Watch What Crappens - #172: Putter Face

Episode Date: March 31, 2015

This week on "Watch What Crappens," Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com)and Ben Mandelker (@banterblender) hash out all the golf drama that took place on "Real Housewives of Melbourne." Then it's on to the Philippines where the ladies of "Atlanta" attempt to find peace and quiet (and fail miserably). Finally, we welcome the season premiere of "Blood, Sweat, and Heels," and its scary real cancer storyline. Come listen! You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends. Watch what crap ends. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? Crap happens. Crap happens.

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is that we just recorded 15 minutes of this podcast and then my computer crashed and we lost it all. and it's too bad so if we sound a little if we sound a little sad that's why because we had we did a whole what did you have open on your goddamn computer no it was it wasn't fucking you were playing candy crush or some shit where you're actually i'll tell you i will tell you what i had open it wasn't cupid or some shit on there it wasn't anything I had on my computer. It was my blue microphone, the cable moved, and then

basically I picked up my phone... Crying out loud. Get a Barclay card already. I am going to, because when the cable moves, it crashes the computer. And when it crashed the computer, everything that we recorded got corrupted. So everyone, I'm so sorry. There was a great little Chef Penny thing that we did.

And, well, you know, who knows? Maybe we'll try to recreate it later. But, you know, it's got to come organically. Oh, yeah, it's dead. It's dead. It's dead. But, well, we can recreate, though. Chef Penny wasn't even around in the time organic became popular, darling.

All right, Chef Penny's old squirty sauces designs on plates. Chef Penny, you cannot leave your purse. When you leave your purse, you corrupt all the on plates Chef Penny you cannot you cannot leave your post when you leave your post you corrupt all the footage Chef Penny organic is not sexy Chef Penny

alright so I'm going to get this part over really quick go to patreon.com slash watch what craps to support us and get bonus materials like extra content and ringers

and google hangout parties and our bonus episode that's every week go to our facebook page facebook.com slash watch what craps to talk to other listeners make us laugh and talk our bonus episode that's every week. Go to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens, to talk to other listeners, make us laugh, and talk about shows as they air every week. Also come to our watchwhatcrappens.com if you want to know our social media links,

like our Twitters and Facebooks, etc. Thanks. Yeah, and also something about the Watch What Crappens page. I am going to rehash this. First of all, we have to give a big shout-out to Kelly Ann Lee Redinger, or Redinger, but I think it's Redinger. Redinger, who made a Watch for Crappin's bingo board, which is

amazing. If you don't like the Facebook page, well, you should like it. Come over and look at it. It's like this great grid of things, like, if you're playing bingo along with a podcast, anytime someone goes, that's so Persian! Or Chef Benny, darling. Or MJ gets a delivery, which also

happened during the lost footage of episode 173, whatever this is. So, that is amazing. Thank you so much for making that. And the other thing that we talked about that I am going to mention again is that I went onto our iTunes

page and someone left a comment. This was Loveline fan who said I wish you guys would stick more to the actual content of the show rather than the random rambling tangents that have absolutely no purpose other than entertaining yourselves. Example, January

28th show with a good half hour of hypothetical Chef Penny conversations with Lisa Vanderpump. So boring, not funny. So here's the thing. What I just want... Listen, let me just explain something, alright? We do this to entertain ourselves.

We just happened to start recording it because we figured maybe our moms will listen to it occasionally. We're so lucky that anybody actually listens to this shit. But we are doing this to entertain ourselves. So fuck off, Loveline fan! And you know what else? Loveline is all about how to deal with

herpes for the rest of your life, okay? Get a goddamn life. Go to a bar and meet somebody. Stop listening to Dr. Drew give herpes advice, alright? Stupid bitch. Yeah, so the thing is this. I bring this up not to troll Loveline fan necessarily although i welcome it too late too late but um i did it it's more because you did it to bait me into

trolling loveline yes no the reason why was because when i posted on the page i said because because loveline fan made an example of how much he or she hated the hypothetical chef penny conversations um so i posted i said looks like Chef Penny has been commenting on our iTunes page. And I just want to clarify, I don't think it's actually Chef Penny. So... I was making a joke because it points out Chef Penny.

Chef Penny's personal Facebook page has been filled with, fuck off, you leave Ben and Ronnie alone, you dumb bitch. So if you're feeling like trolling Chef Penny because she left a bad iTunes review for us, you don't have to do that. We think she had nothing. We actually do love Chef Penny.

I actually watched Chef Penny on her season of the Food Network Star, and she was so hilariously awkward because her whole thing was about sex food, like making food sexy, like trying to make a peanut butter sandwich look like gash or whatever so you gotta respect somebody like that bold bold do you remember you can make if you can make a giada that uncomfortable every week i commend you woman do you remember the episode when she had to be like extra sexy and she had like a like a rose as a prop and she was sort of

like standing with her back to the camera then she like turned her her head around and she's like oh hello i'm chef penny and this is some sexy food with pomegranate seeds yeah it was like the most awkward seeds sexy i know they look like little like little red deer poop they look like they taste delicious they look like little period scabs little ovulations yeah that is not sexy little red dots dropping all over and popping in your mouth. It's not sexy, Chef Penny. Chef Penny, please, please,

do not create a pomegranate menopause plate. I wish you guys heard... That dish was called the last hurrah right before menopause. I wish you guys had heard the original version of this conversation. It was much less disgusting. It was like, Chef Penny!

The more desperate we get, the more disgusting we get. You see? Now we're desperate. Reuse. The first version of this, when we talked about Chef Penny, we were like, Chef Penny, make some tuna tartare. This time we're like, hey, Chef Penny, make an ovulation out of pomegranate seeds.

Chef Penny, put it in the planter stick your face in it and throw up we went from some nice innocent conversation to periods sorry chef penny darling chef penny is cutting edge of culinary food salmon mousse that comes out of a planter

shaped like a vagine sorry everyone I hope that chef penny gets to come on to the reunion comes out of a planter shaped like a vagine. Ew. We're... Sorry, everyone. Also, by the way... I hope that Chef Penny gets to come on to the reunion. I hope she gets to cater it. She's like, darling, here's some crackers. I love how now I'm giving her the Lisa Vanderpump voice.

Darling, I've been told that I can only speak like Lisa Vanderpump if I want to continue looking. No, Chef Penny's not. She has more of a, like, I'm sexy. No, she's not. You're making her Adrian Malufi. She has that more of a, she sort of sounds like this. She sort of sounds like this. Like, oh, the ticket's not working. The system's down.

Chef Penny, push out those plates. It's opening night. Soft opening. All of my Lebanese aunts rolled into one. The lesbian, the short one, the nice one, they're all rolled into one. She looks like, actually, a Persian girl that I went to college with named Naz. Grape leaves.

But Naz is much prettier. Yeah. All right. So anyway, moving on from Chef Penny. The point wasn't that you can't leave us shitty reviews because shitty reviews are just as fun to read as good reviews. It's just we just wanted to say don't attack Chef Penny because she didn't really write that review. Yeah, that's all. And also Do attack Loveline fans. Attack them.

I will never, by the way, I will never move on from Chef Penny. I may stop talking about her but I will never move on. No, I won't either. How can you? As long as Lisa is still serving dishes, sexy dishes from the 80s Chef Penny will live on. We should go to Pump and get some food.

You know, Jezebel recently did a culinary tour of Lisa Vanderpump's restaurants. I think we talked about that last week. They panned it, but I would like to... Pandy! They pandied it! They pandied it, which means it's too fatty for the amount that you're getting today. They have a divine addiction to Chef Penny's food.

Crab cakes for everyone. Gay husbands all around. Alright, get this fatty piece of meat and gain a gay husband to help you sell your sangria, darling. Chef Penny, we need an ensign a log at table 33. Stat. Darling, peanut logs for dessert.

Darling, molten chocolate cakes everywhere. Every table gets one. Soft opening. Squeeze it and it oozes. Sexy, darling. Chocolate truffles. Stat. Okay.

I don't even know. Our Chef Penny Rant doesn't even make any sense. Oh, I figured out what I was trying to say before the tiny. Tiny wieners in a can, darling. Put a toothpick in them. They're not hot dogs anymore. They're Vienna sausages. All right, darling.

