Watch What Crappens - #1684 RHOM: Friendship Contract!

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* Real Housewives of Miami brings back the classic "Friendship Contract" storyline when Julia gets on one knee for Adriana in Montauk. Good luck with that one! This week's bonus episode is part two of a Top Chef Contestant Breakdown. Find all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens, and for those of you who couldn't make the 2022 Golden Crappies Awards in-person this year, experience it live digitally from the comfort of your own home at momenthouse.com/wwc until this Friday.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Corappan. So podcast for all that crap. We just let talk about on the old profs.

Okay, I'm Ronnie, guess what I'm with. So handsome, so sweet. So maybe it's Ben, Ben Mavilker, hi Ben. Hi, I'm just laughing because Bueller, wait, I'm gonna close this window for one second so people can just see Bueller for a moment. They, because we're doing crap, it's on the man. They can't hear you when you do that by the way so come back They sound they can't hear me when I go back on video if you take yourself off

Okay, well that was a little special something The Pueller is just like a sleep like oh god these two gaze talking again Yeah. No. No. He's like, when does it end? Just give me a biscuit already and go back to talking about whatever you two talk about. Poor thing doesn't even get biscuits. He gets pretzels.

Other people give him biscuits and he's like, what the fuck is this? Where's my pretzel? Okay. Can I get my pretzel? Thanks. He just does not like biscuits. What about a limp biscuit? We're going to call that word Thanks. He just does not like biscuits. What about a limb biscuits? We're going to call that word play.

We call that word play everyone. Well, everybody, let biscuits get aside. Welcome to Watch Your Crappens. Today we are recapping real housewives of Miami. I saw some questions like, why are these recaps always right when the new episode comes? It's just, it's just where it falls in the schedule. Sorry, but we're keeping it on here and getting them done, you know, just where it falls in the schedule, sorry. But we're keeping it on here and getting them done, you know, just hold off a little sometimes if you need

to. But the next Miami episode after this will be live in Orlando this coming weekend. Before that, we're going to do Real Housewives of Orange County in Nashville. And before that, we're going to do Real Housewives of New Jersey Premiere in Atlanta. You can go get your tickets for all those shows at WatchrootCrapins.com. You can also get them for the rest of the season. We're gonna be 21 cities. We're gonna be going to 21 cities this time. So go get your tickets watchrootCrapins.com. San Diego's coming up.

Plus, Angeles is coming up. So many fun places. Thanks to everyone who's come so far. It's been really great seeing you guys. I'm excited to back out this weekend. Yeah, I'm excited to recap Miami, Inter Orlando. I mean, I know Miami, or Orlando are different cities, but they're both in Florida.

It's cool to do a Florida show in Florida, you know? It's a old well-in-opee, or it's very local show, locally sour, show, locally sourced recap. local show, locally source show, locally source recap. It's like farm to table, Florida style. Yeah. So today, well, anything else before we dive into, oh, and are the crappies replay is up for about another day. So if you didn't get to see it, go to momenthouse.com slash WC and watch it. Cause it was actually really amazing.

It's our Broadway debut. So anyway, let's dive into some real househouse on Miami showing. Let's do it. Previously, Scotty refused to even come on the FaceTime camera for Larsa, which I really liked. And I've been reading some controversy about it. People are like, Scotty, what an asshole. I don't think Scotty's an asshole at all.

He didn't agree to do this damn TV show, and I say, good for you, sir. He's like 21 years with Larsa Pippen and Michael Jordan, okay? Give the man a break. Let him just have some downtime. Yeah. So here we are. We're still in the Hamptons for Lars' jewelry show. Her big drunk show in the Hamptons.

And right now we're in the kitchen and Nicole is, you know, making small talk basically because it was a big fight last night. And Kiki's in the kitchen with her. And Nicole's just like, you know, I don't know how people don't drink coffee or tea or in the morning. I just, I need something warm. And Kiki goes, warm, yes Yes sex is warm. I like sex. I Don't think these two even are listening to each other

Also, like just like whatever you say if you're like, oh my elbows to be like elbows bend. I love bending Oh my god. Oh my god elbows Nicole by the way with that really really Tense observation about needing something warm in the morning also Oh my god, I love those. Nicole, by the way, with that really, really intense observation about needing something warm in the morning. Also, this is important to me. I know you probably saw this, and I hope you thought of me. There is an enormous platter of bagels that was out on the kitchen island.

And I was like, I got mad because they looked like amazing bagels, and there was smoke-sam, and there was cream cheese, and I was like, no, let's get these bagels. Yeah, nobody's eating. These bagels are going to waste. Yeah, I made that too. I was like the bagels are as big as everyone's head. They're not, no one is gonna touch these bagels.

No one's coming close to them, okay. They made like Adriana's like boobs look just like little pennies or something. So anyway, so they were just like gathering and everything. And Nicole was saying that she and Least were up until 2am talking to you about everyone. And Nicole really met at Marisol because everything that happened on the last episode. Yes. And then we see a clip of, well, you can, I know people that know you and they told me, you called Larsa, a hooker. And of course, I'm having a hard time moving on.

I don't even wanna be here anymore. And so she's like, Kiki, do you give vacation constipation? Kiki's like, I love to kaka, but I haven't made kaka since I've been here. Where's my kaka? I just wanna make kaka. Alam kaka, Elbows and sex.

Ha, kaka, what do you want? I'm ready, do me anything. I'll talk about it. So I haven't made kaka either. That's what I'm saying. And so Kiki's like, well, Lisa and I went in and she was like, okay, I see. Kakka. So I need something to help me release. You know, I need something for this. And then Larsa come, is this all real? Because I check this. This is all, yeah, no, I just know this.

