Watch What Crappens - #1813 RHODubai: Bother of the Bride

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

Caroline Stanbury finally marries Sergio on this week's Real Housewives of Dubai, and the Ladies of London jump all over Ayan for trying to steal the spotlight. Will any falcons on trapezes strap sparklers to their necks for the occasion? Find all of our premium bonuses and video recaps at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm a new boss manager. I'm a kid. I'm a boss. I'm a kid. I'm a boss. I'm a new boss. Hello, and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo.

That we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karam. Hey, Ronnie, how's it going? Well, hello, Ben. What's new with you? Not a damn thing, man, but everything's good. Happy to be here. It's been a while since we've recapped the real housewives of Dubai. I know.

That's what we're doing today. It's very exciting. I've tried to think if we have anything to announce, well, the top of the show today. One thing is you guys have been asking for Mary to medicine recap. So we're not going to recap the whole season, but we are going to do a check-in next week, check-in recap, instead of this one. So that'll be out on Wednesday next week. So watch Mary to medicine. If you're not watching it, you're missing out. It's a great show.

And another thing is on Monday nights is our live show over on Spotify Live. It's at 7 p.m. Pacific time. It's called Take a Seat. It's like a call and show, like kind of an old school call and radio show. So come join us for that. And we are also joining up with Comcast Xfinity to do a new segment that kind of harkens back

to our old Crappens mail bag. You guys can leave a voice mail with a question and you know we'll have a segment in the show starting I guess next month or so. So if you want to call in and leave a question you can. The phone number is Ben, do you have the phone number? I have the phone number. It's 2137, 725, 704, 3. That's 213, 725, 704, 3.

The voice mailbox is only gonna be available for a limited time. So if you have any pressing questions, leave them, and we're gonna hopefully we'll be able to read yours on the air. Like Ronnie said, it's like, it's like the crap and mail bag meets crap and know, hopefully we'll be able to read yours on the air. And like Ronnie said, it's like, it's like the crap in's mailbag meets crap in spotlight. All mixed up together. Really excited for that.

So that is presented boy, extremely mobile. Yes. Okay. So let's get into the show. It's a very big episode, guys. I'm very bag. Caroline Stambury and Sergio. Got it. Getting married.alo, getting married. Yes. Finally getting married. Oh, the romance. My favorite thing on Bravo, a wedding. My favorite, favorite thing.

Watching, now listen, I hate to be coming from a negative place. But I'm negative, by the way, I forgot to mention, I'm negative. No more COVID for me. At long last, I'm testing negative. Oh, congrats. You're coming in from a negative place and more ways than one.

I'm coming from a literal negative place. So, anyway, I was like, I was so excited. Like, when I tested negative yesterday for like the first time in like 14 days. I was like, you know, I'm gonna say on the podcast, I'm gonna say, I'm coming today from a negative place and then I forgot to even say it. So I'm like, wow, that was a great rehearsed joke I did. So. You got it in there, you got it in there.

I wedged it in, I wedged it in. So go ahead, come from a negative place then. I'm waiting for the negativity, okay? It's like you're like dinner's ready, but then you don't feed me. I need my negativity, feed me. My negativity you're like, dinner's ready, but then you don't feed me. I need my negativity. Feed me. My negativity is that I fucking hate weddings on Bravo.

Like I need them to be like one, maybe two scenes. I cannot deal with extended storylines of weddings. I cannot deal with weddings spin offs. And I just, I'm not here to sit and watch a wedding ceremony. I barely like going to weddings in real life. So I definitely don't want to see them like seen after seen, unless there's drama happening. But I don't need to see the dancing.

I don't need to see the toast. I don't need to see those moments of like, oh my God, they're in a wedding dress. I don't need to see the, I don't need to see like, like getting into the glam for the wedding. I don't need to see kids coming in saying like, oh my God, you look so pretty. I don't need to see kids coming in and saying, like, oh my God, you look so pretty. I don't need parents coming in and saying,

like, you look so beautiful. I'm not one year old child. I don't need to see any of it. It's not what I tune in for Bravo for. Yeah, you know where else I don't need to see that? Real life. Okay, I don't need it in real life either. Okay, I'm old enough to be sick of fucking weddings.

So if you're thinking of inviting to me, when me to one, go fuck yourself, okay? I don't want to those little Facebook, like I'm raising money on my wedding for, you know, cancer in, you know, squirrels or whatever it is. Maybe I'll give a dollar to that, but stop inviting me to your weddings, they're disgusting, okay? I also don't need to see how many weeks old your baby is.

Except for trying to just had a baby. We love yours. We love your baby, you know. No friend who just had a baby. We love yours. We love your baby, amen. No, I'm excited for my friends who have babies. I'm excited, I think it's wonderful. But every single week, I don't need to see your baby in the grass with some sort of like number written in pebbles. I don't need to see it.

It gets great for you. Keep it for your own album, and you can look back on it. But I don't need the update every week. I'm sorry. You guys want to see, you guys want to see an update for me every single week of like my plans. No, you don't. But we get one. No, you get one every like two or three weeks. Yeah, it's okay. Okay, so where we stopped, we talked about, we've talked about this a little on our bonus, but where we stopped the little, the last episode was Sarah has been, Sarah went over to dinner at Brooks, Brooks's house and Brooks's best friend is there with his brother.