Let's make it classy. Class up the hot dog. What did we call them? When you were trying to cut tiny sausages in a can, we called them something else in the lost footage. Oh, I don't remember. Anyway, so today we... I think we're actually past the lost footage part.

All we got to was the first scene of Real Housewives of Melbourne With her gigantic nostril Trying to pretend she's innocent With Gina who's like about to put her on the electric chair We are actually doing We are at a fast rate Just one second right before we start with Melbourne I just want to let everyone know

This is the first week that we're going to two episodes a week So for this episode we're going to talk about Real Housewives of Melbourne and Atlanta and Blood, Sweat, and Heels. And later this week, you're going to get Shah's and you're going to get Southern Charm and you're going to get

Real Houses of Beverly Hills. So on that note, Melbourne, now. Melbourne, darling. So actually, I got some gossip. This was also from the lost footage. And this is also for your little

Watcher Crappin's bingo board which is that I was Ubering an Australian and the Australian said that La Mascara is a big deal in Melbourne and that Jackie's actually a pretty big personality out there. I don't understand what she would be doing to be

a big personality but I guess maybe just like a housewife thing yeah probably probably something like that she's probably just going all over the place pronouncing her own brand wrong it's La Mascara she's married to silver chair that's royalty in Australia

I'm rich and I'm gorgeous and I'm married to silver chair oh I'm getting a psychic vibe that you can get on a plane, a train or an automobile. One of those has got to come true very soon. Oh, I'm about to get into a car. Oh, there it is. The angels. The angels will never lie about what sort of transportation you take.

I've got my angels telling me that someone's going to try and use Janet's head as a bowling ball, but only get one finger in before giving up. Janet's nostril looks like a cave. It looks like there is a regular cave, but then Jesus rose from one cave and stretched it out just so he could get out of there and then rose to heaven. What's happening with her nostril? She gave birth to a nostril. She had the biggest booger of her life, darling. Did too much cocaine.

Oh, no, but she doesn't do cocaine. She does heroin and sells a body for it. Most notable. Yeah, Janet. Well, one thing that we also talked about was that how Janet, she has, you know, she's pretty. And, you know, for someone her age who's had as much plastic surgery as she's had, I think she looks pretty good. Like, her face could be much more demented than it is.

Well, when they said she was 53, I almost spit up my coat. That is a lie. If she's 53, she looks horrible. If she's 73, she looks amazing. Yeah, she's clearly 73. So it just depends on where the truth lies. I would love to see pictures of her

when she was in her 20s or 30s, because you know she was probably a knockout yeah I'm sure she was gorgeous thin and gorgeous darling blonde thin and gorgeous white woman circular nostrils and all no triangles

but I'm reading I read these recaps to keep up on my notes because I don't write notes for every single scene but some of these lines. One is a barrister and the other is a piece of driftwood that magically came to life one day on the shores of Melbourne. That's pretty accurate.

That's a pretty accurate Janet. She looks like a one-faced totem pole. That nose. With that nostril, though. Those totem poles always have those gigantic nostrils. I grew up near an Indian reservation. One-faced totem pole. It's like someone just gave up.

They're like, oh, we've carved something grotesque. We have to stop this totem pole. I'm like, I'm still doing it. It's just piled on top of each other like that. Chef Penny, what are you doing with that totem pole? Get back into the kitchen. This is awful. This is an awful totem pole.

Stop staring at that nostril and get back here. The toothpick up these Vienna sausages, darling. We've got a very sexy party coming up. Mango and Derek are getting married today, all right? Get some beet salad with goat cheese, Chef Penny. Get in there right now. All right, we're cancelling the beets. We're cancelling the beet.

Too much like bleeding, darling. I want anything that looks like small penises, alright? Sexy small penises on the menu. Chef Penny, okay, I appreciate all your help on the next bar that's going to be totem pole themed, but enough. We need to put more planters in the restaurant. You need to get back on the tuna ta-ta station. Planters.

Planters. Chef Penny, don't leave your post, but there's a crane bringing a planter into the restaurant. Those planters are like little swimming pools. Chef Penny, okay, we have made a planter into the rest. Those planters are like little swimming pools. Chef Penny, okay. We have made a planter out of a totem pole, okay? So please, just get out of the way. It needs to be loaded in.

Get back to the tuna tartar station. We're putting a pine tree in Janet's nostril, darling. All right? Let's get in there and start working on those phallic desserts. Chef Penny, why haven't we seen any salmon mousse? You know we need to fill up the entire planter with salmon mousse for opening day at Totem.

Totem is where you take your boyfriend, Sir is where you take your mistress, and Totem is where you take your immigrant friend. Totem is where you take your friend who was kicked out of his own country and then disrespected on a casino for the rest of his life.

We've hired Cedric to be the host. We found out Cedric was a Native American, darling. He's rehired, but he's not allowed to leave the reservation or get arrested. And our chief waitress had sex with Brandy's boyfriend, JR.

Totem. It's all the rage. So Real Housewives of Melbourne opens with Janet and Gina sitting down to lunch, and Janet thinks it's going to be this fun, nice conversation. And Gina's like, listen, you're

up for the death penalty for what you said to Gamble. She's my friend. I don't appreciate that. You're going to be this fun, nice conversation. And Gina's like, listen, you're up for the death penalty for what you said to Gamble. She's my friend. I don't appreciate that. You're going to go to jail now. You're going to go to prison where you're going to be raped by penises and then electrocuted to death. What do you think of that, you terrible person? And Janet's like, I was a rumor. I was sharing a rumor.

Yeah, well, she's my friend now. So now you're going to go to jail. You're going to get raped by a big, large woman named Margin Charge, darling. Hope you enjoy that, you horrible human being. Her eyeballs are going to come out of her face when you ask for directions. She's a truck driver. So that's going to go to the Alamo. Gina was awesome in this episode.

I love when Gina just goes to town and stays really calm and just tells somebody off. Yeah, just destroys them. I mean, I would love to see her in court. Because she eviscerated Janet. And I'm on Janet's side. But I still think that she eviscerated her. And it was great to watch. Yeah, I did too.

Because this has nothing to do with that other person. That everybody in Melbourne! As no one cares about Gamble, Gina just has a chance to yell at Janet again, and she's taking it. Yeah, exactly. Listen here, you box troll. I'm going to grab that nostril and put a tent net and camp there for a week with my friends, and then sue you for your fire ordinance, all right, you horrible person? a week with my friends and then sue you for your fire ordinance, alright, you horrible person?

She doesn't give a crap. She's just gonna take her down no matter what, and I love it! Yeah. I don't appreciate the rumors. I don't appreciate them at all. I'm gonna go eat some Parmesan cheese and appreciate

the Parmesan cheese. The rumors you were spouting about to me made no sense to me. I like how you add shades of Sheena to your gamble. And also German people. Yeah. Little Thomas Kramer. Sit down, shut up, and appreciate the rumors.

Jessica Ling from Freak Show. Oh, my flaky fleeks. Yeah, so that was pretty funny. Janet actually ran out of that restaurant terrified, and then she turned around and tried to use Gina's stupid line. Gina's like, Alright then, have fun then crossing the street. Oh, yeah,

my deck of cards, darling. My deck of cards are gonna fall. And then there's gonna be cards on the floor. Give me a break. I actually love that moment. I love that moment. She's like, deck of cards, my deck of cards. And then all Gina does is she just goes, terrible person.

She's like putting her, like wiping her mouth. She's like, terrible person. The recap says, way to leave an impression that's as lasting and original as this ratchet-ass tattoo, Janet. Oh, I know. Janet's shoulder tattoo, which looks like the Hannibal cover. It's like a snake. Yeah. But it's like a doctor's...

What is that? It's a doctor's symbol, but it's a snake? You know that Janet, like, 20 years ago, used to hang out with Vicky Gunvalson because that is a tattoo that you only get at Lake Havasu or Andalas. Yeah, like the car wash at Lake Havasu. Everybody gets tattoos at Lake Havasu. Oh, Janet.

