Watch What Crappens - #183: The Real Michelle Collins of New York

Episode Date: May 8, 2015

Ben Mandelker (Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) are joined by the hilarious and gorgeous Michelle Collins (The View, Gossip Queens, Kathy Griffin Show) to skewer the Real Housewives of New York, Southern Charm, and the ever classy Shahs of Sunset! Follow Michelle on Twitter @michcoll ! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Oh, a little watch what crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hey everyone, welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, and as usual, I'm with the handsome and talented Ben Mandelger from the B-Side blog and the Banjo Blender. Hello, Ben. Thank you. So much. Sorry to interrupt you. I just got so

excited when you called me handsome and talented. Well, come on, Ben. I can't be the only one. Oh, Ronnie. Today we're joined by our fabulous, hilarious, thin, and gorgeous banged friend Michelle Collins. Hello, Michelle. The best bang in the biz. The best bang in the biz, Ronnie. Hi, everyone. I, Michelle Collins. Hello, Michelle. Best bang in the biz.

Oh. Best bang in the biz, Ronnie. Hi, everyone. I'm Michelle Collins. Michelle. For those of you who don't know who Michelle is, please get a TV guide, okay? Yeah. She's from The View.

She's from that VH1. The Walk of Shame Subtle. She's from the Kathy Griffith. The Kathy. Yeah. Because you can Kathy Griffin... The Kathy. Yeah. Imagine naming your child Kathy. She's from... And she's from Twitter at Mishcall. M-I-C-H

C-O-L-L. Here's all you need to know. The Kathy Griffin Show. Here's all you need to know is that Michelle is probably one of the funniest people of all time. That's really the nicest thing. Well, I'm from the heart.

I say it from the heart. I have actually said it to many people behind your back. I've said it behind your back. Wow. And I'll say it to your face. I'll say it to your face. Thank you. I truly think that Michelle is super funny.

Oh, my gosh. And y'all are about to hear some of it. Michelle, goodness. Michelle, how was the joke? That's on the History Channel yesterday. Yeah, we actually started this half an hour ago, but ended up talking about Roombas and The View and stuff. So if you want to hear all that, please go over to patreon.com slash watch what crap

happens and listen to that bonus episode. And thanks to everybody who subscribes there. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watch what crappens to talk shit with us during the week and find Michelle at Mish Call on Twitter. She's also got a show

coming up next week at UCB, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater on Franklin. It's Wednesday night, 8 p.m., right, Michelle? Yes. God, Ronnie,

you have a beautiful speaking voice, by the way. Yeah, he does. You really sound like mellifluous, to quote George Costanza. Yes, the show is have a beautiful speaking voice, by the way. Yeah, he does. You really sound like mellifluous, to quote George Costanza. He's like pastrami, the most sensual. Yes, very good. I love that.

Delicious, but fatty. Anyways, it is fatty. Pastrami is the kind of meat that I'll eat. I probably eat it once every 10 years, and then after I do, I immediately look like Hugh Downs because I'm so dehydrated. Like, it takes every ounce of water out of my body. And I'm just there like the tiny head in Beetlejuice. Like, does anybody have water?

I'm thirsty. Hugh Downs. Oh, man. Anyways. Yeah, the show is called Lolls Angeles. Yeah. It's 8 p.m. UCB Franklin. and it's going to be really, really funny. It's like my favorite thing to do.

It's always a great crowd. It's about an hour. It's super, super funny. We all go drinking after. Five bucks. Can't be bad. Yeah, so if you're in Los Angeles or you're in the area, definitely spend that five bucks and go to the show.

I'm going to go. I've seen none of it. I'm going to go, too. Michelle. Michelle. We're all going to go. I'll save good giveaways for you guys. Okay, good. Oh, yeah. I want the show. I'm going to go. I'm going to go too, Michelle. Michelle. We're all going to go. I'll save good giveaways for you guys. Oh yeah, I want the purse that you're about to return to

Glendale. Oh well, it's not a purse. I bought a vase at Anthropologie. Oh, a vase. It was like shit out by like an ancient Mayan. It's so ugly. I have to return it. And then, what other returns? I love the knobs at Anthropologie. Like the little cabinet knobs and stuff.

I'm always going through the Anthropologie drawers and looking at crystal knobs. And I bought one from my bathroom. It's like an emerald green crystal knob. Crystal knobs is my poor name. Can I say something? I, too, love their knobs. Didn't you get some recently? Yes.

Wait, I have a whole thing. I bought on clearance the most beautiful, like, really hipstery mid-century knobs at Anthro for, like, two bucks. They were for nothing. Where am I putting these knobs? Because the thing is, is that I have, I have Ikea dressers. I have two, like, CB2 dressers and Ikea ones. There's no way.

I have to hire someone to come in and, like, drill the knobs down. It's, like, too much. I have a drill. Just call me. I'll come do it i'll drill shit all together you can't even walk in my house if there's an earthquake you'll die wait really you do that you should just like change or not i hire you to come to my apartment and help me drill it down yes you don't have to hire me i'll come do it but i do have to preface this with with I bought a doorknob from Anthropologie for my door and put it on. And, you know, like the the bar that goes between the two knobs, like in the hole, you know, the knob or the bar you put in the hole or whatever.

It's five times too long for a normal door. I'm like, who the hell's door is this thick? It's like a castle door you know Really rich wives buying these now every time I go in I see these wonder by me Like, really rich wives buying these. Every time I go in, I see these women buying these knobs, and I, like, look at them, and I'm like, they must have such thick dressers. Like, wow. Oh, what the hell? Do poor people just have, like, really thin wood as doors?

I don't get it. It's confusing, too, because I hate anthropologist clothing like a fucking curse. Like, to me, it looks like poor kibbutznik from Jerusalem, like coming from milking the goats. And it's expensive, and it's ugly as shit. Some of the stuff is okay, like whatever. But then the home stuff, like my apartment right now looks like the set of Jumanji. I have every plate, every knob, every blanket, every sheet. I love their home stuff.

So it's curious to me that I'm so into their aesthetic in the home, but not on my body. Yeah. No, yeah. What is that about? I don't know. They're like rich hippie. You know, it's like for rich hippies. And I don't believe in rich hippies.

Like, hippies don't go after money. Hippies don't spend that much money on clothes, you know? It's like, try to stop looking peaceful. Yeah. I don't need you to be peaceful. Just... Not sexy. But yet in the house, I find it very cozy. I think that's why. Yeah, I don't need you to be peaceful. I'm not sexy, but yet in the house, I find it very cozy.

I think that's why. Yeah. Well, maybe why don't we use this as a segue talking about tacky things or bad decor or bad fashions. Why don't we talk about Shazza Sunset? I'd love to. All right, let me find that in my notes. You guys like that segue? I was like, how do we get from anthropology to Bravo?

No, you know, it's funny you bring it up because I was looking at it as an office apartment. Yeah. You know, it's nice. It is really nice. It's really nice. It's a little bit like the park. Uh-oh. Excuse me. Yeah. Can you edit that burp? Yeah, yeah. I'm really good with editing. I spend a lot of time on post-production.

Parker, Ronnie, mark that. It's a little Parker and Parker. If you could just put, like, a man singing opera over that for, like, a second, that would be great. No, it's, like, very Palm Springs-y, which it's, like, very, like, rich, geek almost. You would think that Asa's house would be filled with all sorts of gold knickknacks and Persian rugs and, like, and sort of antique-y looking things. But she's actually very modern and chic. It's, like, Hollywood glam or whatever. But didn't Reza design it for her?

