Watch What Crappens - #181: At The Mall Talking About Kim Richards

Episode Date: May 7, 2015

Audiophiles, be warned: we decided to take a field trip to the Glendale Galleria mall today so that we could mix people watching into our usual shady recapping. And boy did we see a lot. For the first hour, Ben Mandelker (@banterblender) and Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) are joined by Angie Thomas (The Lyon's Lair podcast) to discuss Kim Richards' crazy appearance on "Dr. Phil." Was this the intervention we've been waiting for? Then it's on to the "Real Housewives of New York City" where we question Bethenny Frankel's social etiquette. At this point, the laptop dies; so we pick up again in the car (real professional) and finish up the podcast with rants about "Shahs of Sunset" and " Southern Charm" (with occasional commentary about various people we see on the street). It's a classy show. You can donate to us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://bit.ly/crappens Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends. Watch what crap ends. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Crap is. Crap is.

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So if you're hearing a lot of background noise, that's because we are recording right from the heart of the Glendale Galleria Mall in Glendale, California. We're sitting right between a Chipotle and a hot dog on a stick. It's not even a joke. We are an arm's length away from a bunch of lemons and a hot dog on a stick. That is not even a joke.

We are an arm's length away from a bunch of lemons at the hot dog on a stick. We know that this can be unpro to do it like this, but we don't give a shit. Because being in the mall is amazing because we can talk about these shows and also the idiots surrounding us in the food court. Yeah. And I am very fired up. The reason why I'm fired up is not because of anything on Bravo. It's because we just went to Chipotle.

And we're currently eating Chipotle. And nothing can get you more angry than being in line at a Chipotle. And watching people making their choices. The woman in front of me was like, can I try? That's a free turn. Oh, no. The woman in front of me. Okay, we're waiting in this long line.

We get up there. And the lady's like, okay, that'll be ten whatever. And she opens her purse. I'm like, why wasn't your wallet in your hand already? I know. Congratulations on your stay-at-home status, bitch. I do not have that. Move along.

The woman in front of me was like, oh, you know what? Can I get some cilantro rice on that after all? But just a little bit, just a little bit. He's like, no, no, no, too much, too much. Oh, my God. He puts on, like, basically, like, if you drink, drink like a fork of rice and put it on she's like that's perfect and meanwhile the woman in front of her was like she also changed her mind she decides she wants chips and salsa and then she wants mild salsa not the medium one and it's like

it was i was so mad in such a small amount of time the lady behind me was like okay y'all have some cheese y'all have the sour cream yeah i'll have the guacamole she goes whoa that's enough for two meals i was like bitch please you know you're gonna be hiding in the stall in the bathroom down in that shit get over it this has been the plan for like 30 minutes this has been the plan every day yeah you know what i mean then people know exactly what they get the best is there's like a sign up there today that says sorry, no carnitas today. And so I heard one go, oh, so there's no carnitas. That was her.

Yeah, of course you want the pork. Alright, I guess for real there's no carnitas? No, but they put up the sign for fun. Oh, it's you. We have them. I'm here every day. That's not something to brag about, okay? Exactly.

Anyway. This is what happens when you get the model episode. Yeah, there's so many people to judge. I don't even know how we're going to talk about the TV show. I hope they can hear us. It seems so crazy loud in here. They can hear us. I can see us.

They can hear us. So we are literally next to a hot dog and a stick. And there's plenty to talk about. But we only have Angie for about 20 more minutes so we need to jump in and talk about Dr. Phil and oh yeah follow us on

Facebook facebook.com forward slash watch what crap happens and support us on Patreon patreon.com forward slash watch what crap happens and subscribe and get bonus episodes and things like that real fun so anyway wow and listen to the For Calling Out Loud And subscribe and get bonus episodes and things like that. Real fun. So anyway. Wow. And listen to the For Calling Out Loud podcast because we are on the next two episodes.

Super fun with those women. That was so fun. So we talked about Cam on Dr. Phil for a while on that. But we're going to talk about it now some more. We're going to go even more in depth. Okay. So I thought this hour of Dr. Phil was like sublime. I thought it was so deeply satisfying and entertaining. What did you guys think? And you know that that was rare for him too because the other episodes that week are like my husband's a

tranny and then what was the other one? It was like my husband's banging my sister or something. Whoa. He scored. My husband broke themower, and now I want to get the truth. But what I loved was the episode was all of like 30 seconds old, and Dr. Phil was already going in on Kim. He's like, I've been sitting here ready for the interview, and she's in her room getting her hair done and caring about her little brooms. She's got curlers in her hair. It was like, Kim, don't you know,

the last thing you want to do is get on Dr. Phil's bad side. You don't want to be making him wait. The very first thing is she makes him wait. I was like, oh, you are in trouble, Kim Richards. And also, she's just, it was so uncomfortable because it was just like those, everything that had, like, everything you expect an addict to do,

like, she did like just stalling and all those excuses yeah i mean she has a story lined up yeah i mean she yeah starting off on the wrong foot like what else what does she have to do i also thought it was very interesting that she chose to wear a ballroom dancing outfit to the interview did you notice she was wearing this thing that was like this black in the middle, big red sleeves? I was like, I'm expecting her to go after the mirror ball trophy. Well, it's like she didn't...

She knew she was there because of her drunken outburst, but she thought she was there for a celebrity interview. You know? Like, no one is going to ask you questions about your four lines on Revenge. Okay, bitch? This is all about, like, shorting coke in the bathroom or whatever. And then the way she... Hi, thanks for having me.

It's so good to be here. Well, I also love the way that she opened up the interview. Came up with some little jokes for us to talk about first. The best is that she opens up the interview by saying, I'm a very strong person, as she's, like, half crying. I was like, you really said that with a lot of conviction, Kim. That's a real sign of strength. Like, I'm a really strong person.

So stupid. And Kim still, unfortunately, has that, like, she's an addict, but she also has that horrible, like, L.A. entitlement thing. Like, well, you know, I'm a VIP. Like, you know. And even just when she's talking about the hotel, like, well, I've been going there since I was... It's a safe place. A safe place.

It's a safe place. And she's like, I'm positive in bringing me here. And we've been in that same booth since I was six. And so when I saw people saying mean things on Twitter Twitter I went there. And he went to a bar. He went to a bar. He was like, let me sit at a table. In a bar. Thought we got it but this was safe. In a bar. In a bar. She's like, yes. But you know I believe that her mother did take her there every day at six years old in the bar hooking up with men and shit. It's not like. It's probably shit. It's probably like every time a guy walks into the bar, Kathleen

probably pulled out a little stereo and was like, play. And then Kim gets out there and does a little jig. With a little bow in her hair. She probably had one of those things where it's like, yes sir, if you pay, I'll sell you a rose. They give her a dollar. She has a rose. They attach her strings. They walk away. She pulls the rose back.

Oh, yeah. Like in an old Charlie Chaplin movie. If you give me half of your empire, I'll give you my mother's vagina. Yeah, so her background is actually very sad. And my biggest opinion of watching Kim Richards on Dr. Phil was that it was really sad. I mean, I get I mean, I guess I've always had a bit of sadness, but Kim's mostly fun to talk about because she's in

denial and stuff like that, so to see her being like, I mean in her mind, I'm sure, attacked or confronted and just watching her break down and her veins popping out all over, I just felt bad. I actually believe it or not, you know, I actually did not feel bad and I did not feel sad.

I thought it was, this may sound mean, I thought it was highly entertaining. But more so, I thought it was like, it felt good to finally have someone calling her on a ship. So she starts the interview with this sort of false accountability, right? She's like, well, what I have to do is I have to exercise more. I have to get on a program. Yeah, it's like, are you going to do something about this?

Oh, yeah. Help, I need to go to a meeting. She thought this was going to be a PR thing. She thought she was going to be able to do her mea culpa. What is wrong with her? She's drunk. Dr. Phil would not have any of it. Well, first she starts talking about how the show is just really hard

and the fans are so hard on me. Which is all true. She's also blaming everyone. No, she is. But when she was saying that stuff, she was saying, oh, people say I'm drunk, people say I'm a bad mother. And I was like, yeah, no addict should be going and reading that stuff. No, I mean, I do believe it is hard.

Yeah, yeah. But, again, it's like, that's the place where she goes first instead of saying, well, I struggle with this or that. It's like, she blames outwardly first. Oh, of course. Instead of just saying, you know, work was really stressful this year and it broke me down.

I'm like, I just got so stressed out and I can't cope. And that's what I do. I turn to drinking. But there wouldn't have been a whole hour if she had just... You know, there wouldn't be any Kim Richards drunken storyline

if she could just do that. It's like she's just in the stage where she can't admit it. And I don't know. The best part to me was just watching dr phil i mean that guy is hysterical he just had two inches of vodka yeah what do you say in a paint can yeah did you have that out of one of those dumpsters that apartment buildings yeah because there's so much garbage that they need a giant square instead of a little tiny gut i mean what the hell kim was that out of a water fountain in the middle of rome i mean how big was that bucket but the

best was that like the story is like you can't see it on the podcast but like her fingers were like this then this the bigger and bigger just this it was just this it was just this it was just like so i was trying to figure, so she went to see her daughter and then they weren't drinking with her, right? No. Didn't she say she went out of town somewhere to see her daughter? She went to see the one that I think is Marucia's daughter.

She's actually in La Jolla. La Jolla, yeah. So then she drank there and then drove all the way back to the polo lounge. It's like an hour and a half drive. There were holes in her story. There were holes in her story, and Dr. Phil did a really good job of poking holes in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all of that.

He was like, well, first before any of that happened, we're getting ahead of ourselves because there's a lot of stuff that even happened before she started telling those stories. I would just like to give a mall update really quick. We've been here now for 45 minutes. No one, and I mean no one is cute i mean come on america yeah let's make an effort all right yeah and uh this is that the men lining up for hot dog on a

stick have not exactly been top tier specimens there must be there must be a really popular cholo in the valley because that's the look we're going for today, girl. Even people with jobs are like, I'm going to mark her on some eyebrows. Well, the odds are stacked against us just by inherently being in Glendale. Yeah, Glendale is like the Toledo of LA. I don't even know what that means. Because I've never been to Toledo. There's a lot of hair. This is probably the hairiest neighborhood. I would like to thank people over the hill.

I mean, not old people, but there's a hill you have to go over to get here. So I'd like to thank people on this side of the hill for being fat. Because I usually have to go to Texas to get this. I actually don't feel out of place. You're not fat. Mine is so skinny now. I'm thinner, darling. so skinny now. Looking good. Thinner, darling. But, you know, it's a rollercoaster.

And I appreciate these people being on, you know, on the bottom of it. You should do, like, in a soap dish. And just, me and you should just come over here. I can be Whoopi and you can be Sally Field. No one will recognize me. I have to be famous for that to work. You are. You are.

Yeah. So, anyway, I'm sorry I interrupted you. No, it's fine. Shocker. Oh, there's a hot person. Oh, wait. They're on the TV. I was like, do you see?

I craned my neck around. I'm like, what? We all turned around. As if it was like some boat taking us to safety. Like, we're here. We're here. Now leasing to ugly people only. Please don't.

Yeah. Equal opportunity leasers. By the way, for those of you who want to get some context on this mall, this is the mall that's down the highway from where Eileen had her film festival. We're down the highway. Yep. So, back to this special.

So, it came as saying, people are saying mean things about her. So, then she tells Dr. Phil, she's like, I was just, I was so tired of being talked about. So, my question is, if you're tired of being talked about so my question is if you're tired of being talked about so you get drunk and then make a scene and get arrested and kick a police officer as if no one's gonna talk about that well even even that story she was trying to make herself such the victim it was hilarious she's like well I had two inches Twitter. I mean, God. I got bird shit all over me.