Yeah, Janet Ratched is a good way to describe her. But, yeah, I want Gina on my side in any kind of fight. Yeah. Because she doesn't give a shit what it is. She But yeah, I want Gina on my side in any kind of fight. Yeah. Because she doesn't give a shit what it is. She'll win. I love Gina. I love Gina. We should try to get Gina on the show.

I mean, anytime we tweet at her, she favorites our tweets. Well, I mean, I think she does that to everyone. No offense. I mean, not to burst your bubble. But I think if anything, it's like, Gina's great. Everyone's like, XO, tweet. Gina's like, retweet, retweet, retweet. Yeah, but don't take that away from me.

Sorry, too late. Took it away. It's dead. Thanks, Loveline fan. It's me. I'm like, did you hear how Ben was talking about chocolate lava cake? Fuck that guy. Quick, Chef Penny.

Chef Penny, Ben's feeling sad. Make him a cupcake. A new fancy cupcake. By the way, people asking us to bring back Matt We love Matt, we did not fire Matt And we've asked him to come back like 20 times And he's like, I'm busy He's busy because he's thin now, alright He's got a dance card

Tweet him and tell him to eat more So he can get fat and bitter again and come back for a while He looks great Oh my god, talk about maintenance I still follow him on the life on the M list Yeah, of course, me too He looks great. He does look great. Oh, my God. Talk about maintenance. I still follow him on the Life on the M list. Yeah, of course. Me too. He looks hot.

He looks great. Good for you, Matt. I want to slap him in his face with my penis. And sometimes I do on the picture. Matt, we say good for you. And if you're not listening, I know one of y'all is listening. I mean, we could just text him. But it sounds nicer if someone says, hey.

Yeah, we love you, Matt. So, hey, Zeus. Hey, Zeus. I know you're out there. You can tell says, hey. Yeah, we love you, Matt. So, hey, Zeus. Hey, Zeus. I know you're out there. You can tell Matt. We love him. We love you, baby. We'll never forget you.

Speaking of love fest, then we can go to Chica. Chica and her husband. What's her husband's name again? Oh, God. Chica and Hagfag. His name? I don't know. Nathan Lane?

He's like, oh, Chica, you've been a bad girl. You've been shopping again. She's like, oh, no, I haven't been. Then she's like, don't tell him. I've been shopping a little bit. And he's like, well, I got to go to Qatar. I've spoken to Qatar. He's got to go.

She's like, oh, I just spoke with Jackie. She said, are you getting on a plane? Oh, my God. Isn't that great? You look great in that outfit. Everywhere they go sounds like a Star Wars town. I know.

T-Rack! T-Rack! He wants them to walk in on that bar set with all the aliens. Well, that's probably what that bar is normally like. Remember when they had dinner? We rented out the bar for the night. Normally there's a guy, a blue blue elephant guy playing like an organ.

Yeah, that's who I remember too, the elephant guy. It's like, doot, doot, doot. And Bea Arthur. It's like a guy with three, like, snouts on his head. And Bea Arthur comes out. You ever see that video from the 1978 when Bea Arthur appeared in the Star Wars special? No. It's like Bea Arthur in the Star Wars canteen,

and, like, she is, like, singing a cabaret song with the blue elephant dude. It's the craziest thing. You have to see it. B. Arthur's cabaret is weird shit. I bought her last album when she went on this one-woman tour. She had a Broadway thing and then went on tour. And she has a whole five-minute song about how to cook a lamb chop. I love that.

I mean, that's seriously all it is. She's like, and then you marinate it. Put it in the refrigerator. Give it an hour. And put it in the oven. And then like hundreds of gay guys are like, yeah, girl, you go, girl. Ronnie, I really girl, you go, girl.

Ronnie, Ronnie, I really resent that you sully the legacy of B. Arthur with Adrian Maloof's voice. B. Arthur, Adrian Maloof is where, I mean, B. Arthur is where Adrian Maloof got her voice. It's like B. Arthur died and Adrian Maloof got a package in the mail and it was B. Arthur's voice. It was like Ursula was like, all right, here's your voice, Adrian. Sorry, it's the next one on the market. Adrian Maloof used to be a mermaid. She's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And Ursula's like, ooh, I can't do much of this, bitch. Here, you can have the legs free of charge.

Get out of my ocean. I'm gonna see. That's where I'll be. My spray tan on every shell. Hey, Sebastian. Have a surrogate baby with me. Where's Flounder? A whole new world!

Oh, now she's in Aladdin. She's like... They're like, send it to Arabia! What's the one where she sings or she just wants to be... Oh yeah, part of your world! Part of the Maloofs! She's like... I don't know the lyrics Maloofs. She's like,

I don't know the lyrics to that song. All I know is I thought it was Aladdin. She's like, what do you call this thing? A basketball team? No, it's a fork. I tried to start a basketball team in the sea,

but the balls just kept rising to the surface. Fucking sea. Oh, there you were. We got two basketball teams. Two basketball players. We're recruiting these... I know these two eels from the ocean. They'll be great on the team.

Sorry, Adrian. I don't think you're really right for the Maloof organization. I'm going to go to Essela. Get myself out of it. Okay. It's gone in a strange direction. for the Maloof organization. I'm going to go to Essela. Get myself out of it. It's gone in a strange direction. Adrian Maloof works in any show we're talking about. Basically, in our

version of Adrian Maloof's The Little Mermaid, she gets legs so that way she can be part of management for the Sacramento Kings. And then move them. And then betray the small town by moving them. Yeah. Where Ariel becomes evil.

Oh, man. Oh, God. Okay. So, anyway, back to Chica. This is a long scene about how Chica went shopping and she bought some clothes. Bruce. It may not be a size two, but, you know, bigger girls can still spend a lot of their gay husband's money. And Jackie just

told me my husband was going to be given blowjobs at a town somewhere, and there he goes! You go, Jackie! I believe in angels, darling! And Brucey's like, listen, we gotta cater. We gotta cater someone who's royalty and cut out getting royalty, so we're gonna hire Chef Penny to make some of the Viennese

sausage on a stick and bring them to the royalty in Qatar. And they're building some stadium or something. I mean, I don't care. I like Chica, but man, she's boring. I know. I actually love Chica. We don't need 10 minutes of Chica if she's building something and wearing a hard hat. Okay, just show her doing it

and let's just move on. Chica is so nice and perfectly lovely. It's amazing because any chance that she has to be a crazy reality star, she just doesn't. Like when they all went golfing, so she meets up with Gamble beforehand and she's like, Gamble,

I just want to say something to you. You know, I feel very terrible about the way things went down and I apologize for my part in it and I really didn't mean to hurt you and for any hurt that you feel, I'm very sorry. I'm like, Chica, this is a TV show. Why did you do that?

She is so smart, though. Because then by the end, Janet's like, how did she do that? She slithered through. Yeah, now she's calling her a snake. Girl, you better watch out. Gamble's like, I appreciate that. I appreciate you apologizing to me.

Mm-hmm. Gamble's like, I appreciate that. I appreciate you apologizing to me. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.

Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. We're skipping to the end now. We saw very important things happening. My favorite is the next scene when

Janet and Jackie go shopping together to buy golf clothes. And Janet's like, Gina, what's mean today? And starts like fake crying and no tears come out. And Jackie's like, I can't's mean to me? And starts, like, fake crying. And no tears come out. And Jackie's like, okay, I believe she'd do that. Who would do that

to another person? What a horrible person. I really miss Andrea. I wish Andrea was still on the show. I know, because Andrea would be the one to step up and start, like, a hate campaign. Totally. She'd be like, well, that's wrong. I think it's time for me To give Gina

A little bit of advice Some advice You know next time You have an issue with someone Don't get involved It's none of your opinion That's just my little advice Some friendly advice

Hey you know You know what I call Gina I call Gina a lady Who gives some advice That's not wanted I don't call Gina a barrister. I call her a scarister. Hey, Gina, you know what you are?

You're someone who goes into a courthouse and practices law. Hey, Gina, you think you've got a job, but you're just a barrister. Hey, Gina, you know what you did when you ruined lunch the other day? It's like you took a perfectly nice meal and you made it awful.