No, if Reza had designed it for her, she'd have chevron on every single wall. Oh, God, yeah. Did you see his apartment? No, it's like velvet wallpaper with gold chevrons. No. Chevron station. I was about to say,

his apartment looks like a detour sign. You guys, by the way, if you don't follow the TSA on Instagram, it's a huge mistake not to. Because they, first of all, post all the weapons that people try to go on airplanes with, which is, like, terrifying. But also nice that they're catching it, like, live grenades and things like that. Oh, God. But anyways, somebody left a $100,000 diamond-encrusted Cartier watch. Honestly, it's ugly.

Like, I don't, I mean, it looks like from Chinatown. Yeah. Shaz of Sunset. Shaz of Sunset, if you're listening. There's a watch there. You lost your watch. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

I mean, it is pretty fun. Anyways. So back to Shaz. Yeah. So, okay. So I'm trying to remember how this episode, did the episode begin with like. I have a lot of notes. I can take us through. So it starts with Asa

making food. Because every episode of this show starts with somebody making food because that's the only way these people see each other. Is if there's like a platter of food on the table. That's the only way they'll go to each other's homes. Do you guys feed your friends? I don't feed my friends.

You know, I will. I'll buy like um... I... It depends You know, I will. I'll buy, like, yeah. I, if I, like, it depends. Wait, hold on. There's, like, a chocolate emergency. I'm really horrified because, like, we're sitting at Ben's table. Can I say this? Yeah.

And I looked at my finger and there was melted chocolate on it. Like, can I vomit? Like, where is the chocolate from? I don't know. I think it must have been, I had a Think Thin bar and it must have been that when I opened it, like, some of the sprinkles fell down. Well, let me literally throw it because now I have it in my nail bed. Well, it didn't come from my mouth.

It's okay. It's just chocolate. It's just chocolate, but it's like when you find, like, melted brown stuff on your finger, and you don't know where it comes from. It's upsetting. Anyways. So it starts with Reza and Asa talking about the Jessica thing that happened last week. Oh, yeah. You know.

Reza is so pissed, and he's sweating through this whole scene and he's just all big and sweaty and he's like, that girl came down with a martini and a diamond ring, which is kind of true. It's true. Once that bitch got a ring and a drink in her, forget it. Damn, girl. I hope she doesn't join

the junior league because that's going to be ugly. They are, I find them, her to be very obnoxious. She is very spoiled. Reza was correct when he basically said, at some point during the show, I think it was around this time, that she just wants to have

a husband. She wants the ring. She wants to have the babies. And she doesn't want to think, she can't deal with the fact that Mike is probably acting this way. So it's easier for her to just like go at the friends which is exactly what she did but she was very very spoiled i mean the fact that remember a little bit later on in the episode jessica and mike go out to dinner and then she's like okay we have six months and then after that we're having a baby and it's just

like you know this woman is just she has young too right how old is she she's 25 yeah that's young well you never know it she's got a 50 year old face because she's had all the same plastic surgery it's like you can't tell it turns you into a different race you know yeah i have a major issue with that what's your what's your issue which is plastic surgery in general where i feel like when girls i have friends who are you know 30 31 and they're getting botox and i understand why they're doing it but it it's also, it's preventative, but it's also making them look older 50 because you're now equalizing yourselves with women who are 45. Right. And on top of that, all the women who are in their fifties or sixties who are getting plastic surgery, it doesn't really make them look younger. They just look like they've got

plastic surgery, but what happens make them look a they just look like they've got plastic surgery but what happens make them look a little younger yeah but it's similar to what you're saying it is equalizing because now it doesn't you don't look when you get plastic surgery you that look is associated with a certain age right so when you do that you're associating yourself with that age let me say something my mom had her eyes done she's in her 60s she had never gotten anything touched which is surprising because she's a very glamorous jewish woman in miami but yeah she finally she actually went to aina garten's first cousin dr storch really i don't i don't know i don't think you told me that it was aina garten's first cousin yeah is that funny a lovely guy i met him when i was back a

few weeks ago and um she did i will so she looks really good now and she's now getting fillers like basically he's created a monster she's like oh about it like she's like 60 you know something years old right time when you should do it when you're 25 like this girl jessica yeah it's ridiculous she's not good because she's getting like her eyes pulled back and she's starting to get kind of like kermit the frog eyes i don't like it you know she's gonna be she's gonna be one of these mommies that's going to be all about being a mommy because she's set her goal in life to be married

and have children, which I think it's great if you want to start a family and you want to have kids and all that stuff, but you can see that this is her greatest ambition. It's the only ambition, and you know she's going to be one of those really super annoying mommies where she's just going to fill Facebook of those really super annoying mommies where she's just going to like fill Facebook

with all this. It's just going to be like she's going to talk about Mommy and Me screenings at the movie theater. No, I disagree. You don't think she's going to be like that? No, no, no. She's not going to go to Mommy and Me screenings. She's going to be still like a Kim K style, still going shopping

and doing all this stuff, but now she has an accessory in tow. It's not going to be about the kid. It's going to still be about her. Right. It's going to... When she converted to Judaism, I was actually very touched by that. Yeah, that was actually a very nice scene. I agree. The thing is, let's be honest,

I'm not going to mention names, but I know people where sometimes you know someone who's dating someone you don't like, and you're like, phew, I hate that girl, but then you're like, well, who else is going to date this guy? Right. Well, that's true. Yeah. Ties back. I mean, Mike, he's cute, you know, but he's not super smart. I mean, I need to say it. She's very rich. So he's really getting something out of this.

Yeah, exactly. And honestly, they're kind of a perfect match. No, they are. He's not like some great guy, like some philanthropist guy. Listen, I am not questioning their relationship. There's no chocolate on your phone. I know. Michelle is still like, she has like... Look, it's still there.

Look, anyways, go on. Michelle is on chocolate patrol now. I really am. It's like all over my arms. Oh, you guys, stop. When you talk, don't hit the table, because it goes boom in the mic. Oh, sorry.

I'm like Mommy Ronnie today. I'm really sorry. The new microphone is like sensitive with the audio. Have you ever heard of this person? No. Okay, continue. So anyway, then MJ shows up in her jean jogging pants. And just had to point that out because why?

She really has some body confidence. God bless. MJ is like inspiring to me because here's a girl, you know, she really wears what she can wear because she's so short and she has big tits and a big ass. That if she wore anything flowing, she would probably look twice the size. You have to think about it that way. That's true. Yeah, I don't think about those things when it comes to fashion. That's all I think about.

MJ shows it all off. So Reza announces that he's going to have his wedding in Thailand. Yeah. That's definitely somebody without poor friends because I would kill my friend if they had a destination wedding in Thailand. Like, fuck off.

I'm not doing that. But then he's already becoming bridezilla because he's doing this, like, if you want to come to my wedding, like, Reza's getting really bitchy about this. Like, I don't want you there. I don't want that person there. And, of course, he's not going to invite Mike. And rightly so, because

Jessica just said she hates him, so. But also, by the way, one of Reza's favorite things to do is to divide and conquer. He, like, season after season, he likes to take one person and alienate them from the group. So right now, he's going after Mike and especially Jessica. So by him saying, well, I'm not going to invite Mike to the wedding, or, like, I'm not going to invite Jessica, I mean, that's, like, his favorite thing to do. I agree. First of all, you know I love Reza so much I think he is one of the funniest people on TV in case he's listening I genuinely love him I met him years ago at the

New Now Next Awards yeah I remember yeah and um I'm not gonna say he was warm no he was actually he was not yeah he wasn't and that hurt if he's listening yeah because I'm actually someone he would really like but it's okay um I still love him and I still if he's listening. Because I'm actually someone he would really like. But it's okay. I still love him, and I still think he's... It's like that shows you how funny he is, that I didn't hold it against him. That being said, I kind of agree. First of all, I know what you're saying, that Thailand, it is expensive.

