Watch What Crappens - #1670 RHOC BiTextual Chakra Con

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

This week on Real Housewives of Orange County, Heather throws a book launch party for her daughter, Noella accuses Heather of getting violent at her own Nobu party, and Emily gets shlammered. Find all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens, and for those of you who can't make the 2022 Golden Crappies Awards  in-person this year, experience it live digitally from the comfort of your own home at momenthouse.com/wwcSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm running on the internet. Who cares what happens, but there's so much that's happened. Well, hello and welcome to WaterCroppance! The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on your bros. Okay, I'm Ronnie. I'm with the cool, just Ben Mandelker today.

Hello, Ben. Hi, how are you? Oh, sorry, I didn't add myself to the stream. Hello. Hi. How's it going? Everybody, welcome to the show. We are on crap and it's on demand again today.

So if you want this on video, come to Patreon. Sign up, it's great. patreon.com slash watch it. crap and it's K. Thank you to everybody who signed up. And you could a double point, which are really don't double point in general. But there you go. Also, don't forget to get tickets for our live shows.

We start in a couple of weeks with the golden crappies in New York City. It's going to be a huge fun show. We're putting it together right now and just. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. I'm gonna be super fun. It's gonna be great. I'm stressed. I'm stressing out. It's worth it. It's like real worth. I'm like waking up with anxiety. I'm like, I gotta do this. I gotta do that. There's a coordinate. All these things scary. But it's gonna be super fun. It's gonna be a great show. So that's January 27th and

we're going to Jersey. Then we're going to Boston, all in that same weekend. We're going to LA, San Diego, Atlanta, Nashville. See the other one right in that weekend, Orlando, Orlando sold out a few of them are sold out. But go get it. San Francisco sold out by the way, which is very exciting. So go get, make sure you get your tickets. And also if you wanted to come to the Golden Crappies, but can't, don't worry. There will be a digital moment by Moment House. It's a live stream of the show. There are tickets available for that. Over on WatchWitCraftFans.com, as well as a schedule for everything else. My face is still moving, by the way, so this is not the ad for Botox today. Why is my face still moving? It's been weeks. Because this is a very passionate topic.

Also, I guess we should all, we should mention. I vote talks. By the way, you can also vote for the crappies. The ballot is also on our website and it's really fun. So just for your own, if you just want to pass two minutes of time, if you're sitting on the old toilet or on a subway, maybe doing two of the same things, then go to our website and fill out the ballots.

It's more the more ballots, the more votes the better, because it's a more accurate presentation of everyone's thoughts. Also, Ronnie, I'm coming to you from a place of yes and today, because I have my little agree sign over my head today on this dream. See? That was from what you're happens. Agreed. I'm gonna put that up there last week.

You've had your little grease sign up there. I'm just agreeing with you today. Just everything you say. I agree. Well, it's always been implied on my end. That's the sign I see above everybody's head when I talk. Even if they're fighting with me and telling me I'm a dick and they don't agree, I just nod.

Like, oh my God, thank you for agreeing with me. It's really, like, delusion is the key to happiness every time. OK. So here we are with Real Housewives of Orange County. The episode is six on season 16. It's called Straight Questions, Straightish Answers. Ooh. It's the Black Lives Sexualism in the title.

And it opens up with Heather and her daughter Max going to a local Orange County New Age shop called the Shocker Check. Shocker Check. Shocker, Shocker, Shocker, Shock. It's a lot of shock. It's a lot of shock. It's a lot of shock, it's a lot of shock, it's a little shake, shacky for me. It's a shake, that's all shock, right?

Yes, the Shocker,chac. So get louder. Heather, every time I see Heather, I'm just like, get louder. If you're not as classy as me, get louder. What does she say? If you can't reach my standards, I suggest you get louder. Yeah, it's something like that. So it's just very funny that two of them showing up because Heather is dressed in the schnell earrings and her hair back is usual in black. She looks like she was just plucked from the upper east side. And then he got Max who's just like teenage expressing like feeling like the sort of like I wouldn't say hippie, but clearly has probably

started to listen to Sarah McLaughlin for the first time and learned about what's her face. Just various little fair musicians. We all remember that time in the 90s where we all learned about that stuff and got excited and we're like, I'm going to be counterculture. So it's just funny that two of them as a third. That's like a throwback for her age. It's like, yeah, I'm by, but I'm like 90s by.

So yeah, like I like I'm liking what's her God, I wish I could have uttered her name. It would have made so much more sense. I need a Franco. It was like definitely like an I need a Franco moment. So I need a Franco and Upper aside walking to a store together. It's very gotta love it. So Eva, the girl who works there, it's like, so any guesses is to what color your aura is going to be? Okay, look at this wall because these are the colors.

Your aura could be, don't put my chakra in the box. Okay. Don't tell me what colors they could be. There are many colors, my aura could be. I don't need you to tell me, it's for one of these eight colors. How about it? Was so furious that she did not think of having a room in the house dedicated to

chakra colors. She's like, oh, oh, there are rooms for this. Okay, oh, guess time for a new house. Cause that was that reason why they got a new house last time, by the way. Why? She's like, oh, we don't have room for, like the two kids had to be in the same room.

And she, they weren't willing to convert another room into like a children's room. So they're like, new house, new house. So she's like, I'm attracted to the Burgundy and the Navy. Max is like, mom, that's not how chalk was work. She goes, I'm just telling you what I'm attracted to. Okay. You know, I just love any kind of reading and it serves two purposes. Max has grown up. She's going to college soon.

And these mother-child moments are not only special, they are necessary. Yeah, and she's saying how they're like, okay, so for your reading, you're gonna have to take off your any electronics that you might have or any crystals that you might be wearing. I'm like, dude, jewelry count? wearing like do jewelry count like only fast stones Oh, oh, oh, oh, you poor poor person with your plastic jewelry of course there's stones in here. Okay, claw handing them off

So they take pictures for their chocolates and Max you know, it's just like standing there whatever together picture and others like This huge tight smile. It's not that kind of picture. Okay. Like all your chocolate is just the Joker from Batman right now. It's like, well, your chocolate, your aura actually came out in the shape of Jack Nicholson. It's crazy. Or in the shape of Jack Nicholson. Right. So, um, so ladies like, you know what, just anything you can do to relax. Do you have a piece of charcoal I can shove up my cornhold of squeeze into a diamond? It's my happy place.

Anybody? Oh, would that disrupt the chakras if we just created a diamond on the spot? Okay. So, uh, so they, they'd look at her or at Heather's aura and like, hmm, this sort of like a messy blobby aura. She's like, if you mess with my aura, you are going to lose a lot more than you realize. So my aura is basically two CCs. This is what it is, this is what you're telling us.

Sounds perfect. So Jill is the lady who's actually giving them the aura reading and she's like, um, Max, you're blue. Oh, no, Heather, your aura is, you know, shaped funcally, but it is blue, which means you're the nurture, the mother. Oh, thanks. How much does this fucking cost? You're going to need to get a little deeper than that lady with the shockwiz in the box.