Queen of the terrible put down. Come back, Andrea. Come back, Andrea. I heard she was a stand-up comic now. Oh, Andrea. Please let us watch that on TV. She and Claudia Jordan can go on a comedy tour. Yeah, the terrible plastic whore faces of comedy.

Yeah. Well, actually, a little side note. Our dear Angie Thomas, we all love Angie from the Small Potatoes podcast. We were hanging out last night. She showed me an Instagram photo that Gretchen Rossi and Sheena did a comedy show two nights ago at the Acme Theater. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. You saw that? No, I didn't didn't imagine it i felt like i knew that but i didn't know that but that's how shocking that is in my head i sounds totally totally normal yeah i got like a chill down my spine at some point the other night and i suddenly felt queasy and sick and it must have been because there was terrible comedy happening somewhere in the city. So next up, we have Jaina going to get photographed for something. What was that for?

She just has a lot of TV appearances lately. I think it was for her book, actually. I don't know. Oh, it says, Jaina decides to make a few more of my dreams come true and invites us to a photo shoot she's commissioned now that she's a superstar. Okay, yeah, so it's just a photo shoot for herself and then the uh the photographer makes her sit awkwardly on some car yeah at least yeah yeah no no sorry i just didn't stop talking

i'm just looking at the picture like wow that was more awkward than i remembered the best part about is that she is all like sexy junior and everything. And she's all about exuding confidence. But then she becomes like so sweet and awkward when she is on this car because she knows it's like sort of like not her thing. And it's not her style. And she'll just look ridiculous. And it's like sort of nice seeing that like insecurity come out sort of also when she wore sneakers later. You know, and that's what I think we like about Gina as opposed to Andrea last season. When she does a photo shoot, she does this very awkward

pose, like a strange prom pose to show that she's the boss and she knows what she's doing. And it was like the worst photo of all time. Oh yeah, those were bad. But this one, Gina makes sure she goes to the most

perverted old dude she can find. And he's like, yeah, give me some of that breast. Yeah, girl, yeah. I can smell your sex through the camera. Think of this camera as one giant nose that's smelling your sex, darling. All right? Now spread it. Show me.

I'm beaver hunting, darling. Remember how I used to like to beaver hunt? She's like, you're terrible. You're awful. What terrible person? Oh, you. Oh, you. Oh, you.

Oh, you. You're a bad boy. The reason I like to come to him is because he's a bad boy. He's like, yeah, give it to me. I wish my penis could get hard right now. I'd be bumping up against my jeans. It's hard in my head, darling.

You want me like this? It's cause hot. Maybe get it out of the sun. And then they showed the pictures of her, and it's like her face with a bright light because the garage door is open behind her. I was like, oh, no. You can't even use this for pamphlet covers oh jeaner

oh jeaner oh jeaner um and then what happened after photographer let's see um gold thing gold thing there's some oh go fee go fee i feel so by the way i feel so bad for people listening to this podcast for the first time. They must have no idea. Like, we make so many noises and sounds. That is Gamble talking to her future husband. Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie.

The girls were mean to me, Wolfie. What you have to say about that, Wolfie? Remember when we met on eHarmony, Wolfie? Oh, Wolfie, remember when we met at that sexarmony, Wolfie? Oh, Wolf, remember when we met at that sex party that we never had? Of course not. It's a rumor. Defamation. Oh, I'm definitely going to sue for defamatory defamation now.

I remember the time I clicked on your picture, Wolfie, and I was worried because it looked... When you said incontinent, I thought, oh, that's a man of the world. Yeah, he's an incontinent. I thought they oh, that's a man of the world. Yeah, he's an incontinent. I thought they just couldn't keep you on one continent, Wolfie. I was afraid you'd be traveling too much, but it just meant you were going to poop your pants, Wolfie. Oh, yay, Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie.

When I saw that you're a senior citizen, I thought that you meant you were a senior in high school and a citizen of Australia. I didn't realize it meant that you were an old person, Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie. Oh, Wolfie. The sound is so mean to us, isn't it, Wolfie? So they go golfing, and let's see what happens there. Most of it was just the first ten minutes was just ladies standing around going, I wonder what

Janet's going to wear. There's Janet. You look wonderful, Janet. Oh, I wonder what Chica's going to wear. Oh, Chica. Look what Chica always follows the dress code. Alright now. I also love... So basically, Chica

and Gamble made up, as we previously discussed. Then all the girls arrived. Janet and Shine, Shine, Shine arrived by helicopter, which was rather unnecessary. And then Lydia wasn't there because she was out of town. Perhaps Mr. Fig had a date. Mr. Figaro had a date somewhere, maybe in Sydney. And then they were, like, swinging at the ball. And then I loved that, like, Sean, Sean was like,

oh, we better get out of the way. I got a feeling that Gina's going to lose control of the club, and then Gina loses control of the club. She's like, the Angels, the Angels told me. I'm like, I think the Angels have something better to do than to weigh in on whether or not Gina's going to let go of a club clearly on purpose for TV. That is the funniest gif of all time, though.

Gina golfing in the club flying away. Yeah. So then Gina's like, I've got to leave early. I've got to go proof the pictures I took on top of a hot, sexy car. I got a burn on my ass third degree, but it was worth every penny.

You should see the calendar. Every month is the same me on the same car in a different pose i said to the photographer said listen listen we want to have you in different poses and i said no you like cancer i'm saying get that pose out of my system right now this is the pose i'm doing and that's that cut it out cut out that pose from the calendar i just want one picture every single month like that's right i want my boob to be i want my left boob to be slightly leaning and in a little more different direction every single time other than that i want it exactly the same all right you can't really even tell the difference unless you skip from january to december

it's that's why I call this month timeless, because you never know what time it is of the year. So Gina had to leave early. But before she left, though, before she left, all five ladies sort of stood there. And although Petty Fleur wasn't there,

Petty Fleur wasn't even in the episode, which is fine by me. Jackie was like, so we all good? I don't really feel a lot of happiness right now. I feel like the things are unresolved. Shine, shine, shine. Shine, shine, shine. And then they hashed out.

And then she just said sorry, and then it was all okay. They apologized. Yeah, but they were so angry, and then all of a sudden they hugged, and everything was fine. And then next they're, like, having shots. And they're, like, smiling and laughing and apologizing and and then saying things and then uh janet's like i forgive but i don't forget like oh good one janet and then gamble's like well i guess i couldn't sue her for defamation because i said lots of nasty things about her too but you know i mean i just don't i don know, maybe this time I won't get so upset.

I have to work on it. I'm not proud of it, but, you know, it's what I work on, and, you know, let's do a shot. So we're going for four episode arcs, I take it, on the show. So next week, someone's going to lose a button, and they're going to be like, you stole the button.

Someone sabotaged that button. And then Lydia's going to, like'll she'll talk to the camera she'll nod her head she'll be like i know what that button is nod nod nod it's somewhere she'll be like but am i bluffing oh i've got five buttons on my shirt so don't come after me i got my buttons shes. I know what a button is, too. She'll be like, without a button, you'll be showing everyone your flop. Get it? I was at the supermarket, and I saw some button mushrooms. So I think we all know who's been stealing the button.

It's the supermarket. Nodding. Stupid Lydia. She's so stupid. Okay. All right. Let us move on to the next show then, darling. Let's move on.

Should we move on to Atlanta? I mean, I'd love it. Let's do it. I took notes. I took notes on Atlanta. All right, let's do it. What did you start with? Well, let's just start with the Nini thing first,

because that was small, thankfully, and out of the way. So Nini, all the women went to the Philippines for their trip. Nini did not go because she needed to do work with Cinderella, which seemed awfully convenient to me. So she went to New York, and then she had to meet with the creative director of the show. This poor guy, he's probably worked his way up in Broadway over years and years and years and now he has to sit across from NeNe as she's sitting there saying that she wants to use two different accents on Cinderella. Can I use two accents?

And he's like, uh, what do you mean? She's like, well, you know what? And then NeNe, a little NeNe comes out. I'm like, no, NeNe. She's gonna be like, bippity-boppity-bloop. Okay? She's like, how about, bippity boppity bloop. Okay? Bitch. She's like, how about if I say, bye wig?

