he ages he like does this weird facial hair thing and like yeah he tries to be like tattooed and earrings and not take a shower to be cool it's like dude now you're just a 50 year old aging kind of fat smelly person and he's still chasing around ass like he can get it oh it's just so sad it reminds me of jacks yeah jacks especially when you don't have any money i feel bad for jacks in 10 years jacks is gonna be a real tragic case that's for sure he's gonna be back with that old queen in miami a pool. He certainly will be. Riding some semi-hard white dick. Poor guy.

Yeah, it won't be long before the Jack sex tape comes out. That's for sure. Oh, God. Can you imagine? He'll be, like, spitting everywhere, like, while he talks. He'll have, like, food on the corner of his mouth. It'll be called One Night in Jacksonville. Ew.

Ew. He'll smell. corner of his mouth it'll be called one night in jacksonville oh the girl will be like julia roberts and refuse to kiss him because like you'll have bad breath yeah he's gross all i think about now is his bad breath ever since they said he had bad breath that's all i can think about oh i forgot about that i can't believe kristin would have sex with jacks. His breath is disgusting. Like that was Tom's first reaction. His breath is so bad. Kristen. Kristen. Meanwhile, Sheena.

So then what happens next is that Sheena had a meltdown because they were having like the entrances of the bridal party. And then Sheena and Shay were going to like walk in and they had a song where they're going to do some sort of choreography. And the DJ started playing a different song. And so Sheena started to flip out. She's like, and Shay were going to walk in, and they had a song where they were going to do some sort of choreography, and the DJ started playing a different song, and then Sashina started to flip out. She's like,

we have to come out to the exact point, or it defeats the whole purpose. This is pointless. As if she were going out on Dancing with the Stars. She's like, the whole reception is fucked. And then they play the song, and it's like,

on your ass, on your ass, and your pussy in your ass, and she's like twerking around, and Lisa's like, on your ass, on your ass, and your pussy in your ass. And she's like twerking around. And Lisa's like, well, I thought it would be at last, darling. But this is good too. But the thing is that the choreography for when she finally did make her entrance was so basic, it was basically her putting her hands in the air, like dancing.

Yeah, they just jumped up and down. I was like, this is the moment that was supposed to make sense. Like, if turned down for what had played as originally planned, like it would all make sense. The reception would be elevated to a new plateau. And does it? You didn't play the Azusa National Anthem. Yeah,

you were supposed to play two pennies in the bushel for one chicken and I never played. Hey, when's the dollar dance? You're supposed to play I want my baby back, baby back, baby back ribs, okay? We're supposed to do a dollar dance but instead of giving us dollars,

people give us lottery tickets. Aunt Dee came up with that one. We are supposed to do a dance where everyone gives us kielbasa. I don't know. I'd dance for that kielbasa I don't know isn't there some sort of polka dance in Pennsylvania where you give kielbasa to the bride

I don't know yeah and then I love how and then how about when Sheena makes this announcement She's like everyone I want to thank you all For coming I'm so happy but please No drinks on the dance floor Because we don't want broken glass

Because I want to hurt my foot really bad on broken glass I can't believe you drink I can't believe you drink a drink so close to the dance floor Don't you know what happened to me Oh Seener Oh Seener you're awful Can I ask you guys something drinks across the dance floor. Don't you know what happened to me? Oh, Senor. Oh, Senor. You're awful.

Can I ask you guys something? As I have stated before, I don't fuck with this show. But let me ask you something. Is the reason that this show... No, I mean, I'm just... I'm observing. Is the reason this show is so popular because people miss, like, Laguna and the Hills? Is that sort of and the Hills. Is that the appeal?

I think part of it, but Laguna and the Hills were much classier compared to this show. I think they were. They were. I think first of all... Isn't Tyler, isn't Pratt, Spencer Pratt, fall out of that? Yes, he did. And yet, Spencer Pratt is like Prince of that. Yeah, he did. But, and yet, he... And Heidi. Spencer Pratt is like Prince Charles compared to these guys.

But the thing is, I think that people started watching Grand Pump Rules because of, like, hate watching. And the difference is that with, like, The Hills and Laguna, the drama was kind of like... It would bubble over every now and then, but it was more or less pretty tame. it would bubble over every now and then, but it was more or less pretty tame. It's funny, though, because Stacey, the bridesmaid, or one of the women in the bridal party, was on the hills.

But, you know, I think what people watch the show is that these are... The old-ass bridesmaid. Yeah. I think people are, like, intrigued by how depraved and selfish these people are. You know, they all cheat on each other, and they all act hideously every single week and they say the stupidest shit. So it's almost like train wreck

TV, you know? I think it's comforting. Got it. I mean, case in point, how about Horseface and her boyfriend James when James starts to get drunk at the wedding and he becomes totally belligerent. Oh, that's amazing.

I was like, this is what happens when you date a 21-year-old. This is what happens. Giga. Yeah, he does not know how to handle his booze. Oh, my God, and that came out of nowhere. He's like, Kristen, where are you going, Kristen? He's like, why didn't you tell me

about the buffet we're starting? Of course, of course. This is the way it goes. You told Tom about the buffet, but you don't tell me. Oh, so Tom's hungry. I don't have a stomach, Kristen. Isn't that lucky? I'm not hungry.

Don't worry about me, Kristen. Well, I'm sure that Tom enjoyed having the pasta, but I didn't have any because I didn't get to know about the buffet. Thanks a lot, Kristen. The only thing that was missing was I was waiting on him to, like, take his gloves off and smack that guy from Portlandia with the cigarette across the face. Ew, the worst.

The hipster Muay Thai trainer. Oh, congratulations. That guy wins the worst of LA. Like, hipster. He needs to stay out wherever they were. Oh, he was awful. And he's like, get out of a face, man. Like, your fake British accent is not going to help here, okay, trainer?