I got in the car with Apollo Lanch. Because, you know, my mom's dead. It's like, okay, victim. And then these people called me over. And he's like, did you drink? No. No, the bar wasn't even open. And he's like, then what were you doing there?

I was just talking with my booth. My mom's dead. And I talk to these people. And he's like, did they invite you over? I don't know. I don't remember. Who were they? I don't know.

Kill them. I know. I love when she's like, so I was talking to them, and a maitre d' told me to go back to where I was. And Dr. Phil's like, so you're at a bar, and a maitre d' came me to go back to where I was. And Dr. Phil was like, so you're at a bar. And the maitre d' came over.

And he did something enough. A bar where people socialize, where people meet new people and they talk to each other. And you did something so egregious that the maitre d' had to come over and tell you to go back. I don't remember that part. Listen, the maitre d' was like, listen, your safe place is over there. And I can see you're not feeling safe. So please go to your safe place. That way you can feel better about yourself. It was really nice of him.

It just, I mean, she's so, I think that's like what I keep going back to is this entitled thing. Like she keeps saying, like it's sort of like this thing like well, you know, I belong there. And like this person was

trying to make me feel as if I didn't belong like it was very much this thing of like this is like Beverly Hills this is where I go this is where it's like my living room if I want to call some guy my uncle and ride his lap for a while and it's just like and how dare someone actually call me out? Well, yeah. When I was just sitting there. Do you know what I mean? And then the police came, so I went to the bathroom, and they started knocking on the door. And he's like, well, yeah, because you wouldn't come out. I just got taken some time.

And he said, well, why did you kick the officer? And she said, I didn't like how they were treating me. Yeah. I'm nervous. No one they were treating me. Yeah No one likes other police treatment. Yeah So scared that she kicks I mean, I mean there were so many crazy things she said also even before she was telling a story You know, dr. Phil was asking about like this and sober whatever and she says I have not drunk once this season on camera. I heard that too. I was like, oh, on camera.

Because this is before she was drunk. She was drinking before this. This is before she revealed on the show that she had had a few drinks. So the fact that she was like, well, just not on camera. As if somehow then, it's like, it's okay because my on camera persona is sober. So therefore... Oh, that poor thing

could not remember her life at all. She was like, well, I haven't had a drink. I had one drink. I mean, I haven't had a drink for three and a half years. I maintain my sobriety. Well, yeah, I mean, one time I drank. I'm in another time. But what is the point?

Did they pay? Because, you know, do they pay her? I don't... Well, some of them do. But I don't think it was for money i think it's because it was such a public relations nightmare for her that they her kids you know her kids were probably like mom you have to do something you know he's gonna bring you i mean well she's at the point where no one can handle her like a whole crew of beverly hills can't even deal with her

because it was an intervention. So do you think the kids kind of, you know, like kind of corralled her? Yeah. Because those kids looked actually happy. Believe it or not, they were sort of like smiling. They knew what was coming. They were like excited. They were excited for this.

And they were like, and by the way. This kid just leaves the room whenever they confront her about it at home. You know, she's like, I'm not listening know she's those kids were totally poised yeah oh my god you guys I'm sorry but also there's a lady in a plastic cashmere oh my god looks like a hooker literally that is. A mania on a budget, darling. And she has a mini awesome with her. She's like, why am I always hot? Because you're wearing a plastic pashmina. Okay? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ben. No, darling, it's okay. I'm the worst. No, it's okay. So, you know, just all I was gonna say is that the kids were like totally poised and they

they had like their talking points. They knew what they were doing. Yeah. The kids were not crying and they weren't, like, scared. They've probably done this before. Yeah. Right? Or at least talked to each other about it.

Wait, one kid's missing. Is that? Whitney, yeah. Whitney wasn't there. Is Whitney the one that also has problems? I don't know which one. Well, the son was the one who had, like had a mental breakdown running around the street naked or something. But he was there.

Like, you need to get it together. And she's like, I didn't even drink. And he's like, yeah, but you're still taking all those pills and smoking pot. She's like, oh, come on. I didn't drink a pill. Are you accusing me of drinking a pill? I don't even have a cup that small. Well, what I liked then was that, so midway through the show,

Kim revealed that, oops, she has actually had a few drinks over the course of the past few months. But not before that. Yeah, that's it. And then Dr. Bill's like, so let's watch this clip from the reunion. And he's like, well, why didn't,

you know, you were saying that you have not struggled with, you have not been struggling with your sobriety, yada, yada, yada. And that was a moment of honesty at least. And she was like, well, she's like, I wanted to tell the housewives that they were right. And then she starts to cry. She's like, but, you know, they just weren't making it easy for me.

I was like, they could not have actually been any easier. They were saying, like, we think you need to be in recovery or whatever. We think you're an addict and she should have been like I am. I am and I'm sorry. Whatever. Instead she just blames them. It's like their fault that she wasn't able to lie and therefore that's their fault why she was badgering

them. Every time he really had her in the corner it was my mom died but my sister was my teeth. It was my sister. It's like, shut up, Tim.

Like, you can't just bring people into your house as next week's degree. And I'm glad he called her out about the dog thing, too. And she also said she was, yeah,

and I'm glad he said, well, the dog thing, who cares? The dog bit a kid nobody meant to do. It was a battlefield. That's a very good point. It was a battlefield

about things that are going deeper. She was like, she also said one of the reasons why she didn't say anything on the reunion was because she hadn't seen kyle in five months and was like nervous so in a way it's like oh now it's kyle's fault in a way like what the kyle situation etc um so then uh i think at this point the kids came in right because at that

point dr phil asked him about Randy Glanville and the son was like she's toxic I was like yeah and she's like what and he's like

well you know I think she is a good friend for you but she's toxic I was like pick up your mind okay you guys can't be

so wishy-washy well the girls were more diplomatic you could tell the girls were like trying to just play fair but I don't think

any of them like her no I don't think so at all she's been there she's not toxic because you know like she's not a song on the radio I don't understand why you smell like that she's not like I don't think that she drinks with her but I don't think that I think the other girls confront her and Brandy doesn't I don't think Brandy like gives her alcohol or whatever but I also think Brandy turns the other way Kim's behavior and the others don't or it's more like Brandy maybe enables Kim in the excuse department yes so when so when kim kim has all these excuses and brandy probably

she's like no you're right yeah he isn't there kyle's bad for you and then kim gets more convicted with her excuses and maybe that allows her to yes you know to drink more or as dr phil says usurp her coping energy brandy did say um at beach, when she was on the beach with Jennifer, having to talk about Kim. And she's like, well, it's so much more than you even know. She made some comment like that to where she knows Kim's taking the pills. But it's not your job as a friend to tell somebody, listen, you're relapsing on your drug use, your alcoholism. That stuff happens all the time, so it is tricky. Like, the thing that makes me crazy with Kim is not that she's an addict

or that she's drunk all the time. Like, I don't mind that. I mind that she's just blaming everybody else all the time for the shit. I hate that. And you can't just, it's sort of like the whole thing is when Lisa came in, she's like, us. Because everybody else sort of walks around it. Like, well this is how but lisa's like wait huh what's wrong with you like she immediately is like no this isn't normal yeah she's also friends with kyle but also

most people are so probably like beat down from her behavior tired of her behavior used to seeing her behavior so they just ignore it or they just don't want to deal anymore. Yeah. And. I think if I came into a new group of people, a generally new group of people, and one person was, I was told that one person is sober and is no longer drinking. And then that person does something that is totally indicative of them being not sober. I would be like, uh, everyone, I think there's actually a problem. Yeah. that is totally indicative of them being not sober,

I would be like, uh, everyone, I think there's actually a problem. Yeah. I'd be like, is anyone, like, really compassionate? Or you would even say to the person, like, wait, are you, you know, like, she'd be like, have you been drinking? You know, just sort of like, I thought, huh? It became the storyline because Kim got so mad about it. If she had just said, thank you for talking about me and asking if i'm okay but i'm okay i'm doing fine but she's not doing fine so she went into alcoholism defense mode which is

like i yeah i do wish that dr phil would have been able to ask kim about um like lisa rena and and ask and ask him and be like well does why doesn't she have a right to ask these questions but i guess that wasn't the purpose of the show. The purpose was really to focus on Kim. But I really wanted him to bust up. It was funny when they showed the housewives clips because they just look out of context. I mean, they're horrifying enough

when you're watching those reunions because it really is just bloodshed. But when you see it out of context on a show like that, it just looks ten times trashier. He's like, well, all right, here we are. Let's see what you were just acting like a few weeks ago. And they cut to the reunion and she's screaming and yelling like a drunk idiot. And he's like, so there you were.

So you weren't drunk? No, I wasn't drunk. Oh, so you were just slurring and screaming like a lunatic? And she's like, I wasn't doing it because I was drunk. So then he literally goes, she didn't drink on the show. She was just slurry and belligerent angry because she's a slurry, belligerent, angry woman. Yeah.

And Kim laughs. Kim's like, whatever. Like a teenager. She's still a teenager. The other thing that I really liked that he did was he bullet pointed all the reasons she drinks. Yes.

And I thought that was actually, you could tell, like, she really took that in. Because I was sort of like, yes, like, she has had a hard, hard time. Especially the whole thing with the guy getting killed while she's on the phone with him. Oh, yeah. Out of nowhere, she's like, you know, he's like, you know, maybe one of the reasons why he drinks is, I mean, I don't know anyone who's been talking on the phone with him. Oh, yeah. Out of nowhere, she's like, you know, he's like, you know, maybe one of the reasons why he drank is, I mean, I don't know anyone who's been talking on the phone with someone. They get shot dead. The love of their life gets shot dead.

It's just like, just a puddle of tears. But I mean, he's got a really, Dr. Phil has really mastered that kind of Oprah thing of like, that was a dig, but it was in this kind of sort of empathetic way like it was good for her but it's also for everybody to understand like this woman's experienced a lot of trauma yeah I don't know you've actually been legitimate shit yeah so we get it why you're depressed yeah she I don't I don't think any idea that and this was coming towards her cuz like he doesn't he does not sure code it, really.

He was like, that is meltdown mothering. I've seen better gerbil mothers, and they eat their babies, look like little pencil erasers, and they're better than you. That is not a hot dog on a stick. That is a hot dog in a bun in a trash can. Everyone, Angie has to go. She has to leave the mall. She has too many hot dogs on a stick in a trash can. Everyone, Angie has to go. She has to leave the mall. She has too many hot dogs on the stick.

Bye, Angie. Bye, everybody. Bye, Angie. Thanks a lot. Bye. Good to see you. Bye. See you later.

Maybe I'll see you at the fight. Yeah. Probably not. So I was going to say her hot dog on a stick cup is at least staying, but it wasn't. Angie actually did get a hot dog on a stick. on a stick cup is at least staying but it wasn't. Yeah, she took

and she actually did get a hot dog on a stick. No, but the thing was that you know, Kim I love how Kim approaches Dr. Phil in the beginning and is like I love your show

I've been watching it forever I DVR episodes which is such bullshit because if she watched the show she would totally have known that she was walking into the

Yeah, I love your show I watch it every day. No. She was absolutely destroyed so, as the hour comes to an end, Dr. Phil's like, well, what if I've told you we've arranged a rehab, and it's on us, would you go? She's like, well, I can't be out of state, I have a list of demands. And then she listed it, and she's like, I only want cream and bananas for breakfast and then i don't eat lunch but i want franzia for dinner and i'm not gonna budge she's like you can't do that in rehab i'm not going and he's like it has to be nearby it has to be nearby and he's like well like you know and so the kids are like mom just go just go she's like

fine he's like well we've arranged for you a rehab nearby here in malibu yeah and she storms out and then dr phil basically was like i wanted her to come up with all her excuses first and then we would tell her where it was because then she had no more excuses but she storms out oh is this an intervention i have have stress. I have stress. She runs down the hallway. The best part of this was her kids, you know, seeing their side of it and what they've been dealing with. And they're like, Mom, come on. He's offering you free rehab. Just go.