Are they really brothers or are they lovers just saying that their brothers because they don't want to get in trouble into buy? I'm not, they're. Are they really brothers? Do we know? Maybe they're brother lovers. Hot. So, yeah. So anyway, they got into it because Brooks was trying to, you know, project this image.

But she had her servant there. I mean, I don't know. Hernani, whatever you call her. And she's trying to be very fancy basically. And being like, well, my son is going to boarding school. Yeah, immediately. Like, we signed my son up for a morning school at me. Yeah, I think I'm taking until he was 11. And Stambury was like, yeah, well, that traumatized me. So, so everybody's sour on this idea. So then she has Sarah over and she's trying

to have this fancy dinner, but she's only got pictures of herself in her house and Sarah's like, why don't you have pictures of your son? Like what's up with that? She's like, he has pictures of himself in his room. So Sarah's coming off just as a total asshole. I mean, not Sarah. Brooks is coming off as a total asshole.

But then Sarah starts giving her unsolicited fucking advice every two seconds. And Brooks loses her mind at Sarah. So now, Brooks has gone around telling the ladies, Sarah was trying to tell her how to parent, which is true. And she's furious. So then Sarah hears about it. And Sarah writes this group text to everybody, chew Brooks, but sends it to everybody saying, like, I hear you're spreading this bullshit about me, babe, you know, saying I'm trying to parent. So they got into an argument about this at the pre-wedding dinner and that's where we

last got there. And so they're fighting and it's like, you're not fucking perfect, Sarah. I mean, I dare you to bring out the real you, because we haven't seen her yet. It's like, Zen-jen, Zen-jen, Zen-jen. So Sarah's like, what? Of course, she's in the real me bib. You've seen the real me bib.

She says, well, everyone's waiting to see who you really are. Everyone's waiting to see who you really are, who the fuck you really are. And they're yelling at each other. And also, I have to point out that this started because Stupid Sarah said, oh yeah, you're trying to fight with me? Well, I dare you to show me the real you. I dare you to show me the real you who's in there and stuck with this. And so she's like, you didn't show me the real you. And so they're like going down to the point where the producers have

to stop because this is Dubai. And as we've learned from this show, your ass will get thrown in jail. You cannot, women, I don't think anybody can fight in public, but women can't curse at each other. Like there's all these laws we're learning about as we go. Yeah, but luckily it's very open to Gaze. I mean, like a super progressive on the Gale Front, except that Gaze aren't allowed to hold hands

and show affection or really maybe be gay. Well, sorry. So I'll give this to Dubai. They are very friendly to Gays because they've built a lot of things for gay people to hide behind when people are coming to try and get them. So then Sarah turns the producer, the producer is like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, and then Sarah turns the producer and goes, what the fuck is this? Ember says, what the fuck is this?

And she goes, I freaking love this girl. And I'm very disappointed in how I feel judged by her right now. And Sarah goes, I did not judge you. I did not judge you, babe. I just was saying, you know, like the way you're raising your child is shitty. And you need to raise and better the way I do. That's all. And Brick says, like, but Sarah, that way, or invalidated. I feel that way. It hurt my feelings. Okay.

And Bricks is wasted, by the way. Her eyes are like rolling back in her head. She looks crazy. And Sarah's just patting her knee now condescendingly. And she goes, babe, I didn't say you're a, you're not affectionate. I said, show more affection. You know, I'm not saying, you don't have any. I'm just saying it's very little and you need more. You need more of that. But I don't need you to tell me that. I don't need your advice on that. I'm the way I am for a reason. And when you said go talk him in yourself, that fucking hurt me. Okay. God, have you ever heard anything as hurtful as saying, talk your son into bed? Wow. I mean, it pains me even see those words. But I swear on my son, who by the way, is raised so well, you know, so, and by the way,

he doesn't cost anything to raise a son like I raised my son. You could do it if you really tried hard. But anyway, I swear on my son, I said, Caroline, I can stay here with him while you tuck him in. I didn't say go tuck him in. I said, I can stay here if you want to try and be a better parent. You know, while you tuck him. That's what I was saying. You know, if you want to, you know,

road test some strategies on how you can be somehow like a decent parent, like as opposed to just like a totally failure of a parent like you have been. And that's all I was saying. That's all I was saying. I'll just hang out here with your gay friends who obviously are as just disappointed in you as your son will be when he grows up. So she's like, okay, let's all I was saying. I'll just hang out here with your gay friends who obviously are just disappointed in you as your son will be when he grows up. So she's like, okay, let me just make this easy, okay,

because maybe we misunderstood each other, but the comment hurt me. It hurt me so deeply, she goes to tuck your kid in, like which I didn't even really say, I just said, but that's it. She's like, you know, Sarah always wants us to take accountability, but she's not owning it, and I don't respect that.

Sarah goes, I get it. I get it. You're hurt. You know, this shows something triggered you, you know, like the realization that you're like a terrible mom who like doesn't know what she's doing, and like, you know, I'm not being judgy, I'm just telling you, like, I would never parent like you do. That's doing and like you know I'm not being judgy I'm just telling you like I have a never I don't like you do that probably triggered you you know Oh the wedding starting oh no it's just me it's a Chanel she's like that's just me I have my own band following me playing the wedding song

Where'd Brad go so come to dinner guys because she comes over in her like lace Train and her blonde wig and everything which Stanberry is furious about of course Yeah, and so she knows like Well, did you tell her that you're not judging her because now she now is getting involved in this She was did you tell her that you're not judging her because if she had judged? Maybe you shouldn't say maybe you should say I wasn't judging you So then Lisa sits down and joins to and Brooks is like, this is decades of raising and parenting of culture.