I check this. I check this. I check this. I check this. know, I need something for this. And then Lars account, is this all real? Because I this is all yeah, no, I'm not. I just know this and kind of a haze. And I'm like, it might just make you cock out jokes for no reason. Like, what is this real? Is this happened? Let me tell you something. Let me tell you what happened to me. Okay. We did our show in Boston, which was great. Thank you, everyone. Boston. That was super fun. I got into bed at midnight, which is actually a little early for me, but I got into bed at midnight because I had to be up at

5 a.m. for a flight. And then I woke up urgently at 2.30 thinking, oh my god, I overslept. And then I went and looked at my phone and said 2.30 and I was like confused because I was like, what? So then I like double-checked my alarm. And in the process of doing that, I woke myself up and I couldn't fall back to sleep again. So then I only had two and a half hours of alarm. And in the process of doing that, I woke myself up and I couldn't fall back to sleep again. So then I only had two and a half hours of sleep. And then I flew across country and then I came back here and then I took a nap and then I woke up from my nap. Finally, because I finally got some sleep,

I woke up in the nap and I was like, oh, gotta watch Miami. So I watched this whole episode in this weird like post-snap, sleep deprived, flew across the country, Hayes. So honestly, it's my long way of saying, yes, I'm confused also by everything. I mean, I was totally awake and like in the mood to watch it and everything when I watched it, I just now that I'm breathing it, I don't even remember the

happening. But anyway, Larza comes in and she's like, um, you know, I need something for my bun and Kiki's like, you're working out, you're just working out, you don't have to do your hair It's just working out and Lars is like, yeah, but I need to understand what happened last night guys what happened last night And I was like, can I just say I'm sorry to interrupt you Ronnie for some reason it really bothered me that Larsa walked in and was like I need you to help me redo my bun. It's not tight. You know what Larsa? You and was like, I need you to help me redo my bun, it's not tight. You know what, Larsa? You wouldn't have to come in here with your loose ass bun. You could have tightened it up yourself in your mirror. And now you're gonna come in while people are like,

maybe about to have a bagel and make someone redo your bun. For what reason? You're talking about Kaka. Okay. Yeah. You don't just go in and rep the Kaka discussion to ask them to do your bun. Okay, your bun is your business. was it was a perfectly tight bun too I'd like to add I

Think she just was like really like she just really needs that sympathy no matter what like guys I my buns lose I just need to I need to just share that with everyone So she's like what happened last night and it was like I didn't sleep good She goes um yeah, and can I tell you something Mary soul doesn't lie Which again boo? No, have can I tell you something? Mary soul doesn't like Which again? Boo. No, have you even watched this show? Yeah And lards is like she's a lot of things, but she's not a liar and of course like well What I think is that there's a spin on it that's not genuine because think about it like she had a game

And that was calculated so if she was calculated about that, then she was also calculated about how the game was spun. Lars was already just like very confused. And then Lars had to tell us that she goes, you know what, Nicole is good at being a dolphin. Like she's like a flipper. Like she flips things on you. She's a, she's a, she's a flipper dolphin.

Like Lars, I'm going to need you to do a little bit better here. This is just not, not the best work. She's a, she's a, she's a flipper dolphin. I'm gonna need you to do a little bit better here. This is just not, not the best work. It's really not. That's why they don't have much of Larsa in diary room sessions. She's like, she's just starting, she's a flipper. Like, she flips. Look, she's eating a fish right now. She just starts with an animal and workshops her way through it until she can finally make something. Look at her. She's such an armadillo. She's just like, she rolls, she curls up and she gets run over. She's runs over. She throws herself under the budget. She's an armadillo. Got it. Got it, guys.

So she's like, I'm just not used to being put in a position where I have to defend myself like, like, I don't know why, just don't like it. That shit like did me wrong. I mean, uh, Google Larza Pippin and tell me that Larza Pippin does not like putting herself in a situation that she has to defend herself. And I mean, that's just, that's just crazy talk to you. I googled her last week during the show to find out who the hell she was talking about dating and I was like, oh my God, she puts herself in some, she puts herself in some shitty

positions. She really does. And so Nicole's like, no, I just think it all came out in a nasty way. So Larza now gets to say her new, her new thing that she says all up so long, because well, you know what, I'm a, I'm a people and I'm going to crush you. And I'm like, by the way, XYZ, I don't care that you were married to Anthony XYZ. Like, that's the episode. It's like, you know, my feeling is like, you know, XYZ, I don't really care.

So I'd a crush you like ABC. Why do I have the beginning of the alphabet? And you have the end of the alphabet is the ABC or XYZ? I need to know. Cause I have like, I'm a pebble. So I tried to crush you like ABC. No, she said, well, I wrote, oh, oh, you were really asking me that. I thought you were being Larsa, understanding the alphabet. I wrote down XYZ. I felt like I heard her say XYZ many times. So I mean, look, I don't really care that you were married

when you, you weren't married when you had a baby. And the call goes, yeah, that was pretty low. And she goes, yeah, but if you say, why would Larsa have to do an only fan if she's married to Scotty Pippin? And you know what I say to that? Why not, ABC, why XD? What about like GHI? Why isn't anyone do GHI as a letter or sequence, huh?

So I like, by the way, Larsa's coming after like the one person who like actually really defended her about being on only fancy. The only person who was like, guys, don't judge her. If you look at it, it's like legit. And Laura says coming after her because she's I know. And I like she's like, no, slut. No, slut. That's a slut. That's a slut. Only fantasy for sluts. That's it. That's what I'm saying. So Kiki's like, well, you know. That's a slut. Only pants is for sluts. That's it. That's what I'm saying. So, Gigi's like, well, you're a public person. And even me, I didn't go and ask him, like,

oh, I want to know about Larsa, because I kind of look at it like regardless. I'm kind of getting to know, I just had to go kaka. Could someone help me go kaka? Someone please help me go kaka. Kaka. And of course, like, well, it doesn't matter anyway, because it's the end of the day.

You're going to form your own opinions, you know, but it was genuine curiosity on my part. So then Julia comes in with eggs and she's like, I have eggs look eggs colors so many different colors of eggs. Nightingale conversation with eggs. Yes. So, um, Lars is like, you are those eggs on OnlyPans. So, she's like, who travels with eggs? That's serious farmer shit, which is actually one of Lars's few real points. I mean, who does travel with eggs? It's a little weird.

Yeah. And so, they're like, who wants to test? And of course, before that, I just want to say that I don't want my curiosity to come off as disrespecting you. It was genuine curiosity and I apologize. And there's this like, thank you, ZXY. I think it's time.