The ticket is expensive. But I think once you're there, it's like dirt cheap. You have little boys doing everything for you. And I mean everything. And then I kind of get why he wouldn't invite them you know i'm the same way i'm the same way i'm very i'm a cancer uh i've gotten really into astrology lately really yeah weirdly uh i've been reading susan miller's horoscopes i don't know if this is something either of you are familiar with but she's basically a mind reader and she's incredibly accurate. And it's like, I went back to read a couple of the last few months. She was

dead on for each month. I mean, that's pretty crazy. But anyways, as a cancer, uh, I'm very sensitive. And if somebody wrongs me, I really cut them out. I'm not saying, I'm not saying that Reza shouldn't be disinviting, shouldn't be disinviting Mike. I'm just saying he's probably so excited to do it. Yeah, I know what you mean. It hurts when I do it, it hurts. I know what you're saying. Yeah, so freaky is very him. Yeah.

The reason I was saying he's turning into Bridezilla is because in the later scene, they're at Pablo the dog's memorial service, where suddenly it's appropriate to start this big fight, which was kind of sad. And then they show poor Pablo sleeping in that big poster board picture. And meanwhile, Reza's sweating tears or whatever. He's like, you're not going to get to come. Why should you get to come if you do this to me? I don't know.

He's already turning into that. I don't like Reza. I think he's an asshole. He is funny, though. I would stuff Reza and display him in my apartment, much like... With someone else's teeth. Wait. Yeah, the best part was this taxidermy scene with Gigi not understanding what taxidermy is.

She's like, so, were all of those animals alive? Yeah. Well, first of all, Gigi is worst uh when it comes to like these scripted moments when she's like when they're like oh clearly they said okay you're gonna go into taxidermist and then you're gonna be like freaked out and then g is like you can clear you can tell she's like okay here's what we do she's like wait these animals were alive well that just grosses me out that grosses me out that's weird i'm like whatever you have like 10 million knives you love this shit but the cat on the floor

the cat on the floor first of all ties back to I'm going to mention it again Mama's Family very famous episode where Iola God bless

had a cat stuffed and every time they pet it it would go meow that was so funny anyways God Mama's Family was the fucking funniest show

where is that show I know why is it not on like TV Land or even Hallmark? Let me put two plugs in for two shows I'd like to see back on TV. Yeah. It's throwbacks. Yeah. Mama's Family. Do you know what I'm going to say?

I'm going to say... I have actually two more, but I'll say one. Go. I was going to say Mr. Belvedere? Golden Girls. That's older. Very, very old. Like from the 50s. Oh. Oh, why not Mr. Red? Well, now you bring up a good point. Mr. Red is my favorite show on TV, but they do show it on the Hallmark Channel, so I can't complain. Mr. Ed is actually the funniest show on TV, and if you're not DVRing it every weekend, I don't even know what to say because it's weep laughing.

Anyways, and I actually would like to buy one of his costumes. Again, you can edit all this out. No, Car 54, Where Are You? Oh, interesting. Which was written and starring the same people from The Munsters. It's the same writing team or whatever. The funniest fucking show maybe ever, and I haven't seen it since college. And I used to cry laughing from it.

Anyways, back to Reza. Let's be modern. Yeah, exactly. Falafel 54, Where Are You? The taxidermy scene was so scripted. know and that poor guy i mean listen it was disgusting but i didn't even think it was disgusting i mean taxidermy is this thing that's been around for ages and like gg's acting like it's some freak thing i mean it's just like it felt too forced to me i mean has she has she ever been to a natural history museum has she never seen

a deer mounted on it's just the history museum. It's one of my least favorite museums. Yeah, but Gigi was acting as if she just like, it was like she'd never even heard of taxidermy. Oh, I know. But you know, Gigi is also She's also so dumb. She is very dumb. She's also really dumb, yeah. Her date at the bowling, I mean, I could not Oh no, we cannot move on from taxidermy yet.

I love taxidermy because all these questions you have, like what position you're going to have your animal in. And who chose to have that cat in a hissing position? How do they do that? And why are they surprised that they take the skin? Do you think they're just going to freeze the insides of the dogs? She's shocked that they're going to take the skin and the teeth.

And she's mad that they're going to take the eyes. And then she doesn't want to do it because all the original parts are gone. Well, look at Gigi. You're still friends with her. she doesn't she doesn't want to do it because all the original parts are gone well look at gg you're still friends with her she doesn't have her original part i just don't understand the thinking in this she yeah and you know what her real teeth i think the taxidermist may not have been a great taxidermist because according to what he said about the cat he said the owners want the cat's mouth opens that way every time they look down at it it'd be like which I thought was so funny. But then he put those teeth in like a piranha.

Like that way, he should have just not had any teeth in there. The teeth really looked bad. The teeth were terrible. Although you want to know one of my favorite things. I'm glad we're talking about it. Again, off topic. Google small cat teeth. Cat teeth, not the big fangs, but the tiny four that are at the bottom.

You know what I mean? Like the little baby front teeth. Nothing. I cry laughing. They're like literally one pixel size. They're so little. Right. Pull some pictures up for me.

I also really loved when the surviving dog like could not make sense of the cat on the floor and kept sniffing at them running away. I have to say that was genius cinematography. Yeah. Very good. Wait, I'm looking at small cats. I think that's the first time that compliment has ever, ever been given to this show. That was genius cinematography.

That's the only reason they did that. Wait, so like these? This is, okay, these pictures are. Wait, this is my mouth. Click on this. Move. Please move. I hate that.

Click on this. I don't let, no. What are you talking about? This? Wait. You don't think this is funny this is disgusting this is disgusting

I cannot endorse this google image search just look up excuse me like this I mean those are gross no I can't literally you've stopped these are hilarious these little guys I can't

it's okay. So the next part is the secret bachelor party. Because Reza wants to, like, fuck people, and Adam just wants to have a picnic. What the hell? He is, you know, I can't believe that he's just 30 now. I mean, he reads like he's

47. Well, he looks like 35, but okay. But either way, at the very least, he is definitely older. Yeah. I mean, he's much younger than you'd expect, being that he's just 30 now. But he acts young. I feel like he acts very much younger. He just sort of acts plain and boring, you know? I mean, I guess I can see the merits in a picnic bachelor party

but i don't i don't know i think first of all this entire situation is like a little contrived i mean the fact that they are having these like rival bachelor parties the same night and then you can't some people can't go to both is like clearly a reality tv yeah yeah exactly well now they're gonna have a fake one where everybody, now they're going to have a fake one where everybody goes, and then they're going to have a secret one where Reza gets some dick. Yeah.

Oh, that's funny, actually. Yeah. And Adam says, well, I don't care if he wants to have strippers. I'll just stand there and watch. Which, you know, welcome to your 50s as a gay couple, okay? Let's leave that for later.

Could anything be more of a boner killer than like than like having adam standing in the corner watching you it's like the new version of a japanese horror movie yeah you know it's funny because one of my best friends is getting married on may 23rd and she's extremely low-key i'm trying to think of like the pun, like Loki, like whatever. Anyways. So I was like begging her, like do a bachelor party, like do anything. And she just doesn't, you know who I'm talking about.

She's just not into that. That's like not her vibe. But in the meantime, you know, I met Tyson Beckford on the view and he grinded on me. You should all Google it. It was like my dream come true. It was no, it was my dream. He straddled you dream come true. It was. No. It was my dream. He straddled you. He got on top of your ass.