You're the mother. You know she's the mother. What kind of fucking psychic are you? Just let me ask you this. Max, my daughter wrote a book. How conducive is this thing that you do to a party? I mean, it's basically just like a party trick, right? Like, oh, oh, it's very conducive to a party. Very. I'm like, yeah, no shit. It is. It's just like you're generating random images on your computer. Yeah, it's actually easy. I'll just bring a bigger purse. Yeah. So Heather's like, well, I don't know many 17 year olds that are published authors. You wouldn't think that a

Jewish bisexual girl writing a book would be celebrated at a conservative Catholic school, but here we are. Why is she at a Catholic school? That doesn't totally make sense to me. But my best friend growing up was Jewish when we went to Catholic school together. Sometimes it's just good school. Or maybe it's just like it's like Notre Dame. Where it's identically, it's like a Catholic school, but it's not like...

No, we had the brothers and the men and all that stuff. Oh wow, so yours was okay. All right, well, we had some serious. I was and all that. Oh, wow. So yours was okay. All right. Yeah, we had some serious. I was out of there in a year, by the way. That was my freshman year. I was like, bye bye. Well, maybe, maybe I'll be addressing the book.

Yes. So Heather, yeah, we're going to read that. So we'll know very soon. OK. So Heather is like, thanks. That was super fun. Now go away so I can have a scene with my child and your swindled and you got wearing heathen.

Thank you. Thank you for this. You know, I remember Max when he said I could, I could read the book. It's like, well, actually, it's more like you stole my laptop and read through the word document to make sure everything's okay before we send it to a publisher. Yes, yes, exactly. Yeah, I didn't actually read it, but I ran out of things for my assistant to do, so I had her acted out for me and passed away.

And I just love, you know, my family, my people didn't talk about anxiety or man's or being gay or anything like that. So, I love that you talk about everything. I love how you talked about the anxiety you get when you're the daughter of a successful working actress who's been on such television shows as hot in Cleveland and HSN so I appreciated that I understood your perspective You know max max he has social anxiety so when the lockdown happened she became a shudder and she came out as a bisexual At that time and that led to her podcast and then that led to her book

Social anxiety leads to like all public things. I know She has social anxiety so she tried to become as public as possible with everything But you know, we all have different ways to deal like us, but you go girl. I mean, yeah for sure you go girl But this is also called having very wealthy parents you go girl. I mean, yeah, for sure you go girl, but this is also called having very wealthy parents. It's like, okay, you're having social anxiety. Great. You're gonna write a book and you're gonna get into Sarah Lawrence. Yeah. So, Ava is the younger lady who works there and she's like, are you a senior? I'm a senior too. Am I actually a spray straight? You're just like, no, oh my God, no way, me too. Oh my God.

Can I exchange a Snapchat with you? Yeah. Is that even allowed? I mean, not the exchanging Snapchat, but I feel like I would be in so much trouble if I walked in somewhere and I'm like, oh, hey, nice to meet you. Are you straight?

That is quintessential being 17 and like feeling something in your life. Like, oh my God, like, don't you hate this cause as well? I hate that cause too. Like that just reminds me of being at sleep way camp and people expressing themselves the first time and just being so excited about it. And they're just like on the nose.

And in many ways, this is the exact epitome of what we talked about last season with Bronwyn and we're like Bronwyn is essentially going through her teenage life right now and now we are seeing an actual teenager doing the things that Bronwyn was doing. This is literally Bronwyn's protect. You're right. That it really is. It's like, oh, you're straight. I'm not. Let's exchange snapchats. Okay, cool. It has got to kill Bronwyn watching this show with Noella just stealing Bronwyn's story rhymes. All are except I mean, Noella has taken it to a new level with the new with my boyfriend moved to Puerto Rico and all that.

Anyway, point is we're still at the chakra place. So Noella is with her dog. Oh, no, we go to no. Yeah, now we're going to Noella. Yeah, I thought you were going to no. Noella. Yeah. Yeah. So, and do you segue me to Noella's house with her little dog, Rihanna. And Gina comes over. Yeah. And she's a Gina's like, Oh my god, you look great. You look so great. For someone who's going through so much. She's like, Oh, I mean, oh my God, you look great. You look so great for someone who's going through so much. She's like, oh, I mean, this is as good as I could do.

I need wine for the how you've been questioned that you're gonna ask me. I want some rosé, I serve it with a handful of eyes and sparkling. Oh, okay, it's spritzer. I'm like, wow, Gina just quietly just, it's called a Spitzer Bitch. It's basically what she just did.

So, Nuala has found James. And the reason why she found James is because she still has access to a credit card that James uses. And so she was able to log in and see where he was charging. And so she's like, It's like, guess where, it's not the U.S. It's not Puerto Rico guest the continent And she's like milocking no

Me canals oh me can out to just tell me I don't want to guess Yeah, she little goes South Africa South Africa. She's no set me canals, but we as me canals I mean, it's absurd. I mean first to have to have to think about what Mekanos even is. My God, and then, I mean, what are you doing in Mekanos, bro? I mean, you just left your wife and your son is here. And what are you doing in Mekanos? We are even in Mekanos. I don't even know that planet.

I don't know where you even colonize the planet. It's a place. Is it a restaurant? No, no, it's like a party island in Greece. I love that movie. I love that movie. So, M a party island in Greece. I love that movie. I love that movie I really keep my ass is it Mickey Mouse is in Greece is that what you're saying? No Mickey nose is in Greece. I still don't follow

All right, well mums will work because I need access to his credit card. All he needs to do is change her password and on All he needs to do is change the password and on, oh. And she's like, well, it's clear James is not having any difficulty moving on. So I need to take off my dirty robe, get out of my dirty bed, and stop crying over a man who doesn't effing deserve it. All right. So, Tina's like, you know, we could get you back out on the market. Gina, nobody wants to be on your market. What market is that? You're like, shop right. She literally just wants to go to shop right with her. You want to go to shop right? I've been dying

to go. You're like the Dollar Tree of dating apps. It's rumored that Noella found James on sexy attractions or whatever, like a site where you... Adult Friend Finder? No, something where you go on. Well, I don't know if that's what Adult Friend Finder is, but it's something where you go on to meet like rich married people basically. Attraction Finder, which is why she said, when she said, we just went in the hotel lobby and then fucked, like make so much more sense going with what she's actually saying on the show. Yeah.

So, Gina's like, you know, I didn't date for ather. And then I was like, well, I'm just at the point where it's just not going to be a penis. It's not going to be a penis. So with anti-penis, we anti-penis right now is what you're telling me. Yeah I masturbated this morning. I think I'll make a wall that's good. You really needed that It's like yeah, nothing like seeing a charge from me canos to be like I'm taking a shower I enjoy follow Yeah, I saw that is so is me canos a body wash? Is so is me can also body wash?

I don't know is it I don't I don't quite is it is a shower curtain is a is a bed bath and beyond as we get your me can know is that what's going on. I'm not following. I like to know while I was trying to be shocking and Gina's just like good masturbation is healthy. Yeah, it doesn't really faze her. So then we go to spire. I don't I can't I can't like so this is like one of those sweat places like a Yeah, it doesn't really phaser. So then we go to Puspire. I don't, I can't, I can't. Like, so this is like one of those sweat places. Like this, you know, like the new modern sauna things where you go and you sweat out,

but I just like, Puspire. Don't call it perspired, please. I know they buy the sauna studio. Sauna studio. So Emily and Jen show up and Heather's there and they're going into some sort of sweat chamber. And Heather's like, self-care Friday. Okay, also by the way, girls,

I booked us nail appointments too. Okay, everyone excited? Everyone excited? Scheduled fun. Head everything on my account. Ridiculous. So they all have a lot into my perspire account. Yeah.