Okay. I raised my son in the way I know is right. Yeah, but we never spoke about that. That's what I'm saying. She is, but that's my opinion. That is my opinion. And Lisa's like, well, you know, I know that when you called me,

you felt like she was judging you and that's like how your perspective was. And Sarah's like, oh my God, this girl takes this constructive conversation out of context and remixes it to make me look bad. You know, your trap mixes your vibe and I don't want that vibe. Get a new DJ.

So wow, this show's really firing on all cylinders. So Brooks decides just to go home and at least it's like, you know what, you're never overreacting when I come to your children. Okay, Sarah should apologize if that's not what she meant. And Brooks should never show up to any event intoxicated. And she smells like when black people invite you to the house sit down eat and leave us a hell alone. Don't tell us how to rinse our kids. It's like well, guess who else doesn't like that? Anybody. Yeah. So then we once got that in common. So then we get my new favorite Habibi Monica song. Living, living, living, living, living, living, live in light. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a charge. And we see all the crazy stuff happening at this part.

I mean, this is a very over the top part. It's huge, it's very crazy. It's belly dancing, fire eaters, and tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny tacos, little tiny tacos going down on the table. That's how you know you're wealthy. We're so wealthy that we can make tiny tacos. I have to say, I was listening to Jordan Piel on a podcast today. I'd love him. And he was on Smart List, which is amazing. That's my new favorite thing. I listen to it all the time, not in that hashtag, not an ad. But he was on it this week. And he was saying

that he was originally going to be a puppeteer. Like he went to college, he went to a liberal arts college to study puppetry. And they were cracking up, they were making fun of him because like, where are you going to do that? You know, it's like, wow, I'm a puppeteer. And I was so thinking about, I'm like, well, what do you do when you're in a pub? You fucking move to Dubai, okay? That Dubai is the city for like the fire eaters of the world. You know, it's like I went to Sarah Lawrence for fire eating. Welcome to Dubai! Sarah Lawrence for fire eating.

That's where Ali Shapiro went, daughter of Jules Aaron, Sarah Lawrence. Ooh. Next, Sarah Lawrence. You know what I want to do? I want to build hearts, but I want to build them out of those sparklers from Fourth of July so that when you wipe like when the whole heart goes on sparkles. It's like, where should I move to? Blue poop answer.

Dubai. And if you're okay, just be just be sure to run behind that big litter pyramid if you ever see a policeman coming Just there there is a lot of circus delay action going on in this on the show like at all times It's like you got to like sweet dream to get a salad and there's like a fire eater behind the counter just just because they can afford it Got a control every every light piece of stock footage on this show is like someone on a trapeze or a contortionist, you know, at like a contortionist that pan to express. Honey, for our anniversary this year, I wanted to have a dinner party, but could you get that trapeze lady who hangs upside down with the fire heart out of her mouth?

Oh, she moved to Dubai. God damn it, they're taking everything. Oh man, I was gonna have her also, you know, tutor our daughter on some literature, you know, because she went to Sarah Lawrence. Okay, so everyone sits down for dinner and then Sergio and Caroline make this big entrance down to Sarah's case, which I don't know why they need another entrance since they've already been walking around and on top of that, like it's not the wedding. I don't know what any other, but she's walking down that staircase. I can't stand Caroline's boots. Like, why is she wearing these big ass boots with this dress? It's like, no, I'm not down with it.

And then Nina, of course, he goes, I'm going to record it on my phone. I'm going to record it because I would want someone to capture this. Nina, you're on a reality TV show. We're watching, what do you think we're watching this? Cause of your cell phone footage, there's a camera crew here. She's also standing next to the professional photographer, which is so funny. I hope I'm on someone to capture this,

but right next to her is a giant camera. We'll read that in a little bit. I mean, I don't know why Nina's getting on my nerves so much because I should love Nina. Lebanese from Austin, like I was really looking forward to her getting on my nerves so much because I should love Nina, Lebanese from Austin. Like I was really looking forward to her, but she's so fucking annoying, okay, this is Nina. Oh, look at the reindeer, the kids would love that.

Why does that bother me so much? Because that is just nice. It's an uninteresting comment. Because she says uninteresting things and she does uninteresting things and she's not like, can'ty enough to be like an icon. I guess, yeah, she's failing for me. So, Stambury's like, wow, Sergio and me have been through so much. Really? What the fuck have you been through, Caroline? Well, he went through puberty.

And I went through watching him go through puberty. I've gone through full new pairs of teeth since. So you know, lots of changes over there. But it's nice to have this amazing party. You can't have smile. Everyone's having a good time. Everyone. I mean, not me, but you know, that's normal. Everyone else seems to be. Yeah, she's like, everyone's having a great time. And they just cut to her mom just scowling. Well, they've said they've decided to settle their fight of not sitting at the parent's table by just putting their parents at the end of the table.