Close, y'all. I mean, if you look at my niece. If you watch the clip. I look like an old black woman in church. Like the way that my legs are splayed open. You know when it's like hot and they're trying to get a breeze up there? That's like what's happening to me. But anyways.

So he's at Chippendales in Las Vegas. And I was like to my friend, like, let's go to Vegas. But anyways, um, so he's at Chippendales in Las Vegas. And I was like to my friend, like, let's go to Vegas. Cause he will. And she loves him. I was like, he will definitely grind on you.

Yeah. So like, let's go back. And she doesn't want to go. What? So we're not going. How could she turn that down? But it just reminded me talking about this,

that like some people are not into Dick. Yeah. Parties. Yeah, i know i i get that like i went to a bachelor party back in september that was just like a bunch of us like being like a cabin in tahoe and just like like playing beer pong it was like there's no stripper in sight and that was like totally fun i want beer dong where i have to have to set the dong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like strippers. They hurt my feelings.

Because they're just, like, they're so nice. And I fall for it every time. It's like when you take a girl to a gay bar that has go-go boys. Every straight girl I've brought is like, that stripper likes me. She's like, no, they don't. You know, they're doing it for dollars. I've had my heart broken a million times, like, last week. No, they don't. They're doing it for dollars. I've had my heart broken a million times last week.

Your straight friends sound dumb. Obviously, gay bars do nothing for me. Why would I even get excited by... Because a lot of the go-go dancers are straight and they have these amazing bodies. They tell every girl who puts a dollar in their G-string,

hey, what's going on? They flirt with them. And so, like, so many girls will be like, oh my god, the go-go dancer totally likes me. And you're like, oh, sweetheart. Yeah, but that's not, like, I'm not, like, drawn to guys who go-go dance at gay bars. Exactly. Actually, some of them may be interested in the girls,

but they're also, like, they have a girl every single night. I mean, haven't you all seen Magic Mike? No, but I love the preview where he's saying, do you know what I would have to do for a 20? Like just talking about

all the stuff they have to do for a dollar. I mean, it's true. The girls, girls strippers get a lot of money for doing very little. Guy strippers don't get anything.

I mean, to get a man to give another man a dollar, you could just go to the gym for 60 bucks a month and see that shit for free every day. Why would I need to go see you dance poorly? You know? Why would I go to a gym for 60 bucks a month and see that shit for free every day why would i need to go see you dance poorly you know why would i go to a gym you know yeah exactly that's well that's that is why i go because i don't go to the gym so i go like hey could you

just take a shower and so then meanwhile so they so that we're setting up this like bachelor party situation um and then i think the next big thing in the episode was that there was this memorial right this memorial for pablo for pabby's yeah the memorial for pablo yeah that was kind of boring and then it was just a big fight but then there was also this big uh stupid scene and it's foreshadowing of the rest of the season which is really depressing but this asifa chick fighting with her bad plastic surgery boyfriend. You know, Asifa is so worthless on this show. She's like very,

very annoying. And Bobby is also very annoying. I can't stand Bobby. Bobby, like, can't do his scripted lines without smiling. You know, he's like their stupid schtick, like, she doesn't shower with the dog. She doesn't hold the dog. And then she's like, Bobby, will you take this dog from't shower with the dog she doesn't hold the dog and then she's like Bobby will you take this dog from me already like I can't hold a dog

I'm like the dog smells I'm like oh my god there's nothing I hate more also than couples where they've like divorced they're now back together like couples can't figure their shit out makes my eyes spin like the last thing I want to hear is her complaining about like when am I going to have a ring well bitch you already had your ring

you had a fucking ring girl a nouveau ring yeah and you got out meanwhile look and you know she's pretty i feel like she's gorgeous she's gorgeous but she's like she is like a spoiled princess and he is like a 55 year old with like a likeothball and like going to your friends of course girls go to each other and talk amongst ourselves about our boyfriends and stuff but what boyfriend goes to one of the girlfriend's friends to bitch about it especially on her

what are you doing I don't want to watch that yeah on her birthday at Beso on her birthday yeah and then she's like he didn't even get me a card he got you a fucking gigantic diamond necklace what do you need a card for you know she's like, he didn't even get me a card. He got you a fucking gigantic diamond necklace. What do you need a card for? It's like Beso Horny. Ooh, Beso Horny.

Put there a sign on your fridge. I think I'm like shazed out. Yeah, no, I think, I mean, that was basically the main stuff with shaz, except for the memorial, which we talked about, where Reza basically tells Mike etc. about the wedding and you know whatever. I feel like this season went a little bit

like I think that From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February,

Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards,

played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you

into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. This season has been too manipulated by producers. Yeah, it's been up and down, I think.

There have been some episodes where I've been really into it and some I'm just like, whatever. Yeah, I've been enjoying it, but like having a faux rape storyline where the girl didn't, like nothing happened is is awkward i don't really like watching that yeah exactly although i do like stuff that it brings like i love the matlock lie detector guy just get out get out go love that guy so much oh my god uh so let's move on

which would you talk about first that's a charm or real housewives of new york let's have a little actually maybe we should get southern charm out of the way um i'm gonna be 100 up front i've never watched it before yeah i find the previews annoying so i just never got into it yeah it was no gallery girls i think well i mean yeah um and i for this podcast woke up early today to watch it. And I really found it annoying. Well, I love it. Here's the thing. I actually think that with Southern Charm, there's a little bit of like a learning curve.

Because I remember the first few times I watched it, I was like, eh. But then I grew to actually enjoy its charms, no pun intended. You know, because it's like a bunch of rich assholes, but they're acting in a different way than, like, the Shahs are or the Real Housewives. They're just kind of, like, all wealthy together and doing wealthy things and being sort of, like, subtly shady to each other.

I think it's, like, a very refreshing difference. So maybe this can be more of a primer for me so that I can get into it because here's what I took away from it. Yeah, please. You had that hot as shit guy. I have to be honest. He is hot. Which one?

Oh, Craig? The one who got fired. Oh, God. But you know he's not my type. I mean, he's my type in that he's like a disgusting rapist, you know? I think he's like hot as shit. I was kind of annoyed at how hot he was. I mean, he's really douchey, clearly. Yeah, he's supes douche.

You can tell. So I like him. Yeah. So then him. Then the blonde girl who drove him around. Is he single? What's his story? Oh, the blonde one, that's Cameron.

She's from Real World San Diego. Remember? No. No. She's actually, I really like her a lot. She is. She seemed nice. She's nice.

And she, she's like the, she's the Greek choir a little bit. Greek chorus. I like that. I like that. She's a Greek choir. I'm the Greek choir. Yeah, basically they just bit greek chorus she's a greek choir yeah basically they just cut to her and she says how stupid everybody is yeah yeah yeah and then whitney is the guy who's ridiculous he's the one who's like 47 he's the one with the bad hair piece he's the one with

the german girlfriend yeah okay uh i have a lot of questions please yes ask what is up first of all i thought he was not straight yes that's what everyone thinks am I wrong? he wears a hat that says meat and he has another hat that says Jumbo's Clown Room and then he has a band called Re-Knob

that means boner backwards can I say something? my eyeballs right now are X's he has a hat that says meat like M-E-A-T. He's like, so here's the thing. Oh, my God. Here's the thing with Whitney.

He's like 48 years old. He just moved out of his mom's house like last. Temporarily, by the way. Temporarily. His whole thing is that he wants to be a filmmaker. And he lived in L.A. for a little bit. And he tries to be all hipster with his Jumbo's Clown Room, et cetera, et cetera. And he lived in L.A. for a little bit, and he tries to be all hipster with his Jumbo's Clown Room, et cetera, et cetera. But he's basically, like, a super conservative Republican Southern guy who wants to live the life of, like, a cool rock star or whatever.