I've got a lot of credit here at perspire. So they go into the sauna and Heather set to did 150 and gems like some like it hot. So then, Tim talks about how she has to go see patients because I'm the breadwinner. So I just can't like step away for the day. What I mean, girls because like I'm the breadwinner. So I just can't like step away for the day, you know what I mean girls. I'm like the breadwinner. That's just why I'm just one big breadwinner, such a breadwinner. Emily, you look like you have rage in your eyes. I'm just

getting hungry and hungry the more you say breadwinner. Yeah, I mean like I'm the bread buyer. Like no one's ever handed me bread for anything. So walkie girl. So then she tells us, Jen tells us that like three days after she and Ryan got married, her ex-sute her for $850,000. I'm just, and Emily's like, wait a second. You started off your marriage with an ex suing you. You didn't even have a turkey sandwich first. Yeah.

And she's like, yes, because he said all the gifts he gave me were loans and Heather's like how they're goes whatever man One of the girls so hard that she cannot do it so funny. I would be outy 5,000 So we see a headline Sun AI billionaire suing cheating ex-girlfriend for 850K. So she tells us, I started dating my ex right after my father passed away. He was interesting, wealthy,

but then I broke up with him because he told me he was divorced, but he was just separated. And then three days later, I got married to Ryan, and he sued me. Dude, lady, do you hear what you just said? That makes no, you broke up with him because he lied about you achieving on him.

That's how you married Ryan three days. No, no, no, no. She said three days after she got married is when he suited. She didn't marry Ryan three days afterwards. Oh, she's saying three days after I got married. I see. I was like so basically, oh my God, I was like,

I think you can get a lot of balls. There was a whole quartet that breakfast the pay. Yeah, remember the breakfast buffet? There's a whole thing took him a month or whatever. Yeah, but they said they were both with other people when they met each other at that breakfast buffet. So I guess I conflated those timelines in my head. So that's funny that she got rid of the other guy

because he was, well, I mean, he was lying about being divorced, so that makes sense. So the lawsuit really put a strain on their marriage. I'm not really sure why. I mean, I mean, it's stressful, but I also feel like, I feel like that would actually bring me closer to my partner, be like, fuck this guy, right?

But it's clear that they know. No, because it's someone trying to bankrupt you, and money is like the biggest stress or any relationships. So they say, so I guess, you know, having someone taking trying to get 850K off you and paying lawyer bills and stuff. You weeks. Yeah, I just feel like if I'm a newlywed, I would just imagine if someone, like some ex

was coming after me for money, I feel like it would make me want to like circle the wagons and like be like standing stronger. But it's also clear that Jen and Ryan have a relationship that's built on literal nothing and accepts a actual egg, egg Benedict in a chaffer. So, so what do I know? So she's like, so then he decided to stay home with the kids. I'm like, well, how does that make?

I don't understand that. I don't understand. I don't decide home with the kids. I'm like, well, how does that make? I don't understand that kind of thing. I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand what the next term says. You guys as a duo decided to work less because you're being sued for money. I didn't understand that either. Yeah, I didn't get it, but she's like,

but I'm thankful because you know, that gave me the time to build a career and like I couldn't have done that without him. And then I'm like, but don't you ever get resentful because like you're the one responsible for doing every single thing. And so it's like, well,'t you ever get resentful? Cause like you're the one responsible for doing every single thing. And so it's like, well, we try not to be resentful. But like, oh no, I don't actually want an answer.

I'm just like segueing into my own thing because like I get that. Cause like I was like that was shame. Like it got really bad because you know, I make the money and she's like just, I mean, God, they had to change the bar for shame to pass. So. So my advice is to someone, you know, like anyone who's in that situation is put the work in, okay, because like, you know what? Like, what is she gonna do?

Nobody dates a 45 year old woman with kids in Orange County. You'd have to move. Am I right? Put the work in, because like the like the bar itself things will lower in your favor. Yeah so Emily is like oh guys guys I'm about to pass out now I'm like gonna pass oh my god after Patrick oh my god you okay what can we do? I'm like oh I'm okay now she's just big ass Jersey Mike's 30s sandwich from her bag. I'm need to meet him. I'm just having eaten guys. Are you eating a sandwich? Because is that wrong?

If you don't put that thing in the sandwich, it's like, it's turkey. If you bring a sandwich into perspire again, you will lose a lot more than just this friendship. It will cost you a lot. And that's not a threat. That's a promise. Don't recarbs near me.

Oh, there's like, I'm turning this up now because now we have to detox the turkey. Okay. I can't believe she had cold cuts in a hot sauna, like just sitting there, like just marinating in the heat in the sweat. It's really not, it's really hard to not look at Emily as a hero sometimes. Really. in the sweat. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts.

Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid,

but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. So now it's the start of a day. No, well, it's doing a yoga scene, you know, with the background of her gorgeous rental and then she falls and starts laughing. And then the twins are packing over at Shannon's house to go to Nashville and Shannon's like, oh my God, I don't get into anything. A girl's girl's, you know, what? You need to start

exercising. I'm like, we need to start exercising. No, with me with me. Here's the start exercising with me. I don't need to feel unsupported in my exercise. Okay. And then we go back to self-care Friday with Heather and the ladies and so now they're at a nail salon Which is so cute because everyone who's working at the nail salon is like all dressed up for being on TV And so Heather is like well, I don't know if I told you guys this but well We just bought some land in Idaho because you know land, you know, just buy it right But there's just not enough people to build it right now So we decided we'd like to do is to build or to buy a place in Cabo, you know, and also have I'd we just want to build everywhere

Okay, I thought let's put a girl strip together. Wouldn't that be fun building building land? I'm like She's just talking about just building houses. It just always fun. It's always remarkable to me when people just casually flaunt their wealth. In front of like lots of people who are in a totally different tax bracket, I'm talking about, you know, like the people working at this nail salon, I'm like, gosh, I don't know, I just feel like it's just so, so obnoxious.

It's so tacky and Heather's not a casual flauntor. She's an aggressive flauntor of her wealth. It's like, do you have nothing else to fucking talk about? This all you talk about is your money, your money. Every single scene you have to get it in, how much money you have. Like, oh, here we are, Prispar. Put it on my cat. I'll also take you to get your nails done.

We'll talk about the mansions I'm gonna build. It's like, oh, God, you're so sad. And then he knows she's like, talking everything on fucking these infomercials. And then Terry's on selling some, like in COVID tests that aren't really cheap. I think they're like 10 bucks at CVS or whatever. And he's like, but $30 for whatever it is.

He's like, Hawking stuff. I mean, these people, I please God. I know the time means less to youth than it does to us, but speed this down fallout. I need to know what criminal shit is going on in this family. I need to know. Look, there's nothing wrong with being wealthy, you know,

people work hard for their money, but it's just there's something about the flaunting. And it just feels, it always just feels so tone deaf. Like she's actually gross. It's just, it is, but I love it. I love it on my television. So thank you. So.