You need to do it. You get out of here. You get out of here. You betrayed me, secret keeper. Like, Mom, it's not a secret. It's just, you know, you you need to go take care of yourself I'll be nothing. You're still you know pills pot and booze Yeah, that was the other thing that basically the Sun out of her is doing more than booze like all that stuff

It was I mean she really She got and then I think that's probably one of publicist must have stepped in because You know two days later Kim went to rehab, right? But she probably went to really like what she said by the doctor Phil though He came and he's like well I just came by by the dressing room to say bye and she goes from screaming and crying and like having a fucking fit to Oh, thank you so much.

You saw that you made it here. I love you. He's like, all right, man. Which also goes to show how she can totally pull it together in a totally fake way to give off this impression that she is totally fine. Yeah, and her little teenage voice. No. Yeah. I loved it.

I loved it. Well, I hope she heals. Not too much, because I need her to still be funny if she's going to be on this show. She probably won't be on this show but she probably won't be on this show too much reliability we've talked about Kim so much this season

and we were just on that other podcast talking about Kim and I'm glad to be done with this bitch for a while I can

alright Kim we are closing the book on Kim until next week when we open it up again all over again no no it's over. No more Kim. Well, then why don't we move on to, what do you want to talk about? Real Housewives of

New York? Sure. All right. Um, so. Real Housewives of New York. So we actually, I don't have like my extensive notes today, so I have to do this by memes. Okay. I think it started with Bethany's birthday party. Bethany decided to have a birthday party, right? Yeah. Isn't that how it started, more or less? Basically, yeah. I mean, who cares? Yeah, exactly.

I don't remember exactly, exactly how it started. But Bethany had a birthday party, and she invited everyone except Kristen and Dorinda. Dorinda couldn't go. Okay, first of all, Bethany is the biggest, one of the biggest assholes on TV right now. I guess she forgot the episode of her show where she had a nervous breakdown in the bathroom because her husband was a dick enough to throw her a birthday party. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah.

Jason threw her a birthday party and she's like, I don't like to celebrate my birthday. I don't like it. And he threw her one and she started throwing a fit and ran into the bathroom and sobbed and then screamed and like how could you do this to me that's my birthday my mother blah blah blah but now it's okay she's like oh i had a birthday because this year i'm fine i don't know why i don't know why it's like oh god i know she's i mean even just her talking about the birthday she's like you know every year every year birthday comes up and i'm like oh it's like oh my god it's already november 3rd and it's like my i'm born the same day my mom's 20th birthday.

It's like, oh, I'm like, just shut up. Yeah, she's like, I hate my birthday so much that I just told America the exact date of it, so they'll be sending me something on November 3rd. Yeah, send her a Skinny Girl greeting card, the new line. My card was so thin, you just didn't see it, darling. Sorry. But the thinnest card I could find. It was published by Lisa.

I had Lisa Vanderpump to write it. it was published by Lisa I had Lisa Vanderbilt to write it it was so skinny I had Lisa Vanderbilt I was like chef penny put a recipe in this card I almost sent you some skinny girl darling but we're in the we're in the Burbank mall darling there are none of those there yeah I just had to get you a tight coat I hope that's all right darling I'm in a lawsuit with Bethany Franco because she's mad that I'm coming out with skinny vase it's a smaller vase You can put more flowers in there. Mine is called Skinny Woman. Skinny Darling.

Skinny Darling. Mom jeans at any age. Penny, can you make some low-cal salmon mousse, please? Chef Penny. Form it into a bar, darling. Put a wrapper on it and call it a day. Chef Penny, don't put so much sugar in the tuna tartare. It needs to be good for Skinny Darling. Bethany's birthday is just like a dinner, right?

So I think the only one she actually invited was Ramona out of all of the girls because later when she had the fight she said, well, I didn't even invite Carol. I just happened to see her around and I thought, oh, Carol's here. So I'll invite her. And then she said, can I bring Heather? And I said, yeah. And Heather's like, so I was your plus one?

And she's like, yeah. Well, I mean, so what? I don't know you. But I don't even know anybody. No, no? And I said, yeah. And Heather's like, so I was your plus one. And she's like, yeah. Well, I mean, so what? I don't know you. I don't even know anybody. No, no, no, no, no. And the reason that she's a bitch is because you're all in the same cast and you do things together. And when you don't invite two people, they feel left out. That's not weird, Bethany.

Yeah, exactly. Plus, I don't know. Can you talk about plus ones? Okay, let me back up my thought. When the birthday party, dinner party happened, I got the impression that invitations or formal phone calls went out or an e-vite that was like, you're invited to this dinner party and you can bring a guest. Because there was all this discussion because um sonia's plus one brought a plus one also which was pretty rude i thought well of course it's rude but they're 20

they're 20 they're models that guy looks so impressed that he was drinking wine a and wine in a glass when they did a cheers his friend went oh i know like la-di-da we're doing a cheers in a wine glass exactly there's a by the way there, there's a jacked gentleman walking by. Sort of like the Armenian version of a guido. Yeah. It's kind of hot. No. No, Ronnie doesn't know.

No, man, no. Sorry about your penis. All roid-rich. But so anyway, what was I going to say? So anyway, so I was under the impression that there was sort of like a formal plus one situation. But then when Bethany says, oh yeah, I saw Carol, and then Carol's like, can I bring Heather? So Heather, when you do it like that, it doesn't feel like it's a plus one situation, right? No.

Especially in the same cast, it seems like it's just like a party. Like, oh yeah. She rented out a room, so it's not like she had a set number of people that could be there she rents out a room for her birthday that you know bravo is paying for because she's doing it on camera or the restaurant is donating it because she's doing it on camera then she doesn't want to invite anybody from the cast to come like fuck you bitch you're on the show with 20 other women or how many of our cast members are this year you don't get to get the free shit

and not do the work that's so lame that's like a Kim Richards she's like I want everything free but I don't want to have to interact with anybody

I want a big skinny girl in the middle of the table and that's it yeah and you know what one thing that

bothered me about this birthday dinner we mentioned it on the other podcast is that it really bothered me when Bethany then got up

on the table and started dancing to me it was it was like, it was so pre-planned. She's like, oh, well I want to show people I'm fun, you know, because I'm fun Bethany. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to get on the table and dance. It'll be hilarious. And people think I'm free spirited and the best. It just felt so thirsty. Yeah, when she went into her hotel room and the hotel had given her flowers or a happy birthday card or something, it made me almost sad when she was like, oh my god this is so nice, I'm gonna keep this card, I'm gonna keep it. I was like, oh god, poor thing. That's probably like the closest friend she has

right now, you know, employees. Yeah, exactly, bellhops. Because who the hell else could hang out with her? If she is even toning it down a little bit for TV, which I'm sure she is. Yeah. She's just awful. Like, she was awful the whole episode. I'm surprised that she didn't get a happy birthday thing from, like, the American Homeless Society. You know, because, you know, she's homeless, guys. It's like, no one even sent me soup.

Yeah. I didn't even get a Campbell's soup. Where's my non-perishables? It's like, listen, if you're going to give me something, don't just buy me a sandwich at a store. Do you know how rude that is? Like, maybe I don't want a sandwich. Maybe I want a turkey.

I mean, give me the money. If I'm going to buy booze with it, that's my choice. I'm homeless. All right, Bethany. But then later in the episode, she goes to dinner with Heather and Dorinda and Carol and they're all having fun at first

even though Bethany's being totally rude the whole time and making dead husband jokes to the widows and talking about how she needs to figure out how to remarket the word

what is it? Widow widowhood or something? like no it was late late husband yeah something

you know what we gotta do? You know what? Skinny corpse. Skinny corpse. That's what we call it. Yeah, skinny corpse. Skinny corpse. Because you know your body loses weight.

Then we can drink them. Yeah. I mean, no one's thinner than the corpse. I mean, give them time. That's what I'm going for. That's the look I'm going for. Skinny corpse. Do you want to die?

Do it in a skinny corpse coffin. We'll make sure you decompose faster so you're thinner when you're dead faster. Quick decomposition Skinny corpse Corpse on a stick So But by the way So the funny thing

When they all got together For this thing Is that like Heather gets there And is like Hey Beth Hey Beth Oh gosh

I was having I was having lunch With Beth before Oh gosh She's like Is it so hard To say Bethany Bethany

Like those two syllables are really hard. And Heather's like, oh, come on, it's my thing. Would you rather me call you B? It's my thing, okay? I'm urban, and that's what they do. Yeah, like, you know, your crib is wide, Beth. You're on fleek, Beth. Well, she'll learn that in a couple years.

Yeah, two years down the line. Yeah, she's like, well, if you're not more polite to me, you're never going to get it, ever going to get it, Beth. I'm Addy 5000 back. She's like, listen, I heard it through the grapevine back. So anyway, so...

R-E-S-P-E-C-T back. So they're having fun, even though I think Bethany's still being a terrorist and being really rude personally. just like, she's just in a constant state

of rolling her eyes over everything, you know? Yeah, everyone else is stupid, you know? All right, hairy guy screaming

fuck you at the guy from Tokyo Grill. I'd love to see a war between the, between that. I'm very interested to see what's gonna happen.

Yeah, me too. So for those people who aren't here which is all of you there's a guy who's um talking to he's he's actually hovering i know he saw us look at him i know i'm like we can't look i hate that he's actually like really mad right now i know it's so hard to judge no I'm not going to we can't look because he'll yell at us if he is um he's mad at someone we're trying very hard who though I thought he was gonna look at the guy from tofio grill he's like he just probably learned about msg today or something he's currently complaining to um the people uh the hot dog on a stick? No, no, no, not a hot dog on a stick. Oh, the Brazilian place? Yeah. Yeah.

Now he's walking by really slowly giving us a good look. Now he's at a hot dog on a stick. Huh? He's at a hot dog on a stick now. Oh my God, he is angry. He needs to take those meds from a CDS bag. If something happened at the Tokyo Grill, there's drums at the food court right now.

That's all I gotta say. Yeah, there are some drums. Now he's complaining to the hot dog on the stick lady and trying to come on to her. Get out of here, anger man.

Something happened. He literally yelled, fuck you, bitch. I wonder if you could hear it. You probably couldn't hear it on the podcast. Listen, an upper arm wax would make you feel better

than you'll ever know, darling. Darling, get your eyebrows threaded up on the floor. Back wax thread, darling. Get that thing shaped shaped into a heart and give off a little more positivity yeah now he's like hitting on the hot dog on a stick is he still angry he looks less angry because he's trying to hit on a girl oh he just saw me look at him again god damn it he has those beady little eyes too i do not like being in public it's scary here scary things happen at the glendale galleria um okay oh my god that lady is wearing plaid with a patterned scarf and a fisherman's hat yeah it's

like it's like murder she wrote gone terribly terribly wrong it's like murder she wrote but not solving any crimes it's like what happened to jessica fletcher darling she gave up and started mixing platinum patterns she went to the glendaleatoria darling she went to hot topic she's like i'm here to solve the crime of the hairy upper-armed beady-eyed man screaming at the Tokyo grill it turns out my neighbor was framed for it but he didn't do it after all thank god so anyway i think we're think we're away from our ghetto life and back to Bethany's. Okay, so Bethany, we're jumping around the episode. That black guy has a huge dick. I'm so sorry.

I can't look without being awkward. Humongous. Whenever they're, like seriously, bigger than his back. It's bigger than his army bag. This guy just had a lot of bags. You guys, seriously, whoever started this trend of not wearing underwear in public. Thank you. I'm loving it.