But he can't because he can't get out of his own, like, conservatism. And he's got a terrible terrible hair piece I felt bad there was a close up of his hair this time and the wind blew his hair and you could see the seams

the seams the seams of the hair piece oh my gosh just as sad then his girlfriend what's her story she's German

but she's Russian obviously no she's like this is the first time that she appeared on the show I don't know what she sees in this guy she's gorgeous we've never like that she appeared on the show I don't know what She sees in this guy

We've never seen her before on the show But damn she's beautiful She's famous and she's really young What is she doing? What does she need from him? I hate to say it but she's had a very Thick Eastern European accent Sounds like she has a career and stuff but I think many times for Eastern European

Girls and I don't mean to generalize, but I will, they don't really give a shit. And he's rich and handsome and tall. He's not, compared to a lot of the guys that they end up with, he's a find. Pretty much the appeal for Whitney on the show is that his mom, Patricia,

is just the best. The mom seemed funny. She's just wealthy. She doesn't give a shit about people and she's a total snob. They're coming over at cocktail hour right now. I'm like, lady, it's noon. I love it.

She's got butlers. She rings the bell. I mean, she's sort of like a person you would never want to interact with, but on TV, she's fantastic. Wears her sunglasses inside. Love it. And you know, the thing is with Whitney,

to get back to the point about the fact Fantastic. Wear your sunglasses inside. Love it. And you know, the thing is with Whitney, to get back to the point about the fact that he is this like conservative, non-rockstar type, like if he were really like a rocker, cool hipster, he wouldn't have given a shit about Craig being fired. But instead when they go to Craig's

like nice little Delaware home, the first thing Whitney does is he kind of just like outs Craig's employment situation to his parents, which was to me so awkward to watch. It was like, it was really like it was so rude that this guy had invited you to his home, even though Craig is a douche.

Like, who would do that? He didn't even say anything about the job technically. He just kept, every time the parents would say something nice, he would argue with it and be like, well, not anymore. You know, he's not dedicated anymore. What about work ethic go? He wouldn't win a trophy now.

Yeah, I don't think the guy who's the lead guitarist in Renob is allowed to talk about work ethic. Every time you say Renob, bang hairs fall out of my soul. I'm catching loose hairs. I can't make it to another tune. You gotta love the way that guys

fight because he got mad and then I'm off and then they yell at each other and then it's over and they're like I love you man and that's at the end that's why there's no real husbands of anything because that show would be over well that's why this show is is so good because they kind of don't follow the rules of what reality stars supposed to do. You know, like Whitney starts this shit and Craig calls him out about it on the golf course.

And then somehow Craig says, look, you know, we can live lives like this and not do anything because we're rich. Okay. And we're lucky, but that's just the truth. We're rich and you're not.

So you have to work period. I was like, yeah, amen. I kind of like open about the fact that they're just super wealthy from like generations of money and they're like well we're just part of this life and you're not so you got to work for it can i say that i'm like not wealthy and i barely want to work i'm just like oh whatever like i don't need to do anything you don't need

yeah yeah it's totally gross hello who are you talking to yeah and then i'm trying to think of what else happened on this episode. Anything else happen really that was significant? That was the most that well, Shep brought that weird ratchet girl to dinner. That was awkward. She wasn't ratchet. She was perfectly nice. She was Delaware hot. She was Delaware hot. Alright.

I think she was like hot. Am I Delaware hot? Ronnie, am I Delaware hot? You're a Leja, baby. I'm looking through these notes, but of course I can't figure out which page they're on because I have a notebook where you flip the page over. And instead of just getting through the end and then using the backside for the next notebook, I keep flipping it over and writing on the back page. And then I can never tell where I am. Does that make any sense? Here's a question. Do we think that Craig is actually going to get his act together?

He was saying all the right things. No, I've learned that you get your shit together when you hit rock bottom, right? And he's getting money from the show, so nope. I think it's going to be a while. I think talk is cheap, and he said the things he needed to say to get his parents off his back and to make,

you know, sometimes people feel like by talking about those things, they're actually making progress. But all they're doing is talking. Yes. It's like when I talk about going to the gym, you know, or eating healthier. Yeah. You're like, I'm an alcoholic. Wow.

I feel better. I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic. And then you're kind of wearing it, you know, and then you're just an alcoholic and you're okay with it. And I'm just happy that it's happening. I know this is is we've been working this podcast just to get to this point this is an intervention yeah the guy ken seeley is outside but we're sending dr phil in yeah i'm the worst to have an intervention with because my answer would be yeah so i don't do shit anyway like what what are you worried about i don't drive i don't do shit anyway. Like, what are you worried about? I don't drive.

I don't work. I don't have kids. I can be drunk. Now, I think the only other thing was that Catherine had bangs this episode, right? Remember her? You know, let's talk about bangs. I didn't think they looked good on her. No, her hair.

She looked like she was from, like, 1987, like a lost member of heart. I was going to say the 77, because it's very, like, 70s, like like Mamas and the Papas or something, 60s, whatever. You know, as a woman with very prominent bangs, and by the way, my bangs only keep getting thicker and thicker. They're like an entity at this point. Because I keep, every time I clip them or I get them cut, whoever's doing it, including myself, will comb more and more hair in them. So now basically I'm like 90% bang. I'm like staring at your bangs right now. They're mesmerizing. I think they look great. They're very long. I was about to say, but the line is very long. hair in them so now basically i'm like 90 bang i'm like staring at your bangs right now they're

mesmerizing i think they look great they're very i'm about to say but they're the line is very the line is good i cut these this is mish i i cut my bangs better than anyone that's really a fact and you know i use arsenio hall scissors that's a whole different story but anyways um i am very sensitive to people with bangs because i've known men especially who say women always look better without bangs you know and in my case I don't think it's true I like how I look in bangs but in her case I was like I didn't know her even without them and I was like

these do not look good. Well one of the problems with this show is that they are clearly taking scenes out of order because Catherine has this had a lot of baby weight after she gave birth to Kensington or whatever and so what happens is her weight is just going up and down and so this was lot of baby weight after she gave birth to Kingsington, Kensington or whatever, Kingsley.

So what happens is her weight is just going up and down. And so this was clearly a scene that was shot right after she had the baby. And she was doing whatever she could to hide baby fat. So therefore she just had all this hair that was in front of her face. It really didn't work though. There's other ways to do it. Yeah. I don't even remember what

she talked about. She probably talked about that. Well, she only got those bangs because she was mad at her boyfriend. I think that anytime you get your haircut, cause you're mad at your boyfriend. It's just the wrong decision. Like break something. Don't, don't get bangs.

That's not the, that's not the thing to do. For my last breakup. With Tyson. It just says, I can't even, I can't even. It's a very resigned skull.

Oh my God. I thought this is when a redstone dies. Oh my god, I thought this is when Redstone dies. Oh no. Just says denies. I nearly flipped. I mean, he looks like the cat on Shaws, actually. Yeah. Well, either way, I love I just got that. I love Southern Charm. You know, just

not a lot happens on the show, but I just feel like it's very aspirational. I want to go to Charleston. I want to be wealthy. I want to put on khakis. And I want to just, like, walk around and collect money. Southern charm, not the show, but just the idea of it, never did it for me.

And I'm from Miami, which is technically the South, although it's like Cuba, basically. You know, it's like South America. But if I had money, I would be like city money girl. Yeah. That's the segue housewives of New York. I was, but so this episode, I was highly entertained.