They're in no man's land, I'm there. Meanwhile, Brooks decides she's gonna leave. She's gonna leave, so she takes her gay friends, who you know are so mad. Like, this party is awesome. This is a lot better than the party than any party we've ever been to in In like Newton mass. You sits okay

We love stay at the Dubai the crazy Dubai party this fire eaters everywhere Which is like now we're leaving and she tells us Sarah you're not innocent You know exactly what you said and you're trying to be a therapist Which you don't have the credentials for and now it all caught to you. And this is where everything is going to go left. Yeah, Brooks tries way too hard. She works way too hard for this. This should be effortless, you know? Like if you're a real real housewife,

this should be effortless. You shouldn't have to be this upset over one stupid little thing. So then let's see, Plexus leaving took airlines like, oh, and did you see did you see Chanel? She came as me in a blonde wig. Who does that? So Chanel comes up she's like, oh, hi, Caroline, it's like, oh, you know what, stop listening to us, you bitch, or more she says the sea

work. Really? No, she's talking, she's talking to Juliet from Lid is the London and she's bitching about Chanel and Juliet's like, you're a mic, don't forget. And Caroline's like, oh, stop listening. I think I assume she said cut fitness and I'm assuming she's saying that to the audio, the audio producers, right? Oh. And she's like, so many people have asked me about Ion's dress.

That's just a joke to me. Now, okay, Caroline. Who cares? You can't spend, you can't spend a whole season talking about how much you don't care about this wedding. This is the year she goes wedding. And then be in a snit because someone else wore a white dress with a train. I'm sorry, you either care about this wedding or your don'ts.

When you told them to wear white. Yeah. So, yeah, so you don'ts. When you told them to wear white. And yeah. So yeah, so she now comes up, she's like, hi, and she's like, what, what are you? Me? What are you? Are you supposed to be me?

She's, oh, I would never be you, honey, because you're better than me. And that is my wedding gift to you. The only time you're here, those words are out of my mouth. And she's like, well, everyone saw you arrive, okay? And they thought it was me. And I was like, I'm a black woman. Counting us, well, because, okay,

but you look like me, okay? You look like me. It's then Juliet, of course, shows up. Juliet, if anyone didn't watch, ladies and london, Juliet is chief agitator. And she's like, she's like, hi, I'm Julia. I'm trying to figure out who's getting married because I see two brides here right now.

I'm from Chicago, I love Thanksgiving. Oh, she's such a little butt like her. And did you notice that all of Stambery's friends are just licking her about the whole time? It's like, oh, they all need to go say something to Chanel because Caroline's mad about it. You know, so Chanel's like, oh my god, enough of this bullshit from everybody. So say something to Chanel because Caroline's mad about it.

So Chanel's like, oh my god, enough of this bullshit from everybody. And she goes, well, I just wanted to come say hello. She's like, well, okay. And Caroline goes, first of all, say hello, Chanel. And she's like, hello, nice to meet you. And Stamberg is like, she's spicy. She thinks this is normal. All right. She thinks this is normal, all right.

She thinks this is normal. And then Ion, Lister Juliette, and she goes, well, you look like a wedding dress, no. And then Caroline's like, Chanel, you have a train. You have a train. So then Chanel tells us, I was told to wear white honey. It's not my problem if I outstage the bride. The bride knows I'm coming. I always look good. Has nothing to do with outstaging the bride. I just always her to wear white honey, it's not my problem if I outstage the bride. The bride knows I'm coming, I always look good,

has nothing to do with outstaging the bride, I just always look good. Uh, you came as the bride, okay enough. You know, and she's like, it's like testizing a toddler. I'm expected to have, I'm expecting her to have these tools on how to behave and how to communicate, And she just doesn't. Yeah, but like honestly, this is you got to get over it. So, uh, so then, uh, for anniversary,

can we just, let's keep the dinner party, but can we also have somebody there who maybe handles falcons? That would be great. A Falcon Handler? Sorry they moved to Dubai honey. Good damn Dubai! Yeah, they're like a Falconer there. Why do they have a Falconer at this party? This is ridiculous. This is a stupid party. It's a stupid, stupid party. It's time for commercial. It's time for a...

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So then Nina gets a weird message from her brother that her dad is going into the ICU, so she sort of rattled. So she leaves. And then Caroline's friend, now Caroline walks up with her friend and her friend goes up to Ion as like, oh my god, I thought it was a double wedding. I didn't understand because you look like Caroline. What am I supposed to say? You look like Caroline's downberry.

I do it right. Well, she didn't come in the veil, so I don't have to kill her. All right, no, everyone's having fun, right? So no one argues. And Lisa's like, well, no one's arguing. And she says, oh, I think so. And Lisa's like, well, yeah, but, you know, Chanel did upstage the bride, but I wouldn't let anybody upstage me at my wedding

because I don't show up basic. Yeah. She's basically like, Chanel always shows up in couture. So like, if you know that she's gonna show up in couture, so you have to prepare yourself for that. And then a friend goes away and Lisa's like, oh my God, her friend was her friend with that rehearsed shade like girl by. So then we get the a sign that's made of sparklers that says C and S and it's

like sparkling. We go. And sparkling. And that's that. so then we go to Nina and Nina and they're arriving at their new project where they're building their new penthouse and it's in a building called seventh heaven Guys that didn't end well Yeah, and it was also Yeah, didn't didn't end well Yeah, so they're walking around this new penthouse and we learn that Nina's father is stable, so everything's okay, because this is probably, this scene is also probably shot like a month later, because why would they be going on a penthouse? Why would they be going touring a penthouse

where they're going through a wedding in like an hour? So they go, they look around this penthouse and Nina is furious because they bought this penthouse, and it just needed some updates. And Minoff has gone and torn everything out, and it's basically like a construction site. And I was actually with her on this one. This was crazy, because we saw pictures of how it used to look. It was like perfectly fine and like chic and wonderful.