And I say that with quotation marks around it. She's like, I hit him. I hit him because I had to. He made me do it. Yeah, she really did. She got her hoof right up on his face. I'm not for violence, but God, he needed to be punched.

See, that's what this show is so fascinating, because it's like the worst person at any given time always changes. You think horse face is the worst, and then James is just being, Kristen, where you go? You're supposed to be my girlfriend, Kristen. Kristen? Oh, so you're going to leave with this guy?

You don't care about anyone. You don't care about any bloody person but yourself and Tom. That's why you're 31 and no one will marry you. Whoa. I was like, really? Wait until your ass is 31. You're going to be bald and fat.

I wish Danny DeVito won that, man. That's what I'm hoping for. I'm hoping God watches Vanderpump Rules and he pulls a Danny DeVito on him. Just shortens him, takes his hair, gives him some back hair, makes him fat. Of course, he doesn't deserve

the beautiful Rhea Perlman either, so maybe I take it back. That's right. Thank you very much. Meanwhile, speaking of marriages, then Tom Schwartz brings Katie to like a little bench. That's like his favorite move is like in the middle of a social event. He likes to pull her over to the corner and drops and throw a truth bomb on her that makes her cry. So he pulls out like a ring on a string, as she says, and she starts to cry because it's not what she wants. She wanted an actual engagement ring, not like a ring on a string as she says and she starts to cry because it's not what she wants she wanted an actual engagement ring not not like a ring on a necklace ring on a string ring on a

string she's like we're at a wedding i'm possibly pregnant with your child and this is not what a 30 year old woman wants to hear tom yeah and then it cuts to her in a confessional and she's like sometimes i want to get married in the summer and sometimes i want to get married in the fall like what the yeah that was funny she's like you know my wedding like i want a blue dress and sometimes i think about the asian babies i'm gonna have and sometimes i don't but i mean it's fun to think about but i don't obsess over it but i mean i would have a dollar dance but but, like, a $10 dance? It's like she keeps going. Poor thing. That's not the one.

And if that is the one, he's going to be cheating on you while you're pregnant. Like, you could do better, okay? You're not as hot as you think you are, but you're still hotter than a lot of people. Like, book yourselves a discount Southwest Airlines thing and just point to someplace and land there. And get a job waiting tables there. And maybe someone will flirt with you or something. I don't know. This is turning into Alice. Just my grits, male! If Vanderpump Rules and Alice

I would watch. Where they all have to have sex with Vic Tabak or with that guy that came in and ate my God. If it was Vanderpump. Yes. If it was Vanderpump rules, but in like a shitty little truck stop, that show would be amazing. I'd watch that.

Oh my gosh. And Lisa would come in with Jiggy. Yeah. Lisa would be like, all right, everybody, listen up. Here's the new menu. We're serving hot dogs and nachos. It's sexy.

Very sexy. Chef Penny has an innovation, okay? She has ketchup and mustard on the side. How sexy is that, darling? I mean, this is going to be the sexiest truck stop food you've ever had, darling. She'd have a gigantic thing of flowers from like an L.A. fella. Just like weeds that she's picked up on the side. Chef Penny is going to provide something that you're just going to relish.

It's just going to be called relish because it's just so relishing. I've painted my trailer the color of weeds because they're my favorite flower, darling. And I want them in this restaurant. When I come into this restaurant, I just want towers of weeds. Right, darling? I just want all the waiters to be wearing overalls. Very sexy to go with the sexy food from Chef Bennett. Sir, Villa Blanca is where you take your wife. Sir is where you take your mistress.

And this truck stop is where you fuck them both up in the ass after they've both done meth. And then you steal their children and run. She's like, I'm going to open up a place called Truck Stop. That's what it's called. It's called Truck Stop. And it's just going to be the dirty place where you just fuck everyone. And it's going to be filled with planters and lovely crystal lights. Oh, let's have trucks come there.

Oh, this is going to be good, darling. Max, you take this over, darling. Max, this is for you, darling. All right, this is where you're from, all right? We didn't want to tell you. Max, Max, you're in charge of washing the red trays. Max, we found your mother. She's doing dishes at this restaurant.

One day, if you work hard enough, you can actually pour a drink here instead of just run the food. Max, you're in charge of unboxing new menus when it's time. Oh, my God. Poor Max. And Max is just like, I just wanted to. Max is just like, I just wanted to know if I was Mexican.

Truck stop. Copyright that, guys. Meanwhile, by the way, you know what I also loved in this wedding was when Carmen decided to leave because she was like, I'm going to go back to L.A. now. Jax had this look, like, his classic lost puppy look. He's like, I'm going to go back to LA now. Jax had this look like his classic lost puppy look. He's like, what? Why are you leaving? I thought you were staying home with me. I thought we were having sex. And she's like, no, I never said that. He's like, yeah, you did.

They cut to her being like back to the Sunset Grill and she's like, yeah, I'm not going to stay over. I'm just going to go home back to LA that night. And Jax is like, you never said that! You never said that! Why are you leaving? Jax is just so transparent. He just wants a little poos.

It's so gross. And I'm glad that she at least pretended to have some self-respect. But you know she's been banging him since or something. Yeah. She probably saw how horrendous it is and was like, I can go home, have a glass of cab. Masturbate. Totally. Yeah.

Meanwhile, Sheena was still furious. She was like, I didn't even got to eat my food at the wedding. I'm like, bitch, haven't you ever been to a wedding? The thing that everyone says is that if you're the bride or the groom, you never get to eat the food. That's the way it goes. They're supposed to actually, like, make you a plate or something to take with you. I don't know. Yeah, exactly.