Um, you know, I know what were you saying? You didn't love this episode, Michelle. Um, I, you know,

TV, I'm always on my computer, so I probably absorb 15% of it, but I would love to talk about it. Yes. Yeah. I'm always on my computer, so I probably absorb 15% of it. But I would love to talk about it. I have some thoughts. Yeah, I have some thoughts, too. I wrote down some notes. Some of your commenters wrote some funny stuff that I'd like to talk about. They always do. Yes. Okay, start. Well, what's

Kristen's husband's name? Oh, Josh. Josh's outfit. Someone in your comments said it was like Rev Run. I know. I mean, that was hilarious, first of all. And second of all, yeah, I'm, you know, I'm no Josh fan, but I love Kristen. I love Kristen, but she is certainly riding the train off of this show.

I mean, Kristen does nothing. When she had a scene, she's like, fake news, I started a blog. And then it's like her, like, fake jumping down the street. I was like, oh, Kristen. I was like, congratulations. She's nice. Kristen, I like her a lot. In fact, I had where I was at lunch last year at Mercer Kitchen, and she was there, and she left.

She looked beautiful, obviously. Of course, yeah. She's stunning, and she left with her friends, and then the hostess was very sweet, and I was like, oh my God, did you see who was there? And she was like, she is so nice, and she was like, she's the nicest of all of them. I believe it. So there's a little backstory there. But anyways, I would really like to kick things off talking about Bethany, if that would be at all possible.

Yes, please. Of course. You know, I'm really upset with Bethany. Yeah. I used to love Bethany. Yes. Yes. I've done her show.

Yes. I've met her many times. Uh-huh. She's always been polite. Uh-huh. Fine. I mean, super warm? No. But that's not who she is.

I find her unbearable this season. Yeah. What happened? I think... Is she just in a deep, dark space? That's what's going on. Partially. I think that...

Should I not be talking about it like this? You can. Oh, no, no. We've been talking about it. I'm just listening to you. She's the first woman who says, like, listen, I'm honest. I like being honest. I'm not going to be fake.

I'm not going to be fake. So here we are being honest. We're being honest that this may not be who she is in real life, but at least on this show, she is coming off as very arrogant. She's coming off as someone who's like, I had a talk show. I had this and that. And now I'm doing this as a favor for all of you. She's coming off. Oh, see, I see it the other way.

I think that it's someone who had a lot. I mean, she's obviously rich enough. She doesn't need to do it. But as someone who had a lot of stuff that didn't really go well, and now she's come back because this is really where she feels she gets the most positive attention. Well, I think it's a mixture of both. Yeah. Because she is coming back.

She came back because it's a place that she can go on TV and sell her shit. Yeah. Yeah. That's true, too. But I think she's coming back this time, though, from a different place than when she originally did, which is that she comes from a place of, like, having had larger fame, probably, than all these other women. And so, like, on the one hand, it's like, now she can be the big fish in the small pond again. But this time she's sort of...

But she's like a fucking, like, a piranha. Yeah, she is. She's very, as Dorinda said, very aggressive in the way she responds. You know, Dorinda, I'm really loving. Love Dorinda. Love her. Dorinda is, like, the new star of this show. She feels very relatable.

She does say it like it is. And I think that when... But she's sweet. She doesn't do it in a way... That's mean, yeah. Bethany has no... You know, there's a word my mother uses, and I think it's Hungarian.

Mm-hmm. Sympaticush's hungarian which obviously means sympathy but when my mom uses it it always reminds me like bethany is really lacking that it's just any sort of sympathy or anything warm or if she just comes at you all angles all razors yes she does wow you like i get stressed watching her yeah and you know the thing is it's not even a thing if she were just if bethany were to defend herself being like if i were a man you wouldn't be saying this but i think if she were a man people would say the same thing i mean look oh 100 look at the scene when she goes um to sonia's like um showroom okay oh my god and she she walks in she walks in and sonia's like, and she's like, hi, hi, hi, and then there's like three people. So what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

Even before that, when she's like, who's this? Wait, wait, who's this? Who's this? Who's that? Like, if a guy walked into a room doing that, you'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah. I hate those guys. Yeah, they do. And let me tell you something, you know, I feel bad saying it because, listen, I think she's like a nice person, you know, I don't want to like shit all over her, but that is actually who she is.

It's not a character she's doing for the show. It's as real as it gets with her. And I don't know what to say. She's just coming off really, really badly. And I'm surprised that her assistants or someone on her team wouldn't say to her, even though this is who you are, you're on camera now, take it down. But maybe she just doesn't give a shit. Yeah, no, she's surrounded by yes-men.

Because after that thing, she's like, what, was I a bitch? Was I a bitch? What did I do? Was I a bitch? And her assistant's like, no, not at all. That was ridiculous. I mean, manufacturers in Thailand, who does that? Or whatever. She's trying to be her best friend, and it's like, no, you should

say, yeah, I mean, kind of, but maybe she needed to hear it. I mean, don't lie. Can you imagine how she was with her husband? I hate to say it, but it's like... She was a nightmare with him. Did you watch her show? She was awful. She was gross. I'm so glad she got their condo.

Yeah, no, I mean, she is... She is, like like absolutely out of control although i did think it was really funny by the way that when she and sonia had like lunch in the very beginning of the episode and they're like and you know she's like oh you came to downtown you came to downtown and sonia's like well i had to get out of my white neighborhood i was like girl where do you think you're like did you go to braun the bronx by the way all of new york now is a white neighborhood including harlem because it's like gentrified to the extreme. Yeah, for Sonia to call like Soho.

That's hilarious. Like that cracked me up. Oh my gosh. But I mean, I actually thought, believe it or not, even though Sonia's team was kind of shady and weird. I thought they were good. I was like, you know what? Considering how like wonky Sonia's business plans have always been. This was like a step in the right direction.

She had a team. Not only that, she has an office with her name on it. I couldn't believe that. This was like a big deal for Sonya. I mean, this is the toaster lady. The toaster. Yeah, the toaster that wouldn't toast. It's like the Edsel. The Edsel of toast. That's still

my favorite Bravo entrepreneurial thing was the toaster. That know. The Edsel of toast. That's still my favorite, like, Bravo entrepreneurial thing was the toaster. That sexy photo shoot. Yeah, exactly. That and Gigi's extensions. That's very true. That's very true. Put them on the text, Hermine Cat.

I'm so not done bitching about Bethany. No, no. It just really gets to me. And actually, I'm enjoying the season because I love the girls. I love Luanne. Who would have guessed that Luanne is, like, by far the most relatable, enjoyable one in that show, I think. She. I love Luann. Who would have guessed that Luann is like by far the most

relatable, enjoyable one in that show, I think. She's a bitch on wheels. Have you guys been following this Twitter war between Luann and Carol? It's so good. Tell me. Okay, so this is from our lovely listeners who have been posting this,

especially Cindy C, so thank you for that, Cindy. But she's been posting this, especially Cindy C, so thank you for that, Cindy. But she's been posting this war. It started last week. Luann has hired somebody to tweet for her. And so he's a total bitch, which I love. That's not Luann tweeting?

Well, supposedly not. Because she hired some social media guy and now I guess he's on the war path for her. She's not really like you'd think where she's very clever. She's just kind of being mean, you know, like, oh nice, dating the kitchen. No friend would do

that, darling, you know. But let's see here. These are kind of long, but this is from last night. There was a good one last week. This is where it all started last week, but then this week she continued. Hers were surprised because the 20-somethings are nice to have around. They're not keepers, especially for ladies of a certain age.