And now he's destroyed the whole thing. And you know, it's gonna be hideous when it's done. It's gonna be just disgusting. Because he wanted taller ceilings and lights and air ducts and shit like that. Yeah, I'm gonna just skip over this mean I've seen if that's okay. Because I honestly don't want to talk about her big like, no, this was supposed to be a bathroom This is supposed to be my house you bet I knew house because this is not my house. Oh god. What about my Zen?

You're office, but you had COVID. Oh Thank you for doing that because I'm done like I don't I was it. Yeah, I'm done. So I will say I did think it was strange that all the construction men and the penthouse were also eating fire. I was like wow Strange You're like wow did that just make a goat fly. How did he do that? It's puppetry goat falcon handling Why is the electrician dangling from a rafter upside down on a rope? Why did you have to make this ceiling out of sparklers?

That just seems like such a terrible idea. I don't want to have to keep on ducking because there's a Falcon flying around the living room. So we go over to the next morning after the rehearsal dinner and Sergio is in bed with Caroline and she's just staring at her phone swiping and he's like, baby, oh, baby, hello, baby, stop, baby, but stop talking. But baby, don't you, don't you want to give me a kiss? Do not look at me or speak in my direction, please. Baby, I'm so stressed, honey. I'm so stressed. By the way, Sergio, you guys are already married. This is your second wedding. Why are you stressed? He's like, what are you going to talk about in your speech?

Women don't give speeches. Also, women don't listen to husbands in the morning, quiet, silence, please. Yeah, she's like, I'm slow today. You're fast. Please. So, yes, when it comes in, and everybody's going to be's like I'm slow today. You're fast. Please So yes, when comes in and everybody's going over the wedding plans and stuff and stammery's like oh god The table plans are a total fucking nightmare. Where are we on numbers? Oh 105 pathetic. They're a good 20 lost

Before the wedding which really hurt because it's not like you can invite anyone else at the last moment. I mean, do you know how condescending and rude it is to invite someone at the last moment, makes everyone feel like a piece of shit? Actually, I think I should invite some people at the last minute, they'll be hilarious. Now that I say it out loud,

I see a lot of upside to it. We need to get all of these seats filled, otherwise Juliet's gonna feel like she had a chair at the beginning. And the whole point was not to give Juliet to chair. One moment, Paulina, yes, it's your boss Caroline. Can you make sure that Juliet is not bringing turkey hats to the wedding? Thank you. Got it, mum.

Bad news, mum. Binging. Bad news, mum. Juliet is brought turkey as to the wedding. All right, well just make sure she only gives them to Sergio's family. They're very expressive, shall we say. So then we go to Raffles, which is the most hilarious place to get married. I mean, wow, there's nothing more stable than a raffle.

I do love that there is this entire, like, super high end luxury chain of hotels called raffles, like the thing that happens in church basements. Before the wedding begins, we would like everyone to try and guess how many gumballs are in this jar. Before the wedding begins, this hotel has invited everyone to take a ticket and the winner will get a three-dimensional tic-tac-toe set. We've brought in 500 people. You'll pick your name into this jar and we'll pick 105 105 out those who are picked to get to come to the wedding those who aren't pick will get a turkey hat in compensation

Juliette So they're all getting glammed and all that. And there are big white flowers in Sergio and Caroline's room. And she's like disgusting. Who left the trash in here? He's like, no, honey, no, baby, I got this for you. You see, oh, look on top of the bouquet. There's something there for you. Look at that.

It's a little surprise. Oh, what are these? They're earrings. I was hoping to put the book. Craft someone papers. Craft someone picked out off the street and put hooks on these. What are these exactly? You know I'm wearing a million dollars around my neck, don't you? Sergio, can you just please hurry this along, my makeup artist has to start eating fire

soon. And yes, I'm like lucky number two, second time to show mom. So then we go to Dubai Fashion Week and Chanel's in here and makeup and her son, like walks, oh no, I'm talking to her son, but she's talking to the guy, I forget his name, the gay. And she's like, do I look like Beyonce? He's like, yes, yes, yes. That's what guys say. That's what we all say to strong women.

Yes, to everything they say. Listen, he's found a woman with a really strong neck and he's gonna you guys say. That's what we all say to strong women. Yes, to everything they say. Listen, he's found a woman with a really strong neck and he's gonna keep her forever. Cause I was like, you know, she knows very beautiful but do fashion designers always have the muse that they have for Alexander? That they always have around for every single show. And then it dawned on me.

She must have a really strong neck cause this man loves a headpiece.piece I mean everything we've seen from him is a gigantic two-story headpiece Yeah, so then Taj her son Taj comes over and she's like Taj Taj you want to hear knock-knock joke? Okay? Knock-knock is there But Nana knock-knock Who's there? Orange. You wish I said banana. He's like, that was not a good joke.