It's time. It's time. You know, at the end of the day, XYZ, it's done. You know what I'm saying? So by the way, now they're going to make French toast while they have a giant spade sitting there. I was like, this is, I mean, listen, I love that. That's like the perfect breakfast for me. But I was like, no, no one's definitely

no one's touching those bagels. They're gonna. I know it's getting any of this shit, right? And so Nicole's trying to also get an apology from Larzo, which is never gonna happen, right? So she's like, you know, so I apologize again. Thank you. And we all, we love all of our out of wedlock children, right? And Lars is like, yeah, with ever like I'm getting an apology. So Julia is like, tell the God. Yeah, she's telling us. She's like, hearing Lars' say out of wedlock children, I mean, that's not good, you know,

like Jesus. Who does that? She's like, but what can we do? We are not in the gear team. We are in Montauk. Yeah, more or less, she says that. And then Alexi, so then I'll, people start showing up, but Alexi shows up in Adriana.

Adriana shows up in Marisol. Marisol has like her husband Steve on the phone. She's like, everyone get eye contact. I can't talking. Say hi to Steve. And Larsa goes, she goes, oh, that's funny. He's like Charlie from Charlie's Angels. And Marisol goes, who?

You know, Charlie from Charlie's Angels. And Marisol goes like, I know, right? I'm totally that. And she like, just like the Charlie's Angels post. And everyone's like, no, not you idiot, Steve, in the phone. Because he's talking to all the late, like, hello ladies. Marry's all never gets it.

It's not like it doesn't understand the concept. So then they start talking about how this boxing guy's going to come over to give them a lesson. And Marry's all's like, I'd rather starve than left a way. Dissex count for exercise. What are you doing with that bacon? I'm sipping it like it's a sippy cup.

I just don't have my sippy come here, so. She's basically a human version of those like sassy greeting card things that you see on the internet. Like, my husband asked me what's for dinner. I said, here's the bottle opener. Like, that's what Marisol turned into. Yeah. I saw one of those guards in the store last night.

And of course, it was a head shop. So that probably explains it. But it was like a lady in the 50s like sitting on a watermelon. And it just said, eat me. I was like, wow, they've really just dropped all the poetry in these guards. All the word play. They just get right to the core of it.

There used to be a radio station here in LA. It was called Jill FM. And I loved, I also called it Divorce Radio because all the music was basically like female empowerment, empowerment anthems or like really fun music from the 80s that someone that like talked to Amra would like be like, yeah this is what it was like in high school, which by the way I also love that music. And by the way, it was the best radio station ever. And in between songs, they always had sassy interstitials. I was always a lady would come on like Marisol, who's like,

so my husband, my ex-husband called up and said, where are the divorce papers? And I said, where's my happy ending? And then we just go to a song. That's basically Marisol. She's Jolaphem. Very self-regulatory. I'd rather star than live to wait. To sex count, nights in white sat, and coming right up.

We just go to like, winger or something. So Lexi is there now. And she's like, you know, sex would not make you lose weight unless you did it all day or something. So Lexi is there now and she's like, you know, sex, sex would not make you lose weight unless you did it all day or something like that. And Mary says, like, well, he does all the work. He enjoys it. So why should I move if he does all the work on the wings of a dove? Here it is. Take it away. So in the history of Larissa Pippin, I believe has really not contributed anything good to anyone's life, and she's really done very little to impress me.

I'm assuming you as well. We did once say that she was worse than the economy, but she did make some pretty amazing looking French toast. So I have to give it to Lararsa Pippin French toast A plus I don't know for how cheesy but look great So Adriana is like Larsa and Julia can come to my house any time to cook and then it's just Mary Solan Larsa now in the kitchen And Larsa is like by the way, I talked to Nicole and she said that she didn't mean it like that

She's just inquisitive't mean it like that. She's just inquisitive. And I'm like, that's fine. Out of wedlock, you know what I mean? And Mary so I was like, well, that's not the only thing she sent out. She sent you her hooker and she doesn't want to be associated with you. And she's like, oh my God, well, you should have said that. You should have told me that.

She did tell you that. And Mary so I was like, oh, I forgot because I just made that up right now. You should have said that. You should have told me that. She did tell you that. And Marissa was like, oh, I forgot, because I just made that up right now. But, you know, I want everyone to know it. I want everyone here to know who she really is. And Larsa's like, well, she is pleasant when you see her. And I want to like her. And Marissa was like, and I do too.

And she's like, but if you're a different person, when you go back and say, x, y, z about us, that's not cool. X, Y, Z. Oh, and don't forget her husband because he's doing it too. He's just chubby. Make chatter sin. But now she loves you because she read about you, which by the way is also bullshit that she Googled you in order to like you. I mean, I've Googled you and I hate your ass. I mean, sorry, you know what? Win beneath my wings coming right now. And now why it's snake. So, Larissa is like, you know what? I feel like it's like a lot of Halloween time in the cold. Okay. And like,

she's wearing like a lot of different masks, like a dolphin mask. And she's like a flip her dolphin mask. And then she flipped her mask off. And then she's dolphin underneath the dolphin mask. It's like, why are you wearing a mask of a masks, like a dolphin mask, and she's like a flipper dolphin mask, and then she flipped her mask off, and then she's dolphin underneath the dolphin mask. It's like, why are you wearing a mask of a dolphin? You're already a dolphin, you know? And I just say, I don't know which one's a real dolphin, which one's a fake dolphin. Like, are you friend?

Are you foe? Are you an X, Y, or a Z? Like, I don't know. Who are you, Nicole? Scooby-Doo, or the Gimp from Pope Fiction. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to put down the FaceTime. All right, Steve, you can take off the mask now. That was fun. Hold on a second, I'm sorry, I forgot to put down the FaceTime. All right, Steve, you can take off the mask now. That was fine.

Hold on a second, I'm getting a phone call. Oh my God, it's Kyle Richards. She says, don't you dare mention Halloween again. That's my shit. Okay, cool. Great, thanks. Well, we've been around a long time and we've met a lot of shitty people.