I love the way she thanks people, by the way. She always goes, thank y'all. Thank y'all. Yeah, that's from The Hills. I think The Hills started that accent. Yeah. Thank y'all. Thank y'all. Meanwhile, Tom and Ariana are now officially disgusting.

When Tom's like, when I want to go on vacation, I just look under Ariana's eyes. And then I can see myself getting blowjobs and hot tubs from ugly 20-year-old trannies. Like what kind of vacation is in her eyes? It must be disgusting because every vacation you've taken, you've boned some tranny in Miami. So whatever. Shut up. He's like, I feel like I'm on vacation when I look in her eyes.

And it feels like the Mount Airy Lodge in the Poconos. Kristen? The Mount Airy Lodge. Every time I look into her eyes, I see Casino Morongo. I'm like, wow, dollar poker. And Ariana's like, that's so romantic. Actually, Ariana's so normal for this show.

She's like, hey, what's up, girl? And Sheena's like, nothing's going right. Everything's wrong. You can't even play on the fucking iPod. And Ariana's like, but you're beautiful, and this is great. Let's go dance. Okay. I don't know how Ariana even is still on this show.

I don't know. She is way, way too normal. She's too cool. I don't think she even realizes. I don't think she even realizes. You know what? My prediction is that next year, when Stassi isn't on the show, Ariana's crazy is going to come out. I hope so.

I hope she just becomes a crazy biatch. Because the first episode she kind of was. Do you remember? In her first episode, she was like, I mean, yeah, Kristen's really mean to me, but, like, I'm hotter. And she said something like, I'm hotter than you. I'm cooler than you. And I'm smarter than you. So suck my dick, bitch.

And I was like, wow, this is okay. This girl's going to be great. And then ever since then, she's like, please and thank you. And like, you know. She basically read Kristen. But of course, reading Kristen is like the equivalent of reading like see dick run. You know, it's like the most easy reading in the world i know does not require a lot of skill to do the reading of kristen um this has nothing to do with vanderpump rules but i have to tell you

guys um because this just happened in the starbucks some guy came in i'm just talking about reading like defenseless people how it's unfair but uh this guy came into starbucks and he was trying to hand me a little jesus pamphlet and he's like some five foot tall old indian man like i'm not gonna get offended like good for him for finding jesus you know whatever but i was like no thanks he goes up to these two muscle queens and he's like oh here's you know jesus christ saves lives saves souls and they're like oh girl please you believe this shit and they start ripping into this guy and he's trying to stand his ground and he's like no you think this but you know in the end you'll see because he comes back and none of these matters because

he's going to change your heart and they're like oh girl please do i look like i need my heart chain look at this hot motherfucker i'm with and they start like telling off this poor guy. He's just trying to like hand out Jesus pamphlets. And I was like, that is the most indefensible read I've ever seen in my life. Leave him alone. Say more power to, wait, why should they leave him alone when he should be leaving them alone?

He walked into the, he's trying to, he is trying to spread the word. Okay. Like he believes he's trying to help that neighborhood. Yeah. Well, why do they need, maybe they already spread the word. Okay? Like, he believes he's trying to help them. Not in that neighborhood. Yeah, well, why do they need... Maybe they already have the word.

You don't come to West Hollywood and teach people to kneel. I can't believe you went and spread the... Bring your band-aids, honey. Bring your band-aids. You got to get cut. No. You walk in there, you turn your ass around and wobble. Oh, Lord.

Bring your band-aids. Angie, do you play Settlers of Catan? I do not. Well, Ben will teach you one day, and then you should come play with us. We can team up against Ben. Should Angie... Well, I think I once floated the idea by you, Angie, and you were like, oh, it sounds too much for me. It's not.

It's not that hard. Angie, you can do it. You roll some dice. It's fun. It's not. It's not that hard. Angie, you can do it. You roll some dice. It's fun. It's fun. It's social. I'm stupid. If I could do it, you can do it.

Because I'm a dumbass. I'm like, huh? It's a fun game and it's social. I have to be taught Canasta every Christmas. We can do it. Let's do it tomorrow night. Ronnie, let's do it before you go to Big Fat Dick. Okay.

How about we do it like you hang out, then settlers, and then I'll go with you to Big Fat Dick. Okay. That sounds great. Yay! That sounds super fun. If there's whiskey and Uber, I'll do anything you want. Yes, we can mix that in too. Yes, I need a night out, you guys. I've been taking these herbal pills from GNC that have been giving me energy, and I cannot just sit here anymore.

The other day I went to a gay performance art show at Ackbar. Why? I was like, I just looked up on the internet, I was like, gay events, Monday night. And they were like, to a gay performance art show at akbar why i was like i just looked up on the internet i was like gay events monday night and they were like oh gay performance art and i was like i'll go to that oh my god where was the little indian preacher when you needed him no kidding oh my god i should have been i would have been like this is my performance art girls all right go up there gupta he probably if he went in there, he would have to turn into a pillar of salt. Speaking of vitamins... He's like, whoops, I looked behind myself.

Our local ladies... That just made me think of Yolanda checking down all this vitamins. Wait, first, before we do that, I have an announcement to make. Like, I got married! That's it. That was Tina's big announcement.

Hi, I want to give a speech Thank everybody for coming to the wedding Because I mean this is like donated And like you feel the cheers Please don't drink on the dance floor And make sure to wipe the pee off the seats Because I hate pee on the seats I've had issues with it before

And one time I cut my foot And also, please bring flowers. Take those flowers out. Thanks, everybody! Why are you giving this speech? And why didn't we get to see your mom give a speech? Or your dad? I know. Well, her mom was...

Well, her dad was, like, drunk on the dance floor with his shirt open. I also like, by the way, one last thing, and then we'll go to Beverly Hills. I liked how the next day when when she like quote unquote like woke up with a full like face of makeup and then she decided suddenly she was like mad about kristen punching james she's like why would she do that on my wedding i'm like listen it was off to the side and it was funny if anything you should be like laughing about that like when that shit happens at a wedding that's what you that's what you want because that's the story of your wedding. Like, remember when there was a fight?