That was amazing. I only got a very quick side comment. I feel bad for white guys with that gigantic dick. That has got to be awful. Because, uh... Because it's such a stereotype. I know. I know it's so gross for me to look, but of course every time someone passes, I immediately

look at their dick. I'm a guy. I mean, I'm a guy who likes guys. You look, but of course every time someone passes I immediately look at their dick. I'm a guy. I mean, I'm a guy who likes guys. You know guys are always looking at boobs. I always look at the package and that was a special delivery. Yeah, black guys... Bigger than this duffel bag, darling. Darling, it was like a hot dog on a stick. Someone smuggled a hot dog out of a stick out of a gallery and put it in his pants. Although you know people like that do have very sweaty balls because they're not wearing underwear.

And I think underwear is a very important part of not having sweaty necks. This is an important message. You know, this is something that maybe people should be aware of when they are getting excited about free ballers. Yes, don't know one hot then, otherwise. Oh, cute little girl though. Look, that guy could put his penis inside somebody. How did that happen? You have such a better view than I do. People get laid. No one comes through my view.

You get to see everyone in the food court. Yes. I don't know what we're so into. You know, we were talking earlier today at Starbucks about our body insecurities and trying to get in shape to keep up with so and so. That was two hours ago. I know, but I'm like, I've been thinking about it because, you know,

all it takes is a little confidence. I mean, that guy made a baby with somebody. Like, somebody actually not only laid there long enough for him to, like, climax, but, like, is raising a baby with him. Like, Bruce Jenner doesn't even have a vagina yet, and he's loving it. He's having fun. Bruce Jenner literally had breasts, and he was able to make

two babies with Bruce Jenner. Yeah, and he's able to make two babies with Christiana yeah and he's like totally loving his body and having fun you know he's got a weird yeah I'm just saying it's confidence you know it's confident I'm gonna come MJ MJ telling MJ yes so anyway so anyway so so they're all talking they're at the having drinks and so Heather bringsather brings up and it was not heather's place to say this so she gets dinged for that but she but she said it i think as politely and inoffensively as you can we're saying something that's not like she says everything like she's talking to a five-year-old hey beth i have one thing i want to talk to you about it's you know it's nobody it's not that deep but you, you know, I was talking to Kristen and she was

a little offended that... Her feelings were hurt. Her feelings were a little hurt that she didn't get invited to a birthday party. Oh, God, I can't take it. I'm tired. I'm tired. Oh, this discussion. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm already asleep. Just wake me up with a discussion. Oh, my God. I mean, really? Are we doing this? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I mean, it's like birthday party. Like, who cares? Like, no big deal.

Like, who cares? It's a birthday party. I mean, what the hell? What, is this math class? Because I'm sleeping. I'm sleeping here. Yeah. I'm not paying attention to this. Was there a quadratic equation? Because this is like calculus and I'm so bored over there. Oh, my God like a birthday party. Like, who cares? Like, no big deal. Like, who cares? It's a birthday party. I mean, what the hell? What, is this math class? Because I'm sleeping. I'm sleeping here. I'm not paying attention to this. Was there a quadratic equation?

Because this is like calculus and I'm so bored over there. Oh, my God. I'm asleep. Yeah. I mean, that's just a wrong reaction. And she made it so awkward because she's so aggressive that she couldn't just listen and say, well, it was just a party for a few of my friends and I didn't even think about it, to be honest. I mean, I didn't mean to be rude, but the fact is she did think about it.

You know, and I've been reading comments on our Facebook page, as I do 20 times a day, and someone was, I think it's you, Mary Suzanne Bruce over there, and I read your comment because she gets, I love that she gets so angry about the shows, you know, she like has this righteous anger, which I love. And she was saying, I can't believe no one's talking about this, but fuck Heather, it's not... I don't know if you said fuck.

I'm not quoting. The spirit was there. I'm in Mary Suzanne Bruce spirit right now. But she's like, fuck. She's like, F her. I can't believe that that's even even confusing to people she doesn't even know that girl what the hell should she invite her that's ridiculous okay in real life you're absolutely correct you don't have to invite everybody you've ever met to your birthday and

it doesn't make sense but this is not real life it's a tv show where they're all cast to be on the same tv show and bethany is uh purposely setting the old school people aside from the new school people so that she doesn't have to film with them or include them like she's going to take over the show. Bitch, you're not going to take over the show. Yeah. Don't be a bitch. I mean, the truth is that she knows Kristen as well as she knows Heather as well as she knows Carol basically.

But she said that she didn't even invite them. She just happened to see Carol out. She was like, oh, you know, when you see somebody out and then you're like, oh, well, you're actually nice. Why don't you come? Isn't it funny that Bethany is like all about the, oh, well, you know, I saw her out. So I decided to impulsively invite her. And yet last week when the man was like, oh, yeah, I saw Kelly Ben Simone

and I decided to impulsively invite her. Bethany's like, no, that's not cool. It's not cool. Bethany's all about social races last week and this week I mean, it doesn't take someone with like three brain cells to know that if you're going to invite if Carol's

coming and Heather's coming and basically the entire group is coming except for Kristen that it's mean. Just the way it's not cool for Luann to invite Kelly Ben Simone and not tell Bethany you know like don't act as if like I'm just too busy like it's like whatever just was spontaneous because you you were mad at Luann for doing the same shit to you last week yeah and then I love when Heather was saying well well, you know, I think I already said this, but I loved when Heather was like, well, oh, so wait, you weren't going to invite me either? So I'm Carol's plus one? And she's like, yeah, basically.

She's like, oh, okay. She's like, yeah, I don't know you. Why would I invite you? Why is it so weird that I wouldn't invite you? I don't even know you. I wasn't going to invite Carolita, but I happened to see her and I liked her, so I thought, why not? I'll invite her.

You asked me the question. That was just so rude. Yeah. I didn't say that. You asked me and question. You asked me the question. But I happened to see her and I liked her, so I thought, why not? I'll invite her. You asked me the question. That's just so rude. Yeah. I didn't say that. You asked me and I answered the truth. Like, she's... I want to make sure I'm not commenting on this one. Because someone just plopped into our table.

Oh, yeah. We're so okay. We're okay. Yeah, you know, she's just really rude. Heather is obnoxious. I get it. She does talk down to people condescendingly. I get it.

I still like her, though, because I agreed with when she said, you know, why are you being that way? Like she looked at her like, why are you being crazy? What's wrong with you? Bethany, Heather was right. It was not Heather's place to introduce this entire thing. However, Heather was right. She could have just been like, you know what? Just say, oh, you know, I didn't I didn't invite Christine because I didn't really know her. Sorry, her feelings were hurt. But, you know, I didn't invite Kristen because I didn't really know her. Sorry, her feelings were hurt. But, you know, the next time I see her, I'll smooth it over. Because that's what a normal person would do.

But Bethany's like, oh! Oh, why would I? Oh, I don't even know you. Gross. And then Dorinda, oh my god, there's a cute person. This never happens. Oh, yeah. And he's really cute.

He's very gap-had. Oh my god. He's so made up for the other ones. Oh, well, from further away. Okay, stand right there. Stay there. Stay there. No, you're coming too close. You're coming too close, well, from further away. Okay, stand right there. Stay there. Stay there. No, you're coming too close.

You're battling your closest. Back away. Back away. Chef Penny. Back away. You're morphing into the rest of them, darling. Go back. Go back.

Darling. Darling. Chef Penny, throw some flatbread at him. Distract him. Make sure he stops walking. Darling. That shit is hilarious. So, um...

Love your iPhones. 5C, darling. Love the color. Come on over here. Have a seat. Have a seat iPhones. 5C, darling. Love the color. Come on over here. Have a seat. Have a seat on Teddy's lap, darling. You can't sit on my lap and be far away. All right, walk on.

Far away. Darling, neutral colors. Really wonderful. Clear the almost hot person. Clear him. There's another cute one. Oh, of course they know each other. Of course the only two cute people in here know each other.

I love that I'm just like turning around. Oh, and they're also both far away cute. Okay, so anyway. Stop it. What was the point? I forgot. We're just talking about how Bethany's a bitch. Yeah, she really is.

I don't even think the whole should you invite someone or shouldn't you or blah, blah, blah. I don't even think that's important. It's just she's an asshole. That's it. She's an asshole. She doesn't know how to deal with anything. Watching her in the hotel room being dressed by somebody, I'm like, come on. Please, Bethany, spare me.

And one of our listeners wrote a comment, which is so true. She's like, you know, I feel like Bethany is trying to be like, you know, Uncle Shecky at the Catskills. Everything's like tips in the jar, you know? Like, everything is like, her one-liners are like a little too... They don't even make sense. They're just...

That's the thing that's making me the craziest. I mentioned this last week, but when she was saying, what is that? It's like a bad hand shot. What is that? It doesn't even correspond to what you're talking about. Come on. Make an effort.

She's just acting like she's doing everyone from the producers to the cast members to the viewers a giant favor. And showing us that she's doing a favor. It producers, to the cast members, to the viewers, a giant favor. Yeah. And like, and like, showing us that she's doing a favor. It's like, you know what, Bethany? As I said on the For Crying Out Loud podcast, I think that Carol and Dorinda have become the Greek

choruses, and you are no longer the Greek chorus. You're just like this, like, really annoying lady right now. When Dorinda said, well, you know, I'll admit, I was kind of, you know, I mean, I was a little hurt in a way, too,

that I wasn't invited. She's like, oh, seriously? Oh, seriously? Now you too? She's like, well, I mean, it was superficial, but it was like a little, I mean, sorry.

I don't want to be left out. Yeah. It's like, oh, shut up. I mean, why would I? I don't even know you. Why would I invite you? I mean, that's ridiculous. That's stupid.

That's stupid. Exactly. And you know, Beth I invite you? I mean, that's ridiculous. That's stupid. That's stupid. Exactly. And you know Bethany probably would complain about not being... If she was like, the one person who's not invited. She'd be like, it's rude. It's rude. You know, my mother never invited me to things. My mother didn't invite me to her own wedding.

That's why whenever I go to weddings, I have a fit. I cry. I cry. I can't help it. Okay, so what else happened on this show? So, Dorinda got into a fight with john so something super interesting happening this year um metal flip flops um is that people um watching how the this show polarizes like people really pick sides i think on this show more than the others because the personalities are so hardcore in New York.

But I find it very interesting, A, how many people who have turned against Bethany, which she deserves it, but also people are polarizing like Dorinda, which I don't find Dorinda polarizing at all. No. But today, you know, on our Facebook page, a lot of people are like, hate her. And today on that other podcast, the girls were like, no, don't like her. She's too much and I would never act like that with my man,

you know, at lunch or whatever because she went to dinner or lunch or whatever with her husband and they got in a fight because her daughter is more important than he is

and she's always taking the daughter's side. He made a remark. He was like, he made a passive aggressive remark when she was done eating. He was like, well, maybe you should call your daughter now or something yeah

after they'd already fought about it back up and back up fast John don't try and come between me and my daughter mr. Justin you better back it up back it up back it up at all back take off your balls mister mister he's like what I want my sequins watch those sequins right off that dress and off your attitude. I really like her. I'm finding her eyebrows fascinating. Yeah. And I also like that she doesn't seem to have had plastic surgery, right?

The daughter? No, no. Dorinda. Oh, it's kind of sick. Of course she hasn't. She's like 10. No, the daughter. I'm talking about the daughter's eyebrows.

Oh, the daughter's kind of annoying. They're so big. They're like Brooke Shields from the 80s eyebrows. The daughter's like, Mom, you're a chubby chaser. Yeah, I find that to be a, you know, I'm really impressed with her confidence. Yeah, she's annoying, but what teenager is she? Yeah, it's like reasonably annoying, you know. It's like, well, she's 21. She's not annoying the way other daughters on Real Housewives are.