We have to put everyone in a certain box to know what to expect from them. And that's it. That's it. As you know, or XYZ. Okay. Well, that's it. ABC. That's it. That's it. So now it's done for boxing class. And Marisol comes out and like this very splashy bathing students because well, I got to keep up with you hookers time for some white snake. That's okay to call everyone hookers, by the way. I know. And by the way, two seconds after she calls you a hooker. Hey, hookers. And which also, by the way, last episode, no calls like I don't even say hookers.

And now here's Marisol, the only one so far we've seen on record calling saying the word hooker in a casual setting. So they all gather outside to take boxing class from hottie garrath. He's like, I'm garrath. Oh, I think there's a big deal. Get garrath hornle. Yeah. And Lars is like, oh my god, you guys, she's doing us. She's like, oh my god, you guys, I just feel like I'm dealing with so much. Really, Larza? Yeah.

What are you dealing with? You drew some circles on a napkin that somebody is more raculously turning into jewelry and you have to sell one mansion to move into another mansion. You're not going through shit, Larza. Listen, I don't want to get into it, but let's just say, ex-wisey, okay? Also, there's a real quick clip of Lisa in her bathroom, and she doesn't know where

to put her toilet paper. She's like, there's nowhere for me to put my toilet paper. I mean, look at this. This is like roughing it for me. And I'm like, where, this is how you can tell it was peacock and obravo, because I feel like burr and bravo,

the camera and would probably just zoom in on what was clearly a toilet paper holder. You cannot tell me there's no toilet paper by that toilet You never know how to about this. I'm like you're not like that's house You never know there's a reason that they sell those toilet paper stands at raw stress for less You know what I'm talking about really those big metal there like it this one's a zigzag and this one's a swirl and you just pile all your toilet paper up on there. Yeah. Tower toilet paper. Yeah.

Leading tower views up it and toilet paper. Okay. You convinced me. You know what? You know what? And life. You have to be open to new ideas. And okay.

Don't take it toward the paper. Roll hold it for granted. That's what I'm saying. It's one of the four agreements. I just felt like Lisa Hawksine is the type that would just like try to gaslight us into thinking that she was living in a hovel when there was like a perfectly fine toilet paper holder,

like probably right at her kneecap. But Lisa Hawksine is also the type to like not know where the toilet paper holder is. You know what I mean? Like, oh my God, where's the toilet paper holder? Like she needs to like press a button and have it like drop down from her. She's like, well, I guess I'll just put it here just very close and proximity to this very small handrail. It's like that's not a handrail. That's that's the toilet

paper holder, Lisa. It's time for commercial. It's time for raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown all are, we will be your resident not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking.

Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.

So, Audrey out Adriana is like, I'm gonna place bits, I'm gonna place bits on boxing. And Karate is like, oh, you're from Brazil. I have many male and female friends from Brazil. Like, you said that. Someone who's like very excited to use their duo, Lingo. So he starts talking and Portuguese to her. And she's like, oh, and then there's just like stuff happening. So Marisol gets in the pool and then she's basically like,

she's basically like, you know, Oscar the grouch, just like sitting there, but then, but in a happy, she's like, Oscar the happy and she's just sitting there to pool, just watching everything, me like, let me tell you something about boxing. I know how to box. I put my exes shit in a box and I sent it to him. Okay, here comes some glorious step on everyone. Wow. Look at you, Adriana. You're such a flirt.

You like everybody, just like everybody likes ice cream and the sound machine. Let's get some sound machine. Yeah, she just, Marisol, during this, it's like a montage, like boxing. Oh my God, boxing and look at them. They're boxing and just Marisol and the pool be like, we're familiar with that move. Am I right, everyone? I'm for some boys. And here's me working out lifting my margarina up and down doing curls. And there we go, little canny G coming your way. Wow.

You got to be careful. You don't get a concussion. Last time I had a concussion was for me, banging my head against the wall from all my ex-husband's divorced and man, am I right? Okay, here comes some warrants. So Adrian, basically they're all boxing. They have like a boxing contest. And Gareth is like, no shots to the head. And I mean, not for all the males and females out there.

And Mary so I was like, can't taking the fun on them and g Gah! And of course, Larza is immediately going for the head. Yeah. It's like trying to hit Kiki in the face. Yeah, and so, yeah, it's like Larza versus Kiki, which almost has this old-timey bot. They're sort of like joining this cartoon boxing thing, like when he's like, boom, boom, boom. And then they are draw. And then now, and Lars is like me fighting with

Kiki was like me fighting an NBA player. Like, obviously, I won. I'm not sure about that. So let's see here. Okay. So then, Gareth, it's a very long boxing montage. Guys, really, it's like, it went It's a very long boxing montage guys Really is I'm for a very long time. I'm like scrolling through Boxing boxing marisol on the pool boxing marisol boxing Adriana So let's see here auction items. Oh, so okay, so we're with Gertie now So Gertie's at work and she's with Garrett because I was confused because Gert is the boxing guy. So now I see Garrett. I'm like, what? But it's Garrett Gertie's assistant guy.

Garrett who's a gay, Gertie and Garrett who's a gay after the day of the scene. So she's like, okay, okay, we're setting up. We're setting up. I need green curtains over there. I need some option. I was over here. This is gonna be the best 80 event. Anybody's never seen. It's going to be an amazing event. It's doing her dirty thing. Yeah, she definitely leads by being like making busy announcements, you know, like, okay, we need new drips. Okay, we need gratify those drips. Okay, new windows. Okay, let's build a new building up here. Okay, chairs, new chairs, send all the chairs away. New chairs are coming in here. Grudified. She also pretends she's busier than she is by saying hello a million times. She's one of those people. She comes in It's like I don't know I don't know if she did this kind of wave you know like

Um, like the like the slap wave, the one hand slap wave where people wave like that. But I feel like people who do aggressive, hello's to show that they're busy. They also put out their hand and go like, they just start waving at people that aren't there. Like, hi, hi, hello, hello. It's like, it's a plant.