Remember when those two fight? She's like, I can't let Sharon do that on my day. She has no one. I don't know. That girl's just obsessed with bitching about something. And I can understand it. Because, I mean, I guess that's in my personality, too. But one of my favorite things about brides is after.

Because that power is gone. Like, that power that they just paid half a million dollars to feel where you get to be rude to people and boss everybody around and treat your family like shit and make your friends clean your hotel room, which honestly I've never heard. And I'm from El Paso, but that's gone. And you're just another person now. And you can't be walking around like that's not how I ordered my cake because it's like that's how the restaurant does it bitch so just shut up and welcome back to reality yeah your paid moment of power is over bride so let's move on because we only have angie for another 10 minutes or so yeah i can stay a little bit longer i definitely want to talk about these folks let's yeah you better because we don't just let you go whenever you want yeah or we cut you out i go through and cut out every line you just made like a little

like toad noise i want my kibasa and then i want to go what did y'all say fuck first then talk later yeah fuck first talk later i'll learn your name while i'm telling you down okay that is so gross i don't even know why I'm being like that. I'm a very under-sexed person. Listen, I'm just excited that the three of us are playing Cassandra Catan tomorrow night. Oh, my God. Ben's going to have a boner there, and then Angie and I will get boners at BFD.

Hey, are you going to come to Big Fat Dick, too, Ang? Well, I don't know. Yes, you are. Where do you live? Oh, you're an Eastsider, right? Yeah. God damn it. I want to move to the Eastside. I don't know that. Yes, you are. Where do you live again? Oh, you're an East Sider, right? Yeah. God damn it.

I want to move to the East Side. Okay. Could you see if you can find me a rent controlled one bedroom on the East Side for $900? Done. Thanks. Then I'll move. Then we could be names. We could be like, hey, I'll be like, hey, I'm sorry, but I can't stay focused today because my doctor won't give me Adderall.

So, okay, that P.O. box number. We're in Beverly Hills. I know. It's okay. They're all drunk anyway. It's like I'm the only person who can't even be a drug addict. I can't even focus that much. Okay, I will stop talking now. now ben why don't you just start

leading and i'll just pretend i'm with oh okay uh okay so beverly hills i thought you were gonna leave since you did the recap so i like don't have them okay do you know what my recap is okay here's my basic thing about bev bev hills i love the show it's my favorite housewife show maybe second to atlanta but i think i love beverly hills because it's actually where i live and stuff so it's my faves but i'm kind of having a problem with this addiction thing i don't have a problem with kim being drunk all the time or the fact that addiction has been part of the story for years i have a problem with the addiction police i don't know where lisa rena gets off thinking that it's her business to be telling everybody like bitch please you're some

young skank who married some rich old man i know you've at least got some zanny in your purse you are not going home and fucking that asshole and then taking the attitude from your bitch daughters without some kind of drugs in your system first First of all. I love Lisa Rinna as addiction police. I think she's great. That is rude. She has a right to be addicted if she wants. If I show up everywhere I go wasted. You have the right to not want to invite me anymore.

But if you ever sat me down. And were like Ronnie. You need to go to AA. I'd be like bye. I agree and I disagree. I agree that, you know what, it's not her battle. It's not her issue. She should...

I disagree in that I like her opinions. I like her as addiction policing that way, because when she's saying things, I'm like, yeah, right on, sister. Right on. You're right. Well, it's time that somebody said it, which I agree. I've been with her until now. Yeah. Oh, by the way, this is Kim Richards being rushed to the hospital right now in the background. Oh, but it's just because I accidentally twisted.

I twisted my arm when I was taking out the trash on one of those twisty ties, and it really hurt. And so then I got food. I didn't relapse. I just put vodka in my Brita because I heard that makes clear water. I went to see Dr. Jack, and once I had swallowed him, I felt better. Do you guys think Brandi was able to stay sober for 21 days? No. No.

I don't think she was sober for 21 seconds. No. I think she drank the whole time. I think she was sober at that party because she knows that Yolanda will come up and look her right in the eyes. Fucking Yolanda. She's so rude. right in the eyes. Fucking Yolanda. She's so rude. Listen, I've heard something from everybody here. Okay, Kim?

I've heard all of these things about you, but I want you to know I don't care if you're a sloppy alcoholic. I love you anyway because I understand disease. Do you know what Lyme disease is? Oh, it hurts. I'm going to say something controversial and say that I actually thought that what Yolanda said to Kim at that party, I actually liked it. I thought, like, if you're going to approach

someone, she was basically saying, like, hey, I'm not trying to... Everybody's saying you're drunk. Yeah, but basically saying, like, I'm the guy that's here. If you need support, I'm here for support, and that's it, you know? I actually liked it. And I also liked what Yolanda said to Brandy earlier, when Brandy wasy was like well everyone is so judgmental of me and then yolanda's like well that's because you give them a reason to be judgmental right i mean like so you will about

yolanda i don't think she was wrong i think you know i was like she's not wrong thank you again having munchausen's and trying to fake diseases to keep your old man who's probably obviously cheating on you um in your house and keep your mansion. That doesn't necessarily make you a liar about everything. Right. Maybe Blanca is, like, solely poisoning her. That's not my new theory. I would.

That would be awesome. Blanca's like, I'll be the skinny one in this house, bitch. Blanca, could you bring me my vitamins, please? I'm having the Lyme disease again. I'm having a Lyme flare-up. Por favor, give up the pills and the lemons and start eating the enchiladas. You don't live as long, but you're much happier.