I don't know what's fucking gross. Heather's like, yeah, but I've been wanting to get away. And so it feels like it could be a thing. Because here's what Heather's doing. She's coming back and she's controlling every single thing, you know? the first big party at her house. Now the next big temple party at her house, the trip, a Heather trip. So you have to kiss Heather's ass to be included in anything on this show. And I'm kind of liking that she's doing that because at some point they're going to rebel and

take the bitch down because that's the house.. And that's what people do, you know? That's next season. Right now it's the anti-shannon movement. So Jen says that she reached out to Noella and she's like, well, I obviously don't like how things end at the other night. But like, I was like, you know, I know you're going through a lot. So like, I feel for you and I think it would be good idea if we go out for drinks emoji and let me know what's best for you and I think it would be good idea if we go out for drinks emoji and let me know what's best for you

emoji that was her text message to noelle Emily goes all you use to emojis She's like yeah, I'm trying And Heather Heather goes you know I've hung out with noella a few times But I've heard that you're a fake bitch. She called you a fake bitch. Wow. You knew about that also. Yeah Nicole told me Yeah You're a fake bitch, you called you a fake bitch. Wow, you knew about that also? Yeah, Nicole told me. Yeah. So how they're like, well, I invited her to Max's party, but now I feel a little odd that she's coming

to the book party and I know all these other things. And now am I a phony bitch? If I don't say anything, I mean, I'll be phony, right? I have to say something. So why isn't Nicole just blatantly turning on Noella? Like where did this come from? Do you think it's just that she could tell that like she does Nicole know that her bread is buttered with Heather and Terry and the moment she sees Noella starting to sort of speak

against them, she knows that she has to just like turn on Noella or else lose the life of luxury that she has acquired. I think that's part of it, but I also think that she knows Noella's background and Noella's full of shit. Okay. Like, I'm enjoying Noella on this show, but she's so obviously full of crap. Like how she met her husband, how long they've been like, it's also up in the air with Noella. And so when Noella's trying to have these dramatic,

like, oh, look what he's doing to me. Nicole seems annoyed specifically in those parts. Where it's like, lady, I could blow you up right now. And obviously this is just a guess. Like, I have no idea, but I'm guessing. And then he's got Heather, who's bringing her onto this show basically, because she's friends of Heather. And now Noella's trying to blow up her spot like you said

On the show by fucking with Heather and isn't Nicole going through a divorce Maybe Nicole was like oh, I'm gonna be a castmate also and now she realizes Novelas taking your spot So she's like fuck this bitch I've had to sit and listen to this bitch for years and years complained about this and that and now she's gonna like take my spot on the show But either way Whatever it is we can surmise what it is, but as far as what we can tell, it came out of nowhere. And now I'm like, wow, Nicole is a real shitty friend. Kind of, but I'm kind of into Nicole more than Noelle, because I love the reaction, because I've had so many drama queens in my life. And, you know, I've loved it. I've loved,

I love all of you drama queens. But there is something about when you have that friend who's just like shows up showing up at lunch like getting wasted and crying as loudly as they can and making this big huge deal when you're like you married sweet like you married a switch. You went for a guy who was married because he was rich. He met off some fucking side who, you know, and then they're trying to make it like they're this huge victim. I mean, I've been in that situation where I'm like,

listen, I still have to eat here after this. Like, can we? So I kind of get Nicole's energy, too, and this whole thing. So Heather's like, you know, so yeah, I don't want to be following or anything. And so Jen is like, you know, I think that like, she's just like lashing out and bullying other women. And she's like going through something difficult.

Again, she's a bully. And you can see she's struggling. And there's just never an excuse to be mean and condescending to someone else. I'm like, no, it's not a bully for crying out loud. She's not, I was like, the, Jen is so quick. I mean, Jen is on one. She's been ready to take down Noelle.

It's basically what is it? Crab's in a bucket or whatever. They're all going to get that permanent spot. I feel like at this point, do they not know who's a friend of and who's a full-time cast member? Because they're all acting out. No, I don't think they know to towards the end of the season, right? Yeah, they're all climbing for a spot They're all auditioning but also I think that no well. I have I mean, I don't know that she's been bullying her

But she is coming at her pretty hard But then we know that Jen was trying to come at no well with her whole you called taught Whatever or you called that designer God. Oh, Tom Ford. Tom Ford, yeah. You called Tom Ford God, and that hurts my religion. So I'm like, they were both going to come at each other. So that makes that one funny. It's like a wash of desperation.

Exactly. And I'm surprised, based on the trailer, I had no idea that Noella was going to actually have such a central role. I mean, she's really, I feel like she's really kind of stealing the show this season. Yeah. And so Heather's like, well, you know, I want to say I'm hopeful about Noella, but we'll see. Plus, I'm in charge of the cast trip, so she wants to travel. She's gonna need to kiss my passport, girls.

Put it all on my pill. Put it all on my pill. So then Shannon is now in Nashville. Well, I was trying to have a cast trip to Nashville, but I guess I don't know bro, I guess they take me able to Gabo instead. So just me and my daughters here on a cast trip for one. So she shannons with her daughters and her mom at a restaurant in Nashville,

which by the way, we'll be seeing you soon Nashville. And they hold, I don't know if you caught this. This was so fun. This was like a clear post-production thing. I love when post-production puts in these little easter egg moments. So they all sit down at the table and she's like, oh wow, look, they have simulacate his mom. And, and pat her mom. It's like, oh well, you know, I don't need that. She's like, okay, um, I am going to order the hot and bothered. she's like Shannon orders it and she's smiles She's like so proud of herself and then her mom goes and I'll just have water and it cuts back to Shannon

Be like I guess I'm the only one drinking today I thought it would be a good mother daughter bonding moments I did bring the trip and spend quite a good amount of money Bring all my daughters in a TV crew, but that's fine. I'll just drink by myself here So they haven't been there for four years and Shannon's like wow, you know with all the girls activity It's been hard to see mom, but I'm gonna be home alone Basically tying in the shadows. I guess I'll be coming to visit more the clietine of the shadows. I guess I'll be coming to visit more. This is fun. Yeah, I, you know, it's so funny because for the past four or five years, my mom kept on saying, when are you going to come visit me? And I would say, well, unfortunately,

my daughter's actually, uh, participate in volleyball and all sorts of activities that you're actually missing. Hey, you're actually missing all of our lives, mother. So, but it's nice to be here. It's lovely. It's lovely. Could I have another drink, but this side just it was too hot. Could you leave the hot out and just bring me a bothered? Thank you. Just a bother. That would be great. You know what? You should call it a pat. Just call it a pat. I'll have a pat, please. It's about the same thing as a bothered, right? Well, I feel that mom that I haven't come out much. I just feel guilty about that. She's like, well, Shannon's is the last time you've gone through a miserable divorce.

You've had to deal with your girls getting hurt a lot. I don't know what's even happened with your hair, but that's gotten really painful. So I started putting it up more. For sure, Nina Garcia liked it. I'm not sure I know that name, Shan, but did you ever figure out how to get out of a Peloton bike? Because it's good to learn things, huh?