It's a plant. Who are you waving at? So she talks about how busy she is. And you know, busy, busy, busy, busy busy busy busy busy busy busy this is gonna be my reputation Okay, there's gotta be flare. I need flowers. It's my reputation flare in flowers and Guarantees like you know what five dollar feeds a do you know what five dollars feeds a child in a day in Haiti? because they're talking about raising money and Basically, that's it, right?

She's like a big event event. She wants to get this going. Hello. They just wanted to throw a scenic dirty because she was basically in this last episode. And she's only coming at the end of this one. So it's just her putting together this, actually pretty nice event for her brother's charity

in his memory. So now we go back to Montauk. And Lars, so now the gay hairdresser, not the gay hairdresser, but like I'm saying, the gay is there because he's the hairdresser and he's doing her hair and he's like, he's basically fulfilling his role as the gay, which is that Lars is just telling stupid, like, uninteresting anecdotes and he just has to agree. So she's like, oh my god, Danny, like Sophia and Jelissa just flew in. He's like, oh yes, it's a nice to have her here, right?

He doesn't care. Why is daddy, you don't care about Jelissa and Sophia right now. He's just like making batter with her. Yeah, and he's like, so how far is she from the house? He goes, oh, she's only five minutes away. She's staying down the street and he's like, oh, but that's five minutes too far.

Am I right? Hey, if you're going to recommend me, just tell people that I made that comment. I'm a great hangar on. So Lars is like, you know, Sofia is super involved in Lars Marie. And you know, I just, I don't want to put, I don't want to put Sofia through the madness

of staying in this house. So just having her stay and, you know, chicken coop, you know, I just, I don't want to put, I don't want to put Sophia to the madness of staying in this house, so just having her stay and, you know, a chicken coop, you know, down the street. Yeah, I love her so much. It's important for me that she has the security of a holiday in express. So she's growing up so quickly, which is why she has to be in an express. Right. They're heading out to go shopping and Mary soul has one of her big glitter cups. She's like, yeah, a Roni is necessary everywhere, every day, not just for a vacation. I love drinking. Wink, wink, wink. Okay.

Mary, so my god. Mary soul's back is so fucking lame. Although I will say I love a rhodi. My mom's name is Rhonda and they call her Rody just for this reason. My mom was like the queen of having a cop in her car with the alcohol flowing. Near Cole is like a rhodi, like Arby in college.

So then anyway, Marisol, she still has her talk about her rhodi and everything. And it's not they're all gonna go shopping. And Larza's talking about how she's just obsessed with Sophia, her daughter. And she's like, I'm so obsessed with my kids. Like, I'm so obsessed. I mean, you know that Larza's like, she's, you know, she's like a really into being the cool mom. Like, I'm not surprised that Larza and Kim Zolciak are friends because this is

like their thing. Like yeah, I'm gonna be like, I'm basically like we're best friends. Yeah, and you know, Larsa's also getting in there to everybody. Oh, thankfully my assistant's Jolissa and Melissa landed. Of course she has a Jolissa and a Melissa. It's a scuttle lot of it says. And Mary Soul is like, is your daughter like your mini me She goes oh my god my kids are my best accomplishment I was like can I see that list I just want to know like yeah, how long Just need to see what you would consider your accomplishments

Yeah, so They park at this store and large was like, oh my God, these are like locals here. I love it. They're acting it like there is some anthropological, you know, expedition and they're just like at a store in Montauk. She's like, I love these locals. Well, they're at some famous person store, right? Because then the famous people are there and they keep showing them. For the way that's famous, yeah.

So, okay. So, she bends. Yeah. So okay, so Alexi is like, oh my God, thank for the after the stressful day, we had a need a good day. You know, and what girl doesn't like shopping? And so they're looking at the hats and Adrianna's like, I like your hats, do you make the hats here? And the lady's like, oh yes, my husband's half Australian,

they start talking to the lake is there famous what's her name did you write down their name I need to look at Sasha Benz Sasha Benz and like I'll okay now I gotta look them up sorry Sasha Benz Sasha Benz house Sasha Benz Forbes so yeah they're famous the founder of all my friends are models and sink Sasha Benz's role as creative director of Montauk's it destination surf lodge motivated her to start her new social networking app, sink. Sink.

Sink, I am cute. And her husband, I love it. I think it's Oliver who's a true beach kid from a small coastal town in Oz called Nusa. And this is all in lowercase, which is so something that he wrote himself. It's on their website. His mantra was always surf by day, music by night. After being scattered at a surf shop, all of us soon won the hearts of Australia as a

model in actor, gracing the hearts of Australia as a model in actor, gracing the pages of many iconic magazines and appearing in numerous well-known commercials. Well, I have to say, you know, considering how much we've talked about House Sloathe-Ren this week on this show, he truly does look like he's a Sloathe-Ren for real. Yeah, he does look like a grown up mouth boy for sure. Yeah. So anyway, they get a lot of camera time

and then they're like, oh my God, let us try on these bracelets and this jewelry. It's like how much is this couple giving you guys? Geez, you're really laying it on thick. Like now I know these two make their own hats, they come from all over. And then Larsa's like, oh, I just came up with a great idea. What an eye see if I can have my jewelry line here. As if like that was clearly like not already arranged.

Like this is what the whole bit is going to be. So she's like, wow, what a great idea. And look at all this Gucci and Chanel that they have here. I know. And Lexi's like, oh, yes, they have so much Chanel and Gucci. Chanel that they have here. I know. And Alexi's like, oh yes, they have so much Chanel and Gucci. Yes, it would be a good opportunity. Not for smell or Gucci.

They're going to be like, what the hell? Where you're selling our stuff in the same place as Larza Pippin. You're done for Benz. You're done. Seriously, then Marisol finds a top that she likes. And she's like, hmm, I like this top. And Alexi gets so mad. She goes, oh, well, you know, Marisol, like, mmm, I like this top and Alexi gets so mad. She goes, oh, well, you know, Marisol, like, wait,

I thought you were doing sexy now. And then you want to put on that? What? Huh? She's so mad. That Marisol wants to wear front-to-top. Yeah. And let's see here.

Larsa, oh, Sophia comes in. And Alexi is like, she's grown to be the sweet, wonderful woman. She's like Larsa, you want to kiss her and hug her and remember to cancel your membership so you don't get charged for life. She says, XYZ all the time. So then Larsa does, Sophia's literally my twin.