I'm like, I hate to break it to you, Nini. We get that reference. But most people watching Cinderella are not going to understand what the hell I talk about when you say bye wig. Yeah, they're not coming to see Nini. They're coming to see Kiki. Not Cinderella. And actually, most people don't even know who Kiki Palmer is either. they just are just going to see cinderella and they're gonna go and it's they're going to sell tickets to like five dollars on tkts that's exactly what i was gonna say it's five dollars centers like has that shit open until

the next show starts see you know what would have been fun it would be if nini got a role in spider man turn down the dark or whatever it's called they They're like, here's a mask, and we're going to hang you upside down on the drop, you bitch. Just like, swing you around. That's what I would see would be Nini swinging around on some cables. Oh, Niners. Yeah. The poor creative director looked like he wanted to shoot himself. But what I thought was really funny

was that Nini's excuse for not going on the trip was that she told the woman that she gets blood clots. I'm like, lady, everyone gets blood clots. Just walk around a little bit. But thank God for... But I love Kenya. She's the worst. Nini's honestly the worst.

Every time she comes on screen now, I'm just like, just make it stop. But I loved Kenya who said, well, I wish her a happy blood clotless week. who said, well, I wish her a happy blood clotless week. And I love that she couldn't be cleared for travel and then she flew to New York. Exactly. Exactly. But yeah, that was pretty sad. And she shows up in

New York. She's had the script now for months. She shows up in New York and the guy's like, yeah, you're going to have five minutes to rehearse and then you go on stage.'m really sorry but that's just how broadway is and blah blah she's like okay okay and then opens her script and doesn't know any of the lines and then when she reads them she's just reading she's like cinderella cinderella no come down here and pick the things out of the ashes cind ella she's totally she's totally olive from bullets over broadway you know charmed charmed charmed i'm sure yeah like it's like darling

darling darling just remember in act three what it's it's or not to be or not to be or not to be darling just remember that just remember that's one of my favorite to be. Oh, not to be. Just remember that. Just remember that's one of my favorite. To be a line. That's honestly one of my favorite lines in that movie. It's it's all. Then she goes, oh, you're tired. You're not taking it in. That's what she says.

That's what Tracy Ullman says to that character afterwards. Like it's or not to be. MJ's backing up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's a big to be. Uh-oh. MJ's backing up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's a big old Mack truck full of sliders and Fritos

and Shervin. Shervin. Shervin's taking an Instagram photo in the middle of all of MJ's sliders. Also, Nene is like, those girls,

they got me so upset, Greg. I mean, we went to this therapy thing and it turned into Attack Nene Day. Okay? They were attacking N this therapy thing and it turned into attack Nene day. Okay? They were attacking Nene. And Greg's like, well, baby, here's what I gotta say.

When people are like that to you, it's time to back up, look inside of yourself, and realize that Nene is the queen of everything. You understand? Nene got the queen sheen, cause she the queen of everything. And I'm gonna keep it clean, cause you's my queen. You understand? Nene got the queen sheen because she's the queen of everything. And I'm going to keep it clean because you's my queen.

You seen? Okay, Greg. Nice. Can we all marry somebody like Greg? If you're just upset and you're clearly in the wrong, he'll just rhyme shit and make you feel better. Yeah, it's true. Whenever I think of Greg now, I just think of him with a stupid toilet coffee mug. I just imagine him holding it there, sipping out of it.

It's so ironic. It's like he signed up for a life of eating shit just so he'd never have to get a job. You right, baby. You right. He's like, I will eat shit both literally and figuratively. He said, drink out of this toilet. Baby, you right. Your eyes shine like mine, baby, because when i look in you i see me too baby drink

drink brush eat shit oh i love that that shit you gotta retire sometime he all and it's like uh it's just i don't know greg he, he's just there to hold a purse in his oversized men's warehouse button-down that's untucked. Everything is like a shirt that was worn from 1988. 1988 Wall Street guy wore it and wears it untucked as a casual. Baby, when you got a show with flower,

you got a show with power, baby. Tommy Bahama. No more drama, Bahama mama. Flesh. Baby, you're in more drama, Bahama mama. Flush. Baby, you're in Cinderella and I'm your fella. So you gotta get an umbrella and if not,

let's drink a Stella from my toilet and shell a gasoline. I don't know. Flush. Flush. I love that if I just keep it going long enough, I can bait you into trying it. Like a little kid. I'm like, but climbing this tree is fun.

It's hanging right over the freeway. It's really fun. And then he gets hit by a Mack truck. Yeah. Like, ha ha. With chauvinet and sliders. So, okay. yeah pretty much with shervin and sliders um so okay so meanwhile the rest of the ladies went to the philippines for actually a pretty uneventful trip so far i mean let's see so they went they uh

they they did yoga and okay um i was just about to talk about candy falling asleep in yoga and at that moment ronnie conveniently just completely fell off the call. Because I'm, you know I'm like that, bitch. I've fallen asleep in yoga many times. I was about to say. I was about to say. The only reason I ever took yoga is because I saw the class, and I saw them laying down in there.

I was like, that's a class for me. Well, I've actually never taken a yoga class. I've only done yoga from a DVD in my living room. I'm afraid to do it in a class. I'm afraid I will fall asleep. I'm afraid I will fart. I'm afraid I will fart. They come and fix you.

They'll move your butt forward and tell you what you're doing wrong. If you do it at home, you'll be like, why do my knees hurt? That's true. I would like to point out that Buddha was fat, though. So I quit that class. Yeah. Good point. What was I going to say about yoga, et cetera?

So Candy fell asleep. So that's one thing that was exciting that happened on the trip. Someone fell asleep on the trip. Well, I just liked that it was this. It's a spiritual trip because everybody's been fighting claudia's like listen it's really important for me that everybody gets along because i'm just that kind of person i want everybody to just get along and you know like i know you all think of me as a hippie i'm like actually i think i just saw you call someone a

ratchet hoe like 20 times a couple weeks ago but so no i didn't think that but yeah and so she's trying to have this like peaceful trip which you can't do in la i mean why like jesus christ people go to santa fe yeah you don't have to go to the philippines to have a nice nice dinner you know but everybody in america has seen real housewives of atlanta and anywhere near america has seen real housewives of atlanta and no one will give them free rooms anymore. Everyone's like, listen, all you do is get, like, ex-con sperm in our hot tubs, ruin our rooms, and then Peter's, like, walking around bossing people around.

Yeah. You work for me. I'm your boss now. Fall one. They can't even get a room in that timeshare that they sent all the women on Real Housewives of New Jersey to last season in Florida. They're like, oh, timeshare people are like, oh, no,

we don't want your type here. Send them to the Philippines. Next year, they're going to be like, cast trip, Iraq. You guys are staying in a straw hut right behind enemy lines. Have fun. Isis is like, actually, we're not sure we're going to grant those filming permits

Isis is all we'll be out of town for that two weeks the terrorists can't even take it we'll just start beheading ourselves now actually thanks tasteless joke well Isis what are you supposed to do

that's true actually there was a nice scene, though. Claudia and Phaedra had a nice moment where they bonded over their divorces, etc. Claudia started to get choked up over her divorce. Was there an honesty issue of some sort?

I don't know. I wasn't really sure what was going on with that. Now we're suddenly... It was a little weird to me because i was like claudia was trying to really connect with phaedra and but so she's like i like i want to really learn about you so let me just talk about myself for a while but i mean i sort of got it because she was just trying to say like listen i if you need someone to talk to about these

things i'm there for you yeah nice thought it was nice. Nice enough. And Phaedra's like, I don't think I really want to talk about that with you, so thanks. Yeah, Phaedra's like, I'm not going to talk about that with you right now, okay? Yeah, but it was fine. It was nice, yeah. Someone tried to talk to Phaedra. I love that Phaedra

refused to accept an apology. Yeah. I don't know. I kind of like that. I know that Pedro is like a huge bitch in a lot of people's eyes for doing stuff like that. But I actually kind of respect that because when somebody's called you a hoe and possibly made up a bunch of text to make you look stupid and tried to fuck your husband and, you know, done all the other shit. They've both done stuff to each other. But all the stuff they've done to each other, you don't just say

I'm sorry and then it's over. Right. This isn't Melbourne, okay? This is Atlanta. And I love the way Phaedra deals with it because Cynthia offers up her apology. She's like, I was wrong. And then like, then Claudia was like, well, Phaedra, do you have

anything that you want to say to Cynthia? And Phaedra just goes, next course, please. Yeah. It's all about the food. Yeah. And then she says in her interview, she's like, I will not be featuring Cynthia in my movie theater anytime soon. I was like, that doesn't even make any sense, but I like it. Yeah, I like that she just keeps coming up with new ones no matter what.