Oh, mommy. Try not to go on that Peloton. Bad memory is there. Oh, I'm sorry, there, Han. But you are right about the miserable marriage part. I just, I worry about you, girls, because you were exposed to an unhealthy marriage. Basically, I needed to alert your schools

that you have been exposed. And anyone else who has been within five feet of you needs to go get tested for terrible marriage syndrome. All right. Terrible marriage 19. Mom, mom, what are you doing? Oh, honey, I'm just taking this Q tip up your nostril just to make sure you haven't been further exposed

any more terrible marriages. Well, never hurts get tested. So they start talking about, she's like, well, okay, if I'm so sorry, you had to deal with this because life is patterns and I learned from my mom, you kids learn from me and I want you to get into healthier relationships, basically. So she's like, do you guys see yourself getting married? And Sophie's like, I see myself getting married to Reese. One of the twins is like, you've known him for two

months. She's like, actually, it's been four or so. Yeah. And he loves Spartan races. And he took me to a gasharpub, which had this really awesome steak and a sweet sauce. Sophie, we need an intervention. We need an intervention right now, right now. Oh, so she's like, well, you know, I didn't feel like I was deserving of a good relationship or like, you know, this, I just didn't feel worthy basically. And she's like, oh, God, that really just,

that hurt Sophie, that really really really hurts to see it um and she's like you're too young to be thinking of getting married and the twins are like, a mom you almost got engaged in college she goes well yes I I sure did and if I've been 30 in college I definitely would have married him. You know I found a lot of my life at 56 so you know, I found a love of my life at 56. So, you know, Al Gore is no longer trying to be president of anything except my heart. So, you know, part of finding love is also finding the love for going to a golf course and picking up the love of your life.

And I'd love that. So then Sophie says, like, oh, I've never been a relationship before. So this is all really new to me. And, you know, I'm just like really nervous because I don't want to get hurt. But like, we live 1200 miles away. So I'm already on my own as it is. So Sophie is, you know, she's all excited in her first relationship, et cetera. And yeah, so she's basically like, yeah, this is the first healthy relationship I've ever

been around. So she's like, oh, well, oh, I guess, all right, I guess I failed as a mother guess that breaks me hard. And I guess you already, I can't remember if you said all this part. Just I can't know. Yeah, that's basically it's basically the shaman shaman. Every conversation with their kids is kids. I'm so sorry for what you have been through with the divorce. And then one of the kids being like, yeah, well, I never saw a good relationship. Oh, well, okay. Well, I guess it's my fault. You know, it's like a typical salmon cycle. So then we go over to the

I can only imagine how maybe things might have turned out differently if you visited me here in Nashville a little bit more, huh? Ever thought about that? Some we go over to Heather filming like a shopping network segment in her kitchen and Terry is just standing there with his arms crossed, like, and his crazy fucking animatronic face, like. And she's like, you know, I think that men get a bald spot, and everyone thinks it's cute, but for women, not so much.

Yeah, not not not as much. So Nuella walks in the door and cat who is one of the children is like, hi, I'm Cat. Are you bisexual? No, okay, out of my face. Hi, I'm Nuella, I'm bisexual too. That's the other one. Oh, I just want to say that to all of Heather's kids, really loudly. It's my thing. Are you bisexual? Are you bisexual? And did you write, write a book? No, I'm, I'm actually, my name's Kat and I'm in seventh grade and I'm in social studies right now. I don't know my way. So Heather's continuing with her pitch while Noelle walks in. She's like, this, it's gonna make your

hair lustrous and shiny. So do you guys sell anything that's not bullshit because this is some bullshit? You're selling people some gummies for hair growth. Heather, shame on you, man. And so no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nohh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, sh, shhh, And while I was like, what the fuck? Like, Heather scheduled this. She told me what time to come. She clearly chose this time. So that way, like, I would see her filming an infomercial with her husband, the kitchen. And she wants me to feel impressed. You know, there's the last thing

that's gonna impress Noella, because she's had to sit in the pantry before she can cross the kitchen, because sweet James is probably filmed so many commercials, you know, in front of the refrigerator. Right, like a deal with was rodeo many times. It's kind of desperation before, right? Yeah.

So there's like two commies, 15 calories, I might eat more than two. Don't tell Terry. Terry's still just standing there like, and, uh, Noelle tells us. I'm not here to go toe to toe with Heather, with to bro But if she brings it I will end it. Yeah No, I has this one like in one of her interview things she talks very slowly and she sort of moves into the motion She's like I will and it's just like underwater, underwater sea creature. So anyway, so Heather's like,

okay, now that we're done with our information, let me, come on, come into my lair, come into my lair so she brings Noella into her podcast studio and she goes, this is my only quiet spot. Like, we went on a tour of your house, you literally have a million quiet spots. Not like the, in fact, the studio

looks like the least relaxing place to sit. You should have taken her into the structure store. That's a good place to have a deep conversation in a mall. So, Noelle is like, you know, I had my suspicions before about Heather, but this is a shrine to a complete and really good nori-success. I mean, this is thorough. If I wasn't so creeped out, I'd be depressed.

Or I'd be impressed. Which is true, but then she's like, kind of fake with Heather. Like she puts some stuff out on the table, but not any of this, like I will end it. If she starts it, I will end it. Nuella is just as fake as she accuses Heather of being by the way. Like that should really be pointed out.

Like, Noelle, I would actually argue that Noelle is even faker because she's like, oh, it's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So Noelle says every day is a new bomb. I don't know what that even is. Because Heather's like, how are you? She's like, well, I'd be lying if I said I was great. But you know, every day is a new bomb. I don't know what, but that even. Because how were you? She's like, well, I'd be lying if I said I was great, but you know, every day is a new bomb.

It's like a new chance to find credit card password. I'm just numb from it all. I'm just numb from it all. It's like, well, that's sad. Now, I just wanted to sit with you because I've been hearing things my ears and it would be fake of me not to say something. And it's like, okay, well, I'm happy to say whatever you want with this gigantic cartoon

version of you above my head. So whatever you'd like to talk about. I love that you Photoshopped yourself into the image for the nanny. That's so so inventive. So I just wanted to sit with you on my turf in front of my champagne button to dare you to be honest about hating me. Go ahead. So Nicole told me you called me a phony bitch or a fake bitch or something like that. Nicole told me that she's very, very happy to throw people's names out in this conversation. So no, I was like, all are this cast is the worst. It's like, oh, I have something to tell you,

girls, really? No, well, I called you a fake bitch. Y'all heard it. They're all terrible on this. So about that. Also, the overhead lighting makes Nuella look like she has a beard, which is so funny. She has such cheekbones, you know, she's really pretty. And she has these huge cheekbones. So the overhead lighting gives her just this beard. These shadows, yeah. Yeah. So, and that was planned, by the way, how there's like put her in the shadow seat. So then, now I was like, we're gonna work those cheekbones against her boys.