I'm like, no, no. And she's like, I mean, I was exactly the same way. I'm like, oh, okay, behavioral twin. Well, I mean, I was exactly the same way. I'm like, oh, okay, behavioral twin. Well, that's not good. Don't curse Sophia like that. She seems like she still has promise, Larza. Because she likes to shop. Like, okay.

So Larza gets on the phone and she's like, oh my God. Bling, bling, I have to call my lawyer because I'm like, I have to call my lawyer. I have to call my lawyer. I have to talk to my lawyer. Hi, everybody. I have to talk to my lawyer. I'm Mike. Could you get this mic off me? I have to talk to my lawyer. Hi everybody, I have to talk to my lawyer. I'm Mike.

Could you get this mic off me? I have to talk to my lawyer. The lawyer is just like, I'm just calling you about billing. Oh my God, guys, take the mic off. The lawyer is on the phone. He's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I thought this was Lisa Barlow. Okay.

Yeah, just returning a call. Thanks. Just letting you know we updated our contact information. We have new offices. Guys, take the mic off. The lawyer is on the phone. And important law things with Scotty Pippin and B.A. player. Where are you, lawyer?

So I don't know what she's setting up there. But then they return home and Mary soles on the phone with Steve again. And she's like, hi, Steve, show me your guns. It gets me hot. I'm so tryingrying so hard. And then Julia, meanwhile, is with Nicole in the kitchen, and she's pouring shots in these glasses, vodka shots, shots. Because one shot, Russian style, and she's like, I'm going to show you how to do shots,

Russian way. You breathe in with your mouth, and then you shrink, and then you swallow, and then you hold your breath for a second, and then you look across crowded bar and see Martina Navratalova, and you say, ha, she will be mine, and then you exhale and blow out, and you probably already have a pick on your mouth, and then you say, the new say, Martina, you are now mine.

You're a cat. So her thing is basically what everyone else And then you say, then you say Martina you are now mine. Your cousin is under my scar. So her thing is basically what everyone else in the world knows has taken a warm ass shot of vodka, okay? Then blowing it out because your fucking guts are on fire. But she ends it with having a pickle, which I've never heard of. And Nicole's like, um, but this is a cucumber. She's like, it is pickle because it was by smoked salmon. That poor smoked salmon's been sitting out all day next to a cucumber.

So it was like pickle by proxy. She's like, yes, okay. Now let me show you breathe in both in mouth, swallow, breathe out. Pickle. Breathe in, both in mouth, swallow, breathe out, pickle. I love you, but I think that the Mexicans are the better shot takers here, okay? She's like, necrotus, right? Mexicans don't take a shot better,

but Russians are master of vodka shot. Let me show you how to do a Ronnie shot. Reach into your pocket, pull out the tiny bottle of T-dose that you bought at the liquor store so you don't have to spend $20 on a cocktail in the stupid club you're in, swing it back, and then cough on somebody. At the end. I do shots like Kiki, because Kiki comes walking in and like does bathing suit, and they give her the shot, and she just splashes it on her face. She's like, okay, I'll throw this back

and it goes all the way down or cheeks, because that's what I do, because I don't have chill, and instead of just throwing it back, I don't throw it back, I throw it with at, and I go like, it's like a fff, like that, and it goes all over me. Every single time you think I'd learn by now.

It's just a bad shot takeer. I love that. You are kind of a bad shot taker, that's a bad shot takeer. I am a bad shot taker. I love that you are kind of a bad shot taker. I am a bad shot taker. I don't like doing them and I also am bad at them. And people always are like, you want to a shot? I'm like, no, I hate doing shots. I'm really bad at them.

Really funny. I've just all these memories of you taking shots just flash before my eyes while you were talking. Yeah, this always little dribble. This always little dribble dribble. At the crappies, we did shots with Durinda, and there was a shot with a little dribble going on in my cheek.

Well, that's different. Yeah, I could try the beer. Because that makes you drunk before you even get it to your mouth. It's like it comes to your mouth. You're like, oh, I'm going to die. I can try the beer. I'm really going to jogging a beer, but shot, I cannot do.

Yeah. So then, Julia is I cannot do. Yeah, so then Julia is you know, now she's like, oh my god, you are both now Russian both of you baptized and she's like Martina is taking care of the chickens so now I can play this trip is out of my comfort zone because I am never away from Family and animals. Every morning I wake up and the milk go twice a day. Not anymore. You know she's coming back and marching like, oh sorry I tore down the farm and put in a tennis court. Sorry. No more rooster waking me up at five in the morning. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial.

They're getting on the hot tub and there's a spider in the hot tub. And Lars is like, I am so scared if spiders. Yeah. And then Marisol is like talking about like, she's got her mug out in her confessional still talking about. She's like, I am the last person to keep track of Petey Palscock to all of them just sassy mowrs all. I don't know what the context of that keep track of people's cocktails. I'm just sassy, mow-sau. I don't know what the context of that was, but she says.

Because Julie keeps taking shots. Julie is like drinking up and Mary's soul is judging. She's like, I'm a lion's parents and blah, I'm the custod Julia taking shots. And then they say, Gertie's getting here tonight and Kiki's like, okay, before she gets here though, you know what's so, so it's it's like penis, but if you're strong, what, what, like wood, like wood. And Adriana's like,

I like wood. And then woods like, she says, listen, I don't care what language. I believe wood is a word in every language. It's welcome any time of day. Morning, what evening, what midday, what lunch, what is good? X, Y, Z, would no, Larsa, no, you don't get it. So then they get, now they're getting ready for dinner, they're in glam, they're doing a makeup and they're hair and they get into party bus. And then they drive out to the restaurant and they arrive at the restaurant and Marisol's like,

I got a pee and then we go to commercial break. I was like, wait, listen, listen, Peacock, we've been telling everyone that Miami is awesome these days. You can't give us a commercial break cliffhanger. That's Marisol saying she has to be, no, you got to do better. We're pushing for you. You got to do better. I love how Marisol's crudest cracks herself up. She goes, I have to be really bound on, don't play it all, which means like, I can't, you know, I have to pee. I can't with me. I can't with me. As club Nivose lead on me, it starts playing.