She's just sort of like naturally annoying because she's young. Yeah. I mean, I'm really enjoying Dorinda. I like that you know that she's going to tell everybody off at some point. You just see that in her personality. And I actually really like her relationship with her daughter. Like when a daughter was basically saying you're a chubby chaser and Dorinda just starts like cracking up. She's like, I am. Yeah, it's true. It's true. It's true, Mr. Jetson. It's true, I like Bonnie Rubble more. If it was between

Fred and Bonnie, I'd have to look to see who had the hairier feet. I'd have to see who was ordering the dino ribs first. You know why I like fat guys? Because they're harder to clean up after and it takes more of my time. Uh... That's how she used to do on the jet set

and like buzzing around with her little... So, let's see. Dorinda, there was... Did I write anything down? Did anything happen? Oh, well, Carol went and played ping pong. Oh, Carol. I like dating again.

It's hard to do it in here because you have to be louder. The only problem I had with that whole ping pong scene, it's such a small thing, but I don't know if you noticed as the scene progressed, there were ping pong balls all over the floor. I was like, pick up your damn ping pong balls. They couldn't because the camera guys were standing there, so they couldn't do it. I know, but at the end they showed him walking out with pick up your damn ping pong balls. They couldn't because the camera guys were standing there. So they couldn't do it. I know, but at the end they showed him walking out with a basket full of ping pong balls. I was like, okay, they did it.

But I was like... Is Bravo... I'm sorry. No, I was just like, well, it just bothered me. I was like, there are balls everywhere. Yeah, I know. I noticed that too. I was like, oh, it must be fun to be a busboy whenever Bravo comes around. They're just like, ah, drop it. But is Bravo trying to make a ping pong show? Because they're really

obsessed with ping pong. Yeah. I've seen ping pong like 50,000 times on Bravo now. It's been on every show. Ping pong is the new vagina waxing. Darling,

bejazzle. Darling, we'll put a ping pong table in the pump. You don't need to come back slipping slides, darling. Darling, let's go,

let's see, Stassi plays some ping pong. We'll put it in pump. We'll call it pump pong. Ping pump. Ping pump. Darling, put a big planter on the table some ping pong. We'll put it in pong. We'll call it pump pong. Ping pong, ping pong. Darling, put a big planter on the table. They're going to hit the ball over it. All right, I want a game like ping pong.

I want to invent our own game. I want a game like ping pong, Chef Penny. But instead of hitting a ball over a net, I want it to be on a table, and then there's a net in the middle, and then you have little tennis rackets, and then you hit the ball over that net. Darling, darling, here's my idea. We'll call it tiny pong, little tennis rackets, and then you hit the ball over that net.

We'll call it tiny pong. Tiny tennis. Darling, here's what you do. You get an ice cream keeper, you make a scoop of tuna ta-ta, you put it in the freezer, and once it's hot, you start hitting it around on the ball. On the tip. Ta-ta pong. Darling, do it right now. Ta-ta ball. Very sexy. Ping ta-ta, darling.

It's called sup. Sexy, unique pong. So let's see. What else happened in this episode? Oh, Carol's dating a young guy. Okay. Which I approve of. Yeah, I mean, who cares? But I do think it's very funny how women, you know, women have this thing where they say

men have a double standard, right? Yeah. Because it's okay for a man to do it, but then whenever a woman does it, everybody makes fun of them and blah, blah, blah. Well, I'm sorry, but I see it the other way. I think that women have a double standard because they're always complaining about men dating children, and then when they do it, they say things like,

well, you know, I think when they're between the ages of 29 and 5, they understand how to treat a woman. It's like, oh, okay, oh, that's why, oh, I get it. No, I think the double standard... It's not a smooth ass. It's that you're connecting on a spiritual level really could you sound like every man who's left his wife so far no I I like what Carol's like she's basically saying that when they're really young they're too dumb to know any better when they're really old they have enough experience to know how to

like throw children but what I think the double standard is is that these women are totally shady to each other about being cuckers like oh well Sonia has a younger man I mean good for her but you know they don't believe good for her they just you know that they it's a total double standard perpetuated mainly by the women and it's yeah it's another it's a everybody's got him I guess but when she says things like oh you know age isn't a big deal really date an 80 year old then because I doubt we're ever going to see that. But I don't... I actually do agree with her bullshit excuse

that it is totally fine. I mean, I don't care. Yeah, he's hot. Why not? He's hot. He's into her, so... Yeah, I mean, I bang him younger when I can. You do what you can, y'all.

Yeah, y'all. Go for that. Just be prepared for them to leave you when you turn 60. Yeah. I think she is. I don't think she even thinks... I don't think it's like a real...

She needs to stop mentioning her age, though. You should not do that when you're dating a... Yellow. A whole bunch of yellow and some flock... What do you call that? It's fall to spring. That's why I have yellow plates. I have yellow plates and yellow dishes. What do you call it? Those yellow

pants remind me of sunshine. Some woman just walked by with a big yellow... You know what? I'm sorry. Every time I pause, it's because some other weird fashion comes by. See-through lace. Who do we blame for that? That is so 90s, like early 90s.

Remember when everybody would wear those see-through lace shirts with like a units thing under? Like a units tube dress that goes all the way down to the floor? Well, you know what? See-through lace, it reminds me of my draperies growing up and sometimes when it was like dark in the room I would open the draperies and sunshine would come through and I felt a lot happier so I'm sorry but like I really like my lace. Sorry. This is the new Ramona okay? I like see-through things. You know one time I was hungry and I was a kid and my mom wasn't home to feed me

and my father was being abusive and so I went to the refrigerator and I opened it and there were some carrot sticks in a Ziploc bag, which was see-through. So ever since then, I've loved see-through things. One time when I was younger, I was in my room and I thought it would be a wonderful day and I looked out the window, which you can see through, and I saw Geraldine Parsons-Smith coming over

and I knew it was going to be a bad day. Okay? So ever since then, I really appreciate windows because that way I can know when something bad's gonna happen. You know, if Mario was more see-through, I would have known about this a long time ago, and the new Ramona could have come out because she wasn't hidden behind a wall that wasn't see-through. Now, there's no wall in front of me. Everything's see-through. Look, it's air. It's air. It's see-through. It's the new Ramona.

One of my fondest memories was when Mario, Avery, and I went to the Corning Glass Factory, and we saw nothing but glasses, and it was just like a whole day of see-through things, okay? That was before things went bad. I used to walk behind Avery, and I would say, Avery, turn around, and then she would turn around, and I'd be looking at her through a glass, and I'd say, can you see me? And she'd say, yes, and I'd say, exactly. That's why life is wonderful. One of my favorite things to do is that when I have a beverage, I get ice in it, okay? Because when you have an ice cube, you can see through it. So you can see the beverage through your ice cube,

okay? I'm sorry. The more see-through things you eat, the more see-through you are inside, okay? It's the new Ramona. I'm starting over. See-through. My favorite movie as a young lady was The Abyss because there were aliens in the water, but the aliens were see-through, okay? My favorite television show

right now is Transparent. Because you could see through. You know what? You know what I... I'm just cracking myself up all of a sudden. I'm cracking myself up. I'm so stupid.

You know what's very important for me? Is that when I go to a salad bar that there's a sneeze guard there. Only because this way I can see through the sneeze guard and see what's in the salad bar. I hear that they have them at the La Laca Brazilian Bar, too. If I go to a buffet and there's lids on the food, I won't eat it. Give me a sneeze guard any day, okay?

I will never eat at any restaurant where the food comes out of the Silver Dome. Never. I need to see my food. I never played hide-and-seek. I almost had a nervous breakdown as a kid because I couldn't see anything. I was hiding in a closet. I almost died. You know what? The reason why I eat so much cake is because so many times I see a cake in a cake dome and I can see the cake in the cake dome and I think, okay, I can see it. I gotta eat it. I'm not even hungry. But I'm gonna eat it. I'm gonna eat it because I can see it. It's transparent. I see it right through the cake dome.

Have you ever tried to eat a glass? Don't. It hurts. Don't. Only look through it. I'm going to eat it because I can see it. It's transparent. I see it right through the cake dome. Have you ever tried to eat a glass? Don't. It hurts. Don't. Only look through it. Just look. You know what? When I read Alice through the looking glass, it really resonated with me.

You know why? Because she was looking through a glass. Okay? Oh. So, speaking of Ramona, Ramona, she's like, I went to this party, and I was talking to this guy, and he really loved my personality and my socialist. And what did she say? She said something like my business sense,

but she's like, he really liked my business acumenteries? Like, she couldn't even speak. I was like, yeah, you're a real pro. Hey, kid, what's up? How you doing? Kids love me. Did you see that? Kid just ran away from mom.

Kids wonder what this big bald baby is doing. They always look at me like you're an odd little creature, man. Did you see that? Kid just ran away from mommy. Kids wonder what this big bald baby is doing. They always look at me like you're an odd little creature, man. So she's like, I went to this party and I met this guy. And he was really impressed with my business sensitivity. And so he asked me if I wanted to be partners with him in a restaurant. And so this is our restaurant. And I just want to make it more, you know, uptown chic, downtown.

Because it's like hipster chic downtown. And it's a new Ramona. I'm like, you know he was just asking you for money, right? Yeah. That's what being a partner means. Yeah, it's like, I really want to go to a sports bar that's been designed by Ramona Singer. She's like, okay, let's turn all the TVs around. I want people actually playing sports in here.

Yeah. I don't want this to be false advertising. And I want them to carry bars, okay? But I I love it she's like I never would leave uptown but now I'm gonna come downtown because I have this because I'm a new person it's new Vermont the only reason why she decided to come on board the project is because the bars called a always I wish you could get okay away I can find a new bar a away I love Alice I can imagine the redesign she's like whoa okay whoa there's a lot of plywood in here

okay and this really is taking me back to the forest okay really reminds me of the Berkshires okay my inner soul is crying I can even hear my inner soul

crying right now okay you know what people would really like couches with plastic on them and old lady curtains and doilies okay I mean her house needs an update

that apartment yeah it looks like making Sony-year-old. Making Sonya look water. Yeah, it looks really decrepit. All right, so anyway, Ramona's going to be in some restaurant, and watching Ramona flirt with this guy is just so cute, because she's looking at his dick the whole time, and he's looking at her wallet the whole time, and she's actually thinking that this guy's after

her bug-eyed vagina. No, girl. He is after your wallet. I like the flirt. I like the flirt. It's fun. Oh, I like flirting. I like how she flirts.

She's like, so how's your day? She's like, good. How about you? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm flirting. She's like, you know, it's good. You know, the sun came out.

You know, I like sunshine. You know, who doesn't, you know? Japanese yellow plates? I do. Okay. What else? So, Ramona was boring. Okay, so now we have to talk about something real quick,

which is we didn't talk about it during the whole Bethany thing. So all the women in this episode over such a stupid thing, this is the big divide for the whole season, it looks like. Because it all started with Bethany not inviting, and now it looks like Luann, Bethany, and all these girls are going to go against the newer girls. Right. Because Luann is telling people off on Twitter now, which is hilarious.

She was live tweeting through the other night and just being a bitch. She went off on Carol. I don't know why. Well, you know why. Because these women, whatever makes them mad the first day they meet, they hold on to until the other one is dead. Luann is mad because Carol. What did Carol do that made her so mad? She like questioned her title or something she did in the first season. Oh yeah, the princess, the countess. Yes. And so she's acted like she's okay with Carol, but she's never been okay with her. Michelle

Obama, the issue, the dress too, where Luanne wanted a loner from this like Messiah that Carol introduced her to and Carol's like, you're not Michelle Obama. Yeah, you're not Obama. And Luanne was like, well, I pretty much am. Yeah. It's like, thank God I'm not cooped up in the house. I'm at a sex club on the Upper East Side getting dick in the kitchen. I mean, what's she doing?