Yeah. any sense but i like it yeah i like that she just keeps coming up with new ones no matter what yeah she's like i will not be featuring a cynthia vacuum bag in my hoover so it doesn't make sense i will not be putting a cynthia i will not be putting a well who is it who are we talking about cynthia i will not be putting a cynthia swiffer on my swiffer sweeper to clean my floors thank you yeah there will be no Cynthia Cactus in my flower pot. Thank you. I will not be pulling the string to open my bag of Cynthia cheese to use for my quesadillas later. Thanks.

I will not be checking out the Cynthia book from the library. Thank you. I will not be eating the Cynthia Flavored Jelly Belly in my multi-flavored Jelly Belly bags. Thank you. When I eat my Oreo, I will take off the two cookies, but I will not be eating the cream-filled Cynthia on the

inside. I will be scraping that off and depositing it in the trash. Thank you. I will not be taking the Cynthia train from Grand Central Station. Thanks. I will not be taking the Cadbury cream egg with Cynthia cream on the inside. I will instead have the Cadbury egg with the hard shell instead. Thanks. I will not be eating the Cynthia cheese. I will instead have the Cadbury egg with the hard shell instead. Thanks.

I will not be eating the Cynthia cheese. I will instead order a skinny cow. Yes. I will not be having a jalapeno popper with Cynthia cream cheese in the middle. I will just have a jalapeno. Thank you. They make less sense each time. I will not be

buying a Cynthia fish from my aquarium. Thank you. My aquarium is full. There will not be a Cynthia foot in my shoe. I will just have to cut off my own leg. Thank you. Okay, so what else happened on the show? This was like a lot of apologizing and eating.

There was a lot of eating. At one point, I wrote down this quote. I don't even remember the context. I think because they were supposed to be eating vegan stuff, and someone snuck in some real meat. And Candy's like, thank the Lord for chicken. I was like, yes, Candy. See, now Riley needs chicken.

Yeah, all Candy cares about is the food. She's like, I don't know why we're fighting, but I love chicken. Like, alright, Candy's earning her spot. And I also like that Candy can take care of her issues without being a total slut about it, you know? By the way, Riley, good

for you for not saying the C word there. I felt like you wanted to say it. You were like, a slut, a slut. Except for last week. No. Didn't you say it last week and then you apologized? No, I forgot about that. That can go on the bingo thing right there.

I don't remember that if that happened. But you know what was funny to me was how quickly and how easily they all can devolve into bickering. Because at one point when cynthia and phedra were trying to work things out then like i think um portia started to like giggle with candy and then claudia's like why is that funny and then portia's like excuse me i was not talking to you i'm allowed to giggle if i want so hush now and then candy's like candy's like

you don't get to tell me to hush and he's like i guess i don't want to hush no you hush now and suddenly they are full-fledged fighting over nothing yeah they wouldn't even remember what it was the next day but she told me to stop laughing who you to tell me to stop laughing don't check me i don't appreciate being checked we're here to talk about peace and you're trying to check me like oh they get into these fights with all this like entitlement of like everything is like you're not allowed to check me? They get into these fights with all this entitlement. Everything is like, you're not allowed to tell me this. A job or a boyfriend or a friend. I mean, do something. All we've seen Portia do, I think, in the past

two seasons. One time she went to buy shoes with her sister. She rented some house with no furniture in it that she can't afford three miles away from Atlanta. And then the rest of the time it's just her saying stupid shit that she doesn't know anything about slavery or, you know, ignorant comments. comment she's like i bought a monthly pass the underground railroad i can i can ride as long as i want for free for every month so um the thing is that like

there's so much funny today when she was at the airport and they're like hey um how much did you bring she's like well i gotta go change clothes because I'm just wearing this to get on the plane. And then I got comfortable stuff on the plane. Like you got the costume change for the plane? Yeah. She's like, women, you in the international airport? Do you know how many high single rich men that are in the airport? That's funny.

Although it is, but I read, I did read some stupid book about how to be a lady. I read a page where it said, women, stop wearing juicy couture sweatpants in the airport. It was saying the same thing. There are a lot of wealthy men who are flying. You've got to look your best, ladies. I sort of understood that, although she was taking it to an extreme. But the thing is,

there is so much entitlement with these women that they are constantly going off the handle where they're saying, like, you can't tell me to say that. You're not allowed to say that. You can't tell me this. It's like, you know what? Maybe once in a while think to yourself, like,

oh, maybe she is allowed to tell me that. Maybe I am doing something wrong. Like, just chillax, especially Portia. Although Claudia was so funny doing porsche's walk that was a highlight for me um remember that when she sort of like did that who claudia at one point she's like i'm gonna do the porsche walk and she's like oh yeah moving her ass i love that girl i'm really liking the cast this season i think they're super fun to watch except for jimmy jen like i don't i Demetria. I don't even have a lot to bitch

about with these ladies. I just really enjoy watching it. Also, Bravo is milking the hell out of this show. I think it's about to be episode 20, and they haven't even announced the season finale yet. I know. There hasn't been any talk about a reunion. Oh, no. I think actually with just today there was a tidbit about a reunion in that

Demetria wasn't invited, which is fine. Demetria does nothing except sort of stand there and look doe-eyed. Yeah, I think that in any reunion where you've got cast members that don't work out, you should just bring in Chef Penny. Just ask Chef Penny what she thinks, because you know she has an opinion.

Yeah. Chef Penny, quickly, get on the reunion. Nothing. Get on in. Let's talk. Alright, let's talk about the Blood, Sweat, and Heals premiere. Blood, Sweat, and Heals is back. Now, last season, it's funny, the show started off really strongly, and I loved it, and then it kind of

got really boring. But I think this season looks like it's off to a good start. Poor Daisy. Ugh. My heart broke for that poor girl. When Daisy said... Because, of course, Daisy's kind of of a nerd and she's kind of obnoxious and we'd like to make fun of her a lot last year. And so, of course, when she came on, my notes were like, roots, bad wig, blah, blah, blah. And then she says she has cancer.

And I was like, I'm a horrible human being and now I'm sobbing. Yeah, way to go, Melissa Ford. Because I was so horrible. I felt bad. You know, the thing is this. Daisy can be annoying. We definitely dinged her for a lot of things last season. But I think at her core, she does seem like a very sweet girl.

Yeah, she seems like a nice girl. Although, even if you're not sweet, you just don't deserve to have cancer no matter what. Look, Carrot Top doesn't deserve bile duct cancer. Yeah. But does he have that? No, that's what she had. She had cancer in her bile duct. I'm saying even the most awful people in the world

don't deserve cancer in their bile ducts. Right. I thought you were talking about Carrot Top, the actual comedian, had bile duct cancer. No, no. I'm saying even people like Carrot Top don't deserve that. That's a terrible fate. If we've made fun of her or not, even if we've enjoyed

making fun of someone, no one would hope that we would get back. The thing is this, this is the first time I think on Bravo that we've really seen one of their stars be in the throes of it. We've had the fake cancers and we've had the, I had cancer.