My niece was very upset to hear from her friends that Kara was sticking around with Adam. Here's the thing. Adam and my niece were still seeing each other and were planning a trip together. Well, she said last night that they weren't seeing each other, so I don't know where she's getting that. But I'm trying to find some really good time. Why is she mad at the girl and not at the guy? This is what always happens.

I know what you mean. Are 20-somethings really relationship material for women of a certain age? She just goes on and on, but she's basically making all of these swipes at her. And someone said, Countess Luanne, why is it endearing and okay when Sonia dates much younger guys, but you age-shamed Carol

and Luann's... Luann. I didn't even mean to say that. Luann says, because Sonia doesn't find her younger men in her girlfriend's kitchens, as Carol puts it. She was a... Carol writes back, I don't find them in my girlfriend's beds, as Luann does either.

No, Luann is just jealous. Excuse me. I love Luann. She's jealous. Because I don't know. I don't think this is a... I don't think Luann is jealous. I have to admit, if I had a girlfriend who was dating some guy who dated my niece, I'd be a little weirded out by that.

So I kind of get it. I don't know if I'd take it in the public eye but that's like obviously what they do for a living you know I mean I like Carol she's fine I do find her a little like her situation with men I find a little bit annoying I like her yeah I know what you're saying

it can be annoying but there's something about her that is a little like thirsty I feel and for example when she went on that date with a guy I was about to say and she's like she acted like an idiot i was like this is an intelligent woman she has she's very smart carol is the smartest one on the show actually certainly the most educated coming from the best family whatever um there's a way that she acts with men that i find i agree really beneath her like a little coy like oh silly me childish in a way that is annoying and if i had to witness it

as her friend i guarantee you it's like watching this shit out of me like yeah watching whatever happened to baby jane you know betty davis running around with ribbons in her hair singing songs about her daddy it's awkward you know said that exactly like she's acting like a teenager oh i love ping pong oh let me take off my jacket. I'm wearing a bra for a shirt. It's like, oh, geez. It's like too much. No, I agree.

It's a female midlife crisis. No, I agree with all of that. I just don't think that, like, I wouldn't go to Twitter and, like, just, you know, I guess I wouldn't, if I were Luann, I don't, I just can't imagine getting so riled up about all this stuff. I mean, I'd just be like, okay, it's tacky.

Oh, but Luann's not mad about this. She's mad about the first season Carol was on and said stuff behind her back, like trying to steal dresses from the shop. And all the smart-ass comments she was making. Yeah, these women get mad at one thing and they stay mad forever they never let it go that's why i actually used to love carol i miss that carol i miss funny snarky carol who like you know she would just be like she wouldn't funny she was like we were she'd be aware more aware of these things yes and she was almost like the bethany voice after bethany left and now she's not like the Bethany voice after Bethany left. And now she's not that.

Bethany certainly is an old Bethany. Right. But, you know, but I don't think that, I mean, Carol is not, like, as Greek-coercive as she used to be, but she's definitely, like,

she's not, like, fallen off the cliff of delusion the way so many of these other women have. But really, with her stuff with men, I find really shallow, I guess.

There's something about it that I just, it's like, she's better than that. Yeah, it's like, she's better than that. Yeah. It's like a little like Samantha Jones-y-esque wannabe. However, what's her name? Dorinda and her boyfriend, I can't get enough of.

Oh my gosh. I love him. I love her. I mean, the two of them. I can't. Then the daughter, I mean that daughter, God bless. You know, the daughter is, feels funny enough, scripted to me in a word way. Like she knows she's on camera.

You know, certain people are not natural on camera they turn it on for the camera her daughter is not like mom you know that blah blah blah like stay out of my room mom like there's just something very like ABC family about her yeah but um you know Dorinda's great I love Dorinda's great um uh her boyfriend I mean he really grosses me out. He really grosses me out. That's why I like it, though. Yeah, I mean, when he has his hands all over, like, Ramona, and he's like, this is great. This is the best.

This is the best. I'm just like, please. I can't watch this guy. John, maybe you should take your hands off her. I mean, come on. It's too much now, John. You know what she is? It's too much, John.

Come on, John. It's too much, John. Come on, John. It's too much, John. Ugh, John. She's like Lorraine Bracco in Goodfellas or something. There's something very Martin Scorsese-y about her. Yeah, salty. That I really love. Yeah.

And he kind of falls into line with that. Like, I don't know. Her whole cocktail party cracked me up because it was like the most ridiculous, stupid things were happening. First of all, I felt bad, but I was even laughing at ramona when she first shows up she's walking up these stairs and she's like well you know normally uh you know it's very weird to walk through these things alone like in the past i would have come with mario but he wasn't there you know just like that is amazing she just has this like stereotypically like

verklempt coffee talk way By the way, I also love Divorced Ramona. Divorced Ramona's great. Much better than... You know how I feel about Mario. Who doesn't feel that way? Any one person on this podcast who wouldn't give it up to Mario so fast. Come on, shut the fuck up.

No, you would. Mario is hot. Mario is super hot. Arguably hotter than Mauricio. No. Michelle, what? Gross. He's gross. And even if he was hot, if you had sex with him, you'd think of Ramona's bug eyes just staring at you. Are you feeling renewed? Are you feeling renewed? Is this the new you? Are you renewed, Michelle? Do you like it, Michelle? How do you like it? How do you like it? Tell me how you like it, Michelle. I can't be, I can't think of Mario in a sexual way ever since there was that scene like two or three seasons ago when

Ramona like lubed up his chest and like got sexy with him. That wasn't for lingerie and like poked his head. Once I watched a dog I watched this big Labrador. This was like 10 years ago or like 15. And I was really sensing up his chest.

He was like loving it. You know, the hose out of hose and like some soap, whatever. And I was really sensing his chest up. This was pre-Ramona's moment. And as I was doing it, I like stopped and I was like, this just got weird. Because I was really like really, you know, I was just like really sensing it up. And all of a sudden I was like, I don't like. Because I was really, like, really, you know, I was just, like, really setting it up. And all of a sudden, I was like, I don't like what's happening right now. I'm stopping.

Anywho, that's just a little slice of life. A slice of mish life. So the first big thing that happened at this cocktail party is that, so Ramona shows up in basically an Ina Garten shirt. And Luann basically shades her for that. But then Sonia arrives and she says hi to everyone but Ramona, which was, you know, that it was sort of like it was weird. But that became like a big drama going on. But before that could even be broached because then immediately Ramona's like, you know, I feel weird. You know, we're going to Atlantic City together, but she doesn't even want to like just want to say hello.

I mean, this is weird. What's going on here? I don't know. She probably didn't want to walk in with her 10-year-old boyfriend and have you, oh, what, you're with him? I thought that was one night. What are you doing? Can you do math? Can you read? Do you know your ABCs? I do. I learned them.

I didn't use them. A lot of these guys, I don't know, it's just funny funny he's not sexual to me he has no personality i mean literally like ramona i mean later on that did happen i mean ramona is sitting next to him she's like well i would never date him i'm sorry like i wouldn't date him you know he has no personality okay like we wouldn't have fun i want someone i can connect with okay and i can't connect with him and he's just like. That guy communicates with lick lips. He has this weird lick lip thing that he does over and over. He licks the top one and then the bottom one.