Trying to help fat children. I mean, God. But anyway, yeah, so everybody seems to be divided because the Countess is obviously pissed. Frankly, I would expect better zingers. Because she really didn't have zingers. She said like, oh, an emoji that says sex?

Oh, give me a break. And then, what was her other ones? There were like four or five of them. Well, we know Luanne is not always the best with her put-downs. And don't forget what we have yet to see. You know, be cool. Don't be all not cool. But when she's saying, what was she going?

Oh, she was going off about, we've seen the previews for next week that she's like, oh, well, you put me in an awkward position because that's my niece and blah, blah, blah. Listen, drop the class, bitch. You were the one who went and fucked some dude at a bar barely on camera and then told Lady in broken Spanish-English French that she can't tell your boy? I mean, come on. Like, you're so classy. You took the Lady's

as a senior sex club. There's probably a fight later on in the season that has made Luann mad at Carol and now she's just going to be mad at Carol. Well, it looks like she's going to be mad at her about this thing. This does not seem very classy. She's probably just jealous because she wanted the chef. Yeah. And she's like, well, I'm not going to go

after the chef because he was dating my niece. But then Carol got him. Yeah, but Carol doesn't have to care about who your niece dated. She has nothing to do with that. Who cares? But I love that Carol's like, I haven't told Luanne but I'm gonna. She's not gonna care. And then they show her looking like

frightened. Yeah, Luanne's gonna start smashing her countess plates. Yeah, so what but I'm gonna she's not gonna care and then they show her looking like frightened yeah Luanne's gonna start smashing her countess plates yeah so what else happened on that show mainly I mean or Kristen is being

etched out though she's out of there her one scene was her getting a phone call being like oh yeah we all went to a party without you she's like oh

okay did you go the maid just made dinner the maid's like I make a pan-roasted chicken, chicken like Thai chicken. And Kristen's like, okay. Can we put some saran wrap on it?

Okay, bye. Her big story is whether or not she's going to eat her dinner later. Yeah, she's like, so if one of your friends didn't invite you to a birthday party, if you were in a new group of friends and someone didn't invite you, what would you do? She's like, I don't care. I don't care would you do she's like I don't care I don't care what people do people do whatever they want I don't care she's like yeah but what if it hurt your feelings I don't care yeah but what if everybody else

doesn't invite it I don't care she's like bitch I just made you two dinners and you haven't even eaten them and you're gonna saran wrap them and ruin them for later she's like how would you feel if one of your best friends took credit for all your work and they told you to leave before her husband got there because she's too embarrassed to admit that you do things for her? Awkward silence. I think that was it. Did Sonya do anything?

I don't think Sonya did anything. She just met the guy. Well, Sonya's banging the guy she met at the sex club or whatever and he's like a weird lip licker. I can't with that guy. This is him. He's like... Well, the best is his friend comes, as we mentioned before,

as the plus one. His gay friend. His gay friend is like, oh yeah. He's like, hey girl, I gave you my number at the fashion show. And Sonya's like, oh yeah, whoops, the small world. I'm like, don't worry, Sonya. He just wanted to go shopping with you. Yeah, no pity. She's like, oh, that's right,

pickles, right? Pickles? Come on in, pickles. Where have you been? Pickles, did you fix his beard on number three yet? Pickles has been fixing my Peugeot. But, you know, so she's banging a guy who's, I think, what was he, 21 or something? Like, he's really young. He's young and hot. I'd say all the power to you.

Carol's banging a young one. And so, of course, Bethany, who's so thrilled with her life and so happy, stands up at her birthday party and is like, Well, first, I'd like to give a toast to cougars because we're all cougars now. The art of cougars. Wow, wow. It's like even in your fucking birthday speech, you have to be critical of people. Can you just stop being a bitch? And the only reason I'm bringing that up again is because the episode did that, too.

Did you notice that? Like, they went four weeks in time. And Carol's like, oh, now I've been dating this guy a few weeks and we're playing ping pong. And then we're back at the night of Bethany's birthday dancing on tables. And I was like, let's let it go, guys. Yeah. This is not fucking, what's that movie where everything went backwards? Memento. Yeah. It's not Memento. All right, John. Yeah. Um, so what else happened on New York? I think that's all the big ones, right? Yeah, I think that's it. Okay, so now we're in the car and we're leaving the mall. Yeah. And we actually lost half of that podcast because I hit the table and we can't do that because of stupid cord shakes and it broke the computer and hurt our pot.

Anyway, we lost like an hour of the podcast. I'm here to buy a new microphone so we never have to deal with this problem ever again. Yeah, so we thought screw it deal with this problem ever again. Yeah, so we thought, screw it, because we did that other podcast. We did two of their episodes today, and oh my god, they were so fun. They were just like really cool chicks, so it was just a nice conversation,

but we did that, and then we've been talking in the car, and then we did the mall podcast, and we were like, you know what? Fuck the Shaws and fuck Southern Charm. We're done. We're not recording again more banter on these two shows. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

So we were like, screw it, and we got in the car and then we started talking and I was like, oh, this is a perfect time. So now I'm recording this on my cell phone.

I don't know if it's going to work, but since we've already started the day with shitty podcast quality... Yeah, I mean, why not? It probably sounds better than the mall. So we're currently trying to get out

of the Glendale Galleria, so... Darling, there so um darling and just so many look at all these cars chef penny quick get to the intersection direct traffic pandy put some salt and paper checkers that's a big target girl oh sorry you go ahead y'all you were in the right to cross you were in the right they're cute i like she has a kid in every sport this is like the cute side of the mall. This is where, so something that's very important that was perhaps lost in our great technical snafu of 2015 was that a big old hunky guy showed up at the food court at Chipotle. That guy was so hot. And.

He was like the right amount of fat. Like he was, he wasn't like fat, but he was like kind of built. But like he was he wasn't like fat but he was um like kind of built but i mean i like that i like yeah he was tall he eats but he wasn't like huge you know he had a handsome face he wasn't really my style but he had a handsome face for sure and given the other gentlemen who were at the mall it was definitely a step up well that's the thing i mean you automatically win in Burbank. Yeah. Well, we're in Glendale now.

Oh, whatever. Same death. Okay, let's do... Let's re-talk about those shows. Okay, pretend we didn't talk about anything. Yes. Yes, okay. All right, so Shaws of Sunset. Okay.

Oh, my God. What did you think about Shaws of Sunset? You know, here are my thoughts on Shaws of Sunset. So, Jessica, she's a real problem lady. She, she, you know what she, this is one thing I said, you know, I'm going to stop saying this is something I said, cause no one knows what I said. So I'm going to say it as if I said it for the first time. You can repeat. I'm not just feeling like there's someone looking over my shoulder being like, you already said that then. Yeah. You've

already said that. I say the same things like every week. I forget that. So, um, but here's the thing with Jessica. When Mike was like, you know what, I want to have a reconciliation dinner. I want like, you know, I want us to like, I want us to mend everything. And Jessica's like, all right, I will go. But I want you to know I'm doing this for you. I'm only doing this for you. And I fucking hate that.

I hate when people say that. It's so manipulative. It's like a running tab of all the things they've done for you. I'm only doing this for you. And I fucking hate that. I hate when people say that. It's so manipulative. It's like a running tab of all the things they've done for you. They're going to hold it against you. And I think that Jessica, she just wants to marry a man and she's afraid. This is her goal. And she doesn't want to lose it. So therefore she's going to perpetually remind him

of all the reasons why he should keep her because she did this for him and she did this for him. I shaved your back plucked your knees and turned your butt hair into a heart you are not gonna do so baby she's one of those women who or one of those people frankly yeah people in this case one of those women who doesn't even matter who she marries because she's gonna browbeat and try and change and ultimately resent whoever the fuck it is because everybody surrounding her has a problem.

Nothing's wrong with her. You know, her frogger face is just fine to walk around with. Like, nothing's wrong with her. You know, it's everybody surrounding her. And I've always kind of stuck up for Jessica. Because I know that it must be hard entering a group of friends like that who are way too old to be that trashy. They do screw each other over all the time. They are bad.

But Mike is not only part of that. He is that. So for you to marry him and then try and make him, not only make him not like that, but then suddenly not hang out with his friends. Like, she didn't start that with this Gigi incident. She wasn't letting him hang out with him for years. Yeah, she knew what she was signing up for. And she, now she's mad at the situation. It's like, oh, I'm sorry, lady. You know, she knew what she was signing up for and now she's mad at the situation. It's like, oh, I'm sorry, lady.

You know, you knew. You knew what you were getting into and you can't get involved with someone and then ask them to abandon their friends or ask them to change their friends, whatever. That's really not fair to do to someone, even if the friends are assholes. And even if Mike is a lowlife, you know what? You know what you get involved with. And the thing is, she's probably the type that when she makes some breakfast in the morning she's like see aren't i a good girlfriend see do you like that see i always make you breakfast aren't

i so great see see she's like constantly probably like proving herself to him in a sense that like he now probably feels indebted to her in certain ways he probably feels like or whenever she's immediately like i made you eggs yeah she's like evidence she's like building evidence at all times building a case for herself and it's totally manipulative well she showed up at this dinner she got i don't know what that restaurant was but those martinis are gigantic so i would love a lunch there but she gets this martini she's drinking it. She's being like a bitch the whole time. Also walks in. It's like, hey, trying to talk about her ring. And she's just getting pure eyes from Mike and Jessica.

Yeah. And then MJ comes in and makes an effort. And MJ at least says, you know, what's the deal with me just seeing this now? And how come I haven't seen it? And Jessica just starts laying into them. She's like, first of all, I don't give a fuck about any of you guys. And second of all, you know, you did that to us at this party and your friend gone that far and it humiliated me. Who do you think that hurt?

Hurt? No, me. It hurt me. First of all, what hurt you is that your husband was, what should have hurt you is that your about to be husband was like to fuck somebody on a cast trip, and you can't trust him for shit. What should bother you about that party is that your would-be husband is walking around talking about people's racks and their faces and who he fucked and who he's not, and probably who he did and who he didn't, let's face it. Right. I mean, girl, you're worried about the wrong things. And to be telling people, like, screaming and waving their finger in the face with your frogger face,

that you don't give a fuck about them, you don't want to work anything out. Get the fuck out of here. Get your own spinoff, which is never going to happen, darling. Darling, darling, Chef Penny, cancel that sitcom right away.

They've already made botched. Throw out that tuna tartare. There will be no premiere party for Jessica's spinoff. But the thing is that, like, the thing is that at one point, Jessica mentions her word. But the thing is that, like, the thing is that at one point, Jessica mentions her word. I don't remember why, but she's... Oh, no, she didn't mention it.

Asa said, the reason I didn't tell you is because I gave my word. Do you understand? Like, I gave her my word. She goes, I don't give a fuck if you gave a pinky swear. You swore on your mother's grave.

And she said, but my word means a lot to me. Do you understand that? And she goes, oh my word means a lot to me. Do you understand that? And she goes, Oh, my word means everything to me. Jessica. Are you listening?

And also it's like, well, so then maybe you can understand basically like, so if like, if you understand how important your word is to you, why can't you understand how important my word is to me? And it's like, that's not the point.

Did you drive to the best buy? And did you know that you were going to call my husband a whore? Bling, bling, bling, bling. It's like a slurial. Bling, bling, bling, bling. A slurial. I'll talk right when I can properly open my face again! Did Mike not take Gigi to the Best Buy and try to have sex with her in the phone booth? I love that no argument is even about what Mike did.