And you don't care if your husband's fucking somebody else. You know that Blanca has a deal with a guy down the corner selling carpets. She's like, okay. Never mind. She's like, I get Like, if you, if you, never mind. She's like, I get $5 for every Wonder Woman towel you sell. I love, my favorite part of the show, well, one of my favorite parts, was the scene with Brandy and Jennifer Jimenez at the beach.

Yes, me too. And it reminded me so much of, like, you guys probably don't remember, but they used to have these, like, that was, like, the old lady tampon commercial. Because, that would be like two perky tweens like sitting at the beach like like sometimes i have that not so fresh feeling we have these like two old pieces of like yeah turkey jerky like you know not so sober feeling yeah like you know i don't know i don't know why i'm always so shocked when you're such a bitch but every time you do it every time you do it i'm like whoa i just think of you as such a sweetheart

turkey jerky it's the best thing i've ever heard and it rhymes i really like that scene you know why regardless of who was in it because you know you know, for the past few weeks, and actually for a while, we've been saying what's really annoying about Kim's sobriety, quote-unquote sobriety, is that she doesn't seem to go to any AA classes. She hasn't, like, been accountable. She still holds grudges against people.

We say all these things, and in fact the last, like, week or two, we even said, like, why is Jennifer Jimenez not saying anything? Doesn't she realize it's wrong? So this week, Jennifer Jimenez finally trips up and was like, you know what? Is she taking classes? Does she have a sponsor? Is she doing this?

And is she doing that? I was like, thank you. Thank you for finally saying that. And of course, she's actually starting to impart some useful advice to Brandy. And Brandy just keeps on interrupting her and being like, well, I mean, it's like, should I be here? I can't be the one listening to her. I can't be there. I'm like, listen, be quiet, Brandy.

Listen to Jennifer Jimenez. She's trying to, like, tell you something here. But I was very happy. Yeah, she's trying to help you. I also have a problem with Jennifer Jimenez being friends with Brandy. I mean, Brandy seems to be kind of, have some issues with substance. Yeah. Well, you know.

Like a nurse. You know, it's like if you're a nurse, you're just going to hang around with somebody who's always got nosebleeds. I don't know. Maybe you feel more needed. And what kind of idiot? I mean, y'all have talked about this before, but we all live in L.A. We all know people who are addicts. Like rule number one. Well, we're all going to meet up.

You know, if we're all going to Akbar, we're not going to invite Joyce because that bitch can't drink right now. Do you know what I mean? You just don't do that. And Brandy knows this. What is she thinking? This woman is so fragile. You cannot bring her to things where there's alcohol. She can't handle it.

Just like Jennifer said, that takes like five years for some people. It really does. Well, on the other hand you know here's here's how we deal with it in my family i have a lot of it in my family and i won't go too into it because i've already spent enough on that but recently a cousin of mine just got put into rehab for like snorting heroin or something awful you know and she's always been on and off her whole life and i was talking to her mom and she was like you know i know that we all party as a fan because my my family parties like where we get wait we get shit-faced drunk and, like, we have a great time.

Like, we go there. But she's like, you know, we're going to have to be careful when you're home because whenever you're home, it turns into this, like, week-long party. And she can't do that anymore. And, you know, I was talking to my mom who has her own issues. And my mom's like, well, that's not fair. Fuck that. What, we're not supposed to have drinks around? You know, I was talking to my mom who has her own issues. And my mom's like, well, that's not fair. Fuck that. What? We're not supposed to have drinks around, you know, and she's going off.

And I can see that side, too, because, you know, I've you know, if I'm eating disordered, are you going to all order salad if I meet you at dinner? Kim should be on. Yeah. My point was Kim shouldn't be on the show if she can't be around alcohol. Like, I understand if she can't be around it, but she she just shouldn't be on the show. Yeah. Basically. Did you hear what we were saying about oh no you know i didn't stop talking for 20 minutes i just kept yapping and yapping i was like well i'm making them uncomfortable which made me talk even more did you hear what we were saying about lisa rena about how her theory about kim no what. What was it? Oh, wow.

You really were gone for a while. I know. You guys didn't even care. This is what it's going to be like when I'm dead. I'm going to be like your ghost. We were saying... We're still going to be doing Watch What Happens. Yeah. I'm going to be like, hey, remember me? No. We were saying that we thought that when Kim, that when

Lisa said that Kim was pitting Kyle and Brandy against each other, was a pretty like that was a pretty astute observation so that way they wouldn't pay attention to her problems kind I mean I don't think that she is putting them together though I think I said that seems like a sophisticated plot for Kim to be able to pull off but yeah I don't know I don't know you I don't know. You give Kim a dollar and she rents a Bentley. Like, Kim doesn't know

what the fuck she's... She's just crazy. Her brain's gone. Is Kim honestly supposed to be somebody's nurse? I mean, please tell me that's not happening. Who?

Kim. Yeah. Kim's nurse to Monty. Please tell me that's not really happening. Well, yeah. She's protecting him from the harm

of all those cancer pills. It's a huge... It's like when... It's like when I... I'll take this. I'll eat it. Oh, God, Monty protecting him from the harm of all those cancer pills. It's a huge thing. It's like when I crack. Don't take this. I'll eat it. Oh, God, Monty. I could have been dangerous. Oh, my gosh.

I know. That's bad. I was also telling Angie that I like the way Eileen weighed in on everything. And she sort of pulls Kyle out of the sludge. She goes, listen, you know, it's not my place to say anything. But, you know, I just think it's all creepy. It's all weird. Anyway, that's it.

And then, well, no, it was way more than that. And I love that she goes up to Kyle. She corners her and she's like, here, let's talk about Kim's addiction. I don't think this is right. We're all pretending there's not a problem. Kyle's like, do you know how hard it is for me? I mean, I have a family. I can't be there every day.