It was not horrible. I'm getting better. It's just like such a wonderful like butchering of that joke in so many different ways like so many different ways You butchered it and I understand language barrier, etc. But it was just still it was it was next level So let's go to the wedding shall we so Stamber is getting glammed and Someone's like oh my god you you're not a bridesilla at all today. I've never seen a bride with this little bridesilla in her. And she's like, it's his wedding, I'm just here.

I'm interchangeable. Yeah. Sergio's like, I'm sweating like a pig. And then we see Juliet. Yeah, it's Juliet. It's Juliet's Instagram where she said that. So now the procession starts. So Sarah's like, she's making a bet.

She's like, okay, I'm gonna make a bet. That's where she was going to cry. And he's like, he's crying already. What are you talking about? He's like, my queen, how are you, my honey? My God, I've been crying all day. She's like, oh God, too much makeup on. No, not at all, baby.

No, you too much makeup on. Sorry, not at all, baby. No, you too much makeup on. Sorry, I added a question mark in the beginning. I was trying to be kind. From the moment I met you, I knew you were my soulmate. The way you told me, go away. And then how the next day you told me, who are you again? And then the next day you said, Oh God, this one again. I knew we were soulmates. The first day when we woke up together and you looked at me right in my eye and you said, I look forward to the day when you just don't wake up. I said, that is the woman for me.

The way when after we first made love, you looked at me and said, you're fired. And I said, but I'm not your employee. And you said, I don't care, you're still fired. I was like, oh, my future wife. So the minute's her turn, and she's like, well, I didn't think I was be as happy to do this, as I'm not, actually. And I didn't think I would be excited to stop my life with you. Hold on, let me, like in her finger and feeling there.

And I'm not. But I suppose, you know, we're here at this dirt and food. So are we allowed to kiss now? Or is that illegal too? Like, no, hold on, let's do the actual vows. Let's do the actual vows, Caroline. How do you say? You're in Spanish. Do you promise to have to hold into Daniel's sleep very soon so I can get the insurance because I can't do influence or work forever? Yes and no. Just say yes and no, please. So they're married and then we go to the fashion show and Brooks and so on.

Oh no. Oh, I'm not passing this song sir okay this song what is the song I'm a bag I'm a Birkin I don't shed I see my Merkin I take my time I put my twerkin what the fuck is this song because I'm jerkin and I'm working and I I'm a working and I don't said. And working also like now I'm working. I'm not sure about I was just typing very quickly

because I think I've been working in. Merkin is like a turtle neck for your hoo ha, right? Or it's like a fake a fake. That's what I thought. Lerkin.

I'm sure. This is That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake.

That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake.

That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's like a fake. That's have a choice, of course It's gonna be a shenan aion. I'm like, wow, you're a great friend Not going to someone's life event, but to be fair like You know, I mean Caroline is Caroline and they don't they're not actual real friends So yeah, but the thing that's so weird about it is that Lisa is so mean to Caroline and her talking heads

But she's not really to her face. I mean, Stampery doesn't really know that all this is going on and that makes me crazy. Like say it to her face, like let's get something real going, but instead it's always behind her back. All their stuff has been on social media, you know? They're like, try hard social media fights to make the show interesting.

So, Nina is kissing Sergio and saying hi. And they're talking about how some of the girls didn't come or whatever. And then Lisa is telling Brooks, Lisa's with, oh yeah, back to Lisa. Back and forth. So were you going to cut down your drinking and Brooks is like, well, I mean, look, it was alcohol fuel, but also it was being a really pissed fuel to sell. Yeah, and she's like, I need to find a better way to express myself and, and of course, that does not involve talking my son in, of course, but she's like, booze, you know what she goes, booze makes me want to go for the jugular,

and I was like, yes, no more going for the Jaguar. Like, no, Jaguular, Jaguar, no, Jagular. Jaguar. No, Jagular. Orange, banana, knock, knock. No, no. Jagular. You are, how dare you? Okay. Basic.

Basic, then. Okay. Well, Nina left a party early and I just feel bad. Like I don't feel bad that I addressed it, but I feel bad that, you know, I wasn't even thinking about her dad during that whole thing. I was like, well, she did try to tell you, listen, I'm going through a lot. And Brooks was like, I don't care. I do not care. I'm actually going through very little right now.

So I really don't care. So then, um, yeah. So Ion's like, uh, at least has like, yeah, we made Sergio cry. And Ionon is like it was so upset with me And Brooks is like well, I'm sure for her next wedding she'll learn something from you Okay, so then Sarah's like oh, you know what I got to go babe. I got to leave because I'm wearing shoes and they cut into my foot, so I'm gonna go. Karenla is like, alright. You don't want to have dinner. You know there is a first aid station here at the Raffles Hotel.

I've hurt my foot. I can't possibly sit down for the next hour, babe. You got to go. Babe, babe, I just want you to show my foot a little bit more affection. That's all I just want more. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. Oh, so back at the fashion show, it's a lot of gold.

Okay, it's a lot of gold, headpiece is gold. And yeah, a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, a big gold. So they do that and reception. Now back at the reception. Now the wedding reception. So just crying. So it's like, oh my god, it's a reception. Oh my god, it's like a gift.