It's just that they knew that Gigi... And look, she's right on that. They did know that Gigi was going to do that at that party. Everybody knew. We don't know Gigi, and we knew she was going to do it. And they should have given him a heads up. But they didn't get over it. It's not the biggest thing in the world.

Be mad at your husband for sticking his hairy-ass dick into everything, woman. And then Reza basically is kind of like, kind of essentially says, like, well, we have no allegiance to you. We don't see you at all, and you think I'm evil. And she's like, I never said that you're evil. If Mike said that, that's a lie. I don't think you're a good person, though.

And he's like, oh, thanks. Oh, really? So Mike's a liar now? I just thought the argument was that Mike wouldn't lie. Shut up, lady. Yeah. So, yeah. So Reza screamed at her, which was nice.

Yeah. And it looks like they're just not going to be friends anymore. Because they're still fighting on Instagram. I mean, look. You're not even fighting on Twitter, darling. You're fighting on Instagram. Of course, this cast has to fight in pictures, you know. God forbid you use your words, people.

Well, Jessica has berated Mike so many times for making a drunken fool of himself and getting into fights. And that's exactly what she did. She was just like a shrieking, awful, drunk person. Awful, drunk girl. And, you know, they may be assholes and they may be immature, but she reveals herself to be a spoiled brat. She's fucking awful. She just needs to get over it.

And then she starts up with Asa at the valet stand, like, I can't do it! I can't be funny! I'm not doing it with her! I'm not doing it! Like, Asa had walked away calmly. She's like, I'm not doing this! Like, no one's fighting with you, Tamara. What are you talking about?

You're just sitting there drawing a fit by yourself. Did someone ask you to be mature? Is that what you're not doing? I don't know. She's an idiot. Alright, so going backwards, MJ got some naked pictures taken for her man. Yeah. Which, you know, like... I love you like kelp.

Yeah. Our love is growing faster than weeds in the ocean. Yeah. He's like, wow. Yeah. our love is growing faster than weeds in the ocean yeah he's like wow yeah and i i have a hard time looking at mj's naked photo only because to me it looks like vita she's like she's doing her lipstick like vita does now and it's just all i can see is just like naked vita and it's really unappetizing i can't watch it because her boobs are almost as big as mine now it's getting

disturbing but i do like that she's doing doing this faux try and win the fat lady audience by saying, oh, well, finally I'm comfortable with my body. Bitch, you've been in a bikini for three years. You weren't uncomfortable then. Trust me. Yeah, exactly. She's always having this declaration of loving her body.

She's going to come out with some book about eating kebabs in bed or something any day now oh yeah it's gonna be like how to keep your figure ladies am i right yeah what you know good for her so it's a dietary cookbook except dietary book except it doesn't give any advice on how to lose weight it's like okay if you want to gain weight I recommend three Boston cream pies every morning she's like chapter one the Baconator if you want to turn your man on

in bed, smell like bacon. Chocolate croissants and sliders. She was cute. I'm pretty much liking her so far. Yeah, of course. I love her. She's funny. She's got a nice little boyfriend. What else happened on that? So, Gigi, the other big story was that Gigi went and got a new lie detector because she

demands decent customer service. Justice needs to be served. And I love that this other guy is like, well, this machine is totally different because it's computerized. And we all know how great computers are since ours just crashed and took away a fucking hour of our life. Yeah. But so she goes and she passes and she starts crying like it's the end of the accused. And Jodie Foster just like got a ribbon for something. They're like, congratulations Jodie

you get to take home that pinball machine. She's like, thank you. So she's crying like she just made it to the end of a Lifetime movie and it's like, listen bitch it's not that people didn't believe Mike tried to fuck you of course he did. Mike has tried to fuck everything he's probably tried to fuck his family pet.

Like no one didn't believe that. It's that you brought it up at a party to try and ruin his relationship on purpose because you're jealous. Exactly. You little whore. Like, that's the difference. Yeah, if Gigi had simply, you know, approached Mike like a normal person, then none of this probably would have happened. Yeah, she's an idiot. She didn't even care. I think it was all some Instagram thing

she got mad about. That's so dumb. Like that's where the fights originate. That's why it's so hard to even talk about it sometimes because when you read the online stuff about it you're like oh that's why they're fighting because of an Instagram post. And then next year they're going to be best friends again. Yeah. You know just the way that

Gigi and MJ are totally tight. After a full season of them, like, screaming at each other. Yeah. And now all of a sudden, they're besties. Well, two, because one season, it was Gigi. The first season was Gigi was a raging alcoholic. And the second season, MJ was a raging alcoholic. Basically.

Yeah. So that's pretty much that. And then Asa had a protest oh god the show las vegas seafood buffet she did like a multicultural poor people um version of nonsense in front of the fresh and easy yeah where they where she uh quoted uh shaka khan it was like i'm every woman i'm every woman she's like it was the most confusing protest of all because she's like you know what there's so much oppression There's so much oppression and the robe, you know, the robe represents oppression, but it's beautiful. And it's like, you know,

now we're all one. The robe has unified us, but I just want to show it's your choice. So if you don't want to be part of womanhood and us being together as one big group, that's your choice. What? Yeah. She's so, it's very interesting. It's like women rights are super important if you want them. And if you don't, you don't need them. No, everybody needs them.

Okay. I like that. Reza said, ban that shit. Oh my God. Look at that weird homeless person. What is he doing? Oh yeah.

Now we're by Griffith Park. He's doing like Marlon. He's got Marlon Brando from what's that? He's like a mime on top and he's wearing black speedos and nothing else sitting cross like it and just shaking his head going left like shaking it's like he's meditating but he's he's just meditating no don't focus on no darling focus on yes all right handy handy go report on this you're shaking no why would i give you a dollar darling get claudia jordan she's a great journalist let's have a breaking story on the divine addiction.

Bruce Jenner being interviewed by Claudia Jordan. Do you like comedy? So, like, why didn't you stay in therapy, Bruce? Bruce, you stop edges. Go, girl. So, um, okay. So, Asa's thing was terrible

and she's made art and put it on the internet, so let's see if it went viral. I didn't check, but I wanted to see if that video actually did go viral. Probably not, because it was so incoherent on its own. It's not like having sex with a cast member of your show, okay? Things don't instantly go viral, darling. Darling, even though you went from a Buffalo Wild Wings, it still did not go viral, I'm sorry to say. Next time do it for a Bennegan's.

With all that fresh and easy promoting. I ran probably saw that and was like, fuck women's rights. Let's get a fresh and easy. Here. Darling, if you want your video to take off, you do it in front of a Wabba Grill. Everyone knows that. All right. So that was pretty much that in a nutshell.

All right. Let's get to, since we're center of Hollywood now. We're almost home. Let's Southern Charm it really quick. Let's Southern Charm it. So, um, uh, so the episode began with Shep ironing his shirt on a sideboard, which I really loved. But what's so funny to me is that Shep can iron a shirt on a sideboard, but if it was

Craig, we'd all be like, well, he is an alcoholic. Oh my God. What a mess. Yeah. But the difference is that Shep has money and he can pretty much do whatever he wants. And he's like funny and friendly and smart. And Craig is an alcoholic and he's a mess. So if he does that, yeah, he is a mess.

Yeah, Craig doesn't know how to pronounce lapel. That's another thing we learned. It's a lapel. How did you go to law school and you don't know how to pronounce lapel, dude? Come on. Well, it's the same thing because Chef committed a fashion faux pas by wearing a navy blazer with black pants, which you would think would be the source of the ridicule. But then Craig is like, yeah, man, the pants have to match the lapel. And Chef's like, did you just say lapel?

Did you say lapel? It's lapel, dude. It's lapel. He just said lapel. He had lapel. He doesn't know what a lapel is, dude. He doesn't know what a lapel is, dude. He doesn't know what a lapel is, dude. And then everyone's laughing at Craig.

That's what happens when you're rich and attractive and everyone likes you. You can just pretty much deflect over your own fashion photo. You both did something quote unquote wrong. But when you're rich and you're popular, no one cares about what you did wrong. Another thing that happened, Patricia had an all-man dinner

because she doesn't want to deal with female drama. And quite frankly, I just don't have time for it. I'm not in the mood. If no one else is going to wear a caftan with a white boa hot-glued to it, there's nobody else to compete with. I wanted to glue little miniature alligators onto the caftan, but they just would not stick. I can't tell you how manyigators onto the caftan, but they just would not stick. I can't tell you how many times I rang the bell for my butler with a

glue gun, but nothing would work. Women these days don't approve of me-ma food the way that boys do. Put a mac and cheese in front of any man and he'll love it. I want Whitney to see no woman except for me. Yeah, no kidding. Still has the claw bangs. Whitney is... If that bitch ever rang a bell, if anybody ever rings a bell for me, that's it. I'm going to fucking murder them. Who does that?

I will allow Patricia to ring a bell, because I love Patricia on this show. I love watching her, but I do not want to meet her, know her, or ever have anyone like her in my life. Again, I said again, again, all right? We decided that Patricia is Lucille Bluth and Whitney is Michael. Michael, Lindsay, and Buster all rolled into one. He's codependent like Buster. He's got like some of Michael's brains and he goes on useless money

wasting endeavors like Lindsay. Yeah. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

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Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Conscious Lee what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History Month exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this

show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Yeah, a bunch of loos in one man. Congratulations, Whit. So the dinner was guys night because Patricia just wants to hang out with guys. And Cooper, of course, comes along and he's like, you know what guys

like to talk about at dinner? Tradition. Charleston history. Charleston. Oh, back in 1691 this was a relevant world city. And we had slaves on every corner. Those were the days, weren't they, Ma? When you didn't have to ring a bell, a slave would just appear because it knew.

It knew. You just had the slaves sleeping under the table. When slavery became illegal, we all had to buy bells so the white people would know it's time to come inside. And there was no such thing as gay rots rights we didn't like the gays back then cooper's like i don't even need gay rights now who needs them you would have tired and feathered me and i would have loved it because it was part of the tradition listen part of the reason i'm upset that no one's bashed me for being gay yet is i've always wanted to be hung. It's one thing I've always wanted.

God bless Cooper. That self-hating little faggito burrito. Who would be a gay man? What self-respecting gay man would not only move to a town that probably hates gays and where he's never going to get gay rights, but then throws a ball, a founder's ball, when he's not there because he can't get into the real one. Oh, that's just sad. I think the great sub-story of this season has been Craig and Cooper's attempts to get into high society. Craig is from the talented Mr. Ripley vein, and Cooper is just from...

I don't know where Cooper is from. I wish Craig was from the talented Mr. Ripley vein. At least talented Mr. Ripley tried to take on some of the qualities. Like maybe he would start reading books or doing his work or making an effort. Cooper is the great Gatsby. You know, he's this guy who will never be part of high society, but he'll throw parties that'll make him feel like he's part of it. And Craig is just like trying to be like Shep,

and he'll never understand why he just isn't. Cooper was just so sad because he throws this huge ball because he can't be invited to the other one. Then he sends out invitations that are so homophobic that if any straight person ever sent that out, they'd be completely lit on fire, at least here. I don't know about there, but he sends invitations out to say every lady must be accompanied by a gentleman what how dare you and then they all they all like give him throw some shade at him like in interviews they're like oh well you know it's so funny because the ball the whole point of a ball is for a way if you're going to be announced it's that way a lady can meet a man and if but if we

have a partner then how are we going to meet we meet? Oh, so sad. And he's like, listen, this is a very classy event. No riffraff. Get all those leaves off the floor. And then what does he do? He puts on a fake British accent and announces the people as they come in by himself. Poor thing. And Patricia's like, well, he's like, Mr. and Mrs.