Aren't I crazy having to pee? God, I'm wacky. So then, I don't see. So then, um, let's see. And then also, and then they start walking into the restaurant. There's like a gravel, it's like a gravel driveway, and like, see it goes, everything's a rocky, huh? I'm like, yeah, that's how gravel works. Oh, like, it's true. But it is also the Hamptons.

That's what I, that was, I actually felt her when she said that because I was like that is the Hamptons is rocky There's like little stones everywhere like the beaches are stone beaches. You can't just like walk on the beach at her Right yeah, or at least I'm right. I was I've never been to fire Island. I can't comment on fire islands gravel But I can I can't speak about Hamptons gravel But the hamptons I know I mean about Hampton's gravel. But I mean, I know there's different types of gravel in this world and for sure that did look like the rock you're kind of gravel. But I just felt like Alexia had never even encountered

gravel before. She was like, you know, it looks like it's gonna be vaping, but it's rocky. And we're talking about gravel. So Miami, you can now pick it up. Pick it up before you're seeing. So a little bit of a cobbling together footage episode. There's sort of making flowing out their episode order. Right. So they go sit down at the table and Lisa saying, gosh, I don't get to sit next to Lars anymore. So I'm gonna sit next

to Lars and Mary soul tells Nicole your choice gangsta and so Nicole sits next to Mary soul and Mary soul is like well I seen a cool is chosen to sit right next to me. This shouldn't be fun. And Marissa this is her Marisol. She has like a big sequence hop on in her confessional while she's sipping with her cup. But then she's like trying to be like this should be fun and she like crosses her legs and then confessional while she's sipping with her cup. But then she's like trying to be like, this should be fun. And she like crosses her legs and confessional. And we see she's just wearing black jeans actually. She's like a little peek behind the curtain. Oh, God, she's just wacky. So Lisa's like, is it a full moon, a red moon? Because that's supposed to make people act

even crazier. Maybe that's why I couldn't figure out where the toilet paper went today. Maybe that's why I couldn't figure out where the toilet paper went today. I had that red moon haze. And then guess what? Guess who's here? Hi, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello everyone. Hello, hello, hello, let's change the drips. Okay, let's turn down this wall in this restaurant. Okay, like number of waiters, just robots.

Okay, hi, I'm Gritify. Gritify the restaurant. And they're like, oh my gosh, Gritty seems stressed. Gritty, are you okay? It's like, I'm just hungry. I'm just so hungry. It's been such a day. Hello.

Hello. And Alex is like, well, be glad you showed up tonight because last night was a shit show. We showed up for rooms and you know, starts going for the whole thing. And Girdy's just looking at them like, oh Jesus Christ. Oh God. Why?

And Alex is about to tell the whole story, but then like the waitress Annalise shows up and takes their order and then they start talking. And then they start like trying to throw stuff into Marisol's mouth. Lars is like, Marisol, open your mouth, I'm going to throw something into it and not them you can get it in. It's just like I'm throwing like crutons at Marisol's head. It's bouncing off Marisol.

It's bouncing Marisol in the face of the food. Gritty's like, what's, but wait, what about last night? Like, hold on, hold on. It's croutons of Olympics. Open up Marisol. Marisol's like, that's just funny. Oh my god, this straw doesn't work. I'm just trying to get the straw, but she's wasted. So Lexi cuts her off. She's like, no more drinking. Give me the drink. It's not a straw. She thought it was a straw. So we're like, we're now at the part of the episode

where we're talking about gravel, straws and croutons. Yeah. So gritty's like, get me a martini. I'm confused. So everyone's fine now after last night, after the rooms. Oh, hello. And Julie's like, last night was in hints.

We had little fight. And as we go forward, there's ups, there's downs. But you know, there are cats. And you know, cats fight. But underneath, we love each other. What cats on fire? I love fire. And Alexia is like, well, you know,

Marisol and I have this bond and there's nothing's going to break it and go, guys, please, I don't know what's going on. Please, guys. Will I was put in the situation that Nicole said something that could have started between Marisol and I and it's kind of deflecting from the situation you were in so you tried to create conflict. That's what happened. That's what happened. I like to try to make it sound like they're having dinner and Nicole just blurted something out and tried to cause a fight.

No, Marisol, start up this whole bullshit and try to make Nicole look like a shitty person and Nicole finally had to be like, well, guess what? This is what Marisol said, or this is what Alexia said about you, you know? And maybe so. And I did it for you, Alexiaia because you guys planned to go to that dinner and fuck with Nicole, right? Yeah. So Nicole's like, what I did was no different than from what you guys did. She goes,

oh, no, don't say don't say you guys. It was her. Marisol and I have been friends. We have been friendships for 22 years. So there's nothing you're going gonna do to stop that. And she's like, um, can we just not ruin dinner? Like, no, that's your job, Nicole. Because she's like, uh, can we just have a conversation later and not ruin this dinner? I'm like, no, no, we are here to watch you're gonna dinner. You are a real housewife. You do not get to have a nice dinner. So Marisol's like, so, yeah, strict this fucking straw. It's a piece of cheese. Just put them in the drink. Put them in the drink. She's like, well, yeah, strict this fucking straw. It's a piece of cheese. Just put some of the drink. Put some of the drink.

She's like, well, yeah, it's a thing. I said, who do we trust the least? And I got put on the fire. So, who's next? And of course, like, this isn't a game. You don't just have funny people's expense, Mary Sol. I mean, what kind of twisted person are you? And she's like, I twisted one. Coming up out of the break, pebbles. So then, Nicole's like, you're sick. Like, you

need to stop. You're like a psychopath. You're like a sociopath. And like, she's like, sociopath. Yes, sociopath. That's good. Yeah. and it's like sociopath, yes sociopath, that's good, yeah. I'm nervous, I was like, but it's fun staring the ball. And that's fun about it. And she tells us, I thought it was a really fun game. And the call just doesn't got it. She needs to chill. So then they start ordering and go on.