God's disease, that's chronic and i'm eating lemon flavored jelly bellies because china told me to to get rid of it yeah but like i think to me the most poignant scene of all like i think the hardest scene to watch was her walking up a staircase and she could barely do it and she's like not she doesn't want anyone to know she has cancer and she's out of breath and she's just trucking on, just trying to get to Kathy Lee and Hoda, and I thought, like, this is, you know, this is remarkable, this, you know, like, like, her spirit is great, but also, like, you know, sort of, like, fuck, fuck, like, the, all the, uh, what's her, Ambers of New Jersey, and, like, the Kim Zolciaks, or whatever, for, like, trying to even exploit something that's not like you know this is a woman

right here who actually has cancer and she is struggling and um it made me really mad it made me really mad at all those storylines about fake cancer uh because you know when you see this when you see this this girl at 34 can barely make it up a staircase just trying to get to kathy lee you know i don't know like my heart really went out to her and i felt like you know this was real this was real and i don't know it just really you know juxtaposed with the fakeness of kathy lee and hoda could you imagine in the throes of cancer having to go on there and having to like be like this is the best macrame best of the fall uh that's that whole kathy lee and hoda show i I know, right? Manic Mondays, am I right? God, who watches that?

Those women make me fucking crazy. Shut up! I did feel bad for her because she's like no matter what she does, things just never really go this girl's way, okay? She shows up there. She's got to walk up some stairs.

By the way, I was like, I don't want to. She's got to dance. Then they set her up against a background that's exactly the same color as her dress. So she's just basically a floating head. Like, this whole thing is not going well. Oh, poor Daisy. And then what is her product? Is it something where it's like a belt that just brings in the waist?

What is it now? I don't even remember. Is it like a weight belt? It's something like cinch the waist or waist or size. See, we don't even remember the product. It's not a good product. But it's something where she puts it

on fat ladies and I think it just makes her waist look smaller so that even if they're still big, it looks like they have a shape. I'm imagining it as just a rope with her face on it that people tie around their fat part really tight so at least they got an hourglass. I don't even remember this belt from the episode. I think I was just still weeping. I don't think it's a belt. I'm like, I think I was just like, like, still I don't think it's a belt.

I don't even remember what the product was. But she was there to advertise her new thing, which is for big women to have an hourglass figure. And they showed the before picture. And it was just like a big, like my 600 pound life woman. And then she came out to model something. And it was the same woman, but her waist was cinched in. So she had like a figure. Oh, yeah. I somehow missed all of that i i really

don't know how i missed it i think i was still like just replaying the staircase scene in my mind and being like oh daisy no it's like shapewear for ham planets it was cute though like you know i mean why not maybe i'll get that yeah so that's what's going on with dave so daisy first told micah which was a very that was like a very sad scene, you know, because like it was a real moment. And she was like, when she was describing it and it was like, you know, the thing is also sometimes on these shows, I'm going to try to say this delicately so I don't sound like an asshole. Sometimes on these shows, a lot of times what you get is like breast cancer scares and breast cancer is a very serious and scary thing. But it's almost like normalized for us in a sense that like we see it on these shows. People get breast cancer and then they get it taken out or whatever and they go through chemo then they're

fine which is obviously not the way breast cancer is every single time but you're sort of like you're almost used to like skin cancer breast cancer things and so for when daisy said like it was in her liver and then there are other cells you know it's just like this was like a deep very scary cancer yeah because when she said yeah so they got it all because she said oh i have i had it in my bile duct and they took it out and then they did another test and she's like oh so you got it they got it and she's like no they found more you know stage three which is yeah stage three yeah that's i think that's the thing it's like it's not to it's not to demean breast cancer because breast cancer is very scary and very real but it's more like it just shows off and very shit like that it's like

victim storylines just to get some you know like almost cancer from um whatever and of course a cancer scare like three different shows almost cancer that was married to medicine it was married to medicine yeah she where Where Lisa had almost cancer. She's like, I'm going to go get my test at some point. I can't believe you even remember her name. I can't believe you even remember her name. I mean, listen. Isn't that her name?

I think it was her name, Lisa. I think so. Here's the thing. I mean, this cancer care is legitimately scary. I remember it because Lisa Bonet was the whitest Cosby daughter. And she's like the whitest married to medicine person besides, Oh my god, I can't believe you're so rude. Oh yeah. Carrie.

Duncan. No, I mean, this cancer care is scary. But still, to milk it for like five episodes is not cool. People use it as a storyline and it desensitizes you. One time my mom had a breast cancer scare a long time ago.

And she's like, I expected more of a reaction from you i said i'm freaked out i mean i don't i don't know what to tell you i'm here for you let me know what i can do if i can come in town whatever she's like well carly cried like she's offended that i didn't cry and i said mom i watch housewives like i don't take anything like this seriously unless you're in a hospital because the housewives have desensitized me everybody everybody there's been at least one person on every season who's almost had something i'm like call me when it's time to go to chemo and i'll be sobbing by your side but i just can't let myself cry until then because the housewives have ruined my soul yeah well daisy i will cry for daisy but I hope she gets through it and everything. But when she described it to Micah, that was honestly like a very emotional scene.

I was like, oh, my gosh. And then later on in the episode, you know, Melissa Ford was upset with Daisy because Daisy had been a little absent for obvious reasons. But Melissa didn't know why. And so she sort of confronted Daisy. And then Daisy told Melissa. And I don't know. I thought that was a very moving scene because it's a very real you could see it on Melissa's face

learning about it feeling bad and like didn't know what to say and then Daisy said something very poignant which is that she doesn't like to tell people because she winds up the one comforting them and because I was thinking the same thing I was like this is crazy that Daisy is sitting there hugging Melissa it should be the other way around

I know but that's why that's why you don't really keep it secret you just like put it on facebook or something i mean and then honestly like i've i know i'm sound like i'm being a dick but i complain all the time when people put shit like that on facebook because it's so annoying you know it's like not not that they have cancer but like every every sad thing that happens in their life because sometimes it seems like people are trying to get social media attention because they're just sad. But something like that is a huge deal. And to have to go around to each of your friends, I mean, that's a lot of lunches. Yeah, and a lot of emotional lunches.

Yeah, because of course, I know you're comforting them, but that is part of it. It's going to hurt us if you're sick. Yeah, exactly. comforting them, but that is part of it. It's going to hurt us if you're sick. Exactly. Also, I love that she waited for Melissa to be mad at her for a while. She's like, okay, go ahead and have your say. Melissa's like, you missed my parties. Remember that modeling thing?

Remember that other thing where I was doing monologues about my vagina and you didn't come? She's like, well, I have cancer. She let her dig herself a grave and then fall into it. The thing is this. If you're well i have cancer well you let her dig herself a grave and then fall into it you know the thing is this if you're gonna have cancer you might as well use it as you like you might as well enjoy those moments make the bitch cry make her pay for here we go okay now here's my finishing move boom if you're gonna have to go to that many crying lunches at least get them paid for you know melissa's like i've got five dollars in my

account but i've still got credit! Meanwhile, so Melissa's doing a producing a musical about her life called Who Cares? Just kidding. Okay, she's producing a musical about her life, about how hot she is, okay? So here's the cast. Ugly women who are

jealous of her, and disgusting straight guys who just want to bone her. I mean, come on now. That's the saddest damn thing I've ever seen. And not only that, but it's called something like, oh, God, I couldn't even write it down. It was long, right? It's a take on for colored girls who have considered suicide under the other side of the rainbow or something, under the other side of the rainbow or something, which is like

actually a beautiful, poetic play about black people emotions and history and trying to overcome and all of this. And she takes it, she takes this beautiful poetic title that furthered her race and uses

it as a slut mobile for herself. I mean, just like... That's like the time, this one time about like 11 years ago, I saw this awful play out here in LA. I forget what it was called, but it was basically like the hot chick answer to the vagina monologues, and like every monologue was like,

how difficult it is to be a hot chick. No one takes you seriously. And oh my God, I got drugged. Oh my God, I'm doing a shot. And it was so insufferable and narcissistic I was like I get it you don't get taken seriously if you're hot

but like I'm sorry I cannot sit through 90 minutes of you know this pity party just to be clear I had to look it up the original show is for colored girls who have considered suicide when the Rainbow is Enough. Most acclaimed theater piece.