And what are they accusing me of? And Eileen's like, yeah, I don't care about that. What I'm saying is Kim is going to die. And Kyle's likeyle's like well but i mean it's hard for maritio he has a business like kim kim's gonna be dead soon but it's gonna be so hard on my kids like kyle it's not about you she's like she's like listen listen i just want to say this i really didn't like the way that kim read that script okay she really didn't seem to inhabit the role of the puppet very well, and I'm really concerned about her sobriety as a result. Her puppet.

Is she sober? She's sober because a sober person would not perform with a puppet that way. I'm sorry. It's creepy. Camille Paglia, Siri, she's obsessed. She writes a lot about Real Housewives, or she's talked about them. And she said that these shows are so successful because they're replaced soap operas.

Oh, totally, yeah. And I think the reason, Ronnie, like you said, that this particular franchise is so good, because everybody on this show is an actress. Yeah. It's true. That's why this one's so good. Yeah, it's finally, like, back up to proper form, you know?

But they're giving that, just like when you were doing that Eileen impersonation, that's how she really talks. She never leaves that soap opera persona. It's fantastic. Right. Well, you know, and Eileen's got a point. She's like, listen, on Days of Our Lives, I had an evil twin who was a triplet. And, you know, it was difficult walking around with those teeth but at the same time now i understand how people with big teeth feel do you know what i mean kyle

and kyle's like do you know how hard big teeth are on me um but i like that she was like listen we're you don't need to do anything but ren and i are gonna approach kim no no no that's not how intervention works you don't just walk up to to somebody that you don't know and have an intervention on them. That's not really your business to do that. And then when they did, it was really disturbing. Because, you know, Kim's basically, like, she's not there yet. I mean, that's just, yeah. She was just like, please, right.

Well, wait. Was this scene, this scene was after they had that conversation with Kim, right? Yeah, it was. So that means she's going back for more. That wasn't even the intervention. That was just them talking to her at a party. Exactly. Well, what was funny was the intervention,

which was so hyped up, was this sort of like, it was kind of a letdown. And the funny thing was that like Kim's response, everything was just like, blah, blah, blah. Kim literally like, blah, blah, blah. Kim literally said, blah, blah, blah. Am I right?

Yes, she did. Yeah. Yeah, she did. I was like, really, Kim? As someone who's probably been confronted about 5,000 times, you'd think you'd at least know how to say, mind your beeswax. She can't even say that? No. Nope. I mean, come on kim um i'm

glad that people want to help kim i just know that you that's not how it works you don't just say oh that person's an addict and then you talk to them and they're like oh thank you and then they're not an addict anymore like that's just not life she doesn't realize that she's relapsed that's the problem i don't think she ever she was ever sober i. That's the problem. I don't think she was ever sober. I mean, let's face it. She didn't do all the steps that she needed to take to be sober, as mentioned by several people this episode, which is that she doesn't seem to be in classes.

She doesn't seem to have a sponsor. She doesn't seem to be in therapy. But she pays that old queen to come over and tell her she's doing great. Remember him? We saw him. It's like Kim's sobriety pal or something it's called like you know like her francia friend or something and he comes over he's like hi kim how's it going and she's like oh you know i'm so sad because it's like it's so hard because my kids are gone i was you know i was just polishing some frames in my house.

It's amazing. I don't even know why she's talking Peruvian. He's like, really? Did you have a drink? No, I didn't have a drink. Okay, then that'll be $500. Bye. Do you think, though, here's the other thing.

It actually, this is kind of with the Apollo thing, this is sad about this show. It's like part of me feels like Kim sort of needs something and like, well, I agree with you, Ronnie. You know, your theory is that Kyle has to have Kim on the show because they don't want to support Kim anymore. And part of me is like, well, this does give her a reason to maybe do something with her life. And because

I'm sort of like, what would she be doing? I sort of feel like she could, this could be like another Bobby Christina situation. Kim, I don't know. I'm just like, it's bad because i feel like i'm having sex with conrad being entertained watching this woman who's obviously completely unraveled but then it's like but what else would she be doing i mean this might have been a this might have been a last ditch thing to help kim i feel like in a way i think it was because it's given her an income and she's not like, you know, practically homeless like she was before. I mean, before she was basically, it seemed like she was just counting on her family to pull her through while she was staying inside being wasted.

Because when the show began, she couldn't even leave the house. Like she couldn't meet new people. It was freaking her out to even speak with people. So in a way, the show has been good for her because she's got some fame back right so that's good and and not for nothing when they did the little reading all those actress personalities popped on out you know because they were sort of making those little jobs about but they meant it like they don't get around with that kind of stuff and she actually perked up and like read her lines and it's sort of sad because if she could get it together she could probably get some work out of this and she seemed like she could be coherent for more than you know two or

three days muppets you know or somebody would hire her ass for something yeah and she has she's on revenge she's doing like a guest spot on i don't even know if it's still going, but she had like a five episode arc or something on Revenge. Yeah, she was like, see, it's either happening right now or it just happened. I saw the first episode and she only had a line or two,

but then I heard she was going to be back. So I don't know what happened. Maybe someone can update us. Maybe Kim is doing the performance of her life. Maybe at the end of the series she's gonna go well we saw we saw her we saw her work in the car with lisa rena we saw what she'd do exactly i feel like sobriety is just honestly as much as i go on about how it's affected my own life i honestly think it's semi-overrated like i'm really not for everybody just being sober all the time i wish that

people could like i it's easy for me to say too because my addiction is not drugs or alcohol yet but for me it's like let's just like don't get put in jail don't be getting a dui and you know be able to pay your rent but i don don't care. Kim's already done it. She's already been a celebrity. She's raised her children. She's been married a zillion times. She's already done all this. If that bitch wants to stay in her house