Who's on board? I'll put it on my belt. Put it on my belt. Yeah, but I'm on my account. So I knew that going into lunch, that lunch with Nicole, I was very raw and very emotional. And the person I'm really angry at is James. So your name got brought up and I was like,

oh, fucking bullshit, cut fitness bitch. You know, I lashed out. I'm like, no, well, that doesn't actually, she makes it sound like, oh, it was a silly thing, but I'm like, you still called her fake, right? So I was like, no, well, that doesn't actually, she makes a sound like, oh, it was a silly thing, but I'm like, you still called her fake, right? So there's like, okay, okay. So it was misdirected. Okay, I understand all that because I'm understanding and I have to start to play the role of understanding friends today acting. So I would like, you know what, she's going through a lot. I'm going to let that one go. And just show that. Class that would.

Class that would. Good for you. No, well, well, calling her a class actor or face. I mean, talk about fake right there. Yeah. So she goes, well, but there was more than. So Gina told me that you had said to her that I wasn't to be trusted.

I mean, why am I not to be trusted? She goes, well, remember when I said that Nicole has told me a lot of things about her life? Well, I was the one who called her after her house party. After she had spoken to you, everything had changed. I mean, that was a little bizarre to me. Hmm. Okay. Well, I don't know what we're talking about because you're speaking very cryptically um, and she's well about the lawsuit with Terri's. Hmm, I don't know why that makes you distrustful of me. I'm still not understanding how I did something wrong. Hold on, let me put on, you know what the United Nations, they got those translating headphones.

Let me put on Porter Rich headphones so I can understand what you're saying. Okay, try again. A dollar. Yes, it is a dollar. Everything in here is a dollar. You're correct. You're correct. So she's like, yeah, well, I just think it's weird that my girlfriend changed based on a call she had with you. It's bizarre. And so we see a clip of Noella calling Nicole FaceTiming her and calling. So you went through something with them, right? And Nicole goes, I'm good. It's over. And I appreciate your concern. But I've done with this conversation. Goodbye.

And I have this one. So Heather goes, well, we are starting to be friends. Or if there's, for this a chance for us to start to be friends, I mean, this isn't the way to start a friendship and if you have no problem with me, I mean, which is, well, the start of our friendship was in your house with you slamming people against the walls and yelling at you people, because slamming people against the walls, I don't do my stunts. It's like, but I heard it. I was right next to the staircase.

It's just, what are you talking about slamming people against walls? And then Nuala tells us, The night of Heather's no-booth party, someone told me, Heather and Terry were shoving someone against a wall. And then we see a clip of her, Heather having a fit at that party and putting her hand in the camera and saying, no, we're not doing this right now. We are not doing this. And now while I'm coming up behind the camera crew and asking one of the camera men what's what's going on in him just being that I don't fucking know who the fuck was anybody talking to me right now.

All right. Well, no, well, it's really proving her metal as a as metal as a real housewife by completely distorting reality and passing it on like it's truth because it like Heather DeBro definitely did not slam anyone against the wall. However, I love that image. I love the attitude of bro taking someone like a production assistant and be like, no, camera down, bam!

You know, like that's like I live for that kind of monstrous diva behavior. But I think that Heather was like, okay, everybody get out. I told you get out. We are not doing this. I quit and then like pushing camera people out of her way or something. If they were trying to follow her upstairs, I could see that happening. But no, well, it's not really saying that.

She's saying you slam people into the wall. I mean, that looks like some super power. Like I think we would have seen that. So then Heather, Heather tells us, what I'm getting right now are psychovibs. Like, what are you fucking talking about? Like, am I being punked? Young, I'm relatable.

People like me. So she's like, look, you have a lot going on in your life right now, and I don't take it personally, you know, just like you can't take it personally when none of your credit cards working in Neemons. Okay. So. And she's like, no, you know what? Good, because I don't mean it personally. You mean it personally. You just came on national TV and said that she was pushing people against walls. I know. And I'm not to be trusted. And she's a fake bitch. And she goes, having said that, though, I'm not sure I'm the right friend for you.

Like did you just fire Noella? Did you fire Noella from your friend? That's how Heather thinks you. Yeah. It's like I'm sorry, but you were now let go from the real house about some points counting. I'm really sorry. We will arrange for you to have an exit questionnaire sent to your home. You will have an hour to pack up your belongings from our friendship.

And then it's been wonderful working with you. Thank you so much. Goodbye. Goodbye. So Heather's like, you know, I feel really bad for no while. However, I'm not going to give this life. This is just ridiculous. So no, well, I was like, well, look, I don't need to be deep friends with everyone. I'm happy having social friends. Yes. life is too short. So you need to come focus on your family and take care of yourself. And now I was like, oh, yeah. So I guess I just need to do more with my life. So for those watching at home, in summary, Noella doesn't like Heather because she thinks that Heather's a fake bitch. So Heather calls up Noella to be like, did you call me a fake bitch? And then Noella backtracks and I was like,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And in the end they decide what they're gonna be. It's your social friends. Hey, gay, they're just gonna be fake to each other for the rest of their friendship. So there we go. Well, right. So Heather's like, perplexed.

She doesn't even know what to do with this girl. But Noella stops and let's Heather go first. Did you notice that? She's like stopped and let Heather lead her out of the house. It's like so weird. There's so many weird power moves on this show this season. I'm starting to keep track of what's going on. Yeah, whoever walks out of Heather's podcast studio first

is making a statement. So now we go over to Gina's house. And she's like, I'm Kriabi because I'm breaking in new shoes. And then we see a close up of her bag. She has a bag that says, hashtag mom life. So that's nice. It's nice to see Gina getting back to her message art. You know, we just want to see you about it.

And it's a nice contrast to the rich, empty bag that Newella was carrying. So the day she found out her credit cards were cut. So Newella is, they're all going to this party now. So Noella gets in to the card that's picking her up. And she's like, oh, hi, driver. I didn't sleep till three. I mean, I've been trying to track my husband's charge

as on his credit card. I'm a little madlock at the moment. The driver's like, I really don't care. I'm not being paid enough to care. No matter how it is, just such a fucking weirdo. I mean, she's like going, and she always is nodding. She's always nodding at her own statements. Like, I'm right. He's like, whatever lady.

I really like her because she is like, she is, and one way is very annoying in terms of that. She is that person who always has drama. It in terms of that she is, that person always has drama, it's always that, right? Which is great for TV. But there is something oddly relatable I find about her. I feel like she's very accessible. And she makes fun of the shit that I want to be made fun of, right?

I like that she walked in to the Heather's place and saw what Heather was doing. I was like, I'm really not impressed by what, like that you're doing it in commercial. You're trying to impress me and it's not working. As opposed to Gina, who's like, oh my God, lifestyles the rich in the famous. Yeah, totally. So then we got a Shane and Emily and Shane's all,

and his car and Emily's like, oh my God, this press was tied in the butt. He's like, then wearing, wearing that. She's like, oh, are you gonna be like this all day, Shane? He's like, what? And when would everything I say? I mean, guess, of course, I've never heard him not be annoyed with everything you say.

Are you just discovering who you're married to? Yeah, he goes, well, maybe, he goes, maybe. Because are you mad that I fell asleep at eight o'clock last night? And then she tells us that she's like, I fall asleep a lot. Every night he says says what movie do you want to fall asleep to maybe I should stop eating turkey sandwiches because the trick to fan right cuz that's why I fall asleep I'm like this is not this this line this whole thing is not working for me Emily really you're not into the trip to

fan story line I'm like I'm doing Emily falls asleep. I'm like, I'm into it. Emily falls asleep. Congratulations. I'm a huge sandwich person. So I'm like, tell me more about San Purchase. I love the story line. So best story line you've ever had. So basically Shane wanted to bang. And she fell asleep again.