And then he licks them together. And then he does it again. And just goes, oh, it's like a Morse code lip code thing. I was just going to say Morse code. He basically is like the personification of Kristen's tagline last season, which is like, I may not be the smartest, but at least I'm pretty. I love that. I may not be the sharpest tool in the box but at least i'm pretty now it's like pretty is smarter than you think i'm like no bitch you already said pretty you were not smart it's too late i actually think she is smart i think she is smart too i think

she i think her husband yeah i think that was i've always i always hated her tagline because of that but um actually by the way someone posted on our Facebook page a shirtless photo of, no, no, please no, of Dominic. And it's really impressive. Is that the model? The model. Show it to me. Yeah, I don't know where it is. Yeah, he's gorgeous.

I'll show it to you after, but he is gorgeous. So I encourage people to look it up. Wait, I want to see it. Where is it? All right, okay, I'm going to find it. Is that why okay I'm gonna find it but in the mess cuz he's mine Sonia saying that she's she'll only swallow for a black card literally in whatever how many well so then I love the first so then what happens is stone so Sonia whole thing so this whole thing is that like you, I don't like talking about my business because people beat me up for it, but people always keep asking me questions about it.

So the first thing that happens, of course, is Heather's like, wait, hold on, you can't do page down on that. Really? You have to click see more stories. How annoying. We're still finding the picture. On my PC, it would page down. It's fine. Anyways.

We're still finding the picture. On my PC, it would page down. It's fine. Anyways. So anyway, so the first thing is Heather's like, so she's like, hey, mama. Hey, mama. Why didn't you show us? Why didn't you show us the thing?

I was like, shut up, Heather. I mean, I like Heather. I like Heather. But she has moments when you're just like, oh, there it is. Oh, wait. Yeah, he's hot as shit. He's hot. That's like disgusting. He looks like, it's like shark week.

You know when guys have such good bodies, they look like sharks? Robert Pesta posted it. Thank you, Robert. Oh, wow. Yeah. No. That's like disgusting. It's like shark week. You know when guys have such good bodies they look like sharks? Robert Pesta posted it. Thank you, Robert. Oh, wow. It's pretty gorgeous. He's almost like the math teacher. He looks like Tom Brady. Tom Brady meets the math professor. I see that. The hot math professor. I'm looking for chocolate on my arm. There's no chocolate. I know, but I already got it.

You got the one piece of chocolate on your hand. Ugh, I'm hungry. So anyway, why don't you lick the chocolate on your hand. Ugh, I'm hungry. No, so anyway. So anyways. Well, why don't you lick the chocolate off your hand? Girl, no. So anyway, so Heather and Luann, they just get, they're just furious at Sonia. They're just like going after her about like, why didn't you show us?

Why didn't you show us your line? I'm like, what? How did these women not realize that they just dodged a bullet? I know. Like, seriously. Well, not only that, but why would she take you when all you did was criticize her and make fun of her and then they show clips of the reunion of them not believing her and then they show another clip of them not believing that she even has a business which i mean in their defense they were probably right at that time but what but you know also like does not does heather not remember all the time she wasted

helping sonia with her toaster oven two seasons ago yeah exactly like what you know, also, like, does Heather not remember all the time she wasted helping Sonia with her toaster oven two seasons ago? You imagine those fonts? Yeah, exactly. Like, you know what? I would be like, oh, God bless. Like, good luck with your showroom. I mean, the fact that they were in a tizzy over this, to me, was remarkable. I have to say, I really like Heather.

I still do. I do, too. I really do. But she has moments when she can be. I know what you mean. Well, it's funny because I have to go back to Beth. I'm like obsessed. I still do. I do too. I really do. But she has moments when she can be. I know what you mean. Well, it's funny because I have to go back to Beth. I'm like obsessed with Beth. No, please.

Absolutely. Like, it's funny to me because I think that they brought in, like of all the Housewives seasons, I think that New York is by far the most intelligent and the classiest. And best dressed. For sure. Classier than Beverly Hills even, I would say. Yeah. Yeah.

And what makes me laugh is that clearly they brought Heather in to replace Bethany because classier than Beverly Hills even. Yeah. And I, what makes me laugh is that clearly they brought Heather in to replace Bethany because she's like the fast talking, super smart business woman. Down with all the cool black slang. Like, Hey mama, your crib is so fly. And now that they have them on together,

it's like too much realness. It's almost like too acidic, you know? Cause Heather is, I think much, I should also add that Heather once smiled at me in New York. like too much realness it's almost like too uh acidic you know because but heather is i think much i should also add that heather once smiled at me in new york so i'd like i'll always like her for that all you have to do is smile that's easy um i just i really can't say nothing heather has heather has uh is is i think smarter in terms of knowing how to deal with socially smarter she is i think she is and you

know and she she is really like you can't just like push her over she will she actually is like she's very friendly and nice like hey mama but the moment that you cross her she will like let you know i do like it too israel so i think that i'm used to women like that because that's how my mom is and so that doesn't i like people like that but you know i find her to be smart i like her you know my favorite part of the cocktail party was when the two favorite parts one was the camera lingered on ramona for like a long time going is this tuna i think it's tuna it looks like tuna i mean i've never had tuna before but now that mario's gone i'm eating tuna because it's a new me and then she takes a bite she takes it, but she goes, it's tuna.

And then the other part was when, so now Sonia and Ramona have this stupid feud over like, neither one said hi to each other first. Who's going to do it? So Dorinda's trying

to bring them together. And at one point, they cut to like, so Dorinda's going to find Sonia and they cut to Sonia and she's like, and so that's what I'm doing

with my international yacht or whatever it was. Sorry, Misha, I just spat on you. It's fine. It landed right where the chocolate. Let's make Michelle's bill. But I just love that at any given moment, Sonia is talking about some ridiculous entrepreneurial endeavor.

And then, of course, it all ended with John in like a lady sandwich, which was just really disgusting. all ended with John in like a lady sandwich which was just really disgusting I love Dorinda and I think that she said it perfectly when she was talking about Heather and Luann ganging up on Sonya when she said they're being supportive and nice but they're really just

being mean Mr. Jetson and I totally agree with her I think that they were being dicks fuck those girls the reason why they were mad is because they wanted to have more ammunition to then use against sonia they wanted to see what she was doing wrong so that way they could put it against her um but they they were left out whatever i don't know you know the show has so many ups and downs can i be more vague by the way i'm like you know the thing about this show is it has a plot

and a bunch of ladies i love it i love it i I think it has great characters. And I do love Kristen, but there are so many big personalities on here right now that she is definitely getting lost in the parade this season. I 100% agree. No matter how many times her husband tries to dress like Rev Run, she's going to be forgotten. You know, her husband is my least favorite Housewives husband. Yeah. Oh, he's terrible. Absolutely

terrible. He's the worst. I can't even believe he showed up to do a scene without a logo on his hat. Yeah. Number one, there was a logo on his fedora. Did you not notice that? I didn't know. There was. There was. He doesn't deserve her, honestly. He does not. He's one of those people that's convinced her

that she can't do any better. I hate that. Which is like mentally abusive, I think. Yes, I agree. So I think that pretty much covers all the shows. Yes, but we can talk about Survivor at lunch. I haven't watched last night's yet. Sorry. Oh my God. I'm sorry.

And you know what, by the way, we'll have to have a quick lunch because I have a haircut at four. I just remembered. Okay, well I'm glad Chris knows now. Yeah, they do know now. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for listening.

And Michelle, thank you so much for being here. We'll see you at your show Wednesday night May 13th at 8pm at UCB $5 come and remember you can find Michelle on Twitter at Mishcall this is fun thanks for having me thanks for coming back on we're so honored

to have someone who's been on the view next thing Raven Simone next stop I'm like the connector bye everybody Oh, my God. Next thing, Raven-Symoné. Next stop. Oh, my God. I'm like the connector. I guess. Bye, everybody. All right.

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