and do heroin all day, I don't care. I'm totally fine with that. I agree. By the way, I want to also say, by the way, really quickly, one thing that i really am enjoying about especially this season and it's been sort of an ongoing thing the past few seasons but like i love this subtle kind it's not subtle but it's like this like when they did the table read for instance and kim was talking about how they knew the van pattens growing up i i sort of like how

the show kind of sheds a small spotlight on this weird like sort of generation of child actors from the 70s and 80s who grew up together and are now doing all sorts of weird things together as they're older. They're not like really famous anymore, but they're sort of holding on to the dream and they're still all sort of – it's like a whole weird subculture that I find fascinating and I like the show doesn't dwell on it but you know it's like last season there was um was his name Jimmy McKeon you know Nancy McKeon's uh brother who like him saw like this like washed up child actors from I don't know oh yeah when she went to that like comic con thing but for people

from the 60s or whatever yeah and Vince kind of seems to be on the the best end of it. Meaning like he does these kind of random, like they're not really glamorous things, but he seems like happy. He's married to like a very grounded person.

And he hosts that poker show. He hosts that poker show. I do love, again, we saw it last week with the Burbank Film Festival. And then with this, again, with this table read, I love how Eileen, again, comes off as being waspy and and sort of like of this higher class and yet her life is filled with all these like b and c level you know occupational endeavors you know and she still lives in that set from petticoat junction yes well you know soap opera acting is like the blue

collar job of hollywood sure is yeah but i love how she like the blue collar job of Hollywood. Sure is. Yeah. But I love how she can be blue collar and at the same time so, like, top of the food chain at the same time. It's amazing. Eileen could kind of, I mean, I don't want to say this because it's horrible, but if something ever happened and Lisa left, Eileen could kind of slip in and take on that role a little bit. She doesn't have the money money but she has that mother vibe uh she could uh to quote uh mark my words i i don't know why i started laughing when she said that but just that she even knows what that means i think is very funny but mark my words eileen will

become a humongous bitch on this show she is gonna be such a bitch i just see it coming like the way she grabs onto any little thing and tries to turn it into a story like she's savvy enough to know that she needs that um and i think that that's great but i just see her like the little things that have happened i see her turning into something bigger even this intervention thing she's she's gonna ride that horse until it's turned into glue this is what sonja morgan was like her first season two she seemed just like wonderfully aloof and then she just fell apart but um i do like also i shouldn't say i like but it's like it's funny to see brandy is now starting her hate campaign against eileen because you know a week or two ago eileen confronted

brandy was like i didn't really like those comments you were making about my house and on top of that the fact that like everyone was like mad at Brandy for throwing wine at Eileen's face for no reason. So now Brandy is like saying to Kathy Hilton, she's like, she's like, yeah, you know, you'll meet Eileen. She's really cool. She's very reserved. She sort of sits in the corner and quietly makes judgments. It's like, don't even start, Brandy. Don't start.

Like, again, the subtle dig. She can't help it. Boys in the pot. She cannot help it when kim was standing up for brandy at that party i was dying because it was actually i was like wow this is someone who's actually gotten to know brandy and actually knows who they're dealing with and no one takes kim seriously but what she said was actually very astute it's almost like brandy has some kind of weird form of Tourette's where she doesn't it's like she's backed into a corner she doesn't necessarily even know what she's saying

and i know that that sounds like a weird excuse but i know so many people like that and i really do think she's like that i don't think she means to be such an awful c word but she is and like she's got to change that i did love i'm sorry no go ahead i was gonna say i loved how at least a vanderpump surprise party lisa just kind of was like the entire night was just kind of like destroying brandy with a smile like god she was i mean it was she was good vicious it was and like brandy brandy knew it and brandy couldn't say anything and she was sort of you could see brandy was getting upset and then her gay of course was sneering the entire as he you know my favorite thing about that was they

show him sneering and then they show him shoving his face full of free food that little fucking hanger on the other thing that i realized about about brandy because i think ultimately she and eddie sibrian unfortunately they are actually perfect for each other. I think that Brandi is cut from that. We all know people like this. They're both those really good-looking, not really smart, a little bit trashy, like C-level L.A. talent actors or whatever people. And I think she and Eddie are kind of cut from the same cloth. And whatever their marriage was, i think that it worked because

they're both similar and then when he left her i just don't think she's she's still so bitter and angry and still in love with eddie that he you know turned on her like she can't ever get past it because i was thinking like she was really pretty and kind of charming and fun when she first came on and just like all these other girls she didn't leverage that into like even Taylor Armstrong with that face managed to hook another soccer. And like Brandi, who was cuter and kind of smarter, hasn't. And now her looks are gone. Her shit personality has completely shown through. And I think she's about to get off the show.

Yeah. Well, she was saying this week think she's about to get off the show. Yeah. Well, she was saying this week that she thinks she might be done with it. And everybody's like, oh, Brandi's going to quit. And I don't think that. I think that she's been kind of like a dick to Andy. And you can't really do that. Exactly. I think I've heard rumors that she's going to get fired, to be honest.