We'll go through it. Which is basically like put on blast with the entire table. She just doesn't get it. Yeah, she means to chill. So Adriana is like, I need an oyster desperately for some reason. So now we're going to turn to the fake lesbian stuff. First, there were so naturally, drinking more wine and Julia, she's drinking wine and then she tells us, I did Russian spy trick.

I had short of olive oil. And no matter how much you have afterwards, you're not going to get drunk. It's like, I need to see some backup data on that trick and your cholesterol too. Yeah, okay. As someone who's got an infusion of oil currently coming into their body and still gets wasted a lot, I know this is bullshit

But also we can talk as Julia gets wasted, right? So she's like last night so much inspiration energy clear the air Anyway, whatever and then she stands up and she's like this is something symbolic Russians are symbolic about the beautiful things. So Adrienne, giggle giggle giggle, you know what? Giggle giggle. And she gets on one knee and everyone's like, what the fuck?

Mm-hmm. What is going on? And then she presents an unbranded, like a rip off Tiffany's box that she got from that stupid store. It's like Tiffany's blue, but it's actually not a Tiffany's box because she got these rings from that store with Oli and Sasha. So also, by the way, like a way to go like piggybacking off of Tiffany's with your with your stupid boxes, Oli and Sasha. So basically, it's like a set of friendship rings and everyone's kind of like

this is weird and You know, there's like what's our Julia offers a ring to Adriana to commemorate their friendship Yes, she's like Adriana the more and not promise me he will be my best friend forever Nobody will ever come with the femalesieners. And the friendship contract. Here we go. Yep, can't wait for next season when these two, like it falls apart. Like what, as soon as Bravo ever hears this,

they're like, oh wait, they're like best friends. Like the Sibarlo and Mardath Marx. Okay, great. We're gonna turn part next year. Let's ruin them. So, Mary Saltelzer, I think someone just plunked you right out of one stall. All this is snow be no the music festival Not familiar

For older really because it has the word wood in it. I love wood Adriana. I love wood. It's good in any language By the way also Julia I know you say friends forever but I also remember Adriana and Leah black were friends forever too and that didn't work out so well either well maybe I speak a virgin get away maybe I should run away how fun is that tear it down. So Nicole is, she's just really thankful for Julia having this moment because Bickering is so last year. So Julia is like, Adriana, it's our special day for friendship, and I can talk to her about my joy and my pain.

And she will be there for me, at least for the season of the next season she will be training. And I don't have to have, so I need to have And I don't have to have so I need to have. I don't have so many people like that in my life. Mike, well, good luck. Good luck. She's going to turn on you. You thought the only other person could I ever give in this tool could not pick it off. It's a God. It's a God. God has.

So then they return home. And Julia, basically, Julia's like, let's keep partyin' cause she's wasted, you know? And Gertie's just like, where's my room? Just give me my room. And we get everyone's opinion on a friend engagement, you know? And Lisa's like, I've never heard of a friend engagement. It's strange.

It's quirky, it's quirky. The only thing stranger is where the hell to put this toilet paper. Am I right, guys? So then Julia's found some like an actual jar of pickles. And so she's gonna teach them how to do like Russian shots and everything. And then Marisol's like, well, let me tell you something.

I'm always up for shots, cocktails, anything fun. Give me a pickle, give me a shot, I don't care. I'm wild. I'm a wild, sassy lady, guys. And Adriana, of course, is deep-throating pickles. And then she's giving, Julie is giving Adriana too much of a shot. You know, she's like, that is a lot, babe.

And she's like, you don't trust me. And then they start getting face to face and like, you know, doing is a walk babe. And she's like, you don't trust me. And then they start getting face to face and like, you know, doing their phony stuff. And then meanwhile, everyone's parting. And then we just cut to Larsa, taking Instagram pictures of herself alone. She's just taking selfies. And then she walks in, they're all having a fun time

and she walks and she's like, it's so late. And you guys aren't doing anything besides eating pickles. I mean, who the fuck wants pickles? Just shames them all for the pickles. Yeah, the person who was just taking pictures alone for half an hour. Yes. So let's see. Um, she's like, yeah, I'm going to bed. You guys are lame.

So she tells us, I'm here for work. They better not be hung over because that's what we're here for work. Larissa, you are not taking over as Christine and Lea Miz. You're having a trunk show, relax. I know, we've seen Larissa do nothing, by the way. Nothing, nothing in anticipation of this work. I mean, she really is acting like she's gonna be like presenting in front of like a worldwide audience

in front of like the New York Times jewelry critics. You're having a trunk show, upstairs in a Montauk Boutique. It's really not that big of a deal. Well, that brings us to the end of Miami. Yeah, fun episode. It was not much happened. It still was funny. Excited to do the next episode in Orlando.

And also all our other shows that are happening. And again, we have Atlanta and National and Orlando this week Orlando sold out some sorry, but we have a ton of other shows and that's funny. I'm going to go and Los Angeles. So we will see you all at them. And until then, thanks for listening. We'll catch you on the next one. Bye everybody! Bye! Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney!

Dana C, Dana Dew! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella. Itch-o! Aaron McNickalus, she don't miss no trickle-os. Alva Nagila Weber! Jamie, she has no less namey! Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch! Just saying, okay!

We McLeven, Karen McLelland! She's always supplying, it's Kelly Ryan! Kristen the Piston Anderson! Let's give a Kisarino to Lisa Lino! She's our Queen Marie Levine! Megan Berg. He can't have a burger without the Berg. The Bay Area Betches.

Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Always the wiser, it's Allison Weasler. Somebody get us 10 CCs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily signs. We will, we will. Joanna Rockland, you.

My favorite Merto. Karen McMurdo. Kristen, the Ruby Rubano. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. We want to hang with Liz Lang. The incredible edible Matthew sisters. No one makes us feel well like Megan Capciwell. She's cheese on a bagel, it's Megan Ragle. Mina Kuchikuchi Kuchikuchi. Nancy C. C. Sintercisto. Give him hell, Miss Noel. Shannon out of a can in Anthony.

Let's get racing with Miss Stacy. Let's take off with Tamela Plane. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kouture! We love you guys! survey at 1dry.com slash survey.