Yes, means like, Sergio, you've cried eight times today enough is enough already. Stop it already. So they have their first dance. And then Caroline is, she's like, I know exactly who I am right now. I am Mrs. Caroline Carello. I don't know if I can say it correctly. Honestly, I hate the name to be fair. It's a stupid name from a stupid family. So then this time for speeches, so Yaz gives a speech. And she's like, when my mum first introduced us to stupid face Sergio, that's what we call him.

He was just mum's fuckboy, you know, with the broken hand. But I'm shocked to be standing here today. And I'm sure when mum told you about her new 25-year-old boyfriend, all of you must have felt the same. And they're like, Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! He cries at gum commercials, gum. her new 25 year old boyfriend, all of you must have felt the same. And they're. Unfortunately, like the rest of us, he's only got one life. Oh, that was amazing. Oh, we love you. Like, wow, like wow, that was a beautiful speech. I was so beautiful. So then search your dad gets up there to do a speech and he starts

like walking around like he's doing stand up. He's like, what is the deal with wedding? Zemaright. Some people are dogs and some people are weddings, Amarai? Ta-ta-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum. Some people are dogs, and some people are cats. Amarai. Women be like, hey, let's get mad at you, and men be like, I don't want to be tied down. But in this case, my son is the woman, and my daughter-in-law is the man. Am I right, everyone?

I like that the guy who is doing the wedding, doing the announcer role. He has been like, well, congrats to everyone's favorite milk mom. And then the guy comes up and I guess from milk to doof, here we go with the father. I know. So now it's time for Caroline. She has to do hers. Well, Sergio does his speech.

He goes, he's like, I am 100% sure that I'm going to be with you, Caroline, pushing your wheelchair for the rest of your lives. Just I'm not in it for crying out loud. You stupid image. Oh, fuck. All right. Well, I don't have a speech, but we all know that today is for Sergio, because you are definitely the bride. All right. You're both the bride and the guy who walks around saying, she, she, she all the time. All right? You're both the bride and the guy who walks around saying, she, she, she all the time, all right? You're basically the entire cast in one film.

So congratulations. You're a wonderful man to my children. They love you. Thank God, please get a job at some time soon. There's only so much I can get injected into my face for a couple of coupons at Raffles. And then we see that you have them there them, they're doing an interview together. And Caroline's like, you know, we're so funny as a couple.

In the morning, we jump out of bed, we meditate, we drink our coffee, we thank the world. We don't actually talk to each other, we don't have any sort of emotional connection, but it's nice to have someone nearby when I do these very boring things. I'm very spiritual now You know we meditate every morning and we thank the world. Oh, we think God and the universe the Lord the staff we thank the staff Are you just not meditate really talk on Search every quiet Please Well, basically by meditation. I mean, he cries,

I've arrayed him, and then I show all of Instagram what a pussy he is. So the next day is time for the friend brunch, the after wedding friend brunch, and... Sophie and Juliet. It is a London reunion, basically. Yeah, it's Sophie and Juliet. They're the only ones, so, right?

Sophie and Juliet. Well, there's Luke, technically. They're the only ones though, right? Sophie and Juliet. Well, there's Luke technically. Oh, Luke is there. Yes, Luke is there with some colored-on eyebrows. Almost didn't recognize him, but he's there. How come Luke is so much better as Stamberry's glam gay instead of Durantus glam gay?

You know, sometimes British culture just doesn't translate in America. Ooh, because he really is. He's so alive. And then whenever he's with Tarenda, he's just like, hello. But here he's like, hello, and we're like, it's so much better here. Yeah. So Sophie's like, oh, I just loved dancing last night.

It was absolutely wonderful. I mean, sometimes you just gotta let your hair down. I'm serious. I'm so serious in London, but you know, in Dubai, I can let my gorgeous, amazing, beautiful hair down. So Lisa comes and she has a gift. And Julie, it's like, oh, see your American. Where, where are you from? Oh my god. You're where she from? I forget. You're from Miami Cuz I'm from Chicago. Oh my god. You know what? You know you have you have that you know you're from Miami because Caroline she likes Americans. Okay. Are you spicy? Yeah extra. Oh Are you spicy? Yeah, extra. Oh, she likes that too, but she can't be spicy at all.

You have to be like a little less spicy than her. Julia, everyone's life doesn't revolve around making Caroline like them. You know? Yeah, Jalissa's so awkward, she's so cringe to sing her back here. Like, oh, lacking you. Meaning from America, maybe Caroline will like you.

Ha ha ha. She's just as terrible as I remember her. And then, so then, Ha-Han arrives in like a mature dress, like a full on like a brunch, or like a red carpet look for this brunch. And Julia's like, oh, where is she coming from? Yeah. So she sits down.

And she's like, is this the dress you would have worn to the wedding if you came to it She's like no, I would have worn something bigger Bigger I'm like yes, really yet like it was a joke so then Luke Luke sits down next to Chanel and he's like oh, I thought you were trying to upstage Caroline also. I was like, a big, mistake, huge. And I was like, I didn't upstage her because Caroline is Caroline and I am Iyan. I usually do, I usually do too much, but I never blend in. And he's like, oh, honey, you're not blending in with nothing. And since this is getting a little bit too tense for me, I'm just going to laugh and slap high five, high five.

And she's like, oh, I like her friend, Luke, Sophie, you know, the blonde one, but that other one, so annoying talking about Juliet. Yeah. At least it's like Caroline's friends would never stand a chance and do buy. We don't really do basic. Like, I'm not sure that's true.