Well, no one will film with her. And actually, just another view on this surprise party real quick i looked at it a little bit differently because to me it was almost sweet because lisa was joking with her again publicly and that's that was their relationship before where she would always be like you skinny bitch with your bony butt and stop trying to sleep with my husband because that's how lisa shows her humor it's like if she's mocking you publicly she means it like when she stands up at her speech and says what is that bitch brandy how would that bitch have the nerve to show up at my party lisa's not classless enough to do that in a mean way it's almost like she's being nice to brandy i know that sounds sick but it

wasn't the words that she was saying it was the actions it was like that and yolanda kind of checked her because she was like yolanda she's like i heard what you said like it was and i was like whoa well yolanda's still a bitch too yolanda still hates lisa too that's what's so funny lisa's like yeah lisa but lisa knows it too lisa i mean lisa doesn't like y'all on day but the thing is that like you know lisa's up there singing a stupid drunken song with like the richards sisters and whoever else and brandy's sitting there at the table being like oh this is gonna go on all night oh damn right it is it's her birthday party you know she's like the menopause mamas i don't need to do that because i still have a flow well first of all that doesn't even make sense obviously your period has nothing to

do with singing like that's just a bad joke yeah and b i doubt that your vagina i doubt you have a flow because you're a fucking anorexic cokehead i'm sure your flow stopped like when you were 13 give me a break yeah yeah uh and i don't want to even think about her flow and i don't know why she thinks that like that somehow like has anything to do with anything. And don't act like you're not like 36 minutes away from your flow drying up permanently. As if it matters. Who cares? So what?

Who cares? Yeah, I don't like when she makes all these age jokes. Because she's implying that no one understands her because they're a bunch of old ladies. And she's this young. It's like, no, honey. Just. Yeah. You know what what here's the truth i'd rather someone be menopausal than trash yeah word and that's what brandy is put that on your tombstone yeah that will be that's so long

we'll be burying ben we'll be like of course ben has a long tombstone. You'll be like, please don't drink wine while you're near my tombstone. I can't believe you drink wine near my tombstone. I've had issues with white tombstones. That funeral is fucked. Has Lance Bass

been on the show before? Yeah. Oh, he pops up. Okay. He hangs out with all the housewives. Oh, boy. He's like a housewife lover. Oh, my God. He's very nice, though. We met him at Leah Black's.

He's super nice, and his boyfriend or his husband now, that guy's so cute that guy walked into the easiest career of his life the easiest career i think yeah no no no no career like he said i mean but is? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. NSYNC money makes money, but he also just makes money being Lance Bass. But aren't the other people from NSYNC on that like weird show about being on a cruise or something on a channel called Pop? Isn't it like they go on fan cruises for NSYNC and all these older ladies are like, oh, my God, I saw NSYNC on a boat. I don't think Lance has to do that.

I think he can kind of keep it. He has his own little radio show. And he had a wedding special on E! Yeah. The thing is, he's like, you know, he may be low on the totem pole of pop culture celebrities. But he's pretty high as a gay celebrity. So he probably gets paid a lot of gay things. Just showing up for gay things.

Yeah, he takes all Neil Patrick's cast-offs. Oh, my God. Yeah, they're like, hey, Neil Patrick, would you do this gay night at the Foxwoods? And he's like, no. And they're like, okay, Lance. Sure. Sure, I'll be there. With Vanessa from Game of Thrones.

That's kind of why Lance is cool, is because he's so, like, positive. Like, he's not insulted by that stuff. He's like, no problem. Send the check, too. Yeah. No, he's so positive. He's not insulted by that stuff. He's like, no problem. Send the check, too. Yeah. No, he's a super nice guy. We did that strange webcast with him, and he was really friendly.

Yeah, we did Leah Black's weird podcast. That was weird. It was so funny. She was like, hi, everybody. It's Leah. And she's hiding in the the like it's like the it's a closet but it has like all these servers or something and there was all this weird it was like a utility it was a utility closet the only place where she could get a signal so she was in

a she was in a bathrobe and a turban and a turban yeah and then it was like uh and there was like dr karen sierra and then lance bass and turkey and then us and then the producer this woman sarah kept on switching me and ronnie out in the fourth there were four panels on this on this sort of like a hangout thing and the producer kept switching out me and ronnie but she kept on switching me out like mid-sentence so it would be like i'd be like in the middle of like making a joke or making a comment and then all of a sudden next thing i know i was just like offline talking to no one that was weird but that's also where i met frankie grande and whenever i said something that wasn't positive which is you know everything that i say he would uh because he follows everybody on

twitter like he's everybody's twitter friend you know well and especially now i'm sure but at that time he wasn't really famous he was he was YouTube famous to 12-year-olds. And so he didn't like negativity. So he would just go, wee, and grab his ankles and then roll back on his bed. And then all these 12-year-old girls in the chat room would be like, oh, my God, Frankie, that was so hot. Do it again. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, God.

Speaking of 12-year-olds, It's time for me to I have to depart this lovely show I had so much fun Head off and go pick up some 12 year olds Alright well everybody Thank you so much for being with us Angie Thomas Thank you very much

Please check out Angie's podcast It's the Lion's Den L-Y-O-N-S Oh I'm sorry the Lion's lair uh empire podcast and she also does the small potatoes food podcast which you can find those both on itunes.io or wherever you search for podcasts come to watch what crappens.com for all of our social media links you can also come to patreon.com p-a-t-r-e-o-N dot com slash watch what crappens to support this podcast and be a part of our live Google Hangouts bonus episodes and ringtones. Come on, y'all.

Get your bonus. Get your bonus on. And for those of you who are supporting, please come by tomorrow night at 6 p.m. Pacific time to our Google Hangouts. We will be drinking and getting ready for a full night of it. Yeah, getting ready for some Settlers of Catan afterwards. Yeah, and Big Fat Dick Night. What?

And if anybody wants to show up for a meet and greet at Big Fat Dick Night, that will be tomorrow, Thursday. What is that date? I don't know why I'm saying this. Probably around 10. What if someone does show up?

We're going to be mortified. But it's going to be February 19th. We'll probably get there at like 10.30, I would guess uh so that could be really crazy if people come and bring dollar bills please for me to give strippers and adderall if you haven't yeah and that's it everybody thank you so much uh love you guys this was really fun and we'll talk next time all right bye some major office supply stores are closing their doors but walmart has low prices on supplies you need to All right.88. Plus, Walmart's got great prices on things like copy paper, printers, and more. For all your office supply needs. Save money, live better.

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