So he's all pissed off today. So then we get to the party. And there's big posters of Max everywhere. And are we at the Shocker Center? I guess that's where we are. Well, no, they set up, no, no, they're at a restaurant. They're probably at Javier's, but they're at a restaurant, but they set up a shop.

Oh, it was at Shocker Center. I see, okay. Yeah, and so people are showing up, a bunch of teenagers. We hear Max is like, welcome to the rainbow. So she's really like having a nice, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, no, no, well says that to her. She, no, well, it comes in and goes, hi, Max, welcome to the rainbow. Oh, I should have known.

So I then have their no well, I have like fake cheek kisses, which is again funny because they have pledged to now be fake to each other. And I was like, I'm gonna go greet the bellows. I'm gonna greet the bellows. That was the people who they went horse racing with or they went to see the horse races with, were the bellow family and we've,

people on the internet reminded us that they were the ones who helped Heather and Terry make their own shampoers from seasons ago. Shamps. Shamps. Shamps. I know that was a crazy piece of trivieta forget. I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed of both of us. Method champion was. What was it called? So then Max is introducing Jenny

to people and then Emily, Emily Gina and Noelle are sitting or standing around talking. And they're like, oh my gosh, you look like clean and pantram. No, I was going to say Pokemon. You look like clean and pantram. Pokemon is a nose. Meek and nose. Meek and nose.

You look like meek and out. That's a place. It's a place. And Terry is me while trying to have any sort of conversation with Shane. He's like, say you drink. No. You don't drink. Oh, you don't drink. He's like say you drink now. You don't drink that's your don't you don't drink Okay, never had a never had a drop in my life smoke marijuana nothing. No

Do you like napkins? No? Did what do you think about wheels good invention? No? No, so then Nicole and Herm man come and Nicole, you know, Nicole. So Nicole and Nicole, I'm trying, Karen, I'm trying to like you. Okay. But she comes with this bag that's like a cell phone from the 80s. You know, it's just like a giant thing with a antenna and everything that's gold. She's like got gold beads all over it.

And Jenna's, Gina's like, is this your being? I don't know because you need to get a be egg. This is be egg so people know what that is It was a collision of Gina's accent and Nicole's accent because Nicole's like oh my god look at me X look at me X and then Gina was like oh my god, does your be egg? Is this your be egg? It was like Michigan versus New York like me X, MiEx, MiEx, MiEx, MiEx, MiEx. Nicole is a little a-hole. So they're like, hi, Nicole. Good to see you. She goes, I'm going to squeal over because I see the Olsins and all of our friends.

Yeah. So she says, Nicole says hi to everyone except Noella. And while I was like, oh, no, no, look for me. And so we find out that Noella tried to get lunch with Nicole, and that when she tried to do that Nicole hung up on her. And then this is actually where we see Noella on the phone with her saying, like, I love that while I'm trying to go

with what I'm going through with my friend and it's like not reaching out and like not even saying, I hope you're okay. And Noelle, that's when Nicole goes, well clearly I cannot be the friends you want me to be. And I don't think you're being kind and I'm gonna end this call Thanks for the call bye bye Fire twice in one week

So no, well, it's like if she can't go deep with me at the deepest moment painful time for life This friendship is officially over. I'm like, oh, okay. Are you breaking up with James too? Because you can't just keep breaking up with people who don't you. Okay, it's not how it works. So then Jen and Ryan show up and Ryan looks very scared. He's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he's probably not used to, he's like clearly uncomfortable

just in a shirt. So, so he's just like on the sidelines. And Jen and Noelle are like, oh yeah, we're talking now. And we turns out, I felt so bad for these two newbies because they clearly had like their first scene together just like all newbies and it just gets relegated to a flashback in the middle of this party, a little black and white flashback.

They do that to a lot of scenes in this show. It's like they filmed a lot of stuff and we're like, the season is boring. So we're just gonna make everything flashbacks and give it a good 13. Let's do this guys. Well, it's good though. A lot of flashbacks that we never see.

But it's good because I actually, I think the season's been excellent and it's probably because they aren't like over like putting every single thing in. They're editing and just keeping it tight and just moving the story forward. Yeah. So Shane has been standing there the whole time, you know, through the Nicole thing and now through the next one. I mean, he's like, oh my god, you're not speaking to her too. Geez. Come on. I've got a lot of problems with people with this

party lady. And then we see the clip of Noella and Jen at lunch with each other. And Noella goes, I mean, was the stuff I said? Do you assert 100% 100? I was just projecting. So Jen is basically like, you know what I'm guarded, but like, you know, I'm willing to take it baby steps. I'm married to Ryan. I'm used to baby steps, right? High five, everyone, America.

America loves that some good Ryan jokes, right? Right? Okay, I'll just wait for you to give me a little high five back, America. Okay, maybe next time. Yeah, I mean, I think you were having an affair with Ryan while he was married. So that's not really baby steps. Okay. You were anyway. So Emily is like, wait, so you're Ryan or Ryan? And he's like, Ryan and Jen's like, Ryan, I'm just

okay. So his name is Ryan, but he decided to change it to Ryan. Like all this new name does is confuse people and make it difficult to pronounce. I mean, Ryan. This guy is such a douchebag. Why would he change his name to R-Y-N-E? Like it's one thing, you know, okay, he was born as parents gave him a funky spelling of Ryan. It's like, we know what can you do? You were raised, you know, like we make fun of it. We make fun of it, but like ultimately it's not hit not their fault

But here he actively was like I don't want to be Ryan. I want to be Ryan I'm like this guy is California. It's it's like California very stupid and I love Heather's like well What does he want to be no? No, how's he want to be addressed like Ryan or Ryan? And so Jen's like well huh fine. Just call him Ryan. She goes, oh, like the river. I'm like, if you think that anyone this cast Heather knows about the Ryan river over Germany or river, because Jen goes,

no, no, no, like orange, Ryan. I'm like, you know, there's a D on that one. I'm like, yeah, it's a cluster. So, Jen is like, Heather, this is Ryan. She goes, oh, you have a shirt on. That's good. It's a cluster. So Jan is like, Heather, this is Ryan. She goes, oh, you have a shirt on. That's good. That's good. And we had to special order that.

He's just like not happy with that. He's like, huh? You guys been making fun of me being shirtless. So Shannon's not at the party because she flew in overnight from Nashville and woke up with just pains. She's had Dr. Moon on the phone with that fucking restaurant all morning. You'll find out what was in that hot and bothered. I don't laugh at just pains but I laugh at like just imagining how I was like, well I think

something is happening. I've got Nashville hot heart going on right now. Someone please help. Yeah, I think it's another Heather party and she's like having a. So, Jeanne is like, oh, she's not gonna come. And then Lisa's, oh, you're not gonna miss her. And no one else like, come on guys, she's a girl.