So then there's talk about the fashion show. And Julia's just trying to start shit because oh, so you guys were intentionally not here. I mean, you couldn't make it to the wedding. And Lisa's like, well, we couldn't make it, but we worth the desert thing the day before. And now we're here the day after. Oh, okay.

I was like, what are you the whole past lately, Juliet? Shut the fuck up, Juliet. Yeah. So, and then Ion was like, it's Sergio Cry. Of course he cried. Look at him. Look, he's, he's, he's a bagel right now in his crying for Jesus Christ. Well, people cry for different reasons.

Was it love? Was it excitement? Was it that he just didn't know what he was getting into or dust? Dust gets into the eyes. No, she said gas. Gas can make you cry. Gas, I thought she said dust. No gas. Well, what's that about? What's that about? You have to fart. Oh. Gas can make you fart. The social know is saying, oh, you know,

Caroline, your friend Michael, he was in my village and she's like, why? She goes, oh, I think he was doing some IVF stuff. And Stanberry's like, oh, he's gonna do all baby. Like they're talking about a bathroom remodel. Yes, we find. We brought him into wallpaper our child, turning. So Sophie is like, what you're going to carry the baby, but it's not safe.

Remember how you almost died? And the doctor said, don't you dare carry another baby? You stupid idiot. And a parent like Sergio is like really adamant about this. So like, by the way, fuck Sergio. So Sergio is like, no, will I told by the way fuck Sergio says Sergio is like no Will I told her if halfway in it's getting worse would pull it out and put it in someone else I feel like it's not how it works Sergio. I'm like this guy's the biggest idiot on TV

So my how babies work babe She's like yeah, she got very sick very she nearly died Sergio And he's like oh, but it's because there was two So it was the space she's like no, it's not a parking garage. All right Yes, no, there was not enough space in it She has office like no other things that could go wrong went wrong. Okay, this blood pressure Everything it was also a very cheery baby, so she almost died just from that. So, I honestly, she shouldn't think of a chance like that, but apparently it's illegal to do us have

a target in Dubai. So, of course it fucking is. Of course it is. So they're like, it's illegal, and Lisa's like, yeah, it's illegal to give birth without getting married. So, um, wow, give birth without getting married. So, um, wow, the show keeps topping itself. I have to say every week. Lisa's like, Lisa, but Lisa has actually the best logic of all. She's like, I don't think it's fair for Sergio to ask him right in his career life. I mean, they shouldn't have kid, like, she, they shouldn't have kids like health was cannot because they just, they're never with the ones they do have anyway. Yeah, and again, it's like, it's not, it's just why are you here? You know what I mean? Like it's fun. It would be more fun if it wasn't only in your talking head.

Oh, yeah, also now it's okay to disparenting, by the way. Now the whole rule, which was set up for the past two episodes, where you were not allowed to talk about other people's parenting is completely off the table now. Oh good point good point. So anyway speaking of which we now go to Brooks's house. Brooks is looking at photos with her mom and and her mom is born in Honduras and so Brooks tells us culturally when I was in my house I was in Honduras but when I stepped out of my house I was in Massachusetts. I was in my house, I was in Honduras, but when I sat out of my house, I was in Massachusetts. I was like, that is some geographical whiplash,

I would have to say, I'm not gonna lie. That's a lot to go from Honduras to Massachusetts just by going out the door. So, Brooks is telling her mom that her friend observed that I have a stern militant way of raising my son. No, she didn't observe that. You told her that. You literally told her about Brooks. You said you're very militant. And she goes, well, I don't think that. You told her that. You literally told her that, Brooks.

You said you're very militant. And she goes, well, I don't think it's like from a lot, I don't think it's a lack of affection. I mean, you did that with me. And her mom's like, well, I'm not saying the idea is wrong, but it's up to you to do it, how you want to do it. And she's like, yeah, but then I saw Sarah and I had a few drinks, but I got really angry

with her. And I guess I could have handled that better. The mom is basically like, well, so you felt brave enough. You drank and that's when you felt brave enough to fight, okay? Spencer mom is like, you owe her a apology. She's hoping to get like support from her mom and her mom's like, no, you fucked up. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, but you know, I got married so young

and then I moved here and I think that changed me. And she's like, yeah, her mom's like, yeah, I didn't like that because you moved so far away from us and he was so much older and there was so much manipulation. I basically, you know, she was in an abusive relationship and the mom helped her get out of it. And part of that experience was Brooks really had to fight for her son for Adam. I think that she gave up everything just so that way she could have Adam.

And so that's why she was really annoyed at Sarah because she feels like, Sarah doesn't know the extent to which Brooks went to fight for her son and the implication that she needs to give more when she's like already, like she sacrificed everything so that way she could be with her son is what really, you know, pissed her off. Yeah, so I don't know. So we'll see how this works out with those crazies, but that's pretty much it, guys. Yes, too much for you. That's how it ended.

Thankfully, the wedding is over. We can put that behind us one hopes. And now we can look forward to the pregnancy, I guess. So thanks everyone so much for being here. We'll be back with Southern Charm tomorrow and have a great day. We have a great rest of your day. We'll talk to you guys later. Bye everyone. Watch what crap ends. Would to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Saboni, she don't take no baloney.

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