It consists of a series of poetic monologues to be accompanied by dance movements and music. A form change coined as the Korra poem. For Colored Girls tells the stories of seven women who have suffered oppression in a racist and sexist society. So that's basically what she's stealing her title for. Wow. Classy. And I have to see a Melissa Ford musical because we have to give people that title for people who don't

watch it because that shit's hilarious. Maybe if Melissa Ford had joined A Mother's Love, maybe that production would have still been... A Mother's Love. I would have seen that. A Mother's Love. I would have totally seen that. Nothing's even showing up for her musical so i don't know if that didn't if it ends up not happening or what yeah do a search for um community theater in the ozarks and melissa ford maybe you'll

find it there kicking for colored girls in the nets by mel Melissa Ford. Let's see where that is. Kicking for Colored Girls and the Nets? Kicking. Oh, I see. Kicking the original play and the Nets. Anyway, screw that. But that play looks really sad and hilarious. And I would totally watch it if it was $5 at CKTS. Yeah.

I would watch that before I'd watch Cinderella. And then we get Demetri. Wait. Demetri. Which one was Dimitri? Wesley Snipes? No, Wesley Snipes is Genevieve. Or Geneva. Geneva. Geneva. So Dimitri is the blogger. Yeah, she's so monotone.

She's like, I'm still writing my blog and I'm getting married and I'm really not into it, but we have to take pictures. And we don't like to cuddle in public, but we had to for the pictures. Wow. Glad you're back.

I know. You know, she is definitely very smart. I think she's very, very smart. But, oh, God, she is a killjoy. She is. The only reason she's on here is because she's got so many more blog followers. Yeah. Oh, exactly.

I mean, which, again, is why she's smart. But, like, oh, she's like a killjoy. And followers yeah oh exactly i mean which again is why she's smart but like oh she she's like a killjoy and it's like i want to love her but there's something about her that's just like a little nasty and kind of like you know that like she's i mean she's very condescending too you know that like at a coffee like a kind of coffee at like a cocktail party she'd just make you feel like shit like like you make some comment and she'd be the type that you make a comment about this like i love this show and you'd be like she'd be the one be like well uh i don't know about that but okay i mean if you like it you like it i'd be like yeah she's uh she's a bit much but you know she is fun to watch fight yeah she's good in a fight

she's really good in a fight um the other thing is uh let's see so genevieve she got rid of her bangs and i keep calling genevieve geneva geneva got rid of her bangs and i love how she's like oh well you know i'm no longer at uptown magazine i'm writing for myself and she says in this like happy way as if she moved on you know she totally got fired from that magazine there's no way yeah she's making unemployment sound so fun. Yeah, she's like, I am writing. I'm in an apartment I can't afford. I don't have things. I'm doing my own project. Snap, snap, snap. I moved to

Wall Street. Snap, snap. And her mom's like, coin here, coin there, coin everywhere. And she's like, yes, mother. Snap, snap. You know that's all your mother's coins that she's throwing at you. Yeah, sex therapist. You are still being supported by your mother. Get over it. We don't believe you for one second. Yeah, you were 100% fired, I believe,

from Uptown Magazine. That's pretty much all that happened with Geneva that episode. Is she the one that gets thrown in jail later for cracking a bottle on somebody's head? Melissa Ford's head. Yeah. Yeah, she is.

Then we have Micah, who is crazy as ever. I mean, she cracks me up um she's broken up with her boyfriend greg what's his name greg i think or whatever his name was they're done unspecified reason she's like you know i didn't know if i could trust him with this and it's not just that it's finances and women and houses and cars and skates so what and you know they flash back, they did a lot of flashbacks to her big fights last season, you know, when the girls called her an alcoholic. And, you know, I was thinking about it, you know, because we've obviously talked about it a billion times with Beverly Hills. And they flashback to a scene from last season where they were like, no, don't call someone alcoholic. Those are very heavy words.

Those are damaging words. And I sort of think like, you know what? I don't want someone alcoholic. Those are very heavy words. Those are damaging words. And I sort of think, like, you know what? I don't want that to be taken from me. I think we should have a right to call someone an alcoholic. Because if you act like an alcoholic, then you're going to be called an alcoholic. And then it's up to you to prove us that you're not an alcoholic. I'm sorry. Exactly.

We're allowed to call people an alcoholic. We're not calling you a child molester. We're saying, oh, based on the fact that you spread your legs at a party where it's not a frat party, and you acted crazy, and you were wasted in these three or four past times I saw you, I think you seem like an alcoholic. I think it's safe to say that, and that goes to mike and to kim richards yeah well i'm gonna save my alcoholism um ranting for the next podcast because i know i'm gonna have a lot after that but i will say that if you show up somewhere drunk and acting like a damn fool and people tell you you're acting like a damn fool and then you start screaming and

yelling you know they have a right to say that that's obnoxious. Yeah. I don't care. Now, I think that it is weird when they're like, you're an alcoholic, so I'm going to shun you. Yes. That's different. That's different. That's not very nice.

Yes. It's terrible. I mean, my friend just got a drug problem. He stole my friend. I just tell him, listen, I'll hang out with you when you're not fucked up. Just don't come over here fucked up because then you'll probably steal things from me. Yeah. Come over when you're sober and not accusing me of stealing your drugs yeah that would be better yeah well well

that being said i still love mika micah i think she's hilarious i love micah i love that she's laying down on a fucking lounger yeah during her whole thing singing songs and obviously drunk while she's doing it what was that thing at one point she started doing while she's doing it. What was that thing? At one point, she started doing something. She was like, seven, seven, seven. What was that thing she was doing? It was cracking me up. She was like, she was doing like a low-class accent. She was like, seven, seven, that. I was like dying. When she's like,

I think it was something like, yeah, you need to step away from your life for a minute and take a break. Step away, step away, yeah, take a step away. Take a step away from your life. Step it, step a break. Step away. Step away. Yeah, take a step away. Take a step away from your life. Step it. Step it. Step it away.

Step back. Step back. And she just kind of calmed down. She's just probably a little attention whorey and needy, but great for TV. Yeah, great for TV. I love her. I'm hoping that the season will be good. The new women that they showed in the preview look very promising.

Oh, my God. one looks so good yeah that one like british woman's like well if you can't make it to new york you have to go somewhere like second rate like atlanta i was like yes that was so great that i'm i'm sure like everyone in real houses of atlanta oh they are gonna hate her yeah I'm loving this I'm loving it I think that they're already laying the groundwork for a really fun season and they brought in some people to start some real fights so I think it's going to be a very good

season I'm trying to think here let me see what else I wrote Monotone, Daisy it looks like Demetria and the British woman have a spat because the British woman had like I wish I wrote it down in the preview she had a great response to Demetria and Demetria and the British woman have a, have a spat because the British woman had like, I wish I wrote it down in the preview. She had a great response to Demetria and Demetria like lost her shit. It was something about like holding onto her sides or something like that.

She's basically saying that she's fat, you know, you know, classic fat shaming, fat shaming, fat shaming. Well, I think that brings us to the end of our night.

Benjamin. Oh my God. And it's still sunny out. I know. Look at that. And you know what's funny? It's also just 1.51 p.m. So, well, this was fun.

Fun way to kick off the week. And we will be doing these normally on Tuesdays and Thursdays. But in this case, this week, I actually am going to be on a plane on Thursday. Well, we can still just put it out on Thursday. We could, couldn't we? Yeah, let's just put it out on Thursday. We could, couldn't we? Yeah, let's just put it out on Thursday. So that's what we'll do. So there we go. Tuesday afternoons and Thursday afternoons.

Next episode, Thursday afternoon. Get ready. Yes, Miami's. And I guess the bonus episodes will be out Thursday afternoons as well, guys. Probably. Probably. Probably. So yeah, come on our Facebook page and tell us if you want us to talk about something for the bonus episodes.

Because otherwise you're going to listen to me clip my nails and talk about how they need to change the color of the straws at Starbucks. We will talk about, hopefully if you remember, we will talk about the new shows that Bravo has ordered. And the ones they have ordered for second season. and the ones they have ordered for second season. You can just go to our Facebook page and see them because Michael Cook posted them, which is very helpful. But we will probably go into depth about that on the bonus episode. Yes, so come on and join us, y'all. Thanks for everything and thanks for all the support.

Thanks, y'all. Bye. Bye. Bye Bye If you like listening to comedy Try watching it On the internet The folks behind the Sideshow Network

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