And she's on us and open. We're not good. And she's like, she's Shannon. Okay, that We're not good. She's like she's Shannon. Okay, that's what she is. She's Shannon. And Emily basically is like, you know, my relationship with Shannon has history and is complicated.

And yeah, I'm basically always gonna take a job whenever I can because she deserves it. I was like, oh, okay. I mean, both Gina and Emily are ridiculous. Gina is so are ridiculous. Gina is so far up, Heather's asked. She like totally betrayed Shannon for no reason. And then Emily, these two are actually kind of cracking

the up of this kiss, kiss asteria of the season. I kind of liked that that story. It's just like just because others asked beyond. So then Heather's like, Heather asked Jan if she's gonna come to Capo with them. She's like, yeah, it's my trip, my plane. Once again, her plane. So Jen's gonna go to Capo. Basically, everyone's gonna be going to Capo, so we think.

And then we just sort of see stuff going around the party. Travis can't find Gina. It was weird because in the commercial break, they're like, coming up, Travis can't find Gina. I don't, it was weird because in the commercial break, they're like coming up, Travis can't find Gina, but I thought it was gonna be that Gina was gonna be wasted and be falling over or something happened to Gina, but like it's just that she's just at a different side of the party.

Yeah. So then Emily is getting her aura done and she's like, oh my God, what's going on in my vagina? I mean, it's red. Is there a problem here? And he's like, most people that come in on a daily basis have a blown out chakra. And Gina's like, blown out vagina. Is that what she said?

Yeah, and they just start talking about vagina and stop. It's like a stop sign, et cetera. And then we cut to Nicole and Jen. They're posing at like the photo booth area and Nicole's holding her phone up. And she's like, you need to say wrong number. Instead of cheese, wrong number. I'm like, really trying to make that prop happen.

Yeah. So then Heather and Ryan and Jen are talking. And Heather's like, so me and Terry came home from our anniversary of our first date. And he said, this is great. He said, let's not speak anymore, because it can't get better than this. Isn't that cute? Isn't that cute, everybody? Isn't that cute? And I'm like, oh, really? Because I met this one at a breakfast buffet.

And so for me, it was love at first sight, but he had to come around for a couple of years. Took him a while from to realize that when I said past the hash browns, that was actually my way of hitting on him. Oh, well, well, now it's going, it's going good, right? And he says, Oh, no, still coming around. We're still coming around. Still coming around. So, Emily, they're just seeing more of this stuff around this party. And Nuella and Emily are by the bar and they're doing shots. They're trying to get the caterer to do a shot to you or the bartender.

And Emily starts talking about how when she was 27, she was hot. And we see a picture of her from 2003, which was kind of funny. And she's like, well, no, all my hair. She's like, only half my hair is mine now. And Nuella's like, yeah, my basically half horse. She's like, Nae-ne, bitch. And so then there's just like laughing.

And Emily's like, well, by the way, speak of Na-Nay, like, you know, let's do you ride horseback. Let's go horseback riding in Cabo. She's definitely so foolish. She's like constantly starting shit. She's like, oh, weren't invited. And then weren't invited to Cabo, huh? And she's like, well, the, I'm just very blessed to be here right now. That's what I'm concentrating on.

And it's like, well, you did call her a fake bitch. So Nuala senses that her invitation is not coming any time soon. So now Heather makes a speech for all the guests. And she's like, first, I want to thank everyone for coming here tonight. Because if you did not come here tonight, you would lose a lot more than just my friendship. It would have cost you a lot. But we are so happy to have everyone here,

and I'm so impressed after reading this book, but how raw and open and honest, maybe too honest, ha ha ha, pause for laughter. Oh, what you shared here, Max, was special. I mean, Max, when I got to the chapter where you were, you know, you were trapped in the box thing, and then you were going down the escalator. None of that happened, mom. Oh, it must have gotten lost in the assistant Panama translation to the book, but anyway, it's on pages so good for you. So yeah, so now there's just like more after the toast, there's just like more partying and drinking and food,

and then Emily's just getting wasted at this point. Emily's wasted, she's like propping herself up on the bar and she's just like, she's telling the bartender, did you go on break and not tell me? I mean, where are you? She's like, she's totally the bartender. Did you go on break and not tell me? I mean, where were you? And she's like, she's drunk. Where's Gina?

Gina's last of, Gina! Shea, I've got on cute parmigrants for you, Shea. No. No, I was like, I have a working theory, like feel free to walk away if it makes you uncomfortable, but I think that you guys must have the hottest sex and change just walks away. I'm going to have my first drink. And Emily's like, I mean, we do when I stay awake

forward, I'm all right. Shane and he's like, have you seen her aura? The stop sign on her vagina. That's our sex life is. But it's a stop sign on her vagina. That's our sex life is. So then Emily winds up talking drunkenly to Jen. And she was, they start talking about like, you know, she's like, I had to pay my way through school. And they're like talking about like how they pay their way through it.

Ultimately, Emily winds up saying, so did your boyfriend pay for you to go to school? She's like, no, so you paid him back. She's like, well, I paid him anything he claims they just wanted to go away, regarding meaning the lawsuit and that whole thing. Right. And she's like, I went on scholarship, okay.

I worked my ass off. And she's like, all your billion are a boyfriend, okay, so look, was he hot? Was he hot? She goes, no, he was not hot. And Emily's looking around like, come on guys Come on, you listening to this girl. Come on. And Jen goes, he's a very smart interesting person And Emily says, oh, you're telling me you're attracted to his great personality?

Just like, yeah, yeah, I'm, I'll just say you like the money. You're lying. Oh my god. Gina. Gina. Gina is so annoyed at this point because Emily is just wasted. So Gina's like, I think we should go because I think the power is the money. Do you not think that she should keep mom? Do you not think that she continue mocking this new person? Because it should. It's good. She looks like, uh-uh. Listen, I don't know what you're talking about, but I feel we should go. So Emily is good. Okay, I'm gonna go and she's like, well, just in case I didn't stir the pot.

I don't remember if I did or not. She turns to do all this. I can't wait to go to Cabo with you. And then it goes, who's going to Cabo? Who's doing that? She's not go to Cabo with you. Another goes, who's going to Cabo? Who's doing that? She's not going to Cabo? Like you invited me. She's, yes I did. Yes, you're going to Cabo.

But who else is going to Cabo? And she tells us, you know, I saw Nuella when she walked in and she looked nice and she brought a gift from Max, which was sweet, but I wanna take a trip. I really don't wanna hang out with someone who lies about me, but we're good. So then we see Emily stumbling. It seems like basically trying to carry,

be like a crutch for Emily to get down the hallway, right? And she's like, I gotta pee, we're so cute, a lot coming here with me, she can come pee. He's like, I do not wanna want you, Pete. Come on, Shane, come on, you get out on me, Pete. He's like, I do not want to want you, Pete. Come on, Shane. Come on, you didn't help me, Pete. I'm sorry, if I'll sleep last night, I'll put it out when you get home. He's like, does that mean but sex is possible?

She goes, all right, I'll let you do that. And then the episode ends. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You leave people hanging with the image of shame doing anal to Emily like come on guys at least try to get people to tune in next week. Not what you call a teaser. So everyone thank you so much for being here. Thanks for those who watched this.

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