The guy who works at the bank and his secretary. And Patricia's like, well, he's not Truman Capote, and this isn't the black and white ball, but, you know, it's a start, which means it will, it's not a start. Never try this again. It was terrible. There were dogs. You know Patricia doesn't expect you

when she shows up in one of her Mrs. Roper bathrobes. What the fuck are you doing? It's a formal event, lady. Well, she knew it wasn't a real event. She's like, I rang a bell and nobody came. I had an alligator dressment today. And Whitney's like, I don't see the

point of dancing. Who wants to exercise while they drink? Shut up. That poor girl. I'm really liking that Jennifer girl, though. That friend of. Oh, yeah. Who at first got in trouble for having sex with Thomas or whatever. And now she's become a friend of Catherine yeah who at first got in trouble for having sex with thomas or whatever and now she's become a friend of katherine's and she's really nice and cute and stupid whitney was sitting there at the table yeah and he's like i just don't understand

exercising while you're drinking i don't get the point she's like well i sure do sitting there all alone no one's asking her to dance he's like no, no. He's like, hey, you want to come to the Renob concert? Oh, God. We're singing a song called Cuff. Guess what that means. We forgot to talk about, by the way, Patricia's Pet Sematary from last week. Oh, the Pet Sematary. Oh, ashes from all around the world. God, can you imagine how many dogs have died in that home?

Oh, gosh. You know it's just a ton of them. Just nothing but urns everywhere. I want to do Pet Cemetery, but I don't want a baby to die at the beginning by getting hit by a semi-truck like that awful Cretan Stephen King did it. I want it to be beautiful

and meaningful. Whitney's gonna do a documentary. It's gonna be called Ashes to Ashes in Search of a Pet Cemetery. He's gonna ask everyone in town where the pet cemetery is, and he's gonna do a documentary. It's gonna be called Ashes to Ashes in Search of a Pet Cemetery. He's gonna ask everyone in town where the pet cemetery is and he's gonna come home to mama. And I'm gonna give him a big hug and be like, it was here all along. Really, the only

reason I funded all these documentaries for Whitney is because I wanted people to know that he is a man who's ready to ask for directions. I named my favorite parakeet Whitney and the par parakeet died, and he's at the cemetery, and Whitney's going to dig him up. There's going to be an exposition in the documentary, and everyone's going to be shocked to find out that the parakeet was actually a cockatiel.

Oh, Whitney's like, hello, mother. Hello, darling. And so it's all the guys tonight, huh? Yes, darling. Oh, it's just masturbating to porn. I get it, darling. You're young. But I love how the big fight of the episode was Thomas being,

Whitney being like, I think you should have used those ads. They were great. And Thomas is like, the Washington Post has made fun of me. My numbers went down. I hate numbers. He's like, well, all these people are talking about you. He's like, no, my numbers went down. That's $150,000 down the drain.

And then, then basically, but you're just like, let's go to the drawing room. And then it was over. Well, I love that, uh,

that whole fight was so funny to me because Whitney's so full of shit. He's like, that got you so much attention. Seattle times, New York times, Los Angeles times, all negative. Like,

yeah, it's not all, all attention is not good attention in politics, you dumb-dumb. Jesus. Also, my big question is, like, how would you vote for Thomas? Thomas is so fucking moronic. Okay, this is how stupid this guy is. How long...

How far away is the election? Like, 20 days or something, I think they said. Yeah. Do they not have polling? Because that guy got 4% of the vote, right? Yeah, his numbers were down to 8% and he's... He got like 4% of the vote. That's not even close.

He should not be filming on a reality show. He needs to be like getting out there. Girl, don't be spending money on ads. He spent... Excuse me. It said... I guess he implied that he spent upwards of a million dollars. Oh, God. Do you know how many Cather spent upwards of a million dollars. Oh, God.

Do you know how many Catherines that could have bought? Oh, my God. Catherine. Meanwhile, Catherine. You could have switched her out by now, darling. Catherine continues to be really upset about the type of situation. I thought hepatitis C wasn't curable. Isn't hepatitis C the one that you can't cure?

Ron is talking about a billboard in case you're... He wasn't making a reference to Catherine. And what an awkward bus bench to have to sit on. Were you guys out of the fucking next Pixar cartoon billboard? Where's the hot pursuit bus shelter? When you're sitting in the middle of that, it just says

Hep C and then you. And then you pass Marilyn on a fucking thing, of course. Marilyn Monroe. Long live Marilyn in heaven. Chef Penny. We're going to so... Marilyn Monroe. Long live Marilyn in heaven, darling. Chef Penny. We're gonna have a Marilyn Monroe. Chef Penny. Alright. Try and get Marilyn in here for the opening, darling. I want a real celebrity. Alright?

I like how we, at this point, reassigned Chef Penny to every task. Chef Penny, I need a new shoe. Quick, get the car. Oh, thank God they're remaking Poltergeist. That's what we needed. Look, get the car. Oh, thank God they're remaking Poltergeist. That's what we needed. Look, it's Jessica.

It looks like Jessica. That scary clown face. Chef Penny, do not say Poltergeist. You have a fragile heart. You know what's good for your heart, darling? Butter and eggs. That's what we need. Chef Penny, there's a pigeon in the road. Get it.

Get the pigeon out of the road, Chef Penny. It's called Squab. It's called Squab. Get it, darling. Tie its feet. Throw it in the oven, darling. Get it. Get the pigeon out of the road, Chef Penny. It's called squab. It's called squab. Get it, darling. Tie its feet. Throw it in the oven, darling. Low heat. Low heat, darling.

Go, Chef Penny, go. Retain its juice. Pandy, hold the net. Chef Penny, get the pigeon in the net. Oh, Pandy ate it. Darling, Pandy, darling. You swallowed that pigeon. That could have fed a family.

Pandy, okay. I mean a poor family. Pandy, tell us about pigeon fashion. Put it on the Divine Addiction. What's in for pigeons? Can't say pigeon without saying in. Go! Pigeon fashion show right now. Pop! Right away! Right away!

Pigeons are really into pooping on shoulders, mummy. Good, darling. Press. Get it to press. Darling. Oh my goodness. Darling. Call the Blue Jays. Okay, if you're gonna be a drag queen, don't do it in Eddie Munster garb. Like, that's the weirdest

drag queen I've ever seen. He's like, I'm going to be Eddie Munster, but with boobs. And combat boobs. Darling, there's an ad up on that building that says, we're back pitches. Is that in reference to cricket? Is there going to be a cricket tournament on pitches? Darling. We're back pitches. Darling, we have to do the food for it. We have to cater it.

Aw. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not giving money to a perfectly healthy, good-looking white man. Get out of here, you privileged motherfucker. Get a job. There's a homeless person walking by our car. Yeah, a hot white guy. Only in L.A. Is there a hot 25-year-old white guy asking you for a dollar?

Get the fuck out of here. People practically hand you money. Shut up. So anyway, we were talking about, oh, Catherine on Southern Charm. I loved how, so Catherine was mad because Thomas went to the founder's ball early to make sure he could

talk to people and get his face in, whatever. And Thomas did make a point. He said, you know, when you're campaigning, you can't waste time. You have to be out there getting face time with every single person so then Catherine's like well he's paying attention to everyone except the one

person who matters it's like oh Catherine if you think you matter oh honey because he paid so much attention to you before you trapped him I mean he didn't give her any attention he got drunk and fucked her one night now she's like why isn't he paying attention to me I don't know.

He showed you so much respect before. That's just crazy. I love when it cuts to Thomas and he goes, well, you know, I think she wants me to marry her. I'm like, ugh. She just gave herself stretch marks in the year of obesity. Of course she wants you to marry her, you moron. What do you think she's doing? But, you know, politics come first.

Actually, you should have married her for politics. This is how bad you are at politics. Yeah, it's true. And she's also bad at, she's like, she's like, I want to be there to support him. Well, if you want to support him, you have to slap on a smiley face and pretend nothing's wrong. Don't you know anything about being a politician's wife? No, she's, you know, she has an excuse in a way cause she's young and stupid. He does not. And he's just getting so much worse and she's sitting there whining, trying to play games with him like, I'm not mad, oh really, you think I'm mad?

where would I be mad? you think he hasn't played those games with like oh my god, that's like a thin, non-in-jail Apollo up there that guy's hot that guy's hot, right? I still would have voted for Thomas. I wouldn't have. The system is so broke, I think, why not put someone like Thomas in there?

I mean, they're all... Well, at least you know. They're all doing... They're all messed up. I mean, there was just another senator or congressman or whoever, politician, caught on Grindr just yesterday sending his dick pic after he just, you know, after he has, like, initiated anti-gay legislation. Oh, God. Yeah, so I'd rather have someone like Thomas Ravenel, whose

shitty things and shitty judgments out there, at least, like, shitty judgment in terms of dealing with people, but, you know, at least he's, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not, don't get, don't get me started. Don't even get me started. Yeah, I think it's all bullshit. I just stopped paying attention to it. I can't. I can't.

We are now approaching Runyon Canyon, which means that we should be hopefully seeing some shirtless gentlemen. Oh, thank God. Which we deserve to see. We're about to meet some good-looking people. It's like there's two blocks in this neighborhood. I know. After spending three hours with the Glendale Galleria crew, we deserve to see some shirtless...

Yeah, after that Glendale Galleria, I need a parade of hot men to shower me with their ignoring. I need to be showered by to shower me with their ignoring. I need to be showered by non-attention from hot people. It's 93 degrees out. Fucking ugly people staring at me. No. This is the primary. Hot people ignoring me, darling.

This is the primary because what happens is, because this is my area, hot shirtless guys go to the gyms. They come down Hull Bar right here. Then they leave the gyms. They go up that way. Then they go up and down towards Runyon Canyon. Darling, darling. This is where us overweight people are like, thank God it's over.

There's a pizza place right at the end. Darling, get some Italian ice out for the hot people. They need to be cooled down. Max. Max. Darling, bring some more water. Pandi. Get a juicy juice for your sister.

Max, darling. Get a Capri Sun. I'm so sorry that the gluten-free revolution has killed your job, darling. No one's asking for bread anymore. Actually, you know, I asked for bread when I went to pump. They looked at me like I was the fattest thing they've ever seen. They were horrified. And then they brought me out sandwich bread.

Like that they had toasted, like a pumpernickel swirl of sandwich bread. It was so awkward on this little side plate with like a little pat of butter and he's like will this do? I was like oh really? Come on. Seriously? Look around here. Seriously?

It's all of Oklahoma in here. I know I'm not the only person asking for gluten bitch. Darling I'm so sorry this is the only bread we only serve pumpernickel at Pump. And if I open up a restaurant called Wheat, then we'll serve Wheat, but that's it. If you want a Kaiser Roll, you have to go to my other restaurant called Pie. When I want to do an all-protein restaurant, I'll call it Death Breath, darling, alright?

Everyone who eats here will have Death Breath, but have you ever done an all-protein diet? I've never been able to cut carbs out. That's like the kill room of an animal shelter in your out. That's like, that's like the kill room of a animal shelter in your, in your stomach. Stinky.

That's disgusting. Stinky, stinky. So are we done with all this? I think so. You guys, you are such good. Um,

you're such a good audience. We did the first part of this in a mall where it was noisy and we did the second part in a car. Yeah. And if things didn't make sense, cause we're noticing things on the side of the street, we're sorry, but just try to put together the pieces as we talk.

Yeah, we just wanted to at least finish this damn podcast for the day. We have officially talked for four and a half hours. Darling, we're right under MJ's apartment. Look, maybe let's stand outside the door. MJ. MJ, darling. There's a white Mercedes parked across from MJ, so maybe... Oh, God, yes. Probably... Oh, God. Oh, yeah, those are total armies.

Darling, why won't this open up armies they're in the Armenian army darling alright everybody we'll see you next time thanks so much for listening bye how do I stop this oh my god is it going to take my fingerprint again darling stop it bye if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet.

The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer.

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Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.